#somebody's heartbreak

[coffeexxcigarettes]

How many words have I written in blood,

To bleed through unkissed pages?

The last time I was myself,

The microphone gave feedback,

As you fell asleep-

I spill my soul only here,

Only here,

For you to see-

A declaration of who I am,

And who I'd like to be,

And everything you've woven into me-

How many words have I agonized over,

To later feel it crushed within my hand-

To never be seen again?

To write only for another is to die,

And I fear I've died for you..

..A thousand times over.

x

..

..

... @nosebleedclub - Oct. 19th; Grand Gesture

[noname-404s-blog]

-Tales by Gendys

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

childhood friend!sugu vs childhood friend!toru

YOU’VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE .

thank you for saying this anon i’ve been thinking of it a lot actually. i’m morally and legally binded to choose childhood friend!sugu no matter what because he’s literally……. my favorite Ever. and i think the inherent devotion of the childhood friend trope blends soooo well with his natural devotion. his protective urges. etcetc. i have wayyyy too many thoughts about childhood friend!sugu 😭 but it mostly boils down to him wanting to be by your side forever. he wants to make you happy and he wants to protect you and he knows you so well that he doesn’t trust anyone else to love you like he can. he’s selfish and he wants you to lean on him more than he wants anything for himself.

childhood friend!toru though….. i feel like he would be your estranged childhood friend. that makes most sense to me :3 like, you met when you were really really young, and ended up playing together in an empty park. he was a brat, kind of quiet, and you were just sweet, y’know? you were the closest thing to a friend he had as a child. then you ended up moving away, he never got to say goodbye… and you meet again as adults. you don’t remember him — it was just so, so long ago — but he remembers you. he remembers you a little too well.

so now you just kinda have to deal with this tall, handsome, cheery man who keeps talking to you like you’re best friends even though you literally don’t remember him…. he’s sweet though. a little annoying, but sweet. he has a soft spot for you. i think having anything remotely close to a childhood friend makes him feel human in a way he can’t help but crave.

sooooo. overall!!! both are good :3 i will always be a childhood friend!sugu truther before anything else but childhood friend!toru has sm potential..

[alchemicaladarna]

Pomme knows her dad is dead.

Even after her and Tallulah's conversation last night, where it seemed like she's just been in denial this whole time, I don't think she was in denial for this long.

qBad's death has been a slow buildup these past couple of months and Pomme and Dapper have definitely seen the memory loss and the coughing first hand. They've seen the infection and they've seen the radiation. They've seen how much sicker their dad is becoming every day, which is why Pomme made the medicine in the first place. She tried to help, but I think some part of her knew it wasn't enough.

This all culminated in Sweet Despair, when qBad was the worst he's ever been- constantly forgetting who Pomme was, coughing way more often and just being super exhausted and weak in general. I think Pomme knew her dad was going to die that day because I was rewatching the vod, and when qBad said he wanted to visit qMax, Pomme said:

"I don't think I can visit him today...it would imply that I will be dead too.

Pomme knew her dad was very close to death, but I think the cruelest part of that day was the fact that qBad kept implying there would be a tomorrow. "We'll go on adventures tomorrow!" "Remind me to tell you something tomorrow" "I will see you tomorrow".

But tomorrow never came.

And yet, Pomme still holds out hope that her dad will come back the next day because he, and now Tallulah have told her to never lose hope, and of course he's coming back- he has to, right? He's not dead...he just disappeared.

But if he's not dead then why is he missing in the first place? QBad would never leave his kids alone like this. If he's not dead, then why are the ghosties just casually following her and Dapper around when they've never been given this much freedom to roam around before? All the clues are adding up and it's just stewing into these sinking feelings of dread and despair because there is no tomorrow, there was never a tomorrow-

But her dad and Tallulah told her to not lose hope. And I'm afraid Pomme will just hold on to that sliver of hope unless there is clear evidence that says otherwise. Which is why finding qBad's body is so significant.

I know it seems cruel to hope for a child to find their father's decaying corpse, but it's a form of mercy, in my opinion. At least then, she's not left wondering about where her dad is, or what happened to him. At least then she can have closure and start to grieve instead of not knowing at all.

Pomme's denial comes from hope. And while it's good to have hope, it can also be bittersweet because it stops you from facing the truth. And sometimes confronting the truth is what you must do to find the courage to move on, grieve, and do the next right thing.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it's only natural to feel anger when somebody isn't "taking your advice" or listening to you about their mental health or what will help them. People want to help people, and the anger comes when you are perceiving somebody as not being receptive but...

