#sometimes people kinda suck and aren't perfect

[picnokinesis]

Hello! I decided to choose one song from each playlist that I’d like to know more about if it’s not too spoilery :) It took me a while to narrow down which ones I want info on the most haha, these three are ones I have less specific speculation about.

July Bones from the main playlist

Delilah from the teen playlist

The Funeral from the anterograde playlist

Thanks!!!! :D

HELLO!! This is lowkey so funny, because of all the songs on the teenage Koschei playlist, Delilah was precisely the one I was hoping someone would ask me about - but on the other hand, I had to stand and stare at The Funeral and July Bones for a long moment because for a while I just COMPLETELY FORGOT that I'd even put them on there, let alone why. However, you'll be pleased to know that I've now figured it out hahha

I know this is gonna get long, so under the cut she goes, but if anyone wants links to the playlists in this ask, they're right here!

The Campervan AU playlist

The Teenage Campervan Koschei playlist

The Anterograde AU playlist

July Bones by Richard Walters is a song that I actually found whilst building a playlist for one of my original script projects, and so I primarily associate it with my oc, Jules. However, I actually realised that it was only the vibes that worked for Jules, and that the lyrics weren't relevant to her at all. But campervan au...now that's interesting. As with many of the songs on every playlist I make, but especially campervan au playlists, not every line is necessarily relevant or taken literally. The same is true for some of this one. That said, the opening line hits the nail on the head:

In July, in July, in July I burned all your things And they glow, and they glow, and they glow and the fire still sings

For me, this song is really about the Doctor and Koschei's childhood, and the immediate aftermath of The Thing That Happened on 13/06/1999. Pre-amnesia, the Doctor had a habit of burning her things when she wants to cut ties and make a new start on life. This is my poor man's version of regeneration in a human au. Of course, we also know that the Doctor burnt the curtains at Gallifrey Road, which is what led to her being put into temporary respite care and ending up being fostered by Brax's family. I think in this case, the 'burning' was a lot to do with the fact that, after what happened, Koschei was in prison and the Doctor was basically left alone. And, due to her life in foster care, being passed from one family or group home to another, the only way she's ever learnt to deal with things going awfully wrong is to cut ties, burn bridges, and start completely afresh. With Koschei rubbing off on her, that 'burning bridges' part starts to come rather literal. But no matter what she tries to do, however she tries to remake herself, she still stays the same and makes the same mistakes - and Koschei does too, in his own way. Which works perfectly with this later line of lyrics:

Is it right, is it right, is it right that we can't change? Do we make, do we make, do we make the same mistakes?

The Doctor can't change - she's still defined by everything that happened to her, she's still defined by the things she doesn't remember, the things she tries to forget. She's still defined by Koschei. She tries to burn it all, and it glows and it glows but the fire still sings.

Also, the line 'if only your bones would lie with mine' makes my heart hurt in a very thoschei way, since with regards to the show, I very strongly believe that the Master is mainly motivated by wanting the Doctor to die with him. So, whilst that's not exactly what Koschei wants in campervan au, the vibes are there.

Delilah by The Dresden Dolls is the entire reason I even made a teenage Koschei playlist, and it's so funny to me that you picked it out, because I can just imagine you listening to it, reading the lyrics and going 'what' HAHAH - because, for anyone who doesn't know, this song is pretty specific. The precise scenario described in the lyrics is not accurate to what happens in campervan au at all, but emotionally the song is so perfect for young Koschei. Delilah is sung from the point of view of a young woman, Amanda, who is watching her close friend Delilah (or, as the song writer as confirmed, her own younger self) who keeps getting sucked into abusive relationships. It's quite an angry song of the frustration of watching someone you love dearly being self-destructive and not wanting to be saved, being angry at them and berating them (or yourself) for this, and how much you want to just drag them into a car, get the hell out of the situation and drive into the sunset. It's probably a difficult song for some folks because it's got a lot of victim blaming in it, but it's actually really interesting when you consider that the singer is actually berating her younger self. When I first listened to it, before I knew that, I actually imagined that the singing pov character was in love with her best friend, which added a whole other layer to the thing. You ever been so angry with someone that you love more than anything because they won't let you save them from intentionally walking into things that hurt them?

Koschei has.

I'll have to be careful not to go too much into spoiler territory here. But. In the backstory in campervan au, there is definitely an element of abuse involved with regards to what is going on with John. There is also an element of Koschei trying to save him from that situation, and John refusing to leave. Obviously, it's not so easy to just get up and go, but Koschei is an angry and desperate teenager who is horrifically in love with his best friend, and not necessarily thinking in a way that's nice or kind or understanding or 'right'. He's exactly like Amanda. He's so angry at the situation, but he's also angry at JOHN for not letting him save him. Also, if you remember in the last chapter of part 6, we saw the childhood promise that these two made to each other: that they'd age out together at 18 and would get a van and just drive off so no one could bother them again. So then you've got to imagine Koschei having this fantasy of rescuing John, of John letting him, and the two of them racing off in this van together. That's what the last minute and a half of the song is. This glorious, rising crescendo of this dream of the both of them getting out, the both of them being alive, being okay, being happy - you need a ride, delilah? let's see how fast this thing can go

It's like, SO painfully perfect for Koschei in that emotional moment, and it lowkey makes me want to tear up, just thinking about him envisaging getting John away from it all. The tragedy, of course, is that he never manages it. EXCEPT IN AU5!! Which is the verse were John actually escapes with him and they run away together (they just don't get the van until they're eighteen lol). There's also a line in Delilah that works perfectly for au5, but because of the pronouns, it's actually got a completely different meaning out of context for au5 compared to what it means in the Actual Song, because it becomes about Kosch's violent protectiveness rather than victim-blaming Delilah haha. And it's this line:

And if you take him home You get what you deserve

There's also this line too which works perfectly for Koschei having genderfluid transfemme dysphoria moments:

You might be flat, but you're breathing

The Funeral by Band of Horses is such a classic, and it's funny because I genuinely had to wrack my brains for SO long on this one and why the hell it's on the anterograde playlist, because I made that one such a long time ago now. But then suddenly it hit me, and it's like a kick to the shins.

Really too late to call, so we wait for Morning to wake you, is all we got And to know me as hardly golden Is to know me all wrong, they warn At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral At every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral At every occasion, oh, I'm ready for the funeral At every occasion, oh, one billion day funeral

I think the common interpretation of this song is that it's about something that is inevitably going to die - whether that's another person, or a relationship, or whatever - and being constantly braced for that ending to come. This is very reminiscent of how Koschei (and the Doc, to some extent) feels in anterograde. He is constantly waiting for the Doctor's memory to reset - for that small 'death' to occur, and for him to start over again. Every occasion, he knows that the Doctor will not remember anything that she's experiencing by the next day. Every moment will die as a memory she's failed to retain. Every occasion, he's bracing himself for that death. His entire life, from that point on, is a one billion day funeral. And he doesn't know exactly when it'll happen, he just has to wait for morning to wake her and they start all over again. That's all he has.

Also, because it wouldn't be thoschei without a little bit of toxicity:

I'm coming up only to hold you under I'm coming up only to show you wrong

This isn't just them being a bit mutually awful, though. These two both believe things about the other that are incorrect. Koschei, for example, firmly believes that the Doctor would have vanished from him by now if her memory wasn't resetting every day. He also believes that the Doctor will never trust him fully. And, I mean, fundamentally he's not wrong about both of those things - but over time, as they become the only solid rock in each other's lives, the Doctor does change. She doesn't really realise it, but the brain can learn in ways outside of episodic memory, and she learns to feel that he's meant to be there, that she's safe with him (this was a complicated one, but the root of it has always been there) and that she doesn't want to run away any more. It takes a while for both of them to REALISE THIS though, and so they kind of end up just proving each other wrong by existing in each's others space.

Hope this all made sense!! :D

[newttxt]

hi quip! i really like your one piece comics and i am curious how you do them! i'm not good at comics and want to be better at drawing them! how do you learn how to make comics?

thank you!

uh oh... im afraid u have caught me at the perfect crossroad of "bored at work" and "unrelated task ive been meaning to do but keep putting off."

this is long. i hope you like reading (and grayscale progress pics). and of course!!! disclaimer before we begin that this is just how I, personally draw comics. there is no "right way."

quip's comic-making process!

Switching my typing to make this more legible...

My process can kinda be broken down into 6 steps:

Brainstorming

Thumbnailing

Sketching

Panels & Text

Lines

Tones/Colors

1. Brainstorming

My brain is a leaky sieve on a good day, so I sloppily jot down ideas in my phone notes the moment I have them. This helps me when it's time to draw too, because if I feel art blocked, I can look through old concepts and see what catches my interest.

Otherwise, I love drawing for other people's writing. :) And if worst comes to worst, doing manga/comic page redraws in my style teaches me new things every time.

Once I have my idea, I'll usually make a bulletpoint list of "plot points" or "story beats" I want. Then I plan the comic with this format that I've adapted from a tutorial I read once. I'm going to use my most recent comic (original comic post) as an example.

I start in the third column, writing notes of what I'd want to see in each panel. I also include the dialogue (in this case, I didn't have to write the dialogue! it's from the fanfic linked in the original comic post!). I usually write the whole name like [Luffy:], but at this point I've drawn so much of these guys, just the first letter works.

I like to handwrite these notes to get an idea for how much text I'm putting in a single panel.

After I describe all the panels, I go back and separate them into pages. I can't tell you how to know how many panels to a page. It's whatever works for you. I just kinda know about how big each panel will be, and so I can feel when I'm probably running out of space. (Also. You can change things later. I don't in this example, but I add/drop pages/panels all the time.)

