#something about familial connection affecting the very way we as viewers speak about the story etc etc

[trans-xianxian]

something something abt fans mostly calling jiang cheng by his given name rather than his courtesy name not because that's what most of the other characters call him but because that's what wei wuxian calls him and as an audience we almost always see jiang cheng through wei wuxians eyes

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I received an ask about if Eddies trip to Texas might be because of a family tragedy situation similar to Bucks rather than a queer awakening story and my response got long so I thought it would be better as an actual post rather than an answer to an ask!

My opinion is that its very unlikely that thats the route they'll take - simply for the reason that I can't see the writers repeating a storyline such as Bucks secret family tragedy - especially so close to Bucks (and Maddie's) own family tragedy which is still very much playing out - we've seen some of how the family secret has weighed on Maddie in 5b - how it impacted on her and her own mental health struggles and we really haven't explored how this new knowledge is affecting Buck. Buck is a master of disguise in many ways in that we actually know very little of what is going on with him - he said it himself in season 4 'I hide my true feelings from others' and Buck is very much doing that in season 5 - Hen is probably the person he's revealed the most to and even that is some what superficial. The fact that Buck has spent the season trying to 'fix' everyone else's problems - Maddie, Chimney, Eddie and Chris (and even Taylor) has allowed him to deflect and avoid dealing with his own mental health - I'm fully expecting season 6 to explore this. Once everyone else finds themselves in better places and therefore Buck can't keep 'fixing' everyone else to avoid fixing himself he's going to have to turn his fixing skills inward and I am of the opinion that talking about the shooting with Eddie is actually the first step on that path.

So that is why I think we have to look elsewhere for Eddies story. Then there is also the fact that the synopsis specified his father - not his family in general, or his parents, but his father. If it was a family tragedy then we would expect them to state it in the synopsis. Instead of ‘Meanwhile, Eddie visits Texas, where he attempts to reconcile with his father’ we would have something like ‘Meanwhile, Eddie visits Texas to deal with a family emergency’ or words to that effect. 

Mexican American families tend to have a fairly defined family dynamic with a set of expectations that everyone is expected to conform to - the patriarch sets the rules and the matriarch enforces - it can be very traditionalist and tends to play to old school gender norms - and Eddie as an only son would definitely be expected to follow his fathers example and not step outside of the narrow lines. He would be expected to ‘be a man’ - not show his emotions and provide for his family. We’ve seen him speak about it - ‘if I hadn’t joined the army I’d still be working with my pop’ and we also know that Ramon was proud of Eddie for serving - in Eddie begins we see him reading the silver star certificate - its implied that this is not for the first time and you can hear the pride in his voice - Eddie is described as a hero - he claims its what anyone would’ve done but Ramon contradicts him saying that ‘if that were true everyone would be walking around with a silver star.’ 

All of this gives us hints at the complexity of that dynamic - Eddie has conformed to family expectation and its made his father proud but it was actually an incredibly  traumatic experience for him - one that continues to be as we’re seeing play out. It goes to suggest that this is something Eddie has been doing repeatedly - conforming but it continuously compounding the trauma and that it is all connected to his father. 

We've also been given enough textual hints this season to be able to figure some things out - the 911 writers are very careful about what words they choose to have their characters say - the scrip has to do a lot of work and so every word is important. Therefore the fact that the word 'repression' was used during Eddies health scare is important, the choice for Eddie to say 'the first woman i've wanted to spend time with' and many other examples are all loaded and designed to give viewers clues if they’re paying attention as to where the story is heading - there is a reason we’ve all been speculating about Eddie queer awaking in fandom for a while - we’ve been reading the clues. 

The whole of Eddies therapy appointment in 5x13 is very loaded - the way the conversation is directed (its exactly how real life therapy works) to push Eddie (and the viewer) in certain directions so that he can begin to connect dots for himself. Now in real world therapy this might happen over several sessions, but 911 doesn’t have the time to do this so they have to ‘speed up the timeline a little’ - so we have Frank choosing to bring up Eddie blowing up at Bobby - Eddies defacto father figure - pushing the idea that in the present we lash out at people who represent an aspect of out past which holds trauma or complexity - the thing which has played a major contributing factor in our present struggles - hence Eddie lashing out at bobby - when he really wanted to lash out at his father.

Franks loaded line ties all of this together - his telling Eddie ’maybe you should talk about your pain with someone who shares it. Think about that first trauma and then talk to someone who can understand what you’ve been through.’ Of course, it plays perfectly into Eddies time in the army - the viewer will naturally go straight there in their mind - because that is where Eddie has gone in his - because he’s still repressing. The thing is the army clearly wasn’t his first trauma - in part Eddies breakdown is as a result of his repression (i’m going to probably explain this very badly, but hopefully it will make sense!). 

Think about it this way - something happened to you in childhood or your teen years - whatever it was lead to big problems - major arguments with you family and possibly the reprobation of the society in which you live, who then started to constantly behave and speak in ways that were unkind, derogatory and made you want to make it stop - so you start repressing that part of you and put huge amounts of energy into trying to fit in. The comments etc never fully go away, but you are able to live more comfortably - as long as you maintain this facade you’ve put up. Then when the first opportunity presents itself you escape (into the army). The thing is your escape route is both freeing and traumatic and so your trauma compounds itself -  the army is a loud kind of trauma - unlike the first trauma it tricks you into thinking that this is actually the first trauma - because that’s what trauma should be right - loud - a big event that has defined perimeters. 

So when you reach the point Eddie is at - where you’ve had several loud traumas, you will trick yourself into thinking the army is the first trauma. So you reach out - as Frank has told you to - only you find you can’t - because they’re all dead - so you can’t do you homework and deal’ with that trauma - so you spiral because that loud trauma is no longer in play - its now a new trauma and therefore more recent. That trauma from further back - the quiet one - that now comes into play - almost as if its taunting you - so you lash out because you know that all your trauma stems from this one trauma that you’ve been attempting to outrun since it happened - it was the reason you joined the army, it was the reason that you ran from you family and the society you knew - to LA (its no coincidence you chose somewhere more accepting and diverse) where you start a job which is similar enough to being in the army - the freedom you enjoyed such as the camaraderie - but without the traumatic bits - the getting shot at etc. 

But then - your new job turns out to not be as trauma free as you thought and eventually you get to where Eddie was in 5x10 - where you get a wake up call. Only Eddie, because he is so repressed and conditioned, didn’t seek help - he changed jobs. Now though, he has lots of time to think and cycle through all that trauma - he thinks going back to what he was doing will solve the problem and when that can’t happen lashes out at the person who represents the cause of his first trauma. So you do get help - thinking that will allow you to keep on repressing that first trauma because if you deal with all the other stuff - you’ll be able to get a better grip on the one thing you’ve been working on repressing for the longest - the first thing. After you lash out you feel guilty (both for the misplaced anger, but also at yourself because you know deep down that you lashed out at the wrong person and you know why) so you do what they suggested - you go to therapy - and your therapist tells you ‘go back to the first trauma and talk to someone about your pain’ - and you are still in denial so you go for the loud trauma - the army - only you can’t talk to someone about your pain and that actual first trauma is their waiting for you to lower you guard and the moment it happens - you lash out and break down because now, now you are going to actually have to face up to the real first trauma.

Note what Frank tells Eddie - ‘talk about your pain with someone who shares it’ followed by ‘and then talk to someone who can understand what you’ve been through.’ That is two separate conversations and it doesn’t follow that they have to be had with the same person - in fact its heavily suggesting that they aren’t/shouldn’t the same person - so Eddie going back to Texas is the first conversation - the one to be had with the person who shares the pain - Eddies father. The person who Eddie has ‘disappointed’ because we shouldn’t forget that Ramon will have pain in this as well - the pain of disappointment in having a son who doesn’t conform to his and the family ingrained expectations. You have to look at this from the outside and understand that from his perspective - because he is seeing things very differently - he is right in his thoughts and opinions (his ideology is outdated and wrong, but it is an ideology that unfortunately still exists in the world and the show is telling that story so don’t @me anyone for saying this). 

However that conversation goes, Eddie will then be in a position to have the second conversation - with someone who understands - now we don’t know who that will be but I’m guessing that weight see Hen (and or  Karen) come into play here - because they are the most likely of our cast to understand. Of course it might be Buck, it might be Maddie (although she has her own thing going on so its very unlikely) because they understand about disappointing your parents etc. But we’ve seen the show expanding the Eddie/ Hen dynamic this season and I feel like it’s been done to lead into them having that second conversation and this also slots in nicely with the HenRen vow renewal theory because Hen preparing to celebrate and reaffirm her love for Karen is the perfect premise for Eddie and Hen to have a conversation about being gay and finding love but also acceptance and potentially about learning to live with a family member who doesn’t approve. We don’t know her fathers opinion on Hens sexuality remember - he might’ve been estranged in part because of it and his pride wouldn’t let him accept he was wrong so he followed her life secretly and from afar and there is no reason that Ramon couldn’t be in the same boat - to ingrained in his way of thinking to admit cubically but secretly proud of his son and the life he lives.

[ryouverua]

I've some bitter thoughts about Rika and how damaging her actions (or.. inactions) were to Satoko in Gou but it's weird- dunno how to say it without it coming out like she 'deserved all the hell she got' (when that's not the point at all). Hanyu warned her about /exactly/ this kinda crap in the original though, and without a leash on her so to speak she'd gone full escapist-fantasy at Satoko's expense to the point of even neglecting her through solitary confinement... yikes

Oh man, I’m so with you. I’m going to do spoilers underneath for obvious reasons (and maybe vague Umineko spoilers because Ryukishi07 loves re-exploring certain themes and it shows) but I will say, the bigger the backlash against Satoko got the more I got entrenched in my own position lmao - not the best attitude, but hey, might as well admit my biases upfront.

Like, even now I have to immediately preface this with ‘Rika doesn’t deserve this’. Of course she doesn’t. No one deserves this. But could she have prevented this with a little more thoughtfulness? 100%. And I think that’s what sets off a lot of people - on first glance, it does come off as very victim-blamey, because it seems to put the onus on Rika and really, that isn’t fair at all. Just like it wasn’t fair to Keiichi in Watanagashi/Meakashi that not giving the doll to Mion triggered those tragedies, or (to be as light on spoilers as possible) Battler’s ‘sin’ in Umineko has the effect it does. But the fact is, they do matter, and it is hammered home hard in their respective stories. Everyone acknowledges (and in canon, even Rika!) that if Keiichi had understood Mion’s feelings better and hadn’t thoughtlessly given the doll to Rena instead, then the tragedy with Shion wouldn’t have happened. And yeah, that’s messed up! But it’s true! Ryukishi07 loves the rippling butterfly effects of small, seemingly inconsequential thoughtless actions that end up hurting others in ways you don’t realize until it’s too late.

Like wow, it’s wild to me that even after all the terrible things Satoko did to Rika, the part of Gou that affects me the most is Rika’s impassioned plea for Satoko to come with her to St. Lucia’s (where all teenage girls go to suffer lol) after Satoko is completely upfront with her in her first loop, explaining how she’s not cut out for it, she’s going to struggle with studying, etc etc.... and then just. The juxtaposition of the same outcome that happens a few years later, when everything Satoko is scared of happens again. And maybe it’s because we don’t get to be dragged along the full years those two episode cover that makes it harder for a lot of the viewers to connect with Satoko’s misery and motive (I, personally, connect a little too closely with it bc of some personal experience and can confirm that for someone from a much worse background Satoko would be miserable and isolated in ways I can’t even imagine), but it just seems so odd to me how many people won’t acknowledge that Rika’s actions - or specifically, inaction - again, something Ryukishi07 highlights over and over again as a huge character flaw for her - led to this outcome.

And to bring it back to what you said about Hanyuu - you’re right, she does warn Rika about this explicitly that she’s treating Satoko like some neglected pet (I think I referred to her as Rika’s ‘comfort stuffed animal’) in the VNs because she’s such a staple of Rika’s lives that she can’t imagine being without her. This also comes up with Saikoroshi when everyone’s lives are ‘fixed’, everyone’s families are perfect, Satoko and her aren’t friends (and admittedly she does bully Rika) and what happens? 1) Infamous ‘Rika beats Satoko with a chair’ scene and 2) Rika decides that her perfect Matsuribayashi ending is better despite Hanyuu telling her that this is the perfect world for everyone, so bye-bye Satoko’s parents & Satoshi lmao (yes I’m oversimplifying it because the moral of that story is that the lessons they learned from their suffering/struggles made them into better people and we’re left with the question of whether it was a dream world or not but like, especially considering the cost of returning to the Matsuribayashi fragment, that’s kinda... messed up, Rika!). a-also omg do you think Satoko saw that fragment as an option because if she did, ouch....

To wrap this already messy ask up in an equally messy bow, Rika is living with that ‘uncompromising happiness’ ideal from her poem which is great.... except in loop 1 & 2, she fully stuck to that at Satoko’s expense. There was a point that Satoko was willing to (and would rather have) stayed behind and let Rika go to St Lucia by herself. It’s only in Loop 3, after Rika chased her out of the bookstore, after Rika insisted that ‘she wasn’t going to compromise on her happiness, she wanted both St Lucia & Satoko at her side’ that it became an all-or-nothing game. And yeah, obviously the hell Rika’s been going through since then is absolutely disproportionate to her ‘sin’, but there is just no getting around the fact that this was entirely preventable.

[shiramoonshadow]

This is the second part of the last post.  

What is your favorite moment in the show? Rhona, and then Omari, and then Paula and then Jack.

Omari: I don’t have a moment but I think like whenever I see and hear Harrow speak I get emotional because I think of myself as a kid and seeing this like honorable, powerful king who happens to look kind of like me, I just think I didn’t really have that often on animated shows so I get...I get emotional. Again, you’re talking to a guy who every time I watch Spider-man into the Spider-Verse I cry while they’re talking like I...It just affects me on a deep level.

Paula: For me it’s an episode and it’s 2x05, when Viren is trying to convince the council to go to war and Queen Aanya is not having it, that whole episode I just love it and Jason was just talking forever and it was great, even being in the room for that episode was amazing. Just love it.

Jack: Ezran ascending to the throne. I just think like a shot of him entering the throne room and taking that on, I think it’s just one of the more well-earned and beautiful, like whoa, him leaving the journey to go back take on that responsibility, I think is just incredible.

Rhona: I think another special moment was just the first time seeing Amaya sign. That was really a special moment, you know, it felt like having black royal family, groundbreaking, and having a character sign, groundbreaking.

Mental illness representation, Callum’s anxiety...oh, okay. What do you guys think of the kind of ever present discussion of people dealing with “are they capable?” Because both Rayla and Callum are very much open and honest with like “am i a failure?” (This was mine!)

Omari: Oh, it's great to see characters that are, you know, lack confidence and struggle with these real things that I'm sure a lot of viewers do as well."

Jack: I'm a person with generalized anxiety disorder, it's what it’s been called to me, and I struggle with anxiety a lot and it's a big thing that I connected to with this character and it does feel like the show explores it in a way that isn't like…. Sometimes it’s in like, sometimes it’s in a character description as just like “anxious” just like “Oh, that’s just like a trait” as opposed to a like... a part of this person and a struggle that they're facing and I think Callum really does read to me as a person with an anxiety disorder and they really like, you know, he is really grappling with it and working through it and the dark magic coma scene that I’ve talked about a bunch because I just love it. I love that, you know, to unlock the person that he needs to be, it's stuff that I do to work on anxiety where it’s like “oh he's gotta calm down and channel his breath and think and focus on just the thing in front of him”, like those things, I think that's beautiful and I love it. Love it.

