#something that he has to hide or mask in order to be accepted. just like how the wagyein has to be hidden away from everyone else

[shakingparadigm]

In a modern au I think the wagyein would be like one of those gaint ass crocodiles that Ivan gets away with keeping because its technically a service animal. As long as its on a leash its all good and not a threat to the public!!

Ivan being rewarded with a more expensive and unique kind pet like a whole fucking crocodile honestly seems pretty in line for him 😭 especially since it adds a new "chic" flair to his photoshoots and his general aesthetic. Imagine Ivan's new photoshoot drops and he's in a suit posing with a fucking crocodile. Insane.

I really like the imagery of this large, scaly and dangerous looking reptile being tamed as Ivan's pet, something that could help boost his image and push that luxurious, enigmatic vibe. You know, like how stereotypical evil lairs have sharks or other rare and dangerous animals guarding the entrance or simply acting as accessory. That kind of vibe. I also like the imagery of this sharp creature being forced into submission and captivity. Forced to become a good, obedient pet, holding in its urges and keeping its teeth hidden. A being taken from the ruthless, grimy darkness, cleaned and maintained to perfection, forced to perform for the cameras. Ivan can empathize, he knows what it's like.

"Technically a service animal" is fucking hysterical. Ivan going Hello, sir! Please excuse my emotional support 12ft crocodile. Don't worry, he's very well-behaved.

I actually think Ivan would get along very well with his hypothetical crocodile. Just like the wagyein, he'd feel connected to it in a very personal way. Also just like the wagyein I think Ivan would be the only person it would never harm. In my head I have the mental image of Ivan petting and cuddling it as if it were a puppy.

[waokevale]

Introducing Follower gang!

There. Finally did all the Bishops follower designs!

The 7 deadly sins

And some other follower gang, done with lineart this time because the other 2 pieces made me lose my soul for how long they took.

(Also a small HC if I may: Dr. Sozonius is trapped inside the mushroom on Sozos head, while the actual mushroom is controlling his body)

+ some more doodles

Info about the 7 Sins and more doodles below:

Jeg represents Greed - he was one of the first of Lamb's followers. (At first, it was very difficult for Lambert to indoctrinate people, due to their inexperience, this guy was like the 5th or so) Jeg has...a very specific personality to say the least, yet the Lamb can't help but be fond of him. They eventually nominate him the Tax enforcer role and...That might've been the worst decision of their life. But they did not take the role away. Jeg acts smug 24/7 and relishes in his new power, but deep down, dudes pretty insecure, ( but don't tell anyone!) He used to have a huge crush on the lamb, but then Narinder and eventually the other bishops came, and since their leader was for some reason head over heels for the ex god of death, Jeg grew bitter and often got into fights with Nari, as well as charging him and his other siblings more than the average follower. Though he's mostly mellowed out since then.

Brash represents Gluttony They despise Helob, since they used to fight for "food" a lot, and eventually Brash got really injured and was found by the Lamb. She tried to eat them, but was quickly disarmed. Despite this, they decided to spare him and bring his sorry ass back to the cult to indoctrinate. They were very cunning and didn't trust the lamb either, but eventually they cooled off and accepted the new life. She still eats people tho, just not from the cult, otherwise jail or *worse*

Yara represents Pride She is one of the core followers. She's very strict and somewhat self-centered, she likes things done her way, or if not her way, the lambs way. Period. No one else can boss her around or even give a helpful advice. She's actually a pretty stand up deer, and despite being incredibly stubborn still makes a good friend. She gets along with most people though Brash annoys her, since he keeps snatching body parts off corpses. She has always been extremely devoted to the lamb and will be annoyed if any follower dissents and tries to preach against them. She wasn't surprised in the slightest when they eventually took down all the bishops.

Thorn represents Envy He had a pretty terrible life before the cult. When he was brought in, she was bitter about her newfound situation. He wasn't very trusting of the lamb and thought they expected something out of her (which technically they did, but it's just work). He envies the fools who are so oblivious and just do everything as they're told and let their lives be guided by some amateur god. Similar to the other two, he puts on a mask, He often acts overly saccharine to hide his true feelings, but doesn't have any bad intentions. (Most of the time) She does genuinely like some people, but others, he only pretends to like to appease the lamb or to blackmail them. He hates when the people he actually cares about are threatened.

Jermo represents Wrath Jermo absolutely does not trust anyone. Similar to Thorn, and most other followers tbh, their life was absolutely horrible prior to the cult. They trusted some people, they got betrayed, and almost died several times because of it. It was extremely difficult for the lamb to make them stop dissenting. They legit had to give them the loyalty necklace in order for them to finally stop dissenting. Jermo keeps getting into fights with other followers, because they feel as though everyone is always against them or is constantly judging them. (They're technically not wrong) They've died 5 times, because they keep getting into fights with other followers. Lamb strongly considered keeping them dead, but decided to challenge themself with them (also they're too cuddly to just be killed off) Despite their many, *many* flaws, Thorn has a huge crush on them, since he's one of the people who managed to see their soft side. Jermo, deep, deep, deep down actually cares a lot, but they've been hurt too much by everyone, so they retaliate for the same stuff to not repeat.

Herett represents Lust At some point, she passingly heard about the cult and since it seemed like a peaceful place from the rumors (and also had hot people in it) she eagerly joined in. She's usually in the kitchen area, if not hanging around the love tent or babysitting some kids. She crushes on almost everyone, but for some reason she hates Kallamar (legit in my actual game she rejected him so hard, despite having the lustful trait and not caring prior)

Mateo represents Sloth Is perhaps the 1st or 2nd of Lambs followers, so they're absolutely not letting go of him, dudes lived 4 long lives and is tired of it, he keeps switching jobs since with age he's been slacking off more. He's currently stuck as a janitor (he hates it) He's also one of the few people who managed to befriend Jermo, his mellow, don't care attitude is somewhat comforting to them. Aside that, he gets along with almost everyone, as best as he can at least.

Not much else to say about the gang in the third pic but Riley and Dannie are platonic bffs and were forced to babysit kids when the lamb was crusading. The lamb was a little incompetent here to give carnivores children to take care of, but thankfully they actually managed to be good with them and got used to being on nanny duty.

The capybara (Beige) is a retired teacher and adopted a little owlet to take care of (Chip)

While Femur is our below yellow cat, and that's my HC name for him. He's a gatherer here.

[loveindefinitely]

༊*·˚ FOREVER WINTER (IF YOU GO) — task force 141 x reader

11 — COME BACK TO REMIND ME OF WHO I WAS

featuring. simon 'ghost' riley + johnny 'soap' mactavish + kyle 'gaz' garrick + john 'bravo six' price + (non-endgame phillip graves)

warnings. nsfw, fem!reader, fmmmm, enemies to lovers, slow burn, polyamory, ghostsoap, pricegaz, alerudy, heavy angst, requited unrequited love, graphic violence

series masterlist. read on ao3. read on wattpad. fanfic playlist.

<- previous part | next part ->

“I forgot how ugly he was.”

Price, beside you, raises a slightly bemused brow. Taking the binoculars from your easy grip, he too, examines the target standing on the mansion’s balcony. A cigar sits between Price’s lips, mirroring the less sophisticated Marlboro between the Lieutenant General’s.

The man, one of the few higher-ups you were somewhat close with, is a decorated Shadow Company leader. Known for his strategy and persuasion, he was always a good asset.

Shame he was always this side of too touchy, and a general ass to anyone who had a vagina. Or an inclination for the same sex.

Real pity that he’s the one with the information you need, and the one you can’t kill.

“You’re not wrong, darlin’,” Price murmurs under his breath, exhaling a puff of smoke as he slips the cigar from his mouth, the cherry burning in the dark of night.

Ghost, like usual, is found a few buildings down, sniper at the ready. Soap and Gaz were ordered to stay behind for this mission, much to their chagrin. It was the closest you’d seen Gaz fight with his Captain, and Soap was just being generally pouty.

Both you, and Price, had managed to reason that expertise in explosions and protection wasn’t exactly wanted for a quick get-and-grab.

And, maybe, a small part of you needs a break from the two Sergeants. Your night with Gaz has infected your mind, even now, the day after. And seeing him, with his bright smile and dimples and eyes made your heart skip a beat. Especially with how no one could know of your rendezvous, lest you be kicked out of the deal.

Or worse.

You swallow, once, accepting the binoculars once more when Price hands them back to you with another puff of his cigar. He’s surprisingly courteous about it, not blowing the smoke into your face.

“Lt, we have eyes on the target. Over,” you speak into your radio, eyes like a hawk as you watch the Lieutenant General shake off flakes from his cigarette over the pristine white railing. He’s shorter than most, especially considering his rank, and you can’t help a small, private smile growing on your face at that small fact.

“Been around bloody Johnny too much,” Ghost mutters, and you roll your eyes. “No hostiles spotted, you’re good to go.”

Rising into a crouch, Price gives you a curt nod, before gesturing for you to follow him. You do so with quiet movements, the only sound the barely there crunch of dirt underneath your boots.

Your previous Lieutenant General was always an uncomfortably wealthy man, and you see now what he’s chosen to do with such an abundance of money. He lives in an off-the-grid mansion, deep in the middle of nowhere, only hills and trees around him.

Those families in Las Almas, displaced and killed and ruined – they were entirely more deserving of just a fraction of this wealth. Your tongue feels coated with something sour.

Price smells like cinnamon and spice, even in his gear, and it’s a scent that settles in your belly like a warm stew. 

It’s rare, these days, to see daylight. All this recon work done well past midnight, hiding in the shadows and staying low. Not your favourite, but at the same time, it’s kind of… nice, doing this, just you and Price and the moon. No having to tiptoe around what to say around Gaz, or avoiding Soap’s innuendos.

If only it wasn’t for Ghost, too, watching over the two of you.

God, how you hated that man. His snarky comments, the roll of his eyes, his mask he refused to take off. And the way he almost looked down at you, questioned your authority, not unlike all the men you’d known. Worked alongside. Hated, too, in much the same vein.

You wonder, distantly, if he’ll ever come around. If there was at all a possibility of a civil interaction between you both, one that didn’t end in death threats or glares or passing out.

“Somethin’s on your mind.”

Head snapping up, you meet Price’s knowing blue eyes. Calculating, always aware, always ready for the worst case scenario.

“Not really, Cap,” you easily shake off in a whisper, continuing to follow him, until your backs are pressed against the beige, concrete wall. Your assault rifle is pulled to your chest, safety off.

The bandage on your cheek had been replaced just this afternoon, a soothing balm and fresh wrappings alleviating the growing itch that had been forming on your face. What was another scar, even? This one, at least, had somewhat of a neutral memory attached.

Ghost’s chest, his arms, a single threat turned into a promise.

You blink.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed if you underestimate our smarts,” Price says, low, under his breath. His words have you halting.

“Sir –”

“I know you’re used to bein’ the smartest kid in the regiment,” he continues, not unkindly, “But you’d do yourself well to remember that my boys are here for a reason, too. We know more than you give us credit for.”

His voice is deep, gruff, even in the low whisper he’s reduced to. 

A shiver erupts down your spine as you feel out where to start climbing the wall, trying not to look at the man next to you. His words – they hit a part of you that you don’t want to acknowledge.

“Never said you guys weren’t smart, Captain.”

“Actions speak louder than words, Colonel.”

You have nothing to say to that – an irony, all things considered. Instead, you jerk your head towards the bricks that’ll allow you both to scale the side of the mansion. With your gloves on, the two of you make it to the third floor, shuffling through an open window.

It’s pitch black, except for a lone light turned on in your target’s study, just down the hall.

The air is stale, stifling, potent with old filing and decade-old cologne. It has your throat feeling clogged, your eyes slightly glassy as you move towards the light, gun at the ready.

This is, you realise, the first time you’re working beside the Captain.

You’d worked in tandem, obviously, but never so closely knit like this. With him at your six, his body like a furnace when beside your own, it’s an entirely new dynamic. So different to that of his subordinates – more steady, controlled.

Ghost is silent over the radio, a small mercy, as you two find your way into the study, backs to the wall as you quickly clear the room. You never knew when a surprise could be awaiting you.

“Check the drawers, I’ll look through the shelves,” Price whispers, a direct command delivered in a raspy breath.

You nod, immediately transferring your gun to your back as you rush through the desk’s contents.

The room is dusty, obviously having seen little use in recent years, and the drawers are filled to the brim with knick knacks. Old paper clips, photos, receipts – everything, except for what you need.

“Got anything?” You find yourself asking, a harsh whisper in the still quiet of the room.

Price shakes his head, a stern movement, still searching through the shelves with a stealthy yet quickened pace. You focus back on the drawers, going through each one with efficient and expert ease. Some old gum packets, paper clips. Fuck.

Your heart pounds in your chest, your throat feels thick with dread.

The contract you were looking for – it could be the beginning of the end. You needed this like you needed air, right now, and if you didn’t find it –

“Darlin’,” Price calls, smooth but demanding. You instantly look up, drawn to the man like a moth to a flame. “We’re goin’ to find it. Stop thinkin’.”

It’s, obviously, easier said than done.

You appreciate his sentiment – the way he’s trying to guide you – but that sinking feeling of despair has you gripped in its tenuous claws; unrelenting and powerful and cruel. It feels as though everything is riding on this; like your very existence will disappear as soon as you find out the document has.

A hand on your shoulder startles you out of your thoughts.

It’s Price.

“You need to get your head in, Colonel,” he orders, his voice no longer patient or kind. This is the voice of a Captain. “I am not about to waste my time here if you can’t do your job.”

It’s exactly what you need, right now, and he knows it. You know it.

You take a breath.

And you nod.

He claps your shoulder, a firm glint in his eyes as he jerks his head towards the rest of the room. You’re running on a timer – your mini spiral an unnecessary hurdle. All you have to do is block off that side of your brain, and get the bloody job done.

Although Ghost is still silent as ever, you can feel his looming presence even without being at all in his line of sight.

It’s debilitating.

With more meticulous movements and keener eyes, you look through the drawers. Less desperate, more knowing, because if there’s any doubt that you won’t find it –

“Target is leaving the balcony – I’m ‘bout to lose sight on ‘im,” Ghost’s quick voice starts through your radio. The slight tone of worry has every inch of you on edge. Your wide eyes flicker to Price’s – whose jaw sets.

“Copy, Lieutenant,” Price murmurs, voice low.

The gun strapped to your back feels heavier than before, now, and your hand drifts to the pistol attached to your thigh. The same one that’s come in handy time and time again.

Thud. Thud. Thud.

Footsteps – down the hall. Heading towards –

A hand on the scuff of your neck. A door being pulled open – pitch black.

Your heart thunders in your chest, Price’s hand pressed against your sternum, his chest against yours. The air is tight, and you’re cornered in a…

Closet.

Price pulled you into a closet – and now, you’re stuck with his thigh between yours and his arm outstretched above your head. You feel entirely weak before him, the Captain of the 141.

If it was at all in question, anymore, you would’ve considered that this would be the perfect time to kill you. To be rid of Grave’s right-hand woman, and to cut off any loose ends.

Instead, all you can feel is his warm breath against your forehead.

The footsteps pause, but the creak of the study’s door has your spine rigid all over again. Price presses in closer to you – and you don’t make a single movement. Don’t speak a single word, in case its very syllables are your undoing.

You can’t see, not in this speckled darkness, but price’s very existence feels so strong against your own that you can’t help but shudder a breath.

“Sir – You can’t possibly be serious. Use your damn brain.”

Your ex-Lieutenant General hisses into what you assume is his phone. And by his grating voice dripping with stress? There’s only one man on this Earth that he could be talking to.

Phillip Graves.

You can’t make out what your Commander says in response – not through the small, tinny voice of the phone, but you can pretty much guess his sentiment.

“Most of our men are gone! We can’t take down that bloody Task Force –” He hisses, his voice palpably furious. Without realising it, you find yourself curling in further to Price – his own head ducking down to shield you subconsciously.

The creak of the study’s floorboards, echoing under the weight of the man’s boots, makes your heart pound.

You feel not unlike a small child, hiding from their parents while the sound of yelling and smashing glasses echoes around the room. The long since buried memory of your father – before he left, before he broke your mother’s heart – of dark hair and angry, pulsing veins. The same veins you inherited.

The ones of which you wish you could carve out of your skin, just to watch the fury bleed out.

“Why the fuck is she so important? Good pussy or not –” Your heart, a thud, thud, thud, “ – She’s just a girl. She’s not worth it.”

Price’s hand tightens his hand, unconsciously clasping your throat like it’s a new necklace of yours. It’s oddly comforting, even if it threatens to block your airflow. His chin nearly rests atop your head, so close, but all you get is the waft of cigars and ink.

Graves must respond with something – something that the man just a few feet away from you does not appreciate.

“At this rate, the worst case scenario is that she finds out,” the man starts to pace, the rhythm of his footfalls matching the heaving rises of your chest, “And then what? Get your fucking head in, Commander.”

Your mind’s flooded with possibilities, what could possibly constitute the worst case scenario, when the next sentence shatters you entirely.

“She’s smart, Commander, and she’s gonna want to figure out the truth of dear old mum’s death soon. Don’t be idiotic.”

Silence.

Your ears ring – your throat closes, and your common sense crumbles at your feet. 

The next few moments happen in easy, recognisable steps.

One. You shove Price off of you – not in a way that’d cause him pain, but forceful enough that he can’t push back in time to stop you.

Two. You swing the closet door open, the light flooding your view, along with the large frame of the Lieutenant General.

Three. You slide your trusty pistol from your hollister, flick off the safety, and aim with a shaky grip.

And you shoot.

The bullet slices clean and true through the man’s forehead, blood instantly dripping between his eyes as he falls forward, body slumping, until the phone clatters to the carpet alongside him.

Price yells something. You can’t hear it past the ringing in your ears, the muffled sound that drifts between reality and thought.

Dropping to your knees, you clasp the phone in your grip, blood staining the face of it. You bring it to your ear, hand no longer shaking. Steady as a surgeon.

Graves says something, sounding desperate.

“When I kill you, Commander,” you rasp, and you think you can hear Ghost’s irritating voice through your radio, “I’ll do it the same way I plan to finish Shepherd.”

“You’re gonna regret –” Graves hisses, but all you do is pull the phone from your ear, and press the circular red button.

The line cuts.

A hand falls to your shoulder, shaking you, and it’s only then that the ringing stops, and all of your other senses fall back into place.

The hand moves to the hair at the base of your skull, Price fisting it and pulling your head back to face him. He looks… angry, but it’s softened, somehow, by the understanding in his blue eyes.

“You had one order, Darlin’,” he borderline growls, and your skin prickles, “Tell me what that was.”

A petulant child is what you are. How he’s treating you.

You answer anyway.

“Not to,” you swallow, throat dry, “Not to kill him. Captain, you have to –” His grip on your hair tightens, and your words stop short.

