#sometimes i see people just freaking out about the priest part and its like there are more bizarre things afoot! the priest is the normalest

[dolldefaced]

it's so wild that the priest part is what people latched onto and remember when flashpoint!jason both was a drug addict and then was in brother blood's apocalypse cult before he died. and then resurrected again.

[gifti3]

asmo x reader x priest AU rough outline

I had a nightmare I was being chased by a monster in a church and ended up coming up with this au because of the priest i saw in it! So I just wrote an outline cause I wanted to get it down I'm calling reader mc here (i use these two interchangeably in relation to obey me)

mentioning religion, i also mention sex like once or twice

------

i wanna say it's more of a modern setting cause it's easier to write but that lowkey doesn't make any sense so we are gonna just glaze over setting the time period (so its whatever makes sense in ur head)

asmo is asmo (so kinda unhinged at times especially in this AU)

mc i feel is one of those people who have had a lot of supernatural experiences their whole life

since they were young they would see and sense things other people usually wouldn't and i feel that's part of the reason asmo was attracted to them in the first place

one time mc offhandedly said that asmo isn't the first demon they've talked too but he is one of the nicer ones

this ability is an aspect of themselves they've accepted and even embraced at this point

but because of this, some people might be put off by them since they give off a "unique" vibe

i wanna describe the priest a little: -- he's an oc (i guess lol) cause he appeared in my nightmare for a moment -- he's probably in his 40s and could be considered a dilf to some people -- pale with dark hair and clothes (you know stereotypical broody, reclusive character) -- takes his position very seriously but lacks that warmth and approachability i feel a priest should have -- tldr: priest you would see in a horror game taking place in a church/cathedral

the story starts off with mc needing somewhere to reside for a few weeks until they can find a permanent place to stay -- they probably got kicked out of their home for various reasons related to their "gift"

i don't think the priest himself had the actual idea to bring in mc

instead it was one of the other cathedral hands who suggested it to help them out and whoever is in charge agreed to it (so i'm guessing the bishop??)

the thing about mc though is that they have a special friend no one else can see who likes to pop up time to time to spend time with them

(sometimes this friend can be sensed by people who are more sensitive to the environment which can freak them out)

this friend is Asmodeus, a demon who decided to keep coming back after meeting mc and ended up befriending them over time

they've known each other for 2-3 years at this point and would consider each other good friends

sometimes they toe the line of more than friends though -- they're interested in each other and there was no denying it since asmo could literally feel the moment when mc began feeling attracted to him (and of course he's attracted to them too, that aspect was there from the start for him)

however mc is worried to get intimately involved with asmo cause they think they have actual feelings for him and don't want become more emotionally attached to someone who doesn't like them just as much as they do (they are assuming this)

so sometimes they're kinda flirty but don't do anything past that

when asmo pops up to visit mc he's a bit shocked that they're just hanging out in a cathedral

i feel this demon has a bad rep with priests in general

its our boy asmo, i know he has been up to some nonsense in the past (and recently too)

he's probably been exorcised out of several facilities over the years for stuff that could have easily been avoided

and according to asmo, MAYBE he was trying to corrupt some religious figure's son or something but they didn't need to be so harsh~ -- we aren't gonna get too detailed we just know he has had bad experiences with religious folk

and even if he didn't have bad experiences, demons are usually code red level threats to humans involved in religion

anyways mc tells asmo they literally have nowhere else to go and they get a free room and food staying here as long as they help with chores, so he needs to just hold on tight until they find somewhere else to go

mc and the priest surprisingly kind of get along

I think mc themselves being somewhat (unwillingly) isolated from others and being used to putting people off made them kind of gravitate towards the priest

They aren't put off by his demeanor at all and treats him like any other person

asmo is whatever about it and is actively trying to stay away from the priest UNTIL he releases that the priest is starting to actively gain an interest in MC

And not in the ahah i have a small crush way

Like this is a I WANT you physically, mentally and emotionally type deal

I feel like the priest is so lame too trying to convert the mc behind the guise of him being a priest and that's what he does--save people's souls from possible damnation. when it's actually for very personal feelings

And mc is like nah its not really my thing (their current lifestyle would literally clash with this)

now asmo is a little worried

but he shouldn't be because hes asmo right?

he's beautiful and gets pretty much anyone he wants. mc is already interested in him too!

but part of him fears mc might fall for someone else one day

especially since mc always cuts things off before things get too spicy

also him being a demon and mc a human makes things kinda complicated for multiple reasons that i wont go into -- just know mc preferring a human partner is one of the things he worries about

So now he's like….i'm sabotaging and makes sure to actively monopolize mc's time so they won't seek out the priests company

no way is he losing his precious lamb to a PRIEST of all people

the priest has started expecting mc to show up like they always do to talk to him but they haven't in awhile so he goes looking for them

when he goes to their room mc is talking normally to asmo and the priest can hear them through the door

he knocks and mc is like oh shit and motions for asmo to get gone for a moment but asmo's being a brat and doesn't actually leave

so when MC opens the door, the priest is immediately like something is wrong

there's definitely something not of god in here

and mc is like huh what are you talking about but the priest is insistent and comes in to investigate

but there's not really anything obviously amiss since he can't see asmo and he fortunately leaves after

but after that he's paying more attention and starting notice weird things are happening around mc

sometimes for a split moment he'll see a shadow near them and sometimes even in mirrors (yes asmo is probably just moving casually about the building even though mc told him to be careful)

i'm thinking later on, he's passing by mc's room and thinks they're in there cause he hears humming and sees the shadow of feet passing by the door

but when he knocks and enters no one is there

and i feel that's when he does some shit to like purge evil spirits out of mc's room, cause he there's definitely something wrong and he's worried something has latched onto mc

so when asmo is like Okay time to go visit mc~! Nothing happens

he can't teleport like he usually does to them

and he's bitching and whining about it later after mc undoes whatever the hell the priest did

now i'm jumping to the last few days of mc staying in the cathedral

at some point, asmo and mc have a heart to heart and end up doing the devil's tango (out of all the places they can have sex it happens here SO cool of them lol. the priest may or may have not heard something going down. why is he always near mc's room hmmm 🤔)

the story is coming to a climax once mc is like yay i have found a new place to live and will be leaving soon and the priest is a bit surprised when he hears the news

he's gotten used to mc being in this place with him and he doesn't want them to leave (what will he do oooo~ i think he would suggests to the mc for them to stay and like join the church or something but mc is just like...no thanks)

asmo on the other hand is like I AM READY TO HIT THE BRICKS 🏃‍♂

he literally doesn't even have to be here, like go home dude but nah he wants to be with mc A LOT

he doesn't like the vibes of the place and honestly the priest is starting to annoy him with how he's always lurking around mc

i think this is around the time asmo and the priest have a proper confrontation

i don't exactly know what happened to make it get to this point but for some reason asmo shows himself to the priest

i'm not sure who even initiates it but asmo is just taunting the shit outta him for wanting mc in a worse way than asmo himself

in my head, the priest doesn't exactly see mc as a person with their own agency

they're more of someone he can hopefully mold into a more "god honoring person" (something like that)

someone he could be with long term without feeling like he's going against his own values

So it's ironic in a way having a demon being the better option of the two

and i bet asmo has like so much unresolved anger from past interactions he's had with religion, and then all of his feelings for mc and being in this place too often

just all these emotions mixed together just has him REALLY reckless

and he's projecting everything on to mr priest (regardless if all of it is his fault or not): "God you're so annoying! I wanna splatter your innards across the walls…" (Can demons use the lords name in vain idk lol)

So yea idk how this would end but I think at least one person should die fr AND i've decided i'm gonna talk about asmo dying cause of the angst:

He's already gone by the time they arrive. They quietly call out Asmo’s name, hoping he's just passed out or maybe even messing around. But the way he was laid upon the dirty floor wasn't right at all.

They kneel on the bloody ground. "S-Stop joking around Asmo." They gently shake the demon's rapidly cooling body. Realizing they will receive no response. They wouldn't hear his voice ever again.

A step sounds nearby and they sharply look up into an apathetic pale face. "Why?"

"Demons don't deserve mercy. It doesn't deserve your sorrow or tears."

"But he was my…" They trail off knowing it wouldn't be smart to finish.

"Even though you were…intimate with a demon. God is benevolent with his children." The priest reaches a hand out to them. "Repent and you shall be forgiven."

----

Mc would run away in this ending but i think its so sad they lost someone very important because they got too close to someone they thought was safe…

There can be other endings too tho! My favorite being mc and asmo leaving the church and being all happily ever after (well as happy as u can be after running off with a demon who attacked a priest in a cathedral and now you can never return to this town cause it's suspicious that you disappeared the day the priest was found dead/half-dead in the building)

Okay that's all! Thanks if you read this far. Hopefully some people liked it Heres a shoddy edit of asmo blocking someone's reflection in the mirror:

[dangermousie]

Mousie’s absolutely subjective, very biased Top 10 web novels list

Please note that this is hardly aiming to be objective, if one can even be properly objective about a work of fiction. It is 110% based on my preferences, which means this list is heavy on the angst and has nothing set in the modern day. It is also heavily danmei-centric, even though I read way more het romance than danmei, because for whatever reason, most of the danmei I’ve read has been insanely good.

10. Return of the Swallow - one of the two non-danmeis on this list. Smart and nuanced and with a large cast of characters. Our heroine is a long-lost daughter of the family that is brought back in and has to cope with familial struggles, crazy royals, court intrigue, invasion et al. It’s SO GOOD! There is romance with the sexy smart enemy general but honestly, it’s the heroine that is the main selling point for me.

9. Transmigrator Meets Reincarnator - the only other non-danmei novel on this list, this was my very first web novel and what drew me into this insanity. This is just a ton of fun, probably the lightest novel on this list, not an ounce of angst to be found. But it’s hilarious and features competent heroine and tsundere hero and I will always love it for opening a new world to me. Anyway, our heroine transmigrates into the novel as the female lead. Unlike the original lead though she doesn’t want to seek adventures and angst - she just wants to comfortably live with the wealthy, nice husband heroine has. Alas, said husband is no longer nice since he has previously lived this story where he was betrayed by FL and then transmigrated/reincarnated into the past. Oh well, the heroine opens up businesses and makes friends. And eventually, her husband realizes his wife is way different this time around. This actually doesn’t have much romance, not until close to the end, but this is so fun I don’t care.

8. Lord Seventh - I am only partway through this so far, but it’s already on the list because it’s smart and somehow intense AND laid-back (not sure how this works, but it does) and is honestly just a really really solid and smart period novel, with the OTP a cherry on top of a narrative sundae. Plus, I love the concept of MC deciding he is not going for his supposedly fated love - he’s tried for six lifetimes, always with disaster, and he’s just plain done and tired. When he opens his life in his seventh reincarnation and sees the person he would have given up the world for, he genuinely feels nothing at all. (Spoiler - his OTP is actually a barbarian shaman this time around, thank you Lord!)

7. Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (MDZS) - oh come on, how are you even on this tumblr if you don’t know MDZS/The Untamed? This was my very first danmei and it’s so much fun! I love everything about it - the unreliable narrator, the looping structure, the main OTP, Wei Wuxian’s laidback, traumatized insouciance, everything. Anyway, the plot in the event you somehow transported here from 2005 is that the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Wei Wuxian, was defeated by the righteous sects over a decade ago and fell of a cliff to his death. Only now that same Wei Wuxian opens his eyes in another body and everything that was supposed to stay in the past starts again.

6. Heaven Official’s Blessing (TGCF) - people either love its meandering narrative, picaresque structure and cast of thousands, or find it a detriment compared to much more compact MDZS. I love it even more than MDZS for those very qualities. It does have a rock-solid, darling OTP, but what really elevates it to me are the MXTX trademark combo of snarky/light tone hiding a ton of trauma underneath, the insanely intricate world-building, and what it has to say about the nature of grace and goodness. Xie Lian is one of my top 5 web novel characters and probably in top 10 from anywhere. Oh, and while MXTX’s stuff is not as angsty for me as Meatbun’s or even Priest’s, there are always exceptions, and there is one chapter in this novel that pretty much broke me and sometimes I still flashback to it and feel unwell.

Anyway, what is it about? There is a commotion in the heavenly realm - Xie Lian, the Crown Prince of a long-destroyed kingdom, has ascended to Godhood. That in itself is not so exciting. However for Xie Lian this is the third time (!!!!) as he’s ascended and lost his godhood twice prior. And now, the biggest joke of the divine realm is back, throwing the heavenly realm into chaos. And elsewhere, Hua Cheng, one of the four most powerful demons of that Universe, sits up and takes notice.

5. Golden Stage - my perfect comfort novel. Probably the least angsty of any danmei novel on this list (which still means plenty angsty :P) It also has a dedicated, smart OTP that is an OTP for the bulk of the book - I think you will notice that in most of the novels in this list, I go for “OTP against the world” trope - I can’t stand love triangles and the same. Anyway, Fu Shen, is a famous general whose fame is making the emperor antsy. When he gets injured and can’t walk any more, the emperor gladly recalls him and marries him off to his most faithful court lackey, the head of sort of secret police, Yan Xiaohan. The emperor intends it both as a check on the general and a general spite move since the two men always clash in court whenever they meet. But not all is at is seems. They used to be friends a long time ago, had a falling out, and one of the loveliest parts of the novel is them finding their way to each other, but there is also finding the middle path between their two very different philosophies and ways of being, not to mention solving a conspiracy or dozen, and putting a new dynasty on the throne, among other things. It always makes me think, a little, of “if Mei Changsu x Jingyan were canon.”

4. Sha Po Lang - if you like a lot of fantasy politics and world-building and steampunk with your novels, this one is for you. This one is VERY plot-heavy with smart, dedicated characters and a deconstruction of many traditional virtues - our protagonist Chang Geng, a long-lost son of the Emperor, is someone who wants to modernize the country but also take down the current emperor his brother for progress’ sake and the person he’s in love with is the general who saved him when he was a kid who is nominally his foster father. Anyway, the romance is mainly a garnish in this one, not even a big side dish, but the relationship between two smart, dedicated, deadly individuals with very different concepts of duty is fascinating long before it turns romantic. And if you like angst, while overall it’s not as angsty as e.g., Meatbun stuff, Chang Geng’s childhood is the stuff of nightmares and probably freaks me out more than anything else in any novel on this list, 2ha included.

3. To Rule In a Turbulent World (LSWW) - gay Minglan. No seriously. This is how I think of it. it’s a slice of life period novel with fascinating characters and setting that happens to have a gay OTP, not a romance in a period setting per se and I always prefer stories where the romance is not the only thing that is going on. It’s meticulously written and smart and deals with character development and somehow makes daily minutia fascinating. Our protagonist, You Miao, is the son of a fabulously wealthy merchant, sent to the capital to make connections and study. As the story starts, he sees his friend’s servants beating someone to death, feels bad, and buys him because, as we discover gradually and organically, You Miao may be wealthy and occasionally immature but he is a genuinely good person. The person he buys is a barbarian from beyond the wall, named Li Zhifeng. It’s touch and go if the man will survive but eventually he does and You Miao, who by then has to return home, gives him his papers and lets him go. However, LZF decides to stick with You Miao instead, both out of sense of debt for YM saving his life and because he genuinely likes him (and yet, there is no instalove on either of their parts, their bodies have fun a lot quicker than their souls.) Anyway, the two take up farming, get involved in the imperial exams and it’s the life of prosperity and peace, until an invasion happens and things go rapidly to hell. This is so nuanced, so smart (smart people in this actually ARE!) and has secondary characters who are just as complex as the mains (for example, I ended up adoring YM’s friend, the one who starts the plot by almost beating LZF to death for no reason) because the novel never forgets that few people are all villain. There is a lovely character arc or two - watching YM grow up and LZF thaw - there is the fact that You Miao is a unicorn in web novels being laid back and calm. This whole thing is a masterpiece.

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - want the emotional hit of 2ha but want to read something half its length? Well, the author of 2ha is here to eviscerate you in a shorter amount of time. This has the beautiful world-building, plot twists that all make sense and, at the center of it all, an intense and all-consuming and gloriously painful relationship between two generals - one aristocratic loner Mo Xi, and the other gregarious former slave general Gu Mang. Once they were best friends and lovers, but when the novel starts, Gu Mang has long turned traitor and went to serve the enemy kingdom and has now been returned and Mo Xi, who now commands the remnants of his slave army, has to cope with the fact that he has never been able to get over the man who stabbed him through the heart. Literally. This novel has a gorgeously looping structure, with flashbacks interwoven into present storyline. There is so much love and longing and sacrifice in this that I am tearing up a bit just thinking of it. If you don’t love Mo Xi and Gu Mang, separately and together, by the end of it, you have no soul.

