#ive just been... i havent been having a very good time with life lately.

[orcelito]

Either I make an absolute ass of myself online or I force myself to Refrain From Posting for the night

Oh I am making such a good first impression for my new followers

[phagodyke]

weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<

[nomaishuttle]

on a semi related note there r like 2 specific times i remember expecting one of my safe foods and getting something entirely different and being SO insanely upset abt it even though the thing i got still tasted good

[redlimvs]

ive been feeling more down lately and i havent been writing as much but I still wanted to share some bits (summaries) of some things i have...

//

1. He laughed even as they were kissing, he threw his head back every few minutes they talked and touched. Calvin hadn’t noticed the little things Andre had done until he looked closer, until he really got to know the boy behind the entire facade of a troublemaker. The imagination of the boy being absolutely perfect was farther from the truth. Calvin saw nothing wrong with this fact, rather, he was far more attracted to learn the little imperfections Andre seemed to be hiding from anybody else. The way his top teeth overlapped his bottom ones, causing his upper lip to be more out, the way comes out completely burdened with acne and spots all around his face, to Calvin, it simply made Andre look more beautiful. Nothing about who Andre was or how he looked could ever change the ever growing thoughts and emotions Calvin felt towards him, it simply felt like, to him, Andre being imperfect was in fact the most perfect thing about him

2. Taking care of a single person, to them, it’s rotten work, it’s pointless, it has no effect on them if somebody decides to leave them. For them, every single person that came into their life would quickly become a stranger, whether it was their doing or the other person’s faults. He saw how they waited for someone to take them home, not the home they lived in, but the permanent home of the other person’s heart. To say his best friend was homesick was an understatement, no, he was dying to feel the beauty of one’s presence, to have someone never leave his side, no matter how hard things got sometimes. There, he stood in front of his best friend, noticing the little crystals that were his tears, and he too, shed a few as they watched each other intensely. With the few very words he could muster up, he grabbed the blonde’s hands, feeling the softness and the gentleness they truly held. He took a final breath, turning to face the opposite direction before turning back to his friend.

“...I do.”

3. “Why didn’t you do it...?”

After months of planning, after countless times of talking about this exact moment, Andre was too pussy to actually go through with it. How could it, after hearing the idea first come out of Calvin’s mouth about killing themselves when it’s all over after shooting what appeared to be dozens of students, how could he actually agree to it? He blames no one except himself, Andre could have done something, he could have said anything in that moment or any other moment they shared with each other and he could have told Calvin that the idea wasn’t so good.

“You...promised...”

And he did, Andre promised to his best friend that they were going to go through with their plan, together. He never intended to back down but with everything happening so suddenly he couldn’t but get cold feet at the thought of a bullet going through his head. He didn’t mean for any of this to happen, maybe he should have taken better care of the situation and realize the signs Calvin was throwing at him, none of this was supposed to go too far and instead was supposed to just be a way to release all of the anger he had built up, he never meant to shoot anyone, he never meant for Calvin to die like this.

4. What can be sad can also be known as true, something you can’t find in real life will always crawl back into your mind when you dream. Waking up only makes one realize that nothing was ever real, that broken and depressive thoughts that clash in your brain to remind you that there is no hope, there is so saving those who cannot be saved and to those who don’t want to be saved. It’s sad, it’s heartbreaking to come to a consensus that those who suffer may never return back into the arms of those who warm their hearts and their souls. Praying to god no longer does anything, getting down to your knees and begging for redemption only lets them know just how weak you are. Andre hates to go back to that one moment, that moment in the past that makes him rethink the choices he had before, that one moment in his life that made him remember that he too can be weak. The conversation with his dad, the car ride with him, during that time, he couldn’t help but allow his eyes to gaze at his father for a second before facing towards the road again. He had told him how he wasn’t planning on going to prom and instead stayed back to help around, after his shift was over, he couldn’t help this bittersweet feeling in his mind. Did he know? Did his father know something that Andre hadn’t told him, did he feel something suddenly wrong in his son’s presence where he felt he needed to tell him how proud he was of him? That moment had felt like something he’d never expect, it had been one of those moments he felt that something could have been different in his life, maybe something could have happened that would change him for the better. His father was proud of him, but he didn’t feel proud of himself