He shakes his head, eyes narrowing. “If you’re gonna let your feelings get in the way of our mission…”

Even though he doesn’t finish his sentence, you understand the meaning of it. You’re acting reckless, growing impatient – risking yourself and others over petty disputes.

Everything feels so difficult, right now, impossible to comprehend. Like your mind’s on auto-pilot, your body, too.

Price releases his grip from your hair, and you find your gaze moving to the body laid in front of you.

And…

A piece of paper – folded – has fallen just beside his jacket’s pocket. You lean forward, clasping it between your hands without a second thought, and open it up with careful movements.

With every word you read, your mouth falls open wider – until you find yourself standing on unsteady feet, tears gathering at the corners of your eyes.

It’s.

“It’s not the contract,” you breathe, realising Price is just watching, waiting, looking out for you. You finally look up from the sheet. 

“It’s something better.”

taglist. @lilpothoscuttings @jng-yuan @iruzias @insatiablekittie @1wh4re1nova @kaoyamamegami @supernaturalstilinski @inthemiddle0feverywhere @msecho19 @nogood-boyo @alfa-jor @lalashhyl @letmeapologise @honeybeeznutz @1mawh0re @oreo-cream @someonepleasedateme @letmeapologise @uhhellnogetoffpleasenowty @inarabee @simp-sentral @littlecellist @clear-your-mind-and-dream @browtfyoudoing @oreo-cream @fanngirl19 @marispunk @emotion-no-hot-yes-hotel-trivago @cedar-bees @xvintageghostx @leiaa34 @thigh-o-saur

[my-hyperfixation-stories]

Jealousy, Jealousy

Warnings- Enemies to Lovers, Jealous!Theodore, Hufflepuff!Reader, Secret Dating, Google Translated Italian.

Pairing- Theodore Nott x Hufflepuff!Reader

Summary- For as long as Theo has known y/n they have vowed to be enemies. It was only natural given their house status and friend groups. If word ever got out that the two were romantically involved their friends would go mental. That’s why behind the mask of their undying hatred towards each other they found ways to constantly be alone. This fake act however, seemed to be getting old. The longer it went the more Y/n ceased to care. With Theo urging it to continuing she decides to give him a taste of what he will be missing out on if he let their relationship go public. Will they get caught by their friend group? Will this all come crashing down in the long run?

The eruption of voices in the great hall felt millions of miles away as all of Y/n’s focus yearned to be on one person in particular. Someone who had yet to enter the great hall and satisfy her urges to see him. The voices of Y/n’s friends seemed to be ignored until the volume in which they spoke gradually increased. That was until one in particular seemed to rip Y/n from her thoughts.

“Y/n?.. are you attending or what? You’re the only one yet to answer?” Hannah’s voice questioned staring at her dazed friend who seemed wrapped up in thought.

“Attending what?..” Y/n’s response was soft but laced with confusion earning a few giggles from the group. “The party tonight? Slytherins are hosting one in their common room and decided to invite the other houses. Are you coming with us?” She questioned making Y/n shrug. “I don’t know, the Slytherins don’t seem to fond of us.. are you sure this isn’t some set up?” Hannah just shrugs lamely to the question. “Whatever I might go.. if I can find something to wear..” y/n trails off as her eyes return to scanning the crowd of students.

“I’m going to head back to the dorm.. get me if you have any updates.” Y/n directs Hannah making her nod as she bids farewell to her friend. Y/n’s smile quickly fading as she leaves the group. It didn’t help that the first thing she saw was the very man she had been looking for talking to Daphne Greengrass. Y/n’s brows furrowed into a glare that Theo faintly caught as she exited The Great Hall.

Y/n would give everything for the two of them to be public. She knew her friends would disapprove but if they were truly her friends they would learn to accept him. Theo never seemed to grasp that reasoning as his friends were more hardheaded than Y/n’s. Seeing him with Greengrass made Y/n realize that maybe he was ashamed of her. Why be with a Hufflepuff when there are so many pureblood Slytherins girls roaming the campus. Her mind seemed to betray her as those thoughts swarmed her head. In order to find some escape she made an impromptu turn into the library to help ease the thoughts away.

“What’s with the look?..” She slowed to a stop refusing to turn to him. Not when her mind was heading in the direction it was. “I didn’t give you a look.. I’m just not feeling well Nott.” She could almost feel him cringe at the formal tone to her voice. “Don’t call me that. You don’t call me that unless we are around people.. what’s wrong?.” She finally gave in turning to Theo himself. His face showing clear signs of confusion and worry that almost made her feel bad for him.

“Time and Time again you dismiss of me. I know your reasoning but I can’t help but think there is more to it. I’m not a Pureblooded Slytherin like your friends date. I’m an outlier.. I can’t help but think you’re ashamed of me.” Theo’s eyes falter into shock as she comes clean about her thoughts. “I’m not ashamed of you.” “Then why do you hide me.? If your reasoning is that your friends don’t approve then that there tells me your ashamed by how they would see you with me. I’m done hiding Theo.. especially when I see you talking to those girls so openly not caring what anyone thinks.” His lips form a thin line as he is at a loss for words. “Exactly.. I’m attending the party tonight. If you really care about our relationship you can prove it to me there.. if not then… then this is over between us..” the ultimatum made Theos heart feel as if it was beating at unhealthy speeds. He watched her exit the library with glossy eyes making him feel even worse.

She had spent forever staring into the depths of her closet trying to find the perfect outfit for the occasion. If Theo didn’t approach her she would go to someone else. In order for that tactic to work she was in search for one dress in particular that made her confidence soar whenever she wore it. She grabs her wand waving it to where the dress would reveal itself amongst the piles of clothing. It represented her house showing that even if Theo couldn’t accept her she wasn’t going to give in and change herself.

After putting on the dress she fixed up her hair making herself completely presentable to what she believed to be perfect. All of this confidence seemed to vanish the moment she approached the opening to the Slytherin commons. Everything was silent and she couldn’t help but hate herself. Especially muttering the words that she used earlier to shame herself. “Pureblood..” it came out as a whisper but was enough to open the way into the commons. Th second she entered the silencing spell granted her permission to hear the booming music with voices hidden beneath it.

Almost immediately she made eye contact with Theo. His eyes held nothing but admiration and pain as he took in the full beauty of his girlfriend. Yet she showed no emotion when she rolled her eyes dismissively to go in search of her friends.

“Y/N!!! YOU CAME!!” Hannah cheered wrapping her arms around y/n’s neck pulling out the long awaited smile that she had been needing. “Seeing the common room filled with so many people is odd, it’s usually empty when I’m here!” Y/n points out making Hannah look confused. “You come here often? I didn’t think you knew any Slytherins like that?!” This makes Y/n’s face fall breaking her smile before it returns trying to keep up her act. “I had project with Astoria, she brought me to her dorm a couple of times!” Though it wasn’t a full lie it wasn’t what she was originally referring to.

Hannah’s smiling face turns into a scowl as she looks behind Y/n. She turns to see Theo approaching her. Her heartbeat increased as she kept an unreadable expression. “Nott. Come to bother me again eh?.. you seem to be good at shaming me, at a party is pretty low don’t you think?..” her question seemed to earn a tensing jaw from Theo as he took a breath.

“I know I’ve harmed you in the past.. I’ve come to.. apologize..” he says looking over at her friend who stood right beside Y/n protectively. “You look good..” his eyes showing every emotion possible leaving a stinging sensation in her heart.

Hannah noticed the way they both stared longingly into each others eyes almost hurtfully. “Always the charmer aren’t you Theo. A few words don’t fix everything you’ve done though. Try better I’m not someone you can try and use just because you feel bad.” Y/n walks away without letting Theo respond

“y/n wait.. shit..” he groans making Hannah look skeptical. “What do you want from her? You’re the last person to come up and try to make amends with her.” Hannah says earning a glare from Theo before an idea comes to his head. “I’m going to tell you this if you promise to help me.” He says making her look confused. “Why would I do that? You’re a horrible person.” He winces at the insult but looks at her pleading for help. “What?.. why are you looking at me like that.. fine what is it?..”

He looks around as his heart beats a million miles per hour. “Me and Y/n have been.. been um..” his chest seems to be heaving making Hannah look concerned. “I’m completely inlove with her and I’ve screwed up way too much.. I’m afraid I’m going to lose her and she wants me to prove it but I’m scared of how my friends are going to react but I care for her beyond belief.” He spits out completely shocking Hannah. “I’m lost, what?!” She asks making him look into her eyes showing how serious he is. “I’ve been dating her for about 6months.. this whole enemies thing is a lie.. now I think I’ve lost her and I need your help.”

Y/n had went up to Cedric Diggory not long after her interaction with Theo. “Why do you look so upset?” Diggory was a friend of Y/n’s despite the two being in different years. He was like a big brother to her which is exactly why she went up to him. “This guy.. I just need to get him off of my mind.. he acts like he wants me but never commits fully.. it’s driving me mad.” She admits leaving Cedric skeptical of who this could be about. “Give him an ultimatum to prove himself.” This makes her look even worse. “I have.. but I’m scared he won’t take it.”

“It’s his loss, anyone stupid enough to lose you isn’t worth your time of day let alone thoughts. He’s probably too absorbed in his thoughts to really see you for who you are.” This makes her smile letting her thoughts lift from her mind. “Plus you’re like perfect I’m sure any other guy would praise you.” This comment brings a laugh upon her lips as Cedric smiles down at her. She rests her head on his shoulder taking in a deep breath. “Thank you Cedric.. I needed that.” He gives her a soft smile.

This was until yet again a scowl formed on his face. She turns seeing Theo’s face glaring at Cedric holding everything back from punching his face. “Theo..dore Nott.. why are you following me. Let me breath you’re suffocating me with your presence please.. leave me alone!.. you’ve proven time and time again that I’m not worthy of your presence why torture me with it.” His expression softened when looking at her but quickly grew sour as Cedric placed his hands on her shoulders. “She wants you to leave so leave. No one asked you to be here.” Cedric says with a protective tone that instantly straightened Theo’s spine as he stepped forward. “Get your hands off of her.” This makes Diggory step infront of her challenging Theo’s demand. This action seemed to piss Theo off even more. “Who are you to order me around?..” he says stepping forward making Theo’s eyes show nothing but hate. Y/n started to intervene before the next words left Theo’s lips.

“Her boyfriend. Now back off.” This makes Cedric scoff. “Must be a piece of work if she’s coming to me to forget about you.” This sentence was the thing that broke Theo. His fist quickly met Cedric’s as a full out fight broke out. Mattheo and Draco quickly ran up pulling Theo off as some Hufflepuff beaters stepped in to help Cedric fight. Eventually the two got seperated but that didn’t stop their mouths. “Don’t ever fucking touch her again!!” “Learn how to make her happy and I wouldn’t have to protect her from you!!” “She’s my girlfriend not yours that’s my job!” “Then actually do it you’re not worth it if you don’t prove it!”

The party ended early as Y/n and Hannah stay behind with Mattheo, Draco, Enzo, and Blaise who were all working on calming Theo down. “Who was that even over anyway?? You went mental over some girl?” Mattheo questioned making Theo’s eyes train onto hers. Mattheo went to turn only to be pushed to the side by Y/n who approached Theo. “I’m sorry. I-”

A loud smack rang through the room as some of his friends quietly cursed. Her eyes seemed to be full of anger and sadness leaving him heartbroken. “You don’t get to do that Theo. That’s not what I meant by prove it you asshole!.. Cedric was helping me feel better because you are driving me mad with how idiotic you are!” He goes quiet looking around at his friends.

They all look surprised everything was quiet until Enzo spoke. “If that’s your girl damn..” Theo glares going to argue until Mattheo laughs. “That Hufflepuffs tougher than you bro.” All his friends seem to joke around none really bothered by the fact that the two were dating.

This only left Y/n staring at Theo who looked guilty. “See.. it was always just you..” Her voice wavered as tears threatened to spill. This makes everyone go quiet seeing the tension between the two. Hannah got them to leave the two alone in the commons to sort out whatever was happening. “Cara Mia I’m sorry.. I tried getting your friend to help me but by that time I saw Diggory and.. I lost it. I didn’t care what people thought of me I just wanted him away from you.. forgive me principessa. I’ll prove how sorry I am please..” he begged making her heart beat increase.

“You told Hannah?..” he slowly nods. “Practically begged her to help me.. after basically confessing my love over you she seemed to pity me enough to help.. I should’ve taken her advice and..” his excuse was cut short by y/n’s lips hushing him up. His hand moving up hesitating to touch the back of her head. Everything was so real she didn’t know she was crying until she pulled away.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell them sooner.. they’ve been my mates since I was little I was scared of losing them.. but I think I was more scared of how they would’ve treated you I didn’t think about how I was treating you.. ti amo tanto..” she gives him a small smile before pulling him into a hug. “I love you too.. I forgive you Theo.. I think I was just scared that you didn’t really want me as much as you promised.. which thinking about it now was stupid.. I’m sorry.” “Don’t apologize. That’s only for me to do.. please stay with me tonight.. I don’t want you leaving me for a second.” This makes her laugh earning a loving smile from Theo as he takes in all of her features. “I can’t believe I almost lost the prettiest girl in the world just because I was too stupid to realize everything I had.”

[starillusion13]

omg Hi! Im not sure if you’re still accepting requests but if you still do… I would like to request an ot8 ateez x reader where they all leave her because of a misunderstanding and then they chase her back after but she doesn’t forgive/give in so easily ? Thank you love ❤️

Lost you forever

Pairing: Ateez! ot8 x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Mafia, Mature

Warnings: crying, mention of death, poison, mentions of mafia activities like shooting and deals in mafia, misunderstanding, pregnancy(?) [plz tell me if I have missed something] oc doesn't forgive easily coz she is deeply hurt.

W.C: 5.3k (i was so into it sorry)

Note: please I want to thanks to people for reading and reblogging. Reviews are always appreciated 😭. Applause to the ones who come up to me to interact and they know how friendly I am. Okay enough!

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

“I have found her.”

All the noise died down with just one sentence. The room is now pin drop silent with all the heads turned towards the same direction and eyes focused on one person. The one who has just entered through the main door and whose voice made everyone stop in their tracks.

The leader of the group with a blank expression, walks towards the said person and grabs the collar of the leather jacket, eyes burning with his creased forehead but somewhere he wants to believe the words he has just heard.

“You realize what you are speaking right, Mingi?”

Nodding his head, he stares right back, “Absolutely.”

“Are you sure that’s her? Maybe, you might have mistaken someone else.”

Closing his eyes for a second, he sighs, “I have seen her with my own eyes, up so close to realize enough that it was her. Her sweet smile and those soft hands, everything is same.”

The one holding his collar loosen his grip and walks over to the table to get back his drink.

“Hongjoong, stop drinking.” The eldest scolds the leader before turning towards the other, “Then where is she and why didn’t you bring back her here? Where exactly did you see?”

“She was working at the café, down the Ross street. The target’s location was last seen in that café and when I reached there, he had already left and then when I heard that sweet voice asking if I need something?”

“did she see you?” The youngest asks him with curiosity filled in his eyes.

“No. I ordered a simple coffee just to see her longer and when she handed it over to me, I felt her soft and innocent hands touching my rough and ruthless ones. I was wearing a mask so she didn’t notice me but she was hiding her pain really well with her sweet smile.”

“But her eyes were telling something else.” Mingi turns towards Yeosang on hearing his response.

Everyone is feeling guilty that they are the reason you are working all alone there and having the pain inside you which your eyes reflect enough to let them know how you are feeling. They have been with you long enough to know every detail of your actions, to read your emotions from afar, to know if you are happy or to realize that you are hiding something then why. Why did they misunderstood you back then and left you all alone helpless?

“I want to see her. Take me there, just tell me which café is that exactly and I will be on my way there.”

“San, calm down. Take it slow. I know that you are eager to meet her like we all are but we can’t just go there like this. You know what we did back that day. I don’t think, she would want to see us again.”

If they had this much power in their hand to erase that day or to change the situation that occurred that day then they would have done long way back but now its impossible to do so. It’s been three years that they have left you but when their mission in this new country led them to cross your path again, they are not going to leave this chance out of their hand. Searching you for so long and not getting any sight of you has made their life a disaster. Hongjoong has been drinking a lot since he found out that he had done wrong with you and not a single member of his gang can control his vigorous nature but being the leader of the uprising mafia gang, he has to control his limits to not let the opposition know his weakness. Yunho is not better than him here, being the fighter of the group, he is overdoing and exhausting himself just because he can’t get you out of his mind and showing his anger on others. Well, Seonghwa needs to be calm here as being the eldest, he finds this as his responsibility to check if his members are doing okay and him being the second in command has to be with the leader most of the time. But the question is how can he just pretend that he doesn’t think about you, his thoughts are always storming inside his head which are revolving around how to get you back. San is restless, he is almost every time being out of the house doing illegal shits without even informing the leader and just messing up things, which sometimes almost bring them to face a hectic situation but thanks to Wooyoung who is always there to save him but what about himself. He is the one who would show his emotions up his sleeves but when it comes to get you back, he is lost in a void. He doesn’t even know whether to be angry, upset, mad or just forget about you. Forget about you? Is it even possible? Mingi is always out of the base, he has taken upon himself to look out for the targets and engaging with the spies all around to know the motives of other gangs and be prepared but one thing is always flashing to him, thoughts of you. Jongho has kept himself silent for most of the times, away from his members and just trying his way to find out where you are. Are you even alive? He is always there to bug Yeosang to find you in every corner of their hometown but you were nowhere to be found and once they had lost all hope of you being alive. Yeosang has taken the job of being hacker too seriously and that just to find you till the last cell of his data but everytime, he is just getting disappointed.

🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚🐚

“Thank you for your order. Have a great night ahead.”

You smile sweetly towards the customer who just left the café and its almost nine at night so you should get prepared to leave for the night. You are always the last worker to leave on the busy scheduled day as you live just few houses away from here and the manager is too sweet to even let her guard accompany you to reach your house. She once requested you to do the extra night shifts on busy days as other workers live bit far away and you could be much helpful to her. She has this warm motherly aura and so you couldn’t reject her request.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry that you had to stay back late again. It’s Halloween season and you know how people are crowding over here.” Your manager having a guilty expression on her face approaches you.

“Oh no, it’s really fine with me. I can keep my mind off with some stuffs while working here so it’s not a big problem. I rather enjoy being here than staying at home and overthinking.”

“You are so sweet. You should take some leaves and rest for few days as I haven’t seen you taking leaves or going out with someone. Don’t waste your young age everytime working here. Have some enjoyment and refresh your mind.”

“Working here gives me the happiness. I don’t think being with someone can actually refresh my mind or rather haunt me…..Nevermind, you must go back as your son is waiting for you and after getting everything back to it’s place, I will hand over the keys to Mr.Lee.”

Nodding her head and waving at you, she rode back to her place leaving you and Mr. lee, who must be in the locker room getting his stuff and later waiting for you outside.