1. The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha/erha) - if you’ve been following my tumblr for more than a hot second, you know my obsession with this novel. Honestly, even if I were to make a list of my top 10 novels of any kind, not just webnovels, this would be on the list. It has everything I want - a complicated, intricate plot with an insane amount of plot twists, all of which are both unexpected and make total sense, a rich and large cast of characters, a truly epic OTP that makes me bawl, emotional intensity that sometimes maxes even me out and so much character nuance and growth. Also, Moran is my favorite web novel character ever, hands down.

Anyway, the plot (or at least the way it first appears) is that the evil emperor of the cultivation world, Taxian Jun, kills himself at 32 and wakes up in the body of his 16 year old self, birth name Moran. Excited to get a redo, Moran wants to save his supposed true love Shimei, whose death the last go-around pushed him towards evil. He also wants to avoid entanglement with Chu Wanning, his shizun and sworn enemy in past life. And that’s all you are best off knowing, trust me. The only hint I am going to give is oooh boy the mother of all unreliable narrators has arrived!

The novel starts light and funny on boil the frog principle - if someone told me I would be full bawling multiple times with this novel, I’d have thought they were insane, but i swear my eyes hurt by the end of it. I started out being amused and/or disliking the mains and by the end I would die for either of them.

[aerialflight]

Fic Recs (mostly Naruto cause I read too many good fics in the fandom and now I'm in hell)

[Naruto]

Spirit-Touched by phooykazooi

Once upon a time, the Haruno clan were priests. It was said that they were spirit-touched, and that they walked among the downtrodden and the poor, and did not bow to royalty.

Or, an AU in which Sakura can see spirits.

Part 1 of The Realms Between

(Really, and I mean REALLY fantastic Shikamaru & Sakura friendship! Fantastic, beautiful writing, and such good worldbuilding, god, and the Haruno family is so badass!! Sakura and everything she does makes me want to scream!! Please read!)

Final Evaluation by Do_the_Cool_Whip

Progress evaluations are one-on-one consultation meetings between academy students and their teacher. Their purpose is to inform academy students of their strengths and weaknesses and guide them down their ideal path to becoming a strong shinobi. Upon graduating the academy and passing their jounin-sensei test, new genin return to the academy for one final consultation. (Or: The story of what happens when Umino Iruka uses his final meetings with his students as way to send them off to become the best shinobi they can possibly be.)

(Iruka! Is! The! Best! Teacher! Ever! End of story!!! Great interpretation of all the characters and their capabilities and I am so so excited for the sequel that will undoubtedly come! XD)

Celestial Bodies by Oceanbreeze7

Sasuke looked at the fire, eyes glowing red as the mutated corrupted seal on his throat. "Amaterasu blessed me. I see things. Like you with two normal eyes and the Hokage. And Sakura with a seal on her forehead. And I run Chidori through Naruto's heart. I keep trying to kill him. Over and over. And that knuckleheaded idiot never gives up.”

(Don't you get it? I saw it. The moon will bleed, the nations will die. The world is going to end.)

Part 1 of Celestial Bodies and Anomalies

(I swear, this fic freaking elevated my expectations on Sasuke-centric fics in general holy hell. Also, read the fucking sequel after this cause EVERYTHING GOES NUTS AND THE PLOT GOES OFF AND I'M HERE FOR THIS SHIT. Fucking Uchihas man. Also, you wouldn't think this series is funny, but it is, and it's amazing.)

A step to the left (and right off the cliff) by weavingBlue

Team Seven starts off on a different foot and Sasuke's canonical journey to get stronger goes off the rails a bit. It all works out though. Probably.

(This fic went in a direction I didn't expect and it's GLORIOUS. SO FUNNY, I honestly was dying while I was reading this. Please give this a chance!!)

promises by BombsAreForBabies

It's her first kiss and Naruto's last. She promises him that she will bring Sasuke home. It's his dying wish, after all.

(Naruto bleeds out faster than the kyuubi can heal him.

Sakura learns that being a ninja is more than fancy jutsu and fun.

Sasuke does not know that he just killed his best friend and turned his most loyal comrade into his worst enemy.)

(Listen LISTEN I know this sounds depressing but the relationship developments and slow healing is EVERYTHING and I think it's absolutely worth it to read this. Sakura's characterization is so good and Kakashi makes me want to hug him. A lot.)

Fang Under Fang by Vroomian

"Are we sure he's really an Inuzuka?"

(The answer is no.)

-

Someone reborn as Inuzuka Kiba not only has to deal with bullshit ninja magic, but soulmates being A Thing.

(Really good self-insert fic and its platonic soulmates, not romantic! I am always here for a good Kiba-centric fic and I won't say who the soulmate is. It's unexpected but so, so good! Trust me!)

Haunt The Lonely by Tht0neGal666

(Series where Sakura can see ghosts and the Things she gets up to due to this ability. The fics are short but man, you can already see the shifting differences in Team 7's dynamics, it's great!)

Perception by Ellie_Enchanted

Naruto can sense auras, which throws everything off it's balance. Because really, with someone as open as Naruto running around and peering into the depths of people's souls, something is bound to change. In other words, sometimes all that's needed is a push. Also, Sasuke apparently glows.

(Naruto the empath changing the plot and making it Better and I am loving it!)

Crossfire by DejaVu22

Following the events of Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke never makes it to Orochimaru's hideout. Instead, he is waylaid by a one-eyed man named Tobi, a man possessing a Sharingan, a terrifying dual personality, a penchant for always being late, and a single-minded mission to stop the Akatsuki in their tracks. When Sasuke runs into Naruto again years later, he must ally with his old teammate in order to protect him from the Akatsuki, while keeping him out of the two man war Tobi and Sasuke have started against the dangerous organization.

(I honest to god can't stop cackling when I read this, the Sasuke & Obito dynamic is so freaking chaotic and Sasuke's characterization is the best thing I've ever read. This boi is a mEsS and I'm fucking rooting for him. He cares so much! There's secret identity shenanigans happening on sasuke's end and it's HILARIOUS! This is the duo I never thought I needed but here it is! *cackles insanely*)

-

[Diamond no Ace]

Echo in His Hands by SportRayne (rayningnight)

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

What does it mean, when you remember snapshots of your own future?

Is it your future at all, if you change it?

Would you even want to change it?

(Look I am WEAK for BAMF Eijun and time travel fics and Miyuki being a tanuki bastard, okay? Time travel fic where Eijun gets feelings of people he knew before in the future. Really good so far and am so excited over this fic!)

The path we walk by WindsOfTime

Ship: Miyuki/Sawamura

Eijun goggles at the magazine she just shoved into his hands. "W-Wakana!" "I know!" she says, beaming. "That's my soulmate!!" "I know!!" "My soulmate plays baseball!!"

(Became such an instant fave so fast it's unbelievable. I LOVE THESE IDIOTS SO MUCH! Best soulmate fic in this fandom, hands down!)

-

[One Piece]

switching places by fireflywitch

Zoro is 21 and wakes up in a desert they already saved, on a ship that they burned two years ago, and standing next to a man who is supposed to be dead. Except, that can’t be right, can it?

Zoro is 19 and wakes up on a ship that’s too big, next to a robot wearing a swimsuit, and he’s supposed to fight something called a Kaido. Also, he’s missing an eye, and no one’s even a little worried about it?

(or)

Time travel is a shitshow, and Zoro didn't sign up for this.

(FUCKING HILARIOUS ZORO IS THE BEST PERSON TO SEND BACK IN TIME CAUSE HE'D BE TERRIBLE YET FANTASTIC AT IT I CAN'T MAN FIEWNOPFEW)

No Time To Crank The Sun by VIKAN

He’s surrounded by strangers, but they’re all trying to convince him otherwise. Or, Zoro faces a mysterious and relentless challenge that he just can’t wrap his head around.

(This ripped my heart open, I cried reading this my god. Please read this, the pain is so worth it and Zoro and his relationship with his crew is so good here. This reminded me why I love the Straw Hats so much!)

-

[Fairy Tail]

to learn about a lucy (with a look into the future.) by るる凪 - nagi (arurun)

A watching the future fanfic.

It's currently X781, three years before canon. A group of Fairy Tail mages find themselves in a large building, with no known way out.

They sit down, and they watch the future.

(This is so much more fun than I thought it would be and I'm so happy I found this fic. This fic reignited my old love for this fandom and I hope it does for you too!)

-

[Harry Potter]

sunflowers by Marnie27

One day, a young girl sits on the edge of a well. On this day, she falls in. Then the next, she’s not even a ‘she’ anymore. He’s Peter Pettigrew — doomed to die at the hands of his (betrayed) friend’s son.

Peter is selfish, bitter and brash. He’s not some fairy tale hero, he doesn’t care if everyone around him dies, as long as he lives. The marauders are annoying and childish. Survival is his priority, and he can’t afford to face distractions.

This just makes the fact that soulmates are now apparently a thing all the more godawful.

(And then another day years later he falls into an entirely new impossibility, Remus Lupin in tow, right into the third book of Harry Potter. Smack bang on the other Peter Pettigrew’s grave).

It’s confusing and graceless, and entirely something that would happen to him of all people.

(Self-insert fic where a girl reincarnates into Peter Pettigrew! And there are soulmates! And it's angsty and hilarious and Peter is an Asshole (somewhat unintentionally lol). Always a fan of biased pov fics and characters slowly improving themselves and their mental health! Cause dying! Is! Traumatic! *smiley face* Please read!)

-

[Crossovers]

he's a killer queen, sunflower, guillotine by hoye

Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter

He has to be the weirdest Hufflepuff Harry’s ever seen. Scratch that, he’s the weirdest Hufflepuff Hogwarts has ever seen.

(One thing everyone could agree on: NEVER call Edward Elric short.)

(This is peak Edward Elric and all the best things about him and I'm just having a Good Time. Friendships! Logical solutions! Marauder screentime! And so much More! *bright grin* It's a fun place here!)

[qqueenofhades]

Everytime I read "Nicolo di Genova" my brain glitches and I read "Nicolo do Genovia" instead so /whispers/ Kaysanova Princess Diaries AU?

...yes. Did someone say Gay Champagne Romcom? Because that is my Brand.

Nicolò is an Italian-American graduate student living in New York City with his widowed Italian mother and working on an engineering degree at NYU. He was thinking about joining the priesthood for a few years and recently dropped out of seminary and is feeling that Millennial Crisis that all of us know about. He has gone on a few Tinder/Grindr dates, but it’s hard enough to meet someone in this city even when you’re not a gay ex-priest engineering student living in his mother’s rent-controlled apartment in Morningside Heights because have you seen the property prices in New York. Plus WHENEVER he brings a nice boy home, HEY PRESTO there’s his mom waiting eagerly up in the front room, “NICOLÒ WHO IS THIS HANDSOME YOUNG MAN, DOES HE HAVE GOOD PARENTS, IS HE A CATHOLIC NICOLÒ” and of course that instantly kills any kind of romantic mood. Nicolò is like “let’s just go over to yours PLEASE.” But he tends not to see his dates again anyway, and it’s equally depressing, and it’s nice that his mom isn’t homophobic or anything, but he’d like to just meet someone without his mother instantly planning the Big Fat Gay Italian Wedding, and yes he knows this is a nice problem to have but STILL

Anyway, then of course the Dead Dad Circus rolls into town, and Nicolò learns that he’s not actually the son of a nice hardworking Italian immigrant, but of His Serene Highness Prince Domenico Grimaldi of Genovia, who wouldn’t you know it, has recently died too young from cancer and left no legitimate heir except the result of his rebellious teen fling with a cocktail waitress in Capri – which would be, you guessed it, Nicolò. While Nicolò is still processing the horrifying mental image of his mother being a cocktail waitress in Capri and having to look up Genovia on a map, the rest of the royal machine is kicking into overdrive. This involves a very awkward meeting in a very fancy Manhattan hotel with Nicolò’s magnificent but rather out-of-touch royal grandmother, Her Serene Highness The Queen Mother Maria Elisabetta Henrietta Julia Victoria Mignonette Grimaldi of Genovia. She’s basically Julie Andrews because obviously. She informs Nicolò of his Solemn Duty to return to Genovia and become Prince Nicolò and eventually be prepared to take the throne and submit to a fascinating life of minor European royal family ribbon-cutting duties. Oh, and getting married and producing more heirs to the throne, on pain of breaking a thousand-year-old bloodline, though she doesn’t say this out loud. Her loyal right-hand man, driver, and general bodyguard/fixer/man about town, Sebastien le Livre aka Booker, gives Nicolò various sympathetic looks but does not interrupt.

Nicolò obviously freaks out and runs off to call up his best friend at NYU, Andy. Andy is some indeterminate degree of years older than him, in some indeterminable stage of her Classics PhD, and sometimes says weird things like how badly the Library of Alexandria had already been defunded by the Roman emperors before it finally burned, like she was there and holds a personal grudge about it. She is a cranky vodka-drinking lesbian who rides a motorcycle, gets them into periodic scrapes, and understands his shit dating life. She deeply empathizes with all his “I’m not going to run away and leave my life in New York to become part of some creakingly antique regressive imperial monarchic system of racist and homophobic oppression, NO SIR!” Fight the power, Nicolò. Fuck those guys.

Of course, however, Julie Andrews Grandmother Maria prevails and Nicolò is forced to take Prince Lessons, which he hates but tries to be a good sport about, because, well, he’s Nicolò and he’s a good person. He is then whisked off on a private plane to Genovia, because they want to see him in situ before they make a final decision on accepting him as their prince. There of course we have the high-life palaces and parks and snooty clueless aristocrats who look at Nicolò like he’s a prize racehorse and have absolutely zero clue, none, nada, about the real world. Just as Nicolò is about to firmly decide that this is a complete crock of shit and he’s going back to NYU, he meets….

Prince Yusuf “call me Joe” al-Kaysani.

Joe is a minor member of one of the Middle Eastern royal families, some fictional tiny Gulf kingdom that is super SUPER oil rich. He has a title and a lot of money but doesn’t have a clearly defined role in the family, other than that he’s been ordered not to embarrass it. Nicky does not know this when they first meet, but obviously it’s not possible to be an out gay prince in a conservative Arabian-peninsula Islamic kingdom, and therefore the fixers have arranged for Joe to be publicly dating a daughter of the Malaysian sultan, Quynh. (We are making her Malaysian in this instance so she can also be Muslim and hence an appropriate match for Joe.) Except Princess Quynh is also hella lesbian and is getting the same thing out of the fake dating with Joe that he is, i.e. throwing people off the scent of their real selves. They spend their time together in private eating popcorn, commiserating about their lives and crazy royal families and the press invading their privacy, watching romcoms, and Judging the Straights. They’re actually best friends and text each other all the time, so at the royal function where Joe runs into the stiff and nervous and clearly overcompensating New Guy who’s evidently the New Prince of Genovia, and oh my god Q he’s the Most stuck up person I’ve EVER MET, Quynh is the first to hear ALL about it. She immediately suspects that Joe doth protest too much.

Meanwhile, Nicky meets Nile Freeman, another young American (from Chicago, obvs) who is working at some important EU institution currently headquartered in Genovia. They also hit it off and Nile tells Nicky about the things she wants to do to help change the world and why she’s here, and he is moved by her kindness and altruism and remembers that that was what he wanted too, and why he joined the priesthood in the first place. He opens up to her about the shock of learning the truth about his now-dead dad and the crazy whirlwind he’s been sucked into and how he doesn’t know what to do, and their friendship is beautiful and we love it.

Meanwhile, of course, Nicky and Joe keep running into each other and getting on each other’s nerves, Nicky is thisclose to calling up Booker and ordering him to deport Joe because why is he always here (Booker, of course, will eventually become a secret ally in helping them see each other, but that is not quite yet). There is some Shenanigan where they end up both getting into trouble, Grandmother Julie Andrews is not amused, and finally they are forced to sit next to each other for a whole state dinner and Be Polite, because Genovia is trying to forge better relations with Joe’s kingdom. (Genovia is tiny, ancient, and broke, Joe’s kingdom has obviously a ton of money, there are old historical ties between them, some Genovians traveled to the kingdom in the past, Genovia’s trying to improve its human rights record and take in more refugees, etc. Nile is also helping with this last). So Nicky and Joe get ordered to fake a highly convincing bromance and pretend they’ve been best buddies all along (think Red White and Royal Blue) and that means they have to actually learn about each other and spend time together and ugh, he’s a spoiled rich playboy brat, and ugh, he’s a clueless American who thinks he’s better than us, and…

Oh no.