2. Thumbnailing

Thumbnailing—as the name suggests—should be done tiny. Too tiny to accidentally get sucked into details.

This is about marking down blobs where items/characters go, and figuring out the paneling. I'll draw and redraw these a bunch of times too.

This is also the most time-consuming/brain-working part for me. If I were in a zine that did progress percentage, I'd try to finish thumbnailing around the 50% mark (but I'm also a moderately fast artist, so your mileage may vary).

I think the terrible quality makes them charming, actually. I really like how silly they look. :')))

I will add, when you draw your "page" rectangle, make sure it's the same proportions as your actual canvas for the final image. You want an accurate idea of how much space each panel will take up, especially if you have a lot of text.

3. Sketching

This is my most recent change to my usual workflow, and it's saving me a lot of time. I make my thumbnails a bit bigger (each one about half the size of the final canvas), and I sketch these basic body forms right over them.

It just helps give me placement for my actual lines!

I usually draw these in a paleish color so I can lower the opacity and not get distracted by them while lining. The random darker parts are to either help keep two forms separate (like when two characters have their limbs all over) or to better define sections that were too sloppy/poorly proportioned.

I also think this helps my poses stay looser, because I have more dramatic/wriggly shapes that aren't too bogged down by proportions yet.

Sidenote: I CANNOT show this here, but sometimes this is when I take videos. Of myself. I prop my phone camera up and shoot a video of me acting each panel. :/// It looks really dumb, but it also shows me fun body language ideas like hand gestures, expressions, weight distribution, etc. Just pretend you're an overdramatic cartoon character, and try not to worry about your roommates or mother walking in on you doing odd things. (You can also use the video for anatomy reference later, but I usually just capture the vibe and don't try to copy the actual video frame.)

4. Panels & Text

Oh, boy. So, the panels are usually just straight lines (though it's fun to make creative exceptions, like a round panel to mimic looking through a spyglass), but there are some fancy rules that I don't strictly adhere to.

I believe (I have no technical training in this. Take everything I say with a grain of salt) the vertical gaps (between two side-by-side panels) should all be a consistent width and the horizontal gaps (between two panels on top of each other) should be another. The vertical ones? Should be thinner? Because you want the eye to easily glide between them, whereas the horizontal gaps should be a visual barrier to keep you from jumping ahead. Just something I've vaguely noticed.

There are lots of fun "default layouts" you can look up. Or keep it a consistent grid. I think it's fun to sometimes have characters/objects sticking out of panels and overlapping others. This is just a matter of taste, creativity, and inspiration. (Read Witch Hat Atelier... It has some of my favorite paneling...)

You may also notice I have already done the speech bubbles. This is, to me, a crucial step. This helps me catch early if I don't have enough room for all the words. It also lets me plan the art in each panel with the speech bubbles in mind. There's nothing worse than working really hard on a panel, and then you realize there's no room for the bubbles.

I also try to lay them out in a way that guides the eye! Even without art, can people tell where to go next? Better yet, if I want people to look at panels out of order (aka not left to right, in my case), can I use the speech bubble path to make them? Here's just a vague example of what I mean.

As an added bonus, doing speech bubbles early also allows me to be lazy! :) Ignore the comic; I'm not supposed to post it yet oops,, There's a whole lot of drawing to do on each comic page, and I am not wasting my time on stuff that will be covered up. So yes, if I hide my bubbles, there are a lot of unfinished lines trailing off into nothing. (As a bonus, if there's a part of a character you're struggling with—and it won't look weird to do so—you can move speech bubbles to just hide the problem area yayyy)

Making the actual bubbles could be their own whole tutorial, tbh, but there are some general guidelines I use.

Zoom out when you choose your font size. You want to know how it will look to the average reader, so it isn't super teeny tiny or way too big. You generally want to keep the same text size for all your pages/bubbles.

When I draw bubbles, I try to size them about one vertical letter height (and some change) around the words [left side]. This isn't always the case though, because humorously large or funny shaped text bubbles can convey different feelings [right side].

On Procreate, I set my bubble lines to Reference and just drag-and-drop the white fill on a separate layer below the lines. (Remember to turn Reference back off again when you're done, or your fill bucket won't work right when you're drawing.)

To get the white outlines I use to keep the bubbles from cluttering up the art, I literally just Gaussian blur an all-white copy of the lines + fills... and then I copy and merge it 5 times until it's opaque enough. This is a terrible way to do it, but it works for me. :')

5. Lines

This is the part that I can't tell you how to do. I literally just. Draw right over my wacky sketched body forms. Boom. Comic drawn.

I'll make three suggestions:

Don't focus on making every panel perfect. Give a little extra love to big ones or ones you want people to linger on. Otherwise, know that people are typically speeding through the art. It's way more important to focus on storytelling than art technique. In my opinion, a good story that's told well will always be better than a beautiful one told poorly. (Some comics are beautiful AND well-written... Alas, I am just a hobbyist who needs to get the ideas out of my head at top speed.)

Put your background lines on a different layer. Put your foreground lines on a different layer too, if you have those. Basically, I try to keep the main part of each panel (usually a character or object) on my lines layer so I can erase background/foreground/etc lines to ensure clarity/focus.

You can make background lines lighter colors too. I have too many numbers sorry. (1) Background. The stuff that's farthest away. Lightest lines. Few details; more focused on shapes and the suggestion of a background (I'm not good at backgrounds). (2) Midground. Same distance away as the characters are. Lines can be black. (3) Also midground, and also the same distance away. But they're very detailed, so I lighten them so they aren't so distracting. (4) The characters. Black lines for focus. For people who haven't seen the comic, I swear they are just hugging. This is SFW. D:

6. Tones/Colors

Do not. Do NOT ask me. I don't understand colors. I hate working with them, but I try because I want to improve. I hate doing anything beyond the simplest grayscale shading. Please go elsewhere for your coloring/tone advice. This is how my color picker looks 95% of the time. I have pre-set "percentages" of black that I got by lowering the opacity of a black layer and just color picking it. I don't even know the exact percentages I used. Good luck out there. Be better than me.

7. Sharing

This is a bonus step that I didn't mention earlier, but it's actually the most important of all of them.

You need a friend. Or maybe a groupchat or discord. A family member or coworker if you're really close like that. I don't know.

Find SOMEWHERE you can spam wips and be cheered on. Drawing comics takes a while, especially if you're trying to tell longer stories than I'd dare to attempt. If I don't force someone to praise me for every line I draw, I shrivel up and die.

Also if and when you post online, add alt text. I'll admit I'm the first person to complain and drag my feet on this, and I literally use a screenreader myself when my eyes hurt (strong prescription glasses wearer). Comics should be accessible, because stories are fun and everyone should be able to enjoy them.

***

Learning???

And I guess lastly, how do you learn to make comics? Two steps: 1) read them and 2) make them. This is the tragedy of creating things.

1) Reading them: I grew up reading comic strips, western serialized comics, and webcomics. I've always loved graphic novels too. Then in late middle school, I started reading manga (Death Note and Haikyuu were my first two), and now I'm trying to read more webtoons (sorry im so slow bree)!

I also... mass-consume doujinshi, thanks to proxy mailing services and bilingual friends/Google Translate/knowing some Korean. (I have an entire bookshelf of doujin, actually,,)

The thing is, it's not usually enough to just read comics. You also need to be thinking. :/ I notice paneling, comic devices, clever comedic timing, etc. as I go. It's just a lot of studying/learning while also enjoying the story.

2) Making them: You just have to start. :( Even if you think they're "bad." My first comics were actually just drawings placed randomly all over the page, connected by speech bubbles (yay... I was already practicing how to place bubbles to lead the eye around the page...). I was going to post a pic here, but I'm a coward. Backscroll my account and you can find some older ones though.

I also know my art in general improved dramatically when I did ten comics in ten weeks for my friend's fic. Don't do this. It hurt my hands/wrists. But do practice in moderation.

***

If you actually read all that... I hope it made even a modicum of sense. And maybe it was even helpful? Just know at the end of the day, there is literally no right way to draw a comic.

And if you aren't ready to go for it yet, you can start by just adding a couple speech bubbles to your illustrations or doodles! It's a way to add storytelling and dialogue writing to things you may already be making.

Yay. I love comics. :))))

[npookie0]

HEAR ME OUT

ronin with a transmasc partner who is basically his little sidekick man. Goes together with him perfectly, both are bastard men who play games. He’s also super sappy (kinda in a luca way lmao) with ronin but HE MATCHES HIS FREAK (the freak is The Horrors™️)

THANK UOU HDHDHDHDG -mothgutzz

The Devil's Hyper Man

Ronin x transmasc!reader

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

You and Ronin have always been a chaotic duo, even before you entered a romantic relationship. The chaos he brought into you life was something you could give back to him with a similar energy. Every time he shared his new kill you would react with a bunch of emotes and send a chaotic message like 'Yes bro you've got'em!"

Whenever you were in chat with the other server members Angel would refer to you as "a little less bad shit crazy Ronin" and you wore that title like a batch of honour.

If one of you was somewhere the other followed, it was mostly you walking around Ronin like a good ol' dog. It escalated when the two of you started dating. Ronin is at work? You're there too just to sit in the workshop and pass him some tools. You're in voice call? He joins and keeps your attention on him. Sometimes the server found it annoying, but neither of you gave a damn about that. You just wanted each others company.