Arranging all the stuffs, it took twenty minutes as your other co-workers had almost done everything before leaving and the previous orders were simple so you didn’t have much to do. Picking up your bag from the counter, you give a final glance to the place to make a mental note if everything is fine. Satisfied with the result, you quickly went outside to see him already standing and waiting for the keys but he is looking impatient.

“Are you fine, Mr.Lee?”

“U-uh yeah…” sweats visibly lining the forehead and lips quivering. Why is he sweating in this cold night?

“If you need help, please do tell me.”

“Actually, I need to leave early… my daughter needs some help and she has just now called me so I think I cant go with you today.”

“Its fine with me. I can manage on my own, its just few steps and I will be home so don’t worry and leave. I hope your daughter is fine.”

He thanked you several times and left. Like always, your smile is still having that warmth even in this chilly night. Your hands rub your arms and you start walking towards your block. Everything is like usual until you start to feel someone is following you but waving it off as if it must be your fear of walking alone without him. Also, it’s Halloween and anything creepy can happen. Even the children’s pranks are creepier than ghosts. You quicken your steps, hands gripping the bag tightly.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you almost had screamed when another hand pressed over your mouth, shutting you up and muffling your scream. Your eyes closed tight and hands trying to remove the palm from over your mouth.

“Y/N. Don’t be afraid, it’s me.”

You froze. Not due to the chilly wind just blew past you but because of the very familiar voice. Familiar? You don’t think it has that same familiarity like before. Every morning, this used to be the first voice you would listen while waking you up and engulfing you in a big bear hug. That’s past as now you are used to being wake up with your alarm or nightmares. Just a reminder, he is the part of causing that nightmare.

Parting your eyes, you can see the tall man standing in front of you. Looking down at you with a soft look on his face, teary eyes and hands slowly slip down from your mouth to your biceps to hold them firmly. The street is brightly lit due to the decorations for the occasion so everything is very clear for your eyes. You stare back at him and not knowing how to react as your body and mind is going against each other but you know a little part of your heart still beats for him, for them.

He is about to pull you in for a hug when you stop him with your hands pressed over his chest, preventing him from coming any closer.

“Y/N….”

“Stop it. You should not just hug randomly someone. You may know me but sorry I can’t really remember you.”

“Random? You are my angel. I want to hug you and say sorry for what I have done. Don’t pretend that you don’t know me, please tell me you have missed me equally.”

“Look, you must have mistaken me with someone else but I’m not her.”Pushing his hands off from you, “Even if I know your name doesn’t mean I know you, you are just like the rest of the customers in my daily life whose name I have to hear often. So it’s nothing special and as I don’t hear your name anymore maybe I would forget it forever.”

“Y/N!”

You make a ‘tsk’ sound on hearing him shout your name. Even if they pretend to be polite or gentle with you, they are the ruthless uprising mafia gang so what do you even expect less from them while controlling their aggression?

“This is you. Shout on me. Blame on me. but. Don’t show your kindness to me again. You have literally showed your true colors that day and look here we are. Standing face to face and you still shouting on me just like that day. You are still the same, Yunho.”

Hearing his name coming out of your mouth after three years is sending a wave of warmth to his heart. Atleast, you called him by his name even though your words are straight away piercing his heart like a sharp knife, you haven’t spoken to him like this ever but he knows he deserves it for leaving you that day.

A black SUV comes to a stop near to a side of you both. If it were any other time, you swear you would have got frightened but the raging veins with hatred towards him is not minding any danger surrounding you. You didn’t look at it’s direction but can hear several footsteps are nearing you. Why are you not scared? Is it because you are feeling safe in his presence? No, it’s just you don’t want to be saved or show your weakness, atleast in front of him.

“Doll.”

Don’t turn back. You are just imagining things. He can’t be hear even yunho is not here, right? You want to believe this but the presence behind you is too near you, his warm hands placed over your shoulder sending a jolt through your body. It may be warm but is lacking the warmth, you can only feel the coldness of feelings there. Turning around, you look into the eyes of Mingi, who just called you with the name he gave you on your first date with him.

Okay, so everyone is here. All the eyes are just looking at you, only you. If it was something back in those days then you would have become shy and hide behind Yunho and not look at them but this time, your daring eyes precisely staring back at them. Their eyes filled with regret meeting your eyes filled with hatred.

“Why are you all here?”

“For you.” Hongjoong replies quickly enough and this made you raise your brow.

The scene is like a deja-vu, very similar to the last time you had seen them. Them circling you under the night sky and you are the centre of the situation but that time, they had that rage in their eyes for blaming you and hoping you to vanish from their eyesight but this time, they have the fear…of losing you again.

“it’s not funny. If you all are going to have some Halloween pranks on people then go somewhere else, don’t waste my time.”

“It’s really not funny and also not a prank. We are really here for you.”Hongjoong said calmly.

“And? You got to see me. You needed to know if I’m alive or not and now you might kill me as I already know a lot of your things and it’s dangerous for you all to keep me alive. Go ahead, shoot me.”

“Y/n, are you insane? How can you think like this that we will shoot you?”

“San, it’s very obvious from the way you were pointing the gun to my forehead with fire in your eyes.” You point to the middle of your forehead with two fingers. They would have found your acts childish but your tone is too harsh for their ears, making it obvious how much hatred you have towards them.

The said man fidgeting his fingers, looking down and a single tear escapes his eyes. The tear of losing you. You are so near to him, just few feet away where he can run to you and hug you tightly and pull you in for a kiss yet so far away because of the way, your eyes glaring at him.

Mingi moves aside when Hongjoong comes in front of you, “Princess-“

“Don’t call me that when you don’t know how to treat one. I’m not your princess. Well, I’m no one to you.”

No one to him and this word burns his heart. Not only his but others too. Still he tried to speak to you.

“Whatever happened that day, we are really guilty for that. We are extremely sorry to treat you that way. I don’t know what happened to me and I put the blame on you, thinking it was your plan, everything I had lost that day was because of me and I lost you but trust me, each day I have spent regretting for this. Please forgive me. Please.”

He is no more holding back his tears, being a leader is a great responsibility and controlling his emotions in every situation is the major part but you were always there with him by his side where he could express himself, to show his vulnerable self to you but this time instead of comforting him, you are mocking back at him.

“Are you crying because of regret or losing your mission that day? I’m sure it’s about the shitty mission or what else-”

Yunho turns you around harshly and this time you can see his flaming eyes, “Are you making fun of him? What happened to you really? You have totally changed. This is not Y/N, we knew back then.”

“Exactly, this is not your Y/N anymore. This is me. An orphan who lives alone in this block and works by the café down the street. Also, not nice to meet any of you.”

You give him a blank expression. His grip on you tightens and you just stare at the hold, hissing but not telling him to leave you. Why? Because you want to feel him. No. You want to see how much he can lose control on you and the physical pain is nothing compared to the mental pain, you have gone through the years.

“Please come back to us. We are here to take you back, to your home, our home.”

Seonghwa. Please don’t speak like that. He is a siren for this because even if you want to hate him, his voice is always as if lurking you to trust him, his words which are still soothing to your ears, remembering those feather kisses. No. They are pinching you like a thorn just like your words are doing to his heart.

“There is nothing called ours. My place is here and nowhere else. I guess you don’t know the meaning of a home. Home is somewhere you can feel warmth and comfort, a forgiving atmosphere to erase your pain into happiness. But the place you are mentioning is a prison to me, hearing the name suffocates me, the memories haunt me. Atleast, here, I’m okay by myself, far away from you all but still nothing is a home to me.”

“Why are you saying like this? Please don’t push us away when we just got you back.”

“So? I should forgive you all and get back to you. Never. This is not happening ever.”

You walk towards him, his ears perk up hearing your heels nearing him, Yunho has left his grip on you but his hands aching to touch you again. The memories of you both spending nights together with warm skin against skin, hushed promises surrounded by the burning love but now even if your skin is warm, the touch was cold with numb feelings.

You pull the strap of Seonghwa’s jacket and other hand block his hand which he was about to raise and swiftly pull the gun out, pointing it towards his forehead. Others come to a warned position.

“If I shoot you here and wait enough to bleed you to death.” You turn to look back at them, their surprise faces looking back at you but no one daring to step forward. “Then if I say, please forgive me. Will it be worthy?”

“But…but we didn’t hurt you. We…we just….” San doesn’t know how to complete his sentence. He is lost within his own words. Seeing you after years, your coldness towards them, even pointing gun towards one of their member and remembering how you and him were in the same position last time causing his hands shake. So ironic for a mafia member. No matter how strong they are, how ruthless they can be but when it comes to you, you are their weakness.

“It’s not always hurting someone physically. Their way of act towards you speaks volume and the words you told me while pointing the gun is way more painful than if you would have actually shoot me.” Turning, towards Seonghwa, “You have already killed me that day. I am dead for you.”

“Baby, please don’t say like this.”

“How many times do I need to tell you that I’m nothing to you all? Stop calling me names.”

Wooyoung’s eyes go wide on hearing your shout. He is so much taken aback by your outburst that he is almost looking helpless towards Mingi standing near him.

“I’m sorry…I mean…please don’t say like this. You are everything to me, to us. You don’t know how messed up we were when we left you. I’m so sorry to leave you but please atleast lets forget about that incident and please come back to us.” Wooyoung stutters but not again using the endearment.

Mingi chirps in, “Human can may make mistakes. Whatever happened that day, we know it was not your fault, it was a mistake and we really forgive you for that. I’m sorry for being harsh on you.”

“Yes. We are really guilty. We should have listened to you but rather we blamed you on the spot and said such harsh words which even if I want to take back, I can’t. I didn’t let you to explain but ended up on a conclusion.” Wooyoung ends the sentence with tears spilling from his eyes silently.

Do you forgive them? Yes. but Why? They are still telling you it was your mistake. You cant forgive them so. No.

“So you still think that it happened because of my mistake? It was an accident?”

“Y/n…”

“Stop it, Yunho. Don’t speak a single word. I’m getting annoyed with you.”

Your steps come to a stop in front of Wooyoung whose eyes are shining to get you so close to him. He raises his hands but got yanked away by you. Maintaining a straight eye contact with him, you grab his collar.

“look at me and say that it was my mistake. It all happened because of me.”

He remained silent. He parts his lips but nothing coming out and this is making you impatient.

“Tell me!”

Hot tears streaming down your eyes. Still your body is not getting enough warmth and craving for it during the cold night in that lonely street. Even if you are with all of them still you are feeling alone. Your vision is getting blurred but you roughly rubbed your eyes with the sleeves of the shrug. Your breathings are getting heavy and you are losing control.

The youngest pulls away Wooyoung from your hold and holds your red hands in his grip which are shaking due to the tight fist.

“Please, calm down. It’s me Jongho. It’s not your fault. No one is blaming you. Take deep breathes and calm down.”

He knows that you are hyperventilating and he still knows how your body is reacting and you hate this. You harshly pull your hands away from his hold.

“Don’t touch me. My body aches when I remember how I let you monsters to touch me, everywhere, every day. I’m feeling so ashamed of myself. Don’t make me regret more. I hate the fact how you still know this about my body and am beyond surprised that you still remember me. Oh wait, you have to remember every detail of your enemy before plotting a nice plan and attacking them, right? And today is the perfect day.”

“You are not my enemy. You are my-“

“Stop. Don’t complete that sentence, Jongho.”

“Don’t speak to him like that, he was not even there during the whole mission, he was in for a quick need for back-end support for Yeosang.”Mingi says in a moderate tone.

“But was there long enough to blame me.”

Hongjoong places a firm hand on Mingi’s shoulder, “No one is blaming you. It was an accident and you didn’t know what to do there.”

“I know that whatever you did was to save yourself and I’m glad that you are fine.”

You stare at Hongjoong for a few moments and then burst out laughing like a maniac. Any other person would have found you weird and commented that you have gone mad. Even they would have made fun of you and teased you that how foolish you looked like while laughing like this.

Frustrated groans and your hands raising to your scalp and you mess your hairs. You are totally acting like a drunk person.

“hongoong, did you hear what he just said? Did you hear everyone? He said that I did that to save me. Huh. To. Save. Me.”

You skip steps towards yeosang and slap him, “You think I have killed Mr. Kim to save myself?”

“Y/n!”

You could barely hear Seonghwa and Yunho’s shout when you grabbed Yeosang’s biceps and shake him. He is shocked not just because you have slapped him but seeing you losing your mind like this and having no control over your actions and he is still thinking that something like this might have happened which cause you to kill Mr.Kim.

“Tell me Yeosang. You think I did it for myself? Tell me.”

Nothing he said in reply, just stared right back at you, the only thought running through his mind is to hug you and say that he won’t be leaving you again. He would protect you from the whole world. His daily searching to get your location was always in vain and he still can’t believe his eyes that you are standing in front of him but your eyes showing the amount of hatred in you for him. a helpless cry audible to his ears to which he was deaf during last time.

“So, you do think it is.”

You take a few steps back, staring back at each of them. San tried to come near you but Yeosang stopped him and shook his head.

“I…I did it…I killed him…It was not an accident.” You look up to the sky and smile to yourself, “I did it to save my family. I shoot him to save you all from his evil planning. You all were my family and I tried my best to face him, my hands were shaking, head was spinning. I couldn’t place the actions and words right in place but I knew I had to do it to save you all.”

“save us?” Hongjoong asks you in surprise.

You chuckle sadly, “Your beloved dad had only invited you to the party so that he could destroy you and your gang. He realized that you are not his own son and Jungwoo is his real son so to give him all the power, it was a better option to erase you from the path. I got to know this because Jungwoo told me and he didn’t want to support his dad in this way and somehow mr.Kim tried to kill me when he heard that I wont let you join the party.”

“That’s why…that’s why…you were whining to spend time with us and cancel the schedule.”

You nod on Jongho’s statement.

“I didn’t know how to stop you so before I could come up with a plan, you were already in your way to catch your target at the party held by Mr.Kim. And…and…when I tried to follow you all, he caught me and poisoned me.”

“Why did he poison you?” Wooyoung almost shout hearing this.

“He wanted to see you all going down first seeing me die and then it would be fun to end you. He really succeeded here.”

“What do you mean?” Yunho asks you slowly. You glance towards him but nod a bit.

Picking up your bag which is lying on the floor because of the previous commotion, you look down and tears flowing continuously, “even when I was poisoned, I escaped from the room and when I reached the scene, you were already in the middle of the bloody scene with your target. He was going to leave the place and would leave you all dying in the bomb blast and that’s how I thought it was best to kill him.”

“You didn’t tell that you were poisoned, we thought you were acting of feeling sick.” Even though Seonghwa confessed what he did feel right back then still he is feeling guilty towards you. You stare right back into his eyes.

“When I shot him in front of you all, Hongjoong snatched the gun from me and you harshly pulled me towards the exit and then it went on with you all blaming me.” You cast a glance towards San, “you pointed the gun at me and threatened me to kill if I don’t spill whose spy I was. You even doubted me with Jungwoo that we were cheating behind you and it was our plan to destroy you.”

Huh. Such cheap thought they had. They all blamed you and called such names and even threatened to kill you. It was not enough that they even insulted you in front of everyone present in the party even tried to prove your imaginary relation with Jungwoo.

“I’m sorry…”

“Mingi. Say sorry to Y/N who was trying to explain everything to you all, who was enduring the pain of spreading poison in her body and was still trying to protect you. Go hug her and pull towards you and say everything is okay, whose hands were shaking because she never killed anyone in her life before despite you all trained her in every field for her self-defence. Go and listen to her and ask her. Are you fine?”

He can’t match your eyes so he looks down regretting his every move, you throw a dirty look at him yet somewhere your eyes showing a little bit of sympathy. Your body still reacting to their touch and wanting to run to their embrace making you hate yourself.

“You can’t go. She is dead. Your Y/N is dead. Congratulations, you have killed her that day. You have killed a new life with her as well. She didn’t even get to know who her father is. Mission completed Boss.”

You stare straight and boldly towards Hongjoong.

“Her? Father? What are you saying?” Yeosang is impatient on hearing such things from you. He is confused just like the others and their heart is racing whereas yours is calm but painfully beating.

“I have lost my first baby and one of you lost the honour of being the father for the first time. It was too late when I woke up in the hospital, the poison had already been spread too much. I don’t know how I am still alive but maybe atleast Jungwoo didn’t leave my side.”

It was a big storm for them. As if the ground disappeared from underneath their feet. You were pregnant and they were unaware of it. If only they had agreed with your warnings, then they would have been having a happy family time with you and their baby together. No matter whose baby she was, she would have been theirs, they all would have given their fatherly love to her.

Without saying any more word, you begin to walk towards your way and didn’t even look back for the last time towards them.

“Y/N…”You heard wooyoung calls you from behind and they might follow you.

Still facing your back towards them, you speak slowly but audible enough for them, “Don’t follow me or come to find me again. You have left me that day, helplessly crying in the garden. Don’t expect me to forgive you and go back to you again.”

You walk away, far away from them where your silhouette getting lost in the painful dark but they know atleast you are safe and alive beyond that darkness. Their eyes follow the last bit of your presence.

They won’t be giving up on you like this. They will get you back someday but they also know that they have lost a part of you forever.

“I love you but I have lost you.”

PART 2

Perma Taglist: @mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @anyamaris @yeoobin @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @dinonuguaegi @oreharuuu @eriny123 @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon [open!]

[stariikis]

𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐲.𝐣𝐰

synopsis ; as a trainee under Jungwon's company, rumours have already started to fly about the two of you in a committed relationship. However, the speculations they create are neither wrong nor right, and when it all seems like too much, Jungwon's your only respite.

pairing ; idol!jungwon x trainee!reader genre ; fluff, situationship, oneshot wc ; 1015

inspired by ; call it what you want - taylor swift

Yang y/n. You can hear the low whispers trailing behind your back everywhere you go. Every step you take, every move you make. Hands stuffed deep in the pockets of your baggy jeans, a stuffy mask covering half your face. Jungwon’s one and only. 

You would never have minded being caught up in this type of situation with Jungwon, if it didn’t come at the expense of your deeply treasured privacy. If it didn’t mean you would spend your day treading over fragile eggshells, just so the rumours don’t fly again. So that Jungwon wouldn’t have to defend your name to the public every time a camera turns his way. 

As a child, you loved the flash of a camera on you, you loved the attention. Adorned in Disney princess dresses and waving around a fairy wand with a flourish, you were the perfect model for your parents’ DIY agency. However, now, as one of HYBE’s most valued and talented trainees, you can’t help but start to despise your excessive exposure to public view. 

Not to mention, when you’re caught up in a dating scandal with Belift:Lab’s Yang Jungwon, which isn’t even entirely a lie. 

The sleek black cap has to be pulled further down your face in order for you to feel even a twinge of peace. Speeding up your footsteps towards the company building, you wonder how life would be if you had just accepted Jungwon straight away, like you had multiple times before in your brain’s most romantic fantasies. 

