#sometimes people kinda suck and aren't perfect

[tiktowafel]

personal lore dump for Shihai Kuroiro!! (where i'm probably a little mean to him but it's out of love guys i swear)

verrry late for his birthday but it's here!! :] love this kid. so many thoughts about him to share

i'll just start with the part that i find the most important - the core of his character, to me, is that he is not what he says he is and not what he desperately tries to convince himself and everyone else that he is.

i'm mostly basing this off of how ultra analysis gives him one of the two lowest wits scores in his class (as shown above) despite the fact that he calls himself "the scheming hero" and spends half his joint training match dramatically talking about trickery and psychological traps - while i like to ignore canon sometimes, this little piece of information is something i could never disregard. it's so endearing to me, plus him apparently trying really hard to seem way cooler than he actually is fits with the chuunibyou archetype he's supposed to represent.

severe headcanon territory & a generally slightly lengthy textpost under the read more lol

now, why do i hc he's that way in the first place? well, basically: his whole life he's admired underground heroes very strongly and ended up developing this very idealized mental picture of the perfect underground hero - a mysterious lonely mastermind who hides in the shadows and avoids the spotlight, quietly pulling all the strings and relying on plans and schemes instead of a powerful quirk and flashy moves. but despite all the dirty tricks they're capable of, their heart is in the right place - in fact in a way their motivations are far more noble than those of all the popular celebrity heroes, because they don't care about fame or recognition, they act out of a genuine want to do good. this is what Kuroiro aspires to be and what he bases his entire persona on, pretty much.

and that's because this is also the only kind of hero he could ever identify with - he was always an odd, withdrawn kid who had trouble making friends. he couldn't see himself in all those shiny charismatic always-in-the-spotlight heroes that everyone else seemed to love. so when he learned about underground heroes, he fell in love instantly and decided this is who he wanted to be, over time forming this perfect underground hero image to set as his goal.

except, again, a lot of traits possessed by this ideal of a hero aren't really in line with what Kuroiro himself actually is. he's nowhere this badass. he's nowhere this smart. he kinda sucks at this whole scheming thing actually! he's sneaky, sure, that's by nature of his quirk - but his schemes are way less elaborate than he likes to make them seem, most of the time they're just ways for himself to catch people off guard. he doesn't have the multi-step coordination-based planning capablity of Kendo or Tokage, the adaptability of Honenuki or the sheer sophistication of Monoma (note that almost all of 1-b's plan during joint training match 2 was invented by Kendo and Kuroiro's only strategic contribution was tricking 1-a into thinking he was gonna target Tokoyami so he could ambush Aoyama instead - which is something yeah but still nothing particularly complicated). and he hates that about himself, because intelligence is something that he values and admires so so much - so he exaggerates his strategic prowess a lot, with his hero title and dramatic speeches and all, and does everything in his power not to be perceived as stupid (often failing miserably). it's out of insecurity.

he's also not that much of a lone wolf, either. he does have a strong tendency to isolate himself from others, which is partially because he's convinced himself that he's destined to walk a lonely path in life & content with it (what's a better way of coping with your childhood loneliness than romanticizing it) and partially because the fact that he's constantly putting up a facade does by itself kinda prevent him from forming proper relationships, BUT he's not really happy this way. he's introverted but ultimately not meant to be alone. he does need friends! and he does wish for a romantic relationship, too! but, of course, he sucks at managing those feelings, as we can judge by his interactions with Kinoko and his general incapability of normally talking to girls mentioned in ultra analysis.

i actually really like that he has a crush on Kinoko specifically because it plays really well into everything that i said earlier in this post! remember that something he admires a lot about underground heroes is that they don't care about fame and recognition, and therefore in his view have the most genuine motivations? i like to believe that odd as it is, he actually has a very strong moral compass and greatly values selflessness. so, imagine how he feels when he learns that Kinoko, whom he already has a crush on because she's cute and she's nice to him and she has a really cool quirk (something something mushrooms like darkness so they must be meant to be), wants to be an idol hero. bro's devastated. those people are the epitome of modern hero society's shallowness and superficiality, and she wants to be one! she apparently wants to spend her precious time doing silly little dance routines and shaking people's hands at conventions instead of dedicating it all to proper hero work! and Kuroiro still has a crush on her! that witch...!

and you see, Kinoko isn't actually a shallow person. what motivates her to become and idol hero isn't selfishness (refer to my old Kinoko headcanon list - some things in there are a tiny bit outdated but my headcanon on why she wants to be an idol is still the same!). except Kuroiro doesn't get to know that at first so he remains bewildered and conflicted for quite some time - and i just think that's funny y'know? he eventually learns more about her (second hand, they don't directly talk to each other much, in canon i think Kinoko doesn't even pay much attention to him in general 😭) and starts to change his mind, probably falling even harder in the process - but still the whole thing is complete disaster on his side. he was always shy around her, now there's also... all this, no wonder he can't talk to her at all!!

so, to sum it up: Kuroiro is intense, he's surprisingly idealistic, he's tragically insecure, and he has some very rigid ideas about himself and the world around him that he probably needs to let go of. he's just a mess of a teenager with a lot of to figure out - and he does figure it out, he does get his happy ending eventually! (a conversation with Kinoko, among other things, is something that definitely would be a crucial part in his,, character arc, i guess? and y'know what, while i do really like them as a couple, i think them just getting to talk things out is a "happy ending" regardless of whether they end up together)

OH and by the way: i'm not saying that he's like, going against himself at all times! he's not an actual master schemer or a complete lone wolf but a lot of things about how he acts are perfectly genuine. his affinity for all things dark is genuine, his interest in taboos is genuine, and his love for theatrics is also genuine! in that matter, it's actually not a phase lol he's just like that :] would be blasphemous to say otherwise, that's what we all love him for..!

aaand this concludes my little essay about one of my favorite 1b kids!! the picture of him that i have in my head is very clear, that's why he's the first character that i chose to write this kind of post about - i'm just pretty confident about the hcs i have for him haha. i'm also thinking about writing a more lighthearted list of hcs to complete the vision (ya know, like the good ol days) because there's STILL so much that i haven't shared since it didn't fit this post - so stay tuned for that if you enjoyed this!! see you next month probably

[picnokinesis]

Hello! I decided to choose one song from each playlist that I’d like to know more about if it’s not too spoilery :) It took me a while to narrow down which ones I want info on the most haha, these three are ones I have less specific speculation about.

July Bones from the main playlist

Delilah from the teen playlist

The Funeral from the anterograde playlist

Thanks!!!! :D

HELLO!! This is lowkey so funny, because of all the songs on the teenage Koschei playlist, Delilah was precisely the one I was hoping someone would ask me about - but on the other hand, I had to stand and stare at The Funeral and July Bones for a long moment because for a while I just COMPLETELY FORGOT that I'd even put them on there, let alone why. However, you'll be pleased to know that I've now figured it out hahha

I know this is gonna get long, so under the cut she goes, but if anyone wants links to the playlists in this ask, they're right here!

The Campervan AU playlist

The Teenage Campervan Koschei playlist

The Anterograde AU playlist

July Bones by Richard Walters is a song that I actually found whilst building a playlist for one of my original script projects, and so I primarily associate it with my oc, Jules. However, I actually realised that it was only the vibes that worked for Jules, and that the lyrics weren't relevant to her at all. But campervan au...now that's interesting. As with many of the songs on every playlist I make, but especially campervan au playlists, not every line is necessarily relevant or taken literally. The same is true for some of this one. That said, the opening line hits the nail on the head:

In July, in July, in July I burned all your things And they glow, and they glow, and they glow and the fire still sings

For me, this song is really about the Doctor and Koschei's childhood, and the immediate aftermath of The Thing That Happened on 13/06/1999. Pre-amnesia, the Doctor had a habit of burning her things when she wants to cut ties and make a new start on life. This is my poor man's version of regeneration in a human au. Of course, we also know that the Doctor burnt the curtains at Gallifrey Road, which is what led to her being put into temporary respite care and ending up being fostered by Brax's family. I think in this case, the 'burning' was a lot to do with the fact that, after what happened, Koschei was in prison and the Doctor was basically left alone. And, due to her life in foster care, being passed from one family or group home to another, the only way she's ever learnt to deal with things going awfully wrong is to cut ties, burn bridges, and start completely afresh. With Koschei rubbing off on her, that 'burning bridges' part starts to come rather literal. But no matter what she tries to do, however she tries to remake herself, she still stays the same and makes the same mistakes - and Koschei does too, in his own way. Which works perfectly with this later line of lyrics:

Is it right, is it right, is it right that we can't change? Do we make, do we make, do we make the same mistakes?