You followed Ronin even for his kills, and you would play mind games with the victims, you were almost as fucked up as your boyfriend after all. And how would Ronin react for your little games with his victims? Well, in his original way. "Oh, I'm so fucking proud to have you as my boyfriend." "You really went all out babe, never thought you had it in you, heh." Yeah, he's a proud boyfriend and praises you for fucking with people's minds.

Whenever you may experience a bad dysphoria day Ronin is there for you, he knows how it feels so it's only natural for him to show his support. He will reassure you about how handsome you are, and how perfect your grotesqueness is. "If you want we can destroy something, just say the word and my crowbar is ready." He whispers while the two of you lay on the floor and he rubs the back of your hand.

Ronin isn't a person to show a lot of emotions, but when the two of you have a dysphoric day at the same time, he will cuddle up with you and both of you will whisper reassuring things to each other.

You're definitely a sappy lover, you brag about Ronin on the server, talk mostly to him, suck up to him like you're glued to him. You will kiss him and cuddle up to him a lot. And he will enjoy the contact because he's just so touch starved.

At this point you two could rival with Luca and Feli for the title of the most disgustingly sickly sappy relationship on the server, you and Luca especially take that fight very seriously. "No, Feli is the bets partner dude. She's just so pretty and great, You and Ronin don't compare to us." "Nah, Ronin and I are so much better, at least we didn't need help to break our talking stage." You and Luca argue in the vc while Feli tries to fight the embarrassment and Ronin is amused by this situation.

Some scenarios <3

You were sitting on the cold ground in the workshop Ronin works in. You were curled up in his hoodie. Some times you would move to give him a tool. You enjoyed this time with him, he was working and humming a song while you were scrolling through your phone or sometimes demand kisses in exchange for a tool.

"You're just so eager for my touch, aren't you?" He titled his head to the side and chuckled. Ronin crouched and caught your lips in a soft and quick kiss. "Happy?" He asked with a smirk.

"Yeah, drop that shit-grin you loser." You replied and passed him the tool.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

You were standing in the shadows of purgetory, Ronin just killed a guy. His whole hands were covered in blood, which was splattered everywhere. He turned to look at you and there was that wicked glint in his eye.

"Do you like the view darlin'?" He asked and approached you.

"Yeah, you're amazing when you end those fuckers." You moved your thumb along his cheek to wipe the blood from there.

"Aw, and you're such a good supporter baby." He kissed you on the forehead. "Let's get the fuck outta here." You took his hand and the two of you left the scene.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

Ronin looked at you as you were walking alongside him and yapping about your day, he smirked. You were just so talkative, your mouth never shut up, but he liked it. It was never quiet with you around and he sometimes had to be more creative with his snarky remarks if he wanted to be beat you at your own game.

"Are you even listening to me?" You asked and he shrugged.

"Yeah, it's hard not to listen when you're talking all the time." He smirked.

"Wow Ronin, you're so nice." You rolled you eyes and continued talking like nothing happened.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ﮩ෴ﮩ__

Hope you liked this my friends ;p

See ya folks

-N :)

[tiktowafel]

personal lore dump for Shihai Kuroiro!! (where i'm probably a little mean to him but it's out of love guys i swear)

verrry late for his birthday but it's here!! :] love this kid. so many thoughts about him to share

i'll just start with the part that i find the most important - the core of his character, to me, is that he is not what he says he is and not what he desperately tries to convince himself and everyone else that he is.

i'm mostly basing this off of how ultra analysis gives him one of the two lowest wits scores in his class (as shown above) despite the fact that he calls himself "the scheming hero" and spends half his joint training match dramatically talking about trickery and psychological traps - while i like to ignore canon sometimes, this little piece of information is something i could never disregard. it's so endearing to me, plus him apparently trying really hard to seem way cooler than he actually is fits with the chuunibyou archetype he's supposed to represent.

severe headcanon territory & a generally slightly lengthy textpost under the read more lol

now, why do i hc he's that way in the first place? well, basically: his whole life he's admired underground heroes very strongly and ended up developing this very idealized mental picture of the perfect underground hero - a mysterious lonely mastermind who hides in the shadows and avoids the spotlight, quietly pulling all the strings and relying on plans and schemes instead of a powerful quirk and flashy moves. but despite all the dirty tricks they're capable of, their heart is in the right place - in fact in a way their motivations are far more noble than those of all the popular celebrity heroes, because they don't care about fame or recognition, they act out of a genuine want to do good. this is what Kuroiro aspires to be and what he bases his entire persona on, pretty much.

and that's because this is also the only kind of hero he could ever identify with - he was always an odd, withdrawn kid who had trouble making friends. he couldn't see himself in all those shiny charismatic always-in-the-spotlight heroes that everyone else seemed to love. so when he learned about underground heroes, he fell in love instantly and decided this is who he wanted to be, over time forming this perfect underground hero image to set as his goal.

except, again, a lot of traits possessed by this ideal of a hero aren't really in line with what Kuroiro himself actually is. he's nowhere this badass. he's nowhere this smart. he kinda sucks at this whole scheming thing actually! he's sneaky, sure, that's by nature of his quirk - but his schemes are way less elaborate than he likes to make them seem, most of the time they're just ways for himself to catch people off guard. he doesn't have the multi-step coordination-based planning capablity of Kendo or Tokage, the adaptability of Honenuki or the sheer sophistication of Monoma (note that almost all of 1-b's plan during joint training match 2 was invented by Kendo and Kuroiro's only strategic contribution was tricking 1-a into thinking he was gonna target Tokoyami so he could ambush Aoyama instead - which is something yeah but still nothing particularly complicated). and he hates that about himself, because intelligence is something that he values and admires so so much - so he exaggerates his strategic prowess a lot, with his hero title and dramatic speeches and all, and does everything in his power not to be perceived as stupid (often failing miserably). it's out of insecurity.

he's also not that much of a lone wolf, either. he does have a strong tendency to isolate himself from others, which is partially because he's convinced himself that he's destined to walk a lonely path in life & content with it (what's a better way of coping with your childhood loneliness than romanticizing it) and partially because the fact that he's constantly putting up a facade does by itself kinda prevent him from forming proper relationships, BUT he's not really happy this way. he's introverted but ultimately not meant to be alone. he does need friends! and he does wish for a romantic relationship, too! but, of course, he sucks at managing those feelings, as we can judge by his interactions with Kinoko and his general incapability of normally talking to girls mentioned in ultra analysis.

i actually really like that he has a crush on Kinoko specifically because it plays really well into everything that i said earlier in this post! remember that something he admires a lot about underground heroes is that they don't care about fame and recognition, and therefore in his view have the most genuine motivations? i like to believe that odd as it is, he actually has a very strong moral compass and greatly values selflessness. so, imagine how he feels when he learns that Kinoko, whom he already has a crush on because she's cute and she's nice to him and she has a really cool quirk (something something mushrooms like darkness so they must be meant to be), wants to be an idol hero. bro's devastated. those people are the epitome of modern hero society's shallowness and superficiality, and she wants to be one! she apparently wants to spend her precious time doing silly little dance routines and shaking people's hands at conventions instead of dedicating it all to proper hero work! and Kuroiro still has a crush on her! that witch...!

and you see, Kinoko isn't actually a shallow person. what motivates her to become and idol hero isn't selfishness (refer to my old Kinoko headcanon list - some things in there are a tiny bit outdated but my headcanon on why she wants to be an idol is still the same!). except Kuroiro doesn't get to know that at first so he remains bewildered and conflicted for quite some time - and i just think that's funny y'know? he eventually learns more about her (second hand, they don't directly talk to each other much, in canon i think Kinoko doesn't even pay much attention to him in general 😭) and starts to change his mind, probably falling even harder in the process - but still the whole thing is complete disaster on his side. he was always shy around her, now there's also... all this, no wonder he can't talk to her at all!!

so, to sum it up: Kuroiro is intense, he's surprisingly idealistic, he's tragically insecure, and he has some very rigid ideas about himself and the world around him that he probably needs to let go of. he's just a mess of a teenager with a lot of to figure out - and he does figure it out, he does get his happy ending eventually! (a conversation with Kinoko, among other things, is something that definitely would be a crucial part in his,, character arc, i guess? and y'know what, while i do really like them as a couple, i think them just getting to talk things out is a "happy ending" regardless of whether they end up together)

OH and by the way: i'm not saying that he's like, going against himself at all times! he's not an actual master schemer or a complete lone wolf but a lot of things about how he acts are perfectly genuine. his affinity for all things dark is genuine, his interest in taboos is genuine, and his love for theatrics is also genuine! in that matter, it's actually not a phase lol he's just like that :] would be blasphemous to say otherwise, that's what we all love him for..!

aaand this concludes my little essay about one of my favorite 1b kids!! the picture of him that i have in my head is very clear, that's why he's the first character that i chose to write this kind of post about - i'm just pretty confident about the hcs i have for him haha. i'm also thinking about writing a more lighthearted list of hcs to complete the vision (ya know, like the good ol days) because there's STILL so much that i haven't shared since it didn't fit this post - so stay tuned for that if you enjoyed this!! see you next month probably

[sebsbarnes]

heyyyy hope it makes sense when i explain for tan x reader. So reader and twins work together sometimes so are kind of friends in the field and she gets on really well with lemon and with tan too but they bicker a lot sometimes. Basically there is this get together thingy for ther organization or smth and lemon is quite sociable and talks with alot of people and tan is kinda quiet so is kinda bored when it comes to these things since lemon is just chatting to anyone so when reader and ladybug (cuz they're kinda work buddies) arrive to the party and reader sees tan just standing by himself she goes over to him and they just end up chatting and having a laugh (maybe a bit drunk) the whole night and lemon and ladybug are just laughing when its time to go and they are both getting along better than anyone thought possible. Its kinda detailed but i hope it makes sense :)))

hey!! ahh this is a good idea! and it made perfect sense to help me outline what to write, thank u!

new friends, new love || tangerine

tangerine x f!reader

warnings: mentions of injuries , language, normal ole' bullet train stuff

word count: 1.3k+ ; fluff

masterlist

a/n: this is kinda dialogue heavy which normally isn't my style so eek i hope that's okay

"play nice," you hissed, "you still aren't in their good graces. you're lucky i'm friends with them so they didn't hunt you down after japan."

ladybug groaned at the force of your finger pointed in his chest, "yeah yeah," he dismissed you.

with that, you rolled your eyes and entered the building. it was a private event, a get-together really, thrown by the organizations that hire you out for contract jobs. a chance to network and meet some faces that you may not have seen in a while.