Was there a point in the story that really surprised you? Like, I did not see that. (I already wrote Paula's answer and Jack's reply, twice because I'm stupid and tumblr hates me)

Jack: I just said it, but truly, Ezran leaving. I think was a real like...It’s just so not in the outline you think of this journey when you look at the beginning of the series. You go like, oh these three kids who are like going off to meet the dragon queen and this is the one who can, this kid can like talk to animals, so he’s going to be there to talk to the dragon queen, and the fact that “no, it makes more sense that he has to go back and do the adult thing" even though he’s an 11 year old. I think that’s a really logical plot decision that is, I think, completely shocking from just a genre perspective of like, you know, this is the show where it’s about kids on an epic quest, the main kid doesn’t leave in the middle of the epic quest to go home and do a job. That’s weird, but I think it just really makes sense and it’s really cool.

Paula: What you said (about Rayllum) it’s kind of funny because I think her..for me, in terms of the relationship with Callum, for Rayla it was like “oh, this annoying guy that I have to take care of and I’ve got to explain everything to him”. Well, that does sound like the start of all my relationships so...I don’t know why I didn’t see it coming.

Omari: For a selfish pov just, you know, Corvus going from tracker to a protector, an ally. It was a great story and we talked about it on the previous one, just spoke of the brilliance of the... just the nuance of the storytelling, constant twists that are really surprising and fun.

Rhona: I feel like I want to use the same moment, just the first time I saw Amaya sign and I think the show approaches so many issues with such respect and it’s not made this big deal of... and I loved also that there wasn’t a translation. I think that it really blew me away to see that and, you know, we mentioned in our panel last night how there are fun little signing easter eggs left in there. I don’t know, I just loved that moment.

Who’s the most likely to break character and laugh during the session?

Paula: Jesse.

Rhona: Oh, he’s not here to defend himself.

Paula: Jesse and Racquel together.

Jack: Yeah, the combo.

Last question, what movie or show would your characters be a fan of? (This was mine too)

Rhona: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Like getting in there, stealing precious artifacts, going on adventures....

Omari: Terminator 2.

Paula: I think Rayla's pretty into sports, if she’s gonna watch a movie might be something like Tomb Raider, something with a girl.

Is there a sports woman movie?

Jack: Hold on, what’s like a hard-edged female sports movie…

Rhona: I, Tonya?

Jack: There’s a Drew Barrymore...roller derby movie? (Whip It) (About Callum) I was trying to think if there’s like an animated thing because he’s so into drawing, so I was trying to think if there was like an animated...Um…

Rhona: The Last Airbender.

Jack: The Last Airbender, yeah. He’s really into The Last Airbender. He has a big connection with boomerangs and he doesn’t understand, I think that’s perfect.

Edit: sorry I forgot to say that I didn't write any questions about through the moon since none of them have read it yet, but Rhona has started a free webinar series called Mistressclass and Omari's been one of the few men that they had on their platform. It's to learn about the industry from mostly women to voice over, to on camera, to commercials, to head shots to agents. They are going to have one about audition nerves and anxiety if you're interested!

[kendallstewy]

The dog pound

The “dog pound” conversations in the club at Tom’s bachelor party are some of the most chilling in the show and I believe they impact to some degree Kendall’s subsequent decision to ally with Stewy and Sandy. In the club, Kendall has been trapped in his own pound in some ways. Logan has ordered Greg to essentially babysit him, Angela has rejected Kendall’s involvement with her art by connecting his last name to something evil (“It’s the name…it’d be like I was marrying Hitler”), and Stewy has offered Kendall the opportunity to be “all the way out” by using both condescending language (“I’m feeling fucking generous”) and then, even when tempered with a soft “please,” issuing an order (“Ken, take the money and get out, please”). Despite finding the offer “not uninteresting,” going “all the way out” would put Kendall on the literal and figurative outside of Waystar to some degree, further tightening the hold other people have over him. Kendall doesn’t seem to perceive this at the time, instead literally following Stewy in order to further the negotiations with Sandy.

Which, of course, is when Roman chimes in. He attempts to assert himself to Sandy, is laughed at and belittled by Kendall, and then the dog pound issue abruptly becomes a very disturbing topic. Manipulation by shame is a prominent motivator: Roman causes Sandy to make an awkward exit as he rattles off details about how Kendall physically caged him as a child. Kendall may not realize it, but he shames Roman in turn by insisting that not all of the details are true and that Roman actually enjoyed being in the cage, that Roman found pleasure in what Roman deems a degradation. When Roman brings the issue to Connor, Connor’s attitude is blasé and matter-of-fact: yes, Roman enjoyed being in the cage, but the dog food was possibly chocolate cake. Connor unknowingly backs up Kendall but then muddles the issue further when he claims that Roman asked Logan to be sent to military school after Roman says that he asked to be sent away as a result of the cage trauma. Both the affirmative (all parties agree that Roman was caged by Kendall) and the uncertain (what exactly happened to Roman in the cage and the fallout) form a thorny path for the viewer to navigate, with the only clear route revealing the truth of how the Roys communicate: by lashing out when accused of causing a scary situation (Kendall), speaking matter-of-factly and objectively about a scary situation caused by a family member (Connor), and the desperation to find someone to back themselves up in that a scary situation both occurred and was scarring (Roman). It all forms a potent cocktail of deep unease. Yes, we knew this family was troubled to put it extremely mildly, but I maintain this is an underrated example of just how deeply they use shame as a weapon – sometimes without probably intending to, which is really quite frightening.

It doesn’t seem to be a coincidence that the last conversation Kendall has before going to Sandy and negotiating the takeover is with Connor and regards the dog pound. Connor says he loves Kendall; Kendall returns the sentiment. Then the conversation almost immediately turns to Roman asking Connor about the dog pound. Kendall asks if Roman enjoyed it; Connor says yes, but that Kendall did too. So much for sibling love in Kendall’s eyes. Connor’s subsequent statement that Logan’s practice was to “punish” the weak dog in the fight by sending him away underscores to the viewer how Kendall has been persuaded into submission all night (even if Greg failed in preventing Kendall from taking drugs). Kendall saying things to Sandy like, “We’ll go fuck my dad together,” “Fuck the rest of my family,” “Fuck local TV, newspapers, parks,” and “Fuck Stewy” feel like him letting off some serious steam accrued during the pressure of the evening. (It might be coincidental, but Kendall also says, “Stewy will follow the money like a dog in a cartoon” – the image of dogs has perhaps taken up part of his psyche.) Kendall’s insistence that he knows the “emotional corporate architecture” of Waystar highlights the metaphorically bloody business he knows he’s undertaking. In a show heavily about blood-related family, Kendall’s ammunition will hurt in a way that affects birth-established ties. It’s the way he decides to break free of his pound and to make sure any talk of him caging any of his family isn’t an insult this time – it’s an act of victory. He’ll have shown his fangs, and the bite will be a glory to him.

Well, we know how that turns out, but the fangs bared at the club is a fundamentally terrifying instance of the show using an animal-related story as the jumping point for the exploration of how human beings are willing to claw at their own kin.

[winchestermendesgirl]

Supernatural’s Legacy: The Trauma of Silence

Understanding the unique grief of Supernatural fans, and the power of stories to liberate and to punish. [Warning: spoilers for season fifteen of Supernatural]

(By Deirdre-t on Buzzfeed)

In the wake of Supernatural’s controversially underwhelming finale last Thursday, many fans are left adrift, angry, and deeply hurt. They are left grappling with an ending that blindsided them, not only leaving the traumatic death of a canonically queer lead emotionally unresolved but going so far as to scrub the character and all evidence of the decade-built queer romantic plot from the finale, mere episodes after a celebrated and victorious on-screen love confession between Castiel and Dean Winchester.

They were given a shell of a finale that saw all suggestion of queerness removed, all sense of heart and chosen family eliminated. Even the relationship between Sam and Eileen, too deeply tied to the themes of the queer love story, was dropped, dealing the added blow of abandoning a disabled character in favor of a random, unidentified partner for Sam.

Fans are, to put it simply, devastated.

And through all of their reactions, as people are processing their disappointment, grief, and rug-pulling confusion, one accusation stings so very clearly and pointedly for queer fans:

You’re just mad because you didn’t get your ship.

No.

The legacy of Supernatural and its finale’s impact goes so much deeper than fans of Dean and Castiel’s pairing not getting their way. This isn’t about a ship.

This is about stories, and the intricate ways in which they become part of us and our world– the ways our lives and struggles are reflected, subverted, and reinforced.

This is about a story and characters that people deeply connected with, a story that people let into their hearts and souls, devoted their time and love to because they saw themselves in it and had faith that they might be worth something to it in return. They had faith that once, just once, they would get what they deserve in this world, that they would see themselves treated with dignity, respect, and love. They had faith that the story being told would be finished, that the emotional catharsis and resolution they had waited fifteen years for– the resolution that so many have been denied in their own lives– would be granted. It was not.

And not only did Supernatural deny this resolution, it actively regressed every moment of growth that led to it. It spat in the face of its own themes: found family, choice, unconquerable love, self-determination and acceptance, freedom from the seemingly insurmountable obstacles that seek to control and suppress us. Themes that people connected with because they are real to them. Themes whose treatment impacts them. Whose reflections on their lives are tangible.

Whether it was the writers or the suits, creatives or executives ultimately responsible, Supernatural gutted this journey and took characters who were stand-ins for vulnerable people and denied them their truth and closure. They set up clear, beautiful, meaningful endings– I would go so far to say the narrative promised them– and they burned it all down. Unapologetically, cruelly, and yes, homophobically.

This affects people’s lives. This is real.

The treatment of Castiel, Dean, and their love story, and the ultimate messages of their endings, are unconscionable.

Castiel is a stand-in for viewers suffering from depression, PTSD, self-worth issues, isolation, alienation. His story is about breaking free from abusive and controlling circumstances and building a family who loves you and chooses you for who you are, and learning to believe in that love. His arc is about feeling unloved and unworthy, feeling like no one around you could possibly want you for who you are and sacrificing your own wants and needs to earn the small bit of space you dare to take up. Believing this all your life and slowly learning that it isn’t true. Learning that you are wanted, that you have worth, inherently, just by being you.

Castiel’s story built to a point where he specifically needed to hear this from Dean. From the one person who he chose, whose love was quite literally the foundational starting point of his journey to autonomy and self-acceptance. The narrative demanded this in order for Castiel to finally believe in and live his whole truth, in order to reach the end of his arc. It set up a simple need: someone who has never understood the love they have been given, the love they deserve, must be told that they have it and deserve it.

Instead, not only was this journey to accepted, reciprocated love and ultimate self-actualization left unfinished, its ending point on screen was a premature and self-sacrificial death. This is Supernatural, so I am not talking about death in the sense that it is innately bad, because more often than not in the show it is transformative, transcendent. I am talking about the death of his character in the sense that he truly and permanently is not allowed to experience another moment of growth. That he is punished by the story for expressing his truth, that his journey toward internal and external love and worth ultimately leads to him giving himself and that love up, and this is never meaningfully subverted.

Castiel dies by finally letting himself speak his truth– by allowing a moment of actualization that is never rewarded with experiencing the thing he has finally let himself admit he wants. That is never rewarded with actually experiencing the acceptance, love, and reciprocal choice that we have spent over a decade waiting for with him. Castiel, our stand-in character for overcoming depression, alienation, and self-hatred, confesses that he is in love with a man and is so filled with the happiness of this love, so fully actualized in his identity– his love, his queerness, his acceptance of self– that it kills him.

His depression personified consumes him in the vulnerability of his happiness, and he is never heard from in a meaningful way again. His journey is utterly unacknowledged emotionally by the family who he was journeying to, by the man whose love he died for. His intrinsically queer story ends with that queerness literally killing him. Because taking this power for yourself, taking control of your life and claiming love as your own, must be punished.

This could all have had meaning. It was supposed to. This was set up to be subverted, the dark before the dawn, with Cas’s actualization honored by a confirmation of reciprocal love (be it romantic, familial, platonic, whatever, his arc is utterly unfinished without this) and a peaceful eternity spent as a fully realized soul. The consumption of the shadow subverted by integration with it, by wholeness and love consuming it in return. Instead, he is left off screen, given an offhand mention of an unexplored move to heaven, and is never shown to experience any sort of love or reciprocity from the family he built or the man he loves again. The message, in the end, is clear, no matter what the original intention was. Speak your truth, and it will silence you. Live your truth, and it will punish you.

Dean, too, is silenced and buried by his ending. Like Cas, Dean’s character is a stand-in for people suffering from trauma and abuse, for people who have had their personhood diminished and sacrificed by their families and circumstances, for those who have been harmed and pushed aside by the very people in their lives who are supposed to love and protect them. Dean’s story is about learning to overcome the limitations placed on you by others’ expectations, learning to value your own wants, needs, and dreams when you’ve been told your whole life they don’t matter. It’s about letting go of the toxicity that a cruel world will imprint upon your soul– distilling yourself and your truth from the darkness that corrupts you when you’ve experienced the world and all of its ugliness, when you have had insurmountable pain inflicted on you and have dealt that pain back in return.

His story is about learning that you can love and be loved, and that this love does not have to come at the expense of your autonomy or identity. It’s about accepting that you are not your worst moments, you are not your flaws; that there is someone within you who is worthy of forgiveness and life, who is inherently good.

Dean’s arc was built to a point where speaking his truth and choosing to live it were integral to its resolution. And this truth could only be one thing, the narrative demanded one specific ending that would do this for him. This truth was that he loved Castiel, that he wanted to be with him. This truth fundamentally symbolized Dean finally taking control of his life and choosing the one person who had always chosen him in return, whose love reflected and rewarded every aspect of Dean’s growth and journey to selfhood.

Speaking this truth to Castiel, to the person who loved him for exactly who he was, who always saw his light even through the darkest moments of his soul, the person whose love is established as the only thing that ever truly grew outside of God’s control– the only thing that was REAL– was fundamental to Dean finally accepting his own goodness and the value of his love, of his identity, and breaking free of the structure that had controlled and corrupted him his entire life to experience something of his own. Dean loving Castiel in return is how he could finally love himself, because this love at its core symbolizes freedom, truth, forgiveness, choice, and the overwhelming power of the soul.

But Dean never gets to experience this. Dean is never freed.

In the end, Dean learns that Castiel loves him and has always seen his true self, and then he never gets to live that truth. He goes right back to the life he has spent his whole journey learning to free himself from: Daddy’s little soldier, marching orders straight from his book, with only his brother by his side. Left only with the person he had been forced, time and time again, to sacrifice his identity, goals, and soul for. None of the family, support, or love, nothing he has built or chosen for himself remains.

And this man who has been told all his life that he isn’t good for anything more than a violent death on a random hunt, alone and afraid and dirty and only worth the body he can throw on the sword, dies exactly in that way. His body burns, alone, only his brother there to watch the smoke curl from his pyre.

Dean’s death, like Castiel’s, did not have to be an inherently bad thing. The story had very clearly built to a choice in this matter: a choice on how to spend the rest of his life and who to do it with. If this choice had involved passing on from this world to the next, in the context of choosing a life in whatever plane he moved to, it wouldn’t have mattered whether that life was mortal or eternal, on earth or in heaven, dead or alive. But that is not what happened. Dean didn’t choose to move on. He fought for decades to learn that what he wanted mattered, that his soul and identity were worth something, that his choices were real. And in the end, he is taken from his life randomly and violently, with absolutely nothing left to show for it. No choice, no act of the soul, no meaning.

