#i dont even want to wait for my taxes to come back anymore

[g3lricka]

Ahhh I can't do it anymore. One more month and I swear to God I am done.

[beann-e]

read part one here

Different Ways To Say Sorry

Your body sat idle in the hallway as you kept roaming your thoughts and only coming back to earlier .

After the argument with your boyfriend you were left alone , alone with akaashi who normally would have kept his mouth closed but decided not to when he seen your stuck expression after kuroos comment

As soon as you heard the loud bang of the house door and the engine start up kuroos yelling for bokuto to open the door and to slow down made your body fall instantly.

Marking the spot where you’d pushed bokuto into the wall cursing yourself for your actions . Shivering as you felt the wave of coldness wash over you thinking about the harmful words you’d said

“ y/n you didn’t mean any of it it’s ok “

akaashi’s soft voice came out as he dropped the sign he held that he helped bokuto make for you to welcome you home for your birthday.

Bokuto was childish and you knew it but he meant no harm he was just happy and excited little things excited him and when he was happy you were

So , if he was sad you would only be 2x as sad if the one who created his sadness was yourself

“ I heard you telling bokuto off and — thats not you not once since you’ve dated bokuto—san in the 4 years that you’ve been dating have I seen you get that mad “

he sighed as he hesitantly tried to squat near you

“ d-do you mind “ you nodded your head in a no allowing him to sit next to you while you cried into his shoulder

“ everyone has bad days y/n-san and everyone has had a moment in their life where they’ve said something they regret and that’s ok as long as the person you’ve said it to knows you didn’t mean it “

he squeezed you as you cried heavily “ y/n we all know bokuto is — “ he thought for a moment before speaking “ different from your average person — hes in a way easy “

he sighed as he spoke “ what I mean is you don’t have to do much to say sorry to bokuto so don’t cry really i’m sure he knows you didn’t mean any of it just — for me please when you see him again — please tell him you love him remind him you still love him “

akaashi rubbed your head “ because he’s one of those people when someone gets mad at him — especially someone he loves — if they get mad at him he immediately feels like he’s getting disciplined and like he’s done something really really wrong to be rewarded that behavior — any other award besides praise really “

you loosened your grip on akaashi’s shirt lifting your head to cry into your own hands “ so please when he comes back to you please just make it simple for him he won’t understand many words and won’t believe you if you say a simple sorry he’ll still think your upset and be scared that he’ll screw up again — I promise you he’s never gonna want to touch a stove in his life again— so I wonder what he’ll eat when he’s on the roa-“ akaashi laughed as he quickly calmed down coughing before wiping his sweaty hands on his pants

“ oh um— i’m sorry I thought a joke was a way to go that’s typically what bokuto does in these situations— or maybe you don’t want to keep talking about bokuto “ akaashi spoke out loud running through his thoughts and filtering them out loud

“ oh I should’ve kept myself out of business that’s not mine I feel so disgusted i’m telling you how to treat your boyfriend I- i’m sorry y/- “

“ akaashi I don’t want to trouble you — you may leave“

“ oh “ his voice came out in surprise before he sat confused “ oh — I no I couldn’t “

“ it’s fine akaashi I’ll be ok I just need some time alone “

he sighed he felt bad really but “ i’m sorry y/n I don’t think bokuto would ever forgive me — I don’t think i’d ever forgive myself if I let you stay in your home alone after something like that “

you stared at the ceiling as if you were actually talking to someone conveying sadness as your tears were still leaking “ keiji just please — it’s been a long day and I think I just screwed up my relationship — so could you please just leave me to my thoughts i’ll — i’ll be fine “

akaashi sighed as he moved to stand hugging you softly on the way up “ y/n i’m sorry to treat you like a child — to even put my foot down like this in a house that’s not mine and I don’t pay the bills for but — the most I can do and i’ll allow myself to do is leave the house and wait outside until bokuto comes back “

he sighed “ or at least texts me and tells me he’s gonna come back home because — if not I wouldn’t want you here alone just replaying that fight again and again like i’ve known bokuto to do when he’s lost matches you two are alike that way “

“ I-i’m fine with that just please “

he nodded his head as if you could see him your eyes were stuck to the same wall that was in front of the one bokuto was pushed into— your back up against it bit staring ahead at the corner he stood in when he left.

Hearing the door close and lock assuming akaashi had locked it for you with his key you two made for him so he could check on bokuto anytime he was home and you weren’t

Your body moving to stare directly at the door from the hallway so you’d always have an eye on it to see if bokuto ever returned home tonight.

‘ please’ you thought calmly

It wasn’t a short wait it was rather long You knew it had to be late in the morning when you finally heard the clicking and clacking around by the door until your eyes looked up eyebags weighing them down as you shook in your suit pants that you wore suddenly feeling sweaty as you ripped off the suit jacket.

The rattling and shaking at the door stopping assuming whoever it was —- was taking a moment to think before they walked in as if giving you some time to understand who it was and to prepare

The door opened slowly as your boyfriends hair came into view him standing at the doorstep eyes swollen and glazed over ,fist scratched and hands red , body shaking softly.

Your eyes watered as you just stared at his face thinking ‘ I did that ‘ mentally beating yourself up as your tears fell soft whimpers making their way out of your mouth as you covered it trying to conseal your spot on the floor so he wouldn’t notice

His eyes lifting up as he took a really deep breath and spoke “ y-y/n “ he called voice cracking as he tried again

“ y/n i went to play volleyball— at —at the gym and I got so mad I hurt myself from the constant spikes“ he stayed at the doorstop —door opened fully showing off everything he had with him.

His hand holding 3 roses , left hand holding a bag which , you weren’t sure consisted of and right next to his foot a box “ p-please answe-answer me “

you gulped you didn’t know if you could

You really didn’t know if you could tell your boyfriend that you were directly in front of him and he only had to look down .

“ I-it’s 4 in the mo-morning and I — I’ve been crying since 7 last night — so — so I can only imagine how your feeling h-how long you’ve been crying “

The flowers he held were soon dropped down by his legs as he only held on loosely to the bottom “ I-I dont want to just walk in y/n b-because I don’t know if I’m allowed to I-if I can so please — please let me know your ok “

your voice was soft he could barely hear it as you looked down at the floor

” y-your alwa—here I am being an a-ass to you earlier and you — you care to come back and ask if i’m ok first “ you felt your body shudder in a cry

“ I-i’m such an asshole — I was mad at work — I came home upset —- I brought my attitude home and my first thought was to be m-mean to someone who I love “

Bokutos body moved quickly to drop the things at the door you couldn’t even find it in you to care that he left the door wide open as he ran to you checking you out and lifting your head to inspect it before he stuttered thinking over his actions before kissing you hard on your mouth before he pulled back whispering out small apologies for the action and how he felt bad if he made you uncomfortable

you moved to stand up as he backed away going to grab everything and dragging it inside the house speaking to you as you sat down “ y/n I “

“ ko I just don’t want— “

his voice was hard for the first time today shutting you up instantly “ be quiet y/n “ his eyebrows were hard and done up in a furrow

“ I-I know your pissed at me and I know I can be a bit much and I — “ he was crying

“ I know i’m a child — people see me as a kid and i’m not I swear I can be adult I can be as adult as you want me to just so I can stay with you —I can pay taxes and figure them out if you wanted me to —if you wanted me to go get a real job and quit volleyball i’d do it all for you— because I love you and I don’t care if you want me out of the house “ his tears fell

“ I don’t care if you want me to have no closet space and want to burn my clothes but please — please don’t say you don’t love me it — it I can’t live without your love - you — you do so much for me and i’m so thankful anytime I have a meet your right there — anytime i’m frustrated your there explaining it — anytime I have to travel your on the phone talking to my management team finding tickets for you and all the other s/o “ he wiped at his eyes trying to see better

“ please forgive me i’m sorry i’m a m-man child I don’t know what that is but i’m so sorry for being it and i’m sorry it’s something you hate and I don’t wanna be what you hate y/n i’m sorry — I didn’t know what to do “

he was just saying nonsense now since his tears were clouding his brain “ I didn’t know where to go and kuroo was talking so much and I couldn’t focus and I ended up just buying all your favorite stuff because I thought you didn’t love me anymore so I wanted to beg for your forgiveness at the doorstop just now but —and then you were crying and I — I wanted to kiss you because your so pretty and I hate when you cry unless it’s over me winning and scoring the last point in my game — you look so pretty and proud then — and I like making you proud not sad “

he was clawing at his cheeks and eyes trying to get the tears to stop “ I— I just — my credit card I just bought everything I knew you liked —y/n — baby I bought a dog I don’t — I was — I bought a dog because you said dogs are pretty I bought a hat because you said the hat could go well with an outfit you had “

you smiled as your tears were falling too “ babe I bought a balloon because you said you like the way they lose air after 3 days — I even bough—“

“ baby it’s fine “ you cried as you moved to hug him squeezing tightly “ it’s ok I — this is my fault i’m so sorry “

you cried into his shirt “ your not a man child — which means —you don’t need to know actually it’ll just make things worse “

“ are you saying my shirts are too tight baby “

he cried out “ y/n that’s not funny — I’m buff —I build ok — I workout there’s nothing I can do about it “

“ no ko your perfect the way you are your my buff boyfriend and I love you for it your my brick wall baby“

“ I am “

“ yes and I love you and i’m so proud of how far you’ve come since high school i’m proud of you no matter where you travel to or what you do “

you smiled “ that’s why I missed so many days of work not because I just wanted to be home but because you were coming home for the first time in 2 months and I wanted to be home with you making sure you were comfortable and telling you how much I missed you “

he smiled as you spoke “ your an amazing boyfriend kou and I can’t imagine anyone who wouldnt be happy with you “

“ but I just spent all the money you and akaashi allow me to have on my card “

“ you can have more “ you laughed “ your not broke kou it’s just so you don’t spend all the money you make from volleyball “

he hugged you as you continued to speak “ do you forgive me “

he hugged you tighter kissing you softly as it turned into a heated kiss you trying to stop it before he turned it into more “ why’d you stop “ he said sadly

“ bokuto our door is wide open and “ your eyes came up in a raise

“ what babe what are you looking for “

your voice was high pitched as you looked at all the bags around you “ bo— baby where’s the dog “

his eyes came up in a crease “ what dog “ his brain finally clicking and hurrying to rumage through everything on the floor. Your bodies moving together in a fast pace as you moved over to look around the house.

The chaos going on inside your house all night rivaled the one that was taking place the next day in the car that sat right in your driveway

“ u-uh ok “ akaashi’s face was made up in a straight line as he looked down closing his car door softly

“ s-so um i’m gonna guess bokuto bought you “

the dog cocked its head to the side staring up at the tall male “ d-do you um wanna go back inside with him or “

the dog barked loudly as if scared “ yeah i’m gonna take that as a no “

he reached down to pick up the dog before opening the car door and setting it down in the passenger seat speaking as the dog whimpered “ yeah I don’t trust them either — they lost a whole dog in one night — “

akaashi’s face turned as he saw bokuto walking down the steps and to his car him throwing his coat over the animal “ i’m sorry — i’m sorry — you can come out in a moment “

“hey — hey akaashi “

“ b-bokuto-san hey “

“ aw did you stay out here all night i’m so sorry “ he smiled “ me and y/n are fine thank you for staying here with her “

“ yeah it was no problem really bokuto “

“ hey akaashi I — I actually lost a dog last night and I — I was wondering have you seen it “

“ uh dog ? why’d you have a dog “ bokuto froze as he bit his lip “ so you don’t have it good good “

he moved to leave patting akaashi’s car before he heard a ruffle come from inside “ hey dude somethings moving next to you “

“ oh — it’s um just my phone — I have to go in to work today “

“ wow you have a huge phone “ bokutos voice was raised in happiness “ what model is it I think I want a new one — especially if it’s big enough to fit in my hands with out my thumbs clicking weird buttons “

he pouted “ it’s not fun to retype messages “ akaashi moved to start the car up “ s-sorry bokuto really gotta go but i’ll be back sometime tomorrow “

“ o-oh ok bye akaashi “ he waved as he moved back up the stairs you meeting him at the top laughing as you pulled him back in the house

“ damn thought he would’ve saw the dog “

“ koutaro — baby he has the dog “ you smiled as you laughed pulling his pouting body into a hug “ he stole our dog “

“ well that’s not very nice “

“ let’s let him have it baby he needs it more than us — he can take care of it better “

[nishimochas]

❁﹝ 22:41 ‣ ˢˡᵒʷ ᵈᵃⁿᶜᶦⁿᵍ ᶦⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵈᵃʳᵏ ﹞

‣ gender neutral trainee!reader with trainee!heeseung. inspired by joji's song of the same title.

‣ tw: some slight cursing, just a whole bunch of angst.

‣ word count: 1.9k

"god, i'm such an idiot."

you swore to protect yourself against his charms.

every moment you spent with lee heeseung began to slowly feel like an incredible burden. each waking memory you still hold of him had started morphing into something you hoped you'd never live to see. he was no one you should've fallen for. in his world, you were just someone who he smiles at and greets when it's convenient.

you knew you were nothing more than a friend to him. all the times you've comforted him when he was weak, all the moments you've stayed with him when he felt alone and defeated– you knew that he didn't see any of those the way you did. or rather, the way you hoped you didn't see it. he treated you like he did everyone else: he was kind, patient, caring as he'd always been. even at times where you think his eyes hold something different within them, when his hands were too close, too gentle to not mean intimacy, you'd dismiss it all the same.

that's just how he is, and you knew you were mistaken for thinking you were any special.

you told sunghoon and jay about it before, and they seemed supportive of your feelings. it seems that they, too, see the unusual tenderness the eldest has for you. but you, thinking it was all but a delusion, you paid no mind to their observations.