"there they are!" a voice yelled startling you and ladybug. coming at you was lemon with a wide grin on his face. he pivoted around and threw his arms over yours and ladybug's shoulders.

"always a pleasure, my dear," he said to you before turning to ladybug, "and i still want to rip your fuckin' head off, mate."

ladybug smiled sheepishly at lemon who then released you both from his grip. you diverted your attention to looking around the room. it was well-decorated and dimly lit. there was waitstaff walking around and offering refills on drinks. towards the bar was a long table piled with hors d'oeuvres. bosses you have had were chatting amongst themselves cracking jokes with one another.

and then there was tangerine. he had one foot propped up, leaning onto the high-top table. his thumb and middle finger holding onto the whiskey glass. he was far away from anyone else at the event and you could see he was scanning the room watching everyone interact with one another. his white button-down shirt and gold necklace hung low near the table with his hair free of any gel. when he made eye contact with you and found your feet carrying you to him.

"hiding out?" you teased.

tangerine tilted his head to the side at you. his eyes squinting just a bit with a charming smirk on his face, "caught me."

"i really don't remember johannesburg!" lemon belly laughed.

"well i sure do!" ladybug exasperated throwing his arms to the side, the drink in his glass spilt on his hand.

"oh! and then you almost killed my brother! so, seems like we are a bit even," lemon announced.

"will you always hold that over my head?"

"yes."

"oh god. if i didn't intervene on the bullet train i think we all would've died before the crash," you grumbled, remembering how much of an idiot ladybug had been to tangerine and lemon.

"yeah your little friend is lucky you had his back or there'd be a bullet between his eyes," tangerine replied, twirling the liquid in his glass.

"would you have done the same to me?" you asked and although you meant to sound joking it came out far more serious than you anticipated.

tangerine sucked the brown liquor between his teeth, "i'd never do anything to hurt you. i'd hurt myself before i'd hurt you."

lemon and ladybug barely took a breath since they started chatting and any poor soul that walked past them was sucked into some nonsensical conversation, trapping them for at least fifteen minutes. these guys could talk and talk and truthfully it was impressive.

"ha! who knew tangerine had a soft spot?" ladybug laughed, nodding his chin over to the wall you and tangerine were occupying.

lemon chuckled through his nose, a small smirk appearing on his face, "only for her."

ladybug harshly grabbed carver, who was now standing next to them, on the shoulder and shook him slightly, "thanks for bailing on kyoto so the lovebirds over there could meet. it's kinda like i'm cupid, right? i brought her with me on the mission and now she found love! i should journal about this."

ladybug continued to talk about how journaling has helped his inner peace and how his therapist thought his progress was improving rapidly so their sessions should be more spread out. though lemon was listening and throwing in the occasional 'yeah' or 'really?', his eyes were trained on tangerine who was fully engaged in the conversation with you. he found it amusing. only hours earlier tangerine had been whining and complaining about having to go and how he hated socializing. lemon drew his attention away as tangerine grabbed your arm.

"jesus, this is a bad cut," tangerine said in disbelief looking at a deep cut with angry scar tissue, "where are the people that did this to you?"

with a devilish grin you leaned towards his face, "six feet under."

tangerine sucked his cheeks in, lips pouted slightly. he was amused. the glint in your eyes as you refused to look away from him almost became unbearable. he just found you so enthralling and if he could he'd stand here all night talking to you, leaning against the wall till he became one with the paint.

you and tangerine had always bumped heads but never anything serious. you both could take the jokes thrown at the other and sometimes it moved into a weird grey area of flirting that neither of you minded. but things really did change on the bullet train when you saved tangerine's life. ladybug was going to shoot tangerine no matter what and even you couldn't change that, but, what helped was your piercing scream caused ladybug to slightly shift his aim when he fired the gun. the bullet still hit tangerine's neck though not as deep as it would've.

"you fucking idiot, ladybug!" you roared. the whole time on the train you wanted the four of you to work as a unit, but ladybug being as hardheaded as he was made it difficult.

"i thoug-,"

"go get the fucking girl. like i told you earlier," you cut him off now bringing your full attention to tangerine who was groaning in pain.

"i'm sorry. i know, i know this hurts but you can't fight me off. it's either i do this or you die and i really don't fucking want that," you told him sternly as you basically straddled his body to keep your hands pressed to his wound.

"l-lemon?" tangerine asked through heavy breaths.

"he's alive. he was passed out or something and i tossed him around to wake up so he's okay, okay? now you need to be also. for him... and for me."

"i don't think i ever properly thanked you for saving me," he pondered, accent thick.

"there's no need to... you would've done the same for me," you winked. you two lulled in the silence, sipping at your now watered-down drinks. you aren't sure why but you wanted to hold his hand, maybe it was the slight buzz from the drink, so you did. tangerine didn't pull away or ask you why. he was grateful for the dim lights in the room hiding the pink hue on his cheeks. he hoped you didn't feel how his hands were clammy with nerves but you did and made no mention of it.

"alright kids!," ladybug yelled, "let's head out!"

ladybug and lemon approached the two of you slightly swaying from the drinks they've consumed. tangerine went to pull his hand away but you didn't budge and squeezed his hand tighter. he looked at you with a shy smile and you flashed him a smile back.

"come on," you said using your other hand to pat his chest.

"we are getting food, you guys coming?" lemon slightly slurred.

tangerine peered at you, "of course."

the four of you exited the building and walked off to get food. lemon and ladybug seemingly put their rocky past behind them as they continued to toss jokes back and forth. maybe it was just the alcohol talking and tomorrow they'd wake up still displeased with the other. but tomorrow you and tangerine would wake up with the same fuzzy feeling in your stomachs that you have right now as your hands swung together, shoulders bumped, and shy smiles on your faces like you two were forbidden to be with the other and were sneaking off into the night.

[shorlinesorrows]

okay, a couple things on alien stage/ivantill that I think some folks maybe need to consider and internalize.

Till does not "need" to return Ivan's feelings in the slightest if he doesn't feel that way. It's heart wrenching to see Ivan love him and have those feelings unreturned, but please remember that no one is required to return romantic feelings for someone else. You can't make yourself love someone, and you shouldn't. Especially out of guilt or obligation. That's Unhealthy 101, and would only set a relationship up for failure. (I do think Till cared about Ivan, and that he's going to have a Guilt Complex based on the fact that he didn't fully notice Ivan's feelings/care toward him until the guy died, but I've seen a couple of people tear into Till for not noticing/reciprocating Ivan's feelings??? Don't do that??? their situation is shitty, the fact that they didn't get to talk is shitty, but please don't blame Till for things he Can't Control.)

The kiss was not consensual. It wasn't meant to be portrayed as such. It wasn't even really romantic, it was a desperate, selfish act that Ivan used to get Till's attention (in more ways than one) and to give himself some sense of closure before he died. It was him saying everything that he felt at once, with no chance for Till to reciprocate or deny the affection. In a perfect world, they could have talked instead of this, maybe kissed knowing both wanted it, or given Till a chance to refuse. But they're both in the middle of an essential death tournament and one of them is going to be murdered sometime in the next few minutes. Neither of them really wants to live, but Ivan feels he has unfinished business before his sacrifice, so he finishes it. Their situation sucks. That doesn't mean the kiss was consensual. (especially considering the theory/implication that Till was/is being sexually assaulted by aliens, I wouldn't be surprised if this affects him badly in the future, for multiple reasons. Everyone should always get the chance to say "no" and have that fully respected. This also extends to the fact that Ivan died for Till without giving him a chance to stop it, which is probably going to mess with Till's head a lot. Then again, Ivan likely didn't think it would affect Till much because as far as he/we know, the feelings aren't reciprocated in this moment in canon, or are extremely repressed. Ivan might believe that Till simply hates him, or the kiss/subsequent "choking" may have been a way of trying to make Till hate him so that his death wouldn't hurt as much. Of course that thinking is flawed, because it would hurt Till no matter what, but still, it makes me sad)

Ivan... is kinda messed up. I adore him, but we've got to acknowledge that he has little to no emotional and relationship maturity due to the fact that he was quite literally raised as a pet and learned at a young age to do whatever his masters said to keep himself safe and pain-free. His fascination with Till appears to largely stem from Till's sense of rebellion. Ivan's examples of relationship dynamics and what constitutes as "love" is dangerously unbalanced, and he does not know how to build a healthy relationship. (Neither of them do.) This is also built onto the fact that the person he became dependent on only paid attention to him when they were fighting or Ivan was annoying him. Ivan cares about Till desperately, but he is also dangerously reliant on him to the point of self-detriment. Again, in an ideal world, they would be able to get out of this situation and gradually make a healthy relationship/friendship (depending on Till's feelings) over time while starting to undo the dangerous relationship patterns that they fell into when they didn't have any way to know better. But they're in a terrible situation, and Ivan really just doesn't get the chance to grow as a person and realize that his sense of possessiveness and reliance on Till's attention isn't healthy.