5. Such a lowly and putrid prince, those who shunned him from the world were correct in the fact that nobody would ever find him as a ruby gem, nobody would dare give him the final dance he needed as a farewell, nobody would give him the satisfaction of cherishing his last moments. Whatever flows in the river of regret and punishment will forever crash and destroy whatever he made up to try and convince himself that there was more to his life than simply rotting forever in his mind. Monarch’s were practically unable to view their own beauty and see how raw and beautiful their wings were, they would never get a chance to see who they were even in their dying breaths. Everybody else was able to see just how perfect they were, but they wouldn’t say anything, they wouldn’t dare speak a word on who they were and simply wait until the last few moments to remind them,

“My, such a beautiful life being put to waste.”

God would never forgive him, he didn’t want him to forgive and he didn’t want to believe everything his parents say about God being real, for if he was real then why give him the life he did not need, why give him the misfortune of seeing his past mistakes simply by looking at his wrists? Bring him terror, bring him fear, bring him everything he always had and take it to his grave, nobody would ever visit him anyways.

[evercelle]

hello!! ive been following from here and on twitter, but mostly twitter, since u veeery first started posting xiaoven (venxiao?) art

i wanted to let you know that your art has irreversibly changed my life for the better. ive been drawing since i was very very tiny but by the time i got to junior year of high school i had no muse and no inspiration and no direction and your posts got to me at just the right time. your use of composition and colors are gorgeous and i dont even usually enjoy this type of art style but yours really just spoke to me

working tirelessly to get “to your level” (as silly as it sounds) completely reignited a spark in me — receiving your xiaoven christmas card and being able to examine all the details in physical form inspired me to work on a huge, detailed illustration of my own! (or at least i thought it was huge and detailed at the time lmao, looking back it’s not all that great). and even outside of that, every illustration was a push for me to learn more about backgrounds, lighting, the placement of detail, expression, character design — it was a lot and im eternally grateful for it.

sorry for rambling at you !! but thank you so much for the work you do. im now broke in my early years of college so i havent been able to afford your shop wares, but i wouldve loved to help monetarily for all the good youve done for me just by existing. im not nearly as active of a follower as before (and even then ‘active’ was a stretch, ive kind of just lurked) but one of my mutuals reposted a work of yours and i felt like just kinda putting this here iunno

and im so so sorry if this is super parasocial or weird LOL :”))) i promise this is probably the only time ill have the courage to interact directly

thank you, ever :)

heyo anon!! i was pretty floored reading this... thank you for taking the time to send such a kind message. i don't think it's ever too late to come back to drawing, so i'm glad you found your drive. hope you've been having fun with every single illustration since, no matter how they turned out!

developing skills is hard and sometimes discouraging work... but i think getting to the point where you're able to express yourself the way you want must be one of the happiest feelings in the world.

[thesillyvivi]

i made a post asking if u guys would like my oc being a failed eva/trish thingy (would it be eva or trish i still dont know) and i think yall did and i did say if enough people liked it i would make a post going a bit more into it. yeah. something like that. anyway this is thay post

be warned this is one of the few times ive decided to write out oc lore n stuaff so it migjt be a little sloppy. a bit bad. im not a professional at this sort of thing. we ball

ok yap time

so the whole idea was that Liniyal (the dmc oc in question) was like. a proto trish i guess u could say???? that eventually escapes mallet island and tries to live a normal life. or as normal as she can all things considered

how she escapes i havent really figured out yet. i think during the collapse would make tje most sene but thats as far as that goes. i heard that trish and dante got there by boat so maybe she made her own little makeshift boat and skedaddled??? who knows. but she Gets Out

the only reason why mundus even keeps her long enough that she manages to escape is that he wanted to punish her failure (even if technically he was the one that failed) by keeping her locked up and showing her what she couldve been and what she couldve done when he finally creates the perfect one aka trish. its like when a parent says "you should/could be more like (person)" but way worse if that makes sense

so then dmc1 happens and all the while liniyal is like somewhere just kinda trapped and then mundus is defeated and shes able to be set free since his magic stuff was beung used to keep her locked up and since hes like gone? probably? it would kinda just disappear. you know??.????