"how would they understand? they're just like him. they're perfect, all of them – and i'm just me."

who could blame you, though? being close friends with such a blameless human being is already a difficult feat.

but heeseung? he was nothing short of perfect, and you knew you couldn't last so long with denial.

violent sobs threatened to break loose from your tightened throat as you walked through the halls, somber fingers erasing any memory of tears still lingering atop your features. the biggest idiot, you were. a great fool to have allowed yourself to fall for him. in painful silence, you continued your way down the dreadful atmosphere of the practice halls.

the silence didn't last for long. there were footsteps, hushed yet languid.

and suddenly– music.

melancholic, powerful, raw. it was coming from the third isle.

with brows raised in query you approached, half hopeful and half hating the fact that it could very much be the one person you so wished to not see at the moment. still, your curiousity led you to the glass doors of the dance room, your witless bravery encouraging you to look further.

and to nobody's glorious surprise, there he was. he always looked perfect, but it took your breath away each time just the same.

holding a still and quiet breath had never felt like such a taxing job until that moment. you could barely move from your cramped position, let alone watch him properly in the dim lit room. a part of you was screaming, furious that you'd still let yourself indulge in such a luxury despite the aching you'd already gotten yourself into. but a bigger part was paralyzed. a bigger part fought– it wanted to do nothing more than to stay and be mesmerized.

you've forgotten how agonizing it was to watch heeseung move the way he does when he's vulnerable. it was as if every inch in his body sang along to the melody of the song, each telling their own parts of his tragic tale.

oh, how you loved how he danced when you were the only one watching. he hit every beat with such precision and delicacy that you couldn't help but stare every time you spectate. he always manages to catch you off guard, every single time.

you spent the rest of the few moments as a faraway audience, watching through a small sliver of the glass door from where you hoped he didn't see you. but just as quickly, that thought wavered off and you're caught in shock as your gaze met his through the mirror, and you could've sworn his eyes glowed when he saw you. no, it couldn't be– it was impossible. maybe you we're just making it all up in your head. and maybe your dismay was just as evident as you thought you'd confirmed it, the heartbeat's worth of crossing glances broken apart as the next verse of the song played.

how pathetic of you, really– to think that someone like him would look forward to seeing you. you were a nobody compared to him, and maybe things were meant to stay that way. but then, just as you were about to turn away, his eyes meet yours once more for a few beats before moving away again. it was tantalizing, how such a small thing was capable of luring you in. it was as if he's saying, 'stay. watch me. i know you're here.'

it would be a lie if you said you didn't want to keep on watching.

the thundering in your chest only doubled as he did it again for the third time, now nearing the end of the song. his porcelain skin glistened as the light reflected upon it, and you felt something within you wrench upon the sight.

there was no denying it anymore. you were in love with lee heeseung, and there was no changing it.

the thought settled into you bitterly, but somewhere along the lines lied hope also.

the atmosphere shook with quiet breathing as the song met it's end, his gaze not leaving the floor beneath him. tearing your own eyes away from his figure, you began to stand up; it was time for you to go. and just as you started walking, you heard that painstakingly familiar voice piercing through again.

"wait," god, you could recognize that voice from miles away.

"stay."

your tracks were brought to an abrupt halt, not yet finding the nerve to turn around and face him. heeseung made it clear in his tone that he was talking to you, but your tremendous idiocy decided to state the obvious nonetheless.

"...me?" you both knew the answer. a few seconds of silence, then a sigh from behind you. those seconds felt like forever.

"look at me." you hated hearing those words, hated having to follow them even more. but you did. you turned around just as he told you to, and there he was by the door, holding it open with the weight of his shoulders. another sigh escaped his lips. you stood there, frozen, waiting for his next words.

"dance with me."

the words rang through you like a riddle; it took every ounce of restraint not to look at him like he was a lunatic. it was a simple request– yet, given how you've been dealing with your emotions, the request took such a toll on your barely comprehending mind. and, as if he understood every question that flooded your system, he went back inside the studio, gesturing you to follow has he did. despite the internal war that seized your entire body, you followed suite.

you stood near the entrance with your head hung low, wishing at that very moment for the earth to open up and swallow you whole. your fingers twiddled with each other in an awkward tangle as you waited for him to speak again. not long after, he finally did.

"remember you did a choreo with me once, the one after auditions?" of course you remembered it, you couldn't get your mind off of it since it happened.

"how could i forget? it was one of my favorite songs." your remark was met with a chuckle, and as if on cue, joji's slow dancing in the dark echoed within the confinements of the practice room. the movements came over to heeseung naturally, and you fought the instinct of it rushing through your own. he seemed to have noticed it, too. next thing you knew, your hands were in his and he's leading you to the middle.

"come on, i know you still remember the moves." he teased, a hint of a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. you couldn't help but chuckle along, shaking your head slightly in feigned embarrassment as you gave into the music and danced along with him. it still felt as intimate and forlorn as before, maybe even more so now. the small, still furious part within you wanted to tear itself apart every time your body met his touch; and as the song came to an end with you in his arms, at that moment, it seemed like the only thing that mattered.

"oh god, are you alright?" he fussed as he saw your reflection on the practice mirror. you barely noticed the tears that came flooding out, the pooling they made on the shirt that you wore. you nodded slightly, looking up to give heeseung a little half-hearted smile. without missing a beat, he wrapped his arms around you, enveloping your frame in a warm embrace. you couldn't tell what was happening, why the tears wouldn't stop, why you still feel horrible after all of it. he broke it off shortly and instead took your face into his cupped palms, tilting your head upwards so he could study your distressed visage.

still, the tears fell. no matter how much effort you'd placed into stopping them, they fell still. heeseung watched you intently, troubled and with worry lingering across his eyes. and as they kept falling still, he leaned in slowly towards where they were falling, and one by one, kissed the teardrops away.

"heeseung, i dont understand..."

"i heard what you said to sunghoon and jay. i was in the other room. i didn't mean to eavesdrop but i thought i heard your voice and... well, yeah."

your felt your heart drop into your stomach, a dry lump now beginning to form in your throat. the last thing you'd have wanted at that moment was for heeseung to know, but as it turns out, it seemed as if your worst fear has manifested in from of you.

you had no other choice now.

you shook your head as you mused a broken laugh, the next few words that came out of your mouth more poisonous to you than it was to him.

"i love you." you shrugged, half expecting him to turn away right as you said those words. "i guess there's no point in denying that now."

heeseung's breath started becoming uneven as his grip around you loosened, and you could almost see you the words as they started to unfold within his frenzied mind. he shook it off with a rather harsh jolt, and you took it as your cue to start leaving. you dismissed it, too, and began stepping away from his hold. it hurt as much as you expected it to.

"i know it's the stupidest thing, god i swear im so sorry, i really didn't mean–"

...oh.

you had no idea how it happened, why he thought of it or what made him do it but a small voice within you told you to savor it, so you did. his lips pressed against yours with a dulcet warmth and you wanted more, more more– you gave him everything at that moment, and he gladly gave you just as much, too. he tasted so sweet and so addicting, better than anything you could've possibly hoped for. and as your own tiers finally parted from his, saturated with the desperate need for air, the ghost of the words you thought you'd never hear from him urged out as he whispered;

"i love you, too. i have since the start."

❁ :: did i really need to hurt myself that much? no. but life isn't fair, janet, now repeat after me: giVE ME REASONS WE SHOULD BE COMPLETE–

[marukrawler]

bakugan battle brawlers liveblogging episode 35 (long post ig)

- suspiciously foggy out today

- for a moment i was like, don’t tell me the person bathing in light and waiting at the top of the stairs is runo but ITS JOE

- this is irrefutable proof u guys they’re endgame

- joe beat the final boss and now he’s going to reunite w his bf

- season 1 is over roll credits

- you don’t say

- i will say tho. . .where is runo

- not me unironically shipping it

- i think she’d rather not see joe and dan making heart eyes at each other but that’s just me

- that’s the last thing i wanna hear

- IT IS

- omg the kids are setting up wyvern and drago

- what is their first meeting going to be like

- DAN PLS

- remember when dan got pissed that drago didn’t like his nickname in ep 3

- good times

- I THOUGHT DRAGO WAS GOING TO BE IRRITATED AT DAN BUT HE SUDDENLY BECAME SO BASHFUL WHEN WYVERN USED HIS REAL NAME THE INTIMACY OF IT ALL

- PLS YOU NEVER ASKED IF HE HAD A NAME PRIOR TO CALLING HIM DRAGO

- but like. . .do other bakugan have names or is drago the only one w the Privilege™

- THEY’RE HAVING COUPLE’S BANTER IN FRONT OF THE KIDS OH NO THEY’RE SO CUTE I LITERALLY CANNOT HANDLE IT

- I MEAN

- MY BOI IS SWEATING

- way to spoil the fcking mood shun

- or not im sure joe has nothing but good news rn

- lmaoo TOLD YOU

- glad he admits it, i don’t think i’d be able to take him hiding the truth the entire episode lol

- oH MY GOD?? chill bruh

- it’s not like drago isn’t ALREADY EVOLVED so he’s on the same playing field as u guys anyway???

- THIS ENTIRE EXCHANGE THO

- tho i will say tho. dan’s trial?? isn’t really that terrible when you consider his friends had to face against their sibling, their past self and their dead mom. so really. beating your friends is the least taxing trial imo.

- omg???

- THE PREDATOR FAM

- PLS YOU CAN ACTUALLY KICK DRAGO’S ASS FOR ONCE, BELIEVE IN URSELF

- TALK UR SHIT GIRL

- i am LOVING this competitiveness, especially between these two

- PLS I HOPE SHE GIVES HIM A RUN FOR HIS MONEY AT LEAST

- oh shit we’re just not even going to bother w other bakugan, its straight up drago vs golem

- efficient!

- i never understood why she wants to be on top of golem during a battle ITS DANGEROUS

- THE FACT THAT ITS A PLOT POINT TOO?????

- unreal

- the fact that we don’t see these two after s1 is a travesty

- is this fr the only way they can create tension in this fight. not bc julie’s strategy is actually a challenge for dan to figure a way out of but bc. . .if he uses an ability, julie’s going to get hit w it too. . .

- should’ve known it was too good to be true 😭

- also how come drago’s getting beat tf up by golem and he has yet to lose

- why isn’t julie the protagonist

- ok i somewhat get it. but that means marucho, shun and runo should also be in the same situation when dan fights them or im calling bs

- or ig it’ll mean that dan was never taking julie all that seriously when it came to brawling which. i personally don’t think is the case.

- i love how drago only moved to avoid golem’s hit at the end when dan finally decided to be serious. like bro. . .you could’ve avoided ALL those hits 😂

- this fight blows, i take it back when i said i liked it being time efficient

- why does dan have a fusion ability card and julie doesn’t?? she legit only had grand impact as her trump card??

- I MEAN

- PLS STOP THIS FIGHT’S ALREADY KILLED ME

- also i refuse to believe dan has the strength to carry julie, you seen this boy’s arms??? twigs

- she’s fr about to finesse this boy and im all for it

- OK I TAKE IT BACK YOU DON’T PLAY DEAD IN FRONT OF A GUY WHO’S ALREADY LOST HIS MOM THIS JOKE IS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

- im all for this height difference

- even HER arms are thicker than his, there’s no way he could carry her

- can’t believe he’s gonna punt marucho next across the field

- ok bruh u dont gotta put on a show too

- maybe its bc i just watched nv yesterday but the lack of 20+ ability cards being played in a single round makes for seemingly slow paced rounds lmaoo

- i hate how marucho’s fight is already infinitely more interesting than julie’s

- she literally played (1) card and that was it. im so salty

- HOW IS DRAGO FIGHTING BACK AGAINST ANGELO AND PREDATOR WHEN THEY GOT 800Gs COMBINED AND HE ONLY GOT 450??? THIS IS BULLSHIT

- THE BITCH W THE HIGHEST POWER LVL I HOPE??? BUT THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS IN THIS SHOW

- not dan talking about how his fight w marucho is making him excited and pumped and this is the type of battles he’s been looking for, meanwhile he was just concerned about not hurting julie in her fight HSDNSDDFHSD

- IM SO PISSED

- so drago can withstand attacks from 2 bakugan w almost double as much power as him, enough so that water refrain stops working so dan can use his 2 dumb abilities but when drago has a 50G advantage, he can instantly take out his opponents w one attack?

- why aren’t we making wyvern evolve I DON’T CARE FOR DAN AND DRAGO’S JOURNEY ANYMORE

- THIS BITCH IS SCARED

- he saw julie and marucho both lose and said ‘haha not today’

[littlebigafterdark]

patton's asthma attack and finally agreeing to try therapy

content warnings: hurt/comfort, detailed description of asthma attack, very brief mention of past eating disorder, crying (i always hav that tho)

i copy pasted this from mine and livs discord convo so thats why it might be formatted weird and i swear a lot also if you see "hhh yeah" then thats liv commenting hshshsh

patton has had a cough the past few days because BASICALY since priscilla (remys cat) visited hes been more breathless with his asthma but he didnt tell anyone bc he doesnt want to worry them or make it so vee never get to see priscilla again if she cant visit anymore

so his asthma is acting up but he ignores it - and hes had asthma cough for a couple days (which is a sign of an incoming asthma attack) but again hes ignoring it, hes so used to brushing off symptoms he doesnt click what it means and he diesn ttake his inhaler when he needs it

WAAAHH oh fuck oh my god oh god wait fuck i just realised

the moment patton gets his asthma attack its saturday afternoon, roman is little and playing with logan and vee isnt quite little yet but fae's on faer way there, fae is very giggly and playful and patton says "okay babygirl, lets go get you changed!"

and when he gets up from the couch he takes a moment to cough and just stand still a sec bc he got suddenly dizzy but he pushed through it to not worry vee, and he actually usually lifts her onto his hip straight away, but this time he very subtly is like "okay hold daddys hand while we walk to the stairs"

so they get to the stairs and patton of course lifts vee up, and theyre only a few steps up when pattons breathing gets really heavy. it makes vee frown and look at him and say "daddy am i heavy?"

and patton smiles and shakes his head, because hes too breathless to speak. but he pushes through and hurries up as fast as possible

once theyre at the top of the stairs, patton is wheezing. his chest is rattling and whistling and he suddenly loses his smile and quickly hurries away from the stairs to place vee gently on the hallway floor, and as soon as vee is safe patton wobbily sinks to his knees and leans his head against the wall. his eyes shut tight trying so so hard to breath but its realy whistly now

and vee of course panics. "dady? papa are you okay??" and whimpers when patton doesnt react and clutches at his chest

and it throws her out of her semi regression. she jumps up and hurries downstairs, a little wobbily but ultimately fine. and she speints to where logan and riman are and yells "daddys h havin a panic attack!" and instantly starts crying

logan and roman were in the middle of a game and smiling and laughing but as SOON as they hear that they jump into action. logan runs out of the room to go to patton and roman grows up and runs to vee and lifts her up to shush her cries and calm her down - they dont even share a single look before they do this, they both just instinctively know what to do

and logan of course finds patton and realises its an asthma attack not a panic attack - he goes into his emergency like emotionless mode where he just gets the job done. he asks clearly where patton keeps his inhaler and patton just shakes his head. so logan alarmed asks "you dont have a reliever inhaler??" and patton winces and shakes his head again.