Basically, their situation makes me want to sob and its heart wrenching. Their circumstances have set them up for failure. Both of them are in the midst of attempting to survive an abusive situation and massive amounts of dehumanization. I beg, please try not to sanitize their complicated relationship or blame either of them for the pain the other is going through. I've seen some of that going around, and it's making me sad :(

[moonsandloons]

The psychology behind Lumini

Would Lunar and Gemini be a healthy couple? I don't fucking know, I've never read or consumed anything to do with psychology in my life, I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about here, I genuinely don't know shit about mental health, BUT I'M GONNA TRY ANYWAYS! So if my takes here suck then sorry.

Lunar:

Lunar idolizes Gemini WAY too much. And that's absolutely going to set their relationship back. It's good to admire your romantic partner, but you need to realize they aren't perfect. YOU aren't perfect, so if you view your partner as a perfect person, you're going to end up feeling like you'll never be enough for them.

You have to realize that you and your partner both have flaws, and recognize that you can work through them together as a team. Gemini, despite how much I love them, has flaws. Lunar is going to have to realize that eventually, but I don't think that'll completely get rid of the issue.

Lunar is just a guy. He got thrown into all this star power stuff randomly. and Gemini is his TEACHER. It's okay, because they're both adults so it's not creepy, but even then, you should never EVER be in a relationship with your boss/educator. Gemini's job is to make sure he's progressing steadily with his star power abilities. And since the astrals are so impatient, they kinda have to hurry him along with his learning. Having your partner teaching you something is stressful, because you want to impress them and do well for their sake. It's even worse because for Lunar and Gemini, it's not "I have a hobby i think you'd enjoy, how about I teach you?" For them it's "You NEED to learn this quickly and without struggling or else my brother is going to fucking KILL YOU." Star power is a life or death thing. Lunar having feelings for Gemini is definitely going to make learning harder for him, not because he'll be distracted by them instead of learning. but because Star power is his entire life purpose now and if he doesn't learn how to control it, the consequences could be very grave for him.

On top of that, he doesn't know Gemini very well. Which is fine, people get crushes of course, but they'll need to take things slow with each other if they want to get to know each other better and work through their other issues.

Gemini:

Gemini needs to be more understanding of Lunar's emotions. It's clear that they care for Lunar, but they're very tough on him, and I don't think they understand the mental effects of that.

Gemini feels things differently than any regular earthling. Their feelings are clearly more rooted in logic. They can feel angry and sad and happy, but it's different than how we would. For example, when they rejected Lunar, they gave him a logical explanation as to why they didn't want to pursue a relationship with him, then didn't understand why he was so sad. They thought explaining it logically would help him feel better, but that's not how feelings work. Sometimes people feel sad or happy or scared or angry for no reason, and that's okay. You don't have to justify your feelings or have a logical reason behind them for them to be valid, but I don't think Gemini understands that, and that's okay, but it's something they'll need to work on. Right now, they seem to think Lunar is immature or over emotional, but that's not true. He's been through a lot, and they really need to begin to understand that.

Now. The elephant in the room. When Lunar killed Eclipse, Gemini got pretty mad at him. Which is reasonable, he did kill a guy. I don't really think either of them were in the wrong in that situation though. I've seen some people say Gemini was downright abusive in their reaction, and I've seen some people say that they should've been harder on Lunar, but I wanna see things from both of their points of view. When Lunar saw Eclipse, he was scared. Seeing an abuser again is terrifying, I don't know what I would've done in his shoes. With the way Lunar's mind works, he could've just lost control of himself, he could've regressed from the stress of the situation and not known what to do, and with the way Eclipse was taunting and threatening him, it makes sense that he'd have a violent reaction. It doesn't justify what he did, but it does explain it. Gemini had every right to lash out at him though, because they trusted him and they spent a lot of time training him so he wouldn't do something like that again and he still did. And maybe, for the first time in a while, maybe they couldn't control their emotions either. Maybe they let their anger get the better of them.

Now, I think it actually shows how strong they are, because they were able to recover from what happened. Lunar apologized for what he did, and they've started to rekindle their friendship and build up trust again, and that's good! Because it shows that they can have arguments and still get over it. I've just got one issue with how their arc is going. I wish Gemini apologized too. I know Lunar did kill a man, but they really, REALLY hurt him. I wish they said sorry. But generally speaking, I'm glad that they're becoming friends again.

Another thing about Gemini is their upbringing. They don't talk about the other astrals very much, and I wonder what their life has been like so far. The other astrals seem more like coworkers to them than siblings, and I wonder if anyone other than Lunar has shown them affection before. Did Aries ever play games with them? Did Libra ever comfort them when they were feeling sad? Did Taurus ever show them how to use their powers? Or did they have to learn everything on their own? Sadly, we don't know. But based on how they talk about the other astrals, I'd wager not. And if that's the case, being in a relationship might be a challenge for them. They don't know how to respond to affection, they don't know HOW to be in a relationship. And in all fairness, neither does Lunar. They would be each other's first lovers, which is even more stressful, because neither of them know what the hell they're doing. If they want their relationship to last, they'd have to be perseverant as HELL.

Anyways. I just spent 45 minutes writing that....

Again, I'm not a psychologist! I'm just some random person! I have never studied mental health in my LIFE! Not to mention, I was gaslit A LOT as a kid. I have some pretty sucky parents, so I don't know what a healthy relationship really looks like either! That being said, if I said anything so unbelievably, ungodly incorrect, please correct me! I need to learn more about mental health so maybe then I can ALSO start feeling better.

I have been shipping Lumini since the episode where they went to Paris together, and I was NOT expecting the shows to actually explore the possibility further. I would LOVE for them to get together in canon, because they both need some love and affection. I think it's good that they have these flaws, because they can grow together and progress as characters, and I'm glad they aren't just some cookie cutter automatically healthy no issues whatsoever relationship. I really do hope things end up working out for them.

[deweydecimalchickens]

Among all the neck-high shit we're collectively wading through, I really like the updated gender policy from WFTDA (the women's roller derby governing body):

"Any individual of a Marginalized Gender, regardless of presentation or the gender they were assigned at birth, is welcomed and encouraged to participate in the WFTDA"

There are many needles to thread when trying to come up with a gender policy:

people who aren't cis men need our own space sometimes

trans women are women

trans men and non-binary folks are not defective women

cis women have a lot in common with trans and non-binary folks in that none of us fit well in or meet the standards of the patriarchy and we are all vulnerable to its violence and discrimination

kinda sucks if you're getting a lot of support from women's spaces if you have to lose that when you realise you aren't one

Broadly speaking, I'm happy with "marginalised genders" as a way to manage all those. Anything we come up with isn't gonna be perfect. This feels like a good-faith effort.

Also I'm happy with a governing body that takes one look at Trump and goes "fuck you" *inclusivity intensifies*

[mrsoftthoughts]

Will Solace headcanons

- He's TALL

Like, really REALLY tall, at least for his age, this boy is like 1,82 ( smt like 6'0 with ⅔ of an inch I think?) at the age of fifteen and always has been the kind of kid who was at the end when the lines where from height order.

-The kind of person that gets red like a tomato

He looks like Tinkerbell whenever he gets flushed, especially but not exclusively when he is mad or has been laughing too hard.

-He is the embodiment of a social introvert

He likes spend time with his family and Friends, but he gets drained very easily, sometimes if he can avoid being surrounded by more than a few people or none at all, he isn't hesitating on taking that chance, and for that, he used to love when the cabin was empty of with just one or two of his siblings instead of the little battalion (Ofc he only could find that comfortable when the emptiness just means that all the others were at their daily activities and no that he, Austin and Kayla were the only one to fill the place until a new arrival.)

-Ok with PDA in public spaces if he's dating a girl, but sometimes he is kinda more reserved and discreet if his partner is a boy

Hear me out, he knows that there is nothing wrong with him or his relationship with a person of his same gender, but he has heard the things that some intolerant people are capable of and sees the consequences of it in some summer-only campers (and back at his home too, Remember that this boy is from Texas of all places) and he is terrified of the mere tough, so he's very wary of where or how much PDA displays towards his partner.

-His relationship with Naomi is great, but not really" Mother and son" like, but more "cool rich older friend/sister and bestie/younger brother"

None of them seem to realize or acknowledge that this isn't necessarily a good thing or that can be directly a problem due to the fact that Naomi has this little "eternal teenager" síndrome which is certainly not the best rely-on figure for an ACTUAL teenager.