The Doctor can't change - she's still defined by everything that happened to her, she's still defined by the things she doesn't remember, the things she tries to forget. She's still defined by Koschei. She tries to burn it all, and it glows and it glows but the fire still sings.

Also, the line 'if only your bones would lie with mine' makes my heart hurt in a very thoschei way, since with regards to the show, I very strongly believe that the Master is mainly motivated by wanting the Doctor to die with him. So, whilst that's not exactly what Koschei wants in campervan au, the vibes are there.

Delilah by The Dresden Dolls is the entire reason I even made a teenage Koschei playlist, and it's so funny to me that you picked it out, because I can just imagine you listening to it, reading the lyrics and going 'what' HAHAH - because, for anyone who doesn't know, this song is pretty specific. The precise scenario described in the lyrics is not accurate to what happens in campervan au at all, but emotionally the song is so perfect for young Koschei. Delilah is sung from the point of view of a young woman, Amanda, who is watching her close friend Delilah (or, as the song writer as confirmed, her own younger self) who keeps getting sucked into abusive relationships. It's quite an angry song of the frustration of watching someone you love dearly being self-destructive and not wanting to be saved, being angry at them and berating them (or yourself) for this, and how much you want to just drag them into a car, get the hell out of the situation and drive into the sunset. It's probably a difficult song for some folks because it's got a lot of victim blaming in it, but it's actually really interesting when you consider that the singer is actually berating her younger self. When I first listened to it, before I knew that, I actually imagined that the singing pov character was in love with her best friend, which added a whole other layer to the thing. You ever been so angry with someone that you love more than anything because they won't let you save them from intentionally walking into things that hurt them?

Koschei has.

I'll have to be careful not to go too much into spoiler territory here. But. In the backstory in campervan au, there is definitely an element of abuse involved with regards to what is going on with John. There is also an element of Koschei trying to save him from that situation, and John refusing to leave. Obviously, it's not so easy to just get up and go, but Koschei is an angry and desperate teenager who is horrifically in love with his best friend, and not necessarily thinking in a way that's nice or kind or understanding or 'right'. He's exactly like Amanda. He's so angry at the situation, but he's also angry at JOHN for not letting him save him. Also, if you remember in the last chapter of part 6, we saw the childhood promise that these two made to each other: that they'd age out together at 18 and would get a van and just drive off so no one could bother them again. So then you've got to imagine Koschei having this fantasy of rescuing John, of John letting him, and the two of them racing off in this van together. That's what the last minute and a half of the song is. This glorious, rising crescendo of this dream of the both of them getting out, the both of them being alive, being okay, being happy - you need a ride, delilah? let's see how fast this thing can go

It's like, SO painfully perfect for Koschei in that emotional moment, and it lowkey makes me want to tear up, just thinking about him envisaging getting John away from it all. The tragedy, of course, is that he never manages it. EXCEPT IN AU5!! Which is the verse were John actually escapes with him and they run away together (they just don't get the van until they're eighteen lol). There's also a line in Delilah that works perfectly for au5, but because of the pronouns, it's actually got a completely different meaning out of context for au5 compared to what it means in the Actual Song, because it becomes about Kosch's violent protectiveness rather than victim-blaming Delilah haha. And it's this line:

And if you take him home You get what you deserve

There's also this line too which works perfectly for Koschei having genderfluid transfemme dysphoria moments:

You might be flat, but you're breathing

The Funeral by Band of Horses is such a classic, and it's funny because I genuinely had to wrack my brains for SO long on this one and why the hell it's on the anterograde playlist, because I made that one such a long time ago now. But then suddenly it hit me, and it's like a kick to the shins.

Really too late to call, so we wait for Morning to wake you, is all we got And to know me as hardly golden Is to know me all wrong, they warn At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

I think the common interpretation of this song is that it's about something that is inevitably going to die - whether that's another person, or a relationship, or whatever - and being constantly braced for that ending to come. This is very reminiscent of how Koschei (and the Doc, to some extent) feels in anterograde. He is constantly waiting for the Doctor's memory to reset - for that small 'death' to occur, and for him to start over again. Every occasion, he knows that the Doctor will not remember anything that she's experiencing by the next day. Every moment will die as a memory she's failed to retain. Every occasion, he's bracing himself for that death. His entire life, from that point on, is a one billion day funeral. And he doesn't know exactly when it'll happen, he just has to wait for morning to wake her and they start all over again. That's all he has.

Also, because it wouldn't be thoschei without a little bit of toxicity:

I'm coming up only to hold you under I'm coming up only to show you wrong

This isn't just them being a bit mutually awful, though. These two both believe things about the other that are incorrect. Koschei, for example, firmly believes that the Doctor would have vanished from him by now if her memory wasn't resetting every day. He also believes that the Doctor will never trust him fully. And, I mean, fundamentally he's not wrong about both of those things - but over time, as they become the only solid rock in each other's lives, the Doctor does change. She doesn't really realise it, but the brain can learn in ways outside of episodic memory, and she learns to feel that he's meant to be there, that she's safe with him (this was a complicated one, but the root of it has always been there) and that she doesn't want to run away any more. It takes a while for both of them to REALISE THIS though, and so they kind of end up just proving each other wrong by existing in each's others space.

Hope this all made sense!! :D

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm just sitting here mentally telling myself 'I don't have to like him just because I find him attractive, I don't have to like him just because he's hot, I don't have to like him just because I like the character' over and over until I start to believe it

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[ghostsandfools]

The psychology behind Lumini

Would Lunar and Gemini be a healthy couple? I don't fucking know, I've never read or consumed anything to do with psychology in my life, I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about here, I genuinely don't know shit about mental health, BUT I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAYS! So if my takes here suck then sorry.

Lunar:

Lunar idolizes Gemini WAY too much. And that's absolutely going to set their relationship back. It's good to admire your romantic partner, but you need to realize they aren't perfect. YOU aren't perfect, so if you view your partner as a perfect person, you're going to end up feeling like you'll never be enough for them.

You have to realize that you and your partner both have flaws, and recognize that you can work through them together as a team. Gemini, despite how much I love them, has flaws. Lunar is going to have to realize that eventually, but I don't think that'll completely get rid of the issue.

Lunar is just a guy. He got thrown into all this star power stuff randomly. and Gemini is his TEACHER. It's okay, because they're both adults so it's not creepy, but even then, you should never EVER be in a relationship with your boss/educator. Gemini's job is to make sure he's progressing steadily with his star power abilities. And since the astrals are so impatient, they kinda have to hurry him along with his learning. Having your partner teaching you something is stressful, because you want to impress them and do well for their sake. It's even worse because for Lunar and Gemini, it's not "I have a hobby i think you'd enjoy, how about I teach you?" For them it's "You NEED to learn this quickly and without struggling or else my brother is going to fucking KILL YOU." Star power is a life or death thing. Lunar having feelings for Gemini is definitely going to make learning harder for him, not because he'll be distracted by them instead of learning. but because Star power is his entire life purpose now and if he doesn't learn how to control it, the consequences could be very grave for him.

On top of that, he doesn't know Gemini very well. Which is fine, people get crushes of course, but they'll need to take things slow with each other if they want to get to know each other better and work through their other issues.

Gemini:

Gemini needs to be more understanding of Lunar's emotions. It's clear that they care for Lunar, but they're very tough on him, and I don't think they understand the mental effects of that.

Gemini feels things differently than any regular earthling. Their feelings are clearly more rooted in logic. They can feel angry and sad and happy, but it's different than how we would. For example, when they rejected Lunar, they gave him a logical explanation as to why they didn't want to pursue a relationship with him, then didn't understand why he was so sad. They thought explaining it logically would help him feel better, but that's not how feelings work. Sometimes people feel sad or happy or scared or angry for no reason, and that's okay. You don't have to justify your feelings or have a logical reason behind them for them to be valid, but I don't think Gemini understands that, and that's okay, but it's something they'll need to work on. Right now, they seem to think Lunar is immature or over emotional, but that's not true. He's been through a lot, and they really need to begin to understand that.

Now. The elephant in the room. When Lunar killed Eclipse, Gemini got pretty mad at him. Which is reasonable, he did kill a guy. I don't really think either of them were in the wrong in that situation though. I've seen some people say Gemini was downright abusive in their reaction, and I've seen some people say that they should've been harder on Lunar, but I wanna see things from both of their points of view. When Lunar saw Eclipse, he was scared. Seeing an abuser again is terrifying, I don't know what I would've done in his shoes. With the way Lunar's mind works, he could've just lost control of himself, he could've regressed from the stress of the situation and not known what to do, and with the way Eclipse was taunting and threatening him, it makes sense that he'd have a violent reaction. It doesn't justify what he did, but it does explain it. Gemini had every right to lash out at him though, because they trusted him and they spent a lot of time training him so he wouldn't do something like that again and he still did. And maybe, for the first time in a while, maybe they couldn't control their emotions either. Maybe they let their anger get the better of them.