And even after he gets to heaven, to his eternal reward, it is devoid of his heart and empty of any choice he had or would have made for himself. He does not seek out any of the people taken from him, he does not go to the man who confessed his undying love for him and sacrificed himself to save him, he does not start building the life that he never got to experience on earth. He doesn’t experience a single moment of actualization or make any choice besides getting in his car and driving aimlessly. He drives and drives to the end, to Sam, existing solely for his brother even in death. No choice, no soul, no meaning.

Dean died because his truth could not be spoken. He was punished by the story, by our world, because his only true ending would have been to love and be loved by another man. His only true ending would have been to fully experience his own identity and choice, and to live a new life surrounded by the things he built with his soul and the people who loved him for it. The message, again, is clear. Dare to seek your truth, and it will be taken.

The love between Dean and Cas was never just something people wanted to see because it was gay, or cute, or whatever people try to reduce it to in order to delegitimize queer stories and their power. The love between Dean and Cas was so deeply tied to each character’s journey, so fundamental to the resolution of each individual’s struggle and growth, so essential to the core themes and emotional substance of the narrative at large, that removing it from the ending caused the entire story to collapse. Failing to resolve it rendered their pain, sacrifice, love, choice– rendered the soul of the story– moot.

So no, people are not just upset that their ship didn’t get to kiss. People are upset that its removal functionally destroyed the story they love, and that the characters they so deeply identify with never got the endings they had built toward for so very long. That they, as viewers, never got to experience the moments of catharsis, acceptance, joy, and peace demanded by what they’ve gone through over the last fifteen years.

People are upset that pieces of their own souls, the pain and love that they identified with so personally and meaningfully, were burned with it. Yes, this is about queerness being fundamentally integrated into the story and its themes, and then being removed cruelly and hopelessly; it is about the painful message for every queer person watching that in the end, the world does not love you or even acknowledge you back. That you do not matter to it, no matter how convincingly it tries to pretend otherwise.

But this is also about our broader identities and struggles– feeling alone and scared, feeling alienated and othered, struggling with depression and trauma, losing autonomy, fearing and hating your flaws, feeling trapped or unloved or toxic or unworthy– it’s about these deeply vulnerable aspects of the self that people let this story connect to. That people found comfort and value in seeing reflected, validated, and overcome. It’s about the deeply traumatizing experience of something you love, something you have found yourself in, turning around and telling you none of it mattered.

The trauma of knowing that this will fuel the very hate, injustice, and devastating indifference that we live in spite of each day. Knowing that our love can make us as vulnerable as it makes us strong, and that this vulnerability has been and will be used against us whether it is in a story or our world.

People are in pain. People are grieving.

They are grieving a story that meant the world to them, they are grieving characters who never got to live their truths or experience their peace, they are grieving the parts of themselves that they saw in them. They are grieving the people they used to be, in those moments when they let themselves believe that they could finally have this– the innocence and authenticity in believing that their stories mattered. In believing that years of waiting, of dedication and faith, of real-life pain and struggle, were about to be honored with a simple act of love that they have been denied over and over again in their stories and their lives.

This is not about a ship. This is about us. This is about the power of our stories, and the pain of their suppression. It always has been.

[disclaimer: this was not written by me. It was written by Deirdre-t on Buzzfeed. I just needed to share this because it’s perfect and I don’t know what to do with myself]

[yourdailykitsch]

Taylor Kitsch, an actor known for his roles in such Hollywood productions as "Battleship: Battle for Earth" and "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", is starring in the new Canal + series "Defeated". In an interview, the actor reveals what he remembers from history lessons, what connects the series' story with the modern world. He also explains why, according to him, every person should visit the former concentration camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Taylor Kitsch started his adventure in Hollywood as a "hottie" - an actor associated with a great body and beautiful face. All because the first role that brought the popularity of the former model Abercrombie and Fitch was the character of naughty lover Tim Riggins in the cult series "Friday Night Lights".

Kitsch did not avoid tough moments in his career - for example, when the $ 250 million John Carter, his first such big role, suffered a disgusting box office failure. But the Canadian knew this taste already - after coming to the USA, he was homeless for some time before finding a job.

For years, he has been successfully playing in big titles and alongside big names. Oliver Stone ("Savages"), Ryan Murphy ("Heart Reflex"), roles alongside Chadwick Boseman ("21 Bridges"), Michael Shannon ("Waco"), Michael Keaton ("American Assassin") and Rihanna ("Battlefield ), the HBO series "Detective," starring Vince Vaughn and Rachel McAdams. Meanwhile, Kitsch finds his way to charity, especially for children.

From 1 January 2021, we will watch him in  "Defeated" . There he plays the role of Brooklyn policeman Max McLoughlin, who in the summer of 1946 is sent to Berlin, which is divided into four spheres of influence. Its task is to support the emerging police structures in the rubble. But upholding order in a space of brutality and lawlessness and clashing political forces - French, American, British and Soviet - will not be easy. Especially since Max does not know that he is used as a pawn in the game to open the Cold War, and somewhere in the maze of Berlin rubble lurks his brother Moritz, a self-proclaimed Nazi hunter who will stop at nothing ...

In addition to Kitsch, the main roles will be: Nina Hoss (local policewoman Elsie Garten), Sebastian Koch (criminal known as Engelmacher, Al Capone of post-war Berlin), Logan Marshall-Green (Max's missing brother, Moritz) and Michael C. Hall (consul Tom Franklin ).

The "Defeated" takes place in Berlin, right after the war. When you decided to play Max McLoughlin, did you have any knowledge of what the situation in Germany was like then?

The seres begins six months after the end of the war. I have the impression that this is a moment that is missing in the educational process - we learn a lot about the war itself, but about what happened immediately after it, for example, I had no idea. The plot of "Defeated" is made up, but our director Måns Mårlind (co-creator of the hit series "Bridge over the Sund") constructed it on the basis of many true stories. I have the impression that fact and fiction are perfectly balanced here. In the process of preparation, he gave us many documentaries and articles that helped to build an idea about the climate of the city from 1946. Discovering the next details of the story was fascinating for me.

Your work gives him a chance to get to know the world, its history, extraordinary places and people. Do you appreciate it?

This is the best part of my job! With each new production, I have a chance to immerse myself in its world and get to know it thoroughly. It could be a war movie like "Survivor", a story about a cult leader ("Waco"), the world of a detective ("Detective") or the beginning of the AIDS epidemic, as in "Heart Reflex". When I was an aspiring actor learning to act in New York, I never imagined that I would be able to live and work like this. Train with Navy Seals or meet Larry Kramer [American playwright, writer and activist for LGBT rights - ed.]. I am very lucky!

Prague, where you shot "Defeated", is a cult city for many Polish filmmakers, due to the famous FAMU school, but also a popular, atmospheric excursion destination. How was your time there?

Lovely. He will refer again to the privilege of working like this: six months in such a wonderful place, it is almost immoral! The only downside was the tight schedule so I didn't discover all the nooks and crannies that I had on the agenda. Fortunately, my driver, a guy in his fifties, was a great-grandfather from Prague, very talkative, and from him I learned the most interesting things - stories about the adventures of my ancestors and friends! Besides, in Prague, if you want to take a history lesson, you go out twenty meters in front of the front door - and it's already getting started. We shot in the summer, before Covid. We had an international team - Czechs, Swedes, Russians, Germans, French ... In use - not only behind the scenes, but also on the set - several languages ​​simultaneously. Really, the only problem for me was my diet. Flour, red meat, stews ... I don't really like to eat like that. At least the beer was delicious, really amazing! In general, I really liked the culture of drinking and eating outside, these gardens, the community ... wonderful thing.

Due to the fact that the film was made in Europe, you had the opportunity to see places related to the war with your own eyes. What made the greatest impression on you? I was lucky, although it is not quite an adequate term that during the shooting we managed to visit the site of the former Auschwitz camp. Of course I knew, I had read about concentration camps before, but this direct contact with the site was invaluable, it gave me a clear idea of ​​what happened. It is difficult for a man to believe what he sees around him. He's standing right next to him, yet he doesn't quite believe it. The space made a huge impression on me. I did not realize how huge Birkenau was, how perfectly organized the entire extermination was. This architecture, the surrounding houses, barracks. Someone designed it, thought over the function down to the smallest detail, and during my visit, I had the chance to trace how and where the whole process took place, step by step. I was standing there and it felt like I was choking, my whole body ached. Such experiences helped me a lot to bring my character to life. Max did not survive the camp himself, but he appears in a place marked by this tragedy, the tragedy of World War II, it affects him. I wish everyone could visit this place because it is a life changing experience.

Movies set in the past can be a perfect mirror for what is here and now. What analogies do you see between that reality and today's world? - Division, the dictate of fear, fear of the unknown, of otherness. Different ways to work through your trauma. These are all threads that connect the "Defeated" space with our reality. For my character, especially the experience of trauma resulting from family history, from the relationship with my brother, becomes the key. They both underwent a similar shock, but their reactions were completely different. I found it very interesting. Max is still hoping for a change, Moritz, as the saying goes, "the platform is gone". They have a completely different perception of one and the same event. Again, it is also a very contemporary thread - one event, situation, and extreme different opinions about it.

Your hero comes from Brooklyn, after you came from Canada, you spent a lot of time in New York. What is so special about the atmosphere of this city that gives it such a "mythical" status? For me, it has always been, I fully agree! Scorsese's "Streets of Poverty" has always been such a cinematic quintessence of New York, with its excellent Keitel and DeNiro. This film is set in the 1940s, which is the present day of Max. He was my point of reference in terms of the accent. Those years were difficult, the inhabitants struggled to make ends meet, and that also had to affect my character's character. Besides, New York has a chic character, New Yorkers feel proud of their roots. It's also something that Max defines.

And you had to transfer this New York feeling to Berlin ... ... to the razed Berlin, which for Max becomes, in a way, another space of trauma, personal again, but this time much more intense.

For this role, you had to master not only a Brooklyn accent, but also the German language. It was difficult?

I had an amazing accent teacher from Berlin, Simone. My rock! Fortunately, Max is an American who speaks German poorly and not a German, because if I had to play a German, I would have had a nervous breakdown! German is a damn hard language, especially for someone who wasn't exposed to such sounds when growing up. I learned everything phonetically. Sometimes I was "suspended" during the scene and then I was saved by Nina [Hoss, a great German acting and screen partner of Kitsch - ed.]. In my career, I have had to play with a South African, Texas, New York accent ... I've learned that there is no such thing as an optimal effect, someone is always dissatisfied. I focus on the vision agreed with the creators and I stick to it. Language is an amazing link between the actor and the protagonist, gives a unique insight into his state of mind and view of the world. I definitely prefer to play the character with an accent than to speak as usual. It's a great transformation tool. The arrangement of the lips, the appearance of the face, and the term are changing. In "Waco" my character, the guru of the sect David Koresh, had an unnaturally high, soft voice, which immediately made the viewer feel differently.

We associate you with American hits, but you are, like Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling, Canadian. Do you feel like an American, or is Canada a state of mind after all?

I started my adventure with the USA when I was 20, I came to school. Now I'm forty, so I've spent half my life here. Madness! Over time, I have grown into this space, I have settled down and I feel at home. I'm talking to you from my home in Austin, Texas. But at the same time, I'll always be Canadian. I go there often, visiting my family and familiar places. Maybe I'll go back one day, who knows?

You've had moments in your career that turned from a promise of triumph to failure, such as the high-budget John Carter, who failed at the box office. Do you have something that you already know: "I'm avoiding this"? I don't have things that, as a rule, I don't do or know that I will never do. But there are some that I don't like. These include radical weight changes. My dear friend must have gained twenty-five kilos for a small, independent film. The first week was great because you eat what you want, then depression started, joint problems, sugar jumping ... I never put my back, but I lost weight. I lost a dozen kilos for the role in "Waco", before that for the "Bang Bang Club". It's fucking hard and very exhausting, especially the older I get. My body and head hate it! Also, until Scorsese calls with some great proposal, I say: enough.

[so-writing]

Stream - Valter Skarsgard

Request - You’re Valters mod for his twitch stream and you finally meet up and end up hooking up

Smut is rusty but I tried lol. Enjoy!

--

Fifteen minutes or so? You good?

I knew who the text was from before I looked at my phone.

Yeah, did you post anything about this on social media earlier in the day? 

No. I’m spontaneous, you know that.

How many times had I told Valter to tweet or post a story to Instagram a few hours earlier than he planned to stream to try and get new viewers? The answer is too many.

Right. See you there, Valter.

He knew how to both press my buttons until I was furious and charm the shit out of me to the point that I could not be mad at him. I spent the remaining time until the stream getting my computer set up and grabbing a bottle of iced tea and a snack for later. Valter usually streamed for quite a while and I didn’t like to spend too much time away from the screen. 

The large majority of his viewers were longtime fans of his that were respectful and fun to chat with. That didn’t mean there weren’t people that came to his stream only to harass and compare him to his brothers. 

A few years ago we’d been on a FaceTime call, both of us being pretty inebriated, he’d shyly admitted he hoped I’d understand why it was important to keep those trolls out, without giving me the actual reason. As unbothered as he claimed to be, I knew that these people rubbed Valter the wrong way. He had a lot of pride and, despite never meeting in person, we’d been friends for years and I could read his his facial expressions and the slight changes in his voice. 

His famous last name both opened and closed doors for him in many different ways. I tried my hardest to make sure his streams belonged to him and him only. The rest of the family would have to take a backseat. 

It was later than he normally streamed in his country, and much later than that in mine but despite the time, the stream was going well and the watchers were very engaging without being intrusive. The first time I had to step in and lay down the law was about an hour and a half in, much later than I normally would have to.

First time watch but won’t be the last!!!! Sexy as hell accent!!!!

A small giggle escaped my lips as I fired off a general message to the chat about keeping it clean even if you think it’s a tame opinion. Valter wasn’t generally bothered by comments on his accent and this one was barely vulgar but if it continued and got weird, I’d take care of it.

Valter chuckled as he read the comment before returning his attention to the game. It made the new watcher bolder.

So sexy, you’re so sexy. Your accent. Your face. YOU. Dude fuck me

Enough. Time for me to step in. I sent the chat another message about being respectful before directly contacting “Hottie444”.

I informed this person that their behavior was inappropriate and that this was their only warning. If they continued to speak the way they had been, they’d get kicked. 

The message I received was very polite and understanding of what they had done. I assumed it was over at that point. 

Seventeen minutes passed until I was proven wrong.

Your rent a cop told me to keep in clean but fuck that loser. FUCK ME VALTER IF U WONT SEND A BROTHER PLEASE

Time for Hottie444 to go. A handful of other watchers scolded them for making gross remarks and bringing up Valter’s family. I quickly banned the user and sent Valter a message to make sure he was good. 

That moron is gone. I’m sorry I let that first thing go, I thought it would be something harmless. 

It’s fine. I felt similar initially but I’m glad you took them out. I’m about to end the stream anyway.

Valter announced that he would be departing soon and just a few minutes after he left, my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” the depth of his voice would always surprise me, “I’ve got a proposition for you.”

*

“You should not be this nervous,” I spoke into the mirror at my own reflection. I should not be this nervous to meet someone I’d known for years. 