Yes, of course they fall in love, they deny it as hard as they can, Nile and Quynh and Booker are all increasingly exasperated by their attempts to pretend they’re not, and finally they kiss and make love and admit their feelings and that they want to be together. Then of course they get outed by some scheming evil cabinet minister (Merrick) who doesn’t want Nicky to become king and disapproves of him dating (gasp) a MUSLIM WHO IS ALSO A MAN, and there’s a huge scandal and a ton of drama and the usual Romcom Breakup Angst as they decide whether they can still see each other. Andy flies out to Genovia to comfort Nicky, Booker has a Word With The Queen, and Joe hides in his room until Quynh (along with Nile, who she’s met and hit it off with) appears to tell him that he has to be brave, she’ll help.

Anyway, etc etc., Drama, “I love him no matter what, if you don’t accept him you don’t accept me and your STUPID BLOODLINE CAN CHOKE” speeches from Nicky, Julie Andrews sees the light, they decide that Nicky and Joe can keep seeing each other, and it’s all rather sweet. There’s a lot of public relations to be managed and whether Joe’s family is going to disown him and what this will mean for the whole international relations thing, but… one thing at a time.

Nicky agrees to become Prince of Genovia as long as he can be with Joe, Joe decides that hey, he likes Nile too and there’s plenty of meaningful work to be had here and the three of them can join forces to do good things and he’s going to stay, and the Genovian public obviously comes around and loves them. Nobody can find Princess Quynh. It’s rumored she ran off to America with a cranky vodka-drinking PhD student of indeterminate age and was last seen on the back of a motorcycle heading west.

Everyone lives happily and gayly ever after.

The End.

[twinrowcitizennews]

snapshot

Note from the editor:

This is the first letter of this nature that I’ve received from someone who wanted their question published. Other than editing for formatting and grammar, it’s in their own words and their own words alone. Please send an email or ask if you know how to solve their problem-- and quickly. 

I have to warn you, this letter isn’t for those who are put on edge easily. Reader discretion is advised. 

I don’t know if I’ll still be around by the time this is posted, but that doesn’t matter. So long as this reaches whoever might need it. 

I first saw it last October. The 27th, I think. Kind of cliché for this sort of thing to be happening right around Halloween, but truth is stranger than fiction. It was late in the evening, almost nighttime, when I saw this stray dog roaming around in my front yard. I grabbed my dog’s leash and went to get it, thinking I could keep it in my backyard until I could find the owners, but the second I left the front step, it started off towards the bike trail. I sped up to a jog and followed it, hoping not to scare it off any further. 

The bike trail veers away from the neighborhood and through this piece of undeveloped land that separates the suburbs from a nearby farm. The dog was mostly sticking to the path, moving along at a trot, stopping every once in a while to look over its shoulder and wag its tail, like it was waiting for me to catch up before starting off again. After a few minutes of this, I called for it-- tried to whistle, asked it to heel, etc. It came over when I pretended to have a treat in my hand, holding my fist out like there was something inside. When it leaned over to sniff, I clipped a leash on its collar, a simple fabric band without any tags or ID. I’d never seen the dog before, so I got out my phone and took a picture of it to post to the neighborhood Facebook page, asking if anyone knew its owner, before walking it back to my place and letting it out in the fenced back yard. After feeding my own dog, I sat down to check Facebook to see if there was any response. 

No one recognized the dog from the photo. One comment asked me who was standing in the background. 

There hadn’t been anyone else in the woods, as far as I remembered, but I double-checked the photo anyway. In the background, about 20 feet away, it looked like there was a figure-- vague, kind of person-shaped if you squinted-- standing just to the side of the bike path. It was all indistinct and fuzzy. Probably just a smudge on the lens. I responded to the comment before trying to clean off the lens on my shirt, then taking another photo down the hallway to see if the smudge was gone. There didn’t seem to be anything. The rest of the night was relatively normal. 

The next morning, I ended up trying to clear out my camera roll, to save some room for any pictures I might take of my baby cousins in their costumes. I deleted a bunch of screenshots, old photos, and the image of the dog, before going to delete the hallway picture. 

The smudge was still there. Like before, it was around 20 or so feet from where I’d been standing when I took the photo, around the size and height of a person. Unlike before, it was peering around the corner from the door to the bathroom. 

I was freaked out some, to be honest.  I scrubbed the lens down with a Lysol wipe and took another photo down the hallway, trying to prove to myself it was just some sort of shadow. Nothing that would show up in the daylight. And it didn’t-- nothing strange, no smudge, just a block of sunlight from the windows. I didn’t delete the picture from the night before, though. Just in case. 

It was a few more weeks before I took another nighttime photo. My cousins are too young to stay up late, so they’d been out trick-or-treating around 5:00 in the evening, back before it was even dark, so I didn’t really take anything on Halloween. The dog was returned to its owner a few days after, so nothing there, either. 

It was around the middle of November when I ended up catching it again. I was on a nighttime walk and passed the home of this older couple down the road who always put up their outdoor Christmas decorations about a month too early. I wanted to get a picture of the setup-- they had this new animatronic Santa, sitting on a throne and waving to the road. I can promise that no one else was in the yard. I used the flash (on accident, but still), and if someone was there, I would have seen them. When I got home, I sent the picture to a friend of mine for her to make fun of. She messaged back with a few laughing emojis before asking who took the photo.  

(ID: Two texts from my friend reading “lol” and “really who took it”. My response says “wdym?”. She responded with two texts saying “I see you in the background, genius” and “just vibing by the garage”. End ID.)

I checked the photo again. By the house’s garage, a little under 20 feet from where I’d been, was a clearer, more distinct figure. For once, I could make out its face. 

I don’t know who or what it is, or how it got there, but it definitely looked like me. It was even wearing my clothing, had its hair done the same way, everything. Just standing there and smiling for the photo, like someone just out of frame was telling it to say cheese, looking right into the camera. 

I immediately turned all the lights on that I could reach. I almost deleted the photo, staring at it for too long, before closing out of Photos and reopening my camera. I figured this had to be some weird hallucination or something I was making up, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying. I aimed the camera down the hall and took a video. Nothing. I checked it, sliding the scrub bar back and forth to inspect each individual frame. All of them were just empty, illuminated hallway. That didn’t shake the feeling, though, so I turned the hall light off and tried again. Nothing showed up on this video, either. I took a photo. 

It was there. Again. It wasn’t peeking out from around anything, just standing in the middle of the hallway, the same distance it had been from the camera in the yard. 

I didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. 

I ended up searching the internet as much as I could for anyone with similar experiences. I saw things about ghosts, things about illusions, things about solid doppelgangers that people saw with their own eyes and not through pictures, but nothing like this. Over the weeks and months that followed, I took investigating into my own hands. 

My fears were quieted some-- some-- when, after the first few nights, I realized that it wasn’t hurting me. It never even moved, staying in the same poses each night. The only change was, no matter where I was, inside or outside, it was always the same distance away.

I started taking pictures almost obsessively. Every day, every night, I tried something new. I tried every condition I could think of to see when and where this thing would show up. It became a part of my routine-- almost a companion. I’d even jokingly wish it goodnight. 

I could put walls between myself and it. At one point, I stood inside my closet and took a picture, only showing racks of coats and clothes. It could be seen through windows, if there was no room for it to appear indoors. I could take pictures out my bedroom window to show it standing right there outside the window on the front walk. It always looked exactly like me, down to the smallest detail, except for the face. It never had any expression other than a smile. No matter where I was, inside or outside, it could be there. I got pictures of it at home, at work, out of town. It never showed up in well-lit photos. Things in the dark with flash were okay, but it would just be a little indistinct. Dimmer lighting, pictures taken at night, all of that was free game. I never got a picture of it in daylight. 

Around February, I sat down and tried to sort all the successful photos into one album to clear up my camera roll. At this point, it was mostly just pictures of the thing, since I was sometimes taking up to dozens a night. I deleted all the failures, saving all the pictures of it into one album. That’s when I noticed.

It was getting closer.

I guess I had ignored it over the first months. It had been too gradual for me to notice, only an inch or two each night, but looking at all the photos in order, it was obvious. Instead of being around 20 feet away, the thing was closer to 15, still just standing and smiling.

I had to tell myself it was coincidence, or something I was imagining, or I think I would’ve done something I’d regret later just then. Now that I knew it could move, I didn’t really think of it as a friend anymore. 

I kept taking pictures throughout the following months. Only at night. It stopped showing up outside my bedroom window-- in retrospect, probably because the ground wasn’t close enough for it anymore. It stopped lurking at the end of the hallway, drawing nearer until it was standing right there in the living room. It started putting its hands against the glass of the kitchen windows. Then it started showing up at the kitchen table. 

I got desperate, some. I tried everything. I burned incense, I tried to talk to it, I bought fucking crystals. I’m an atheist, but I even considered calling a priest or something. All spring, I was constantly scrambling to find some way to get that thing to leave, or at least stop moving. Every night I took more pictures, too many, before scrolling through my photo album with a looming sense of dread. Nothing worked. It kept coming, slowly, always dressed like me and always doing that smile. It got close enough that I could see the whites of its eyes. I almost wish I could say that there was something messed up about it, something that made it obviously inhuman or dead or anything, but there wasn’t. It was just me, just exactly like me, and somehow that was worse. 

I’m sending this in now because it’s really close and I don’t know how to make it go away or if that’s even an option anymore. These past few nights, it’s been right in front of me-- I could reach out and touch it, if it was solid. Hell, I could probably feel its breath, if it had that. I’ve been taking pictures every hour or so, sometimes every couple of minutes.

Last night, around the fifth or sixth picture I took, it wasn’t there. Just gone. I took a few more pictures, and it didn’t matter where I was, it just wasn’t there. I don’t know why I did it, but I turned the camera around to selfie mode and took a shot. 

That thing was standing right behind me.

One of its hands was hovering right over my shoulder, like it was about to touch me. I freaked out and took another picture. It hadn’t moved more than a hair. I turned all the lights on and haven’t slept. 

I’m not sleeping tonight. I’m not turning any of the lights off. It can’t get to me if the lights are on, or I hope so. If anyone knows what to do or what this thing is, please respond. It might already be too late, but I don’t know what this thing will do or who it’ll go for when it’s done with me. I don’t have much advice to give, other than to sleep with the fucking lights on.

[innermoonlight-bhe]

Me, again, on Destiel. Please read.

I’ve been having problems all this month. And while I was self-exploring the reasons of my uneasiness, I tracked it back to 15x18. When I first watched the episode I had lots of unresolved feelings. I felt happy and at the same time really distressed. After waiting for two week for the end of Supernatural I thought those feelings would disappear but they just kept on getting stronger. I began feeling stressed and, this last two weeks, feelings just empty. I had no desire to do anythings, like I was lost. Yesterday I realized why and got me sad and mad at the same time. I don’t want to take a lot of time writing this but there are too many emotions and rational thoughts that don’t let me sleep at night. 

This is why I want to divide this text into two parts:The first one being the queerbating debate on internet. This includes the normalization of heterosexual relationships, audiences, plots and writing, marketing and advertising, and other things that have to do with t.v. industry. In specific, the rare case of CW and its treatment of the whole Supernatural family. In the second part I would like to focus on my personal experience, which I’m sure is same to most people who were left all alone in this Destiel world of disappointment. This last one you can decide to ignore or share with me. The one that i’m most interested is that you read the first part, even though it can seem a little out of context, since I’ll be referring to another tv shows of the CW.

 FIRST PART THEN OF THE DESTIEL OPINION:When I was left so sad after the queerbaiting I began watching a famous soup opera aka telenovela, called Yo soy Betty, la fea. It’s famous worldwide and I felt it like a comfort home after all the Destiel drama. It made me happy because the story plot is only one: the heterosexual couple that falls in love. Of course I’m reducing this too much, but the point is that yesterday, after I finished watching it, I realized that even though the main couple had problems at the end the audience knew they would’ve ended together. It did happen, in the anti-last episode, same as in supernatural and the Cas confession. The two further episodes centered on the happy conclusion on the story. There are clear points to establish:

Point 1:  Supernatural was born as a serious mainly centered on two heterosexual man traveling all along a country hunting monsters while looking for a father. Meanwhile a classic telenovela centers on a love couple who fight against everythings to be together; in this case it’s establish since the beginning and no one will except anything else. 

Point 2: Meanwhile telenovela’s audiences are destined to be woman, wanting to follow the classic love story; Supernatural was being male focused actually did excepted woman but also men watchers. Supernatural had a largest specter of viewers.

Point 3: Telenovelas are not willing to change the story for the audiences desires. They work with practical and classic formulas that rarely will fail. There’s no necessity to receive a feedback to complete. Supernatural and tv series, on the other hand, actually need the feedback from the viewers because on it depends their permanency on the screen. 

Supernatural needed to keep their viewers high so the show could continue. I’m gonna leave the classic telenovela out for a moment. It’s important settling this differences to approximate myself to the basic point of my madness: how unethical is the queerbaiting.The public opinion changes, and The CW having clear this is very know to keep in touch with fans wishes and needs. In the case of Jane the Virgin, a barely combination of the telenovela classic plot but in a tv series way, had a big “change” with one of their main characters: Petra. Her connection with the main character, Jane, was noted and wanted by many of the viewers. But the show’s creator knew that main plot (point 1)was a girl who accidentally gets pregnant and eventually falls in love with the love of her life, Rafael. So the show writers wouldn’t just change this main plot in order to make a couple happen, so instead they gave the public what they wanted by making Petra bisexual and introducing a perfect girl for her, also called Jane, to deliver the wish of fans. This relationship worked purely and on its on. The reactions with Petra bisexuality were low, and they took care of it as if it was something normal and not anything that needed satanizing. No one could be expected to freak, not even Petra’s twins. Even though the first seasons Petra only had male relationships. This is a good thing that The CW did, but they didn’t do this out of the goodness of their heart: they did it for views and for the audience (point 2). Jane the virgin was also planned to have female audiences and to treat serious social issues respecting sexuality and love. This is why it didn’t came as a surprise. 

Then why did Destiel couldn’t happen? Because the CV is homophobic? Probably there’s some of this in it, but the reality it’s they weren’t giving up on the part of the audience that is actually homophobic, or that at least won’t feel comfortable watching a heterosexual character discover himself as bi. The thing of the audiences is important because the “ambiguity” in which Cas’ confession was treated worked perfectly for them: it gave exactly the sufficient enough to keep us happy, meaning while keeping the perfect amount of “friendship”. So anyone can take whatever they want for the story. By this part I understand why they wanted to deal with this confession in an ambiguous way: to please everybody. But why did they wanted to please everybody? It wasn’t out of kindness of their heart, it was for views.The whole queerbaiting debate has being on the tables for a long time but we also ignore the unethical implications on it. It has been used by many contemporary media, to hint at something that the producers are not expecting to happen any time. And even though, they keep on teasing us. This is highly unethical because the reason behind them is the accumulation of money. Supernatural survived because of Destiel. I resisted myself to say this because I had respect for the series until I stopped watching around season 10. The story and plots were doom, repetitive and boring at times. We keep watching for the emotions caused by the supernatural family. Not only Destiel but Sam and all of the characters. The original plot explained in the point 1 was lost and blurred, we were far away from that premise and that was why the finale episode feel just bad. 

The show had chances to grow without losing the origina plot but also confronting change and accept that sometimes, things must pass and you have to move. Destiel was an important support of the show, the views and year after year renovation of the series. Pointing at the queerbaiting has lost its meaning if we forgot why they do it, why they keep on doing this even though it makes us feel bad. This affects the shows work in perspective because it changes the plot and natural progression of the story. For the queerbaiting, they have scenes that are forgotten next episodes like they never happened. I’m a literature student and the first thing they say to us is that a scene, even a word, should be taken so seriously that it actually work on the long road of the story. In Destiel we have beautiful, all heart breaking scenes of Cas and Dean being romantic, closed, just in love. The Dean’s confession were he admitted to the priest he wanted to experience new things, the Castiel’s love confession, and others are an example of how this scenes have a space in the show but are still isolated from the original story. They don’t play a part in the bigger image. That’s why we don’t see Dean talk to Sam about Cas, this is why they are so many Destiel plots left unsolved. I have a small memory of an old lady assuring Dean that he’s in love, even though we haven’t seen in a long time a female in Dean’s life (Dean, who the first four seasons flirted with e v e r y woman he met.  Because producers and writers can let this scenes happen as long as it doesn’t change the main characters. Even, they are willing to let us think that Cas could be bi but Dean isn’t, by not having him say anything after Cas says I love you. And to be honest, we didn’t except much. 