so yada yada she escapes and arrives to main land and the immediate first thing she wants to do is remove or cover anything that reminds her of what she is. basically starting a new life or at least trying to

its like a V situation where she has to go around stealing stuff and hunting demons 4 food (since i think he does that in vov) at first she probably has the mosy horrendous fashion taste but for like 95% of her life she WAS naked so u cant blame her too much. she does get better eventually i hopr

ive yet to decide whether or not i want to give her a buddy who like helps her w everythinf because while i do think it would be nice idk if id want to make it a canon character and if not that would mean id have to make up a whole new character and i just Dont Know how to go about that. maybe i can jusg say there was some guy and you can put your own interpetations on em if u wanted

also still thinkimg about when she would actually appear in "canon" either during dmc4 or dmc5. not sure when in dmc4 but for 5 i thought about maybe her firsy appearence would be in the far background when nero is fightinf (checks notes) artemis kinda like how in the one dmc4 cutscene you can see dante just chilling while neros kicking ass

and then her like meeting appearence if that also makes sense would be when V or nero come across a later boss (still on surface or when v is in the queen empusa area) and she gets like whacked so one of em decides they gotta like help??? and soon enough she'll be bavk on her feet and syart fighting alongside em and be like a companion. dont know where to go after that though

i 100% do think that if she were to ever meet trish it would be AWKWARD. even if trish wouldnt know her (another thing i havent decided on. that comes up a lot in here) she would know trish and just feel all weird aroun her because. You Know

and i think? thats all i can think off the top of my head????? it is fsirly late when im writing this so idk i might be too tired to remember anything else that would be important

i hope this isnt a let down like i said im not very good this sort of thing. at some point i think im gonna make a ref that has liniyal, trish, and eva to likr compare them and see how liniyal was considered a failure. and thrn also her weapon and yada yada

if anyone has any suggestions or questions or corrections u wanna make feel free to reblog or senf me an ask i am open to Everything

okauy. goodnight

[shadowscommand]

Hello.. can we get more ghostmace headcanons. If you ever wrote any pls link them too...

:)c YESSS i love talking abt maceghost.. i know ive made a bunch of sporadic posts about them but i havent done a like dedicated hcs post. i feel like often im struggling to understand the narrative of their past but generally i keep the same vibe to it all.

mace is for sure the more level headed of the two only because relationships and love freak ghost out. ive mentioned on a post like years ago hes traumatized by watching his mother stick with his father and i still believe this. hes like scared to be in a position where something Isn't working anymore but hes too emotional to cut it off so he self sabotages the relationship so mace will get pissed and stop talking to him.

in the past (as i mentioned in another post) mace Did also feed into this. he had a good home life but his own personal issues and anger at more outward issues caused him to like. seek an outlet for this sort of petty squabbling. and he found it in ghost. until he got tired of festering and being pissed off all the time and decided to actually like Do Shit he feels good about. and he broke up with ghost.

now in modern times where theyve caught up with each other it's like a weird mash of their past and them both being more mature. ghost struggles more because hes very adverse to actually improving himself and how he feels about himself bc hes like. hes Given Up on being a person. while mace has done a lot of healing.

like the toxic factor of maceghost Is Ghost at this point to me. but theres a lot of love there bc theres a lot of mutual respect and, like, easy familiarity there. mace understands how ghost works at his core.

so like. when ghost is being Normal and not anxious they literally just. like. Click? mace can extremely put ghost at ease with just his presence. and mace in turn rly enjoys his company bc a calm ghost is actually just sort of casually funny.

and ghost does like making mace laugh i imagine mace has a really beautiful smile bc he has resting bitch face so when it lights up it's very special.

ghost also i think would be 100% willing to take his mask off in a room of just him and mace. no special occasion needed he's just comforted. mace has already seen it over many, many years.

because they're like an Old couple i think theyve been on and off since their mid twenties for ghost and late twenties for mace. WHICH is another reason mace like wont entertain the childish picking ghost does theyre literally too old.

but he does play along a little. sometimes. old habits die hard. if it's petty mace will have a back and forth w ghost for old times sake its just how ghost communicates sometimes. emotions are just hard for ghost mace understands this. to put all of this simply.

i will say tho if more comes out and they end up more antagonistic than my current read i will still be a huge stan i love when dudes try to fuck and kill each other 💪🥰💕

speaking of fucking tho. tw for implying sexual assault also i just got kinda nasty sowwy.

