#im so concious of my body and of physically existing within a space
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My life is quiet. Why do I still feel this?
#nothing is HAPPENING to make me anxious#if anything the few things i do have going on are good ones#im not overworked or going through some big life event or whatever im just existing and doing it Wrong#im not in a fight or struggling in any real way#but its like my brain is constantly vibrating out of my head#im shaky and stuttery and its been POINTED OUT that i seem off#but i dont know what it is#i dont know how to exist in a calm no pressure environment and its ruining me#ive almost broken video game controllers with the force it takes me to hold them and play without Being Weird ive ripped napkins and recipts#literally into shreds without realising im doing it#im so concious of my body and of physically existing within a space#nothing is wrong but i am so overwhelmingly anxious all the time i just cant seem to stop it#maybe i need to up my meds#but that feels so stupid and temporary like what am i meant to say#oh hi doctors nothing has happened but i feel like a pathetic shaking dog can you help me#i WANT to be around people#i want to play games and talk and watch things and feel comfortable in other peoples prescence without having to entertain them and i get SO#many chances and oppurtunities too like !!! i live with my best friends! this should be perfect! but i still cant do it#they reassure me literally constantly but my brain and anxiety just spins around in circles and then i talk about how im sorry this happens#so much that i feel that i should stop saying things because theyve heard this all before#and then they reassure me about THAT and then it happens again and again and again because my stupid brain just wont shut up#their experiance of me gets lessened and dimmer every time i dont do it right and eventually theyre going to wonder why they even keep me#around#again nothing has HAPPENED#theres not a big event or trauma to talk through im just existing in the world and it is so uncomfortable for me#i hate it i hate it i hate it#personal#tw/ negative thoughts
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