logan sprints to his room into his bedside drawer to find tthe inhaler he keeps for emergencies double checking it hasnt expired

he sits with his legs around patton, patton leaned back agains his torso, and puffs pattons inhaler for him and times the attack and the puffs (knowing that if it isnt better after ten puffs and fifteen minutes they have to call an ambulance) and using his own deep breaths against pats back to help him recalibrate his breathing

luckily it only lasts 8 and a half minutes and 8 puffs - but logan is so so shaken about the fact that that was very close to requiring medical assistance, he had his ohone out ready to dial 911

once pattons attack is over he's finally breathing, short and deep at first gasping in the oxygen, but within a few more minutes of sitting against logan it slows down and is much calmer. hes very shaky because the reliever inhaler does that to you, and weak from the tax on his body, so logan helps him up into their nearest bedroom (pattons)

at first he calls roman to swap places with him and watch over patton hust so logan can change vee into a diaper since she regressed from fear as soon as roman picked her up and obv he cant change her diaper

so roman sits with patton while logan does that and roman is actually really quiet and awkward and nervous, just looking wide eyed at patton and hugging himself.

and patton feels bad abt that and whispers "its okay little prince, daddys not hurt. im sorry for scaring you, honey" and roman just chews his lip and nods and looks down and they dont talk again until logan is back and roman goes out to take care of vee and logan comes in to lie with patton and rub his chest soothingly

logan is distressed and frustrated and shaken at that point but he knows not to have their conversation until the next day bc patton will be emotionally and physically exhausted

but the next day they have a serious talk - logans pretty ANGRY that patton was so ignorant of his wellbeing that he didnt refill his inhaler, patton brushes it off but logan says its a good thing he secretly kept one for patton (bc he almost suspected this might happen)

it rly hits patton when logan tells him if he had needed anymore puffs than he took they wouldve had to phone an ambulance - like patton not wanting to worry his family by admitting his asthma was acting up backfired way more and has made them worry even more because he had a full attack that could have gone so much worse

the whole conversation is VERY stern and serious even at the start when patton smiles and chuckles and jokes and brushes it off logan just gets frustrated and upset. logan is SO angry literally he is glaring at patton when patton brushes it off and makes jokes abt it and he snaps.

logan actually very seriously tells patton this is self harm and patton goes WHAT nonono no its not i dont know why youre getting so worked up

and logan fucking SNAPS like "Youre not giving your body what it needs to survive because you dont think your worth that!! you're neglecting your basic needs to the point of needing urgent medical care, doesnt that sound familiar??? doesnt that sound like something we've both been through before???" clearly referencing his eating disorder

and pattons eyes go wide and he profusely apologises hes like im so sorry oh my gosh logan honey im sorry did i trigger you im sorry and logans just like STOP APOLOGISING this isnt about me its about you!

and he sso angry bc he thought they trusted each other but the fact that patton didnt tell him when he literally couldnt breathe is so scary to logan

but that is basically an argument bc logan was so fucking worried and devastated that patton has ignored his health to such an extent and vee gets nervous bc both her and roman can hear them yelling and she thinks the cgs will breakup bc they "had a fight"

but once theyre finished talking and vee shakily asks if theyre not gonna be a family anymore they'll of course comfort faer and talk abt it, its not a fight its a disagreement and mummys and daddys have those sometimes. theyre still a family and they still love each other very very much. they all soend their family day together as usual, though patton isnt as able to get up and play with roman understandably

also the fact this all comes around the same week patton and logan tell vee that janus wants to babysit, thats why patton has been absent from the blog recently i guess bc hes been keeping busy trying to work through his feelings of janus wanting to come in

hhh yeah... the way it lines up to patton's other insecurities abt janus coming into the family and it all just piles on too much all at once

so on monday morning logan goes with patton to get more inhalers and they actually stay out for while like they go to a forest or smth just to be alone and help patton recenter a little - he's always loved being in nature, it really brings him a lot of peace, being in nature is really the best way to keep patton grounded from his dissociation, thats why hes always gardening

and logan doesnt want to be angry at him and he knows patton needs support and comfort atm even is patton doesnt think he does so they have a calm day just being together and logan trying to remind patton that hes there for him

HHH stop bc they YEAH bc they kinda had a fight even though it did get 'resolved' but they needed to take time to reconnect their energies and like show each other (and specifically logan show patton) that their love is still secure and their friendship is still strong - just the quiet care of logan taking patton somewhere they can just be alone without responsibilities

secretly patton was rlly upset that logan got angry with him but he didnt show it but logan KNOWS him and he knows he needs to fix it with queality time (pats love lang) because pattons been alone a lot recently, its just been that he keeps busy and accidentaly distanced himself bc the others would all be busy and hanging out in some way and he fet a bit abandoned but yeah logan is dedicating the whole day to him

and patton does end up talking abt his inner turmoil a little but not until theyre like in the middle of the forest and hes a lot calmer and theres no one around, he just feels so much calmer and safer in nature to open up like that.

and this is when patton tells logan about his worries about janus becoming closer to vee, and how its lovely for them but what if it hurts vee, what if they dont get along, what if they DO get along and vee wants to move back with janus. Logan doesnt say anything to the worries, he knows patton just needs to blurt them out while he can, while it mixes with the sounds of nature.

then patton mentions quietly that dr picani phoned him a couple weeks ago and told him that he would like to offer patton a trial session of therapy - not with vee, just patton. logan very calmly asks if that sounds like sometnging that might be helpful for patton and patton just giggles nervously "um i dont know. Vee has therapy"

logan frowns. "yes she does. but that doesnt mean you cant have it too, if you would like it"

patton goes quiet and looks anxious, scratching at the moss on the log theyve sat down on. so logan takes his hand and looks very earnestly at him and says gently "i would like you to at least accept the trial session. It is your decision but... i think it might be worth a try"

patton nods a little, just looking at their intertwined fingers. and after a long silence where they can just hear the birds tweeting and the wind rustling the leaves and small animals scurrying along the grass, patton finally looks up at logan and breathes "i'll go to therapy"

and when patton says that out loud suddenly his eyes well up and he sees logan smile at him - a little sad and a lot proud - and feels his hand squeeze and the tears just dont stop coming and he hides his eyes but laughs nervously like haha dont know why im crying this is so silly! but logan doesnt say anything to it, he just pulls patton into his side and rests his head on pattons head...

and patton keeps trying to laugh and joke but its so choked and sad and nervous and wet and logan wraps his other arm around patton too and just grntly whispers "pumpkin, its okay if youre not happy right now."

and patton just starts sobbing into logans shoulder and logan holds him so tight as they sit on the log

patton cant cope with silence when its about him yknow, he couldnt handle logan not laughing or tutting at his jokes so he just kept joking until logan insisted its ok to be sad

so once they get home logan sits with pstton while he phones dr picani and books his first solo therapy session for friday morning

[thrashgirl66-blog]

Whether to end a 22 year marriage or to endure the verbal abuse and controlling ways from my inlaws.

Where do you draw the line?? I have endured numerous times where my inlaws try to control our life, children, and our home .

It started right after we were married. We flew to vegas just the two of us and were married in a quiet and private ceremony . I was 7 months pregnant with my daughter Mia who's 21 now. My husband was 30 and I was 22. I didn't feel any different after we were married all I knew was I was madly in love and was thrilled to be having my first child. I watched" a baby story" everyday daydreaming about the day i would meet my first child. Jumping ahead to the day I knew that these people are going to be a problem. The day my daughter was born it was me and my husband and my mom in the delivery room. The moment she arrived my husband and I cried tears of joy and ahhh. It was love at first sight, then the nurses proceeded to do there first assessment. Then an aid comes in and states your family is causing a scene in the waiting room. The midwife I had suggested that I try to breastfeed right now to try and get a good start because I was a new mom. Then a nurse came in and said can we let the family in they are pretty upset they haven't seen the baby yet. I guess the breastfeeding can wait a little bit so my inlaws can meet there new grandchild. They came in and asked if my mother n law could hold my baby and i said ok. She held and stared at her, she looked at her so intently it was like nothing else existed. She stared like a mom stares at her new child. I waited patiently then I told George I would like my baby back please. It took 15min for George to pry my baby away from her. When they were done they just left. Didn't ask how I was or anything but i was so pumped from my new baby I let it go. Then next day a nurse practitioner was doing rounds and in my room i felt uneasy and depressed. I knew my controling inlaws would try and take over caring for my baby and at 22 i didn't know how to handle it. All I wanted was to be left to care for my child. Before I even had my baby my mother n law said that I wouldn't be a good mom and that id never be as good of a mother than her because shes had 5 children. One of which died at 6 months of sids according to her. Here first child from her first husband she left with her x husband in the Philippines because she got remarried and was afraid her new husband would hurt her son "her words".

I went back to work after 3 months and my inlaws watched my daughter during the day. While my daughter was at my inlaws I wasnt allowed to feed or change her cuz my mil would say im doing it wrong and take her from me. The insults and digs continued consistently then when my daughter was in first grade she came home and told me grandma said your stupid and had a fat butt. Whatever, then they gave her a cell phone so they could call her whenever she was home. Then came my first huge mistake. My husband wanted to go to nursing school in Connecticut so she wanted us to leave mia there and see her on the weekends. I was weak,young and i was stupid. I went with it then when school was over and we moved back it took us 3 years to untangle there grasp of my daughter. Souly because my mother n law was worried about my daughter. Apparently my father n law filled out the 6 month check from mass health and put himself as her primary guardian. So I couldn't even take my kid to the md without my father n law. Got a job and private insurance and they had nomore BS excuses to keep my kid. Now we are going to jump ahead to the present home and how we got here.

We were living with my dad because he had just gotten a divorce and fired from his job so he needed help . When we were there my inlaws walked in without knocking and walked around like they owned the place. George was preapproved for a VA loan so we started looking for our own home. Then my husband asked his father advice on buying a home and they took over. They found this house thats 50+ years old. My husband said he didn't like the house. My inlaws said you buy this house or were not going to help you, he said fine ill do it on my own. The next day they went to George and said we bought this house and its your inheritance so dont look a gifthorse in the mouth. This is you and michelles new home. Boy was that a blatant lie. 1 year after we got there my inlaws decided they don't like my father so while he was visiting having a coffee with me . They sent the police to my home and had him arrested. Firsttime in 60 years my dad was arrested.

At that time they announced that this was their house and they will say who can and cant go over. Then while George was at work they showed up unannounced as usual and said to me we got a lawyer to make sure that when you and George divorce you will not get this house. Whatever I said but was that necessary to announce to me. Throughout the next few years they told me to get out like 6xs not the family just me. They called the police on me 3xs because they started announcing there visits but could never take no as an awnser. My daughter got lice from school not a good time ,they called the police. My son has a fever not a goodtime they called the police. They also every 3 months would show up demanding a check for $1000 to pay the taxes. Take the check and pay at town hall because they didn't believe there son who has really good credit couldn't pay the taxes himself he was too irresponsible. Now I decided that im no longer spending my holidays with these people every holiday when we show noone would say hello or even look at me. We always ate alone because they never waited for us to arrive. They put me at the kids table and it was just a miserable time. Im done trying to endure the comments and yelling. Not having anyone to talk to during the holidays. So i stayed home told my husband feel free to go bring the kids but im staying home. Sex has seemed to have ended or if im lucky once a month. Whatever love was between us has been reduced to a coparent relationship. I miss him so much but I love my husband but i cant be apart of his family anymore. Im sick of having my property thrown away. Being belittled and be told im overreacting.

[macklives]

hi. so..... its been a while huh? feels kinda weird making a message on here, after what??? a month of not posting at fucking all??

and idk how to say that im sorry for taking so long, especially with kallie kinda sticking with me pretty much the whole time i was away. so we both kinda went AFK on everybody. and by god, this has also been the longest gap between updates. so yeah... i feel you all are owed an explanation. 

id like to give a short summary of what went down in my life recently. not so much as an excuse for my disappearance, but bearing in mind, i can't just come back suddenly without a notice as to why it took so long, and then start discussing homestuck theories as if nothing happened, that would be ...weird and off putting. im known as one to talk a lot in a post, so i think its expected. buckle up kiddos, this may be a long one, which you dont have to necessarily read, but im simply putting it out there for you all in case any of you may have been worried or confused. 

ALSO, keep in mind im alright with sharing this information because i needed some time to get over it in order to accept it, and being able to say this stuff means im pretty much ready to move on and go back to what it was like before (which for someone who has trouble focussing, can get quite fucking hard). so here's the last few months in a nutshell:

i got my wisdom teeth pulled so i was both in pain and numb for a week and a half after being drugged up with, idk, the IV they use to knock you tf out and that needle to numb your teeth?? and having those bad boys outta my mouth so that was a fun time. fuck that shit.

uhhh on the more upsetting side of things, a friend of mine recently passed away, but i took some time to recover from that. i didnt want to bum everybody out by liveblogging while in that state, nor did i feel like it was right to make jokes at that time (for obvious reasons) so i took some time off. and while i do still care for that person, after a while you have to come to terms that your life can't evolve around grief, and you have to move on eventually. its been a month and im doing way better than i was in the first week. so you dont have to worry really.. i even heard about the messages friends wrote on discord and let me tell you that i appreciate every response, i love all of them, i love all of you guys, but if any of you worry about me as of today, just know im doing perfectly fine and thats behind me now. so yeah, thats the worst of the news..

on less distressing matters, i changed up my job! i used to be a waitress at a restaurant to get that not so mucho money cash flowing, and now i got a full time placement as an intern (sort of full-time. full-time with student conditions). which in hindsight, to some may not sound like its any helpful, but considering im in my final year of college and i have to explore new places to get experience, id rather go where its needed so i reach that specific goal in mind. and you have to start somewhere, so this is where ill start heading. though i do still have to graduate which will take a lot of stress out of me eventually but it hasnt yet caught up lol... yikes to when that fuse blows in the future. 

and finally, the most frustrating part of the month, idk who it was specifically, the company or the landlord, but eh details arent that important, anyways, the landlord and/or its agency messed up with our rental situation and lost a lot of our info so i had to spend a lot of time trying to get that back while also filling out tax returns bc those were finally put out. so yeah, we kinda just have to wait for a notice, though i personally think everything will be fine. we’re considering moving out eventually, but thats probably gonna have to wait a bit longer. while we’re still angry, the landlord respected that it was out of line and apologised while making it up to us, so that was fair enough.

so YEAH, you can pretty much say its been one hell of a fucking month, and i had barely any time to liveblog let alone be in contact with friends that i kinda missed so fucking much????... i basically didnt want to bring anybody down with me (emotionally or mentally), so i decided to at least give you all a warning that i wouldnt be on for a while, hence the last update a few weeks prior, and to take a break for myself to figure out my situation, to rest, and to try and get healthier despite that wisdom fuck week, which nobody warned me wisdom teeth removals were ABSOLUTE HELL

but... im glad to be back, im not sure ill get back into the rhythm of how things used to be, meaning, posting almost every day....that would have to wait a bit unfortunately. however, i think it would be best if i made a sort of schedule for myself. maybe a liveblog twice a week, starting the next. it would help out a lot. i hope to start off with that at least, and not push myself too hard for hours anymore nor the stress of needing to post daily. i loved it, dont get me wrong, but sometimes it took a lot out of me since i know it takes a lot of my time. that being said, i will be on discord, maybe tomorrow? and probably be more active on there from now on, since everything is sorta cleared in my life and there's no more hectic commotion 24/7. the only thing at this rate stopping me from being active is having family over in the next couple weeks. but otherwise, yeah, its good to be back and im again sorry for my absence once more.

yours, 

mackenzie <33

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

[collective-laugh]

Detective AU - Muriel x MC Chapter 5

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four

@a-zoidberg-aesthetic@lesbiancountess @fartkittyonline @yaysam@y-all-dnt-ve@countgoatman-and-drleechboy @julians-chest-hair@vesuviass @caterpiller-tea @saltywerewolfrebel @obsessedwiththearcana@thatsaltyseaman@xburningwitch @i-dont-speak-wolf@missrabbitart @softarcana @ethereal—pisces @cfluffiness @lhm-2001

Chapter Song Inspiration: “It’s a Sin” by Eddy Arnold Summary: Asra finally gets some insight to the events of the past...and meets with a mysterious stranger

 Chapter 5: Sin

“Do you have any intent to marry me, Asra?”