We knew that we were clowning and it’s not like we excepted a love making scene from those two. We raised our expectations after 15x18 and not after. A lot of us were waiting on the finale to bring joy even though we never actually imagined it would go canon. 15x18 lifted expectations very few had and that lots, myself for instance, returned to watch after hearing Destiel was semi-canon. It brought back feelings, I got to rewatch supernatural to enter the atmosphere once again... So it was perfect for the CW. On one hand, the biggest queerbaiting on history gave them back for 15x19 and 15x20 all the fandom they had lost for the previous queerbaiting and tiredness of waiting. And also, they keep the antis and the homophobe watching. It was perfectly staged and nothing else was expecting. Something similar happen with Jane the virgin. With the death of Michael (I rather shipped more Jane with Michael) a lot of fans stopped watching. This was planned since the beginning and they actually gave us a fake death and then the real one. I actually stopped watching one season of Jane the virgin after his death because I was devastated, even though since the beginning everything pointed at Jane ending up with Rafael. Her connection with Michael was lovely and pure love. But after killing him off they wrote the relationship of Jafael so perfectly, not rushed or anything: it developed in a way that her relationship with Michael was intact but finished by death. It was a hard punch but at the end we ended up to accept her relationship with Rafael because of the clear progression between the characters. But, at the end of the series, at the last season they decided it was good idea to bring Michael back from the death and have her chose Rafael, after all of the progress It took for her to forget Michael. The changed her and all of the perspective of love changed for the show. It made thing that soul mates don’t exist, that all the love Jane felt for Michael disappear after having a whole season of her suffering for her lost, after she wrote her first book for him. It would’ve been so much better for the story if Michael stayed death. 

So the things is it’s not only queerbaiting on homosexual couples, but the whole idea that they need to have a huge audiences watching their last seasons. I returned to watch Jane the virgin excepting for Michael. This awful thing they do. Just for views and gain of capital bothers me and its what makes me angry. In the case of Supernatural it’s also a topic of homophobia and the fear that the homophobia of a few will ruin the views of series finales. An as I considere the unethical implications is why I would love to have them apologize to us. It’s like a person promising the stars and stopping you to move on, while they know nothing will happen. They use us as numbers to gain money and attention. The decision that I and a lot of people took to unfollow all of The CW accounts is no radical. It’s a little if we take into account all of the money they made from the unethical queerbaiting. It causes me a lot of anger and actually feel like a I need an apology because I felt used and dirty. This is the fault of the industry and the CW has a fame of doing so.

 PART 2: 

This will be little in comparison. Now I want to get to the sad sentimental part. I felt all empty because four years ago that I stopped watching I also stopped talking to the love of my life. Hearing about Destiel had me going back to moments. I even desired to talk to him again to tell him that I wasn’t all wrong. Destiel wasn’t platonic or an illusion. it has clearly staged to makes us think it could happen. It’s not the story of an angel who falls for a human, that gives everything up for him, that loves him. After his confession is the story of unrequited love. Dean never says it back and it’s a feeling that a lot of people have suffered. To love someone and not having them saying them back, of the relationship that never ends but at the end it’s one of the most important. This one I talked about I never dated, I never kissed, but he’s the man i’ve loved the most in my life. Having Castiel saying I love you and never receiving anything back, giving his life and no one saving him, it’s just heartbreaking for all of us who have constantly giving everything without expecting anything in return. At the same time it’s the story of a a couple that never happens but that should have. The same reflexion as always: if it were heterosexual it would’ve happen long time ago. But it also happens in real life, that if time alined, if things were in other way relationships would’ve happen with people in our lives.I had a lot of more feelings for Destiel, but that would be for another time. Right now I just realized why made me, personally, feed angry and sad. I realized I was a Cas to someone else. I realized I was used by a network. The queerbaiting actually has psychology repercussion on us, and it’s something they fail to understand. Accepting that I was affected by a tv show took me a hard time. I didn’t know how to explain to others why this had me absence for week, I thought I was ridiculous and week. I felt bad but know I realized I’m not wrong. It’s not my fault but it’s years of messing with out feelings on purpose. Some day i’ll write an essay on this. I have to much to say but I end it with this:

The media manipulates our emotions and doesn’t take any responsibility whatsoever. 

Don’t trust the media.

(Sorry for the bad english, I’m mexican. But at least Destiel is canon in my language). 

[mythgirlimagines]

Just in time for this week’s Tuesday, I have a special little talentswap! Speeding her way into your inbox with her delivery in hand is Myth, the Former Ultimate Delivery Girl.

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BACKSTORY AND TALENT

As the third and youngest daughter of two restaurant owners, Myth more or less grew up in her parent’s restaurant, known as “Heart’s Kitchen”. Unfortunately, it‘s safe to say that Myth lacked the cooking skills of both her parents and older sisters. However, her true ability lies in physical stamina and running speed, which makes her the perfect person to conduct deliveries, while her parents and sisters are busy cooking and waiting tables. Being part of both the track and gymnastics club at her school really helps with delivery speed and traversing the dangerous parts of the massive town that she lives in. To this day, Myth has always been able to deliver her parent’s food in 30 minutes or less, no matter how far or dangerous the intended location is. It’s safe to say that she has interacted with various colorful personalities in her high-speed career. 

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RELATIONSHIPS

Wyre Anon, Former Ultimate Tailor

As the owner of “Ripped Seams”, only the greatest tailor shop in all of town, Wyre holds the honor of being Myth’s first ever customer, and is Myth’s best friend to this very day. Despite being rough and tough, Wyre’s craftsmanship when it comes to their famous suits is truly unparalleled. Ever since they first met, Myth knows exactly what Wyre’s usual is: high-grade yakiniku that’s light on the sauce so Wyre’s high-class suits won’t get stained. Sometimes though, Wyre wishes Myth could take a break once in a while. Wyre may stay up all night perfecting the seams on their suits, but Myth is truly on an entirely different level. 

Outfit: Glasses, tanned overcoat over a white dress shirt and an orange bowtie, matching tan pants, brown loafers.

Anon Scar, Ultimate Barista

Scar, or “The Supreme High Lord of the Liquid Realm“, as she is called on the job, runs the atmospheric and esoteric “Witch‘s Brew”, a coffee shop famous for its horror aesthetic and the fantasy personas that all the staff have on the job. Scar and Myth regularly cross paths, for they both have jobs in food service and similar workaholic personalities, much to the concern of the people around her. Sometimes, when Scar’s hands are tied, she entrusts Myth with delivering her fresh and hot coffee and pastries to customers all around town. Myth’s speed and efficiency means that the coffee/pastries arrive at the door still hot. 

Outfit: A black hooded cloak, smudged-up eyeshadow, purple gloves, mask, scarf and boots from original design. 

Fusion Anon, Ultimate Samurai

Living on the rural outskirts of the large town, Fusion lives in an old-fashioned temple with his younger brother, parents, and paternal grandparents, who also happen to be samurai and the last surviving members of his once-prestigious clan. Fusion usually spends his time training with his family members, and this has worked up quite the appetite in him. Myth delivers Fusion his daily fix of 10 full bento boxes. Myth also learned that, despite Fusion’s large and threatening appearance and talent, he is very friendly, loyal and protective of others, a bit like a father. Fusion thinks Myth has the potential to be the perfect kunoichi. 

Outfit: A large afro tied into a man bun, a white haori, bandaged-up arms and hands, blue hakama pants with a brown scabbard that houses his longsword, white socks, brown sandals. 

Fusion Anon II, Ultimate Revolutionary

Having once lived in the poorer parts of the town, Fusion II has led a rebellion with her fellow lower-class brethren against the corrupt government, and now it is one of the nicer parts of town. Fusion II regularly sees Myth delivering food around town, and views Myth as a slave to her job, and just wishes Myth could chill out and take a break. But she couldn’t deny that Myth’s stunts are awesome and her food is delicious, especially the veggie sliders. Myth remembered when the town was a dangerous slum that she had to parkour around, and internally thanks Fusion II for making her job easier. 

Outfit: Black leather jacket with shoulder spikes, ripped jeans, a red megaphone clipped to her belt, spiked boots that add to her height, sunglasses and undershirt from original design. 

Just Anon, Ultimate Thanatologist

Because of Janon’s talent and appearance, you would expect him to be somber and emo, and you would be right in that assumption. But as hard as Janon tries to come off as an angsty and cynical jerk, he has a soft spot for children and regularly stays beside them and comforts them in their death-related grief. Myth regularly delivers last meals to people are planning to die soon, so she definitely saw Janon at his job. Janon would never admit it, but he is seriously concerned about Myth’s work schedule One look at Myth was all it took for Janon to know that Myth will die from overworking herself.

Outfit: A black skeleton themed hoodie and matching face mask, black eyeshadow, formal wear from his original design.

Sparkle Anon, Former Ultimate Priestess

Having grown up raised by overly religious folks, Sparkle was fed information about the Holy Book day after day and is very knowledgeable regarding virtues, vices and history of her religion. Sparkle has also managed to convince people of various other fates to convert to her own fate, and is hailed by the town as a kind and charismatic soul. Sparkle’s loud voice really helps her in her religious sermons and other events that she was asked to host. Myth regularly delivers Heart’s Kitchen’s food to Sparkle in the priestess’s off-days, with the restaurant’s famous fluffy bread being Sparkle’s personal favorite.

Outfit: A priest’s cassock with a sparkly rosary necklace, blue slip-on shoes, glasses from original design. 

Egg Anon, Former Ultimate Card Shark, and Wet Sock Anon, Former Ultimate Gunslinger

Residing in one of the most crime-ridden and seediest sections of town, Egg and Wet Sock are feared entities in the town’s underground crime ring, with Egg being the brains and Wet Sock being the brawn. Myth regularly has to watch her back or else the Freak Twins will jump from the shadows and do cursed things to her order. Without even missing a step, Myth manages to parkour and dodge any accosting and shooting attempts by the Freak Twins and get the order delivered on time, much to the irritation of the diabolical duo, who just wants the busy delivery girl to stop sapping illegally-earned money out of them.

Outfit: White dress shirts, brown vests, black pants, black heeled boots, glasses from original designs, Egg’s vest buttons resemble card suits and Wet Sock has brown holsters that house black pistols.

Curious Anon, Jr. Ultimate Drummer

Having been suckered into joining a garage metal band that was eventually named “Ruined Petals”, Curious is renowned by metal fans for their straight face and stoic demeanor despite their wild fashion and fast-paced drumming.Despite thier passive personality, Curious is renowned by their bandmembers for being the heart of the band and the glue that holds the band together. Curious’s bandmates regularly orders Heart’s Kitchen’s famous spicy wings and Myth is always there with their order. They regularly order the wings to watch Curious eat them with utensils and without even flinching.

Outfit: Hair that reaches past their shoulders, elaborate makeup, black head bandana, open black vest, white chest wraps, black gloves, black ripped jeans, spiky black boots. 

Anon Nerd, Former Ultimate Pinball Wizard

With an unparalleled win streak and an equally unparalleled temper, Nerd crushed previous pinball records in every arcade that he has ever been to. Rumor has it that he destroyed a pinball machine for losing a game the first and only time in his life. Because Nerd pours most of his time into pinball, he regularly forgets to eat, so Myth always delivers him small food packages that Nerd always incinerates with his scouter in response. Nerd always tries to incinerate the irksome delivery girl with his scouter, but Myth’s inhuman speed and parkour skills means she always escapes unscathed. 

Outfit: A black polo shirt with an obnoxious 90s-esque pattern, blue jeans held up with white suspenders, brown shoes, scouter from original design.

Eldritch Anon, Ultimate Statistical Analyst

With statistics dominating his life, this petit prodigy would never do anything that would result in at least a small chance of death. This has resulted in him never leaving the small apartment that he lives in, for fear of his safety. His apartment neighbor took pity on and had Heart’s Kitchen’s food delivered to him. Because Eldritch stays in his apartment doing statistical calculations at all times, Myth couldn’t really get much of a read on him. Eldritch witnessed Myth’s fast running speed and parkour stunts, and seems to be fully convinced that Myth isn’t even a human, but rather a superhuman alien. 

Outfit: His original outfit but with math badges as opposed to conspiracy badges.

Dream Anon, Ultimate Drill Sargent 

Dream works at the “Solar Flare Boot Camp”, a fitness camp dedicated to future army soldiers. Dream’s infectious optimism and energy motivates the soldiers under her care, and they want to serve and fight for the country, if it means coming back to see the adorable smile of Dream. Dream regularly orders large amounts of food for both herself and her soldiers, which Myth manages to carry and bring to the gym without any signs of struggling. Upon seeing Myth clear the camp’s obstacle course in record speed, Dream knew that Myth had it in her to become a competent soldier. 

Outfit: An army helmet, a standard camo-colored army jumpsuit, black sunglasses, brown army boots.

Iris Anon, Jr. Ultimate Racer

Dominating the national racing circuit with her trademark race car known as “Haley”, despite her young age, Iris’s contagious energy and dorky optimism have garnered her a fanbase, even outside of the racing circle. Myth regularly goes to Iris’s practice ring to send her food. Iris looks up to Myth, and can often be seen attempting to do the stunts that Myth can do. Unfortunately for Iris, while she is graceful when she is in a car, the same can’t be said for her skills outside of that, for she is superbly clumsy. 

Outfit: A galaxy printed jumpsuit and helmet that matches her car, a blue scarf with a couple of yellow star patches, yellow gloves and boots, the helmet has lots of cracks and dents. 

Purple Anon, Ultimate Mangaka

Purple is famous for her serialized manga, most notably “Ultraviolet”, a dramatic and tragic manga series centering around the newly crowned heiress to the throne reversing the effects of the cruel reign of her parents. Spending most of her time in her studio, Purple always has Heart’s Kitchen deliver her food, for she gets so wrapped up in her work, that she forgets to both eat and sleep. The few conversations Myth had with Purple were confusing, to say the least, for Purple is not only painfully shy, but she also speaks with rather archaic terms that Myth has trouble understanding. 

Outfit: A black overcoat over a white dress shirt and a purple ribbon, a purple skirt, leggings and shoes from original design.

This series centers around the adorable (but simultaneously hardcore) delivery girl interacting with the odd and colorful denizens of her enormous town.

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PERSONALITY

DeliveryGirl!Myth is a hardworking girl, who would stop at nothing until the assigned order is right where it needs to be. She is energetic and athletic, being both a part of the track team and the gymnastics team at school. Myth almost never takes a day off, and doesn’t really have any hobbies apart from the before-mentioned sports teams. She is married to her career and has zero time for idle chitchat or romance. Despite being burdened with such a large workload, Myth manages to stay positive and manages to make enough time to get the deliveries in on time, regardless of how many orders are thrown at her.

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APPEARANCE

DeliveryGirl!Myth has shoulder-length brown hair with swept-up bangs and glasses. DeliveryGirl!Myth wears a white and pink cap with Heart’s Kitchen’s logo on the front, a pink track jacket with blue stripes on the sleeves over a white shirt with a “1#” logo on the front, blue jean shorts, long white socks and pink and white sneakers. 

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So now that this week’s talentswap is finished, let me know what you think of this AU! In the meantime, have fun and stay safe!

-Fusion Anon

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Very nice! And can confirm, Wyre looks good in suits ^_^ ...and it took be a while to realize where the talents were from XD

[lonely-bored-writer]

Winchesters meet the Phantoms Ch. 24

Danny hissed, pressing his back against the seemingly warm concrete warehouse wall. Straining his hearing, his ears picked up the soft stumble of steps, and hushed whispers. At this moment Danny would rather be babysitting Satan's kid right now.

"Did you see where the freak is?" All he wanted was a bathroom break, how was he supposed to know he was landing near hunters? Another wise left him as his eyes fell to the blood clinging onto blue jeans. Yea he should have just gone straight to the Winchesters, things rarely go well for him. A ring, and bang followed a few feet away from him causing him to jump.

They were going to find him soon, he had to move, but the good question is what the hell it was they shot him with cause it burns like hell.

carry on my wayward son, they'll be peace when-

"Fuck" Danny whispered, wrangling his phone out of his pocket and hitting mute... The damage was done.

"He's over here!" Danny growled, taking a dash towards the exit, hearing gun fire ring behind him. He can do this, he can. First, can't let Sam ring through can he.

"Hey Sam, now's not a good time." Danny rushed, falling through the floor fast, barely missing another bullet. A string of curses followed his disappearance, and he settled a few floors below.

"Were those gunshots? Danny, what the hell?" Sam's worried voice filtered through as Danny picked up hurried footsteps running down the stairs. A sigh of relief left the teen when his eyes landed on the much healed, and less painful leg. "Are you okay? Do you need help? where are you?"

"Sorry, I got spotted by some hunters but I'll handle it." Danny responded, hearing footsteps get closer. "I'll just be a little late, okay?"

"If anything, call us. Okay?' Sam's voice held no room for argument, not that Danny would have argued with him.