Valter’s proposition was that we should meet and stream together, mod and streamer on at the same time to give the viewers a deeper look. I was down to do it. That was two months ago and now that I was standing in the airport bathroom staring at myself like a crazy person as I began to doubt my decision. 

We had face chatted probably hundreds of times but there was something completely different about meeting him in person. I knew him as Valter, just Valter. It was easy to block out the fact that he was a Skarsgard when I didn’t have to think about it.

I did have to think about it when I entered a special gate sanctioned off for celebrities and the wealthy. Valter was somebody important, he may not have made much of a mark on the world yet but I knew he would, and I was somebody regular. 

Dropping into a luxurious armchair while I waited at the gate for his plane to taxi in, I googled him. I had always known who he was and who he was related to but to see it his face so easily splashed all over the internet with his gorgeous family alongside him fueled my uneasiness. 

I jumped out of the chair as soon as people starting emerging from the gate. I didn’t have to wait long, only one other person exited before Valter did. He was so much taller than I could have imagined and, much to my annoyance, so beautiful.

“Hey,” he pulled my much smaller frame than his into a hug, “it’s awesome to finally meet.” 

“I agree, I’m so pumped to finally see you in the flesh!”

We exchanged pleasantries and talked about Twitch as I drove us to my apartment. I told Valter he would probably prefer a hotel but he insisted on staying with me. To make the stream authentic, he said. After seeing his gorgeous face, intimidating height and hearing his sexy accent while he was right in front of me (Hottie444 had always been spot on) I didn’t object to him staying in my apartment. 

*

“Valter, when do you want to stream? It’s been two days and as much as I love touring the city and eating my weight in tacos with you, I thought you were here to stream and expand.”

He was standing in front of my coffee maker watching the caffeine drip into the pot and silent for far too long after I asked him what he wanted to do.

“I have no intention of streaming alongside you,” he paused for a moment while he poured coffee into his cup, “I’m just so fucking tired of wanting you.”

It was unexpected and he had fully pulled the wool over my eyes under the guise of coming to see me to stream. We’d known each other for years but I never even considered a scenario where we would have a romantic relationship. None of that mattered at the moment though, here he was standing in my kitchen telling me he wanted me and it didn’t take me long to decide what to do.

His full cup of coffee fell to the floor as I rushed him, connecting my mouth to his while pushing my body as close to him as I possibly could. His lips were soft and lovely and when he used his tongue to ask for permission to pass my lips, I happily obliged. 

Valter had nearly a foot on me and every time he touched me I realized how big his hands were and how much his embrace affected me. He placed his arms under my ass and lifted me up while he kissed my breasts through my shirt as we made our way toward the bedroom.

“This is going to ruin our professional relationship,” I giggled as he slammed me down on the bed and stripped off his clothes. 

Though he’d removed his own quickly, he took time removing my clothing. Intentionally rubbing the thick strap of my bra against my sensitive nipple and pushing the fabric of my panties against my clit while rubbing roughly had my core throbbing. Valter knew what he was doing and he knew it was working. 

“Good,” he positioned himself between my legs after he relieved me of my clothes, “I’m not interested in you professionally,” he pushed the tip of his penis just barely into my folds, “just personally.”

The feeling of his hard cock had me reeling. Every part of Valter was beautiful but especially his gorgeous cock and I knew that I would end our night together with him emptying himself inside me, but not before I came all over him first. 

“Holy shit,” blonde hair was matted to his forehead, “you are so stubborn. I just want you to come for me.”

I tried my hardest to hold out, despite my shaking legs and aching clitoris. He had been through enough of my resistance and it was time to let go. 

A deep moan escaped my lips as I gave myself to him. My pussy clenched around his cock while my fingernails scraped his back and my lips sucked at his collarbone.

“Oh my god,” the words were just above a whisper, “Valter, fuck!”

My legs were trembling as he emptied himself inside me, pushing his hips against mine while he buried himself deep between my thighs. We kept our bodied entwined as we slowed our breathing and came down. He gave my forehead a small peck as he pulled out and adjusted himself.

“So,” he pushed his hair off his face and ran his hand beneath my breast, squeezing gently but enough to arouse me a bit, “should we stream?”

[pilyarquitect]

Hello everyone!

PLEASE, READ THIS FIRST. I just want to say this chapter may can be confusing if you think it starts just after the previous one. Actually, this chapter begins after all the family saw Huey just after the duckling woke up. I wanted to clarify this so it wouldn’t be confusing. That said, you can go ahead with the chapter 😊

As always, I’d like to thank @empro-8 for helping me editing this story. Honestly, without her help this wouldn’t be as good as it is, so thank you very much @empro-8 you’re amazing!

Welp, I’ll stop talking and let you read the chapter, enjoy it! 😉

30.- More revelations arrive

The next morning after Huey woke up, the family was at the mansion. Donald was dejected. When he hugged his nephew, he had hoped it would help Huey. But it seemed to have the opposite effect. The duck dressed as a sailor felt from the very moment, he had surrounded the little boy in his arms, Huey became completely rigid. He could also hear how his heart began to pound. That… broke Donald’s heart. All he wanted was to help his nephew, but… he had been wrong in his method.

It had been almost afternoon when the doorbell rang. That surprised them.  Soon everyone gathered at the entrance to see who had arrived, and when they opened the door, they discovered it was the officer Cabrera, who was asking to speak to them. Apparently she had gone to the hospital, and there she was said they had returned home. That was why she had come here. The policewoman's face showed… a certain degree of concern, which wasn’t very encouraging to Donald. What had happened to her?

"Mr. McDuck,” said the police officer looking at the old duck.

For his part, Uncle Scrooge seemed surprised by the sudden visit and with a certain apprehension in his voice, asked:

"Yes, officer Cabrera? Is something wrong?"

The woman sighed closing her eyes and then replied:

"Actually yes, I've… brought something… that I think you should see."

"What… what is it about?" Donald asked anxiously.  Any matter related to the kidnapping or torture Huey might have suffered, Donald was afraid to hear it.

The police officer sighed again and responded by saying:

"It's difficult to explain. Can I come in?"

"Yes, yes, of course, enter lass," replied his Uncle Scrooge, allowing the woman to enter the mansion. Once inside, it was Beakley who spoke then asking:

"And well? What do you want to show us? "

The woman stirred uncomfortably, looking first at the adults and then at the little ones and said:

"I… I don’t know if it's good for children to see this,"

"Of course, yes!" Dewey said abruptly before any of the adults could say anything. The policewoman opened her eyes in surprise and completely shocked, asked:

"What?"

Louie and Webby ran to Dewey's side and between the three of them said:

"If we want to help Huey, we also have to know everything that happened!"

"You can't hide anything from us!"

"We deserve to know the truth!"

"We want Huey to heal as soon as possible, so we need to know everything."

Donald said nothing, it was true they had hidden too much information from these children, and it was also true they deserved to know the truth too… but he was afraid of how it could affect them. Apparently, the police officer seemed to think the same way, because then, she said:

"Okay… but I'd rather you didn't see this-"

"We don't plan to stay apart!" Dewey jumped suddenly, interrupting the woman. She seemed to finally convince herself it was impossible to change the kids’ mind and she agreed, saying:

"Okay, okay. Do you have a computer?”

"Of course," Scrooge replied.

Instead of the computer, they decided to connect it to the TV in the living room so that everyone could watch it comfortably. After connecting, Gloria showed them what Gyro and his team had already shown them, something that deeply shocked the children since they, despite having some knowledge of what was there, hadn’t actually seen it. For her part, the police officer seemed a bit surprised that the adults already knew about this, but it didn't take long to connect the dots. After all, she had installed the device that allowed them to obtain that information in the first place. But there was something else, something she had to show them, something that hadn't been, among Beaks’ data, something they found in the room Falcon had occupied in the building where they kept Huey locked up. What Officer Cabrera showed them were… heartbreaking videos.

***********************************

All what could be seen was that it was dark, although movement could be seen in the background, as if there was someone there, against the wall. Suddenly the door burst open, bringing light into the room. There, sitting hugging his knees, dressed in the same way as when they found found him (except he still had his cap), was Huey. The poor duckling, with obvious signs of having been crying, looked at whoever had just entered and his face suddenly took on an expression of sheer horror and his breath hitched.

Huey was on his feet almost immediately, the palms of his hands pressing against the wall behind him. Suddenly the intruding figure appeared in the vision field, revealing who appeared to be Gizmoduck.

***********************************

At this point, the viewers made a collective amazement breath, they knew it couldn't be the real superhero, it had to be Graves in disguise, but the resemblance was truly uncanny.

 ***********************************

Graves moved closer to the duckling and all Huey could do was press his back against the wall. He couldn't escape. There was no way out. He was cornered. The red-clad duckling began to tremble slightly, but he didn't take his eyes off the disguised falcon.

For its part, the brown-plumaged bird approached until he was in front of the boy and once there, he extended his hand. Huey closed his eyes in fear, but all Graves did was take off his cap.

 ***********************************

"Why did he take off his cap?" Dewey asked then.

Louie looked at him and with a slightly angry expression, replied:

"How do you expect us to know Dew? Just look and be quiet please.”

 ***********************************

"Hey! Give it back!” Huey yelled angrily, stepping forward, he tried to seem brave. The falcon replied in a hard, dry voice:

"No."

Huey immediately backed away; eyes wide. His back touched the wall again. The boy dressed in red stuttered:

"W-why n-not?"

Graves leaned slightly towards the frightened boy and deeply replied:

"I'm going to teach you a lesson."

Shivering even more than before, Huey’s breathing speed up, so before speaking, it was clear he tried to control his inhales and exhaled. When he managed to re-establish himself enough, the older triplet asked:

"What… kind of lesson?”

Graves straightened up again and simply replied:

"One that will teach you respect.” 

And then, raising his free hand, he revealed a lighter in it, which he proceeded to light. A yellow flame shone bright in the dark space.

 ***********************************

Webby gave a little strangled squeak and in a slightly anguished voice asked:

"Wait, don't you think he's going to…?"

"Burn Huey's cap, yes, that's what I'm afraid of las," replied Uncle Scrooge. Donald glanced at him and saw the older duck was staring at the screen with a stiff expression, obviously getting infuriated by what Graves had done to his beloved great-nephew. Donald felt the same way as the rich duck. The younger adult sighed and looked at the screen again:

 ***********************************

"No! Wait! What are you going to do?" the boy yelled in obvious panic. He had guessed what the falcon was going to do and tried to avoid it.

Graves replied:

"I told you brat, Teach you a lesson."

Seeing that the hawk was bringing the flame closer to his beloved garment, Huey jumped up and grabbed Graves's arm with which held the cap. At the same time as he did that, he exclaimed:

"How can burning my hat be a lesson? Please don't do this… don't take it from me!”

Graves regarded the boy as if he was a pesky fly on his arm.  Then, with a jolt, he literally knocked Huey off him, knocking him to the ground. The boy stood up quickly, only to witness Graves set the cap on fire and drop it to the ground. Seeing this, the duckling immediately tried to run towards his burning garment while screaming:

"NO!"

 ***********************************

A sudden gasp of astonishment, mixed with horror spread among all who were looking at the screen. How had that bird been able to do something so monstrous?

 ***********************************

Huey tried to reach up to his cap and put out the flames, but he didn't go very far because Graves lifted him off the ground and imprisoned his small body to the abdomen of the false Gizmoduck armor. The boy was literally caught in an iron hug, but that didn't stop him from fighting to try to break free while saying:

"Hey, no, release me! Let me go! I have to put out the fire! I have to-"

But the disguised hawk cut him off, saying:

"No, what you have to do is watch that hat be consumed until there is nothing left."

Huey stopped fighting and looked up to see Falcon's face. The boy’s face reflected horror and unbelieving, surely wondering why they were doing something like that to him. The boy turned his gaze back to his burning hat.

Slowly these flames were getting smaller and smaller, until finally there was nothing but ashes. As soon as it finished, Graves released him, and Huey fell to his hands and knees, head down, his body trembling.  It couldn’t be seen, but it was clear the boy was crying, a bitter cry mixed with hiccups.

Huey looked up again. There in the middle was a pile of ashes with what used to be his cap. The boy stared at that little mountain while Graves disappeared from the screen.

 ***********************************

"How was Graves able to do something like that to Huey?" Louie asked in a shaking voice, it was clear that what he had seen had affected him, and although Donald hadn’t said anything, he was also deeply horrified by what he had seen. How could that falcon have been so cruel with his nephew?

Dewey looked at his brother and then said angrily:

"And above all, how could they have been so sick as to record it?"

Donald was about to get up and leave when he heard a sigh from beside him. Officer Cabrera said:

"Guys… the video is not over yet,"

Not yet? What else could there be? Looking back at the screen, Donald saw his nephew was still crying as he looked at his ruined cap.

 ***********************************

Suddenly there was a clink that caused Huey to look up, and his eyes went wide. A few seconds later, Graves appeared on the screen again carrying… chains in his hands.

"W-what's that for?" Huey asked in a shaky voice. Graves just kept advancing towards the boy as he replied:

"You'll see it right away,"

The hawk grabbed Huey when the duckling tried to get up and escape, the bird disguised as Gizmoduck dragged Huey to the back of the room, where he pushed the boy against the wall, causing Huey to hit the back of his head with it, an action that stunned him and subsequently made him fall to the ground. Without giving him time to react, Graves took the chains and attached them to the boy's wrists with rings.

"No Please! Why do this? There's no need to… being locked in here is enough, I can't escape,” Huey pleaded as he struggled weakly to remove the chains.

The hawk looked at him and replied:

"There may be no need, but this will make it more fun."

Huey's eyes widened in horror again and tremblingly asked:

"F-fun?"

"For me, yes," replied the hawk in a jovial voice, and then proceeded to nail the chains to the wall behind the boy. This done, he got up and started to leave the room.

Huey immediately got up and ran forward, reaching as far as the chains allowed, which didn’t even allow him to reach what had been his cap a few minutes ago, and pleaded:

"Please don't do this! Don't leave me in chains!”

Graves turned to him and said to the distressed duckling:

"Oh, I'm going to do it, it's the least you deserve."

And having said that, the hawk left the room, while the door was closed and the room was once again going dark, Huey fell to his knees and the only thing that could be heard when everything was dark, were the cries of the trapped and now chained child.

 ***********************************

This was the last thing in the video. And when it was over, Donald wished the children hadn't seen it. Even he didn't know if he could recover from what they had just seen. That… had been extremely ruthless. And while they now understood why Huey wasn't wearing his cap when they found him, it was also true the way it was taken from him was extremely cruel, and that right after that he was chained only made the traumatizing situation worse. Huey had suffered hell, that was a clear example of it, but on the other hand… that gave Donald an idea. Something they could do to cheer up his nephew.

Officer Cabrera then informed them that in addition to that video, there were others of a similar style, and that, in all of them, that hawk always appeared in disguise, treating Huey badly in some way or another. He also commented from what they had seen, the worst treatments Huey received always happened when the hawk disguised himself as Gizmoduck.

"It seems made on purpose for the boy to fear Gizmoduck.” 

Scrooge then sighed and replied:

"I’m afraid that it is precisely made with that intention,"

"What?" they all asked in a surprised voice. The old duck sighed and replied:

“I mean we all know how much Huey admires that superhero, I'm sure Beaks knew it too.  It's very likely that he held a grudge towards him too, so making the lad fear Gizmoduck would be a way to…"

"Get revenge on him," Donald said when he understood what his uncle was trying to say.

Scrooge looked at him and, nodding, replied:

"Exactly."

This new possibility, even if it was just a hypothesis for the moment, didn’t leave the police officer indifferent.  She rose quickly and announced:

"This matter needs to be investigated further, I’ll personally and immediately interrogate the suspects and if that is true, it would be best to notify Gizmoduck as soon as possible,"

Uncle Scrooge nodded and responded to the woman by saying:

"I couldn’t agree more, official Cabrera, do what ye’ve got to do and please continue to keep us informed."

"I will." she concluded, and after these words the woman left the mansion.

The other inhabitants tried to continue with their normal life, although it was difficult after having seen what they had seen.

 ***********************************

In the early afternoon, they suddenly received a phone call from Fenton, it wasn’t needed to say that everyone immediately gathered around the set to find out what had happened and why the Hispanic duck was calling. Fenton began to explain:

“After bringing Huey's food, the doctor judged he seemed recovered enough to start walking. He even said he no longer needed the IV. Huey was very happy with this and to know he could leave the room and walk through the corridors. But… when we have both left, a lot of journalists have come out of nowhere and have surrounded Huey as if they were a herd of wolves and he his prey. Barely left him space."

When they learned what happened, they all looked at each other with concern, and then his uncle asked:

"And what did you do?"

They heard a sigh and then the duck explained:

"The logical thing of course. Between the hospital staff and I, we took Huey out of there and brought him back to the room, preventing anyone from entering."

Donald sighed in relief, at least they had reacted quickly, getting his boy out of 'danger'.

"And how is Huey?" Louie then asked in an obviously worried voice. Donald was anguished seeing how concerned his other two nephews were for their older brother. A few seconds of silence passed and then Fenton spoke again saying:

"Right now, he’s sleeping. I think the meeting with the press has been an exhausting event for him, so we have told him to rest."

Uncle Scrooge nodded with a slight smile, then said:

"Excellent lad, I'll take care of the rest."

 ***********************************

And truly his uncle took care of it, as soon as Uncle Scrooge hung up, the rich duck called the hospital to ask them to put surveillance on Huey's room, and to forbid the passage of anyone who wasn’t authorized.

The next thing they did was organize a visiting schedule so that everyone would come to see him and there were never more than two people per visit. In addition to including family members, they had also added other people, Huey’s friends with whom they hoped the boy wouldn't feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, they hoped it would give Fenton some moments for him to rest and relax a little, since they knew that constantly accompanying someone sick or injured was extremely exhausting.

This strategy seemed to work on the days following the incident. And having other people visit, Huey gave Fenton a chance to rest, something the Hispanic Duck had deservedly earned.

Donald hadn't visited his nephew since the boy had woken up, and he knew his Uncle Scrooge hadn't been, either. For that reason, he decided they could both go see him together, as a way to show Huey that both of his uncles wanted his speedy recovery. Also, Donald didn't want to show up there empty-handed, no, he wanted to bring something to Huey, and he knew very well what that something was. Although… before going there, he wanted to warn his Uncle Scrooge of his plans so that he wouldn’t be caught off guard once they were in the hospital.

With this idea in mind, the duck dressed as a sailor went to his uncle's office, and after knocking on the door he entered to speak with him. Once inside he asked:

"Uncle Scrooge?"

"Yes, lad? What do you want?" the older duck asked in turn.

Donald took a deep breath and replied:

"I… I thought we could go see Huey tomorrow morning, if that's okay with you."

"Of course, it is, I’m looking forward to seeing him," his uncle replied with a nod. Donald smiled, then added:

"Yeah, me too… besides…"

"What's wrong Donald?" Uncle Scrooge asked, apparently a little intrigued:

"I… well, I had thought of bringing this to him."

After those words, he pulled out the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook they found in the park the day Huey was kidnapped. The rich duck looked down at what Donald was showing him. Suddenly, to the complete surprise of the sailor-clad duck, Scrooge began to laugh. This angered Donald, who, squinting, then said to his uncle angrily:

"Do you find it funny? I do it because I sincerely believe it can help him,"

Scrooge raised a hand to silence his nephew, and then, trying to stop laughing, said to his nephew:

"Calm down lad, it's not what you think. It just so happens that I had thought of something similar,"

And with that said, he opened a drawer in his desk and took out a red object from it, an object that Donald instantly recognized:

"Huey's cap!"

"One of the ones he has a spare," Uncle Scrooge clarified, then added:

“I asked Dewey and Louie to bring me one to take it to Huey. After seeing how Graves burned his, I think it's the least we can do for him "

Donald smiled, he had rushed to judge his uncle, now he realized that he had had the same idea, only with a different object. This lifted his spirits, and much more animated, he then said:

"Well, we’ll bring him both."

Scrooge nodded and replied:

"It seems very good to me, tomorrow we’ll take it to him."

***************************************** 

Okay, with this chapter I tried to explain why Donald and Scrooge decided to bring this presents to Huey. Also, if any of you remember it, Beaks asked Beaks to record the moment where he'd burn Huey's cap, and obviously, if the police managed to get all Beaks data, they for sure found out those recordings. I know this had to be heartbreaking, but in order to help Huey, they need to know what the duckling went through. Welp, what do you think about it? Did you liked it? Leave me your thoughts.

Okay, after say that, I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I also would like to thank to all the people who’d read this story, the ones who commented, those who reblogged it and: @mysteriouswriter72 @elianemariane17 @araminakilla20 @hakuneki07 @i-cant-find-any-creative-name @gizmovi @some-dum-wizard-bitch @infamousquack  @margaretnobbs @alphatheplant @sugerheart @squackcrowquack @nsbfenro @marshmeadow12 @ohgeeeznotagain @constellations1 @isabellanajera @you-big-palooka @deathcat003 @dragonsareawesome123 @via15 @wellshit333 @ninjawarrior100 @your-salty-dorito @rowan-npg @thesuperepicawesomefireninja @duckworth-is-love @worldsbesteagle @shaz231 @cherriesandpoison @softlemonboi @rosebu-uds @mulaneysnl @ihavenonamehalp @drummergirl231 @narnour-momo-007 @via15 @trash-queen-fahey @gamerfansims389 @lesbianz4glomgoldje @jessie-00 @maclove54north @northofanvi @maditheanimaniacuwu @gabrielpainterfest-blog @Variousfandompage @whiteeyesandtina @official-toebeans @r6sedust @gabrielpainterfest @obsessionhell @werdna213 @chydesa-star @a-stupid-girl @fudgecantlife @elipaghy04 @whisperwillyou @fnafgirl30 @exceeeed-charger2020

And if I’ve forgot someone, I’m sorry

See you in the next chapter 😉

[thepermanentrainpress]

THE PERMANENT RAIN PRESS INTERVIEW WITH MADELEINE SIMS-FEWER AND DUSTY MANCINELLI

Violation is one of the most stirring films we’ve seen over the past year. Since making its world premiere at Toronto International Film Festival last year, the Canadian flick has been busy on the film festival circuit; now available through digital-cinema on TIFF Bell Lightbox, with Vancouver International Film Festival (VIFF) Connect to follow beginning March 26th. 

What inspired the story behind Violation?

We were both dealing with our own personal experiences of trauma at the time, and wanted to make an anti-revenge film that deals with female rage, and emotional and psychological unravelling that trauma gives rise to.

We really wanted to make a revenge film that pushed the boundaries of the genre, challenging the tropes of the scantily clad woman becoming empowered by violent revenge against a menacing stranger, and that revenge is the cathartic climax we are all seeking at the end of the movie. Yes, it is a film about seeking retribution, but also about the cost of that retribution. It is a film about violation, but also about lack of empathy and selfishness, and how both can erode your morality and the relationships around you.

It’s been described as “twisted,” “feminist-minded,” and a “hypnotic horror.” At its core, how would you describe the film’s genre(s)?

Those three descriptors fit perfectly, actually! We weren’t thinking too much about genre when we wrote the script, mostly about the story and about how we portrayed Miriam’s journey. We were inspired by films that don’t sit comfortably in a genre box, like Caché, Fat Girl, Don’t Look Now. Films that are dramas with elements of horror.

When you were writing the script, can you elaborate on the dynamics between the two couples that you wanted to portray – Miriam and Caleb, and Greta and Dylan?

Miriam and Caleb are very much at an impasse in their relationship. The spark has gone out and they don’t know how to reignite it. Instead of doing the work it might take to get through a rough patch Miriam is very much running away. There is a real transience to modern relationships that we wanted to capture in their dynamic - this idea that when the romance is gone the relationship has run its course. Miriam wants to fix it, but doesn’t know how - she clumsily tries to fix it with sex (on her sister’s advice), and this echoes how she tries to fix her trauma too.

Greta and Dylan have a seemingly healthy relationship. But when you look a little deeper their outward affection and codependence masks a deep distrust. Dylan is having his ‘grass is greener’ moment, and he’s totally selfish to the impact this has on those around him. Greta can sense this, but she’s too enamoured by him to risk rocking the boat. It’s all a recipe for tragedy really.

Miriam and Greta have a complex relationship, to say the least. It’s natural to have distance between siblings as they grow older, did you always intend to have a sibling relationship be a centre of your story?

Yes, we always wanted to make a film about a person who suffers sexual assault and is not believed by their sibling. That was one of the first parts of the story that came together. There is so much to unpack in a sibling relationship like theirs. A rich history of mutual failures and resentments as well as so much camaraderie and love. The more painful betrayal in the story comes from Greta, not Dylan.

We wanted to explore the idea of trauma within families, and how abuse and violence affects everyone in the family, not just the person who suffers it. Everything else orbits around these two sisters — Miriam and Greta — as Violation mines the little resentments, commonalities, shared joys and sorrows that weave together a truthful portrait of these women.

A lot of the horror and dread in Violation comes from the way the sisters interact, and in the ways they react to each other from a place of fear. There is no filter in these close sibling relationships (we know this as we both come from big families!) which can be wonderful, but can also lead you to hurt and be hurt in ways that leave permanent emotional scars.

The non-linear editing engages viewers into the story, as do the jarring intercuts with imagery of nature, animals and insects. Tell us about the editing and post-production phase, and what you hoped to accomplish with the progression and symbolism.

The way we have edited Violation is very deliberate. We are forcing you to experience things you might not want to in a very specific way, guiding you through this post traumatic landscape where the past and present are constantly speaking to each other.

We chose to weave two timelines together — the 48 hours leading up to the betrayal and the 48 hours surrounding the act of revenge. This forces the audience to re-contextualize what they have seen, challenging their own opinions of the characters based on what information we choose to reveal and when.

Violation is told completely from Miriam’s perspective — we watch her emotional and psychological unravelling as she struggles desperately to do the right thing. There is a sequence in the middle of the film where we see this act of revenge. There is no dialogue for a long time, we just follow Miriam as she goes through these meticulous actions. And what we realize is that her plan, though well thought-out, is unbelievably emotionally and physically taxing. She’s not prepared, and we watch the real horror of her actions play out through her visceral emotional responses. It was important for us to really force the audience to experience things as Miriam does. The editing is focused and relentless; never letting you stray from her experiences and emotions.

Madeleine, for you, getting to play Miriam and connect with her pain and turbulent emotions through the course of the film, can you share your thoughts on that experience. How did committing to this character challenge you as an actor?

It was the most challenging role I have ever played, and in many ways was absolutely terrifying. I wanted to push myself as far as I could go as an actor and challenge myself to really find the truth of who this woman is, and reveal that to the audience. There are so many quiet moments where Miriam’s journey is so internal, so the challenge there was in truly living each moment as if I was her — getting lost in the role — so that I was not indicating what she was feeling, but living it.

What was it like having Anna, Jesse and Obi as screen partners?

Very liberating. They are all extremely dedicated, layered, engaging performers. They elevated me and challenged me every step of the way. Jesse and I have worked together before, and we have an ease that makes scenes with him very fun. The comfort level we share allows us to really experiment. It was my first time working with Anna and Obi, but it won’t be the last. They are both so open and sensitive that I felt our work was incredibly nuanced.

An overarching question is whether revenge is ever justified. Tell me about Miriam’s mindset, and the struggle between morals, motives and her actions. For you as individuals, is this something that you have had conflict with in your own lives?

In a way we wanted to make a sort of revenge fairy-tale. Fairy tales provide ways for children to think through moral problems, and to wrestle with life’s complexities. They aren’t depictions of reality, but reflect ideas about morality and humanity. We wanted the audience to think about consent, the rippling effects of trauma, how we judge women vs how we judge men, and perhaps consider those things more deeply.

In the end Miriam’s desire to punish those who have wronged her hopefully leaves the audience with a compelling ambiguity to be unpacked as they scrutinize her actions.

Tell us about the trust built between the cast and crew on-set, especially during the more intimate and grim scenes and tense conversations. How do you build that comfort level?

It’s really just about having open, honest conversations. We spent a lot of time with the actors during prep and rehearsals just talking, and building friendships. We are dedicated to creating a comfort level where actors can be completely transparent and open with us, so that when we ask them to go somewhere they know we are there guiding the process and aren’t afraid to take big risks.

To survivors of trauma, what do you hope this movie provides in its story?

We hope to provide a new take on the revenge genre - one that explores rape from a different angle and context - with the focus of the narrative much more on the psychological ramifications of trauma. We aren’t looking to tell anyone what to take away from the film, and we made Violation as much for people with no experience with trauma as for people who understand these murky waters. Really we hope the film sparks thought, discussion, and empathy.

You met at the 2015 TIFF Talent Lab; what drew you together as a filmmaking team? What advice do you have for artists/filmmakers looking for their own collaborators?

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what drew us together - it’s sort of an intangible thing. We developed a very candid friendship that we thought might translate well to a working relationship. Luckily it did!

Shortly after the Talent Lab we decided to work together on two short films, Slap Happy and Woman in Stall. Until directing these shorts neither of us had really had ‘fun ’making a film. Filmmaking was a drive, but it wasn’t a joy. These shorts gave us a totally new perspective, where we actually had a good time workshopping the script, creating a visual style, and just challenging each other. By the time we were making our third short, Chubby, we had decided to officially form a creative partnership.

We definitely approach filmmaking from different perspectives and with complementary strengths, but we don’t say ‘this is your thing and this is mine.’ We work collaboratively on every part of the process, and we built this unique way of working through our shorts, so that when we got the funding to make Violation (through Telefilm’s Talent to Watch program) we already had a solid method that works for us.

In terms of advice it really helps to know how you like to work before looking for a collaborator. Then it’s just about experimenting. It is very much trial and error. Don’t try to force a collaboration that isn’t working for you. There is no shame in a creative relationship not working out. But also it is important to be flexible and open to compromise - that’s how ideas flourish and grow. If you are too rigid then maybe collaboration is not right for you.

Going from short films to your debut feature with Violation, what new challenges did you face and how did you overcome them?

The endurance required to make a feature was something we weren’t prepared for. At about day 3 we turned to each other, totally exhausted, and were like: “there’s 30 more days of this.” It was brutally draining. Honestly every day brought its own unique challenges and problems to overcome, but we had such a strong, supportive team that it made each mountain a little easier to climb.

Aside from yourselves, who are some other up and coming Canadian filmmakers viewers should keep their eyes on?

Grace Glowicki and Ben Petrie are both doing really interesting work. Grace’s film Tito is a disturbingly good character study that builds a terrifying sense of dread. Ben’s short Her Friend Adam is one of our favourites, and he’s about to make his first feature.

Is there anything further you’d like to add or share, perhaps what you are currently working on?

Right now we are writing a slow burning mystery thriller and a twisted dark comedy. That’s about all we can reveal at the moment!

Thank you to Madeleine Sims-Fewer and Dusty Mancinelli for providing us with further insight into Violation! Visit their official website for more information on their projects. 

[twentiethcenturymoviesandtv]

Growing Pains: A Product of the Times

The 1980s were, in a way, a renaissance for television.

With more channels and shows to choose from than ever before, TV was experiencing a new golden age, where channel flipping at any time of day would probably get you something worth watching at some point.  Whether you had a taste for action, mystery, comedy, horror, or drama, there likely was more than one show for it.

Nowhere was that truer than in the case of the sitcom.

As I mentioned early on, in the 1980s, the sitcom became one of the most popular styles of shows on television.  Growing Pains was just one of an incredibly large catalog, including Family Ties, Cheers, The Golden Girls, The Cosby Show, ALF, and Full House.  All of these shows, while possessing mostly unique setups and characters, were in the same genre, and still followed a few of the same beats.  The Very Special Episode was on the rise, and more and more sitcoms tried to include important episodes to teach young viewers about the dangers of drugs and alcohol.  Some shows did it more masterfully and realistically than others, and these episodes were memorable (some for the wrong reasons) but despite these ‘special episodes’, most sitcoms of the time tended to be pretty standard stuff.

Why mention this?

Well, because, as odd as it seems, it’s important to remember that Growing Pains was made in the 1980s, and to do that, we need to know what was going on at the time around it.

See, in order to really understand any piece of media, we have to understand the climate in which it was made.  The culture surrounding anything, book, movie, or television show directly affects whatever piece of media is being made, not only in what was popular in fiction of the time, but also in nonfiction attitudes and ideas.  

That’s to be expected.  After all, our culture shapes who we are and what we think, and therefore the kinds of things we create.  This leads us to the idea of something being ‘dated’.

Despite the negative connotations of the word, being ‘dated’ in and of itself is not a problem.

The term ‘dated’ typically comes with images of old-fashioned special effects, out-of-date slang and styles, or technology that has been rendered obsolete in recent years.  While typically pointed out today as an example of a film or television show being less enjoyable in a modern era, the fact is, even what we create today is not immune to being dated.  That’s just how it works.

Nothing can stop any piece of media from being a reflection of its culture, no matter how timeless we try to make it.  And contrary to what some would tell you, it isn’t the style, special-effects, or soundtrack that dates a television show.  If it was, Growing Pains would be in trouble indeed.

What does date something is the element connected to a culture that can damage it: its ideas.

Outdated ideas and beliefs held by the culture at the time of a story’s creation can certainly add to the discomfort modern audiences can have while watching media made before their time.  All of this leads us to today’s question:

Is Growing Pains outdated?

Let’s take a look.

Sitcoms of the 1980s tended to have problems that might not be faced by the average person today.  Everything from the inventions of cell phones to the higher cost of cars would affect many things, from the plots to the characters themselves.  Kids going off to college for the first time was easier to watch at a time when it was more affordable, and the anti-drug episodes speak to a more panicked culture as drug awareness rose for the first time.    But despite the fact that these elements are a little jarring to those in a modern society, does that mean that the show itself is dated?

The fact is, these elements are the effects of the era, much like the clothing, hair, makeup and cars utilized in the show.  There’s no hiding that the show was created in the ‘80s, and as a result, is a reflection of the culture at the time, and these demonstrations of a different society cinch it.  But all these require is, at most, a little understanding from modern viewers that the times were different.  That doesn’t necessarily reflect on the datedness of the show itself, just that the culture was different thirty years ago.

It’s true that by most definitions, Growing Pains would be considered ‘dated’ by modern standards.  But what about our definition?

As I mentioned earlier, the thing that ‘dates’ something is its ideas, the reflection of the values currently held by the culture.  These are the harmful elements that date a lot of Sixteen Candles, or the very premise of Splash.

By this definition, we are forced to ask ourselves: does the term ‘dated’ apply to Growing Pains?

Actually, surprisingly, no.

A lot of the elements of characters and stories of Growing Pains have actually aged remarkably well.  The idea of a career-woman mother wasn’t unheard of on television, (With examples like Who’s the Boss, Family Ties and The Cosby Show) but it was rather new.  To a modern audience, it’s closer to normal, but in the 1980s, this was a sign of progressiveness, of the changing times.

Indeed, the choice for Maggie to go back to work is addressed in the show itself.  In the episode “Choices”, Maggie explains to Carol that she lived her life the way she wanted to, and that having a career and having a family are not mutually exclusive.  There are episodes where Jason wrestles with the possibility of going back to work, knowing that he’d jeopardize Maggie’s career to do so.  

Another thing that was progressive and rings true today is the relationship of the parents.  No parent is ever ‘in the right’ all the time, and each brings their own viewpoint and way of thinking to situations.  They work as a team, something that was, again, shown with more frequency in the ‘80s than it had been before.  

When you get right down to it, the Seavers, and the problems they faced, weren’t set in a specific time.  Everything from cheating on a test to relatives dying remains problems that people face today, not rooted in a specific time.  As such, the show is quite the same experience to watch now as when it was first broadcast.

As it turns out, families and their struggles really aren’t dated.

The technology and economy may be different, but the trimmings of the era don’t hinder our enjoyment of the setup and characters.  This domestic comedy actually holds up extremely well, and probably will continue to, because as long as we have families, we’ll recognize these problems and interactions.

Growing Pains has not lost its charm in the years since it ended.  The Seavers are just as welcoming and relatable now as they were in 1985, and they will continue to be so, because family is never outdated.

Thank you guys so much for reading!  If you have a thought, suggestion, or question, don’t be afraid to drop it in an ask, I’d love to hear from you.  I hope to see you in the next article!

[somecynicalanimator]

Module - Research Project

I’ve written up a first draft for my essay. Although only about half of the planned segments are here, what I’ve written here provides a base upon which I can continue to develop my essay. I hope to add more to these two introductory segments in future drafts.

Introduction

Figure 1. Screenshot taken from short film Mind My Mind (Floor Adams, 2019).

Entertainment has come in all shapes and sizes throughout the course of human history, across many different mediums, and throughout these countless stories we have seen countless different characters, reflecting the endless number of different viewpoints and lived experiences people have experienced throughout history. The experiences of people throughout history have been reflected and preserved through the artwork and characters through which they express themselves. In many ways, these fictional worlds and the characters that inhabit them are a reflection of the real world, and the experiences we as a people have observed and lived through ourselves. However, many of the most popular and well-known pieces of media, animated or otherwise, have failed to accurately represent many aspects of the human condition, with many groups of people not having been represented very much, or at least not very well, within popular culture. One group that has commonly been underrepresented or misrepresented within popular media, especially in animation, until recently are people on the autism spectrum (Kerrie Pressman, 2020). Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (A.S.D.), is a neurodevelopmental condition that, broadly speaking, affects social skills and how one interacts with the world (J. Chaiken, 2020). Autism can affect people in a plethora of different ways and does not affect everyone the same way. On the rare occasion when autistic people are represented in media, they are often portrayed in ways that fall back on old stereotypes, viewpoints popularised in movies such as Rain Man (1988) that have proliferated and spread for decades, providing only a limited view of the experiences of autistic people. With a greater focus now a days on improving and refining the representation that marginalised groups get in media in general, more superlative work is being done, particularly in animation, to increase awareness of, and improve representations of, autistic people as whole and the wide array of lived experience they live through as a group (Kristen Lopez, 2020). The research compiled for this essay covers a range of different elements to autism and the way in which it is depicted in media through the characters who portray these elements, including the strong connection between people who have autism and the medium of animation. This essay will discuss the impact of animation on those who view it, and how these pieces of art help shape and form the views of our viewers, the responsibility this gives us as animators and the techniques people us to shape autistic characters that move beyond stereotypes, that have a depth to them that help them express something meaningful about the experiences of autistic people. We will be examining the portrayals of autistic people from the past, how these portrayals have developed over the decades, and the impact these different representations have had, and could in future have, on the audiences who watch these pieces of media, as well as the developing role animation specifically has in these developments (Carla Simone Engel & Elizabeth Sheppard, 2020).

Portrayals of Autism from the Past

Figure 2. Screenshot of Raymond and Charlie Babbitt from the film Rain Man (Barry Levinson, 1988).

For many decades after the first diagnosis of autism, autistic people remained virtually invisible within mainstream media (Jay McCarthy, 2018), given social pressures of the past to hide neurodivergent people from the public to allow the families to “save face” amongst their peers. They virtually did not exist in media at all, in keeping with the general attitudes and discrimination toward mental and physical conditions of the time. However, with the improvement of diagnosis methods helping to diagnose autistic people at earlier ages, came more opportunities for representation in media. One of the first well known pieces of film to depict an autistic person at all, and as a main character no less, was the movie Rain Man (1988) (McCarthy, J. 2018). The movie depicts the growing relationship between estranged brothers Charlie and Raymond “Rain Man” Babbitts, played by Dustin Hoffman. Raymond Babbitts is an autistic savant who has lived in a shared care home since Charlie was little. The movie was hugely successful when it released, becoming one of the first immensely popular, Oscar nominated movies to feature an autistic character as a main character, though not played by an autistic actor. While the movie was heavily praised following its release, the movie’s reputation and legacy has become a lot more complicated over the decades (McCarthy, J. 2018). Many of the different traits and misconceptions of autism that have permeated throughout media originated with Dustin Hoffman’s performance here as Rain Man, mainly the misconceptions that all autistic people are autistic savants, and many of the character’s idiosyncratic traits being reused again and again for autistic characters throughout the past few decades. These qualities first depicted in this film have proliferated to such an extent that many autistic people struggle to escape the assumptions that they should fit the characteristics and savant abilities of Rain Man’s titular character (Pressman, K. 2020). While some care was taken by the producers and Dustin Hoffman to consult autistic people on the making of the movie, Hoffman basing his performance off of the mannerisms of Kim Peek, the character traits of Raymond Babbitt became so common place as to be stereotypical. Rain Man was meant to be one depiction of one autistic character, it should have been the first step towards a diverse array of autistic characters, but instead became the only basis for virtually all depictions seen in media for a number of decades (McCarthy, J. 2018). The negative impact of stereotypes can be seen readily in a study compiled by research published by SpringerLink. Stereotypical, negative depictions of autism via fictional characters, such as animated works, can greatly impact the way people view autistic people, creating negative associations that can led to social rejection and isolation (Engel, C.S. & Sheppard, E. 2020) These misconceptions are often ingrained during childhood, and can even persist through to adulthood. When autism is depicted in media, these representations often fit a certain mould, failing to depict the true diversity of people who are on the autism spectrum. Particularly, the most common depiction of autistic people in media are white, male, verbal children, with the stereotypical mannerisms that come with architypes of autistic people. Many people on the autism spectrum, mainly women, L.G.B.T.Q.+ people, people of colour and non-verbal autistic people are given even less representation in media than other autistic people (Lopez, K. 2020).

[shinahbee]

The untamed is my new obsession Part 2

So in my last blog post, I painted a canvas picture of wei ying and wrote a little about why I thought that this drama is something I’m very much drawn to. I mentioned that I was never able to connect to my culture due to being raised as a Canadian and even with Chinese school on the weekends, it was still nothing that encouraged me to explore more of my culture. Being Asian american/Canadian there was a time I was teased a lot in my younger days literally experiencing the early stages of racism made me reject my culture, of course in retrospect i didn’t experience anything too extreme compare to others, so i should be grateful.

I should also clarify that I am Chinese but I just speak Cantonese, I do not speak mandarin which is the language spoken in this drama so even I had trouble understanding without subtitles. I did say that hearing my language made me cringe a little and that is only because I’m not used to hearing it since I do not watch Chinese dramas. 

so opinions on the untamed overall, where to begin?

so before watching the live action adaptation, I watched mo dao zu shi the animated series, and really like it, although it was listed as yoai, there was nothing really about it that followed the troupes of that genre. So I really enjoyed it and i’ll talk about the characters briefly, first off is wei ying, I really thought he was just a mischievous child like character, he didn’t seem like he cared about anything sort of air head-ish...that’s not a real word but excuse me, I understand now that its like a defense mechanism  to act courageous when inside you feel like less than nothing. Not going to lie after he died and came back, I thought he looked really bad ass.lol. Now Lan zhan...omg where to begin, I didn’t like his character at first, let’s just say there’s so many stoic anime character types that really piss me off, the usual would be aggressive, abusive, possessive and cold towards the other characters and although some women find that attractive, I do not..lol. this is a beginning of a toxic relationship that i would not want any part of.

all that is to say lan zhan changed my mind, at first I thought he was aloof, which means he just seems a little distant and dis- interested in most things, he was just raised in a certain way that encouraged this behavior to unfold and its not something that can be changed very easily. But after meeting wei ying I think it encouraged him to be a little more understanding and he starts to open up to him through a gain of trust. In 13 years later he became a good role model to the new lan sect kids. 

but for me personally, when his character started showing emotion and how he really cared about wei ying, I started to understand who he is, and get to know his actual character.

now that was all mo dao zushis’ version,what about the untameds’ adaptation? The general consensus of their characters remained the same but of course I did see a change in wei ying’s character, not sure if that is due to a directors view or the actor xiao zhan’s view on the character, but I feel like this change made him into more of a likable person and made him really relatable. I still see the childish nature come out in scenes with his family members , but he never felt like an “ air head” so to speak, he was intelligent and courteous, it made me as a viewer understand that he is this way because he feels less than...he never felt like he deserved what he had so to hide all that he had to over compensate, if you know what I mean, but it made him my favorite character due to the complexity.

and of course last but not least the relationship between lan zhan and wei ying, now I know that the drama made it in a way that is left to the viewers interpretation, but like i said in my last post how american television portrays a relationship is that they kiss or have a sex scene in order to let the viewer know that they are in a relationship...and that to me sends the wrong message to people. There was very little physical contact, but they both show their affection through gestures, for example that piggy back scene was one of the most romantic things I have seen in a drama and I watch a crap ton of Korean dramas...so i know.

and also the small things like getting angry on ones be half, catching the other person as they fall and small hand holding gestures, they seem so minuscule but speak very loudly on their relationship, also all those long gazes...you do not look at a person who is just “ a friend” in that way.

one of the most iconic scenes is the forest scene, originally I believe that lan zhan kissed wei ying in the forest in the novel, some people didn’t like that fact that they took that out due to censorship. In this scene the exchange between them when wei ying asked “ what am i to you?”

and lan zhan asks the same thing “ well, what am i to you?” this goes beyond words in saying why do you care so much? when in fact wei ying from the very first episode was all up in his bubble, he’s like why is this guy here? why is he in my personal space? he was always trying to get his attention and getting him involved in a lot of things that are outside his comfort zone. Then it follows with “ I once thought of you as a soul mate”  and lan zhan answers with “ I still am” to me this is like the answer to the “ why do you care?” question with “ i don’t know..I just do!” there is confusion written on their faces so i believe they are really considering what it is that they could be at this point. It’s like a coming of age story.

I can delve deep into their relationship form the scenes in the drama but I think this scene was enough for me. I also really liked the back to lotus cove scene with jiang chang and the both of them...that scene broke me heart.

which leads to my picture up above, when they ended up at lotus lake after running away from lotus cove and wei ying mentioned that he really liked to play a lot here when he was little, but there was also a scene of him early on with his sister and a bunch of others playing around the lake splashing water at each other...cause that’s fun..it made me think that this place is like a safe space for him, and i kid you not I wanted them to jump off the boat and play in the water, it adds to romanticism of the scene and also for wei ying to let down his walls and just have a good cry cause man...i would be doing the same in his position. 

any ways, that’s basically what my art inspiration was about, I just drew them in their first meeting outfits because we all want to go back the that time before stuff went down.

hope you all enjoyed reading, please check out my other art as well on tumblr.

Deviantart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

thanks!

sheena

[dorizardthewizard]

TLNM musings, part 2

Okay, here I ramble about problems with the movie. Ended up adding more stuff since I first wrote this :’P

Screentime and characterisation of the other ninja:

One of the biggest complaints from fans... they're all introduced individually with very different personalities, they’re told they each have a special element they control, making you feel like they should each get some moment to shine and affect the plot of the movie, but then none of that happens. Ultimately you could take out all the ninja and the story would be the same, you don't even necessarily need them for Lloyd's character since his journey of reconnecting with his father and bringing his family together can still work without them. It's so sad because if you read and watch extra material, you can tell thought went into their personalities, but we never get to see this as they're all just lumped together, mostly there to support Lloyd's development.

For someone who hasn't seen the show, it must feel a bit off seeing characters with distinguished personalities and no payoff for it; take Zane for example. Imagine not knowing anything about the characters and seeing one of them is a robot, for some reason? You wonder why he's a robot, what significance that has for the plot and why it's important for his character (I mean they missed a big opportunity to develop Zane from always trying to fit in and seem like a “normal teenager” to accepting that he's different but that that doesn't mean he's less valid), but then this really specific characteristic is never expanded on except for comedy purposes. People probably thought “oh, guess it makes more sense in the show”, but this just detaches viewers and makes them feel like they're missing something if they haven't seen the show beforehand.

Sigh, still gotta give the crew credit for fitting in a load of little subtle details about the ninja, I had to rewatch it a couple of times because there were things I didn’t notice at first, like Kai sliding down a bannister in the Temple of Fragile Foundations and falling off :’D

Group dynamic:

Another thing that bothered me is that the movie isn't that good at making you care about them as a team. They're already established as friends but I wish there were more material showing us how much they care about each other. The Kai hug scene was 10/10 but then when Chen and the other cheerleaders started picking on Lloyd, nobody said or did anything? In merchandise it said Kai is a hothead who isn't afraid to speak up or stand up to people, then show it in the movie! Him and Nya should have been on the verge of tackling that guy to the floor! Ok, I can see Lloyd asking them not to get into fights as it makes people hate him even more and he probably feels guilty if one of the ninja gets into trouble because of him. This would still have given more emotional connection between the characters but we're never shown it, except in the novelisation where Cole tries to block Lloyd from his locker so he doesn't see the insult written on it, I think. But again, we shouldn't have to read/ watch extra material for that.

Instead of moments showcasing the ninja’s friendship and close bonds, we got the opposite- everyone turned on Lloyd incredibly quickly for one mistake. Sure, it was a pretty big one and resulted in Garmadon taking over the city and their mechs being wrecked, but Lloyd was the only one doing anything about Garmadon at the time and he didn't exactly know what the consequences of using the ultimate weapon were; it's not like he knew it could potentially hurt his friends. In fact, how did the ninja know he used it anyway? That would mean they already knew about it and what it could do, yet Lloyd was not told? In which case, how can they blame him?? Damn it Wu, why couldn't you just tell Lloyd that using the weapon would unleash a cat that could destroy the city, instead of vaguely saying the weapon can be dangerous in the wrong hands. That's taking too many pages from TV Wu's book!

Honestly, it's like the ninja were just one character either shunning Lloyd or supporting him, depending on what the plot needed :/ That scene where they're talking with Garmadon while carrying him through the jungle really rubbed me the wrong way because first, no one seemed to care that Lloyd is so snippy because he's been forced to work with the man who made his life hell, and second they joke about Lloyd with that very same person and imply they don't respect Lloyd as leader, as Jay says he doesn't usually want to listen to him when he's talking? What??

 Lloyd and Garmadon’s relationship:

I mentioned this in part 1, but they really didn’t execute this well- I feel like they had so much fun playing up Garmadon being the worst dad in the world that they forgot to give him redeemable qualities. It took me a second viewing to realise his relationship with Lloyd was actually pretty messed up, because they played off his despicableness as comedic and glossed over it by suddenly giving him a flashback to make it seem like he’s sorry. They wanted to go for the father-and-son-have-issues-but-reconnect story, and had Lloyd say “I wish we didn’t have to fight all the time” in his emotional ending, but that’s a line usually present in a daddy-issue story where both have a part to blame and there's issues with communication. In this, though? Lloyd did nothing wrong! It was just Garmadon being trash, and there wasn't even a particular scene of him recognising and apologising for his actions- not the bit about driving Misako away, but how he treated Lloyd after.

The message is all mucked up - hoping to find some good in neglectful parents is just gonna get you hurt, and in a story like this it would make more sense for the protagonist to realise they don't need validation from this guy, shouldn't feel like they have to keep connected with toxic relatives just because they're family, and that they should focus on the friends and family who actually love them (although, whether Lloyd's friends were even portrayed as liking him is a different story). I mean, Koko could just teach him to throw and catch! Does he have to have two parents just for that?

 Tone and humour:

I think another main reason this movie didn't do as well was its more childish tone and dialogue; unlike the previous two movies, it was marketed at younger children. One of the main reasons TLM and LB were so successful is because of the self-aware jokes that could actually be enjoyed by adults too, while in this movie I may have properly laughed only a couple of times. Plus, in its effort to connect with kid's humour it just got cringy in some parts, like the Ultimate Weapon compilation. It would have been funny if it was ironic, like Amazing World of Gumball style, but it just didn't come across like that, so I can see why many jokes fell flat for older audiences.

People probably had different expectations for the overall tone as well- everyone loved the previous LEGO movies because of their constant barrage of action, witty jokes and a ton of references. This was never the selling point of Ninjago, but TLNM didn’t manage to capture the show’s dramatic style and deep lore-driven plot either.

The writers:

Okay last thing. This movie had three directors, six producers, six screenwriters and seven people working on the story. Compared to most animated movies, that's a lot, and its shows. It feels like they had a few different ideas and themes and couldn't quite patch them together, with vague messages like “looking at things from a different point of view” being thrown in as well to try and link it up. I guess at the end of the day, this is a father-son story, and that makes it very difficult to fit in a power-of-friendship plot at the same time, but still. Also, the shifting plot and ideas is really clear in the trailers, I mean half the stuff there wasn't even in the movie, it's as if the entire story was changed!

 Final verdict? I think an overall theme with this movie is that the writers wanted to overhaul Ninjago to introduce it to new viewers, but also wanted to keep the fans happy so shoehorned in lots of elements from the show without giving them enough development. This just disappoints fans and alienates general audiences, which is a problem since Ninjago doesn’t have a huge following already backing it up like LEGO Batman did, and could have been the pilot for more original LEGO lines making it to the big screen. It was a technically amazing movie, with beautiful animation and visuals, an epic soundtrack and stunning voice acting, but it was also such a waste of potential.

 The only other thing we can do is think about how it could have gone differently, so here's some of my ideas :'D

NOT using the deleted time travel plot. I know that after being disappointed in a movie you welcome any alternative, but giant mechs were already a big deviation from the ninja theme; flinging in time travel as well would be too much for non-show watchers. Plus, I thought we were all complaining about how time travel in Ninjago always just messes things up :'P

Also not following the show closer. We have over 10 seasons of the show, the whole point of a movie is giving a fresh take; using a giant snake or the Overlord possessing Garmadon again would just be boring.

Delete the first act? One of the best parts of the secret high school heroes trope is seeing how they juggle both lives, if you're gonna drop it after half an hour there's not much point of it being there.

Could instead just have Garmadon attacking again, the last invasion attempt being ages ago. Maybe the ninja rediscover a rich history of elemental masters protecting Ninjago when Wu decides to get a new team together to fight the new threat?

Make it about learning master building instead so they build their mechs at the end, and then gain elements in a sequel?

Or don't mention anything about elements and have every ninja individually go through an obstacle to obtain an elemental weapon, then they all lose them but don't know they're not necessary, so it's actually a surprise that the power is inside them? Everyone gets a sort of true potential moment?

Ninja having to warm up to Garmadon's son, so we have a plot of Lloyd slowly gaining their respect and becoming leader?

Higher stakes at the end, make the Shark Army more threatening and have them turn on Garmadon using Meowthra, so there's still an intense climax of the ninja fighting the army before Lloyd reaches Meowthra and gets his emotional ending?

Get rid of the live action sequence, or make it fit the message of the story more?

Feel free to add any ideas/ thoughts!

[cacpartmobile]

sparc! interviews Teaching Artist, Maddu Huacuja

"I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas."

This interview took place on the Zoom platform on June 10, 2020 Ekua: I want to introduce Maddu Huacuja, who is a friend, an esteemed artist, a very passionate involved community member who works with sparc! as a lead artist for our Paint Nights - along with many other things that she does with sparc! She attends and participates in Paint Jazz, she's done community based murals for Paint Salsa, so she's a part of our family.

We thought we would start our series by interviewing her with maybe some questions that I had and maybe some questions that you also had.

So welcome Maddu.

Maddu: Thank you it’s a pleasure to see your face.

Ekua: My first question for you Maddu, was how do you begin a painting?

Maddu: *chuckles* First I take a nap, after my canvas is ready I go to sleep in the studio.

Doesn't matter what time it is, day or night. I just lie down. I guess it’s a meditation but I feel like I’m dreaming the painting first and then I just make a mark anywhere on the canvas, just to break the whiteness of it. I generally have a vague idea of what I am going to paint. I never have a finished sketch or anything like that, it’s a general idea. I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas.

Ekua: I think that's very admirable, given the beauty of your work. Another thing that I think is very admirable is how large you are able to work sometimes. Can you tell me, why do you work large, what's important about working large to you?

Maddu: Even though I seem like a very calm person and I am, I need to be moving. So the large canvas - I can move from one end to the other. Sometimes I have to get on a ladder or a step stool, and then I really feel like an artist, but I like the movement. I feel that if I’m moving the image moves. I also always have music playing, often loud and active music. I have a lot of different music. I put it on a roll and the mood of the song or piece moves me in a certain way, so that becomes part of my imagery. I feel like the movement is really important. I don’t want to paint a painting that isn’t moving.

Ekua: So you're not sitting down, you're not standing in one spot, you're moving around that canvas. Do you work in oil or acrylic, what kind of mediums do you use?

Maddu: I often mix acrylic with drawing. I rarely work with oil. I think again because of the movement, acrylic is faster, but I do like oils. Everytime I think about it I'm like, “Oh I want to paint with oils”. But when I get to the studio it’s like I’m in acrylic. I like having a bucket of water near me, maybe that’s all it is.

Ekua: Well It certainly does dry faster, which allows you to move through a very large painting a little bit faster. Do you feel that your subject matter is in a particular area that you don’t really stray from? Is your storytelling about a particular kind of story or do you move around? How would you describe that aspect of your artwork?

Maddu: It’s not a decision, it's sort of how it works out. My focus is mostly… well, I do a lot of abstract but also I don’t know if I’m mostly figurative. When I do figurative work I am focused on people that “don’t matter”, either symbolically or specific people. For instance years ago there was a massacre in Mexico and all these men were murdered and the women were left as widows and the children were all orphaned. They were very poor to begin with. So they went to the local city hall to make a statement to try to get help, etcetera. There was a tiny photograph in the magazine of these women with their babies and every single one of them was barefoot, and I decided to paint their portraits. As I was painting I was like, “Why am I doing this, here in the United States no one even heard of this place, let alone cared about it?” I just thought, “Well If I don’t do it nobody is going to do it” and it seemed important to me. So I struggled through all those toes and little baby feet. It was in the show that you saw at the Roxbury Community College gallery many years later. So sometimes an event that touches me is my theme. I think I am very connected to my Mexican roots, so it's not just in the events that happen but in my image making. It really is part of my DNA; the colors, the kind of images I create. I think it is influenced a great deal from my childhood in a city that was thriving: vibrant with public art, murals everywhere, beautiful fresco murals, with the famous three muralists Diego Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueiros , José Clemente Orozco. And also by Frida Kahlo's work. My mother was a painter, so even though she wasn’t painting I knew she had been a painter and her oils were in the closet. So, you know, it just became part of who I am. I think that still comes through. Sometimes my focus is specifically on women.

Ekua: So we mentioned RCC as the sight of one of your exhibitions. I know recently you’ve been spending some time over at Bunker Hill Community College and you had an opportunity to do some teaching. I am wondering how you feel teaching influences your artwork or has an impact on your artwork. Working with young artists, not just young artists but artists that you are mentoring within a classroom setting or within a community arts setting like sparc! the ArtMobile. How does that seep into your consciousness or into your work?

Maddu: I love teaching. I enjoy teaching spanish or art. I like all ages, so sparc! in particular is perfect for what I love because you have 2 year olds and 82 year olds and everything in between. I think teaching is fun, and as far as what I paint it’s freeing, it just loosens my hands, my mind. At Bunker Hill most of the teaching I did was around the exhibition that was up. It was called Open the Way and it was up from October through the end of February. So it was a long stretch and a lot of classes came in, and I learned a lot about my painting from my teaching these students.It was fascinating because, particularly in Bunker Hill, there's a really international student body. Every time there was a class there were at least 10 countries represented and several continents. It was very interesting because I said in one class that in a previous class people were not speaking up, and a student from the African continent, I don’t remember which country, it might have been Ghana, said “That’s because they are being polite. You don’t just speak in front of your elders.” I was like, “Oh.” I was humbled by that. Also, about my paintings, they saw things and told me things about how the work affected them and what they saw in it. That was wonderful for me to hear, really an eye opener for me.

Ekua: That’s so interesting that you can learn about your art from a viewer.

Maddu: Yes, totally.

Ekua: Revelations about the richness of your own artwork.

Maddu: Yes, I wish that I could have recorded everything that was said. Of course nothing was recorded and I always regret that I didn’t take half an hour afterwards to write down the things that I heard. That’s something that I definitely want to make part of my practice.

Ekua: When you're teaching at an event like Paint Night, and you have this audience from 2 to 92 and everything in between, do you come in with one sort of thing that you want everyone to leave with?  You know some people obviously have more skill with painting. Children are interested in mixing all the paints together and sticking their hand in it. Everybody’s entering from a different standpoint, but what do you as an artist hope to impart as a takeaway for each person?

Maddu: You know, the didactic part of me wants them to learn one thing at least. Even if it’s just what blue and red make, or something. I really want them to learn how to use a brush. There's always something that is very gratifying for me that they learn. But mostly, I usually come after my day job to a Paint Night because they are always on a Monday night, and very often I am like, “God, how am I going to make it through this class?” I’m so tired and my mind is mush and I get there and I just get this energy from sparc!. From all the helpers that are amazing, and without it I wouldn't do it, and from the students because they come with their own positive energy. So I hope they leave the class like I leave the class, which is feeling really happy. You know it’s uplifting to me to do the class. I figure if they are happy they are going to like art because it is a happy experience, and so I like them to feel good about what they did, and about themselves. I like to bring each kid up and show his work or her work and introduce themselves, and say something about the painting, which I think is a good thing regardless of what you’re teaching or what they are learning. Just to be able to get up in front of a group of people that they mostly don’t know and introduce themselves and speak up. It leads me to my other piece of my art and being an artist is, in this time - where I feel we are on the brink of many things - I think it’s really important for people to speak up. If they learn to speak up, to say “Hello! I’m over here and I have this much to say!” and to be able to say it. I think if they learned that we have accomplished something

Ekua: I totally agree with that. You know, initially I thought people would be very shy about getting up and talking about their work, but the overall atmosphere of a Paint Night seems like an environment where people feel comfortable, safe and feel welcomed. Little kids or people who have never spoken before a crowd get up and talk about their painting. They receive so much warmth and appreciation. I think it's such a key part of the Paint Night experience and I believe that you are the artist who started doing that, and now it has become a part of our best practices. So thank you.

Maddu: I’m very happy to hear that. I remember one kid in particular - putting her on a chair because she was so tiny. ”You stand over here and show everybody.” It’s like 45-60 people in the room, and it's a wave of “Aww that’s beautiful, that's wonderful!” Clapping. “Congratulations!” And the kid just seems to overcome their shyness. So yeah, I love it.

Ekua: Well I am sure you know we miss being able to do our Paint Nights this semester and we are looking at an uncertain fall. We don’t know if we will be able to be together in that room with 50-60 people. We will have to create something new. If you were speaking to some of the folks at home, sheltering at home during this pandemic, how would you encourage them to bring more creativity into their life - even though they aren't at a Paint Night, or they might not even have paints or supplies. Is there anything you can share with them about your life as a creative maker that they can apply to their lives now?

Maddu: I think the only way anything gets done is if you make room for it, and that goes for everything. So we tend to give prime importance to our job. You have to be there by 9 o’clock no matter what happens there you are. But when it comes to our own personal stuff we tend to give it less importance, like going to your exercise class or going to your studio seems to be less important - but it really isn't. I think the only way, particularly when we are sitting around and no one’s telling us that we have to be anywhere, we have to initiate on our own.  “Today at noon I’m going to drop everything and go to my studio.” Or “I’m going to pull out my little art stuff.” Whatever you have at home, put on some music or tapes whatever it is that inspires you and motivates you and just do something. It doesn’t matter how much you get done for an hour - or maybe that’s stretching it.

Ekua: I guess that can even be dancing or singing. I mean it’s not necessarily all visual art but just the idea that each of us has a creative spirit that is longing for expression.

Maddu: Right. Or sit down and write for an hour regardless of if it's your masterpiece or not - or your future novel. I signed up online for an app called Ulysses that is a writing app. I love it because it is very intuitive and you just write. You don’t have to save or anything, whatever you write is saved automatically. You don’t have to format. So it makes it easy. You have to find ways to know yourself enough to make it happen for you, make it easy.

Ekua: Well here is my last question. I was in another zoom meeting the other day and someone said we need to reframe all of our work as social justice work. I thought that was really interesting to think about everything I do in the context of social justice. So as not just an artist but an arts activist, how would you apply that to your life in this sort of immediate time? Being an activist and reframing as a social justice activist?

Maddu: Well the fact that this is a pandemic and we are all locked down - but here we are. We can still influence and speak up through all the media. We all need to be political. There is no option. It's not like, “Oh I’m not into politics.” Everybody has to be into politics. Making art, the decision to create is, in my mind, a political statement. The one thing I would say is, vote at every level, not just for the presidential elections but all your local elections. Find out who your local representatives are, call them up. You can do that, it's not hard. Write letters if that is what you are prone to do. Again it's a matter of everybody has to act and find what it is that you deeply care about and act on that even if it is about saving polar bears. You know if it's about politics or if it's about...

Ekua: Global warming, climate change.

Maddu: Everything is so dire, you know.

Ekua: Mhm feels that way.

Maddu: If you just hold it in you're going to die, so just do something, do anything. And do it with somebody else. Join a group and see what is going on. Meet on zoom and see what people are talking about. Together we rise. I think it’s always been a crucial moment, but this one is really obvious. People are dying everyday, thousands of new people are sick. This is really life and death, and if we allow the current president another 4 years I dont know whats going to happen.

Ekua: Heaven help us.

Maddu: I mean really seriously it’s not even like “Oh I like this candidate or that candidate”. Forget that. I think everything you do to influence the social fabric and what's going is literally saving the world. Saving the world for our children, for our grandchildren, for ourselves. And if we let this moment pass it’s going to be that much harder.

Ekua: And all of the tools at our disposal include painting, poetry and dance - things that touch the heart and soul.

Maddu: Absolutely.

Ekua: So everybody can do something.

Maddu: Everybody! Children can do something. They can write letters.They can study. They can read books and find out their history, find out what's happened before. I also don’t mean everybody has to go around in a panic and freaking out. I think we need beauty, we need to feed our heart and our soul and our mind with poetry and beautiful paintings, or intense paintings. But it’s not just about the intensity, but about the beauty and the love.

Ekua: Love is at the center of everything good, I would say.

Maddu: I think Rumi said “Love is the bridge between you and everything else”.

Ekua: Like that! Well, I want to thank you for taking this time out to be with us. I’m sure you and I could talk for another hour at least but I want to keep it within a framable amount of time that people can squeeze in or listen to while they are painting or whatever. We don’t know what will happen in the fall but whatever we're doing Maddu, we know that you're going to be a part of it, in terms of sparc! the ArtMobile and the Center for Art and Community Partnerships. We thank you so much for being a part of our family, contributing to the beauty in the world, and we will be back in touch with you very, very soon.

Maddu: Thank you for everything you do, especially for this community. And I am a total fan. I think you're a hero.

Ekua: Thank you so much.

[gerses]

“I saw your future” - Misunderstanding and projection in The Last Jedi

I want to write about something I’ve been thinking about for a while now: the way this movie is ultimately about misunderstanding between characters in general, and specifically about the mutual projection between Rey and Kylo Ren.

To give a brief summary:

Star Wars: The Last Jedi repeats the theme of misunderstandings several times. We have Poe and Holdo whose clash is caused by both failing to communicate properly and misjudging each other's character - Poe doesn't trust Holdo's leadership and Holdo sees Poe as nothing more than hot headed pilot. Finn and Rose, too, have a rocky start stemming from Rose's misunderstanding of Finn's actions - only gradually she comes to realize he isn't the coward she took him for. There's also DJ, who the heroes assume to be a decent guy, only for this to backfire when he betrays them. And of course Snoke meets his end when he fails to understand the changes in his apprentice.

That the theme is central is very obvious, but it’s what goes on between Rey and Kylo that is really interesting, because not only is that where the theme gets examined more deeply, I also believe this is where many differences between how viewers have interpreted the story come from. You see, in this aspect TLJ is a tricky movie - it fools the viewer into choosing one flawed perspective and buying into it.

What does an abandoned little girl see in a boy whose master turned against him? What does a man terrified of his own weakness see in a scavenger possessing great power? Only what they want to see.

I’m putting the rest under a cut because this got a bit long. For the record, I'm fairly critical of TLJ as a movie, but I believe this particular aspect of it has been misunderstood and ignored. English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

After The Force Awakens, Rey sees Kylo Ren as nothing more than a monster. When he shows up, she lashes at him, calling him just that. But when Kylo shows her his perspective - how he was betrayed by his master Luke - Rey's opinion changes. She attacks Luke. And although we see Luke's version of thing's which is different, Rey has begun to believe now that Kylo can be redeemed and she takes a great risk to go meet him.

Why? Because in TLJ, the dynamic between Rey and Kylo Ren is not just about misunderstanding - it's also about mutual projection.

Rey is an orphan, who has waited patiently for years for her family to return, refusing to give up, continuing to hope and trust that they care for her and will come for her. This abandonment that she has not yet faced, defines her. Finding her parent's is her greatest wish, accepting that they left her is her greatest fear. So it's not surprising that when she sees that vision of young Ben Solo, betrayed by the uncle her trusted, that she is very emotionally affected by this. It connects straight to her own trauma of abandonment. She attacks Luke which such fury, it is almost like subconsciously it's not him that she is angry at, but rather, it is the repressed anger towards her parents that comes out. Rey easily believes Kylo's version of the story - that he is the victim, Luke and his parent's let him down - because all those things are true FOR HER. Rey is the victim, left alone in a merciless planet to fend for herself. Her parent's did betray her trust. And so, she starts to project her own experiences onto Kylo, believing that they are not so different deep inside. And if they are not so different, then Kylo, too, must be desperate to find a family, a place to belong to. If Rey just gives it to him - offering friendship, forgiveness, telling him he can still come back, he still has a family - then Kylo will surely accept and return to the Light.

But meanwhile, Kylo too has come to believe there is a special connection between the two of them, and that deep inside he and Rey are not so different. And just like Rey's, his assumptions of who she is and what she desires are a projection. Kylo Ren is obsessed with power. His own weakness, vulnerability, is his greatest fear, and his greatest desire is to eliminate this weakness, to metaphorically murder Ben Solo and the past that keeps him from fully embracing the Dark Side. Kylo does not seek to return to his past, his family, but to move away. What Kylo knows of Rey is essentially that she is seemingly a nobody, a lowly scavenger, abandoned by her family, yet exceptionally gifted in the force. It is inevitable, given his own issues, that Kylo then assumes that naturally Rey must hate her family and must wish to kill her attachment to them that is hurting her and holding her back. Another defining trait of Kylo Ren is his obsession with legacy and status, the way he idolizes Darth Vader and seeks to emulate him, the way his own bloodline and it's specialness has defined him. So it is also inevitable then, that he would assume that the Rey must be equally fixated in these things and therefore, the idea of her parents being "nobodies" would disturb her. If only Kylo gives Rey a way out - encourages her to kill her past, to accept the reality about her parents, if he gives her the opportunity to escape, to become special like him, something more than a daughter to be sold  for drinking money, that Rey would of course accept, turn to the Dark Side and rule the galaxy together side by side with Kylo.

There is a very fascinating little that sums up this dynamic, their mutual fantasies of each other's that are so far from reality. I'm talking about the scene in the elevator just after Kylo catches Rey. Here is their dialogue:

REY: You don't have to do this. I feel the conflict in you. It's tearing you apart. Ben, when we touched hands, I saw your future. Just the shape of it but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke. You'll turn. I'll help you. I saw it.

KYLO REN: I saw something too. Because of what I saw I know when the moment comes you'll be the one to turn. You'll stand with me. Right?

This is interesting scene. We know force users are sometimes capable of seeing (or at least sensing) the future. But nothing we've seen has indicated that this would be truly the case here. Rather, it seems that both of them are making assumptions of whatever they sensed - or believe they sensed, for this an important distinction here. But we see in this moment, that both are convinced they are right.

Then, they step in front of Snoke, and although it seems for a moment that Kylo has lied to Rey, lured her into a trap, he turns his lightsaber against his master instead. They then fight the guards side by side. For a moment, it seems like they are on the same side. But this is an illusion. And in the next moment, the illusion comes crashing down.

Rey tells Kylo to order the First Order to stop attacking the Resistance. But instead, Kylo tells him: "It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels, let it all die." And now Rey starts to understand. That Kylo Ren is not the man she believed he was. Kylo wants her to rule the galaxy with him. It was never about family, finding a place to belong - to her yes, but not to him. Kylo Ren did not kill Snoke to destroy the Supreme Leader, but to become the Supreme Leader. In true Sith manner, the apprentice kills the master and takes their place. Kylo no longer needs Snoke, and ironically, it seems that his connection with Rey and the illusions it was build on, helped him  become more confident in his convictions. Look at Kylo's reaction when Rey rejects her.

It is not merely disappointment or hate. It is first confusion, then angry frustration. He offers his hand expecting Rey to take it. "No, no, you're still holding on, let go!" The he tries to use the truth (?) about Rey's parent's to turn her. I think it's important to note here that Rey doesn't speak much - it is Kylo who talks about her parents, and there is no reason to believe he has any real info about them. He merely states Rey's worst fears to manipulate her - or at least, what he believes her worst fears are. He believes that it will hurt Rey to know her parents are "nothing" and she "has no place in this story" - and that then offering her a chance to become something ("But not to me") will make her change her mind. Rey cries, but I don't think there is any reason to believe that she cares about her parents being "filthy junk traders". We're never given any hint that Rey wants to be "special" - that is Kylo's obsession, him projecting his own issues with his legacy onto her. She simply cries because she knows her family is probably dead and may never have cared about her to begin with. And because she has already found a place to belong to and people to care about, she rejects Kylo. The last shot of them together has Rey closing the door of the Falcon - and cutting the connection between them.

Kylo Ren never sought Rey out for his salvation, and Rey never sought him for power and chance to run away from her past. And yet, many people who watched the movie, seem to have been mislead the same way as the characters were. Especially Kylo's character arc is often seen as path towards light, when it seems to me clear that this was merely what Rey and the viewer are first lead to believe. I see no real evidence that TLJ takes Kylo closer to redemption - quite the opposite, he clearly takes an important step towards growth as a villain (not that he couldn’t been redeemed later - it just doesn’t happen here). In the last minutes, when he assumes the title of the Supreme Leader, orders the Millennium Falcon (with Rey inside) to be shot down and confronts Luke, we see Kylo Ren as more confident than ever before. Here, he finally seems like a true Sith, not a boy playing dress up.

Similarly, some viewers seem to take Kylo's interpretation of Rey as truth. I've seen many people arguing that the talk about "nobodies" and  having a place in the story seem to go against Rey's character, but like I explained, this is Kylo speaking.

It is also Kylo speaking when he talks about letting the past die, a line that some have taken to be some kind of core message of the movie. That supposedly, Rian Johnson wanted to send the message that the past - the previous movies, the nostalgia - should die. But again, this is a line by the villain and the movie makes it pretty clear in the end that Kylo is wrong. Because killing the past didn't work. Like Snoke says, murdering Han Solo made Kylo weaker. As Obi-Wan once said to Vader: "Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine." The memory of Han and the guilt will haunt Kylo forever.

This is also important for Luke's characterization, because it is here that we see Luke overcome his own guilt and sense of responsibility towards Kylo. When Kylo kills Snoke and still rejects Rey's offer, he does it all out of his own choice. There is nobody manipulating him now. Until that moment, he has been able to blame Luke, blame his parents, blame Snoke. Now, he is the one in charge of First Order, nobody is ordering him around, Rey has offered to help him, Leia still loves him, he could return at any time - and he doesn't. Luke was a loving uncle and a good master to Ben Solo for the boy's entire life. Yes, he failed Ben, one time, for a split second. But Luke didn't make Ben slaughter his students and run away and join the Dark Side. He - and Han and Leia - are not the one's to blame. Ben Solo made his own choices, and he is the only one who can save himself. This is not Luke Skywalker as some horrible monster or pathetic failure, this is a man who lived a long life dedicated to the good and made one mistake, then ended up punishing himself for it for years. Far from iconoclastic anti-nostalgia lesson, the true message of this movie is one of accepting and confronting the past (Rey and her parent's, Luke and Kylo).

I think these are all my thoughts about the subject - this ended up being longer than I wished... But yes, this is what TLJ, in all of it's flaws and other issues, is ultimately about to me. This is what I personally believe Rian Johnson set out to achieve with his movie.