The question startled him, though he figured it was bound to happen sooner or later. People were getting married left and right, especially with the war finally ending, and he knew how important stability was to her, how much she needed it.

Her question didn’t have the malice he expected, though. It was concise, neat, like she’d been playing it in her head, over and over again, like she was deciding exactly how she wanted to say it.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to tell her that the ring in his pocket was shaped just for her finger, or how he was, in fact, planning on marrying her.

She wasn’t angry, or even disappointed. Her expression was neutral, like that of the nun who used to smack her ruler against his knuckles.

The shock wears off before it’s too late to save the subject, and he puts on that charming grin he was so used to getting into trouble for. His arm winds around her waist, pulling her flush against him, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Intentions are nothing, sweetheart.” His lips are soft as they trace the curve of her jaw, “I’m gonna marry you.”

She smiles, thrilled and seduced, and so very, very in love, tilting her head back just enough for him, “And what if the war sweeps you away from me?”

“I promised you, right?” He kisses her jaw, “I’m gonna marry you, one of these days.”

She pulls away, rolling her eyes, “One day soon?”

He kisses her, full on the mouth, tipping her chin, “Very, very soon.”

The train jolts, knocking his head against the window and pulling him out of the altogether unpleasant memory - dream? Dream of a memory? He didn’t know the terminology.

He checks to be sure that he still has his bag and that everything is still in place, and that Faust wasn’t hurt in the commotion. He was still shaken from the memory, and knew that he hadn’t been wrong in saying that intentions were nothing.

Obviously, as he was still entirely unmarried and she was still without a spouse.

The thought has tears springing to his eyes, and with the way the woman adjacent to him was already looking up at him from her book, he wasn’t too keen on her judgemental stares - though, he thinks, Faust was bound to draw a few confused looks.

He should’ve married her then, under the stars. She would’ve loved that, he knows, just he and her and the priest to have them hitched, and…

Fuck, his intentions were shit, and he felt like shit.

And he wasn’t an idiot. He saw how Muriel looked at her. But when he had her, he felt like…

He felt immune, like there was nothing that could tear them apart, like they would be married and have babies and have a normal life, and he would go work in an office and they could manage the house and they would be together -

Instead, she was stuck in that damp hole in the wall, all on her own.

He couldn’t help but hate himself for that.

At least Muriel was there for her. Maybe he’d finally make a goddamn move.

He stands, silently excusing himself from the cart and making his way to the lavatory, pushing past the steward, tears stinging his eyes and Faust curling. Blessedly, no one else had the same idea and he's free to bawl his eyes out while he slides down the door, idly reaching up to lock the door.

He hiccups, pulling his legs to his chest, and it's so overwhelming, thinking of her, of who she used to be, and the fact that everyone around her couldn't help but to fall in love with her.

A shaky hand reaches into his pocket, pulling the simple golden wedding band free, sobbing into his hand.

He’s known for a long time now that he’d never really have her, not like she was. She was still the woman he fell in love with all those years ago, but there was more than that - or, less, he supposed, considering she didn’t even remember who she was.

He was still in love with her, in the little things she did, in the way she scrunched her nose when she was annoyed or how she would dance when the radio managed to croak out a song she felt deserved to be graced with the sway of her hips.

Sometimes, if he was daring enough, he’d stand up and dance with her - not like there was much work coming in nowadays anyway - and spin her just so, and she’d smile at him in just a way that nearly convinced him that she could possibly feel something for him the way he felt for her.

But he knew better, knew better than to believe that she could feel anything other than confused. It was only a matter of time before she asked about her family, who she was before, what, exactly, drove her to him in the first place.

Or, more terrifying, it was a matter of time before she tired of the waiting game and left.

He couldn’t blame her for wanting to leave, but it might just kill him.

He could live with her moving on, with finding someone new, even if it was Muriel, or Doctor Devorak, or some other man who deserved to be loved by her, and he was grateful for having felt it, even briefly, no matter how much he craved more.

He could live with her staying, with her complacency. With the two of them living together and solving their cases and just trying to make ends meet. He could live with pretending like he didn’t love her anymore, as long as he knew she was alright.

But the world was cruel, and she had only seen hard times.

Faust headbutts him, concern written across her little snake face, and he wished that she could talk, that he could ask her advice, for anyone’s advice, really, because the longer this went on, the more taxing it became.

And then, like a sign from god, Faust nudges the ring in his hand. He takes a shaky breath, the tears finally stopping, but a sob threatening to rack his chest again. He stands, careful not to jostle Faust too much, and stands before the toilet, truly unsure if he was ready to do this, or, hell, if it was the right thing to do, but he couldn’t hold on anymore, couldn’t…

The ring lands in the toilet in time with his stomach dropping, and it hurts, so damn much.

But it’s swept away with the flush of the toilet, and he has to put a hand on the far wall to steady himself because he was genuinely frightened that he would topple at any given moment.

Faust wraps herself around his neck, and he walks back to his cart in a half-daze, never having felt so simultaneously free, yet stuck.

He practically falls into his seat, letting his hand rest in his hand, and the woman doesn’t even bother trying to hide her stares behind her book this time.

Fine. Let her stare.

Maybe he was being selfish, lying to her, keeping her there, giving her the job and holding onto her with every fiber of his being, but there was too much on the line otherwise. Losing her was...too much.

He does get off on the Nevivon stop, though. He wouldn’t lie to her about that.

But, that didn’t stop him from lying about his intent -

No, he didn’t lie. He said it was business. Actual, money-making business, that would hopefully save them all from the pits of poverty.

He’s set to meet the client at a diner that Dr. Devorak has probably frequented at some point, and another pang of guilt hits him at the thought of the doctor.

The diner is quaint, if a little tacky and decidedly understaffed, though there’s only one customer, sitting in a booth, without anything in front of her. He figures that she’s either the client, or she’s some passerby he’s about to start an awkward conversation with.

“Detective?” The woman asks, voice stern and experienced, and it genuinely rattles Asra to his core, wondering what this woman must have seen.

He covers his nerves with a charming smile, holding his hand out to her as he stands by the booth, “Call me Asra.”

She stands and looks at his hand like it might carry some disease, but takes it, shaking it firmly, “You can help me?”

“That depends.” He jests, taking a seat, the client following suit, “So long as I’m not killing anyone, we should be fine.”

Her lips are pressed in a thin line, eyes unimpressed, and Asra got the impression that she didn’t need him to kill anyone for her.

He clears his throat and asks, “Who are we looking for?”

“My child.” Asra’s heart felt like it was swelling into his throat. These were always the worst.

The kids were usually the dead ones.

Asra nods, taking a long, deep breath, “Alright. I brought a couple of things for you to fill out - can you give me your name?”

Her eyes flit over to the waitstaff, who still refused to take their order just yet. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips, and her name slips out in a hushed whisper, like it could really be such a big secret. He supposed it could, though, depending on how much shit she was in.

“Nasrin.” It almost pains her to say it, but Asra tries to remain level, setting the papers in front of her.

He would make this work. For her.

[geminimoonbeamx]

Of All The Things Unsaid

A/N: Lately my life has been emotionally taxing af and I needed to project it somewhere. I’ve never written anything quiet like this- I hope you guys get some enjoyment out of it? Side note- listen to Goodbye by Apparat if you really want to hurt. 

Rating: Pretty M- heavy cursing, sexual situations, drug use and character death. All around heartbreak.

Summary: You loved him, and he loved you. That’s the tragedy of it all, isn’t it? A Bucky x Plus Size Reader one-shot

You and Bucky had a routine.

One that was easily fallen into- that you'd stuck to for months. Seven months and two weeks, give or take, to be exact...christ. Had it really been over  half a year since that fateful night in the thirty first floor commons? The one where he had been plagued by old demons, and you by new ones and the electric attraction that had always fizzed between the two of you, the one that you’d both shyly ignored and toyed with, had finally come to a head that night.

Both of you need a crutch. Something tangible that could quiet the dark thoughts that we’re pitt like in your head. You could keep them at bay during the day time- but there, in the midnight haze it was harder. 

And you’d found it, something to quiet your head, that chilly night in December.

In his arms, your back pressed against his chest as the two of you had turned your friendly cuddling on the expensive couch, into slow, deep dry humping. The kind where he had been panting in your ear hot and present and so real and you’d let out sweet little hums as you pressed your ass into his crotch, like you’d been wanting to for so long.

When he finally kissed you, his big hand cradling your jaw as he turned your head and sealed his lips over yours, you should have known you we’re way in over your head.

You thought you’d felt good before- thought you’d felt pleasure and attraction and all that good stuff- but kissing Bucky felt euphoric on a level that was, and is, still hard to comprehend. The way his lips felt, soft and firm and scratchy because of his close cut beard. Wet and warm and searching.

After that night, after the two of you had made each other come so many times that there was no room in your lust ridden heads for darkness-

The routine had started.

It only happens twice a month, on good months usually. Sometimes, rare times, its an opposite case and the two of you fuck every day for a week.

But it always goes a little something like this:

The two of you act normal around each other in public- like you haven't tasted every part of each other there is to taste; spit and come and the breath from each others lungs,

and the team is none less the wiser. For the most part- you do however work with the top agents, assassins and superheros in the world. A couple of people have figured out. Everyone keeps their respected space though, which is appreciated..

It’s always you asking for it.

By text, or call. By small touches and longing glances. You’d figured that it was because he still wasn't the best at asking for what he wanted, at first. That maybe it was just him not being the boldest crayon in the box.

But everyday he seemed to bloom brighter- Steve frequently telling him stories about the “old days”, about Bucky in his prime and how much of himself he had gotten back. That swagger- he’d never lose it. That magnetism, that charm that lied just beneath the surface. Well it wasn't so hidden anymore.

He smiled. Cracked jokes. Was a stark contrast to the man that you’d first met, all those years ago in an airport in Berlin.

And yet, for some reason, he continued to keep you at arms length. Sometimes farther then that actually.

He made you feel...so many things. Overwhelming things. For one, no man had ever put the effort into your body and making you feel good. Bucky would wring three, sometimes four orgasms out of you before he even fucked you some nights. Would make you scream and writhe and beg and then quiet you, by giving you even more.

It was more then the sex, too. It was the tenderness. It was the way he’d drag his hands, and his mouth across every part of you. All the parts you’d kept hidden. Jiggly parts, sagging, marked. Scars and stretch marks, Bucky didn't mind. He liked all of you. He wanted all of you, on those nights.

Worshiped every part of you.

And you did the same. All the ugly he saw about himself, you saw none of it. He was all hard muscle and sinew covered in soft skin and soft hair. Adonis, Apollo, Zeus himself. A god, your god.

Being on your knees for him, just felt so right.

At first.

But then…

Well there’s only so much one’s pride can take. Especially someone like you, who had always been so, so prideful. Out of the seven deadlies, that one had always gotten you into the most trouble.

It wasn't just that you always had to reach out first; the multiple calls and texts that it took to get through to him sometimes. Getting left on seen could make anyone itch, irritated.

But it was the fact that he’d open up to you, just tiny fragments and little bits at a time, and then close all the way up. Ziplock style. Airtight and unyielding

In the darkness of your room, or his; in soft sheets warmed by each other’s body heat you cracked open like an egg for him. Spilled your guts, yellow yolk of your soul to him as he massaged your scalp, his fingers tangling in your hair. Pressed kisses that seared into your skin.

He listened to you, talked to you. Laughed with you. Fucked you- hard and mercilessly and then gently like you were the most important thing, the most fragile, beautiful thing.

The intimacy that had built between the two of you was overwhelming and one day it slapped you in the face, knocked the breath out of your lungs that you we’re very, very much in love with him.

And Bucky? Well you could tell that those feelings we aren't reciprocated.

He didn't want this, whatever this was, to exist outside of the moments where it was hidden in the cover of starry nights and locked rooms.

It wasn't like you'd never experienced this before, because you had. Many a time. It came with the territory of being a plus sized woman in a world we’re European beauty standards didn't quite cover you.

Bucky wasn't embarrassed of you. You strongly believed that...at first.

He just wasn't ready for any kind of relationship. Not yet. Maybe later on…

But seven months later and you we’re starting to doubt what his intentions we’re.

It was little things:

The pats on the shoulder he gave you in front of the team.

The way him and that agent- the SHIELD one who was nice enough but looked at him like a piece of steak- seemed to be so chummy.

The way he ardently argued that he didn't want to go do things in the daylight; he was tired. Beat from missions. Hated people. Just wanted to be with you, or so he said. 

--

The beginning of the end came one night. After a long intense session of Bucky pounding you into the mattress, of his grinding hips and bruising lips-

“How was therapy today?” You questioned innocently as he laid his head on your chest. You played with the damp, sweat dried, tendrils of his hair idly.

“It was okay” Was all the answer you got.

“Yeah? How is it going with her? I was talking to Dr. Tessa(your own therapist) and she said that she was one of the best?” You press on. You shouldn't have.

Bucky looks up at you, resting his chin on your soft breast “I miss the ones in Wakanda, but she’s fine I guess. I just need to get to know her a little better before I can say for sure, you know? It’s not...easy...for me to talk about som’a the shit in my head”

Yeah you did know. You play with his hair a little more, as he stares at you and waits.