What if you had accepted him? What if you had rejected him? What if you hadn’t allowed this confusion to slip into something so complicated that even the two of you can’t tell the truth from a lie. 

Every day, without fail, you show Jungwon all the newest online articles, and in return he screenshots speculatory posts about the two of you and sends them to you. In a matter of a few years, your innocent camera roll went from cute selcas of yourself, to Twitter posts, ship edits, and paparazzi pictures you wish were edited. 

“She must be waiting here for Jungwon!” 

Hundreds of passers-by crowd around you, but their words and their faces are all a hazy blur to you. Standing still in front of the revolving pair of entrance doors, the only face you want to see is Jungwon’s. 

And as if on cue, like an angel’s blessing has been bestowed upon you, there’s a tight grip on your arm in the middle of the fog. Jungwon’s faint baby scent fills your senses, a big, warm, bear hug in of itself. He lifts the cap off your head, a look of such affection and pain swamping the depths of his hazel eyes. 

When did you start shaking? 

Head tilted to the side, he bends down to whisper in your ear, and you have to squeeze your eyes shut to block out the loud chorus of gasps. 

“You’re shaking.” 

“Great job, genius. Didn’t notice,” you snap back almost instantly, careful to keep the sharp words a hint under your breath. The public etiquette classes you’ve recently started attending are doing a world of wonders for you. 

”Ah,” Jungwon hums cheerfully, his arm coming to sling around your shoulder. “You’re grumpy. Sounds like you need a scoop of ice cream.” 

“So suddenly?” You roll your eyes disdainfully, but quicken the pace as he starts walking down the sidewalk. The sea of fans, half screaming at the chance to see Jungwon, half shoving their phones in your faces, part like they’ve been called to do so. You should probably get used to the celebrity life, but every time this happens, a red flush of embarrassment never fails to drown out the paleness of your face. 

Jungwon shoots you an encouraging, charming smile, hiding his uneasiness very well. “I was kind of kidding, but let’s get out of here, because I have something for you.” 

Curiosity strikes you. “Something for me?” Your mind runs wild with the varying possibilities of cute gifts Jungwon would come up with. Because Yang Jungwon is totally the type to buy “Just because” flowers; definitely someone who’d dedicate a crocheted stuffed animal to his beloved. 

Then again, you’re not his beloved, and you’re not his friend. You’re mostly stuck in between the two. While you have your reasons, sometimes you question your decisions that led up to this kind of rocky relationship. 

A rocky relationship that Jungwon still somehow manages to make right. 

You round a corner, and he pulls you close in the secluded alleyway. With the tantalising aroma of freshly baked buns wafting in the air, you wonder if Jungwon’s taking you out on a ‘date’ that might not really be a ‘date’ but you’d still like to consider it a ‘date’. 

But he doesn’t budge from the spot you two stand awkwardly in. You look up at him, bemused, and he just pulls something out of his pocket. Your favourite shade of turquoise, complemented with black and white and beaded up into a bracelet. In the centre, marks Jungwon’s initials. YJW, in his very own handwriting, engraved into the circular polished beads. 

“This is for you.” Jungwon murmurs, fitting it around your wrist without even bothering to wait for a response. He must know you already treasure this bracelet like it’s your lifeline. However, this is so weird. Are you supposed to walk around with the initials of a guy that doesn’t even belong to you displayed for everyone to see? 

By the look in his eyes, Jungwon seems to think that’s completely normal. And so, you calm your racing heart. If it’s normal to Jungwon, it’s normal in your books as well. 

Lightening the atmosphere, you look deep into his eyes and joke, “Shouldn’t I be wearing my own initials around?” 

“Well, at least one matches up. Y. Yang. It’s like we’re married.” 

And he leaves you blinking rapidly in utter confusion, laughing and slipping back onto the sidewalk. You can only stare at your wrist, vowing never to take it off. Ever.

thank you for reading ~

i'll take this time to promote my chaptered nishimura riki fic, you in the rain. if you're a fan of wifty or taylor, be sure to check it out! hehe

more of my works >>

[harusaki-hugo]

Hello! I just saw your requests open i wanted to ask how would yandere: sanzu, hanma, ran and kakucho (separately) react to reader that is also yandere for them if not more? Thank you 💗🫶

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Characters: Sanzu, Hanma, Ran and Kakucho. Genres:Yanderes Note: Ah, yes red flags trio. Kakucho is green flag forever in my heart, shut up. also, i don't know if you want hcs or short story so i make hcs. I might overdo this T-T

Sanzu Haruchiyo:

Sanzu is quite a picky at choosing his lover, he wants, no, he needs someone who similar to mikey. If Mikey his king, you either his queen/monarch or someone he tolerates.

The only reason he dates you at first mostly because of amusement, just some pawn for him to play. He accepts your confession because he thought you are easy to manipulate and he need it to stay out of police ranges because, well, mucho.

And boy he thinks he hit the jackpot because you are the most loyal and dumbest pawn he ever sees, you agree with everything he said, go along with everything he does, hell, you even turn your eyes away from the crimes he does.

At first, he thought that he keeps you around because you are a perfect alibi to use but slowly, he starts falling in love with you. like deeply in love, his amusement turns into obsession, from pawn to his new king/queen/monarch.

He now become extremely loyal to you, he become nicer and touchier, and do everything that you want. He will kill anyone who dare looking at you or has slight interest on you. He already claims you and there's no way he going to let you go.

But he never expects that one day you present him the head of the girl who insult his scars. Smiling proudly as you hold the head, a crazed look on your eyes that rival, no, more than him.

He now realizes that from the start you date him not because you found him interesting, no, you worship him more than he worships you. If he thinks of you as king/queen/monarch, you see him as a god.

You been killing all the people around him without even leaving a single trace or suspicion. You take care of his problem before he even knows about it, you make a shrine of him, you have a room with his pictures, you memorize his schedule, you know where he goes because you already put a chip on the mask he always wears.

Sanzu has mixed feeling about this, but he knows one thing, he f*cking love you.

Hanma Shuji:

For Hanma, you are just some random kid who always stalking him. Following him everywhere he goes and secretly take his picture, he thought that you were some gang informants or something, so he let you follow him around.

He thinks it's cute and adorable that you think he didn't know you follow him, the way you try to hide around the corner or act dumb. It's flattering that someone give him this much attention, and honestly, he starts catching feeling. Just a bit. Okay, like a bit too much.

When you not around following him, Hanma can't help but feel jealous and angry that you not there to pay attention to him. But if you appear again next day, his mood brightens that even kisaki weird out by it.

He became obsesses with you to the point he follows you back home, before you can close the door, he appears behind you and force himself inside your house. Telling you that next time you can just talk to him as he walks in, but his words die on his tongue when he sees that your whole house filled with his pictures.

There is a shrine with his picture and the things he throws away, hell, even the shirt with blood. He then sees that there's wall full of his past enemies that mysteriously disappear after losing a fight with him. All of them are now dead.

Oh, oh~ if he like you before he loves you now. He realizes that you are perfect for him. Someone who worship him to the point that you willing to be his slave. To do everything he order you. Surely you won't mind if he stays here, right? After all, why bother take a picture when you have the real one in front of you~

Haitani Ran:

You are Rindou friend who somehow always following the younger haitani around. Rindou sometime bring you back to home to hang out with, so ran thought that you are his brother side chick or something. Turn out you and Rindou are really good friend, you two meets when you stay at his side when he blacks out from drinking too much and you two just click from there.

Ran don't really care as long you didn't hurt his brother but his opinion on you changes when you buy him favorite Mont Blanc from expensive bakery in Tokyo. "They our friend now, rin." Ran say as he munches on the dessert.

Day by day, Ran start getting interest on you. You like the perfect friend, you know when to come so you didn't disturb his sleep, not making too much noise, buy him food every time you visit. He starts thinking, is this how it feels having a lover? He slowly getting obsesses with how you treat him and start falling in love with you and now he the one follow you around that even Rindou can't hang around with you without Ran sitting in the middle.

Luckily Rindou know that his brother smitten with you, so he uses this chance to leave you with his brother while he goes out drinking. So, like now every time you come to their house, rindou leave you with Ran. This becomes routine, heck, Ran even drag you with him to his room for a nap every time he feels like it, treating you like his personal teddy bear. So, you guys like, dating now? Yup, dating.

"You know, i never told them anything about you." Rindou exclaim one day, "I never told them you name or your sleeping schedule. Thinking back, when we first meet, they know my name already."

So, Ran and Rindou decide to follow you home and break in when you not home because they can. And much to their surprise are that your room are filled with Ran pictures from age 10 to the time they two being send to juvenile detention center and after they get out. There also a list of his enemies and half of them mark red and dead. Ran then realize that you been stalking him ever since he safe you from those bully long time ago, no wonder you look familiar. Usually, he will get creep out with this thing but it's you, the one he obsessed with. If anything, he feels flatter and proud that you love him to this point.

So next day you visit him, he told you how he loves you more now and want to stay with you forever.

Kakucho:

You, Takemichi and him are childhood friend. Well, more like he like you and Takemichi is wingman since he lives near you. Before he got in accident, he plans on telling you his feeling, but he lost contact with you after he is sent to orphanage. He thought that like Takemichi you forgot about him too, so he often stays away from you after finding out that you still live in the same house.

The only reason he finally sees you are because Izana getting annoyed of him disappear every day just to stalk you from far, so taking a lead he kicks Kakucho toward you when you walk down the road. Imagine how happy he is when you call out his name in surprise when you see him, you didn't forget about him even after he got a scar on his face.

Izana who wants the best for his servant allow him to take one month off from Tenjiku so he can spend time with you. And boy, he uses those days off wisely. Catching up with you, taking you out and make sure that he stays close to you, so you won't leave him again.

What make him happier that you confess to him, that you too like him since you two a kid. So now you two dating, and boy, he become more clingier to the point he drags you around even in Tenjiku meeting which Izana kick him.

One day you told him that you have business outside Tokyo, and it take a week for you to return. So Kakucho drag Izana to your house with excuse that someone might break in and that someone is him. He just wants your shirt because he misses you.

Imagine Izana and Kakucho reaction when he sees that your room are filled with pictures of him. Pictures of him and you, torn up pictures of him with what seem like Takemichi, pictures of him at orphanage, pictures of him with Izana. Turn out you been stalking him since forever, you also manage to find the orphanage he in and stalk him there.

Izana found a list of Tenjiku enemies on your wall, half of marked dead and half being torture. If Izana didn't approve you two reaction he is now. Which make Kakucho happy because his king approve his lover.

Next week you come back home, Kakucho greet you happily and told you how proud he is with you and how he loves you.

[pokedash55]

Turbo, Internalized Glitchphobia, and how King Candy is a clever Parallel to Vanellope's arc

So KC is so hateful and derogatory of Vanellope's Glitch in a way that feels beyond simply keeping power and control of the kingdom. There is so much distain in his voice for Vanellope both in public and private. He is obviously paranoid of returning to a life without his rule, but I think it goes deeper. He's also terrified of returning to a life without a game. Returning to a life as a glitched homeless outcast. Remember Turbo was to some degree homeless before 1997, almost 10 years of hiding and game hopping. He's still a power hungry asshole (and I love him for that) so this isn't justification but hear me out (cause angst for angsts sake is my jam)

I love giving him this internalized hatred of glitches because he was one before Sugar Rush. After the crash in Roadblasters, the console crashed and his code was probably damaged. Without his game nothing could repair the code. He was stuck as a glitch and he attacks Vanellope ruthlessly for it as an ego defense. It's almost a subconscious response to her and a reassurance that he's in control and isn't like that anymore. It was possible at one point he was in the same position as her: Alone and worthless, long ago he too had nowhere to go and was a glitch hated and scorned by those around him, becoming nothing but a fear mongering story and a freak to those who should respect him (So the obvious way to heal from this is to make another person suffer the same fate in order to feel the satisfaction of being in control)

Attacking her and labeling her Glitch is his internalized hatred of the weakness that he is running from every day he masks as KC, gaining more and more gratification and ownership of a game he is not apart of. He made his move to usurp the throne on day one and is so psychotic and proud that he has fallen for his own ruse. The King Candy character exists and is just as real as the "Turbo' character. Turbo ended up entranced by his perfect little sandbox world. He had a home and a life again. He had access to whatever he wanted and players who would love him. His subjects loved him and he was free to bask in that attention. It was an echo chamber of comfort and instant appreciation. He could fully accept the narrative he constructed if only SHE didn't exist. But her presence is forever a stain to his new home and a threat to his ego. She will always be there to remind him that he stole this game and without it he has nothing. That the life he has, although still entitled to it, is fake. Her glitching was always a reminder of the decade he spent just like her.

People love to connect Turbo and Ralph, talking about what happens if you grow too selfish in your desires for self respect and how rejecting your role in the world can be disastrous for everyone. I love the parallels with Turbo as the ultimate extension of Ralph's negative qualities. In the movie it also directly connects Ralph and Vanellope with themes of belonging and rejection from society. But what if these thematic Parallels became a triangle?? King Candy is living a lie and claiming an identity that is not his own and doing it with glee. He relishes in the escapism of being the King. He is technically doing the opposite of Vanellope, fully denouncing his actual self and embracing a self created fake persona in a ploy for power instead of accepting his place and being content as Turbo. But once "Turbo" became an outcasted glitch (totally from his own actions but still) from the crash, that "character" wasn't popular anymore he needed to become something else. With all that access to the code someone is bound to grow nihilistic or existential with who they are. He changed every bit and strand of his code just to become popular. But Vanellope never abandoned her true self. Through all the persecution, loneliness and maybe even jealously, she accepted her state as a glitch. Even when becoming royalty she wasn't about to change herself for others. Turbo changed everything about himself in order to become Royalty Vanellope gave up royalty to be herself.

[scekrex]

Hello, may I request Adam x Exorcist!reader, Where Adam doubts his feelings for a very long time?

"Like seriously? Adam? The first man? Original dick? Will he become interested in another man?" It seems to me that these are the thoughts that would have been in his head at first. Like, imagine, all his thousand-year-old foundations begin to break down when he realizes that he is starting to feel attracted to a guy? Oh, he would doubt himself for a veeeery long time.

I think it would all start small, he simply begins to be friendly towards the reader, communicating with him in every possible way in his usual manner, And on the days of extermination, even joke or “mockery” if the reader kills fewer sinners than usual, not in a serious manner, rather joking as usual.

And then suddenly Adam will begin to understand that somehow he has been looking at him for too long, until in some sense it dawns on him that he is beginning not only to have feelings for a man, but to actually want him. My God, how would he feel... But the reader essentially does not notice this, being too serious and having heard a lot about “Adam’s adventures with women” to even suspect such a thing in him.

I'm actually really attracted to this dynamic where one person is questioning their sexuality for a very long time. Because I'm the same way myself.... Like oh my god, it took me almost 4-5 years to finally accept this, and even then I have not yet fully realized it...... Like gay panic |:^

(and I also apologize in advance for my English^^)

You're all good dear, your english is perfectly fine <3 also thank you soooo much for this request bc I feel like Adam would gaslight himself into believing he's the straightest man ever until proven otherwise. I hope you like it xoxo/p

It's 'cause of these things

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: homophobic language (kinda, Adam's just a bitch, he doesn't mean it tho)

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

For Adam it had always been a big deal when it came to letting people in, not the casual interactions he had with his exorcists or other winners but rather bonds like the one he had formed with Lute. Like the bond he had formed with you.

When your soul had first arrived in heaven and Sera had informed the first man about it he had immediately seen the potential that was slumbering inside your new formed body, you had the spirit, the energy, the attitude. He had noticed right from the start that you were highly aware of your surroundings - not just the people close to you but also the ones far away, out of reach, sometimes even the ones out of sight. So he had recruited you despite you being male. A man following his orders couldn’t be too bad right? And you had proven to him multiple times that he had made the right decision.

-

You had just arrived back in heaven after one hell of an extermination and Adam was quick to catch up to you, “So shawty, gimme numbers.” You took off your mask as you looked up at him, rolling your eyes at his question. He knew. Of course he fucking knew that you had been sloppy today - not that it had happened on purpose, god forgive you no. The bastards you had hunted down had just been more bitchy than they usually were, hiding in the strangest places. You did have trouble keeping up with them but that was something you wouldn’t say out loud, especially not to Adam. You had remained the only other male exorcist besides Adam and therefore you had a reputation to hold up. “269,” you bumbled as you took a turn in order to go back to your apartment - Adam followed, he always did. It had become a tradition that the both of you would head over to your place after extermination day to relax and share some stories about the exciting hunt. “So what your fucking saying is that you killed like a whiny bitch today,” he stated and you hated him for it - well not actually, you knew very well he was just messing with you and that you remined one of his top fighters even with a kill count as low as that. Usually you never left hell with a kill count under three hundred so given your usually pretty high numbers of murdered demons that exact extermination day had been kindergarten snowflake bullshit. Your standards were high, not only because you set them to be, but also because Adam was expecting you to be a fucking bad bitch in the purest way possible - or at least that’s what you told yourself in order to keep the standards and therefore the effort and your skills as high as possible. “Fuck you,” you playfully flipped him off as you unlocked your door and stepped inside, and once again Adam followed. “You’re one of my top bitches, for you the count of 269 is fucking embarassing.” Like you didn’t fucking know that yourself. You frustratedly fell onto your couch and exhaled loudly, usually you’d make up some lame excuse but not today, there was nothing that could excuse your low count today. Your frustation only grew as Adam slapped your ass when he walked past you to get snacks from the kitchen, “Cheer up bitch, we’ll be back in six months and then you’ll be even fucking better.” And maybe he was right but being better in the future was a must given the low effort that you had shown today. “Shut up and suck my fucking dick, Adam.”

That was another thing that made things between you and him different, you were the only one addressing the first man by his actual name - not even Lute had the privilege to do so. On the other hand you and Adam were different in any form and way, he was quite touchy when it came to you, why that was you had yet to figure out. The brunette would never even dare to playfully hit Lute’s ass, let alone the ass of one of the other exorcists.

“Maybe I will,” the brunette responded as he continued to head over to the kitchen, a sly grin on his face. When Adam reached your kitchen and was sure he was out of sight for you, he exhaled, dropped that grin and thought. Thought about you and him, how it had been so easy to let you in, to accept you and respect you to a certain level. You made it so easy for him to just relax and let himself fall into the warmth you always offered. His wings wrapped around his tall body like a soft blanket and for a second he longed for them to be your wings instead - however he quickly shook his head, getting rid of that ridiculous thought. He knew you were gay and honestly? It wasn’t his fucking if you fucked ass or pussy. He however wasn’t gay - the first man was surely not attracted to other men, that was not what God had in mind when creating Adam. So why were his thoughts always dominated by you? Because you were the only person he’d consider a friend - that must be it. Because while Lute stuck to his side whenever and wherever, she was mainly his lieutenant, for fucks sake that bitch had known him for so fucking long yet she still called him sir. You were more chill around him, there was surely no stick up your ass when you talked to him. You treated him like you treated all the others and while Adam was proud to be the leader of heaven’s exorcists and the first man, he also appreciated equality. Equality that you had shown him ever since your soul had arrived up there. You weren’t disrespectful, not the slightest bit, but you also didn’t launch him onto some high ass fuck pedestal because of his status.