LIKE we know ghost has a complicated relationship w sex a lot of his past history w it is like traumatic. i think he was already promiscuous as a teen bc he already had issues from his upbringing so hes like. well experienced. and he likes sex. and he likes fucking mace bc his dick is thick, hes good with his hands, and he's not afraid to be rough with him and take their time bc mace likes to be edged and when ghost is rly into it he Likes it to Last esp if he can cum more than once. he likes when his pussy is sore.

BUT ALSOO theyre both like. verse esp w each other. ghost likes topping more tho. he likes fucking mace for being a little bit vocal and just. like. huge. ghost loves bending him over and watching his fat bounce. ghost would blow off any task and anyone to go fuck him.

but also, bc its ghost and i think if the wrong buttons get pressed in the wrong order and it goes sour he gets quiet and, like, disassociates. and mace keeps watch for that bc he doesn't want to put ghost in that state. its not fun

[akaakeis]

literally going to kms i wrote a huge ask and it got deleted BUT IRS VERY IMPORTANT SO IM WRITINF IT AGAIN so first of all i want u to know that i am shameless and will double and triple and quadruple text u bcuz i love u

onto the main course!! i read this one fic and a reblog said something like "this is peaceful, peaceful is good" and it reminded me of u. like,, your writing is like that AND IN A GOOD WAY LEMME REPHRASE. so like! most fics have like,, something in them. explosions fireworks love hatred confessions misunderstandings u get what i mean

but urs are like. so not explosions,, so peaceful in comparison. like, reconnecting with old friends. sorry, we haven't talked in a bit. dancing in the rain. coming home. and they are like completely normal things that normal people experience and that i have experienced but for some reason you make them so special and magical ! somehow the peacefulness of it all makes it sm better. NOT SAYING THAT IF U WRITE EXPLOSIONS ILL FEEL ANY DIFFERENT AB UR WRITING IN GENERAL. but i mean your writing is familiar and warm and it's just... nothing special happens,, there's nothing life-changing going on,, and it's still so perfect and extraordinary.

um ill use my most favourite fic of all time here as an example ! The Iwa One. its less than 1k words and its just,,,,, a friend u havent seen in a long while, and u finally talk and u talk ab ur day and thats literally just it. AND SOMEHOW ITS LIKE SO

SO

IDK GOOD?????? like idk man im fr tweaking rn but. like. your writing's about little things,,, nothing huge in the long run, just a talk with an old friend. AND YOU STILL MANAGE TO MAKE IT SO SIGNIFICANT AND SO FULL OF LOVE AND JOY AND WARMTH likr bro!!!!! ive always liked that one quote that goes,, love is in the little things but i think ur writing has given me a new perspective of it and now i love it (ur writing, the quote) even more now!!!!

erm that's all ily mwah mwah

NOOO THE LONG ASK 😞😞 sorry bb that sucks i hate when that happens but IM SO HONORED that you're literally rewriting all of that for ME?? i may cry thanks i love u

alina im literally staring at this ask like :( WHAT IF I GENUINELY CRY OVER THIS OH MY GOD!! like im so happy that it gives off that vibe because that's truly what i try to go for! im not trying to do anything particularly special? i just want to be able to give comfort through my fics <3

i genuinely want to keep this in my inbox forever and ever so that i can reread it but you at least deserve a reply from me for sending the sweetest thing ever :( like lately ive been kinda iffy abt how i feel regarding my writing but this really does make me feel better!! because knowing that someone like you (who i deem as an important voice on my writing) really likes my writing, it just makes me want to continue for you <3 im so glad i can provide u with writing to enjoy and i hope i can continue to in the long run <3 xx

thank u for this alina ily!!