“You know you can talk to me, always. About anything, right?” you say, forcing yourself to look into his storm blue eyes. He blinks, long. And then looks away.

“I know. But trust me when I say you don't want that, Y/N” He announces after a moment and starts to pull himself from your breast, from you. From this conversation.

“I don't really think you know what I want” You reply strongly, holding on to him. Trying to keep him close.

It doesn't work. He’s stronger than you, in more ways than one.

The two of you lay there on your backs, for longer then a moment. Staring at the ceiling.

You don't know why you feel like crying, but this feels like all those thoughts that you’d had bubbling up- you knew he didn't want more and here you we’re, pushing anyway. He must be getting annoyed. Must be sick of the constant texts. Of you buzzing around him-

“What do you want?” His deep, velvet voice rings out in the dark room and you force yourself to stay calm. With his hearing, he’d pick up if your breathing changed. If you started sobbing.

Because you cant tell him- can't stand the idea of his rejection.

“I just want you to be able to trust me like I trust you” You whisper back and he wiggles closer so that your shoulders touch.

“I do trust you” He chuckles and you're happy he keeps it so damn dark in this room. If you guys we’re in yours there would be candles everywhere. He’d see your face and the expression on it.

“Then what happened on the mission? You came back...in pretty bad shape”

“It went south- I was able to get it right again. What happened in between isn't really any of your concern, baby doll” you wonder if he means to sound so? Void.

“But I am concerned...if you wanted to talk about it, about any of it-”

“I dont Y/N. Especially not tonight, okay?”

Ouch.

But you guess it was warranted. You we’re trying to make him do things he didn't want to. Trying to make him feel things he didn't.

You had no right.

“Okay, I understand. Um, sorry. I can go” You start as you sit up.

Where had he thrown your shirt?  You’re scrambling, trying to locate your clothes in the dark while pulling the sheet to your chest because it doesn't feel right to be naked around him anymore “I’ll go. I just”

“No, you dont have to” Bucky protests, as he sits up too,

and reaches for you  

You avoid his grabby hands and slide out of his bed. Hah, there's your shirt, tossed haphazardly on his night stand.

“Really, Bucky it’s okay” You insist, feeling stupid as you flail around in the dark, hunting for your pajama bottoms. Hating yourself and this situation. Why? Had you let it get this far.

“Doll, Y/N. Stop” He schooches to the end of the bed and grabs your small, doughy hand in his large one. You look down at him, can make out the silhouette of him staring up at you.

“Stay” is all he has to say.

And you should go. Protect what's left of your heart and run.

But you crawl back into the circle of his arms.

You don't feel much better as you drift to sleep. But you know he does, as he nuzzles his nose in your hair. Makes that almost purring sound he does when he’s truly content.

And you realize...you’ve traded your happiness for his.

Would move heaven and earth to see this man that had been through so much pain smile. Even if it hurt you. 

--

Days later- the nail is driven into the coffin when you happen to stumble upon a set of assassins in a conference room.

That sounds unlikely right? Like the universe would have to set it up for that to even happen?

You’d been running an errand for Pepper-  not minding because to you she was the queen of the universe and you liked hanging out with her, made you feel normal even though you’re literally the farthest from, when you stopped in your tracks.

The hallway outside the cracked conference room isn’t empty, assistants and Stark industry employees with clearance to this level  walk freely.

You think that’s how you manage to spy on the spy’s.

They speak in broken Russian, Bucky and Natasha.

He’s sat on one of the swivel chairs and she’s perched on the table.

You admit, you don’t hear much, as you stand by the door, just out of sight. Lurking in the shadows doesn’t feel as cool as it looks in movies.

“I don’t know, Natalia. It’s just- I’m overwhelmed a little bit by it. By her” Bucky admits, jaw clenching for a moment. You can only see the back of his head really but you can imagine he doesn’t look to pleasant.

“Then you need to tell her. She deserves to know” Natasha argues, soft and firm in that way that only she can pull of.

Overwhelmed? Who is She? Are you she? Is she you?

“She doesn’t deserve it- I- I don’t want to mess her up over it” Bucky goes on but Natasha cuts him off.

“So just being distant is your game plan? What? Are you just going to be an ass until she gets the point? You and Y/N both deserve better then that” and then she speaks in Russian, it sounds like a curse. She punctuates it with a shake of her head.

Your heart is pounding. You’re surprised he can’t hear it. It’s making you dizzy, it feels like it’s going to jump out of your chest- she said your name. It is you they’re talking about.

You should leave. Why are your feet suddenly cemented to the ground?

They speak in Russian some more and you’re really trying to grasp it some of it so you can look it up on google translate.

“I just need space to figure it out ? You’re not making it any better! I already feel like shit about everything, okay?” Bucky snaps in English and ice water floods your veins.

You knew it. You had overwhelmed him. He didn’t know how to let you down easy. He’s telling Natasha as much and you’ve never felt so embarrassed, shamed in your life.

You cling to the thin tablet full of documents Pepper had sent you away with, cling until your fingers ache and force yourself to walk away.

You don’t want to hear anymore. Think you’ll literally be sick if you do.

You’re halfway down the hallway, all but running away from the scene you’d stumbled on. You don’t have super soldier hearing, so you don’t hear the rest of the conversation-

“She deserves more than me. It doesn’t matter that I love- that I feel how I feel about her. She’s- she’s fucking sunshine. And I’m-“ Bucky struggled to get out. He feels so much for you, it’s hard to put it in words.

“A good man?” Natasha interjects with a raised brow. Daring him to deny it.

“Tainting her” Bucky corrects her. And he’s wrong, so wrong but he thinks he’s right and he’s so stubborn and Natasha knows not even she will get him to budge.

“If you don’t tell her how you feel, you’re going to lose her. You ready to deal with that, soldat?”

And Bucky's mouth gets dry at the thought.

What he doesn’t realize, in that moment, is he already has. 

--

It starts off with you being more distant towards him then you ever had. You keep a wide berth, never in the same space as him unless forced. Team meetings and meals/ but even then you are all but running away from him.

You used to text him all of the time- memes, asking him about his day. Little things that made him glow bright.

Not anymore- there’s radio silence from you now. He dims a little darker every day that he receives nothing from you.

Weeks go by. You drift further from him and it’s like his heart is unraveling in his hands. He can’t manage to pull on a string that will pull you back to him- when he tries it just seems to unravel further.

He texts. Multiple times. An embarrassing amount of times.

You don’t even read them. Don’t even open them.

He goes out of his way to aim conversations at you when you are around- and you avoid it. The awkwardness handing heavy around you as you avoid talking to him directly.

He wants to see you. He misses you. Wants you. Your skin and your laughter and your eyes- the way they used to be soft and accepting for him always.

What happened? Had you finally realized just how fucked up he was? Finally come to the conclusion that you needed to cut it off.

He hasn’t felt like this since before the war. He remembers the way heartbreak tastes, acidic and at the back of his throat.

Had it ever burnt this bad, though? Cut this deep?

He hates everything, the pain causing him to dig up old wounds.

He hates Hydra and what they did to him. He hates that he’s not dead, that it would take a hell of a lot to kill him now.

He hates that it takes Asgardian mead to get him drunk and Thor seems to be out of it at the moment and it takes three hundred years to brew.

He hates that Steve and Natasha and Sam seem to pick up on his sour mood and won’t leave him the fuck alone. He hates that Natasha had him thinking for even a moment that you loved him back.

He can’t hate you though. It would probably be easier than loving you, but Bucky can’t do anything but love you. It’s like he was built to love you- to adore you with every fiber of his being.

He’s tainted goods. Some days he feels like he’s redeemed himself- or at least is on that road. And others he feels the blood on his hands threaten to drown him.

He wasn’t kidding when he said you were sunshine - that you’d come into his life and brightened it in a way that he couldn’t have expected. That he now realized he didn’t deserve.

Bucky takes every mission he can. Anything to run away from the pain of you not loving him back. 

--

Three months later; Tony Stark decides to have a party. It’s not a rare occurrence by any means. This ones a luncheon for the reinstatement of SHIELD.

It’s a controversial topic and not everyone is on board, but the decor is beautiful and the catering is superb.

You’d forced yourself into your old routines- ones that didn’t involve Bucky. Kickboxing, yoga. Gotten your sleep schedule back to where it was- at least when you weren’t on missions. Flew back home whenever you could to see your family. Spent time with your friends *couch, Wanda*

You were still fucking devastated, but you were maintaining.

No one would ever know that you were heart broken beyond repair; not with the pretty, black and long sleeved off the shoulder pencil dress you wore. Not with how perfectly sculpted and highlighted your face was- your hair shiny and styled.

You charm with the best of them; mingling with the three hundred or so SHIELD agents, Stark employees and congress people.

If there’s one thing you’d worked hard to perfect in your time as an Avenger- it was your public persona. Your game face. It’s why you always made sure to look presentable, all caked up and girly. Being fat, you already had to try 10x harder than you would, but also being enhanced? A mutant? A previously labeled terrorist? Oh yeah, the game face was a must.

It breaks when you see Bucky at the bar, laughing with that agent. The pretty red headed one who looked at him like the whole meal he was; petite and tight all over, you’d be lying to yourself and also being the world's biggest hater to deny her beauty.

He looked...like he was having a good time. Laughing with her and Sam and Steve. Looked right next to her.

He had a thing for redheads, any how, right? Steve had mentioned one from the forties and him and Natasha…

Maybe you’d never been his type. That would make it all make sense.

You excused yourself from the conversation.

“Are you okay?” Wanda can feel you bubbling and you smile and nod, like you always do, but she knows you feel like you’re dying.

She can feel it, too.

“I just- um- I’m going to go powder my nose, or something”

Powdering your nose equals you doing a line of coke in a private bathroom. Trying to recenter yourself enough to go on with the rest of the lunch.

You knew it would help, it always did. Had been getting you through some nasty shit as of late.

So you suck up those fine white lines, off of one of your credit cards and let them turn the chaos in your head to a dull buzz. The drip tastes foul, but feels good, as good as you’re going to get.

You make sure your nose is clean, that your hair is fluffed and your lipstick is re applied. No evidence of what had happened.

You don’t need to be labeled the coke head superhero. You doubt that will do for the teams image.

Running into Bucky in hallway on your way back- well considering your life and luck, you shouldn’t have been surprised.

Hell, there were literal hundreds of hallways in this building- and yet there he was.

In his form fitting charcoal trousers and his black button down. With his hair pulled back into low bun. His sharp jaw on display.

You miss kissing it. Missed the way it felt beneath your lips.

“Hey…” you trail off. Feeling alien and high and anxious.

He keeps his eyes trained downwards at you, like he can’t look away and internally you squirm.

“Hi- it’s um, good to see you” He gruffs, sounding equally as awkward as you feel “I- you haven’t been around much lately”

“Yeah, I guess not”

He bites the inside of his cheek.

“I hope you’re doing alright” is all he can think to say, out of all the things in his head, that’s what he chooses.

And you can’t help it. You snort. At the audacity.

After all he’d put you through, for him to say that? God, why is your life like this?

“I’m fine, Bucky, if you’d excuse me” you try to walk around him and it’s like muscle memory, like he doesn’t even have control of himself.

His blood and bone hand reaches out and grabs your wrist, halting you.

Your stomach bubbles with emotion.

“I-I miss you” Bucky whispers. He’s so close you can feel that heat you’d longed for radiating from his body. You can smell him. Taste him on the back of your tongue…

“That’s so not fair” you protest, looking him in the eye as you say it. For the first time, mustering up your courage and saying your piece “You don’t get to say that to me- not after I literally begged you- you pushed me away, Bucky”

“I know”

“You did this to me. Fuck” your voice is shaky and his eyes are pained.

“I know, doll baby, I’m so sorry. If we could just, if you could just let me-“ You hate that you want to cave. That seeing him this hurt destroys you.

You can’t let him finish. You’ll want to do what he says, you’ll want to make him happy again.

And you can’t trade your happiness for his anymore.

“No, I can’t. I just can’t, so please let me go. I have to go” you tug your wrist out of his grip and he lets you. His own hand, balled into a fist slapping back down to his thigh as he watches you walk as fast as your heels will carry you down the hallway.

Away from him.

His face feels numb as the tears rim in his eyes.

Everything in his body tells him to chase you- but you’d asked him to let you go and although it feels wrong, and he hates it, he’ll do as you asked. 

--

It was supposed to be a routine mission. Not exactly an in and out, taking down a Hydra cell in Beirut.

You, Steve, Bucky, Natasha and Tony were supposed to be more than enough. Supposed to be, being the key word.

Hydra was a lot of things, never to be underestimated. And you guys hadn’t. All the recon, didn’t prepare you for the fact that they had been planning on you guys finding them.

There were extra men. It was a fire fight- with Tony in the sky and Steve and Bucky literally ripping men limb from limb in an attempt to even the ante-

You hold your own, your training coming in handy.

But it all happens so fast.

Youre caught mid teleport.

You feel a crushing weight in your chest. You just think you’d just been punched, hard. It’s just pressure, really, until the man in tax gear pulls the large knife from your flesh.

Blood, your blood dripping coating and dripping from the blade that had just been embedded in you,

Cold shock runs through you and your ears ring so loud you can’t hear anything over them. He goes to plunge it back, but your eyes snap closed and you use all of your energy to teleport from his arms.

You don’t get far. Falling in a heap at his feet, but it gives you enough time to watch the bullet pierce his head from behind. A bullet in his forehead oozing before he drops, dead weight beside you.

Youre gasping. Both hands clutching at your chest that you almost can’t feel. It doesn’t hurt, and that scares you more.

No pain. That’s bad right?

No pain, but your hands are slippery wet and when you look at them, coated in crimson.

No pain but you can’t catch your breath. Can’t take a breath. Are gasping around the hole inside you.

Then there’s black pant clad legs infront of you, heavy combat boots familiar, before you’re laid on your back, a hand coming to cradle the back of your head, tilting it off or her cold, cement floor.

Then, you’re looking up at Bucky who has yanked off his eye mask and who is staring down at you, his blue eyes wide. Scared, more fear then you’ve ever seen in them

His pink lips moving. He’s saying something but your ears are ringing so loudly still.

“B-Bucky” you gasp. Really- it comes out as more of a gurgle. Fear runs through you at the sound of it and you tremble.

“You’re okay, it’s okay, Y/N. Don’t talk- we have to keep pressure on the wound” he moves your hands so that his big one can hold the wound. Yours instantly reach to grip his, bloody fingers intertwining.

You’re leaking.