And what made it even more confusing for him was that all this teasing and jokingly flirting that happened between the both of you was affecting him in ways he strictly denied. That simply was how things worked, wasn’t it? Sometimes people simply popped a boner and got off to the thought of their closest friend regardless of their gender, right? Well, Adam was convinced that it was normal, it simply must be. because there was not the slightest chance that he, the one and only original dick, was gay. He wasn’t made to be gay so he simply couldn’t be. Others are - that’s fine by him, not his deal but he himself? No. God had created him to reproduce. Two men can’t reproduce, it went against his nature, against the purpose he had been created for. “Adam?” he heard you yell from the living room. Shit, he was taking too fucking long, stupid thoughts about stupid you. So he grabbed the snacks you had already prepared before leaving this morning and carried them to you.

“There ya are, the fuck took your old ass so fucking long?” you had lifted your head from the pillow of the couch in order to look at the brunette and you frowned when he looked like he had done some thinking in the kitchen - the fuck was wrong with him lately? Because today wasn’t the first time that he acted so off, it had happened countless times before.

Once you had fallen asleep leaning against his shoulder and when you had woken up again a couple of hours later, Adam’s breath had been going hard as if he had been concentrating to not lean into the touch, as if he denied himself to like it and yet he had seemed nervous at the same time. Nervous, not uncomfortable though, that you had noticed.

Or the other time some exorcist chick had flirted with you and Adam had been quick to shove himself in-between you and her and pull you away. He had made up some lame excuse about discussing your tactics on the battlefield - it hadn’t been necessary at all. Yet it had been basically a freeway ticked for him to get you away from her without making it seem weird.

But whenever you addressed stuff like that he simply said, “Dude I’m not gay, okay? Don’t fucking act like I’d fucking fuck your ass.” And to be completely honest? You called bullshit on that. You saw the quick glances he allowed himself to slip whenever he thought you weren’t looking, and in his defense, you weren’t looking. He wasn’t as sneaky and subtle as he thought he might’ve been. He was so sloppy that even Lute had once asked you if the two of you were fucking - in God’s mighty and all-knowing name, Lute had noticed. Lute, who should know better than anyone that Adam was straight. Adam had clarified that only heavenly women were to touch him and while it stung a little, you accepted it as it was. Back on earth it hadn't been any different for you anyway - you had always had a thing for the straight guys.

“Shut the fuck up,” he grumbled as he put down the snacks onto the little coffee table, you simply grinned at him lazily, “Why don’t ya make me?” Adam froze at that comment for a moment, it was really just a tiny moment, but his brain shut down completely for that said moment and he had to reboot it entirely. Because what the fuck? Were you being serious? That was another thing that confused him - sometimes the jokes didn’t seem like just jokes, sometimes - more often than the brunette liked - there was this tiny shimmer of seriousness in your eyes when you told him to suck dick, or to make you shut up like in that exact situation. How was he supposed to know what was going on when all you did was send mixed signals? “I’m not a fucking faggot, bitch, I’m not you.” He knew you were aware he was only joking, yet he didn’t dare to look at you as he made that harsh sounding joke. Was it still considered a joke though, or was he just trying to assure himself? Another thing the first man couldn’t confidently answer anymore. You raised an eyebrow at the first man, “I never said you are. You’re the straightest white dude I know for Christ’s sake.” You watched as Adam looked at you while he tried to process your words, “Now that sounded like a fucking insult.” The chuckle that escaped you was poorly hidden and the words fell from your lips without a second thought, “It was one.”

Adam simply flipped you off as he pushed your legs off the couch, causing you to almost fall on the floor, just so he could sit down next to you. “Whatever, shithead.”

-

And just like that it continued, there was no cocky comment about how he’d be the best fuck of your life like there used to be when you had grown closer and closer, it was always the ‘I’m not gay’ reaction you got. But maybe that was just a sign that Adam had grown tired of your flirtatious jokes - who really knew. You sure didn’t.

During one evening however, things kinda changed.

You were at his place, Adam was laying on the couch and you were sitting on his lap, the both of you were watching some queer rom-com, it had taken you ages to talk the brunette into watching it with you but in the end he had agreed, probably because he was tired of you asking him to watch it together over and over again. “Y/N?” the first man asked. It was the first time he had said anything at all during the movie. He perked up at you, hesitation in his eyes as your attention shifted towards him. “Yeah?” You felt his wings twitch in uncertainty and watched as he tried to avoid eye contact once he continued to speak, “How-“ he paused for a moment, clearly considering if asking the following question was even a good idea. But he needed clarity, needed to get this shit sorted out. Lute had messed up his entire concept of ‘jerking off to the thought of your closest friend is normal’ by telling him it isn’t. So he needed to know what the fuck was going on inside his mind. “How did you figure out you’re not straight?” He wasn’t strictly gay, that he knew, he still liked pussy and tits - he just also happened to like the thought of jerking you off and watching you come undone. Or to cuddle with you like you were a chick. Or to kiss your lips.

You frowned at him for that question - what question was that even? Especially coming from someone like Adam. “I dunno, I just… like dick I guess.” Adam hummed at that and immediately regretted asking you something so personal because you were quick to question him. “Why? Did ya change your mind?” you leaned over, your chest was now pressed against his and your palms were pressed against the soft fabric of the couch underneath Adam, right next to his head. Your face was so close, close enough so that Adam felt your breath on his face. His body went on complete autopilot when his hands shot up to reach for your collar and pull you down. His lips crashed against yours and in the beginning it was more teeth and spit than an actual kiss, but the two of you found a steady rhythm soon and you couldn’t hide your grin when you felt Adam’s heart pumping in his chest and his breath growing heavy. When you parted a string of slavia connected your lips still and Adam’s eyes looked up at you, he looked like he had just gotten something he had longed for for a long time. “No,” he responded and pulled you in yet again, the second kiss started softer than the first one had, less teeth, less spit and more lips on lips action, more passion and enjoyment. “Yet you kiss me,” you huffed as Adam’s lips rudely interrupted you mid sentence, “Like your life depends on it.” The first man’s lips felt so perfect against yours, you weren’t even able to think about how he had only been messing around with women until now, it felt like his lips had been made to match yours and despite knowing that this was far from how it really had been, you simply couldn’t care. Not when Adam kissing you felt so incredibly divine. “Shut the fuck up,” he groaned against your lips as his wings came up to wrap around you - your first thought was that he wanted to provide comfort, but then you found yourself underneath the first man instead of the other way around - that smooth bastard had used his wings to change postitions without you fully noticing. “Make me,” you grinned up at him, your grin was met by hazy eyes and the most lazy yet so fucking sexy looking grin Adam had ever offered you. “Bet,” was all that he whispered before he leaned in again. And while it still felt slightly strange to him to kiss a man, he was mainly experiencing how right it felt to kiss you, to hold you, to adore you. When Adam offered you a tiny moment to catch your breaht you couldn’t stop the teasing, “Faggot,” that fell from your lips. In return Adam bit your jaw, leaving a very obvious bite mark there.

[mukuberry]

"King of the masquerade"

I've seen quite a few people use this phrase as 'proof' that Kazui is secretly egotistical or proud of what he's done, so this post will be me breaking apart what I think he actually means

A king is the male ruler of a country, or in this case, the man who rules over the masquerade that Kazui lives by. A good king is strong, commanding, dominanting, someone who leads others and protects everyone within his kingdom. Someone who is respected and admired by all and feared by those who challenge him or threaten those he protects. In other words- a king is the height of masculinity. A strong provider.

Kazui is someone who, on the inside, has failed to become the ideal masculine man. On the inside, he priorities his emotional safety above others, he's timid and weak, he's manipulative to those closest to him, and he wants to be cared for rather than being the one who cares. Unfortunately for him, he isn't allowed to be anything other than the 'perfect man'. Even before he was born, he's had the expectation of being a strong man forces upon him, regardless of what he truly wants or needs. He isn't naturally manipulative, but has had to become so to protect himself. He lies and 'follows' the ideal of masculinity (the king) until he can become it himself- even though it's something he can never truly become.

But he's not just following the king in order to become like him, he's following him to get the king's protection. As said before, a king rules over and protects all those under him. A good king will look after his citizens, and as long as Kazui is under him, Kazui is given the safety he isn't allowed in his normal life. Kazui isn't just following any king, but the king of the masquerade- as long as Kazui lives under a mask, he is granted protection. He's only allowed to be safe if he hides behind a performance of masculinity. Kazui said it best himself, lies are "ways to live without getting hurt", and he will "lie until it gets better".

Even if the things I've just mentioned weren't true, even if they were Kazui flexing his ego or something similar, it wouldn't matter. I can't subscribe to the idea that this man is proud of what he's done because more than anything, what Kazui wants so deeply, is to be freed of his lies. To stop following the king.

Kazui is a man who has been torn between two desires his entire life- the desire to be safe, and the desire to be accepted as his true self. He cannot have both, if he wants to be safe he has to hide who he is, and if he wants to be true to himself, he has to put himself at risk. It's only after 39 years that he's finally made his choice to try and live as himself, but he can't just quit lying as he pleases. Dropping his mask means tearing down the kingdom walls and exposing himself to pain. He would have to live without the king's protection for the first time in his life and he is rightfully terrified to do so, he needs to be given patience and help in order to live freely.

TLDR: Kazui hides behind the masculine ideal. This isn't something he wants to do, but feels it's the only way he can be safe.

[just-a-creep-babe]

A Demon’s Ache — Part 8

Eyeless Jack x Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Commissioned by @cookiereblogss thank youuuuuuu I appreciate it so so much 💖🫶💖

Requests are closed but commissions are open!

Masterlist: x

Things between you and Jack return to normal after that night at the campfire

There’s less awkwardness, less lingering tension when you find yourselves in the same place at the same time

It seems like your friendship, for the most part, has been salvaged—like nothing even happened in the first place

Like you don’t know his heart still aches whenever he looks at you

Really, he’s just happy to have you back in his life

Knowing you aren’t upset helps ease the heartache 

He even gets better at hiding his jealousy whenever anyone—specifically Jeff—gets too close to you 

Who knew he could be so good at pretending he’s not madly in love with you?

He manages to convince himself that it’s better this way; this is what you want from him—you want him at a distance, and that’s alright 

It’s fucking killing him on the inside, but if it means you’re happy, he won’t go against your wishes

He’s finally accepted the situation when you show up at his door late one night

And you can just imagine his surprise when he notices how obviously turned on you are

Your face is visibly flushed, there’s a perfectly desperate look in your eyes, and you keep squeezing your thighs together, like you need some kind of friction between them

And your scent

It knocks the breath from his lungs, and he nearly stumbles at the sheer intensity of it all

Blood rushes to his junk, his head spinning with a dizzying headrush 

“J-Jack—”

You whimper his name, your voice all breathy and needy, and when you look up at him, like he’s the one thing you need right now, he nearly loses it

He opens the door without saying anything, his body operating purely on instinct 

And as soon as you’re in his room, as soon as the door is properly closed behind him, he can’t keep his hands off you

Your skin is perfectly warm and soft beneath his touch

He doesn’t know what’s gotten you so riled up, or why you’ve come to him instead of Jeff, but he doesn’t really care about the reasoning behind it

All he cares about is that you’re here, and you want him, and he wants to show you how good he can make you feel

Your fingers fumble at the hem of your shirt, and it’s all the confirmation he needs to tug the clothes off of you

His mouth practically salivates when he notices that you’re not wearing a bra

You’re so fucking pretty

And you smell so, so fucking good

It’s almost too good to be true—after all that time, all that back and forth, you’ve ended up in his room, moaning his name as he pulls you flush against him

He leans in, pressing his mask to your neck so that he can breathe you in, and fuck, if he wasn’t wearing that damn thing, his teeth could be scraping against your throat right now

His hands reach up to cup your tits, fingers lightly teasing your nipples, and the way you whine and shudder has him feeling ravenous

He huffs out a grunt, then his hands are at your pants, working to undo the buttons, and he's trying his damnedest to control himself and not shred them off of you

“Jack~” you whine his name again, and it sets off his demonic instincts like nothing else

His hands are shaking with something dark, something carnal and dangerous as he finally yanks your pants open

He tugs the material all the way down the expanse of your legs, fanning his hands over your thighs because he so badly wants to touch every inch of you

He just wants to take a bite out of you

“On the bed,” he orders, and he feels his cock twitch in his pants at the way your eyes widen at the command, so wonderfully eager to please him

So perfectly submissive 

“Panties. Off,” he groans, and with a bite of your lips, you do as he says 

You’re left completely bare in front of him, and it’s the first time he gets to witness such a mouthwatering sight

You’re a goddess

He wants to worship you

He wants to make you scream, wants to fuck the shape of his dick into that cute little cunt of yours until it's ruined for anyone else 

He wants his cock to be the only one you crave

He moves up to you, his larger form towering over your smaller one on the bed

And he’s about to pin you down and have his way with you when he’s suddenly reminded of your conversation at the fire

He thinks about how happy he is now that you’re on good terms again

And he realizes that even though you’ve come to hook up, he doesn’t actually know if you’re interested in being more than friends

He doesn’t know where he stands, and he’s way too drunk with lust to figure that out right now

He swallows thickly

You’re already naked on his bed, and he’s too fucking horny to back out now

He wants this

You reach out to touch him, reach out to grab fistfuls of his hoodie and tug on it

“Wanna see you,” you murmur, and you somehow sound both pleading and bashful, and it’s one of the hottest things he’s ever heard

He doesn’t think twice before giving you what you want, pulling the material over his head, and in return, you waste no time allowing your hands to wander

He watches as you marvel at his skin, as your touch traces over the curves and edges of his muscles, almost like you’re amazed at the way his body looks, at the way it feels

God, he wants to kiss you

He wants to take his mask off, tangle his fingers into your hair and press his lips against yours until neither of you can breathe

He wants to sink his teeth into your skin, wants to scar you with his mark so that everyone knows you’re his

But he doesn’t want to jeopardize your friendship, so instead of doing any of that, he gets onto the bed next to you, tugs at your legs so that you’re straddling him, and lies on his back

If he focuses on you, if he just makes you feel good, he won’t need to worry about losing control or accidentally mating you and scaring you off again

You seem flustered on top of him, so he’s extra gentle as he coaxes you up further, placing your thighs on either side of his head with your sex inches from his masked mouth

His name drips from your tongue again, the sound downright sinful, and it has a fresh wave of adrenaline rushing to his hard-on

He pushes his mask halfway up his face, and with his mouth exposed, he can just barely resist nipping at the inside of your thighs

You gasp as his fingers dig into plush flesh, and he can feel you squirming from his breath fanning over your drenched cunt

You look down at him, anxiously biting at your lip, but he can tell by the look in your eyes that you want this—maybe almost as much as he does

One long, slow stroke of his tongue up your slit is all it takes to have you moaning

You release a breathy, shaky sigh, bringing your hands down to his hair, steadying yourself as your head falls back and your back arches up

The view he’s getting at this angle is nothing short of divine

What he wouldn’t do to have you sit on his face every day of his life 

Another lap of his tongue up your sex, and the sheer amount of arousal he gathers from the simple motion has him groaning

Do you even know how absolutely insane you drive him?

He wants to devour you, wants to reduce you to a pretty little mess on top of him

But he also wants this to last for as long as possible

Which is why he starts off by working his tongue in slow, calculated movements up and down your dripping folds 

You squirm and whimper on top of him, grinding your cunt down against his mouth

And it’s pure bliss

He flicks his tongue at your clit, circling around it, and when he wraps his lips around your sensitive bundle of nerves, he can feel your empty walls clenching around nothing

Fuck, he really, really wants to screw you open on his cock

He wants to flip you over, fold you in half and abuse that perfect little cunt until you’re a gushing mess around him

It’s taking every ounce of his self-restraint to not fuck you senseless 

But he wants to treat you right, wants to treat you the way you deserve to be treated

So he forces himself to be as patient as possible despite his instincts urging him to claim you

He pushes his tongue at your entrance, and you almost immediately shudder as you clench around him

"F-fuck, Jack~"

He's addicted, he's completely obsessed with you

He can't get enough

You all but mewl for him, your hips stuttering against him, and he hums again, holding you tighter so you’ve no choice but to accept every ounce of pleasure he’s tongue-fucking into you

Your thighs start shaking in his grip, body squirming and wriggling as your breathing gets faster between sweet moans and desperate little whimpers

He wants to praise you

He wants to praise you so bad

He wants to tell you how gorgeous you look, how fucking delicious you taste

He wants to tell you that you’re such a good girl, and you’ve such a perfect cunt, and your body is absolutely flawless

But his mouth is too busy lapping up at your arousal, flickering between your folds and giving your clit as much attention as it could possibly need for him to vocalize his thoughts

He feels your fingers tightening in his hair, feels the way your body is responding to him, and he knows you’re getting wonderfully close

But just as you’re on the cusp of your peak, he pulls away to instead litter kisses along the inside of your thighs

You whine, trying to rub yourself against him, but he doesn’t give you the release you need

He’s being selfish, he knows he is

But he just wants to drag this out for as long as possible because who knows when he'll get another chance to do this to you

The flesh of your thighs is plush and soft as he grazes his teeth against them

You've made a mess between them, but it just makes your skin all the sweeter for him to kiss and suck on

It's impossibly difficult to resist marking you, to resist sinking his teeth inside you and bruising your skin

But he somehow manages to hold himself back

And then once your breathing becomes steadier, his tongue returns to your dripping slit

Another long stroke up your folds, and you squirm and curse above him

His hands abandon your hips to wander up your chest, and he squeezes two handfuls of your tits while you ride his face

You whine his name again, your hips stuttering once more, and he’s most certainly not complaining at the way your thighs keep cinching around him

He lets you use him, lets you ride his face to your heart's content, all while his fingers toy with your nipples

Your walls keep fluttering, trying to squeeze around his tongue, and he thinks he might just be in heaven

It isn't long for your orgasm to build up all over again

Your moans get louder, your muscles tensing above him, and you keep shuddering, like the pleasure he's forcing into you is becoming too much

He considers edging you again, but fuck, his head is all clouded, and you just taste so good, and you're body's reactions are way too perfect for him to pull away

So instead of doing that, his hands return to your hips, and he locks you down against his mouth so that he can abuse your cunt without holding anything back

You nearly scream, your back arching, fingers pulling at his hair while he lavishes your desperate sex with attention

You're loud and shameless and so fucking gorgeous when you cum on top of him

He feels your sex fluttering, feels you clenching and unclenching as waves of your arousal gush into his eager mouth

He laps up every drop, his tongue not leaving a single inch of you unexplored

You're whimpering and trembling in his hold, and he can tell you're starting to get overstimulated, but it's so, so hard for him to stop

He knows his grip is bruising, he knows it's too much, but you've been such a good girl for him, surely you can take a few more seconds for him, can't you?