'Yea, I'll see you." Danny sighed, and slide his phone away. The Footsteps grew louder, as Danny sided. Quickly he lined up the boxes littered around the floor against the door, mostly for telekinetic practice but also to keep them busy for as long as possible. Releasing a breath, he turned invisible and stepped through the wall. Picking up and flying towards the store he saw. He doesn't care what happened, he needs a bathroom and a snack.

"We'll be back soon." Sam spoke, an apology clear as day on his face with Dean already out at the car. Danny decided to be nice to Dean's moodiness all things considered. He appreciated Sam holding back a minute to check in and make sure Danny would be alright.

"It's fine, you guys go. I'll keep the baby but actually basically an adult, busy." Danny waved off with a small laugh. "I've got this, and if he suddenly starts crawling on the ceiling I'll call you and higher a priest." Danny joked, earning a laugh of Sam.

"Thanks, we owe you." Sam smiled, giving his byes to Danny and then Jack before leaving with a sparing glance backwards.

Danny smiled awkwardly at the kid before him. The kid just sat on the couch, looking just as out of placed as Danny felt. Of course Danny did not like the fact that someone who was basically just born yesterday was taller than him, and already looked his age. It wasn't fair, not like things often are at his height, but it's still saddening.

"So, what'd you like to do?" Danny asked, watching the kid's face contort in confusion. "Like watch TV, or a place to go out an eat, or games?" Danny continued, only watching the confusion grow.

"I like nougat..." He spoke, taking a pause before adding on. "and burgers."

"Okay, what about TV?" Danny questioned, motioning towards the TV settled in the den. He was only met with another confused stare which caused Danny to sigh. For the son of the literal devil this kid was extremely clueless. That's fine though, experience with new ghosts has trained Danny for this. Regardless of how much Danny would much rather be back at school, with Theo. "Cartoons it is." Danny flicked the screen on, watching it steal all of the kid's attention.

The older of the two held back a laugh, maybe it wont be all that bad if all he really has to do is sit here with the kid. Not that it's much fun, if Jack has enough sense, Danny might be able to take him out for ice cream or to an arcade. There's nothing worse than boring babysitters. The Winchesters didn't give him much to go on besides keeping the nephilim alive and out of trouble.

Which really means they shouldn't have chosen Danny because trouble always follows the young college student everywhere. Nonetheless, everyone seems to think he's the best choice for very important jobs. You would assume people would realize that's not the best idea.

"Can people do that?" Jack's voice broke through Danny's thoughts. He turned his attention to the television which happened to have Scooby Doo on. Shaggy had done the cliche Scooby run, stuck in place for a second while in the air. Danny chuckled for a second, regardless of how the kid looked or what powers he has, he really is just a kid.

"Nope, its just cartoon logic. It stuff that only works in shows like this." Danny waved towards the screen for emphasis. "After this episode, I'll show you the Looney Tunes. Now that's a melting pot of Cartoon logic." Danny laughed, turning to the show.

"So, what are we feeling for lunch?" Danny asked, opting to sit on the counter rather than a chair. The kid was seated at one of the counter seats, watching Danny with a confused and intrigued stare. Danny sighed, shaking his head. Sometimes he forgets this kid didn't experience a lot of things. He can't be surprised that the Winchesters didn't bother to try and have the kid experience the world a little. But, hey if he was gonna babysit, it was going to be a good time for the both of them. "Okay, what do you like? Nougat, right?" Danny continued.

"Yea... and burgers." Jack answered, Danny really should just get used to the kid's constant state of confusion. Danny paused, thinking through what they could have for lunch.

"Okay, I've got an idea." Danny declared, grabbing a set of keys of the wall. He started for the door, before looking back and seeing Jack still seated. "You coming?" The college student ask motioning towards the door. Danny raised an eyebrow at the look of surprise the kid gave him.

"I can come?" Jack asked, standing up. "I can't really... go places." He added, looking confused and surprised. Danny inwardly sighed, he gets it he does. Jack was powerful, he had people after him, but Jack was also just a kid. Regardless of age. As much as he trusts the Winchesters' judgement, this was one thing that he can't get behind.

God, Danny sounds older as the day passes.

"Well, I'm not them." Danny shrugged with a grin. "So, you're invited." The grin dropped to a pleased smile and the look of excitement that took on the kid's features.

"Okay, so let me get this straight." Danny all but growled, watching the sad kid. "Dean wants to kill you just because your dad is Lucifer?" Danny can't really say he's surprised, he just figured Dean had grown more as a person than that. Parents' don't dictate who you are or who you will be.

"He doesn't like me." Jack answered, looking down. Danny sighed, taking a seat next to the young nephilim. Before he could speak up, Jack continued. "What if I am evil like he says? I've hurt people." Jack looked up, tears lining his eyes and regret clear as day. Danny swallowed, he's had these conversations with himself one too many times.

"You're not." Danny shook his head, placing a comforting hand on the kid's shoulder."Trust me, I know. Who your parents are, what abilities you have, what prophecies say, or hell what even God says. It doesn't define who you are."

Danny watch the sadness and doubt still swirl in those blues, okay Danny really needed to work on his speeches. It's not like he's been giving them as often as he used too... That was now technically Theo's job.

"Look, I was supposed to be evil. Worse than Satan himself." Danny spoke, watching the interest and surprise weigh into the kid's eyes. Danny nodded at the look of slight disbelief. "I know right? But I was, but I didn't. Which means you don't have to be."

"Sam says that." Jack spoke, looking down.

"But you look up to Dean." Danny concluded, watching Jack nod. "Dean's a little rough around the edges, but trust me. He'll come around."

"I hope he does." Jack responded, he didn't look as lifted as Danny would have liked, but it was better than he looked a few minutes ago.

"How about this, tell me what you can do." Danny asked, trying to less the tension. Jack's confused look made Danny sigh. "You know, like Angels fly, I can turn invisible, and like a ton of other things but thats besides the point." Danny shrugged, he'd rather not go into all the details.

"Like... Cas flies?" Jack asked, Danny smile and nodded. He'll try to help the kid while he's here.

"Hey, are you free?" Theo's voice filtered through the speaker. Danny smiled, glancing over at the half angel sleeping soundly on the couch nearby. Making his way towards the kitchen off to the side, Danny answered.

"Hey babe, yea. Jack just fell asleep." Danny responded, resting back against the kitchen counter. He's mind running through all they've done in a short time.

"How's the kid holding up?" Theo asked, Danny can hear typing in the background. Leave it to Theo to call him while he's busy with schoolwork. Danny couldn't help but smile before answering.

"He's a tough kid, we're getting along pretty well." Danny replied, musing about how well he helped Jack find a few parts of his abilities. He felt a little sad having been reminded of how Jack got into this place. "He's dad's not the greatest and no helping him. His uncles aren't the worse but... The kid deserves better." Danny sighed, running a hand through his hear.

"Hey, at least he has you right now, right?" Theo responded, the typing halting for a moment. "Anyone with you on their side is going to be okay, I would know." Danny smiled, huffing a laugh.

"You're cheesy, you know that right?" Danny asked, smiling at the ground. Sometimes he wished Theo was there, but at least he knew he was safe back on campus.

"But you love meeeee." Theo laughed, typing continuing. Danny barely picked up the sounds of footsteps approaching the entrance of the bunker.

"As much as I love talking to you, looks like I gotta run?" Danny sighed as the steps got closer. He heard Theo shuffle around for a bit before the other student sighed as well.

"I need to see on of my professors, so call me later?" Theo asked, and Danny nodded. "I love you."

"I will." Danny smiled, pushing off the counter to greet who ever was about to come in. "I love you too."

"Dean, I get it." Danny pulled Dean aside after the Winchesters got back. "I get why your worried about Jack being evil-"

"He is!" Dean cut in. "He's done so much da-"

"No, you're going to listen first." Danny cut Dean off, being met with a surprise look. "You can't tell me Jack is evil because his not human, you can't tell me its because of his dad, you can't tell me its because he lost control of his powers and hurt people, and you can not tell me some prophecy bullshit okay?" Danny paused to take a breath, leaving room for Dean to speak up, which he didn't.

"You should know this, considering me. Considering the many friends you've made on the field." Danny sighed. "All I'm saying is, regardless all that, Jack is just a scared kid who looks up to, and just wants to not feel like a monster. Think that over okay, be easier on the kid." Danny finished. He watched Dean inhale before responding.

"I'll try." Dean spoke, glancing over to the room beside them.

"That's all I ask." Danny gave a small smile before shaking his head. "Okay that's over, I'm tired of sounding like Sam."

"Which Sam?" Dean laughed as the two walked back to the others.

"Both."

[vicunaburger]

Admittedly, I’m Hard to See

Fandom: Beetlejuice the Musical Chapters: 5/? Pairing: Beetlejuice x OC (Holidae) The Players: Beetlejuice, Lydia Deetz, Holidae Bell Word Count: 1,900 Warnings: M for Language

Notes: Beej is a little shit, but we knew that, yeah? He also has a wide knowledge of theatre.

Chapter 5 - In Which Things Go Awry Over Coffee

Lydia tapped impatiently on the glass container that held her still-brewing coffee.

She had thought that by getting a cheap French press it would bring nothing but benefits in the long run: delicious caffeine without leaving your house and waiting for some hipster barista to make it for you. Unfortunately, that just meant that she was now the hipster barista in her own home and had to make it herself, which took precious time away in the morning hours.

Sometimes, she would get lucky and Holidae would have already made it for her; a result that came from her roommate’s insomnia. Often, she would stay up all through the night, and into the next morning when Lydia would arrive for breakfast. Holidae would already be standing in the kitchen, scrolling through her phone as she sipped from her own cup.

Lucky might have been a selfish thought. More like benefiting off a friend’s unfortunate circumstances. Harsh, but Holidae never complained openly about it, so Lydia never worried about taking advantage.

The timer she had set went off loudly, and Lydia wandered over to the stove to shut it down. When she went back to the counter, her coffee was… gone.

Instead of flipping out at the sudden lack of an object that was once there and now isn’t, she calmly sat down at the kitchen table, taking a deep breath.

“If I don’t have a cup in my hands in the next 10 seconds, I’m calling a priest.” She announced to the seemingly empty space.

In a puff of green smoke her coffee appeared in her favored black mug, elegantly placed on a lime green coaster. Lydia picked up the cup, taking a sip with a relaxed sigh.

“Good morning, babes!” Beetlejuice appeared in the seat across from her, a newspaper in both hands. “Supposed to rain today.”

“Is that right? Damn… I was planning to shoot the cemetery later.” She tilted her head, trying to read the front page of the paper. “Why are you so… chipper?”

Beej put the paper down, “Because you’re home? Because I get to meet a new friend? Because rainy days bring out those fat worms in the garden and they are the best for snacking? Lots of reasons.”

Lydia stared deep into the dark liquid swirling around in the cup, “BJ, about Holli…”

The ghost tried to hide the chuckle he let out with a cough, remembering the previous night’s interactions with the breather. He was sure Lyds would get a kick out of the fact he had gotten Holidae to summon him without help from his bestest best friend. He was a very clever fiend.

“What about her?” He asked, going back to his paper nonchalantly.

“I’m really sorry I didn’t have you two meet last night.” She confessed, warming both hands around the cup. “I’m just nervous you two aren’t going to get along.”

Another suspicious cough, “Oh, don’t you worry, Lyds. From what you told me, I’m sure we’ll get along like the Sherman brothers.”

There was a long pause, “…Beej, they hated each other.”

“Really? But that sugar sweet song catalogue…” He peeked over the top of the paper incredulously, “Well, nevermind that. We’ll be the best pals, babes.”

Lydia sighed again, “You’re my best friend, Beej, but she’s my best non-ghost friend. What if I have pick sides in an argument? What if she freaks out and moves away forever? Its pressure I don’t want! That’s why I wanted to introduce you two on my terms.”

An unfamiliar sensation struck Beetlejuice deep in the pit of his stomach, “…yeah?”

“And… and Holidae isn’t always… balanced. Not in the psycho killer type way, but she can get stuck on this anxiety autopilot. It’s hard to get her out of her own head. It’s why she doesn’t sleep often.” Lydia continued, sipping her coffee quietly. “So I felt that if I steered the conversation between the three of us, it would keep everything neutral, you know?”

That sensation hit him harder this time, and he desperately tried to hide his face behind the paper, “…no, no I getcha’, babes. You were just being your usual, thoughtful self is all. No hard feelings. None. All good.”

Beetlejuice was infinitely glad he was hidden from view, lest Lydia see the bright yellow mess his hair had become; a clear sign he was nervous. He hadn’t stopped to consider Lydia might actually have a really good reason for keeping quiet about him, instead of just to prolong his torture. She was always thinking of other people – mostly him to be honest – and he had gone behind her back and completely botched her plans.

His stomach was doing flips, and he was sure he’d be sweating bullets right now if had the capacity.

Ah, guilt.

That was the feeling.

…it had been a while.

Not wanting Lydia to worry herself any more than she had, he tried to calm himself down, desperately willing his mood to change into something better. After a few moments, he vanished his paper out of existence, reaching over and patting Lydia on the head.

“Baaaaabes, don’t you worry! You just let me know when you need me, and I’ll come running. Or floating. Whichever I feel like. Anyway, what I’m saying is take your time and don’t get all antsy about stuff. I can behave… sometimes.” He smiled wide, hoping she couldn’t hear the tension in his voice.

Brushing his hand away, Lydia smoothed out her frizzed hair, “I appreciate it, Beej. As soon as she comes down, I’ll talk to her. Promise.”

“Hey, I’m easy.” He chuckled, vanishing into thin air, leaving his friend alone for the moment.

---

Beetlejuice reappeared in Holidae’s room, spotting the breather sprawled out on the bed and haphazardly tangled in her blankets. He noted she had changed clothes between now and when he left her; sporting what looked like men’s boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Not the slinky lingerie – or better yet commando – look he had secretly hoped for, but the shorts provided a good view of her well-rounded hips and thighs.

Tiptoeing over to the bed, he reached down and poked at her cheek lightly with his finger, “Hey, Holly Hobby, time to wake up. We need to talk.”

Absolutely no response came from the woman on the bed, only the continued rhythmic rising and falling of her chest. Undeterred, he scratched at her face with his claw, hoping the more abrasive touch would do the trick. Holidae inhaled deeply, swatting at her face and rolling over onto her stomach.

Not the response he wanted, although he was momentarily distracted by the fact her shorts were riding up against the swell of her ass. A strangled sort of noise worked its way out of his throat, little streaks of pink highlights sprouting throughout his hair. He told Lydia he could behave, but how could he when such an opportunity was staring him right in the face.

There was the nagging moral quandary to what he was about to do; and he did pause to consider the alternatives to his proposed action. Sure, he could just try and continue to wake her up nicely, but he knew his idea would a much faster – and profitable – venture.

Beetlejuice crackled his knuckles, limbering up as though he were gearing up for a boxing match. With a flourish, he brought the back of his hand down right on Holidae’s butt cheek; a sharp smack sounding out as his skin hit her flesh.

In an instant, Holidae was up and swinging wildly, managing to catch him in the jaw with a left hook. Of course, never having been in a real fist fight – watching plenty of action movies sure, but those didn’t count – she was unprepared for the jolt of pain running down her wrist with the impact. Clutching her hand to her chest, she fell back onto the bed, curling up like a ball bug.

“Son of a bitch-!” Holidae whined, nursing her hand, “What the absolute hell are you made of?”

Beej was working his jaw into place, not suspecting the sudden strength of the counterattack, “Dead guy stuff?”

“Fuck you!” She snapped, shaking out her hand to get some feeling back into it. “I knew that. Wish I didn’t, but I do. And now I will think about that forever.”

Between her hand popping loudly, and the stinging skin on her backside, Holidae was having a hell of a time trying to process being woken up so suddenly from her deep sleep. Beetlejuice took the opportunity to slide into bed next to her, pulling her up by her shoulders into a sitting position. She blinked at him owlishly; her hair flattened in odd places from sleep, and her mascara smudged under her eyes.

He threw an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her body against his and leaning in as though he were whispering a secret, “Listen, baby, when you come downstairs, you have to make sure Lydia has no idea we know each other.”

Holidae could smell that damp earth musk about him, her nose twitching with the scent, “Yeah, no, I’m going to tell her.”

Beetlejuice squeezed tighter, “Ah, see, here’s the part where I tell you that you’re going to keep your pretty mouth shut about it because I will make you keep it shut. Lydia is all stressed out about us getting along, and if she finds out that you and I are buddies, she will get angry. I don’t want angry Lydia. I want happy Lydia.”