Now, I think it actually shows how strong they are, because they were able to recover from what happened. Lunar apologized for what he did, and they've started to rekindle their friendship and build up trust again, and that's good! Because it shows that they can have arguments and still get over it. I've just got one issue with how their arc is going. I wish Gemini apologized too. I know Lunar did kill a man, but they really, REALLY hurt him. I wish they said sorry. But generally speaking, I'm glad that they're becoming friends again.

Another thing about Gemini is their upbringing. They don't talk about the other astrals very much, and I wonder what their life has been like so far. The other astrals seem more like coworkers to them than siblings, and I wonder if anyone other than Lunar has shown them affection before. Did Aries ever play games with them? Did Libra ever comfort them when they were feeling sad? Did Taurus ever show them how to use their powers? Or did they have to learn everything on their own? Sadly, we don't know. But based on how they talk about the other astrals, I'd wager not. And if that's the case, being in a relationship might be a challenge for them. They don't know how to respond to affection, they don't know HOW to be in a relationship. And in all fairness, neither does Lunar. They would be each other's first lovers, which is even more stressful, because neither of them know what the hell they're doing. If they want their relationship to last, they'd have to be perseverant as HELL.

Anyways. I just spent 45 minutes writing that....

Again, I'm not a psychologist! I'm just some random person! I have never studied mental health in my LIFE! Not to mention, I was gaslit A LOT as a kid. I have some pretty sucky parents, so I don't know what a healthy relationship really looks like either! That being said, if I said anything so unbelievably, ungodly incorrect, please correct me! I need to learn more about mental health so maybe then I can ALSO start feeling better.

I have been shipping Lumini since the episode where they went to Paris together, and I was NOT expecting the shows to actually explore the possibility further. I would LOVE for them to get together in canon, because they both need some love and affection. I think it's good that they have these flaws, because they can grow together and progress as characters, and I'm glad they aren't just some cookie cutter automatically healthy no issues whatsoever relationship. I really do hope things end up working out for them.

[mrsoftthoughts]

Will Solace headcanons

- He's TALL

Like, really REALLY tall, at least for his age, this boy is like 1,82 ( smt like 6'0 with ⅔ of an inch I think?) at the age of fifteen and always has been the kind of kid who was at the end when the lines where from height order.

-The kind of person that gets red like a tomato

He looks like Tinkerbell whenever he gets flushed, especially but not exclusively when he is mad or has been laughing too hard.

-He is the embodiment of a social introvert

He likes spend time with his family and Friends, but he gets drained very easily, sometimes if he can avoid being surrounded by more than a few people or none at all, he isn't hesitating on taking that chance, and for that, he used to love when the cabin was empty of with just one or two of his siblings instead of the little battalion (Ofc he only could find that comfortable when the emptiness just means that all the others were at their daily activities and no that he, Austin and Kayla were the only one to fill the place until a new arrival.)

-Ok with PDA in public spaces if he's dating a girl, but sometimes he is kinda more reserved and discreet if his partner is a boy

Hear me out, he knows that there is nothing wrong with him or his relationship with a person of his same gender, but he has heard the things that some intolerant people are capable of and sees the consequences of it in some summer-only campers (and back at his home too, Remember that this boy is from Texas of all places) and he is terrified of the mere tough, so he's very wary of where or how much PDA displays towards his partner.

-His relationship with Naomi is great, but not really" Mother and son" like, but more "cool rich older friend/sister and bestie/younger brother"

None of them seem to realize or acknowledge that this isn't necessarily a good thing or that can be directly a problem due to the fact that Naomi has this little "eternal teenager" síndrome which is certainly not the best rely-on figure for an ACTUAL teenager.

-Kinda related to the last one, but he was partially/mostly raised by his grandparents

Naomi still being there, but she never quit her musical career which grew exponentially during her pregnancy, so sometimes she was out for a kinda Long time, They're this little southern older and kinda wealthy couple who absolutely love their grandson ( of which they were convinced that was the second mesias or something like a miracle at least due to his really weir birth conditions) Mr, Solace is guilty of wills star wars obsession

-This boy was literally indetectable during his ELEVEN months of gestation,

Naomi entered the hospital thinking that it was a digestive problem and ended up with a baby (that surprisedly for a newborn is pretty, like almost perfect to the point that feels beyond humanity) that looked like this guy whom she had met the past year in a trip to Austin, except that he and her cut the relationship way long before that what a normal pregnancy should be, her family end up convinced that was some kind of God's will and that's why they aren't bothered by Naomi having a child without being married or even in a relationship

- Igaf on what canon says, even if Will isn't usually a fighter, he, like any other demigod has a weapon, o well three

He has a bow, not his preferred one tough, his reaction is a bit too slow so forget about shot at a moving objective, Wich means that is useless when it comes to combat (and even in the archery range he is average or straight up sucks if their siblings are fair comparison), but that leads us to his preferred one for the last year's

Remember that shotgun that is just randomly in the armory? Well, he has his version of it, a Rifle, which is kinda restricted of in use because he can't use that thing for everything, the bullets are one-use-only which is kinda impractical and the mist wouldn't do shit to cover it up ( since that thing is already one of the disguises for the swords in this universe) and how tf are you supposed to explain that a minor has a hunting weapon in a big city?? Yeah- but his aim shines with that baby though

Sadly it has been slowly replaced while Will learns how to use his photokinesis and fulfill his dream of having his own light sable ( Why we are sleeping on the fact that this is just the best weapon to give a star wars fan capable of manipulating the fuckin light?!)

[slay00ryu]

HEAR ME OUT

ronin with a transmasc partner who is basically his little sidekick man. Goes together with him perfectly, both are bastard men who play games. He’s also super sappy (kinda in a luca way lmao) with ronin but HE MATCHES HIS FREAK (the freak is The Horrors™️)

THANK UOU HDHDHDHDG -mothgutzz

The Devil's Hyper Man

Ronin x transmasc!reader

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

You and Ronin have always been a chaotic duo, even before you entered a romantic relationship. The chaos he brought into you life was something you could give back to him with a similar energy. Every time he shared his new kill you would react with a bunch of emotes and send a chaotic message like 'Yes bro you've got'em!"

Whenever you were in chat with the other server members Angel would refer to you as "a little less bad shit crazy Ronin" and you wore that title like a batch of honour.

If one of you was somewhere the other followed, it was mostly you walking around Ronin like a good ol' dog. It escalated when the two of you started dating. Ronin is at work? You're there too just to sit in the workshop and pass him some tools. You're in voice call? He joins and keeps your attention on him. Sometimes the server found it annoying, but neither of you gave a damn about that. You just wanted each others company.

You followed Ronin even for his kills, and you would play mind games with the victims, you were almost as fucked up as your boyfriend after all. And how would Ronin react for your little games with his victims? Well, in his original way. "Oh, I'm so fucking proud to have you as my boyfriend." "You really went all out babe, never thought you had it in you, heh." Yeah, he's a proud boyfriend and praises you for fucking with people's minds.

Whenever you may experience a bad dysphoria day Ronin is there for you, he knows how it feels so it's only natural for him to show his support. He will reassure you about how handsome you are, and how perfect your grotesqueness is. "If you want we can destroy something, just say the word and my crowbar is ready." He whispers while the two of you lay on the floor and he rubs the back of your hand.

Ronin isn't a person to show a lot of emotions, but when the two of you have a dysphoric day at the same time, he will cuddle up with you and both of you will whisper reassuring things to each other.

You're definitely a sappy lover, you brag about Ronin on the server, talk mostly to him, suck up to him like you're glued to him. You will kiss him and cuddle up to him a lot. And he will enjoy the contact because he's just so touch starved.

At this point you two could rival with Luca and Feli for the title of the most disgustingly sickly sappy relationship on the server, you and Luca especially take that fight very seriously. "No, Feli is the bets partner dude. She's just so pretty and great, You and Ronin don't compare to us." "Nah, Ronin and I are so much better, at least we didn't need help to break our talking stage." You and Luca argue in the vc while Feli tries to fight the embarrassment and Ronin is amused by this situation.

Some scenarios <3

You were sitting on the cold ground in the workshop Ronin works in. You were curled up in his hoodie. Some times you would move to give him a tool. You enjoyed this time with him, he was working and humming a song while you were scrolling through your phone or sometimes demand kisses in exchange for a tool.