[nonbinarygamzee]

this like. really isnt even about hs2 (in the sense i have literally not read the new stuff and do not really plan to for my own sanity. and also take into account i am mostly just taking my emotional issues out on homestuck because im feeling very raw about it and life lately.) but good god i just cannot stand the idea of letting this beast crawl out of the grave AGAIN. i respect some of the ppl working on the newest thing and ofc hope it doesnt devolve into harassment all over butttttttt also. how many times do we watch a monster reanimate itself. its like since the damn thing ended ive been yelling to anyone who will listen about how it needs to stay dead in the ground AT ALL COSTS!!!! it needs to die to give people a chance to truly learn from it. and in the same way my silly little cope back in the day of talking about hating hs sincerely while being very invested in it got muddled and twisted when ironically insulting your interests became like The Thing, i feel like everyone thinks i am being SILLY or HYPERBOLIC and i am NOT!!!!! it is not even about the content of post canon, for all of the problems i have with it, it really never Has been. There are parts of the epilogues i actually think are compelling and expansive but that is not part of the conversation to me. the entire precedent for why i feel how i do is that it is a fundamentally flawed and dishonest move to spend literal years antagonizing your audience, overlooking if not outright facilitating abuse and harassment in pockets where "audience" and "friend" and "writer" all became deeply enmeshed labels that emboldened people to endear themselves and their interpretations to whatever you projected as "rightness" at the expense of their peers. only to like... wipe your hands of it once it stopped being the means of which to make a ridiculous amount of internet dollars and started to be like an actual problem for you and the longevity of your reputation as a creative. it couldve been the best written shit in the world and that would never have made up for how bullshit of an idea of swearing "im not the boss of canon anymore guys" while literally Still continuing to make things that not only continue to establish a canonicity but that continue to undermine alternative readings of previous events is. sometimes i think about the whole sarah z lawsuit shit and wonder how everything didnt just dissolve afterwards but really isnt this just the perfect internetspace for people to get away with being that boldfaced about throwing legal threats around to stroke their own egos? havent we been reared from day one to care more for whether people are clever and haughty before we care about whether they are literally openly trying to exert control and harassment?

[ericstoltz]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[yourbigendergremlet]

I realised that i havent posted in a while

Things have happened at home recently and i just dont feel safe thinking about anything to do with my gender

Basically, my sister found out.

She confrontes me about it when ouur parents were asleep and for ages at least an hour, she tried to get answers from me. It was honestly what i was paranoid avout happening for the past year, someone from my family calling my name to come and then reveal that they knew. I spent the past year jumping whenever my name got called for seemingly no good reason and my heart rushing while i waited for them to talk to find out it was nothing like that.

She tried to talk to me about how she just wanted to keep me safe and make sure i wasn't doing anything permanent, and the worst part was that shhe wasn't even shouting, she was talking so gently but idk. She figured out like every detail and she did research and kept on telling me things likr "i know its not nessesarily a phase" (deffo probably telling me that because she saw online that we dont like that and is just saying it)

Anyway whatever, now im wondering how long she has known this for and now i can't trust her because im so paranoid that if i do the wrong thing she will spill it to my parents and i cant handle that. I now also have to be wayyyy more careful with what i say because i know that she knows and im scared what she thinks and now i dont have that vit of freedom with saying stupid things like "ladies first" to tease my little brother when they thought that i didnt know snything. This all happened about a bit more than a month or so ago.

There is more to what happened after but that is too emotionally draining to talk about here

Anyway ive just recently stopped feeling anyhing towards gender and idk if this is because school started again and i want to focus, my sister, or something else but i feel completely numb. I present myself mostly female because i cant be bothered to hhide it and no matter what i do, now that my hair is long its imppssible to not have it feel very femme, but i dont feel a connection at all to being a girl but i also dont feel a connection to being male and its throwing me off wildly. Factually i know o identifu as bigender, but im not feeling it anymore and ive just been doupting if i was making it up all along (i also just dont know who to trust anymore in general, not my family, not really my friends, not anyone online, it sucks because i dont know how to feel) and ive barely told anyone about it. Ive vented to my friends about what happened the day agter my sister found out but didnt tell them that my sister found out and i dont know if i can bring myself to tell them, but that was the first time i had ever truly vented in my life (ill be honest, venting online feels like nothing because i dont know anyone and it doesnt exactly feel real when i do it) and venting for the first time felt so weird i dont know how to feel but now i feel absolutely awkward when i continue to vent even though they tell me its okay but i feel like im just bothering the group chat