-Kinda related to the last one, but he was partially/mostly raised by his grandparents

Naomi still being there, but she never quit her musical career which grew exponentially during her pregnancy, so sometimes she was out for a kinda Long time, They're this little southern older and kinda wealthy couple who absolutely love their grandson ( of which they were convinced that was the second mesias or something like a miracle at least due to his really weir birth conditions) Mr, Solace is guilty of wills star wars obsession

-This boy was literally indetectable during his ELEVEN months of gestation,

Naomi entered the hospital thinking that it was a digestive problem and ended up with a baby (that surprisedly for a newborn is pretty, like almost perfect to the point that feels beyond humanity) that looked like this guy whom she had met the past year in a trip to Austin, except that he and her cut the relationship way long before that what a normal pregnancy should be, her family end up convinced that was some kind of God's will and that's why they aren't bothered by Naomi having a child without being married or even in a relationship

- Igaf on what canon says, even if Will isn't usually a fighter, he, like any other demigod has a weapon, o well three

He has a bow, not his preferred one tough, his reaction is a bit too slow so forget about shot at a moving objective, Wich means that is useless when it comes to combat (and even in the archery range he is average or straight up sucks if their siblings are fair comparison), but that leads us to his preferred one for the last year's

Remember that shotgun that is just randomly in the armory? Well, he has his version of it, a Rifle, which is kinda restricted of in use because he can't use that thing for everything, the bullets are one-use-only which is kinda impractical and the mist wouldn't do shit to cover it up ( since that thing is already one of the disguises for the swords in this universe) and how tf are you supposed to explain that a minor has a hunting weapon in a big city?? Yeah- but his aim shines with that baby though

Sadly it has been slowly replaced while Will learns how to use his photokinesis and fulfill his dream of having his own light sable ( Why we are sleeping on the fact that this is just the best weapon to give a star wars fan capable of manipulating the fuckin light?!)

[adaze-4d4z3]

Ae Cha, my dumbass and horrifically insecure Erissona yayyy!!!

Red text: HOLY #@!* LOUD LOUD BRIGHT AS HELL LOUD LOUD

Blue text: I DON’T WANNA DRINK THIS… AAAAAAAA WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Ramblings about my girlie under cut :^ (it’s long like really fucking long how tf did I write this much)

Gender/sexuality

Demigirl (She/They)

Omniromantic (fem pref)

Aceflux, either no attraction w/ disgust or way too needy (Usually the former)

Studies

Fine arts major

Psychology minor

Theme songs (the question marks are a kind of)

Imperial Blue (R sound design)

Abbey (Mitski)

IMAWANOKIWA (Iyowa) (?)

Egoist (Oonuma Paseri)

Bathtub Mermaid (Mili)

Between Two Worlds (Mili) (?)

Doku Shite Choudai (Nakiso)

Yellow (Yoh Kamiyama)

Laplace's Angel (Will Wood)

Kimi Wo Yoru Kore (Fullkawa Honpo)

People Eater (Sodikken)

You Smell of Dead Flowers (vslush)

Appearance

155cm, aka 5'0, insists she's 5'1 though. (She's close enough cmon.)

Long black/really dark brown wavy/curly hair mostly slightly wavy some parts just curl for no good reason. Dyed undercolour hair, it fades quick so the colour changes between different light blues, teal, lavender and light pinks. She kind of sucks at dying it though.

Dark eyes like really dark brown

Pale/normal? skin, her feet are ungodly pale compared to the rest of her though lol. (Tan lines make me suffer) Dark circles, girl has a shit sleep schedule.

She's near-sighted but not as bad that she has to wear her glasses all the time, she just usually does because it's a hassle to keep putting it on and off. The prescription is actually pretty light.

Small ass hands and feet. It's baby. Like really fucking small hands. (This is a curse that I'll give to every oc even slightly somewhat based off me) Painted nails black, it's chipped and not that great. No pedicure though.

Their ears aren't pierced! It's clip ons, that's why she had a spare to give Milo :> (Girl CANNOT sleep with them in)

Her face is a little scarred due to skin picking problems that still persists. The skin around her nails suffer as well. Will make every hangnail bleed. Panicks every time it happens. Will also bite the skin around their nails, they ended up kind of tough because of that. It gets worse when she's bored or nervous. (She just eats the skin she bites off.)

Give her gum and that'll be fixed but she never has any on hand.

Random facts :>

Korean-Australian, but like 1/4 Aussie, (one full korean parent one half aus half korean one) but lived there most of her life rather than South Korea. Can't read or write the language except her name but listening and speaking is fine. (Conversational, she'll die inside if the words get too big)

Has a license for serving alcohol. (Well in Aus anyway) From a hospitality course she was in during high school. (She did it for fun)

Hates drawing backgrounds. Hates studying anatomy too but hey, prefers drawing people so back to anatomy studies it is. (She cries every time the foreshortening looks wrong.)

Can't animate for shit.

Probably draws Milo for the anatomy studies and dies inside because she just drew a naked Milo. Bro ain't living that down. Will do it again. Then regret it again.

Can play the piano, cries because she can't even play a full ocatave without pressing others keys. Learnt to sing as well- participated in choir as a soprano. Has a pretty straight voice. Can't roll r for any reason. Sucks because half the songs she knows would sound better with rolling rs. Can sing operas really well. (That’s how she was taught to sing after all) Her normal voice is kinda low though.

Loud noise/ yelling overstimulates her. Texture can also become a problem sometimes. Doesn't like being watched but she'll endure it for a perfect love :')

Weirdly good at giving good relationship advice, well she knows the one she wants is bad so she has to know what's good first.

Therapist friend. Half the gossip she knows comes from that.

Definitely the family dissapointment and gay cousin.

Gacha gamer- PRAY for their wallet.

Favourite flowers are rhododendrons

Favourite colours are lavender and rose gold

Will curse you out in Korean and have the person just confused but intimidated. Busan accent coming in handy :>

Ambidextrous, but her right hand is still technically better.

Important-ish things for why she's Fucked Up!!!!! :D

Emotionally neglected to some degree. Her parents cared about academic results and bragging about her. Was a very 'gifted' child, grades dropping at higher grades but still well, A/B student. Not good enough for her parents though.

So she's learnt that love is earned. So she tried but she just couldn't. Sacrificed her sleep to do the things she liked as more and more of her time was dedicated to study. That's why her current sleep schedule is fucked :>

She couldn't really handle the expectations so she chose the uni the game takes place in, it's pretty far from her parents. Just to try and do what she wants for once.

They couldn't go to their parents for support usually so they tried relying on friends. Only to be dragged into messes of friendship dramas after the other. Rather neglected and unwanted in the groups themselves. Got bullied too without much support in those times. Ending up alone over and over.

This kind of cemented her in her eyes as someone unwanted. So she had to make someone stay with her. She could tell she was lonely.

Unfortunate dating sim enjoyer now with ideals of love tries to date normally. However she can never get them to stay.

Worsening mindset yay!!!

She knows what bad relationships look like and tries to seek codependent ones out. Dating worse and worse people and trying to change them so they might just stay with them a little longer.

Toxic idiot can't do it properly. No one stays for longer than ~3-5 months.

So she changes herself. Practising in the mirror. (Bro ain't confidant usually!!! Acting man acting!) She has pent up anger inside of her she used to become stronger. Did her best to conquer her introverted nature and absolutely shit social skills to manipulate others. She doesn't even like what she's doing at all. Finds stalking others and getting information annoying and exhausting. She's not that strong either, has goddamn no arm strength. (She'll beat you with a shoe tho in true East Asian parent fashion lmao) Dislikes conflict too.

She learns how a perfect love for her might act. Even if she never wants to do the things herself.

It hurts them to do what she's doing, but to her it's the ONLY way she can have someone stay. AND have people not INTERFERE. (She has short person solidarity with Desmond please, they like you, you just get in the way)

Has a habit of apologising. So they say sorry randomly to others but she's just apologising for what she has done and keeps doing. They want to stop but keeps forcing themselves to keep going or keeps going in a panic.

She genuinely likes Milo, but gets so insecure that he'll leave her that they do what they do.

Doesn't even like most of the people she dates. A lot of them remind of their old bullies, but she thought bad people might achieve what she wanted faster.

...but that's not the kind of love she wanted. She wants to be in control this time, at the same time be revered enough by her partner to be smothered in love and not think and not be in control.

It's a balance she's never achieved.

(All playable endings end up being too intense for her, but if she doesn't break him it's not enough. Wall ending she ends up lonely from Milo not being around but others they can't process how things turned out.)

She's met Perfect!Milo in the fucking void! They end up there often trying to make her perfect love, and having to restart over and over because she can't get the balance she wants. Feels too bad for Perfect!Milo to have him become the one she wants, but enjoys his company. She brings him a small painting or drawing every time :D

Tbh she got too attached to Milo to try to do this with someone else anymore and results are steadily improving :^ it’s a slow, slow process though, and she still hasn’t achieved their perfect love.

She usually isn't really "Eris" in a sense most of the time. However, when she does her stuff to manipulate others/ be intimidating/ hurt others, that's when she really "Eris" in a sense. I draw her with the heterochromia when they’re in that mode for lack of a better word. :^ or when her insecurity peaks up :> After all, even under all that wanting and insecurity is still an Eris.

Milo Nicknames :3

Love

Angel

Darling

Sweet/ Sweetling

Yeobo (korean for darling/honey in married couples)

Bunny/Kitty/Puppy (Route dependant)

Mimi/ Mi (cute, shortened version of his name)

Ae Cha legit calls him like dude, bro, guy, man, girl, girlie etc just casually- she does this with everyone so Milo isn't an exception even if they are dating lmao

The funniest thing about her is that she could ACTUALLY GET BETTER by just going to therapy but no time for that when chasing a perfect love. HA BE TRAUMATISED.

[redredpanda2]

My fandom hot takes (or just takes idk). You can tell me if you agree or disagree and why. I do want to see other people's opinions on these. Part 1 cause I think I might will reach the character limit.

Fandom 1: Warrior cats

(Fair warning for this first one, I get really angry and may be over reacting)

Graystripe fucking sucks.

Like I get it, you love her. Doesn't excuse abandoning you god damn duties and clan! He knows damn well it's against the warrior code. I get love can't be helped but what's more important some chick or the people who raised and or grew up with you? Her? Seriously? Not to mention the way he treats Fireheart through out the whole thing. Fireheart tries to talk about this but he basically acts like Fireheart is the problem! Even after her death, he does nothing to repair his friendship with Fireheart and just mopes.