"You're just so eager for my touch, aren't you?" He titled his head to the side and chuckled. Ronin crouched and caught your lips in a soft and quick kiss. "Happy?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, drop that shit-grin you loser." You replied and passed him the tool.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

You were standing in the shadows of purgetory, Ronin just killed a guy. His whole hands were covered in blood, which was splattered everywhere. He turned to look at you and there was that wicked glint in his eye.

"Do you like the view darlin'?" He asked and approached you.

"Yeah, you're amazing when you end those fuckers." You moved your thumb along his cheek to wipe the blood from there.

"Aw, and you're such a good supporter baby." He kissed you on the forehead. "Let's get the fuck outta here." You took his hand and the two of you left the scene.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

Ronin looked at you as you were walking alongside him and yapping about your day, he smirked. You were just so talkative, your mouth never shut up, but he liked it. It was never quiet with you around and he sometimes had to be more creative with his snarky remarks if he wanted to be beat you at your own game.

"Are you even listening to me?" You asked and he shrugged.

"Yeah, it's hard not to listen when you're talking all the time." He smirked.

"Wow Ronin, you're so nice." You rolled you eyes and continued talking like nothing happened.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

Hope you liked this my friends ;p

See ya folks

-N :)

[whilomm]

i think part of the reason why ppl have a kneejerk reaction to others pointing out that marcille is kinda conservative (besides the usual desire to sand down characters edges to make them Less Problematic™) is that theyre thinking "conservative=republican" rather than similar to like, that girl who will swear up and down that she is SO progressive and 100% feminist and everything but when a girl doesnt shave her legs she says "ugh but its just so UNSANITARY" but at the same time if a guy DOES shave their legs she just "thinks its weird!!!", and if you point out the contradiction there ("didnt you say it was UNSANITARY to not shave? doesnt that mean you think ALL guys should shave?") she will BSoD a little bit and uhhhh i mean uhhh its just that–

or you know, someone who if you come out as a trans to her she'll accept it (after a bit of confusion and a few of the usual dumb cis questions) but maybe thinks that the way to ✨validate✨ you is to go all in on gender stereotypes like okay if youre a woman that means MAKEUP and DRESSES and LONG HAIR and ACTING LADYLIKE and PARTICIPATING IN GIRLY ACTIVITIES and NOT BEING TOO LOUD and NOT TAKING UP TOO MUCH SPACE. and if your a man that means dressing MANLY and HAVING SHORT HAIR and ACTING MASCULINE and TOUGH and BEING UNINVITED FROM THE (GIRLY) WEEKLY HANGOUT SESH

or people who like, will never outright say they HATE homeless people, like if you talk about volunteering at the soup kitchen or donating to the food bank shes like yeah!!! but then she also getting weirdly uncomfortable when it comes to actual homeless people who arent like, the model of 'trying but down on my luck', and just thinking the tents are unsightly and worrying about how if you give someone money on the street if they'll just use it for drugs and being anxious about the vague specter of "violence"

(im not necessarily saying "marcille herself would 100% do these things" but just "when people say marcilles a bit conservative they dont mean rightwing republican they mean like this kinda shit which self-proclaimed Progressives do when they dont recognize they still got shit that they picked up from living in a So Sigh Titty to work thru")

like, listen, a big part of marcille's character is that she is very prideful and sure of herself and her opinions. half of marcille's character building parts are "marcille has a preconceived notion! oh, someone challenges the preconceived notion! marcille is RESISTANT to this! oh my GOD this is AWFUL how could you CHALLENGE HER WORLD VIE- oh. oh wait no. okay you might have a point BUT SHE STILL HATES IT!!!".

she changes and she learns things! but shes kicking and screaming the whole way and kinda annoying about it and even after she has one thing challenged shes still got a whole backlog of other things she learned from So Sign Titty shes also gotta work thru even if she doesnt realize it yet. sometimes she gradually realizes these things on her own sometimes someone basically has to hit her over the head with the Very Special Episode about how halffoots arent children and orcs aren't evil and maybe shes treating falin a bit like a dress up doll and infantilizing her and like thats a problem maybe?

like. its an interesting part of her character! let marcille be a bit conservative. she aint perfect. actually theres a lotta little things she kinda sucks about. but its okay bc she can learn and have her tidy little worldview challenged and its interesting to see her go thru it all!

(and i also wonder if part of the resistance to people pointing out how shes a bit conservative in some ways is also like, refusal to admit "hm maybe i also hold some regressive views". like, the general thing of "wanting to believe you are already a perfect progressive and dont hold any shitty views" is extremely realistic, its defo a trap ive fallen into before! most of us probably have! but like, step one is admitting it rather than putting your foot on the ground and saying la la la i cant hear you)

[sebsbarnes]

heyyyy hope it makes sense when i explain for tan x reader. So reader and twins work together sometimes so are kind of friends in the field and she gets on really well with lemon and with tan too but they bicker a lot sometimes. Basically there is this get together thingy for ther organization or smth and lemon is quite sociable and talks with alot of people and tan is kinda quiet so is kinda bored when it comes to these things since lemon is just chatting to anyone so when reader and ladybug (cuz they're kinda work buddies) arrive to the party and reader sees tan just standing by himself she goes over to him and they just end up chatting and having a laugh (maybe a bit drunk) the whole night and lemon and ladybug are just laughing when its time to go and they are both getting along better than anyone thought possible. Its kinda detailed but i hope it makes sense :)))

hey!! ahh this is a good idea! and it made perfect sense to help me outline what to write, thank u!

new friends, new love || tangerine

tangerine x f!reader

warnings: mentions of injuries , language, normal ole' bullet train stuff

word count: 1.3k+ ; fluff

masterlist

a/n: this is kinda dialogue heavy which normally isn't my style so eek i hope that's okay

"play nice," you hissed, "you still aren't in their good graces. you're lucky i'm friends with them so they didn't hunt you down after japan."

ladybug groaned at the force of your finger pointed in his chest, "yeah yeah," he dismissed you.

with that, you rolled your eyes and entered the building. it was a private event, a get-together really, thrown by the organizations that hire you out for contract jobs. a chance to network and meet some faces that you may not have seen in a while.

"there they are!" a voice yelled startling you and ladybug. coming at you was lemon with a wide grin on his face. he pivoted around and threw his arms over yours and ladybug's shoulders.

"always a pleasure, my dear," he said to you before turning to ladybug, "and i still want to rip your fuckin' head off, mate."

ladybug smiled sheepishly at lemon who then released you both from his grip. you diverted your attention to looking around the room. it was well-decorated and dimly lit. there was waitstaff walking around and offering refills on drinks. towards the bar was a long table piled with hors d'oeuvres. bosses you have had were chatting amongst themselves cracking jokes with one another.

and then there was tangerine. he had one foot propped up, leaning onto the high-top table. his thumb and middle finger holding onto the whiskey glass. he was far away from anyone else at the event and you could see he was scanning the room watching everyone interact with one another. his white button-down shirt and gold necklace hung low near the table with his hair free of any gel. when he made eye contact with you and found your feet carrying you to him.

"hiding out?" you teased.

tangerine tilted his head to the side at you. his eyes squinting just a bit with a charming smirk on his face, "caught me."

"i really don't remember johannesburg!" lemon belly laughed.

"well i sure do!" ladybug exasperated throwing his arms to the side, the drink in his glass spilt on his hand.

"oh! and then you almost killed my brother! so, seems like we are a bit even," lemon announced.

"will you always hold that over my head?"

"yes."

"oh god. if i didn't intervene on the bullet train i think we all would've died before the crash," you grumbled, remembering how much of an idiot ladybug had been to tangerine and lemon.

"yeah your little friend is lucky you had his back or there'd be a bullet between his eyes," tangerine replied, twirling the liquid in his glass.

"would you have done the same to me?" you asked and although you meant to sound joking it came out far more serious than you anticipated.

tangerine sucked the brown liquor between his teeth, "i'd never do anything to hurt you. i'd hurt myself before i'd hurt you."

lemon and ladybug barely took a breath since they started chatting and any poor soul that walked past them was sucked into some nonsensical conversation, trapping them for at least fifteen minutes. these guys could talk and talk and truthfully it was impressive.