"J-Jack, fuck~"

God, the way you whine his name has him feeling weak

His fingers loosen their hold around you, and it's just enough leverage for you to lift yourself off of his mouth

But then a punishing smack! to your ass brings you back down against him

He wants more

He's insatiable when it comes to you

"Fuck!~ Jack, I-I can't---I'm gonna---"

He's so lost in the feeling of you riding out your orgasm on his face that it hardly registers he's about to make you cum from the overstimulation

Your second orgasm crashes into you, and you sound utterly breathless as you cry out for him again

He doesn't stop---he can't

He laps up your arousal, cleaning all the slick you've produced for him like a man starved

It's only when your body slumps, only when the sheer amount of pleasure has exhausted you, overwhelmed you, do his senses return to him

He lets you go, releasing you from his hold, and you're all shaky and breathless as you lift yourself off of him and collapse next to him

There's a wonderfully dazed, fucked-out look in your eyes

And he honestly doesn't know if this was just a hook-up or if you plan on staying over the night

But fuck, he really, really hopes you're going to fall asleep in his arms tonight

He can only pray you won't leave him this time

[m4rv3l-girl]

Hello !! I just found your account and I'm obsessed with ypur writing 😍 💗 💓 !!!!!

(I've never made a request before so i dont know if im doing this correctly)

Anyway , just wanted to request this :

A girl who for her whole life was a Hydra expirement (dont know if she has powers or not -thats up to your imagination )fell in love with the winter soldier and he loves her too and then they escape and go into hiding form the world -maybe she's pregnant 🤷‍♀️ .

If you like the idea I dont mind any differences you might wanna make 😉

Enjoy 👍

Escape

Bucky x Y/N

Warnings: Slight angst. Mention of violence.

The cold, sterile walls of Hydra’s lab seemed to stretch endlessly, every corner steeped in despair. Y/N had stopped counting the days, the months, or the years. Time was meaningless when every hour was a test of survival, both physical and mental. She was their experiment, a subject marked by the serial number tattooed on her forearm, a stark reminder that she was more property than person to them.

Some days, they whispered about powers she might develop, their voices clinical as they discussed serums and dosages. Other days, they simply treated her as a punching bag for their warped ideas of progress. She had long since accepted that her life would end in this place—until she saw him.

The Winter Soldier was a ghost among them, his face an unreadable mask of brutality and precision. His metal arm gleamed under the flickering lights, and his silence was deafening. He wasn’t a man—he was a weapon, much like her. But Y/N noticed things others didn’t.

He hesitated, just for a fraction of a second, when his handlers barked orders. His blue eyes—so icy and empty at first glance—held flashes of something deeper, something human. Y/N told herself she was imagining it, that desperation had conjured the notion of a kindred spirit.

But then, one day, he looked at her.

It wasn’t a glance, fleeting and dismissive. It was a look, one that lingered just a moment too long, as though he was trying to see past the layers of pain and hopelessness. For the first time in years, Y/N felt something other than dread.

Weeks passed, their interactions limited to shared corridors or brief moments when Hydra deemed her worthy of joining his training sessions. The scientists claimed she might someday be his equal, a partner in destruction. They didn’t understand that their cruelty had forged a bond between their two most prized tools.

It began with small acts of defiance. Bucky would knock a clipboard from a scientist’s hand, forcing them to drop their attention from Y/N. Once, during a grueling test where she was strapped into a machine that sent waves of pain through her body, he stood by the door longer than necessary. His presence didn’t stop the agony, but it gave her something to focus on other than the searing torment.

The turning point came during a joint mission. Y/N had never been sent into the field before, her value supposedly lying in the lab. But Hydra wanted to test her loyalty—and her limits.

The mission was chaos. Hydra’s enemies didn’t go down easily, and Y/N found herself face-to-face with a gun aimed directly at her chest. She froze, her years of conditioning screaming at her to wait for orders. But the Winter Soldier didn’t wait.

He stepped in front of her, his metal arm absorbing the bullet meant for her. The assailant didn’t get a second shot; Bucky’s knife found its target with precision. For a moment, Y/N couldn’t breathe. He had protected her.

“Stay close,” he muttered, his voice low but firm.

It was the first time she’d heard him speak. She nodded, too stunned to reply.

Back at the base, something shifted. Bucky began seeking her out—not overtly, but in ways that wouldn’t draw Hydra’s attention. He’d linger by the lab door as she was dragged back from another session, his jaw tightening at the sight of her bruises. Once, when she collapsed in exhaustion, he caught her before she hit the floor.

“You have to keep going,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You can’t let them win.”

The words were simple, but they ignited something in Y/N. She began to look for opportunities, to think beyond survival. And then, one night, Bucky came to her cell.

“We’re leaving,” he said, his voice steady despite the urgency in his eyes.

Y/N blinked, her heart pounding. “Leaving?”

He nodded, his metal hand gripping the bars of her cell. “Together. Tonight.”

The escape was a blur of adrenaline and chaos. Bucky moved like a shadow, taking down guards with lethal efficiency. Y/N followed closely, her heart hammering as she fought off the panic threatening to consume her.

When they finally broke into the open air, the night sky stretched above them, vast and unfamiliar. Y/N stumbled, her legs weak from years of captivity, but Bucky caught her.

“We’re not safe yet,” he said, his voice a mix of steel and reassurance.

But in that moment, with the wind on her face and the stars above, Y/N felt something she hadn’t in years.

Hope.

——————————————————————————————————

The Great Escape

——————————————————————————————————

The forest swallowed them whole, its towering trees and thick underbrush offering a sanctuary from Hydra’s ever-searching eyes. But even as they ran, Y/N couldn’t shake the feeling of being hunted. Every snap of a twig or rustle of leaves set her nerves on edge.

Bucky led the way, his metal arm glinting faintly in the moonlight. He moved with purpose, every step precise and deliberate. Y/N did her best to keep up, but her body wasn’t used to this kind of exertion. Decades of experimentation and confinement had taken their toll, leaving her lungs burning and legs trembling.

“Bucky,” she gasped, nearly tripping over a root.

He stopped instantly, turning to catch her before she could fall. His hands, one warm and flesh, the other cold and unyielding, steadied her.

“We can’t stop,” he said, his voice low but firm.

“I just… I need a second.” She leaned against a tree, her chest heaving.

His jaw tightened as he glanced around, scanning for any sign of pursuit. “One minute,” he relented, his gaze softening as it landed on her.

They sat in silence, hidden beneath the thick canopy of trees. Y/N hugged her knees to her chest, her mind racing with questions she was too afraid to ask. Why had Bucky risked everything to help her? What kind of life awaited them outside Hydra’s clutches?

“Why did you do it?” she finally whispered, breaking the silence.

Bucky’s head tilted slightly, his blue eyes meeting hers. “What?”

“Help me. You could’ve gotten out on your own. Why bring me with you?”

He was quiet for a long moment, the tension in his shoulders betraying the war inside his mind. “Because I know what it’s like to be a prisoner,” he said finally. “To feel like you’re nothing but a tool for someone else’s agenda.”

Her throat tightened, but she managed a weak smile. “You’re not just a weapon, you know.”

“Neither are you,” he replied, the conviction in his voice catching her off guard.

As the sun began to rise, they continued their journey, sticking to the shadows and avoiding main roads. Bucky had a destination in mind, though he refused to share it, only saying, “The less you know, the safer you’ll be.”

Y/N trusted him, even if she didn’t fully understand why. Maybe it was the way he always seemed to know when she needed a moment to catch her breath or the way he shielded her from Hydra’s drones that buzzed overhead. Or maybe it was the way his presence made her feel… safe.

🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳🌳

It took three days to reach the cabin. Hidden deep in the woods, it was little more than a run-down shack, but to Y/N, it was paradise. The smell of pine filled the air, and for the first time, there were no sterile walls or fluorescent lights—just freedom.

Bucky led her inside, his movements stiff and guarded. “It’s not much,” he muttered, his gaze darting around the small space. “But it’s off the grid. Hydra won’t find us here.”

“It’s perfect,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

He looked at her then, his expression softening. “You should rest.”

“What about you?”

“I’ll keep watch,” he said, already heading toward the door.

But before he could step outside, she reached out and grabbed his hand. “Bucky, you need rest too. We’re in this together, remember?”

His lips twitched into the faintest of smiles. “Together,” he echoed.

The days blurred together as they adjusted to their new reality. Bucky spent hours fortifying the cabin, setting up traps and stockpiling supplies. Y/N did her best to help, though she often felt like she was more of a burden than an asset.

One evening, as they sat by the fire, she finally voiced her fears. “What if they find us?”

Bucky’s gaze was steady, his tone unwavering. “Then we fight.”

“And if we can’t win?”

“We’ll run. We’ll always find a way, Y/N. I promise.”

It wasn’t until the second week that Y/N began to suspect something was different. It started with a wave of nausea that left her doubled over by the riverbank. At first, she chalked it up to stress or the unfamiliar diet of canned beans and foraged berries. But when the sickness persisted, a gnawing suspicion took root.

“Bucky,” she said one night as they sat by the fire.

He looked up from the knife he was sharpening, his brow furrowing. “What is it?”

“I think… I think I might be pregnant.”

The knife slipped from his grasp, clattering to the floor. For a moment, he just stared at her, his expression unreadable.

“Say that again,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I think I’m pregnant,” she repeated, her hands trembling in her lap.

The revelation changed everything. Bucky became even more protective, refusing to let her lift anything heavier than a water jug. He spent hours ensuring the cabin was secure, even going so far as to teach her how to handle a gun.

But beneath his determination, Y/N could see the fear in his eyes. “Are you scared?” she asked one night, her hand resting on her still-flat stomach.

He hesitated before nodding. “Yeah. But not for me.”

“Me too,” she admitted, her voice cracking.

He reached over and took her hand, his grip firm but gentle. “We’ll figure this out, Doll. One step at a time.”

——————————————————————————————————

A new beginning

——————————————————————————————————

The days grew colder as the first hints of winter settled over the forest. The cabin’s rickety walls barely kept out the chill, but Y/N didn’t mind. She had learned to adapt, just as she always had. But this time, she wasn’t doing it alone.

Her hand instinctively rested on her stomach, which had begun to show the slightest curve. It wasn’t enough for anyone to notice, but she felt it—an undeniable reminder that life was no longer just about her or Bucky.

“Doll,” Bucky’s voice called from outside.

Y/N smiled as she stepped to the doorway, watching him haul an armful of firewood toward the cabin. His metal arm made the task look effortless, but she could see the strain in his face. He had been pushing himself harder than ever since her revelation, his protectiveness reaching new levels.

“You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep this up,” she teased, crossing her arms over her chest.

Bucky set the wood down with a huff, brushing snowflakes from his jacket. “I’m fine,” he replied, though the faint smirk tugging at his lips betrayed his stoicism. “You, on the other hand, shouldn’t be standing out here in the cold.”

“I’m not made of glass, you know,” she countered, stepping aside as he entered the cabin.

“No, but you’re carrying our kid,” he said, a touch of awe in his voice.

Her heart swelled at the words, but the weight of their situation wasn’t far behind. “Do you ever think about what happens next?” she asked, her tone softer now.

Bucky stilled, his hands stilling over the kindling he was arranging in the fireplace. “Every day,” he admitted.

The rhythm of their days in the secluded cabin had a comforting monotony at first. It wasn’t much, but it was theirs. Mornings started with Bucky waking early, his footsteps quiet as he moved through the small space, checking the perimeter or splitting firewood before Y/N stirred. When she awoke, the scent of the woods mingled with the faint aroma of whatever breakfast Bucky had managed to piece together—usually canned beans, scrambled eggs when they were lucky, or a broth made from whatever he could forage.

Y/N would often join him outside after breakfast, helping in small ways. She wasn’t particularly skilled at chopping wood or setting traps, but Bucky would patiently show her how to tie a snare or identify edible plants. She caught him smiling once when she managed to start the fire without help. He didn’t say much about it, but his hand brushed her lower back, and the warmth of the gesture lingered all day.

In those early days, survival felt like an achievable goal. The world was distant, and Hydra seemed even farther. They lived in the bubble of the forest, the dense trees their fortress, the gentle streams their music. The cabin’s rustic simplicity forced them to focus only on what truly mattered: each other.

But the cracks in their illusion of safety began to form as weeks passed.

The first sign was the dwindling supply of food. Their small stash of canned goods, while carefully rationed, grew smaller with each meal. The traps Bucky set brought back rabbits and squirrels less often, and the wild berries that had once seemed plentiful now became a risk as the season turned colder. Y/N’s appetite, growing steadily along with the life inside her, made it impossible not to notice.

“You need more,” Bucky said one evening as they sat by the fire. He frowned at the half-empty can of beans on her plate.

“I’m fine,” she replied, though her stomach betrayed her with a soft growl.

“No, you’re not.” His voice was firm but not unkind. “You’re eating for two now.”

“And so are you,” she countered. “You’re the one chopping wood and hauling water all day. You need the strength.”

He didn’t argue further, but his frown deepened, and Y/N knew he was calculating how long their food would last at the current pace. That night, he stayed up late, sharpening knives and studying a map of the forest, his expression grim in the flickering firelight.

The risk of discovery was an ever-present weight, a shadow that followed them no matter how peaceful the moment.

It came in small ways first—the hum of a distant aircraft overhead, the subtle shift in Bucky’s demeanor as he scanned the horizon. His protectiveness grew sharper, almost suffocating. Y/N couldn’t walk to the river without him insisting she take the pistol he’d shown her how to use.

“What am I going to do? Shoot a fish?” she had joked the first time he handed it to her.

“Shoot anyone who comes too close,” he had replied, dead serious.

At first, his vigilance comforted her. Bucky was a shield against the nightmares that still clung to her, his presence a reminder that she was no longer alone. But as time went on, the weight of his paranoia pressed on both of them.

One afternoon, as Y/N attempted to sweep the cabin’s floor, Bucky appeared in the doorway, his face tight.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, her grip tightening on the broom handle.

“Tracks,” he said simply.

“Animal?”

“Human,” he replied, his voice low. “Old ones, but close enough.”

Y/N felt her stomach twist. “Do you think it’s Hydra?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, running a hand through his hair. “But we need to be ready.”

Their evenings, once filled with quiet conversation and the occasional burst of laughter, became quieter still. Bucky spent more time reinforcing the cabin’s defenses, stringing wire traps and setting up rudimentary alarms. He insisted Y/N rest more, though she could see the tension in his face every time she sat idle.

The stress began to take its toll. One night, after Bucky returned from checking the traps, Y/N couldn’t hold back her frustration.

“You can’t keep doing this,” she said, her voice sharper than she intended.

“Doing what?” he asked, his tone weary but cautious.

“Carrying everything on your shoulders,” she replied, gesturing toward him. “You’re exhausted, Bucky. You barely sleep, you’re always on edge, and it’s like… it’s like you’re trying to fight the whole world by yourself.”

His jaw tightened, and for a moment, she thought he might argue. But then he sighed, sinking into the chair across from her.

“I don’t know how else to keep you safe,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” she said, reaching across the table to take his hand. “We’re in this together, remember?”

He nodded, but the weight in his eyes didn’t lift.

Despite the growing tension, there were still moments of peace—brief, stolen glimpses of the life they were trying to build.

One evening, as the first snow of the season fell, Y/N coaxed Bucky into sitting by the fire with her instead of pacing the cabin.

“Tell me something about you,” she said, leaning against his shoulder.

“You already know too much,” he replied, but there was a faint smile in his voice.

“Something good,” she pressed. “Something from before.”

He was quiet for a long time, the firelight dancing across his face. “I used to take my little sister to the park,” he said finally. “There was this merry-go-round she loved. She’d make me push her until she was dizzy.”

Y/N smiled at the image. “Sounds like she had you wrapped around her finger.”

“She did,” he admitted, his smile fading. “I wonder if she ever… If she thought about me after I was gone.”

“She did,” Y/N said firmly, her hand finding his. “People don’t forget love like that.”

He looked at her then, his blue eyes softening. “Neither do I.”

But no matter how much they tried to hold onto those moments, the weight of their situation always found a way back in.

One morning, as Y/N folded what few clothes they had, she caught sight of a faint red dot dancing across the floorboards—a laser. She froze, her heart pounding as her eyes darted to the window.

“Bucky,” she whispered, her voice shaking.

He was beside her in an instant, his body tense as he followed her gaze. The laser vanished as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind only the pounding of their hearts.

“We have to leave,” he said, his tone brooking no argument.

Y/N nodded, her throat too tight to speak.

The delicate balance they had built was gone. Survival wasn’t just a rhythm anymore—it was a race, a battle to stay one step ahead of the forces that would tear them apart. But even as the walls closed in, Y/N clung to one unshakable truth: as long as they had each other, they would keep fighting. For their freedom, for their future, and for the life they had only begun to dream of.

One afternoon, Y/N caught Bucky staring at her from across the room, his expression clouded with doubt.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked, sitting beside him on the worn-out couch.

He hesitated, running his hand through his hair. “I keep thinking about what kind of life we can give this kid. I don’t want them growing up looking over their shoulder, living in fear.”

“We’ll figure it out,” she said, placing her hand over his.

“What if I’m not good at this?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Her fingers tightened around his. “Bucky, you’ve protected me, cared for me, and risked everything to give us a chance. If that’s not being a father, I don’t know what is.”

His eyes met hers, filled with a mixture of vulnerability and determination. “I just want them to have a better life than we did.”

“They will,” she promised, leaning her head against his shoulder. “Because they’ll have us.”

The peace didn’t last.

It was just after dusk when Y/N heard it—the faint whir of a drone overhead. She froze, her blood running cold as memories of Hydra’s labs flooded her mind.

“Bucky,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

He was already moving, his instincts kicking in as he grabbed a rifle from beneath the couch. “Stay inside,” he ordered, his tone leaving no room for argument.

“Bucky—”

“I mean it, Y/N,” he said, his gaze hard as steel. “I’ll handle this.”

She watched helplessly as he stepped outside, his figure disappearing into the shadows. The moments that followed felt like an eternity, every sound amplified in the oppressive silence.

When he finally returned, his face was grim. “It was a recon drone,” he said, locking the door behind him. “They’re close.”

Y/N’s heart sank. “What do we do?”

“We move,” he said without hesitation. “Tonight.”

Packing what little they had took mere minutes. Bucky led the way through the forest, his pace quick but measured. Y/N struggled to keep up, her body protesting the strain, but she refused to slow him down.

They walked for hours, the forest growing darker and colder with every step. Finally, as dawn began to break, Bucky stopped.

“There’s an old safe house a few miles from here,” he said, glancing back at her. “We’ll be safe there.”

“And after that?”

“We keep running,” he said, his voice heavy with resolve.