It can be a selfish impulse to say that your opinion about their illness is the only thing they need. It isn't about you, even though the advice you give is given by you.

Nobody deserves to suffer, this is true. But, also, nobody deserves to be forced to do things that either won't help or won't be genuine. If somebody isn't taking your advice, there's a reason for it (maybe it's not a good enough reason for you, but this isn't the point). It's okay to be disappointed or angry, but it's not going to help to lash out at them. That is only pouring water onto a grease fire.

[fan-of-chaos]

Yukine, being so childish, begging like a little kid for his dad to make it all better...

[beanghostprincess]

The heartbreaking thing about Yamace isn't really Yamato not being able to do anything about Ace's death, helpless and on his knees, and realizing he couldn't be free yet. Or Ace dying realizing he wasn't able to keep his promise. But the fact that it was the first time Yamato had ever felt real love and he will never be able to feel that again, his love for Ace remaining still forever because everything stopped that day for them. Ace gave him the gift of feeling so much love in one single night and Yamato spent years without being able to do anything with it.

[moonstruck-muses]

broke: Jake should cover chase atlantic

woke: jake should cover 2014 5sos songs

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Listen I love president Kristen I find them fucking up (in world) Kipperlilly and (irl) Brennans whole rogue on rogue violence plan hilarious I understand why Riz being able to blend into the shadows and stay out of the spotlight is important and being president wouldn’t let him do that but also I really wanna see President Riz

[heaven-is-in-your-arms-series]

I've been thinking (overthinking) about this costume of Khem's

It could be that he is portraying some heroic figure from one of the many jataka tales. A commoner perhaps.

But I also think, from what little we can see of it, (which is a crime,) that it has some elements that really remind me Lanna folk dances. Specifically the dance that comes from Jerng, the ancient Northern Thai martial art form.

There are two types of this dance:

Forn Jerng (barehanded)

Forn Jerng Daab (sword dance.) sometimes you will see flags in place of swords.

The headband and the rope around the arms is what gives me that impression but I'm just guessing here as we see no glimpse of the dance itself and barely anything of the costume.

[cherryysundae]

You think I'm weak, don't you?

[procrastiel]

The angelic and demonic trauma

Remember their first meeting? Crowley was so upset about his beautiful star factory being shut down again in a few thousand years that he challenged GOD herself about it. And fell.

But this traumatized Aziraphale, too. From then on, he has been desperately trying to change heaven and it’s narrative. For Crowley. First, by defying orders secretly when they seem ludicrous to him (Job minisode), then by forming a bond with a demon (this is literally illegal) and finally, when he thinks the universe is about to end, he goes all out and tries to thwart, even shoot the Antichrist to stop Armageddon. (humans call it desertion and it’s punishable by death).

Aziraphale loves Crowley so much that he will do anything he can to stop the star factory from being destroyed, even risk his own existence.

Let’s fast forward to the final fifteen minutes. He thinks he can show Crowley the depth of his love by performing an act of service (aka: become the new CEO of heaven and ‘make a difference’).

But that’s not what Crowley needs. It’s what Aziraphale thinks Crowley needs. And really, it’s not even what Aziraphale truly wants. It is a trauma that Aziraphale has been carrying with him since the war in heaven, before time began, and it seems that he isn’t fully aware of it.

Now, because of this trauma, he doesn’t hear what Crowley is saying, which is: ‘I don’t really need the universe. I just need you. All I want is for us to be together.’

Aziraphale is trying so hard to fix everything for Crowley, but Crowley doesn’t need things to be fixed. He doesn’t care about heaven or hell or even his star factory any more. He just needs someone to be there for him, and hold his hand.

Crowley left the bookshop because he had no choice but to let go and face the darkness by himself. Aziraphale subconsciously chose his trauma over Crowley. Even his kiss wasn’t strong enough to help the angel realize what he is doing.

They won’t be able to move forward in their relationship and heal until Aziraphale has recognized his patterns, and is ready to be there in the way Crowley needs, not in the way Aziraphale sees fit.

[aleksanderscult]

Analyzing "Demon in the Wood" (book) - Part 2

(Part 1, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5 btw)

Merry Christmas Eve and here have this meta to depress you cheer you up! 🥳🎁🎄🎅💕

Even though like calls to like he still was afraid of the darkness as a child.

And he didn't sleep for two days because of that fear.

And he was curled beneath his blanket 🥺

His mother didn't stop to think or ask if he needed light and be didn't want to disappoint her by saying "Can you leave it here?".

He wanted to prove to her and to himself that he's brave and he fears nothing.

No home to stay, no people to connect with.

Just with his mother, adopting new names every now and then, faking his life. And he despises this so much.

And yet Baghra dared to say "hE hAd PlEntY oF tImE tO LeArN hoW to LiE".

Yeah because he was raised on your knees, Baghra.

"They did their best to hide their tracks"

They were trying to leave nothing behind. As a child the Darkling was allowed to leave no trace, no memories of him in others.

And that reminds me: "Someone to mourn me"

Someone to remember him.

Also, it's notable that names are an important part of the Darkling's life.

- Adopted innumerable names as a child

- Held his true name close to his heart

- Kept saying Alina's name

- Trusted Alina with his name

- Refused to call Mal by his name

And I believe it was something important for him too because names were actually a vital part of his survival from the time he was born.

(So for anyone who says that he gave Alina his name out of some kind of manipulation technique, needs to stop. There's no way a person like him to give his name that easily).

The way they're thinking and hoping two different things.

Baghra hopes to gain knowledge and experience and Eryk a home and stability.

Their priorities really show their needs and characters at this point of their lives.

The way the Little Palace had all these three things 🥲

The thought of him waking up and thinking "Wait. Which name I go by now?" is so depressing and stressful. Both for Eryk and the reader.

I wonder if he really called her "Mama" at this point of his life or just Baghra with her usual grace said "You will call me by my name".

From this: "To him, she was always Mama, Madraya".

To this: "I will not fight you", said the Darkling.

"Then strike me down"

"You know I won't" 🥲

When Grisha fear and mistrust their own kind then you know that the situation is fucked up.

Baghra is extra careful 'cause she always had trust issues and made her son mistrustful as well.

It's really a dog-eat-dog world where every man is for himself and very few Grisha have made safe camps (actually the word "safe" is a stretch). And even when they do, they only let powerful Grisha to live inside.

Also, the phrase "a second Ravka" is kind of chilling. Ravka back then was divided between otkazat'sya who lived in the open and Grisha who lived in the shadows. Two different worlds and the Darkling became the first person who united them for the first time.

"Fear is a powerful ally" - DitW.

"Do you fear me, Alina?.... Fear is a powerful ally. And loyal." - Siege and Storm.

I can only imagine how many times the Darkling saw people either run away from him or wanted to use him because of his power. I bet he desired for someone to accept him as he is. To look at his shadow summoning and see it as a gift, not a curse or tool.

"I've seen what you truly are. And I've never turned away. I never will" is a phrase that he probably wanted to hear from someone too.

Wait. "Like calls to like", right? So when Aleksander was afraid of the dark, does that mean he was afraid of his powers in a way? *cries*

"Be careful what you wish for!🎶"

He tries so hard to impress his mother and live up to her expectations. That shows a child that is raised by a strict parent who almost always shows disapproval and is never satisfied with his efforts. Those children then feel constantly like failures.

(are you sad yet, dear readers?🥲)

What people cannot understand, they fear it. The unknown. The strange.

Baghra has been a pariah not only because of her powers but also because of her sex. So she had to toughen up and "hone" her sharp tongue too in order to make it difficult for others to boss her around or cast her out.

Sometimes I sympathize with her (but most of the times not😒).

To be honest, I find this fear kind of one-sided. I mean, Alina's power was unique too. No one else had the power to manipulate the light. And yet people liked her and were fascinated. But with Aleksander people were afraid of his power (even before he was the "Darkling"). So they showed acceptance with the power of light but not with the darkness.

Double fucking standards.🙂

(Of course they accepted her more easily because she was the one destined to liberate them from the Fold but still. Even if the Fold didn't exist, people would still show great favor towards Alina and not Aleksander.)

[love-songs-for-emma]

just remembered that if the doctor didn't send rose back to pete's world while she was making it clear that she chooses the doctor and will always choose the doctor over everyone and everything then she wouldnt have gotten two more doses of void particles all over her (trip to pete's world and back) and she wouldn't have been pulled just that much harder than him when they were closing the gap between worlds and slipped off. how much do you think the doctor agonizes over this? because it's been a decade for me and im still in pain

[sadghostgirl14]

I feel like I gave my all to somebody that only pretended to want me …

[stolemyhheart]

edward teach the most teenage girl coded character of all time