"ha! who knew tangerine had a soft spot?" ladybug laughed, nodding his chin over to the wall you and tangerine were occupying.

lemon chuckled through his nose, a small smirk appearing on his face, "only for her."

ladybug harshly grabbed carver, who was now standing next to them, on the shoulder and shook him slightly, "thanks for bailing on kyoto so the lovebirds over there could meet. it's kinda like i'm cupid, right? i brought her with me on the mission and now she found love! i should journal about this."

ladybug continued to talk about how journaling has helped his inner peace and how his therapist thought his progress was improving rapidly so their sessions should be more spread out. though lemon was listening and throwing in the occasional 'yeah' or 'really?', his eyes were trained on tangerine who was fully engaged in the conversation with you. he found it amusing. only hours earlier tangerine had been whining and complaining about having to go and how he hated socializing. lemon drew his attention away as tangerine grabbed your arm.

"jesus, this is a bad cut," tangerine said in disbelief looking at a deep cut with angry scar tissue, "where are the people that did this to you?"

with a devilish grin you leaned towards his face, "six feet under."

tangerine sucked his cheeks in, lips pouted slightly. he was amused. the glint in your eyes as you refused to look away from him almost became unbearable. he just found you so enthralling and if he could he'd stand here all night talking to you, leaning against the wall till he became one with the paint.

you and tangerine had always bumped heads but never anything serious. you both could take the jokes thrown at the other and sometimes it moved into a weird grey area of flirting that neither of you minded. but things really did change on the bullet train when you saved tangerine's life. ladybug was going to shoot tangerine no matter what and even you couldn't change that, but, what helped was your piercing scream caused ladybug to slightly shift his aim when he fired the gun. the bullet still hit tangerine's neck though not as deep as it would've.

"you fucking idiot, ladybug!" you roared. the whole time on the train you wanted the four of you to work as a unit, but ladybug being as hardheaded as he was made it difficult.

"i thoug-,"

"go get the fucking girl. like i told you earlier," you cut him off now bringing your full attention to tangerine who was groaning in pain.

"i'm sorry. i know, i know this hurts but you can't fight me off. it's either i do this or you die and i really don't fucking want that," you told him sternly as you basically straddled his body to keep your hands pressed to his wound.

"l-lemon?" tangerine asked through heavy breaths.

"he's alive. he was passed out or something and i tossed him around to wake up so he's okay, okay? now you need to be also. for him... and for me."

"i don't think i ever properly thanked you for saving me," he pondered, accent thick.

"there's no need to... you would've done the same for me," you winked. you two lulled in the silence, sipping at your now watered-down drinks. you aren't sure why but you wanted to hold his hand, maybe it was the slight buzz from the drink, so you did. tangerine didn't pull away or ask you why. he was grateful for the dim lights in the room hiding the pink hue on his cheeks. he hoped you didn't feel how his hands were clammy with nerves but you did and made no mention of it.

"alright kids!," ladybug yelled, "let's head out!"

ladybug and lemon approached the two of you slightly swaying from the drinks they've consumed. tangerine went to pull his hand away but you didn't budge and squeezed his hand tighter. he looked at you with a shy smile and you flashed him a smile back.

"come on," you said using your other hand to pat his chest.

"we are getting food, you guys coming?" lemon slightly slurred.

tangerine peered at you, "of course."

the four of you exited the building and walked off to get food. lemon and ladybug seemingly put their rocky past behind them as they continued to toss jokes back and forth. maybe it was just the alcohol talking and tomorrow they'd wake up still displeased with the other. but tomorrow you and tangerine would wake up with the same fuzzy feeling in your stomachs that you have right now as your hands swung together, shoulders bumped, and shy smiles on your faces like you two were forbidden to be with the other and were sneaking off into the night.

[arcadiabaytornado]

How much do you think misogyny plays into why people don't like Rachel and Chloe?

A lot. While not all Rachel/Chloe haters are misogynistic, all misogynists are Rachel/Chloe haters.

It's a sad fact that complex female characters will almost always end being "controversial" just for the fact that they're a woman and daring to not be perfect, and Chloe and Rachel aren't perfect. Chloe can be mean. She can loud. She can be bossy. She can be angry. She's not the perfect victim. Rachel can manipulative. She can be loud. She can be angry. She can be selfish.

They can be people, and for the type that sees women as less than that, that's unforgivable.

Obviously, not ever criticism of Rachel and Chloe is misogynistic. However, you do see a lot of comments about them that basically boils down to "this woman is not palatable enough for me," and I very firmly believe that Chloe especially would be looked at more fondly if she were a man.

Plus I've seen people love Nathan and find Chloe and Rachel intolerable and that just?? Like...I'm not the fandom police. I can't tell anyone what characters they should or should not enjoy, nor does my opinion about anything matter. However, I can give nothing less than a massive side eye when someone writes an essay about why we should be more forgiving towards Nathan because he "has mental health issues," and then in that same breath they'll say Chloe should have sucked up all her trauma and been kinder. Like....Nathan gets a free pass for drugging and kidnapping because he has daddy issues, but Chloe is an unredeemable bitch because her daddy issues make her kinda mean sometimes?? I just don't get it. I mean, I do, It's misogyny. But it still just baffles me.

[paleio]

okay you've tagged bpd!percy and Puerto Rican/Filipino!percy on my different posts now and they have made my day twice so I have to ask you to elaborate on one or both pls and thx po naman 🤲🤲

(-helyeahmangocheese)

okay honestly i suck SOOO bad at headcanons because the characters i tend to develop them for are also the characters that are so deeply attached to my own brain that we end up kinda bleeding into each other. there are two different percy jacksons to me—the one i play with in his natural environment and view as a really compelling and interesting individual, and the one that has been inside my head so long he's molded into the shape of my skull. sometimes the line is blurry which is why a lot of my headcanons aren't actually backed up by anything in the canon. i do really like PR/Filipino!percy as is, but bpd!percy doesn't actually make sense (in my opinion) for the way he narrates in the first series. you could argue for it in heroes of olympus but i honestly like your bipolar!percy better and think it makes way more sense.

THAT BEING SAID. i refuse to believe that annabeth chase doesn't have bpd. the attachment issues, the constant fear of abandonment, the sudden mood shifts. it makes her bitterness toward rachel make more sense—percy is clearly her fp (favorite person) so of course she's scared of being ignored or replaced. she was probably panicking constantly throughout the last two books, thinking percy would completely cut contact with her if he got with rachel. it would also better explain her struggles with luke, and with morality as a whole. she seems to have trouble seeing situations and people as anything other as completely evil or completely good (in the first few books at least, she does get to work through this to some extent). her mother? perfect, a genius, always right about everything. her father? horrible, irredeemable, worst parent in the world. of course, this is a struggle for a lot of kids and teens (morality is hard and complicated!), but combined with everything else—and from personal experience—i think bpd works extremely well for annabeth.

as for PR/Filipino!percy, i just think it's neat :3 it could be either or both, but the idea of sally jackson being an immigrant or a child of immigrants makes for some really interesting ideas and goes well with the themes already present in the books. her being a first gen college student would be so cool and so sally, and her financial/familial success would feel even more vindicating. plus it's so tough for neurodivergent kids who are also poc. it would add another layer of bitterness to percy, and possibly another parallel to luke. i personally don't think the luke/percy dynamic is as good or interesting if luke is white and percy is poc, especially because to an extent, luke is RIGHT, and it's kind of uncomfortable to have the only white guy be the most revolutionary character (even if he goes about that revolution in the worst way possible). i was really excited when pjotv cast charlie bushnell as luke and i desperately hope they actually acknowledge that he isn't white (i'm not super optimistic but there's still plenty of time). because that's fucking important. he grew up in a place where he already felt unloved and betrayed by his father and ashamed of his mother, but it would make such a huge impact on his psyche and perspective if his community also alienated him. for context, the town luke canonically grew up in is like 97% white in real life. luke probably felt like he had to be better than everyone around him just to get the same amount of understanding and recognition and love as them. imagine how much harder his anger at the gods—at the world!—would hit. and then imagine if he had that in common with percy. imagine if they bonded over that anger when percy first got to camp (TLT musical, anyone?). and imagine, after luke has gone to kronos's side, percy looking at him and seeing the exhaustion and fear and resentment in his eyes and recognizing it. because that's what percy sees when he looks in the mirror.

AUGHHH. anyway.

those are some of the feelings i have about these headcanons. not sure if any of it makes sense but i'm not going to edit this massive block of text because just looking at it makes my head hurt 👍

also i love your blog. you are so right about everything all the time

[sunflowersandcherryblossoms]

The character everyone gets wrong?

7. What character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how the fandom acts about them?

9. Worst part of canon?

The character everyone gets wrong?

Oh boy... Let me be a bit controversial here, even towards my mutuals, probably:

Kuchiki Byakuya!

Because it's very easy to say "Oh, but only what appears on the Manga is really canon" and ignore that all of it, even the fillers and omakes leave an impression on us...