She was about to object, but recalled an incident where she had seen angry Lydia firsthand. It was during an art show and a critic was being especially rude about one of the photos Lydia had been presenting as part of her collection. Needless to say, once she was done witnessing the small, doll-like Lydia completely tearing the man into pieces, Holidae resolved to never be on the receiving end of the other woman’s wrath.

Holidae could only imagine what she would have done to the ghost, and by extension, herself.

“If… if I agree, will you promise never to wake me up like that again?” she attempted to pry his hand off of her shoulder.

“Of course, Buddy Holly~ I will never wake you up like that again.” He grinned, inwardly excited that she hadn’t been more specific in her instructions.

He just loved loopholes.

Holidae side-eyed the ghost next to her, sticking out her hand for him to shake, “Deal.”

Beej took hold of her hand, giving it a good shake… before pulling her closer and planting a very sloppy kiss to her cheek, “You’re the best, you know that?”

Squealing in protest, Holidae shoved him away, “No no no, I don’t know where you’ve been!”

“Well-” He started, but he was interrupted.

“Rhetorical statement,” she pointed a finger at him threateningly, “If you want me to go along with your lie, go away. Now. Do the vanishing trick. I have to get dressed and stuff.”

Shrugging, BJ vanished into the air without a word. Holidae waited several minutes before getting up out of the bed, wanting to make sure she was alone before stripping out of her pajamas. Paranoid, she kept her chest covered as much as she possibly could, not trusting that he wasn’t lurking around somewhere trying to catch her off guard again.

Waiting until the last possible moment, she let the shirt drop to the floor, grabbing a bra and slipping it around her torso.

“I knew you had a big rack,” the gravely voice laughed behind her, but he was gone the moment she turned around.

Holidae angrily pulled her shirt over her head, mumbling in what she was quickly adopting as a new mantra, “We want happy Lydia… happy Lydia…”

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Myrkur: the strange and surreal journey of Amalie Bruun

From hanging out with Martin Scorsese and Billy Corgan to appearing in a Michael Bolton video, Myrkur's Amalie Bruun is a black metal star like no other

An old painting hangs on the wall of the compact, one-storey house an hour’s drive out of Copenhagen that Amalie Bruun calls home. It depicts a blonde girl lost in reverie as she walks a grass path high above a fjord: a scene that’s elemental and ethereal at the same time.

The picture, by noted Norwegian landscape artist Hans Dahl, belonged to Amalie’s late grandmother, a refined woman who smoked cigarettes from an ivory holder and drank gin and tonic on a Friday morning. Amalie’s mother used to say that it was Amalie in the painting. It’s not hard to see why.

“I had a connection to it from before I can remember,” says Amalie today, as we sit at a dining table in a living room that’s one part uncluttered Scandinavian stylishness, one part hygge-style cosiness. “The album sounds like the painting looks.”

The album she’s referring to is Folkesange, her third as Myrkur, the one-woman  project she founded in the mists of the early 2010s.

Where Myrkur’s past releases have bridged worlds – black metal, post-rock, blackgaze, classical – Folkesange is different. This is traditional Scandinavian music played on traditional Scandinavian instruments, sung predominantly in Danish. There are some covers, some originals, though there’s not a trace of metal in the music or the vocals. It’s all there in the title: Folkesange. Folk Songs.

That Amalie Bruun is releasing an album of sometimes beautiful, sometimes melancholic Scandinavian folk music really shouldn’t surprise anyone who has followed her journey. Partly because that aspect of who she is has always been present in Myrkur’s music – all she’s doing with Folkesange is separating it out.

But mainly because Amalie Bruun has lived more lives than most other people. That, as much as anything, is what puts her out there on her own.

Two life-changing things have happened since Myrkur’s last album, 2017’s expansive and brilliant Mareridt, both inextricably linked.

One: Amalie Bruun got married. Her husband, Keith Abrami, is a fitness instructor and drummer with American death metal band Artificial Brain. The pair became romantically involved after Keith began playing as Myrkur’s touring drummer.

Keith is around, though he stays in the back bedroom today. This is because he is attending to the second life-changing thing that has happened to Amalie recently: the couple’s nine-week old son, Otto.

If Mareridt was the product of the vivid nightmares its creator endured before making it, Folkesange was defined by pregnancy and the impending birth of her first child.

She describes motherhood as joyous, though in her case the elation is edged with sadness. She discovered she was pregnant soon after she started writing the new album. “But I miscarried,” she says simply.

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We ask if she’s OK talking about this. She nods, and explains that the miscarriage pushed her deeper into making Folkesange. A few days after entering the studio with producer (and Heilung co-founder) Christopher Juul, she discovered she was pregnant again. And that’s when the emotion really hit her.

“I was totally out of it, but in a beautiful way,” she says. “I wasn’t my normal human self. I become something else.” She laughs. “Very nauseated.”

She noticed that her vocals were different. “I never felt so in tune with singing as I did then. I had this power and this clarity, which was crazy. But it was the exact place to be, recording folk vocals with this new life growing in you.”

There were worries, of course, as well as other emotions. One of the songs on the new album, Gudernes Viljie (English translation: ‘The Will Of The Gods’) is about the miscarriage. “There were conflicted feelings, dealing with both this new life and this guilt feeling of this other life that never happened,” Amalie explains. “It was never a heartbeat, but you still feel like a mother. It was very intense.”

Amalie Bruun grew up listening to Scandinavian folk music. It resonated with her on a different level. “With my spirit,” she says. “It’s like in England: you have that singer-songwriter folk tradition, it’s historically ingrained. It shapes who you are, even if you don’t know it. Because it’s folk music, it’s told by people for people. So it’s inherited into the spirit of a population.”

Half of Folkesange’s 12 tracks are her versions of songs that she grew up listening to, while the others are her originals, though you’d be hard pushed to tell which is which. “This is a record that I wish had existed when I was young,” she says. “And it doesn’t exist, so I wanted to make it.”

Music, folk or otherwise, is in her blood. Her father, Michael Bruun, is a retired musician. He was semi-famous as a pop singer-songwriter in Denmark in the early 80s. “But he was not interested in fame,” says Amalie. “He’s shy and misanthropic.” Does she take after him? She smiles. “I do. Sometimes I wish I didn’t but I do.”

Her mother, by contrast, was a Jungian psychologist. “She tried her best not to bring her work home, but she did. You get analysed every day.”

As well as folk music, Amalie loved classical music as a child. She learned piano as a toddler, took up violin at five, and eventually attended music college as a teenager. “I wasn’t pushed into anything. It was all my choice. I was never interested in anything else.”

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The first metal record Amalie Bruun fell in love with was Transilvanian Hunger, Darkthrone’s sub-lo-fi black metal masterpiece. Before that she’d listened to the stuff teenagers listen to: Nirvana, Björk, that kind of thing. Aside from her older brother’s Metallica and Judas Priest records, she’d never listened to much metal.

“Usually that transition takes years, right?” she says. “But all of a sudden I hear Transilvanian Hunger. It reminded me of classical music.”

“The Starter Pack” is how she jokingly describes Transilvanian Hunger today. “If you like that, a lot other black metal sounds really pleasant. A lot easier on the ear.”

When she was 22 years old, Amalie Bruun bought herself a one-way plane ticket to New York and started another life. It was the city’s rich and romantic musical history that drew her there: the poets, the punks, the freaks, the superstars. She arrived with no cellphone and nowhere to stay.  “I didn’t know what I was doing,” she says. “But that’s what New York is. You just go there and see what happens.”

She found a place to stay with friends of friends from back in Denmark, and walked all over the city, giving her demo CD to venues. “Just piano music,” is how she describes what she was doing. “Me singing little melodies.”

She played anywhere that would have her, in front of whatever crowds were there. “Oh, it wasn’t the cool people,” she says. “It was definitely uncool. But it was never about fame. I just wanted to go out and earn my stripes a little bit.”

In the early 2010s, she met guitarist and co-vocalist Brian Harding, and they put together Ex Cops. Based in oh-so-trendy Brooklyn and playing shoegaze-inflected alt-pop, they basically screamed ‘hipster’.

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She recoils at the suggestion. “I fucking hate that,” she says vehemently. “I hate the whole hipster thing.”

Ex Cops were ultimately small fish in a big indie rock pond – their main claim to fame was that their second album was executive-produced by Smashing Pumpkins major domo Billy Corgan. Amalie liked being in Ex Cops, but she liked the music industry a lot less. Or at least the part of it she where she found herself.

“I would be in the studio, working on ideas I had written and people would say, ‘Let’s just let Amalie get it out of her system,’” she says. “I was so offended by that. There were comments on what I would wear, whether or not I could have armpit hair in photos. It takes away your agency as a musician and as a woman.”

There were two Amalie Bruuns while she was living in New York. Or rather, there was one living two separate lives.

There was one Amalie Bruun who was making music with Ex Cops and dipping her toes into the world of modelling – she appeared, raven-haired, in a Chanel advert directed by the legendary Martin Scorsese – and, even more bizarrely, alongside 90s crooner Michael Bolton dressed as Forrest Gump in a video by spoof R’n’B group The Lonely Island (Bolton was dressed as Forrest Gump, not her).

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Then there was Amalie Bruun the black metal fan. She mentioned her love of the genre in Ex Cops interviews, even if she sounded almost apologetic about it. “I was,” she concedes. “People thought it was too weird.”

Few people picked up on the references anyway, let alone knew that she was quietly working on a project of her own in the shadows: Myrkur.

She had been writing folk melodies on the violin for years. Gradually she added more and more metal elements. Once in a while she dared play it to other people.

Eventually word reached underground metal stronghold Relapse Records, who released her self-titled debut mini-album in 2014. Back then her identity was a mystery: she was as much apparition as musician. “I wanted the music to speak for itself,” she says of her anonymity, as if it’s the most obvious thing ever.

But mysteries don’t stay mysterious for long these days. When someone joined the dots and uncovered her other life as one half of a trendy Brooklyn indie-pop band, the keyboard warriors went into swivel-eyed overdrive. She was a fake. A poser. Worse, a woman – one who’d dared gatecrash the testosterone-heavy sausage party that is the black metal scene.

“I was blissfully unaware of it,” she says of the negative attention she initially attracted. “Then it was, like, ‘Why am I being hated by people who don’t know me at all. At least get to know me.’” She shrugs. “It didn’t affect me much. I was there to play music, not fuck around with all that stuff.”

She has a theory: that people objected to the fact that she’d worked with Kris ‘Garm’ Rygg, frontman with former black metal avant-gardists Ulver. “Honestly, what really pissed off a lot of people in the beginning was that I did work with some of the Scandinavian black metal artists that they look up to. I think that was very annoying and provocative to that crowd.”

Not that she was a woman? She thinks carefully.

“I think it’s the fact that I didn’t follow the rules of how women in metal should behave. I’m not the first woman in metal, I just did it a little bit more my own way.”

Anyway, she says with a faint smile, she wasn’t above a little button-pushing herself.

“I was never deliberately provocative,” she begins. “But when I realised how little it took I did take a bit of pleasure in it. I knew that if you post a picture with Attila from Mayhem, then they’re just going to go off. But it’s not like I did that just to piss people off...”

If Mareridt silenced the haters, or some of them at least, then Folksange, with its absence of volume, will probably fire them up again. Amalie Bruun couldn’t care less if it does. She has more important concerns. Such as her new life, as the mother of Otto.

She’s not pretending that motherhood won’t impact on how she approaches her career. There will be no big world tours around Folkesange, for one. “You can’t pretend it doesn’t play into it as a woman. Maybe as a man, it’s different. I know a lot of metal musicians, they have kids and they continue the same life. That’s cool, but when you’re a mother you can’t do that. I want the two sides of my life to co-exist.”

Has she worked out how that will work?

“I don’t know yet how that works.”

Is she looking forward to it?

“It’s nerve-wracking.”

Is she worried?

“No, I’m not worried. I’m in control. It will be how I plan it to be.”

With perfect timing, the sound of a baby crying drifts from the back room. Amalie gets up and returns a few seconds later holding Otto, a tiny bundle of nine-week-old humanity.

It’s only then that you realise how unique Amalie Bruun, and Myrkur, is: not just a woman operating in such a male-dominated field, but a mother as well.

Before we leave her and her family, she says that she’s looking forward to following up Folksange with “another metal-style record with distorted guitars”. But for now that’s in the future. Another chapter, another life.

[dailyaudiobible]

06/22/2020 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 3:1-4:17, Acts 14:8-28, Psalms 140:1-13, Proverbs 17:22

Today is the 22nd the day of June welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it's great to be here with you today as we move into our time together around the Global Campfire and around the Scriptures. We’re in the book of second Kings. We haven’t been there long but we’re moving into the book of second Kings. And we spent a good…good-ish amount of time in the northern kingdom of Israel and their kings as well as the prophet…prophets Elijah and Elisha and we’ll continue with that. We’ll continue in the north and we’ll continue with the prophetic voice of Elisha today. Second Kings chapter 3 verse 1 through 4 verse 17.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we are on mission with the apostle Paul at this point in the book of Acts and they move through a city called Lystra and they preach and there is a healing. People witness this. They start freaking out and they decide that Paul and his companion Barnabas at this point, that they are gods that have come down in human form and they need to be worshiped. And, so, they're doing everything that they can, and they decide that Barnabas is actually Zeus and Paul is Hermes. And, so, there…there happens to be a temple to Zeus. So, they’re like going to the priest and…and saying “hey. Zeus is in town. Like he’s showed up in town in human form.” And, so, they’re bringing bulls out. They’re gonna do these sacrifices to the…to Paul and Barnabas. And, of course, Paul and Barnabas are like trying to stop everybody and are like, “hang on a second. We’re just humans like you. We’ve come here to tell you about the living God.” And, so, they begin to share the gospel, but the people still are convinced that they’re Zeus and Hermes. And, so, there like still trying to do the sacrifices until…until some Jewish people from nearby cities come in and they know who Paul is. And. so, they start to turn the crowd. And the next thing we know, Paul is stoned and left for dead. That…that’s the story of the early church. Like these are the stories of the early church. This is how things came to be. And, so, Paul went from being a God to being stoned to death and left for dead, as it appears, on the same day, which shows you a bit of the mob mentality at work, like how quickly people can be pulled together in one direction, even with a complete false word, a false story or declaration. People come around the stores. And, so, that's what happened. At first, they are absolutely convinced that the gods are among them, until the seeds of this story from the Jewish people spread through the crowd which turns the crowd murderous. That's not a new concept. Obviously, it’s an old concept because we’re reading it out of the Bible. So, we’re reading a story that’s a couple thousand years old. But this kind of behavior has always been going on. And it's interesting. On the one level it's interesting how compelling a narrative can be, like how concrete some sort of narrative can be when it pulls people together and ushers them to move in the same direction for a period of time. That can be for great good and for great evil. Often, it's for great evil, especially when there’s a mob involved like this. And we’ve seen these kinds of things in our lifetimes, but that…it's not new. Like this has always been happening. We have to admit that this is not unlike the mob mentality that ultimately condemned Jesus to the cross. So, we can see some pretty significantly negative things can happen when people are swept together without the whole story. And we have to look into our own lives at the way that we get swept into things the same way. And at times we get swept into things against our brothers and sisters in the Lord and people's lives get damaged or destroyed in the process.

This is essentially the words coming out of the Psalms today. So, going back even further, way further than the book of Acts. “Those who surround me proudly rear their heads. May the mischief of their lips engulf them. May burning coals fall on the. May they be thrown into the fire into miry pits never to rise. May slanderers not be established in the land. May disaster hunt down the violent. I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy. Surely the righteous will praise your name and the upright live in your presence.” It’s like this kind of thing has always been going on, causing at minimum mischief and maximum total destruction to the lives of people in their path. It’s part of the Old Testament story. It’s part of the New Testament story. It’s part of the early church story. It’s still part of the church story. And we have to watch ourselves because it's really, really easy to get swept up into worshiping God for what He's doing through someone and then trying to destroy that someone because it turns out they’re a human being after all and not God. So there are times that we just…we need to keep our eyes on our own lives and the path that we are walking, and not get swept into someone else's story that's getting stirred up. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves, “yeah, that might be tasty to get into, but is that my battle? Is that even something I have anything to do with whatsoever? Am I getting involved to be seen here? Like, what's going on? Am I being invited to be an agent of the good to be Jesus in this situation or is it that I simply want my opinion expressed? What good can come from my involvement? These are good questions for the times that we are in and the times that we are going into. And as we navigate, may we remember the proverb today; “a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Let's not be agents dispensing crushing blows to people's lives. Instead, let's hear the first part of the proverb; “a cheerful heart is good medicine.” So, we can take that on board in our own lives and say, “okay. Whatever it takes I've got to find a way to maintain a cheerful heart. That’s medicine for me. But I also need to spread, like in every way that I can I need to promote a cheerful heart so that we all might experience this good medicine instead of being swept up into things that will only crush people and eventually crush us.