From your eyes and your mouth. From the hole. Tears and blood and soul exiting your body.

And all Bucky can do is watch. Is grasp you, try to keep pressure as he screams into his com that you need a medevac, that you’re hurt bad, that you need help bad.

He’s usually stony, calm. All his years in the army, and then in Hydra. He’s always calculated on missions.

How can he be calculated when you’re dying. When there’s nothing he can do. When sunlight is melting in his hands.

“I-“ it’s a gurgle again, bloody and frothy and your eyes unfocus. “B-b-b”

“Shh, baby, please don’t talk. It’s alright, you’re gonna be o-kay” he chokes on a sob because it’s a lie. You’re not. He knows the human body- he knows that where the knife had pierced you- he’d hit an artery.

You’re bleeding out, he knows it- you have minutes. Less than. And there’s nothing he can fucking do.

You don’t hurt, you want to tell him. It’s okay. You want to tell him.

I love you so much.

You’re so stupid for never telling him.

You try to open your mouth but it’s full- you can’t swallow and blood flows from the corners. Into your hair, across your face.

Instead you smile, and it’s bloody and morbid, and you squeeze his hand with both of yours. It’s weak and barley there but he can feel it. He squeezes back.

Squeezes long after you’ve gone limp and the spark, all that light and life and vibrance, leaves your eyes. Until Steve grabs his shoulder, forces him to let go of you. Of your corpse.

I love you, he thinks as he watches Tony, in his iron man suit, carry you away. You’re limp and stiff in his metal arms.

I love you.

Neither of you ever got the chance to tell each other.

And now you never will. 

@peacefulwriter88 @geekyweed @gifsbysimplysonia @prettybubblesintheair @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @plumfondler @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @sad-af1121 @thatawkwardtinyperson @brieannakeogh @paulxrudd @prettyyoungtragedy @whichwayisthebeach-seabass @shay-iamiam @kagome1414 @thejamesoldier @papi-chulo-bucky @spidey-babe-parker @rachelle-on-the-run

Aaaaaaand all I can say is I’m sorry? That I don’t know where this came from and I apologize for trauma? I love you guys?

Let me know what you thought of this one and we can all be sad together.

[someoneudontknowabout]

We're not kids anymore

Hi guys ^^ Come with a third chapter. Don't hesitate to leave me any comment or advice :)

Chapter three-when kids playing together, they actually trying to kill each other.

She was definitely stronger , damn it. The training in space with Umibouzu was useful. He was impressed but said nothing and smiled to her. She turned red, just a little, she was surprised by his reaction :

-You turned into a masochist mister tax robber ?

He chuckled.

-Maybe with you ? Don't know.

She felt even more surprised and embarrassed.

-Anyway I have to go back to Yorozuya, it's late. What people gonna say after seeing me with you all alone now ? I'm engaged now-Aru.

-You Always were so careless about people and their judgment. I hate change.

-Yeah because I was a kid and single, Don't make me beat your poor ass again.

-You didn't win kusogaki.

She grimaced at him :

-Well, we will have an another round so.

-I will make you scream and beg like a slave on my knees. We will have fun !

-What a miserable dream...

She glared at him before turning her back to go home.

She was walking slowly in the sunset. Kagura didn't feel comfortable when she was thinking about her future, about the wedding and about Hiroshi, her future husband. At the beginning, she didn't care really, she was ok to meet him. He is a nice guy so she wasn't worried. That was before she came back to earth.

She founds back all her relatives and suddenly she began to think twice about this wedding plan. People reactions made her unsure. When she announced the news to Gin and Shinpachi, they froze. Strangely, Gin didn't look really older, he looked like he was always in his twenties.

First, Gin looked mad at her :

-WHAT?!?! Don't kidding me you kusogaki! You can't be married before me!

-Before us! Said Shinpachi.

-Shut the hell up Cherry boy! Screamed Gin and Kagura.

-Whose the guy by the way, Kagura ? Asked Mégane.

-Oh papi found him, his name is Hiroshi Harata, he is cool.

-What the fuck?! Kagura Chan you are really ok with that? Dont wanna wait more? Are you really sure? Insisted Shinpachi.

Sakata Gintoki was silent. He looked carefully at her and finally said with a serious tone in his voice:

-I'm really surprise by your announce.

Kagura had a really weird feeling.

-Are you really mad on me Gin-chan? Wanna me to stay live here? I will not marry without your consent!

But Gin didn't really focus on what she said, he seemed lost in his thought.

-Kagura I will give you my consent if this is what you trully want.

-NANNY? Asked Shinpachi.

-But... Before you tell me your final decision, take your time! Don't need to run. Listen kid, you have to be sure and have no regrets in the future. You have to be sure he is the only guy made for you. It's a serious business here so don't screw up.

She felt nervous after his speech. Jesus why he had to be so serious about that?

She wanted to go out for a walk and went to Shimura's dojo met Otae. She was really happy to see her again, she told her about the wedding too and hope she will be happy for her, not like Gin and Shinpachi.

-Kagura-Chan! What a surprise! That's funny how wrong I was! She said happily.

-Ah? What are you talking about anego?

-At the time, I was pretty sure you had a crush on the young colleague of gorilla-san.

That was the craziest moment of her damn day. Her so pretty face twisted in an awful grimace of disgust and consternation.

-Anego! Are you loosing your mind? Are you sick? Want me call an ambulance for you?

Otae laughted at her reaction.

-Ah you know, you were surrounded by adults like Gin and Katsura. He was the only boy closed to you and you played together all the time. It was cute.

-It wasn't cute! Urgh! We ain't playing! We trying to kill each other! How is it cute? He is a cold sadist Anego.

-Yeah, yeah I get it! But still...he saved you and risked his own life. I appreciate him since that.

She had a sudden flash back. It was a really dark time for the Shinsengumi. Kondo was about to be executed. And so they were on this awful cliff. She was exhausted and angry, she was impatient and the ennemies were sneaky that's why she fell. She heard Shinpachi screamed her name in horror. Honnestly she was dumbfounded. She felt something warm and strong held her in the air. She looked up and let out a gasp. Toshi and Gin screamed their names. She never would have expected Sougo to act this way. Not with her. Only with the gorilla. She was scared as hell to die but she didn't want him to put himself in danger. It was troublesome.

She was afraid and didn't want to left his comforting hand. She could feel through his hand how strong he was. She knew perfectly she was too much weak to left his hand, she wanted survive so she screamed at him :

-Get off of me!

He was in trouble, she could see it. His body was shaking.

She screamed so loud but much to her surprise he kept holding her. She looked into his eyes and felt like they were all alone, just the two of them in the world. That was a strange and intimate feeling. His red eyes were dark and powerful. She was relieved, she trusted him. They were not going to die.

-Kagura-Chan are you listening to me?

-What?

-I asked you how you met your future husband?

-Papi found him.

Otae looked at her with worries in her eyes:

-So you didn't really choose him.

-I guess I didn't.

Nobody seemed happy about her announce. Sadist was the first person to receive the news. His reaction was, well, really strange. First of all he was sick and the next day for the very first time the sadist tried to give her some serious advices about marriage like Gin did. Why everybody turned so serious here? Are we still in Gintama?

She was irritated because she was afraid to make a big mistake. She just realized the deal was big.

At the middle of the night, she opened her eyes. She couldn't sleep. She had dark cicles around her eyes.

-I can't sleep-aru.

She stood up and went to Gintoki.

-I can't sleep-aru.

-Want me to help you find the eternal sleep Kagura-chan?

-Gin-chan, I'm serious I can't sleep-aru.

-Shut up! Please just shut up go back to your bed and close your damn eyes.

-It doesn't work.

-Oie you are not a kid anymore you know so act like a young adult and stop talking.

-But Gin-Chan I can't

-AAAAAH MOO what want me to do about that? Huh?! Go make a jogging or something lady, Gin-Chan is old, he need peace. Onegaï!

She sighted and walked out.

The moon was full and cold but the air was warm and sweet. She was in a red nightgown. She walked without knowing where she wanted to go. There was no one in the street, it was really calm. She felt the wind in her long hair. Her pale skin shined under the moon.

-China... What are you doing here? Looking for me?

She looked in front of her, it was the Shinsengumi compound and a really handsome policeman was greeting her with a teasing smile.

-I thought policemen as lazy as you slept all day and all night.

-And I thought gorgeous ladies like you didn't walk alone at night.

She couldn't believe her ears. She felt her heartbeat go crazy. She wasn't able to make any move. He looked proud of himself and chuckled.

-I'm kidding.

I want him dead dear god, I want him dead and I'm dead serious, she thought.

[aliceviceroy]

I don’t want to call myself a Christian anymore. To clarify, I don’t want to be known as an American Evangelical Christian. For years, I wore that label comfortably and confidently, as it has been the core of my identity since my earliest memories. But now, that label makes me uncomfortable, and even disgusted, and I want the rest of my life to be defined by something very different.

As a child, my Christian faith was just as much a part of my identity as my brown hair, my shyness, and my love of softball. My family was at church every Sunday, we prayed before dinner, and read the Bible before bed. I went to church camps, youth retreats, and Christian concerts. I attended a Christian high school, and pledged a Christian sorority in college. The Christian label accompanied a good majority of my activities, even through early adulthood.

Today, as a not-so-young adult and a mother, I find a lot about my Christian upbringing problematic. And now, in 2017, my eyes are wide open to how much of the world views my faith, and in many ways I don’t disagree with that perception. I’m horrified and embarrassed at the ways American Christianity is promoting nationalism, political agendas totally contradictory to Christ’s teachings, and a president who in no way represents the Jesus I was taught to love.

The adults who mandated I wear a one piece swimsuit to church camp (to fulfill some arbitrary standard of “modesty”) also cemented a core belief that sex outside of marriage is sinful and damaging. And I believed them. I followed all the rules and wore the right clothes. I saved myself until marriage, which had it’s own far-reaching consequences, regardless of how Biblically I behaved. And then, many of these same adults endorsed Donald Trump for president, even after undeniable evidence that he is an adulterer, misogynist, and sexual assaulter. And I am devastated.

The Christian leaders who taught me that every life is sacred, who sang Jesus loves the little children...all are precious in his sight, are silent or make flimsy excuses about escalating racism and police brutality in our country. They celebrate travel bans that discriminate based on religion, but are all for Christians being able to discriminate because of their religion. They boast tagline in their church bulletins saying Come as You Are...but wait, not if you’re gay.

I will never understand how so many Christians who have worn, marked up Bibles and prayer journals continue to support the political party who seems intent on destroying access to healthcare for the most vulnerable Americans. The poor and disabled in this country (as well as millions of children) are facing massive cuts to Medicaid. Without Medicaid, how are these people going to get the healthcare they need to live? For those that say it’s the church’s job to take care of the sick and poor, where is the evidence for that being a sustainable, long term solution? Because right now, the church is missing the need by a long shot. I don’t believe the church has a responsibility to pay my child’s exorbitant medical bills, but I do believe as a Christian, I have a responsibility to graciously contribute to the programs that are capable of meeting those needs. Most of the time, that means I pay my taxes so programs like Medicaid can exist to take care of the poor and disabled.

I feel like a child who has discovered her parents have been lying to her for decades. How could I have missed this? How did I not realize how off I was about the religion that shaped the path of my entire life? How do I reconcile that both elders and peers in my faith think a president who bullies journalists, mocks the disabled, and repeatedly disparages women’s physical appearances is perfectly acceptable, so long as he is “pro-life”, “pro-Israel” and “pro-America”? It seems to me that the selling out of an entire religious moral code is a steep price to pay for a Supreme Court nominee or two.

I’ve been told I need to pray for our leaders. What exactly am I praying for? Because prayer alone isn’t going to fix the mess that our country is in. Prayer alone isn’t going to save Medicaid for millions. Prayer isn’t going to allow refugees fleeing terror to enter our country. Prayer isn’t going to give a desperate woman seeking an abortion resources and support so she is able to keep her baby. And prayer certainly isn’t going to take away Trump’s twitter and keep him from acting like a junior high boy with no filter. So yes, I will pray. But I’m also going to do something.

I’m not going to hide behind my Bible, or my privilege, and stay quiet about injustice because it may not impact me personally. I’m not going to show up at church on Sunday, talk about God with a bunch of people just like me, and pretend that makes me a good Christian, or even a good person. I’m not going to stay out of politics, despite being whispered about behind my back by pearl-clutching Christians who find “liberal” and “Jesus” to be incompatible terms. The Jesus I know was loving, fair, and gentle, but he was also bold. And political.

I really don’t know where I go from here. I’m frustrated, angry, and lonely. I’ve lost friends, and the foundation of my entire life has been cracked, probably irreparably. I don’t know how to answer my children’s spiritual questions, because none of my answers feel genuine anymore. But I’ve decided I don’t need all the answers immediately, and I’m content to be discontent and wandering a bit right now. I may be disillusioned by religion, but I don’t doubt God and His power in my life. I also don’t doubt that He loves me, even with my instinct to walk away. I still want to be a Christian, but need a new definition of what that truly means.

[dw-writes]

Ghost Protag 2

I enjoy writing this, it’s fun and a shameless self insert and I dont even care. It’s great. I hope you enjoy it, too.

Again, be forewarned. This story deals with some heavy stuff like depression, self harm, and suicide. I suggest if you’re not comfortable with these themes, that you don’t read. Thank you!

First Part Third Part

Even dead – yes, I am, in fact, going to keep talking about how I’m dead okay? It’s kind of a big deal for me – I still found myself following the streets until I was staring at the looming buildings of my university campus.

I can feel the judgement from here. Say whatever, but I at least decided to go after what I wanted and get that degree I wanted. Your age doesn’t matter you can do what you want! Take THAT DEPRESSION!

She said nothing. Good. Fuck off, you fickle bitch.

Anyway, I stopped next to a bus stop. It was outside the main building of campus, where they had the food court and printers and all that jazz. Not gonna lie, I still felt out of place when I went there, because everyone was years younger than I was. So out of place that I went and got a printer for my apartment. I was stuck eating noodles for two weeks because of it, but whatever. I had a printer. I didn’t have to pay ten cents a page for my essays anymore. Sue me. But as I stared up at the building, I felt sad. I wouldn’t be able to go in there again and get the really awful pizza that they made. Or sit in the too comfortable chairs in the basement and accidentally fall asleep.

I sat heavily on the bus bench and just…stared. I could hear birds and bugs and the faint music coming from one of the frat houses behind me. The occasional car roared past, speeding in the twenty zone. Who cared? No one. I didn’t even think there was a campus cop out right now.