And Byakuya is seen by the majority of fandom as this cold, stoic, arrogant man and he's just...not?!?

First and foremost Kuchiki Byakuya is so Autistic coded it's not even funny. Some people don't see him as such because people forget autism is a fucking spectrum!

Many people think only about Rain Man and such as a general portrayal of autism on adults.

Byakuya is for me on the high functioning side of the spectrum, but damn it if I don't look at the man and go "He's like me for real!".But then again no one believes I'm autistic either so ... There's that.

Also, he's trained himself to be always in control of his emotions, but if you paid any attention to TBTP, you know deep down inside he's got a short fuse.

He's also a lovable dork who takes things too literally, as issues with social clues, relating to others, hyperfixates on his OC, Wakame Taishi and become hyper protective of his sister the second that switch flicks in his mind that sometimes rules really suck!

Many people don't truly develop his personality beyond the Shinigami and the Head of the Clan and make him bland and boring.

Sure, write your fanfictions with him being stoic and closed off in his professional life and with people that aren't part of his inner circle, but give him a fucking personality in his mire private and intimate moments!

Also, — and this is a pet peeve of mine...— stop writing that man as the dominant person in his relationships!

He's a Captain and a Head of the Clan! Let that man relax and give control over to his partner (I'm taking about Ichigo here... We all know I cannot and will not ship these two with anyone else but eachother...)

Let the man learn how to do things that canon keeps telling us he can't do!

Let him be the opposite of what everyone else expects when he's at home.

Okay... Done with Byakuya.

Now on for question number 7.

Hisana!

Fucking Hisana!

I cried when I saw the episode with Byakuya telling her story to Rukia. I liked her as a plot point.

But man oh man... It's always the fandom, isn't it?

"Oh, she was perfect and they were truly in love with each other..." No.

"You don't understand! She was suffering! That's why she abandoned Rukia!" Listen... I tried taking my emotions out of it and consider culture and history, but I just can't excuse abandoning a baby.

There's a space of a hundred years between Hisana and Rukia dying in the World of the Living and her marriage to Byakuya.

(did I say I was done talking about Byakuya? I lied...)

She lived in Inuzuri for all that time, apparently. We have zero info on what she'd been doing, how they met, but it's kinda implied she either didn't really look for Rukia for years or she's just really bad at tracking down a child that looks exactly like her and becomes knows on their specific Rukon district for being kinda gangster...

"Byakuya should have died because he had no reasons to live for as a widower..."

I'M SORRY... WHAT THE FUCK?

And here's the fucking thorn in my side with her character: She's used as an anchor around Byakuya's feet.

Fandom denies him a life, because apparently you should be faithful forever to a dead person. You should entomb yourself in life and only live to mourn them forever.

No more laughter for you, sir... No more joy... No more love... No nothing.

You're sanctifying a plot device character that has no presence in the actual story of Bleach.

And now.... Drum roll...

Question 9:

The award for Worst Part Of Canon goes to:

The fucking ending!!!

Ichi//hime...

Boxer Chad...

Doctor Uryu...

Translator Ichigo...

Dropout Inoue...

Antichrist Kazui...

And the fucking new Hell Arc...

Like....

Excuse me???

No. Just no...

And let's not forget erasing everyone's character growth in one sweep by showing us that EVERYONE allowed for the new Sokyoku Hill Execution Scaffold to be built...

It's like we walked this path for absolutely nothing!

[asexual-society]

Sorry if I'm not allowed to ask this but it's just kinda been on my mind

How do you even come out to people as ace (or just on the aspec in general)? Cuz I know I'm on the spec and I've told my friends that but everytime I like someone romantically they immediately assume that I want to bang them

Idk it just hurts because that's the only part of my identity that they have a problem with

You can ask whatever you like dw! But to answer your question, coming out as aspec can be hard, especially if you've already done it and it just didn't take, the number of times I've had to re-come-out to people because they either didn't understand or just straight up forgot is way too many.

It sounds like your friends might just not have understood when you came out to them, sometimes aspec terminology can be tricky for allos to get their heads around (this isn't an excuse for them not to try though), or you may not have been as clear as they needed, which means you could have to try again, or just remind them if they make these comments, but it does suck, I know. You could try mentioning it casually to them by mentioning a friend or character or other person you know (of) who shares your orientation (e.g. "I totally get ace vibes from the character", or "I was speaking to an online friend who is actually acespec too, and they said..." this doesn't even have to be about sexuality, maybe they had an opinion on a different topic that you're talking about). You don't even have to actually know another aspec person for this, you can just make one up. This is a way you can test the waters before coming out, but it works after you come out to normalise your sexuality to people too.

Another thing lots of queer people with complex identities is putting their identity in the simplest terms, even if it means sacrificing accuracy. For example, I'm genderfluid. I don't identify as nonbinary, but most people don't know the difference, so when I'm first coming out to people who will likely be at least vaguely aware of the concept of a nonbinary person, and hopefully be receptive to it, I tell them I'm nonbinary, rather than get bogged down with queer terminology they don't understand or care about. It's not a perfect solution, but it works in a pinch, and now I have nonbinary shoelaces and pins I don't want but I can always go into more detail later depending on how they react.

For you, you don't necessarily have to settle for using an imperfect label with them, but it might help you if you write down a very bare-bones explanation if you choose to tell your friends again, that way nerves won't make you leave things out or go into details that aren't as important, and then if they want to know more, you can tell them, or you can send them resources about your orientation.

I don't know if this is great advice, but I hope it works out for you <3

~ mod key

[blindrapture]

FRIDAY JULY 22ND, 2011 (Walking)

12:32 AM Donnie's had to drive us in a circle, as the cops figured we were headed west. We've found a ghost town. Sign says Pahrump. The lights of Las Vegas New Sanctuary are still visible, so we haven't made as much progress as we've wanted. I'm sure this place used to be something. It will have had people in it. But the proximity of such a big city, a blatant safe haven, has emptied it and left it abandoned, all the better for us. We've parked in a garage. Not much more than a little shed, but it hides the car.

12:40 AM God, it's. It's just nothing out here. "It's so flat." There's some trees here and there, around the few houses, but they were clearly planted for the sake of... what? Suburbia? A budding attempt at suburbia? The dominant plantlife is desert shrub. It's. It's a desert. It's some roads in a desert. "There's nothing here for us." Nothing at all. "It's perfect." o_o? For hiding from the law? "That wasn't the law. That was some business that saw an opportunity to roleplay soldiers." 4chan wet dreams. "No, this place is perfect for you and me. We can see out for miles, we can see if anyone's coming. And who's coming? This is a piss-poor dinky little patch of road. The monsters are going to be attracted by that." the lights in the distance. She's grabbed my shoulder. "Let's live here." Uh?

1:05 AM We spent some time scouting out houses that aren't too destroyed. Donnie killed some spiders for me. There's no mattresses, no bed, only the floor. And a couch that was fucking destroyed. But she's laid there on the floor regardless. Sprawled out like it's the comfiest thing in the world. She's not even in her big combat suit, she's raw-dogging it. In her. Dress. Which is not what "raw-dogging" means. She wants me to come to 'bed.' .....I mean, fuck it.

2:08 AM life is kinda cool, sometimes.

9:02 AM Morning. Sunlight, filtered red through what's become of our atmosphere, beams through a broken window. Thank fuck it was broken, as last night was a scorcher. We'd have just left it open anyway. There's a noticeable stain on the floor in the corner of the room Oh yeah, that was last night. And there she is, still asleep. :) Covered in sweat, hair sticking to her face, mouth quivering with snores. God, I love her. This is.. yeah. This is what I've been wanting.

9:09 AM Good morning, cutie. Welcome to awake. "My ass." You slept on the floor! "I see the error of my ways."

9:11 AM We're standing up now. We're awake. "I miss working toilets." Yeah. You know we're not going to find one of those here, right? In this town. "Oh.. I guess I said some things last night." Don't get me wrong! I thought it was really endearing. "I was sick of the day we'd had. I still am sick of the day-by-day trudging along." I can drive us today. "Thanks." So. Just to be clear, we're not staying in this town? "Fuck no. This place sucks."

9:14 AM "..our car is gone." No. "Do you see it?" It can't be gone! The night was dead silent! "But do you know what this means? We have to walk." In this heat! :C "Do we even have water left? Food?" Whatever was left was still in the car, wasn't it? "Fuck!" Are we... are we sure the car's gone? Maybe we parked it in a different shed. We did go looking for other houses after we parked…

9:20 AM No... no, this is it, this is the only shed around here. Which means. Someone came around here when we were asleep and just took it. Which means. We have to walk.