And recently my life has just been doing homework, then rotting away on my phone cycling through mindlessly scrolling on tumblr, mindlessly watching youtube shorts, and reading zelda fanfiction and it doesnt feel good and i dont feel happy but i cant imagine being able to even do anything that i know i like for example i pick a pencil to draw but i juust cannot start even when i do all the starting with a line or shaped because that will get your flow going

Ive just not been feeling good lately

[emoboy07]

sorry to vent on main, but i dont wanna do it on discord bc i use that venting channel too much and i dont have any friends to vent to in dms so its going here. it got pretty long so i put it under the cut

so i had to quit my job recently bc of my sleep disorder (among a few other reasons but thats the main problem rn) and i do online school so the only time i ever really leave the house is for doctors appointments. i dont even really have any irl friends at this point bc the only one i had hasnt messaged me in like a month other than to respond to a tiktok i sent and i dont even know how to start a conversation if i tried to message them. we used to be so close several people literally thought we were dating. theyve been my only irl friend for like a year atp. i also havent really been on discord that much (outside of venting and occasionally going into chat to say hi) so i havent talked to my online friends a lot lately either. what im trying to say is i basically have no friends atm and no social interaction outside of family and the very few interactions ive had on tumblr. which for family is also less than usual bc of my fucked up sleep schedule, and im not out to them yet so they always misgender and deadname me. i literally just want a friend, preferably irl bc im not good at talking over text and i prefer actually hanging out with people over just talking over text. but i dont go anywhere and none of the people my age in my town would even be friends with me, as proven by the several years of public school that i went with at the most four friends, one of which i recently found out didnt even like me in the first place, she was just there for the other two people in that friend group. not to mention my literally non-existent love life, i havent dated anyone in my almost 18 years of life, it would be nice to have a bf. or honestly anyone atp im not even gonna be picky about it. but again, no one in my town has liked me enough to be my friend so looks like thats not happening anytime soon. and i probably wont be able to move out anytime soon bc of my health issues. i dont have a job rn and wont be able to at least until my sleep disorder is figured out bc i cant wake up to an alarm so i cant guarantee ill be awake to go to work at any given moment. i cant make appointments on my own unless i can do it online, i genuinely cannot do phone calls. and i cant drive bc of my sleep disorder, anxiety, and slow processing speed. i dont think ill ever be able to tbh. and there is very little public transport in or around my town so being able to drive is kind of a necessary thing if i were to live on my own. also i have at least one surgery coming up, probably more but idk if theyre going to want to do my other knee or not depending on whether they find anything wrong in this one and idk when ill be getting top surgery so i need someone who can take care of me for those. and i cant drive so if i wanted to do anything/had anything going on, it has to be scheduled at certain times so i can get a ride from either my mom or my brother. i dont even think my town has uber or anything, and even if it did i cant really afford that rn. and i live in a small town with absolutely nothing so if i want to do anything other than get overpriced groceries or go to a dollar store its at least a half hour drive

[deadmeat]

my secret - im 21 and have been in an abusive relationship for 6 years where lately things have gotten physical. theres been (a couple) points where i have feared for my life/safety , i see no clear way out without me becoming homeless and for the past few months i have been entertaining other people online as a way of feeling validated, i guess :’))

i’ve kind of been unintentionally turning all the shit ive been going through into kinks, like right after being treated like shit ill go online and seek for someone to treat me even worse lol

anyways.. i follow you because you seem kind of mean but in like, a comforting older sibling way if that makes sense (not to be creepy)

btw you genuinely dont have to reply to this if you dont know how, i needed to get the weight off my chest & havent slept in over 24 hours becoz of related issues so i just dumped what i could & will not remember when i wake up . i hope you have a good day ❤️

If I was still with my ex I would have been entering year six of a very abusive relationship as well. I understand how hard it is to leave a situation where you’re battered in a sense and how now clear support group other than your significant other because you’ve become isolated and codependent. Homelessness is not fun , especially during this time of year. But I’m sure you’ll do whatever is necessary to survive . I am a mean but comforting older sibling thanks for noticing 🫶

[goat-shoe]

i should be honest.......