I wanted to cry. Could I cry? I could run into doors, so I could probably cry. But no tears came. I started thinking of even more sad things, just to see if I could. I thought of how my cats would have to be rehomed, and how they probably didn’t even know that I wouldn’t be coming back. I thought of how I had done all that work towards that degree for nothing. I thought of the money that was just going to disappear, probably, from my bank account since I was – hahaha – dead.

Okay, I made myself WAY too sad. I felt my eyes welling up. Instead of wiping them away, like I had at the church, I let them fall. They rolled partially down my face before just…vanishing. I touched my chin, where they normally dripped off, and found it dry.

“This is such bullshit!” I screamed into the night. I stood and stomped my kitty slipper feet on the ground like I was two. “I can’t even cry properly?! What the actual fuck, universe!” I screamed. I screamed loud and hard and way too long for someone who should have been alive. When I couldn’t scream anymore, I stopped, and found myself disappointed when the sound didn’t echo.

I could feel a presence just behind my right shoulder, on the sidewalk, just standing there. Awkwardly. And staring. I wiped at my face anyway, even though my tears were apparently just floating away like tiny fucking helium balloons, and turned towards the presence.

It was a boy. A man? I dunno, but he was most definitely that awkward age were you think you’re one but you’re still probably the other but, legally, you’re the adult. Option B. The one that pays the taxes.

Oh, man, I didn’t have to pay taxes anymore. I didn’t get a tax return anymore. That sucks!

“Are you okay?” he asked. His voice was higher than mine, just a little, and he squeezed his arms when he asked the question. He hugged himself like he was cold and his black sweater was doing nothing to help him. It was a turtle neck with long sleeves. And boy, this kid needed sun. His was brown, but not very brown? Like, he had been taking his night classes a little too seriously? Get this poor child some Vitamin D!

I looked around as I registered his question. “Me?” I asked, when I saw I was the only one. His thin brown eyebrows lifted to tell me yes, he was in fact talking to me. A car turned the corner and rolled past him, its headlights illuminating him. His hair was swept up and away from his face, dark brown, and covered in a blue that was growing out almost too much. The sides of his head were cut close. He hadn’t gotten it done in a little while, alright. “You’re asking me if I’m okay?” I repeated.

He shook his head and shoulders like I was absolutely nuts. “Yeah. You were screaming,” he said. He shrugged his shoulders and unfolded his lanky arms to shrug again. “You’re the only other person—”

“Holy fucking shit, you can see me?” I interrupted, stumbling around the bench towards him.

He lifted his hands and backed up into the street. “Lady, I think you’re drunk.”

“Trust me, I am SO not drunk,” I said. I stopped, though, and rolled my eyes up in thought. “Am I?”

He started to walk away. “This is what I get for being a good person,” I heard him say to himself.

I scrambled after him, shouting wait at his back, until I managed to catch up and latch onto his arm. He, too, tripped over his own feet and yanked his arm away from me. “Why are you so cold?” he demanded.

“I’m cold?” I protested, “You’re cold! Did you just walk out of a freezer?”

“No, it’s just cold outside!” he shouted back. His head snapped to the side and he backed up to the sidewalk. It was then that I realized that I had followed him out into the road. Just in time for another car to roll down the street and barrel right into me.

Through me.

I didn’t, like, disappear. I was still there. I pressed my hands to my stomach and wailed as the car continued on. “What the fuck?” I squeaked. I looked at my palms and continued to press them into my abdomen. “What the fuck? I can’t go through a door but a car can go through me?!” I groaned and crouched in the road. “Oh my god, that was, like, the worst possible cramp I could have ever had.”

I could see the man child in the turtle neck anxiously pacing on the sidewalk. His messenger bag had dropped to the ground and his hands were buried in his hair. He stared at me. “You just got hit by a car,” he said.

“No, I think it went through me.”

“A car just went through you.”

“Yes?”

“Holy hell, a car just went through you.”

“We’ve established this. Let me cramp in peace.”

He practically slid across the ground, kneeling next to me in the road. “You’re dead,” he concluded.

I set my elbow on my knee and propped my chin in my hand. “No shit?” I asked, “And here I thought I was tripping balls.” The thrill of discovery flickered and almost disappeared from his eyes. He pulled me up from a crouch – with my protests – and pulled me back to the sidewalk.

“You’re a ghost,” he said slowly.

I would have smacked him if a wave of pain hadn’t rolled through my stomach. It, honestly, felt like the car had ripped through my back and squeezed out of my belly button. Worst cramps ever. “Yeah, I’m a ghost,” I said through gritted teeth. I held out my hand and sank to the ground, pressing as much as I could against my stomach. “God, that hurt,” I sighed.

The kid kneeled in front of me. “I’m Francisco,” he said. His letters rolled beautifully off his tongue. I could have swooned. “Pancho,” he added, “To…people.”

I looked up at him. The pain was starting to pass. Bless. “Pancho?” I repeated.

“It’s short for Francisco,” he persisted.

“…In what world?”

“Spanish!” he replied. The word was drawn out and upset. I could have laugh.

I could have done a lot of things. Instead, I swallowed down the nausea that was coming with the passing of the pain and held out my hand. “Piper,” I said, “Piper Mills.”

“Like paper mills,” he said as he shook my hand.

“Okay, okay, get it out, Pancho Man,” I shot back.

He sucked on his teeth. Carefully, he stood, and pulled me with him. “If you’re gonna make fun of me, at least be original,” he said. His head tilted. His hair fell just right. There was a pout, even. That feeling in the back of my mind pinged but I kept my mouth shut. People were in the cupboard for a reason. Shit, I was. Sitting quietly with my kitchen utensils were I belonged. Instead, I pulled my hand back and wrapped my arms over my stomach. “If you’re gonna make fun of the people that can see you, then you need to choose wisely,” he warned. He picked up his bag and shook his hair from his face. Again.

Ping ping, motherfucker.

I licked my lips. “People?” I asked.

It was like he just realized what he said. He pressed his lips together, eyes growing wide. Suddenly, his mouth split with an audible pop and there, right there, were fangs. A little stained like teeth of a wine drinker, but there, right there, were fangs that extended down from his upper gums and sat carefully over his bottom jaw. I watched as they shrank back into his gums until they looked like regular old – okay, who am I kidding, sharp as fuck canines.

What did my anthropology professor say? Oh, right.

I had a God damn, mother fucking paradigm shift right then and there. The universe itself tilted and the planets aligned and Zeus himself reached down to flick me in the back of the head. I knew what he was. I knew the word. Still, the only thing I could say was an intelligible, “Uhhhhhh.”

Pancho smacked his lips and sucked on his teeth again. He grabbed my arms and carefully turned me around. “That’s the normal reaction, it’s okay,” he murmured. He kept an arm around me as we walked. I half wondered what people who looked outside thought. Who knew. Vampires were said to be able to do a lot of things.

I did look up at him – boy was much taller than I was – and asked, “Are you just hugging air to people?”

“Yes, I am, so let’s walk faster,” he answered.

I knew campus was big, but I had never realized how big until Pancho took me to his university apartment on the. Other. Side. Of the world. I wish I were kidding. It was, like, fifteen blocks away from the bus stop bench. I didn’t even know the campus was that big, you know? But it was, and we walked up four flights of stairs and down, like, five hallways, until Pancho finally opened a door and unveiled his apartment.

There was a dog. There, right there, in the middle of the floor. It was small, and black, with a tail that was home to three perfectly round, although different sized, orbs of curled fur. That tiny, adorable, tea cup poodle jumped to its adorably small, teeny tiny paws, and barked as loud as it could.

Those damn evaporating tears poured down my face as I thought of my cats. Pancho panicked. He lowered me onto his leather futon near the door as I sobbed and asked me, repeatedly, what was wrong. I told him. I told him how my cats were at home by themselves, or probably with my parents, and I would never see them again. He had the fortitude to kiss my hair.

“Do you want me to get your cats?” he asked.

“Yes, I want my cats!” I wailed.

He carefully placed the tea cup poodle – named Thor – in my lap and set out every remote for the various devices around and connected to his television. He told me how to work his shower, how to work the stove if I was hungry, and left. The door clicked shut. It opened again as he asked for my address and I gave it to him through muffled and bubbly sobs as I buried my face into Thor’s fluffy tummy. He had rolled over in my lap. I was grateful. Pancho told me to give him an hour. The door shut and the lock clicked and I was alone with a happily panting Thor and my pathetic sobs. I righted Thor in my lap and he licked my face where my tears should have been. I smiled at scratched his ears.

“Well, that answers one question,” I cooed at Thor. He tilted his head at me. “Animals can see ghosts.” He leaned his face in towards mine and licked my nose clean. I squeezed my eyes shut as he continued to clean the rest of my face. When he was done, and his rancid dog breath was puffing in my face, I replied, “Thank you.”

He barked.

I nodded my head.

Thor jumped off my lap and click clacked his way across the hard wood floor to the kitchen, where he sat pretty next to a full food bowl. I followed him. He daintly pressed a paw into his food and brought it back to the floor. I stared at him. “You,” I stuttered, “You have food.”

He did it again.

“Yes, it’s right there.”

And again.

I crouched this time. “Food. Right there.”

Thor stood and shoved the plastic food bowl at me. I watched as it hit my foot. “I eat?” I asked, “I food?” Thor barked this time and sat back down. “I food,” I repeated. I stood and looked around the kitchen. “Me eat.”

Pancho’s kitchen was minimalistic and perfect – of course. The only flaw was a hook near a coffee pot that held a leash and collar, and a bowl underneath that held colorful doggy bags. The collar was teal. So was the leash. The leash itself was long and cloth and had black letters up and down it. I reached over and lifted a piece to read.

It said service dog.

I looked down at Thor. “Now you make sense,” I said. Thor lifted a paw. I dug around in the kitchen, finding little in the way of snacks and more in the way of garnishes for dishes. I opened a cabinet and found a single box of cereal. And in the fridge, milk. I made a bowl and sat on the island in the middle of the kitchen, kicking my feet and spooning the small sugary discs into my face. It was nice to eat. I didn’t feel hungry – I didn’t know if I could be hungry – but it was nice to eat. Comforting. Normal.

I looked around the apartment as I ate bowl after bowl until I had finished both the box of cereal and the milk carton. The living room had the futon, a matching chair, a glass coffee table, and a large flat screen with multiple game consoles and multimedia players underneath. There was a VCR. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw a VCR. Across from the island of the kitchen was a nice, square dining table, fit for four people. On the walls behind it were old pictures. Sepias and black and whites, with a single person in every one. I walked around the island, dragging my feet, and stared at them. It was the same man in every one.

It was Pancho.

The two walls were filled floor to ceiling in a gallery setting. It was a chronicle of his time. It was damn amazing. I wondered if he took the photos or had someone take them.

The door opened and I whipped around. Pancho was setting down two crates. He opened them carefully. From one shot a rotund feline in shades of brown. She yelled and yelled as she looked around, until her eyes settled on me. I fell to my knees as she waddled over and climbed into my lap. From the second slinked out a thinner, darker cat. He was much smaller and slight, and very very nervous. He, too, shot across the room to me once he spotted me. I sprawled on the floor and hugged them both too me.

Pancho make awkward sounds. “I don’t know how ghosts work,” he said. He shrugged. “But I can take all your stuff and bring it here. I’ve got another room.” I babbled at him. It was complete nonsense. Pancho patted his thighs. “I’m taking that as a yes.” He pointed across the living room to one of three doors. “I’m just gonna go make a bed for you,” he said.

There was a long time where I just stayed on the floor, smooching and hugging my cats even though they didn’t want the affection. My rotund child, Anna – Actually, Grand Duchess Anna Petrovna, but semantics – yelled as I buried my face in her stomach. She was purring. What a little liar. My other cat, Cracker Jacks, very gently meowed as he settled on my stomach. I heard Pancho walking past me as he made up the room. He stopped and his knees cracked.

“It’s getting close to morning,” he said softly.

“How did you get my kids so easily?” I asked instead.

He shrugged. “I have my ways,” he said. Vampire ways, probably. Fair enough. I wouldn’t push it. He ran a hand over Anna’s back. “I have to sleep soon, but you do whatever.”

I stared at him, at his stupid teal and brown hair and his stupid narrow face and hooked nose and giant ass eyes. What a stupid kid. What a nice kid. “Thanks,” I finally said.

Pancho shrugged. “We uh…” He cleared his throats and his eyes darted around. “We supes gotta stick together.”

Yeah. Supes. That’s the community name now. He patted my head and stood. “Hey, how old are you?” I asked. His mouth dropped open. “Is that a vampire faux pas I just committed?” I asked again.

“Uhhh,” was his response. He shrugged. “Nineteen.” I almost protested. What the fuck? What the actual fuck? Who in their right mind decided ‘oh hey, this kid is a tasty morsel, how about I convert him into a vampire?’ That’s, like, what parents do when they send their ten year olds to bible camp. “I’m going to bed now.” I tilted my head as I followed his form with my eyes. He opened the middle door in the wall. The room beyond was completely dark. Like. Horror movie dark. Roll for dark vision dark. I didn’t even know if he had windows. Maybe he didn’t.

What all was true for vampires?

I opened my mouth to ask but Pancho shut the door behind him. I saw he had one of those door fit things underneath it, the kind you use in winter to keep your warm air inside the house. There was another on the top of the door. Neat.

The fat Anna Banana crawled under my chin and sprawled across my chest and throat, pinning my head into that really awkward position. The sun rose. Kept rising. Made a bright square right on my face. I suffered. But I refused to move because my cats were asleep. Was I a great mom, or what?

Finally, Anna moved and padded somewhere and I heard the sound of claws in litter and wondered when the HELL Pancho had brought that, too. Weird. Vampires were weird. Cracker Jacks followed her and I attempted to roll backwards, heels over head, and failed with a choking sound. I climbed to my knees instead. I guess being a ghost didn’t come with cool supernatural powers like flexibility. I looked down at my green pants and frowned.

“Do ghosts wear normal people clothes or is there a ghost mall?” I shouted towards Pancho’s room.

“Fuck off,” came the muffled reply. I shrugged. Fair. I went to one of the other two doors and opened it to find a bathroom. It was nice – as nice as an apartment bathroom could be – and I took the chance to shower. Shampoo and conditioner and soap at least cleaned me off. One new thing I have learned about being a ghost. Once I was wrapped in a towel, I dug around Pancho’s drawers until I found a case of new toothbrushes. I stole a green one. He wouldn’t mind. I hoped, anyway. I scrubbed my teeth as vigorously as I had scrubbed my body and my hair and left.