10:20 AM We've been following the roads, the same roads we'd have been driving on. We don't think we have to worry about the police. Hell, it's possible they're the ones who repossessed the car. But if we see them, then we... uhhh. We'll run. I guess. Unless we want to get into a shootout? I'd rather it not come to that. Thankfully, Donnie had brought the rifle into the house last night, in case we had to clear out some zombies. So we still have that. And I still have Tiger Stripes. I've had to get back in the habit of using it again, as there are some wildlife critters out here we don't want to waste ammo on.

11:20 AM I swear the spidercats are learning. They're staying away from us, as they know we don't have any food on us. Meanwhile there's vultures and bugs. Constant fucking bugs. My guitar is covered in dead bugs. I keep trying to scrape them off on the road, but it doesn't matter, as I'm just gonna kill more bugs minutes later. We are so thirsty.

12:20 PM Donnie has taken to singing "A Horse With No Name" to keep her spirits up. She's sung it enough times now that I know the words too. Plants and birds and rocks and things, sand and hills and rings. la laaaa laaaa laa lala laa, lala la... laaa laa…

1:20 PM I miss my Rapture Duck. Evidently those things are still ducks at heart, they won't be found out here in bumfuck heatwave. We.. really need to stop soon.

1:34 PM Taking a break. "Jordan?" Yeah, baby..? "Why are we going west? Sorry, I mean." pant. pant. "Why are we trusting EAT?" It's. The best lead we have right now. "It thought the Ciphers were a good idea." So did we. "And it said it'd find out more about the graffiti. The thing we're walking into." It.. it did. "The potential trap." Potential. "..." she's too tired to argue. or she's just listening. I just. You have to let me trust someone. Please. Even if EAT isn't the right source to count on... like, in trusting it we are performing an overture. Extending. Performing? And I feel like EAT is at least one to appreciate respect. We trust it in this matter. This says nothing about what we think of it in general. Because. We don't know it.. in general. "…" Talk to me, Donnie. Tell me what you're thinking. I trust you too. I trust you more. "No, I'm just thinking... what we actually need is a plan. A plan for what we're doing when we hit California." Oh. We do need one of those. "Because, like. We're not just going to cross the border and then immediately meet whoever's waiting for us. All we know is there's graffiti in California. That's not specific." No, it's not. "So I'll tell you what we need to do. We need to look for EAT." :D!!! "It has lots of bodies, right? We only need to find one, any. That's not as hard as looking for a single person." Yes! "But I want us to avoid the other Fears. We've got a job to do. And that's all." Okay. I'm good with this. "We're already this far. I think it would have made sense to go to California anyway."

1:44 PM Back on the road.

2:20 PM Our luck turned around, as we came upon a car. It was ditched for a reason-- it doesn't work-- but in the trunk were some bottles of water. With renewed vigor, we press on! o:

3:20 PM This still sucks. We think an upcoming hill is going to reveal something new, and it never does. It's all one long road through a desert. A fucking desert! But Donnie's not losing her spirit. Our talk, and that water, keeps her going. So it's A Horse With No Name for us.

3:32 PM this fire is out of control, it's gonna burn this city, burn this city

4:20 PM we can't stop until we reach shelter. every minute I pray we walk into a rabbit hole.

5:20 PM did I ever mention. I don't even like water. and there's some new.. sound in the distance. some kind of thump. thump. thump. I thought it was my heartbeat for a while, but it's external. donnie hears it too.

6:06 PM Wait, hold up. There's fence-posts. Do you see those? We're coming up to fence-posts. And a sign that doesn't look like another "SPEED LIMIT 60." Is this the border?

6:07 PM Someone's up there, off the road and walking onto it. Someone armed. They know we're approaching.

6:09 PM Bald guy in camo and wraparound sunglasses. He's the... Border Patrol. We need to present our passports. I don't.. think I even took my passport out of my house back in England? This is a little silly. What, is there a lot worth guarding in California? Did all of America's living rich people move in and barricade the walls? ...border patrol says yes, literally that. Huh. donnie's asking if he knows of somewhere we can take shelter and get some rest. and there are some. in california. other side of the border. "Not even a guard station? Where do you rest?" "Other side of the border." "This is ridiculous." "The law's the law." yeah. c'mon, donnie. remember, california's a separate country now. they do have the right to do this kind of LITERAL BULLSHIT.

6:10 PM we're walking back the way we came. no, of course we're not gonna walk all the way back. we're gonna get out of sight, then leave the road. ideally, we're gonna look for a rabbit hole. if we have to just cross the border off-road, we will. "we're armed too."

6:28 PM OKAY I ESPECIALLY HATE NOT WALKING ON THE ROAD IT'S SO UNEVEN AND SLOWER

6:33 PM "wait, do you see that?" what. the giraffe? with legs as long as its neck, so its body is halfway up its height. "it's not an apocalypse monster. giraffes normally look like that." wait, really? I could have sworn their neck was longer than their legs. "they wouldn't be able to hold up their weight if that were the case." huh. learn something new every day. so? "so, what's a giraffe doing at the nevada-california border?" ..checking passports? please donnie I can't think straight. "I bet it got here by rabbit hole. as in, I bet there's a hole nearby." let's not just call them 'holes.' that's.. weird.

6:47 PM it happened without warning, as they have tended to lately. a giant portal without a door, walking on and then suddenly we're on a rooftop. a building surrounded by ocean. gargantuan cliffs and a waterfall behind us. a sky full of stars and bright colorful space-clouds. donnie tells me those are called nebulae. the atmosphere is already so refreshing. gone is the stagnant heat, now we are rinsed with cool perspiration. I feel like we can breathe again.

6:48 PM So how did the giraffe navigate this?

6:50 PM Oh dammit. We're gonna have to descend a lot of stairs, as this is a tall building. And as Donnie pointed out to me, it'd be wise to look a little more and find some food before we allow ourselves to pass out.

6:52 PM Lots of mannequins on these floors. Dusty lamps, boxes. This is all some kind of storage. We can't eat mannequins!

6:57 PM oh my god it's a shopping mall. with a food court. "free samples…" oh we're gonna sleep tonight.

7:20 PM only stall that was open was something called Fried Burger. they were asking for a currency we've never heard of (the sign said burgers were Z2). so we just stuffed ourselves with free samples. didn't need to eat a ton. just enough to make us feel tired rather than hungry.

7:25 PM On the way back up the stairs. Someone else must be up here, because some of the mannequins have moved. But we're not stopping.

7:29 PM Rooftop. Cool rooftop. Gorgeous rooftop. I thought this day would never end. No talk, journal. Just rest. God, rest. We need a car...

(Attached is a detail from the Book of Ptah: “By the power of Legsteps, out here in the abyss, I've created writing. Such a discovery, I will be the first to acknowledge, did not seem likely, but perhaps there's some proto-universal constant to be found in linguistics. Or perhaps, more likely, loneliness is to blame for all that is. Is that really so likely? I don't feel lonely. For the first time in millions of years, I am free. I have left, behind me, the contemporary for the instinctive, the true, the all-permeating around. My powers, ancient, are reborn in a hydrogen cauldron. Chemistry no longer seems so quantum, so reliant on observer effects. I create a nose, I inhale, I smell deep space in all its majesty. I create ears, I listen, I hear distant solar flares cackling spells into the abyss. I create eyes, I open, I behold constellations of coincidence-- an astral chalkboard on which I may plot and rediscover arithmetics my memories only cry at. I create a form, I am, I exist. Perhaps I discovered writing so I might set my thoughts in stone. There's certainly a lot to see. Right, I have a body. I smell, I hear, I see, I am. I think. What will I make now? Other than a question. Vanity, I shall make a mirror. Comets, send me your inertia. Planets, give me your gravity. It has been… quite a while since I last created an independent object, and I don't want to blow up a solar system in my rustiness. And so the comets sent me their inertia, and the planets gave me their gravity. A sheet of ice rose, unbounded by dimensions, solidifying with the ordinary temperatures of this corner of space. Still something is missing. It isn't so reflective. I need a star, a real god's forge. ..with an invisible finger I implant on the ice a light touch. It rockets forward at incredible speeds, spiking through a sun, spinning, arcing, tracing a boomerang line in the vacuum, until at last it returns to me and I stop it with a blink. Mirror, vanity is your name. Behold the words on this reflective page! Behold my face, my design, my make. Behold, I create, and I am! …so what will I make next? How about a planet? Much mightier a task for mine eldritch arms. I'll need lots of hydrogen, lots of carbon, and… what goes into making a planet? Now that I stop to think, I don't think I'm too sure. Maybe I should stop and ask for directions. Alright, but before I set off on such a journey, unknown be the people I'll see, I want a walking stick. And so the comets sent me more inertia, and the planets gave me more gravity. A block of wood rose, unbounded by dimensions, and with a fierce crack I bend and break its tendons, hurtling the excess chips into the nearest star (nature's furnace, my workshop's wastebasket). I bend force to wood, I force wood to bend, until at last staring at me with inanimate faceless is my ashplant, my walking stick, SBOMTEN etched effortlessly around its diameter. Timeless rune, a window into who we once were. Characters and phonemes do not match. What does it matter? Wordplay for wandering wizards.")