Prayer:

Father, we come into that and consider that. And it brings up all kinds of different scenarios and situations that we've experienced in our lives, times that we’ve hurt people, times that we've been crushed, times that even with our own brothers and sisters we’ve been at odds and swept into things we had no business being involved in and people got hurt. And this was…this was never Your way for us. So, Holy Spirit come and show us what it looks like to maintain a cheerful heart and made it become good medicine in our souls. And as we are transformed may that spill out into the world so that we aren’t being swept into anything, we aren’t crushing anybody. Rather, we are about the business of restoring things. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus. we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base and its…it's a website on the Internet. It's the…its home base. It’s where you find out what’s going on around here. And, so, stay tuned and stay connected.

Check out the Initiatives section for…for things that are going on around here.

Check out the Community section. That’s where the Prayer Wall lives. It’s always happening. It's always on. You can always reach out for prayer. You can always reach out in prayer there at the Prayer Wall. And there's different links there to get connected on the different social media channels that we’re involved in. So, check that out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There's a link on the homepage. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your partnership as we move into the summertime. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address, if you prefer, is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app which is little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning everybody. For as high as the heavens are above the earth so is His steadfast love towards those who fear Him. Yesterday was a very upsetting day for us. Some of you will know from the Friend’s page. Our little ginger cat Loki went missing. He’d been __ too so where really concerned as the day and night was ticking on. He’d been gone nearly 20 hours and is very unlike Loki. I cried out to the Lord as we do, and I was listening to worship and they were singing about trust. And I said to the Lord, “I trust you Lord.” I didn’t have an outcome in my mind or in my heart, but I simply said I will trust you. It wasn’t long after that declaration that Peter went out searching again and little Loki appeared very thin, quite unwell. He’s just gone to the vet. But he was home. I’m so thankful to God. What’s precious to us is precious to Him. His love is…it just melts me. His care for us. The little things in life with all that’s going on in the world He was concerned enough about my heartbreaking over the…the gift of a pet he gave to me. And His love abounded towards us. Thank you so much. This is God’s Smile here sending my love and drying my eyes. Bye-bye everybody.

Hello this is Gloria from Uganda here in __. I’m really really very grateful for this Daily Audio Bible app and __ podcast. And I’m really really really very grateful because I had desire to study a Bible plan at the start of the year but I couldn’t go with the flow but I’m very excited and I’m really enjoying hope to review all the previous messages. I’m really really blessed thank you very much Brian. Thank you very much China. We…we love you. We…we ask you to pray for us. The situation and the pandemic with most of the people all around. And the closest family to me and all unemployed right now and it puts me in a state whereby I have to look after my family of 12 people. My mom and my dad are not working, and I really really puts me in a very very very difficult position right now. But I trust God and with your messages I believe my faith is going to rise higher and I’m gonna…I’m gonna…I’m gonna go through this __ first and with your messages I believe I will…I will move forward I will believe and I will grow. Thank you very much. We do really really appreciate it and ask you to pray for us. My job __ business is really slow, and I pray that our business visions and people came back __ because many of our staff were laid off because of the pandemic. And I also pray to get an increase in salary because I got a promotion, but __ an increase in salary. I need to have a family of 12 people behind me. Thank you very much. Thanks a lot.

Hey Daily Audio Bible family this is Pam from Shasta County California and I am calling in for Patricia in New Orleans. And Patricia, I just want to pray for you. Heavenly Father thank You so much for Your goodness and Your mercy and Your love and thank You for how much You love Patricia. Thank You for her heart, thank You for her passion, thank You for her strength. Father I just pray in Jesus name right now that You would ease her pain Father. I pray for relief. I pray for healing in Jesus’ name that You would just pour Your healing out over her and that she would get immediate relief from this pain. Father, thank You for who she is Lord and who You are in her life. Father thank You that You are so close to her. I pray that she has people around her that are loving her and are helping her Father and are praying for her. And help us all to remember pray for her and everyone here and we thank You for Your goodness. We thank You for Your mercy. And thank You for Your healing in Jesus’ name.

[singing starts] Lord bless you and keep you make his face shine upon you be gracious to you. Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. May his favor be upon you for a thousand generations your family your children their children their children. May His presence come before you and behind you and beside you all around you and within you he is with you he is with you. In the morning in the evening in the coming and the going in your weeping and rejoicing he is for you he is for you. He’s for you he is for you he is for you he is for you he is for you he is for you he is. [singing ends] Just a sweet reminder DAB family. This is Abba’s Grace and He shines. Amen. Amen!

This is Vickie calling from Southern Oregon and I have been listening now for a few months and really enjoying reading Brian and I’m also enjoying the prayer community. Thank you so much. I’ve been struggling trying to call and not having the courage to do that. My son is an adult and having problems. He’s severely mentally ill and he’s also strung out on drugs. And I recently moved him out to Oregon trying to save his life and now I’m feeling overwhelmed and not really knowing how to help and it’s disrupting my life and, you know, risking my career and my home. So, I could use some prayer. His name is Eddie. Thank you.

Hi this is Brooke Right from Omaha Nebraska. I just want to pray for my mom because my grandma who came to take care of everybody, she…I don’t remember how long ago…is leaving tomorrow afternoon and my mom just had a major surgery taking out her…in which she had to take out her womb. A womb is a place with the babies come. So, it was very painful. She has a lot ohwees. She has to go on a walk twice a day which is kinda good for my dog Ella which I would show you but this is a recording not a video. And, well, just want to pray for my mom, my brothers and my dad because he’s in masters. Probably have a lot of more….no… wait…just quite a few maybe five which is…we count it quite a few…more…like five more chores a day because we have a garden that has like snow peas and tons of other things. So, yeah, alright I don’t have much longer on this call so I’m just gonna leave. Bye. Brooke Right.

Hi Daily Audio Bible this is God’s Light out in Portland Oregon, and it’s been some time. I’m responding from Ben in Columbus who called back in…maybe the 12th of June or probably even before that. His message was there on the 12th of June and I…I believe he was speaking to me and I was so taken aback that I needed to allow a couple callers in and hear a couple more prayer request just to confirm that he was speaking to me. I have tried to submit prayer requests and haven’t…and having…and fallen short and felt silly for doing it. I’ve really…I’m in a bad spot right now financially, physically, mentally, spiritually. Everything’s under attack and I have lost everything. I’ve lost my home, my children, my ex-wife. I’m soon to have another child, which I’m ecstatic about. So, the grieving process comes and goes with excitement but…but for the most part this grief and humiliation is following me. And if you could pray for me and I would…I would greatly appreciate it. I’ve been following the Daily Audio Bible since 2011 pretty much every day and I’m just so thankful for this community and thankful for you as my family. I’m very thankful to have you. Please stay strong and I pray for all of you.

[minuky]

Minecraft Diaries Episode 6 - My Thoughts and a General Summary

 Oh, hot the time flies.... sigh. Already on Episode 6. Before you know it, we’ll be halfway through the season, and I’ll be crying because Leona is reintroduced and finally... other people will care. But I’m getting off topic. Let’s jump right into it, shall we?

So, our episode begins with a nice shot around everyone’s favorite Worst Brother of the Year, Zane! 

God, look at him. He’s such an asshole. I love him.

Now I know I can’t be alone in the group of old fans who saw this next scene and thought -

“Who the fuck are you?” 

His name is revealed to be Ivan, and I had no idea who this dude was. According to my Good Friends, all of whom are much better at remembering Everything Aphmau, Ivan is Lucinda’s ex. He was introduced sometime in Season 2, and then killed off subsequently after. If you don’t know who Lucinda is yet, because you’re new to Minecraft Diaries, just hold on a bit longer. And if you do know who she is because of MyStreet... well I prefer everything MCD to their MyStreet counterparts, so... good for you?

Back to the summary, Ivan has returned from scouting to inform Zane that they haven’t found anything relating to whatever he’s searching for, but that some scholars are supposedly hiding something. Zane decides that mayhaps a visit from the High Priest Himself is in Order. Which means shit it about to go down. If OG MCD taught me anything, its that when Zane LEAVES Oh’Kahsis, people die. Just look at Falcon Claw.

Back in ye old Phoenix Drop, a freshly bathed Aphmau is being escorted out of Donna’s house, and Donna tells Aphmau not to fret over what happened to Visher. She then admits that events like this are precisely why she hasn’t let anyone get close to her heart. Aphmau, having literally only come to consciousness only some days/weeks(?) prior, is confused to what Donna could mean. Before Donna can properly explain, aside from some cryptic message about protecting her heart, Dale (surprisingly more or less sober) runs up, informing the two that Brendon has been killed.

Spoiler, he’s not dead, just very badly wounded. Garroth and Zenix are freaking out over what to do, and Donna, Dale and Aphmau showing up cause even more chaos. Zenix runs downstairs to heat his sword so he can cauterize the wound, and Aphmau notices a bruise on Brendon’s foreheard. She does some of her good old Glowly Glow Magics and proceeds to pass out.

This marks another time upon which Zenix was not present to see Aphmau perform her magics. The exact reason for this, I couldn’t say. Maybe if he see’s he’ll recognize her? Or maybe it’ll be more of a running gag? Again, I can’t say for sure.

Back downstairs, Kiki has arrived! The group questions Zenix as to what happened, as he was with Brendon. Zenix states that he and Brendon were working, when he heard a noise and saw Brendon has been shot. Looking around, he spotted a thief in green, and attempted to pursue, but then instead flagged down Dale. Which, to me, is a massive red flag, as Zenix is a hot headed idiot who has ALWAYS chased things down. But you know, everything all crazy.

So after more or less dismissing HOW everything went down, its explained that while Aph was able to help Brendon, whatever was on the arrow is still eating at his flesh, and he needs this special herb. However, Visher, who normally sells medicine, doesn’t have any in stock at the moment. But, the Lord of Bright Port does! Aphmau at this point as been listening to the conversation, and discovered that for whatever reason, her powers aren’t working. Visher makes it clear that he can leave to get the herbs, but will only leave in the morning when its safe. So what does Aph do? 

She jumps out the window and steals Paul’s boat. 

....

This is the most on brand thing she’s done, I swear. 

We get a small taste of Gene and Sasha being all evil, Gene sayin he needs to go do something, and even dropping hints about Sasha’s past (oooOOOO).

So Aphmau sets sail (don’t even get me started on how she fuckin knows how to use a goddamned boat) and she makes it to -

BRIGHT PORT!!!!

We’re movin on in the world y’all! It’s GREAT. 

And now.

My favorite PART of the episode.

The One.

THE ONLY.

*insert the sound of panties dropping*

Laurence.... 

Laurence sees Aph, decides he’s gonna go after that, and starts to work his charm. Some of the village girls get a bit upset, but aren’t too upset. He flusters her, then leaves to Meteli, to lie in wait.

Now, to some OG fans, you all might be questioning : Hey, why is Laurence here so early? Well you see there... dear viewers, Laurence WAS in Bright Port the first time Aphmau went to Bright Port.

Nice little nod to the OG series there Jess. 

BUT ANYWAYS.

We come upon some kid named John, who is pleading with some guards to help him free a baby werewolf. They refuse, and Aph steps in to help him out, in exchange for help. 

AND SO WE MEET LOWEL. 

Look at him. He’s so tiny. He’s looks kinda weird. But she saves him and its v cute.

Bromance.

And a weird lil hug. But that’s excusable. 

This next boat scene ain’t. 

Dear. Lord. 

I see why the boats were only seen in low light. This looks like... BAD. I get it. These peeps are on a tight schedule. They pop one episode out a week. BUT LIKE THIS BOAT LOOKS SO WEIRD. IDK MAN. ITS JUST WEIRDLY SMOOTH AND GROSS AND LOOKS LIKE PNG. BLEH.

This scene is basically just setting Gene up to whatever the fuck he’s gonna do. But i could care less cuz THE FUCKIN BOAT.

And that sums up the episode! What are y’alls thoughts? Feel free to add to the post, I’d love to talk to more Aphmau fans! And look forward to my drawing for this episode. See y’all next time ^-^

[ofthemuses]

True Detective Sentence Meme: Season One (another of my favorites, well, the first season at least.)

WARNING: Triggering content, NSFW content, religion/death/violence/sex/drugs/suicide mentioned. Lots of foul language 

Regular Quotes

I'd consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist...

Oh, just a regular type dude... with a big ass dick.

People out here, it's like they don't even know the outside world exists. Might as well be living on the fucking Moon.

It's all one ghetto man.

Stop saying shit like that. It's unprofessional.

So what's the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it's obviously my programming. And I lack the constitution for suicide.

Let's make the car a place of silent reflection from now on.

Can I ask you something? You're a Christian, yeah?

I know who I am. And after all these years, there's a victory in that.

Can you get pills pretty easy?

Listen, when you're at my house, I want you to chill the fuck out.

There's nothing I can do about it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but... I'm gonna have a drink.

Given how long its taken for me to reconcile my nature, I can't figure I'd forgo it on your account.

Hmm. That sounds God-fucking-awful.

Isn't that a beautiful way to go out, painlessly as a happy child?

Trouble with dying later is you've already grown up. The damage is done. It's too late.

I can be hard to live with. I don't mean to, but I can be... critical.

Sometimes I think I'm just not good for people, that it's not good for them to be around me. 

Such holy bullshit from you. It's a woman's body, ain't it? A woman's choice.

Girls walk this Earth all the time screwin' for free. Why is it you add business to the mix and boys like you can't stand the thought? I'll tell you. It's cause suddenly you don't own it the way you thought you did.

Is shitting on any moment of decency part of your job description?

Nothing man, sorry, forget it.

You got some self loathing to do this morning, that's fine, but it ain't worth losing your hands over.

What's your deal?

I don't have "a deal".

You're kinda strange, like you might be dangerous.

Of course I'm dangerous. I'm police. I can do terrible things to people with impunity.

Now what do you mean exactly... these visions you mentioned.

Shiiiiit, just what have you two heard about me?

What the hell good is cake if you can't eat it?

You know, throughout history, I bet every old man probably said the same thing. And old men die, and the world keeps spinnin'.

What do you think the average IQ of this group is, huh?

Just observation and deduction. I see a propensity for obesity. Poverty. A yen for fairy tales.

I think it's safe to say nobody here's gonna be splitting the atom.

You see that. Your fucking attitude. 

 Not everybody wants to sit alone in an empty room beating off to murder manuals.

Yeah, well if the common good's gotta make up fairy tales, then it's not good for anybody.

Well, I don't use ten dollar words as much as you, but for a guy who sees no point in existence, you sure fret about it an awful lot.

I mean, can you imagine if people didn't believe, what things they'd get up to?

Exact same thing they do now. Just out in the open.

Bullshit. It'd be a fucking freak show of murder and debauchery and you know it.

If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother that person is a piece of shit; and I'd like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.

Well, I guess your judgment is infallible, piece-of-shit-wise.

You figure it's all a scam, huh? All them folks? They just wrong?

People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.

Do you wonder ever if you're a bad man?

World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

But I think I'm all fucked up.

You don't have to fall in love at first sight, you know.

Every time I think you've hit a ceiling, you, you keep raising the bar. You're like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.

Fuuuck! Hell of a bedside manner you've got.

Ahh, you know, being stupid is different than going in sick, and this is a bar, not a fuckin' bedside.

All the dick swagger you roll, you can't spot crazy pussy?

So, enough with the self-improvement-penance-hand-wringing shit. Let's go to work.

Oh God damn it, I am so done talking to you like a man.

What the fuck you think I want with you, huh?

I'm sorry. What are you suggesting, exactly?

I will skull-fuck you, you bitch!

This is none of my business... I don't want to hear it.

Do you know the good years when you're in them, or do you just wait for them until you get ass cancer?

What always happens between men and women? Reality.

Someone once told me time is a flat circle.

The newspapers are gonna be tough on you.

No, buddy, without me... there is no you.

Yeah. Fuck this. Fuck this world.

You know, people that give me advice, I reckon they're talking to themselves.

A man's game charges a man's price. Take that away from this, if nothing else.

I'm the person least in the need of counseling in this entire fucking state.

Thought maybe we should talk.

If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself.

Hey, man, look. Why don't you just get out of here, please? I don't want to get arrested. Just - just get... before I do something to you.

I slept with someone... And you know him/her... You're close.

Oh... Now, what-what are you saying?... What - what are you - what the fuck are you saying to me?

Life's barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.

If you were drowning, I'd throw you a fuckin' barbell.

Why would I ever help you?

Hey. You better get those jumper cables ready, the motherfucker is lying.

Get on out of here, you're classin' the place up.

