#I just want to be done
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Wine drunk for the first time in quite a while. Putting on a mask of being happy while feeling depressed and hopeless. I want to kill myself but that isn't an option so I'm left hoping I die in my sleep tonight. Also skipped my therapy homework today because it felt unbearable. I'm really winning at life right now. I'm not sure how the people in my life tolerate me.
#personal#tw suicidal ideation#trauma#depressed#grief#fuck the universe#I am so tired of life being hard#I just want to be done
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Ahhh I can't do it anymore. One more month and I swear to God I am done.
#i hate being fucking played#i hate fucking being made to look like the bad guy infront of my own family#and then going back home and being ignored again#i hate it#i dont even want to wait for my taxes to come back anymore#i just want to be done
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Hi y’all!!!! I have a huge deadline I’m trying to make if I want to graduate this summer. Basically I need to write approximately 100 pages by May 24th!!!! So that means this blog is back in business lol 😮 Anyway, just like before I’ll be posting from the library and keeping track of my progress for accountability (and any positive thoughts, well wishes etc. are of course very welcome) ❤️❤️❤️
#kerry writes her stupid dissertation#kerry somehow gets 100 pages written in roughly three weeks#i just want to be done#i want to be able to read for pleasure again 😭#phd life#dissertation fun
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okay here's the thing my lab partner is my dear friend and i dont want this to turn into a like. you didn't do your part argument. but also the due date is the 23rd and she hasn't written her part nor has she seen my message and im starting to feel a bit twitchy about it
#julia.txt#i just want to be DONE#AUAGH#and she just has to write intro and conclusion like i did all the graphs and results and discussion 😭😭😭#which i dont begrudge her for btw im the one who took it upon myself to do them bc otherwise im neurotic about making sure its all good#but like 😭😭 pleek
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i was actually happy and then i just felt it slip away. that was the worse feeling in the world
#depresjon#tw depressing thoughts#tw depression#tw depressing stuff#tw depressive#mentally fucked#mentally exhausted#mentally ill#sewerslidal#i want to diiieeee#i cant do this anymore#wanna fling myself off a cliff rn#what the actual fuck is wrong with my brain#why can’t i just be happy#why can’t i just be okay#why can’t i just be normal#i wanna be okay#i want to be okay#i just want to die#i just want to be done#i just want to be happy#why can’t i feel anymore#why am i never happy anymore#what happened to me#mental illness#mental health#i have no mental health#my mental health is dead and gone#i should be in bed#it’s 2 in the morning
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It's almost been 3 weeks of being sick and I don't know what the fuck is wrong or why I'm not getting better. :):):) I love not having health insurance <3<3
#thought maybe i had strep but symptoms are feeling bronchitis-y with the constant phleghm#and coughing god i can't stop coughing#my post#my thoughts#im genuinely so tired#of being sick yeah but just everything#this sickness is just the cherry on top of me not wanting to make it to next month#i just want to be done#im so tired#personal
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I'm so tired of being scared.
#anxiety#anxious#fear#afraid#stress#tension#politics#donald trump#fuck trump#trump#im too young and have too long to live#never felt so afraid#now hes a fucking martyr#i just want to be done#im tired#i dont want to live through historical events
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I've been working on this same assignment for the last three hours
and I still have at least an hour and a half of work left to do. and... another six assignments after this.
:)
#can i please just vanish into my squishmallows and play zelda till I pass out?#with no consequences?#please#I just want to be done#I never want to see another spreadsheet#l3o ramblings
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really want to finish this dai playthrough but the game started being buggy right when i got to the wicked eyes bit..............
#river.txt#may be one of the mods#but man. i so do not feel like troubleshooting which one i am using like 80#i just want to be done#i need to finish a dai playthrough at least once in the past 5 years#idk why im so dead set on this but i just cannot move on to another game until i am done here#and i swear to god i Will be done
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painting going dreadfully, might drink paint water just to feel something
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#making a haha funny over my pain#literally have had two school induced meltdowns today#I'm thinking about trying to fight again to get online school because now I'm visibly physically disabled#I'll probably have to get some sort of diagnosis though which is going to take a while#and they might just come up with another excuse to keep me suffering inside the school building#i have cried so much this week#i just want to give up#i don't want to care about the work#i don't want to care if I'll get kicked out#i don't want to care if they take away my ability to do shows and clubs bc I'm failing a class#but i care so fucking much#i just want to be done#I'm already in my 'just suffer through and fake it till you mame it' mindset#tw vent
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Whatever I just wanna pass at this point
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This is literally the last thing I have ever to do for my degree so why is it taking me so long -_-
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I want to be on hrt already, doc oked the prescription but it's not come through, I need to call and push for it...
I hate this so much and it's friday so I have to wait until monday to do anything. I want to start growing terrible beards and obsessively look for bald spots and grow my muscles and start the clock until I can get top surgery and I've already been waiting so long!
Also need to sit with my mum for a day next week which I'm not looking forward to, my younger siblings keep acting like she's a saint but she has yet to go a single conversation without misgendering me, at this point it's not habit she just refuses to remove the rose tinted glasses and the absolute worst part is she's going to think everythings fine (not forgiven cause -of course- she did nothing wrong and doesn't need to adjust her behaviour in the slightest!)
#long rant#dysphoria maybe#I just want to be done#or on my way#feels like every step is just marching in place...#trans man#trans#transgender
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Me: where the fuck is the off button?
Friend: to your computer?
Me: yeahhhh my "computer" surrre
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i just want to free myself from this relationship and be at my maximum potential this year
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