I understand it sucks shit to lose someone you love but to go on and just leave Thunderclan entierly for a clan that HATES you? The decision is reckless and in the end he gets separated from his kits anyway, basically make it all for nothing! He just flips back and forth through loyalty as if it didn't matter.

He gets way to many free passes because of this and honestly, I am really glad he didn't stay deputy.

Bramblestar(claw) wasn't that bad.

Was he perfect? No. Did he do shitty things? Absolutely.

My guy was doomed from the start, being the son of Tigerstar he had to face so much flak from everyone and had to prove himself over and over again. Even to Firestar at one point. He was treated with suspicion his whole life just because of who his father was. Does it excuse the shitty things he did? Fuck no! But he never did this shit for the sake of being shitty.

People act like he did nothing right as a leader. He actually did quite a lot good. He is no Firestar but with the hand (or paw of cards) he was delt he did pretty damn good for a time! He didn't wreck the clan either.

Now for his reaction to the three not being his. Okay, so it was very shitty of him to act the way he did and basically abandon them, obiously it's not the threes fault. But it's understandable (not excusable) because he had his entire world flipped upside down. And was lied to by his mate for moons and led to believe that they were his biological kits.

Now most of the "shitty actions" he does aren't for the sake of being shitty. But because he has a deep seated feeling of fear. When he lashes out at Squirrelflight and the others, it's normally due to feeling deeply betrayed, abandoned, and insecure, not because he enjoys hurting people. That doesn't make it okay, but it makes him more human (yeah he's a cat but this is literally a fantasy thing where they kinda act like us).

The impostor arc wasn't his fault. I've seen a huge chunk of the fandom Bramblestar from what 'he' did. But that wasn't even him, it was the impostor (Ashfur). And yet i've seen a the fandom drag his ass through the mud for it. That feels pretty unfair to me.

Squirrelflight/star is has a fuck ton of problems that are often looked past and I don'e like her as a leader. She isn't flawless.

Listen, I don't hate her. Not at all. We love a strong-willed queen. But she often refuses to listen if she's convinced she's right. In The New Prophecy constantly clashes with Brambleclaw, yeah he's sometimes being a jerk, but other times she's just being argumentative basically for the sake of being right. This stubbornness stays this way well into her leader role, too.

The Ashfur situation is messy as fuck. Listen I hate Ashfur, like a lot. But holy hell she never liked him romantically but strung him on, intentionally or not. Even though she had every right to break up with him and get together with Brambleclaw, she never clearly communicated this with Ashfur. Although she definitely didn't deserve all the psychopathic reactions, she definitely didn't help the fuse.

She can be pretty emotionally manipulative. Going back to the Leafpool kit lie. She takes in her sister's kits to save her. Which, fair. But the consequences weren't worth it in my opinion. She lies to everyone, including Brambleclaw. But gets angry when people don't trust her afterwards. She did the right thing for Leafpool, but she made a decision that impacted a lot of lives without really considering the consequences.

She has this weird very hypocritical moral high ground. She often acts like she is the voice of justice and reason inside of the clan. Sometimes, she is. But other times she makes irrational and emotionally charged decisions that she criticizes others for. It's especially noticeable in her leadership as Squirrelstar. She wants to be difficult from Bramblestar but basically does the same damn thing in some ways.

She holds grudges basically forever. She isn't quick to forgive, which can be fine, but it's cranked up to 70 with her. If someone disagrees with her to hard, she'll carry that forever. But it leads to so much unnecessary drama.

Now for her leadership specifically. To put it short, it feels undeserved. She barely has any experince and sure she had some bits as deputy. But like, most of it was her fighting with Bramblestar rather then taking on duties that prepare her for leadership. It kinda just feels like a consolation prize.

She's very reactionary. No strategy. She doesn't have a clear plan for her clan. I mean, it's kinda fair since this was dropped onto her, but still. She reacts emotionally instead of thinking rationally. Whether or not it's clan politics, outsider stuff, or internal conflict, she goes with her gut, which is fine when you are a warrior or even deputy. But as a leader? That gets dangerous, fast.

She's too contrarian. Like a lot of her decisions are because she's trying not to be Bramblestar. While it is perfectly understandable for her to want to separate her identity as a leader from his, it turns into her making a lot of bad and questionable decisions just because she doesn't want to be associated with how Bramblestar handled things.

Dovewing sucks. (I get a bit angry here too and may be a bit bitchy)

She has one of the coolest powers of the three yet all she does is whine about it. Yes it's a lot of responsibility. Yes it sucks that she can basically hear everything. But all she does is cry about. Let's compare her to Jayfeather in The Prophacy Begins. He's blind, and has to carry the weight of being to walk in peoples dreams, have to talk to starclan, and have to deal with the shit with his mother and he takes it with grit and snark.

Her consistent 'poor me' attitude. Dovewing acts like she wants to be the victem. Whether it's about her powers, the prophecy, or her forbidden love with Tigerheart, she somehow twist every situation into why she's suffering the most. Even when other cats are being killed or exiled, the spotlight always seems to go back to feelings.

She's self centered in relationships. Her forbidden romance with Tigerheart/star? It's a big fucking disaster. She puts herself over everything, her duties, both for clan and prophecy, and her sisters feelings. She runs off, gets pregnant, joins Shadowclan and expects everyone to just accept that? Meanwhile Ivypool is left with the fallout like a total afterthought.

Speaking of her relationship with Ivypool, she did her sister dirty. Ivypool was risking her life in the Dark Forest while she was off flirting with with the enemy and moping about her powers. And does she show any graditude? No! Does she support her sister emotionally? Barely. And when Ivypool finally starts opening up to her about what she's been through, she just brushes her off.

Tigerheart/star

He is the literal definition of a wet leaf of a character. He's always wishy washy. One second he's loyal to shadowclan, the next he's sneaking off to flirt with Dovewing. Then he's all like 'I must do right for my clan.' yada yada, only to turn and pull another impulsive, emotionally driven stunt. He talk's a big 'duty and honnor' game but doesn't walk the walk, like, ever.

He enabled Shadowclans fall. Shadowclan was a big fucking disaster when he was leader/deputy. He didn't step up when Rowanstar needed help holding the clan together, didn't check Tawnypelt's more depsrate choices, and basically watched the whole collapse happen while he just was pouting about it. Only after the clan was broken did he do anything to try and fix it.

He is a messy and manipulative partner. The whole TigerDove ship is a slow burn train wreck. He constantly pressures her to stay with him, gets passive aggressive when she hesitates, and always frames shit in terms of what she is doing to him. He has this "I'd do anything for love" attitude, but only if love means Dovewing bending over backwards to make it work.

He fails upward into leadership if that makes any sense. When he disappears and comes back as Tigerstar, everyone just... accepts it??? Like what? Oh yeah, "The guy who left us during a crisis and abandons his clan to chase tail is perfect leader material!" No one challenges it. No one asks why. He just gets handed the role because the plot said so.

[arcadiabaytornado]

How much do you think misogyny plays into why people don't like Rachel and Chloe?

A lot. While not all Rachel/Chloe haters are misogynistic, all misogynists are Rachel/Chloe haters.

It's a sad fact that complex female characters will almost always end being "controversial" just for the fact that they're a woman and daring to not be perfect, and Chloe and Rachel aren't perfect. Chloe can be mean. She can loud. She can be bossy. She can be angry. She's not the perfect victim. Rachel can manipulative. She can be loud. She can be angry. She can be selfish.

They can be people, and for the type that sees women as less than that, that's unforgivable.

Obviously, not ever criticism of Rachel and Chloe is misogynistic. However, you do see a lot of comments about them that basically boils down to "this woman is not palatable enough for me," and I very firmly believe that Chloe especially would be looked at more fondly if she were a man.

Plus I've seen people love Nathan and find Chloe and Rachel intolerable and that just?? Like...I'm not the fandom police. I can't tell anyone what characters they should or should not enjoy, nor does my opinion about anything matter. However, I can give nothing less than a massive side eye when someone writes an essay about why we should be more forgiving towards Nathan because he "has mental health issues," and then in that same breath they'll say Chloe should have sucked up all her trauma and been kinder. Like....Nathan gets a free pass for drugging and kidnapping because he has daddy issues, but Chloe is an unredeemable bitch because her daddy issues make her kinda mean sometimes?? I just don't get it. I mean, I do, It's misogyny. But it still just baffles me.

[paleio]

okay you've tagged bpd!percy and Puerto Rican/Filipino!percy on my different posts now and they have made my day twice so I have to ask you to elaborate on one or both pls and thx po naman 🤲🤲

(-helyeahmangocheese)

okay honestly i suck SOOO bad at headcanons because the characters i tend to develop them for are also the characters that are so deeply attached to my own brain that we end up kinda bleeding into each other. there are two different percy jacksons to me—the one i play with in his natural environment and view as a really compelling and interesting individual, and the one that has been inside my head so long he's molded into the shape of my skull. sometimes the line is blurry which is why a lot of my headcanons aren't actually backed up by anything in the canon. i do really like PR/Filipino!percy as is, but bpd!percy doesn't actually make sense (in my opinion) for the way he narrates in the first series. you could argue for it in heroes of olympus but i honestly like your bipolar!percy better and think it makes way more sense.