My family's been here a long, long time.

He ain't gonna talk with you.

I got a car battery and two jumper cables argue different.

A man remembers his debts.

Fuck, I don't like this place... Nothing grows in the right direction.

What happened in my head is not something that gets better.

Well you know what, I just got here; I was gonna leave, but then you woke up - Jesus, what's your fuckin' problem?

Not a care in the world.

I'm not supposed to be here.

Yeah... well, I'll come back by tomorrow, buddy.

Don't ever change, man.

Agh. Ah, fuck. Ah, he got me pretty good...

Do I strike you as a talker or a doer?

You'll rip out your fucking stitches. Stop it.

This is the place.

Everybody's got a choice, ____... Shit, I sure blamed you.

There you go... Everybody's got a choice.

It's hard to find something in a man who rejects people as much as you do, you know that?

Come die with me, little priest.

The DEEP SHIT™

I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution.

There can be a burden in authority, in vigilance, like a father's burden.

I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction - one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal. 

This place is like somebody's memory of a town, and the memory is fading.

I contemplate the moment in the garden; the idea of allowing your own crucifixion.

I don't sleep, I just dream. 

You got kids? I think of the hubris it must take, to yank a sole out of nonexistence into this meat; a force of life into this thresher.

I know who I am. And after all these years, there's a victory in that.

Yeah, back then, the visions, yeah most of the time I was convinced... Shit... I'd lost it. But there were other times... I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe.

I mean, it's like somethin's got your name on it, like a bullet or a nail in the road...

People... so goddamn frail they'd rather put a coin in the wishing well than buy dinner.

This... This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean when I'm talkin' about time, and death, and futility.

They welcomed it... not at first, but... right there in the last instant. It's an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just... let go.

All your life--you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain--it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.

And like a lot of dreams, there's a monster at the end of it.

You see, we all got what I call a life trap - a gene deep certainty that things will be different...

Nothing's ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure - nothing is ever over.

I have seen the finale of thousands of lives, man. Young, old, each one so sure of their realness. You know that their sensory experience constituted a unique individual with purpose and meaning. So certain that they were more than biological puppet. The truth wills out, and everybody sees. Once the strings are cut, all fall down.

In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So Death created time to grow the things that it would kill.

And you are reborn, but into the same life that you've always been born into. I mean, how many times have we had this conversation? Well, who knows?

When you can't remember your lives, you can't change your lives, and that is the terrible and the secret fate of all life. You're trapped by that nightmare you keep waking up into.

I can see your soul at the edges of your eyes. It's corrosive, like acid. 

Sometimes... this feeling like life has slipped through your fingers... like the future is behind you, like it's always been behind you.

There's a shadow on you, son.

I saw you in my dream. You're in Carcosa now with me... He sees you... You'll do this again... Time is a flat circle.

There's no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories.

All my life I wanted to be nearer to God. But the only nearness - silence.

Some people, no matter where they look, they see themselves.

You see, sometimes people... mistake a child as an answer for something, you know, like a way to change their story.

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments: everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that... You're livin' wrong.

Once there was only dark. If you ask me, the light's winning.

[stokan]

The Top 20 Things of 2019

1. “Shallow” at The Oscars How can something be so anticipated, so hyped, so seemingly bigger than the freaking Oscars themselves, and yet still somehow exceed all expectations? We now know the answer: by completely subverting them. That’s why it makes perfect sense that the greatest moment of Lady Gaga’s career would be the simplest one. Her and Bradley Cooper simply standing up from their seats still gives me chills every time I watch it (and I’ve watched it A LOT). And the close up on their faces needs to be shown in sex ed classes.

If I could travel back in time, sure going back to kill baby Hitler would be great, but mostly I’d just want to go back to the exact second the curtain starts to raise on this performance, before I knew where it was headed next.

2. Olivia Colman winning Best Actress at The Oscars If you think it’s weird that there are two separate things from the same awards show on my list of the top things from the entire year, then, well, you’ve come to the wrong place.

This is the absolute platonic ideal of someone winning an Oscar. Our genuine shock at hearing their name, THEIR genuine shock at hearing their name, the genuine emotion from everyone involved, a speech that is heartfelt, human, funny, and charming in a way that only a true star could ever dream of being, all in equal measure. And it’s all part of a YouTube clip you can watch endlessly and find new things every time. (Glenn Close’s reaction when she loses is like an entire drama in and of itself.) Sure awards shows may be dumb, but then also, this is why they’re not.

3. Sharon Van Etten - “Seventeen” in advance of this year’s Oscars I just want to be on record that my favorite movie from 2019 about aging, feeling that life is passing you by, grappling with mortality, the passage of time, and the generation coming up behind you is Closing My Eyes And Listening To “Seventeen” By Sharon Van Etten. It has it all: the creeping melancholy and regret, the sense of doom that you try to dance away, the feeling that the past was maybe just a dream, the urge to yell into an increasingly uncaring void.

Part of the curse of aging is everyone becoming their own Casandra. Now you know, but no one will listen. And part of the joy of aging is realizing it doesn’t really matter if they do.

4. The writing on Succession

“Proof that, as long as the writing is there, TV doesn’t need to be anything more than people having conversations in rooms.” - theringer.com

I have a rule with these year end lists that I can’t feature something I’ve listed in a previous year. But it’s actually illegal to write about the best of 2019 without mentioning Succession. So I’m going to get around my self-imposed rule by this year specifically highlighting the writing on the show.

The amazing thing about Succession is how watchable it is not despite, but almost BECAUSE of the fact that not much actually happens. People talk a lot about things they are GOING to do, or MIGHT do, but there’s not a ton of actual DOING. And that’s actually great, because what we’re really here for is the talking. Every character talks with the biting wit of an Armando Iannucci character, the deep intelligence of an Aaron Sorkin character, and the realism of an actual human being. I find myself constantly rewinding just to make sure I took in the brilliance of each dialogue exchange. And literally every line Kieran Culkin is given to say would be the best line of the entire season on 90% of the shows on TV.

Everyone talks about how great the acting on Succession is, and rightly so, but actors are nothing without good words to say. And on Succession, to paraphrase a president of the United States that I’m sure ACN would love, they have the best words.

5. The chemistry of Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein in Booksmart My favorite movie of 2017 was Lady Bird. My favorite movie of 2018 was Eighth Grade. So suffice it to say I was well prepared for how much I loved Booksmart. But what I was not prepared for at all was the incredible chemistry of two actors I had previously never even heard of before: Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein. It feels impossible that the two of them aren’t real-life best friends. Life-long friendship is such a specific bond it feels impossible to fake, and yet somehow Kaitlyn and Beanie pulled the magic trick off. Experiencing the giddy contact high of their chemistry felt like being in the presence of a miracle. And anyone who says the romantic comedy is dead clearly didn’t see Booksmart, because maybe the best romantic comedy of the decade was the story of two people realizing the deepest, purest, most unique love of all can sometimes be the love you have for your best friend.

6. Fleabag Season 2 What on earth is there left to say about Fleabag that hasn’t already been said? And yet somehow even with all the discourse about this show it has still maintained its status as the rare cultural phenomenon with a 100% approval rating. To be as massive and as beloved as Fleabag and yet inspire zero backlash, not even a stray contrarian take from an online troll, feels impossible, and yet also, in the case of Fleabag, totally right. If (the now VERY problematic) Louie was the beginning of giving people money to make their idiosyncratic, personal, not-quite a drama not-quite a comedy TV shows, then Fleabag is the end. The apex of the art form. There’s nowhere to go from here but down. 2019 was the year television finally peaked. It was the year we all witnessed perfection. And it was the year that we fittingly all had a priest to guide us there.

7. Chelsea Peretti’s monologue at the WGA Awards Ironic that the year that proved that awards shows don’t need hosts is also the same year that gave maybe the best example ever of what a great awards show host can do. Chelsea goes so far inside baseball it gives new meaning to the phrase “corker”, and it’s all the better for it.

8. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride If you don’t think Father of the Bride is the best album of 2019 then congrats on not being a late-30s straight white man. But as a late-30s straight white man myself I’ve got two big things going for me:

1.) A life that has benefited from a history of privilege and near-total control over society stretching from the beginnings of civilization up until today 2.) An understanding that Father of the Bride is the best album of 2019

But what about Bon Iver and Wilco and The National and Sturgill Simpson and Big Thief, didn’t they all put out albums for late-30s straight white men this year you ask? To which I say: did any of those albums have a song on them called “Unbearably White”? No they did not! And that sort of ironic self-awareness is the kind of shit that has fueled a million straight white male sketch comedy scenes. It is the air we breathe. Also, have you heard “Harmony Hall” lately? Or “This Life”? Or “Stranger”? I mean, come on, leaving Brooklyn to make your “settled down in LA” album is the sort of late-30s straight white guy catnip James Murphy could only DREAM ABOUT. I may not have much these days, other than unlimited power and privilege, but at least I will always have Vampire Weekend, and they will always have me.

9. Lizzo Every year there is one thing that defines the year. One thing that 50 years in the future when someone mentions that year, it will be the first thing that pops into everyone’s head. And in America for 2019 that thing will be the impeachment of Donald Trump. But if there is a second thing, then it’s Lizzo. She was there when the year started, only got bigger as the year progressed and was arguably still getting more popular as the year ended. And she was everywhere. She was on massive stages and behind tiny desks. She was at the movies, she was on TV, she was coming out of every open car window. And she was definitely at every wedding you went to this year. Lizzo WAS 2019.

With the impeachment of Donald Trump I don’t know how far down the presidential line of succession we have to go before we get to Lizzo, but I know we would all be better off if we would hurry up and get there. Lizzo is the best of us.

10. This picture of Baby Yoda 

Ok I was wrong. Take everything I said about Lizzo and double it for This Picture Of Baby Yoda (you know the one, or if you don’t, click the link above). On the wikipedia entry for the year 2019 that definitely needs to be the picture. 

11. Kodi Lee on America’s Got Talent I realize you probably weren’t sitting around watching America’s Got Talent this summer. I certainly wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t happened to be working the live show tapings. But lemme tell you, if you didn’t see the show, you missed out on something truly magical this year. Something that makes you rethink what human beings are capable of. Something that goes so far beyond inspirational that I don’t think our language has a word to fully express it. Kodi Lee is a real life superhero, and provoking emotion is his superpower. Making it thru a full Kodi Lee performance without crying should be the new Turning Test. Forget America; Humans Have Talent indeed.

12. Taylor Swift - “Cruel Summer” Look I didn’t expect to ever find another “Teenage Dream”, but, well, here we are. I mean, a Taylor Swift single produced by Jack Antonoff and co-written by Annie Clark is pretty much genetically engineered to be one of my favorite things ever, but still: wow. Do the kids still use the term “banger”? Because if so, this is why the term was invented. I would have more to say about how great the rest of Lover is as well, but sorry, I gotta go now. I have to listen to “Cruel Summer” for the eight millionth time.

13. Michelle Williams in Fosse/Verdon If there was an award for best acting performance in any medium this would be the clear winner for 2019. In fact, can you win an EGOT for one single performance? What about a Nobel Prize? I can’t come up with an award or a title big enough to truly honor Michelle Williams’ work in Fosse/Verdon.

As a fellow actor very rarely a performance will come along that will make me think: ok we’re done here. Let’s all the rest of us pack it up and go home, because someone just won acting. This is one of those performances. So congrats to Dame Michelle Williams, you’re the new Pope.

14. American Factory My favorite line in all of Shakespeare is “there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so”. And nothing is evidence of that more than the piece of art I have thought about most this year: the documentary American Factory (available on Netflix right now!). So many of the things we in western societies believe are universal bedrock virtues and value are in fact simply products of the society in which we were raised. Individualism, personal expression, autotomy, the importance of leisure time, and so many other things, are not absolute human values, only relative ones. What is important to someone in America, can be ridiculous and incomprehensible to someone in China. And vice versa. And neither side is right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.

American Factory is documentary that doesn’t say WHAT IF EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW WAS WRONG, but instead shows something that is perhaps even more powerful: what if everything you know is simply just that, a thing you know.

15. White Claw Life is an endless parade of infinite options, possibilities, and choices. So I have no idea how you personally chose to spend your 2019. With one exception: I Know What You Did Last Summer. You drank an alcoholic seltzer water. Probably many of them, but at least one. At a park, at a beach, in a backyard, definitely at a party. If at some point this summer your paws weren’t wrapped around a White Claw (or a similar product) then you didn’t actually experience 2019. Because this is the year we all collectively got obsessed with combining America’s two hottest drink trends: flavored sparkling water and…hold on, lemme look up the name of this stuff…alcohol?

History may record summer 2019 as Hot Girl Summer, but those us who actually lived it know the truth: it was Hard Seltzer Summer

16. Marriage Story A movie that fundamentally misunderstands things I care about deeply - theater, Los Angeles, how the entertainment industry works - is my favorite movie of the year because of how deeply it gets right the thing I care about most: human beings. The way we talk, the way we behave, the way we love, the way we hurt, the way we create bonds that never fully go away. It’s been said a lot, but part of the beauty and magic of this movie is that it doesn’t take sides. Both people are right and both of them are wrong. And that’s how human relationships often work in real life, but rarely in art. There are no heroes, there are no villains; there’s only being alive.


(Also, Adam Driver, Imma let you finish, but Raul Esparza doing “Being Alive” is one of my favorite YouTube clips of ALL TIME. If you ever need to weep uncontrollably and you don’t have time to watch Marriage Story, then Raul Esparza’s “Being Alive” will do the trick)

17. Lil Nas X - “Old Town Road” “What kind of music do you like” used to be a very important question. Your sense of identity used to be defined by the type of music you listened to and what that choice said about you. But now music-as-cultural-signifier is as dead as the concept of owning music itself. Rap music is for elementary school kids. Country music is made by queer black Americans collaborating with Dutch teenagers. Billy Ray Cyrus and Korean pop stars appear on remixes of the same song. A song about an old road and an antiquated mode of travel becomes a massive hit thru the brand new music app TikTok. What kind of music do we like in 2019? All of the “kinds” of music at once, in one marvelously inescapable two minute burst of joy. Music is dead; long live music.

18. Chernobyl If you thought it was crazy that the year’s biggest song was a novelty country/hip-hop track by an unsigned artist rapping about trying to find parking for his horse, then wait until you find out what the summer’s biggest hit TV show was about! I mean, nothing screams “summer fun” like nuclear radiation and shooting dogs. But as always, no one ever truly knows what people will want until you give it to them. And clearly what we really wanted in our LOL Nothing Matters age was a captivating reminder that life on earth truly could end at any moment. Some things very much DO matter. And that something as dramatic, devastating, and consequential as Chernobyl could have happened in the fairly recent past and already have been largely forgotten about is incredible. But if you can take such a compelling story and tell it as well as the makers of Chernobyl did, then people will watch and learn and better understand an issue of vital importance, no matter how seemingly uncommercial it might be. So in a very 2019 sentence: thank you creator of the the Hangover franchise for your miniseries about a 1980 Russian power plant explosion. It was our collective summer obsession. (2019 was a weird year.)

19. Raphael Bob-Waksberg - Someone Who Will Love You In All You Damaged Glory

“I think about how loving someone is kind of like being president, in that it doesn’t change you, not really. But it brings out more of the you that you already are.”

Back in the day, Raphael Bob-Waksberg had a tumblr that was so good it both single-handedly inspired me get much better and writing my thoughts and putting them on the internet (thus what you are reading right now) and intimidated me out of doing it more often (why I now do this only once a year). In fact, I’m almost positive I had his tumblr listed as one of my top things of a year in the past, which is really the highest honor a tumblr account can receive. It was one of the single most impactful forces in the direction of my creative life. And now Raphael has taken the voice that created that tumblr and created my favorite TV show (BoJack Horseman) and wrote my favorite ever Craigslist post, and used it to create a book about love and loss and being human. And it feels like a wonderful treasure that was written just for me. It IS my worldview, expressed better than I ever possibly could. When I meet people now rather than doing the usual introductory small talk I am just going to hand them a copy of this book.

20. The New One - Mike Birbiglia Speaking of art that felt deeply personal to me…just hearing even a rough outline of the story Mike Birbiglia tells in The New One was enough to start me on a path of perhaps reconsidering one of my most deeply held beliefs. By talking about parenthood in a refreshingly honest and shockingly open way, he is able to possibly change lives. I know finally actually seeing the show in person (and it’s now available on Netflix) felt like a possible turning point in mine. Is it theater? Is it standup? Does it matter? Here’s what there are no questions about: it’s hilarious and deeply felt and perfectly constructed. It’s an absolute master class in story telling. And it’s my favorite thing I saw this year.

[hotdadlicense]

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey