#someone tell me to sleep i need to GO!
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trans!soap taking his baby and running away from his rich abusive husband
(cw angst, financial abuse, single threat of child abuse, single mention of transphobia)
he's owned soap for years, since he was a teenager; paid for his medication and all his surgeries and tied them so deeply, soap’s lost hope of ever getting away. he gets even worse when soap falls pregnant. he was always controlling; blowing up at him if he spent too long out of the house or did something without telling him. but he becomes utterly possessive during the pregnancy
soap knows it has nothing to do with his safety or the baby's
he knows he sees his baby as an investment; another being he can control and hold over him
he gets worse and worse but there’s nothing soap can do. there's been nothing he can do for a long time. then a few months after the baby is born, soap doesn’t watch his tone closely enough and his husband threatens to drop his baby in punishment for it
soap doesn't think. he doesn't plan
he takes his baby and runs
he sneaks out of the servant's quarters of the sterile mansion he's been forced to live in for almost a decade and walks down the street without a backwards glance; his baby the only thing in his arms. he knows all of his husband's cars have trackers, all of them in his name since he never lets soap drive or go anywhere by himself, so he walks far enough to be out of view of the mansion's cameras and steals one. it doesn't have a car seat and all he can do is clutch his baby to his chest as he drives
he doesn't know where he's going beyond away
he doesn't know what he's going to do; he doesn't have any money, no supplies for his baby, he doesn't even have water for himself so he can reliably breastfeed him. he's terrified his husband will find them; he’s always felt omniscient, always everywhere and seeing everything he did. if he didn’t have eyes somewhere, he paid someone who did and they always dutifully reported back to him
soap just keeps his eyes forward. just keeps driving and driving, lost to the road and numb until the low gas light pops up on the dash and it all hits him at once
he turns into a gas station he can't pay for, in a car he stole, and parks behind it and his baby immediately starts getting fussy
he can't even call him by his name sometimes; too afraid to get attached, too afraid to lose him. as if he doesn’t love him more than life itself
even throughout his pregnancy, as happy as he was to finally have a baby, he didn't know if he could carry to term and that fear just let his husband dig his claws in even deeper; paying for extra scans he could never hope to pay for, favours on top of favours so he would aways owe him and isn’t he such a loving husband? taking soap in when his parents kicked him out for being trans, looking after him for all these years? you can’t even take care of yourself john, you’d still be a woman without me, john, what is this tantrum about john-
soap tugs his shirt up to let his baby feed, drops his head back and cries
he can't stop it; wails loud and uncontrolled, chest heaving with his sobs enough that it sways his baby, occasionally breaking his latch and he can't even do this right-
he can't save him
a light knock sounds on the window and soap flinches, curling over his baby to protect him from his huband's cruel hands
but it's not his husband outside the window
soap blinks tears from his eyes and looks at the large stranger standing beside the car. a neck gaiter covers his mouth and it should be off-putting… but something about him stops the feeling in its tracks. the stranger takes a half-step back and lifts a chilled and sealed water bottle, pressing it towards the window
soap quickly swipes his face clean and rolls down the window. "sorry 'bout that," he apologises with a choked laugh, the careful front he’s built over the years cracked and bleeding
the stranger gives a dismissive but somehow not diminishing shrug. "long day?" he asks
"could say that," he gives a shrug of his own and pats his baby's back as he makes a disgruntled noise, unconsciously swaying him
he politely keeps his gaze up on his face. "looks like you could use a break."
soap's breath hitches, anxiously darting his tongue out over his bottom lip. "could say that," he repeats uselessly and takes the water with a quiet “thanks,”; his throat dry and screaming for it after crying so hard
the stranger hums, watching him down the bottle and soap doesn’t notice his eyes drifting to the backseat and footwell of the passenger side. doesn’t notice the slight tension in his fists at what he sees. "how long you been runnin', lad?"
soap freezes, the water settling in his stomach like a stone. he swallows thickly and the bottle falls from his lips
"not long enough."
the stranger just nods, looking idly back down the highway
"you know, this place is connected to a garage,” he starts, nodding back to a building attached to the station without taking his eyes off the road. “lotta people drift through 'ere on road trips; too many to keep track.”
soap frowns slightly, shifting his hold on his baby
“funny thing is, plenty of 'em just abandon their car when they break down. like yours,” he adds and finally turns back to him with a pointed look. “got a whole junkyard of 'em. just rustin' away. be pretty easy to convince me to trade ya one."
soap’s mouth parts in a gasp as he realises just what the stranger’s saying. "how easy?" he whispers
he shrugs and even with his face hidden beneath the gaiter, he doesn’t feel afraid. "i'd say this car'd be a good deal. would blend right in with the rest of ‘em; no one’d ever notice it. what say i take it off your hands?"
soap's breath shudders out of him, his whole body going limp with relief. his baby's eyes fall shut with a satisfied hum and for the first time he can remember, he feels the gentle touch of hope
"i think we can work something out."
🧼💀
ghost owns the service station soap pulled into. he wanted something quiet and isolated after he retired and you can’t get much quieter than a backwoods servo surrounded by forest. he hasn’t had anyone pull in in days so he’s quick to notice soap’s car. he’s also quick to notice soap's subsequent breakdown in one of the cameras. the sight of him crying, desperately clutching a baby like they’re all he has left in the world, is so familiar he felt sick with it
he knows someone running when he sees it
if he didn't check on him, if this lad disappeared one day and the baby along with him, he'd never forgive himself. the lad doesn't even have a baby bag or car seat with him, and the personalised sticker on the back window of a lady and a dog is a dead giveaway that the car is stolen
but the lad is terrified. and when he startled him, he didn't turn. didn’t lift his arms to protect himself. no
he covered his baby
like he was afraid he'd be hurt
that's enough for ghost
🧼💀
i'd wanna set this in the 80's or 90's, just to make it even harder for soap to get away from his husband. he's a trans man with a newborn; he has no one to run to and no resources to help him. his husband's bought and paid for everything for him since he was 17; a few whirlwind weeks of unbelievable dates and extravagant gifts and he was living in his mansion, getting married the day after his 18th birthday. he thought it was love. thought he was being looked after and cared for the way he’s always wanted
he was in pain and alone and naive enough to believe the first person who came along and promised to make it better. nothing's in his name, not his insurance or his meds, he doesn’t have a bank account or savings; other than a birth certificate, nothing even ties him to his baby. his husband could take his world away from him with a snap of his fingers and he made sure soap always knew it
he never had a chance of getting away
but ghost is ex-military
he doesn’t know the lad’s story, doesn’t know the details of what he’s running from. he doesn’t need to know
he decided he was helping him the second he pulled into his service station
#what up i had a nightmare about an eldritch horror trying to steal my baby and john mcclane from die hard shooting it to protect me#i woke up freaked out and decided to torment soap with it to feel better#thats literally the only reason this exists#that and the thought of soaps super hairy chest but thats besides the point#anyway#i was going to have ghost be a drifter after retiring but i like the idea of him being the unlikely safe person living out in the woods#ghost moves soap into the little one bedroom cabin he built behind the station#its hidden by the trees and kept warm by a fire. he gives soap and the baby the bedroom and sleeps out in the living room#he keeps watch out the window for whoevers after soap#he doesnt find out who it is for a while; soaps been burned and reluctant to trust anyone#but they gradually heal each other; ghost gives soap someone to trust and soap helps ghost heal his truma by giving him someone he can save#soap starts to work in the service station despite ghost telling him he doesnt need to but he wants his independence back#he finds he likes working and ghost cant take that from him when hes so obviously happy cleaning and shelving stock#soaps husband comes looking for him but ghost still has his contacts and calls a whole militia down on his head#each one of them with favours in the government if not outright political immunity; money means nothing in the face of them#they just threaten him; lets him know soap is protected now#at least; thats what ghost tells soap 😉#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#ghostsoap#soapghost#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#save post
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Can we pretty please get a Grian and Xelqua meet-up?? I love how you draw Xelqua and Grian and I just need to see what they would do if they meet......for science of course
wait hold on.. goes crazy .. I don’t have a design for Xelqua, that was just Grian earlier, but…. I think it’d go well
I think Xelqua is his patron, so he’d be excited to meet him !
but I was also playing with the idea that Little Grian here is a reincarnated version of Xelqua, but still looks up to him, prays to him, would want to be picked up and hugged by him, the safety of it. (How can he be reincarnated and still have a form here ? Well the divine can be a bit finicky)
#something something abt the first thing little grian says to Xelqua is did you hear me ? When I thanked you for the food !#<- Aether showed him how to pray before meals#ask#my art#Xelqua#sketching#Late night doodle of them . Yawnssss#Also something something abt Grian being a reincarnated Xelqua and the two angels having to take care of him#he has no divine memory ! Maybe some vague feelings involving being scared of lightning and missing the ocean . But he’s just a little kid#that needs to be fed and kept out the weather and his back scratched so he’ll go to sleep#someone hold me back this is becoming a one shot au#Also Xelqua is 5’0/152cm still. Aether and Flora can’t tell if he’s another child when they see him 😭😭😭#Grian and Xelqua meet and it’s like when Goten met Goku for the first time . Bursts into tears rn live#kidxelqua
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Warren Kole is so fucking fine and someone's getting that Texan dick every day and it's not me and for that I need to bang my head against a wall.
#it's 5am someone tell me to shut the fuck up and go to sleep#i need that man loooooorddddddddd have mercy#warren kole#phillip graves
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ough god, I cried over this
#the monkees#mike nesmith#michael nesmith#davy jones#micky dolenz#keep stickin around kid we all love you#micky will be such a hard one for me guys. paul mccartney will break my mom im sure but ill be in such hardcore denial over micky i know it#and like micky and mike make me emotional but micky and davy do too… and he had to include pictures of them in the 70s… before their#‘breakup’ when i tell you i thought about it a bit too long and then started to cry…#the monkees make me way too emotional but good god#cause it’s that one picture that’s like i think in the late 70s !! and they’re buddies !! and then… ough poor micky#and he has all these memories#(or maybe not cause they did tell him he had a good time lol)#and i cannot look at anything related to mike and micky in 2021. i will get very distraught. michael is too much for my brain to handle#i need to go to bed now lest i get to sleep too late again but i’ve been thinking about this post literally all day#like thinking of both mike and davy on the same day… if micky isn’t involved in the relationship i don’t care it seems so this post broke me#okay okay goodnight i’ll shut up ill shut up i cant even think too hard about it im just blabbing in the tags so so sorry#also that first picture is gorgeous#like they’re all so pretty but davy is serving hard and i don’t say that lightly cause im not usually someone who usually favors davy#over micky and mike#but that’s such a beautiful picture of the three of them and i will shut up now goodnight
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Someone confiscate the Kabumisu Rapunzel AU from me, I am not starting a long form anything until my DPxDC novel is done but also I am ONLY capable of doing it wrong
Because:
Kabru MUST be Rapunzel. Mandatory. Milsiril is not letting that little bitch out of her tower. (Also his Main Character Energy)
Mithrun has less than zero drive to do anything ever up to and including wandering around in lonely tower infested woods to find said lost princess
These can only be resolved by Mithrun also already being inside the tower and then we’re into Beauty and The Beast territory too with the Forbidden Room but instead of Cursed Flower there is Cursed Hottie
Tbh Labrumisu would solve this problem where’s my threesome shippers we need ONE (1) character with some goddamn initiative
(Sadly still can’t be me I do not ship Laios in general he’s just not got that Ship Juice)
Milsiril just has such perfect villain vibes and okay I’m selling myself on the Labrumisu because if Laios comes in to kidnap one of her babies (and her broken former coworker) there’s a 50-50 on whether Milsiril just decides he’s young enough to adopt
This is now a main character hoarding situation Falin and Marcille have to come rescue Laios and also his boyfriends from the crazy sword elf and her army of dolls
Which is why I can’t write this one.
Look at that.
Look what happened in like 5 bullet points.
The rails have been OBLITERATED but also it’s just got such good legs someone take this idea and run with it to somewhere very different and much simpler than I am capable of
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabumisu#labrumisu#rapunzel au#seriously someone lock kabru in a tower#and let his bf(s) rescue him#holy shit mithrun somehow falls out the window and lands on laios#and kabru has to heist his ass back in before milsiril finds out#but oh who’s that charming and handsome man passing this wet fucking cat back through the window#maybe… maybe we leave the tower…#maybe we have an adventure… mithrun has so many stories of adventure…#(he tells them so badly with all the minor side details laios falls asleep before the first monster appears)#laios touden#kabru of utaya#kabru dungeon meshi#captain mithrun#mithrun dungeon meshi#mithrun falling out the window HAS to be kabru’s fault#he sneaks into Forbidden Room and shenanigans ensue who is this sleeping beauty#this sleeping beauty who just woke up and stared RIGHT through your fucking soul#kabru flails mithrun weighs about as much as a wet goddamn towel despite being all sinew and he’s right out the window#kabru: …………….. okay so on the one hand he can’t rat me out for being in here now#kabru: on the other hand I JUST THREW A GUY OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW WE ARE 50 STORIES UP I AM A MURDERER 😭😭😭😭#mithrun: *casual deceleration teleport*#go back inside? mithrun does not know her#he landed on a man it’s fine#laios: … it’s ACTUALLY raining men 😱😱😱#kabru sticking his head out the window: NO WAIT I NEED THAT SPECIFIC MAN BACK BEFORE MY MOM GETS HOME
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me the minute i'm hit with over exhaustion: i need to die bc nobody needs me and im tired of pretending to be capable of being human
#screaming at my brain to go to sleep bc this is a feeling that you sleep away usually#and then it gets bwtter#i honestly wish i had someone close enough to comfortably tell this to rather than posting on here#i really need someone to put me to sleep#i really want to be someone for somebody that they enjoy putting effort for#but im incapable of intimacy .....#no matter how much i try ....my efforts feel all in vain. the best i get at is pretending i can be emotionally intimate w someone#but then i just dip.... because it all feels unfamiliar and scary and .... scary#im such a coward i cant look at myself i dont know how to live with myself honestly#im so annoying for myself#my brain feels like mush#no rather my brain feels exactly like the ending parade in satoshi kon's paprika#everything just happening all at once every line blurred#; words generated by me#vent tw#tw vent#suicide ideation
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Hey little gay people in my phone, can you wish me good luck for tomorrow?
#thank you#i really do need it#like#i know that he wouldn't call me over and make me commute just to tell me he doesn't want to deal with me anymore#especially because I have another meeting scheduled in a week#but my anxiety is going crazy and I've not been able to sleep on top of that#i just need someone to tell me that#Like#i see the logic option here#but my brain won't care about it#Also#even if he told me that we need to change something it wouldn't be the end of the world#i know that#but I'm still afraid of crashing my car on the way back if not#help#You know what#he's probably going to tell me that everything I did is shitty#and still it wouldn't be the end of the world#but it would be so much work#and i'm so tired#so so so tired#But then i could also fight back#and just beg at this point#who cares#I just want to be done#to be done before my grandpa gets too old#I'm going to throw up
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okay but a version of events in which tommy takes ellie to the fireflies, but NEITHER of them come back. and maria joel have to work together to get them back
#maria and joel best friend agenda#has someone already done this (in a way that actually characterizes maria as an actual person w a plot lmfao)#pissed off maria and regretful af grumpy joel having to team up#joel at first being like i canNOT let you come with me youre pregnant#maria: and who the fuck are you to tell me what to do#joel: okay ur coming i guess#him doing anything and everything to make the trip as easy and safe as possible for her#runs on like four hours of sleep every night so she only has to take one watch and gives her 70% of their food#at first maria is sooooooo not having it like#sure you care about me and my baby who you asked your brother to LEAVE for yOUR SELFISH SHORTSIGHTED ASS#but then one night hes telling her a story about ellie and then she tells a story about kevin and he tells a story about sarah#and she can see how much he loves not just his late baby girl but his living one too#and in that moment she just kind of gets it#tommy told her this part of joel was long dead#the part that was soft and loving and good#but he was wrong#he was so wrong#and all maria needed was to see that for herself#and then they team up and break into davids camp and take care of business#tommy and ellie are probably there that makes sense#and then ellie is like we still have to finish this we’re going to the fireflies#maria: um haha ur funny no we’re not#ellie: i—#maria to tommy and joel: no we’re not everybody pack it up#we’re going HOME#joel and tommy: yes ma’am#maria miller#joel miller#au#i had a dream abt this last night couldnt at least do a tag story on it
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it's still a wip but im rly excited about what i have rn :)