THAT BEING SAID. i refuse to believe that annabeth chase doesn't have bpd. the attachment issues, the constant fear of abandonment, the sudden mood shifts. it makes her bitterness toward rachel make more sense—percy is clearly her fp (favorite person) so of course she's scared of being ignored or replaced. she was probably panicking constantly throughout the last two books, thinking percy would completely cut contact with her if he got with rachel. it would also better explain her struggles with luke, and with morality as a whole. she seems to have trouble seeing situations and people as anything other as completely evil or completely good (in the first few books at least, she does get to work through this to some extent). her mother? perfect, a genius, always right about everything. her father? horrible, irredeemable, worst parent in the world. of course, this is a struggle for a lot of kids and teens (morality is hard and complicated!), but combined with everything else—and from personal experience—i think bpd works extremely well for annabeth.

as for PR/Filipino!percy, i just think it's neat :3 it could be either or both, but the idea of sally jackson being an immigrant or a child of immigrants makes for some really interesting ideas and goes well with the themes already present in the books. her being a first gen college student would be so cool and so sally, and her financial/familial success would feel even more vindicating. plus it's so tough for neurodivergent kids who are also poc. it would add another layer of bitterness to percy, and possibly another parallel to luke. i personally don't think the luke/percy dynamic is as good or interesting if luke is white and percy is poc, especially because to an extent, luke is RIGHT, and it's kind of uncomfortable to have the only white guy be the most revolutionary character (even if he goes about that revolution in the worst way possible). i was really excited when pjotv cast charlie bushnell as luke and i desperately hope they actually acknowledge that he isn't white (i'm not super optimistic but there's still plenty of time). because that's fucking important. he grew up in a place where he already felt unloved and betrayed by his father and ashamed of his mother, but it would make such a huge impact on his psyche and perspective if his community also alienated him. for context, the town luke canonically grew up in is like 97% white in real life. luke probably felt like he had to be better than everyone around him just to get the same amount of understanding and recognition and love as them. imagine how much harder his anger at the gods—at the world!—would hit. and then imagine if he had that in common with percy. imagine if they bonded over that anger when percy first got to camp (TLT musical, anyone?). and imagine, after luke has gone to kronos's side, percy looking at him and seeing the exhaustion and fear and resentment in his eyes and recognizing it. because that's what percy sees when he looks in the mirror.

AUGHHH. anyway.

those are some of the feelings i have about these headcanons. not sure if any of it makes sense but i'm not going to edit this massive block of text because just looking at it makes my head hurt 👍

also i love your blog. you are so right about everything all the time

[amber-dragonfly]

"Starry Day" - that's the perfect title of Starenday's chill adventure day :3

This chapter was such a treat to read. It's so nice to see those little moments of peace in between the action, and what everyone would be up to when they aren't busy fighting for their lives.

(Oh god don't tell me it'll all be coming crashing down at any moment now!)

And the worldbuilding interwoven in the sweet character moments were just *Chef's kiss*

So delightful!

I don't think I could pick a favorite moment from this chapter, they were all just so good!

Also.

A little unrelated, but I've also been very inspired from the idea of found family, and how the Gerudo in game raise their kids. Very similar to how you write Riju explaining how their kids being acknowledged as their own person, and not as an extension or a property of their parents.

THANK YOU SO MUCH

So much of Tolkien has taught me that you really gotta STEW in the calming moments, really helps ground the pacing and gives you some much needed development of the characters. A lot of shows and even books just go boom boom boom one major thing after another that I really love writing chapters where "nothing happens" even though everything has happened. There wasn't a major fight or a crazy plot twist, but its the slow moments that REALLY show you what these characters are like.

AND AHAHAHA uhhhhhh don't worry about what'll come next heehee :3

AND YES I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THAT PART OF THE GERUDO LORE

A big part of my depiction of the Gerudo is showing how they're still feeling the effects of colonialism done to them by the greater Hyrule Kingdom centuries and even millennia later - and fighting again the "traditional" values that tried to erase their culture. I really like how their society has a more communal sense of raising children and giving them more autonomy and the freedom to make mistakes safely within their capital. And yea like you said recognizing them as their own person and not as the parents' property. Because they've been at the receiving end of that exact type of mindset: where the Hylian voes they have children with feel they're entitled to "own" their child and try and take them away from their native home because they refused to respect the Gerudo culture.

It's why the chapter where Riju and Rezek talk about their respective identities is so important to me - both in a character and worldbuilding sense aaaaaaaaaa it's real heavy topics but I feel when writing fantasy sometimes you gotta admit that people kinda suck a lot of times

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Before we begin as always: This is all for fun and is not meant to be taken to seriously everyone please be nice or at least civil. Okay? Awesome read on!

Alrighty I'm feeling a little irritated after a not so lovely comment on one of my fics (that has literally NOTHING to do with Jay) about how I don't often write about him if at all. Now I just kinda ignored the comment cause this was the same person who said I couldn't ship Zane with human characters cause he's a robot to say the least I took what they said with a grain of salt so yeahhhhhh (like seriously I had to mention that cause it's just such a weird thing to say since Ninjago has said multiple times that Zane is just as human as the others so???)

But anyways I want to start by saying yeah that's true I don't write about Jay very often, in fact I have never written a fic centered around him BUT I will never go out of my way to vilify him outside of the actions he takes IN CANNON because I try to stay in character when writing unless it's an AU that might shift their personalities a bit but not by much. But this brings me to an issue I've come across more than once and it sort of bothers me and its: the erasure of Jay's more negative qualities.

Now I'm not saying that Jay is an irredeemable villain here I'm just saying that he has said/done things that aren't good that a lot of people seem very keen on just ignoring or in some cases outright denying, and I get it it sucks when our favorite characters are flawed trust me my favorite character is GARMADON so I have plenty of experience in liking characters with flaws lol. BUT just because we like them doesn't mean they don't HAVE those flaws.

Like Jay (since he's who we're suppose to be focusing on rn) is kind of an ass multiple times especially early in the series. Now I hate the love triangle because it fucked up literally all people involved and I found it super annoying but I think Jay was painted in a particularly bad light. For example Jay straight up attacking Cole even though Cole had ZERO clue about the whole perfect match thing, like imagine if out of no where your best friend ATTACKED YOU saying you were trying to "steal" (I hate that phrase btw so dumb cause Nya's a person) the person they liked? Probably would feel really crummy.

Now I do understand that Jay probably has some form of anxiety but that doesn't mitigate the fact throughout the series Jay has a tendency to get freaked out and then lose his temper, in more recent seasons it's happened less frequently which I'm going to chose to interpret as him growing up but is likely just because in later season the writing tends to muddy the waters on most characters (we don't even talk about crystalized because it doesn't exist, like seriously Lloyd talks about Harumi in Dragons Rising like Crystalized never happened which I'm a big fan of) but yeah. I've never been a huge Jay fan myself but his cannon character is interesting and I'd understand why people would like him since again he's not an irredeemable monster he's a person.

But yeah, I love Ninjago and I love being a part of the fandom but I don't love how sometimes people overlook the charcters negative traits and that really bothers me since more than one of the characters go through arcs (some more subtle than others) to become better people. Like I also think people underplay Nya's anger issues, Kai's can be as well but to a lesser extent SOMETIMES, which is unfortunate because that's part of their arcs of growing into new more mature people. All of the characters have their problems it's what makes them interesting to follow, I'm a huge fan of Garmadon and he is EXTREMLY flawed but that's what makes him an interesting character especially since he's trying to be better (again lol).

In conclusion I love over analyzing this Lego show cause even if its shit sometimes the characters it created are super fun to play with much like actual Legos! I don't hate any characters (except for Nadakahn and The Mechanic fuck those two they're creepy as shit) I love getting to talk about them and am totally open for conversations about them because as you can tell from this post I am a natural born yapper and I love to hear other peoples thoughts/views so feel free to say something as long as you're willing to keep it civil!

I hope y'all have a great day/night PEACE OUT!

[moonstruckme]

hi mae!!! how are you?? thank you so so much for your words, they truly mean the world to me!

i did start therapy some weeks ago, though i was a bit scared cause it never worked for me, but i think this time it's really going to! it's a bit uncomfortable cause i feel like she's focusing on things that aren't my main worries, but i kinda understand why! i also deleted some socials, and i can feel the freedom already lol, it's like a weight was lifted from my chest (probably will regret it in a week, but idc!!)

and please feel free to send more recommendations!! they were really helpful, and you gave me the final push i needed to get motivated to read "everything i know about love"! i've been waiting to read it for a while but wasn't sure.

and again, thank you! you are such a nice and lovely person!! sending hugs, ily!!

Oh I'm glad you found something of value in my word vomit sweetness! I think that hesitance with therapy makes perfect sense, I don't know how old you are or what your past experiences were but I've known some people who were wary of starting therapy as adults because they were forced to do it as kids, and while I don't think therapy for kids is a bad thing inherently it sucks when it makes you distrustful of the whole system! Anyway yeah in my (limited, extremely subjective) experience therapy is sort of tricky because on the one hand ideally you should be able to place trust in this professional even if what they're saying doesn't always line up with what you've thought, but on the other hand you should be able to find someone who you jive with and sometimes that takes a few tries. It's a tough balance to strike if you're not totally sure what you're looking for at first! Idk sorry that was a lot and maybe I'm projecting my previous issues with it onto you. I'm super happy for you that the social media cleanse seems to be working out also!! And that you're reading everything I know about love! I'm ngl my memory is crap and because I read it a couple years ago I don't remember much, but I do remember really liking it and I've not met anyone personally who didn't, so I hope you enjoy! I don't want to bore everyone here with my unending thoughts about books, but if you're comfortable dming me I'm always happy to talk book stuff :) Sending hugs back <33