>_< ;;;; so ive been a little quiet lately.... and i want to be honest about why that is. not just to be transparent with moots and oomfies, but truly to raise awareness for the gaslighting and abuse that weve normalized online.......

thats right ;; im talking about softblocking

(thank you for clicking thru already >w< its good someone cares.....) ;;;;

first of all, im not going to name names! rlly >_< firstly i wanna be the bigger person here..... and secondly cuz just.. there are too many names to name.

but anyways. you are maybe asking why softblocking is so bad? and its ok! ^^;; i get it. setting boundaries can be hard, and sometimes u need to manipulate our digital reality ;;;; now read that last sentence again.

when you softblock someone (for those who dont know: quietly blocking and unblocking a user so that their account is no longer following you), you are forcing a change of the status of their social account against their consent. literally if it werent for this loophole, you would have to log in to their account and unfollow for yourself- imagine how invasive that is!!!!

(and if youre wondering, i dont have to imagine! people in my actual real life have taken my phone from me, opened instagram, found their account, and forced me to unfollow multiple accounts! multiple times. i still havent found everyone i was made to unfollow ;; i really do not write this as a traumadump, quite the opposite: i need you to hear and know the very real pain that comes from this, ok? THERE IS A HUMAN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN.)

if that doesnt have you convinced though, let me ask you this: how many times has technology glitched on you! maybe a message didnt send? maybe a fic didnt update/post, maybe you saw a post that you swear you had licked before but instead the button was empty, cold, and colorless. you probably questioned your own sanity, right? a piece of your reality?? that wasnt as you thought it should be? because why would reality lie to you!

well...... thinking youre crazy? literally the definition of gaslighting! i thought i was crazy for so long because people just... stopped appearing on my dash! imagine how this impacts people with shakier grasps on reality! (shout out to them btw <3 youre doing so great, i promise you this world IS real)

anyways...... i want to keep this short and sweet. if you have to remove someone from your digital world, PLEASE:

DO NOT SOFTBLOCK.

ok to reblog <3

[causenessus]

NESS!! IM SORRY IVE BEEN SPAMMING U LOWKEY (asks and dms ive been going crazy w a bunch of people.. im turning into an online yapper) IM SO INSANELY LATE BUT HAPPY SELF SHIP FRIDAY!! <33 FOR THE ASK GAME IF ANY OF THESE HAVENT BEEN ANSWERED YET:

pre : 6!!

general : 4,, 10

love : 15

domestic life : 13 <3

self ship questions <3

YOU ARE ALL GOOD SAV DO NOT WORRY ABOUT SPAMMING ME!!! SORRY I'M SO BEHIND ON EVERYTHING <333 I'M AN ONLINE YAPPER TOO DW!!!!!!

what was their "flirting stage" like?

literally just love notes. LMAO we were all touchy and caring for each other wayyyyy more than friends should like he'd be wandering around the school or i'm sneakily (not sneakily at all) walking around the gym and we're both trying to find each other with a snack in hand and everyone's just watching like "oh ffs would they just kiss already." we texted a lot and spent a lot of nights together <3 and would fall asleep on call even before we started dating but danced around the subject forever!!!

were they each other's first anything? (kiss, relationship, etc.?)

I'M SO SCARED OF RELATIONSHIPS he was def probably my first everything 😭 but it's ok!!! i wouldn't have it any other way <3 tbh i think he's actually lowk a loser too!! and for the sake of my brain and being cutesy <3 i'm going to say i was def not his first relationship BUT none of his lasted long enough for him to want to kiss them bc none of them felt right that he didn't want any of them to be his first kiss <3 so i was his first kiss <3 i am self indulgent <3

what are their parallels, whether in their personalities or their histories?

our parallels are definitely being very laid back, chronically online, always listening to music bed rotters!! we are simultaneously always doing the bare minimum and the absolute most (only when it comes to each other) <3 history wise i think we were a little opposite (he's the oldest sibling in his family, i'm the youngest in mine, etc.) but i do think we had very similar childhoods!! once again going back to our personalities and just being kids on the quieter side :)

what gifts do they typically give each other?

he buys me a lot of sweet treats!! like matchas and snacks <3 and i buy him a lot of snacks too!! like everyday i love buying him something even if it's small <3 i'll always stop by the vending machine or a gas station for him!! tbh neither of us are very good at saying no to each other like we literally just work to have money to spend on each other and have 20+ page long lists of things to the buy the other and every single time one of us is like "oh that looks cool" it's being added to the list of things to be bought <3

do they have any "couple traditions," or family traditions?

AAA CUTE QUESTION!! we don't celebrate like any of the holidays with our families (sorry my parental issues are spilling out) OR IF WE DO it's with his side of the family!! we love have his little sister over to stay with us for a few days and treating her and spoiling her rotten <3 and we all definitely prefer doing things like friendsgiving <3 we also plan like regular movie nights although we have sporadic ones too! and we just try to dedicate days every month to special activities to make sure we're having fun <3

[pastellmochi]

HI MOCHI are you havig a good summber. its june and its summer her hru any update

OMG IRENE HIIIIIE THANK YOU SOOSOO MUCH FOR THE ASK MWAH ILOVE YOUU 🫶🫶🫶 im so sorry for the late response its literally july omg 😭😭😭🙏🙏🙏 … nd it just deleted what i said help

ITS BEEN KINDA ROUGH BUT IM GETTING THROUGH ITTTT <3333 HOW IS YOUR SUMMER SO FAR TELL ME ABOUT IT I HOPE ITS VERY FUNKY ‼️‼️‼️

ive been Warming up to summer more, def more than winter nd ive been enjoying late night calls with friends :33 ‼️‼️ sothat’s nice summer aesthetic i loveoyouuu

🫶🫶🫶 igot into a lotta fandoms again.. mha.. creepypasta.. found out ab 18trip nd omg <333 oguro kafka you have my heart .. it was me and nico yazawa’s bday nd i got my hair cut !! i unlocked my gender yayayay :33 found out i really like kakiage nd mushrooms.. thank you ryoko kui .. okay tbh my summer so far is my brain being overriden by more fellas . OH I STARTED PLAYING PERSONA 5 AND TWISTED WONDERLAND ‼️‼️ rook and ruggie are real cyooties love those guys (i havent met either) oh nd im playing pokemon bw and tomodachi life !! i should add you on my island !!

+ HERE’S AN EENSY PHOTO DUMP look its kent a mikoshiba … my darling .. my treasure ..

nd i’ve been thinking about enstars i think summer i just get attacked w ensemble stars thoughts.. now its ab taki ibuki .. i cannot escape chiaki kobayashi even if i tried

OH AND SOME SONGS I’VE BEEN LISTENING2

happy ☆ boogie ! !

the spark !!

ANOTHER DAY OF SUN !!

kasaneteku !!

gokuluck’s discography …

lovers always lose !!

bloody mary fake type !!

started reading the stranger in the lifeboat 4writing inspiration !! sidenote i Love how TROPEY 2000s x reader was. always vampire au.. and all the characters live in the same house … and seven minutes in heaven.. and random japanese phrases thrown around 😭😭😭

im trying to get back into drawing after like over three years of not drawing so i can do artfight like suuper late .. trying to come up w an utaite design … OH AND DESIGNING MY SELF INSERT ‼️‼️‼️ their name is sal layman :] do you have a self insert ifyoudo i wanna hear about em :333 if youdont STILL TELL ME ABOUFYOUHR SELFSHIP !!!!

also been really into dcoms and bad movies in general , the more likely they are2say He’s right behind me isnt he the more likely i am to enjoy it. here’s some things ive been watchiiiing im totally up4suggestions or giving oyou suggestions !!! : clue , lake mungo , starstruck , trolls lmao , eddie’s million dollar cook-off , DIABOLIK LOVERS omg its actual Shart and every time it tries to attempt romance or seriousness it fails in ways i have never seen before but it is a spectacular watch. tw for sa and incest 😭😭😭 the few good things though is this show is the embodiment of the 2000s (the fashion is. Yeah) and the openings are unfortunate bangers. also eichi tenshouin is there

tldr im trying to feed my creative self more <333 THANK YOU FOR ASKING I LITERALLY LOVE YOU !!!! PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU ARE ND ANYTHING YOUVE BEEN IN2 I’D LOVE TO HEAAAR 🥺🥺🥺🫶🫶🫶 ‼️‼️‼️