The last door was a second bedroom. Bare of anything personal, it had a bed and a closet and a dresser and windows. You know, like a room would. I opened the closet and found some of Pancho’s clothes. I wondered if he had the closet in his own bedroom full. Probably. Boy looked like he shopped at places with half naked male models pretty often. I grabbed a pair of jeans that were almost too small and a shirt that was, also, almost too small. Would people see floating clothes? How did this ghost thing work? Could I scare people?

I pondered this for so long that when I stopped pondering, my hair was dry and in awkward curls and angles. I decided to test it. Shoving my hair back, I jogged across the apartment and grabbed a piece of fruit off the counter. A lime. Perfect.

Why did Pancho have limes?

Anyway, I opened a window wide enough to stick my arm out of it. Peeking through the window, I waited until someone passed by on the sidewalk. Then, I pushed the window completely open, leaning out, and dropped the lime on the kid’s head. He yelped and looked up. But he didn’t say anything. I even waved. Stuck my hand in my shirt and waved. Still, nothing.

Neat. I mean, it still sucked that I was a ghost. But now I was a lime throwing ghost that people couldn’t see in normal non-ghost clothes. Neat. I closed the window to make sure my cats wouldn’t jump out and, also, become ghosts, and sat on the floor. I didn’t really know what else to do. I looked over to where the crates sat and saw a few backpacks were sitting with them. Pancho had the good graces to grab some of my things, too. How nice.

Us supes really DO stick together, holy hell.

When I made it to the bags, I started to open them. One was filled with clothes. Well, I was already dressed, so he’d have to deal. Another was filled with my bathroom stuff. I pulled out a full bottle of my anti-depressants and shook it. It felt necessary to take one, so I did. Honestly, I was a little afraid of not taking it, even though I was dead. I remembered, one time, when I stopped taking my shit, and spent two days sobbing and wanting to die. I didn’t feel like doing that again. I dunked the bottle back into the bag after I was done and continued to look through the bags.

The door to Pancho’s room swung open. I looked back. The apartment was dark.

“How the fuck does ghost time work?” I asked. He shrugged as he made his way to the bathroom. “It was, like, noon not even twenty minutes ago.”

“Maybe it’s like when you sleep,” he said through a yawn. He stopped in the bathroom door and lifted the green toothbrush I had used. I shrugged this time. “Don’t make me regret this,” he threatened.

“Like you would kick me out.”

“I just met you yesterday,” he pointed out.

Valid. I kept my mouth shut. He showered and primped and pampered while I dug out socks and a pair of shoes. Ghost time passed. He nudged me, fully dressed and hair styled, and I looked up. “We’re gonna see a friend of mind. She might know a little more about what happened to you than I do.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked as I stood.

He led me outside and down the stairs. “She’s a journalist. She’s got her nose so deep in the supernatural scene that she knows anything that happens before it even happens.” Pancho’s eyes landed on me. “She should have an idea.”

I held up my hand and kicked the lime I had thrown when we reached it outside. “I fully trust the community reporter with my life.” Pancho said nothing. I wondered if he regretted helping me. Probably, I mean, now he has this roommate that doesn’t contribute anything, and that he didn’t even ask for.

Common Sense stepped in and said, “Shut up, you frivolous bitch, we just died.”

Depression backed into her corner. Yeah. Take that. Why can’t I listen to Common Sense more often?

I followed Pancho to a squat building off campus, one not too far from where he lived. He didn’t even knock. Instead, he just pushed the door open and a little bell dinged his arrival. “Miss Villa?” he sang into the office room. Office was generous. It was a little suite in a building, housing four desks and a door that was probably a back room. The back door was propped open with a bright red heel. That heel pushed the door open and a girl peeked out.

Retro. Retro. Fucking Retro. She owned the retro name. A cute sweetheart dress in black and white with buttons on the front, tight curls framing her head, and the brightest red lipstick I have ever seen. It matched her shoes. She grinned. “Mr. Zapata,” she greeted cheekily.

Please be my friend.

Pancho moved me towards a desk. “This is Piper Mills.”

“Like Paper Mills?” the girl asked.

“Haaaah,” I responded.

She crossed the room and held out her hand. “Paloma Villa,” she introduced herself. When I shook her hand, her expression changed. “Oh,” she said, “Piper.”

I made an unhappy sound. “Yup, Piper,” I said, I shoved my hands in the deep front pockets of the jeans I wore. “The girl that apparently killed herself.”

“Apparently?” Paloma asked. She kicked her heels off and sat in a chair. “The paper said it was a suicide. Open and shut.”

“Pap—I was in the paper?” I asked. I rounded the desk.

She turned the screen off. “You probably shouldn’t read it,” she murmured, “Maybe just…take a seat.”

“I’m not sensitive, I’m dead,” I stated. I crossed my arms. “Pancho said you’d know about things about…ghosts. Can you tell me?”

Paloma sighed. “Let’s go somewhere else,” she said. She turned the computer off and stood. I followed.

[casadores12]

Month 3

January came and went faster than I ever imagined. The days became just days and I barely had a moment to focus on anything besides work. I feel as though I fell behind physically and financially and I also feel as though time is slipping through my hands. I have come to the realization that my time at the bank is overdo. I know I just started and I know I waited for a month to even get the position but it is not serving me the way I need it to anymore. I make more on doordash and I still need to pay off my debts. I am only making 850 every two weeks after taxes and at that rate I will never finish paying off my debt. Besides that, I work monday-friday and I have to sacrifice myself and my time to study Chinese or workout or doordash. Today i called in sick because I need a mental health day and even though we cant call it that because its not acceptable I really needed it. I ran errands found an awesome desk chair and reorganized my room. I feel like a fresh start here. Tomorrow I will be going in and I am going to talk to brett about working 3 days a week instead of 5. If this is not possible by next week than I will put in my two weeks. My time is limited, my time is important, and I do not plan to waste any of it on things that do not serve me any longer.

I started investing in the stock market last week and a couple days later everything went crazy. There were these stocsk (AMC and Gamestop) that ended up going up by 500% and robinhood didnt allow people to buy and now they are hated anyways. This is the app i have a 1200 dollars invested. I was up 7% and then down like 14% and now I am up 6% and honestly that dip was due to my panic buying and panic sailing. Lessons learned I lost out on some money but I have decided to not invest anymore until I am more financially stable. I have Chinese in the morning. 

I also am starting a youtube channel. I will post my first video this coming weekend...hopefully. 

I had drinks with carson and all the feelings rushed back up. His birthday is this coming weekend and well I want to get hims somthing. Nothing big but something to make him smile. 

Ray and me facetimed today, I think he still interested and I dont know why i dont give it a shot. I mean, hes cute and nice and hes hardworking. He is currently in the process of becoming a firefighter. i feel like carson is just in my head and nothing can shake him not even a great guy. 

5 more months tilll im back to school. 

Priorites. 

1. Pay off my debt. 

2. Learn 2 years of mandarin and validate

3. Mental health stability 

4. Successful Youtube channel/Medium 

[call-of-quileutes-blog]

ive had a couple glasses of wine and i was tagged by @washington-wolves and @masochisticlion whom fthought i wouldn’t do this  but HA HERE I AM BITCH

last

1. drink - chardonnay  2. phone call - alex  3. text message - abigail  4. song you listened to - I guess thats why they call it the blues by elton john  5. time you cried - sunday bc i met my now 6 day old niece and shes so tiny and im lov her

ever

6. dated someone twice - technically-ish (very short lived both the first and second time) 7. kissed someone and regretted it - ya lol 8. been cheated on - not to my knowledge ???? 9. lost someone special - ya 10. been depressed - ya 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - thats !!!! the !!!! only !!!! sport !!!! im !!!! good !!! at !!!!!!

fave colors

12. marigold 13. forest green 14. any and all shades of pink 

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes!! my lovely lil angel bb abigain !!! @masochisticlion for clearification !! 16. fallen out of love - if you consider like “teenage love” to be love then ye ?? 17. laughed until you cried - to where tears have brimmed but not actually like..........cryin  18. found out someone was talking about you - listen my boss talks shit on ALL OF US LIKE SORRY I GENUINELY LIKE SMASH MOUTH, JULIE 19. met someone who changed you - yes! in good and bad ways !!! im a horrible person thank u for coming to my TED tak!!! 20. found out who your friends are - kind of. theres still a couple on the fence 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - ya !!! at least 10 at most 17 (mostly bc i was drunk and i really love my friends)

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - probs like 98% lol maybe closer to 95% but who’s keeping count 23. do you have any pets - i have 3 cats !!!! and i love them all !!! 24. do you want to change your name - at this point in my life it doesnt even matter anymore does it 25. what did you do for your last birthday - we have a tradition where we always have my b day at my friend Pbone’s house and they got me a taco pinata and set up a margarita bar and i love them so much ????? 26. what time did you wake up today - 6:30ish bc there was a bunch of shit for me to do at work this AM so i decided to be an actual adult for once and wake up early and go in early to get a head start lol 27. what were you doing at midnight last night -drinking some tea and reading Graveyard Shift articles on FB to put me to sleep lol 28. what is something you can’t wait for - this friday ???? a new job???? not being poor???? my bf to become a millionaire????? 30. what are you listening to right now - die die die y the avett brothers 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - at least one !!! i actually think i have a cousin named tom 32. something thats getting on your nerves - well the fire alarm just started going off, so that fer sher 33. most visited website - probs tumblr lol 34. hair color - brown 35. long or short hair - i probably have the shortest hair in the twilight fandom ! 36. do you have a crush on someone - alex ! i love him ! and still have a crush on him !! even after (almost) 5 years together !!!  37. what do you like about yourself - my ability to throw hands or my sense of direction

i accidentally deleted 38 lol 39. blood type - who eveen fuckin knows thei blood typ e my dude 40. nicknames - lace, lace-face 41. relationship status - basically married but without he tax benefits 42. zodiac - virgo (leo cusp) 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Arrow, The Flash, Parks & Rec, The 70′s Show  45. tattoos - i have 2 and thet’re horrible !!! 46. right or left handed - right 47. ever had surgery - YES MANY TIMES**** i accidentally skipped this one and had to come back to edit lol 48. piercings - none rn ! but i used to have my ears, both nostrils, my smiley, and belly button pierced  49. sport -  wats a sport 53. drinking - listen. i love alcohol.  54. i’m about to watch - probs that 70′s show 56. want - @masochisticlion !!! THE!!!!! LOVE!!!! OF !!!!! MY !!!! LIFE!!!!! 57. get married - maybe???? im torturing my mom by not getting married bc she wants me to so badly lmao 58. career - I’ve been thinking abt embalming school !!!

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - a nice, firm handshake for me, pal 60. lips or eyes - probs lips i guess???? 61. shorter or taller - shoerter???? 62. older or younger - it doesnt matter????? 63. nice arms or stomach - i really dont care??????? i dont see ppl for their physical forms ?????? unlesss their lizard ppl ???? 64. hookup or relationship - nether i really wanna die a,one i only keep alex around bc homeboi can cook (im kidding im lov him relashonship) 65. troublemaker or hesitant - my mans is a lil bit of both so imma go with voth lol

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - yes!!!!  67. drank hard liquor - yes 68. lost glasses - YESSSSSSSSSSSSS 69. turned someone down - homeless men, yes lmoa 70. sex on first date - i think me and alex did it before we even went on a date LMAO  71. broken someones heart - ok so kind of  but no really lol 72. had your heart broken - of course!! im so sensitive !!! my heart gets broken every day !!!! 73. been arrested - yes lol 74. cried when someone died - yes !! 75. fallen for a friend - like a got crushes on lotsa friends but like it wasnt that serious lol

do you believe in

76. yourself - ya!!!!! im the best !!! 77. miracles - possibly? 78. love at first sight - i mean.....maybe???? 79. santa claus - wait whut 80. kiss on a first date - sure

81. angels - sure 

other

82. best friend’s name - Abby ! and Phe and Lauren lol 83. eye color - a nice hickory  84. fave movie - detroit rock city !! 85. fave actor - keabu reeves

ok so imma tag ............... @aphroangel @lapushwerewolves @boysoflapush and uhhhhh im too lazy to tag mor eppl lol

[roccoroks]

VOLUME 6 DAG FILES GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN! ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!! its been a long fucking week, elevator took a shit, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out. anywho (count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif) to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and shit, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi fucked up the routers again. 10:30 am i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD! *phone rings* me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help.... dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM me: (MOTHER OF FUCK COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD) dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT? me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam? dag: WHAT? me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up) dag: last time we stayed there... me: (oh for fuck sake, here we go) dag: it was 29.45 and tax me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever dag: it was to me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh shit im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam dag: i dont like your tone me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background* me: O.o (you no math what good) dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT! me:  (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide) dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... me: ( WAS THAT A FUCKING MOAN) mama? dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it) me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign* dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY ME:  (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!) *A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER* me: ok i need your zip code please dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code) me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon! *dag hangs up with out further conflict* -12:4.....something pm IDK- -there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and shit getting crazy up in hurr- *struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray* me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper *wont fit, grabbed to much paper* me: how about now *still no beuno* *removes more paper* me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force* *still to much!* me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W! *phone rings* me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you? Jill: rocco? me:.....what jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see shit on my phone me:......no shit? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem.... jill: dont be a ass just fix it me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer.... jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work... me: ......pervert.. jill: blow it out you ass me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT! *TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY* ME: hello what can i do for you? Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that shit) me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago... me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee) dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop... me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS! me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you! me: (oh shit!) snaps to attention dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship! me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me) *dag leaves, phone rings* me: hello how may i help you? jill: rocco me: now what jill: moms dog is sick me: i dont care jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it *loud noise heard in parking lot* me: OH SHIT NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE FUCK OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR! JILL: WHAT?! *hangs up phone and runs outside* me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed. mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out* -12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet... me: *le derpin on the omputer* *loud thud heard from outside* me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away. *more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side* me: please be thunder! please? please?? *yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!* me:.....my suspicions are now aroused..... *phone rings* me: front desk customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony. me: yes sir i will get right on that! - it was that this time all hell broke loose- me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY FUCK! *runs out the door* *screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of shit! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo fuckin squirrel shit eating ass clown" me: holy shit! porkchop is fucking pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE FUCK.... *pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier* me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS! *porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk* dag: "ima kill you, you sorry fucker! how dare you smoke my last cig!" me: *calls the cops" 911: 911 whats your emergency? me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the shit out of each other on my patio 911: sir? me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE! 911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room* -about 29 seconds later, two squads show up- me: oh thank god! -by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!" me: wtf does that even mean! - cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room- cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic) dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i shit you not...* cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, shit and regret* your going to jail! me: oh snap! 20 mins later after filling out a report cops: ok have a nice night. me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean..... cops: no me... *leaves* so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed. me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*