Y/N nodded, her hand resting protectively over her stomach. “As long as we’re together, we’ll be okay.”

The safe house was a far cry from their cabin—smaller, more secure, but also colder and less inviting. Still, it offered shelter and a momentary reprieve.

As Y/N settled onto the small cot, exhaustion finally catching up to her, Bucky sat beside her. His hand brushed against hers, a silent gesture of comfort.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice barely audible.

“For what?”

“For being here. For fighting for us.”

He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’ll always fight for you, Doll. For both of you.”

In the days that followed, they began to rebuild their fragile sense of normalcy. Bucky worked tirelessly to reinforce their new hideout, while Y/N focused on preparing for the baby in any way she could.

Despite the uncertainty, there were moments of light. Bucky would hum a lullaby as he worked, his voice low and soothing. Y/N would tease him about baby names, laughing as he vetoed anything too “modern.”

“I’m not naming our kid after some Instagram trend,” he grumbled one evening, earning a playful shove from Y/N.

“Well, you’re no fun,” she teased, her laughter filling the small room.

As the weeks turned into months, the fear of discovery never fully faded, but it became something they learned to live with. They weren’t just surviving anymore—they were building a life, one filled with love, hope, and the promise of a future they had once thought impossible.

And as Y/N felt the first flutter of movement in her belly, she knew one thing for certain: they would face whatever came next, together.

——————————————————————————————————

The End!

I hope you enjoyed it, you did perfectly leaving your request - feel free to leave them whenever you want! Requests Open!

[lu-is-not-ok]

On your mention of how Chesed and Hong Lu are likely to sync up - I bring a question of what Sin it'll end up representing? Given how so far it seems to represent their vices of the past their moving past.

Hokma and Heathcliff had Sloth in Pigrata

Binah and S had Pride in Superbia

And I'm of the opinion Chesed and Hong Lu shall then share the sin of Lust in Luxuri - with a secondary pick of Gloom in Morositas though I am not as confident in that assertion.

It's honestly a bit hard to choose tbh. The previous two Saplings show that it doesn't have to be a Sin that the character in question has in their Base kit, so it's a lot harder to predict.

Plus, are the Sins actually representing their past, or are the Sins the ones their resolution embodies? The Sin they have to learn to wield to keep moving forward? That would fit with what we see as well...

Both Heathcliff and Hokma have to learn the Sloth necessary to step back from trying to hold onto the past that's not here anymore and simply accept what has happened.

Both Sancho and Binah have to learn the Pride necessary to believe they have the ability to go against insurmountable odds and achieve something impossible.

It would also explain why they're not Sins they have in their Base kits, as they're not Sins they actually commited in their past, but ones they have to learn to utilize in the first place!

So... let's look at Chesed a bit closer to try and figure out what Sin his resolution would fit.

Chesed is introduced as someone who has lost all hope for things getting better, he's shown to feel like no matter what he does, he won't be able to change anything. So, instead of trying to break the cycle, he hides behind a mask of faux kindness and perpetuates the violence within Lobcorp. He continues to follow Angela's orders, and lies to both himself and others, as he feels like no matter whether he's truthful or not they'll all die anyway. He's cornered, feeling hopeless.

The lesson he learns during his meltdown (which takes the form of him trying to rebel and throwing a tantrum in the process), and the one he imparts onto Roland in Ruina, is "knowing shame" as he phrases it. The idea that simply knowing shame for one's actions, knowing that one is a coward perpetuating violence through obedience and deception, is enough to begin the change for the better.

After his meltdown, Chesed knows he's a coward. He knows he won't be able to always be brave the way he was during that outburst. But the sole fact that he knows that is enough to let him start improving, to have hope for things getting better, and to stop lying to himself. He becomes one of Those who are Faithful and Trustworthy.

So... How exactly does one translate this concept into a Sin? What would the realization that knowing one's flaws and shame for one's actions is what can help one begin to change count as?

...I have two possible options. One which focuses more on the knowing shame aspect, and one which focuses more on the inspiring change aspect.

The first option is Envy - Invidia.

Limbus Company potrays Envy as a Sin of a lack of self-worth, a sense of self-consciousness so debilitating one begins to covet what other has, to act and mimic whoever they see as someone who has what they don't. It's shown to be the opposite of Pride, which is a Sin caused by an excess of self-confidence rather than a lack of it.

The act of knowing shame for one's shortcomings, and thus being pushed to try and become better can be read as a heavily Envy-coded act. In fact, it could even be read as just a positive interpretation of how Envy in general is potrayed in Limbus!

Then there's the second option, one which also carries a major caveat with it. Wrath - Ira.

Wrath in Limbus is a bit all over the place, but it's primarily about change. About feeling trapped or restrained in some way, and wishing to break out of that at all cost. Notably, while it's not directly associated with anger, frustration and impatience are both common themes for it. It's shown to be the opposite of Sloth, which is a Sin caused by resignation and unwillingness to change.

Chesed being potrayed as Wrath would symbolize two things - one would be the initial act of rebellion, the initial moment of running out of patience and the decision to no longer by trapped by the cycle one perpetuates. The other would be the following strive to change, to keep becoming better, that one will be able to break out eventually no matter what it takes.

This is, however, where I have to touch upon a caveat about this interpretation - Gebura. Gebura is very likely going to be the Sapling that directly follows Chesed's, and it's exceedingly straightforward - it's about knowing where to direct one's anger, to learn to use wrath in a productive manner that doesn't just destroy, but also protects. Gebura literally uses the word wrath when describing what Roland has to learn in Ruina.

To let Chesed be represented by Wrath, Gebura would have to somehow end up being something else. This, I realize, is a very difficult assumption to make... But also not impossible.

While thinking this caveat over, I figured out what possible Sin Gebura could represent instead in this situation - Lust, Luxuria. Limbus characterizes Lust as a Sin of wishing of desire for something unattainable, often used to mean a desire for a connection with another person. One could spin Gebura's lesson to be about utilizing Lust, that even if protecting someone might not be possible, it's something one must always strive for when directing their anger.

It's... a bit of a stretch, I will admit. But it is an option.

And, an important part of all this is that not only does Base Hong Lu lack both Envy and Wrath, his Base E.G.O is fatal to both. I just think it'd be neat if one of those turned out to be a correct one.

[acourtofthought]

Just to address a few things first -

I love Feysand together and I don't hold their (Rhys's) past mistakes against them.

The way Tamlin spoke to Feyre at the High Lords meeting was petty and childish.

But for those who claim Lucien's actions with Hybern are unforgiveable and therefore will forever make it impossible for Elain to forgive him in order to accept their bond, I think we should compare two scenarios:

Rhys admits that he forced Feyre into their bargain as a way to defy Amarantha, a way to get back at Tamlin, and yes, a way to keep Feyre alive. Feyre acknowledges that she was a pawn in his schemes yet still fell in love with him.

Versus:

Lucien had no idea the sisters would be brought into things, that was all Ianthe.

He tells both Feyre and Elain that what happened was a mistake, that the sisters being brought in and how things went down was not their plan. One of Lucien's main goals was to try and save Feyre.

Rhys, in comparison, admits that it was his plan to use Feyre as a pawn to serve his purpose. There were aspects that benefitted her but most of it was for himself and his people.

Tamlin and Lucien believed Feyre was being brain washed and tortured, something she let Lucien continue believing when he found her in the woods, when she felt it was more important to protect the secret of who Rhys was under his mask. So they worked with Hybern in exactly the same way Rhys worked with Amarantha, with the end goal of protecting Feyre and helping their people:

The differences in these scenarios are:

Lucien and Tamlin never used Feyre or her sisters as a pawn versus Rhys who actively used Feyre as one. For good reasons yes but it doesn't change the facts.

There was no "Ianthe" in Rhys's situation. Rhys, as High Lord, made the decisions on his own and did not risk betrayal by sharing his schemes with others. He clearly made the smarter play compared to Tamlin who trusted Ianthe but.....

Lucien never liked Ianthe. Never really trusted her, never wanted her around. Just as Cassian, Az, etc. followed their HLs orders to hide Feyre's pregnancy, just as Amren and Mor chose to keep the mating bond a secret from Feyre, just as the IC all hid the information about Nesta's made weapons from her, those under a HL are subject to following the orders of said HL. It didn't matter if Lucien agreed with Tamlin about Hybern, about Ianthe, he had no power to challenge him. In the end, the decision to do what they did was not his call.

I think everyone in this fandom knows that the events of Hybern would truly not stand in the way of an Elucien endgame.

When Rhys used Feyre as a pawn on multiple occasions.

When Cassian told Nesta that everyone hated her and initially hid the knowledge of the swords from her.

When Bryce initially thought Hunt betrayed her in CC1.

When Rowan punched Aelin in the face and told her the world would have been better had she died as a child.

When Feyre fell in love with Tamlin even after he kidnapped her.

When Ruhn fell in love with Lidia despite the sins she committed for the Asteri.

I think everyone knows Elain's current behavior towards Lucien is not preventing an Elucien endgame.

Not when Nesta told Cassian she wanted nothing to do with him and slept with other males.

Not when Feyre was initially afraid of Rhys, said the night she kissed Tamlin was the happiest of her life, admits she wanted Rhys even UTM yet still accepted Tamlin's proposal.

Not when Yrene thought Chaol was to blame (by association) for the death of her family.

Not when you consider what Elide believed about Lorcans loyalty to Maeve.

Not when Aedion found out about Lysandra and Aelin's plot to deceive him in marriage and children.

Given the history of SJMs writing, there is nothing preventing an Elucien endgame aside from Elain's reticence over the bond and when an author like Diana Gabaldon turned an unwanted arranged marriage (for Claire) into a love story that has one of SJMs favorite male love interests, I think Elucien is going to be just fine.

[aspoonofsugar]

Charlie's Angels

Don't you love Hazbin Hotel's angels? I do! Especially two of them:

So, here is a meta about my two favourite angels and two of my favourite characters in general!

FALLEN ANGELS

Vaggie and Lucifer are considered weird by other angels:

Lute: Sinful filth like you has NO place in heaven.

Charlie: Lucifer was one of these angels. He was a dreamer with fantastical ideas for all of creation. But he was seen as a troublemaker by the elders of Heaven. For they felt his way of thinking was dangerous to the order of their world.

Vaggie is "weak" because she shows pity, whereas Lucifer is "dangerous " because he thinks in original ways. These differences eventually lead them to be discarded by Heaven:

They become fallen angels and end up in Hell, where they find love and family:

Still, their heavenly upbringing sticks with them. In particular, both Vaggie and Lucifer are traumatized by their respective authority figures.

Vaggie has been indoctrinated by Adam to the point she feels she has no value if she fails:

Vaggie: If I can't help you, what's the point of me?

Lucifer was crushed by the Elders of Heaven and still fears them:

Lucifer: I just don't want you to be crushed by them like- Like I was.

As a result, they:

hide parts of themselves from Charlie: Vaggie conceals her past out of fear. Lucifer instead masks his vulnerability out of shame.

project their unsolved issues on Charlie: Vaggie thinks Charlie's love for her is conditional and lies to her. Lucifer wants to protect Charlie from Heaven to the point he infantilizes her.

So, their impact on the story is double:

Charlie must become able to see Vaggie and Lucifer's hidden parts, if she wants to grow

Vaggie and Lucifer need to change and solve their issues for Charlie's sake

Both these developments tie with the Jungian symbolism of light and shadow.

LIGHT AND SHADOW

Light and shadow are two Jungian Archetypes aka two complementary parts of the human mind:

Light is associated to the persona or mask. It is what a person shows while interacting with the world.

The shadow is what is hidden in the darkness. It is what a person represses and refuses to reveal to the world.

When it comes to Vaggie and Lucifer's role in season 1:

Charlie must accept both Vaggie and Lucifer's shadows and lights. Only in this way she can learn nuance.

Vaggie and Lucifer must face their darkest parts, their shadows and integrate with them. Only in this way they can mature.

Let's explore these parallels journeys.

CHARLIE: BLACK AND WHITE

Vaggie and Lucifer are similar people, but Charlie sees of them opposite things:

She sees Vaggie trying to save the sinners in the present, but ignores she was once an exorcist who murdered thousands of hell people

She sees Lucifer permitting the exterminations in the present, but she ignores that in the past he tried to help sinners like Charlie is doing now

In other words, Charlie sees Vaggie and Lucifer in black and white. In particular, she sees only the white in Vaggie and the black in Lucifer.

White Vaggie

Vaggie and Charlie have been together for three years, but Charlie still knows nothing about her girlfriend's past. Not only that, but it is obvious something is off about Vaggie. She is deeply insecure, overperforming and she basically says she learnt how to trust while fighting in the trenches:

Vaggie: I just need to teach them, the way I was taught… The scene changes to the group standing on a rooftop with half-destroyed buildings all around them. Everyone was shocked that the exercise has taken them to a live turf war battlefield with guns blazing in the background, demons screaming, and explosions booming. Charlie: THIS IS HOW YOU LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE?!

And yet, Charlie ignores all these red flags and never tries to go deeper in her understanding of Vaggie. She idealizes her.

Black Lucifer

Lucifer and Lilith have both been absent and have neglected Charlie. However, she only calls out Lucifer, while she justifies Lilith:

Charlie: After he and mom split, he never really wanted to see me. He calls… sometimes, but only if he's bored or like, needs me to do something.

Vaggie: Oof… how long has it been now? Charlie: Not that long, only…seven….years, off doing something important, I'm sure!

Similarly, she acts as if she is upholding only Lilith's legacy:

Charlie: But Lilith's hope remained. And her dream was passed down to their precious daughter, the Princess of Hell.

But the story makes clear the Hazbin Hotel is really an evolution of Lucifer's original dream, as well:

Charlie: So in the end, it's the view I had of you That showed me dreams can be worth fighting for

In short, Lucifer and Lilith have very similar flaws and qualities, but Charlie tends to compartimentalize them, so that Lucifer is cast in a less favourable light, while Lilith is put on a pedestal.

Microchosm and macrochosm

Charlie isn't wrong in her assessment of Vaggie and Lucifer. She is right about Vaggie's good qualities and she has all reasons to call Lucifer out. The point is that there is more to both and Charlie must become able to see it. Just like she must learn to see the shades of gray present in both Heaven and Hell:

Vaggie: Those angels' minds are hard to change.

Lucifer: Charlie! You don't understand. Heaven never listens. They didn't listen to me. They won't listen to you!

Symbolically, Vaggie and Lucifer both try to warn the Princess about Heaven's complexity, but Charlie is initially stuck in a simplistic white and black mentality. Thanks to the two fallen angels and to her trip to Heaven, though, she starts grappling with complexity on both a personal level (microchosm) and on a wider political scale (macrochosm).

Personal level

Lucifer hides his weakness and shortcomings behind a powerful and cold mask:

Lucifer: Alright, I mean, look… I love that you want to see the best in people, but these sinners… You know, they're just the worst. I, I don't know how much you can realistically expect from them in Heaven.

Still, once he opens up and brings to light his real self, Charlie sees how similar she is to him and is able to reforge their relationship:

Both: All that I'm hopin', now that my eyes are open Is that we can start again- not be pulled apart again 'Cause in the end, you are part of who I am

As a result, Charlie feels empowered and has a renewed enthusiasm and optimism towards her dream:

Lucifer: I'll support your dream, whatever lies in store Charlie: And who could ask for more?

Lucifer's hidden shadow turns out to be a bright and warm light.

Vaggie shows Charlie unconditional support and has complete faith in her and her dream:

Charlie: I just hope what I'm trying to do here will work. Vaggie: It will. I have faith in you.

However, she doesn't tell Charlie that she used to be among the very people who brought carnage into Hell:

So, once Charlie discovers it, she is hurt, enraged and temporally loses her inner balance, giving in to negativity and hopelessness:

Vaggie's shadow is darker than Charlie imagined.

Political level

Charlie sees Heaven as the perfect realm and is initially enchanted by it:

Charlie: Okay, I love Heaven! Vaggie, did you see the ice cream shop? They had sprinkles made of rainbows!

However, throughout her journey there, she realizes Heaven too has cracks, contradictions and shadows:

Charlie: Wait… none of you know what gets someone into Heaven?

Which leads her to sing this:

Charlie and Emily: The rules are shades of gray when you don't do as you say When you make the wretched suffer just to kill them again

In answer to this:

Adam: 'Cause the rules are black and white There's no use in tryin' to fight it They're burnin' for their lives Until we kill 'em again!

The world isn't black and white, but shades of gray. The moment Charlie understands it, she can finally make sense of Vaggie and Lucifer's warning:

Charlie: I was told not to trust in angels

CHARLIE'S CONCLUSION: BRIDGES

Vaggie and Lucifer kickstart Charlie's arc. It is through them that the princess starts facing nuance in three ways:

Personal relationships: Charlie thinks she knows Vaggie and Lucifer the best, but both are able ot surprise her and to show her hidden sides of themselves, both bad and good.

Politics: Vaggie and Lucifer symbolically lead the Princess of Hell into Heaven and help her make sense of this contradictive realm. Specifically, Lucifer organizes Charlie's meeting with Sera and Vaggie goes to the questioning with Charlie.

Identity: thanks to her conflicts with Lucifer and Vaggie, Charlie faces her own lights and shadows. She discovers an inner strength when she inspires Lucifer to trust her. Meanwhile she touches her inner darkness when Vaggie hurts her. Both this power and this vulnerability are parts of who Charlie is and it is only by integrating them that she can bloom into the Princess of Hell.

In other words, Vaggie and Lucifer are Charlie's bridges towards:

Heaven and her role as Princess of Hell (macrochosm)

Who she is deep down as a person (microchosm)

They are Charlie's bridges towards light and shadow.

VAGGIE AND LUCIFER: GUARDIAN ANGELS

Vaggie and Lucifer are meant to be Charlie's personal guardian angels, as both want to protect her. Still, they can't succeed if they do not grow. So, they go through parallel arcs that can be seen as journeys of integration with the shadow:

They are forced to take off their masks (persona)

They are overwhelmed by their most hidden and shameful parts (shadow)

They conquer their shortcomings and grow (integration with the shadow)

Let's explore these three steps.

Blinding light: Sera

Sera embodies the persona, as she tries to mask everything wrong or disturbing behind a facade of perfection:

In Emily's imagination, Sera is a generous angel, who shares her light with others.

She blinds everyone with her virtue, wisdom and goodness, all while hiding exterminations and her involvement in them:

Lute: SHHH. Sir, what was the Seraphim's one rule? Adam: Uuughhh, "No one but the exorcists can know about the exterminations".

At the same time, she is an important foil to both Vaggie and Lucifer.

Sera and Vaggie try to hide their crimes from respectively Emily and Charlie. They love the two princesses and are worried for their well-being. At the same time, they are scared the two girls might resent them if they discovered they took part in the exterminations. Despite their efforts, though, Adam eventually reveals both of their secrets:

Adam: Gotta say, I can't wait to Sera: Adam… Adam: Come down and exterminate you!

