#sorry for the vent/neg posts lately

[capricioussun]

I was really thinking about if I would ever be comfortable merging my art accounts and I don't think I will. At least not unless I did a full rebrand which I'd really rather not since I'm very happy with how things are situated now.

But I think it boils down to acceptance seeking. I've been socially isolated for a very long time and it's difficult. Even back when I first started drawing au stuff years ago, I contemplated making a separate blog for it because I knew how many ut fans didn't really like the aus. I didn't want to alienate any of the "audience" I'd already built but I also knew there would be a turning point I would just wind up barely posting on one account or the other and it would feel like trying to limp half the time on one leg and then limp the rest on the other, which would be pointless.

But with mirrorshipping (selfcest) being a much more universally contentious topic, I got worried it would only deter people even more. I certainly didn't want to lie about it, especially bc I don't associate it with prshipping the way some others do, so it's not really that im "ashamed" of it, or want to hide it, just that I know it's the kind of thing that's very likely to make some who just walked in turn right back around.

To some degree, as someone who hopes to one day make a career out of being an independent artist, it makes sense to prioritize "growth" over personal satisfaction, but on the other, I've always struggled to care about that sort of thing. Any time I've cared about "alienating" a potential "audience", it's always been more about personal acceptance. I don't want people to see one little aspect of myself or interests and judge me entirely based off of that, even though that's all anyone really can do on the internet. I don't take blocking personally, despite how the prior sentiment seems to contradict that, I get it, I block all the time too, for a variety of reasons. But if there's a chance there're others who don't really mind that I mirrorship, they just don't want to see it or have to block the tag, I don't want them to feel turned away or annoyed, and so I kept it all to a separate account.

There are a few other reasons I won't really get into, too, like how people often do associate it with prship, and how I don't really want to draw that type of a crowd to my main blog, either, but I know in my heart it's the acceptance/approval seeking that was the biggest motivator.

I really honestly wish I knew how to connect with others beyond just trying to "do things right" and hoping that earns me positive attention. I really wish I didn't always feel like my only chance at affection is to improve what I can offer in return.

[blatantlyhidden]

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[loveydoveylex]

being uncomfortable with sharing sucks sometimes ;; it makes me feel like such a douchebag. I feel like I'm gatekeeping a fictional character 😭😭😭 I don't want to come across that way augh

[nervocat]

man.

[sweetvalentinescandy]

im so disappointed in my art lately . im not a beginner artist, but i feel like everything i do looks like i am . i feel like it would only be acceptable for a beginner . i havent made any progress since i was 11 . today is not a good day

[mari--lace]

That feeling when my most popular fics are the supershort silly ones I wrote with little to no effort.

Like. I had fun writing them and I'm glad people enjoy them as well! It's just that then I see the fics I've really put myself into getting a couple kudos (maybe) and being mostly ignored and the comparison kinda hurts.

(Of course people read whatever they feel like reading, as they should. Just felt like venting.)

[nekrosmos]

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[nobuverse]

A mutal of mine is making some very good points about the need for patience when it comes to roleplaying, and it's prompting to me to give some minor psas about my roleplaying style

As a general rule of thumb, I reply to things in the order I've owed them. You can lose notions of playing favorites in this sense. That has no bearing in my reply order

I break above rule on a few exceptions: for ask memes and the first reply in a thread - and this is done to reassure people I'm genuinely interested in the interaction

If I reply to a smaller thing many times in the same day, it's because its not all that serious of a thread and im likely gonna drop it at the end of the day. These are mainly for the memes and dash commentaries

If you see multiple queued replies in a row for the same person come out, it's because they replied to all those threads in quick succession.

I have a lot of drafts and ongoing threads. give it time. Yes, it takes a while

I hope this clears up an confusion about my reply times to people

[galaxydynamite]

to tell the truth ive been mostly developing my self inserts because the actual self shipping part is wearing off on me? and idk if its because i feel like i dont really fit in the community or just not being in the mood for it lately. ive never really had anything longterm ive felt like i can safely express my love for without insecurity rearing its ugly head and that doesnt just go for f/os, it also goes for general interests

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

[skunkes]

[daz4i]

got into bed fresh out the shower with freshly changed sheets and i still feel like shit do you see how dire the situation is

[bandy-andy]

YWoOUCH! <- silly guys when they get hurt

[i-am-emet]

I wish I didn't have such a hard time believing that people will support me :c

And I know it's from growing up being told that I could always ask, and then being punished for asking, and sure, there's a level of "well now I understand it's not logical" that maybe helps a little bit, but... I still tend to softball my requests a lot, and I end up not getting the support I need. Because it hurts to ask. So I ask as little as I can. I'm building my way up to things, but man is it hard. And I know I'm hurting the system, Emet especially, and I wish I could fucking stop, but I don't know how.

[shadowkira]

God I loathe toxic work environments...

My coworkers intentionally left a gap between them and have been loudly having conversations around me as I'm sitting in the middle. Regardless of whether or not I'm on the phone. They keep leaning all over the place, acting like I'm an inconvenience while all I'm doing is literally my job.

They had me check out a rude client, which, whatever... but they very loudly stated neither of them wanted to do it with a lobby full of people.

I don't feel well, leave me alone.

My boss also has neglected to answer an email I sent last night requesting a New Years day shift, despite desperately looking for someone to fill it. And she neglected to verbally tell me that my overnight coworker (and buffer with the other midshift employee) called out. Thankfully, I spotted it on our spreadsheet.

If they can't find coverage, I'll likely have to train a medical staff employee for the desk myself because we never have any plan in place when evening / overnight employees call out.

I'm so tired but I also don't want to switch jobs, not really... it's a hassle and I need medical insurance for me and my wife. We've got too many things going on health wise right now. :(

[orcelito]

Either I make an absolute ass of myself online or I force myself to Refrain From Posting for the night

Oh I am making such a good first impression for my new followers