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[alexissara]

Top 10 TTRPGs I want to play but haven't yet.

It's time to talk about TTRPGs, in particular, one's I think look cool but haven't got a chance to play yet. I am only going to include games that are out right now because they exist and I could potentially play them like, tonight otherwise. Games being on this list aren't really a sign of quality or not, I'll explain what is drawing me to them but I have no fucking clue if their good or not, haven't played them in in several cases haven't read them.

Tension

This game is more intense then my standard taste but it also seems incredible. I think the cat and mouse action, the queer longing for someone dangerous and the intense fallout of things no matter what way things go just sounds, ahhh so much fun. Plus I really love TTRPGs I can do 2 player, it's a lot easier to arrange a 1 on 1 session with someone then getting 4 people to all agree to be in a room together for multiple hours.

Lesbian Werewolves On A Beach

I mean, you put Lesbian in your title and I want to play it. I love beaches, werewolves and lesbians, it's that simple. I don't have a whole lot more to say, it sounds like my kinda thing, that's it, I wanna play it.

This World Summons Too Many Heroes

Really I just wanna see how other people are doing Isekai TTRPGs. TBH, I have no idea if this one is good, no idea, I skimmed the book but I am really here for the gimmick. I want to read it, study it and then hopefully play it. I really like Isekai type stories and have done Isekai type settings before and will probably do them after for TTRPGs so it's good to see the work others are doing.

Fate

This is one I've tried to play several times but never got through a session 0. Fate has such a roleplay focused form of play that always captivated me since I first heard of it. The way you get strengths and weaknesses and the way your traits work, it's just, a really exciting system that is so flexible and so well positioned. This system is a staple in the TTRPG space now and unlike a lot of other staples it's one I actually want to play.

Power Couple

Looks like a cute way to tell fantasy romance stories, I wanna try it. My favorite trope in the world is the power of love conquering all. This us against the world game is just exciting, totally focused on an existing relationship an the way they handle the obstacles ahead of them. I am thrilled at the idea of playing this.

Only One Bed

This collection of mini games are just really cute and I think it be fun to take a set of characters through an AU for each game. Each games concept is fairly simple but pretty cute. I think this could be a really fun game for a nice shipping session where I take a pair of OCs that date in some roleplay and get to explore their love from a bunch of lenses.

De:throne

I am all about killing gods, that's basically what I do in any TTRPG. However, a focus on this mechanically just seems like perfect for my taste. I really want to see how this game handles it and if this can be a staple in my play! I really look forward to telling a story focused on god slaying.

SUEper Powered

This game feels like it just gets me. I want to play a game where we are all really overpowered and it's just like a really cute and fun and emotional and sweet power fantasy. This whole hearted powerful embrace of playing a group of Mary Sue's is just really sweet, so often people try to make a game balanced but there is something great about characters who just kinda fucking rock. From Sailor Moon to grand magicans to Goku, sometimes you just kinda wanna be someone who is the best and I think a group of people who rock is suck a fun fantasy for me.

The Exceptionals

I am so curious about this games mechanics, after reading it I was really excited about giving it a try but i haven't found the right group or time yet. While I fell out of love with super heroes I can't deny a part of my hear still wants to tell stories about heroes. Masks: A New Generation just isn't for me anymore but this though I think is a tool to tell super hero stories I give a shit about.

The game itself is super well written and is one of those games where I read it and saw the mechanics and since then have been itching to go into character building.

Cozy Town

While these games aren't in any particular any game designed by Rae Nedjadi is gonna be on the top of my list. Basically any Rae game I haven't played is also in this spot, Cozy Town is just sitting on top because I bought it and it is very cute. While normally I play games based around killing gods and complicated political situations and stuff like that, it be nice to have a game to play that is just like, "Hey, let's live a little utopian life for a minute". I think this really scratches an itch I didn't even know I had until I read it.

-----

If you liked this list and want me to talk about anything else let me know, tell me what your wish list of games you want to play are.

[kirua9]

Which instruments would diaboys play if they were ✨️musicians✨️ (part1)

Firstly, since @besnella said this idea isn't a shit I share it, so thank you Esra!

Characters included: Shu, Reiji, Subaru, Ruki

1. Shu – violin

Well, we all know he is already a violin player. To be honest, I'm not fond of this idea him being a violin player. His laziness is just killing me, 1 thought he hasn't been practicing for hundreds of years – fatale for me as a musician myself. Lol I mean he's the type who actually might not practice but sound well, tho...

I don't believe these people, they must have sold their souls to Satan. But who am I to criticise rejet 💀, huh.

I feel it's not fair to give Shu the chance to play violin, being lazy for person, who plays such an instrument (which requires the perfect pitch, virtuous/good technique, has a leader role in orchestra) is just not fair :)

With such attitude Shu might be a... at least mid viola player, but not more than it. So, I'm kinda mad, but reiet kinda made him "that genius, that it's okay not to mention he even practice regularly.

Well, he listents to music a lot, but 💀. C'mon your fingers and ears have probably forgotten everything".

(As far as I know Shu also can play cello, and piano, huh? I guess, strings are over all interesting for him, haha)

https://youtu.be/eFGU-L9lGJ0

https://youtu.be/tyiN8f5W59U

2. Reijj –viola

Viola doesn't require such brilliant skills of playing which requires violin, even if we're talking about playing in orchestra. Sometimes viola has difficult passages, but they actually have an accompaniment, supporting function for the melody (wich usually play violins), that means their parties aren't that hard. If you're a cool viola player, you can be a soloist, huh, but you really need to have perfect technique and pitch also.

Actually, viola is very underrated and suppressed by violin. In fact, viola's sound is richer, it is deeper and sounds most likely to human voice (which is an advantage, and every instrumentalist wants his instrument to sound natural, just as perfect as the nature created our voice to sound). So in my mind, Reiji, benig a viola player, a very hard-working musician, is the one who endures being the "support" guy in orchestra, while his lazy bro plays the melody. Reiji would say to everyone:" Viola is better! It sounds more beautiful, it lacks of screaching, atrocious violin vocations!" But everyone else would say: "We can't even hear what do you play, violins are too loud, dear".

Also, viola is great when it comes to representing dramatic human voice, sorrowful voice or even the one wich waits for revenge. I think it suits Reiji, somehow.

Examples:

https://youtu.be/WX4W-SD8Qdk

https://youtu.be/nvD2FUwZjD4

3. Subaru – piano

I'm not joking. His physical power coul help him to play the piano, cause I believe he can manage only it, and that's extremely important – the moment of touching the keyboard is the base of playing. It's the base of producing the sound and I believe he'd be perfect at loud and intense parts of piece, but he'd suck when he need to make a gentle sound, although, muscle memory is his everything, I guess.

I really thought about saying Subaru will be good at drums, but there are A LOT of different percussion instruments he'd play, it's not only about the drumkit. I'm talking about the xylophone, marimba, some percussions which really requires technique.

I mean, piano also requires a lot of technical skills, but such a power which Subaru has in his fists is just useless in percussions. You should be very precise, accurate, well-coordinate to play drums , also patient when it comes to orchestra 👀, so... Only piano seems suitable, I think. I think Subaru is not the one who would keep the rhythm well :)

Exampless:

https://youtu.be/LhInwkq4nAw

https://youtu.be/UoWXRlw9vBA

4. Ruki – oboe

I was struggling with this one. The choice between oboe and clarinet was too hard. Ruki for me is 100% a woodwind instrumentalist, because he has cold personality vibes, and windblown instruments are represented very detached-sounding. They aren't as passionate as the strings, so they don't illustrate human voice. They're closer to nature sounds, like birds or wind's blow.

So, oboe has brighter sound than clarinet, also oboe sounds more dramatic than it's "brother". Tho clarinet is softer, more round and you can mistake it for saxophone sounding.

Oboe is unique and more expressive, it slays the air. It also sounds dramatic/tebse because of it's nasal-like sound. Clarinet, on contrary, sounds 100 times more calming, there's no anxious hints in it.

https://youtu.be/2WJhax7Jmxs – oboe

https://youtu.be/0-jZJcpiy8I – clarinet