#1. Valentine befriended Lucian because of his personal benefits for example to woo Jocelyn and control Lucian.

[omgserafinablog]

Goodbye forever, my friend.

Lucian & Valentine

When he stands over his former dead friend, once a former brother-in-arms, he thinks he should be happy. Only sadness pierced his heart. He knew, he had long since come to terms with the fact that his friend had died a long time ago, and now there was a monster lying in front of him that was supposed to die. That monster would have killed him and certainly wouldn't have mourned him. But looking at Valentine now, he hardly hates him or rejoices at his death.

Luke kneels down next to Valentin and cannot take his eyes off his pale face, which has lost its rigidity, eternal tension. Now he sees before him again the boy he fell in love with at school and whom he kept in his heart. Even before the creation of the Circle, before the deaths of Oscar Morgenstern and Seraphina. Valentin was the best in the academy, a popular boy from a wealthy family, but he never bragged about it and was not arrogant, which set him apart from other elite students who joked and offended losers like Lucian. Valentin became friends with him. He helped him with his studies. If it wasn't for Valentine…

Lucian hated to remember the times of the Circle, tried to forget about it, but never forgot about the time spent with his friend. Their joint training, numerous adventures, gatherings around the campfire, their jokes and dreams. He remembered their ceremony and how their bond warmed him when he was sick; he remembered how they hunted together as if they were a single organism, and how the parabatai rune burned. Sometimes he missed those feelings, that power, that sacred connection. Lucian remembered how comfortable and peaceful he felt next to Valentine, whom he loved.

Luke sighed, extending his hand to Valentine.

«Is it my fault?» - He whispered.

His friend, whom he fell in love with, was always so cheerful, good-natured, ready to lend a helping hand to anyone who needed it. He was always so confident and strong. He took special care of those he loved. And most of all, he was afraid of losing those he loved.

When his parents died, Lucian had no idea that this loss would break Valentine so much. He was sure that his friend would cope, withstand this blow. In fact, he had no idea that Valentine was so dependent on his father. Valentin himself did not say a word against Oscar. But there were various rumors about his father's cruelty, how harshly he treated him and controlled him. Sometimes Lucian noticed uneven scars on his friend's back, strange wounds and bruises, but Valentine only waved away all questions. Valentin rarely talked about his family at all. Only once, at Oscar's grave, did he mention that he dreamed of becoming the perfect soldier-the way Oscar Morgenstern wanted him to be. How much he wanted his father to be proud of him. He longed for that praise, for his father's pride, but he never got it. His father had turned to dust. And Valentine-his Valentine, a kind and bright boy, died with Oscar. Instead, something hateful and evil appeared, something alien.

Lucian was his parabatai, he was closest to Valentine, but what did he do to help him cope with this change, with this pain? He did not try to lead him away from the edge of the abyss. It took Lucian a moment to realize that he had lost him forever, and when he did, it was too late. Valentine is gone forever. And he hated him for it. He hated him for becoming the one he wanted to rid the world of. A monstrous monster. Completely different. Unrecognizable.

«Yes, my friend, it's my fault. I had too much faith in your powers. I thought people like you didn't break down. I was sure you could handle it. But I was wrong and didn't help.»

Lucian looks into the frozen black eyes, in which there has been no life for a long time, but it seems to him that they are glowing now. He sees his reflection in those eyes.

«I couldn't save you. Did you know that Jocelyn asked me to do this? To protect you from hate. I didn't understand her right away. I thought your hatred was just, and I didn't understand when you overstepped all bounds in your retaliation. I was your parabatai, and I failed. Forgive me and goodbye».

He put a warm palm on the cold, frozen face, which, with its extraordinary softness, reminded him so much of the kind boy from his distant past, and closed his dead eyes.

«Ave atque vale, Shadowhunter»