Vaggie: Don't, Adam, please! Adam: What's the fuss? Why hide the fact that you're an angel Just like us

Emily and Charlie are horrified by the truth. Still, Sera and Vaggie's reactions are opposites.

On the one hand Sera immediately forces Emily to repress everything she is feeling. In this way, the status quo is quickly re-established and superficially their relationship goes back to how it was. By the end, Sera and Emily are shown working together, as per usual:

However, it is obvious they aren't facing their problems, which will only grow deeper.

On the other hand Vaggie gives Charlie time to process her feelings and express her anger. She doesn't try to force the Princess of Hell to get over it and waits until Charlie is ready to forgive her. All while working hard to fulfill Charlie's dream. By the end Charlie and Vaggie are back together, but their relationship is now deeper and stronger:

They start facing their issues and their bond develops because of it.

Sera and Lucifer are respectively Emily and Charlie's authority figures. They both care deeply about the young girls and want to protect them from Heaven. Still, the two older angels are also condescending towards them. Not only that, but they hide important parts of their personality from the two kids. In other words, they both wear masks. Still, Sera's mask is effective and she and Emily are very close. Lucifer's mask is ineffective, as he unwillingly pushes Charlie away. In the end, both masks come off and what emerges is opposite:

Emily discovers a negative side of Sera, meanwhile Charlie sees a positive side of Lucifer. Moreover, Sera and Lucifer eventually deal with the girls in different ways. Sera decides that Emily must conform to avoid any possible danger. Lucifer instead decides to support Charlie's dream, even if it might lead her to suffer. Sera chooses to protect Emily by enforcing repression. Lucifer chooses to enable Charlie's self-expression. Sera keeps treating Emily as a childish extension of herself. Lucifer starts accepting Charlie as her own adult person.

Sera: I couldn't bear to see you suffer that fate, so please, let me worry about this, ok?

Lucifer: Okay, I can get you the meeting, but once you're in Heaven, I won't be able to go with you. Will you be ok? Charlie: I'll be fine. Lucifer: That's my girl. Good luck kiddo.

Sera, Vaggie and Lucifer all hide parts of themselves from their loved ones and have their real selves exposed. However, Sera refuses to admit her crimes and does not accept neither Emily's anger nor her wishes. Vaggie and Lucifer instead admit their mistakes and accept both Charlie's negativity (Vaggie) and her dreams (Lucifer). Sera fails to take off the mask and is stuck in blinding light. Vaggie and Lucifer instead put the mask away and step into the shadow.

The darkest shadow: Alastor

Alastor embodies the shadow, as he preys on people's fears and insecurities:

Alastor materializes and controls beings made of shadows.

He does the same with the Princess of Hell, as well. He waits until Charlie hits rock bottom and manipulates her into making a deal:

Charlie: How? I'll do anything. Alastor: Anything? Then… let's make a deal.

What's interesting is that Alastor succeeds because both Vaggie and Lucifer fail Charlie.

First of all, Vaggie and Lucifer are framed as the two main obstacles to Alastor's plan, either directly (Vaggie) or indirectly (Lucifer):

Vaggie: Charlie, whatever you do, do not make a deal with him! Charlie: Don't worry, I picked up one thing from my dad! "You don't take shit from other demons!"

For example, in the pilot Vaggie strongly advises Charlie against trusting Alastor and Charlie answers that Lucifer taught her how to handle these kinds of situations. So, Vaggie's presence and Lucifer's teachings are Charlie's main defense against the Radio Demon. Still, Alastor quickly seizes upon Vaggie and Lucifer's weaknesses:

Alastor: Not for your soul, just a simple deal. I do this for you, and you never ask me to engage with this frivolous television technology ever again. Or…Charlie can come back to absolutely nothing. Your choice.

Alastor: Sadly, there are times a birth parent is a dud They say the family you choose is better

He makes use of Vaggie's insecurities over her usefulness to Charlie and taunts Lucifer's absence from his daughter's life. He doesn't really need to do anything else because the two angels' flaws do the rest.

Vaggie's lie hurts Charlie so much, that the princess pushes her girlfriend away in a moment where she needs all the support avaiable:

Vaggie: She's upstairs. Coming up with something, I'm sure, in our room. Alone.

And in this very moment Lucifer is nowhere to be seen, despite the fact he knows of his daughter's trip to Heaven. He either ignores how the meeting went and doesn't bother to ask. Or he knows it went badly and isn't there to offer a helping hand. Either way, he is absent.

In this context, it is telling the only ones there for Charlie are Razzle and Dazzle:

The two demons are Lucifer's gift to Charlie and have the mission to protect the princess. So, they are an extension of Lucifer himself and a perfect example of his parenting style:

Lucifer: Who needs a busboy now that you've got the chef? (Woh-oh-oh!) Michelin tasting menu, free à la carte I'll rig the game for you because I'm the ref! Champagne fountains Caviar mountains That's just to start!

"I don't need to be there and struggle psychologically if I give my daughter fancy toys, like two dragon body-guards!". Except, Razzle and Dazzle aren't Lucifer and it shows:

Symbolically, Charlie pushes Razzle and Dazzle away before taking Alastor's hand. Immediately after this, Vaggie breaks into the room:

Vaggie: No. No! Alastor: Right on cue! Vaggie: What did you do? Let her go!

The framing is rather clear. Vaggie's lie and Lucifer's absence leave Charlie vulnerable to Alastor. In a sense, the Radio Demon skillfully steps in to temporally play both Vaggie and Lucifer's roles:

He is there to help Charlie save the Hotel, as the Hotel Manager Vaggie usually does

He is there to mentor Charlie, as her actual father Lucifer fails to do

So, Vaggie and Lucifer screw up and their loved one takes a dangerous bet as a result. This ties with the shadow symbolism, as both angels fail to face their darkest parts in time. Vaggie has plenty of chances to tell Charlie the truth, but doesn't. Lucifer has just promised to support Charlie's dream, but once again he isn't there for her. Vaggie and Lucifer truly love Charlie and want to change for her, but they both struggle to do so. Luckily, they are soon given a second chance.

Conquering the shadow: Lute and Adam

Lute and Adam are Charlie's two major enemies in season 1 and they are negative foils of respectively Vaggie and Lucifer:

Just like Vaggie, Lute is an exorcist, who puts all her self-worth into her ability to kill:

Adam: Lute, how many demons did you kill this year? Lute: Got a good 275 this year, sir. Adam: 275? Woah! Badass! Awesome job, danger tits! Pound it.

She deals with problems by using violence and is fiercely loyal to Adam, like Vaggie is to Charlie.

Just like Lucifer, Adam struggles with Lilith leaving and wears a mask of arrogance to hide his vulnerability and low self-esteem. Not only that, but both Lucifer and Adam are authority figures who fail the people below them:

Lucifer: Our "people", Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything's terrible!

Adam: I started everything on Earth! All of mankind came from these fucking nuts! You all should be worshipping me, you ungrateful, disgusting, fucking losers-!

So, Lute and Adam embody Vaggie and Lucifer's repressed dark side. They are who the two fallen angel might become, but choose not to be. They are Vaggie and Lucifer's shadows. This is why, the Hotel Manager and the King od Hell are asked to fight the two exorcists in the finale, in order to protect Charlie.

On the one hand Vaggie fights Lute by refusing her mentality:

She juxtaposes a defensive fighting style to the exorcist's overly aggressive one. Moreover, Vaggie refuses Lute's rethoric about violence and revenge and shows her opponent mercy.

On the other hand Lucifer fights Adam to save his people, while Adam threathens his own descendants. Lucifer fights to protect, whereas Adam attacks to kill. As a result, Lucifer protects his daughter and is helped by her:

Adam instead is killed by a symbolic child (Niffty) and leaves his metaphorical daughter (Lute) behind:

In the end, both Vaggie and Lucifer win, but they do not kill Lute and Adam:

Vaggie: Seriously, you're pathetic, you know that? Ready to die rather than accepting mercy? No, live. Live knowing that you only do because I let you, the failure.

Vaggie spares Lute and rushes to Charlie's side to help her.

Charlie: Whoa, whoa, Dad. He's had enough. Lucifer: Alright. How's mercy taste, you little bitch?

Lucifer listens to Charlie's plead and shows mercy to Adam.

This happens because both Lute and Adam represent repressed parts of Vaggie and Lucifer. They are symbolically those sides our fallen angels refuse to face. They are their flaws, their past, their fears, their worse selves. So, Vaggie and Lucifer can't really kill them because it would mean to kill themselves. In fact, you can't kill your shadow, but you have to face it, without letting it take over. That is what both Vaggie and Lucifer do for Charlie's sake.

VAGGIE AND LUCIFER'S CONCLUSION: MORE THAN ANYTHING

Lucifer: More than anything (Charlie: More than anything) More than anything (Charlie: More than anything) Both: I'm grateful you're (Lucifer: my daughter/Charlie: my father) more than anything More than anything

Charlie and Vaggie: There's something that I've been dying to say More than anything, more than anything Need you to know I love you more than anything More than anything

Vaggie and Lucifer share different versions of the song More Than Anything with Charlie. Why is that so?

The song celebrates different kinds of love, like Lucifer and Charlie's familial bond and Vaggie and Charlie's romantic relationship.

The song highlights Vaggie and Lucifer's importance to Charlie

This importance is shown in the finale, where Vaggie and Lucifer not only defeat Charlie's enemies, but are also by the Princess's side:

Vaggie sings to Charlie before the battle, when the princess fears her loved ones might die

Lucifer sings to Charlie after the battle, when the princess is grieving her losses

Both support Charlie, when she is at her most vulnerable and they reassure her she did good:

Vaggie: You've already done so much So many lives you've changed So many souls you've touched And in the end, if it's only me you've saved

Lucifer: You can do this, now I know it! For your story has just begun You can't quit now. Hell, you owe it! There's still damage to be undone You've changed my mind, you've touched their hearts Found the good in souls gone bad

Both tell Charlie she has touched their souls and saved them.

So, Vaggie and Lucifer fail Charlie the moment she goes to face Heaven, but they are there for her when she fights to protect Hell. They screw up, learn and do better. As a result, they stand by Charlie's side, as the season comes to a close:

Vaggie is there because she has accepted Charlie's anger and her forgiveness. By doing so, she has accepted her violent past and has realized she can forgive herself.

Lucifer is there because he has accepted Charlie's ambitions and dreams. In this way, he was reminded of his past idealistic self and has found a new faith and new hopes.

THE FUTURE - ANGELIC SIBLINGS

In season 1, Vaggie, Lucifer and Charlie all struggle with their shadows, but their integration with their most repressed parts is far from over. What new challenges await them?

Among (many) others, I think all three characters are set-up to have "angelic siblings", who may step in as shadow archetypes. So, these angelic counterparts might embody parts of themselves the demons do not want to aknowledge.

Vaggie and Lute

Lute already plays the role of Vaggie's shadow in season 1. Vaggie's flashback makes the symbolism pretty clear:

Vaggie sees her shadow as she is about to kill a helpless child and stops herself. Only for another darker shadow to appear over her. That is Lute, who proceeds to rip her eye and wings off.

The meaning is obvious: Lute is the violent part of herself that Vaggie wants to escape. And yet, she will need to face Lute again and again. Even more importantly, she will need to aknowledge their shared upbringing and trauma, which is at the root of their issues.

Lucifer and Sera

Sera mentions Lucifer twice in Welcome to Heaven.

The first time, in relation to Charlie:

Sera: Well, you failed to control the demons' unrest, and now Lucifer is involved, setting up an audience for his misguided daughter.

The second time, in relation to Emily:

Sera: Please.... if you start to question... you could end up like Lucifer: Fallen.

I think the implication is that Sera and Lucifer used to be close (probably sibling-like), but Lucifer's fall changed things.

Sera right now seems to see different sides of Lucifer in Charlie and Emily:

In her first mention of Lucifer, Sera rolls her eyes and says Charlie is misguided. Except that she doesn't really know Charlie by this point. So, she is clearly seeing her as an extension of Lucifer. Specifically, she sees Charlie's attempt to change the system as similar to Lucifer's past ambitions: dangerous.

In her second mention of Lucifer, Sera warns Emily not to end up like him. She is clearly scared for the young Seraphim. Except that Emily is an angel version of Charlie, who is a younger version of Lucifer. In other words, Sera probably sees Emily as the embodyment of everything she loves about Lucifer. So, she wants to avoid history from repeating.

In other words, Sera projects on the two girls what she dislikes (Charlie) and what she misses (Emily) of Lucifer. Except that she can't have one without the other. More importantly, Sera and Lucifer will have to eventually meet to solve their past.

As a matter of fact it is possible Sera and Lucifer share the same authority figures: the Elders of Heaven. These parental figures probably traumatized them both on some level. So, we may have a scapegoat/golden child dynamic similar to the one Vaggie and Lute have:

Lucifer and Vaggie refuse their authority figures' teachings and end up in Hell as a consequence.

Sera and Lute accept these teachings and reach a position of authority. Sera is the High Seraphim of Heaven, while Lute is Adam's liutenant.

Sera and Lute are the ones who physically banish Lucifer and Vaggie and the ones who get in the way of the fallen angels (Sera politically and Lute physically).

Given this set-up and these similarities with Vaggie and Lute, it would be interesting to see how a future interaction between Lucifer and Sera will go. Sera might have the potential to challenge Lucifer when it comes to his past, his role as a parent and who he wants to be in the future.

Charlie and Emily

Emily is who Charlie would be if she were born in Heaven instead of Hell. She shares the Princess of Hell's kindness, but also her naivety and her innocent condescension:

Emily: Gosh, I'm so pleased to show some outsiders around After you see our realm, you'll never wanna go back down St. Peter and Emily: 'Cause every single day in Heaven is a happy day Welcome to Heaven

You'll be complete! It'll be so neat! Our service can't be beat! You'll be on easy street! (Yes!) Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel~!

These traits are actually stronger in Emily, as Heaven presents itself as peaceful and perfect.

In Welcome to Heaven, both Charlie and Emily have their vision of the world crushed:

Emily: What are you saying? Let me get this straight You go down there and kill those poor souls?

Adam: Don't you act all high and mighty Did you ever think your little girlfriend might be a liar?

However, Charlie is given the chance to work on her internal flaws, while Emily is forced to push everything under the rug:

Sera: They were uprising, Emily! It is my position as the head Seraphim to protect our people at all costs. And it's your position to keep them happy and joyful. Emily: How can I bring joy when I now know we are bringing misery to thousands of innocent people? Sera: Heaven needs us, Emily. Everyone looks to us… and we can't doubt ourselves or worry about the fates of demons when we have our own souls to protect.

So, it would be interesting to see what kind of bond Charlie develops with this other self and how they can help each other grow.

Obviously, these are all just theories, but it would be cool to have all these angel characters explored more in later seasons!

[acediaedeus]

this does contain them sweet

SPOILERS

what I find really upsetting about Ichigo’s dynamic with his friends/family/mentors is how they treat the fact that he’s part-Hollow. especially when it comes to the Visored and Orihime.

bc yeah, the Visored did struggle with their Hollows, bc they already lived hundreds of years without that aspect. they were comfortable with their shinigami existence, but then this hollowfication bullshit drops on their heads and suddenly they’re not only barely in control of themselves, constantly in a fight with an inner “demon”, but also there’s no one to support them AND they’re getting fucking exiled and then they exist as this tightly knit community of eight for a fucking century with no one to understand them but each other. I’d hate the Hollow in me too, probably.

BUT, then there’s this fresh guy, that hasn’t accepted the fact that he’s now an amalgamation of a million different things, including something that he has been told he has to fight and exterminate, that they have to teach to manage the hollowfication bullshit™️ so what do we do? correct, scare the shit out of him and present existing with a Hollow as amensalism (one is harmed, one is unaffected) or parasitism (one benefits, one is harmed) when it’s more like commensalism (one benefits, one is unaffected), in which the shinigami is clearly the one who’s benefiting from this.

(although we could argue that for the Visored this is a symbiotic relationship in which both are getting harmed, but even then the shinigami still gains benefit and the Hollow gets nothing but hatred, so like, fuck them, lol (I’m advocating for inner-Hollow rights 💀🙏🏻)).

biology lesson out of the way, they essentially do not teach Ichigo anything that would bring long-term benefits (we see this when Ichigo is unable to complete his training with Squad 0, bc he has no fucking idea who Zangetsu (or he himself) actually is (this is, of course, in part his quincy power’s doing, but I wouldn’t say his supposed “mentors” helped much).

in conclusion what does Ichigo get out of this? self-hatred and the habit to suppress what is, whichever way you look at it, a big part of his being, thus blocking himself and Zangetsu from reaching their full potential.

but I guess you can’t teach lessons you haven’t learnt yourself, so there is that with the Visored.

now onto my dear Orihime, who I love dearly (this is a disclaimer). for someone who, supposedly, loves Ichigo more than anything and who we have to take seriously as not only just a potential love-interest, but the actual, one-and-only lover, she is a little bit too scared of Ichigo.

this, of course, for me, begs the question of how am I supposed to accept a love-interest who is consistently terrified of the mc? not a single battle with Orihime present (and Ichigo using the mask) without her shaking in fear and having to be reminded by others (who have known him for much less time than she has), that not only is it still Ichigo in front of her, but he’s also fighting and pulling out the mask he himself doesn’t like much, in order to protect her.

it’s plain and simple upsetting how there’s absolutely no one to accept and embrace the essence of Kurosaki Ichigo. everyone around him wants the shinigami and human in him, no one is interested in the Hollow (except for *ahem* Grimmjow *ahem*), all they do is reject and cower and isn’t that fucking hypocritical after hiding behind his back and begging him to save them?

everyone around Ichigo just really pisses me off with their constant whining. I feel like the only ones who love and cherish Ichigo for the absolute gem of a person he is are Chad and the fucking Arrancars 💀🙏🏻

as I mentioned in the ALT to the last photo in this parade of idiocy: trying to separate and think of Hollow Ichigo and Ichigo as two different entities is crazy and delusional behaviour, bc we have been told countless times, that a person’s inner Hollow is a manifestation of all repressed emotions and traits that they view as unsavoury. which for Ichigo happened to be aggression, cruelty, being merciless and thirst for bloody battles.

let me remind everyone that you cannot truly love a person w/o accepting and acknowledging all their flaws (including yourself).

this is not me trying to say Orihime doesn’t love Ichigo, it’s not really about the characters, more so the writing. I am actively trying to square up with Tite Kubo. for many reasons, but this is one of the ones I pay most attention to.

Ichigo is someone who is in perfect control of himself, who protects no matter what, bc even when he turned into the vasto lorde (after getting his heart ripped out of his chest) it was all his Hollow, yet it still carried out the mission of protection seamlessly, that’s how strong his will is. Kurosaki Ichigo deserves ppl who actually love him around, thank you.

thanks for coming to this ted talk, love y’all!