#doodles#no i dont know anything abt#embroidery#im just winging it lolol#vex draws#i need to stop and go to sleep but high key this is fun#someone tell me what to do with the back that isnt too ambitious#thinking to add rays but thats abt it
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Oh I’m about to tweak out. I’m. About. To. TWEAK. TF. OUTTTT. 😩😩😫🫠🥴😮💨🖤🖤💦
Source/credits: Pinterest, AOSKL EDITS + ICEZIN.EDITS + SAKIN.EDITS_ ✨🖤
#when I tell you THIS IS MY TYPE#THIS RIGHT HERE#EXACTLY THESE specific MEN#they just need some eyebrow + snakebite piercings and woooweee mama the things I would— 😮💨😮💨🫠🫢🤭🤫#NECK TATTOOS NECK TATTOOOOOSSS YALLLL 😩😩😩😮💨🫠😫🥴💦💦#good fuuuck…..these just made my entireee week 🫠🤤🥴🖤🖤🖤#someone put me in a cage and toss away the key because LORD HAVE MERCY THANK YOU YOU TALENTED BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!! 😮💨😩😩🫶🏼😘💗💗💞💕💓#going back to sleep to take this ungodly unhinged feral beast that’s about to say some foul things 😵💫😵💫💤💤🛌#bye BYEEEEE LMAOOOO#geto suguru#barou shouei#jjk#bllk
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i fucked you in the bathroom when we went to dinner
#i need to go to sleep#someone tell me to go to sleep#totally casual guys#knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out#the thick of it#Spotify
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the thing about growing up too fast is that so many people think fondly on their childhood as a time they got to rely on other people and be carefree. but when you were parentified & abused in a poor family, that's just genuinely never a thing. and it's actually like. super depressing & demeaning to know that you've been the only one there for yourself your entire life and that has never changed. like you learned the lesson of "I'm the only one I can rely on to get me out of shit" by the time you were old enough to think
so by the time you're an adult and you do now have to pay your own bills and do your own chores and deal w your own adult life, that's a struggle your peers are just getting used to & can sometimes find exciting and new and doable. but when you've been doing that Forever it's kind of just like
Okay. and when is it my turn to lean on someone? to let someone take the reigns and not have to think? and the answer is, of course, never. because you're an adult Forever now & you didn't get the chance to rely on others as a kid and you're far too responsible Now to stop and let go of responsibilities like some of your peers
heinous
#does this even make sense lmao#it's just like. sometimes I envy people that can fuck off and not do shit#like my sister for example#but that's just genuinely Never been in the cards for me but man it'd be nice to share the burden :)#I just want someone to tell me to go to sleep and they can handle it for like a week#but that's not feasible and it'll never happen so I'm stuck in the endless loop of being there for me As Always#sick of it sick of being an adult sick of relying on myself sick of having to do shit on my own sick OF IIIIIT#ignore me I'm in a mood. yknow what I need. weed.
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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I WANT CORNBREAD AAAAAAAAAAAA
#radiorambles#to clarify#I got a good amount of sleep last night for once so I'm not going insane over corn bread#also I really need to stop falling asleep while listening to stuff because tell me why I woke up at 5 am with a five hour video#of someone talking about lightlark#like i don't like the book [read it didn't like it not my cup of tea] BUT FIVE HOURS OF WHY ITS BAD?#I'd rather the Alastor growling that sounds alot like Barnaby asmr#also a fic may or may not be posted today depending if i get past this little writing blokc#block*
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.
#I'm so tired but i can't sleep#there's no sleep anymore#no relaxing#im either completely empty#or im crying#from anger or sadness#or both#every blue Ford i see#i think it's him for a spilt second#when my phone rings i hope it's going to be him#when i do sleep i dream about him#i didn't know missing someone could feel like this#it's missing but worse than that#like a hole in the center of my chest#and nothing makes it better#sometimes i can just ignore it for a while#he should be here#i will never understand why it was him#someone so good and loving and sweet#who was intentionally kind to strangers#who held me every time i needed him#i hate this universe#i really really do#i want to wake up in another universe#one where he never got in that truck#where he called into work that day#so that i can call him and tell him all the things i already have to tell him#i fucking miss you kid#it's actually killing me
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I’m catching up on Doc’s last video and the sequence of him being so smug about his pranks on Grian and Scar, and then “..what the heck is this?” about the glass structure in the perimeter into a hoard of chickens loading in beneath him is so funny lmao
Also until watching Ren’s new episode earlier and now this one, I didn’t realize that some of the perimeter is chunk loaded so the chickens would just keep being made even when no one was around and damn, the fact that there are so many that there’s a very clear edge to the entity render distance is crazy. Shoutout to his computer for not just crashing the game instantly. My pc could never
#I'm only half an hour into the episode and might need to go to sleep soon#but I really hope he checks his stats screen at some point to see how many chickens he culled#(or someone can tell me in the replies if he did say how many there were)#watching him herd them through the nether is also really funny#docm77#lee speaks#hermitcraft
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