#some swan negativity

[kazoosandfannypacks]

"I'm pretending to be in love with you because I'm using you for some ulterior plan, but the hardest part of it all is the fact that I know I'm not actually pretending," is such a delicious and underutilized trope.

[xanadaus]

How’s soccer the terrible going for you buddy?

FUCK I HAVE SOCCER SOON

mostly been dealing with rugby at the moment. (just had our first day of training camp yesterday and got my ass kicked. both figuratively and literally since we were tackling.)

it's so hot here i want to cry. today is the first day it won't be over 100 all summer.

[bbqhooligan]

through all of it, after all of it, ill still be mulling over Bella Swan. unlike other parts of smeyers writing where the glaring issues take the front seat to parts that are well written or interesting, bella remains special to me. genuinely worlds most boring girl, meant to be a mormon self insert but her humanity fleshes out so nicely its hard not to think this is an interesting character who is stuck in a bad premise. i dont know if many fanfics have it in them to do her justice but i be Wondering.

[greenwitchcrafts]

September 2024 Witch Guide

New Moon: September 2nd

First Quarter: September 11th

Full moon: September 17th

Last Quarter: September 24th

Sabbats: Mabon- September 22nd

September Harvest Moon

Also known as: Autumn Moon, Child Moon, Corn Harvest Moon, Falling Leaves Moon, Haligmonath, Leaves Turning Moon, Mating Moon, Moon of Brown Leaves, Moon When Dear Paw the Earth, Rutting Moon, Singing Moon, Wine Moon, Witumanoth & Yellow Leaf Moon

Element: Earth

Zodiac: Virgo & Libra

Nature spirts: Trooping Faeries

Deities: Brigid, Ceres, Chang-e, Demeter, Freya, Isis, Depths & Vesta

Animals: Jackal & snake

Birds: Ibis & sparrow

Trees: Bay, hawthorn, hazel & larch

Herbs: Copal, fennel, rye, skullcap, valerian, wheat & witch hazel

Flowers: Lily & narcissus

Scents: Bergamot, gardenia, mastic & storax

Stones: Bloodstone,carnelian, cat's eye, chrysolite, citrine, iolite, lapis lazuli, olivine, peridot, sapphire, spinel(blue), tourmaline(blue) & zircon

Colors: Browns, dark blue, Earth tones, green & yellow

Issues, intentions & powers: Confidence, the home, manifestation & protection

Energy: Balance of light & dark, cleaning & straightening of all kinds, dietary matters, employment, health, intellectual pursuits, prosperity, psychism, rest, spirituality, success & work environment

The full Moon that happens nearest to the fall equinox (September 22nd or 23rd) always takes on the name “Harvest Moon.” Unlike other full Moons, this full Moon rises at nearly the same time—around sunset—for several evenings in a row, giving farmers several extra evenings of moonlight & allowing them to finish their harvests before the frosts of fall arrive. 

• While September’s full Moon is usually known as the Harvest Moon, if October’s full Moon happens to occur closer to the equinox than September’s, it takes on the name “Harvest Moon” instead. In this case, September’s full Moon would be referred to as the Corn Moon.

This time of year—late summer into early fall—corresponds with the time of harvesting corn in much of the northern United States. For this reason, a number of Native American peoples traditionally used some variation of the name “Corn Moon” to refer to the Moon of either August or September. 

Mabon

Known as: Autumn Equinox, Cornucopia, Witch's Thanksgiving & Alban Elved

Season: Autumn

Element: Air

Symbols: Acorns, apples, autumn leaves, balance, berries, corn, cornucopia( Horn of Plenty), dried seeds, equality, gourds, grains, grapes, ivy, pine cones, pomegranates, vines, wheat, white roses & wine

Colors: Blue, brown, dark red, deep gold, gold, indigo, leaf green, maroon, orange, red, russet. Violet & yellow

Oils/Incense: Apple, apple blossom, benzoin, black pepper, hay/straw, myrrh, passion flower, patchouli, pine, red poppy & sage

Animals: Dog & Wolf

Birds: Goose, hawk, swallow & swan

Stones: Agate, amethyst, carnelian, lapis lazuli, sapphire, yellow Agate & yellow topaz

Food: Apples, blackberries, blackberry wine, breads, carrots, cider, corn, cornbread, grapes, heather wine, nuts, onions, pomegranates, potatoes, squash, vegetables, wheat & wine

Herbs/Plants: Benzoin, bramble, corn, ferns, grains, hops, ivy, milkweed, myrrh, sage sassafras, Salomon's seal, thistle, tobacco & wheat

Flowers:  Aster, heather, honeysuckle, marigold, mums, passion flower, rose

Trees: Aspen, cedar, cypress, hazel, locust, maple, myrtle oak & pine

Goddesses: Danu, Epona, Inanna, Ishtar, Modron, Morgan, The Morrigan, Muses, Pomona, Persephone, Sin, Sophia & Sura

Gods:  Bacchus, Dionysus, Dumuzi, Esus, The Green Man, Hermes, Mannanan, Thor & Thoth

Issues, Intentions & Powers: Accomplishment, agriculture, balance, goals, gratitude & grounding

Spellwork: Balance, harmony, protection, prosperity, security & self-confidence

Activities:

•Scatter offerings in a harvested fields & Offer libations to trees

• Decorate your home and/or altar space for fall

• Bake bread

• Perform a ritual to restore balance and harmony to your life

• Cleanse your home of negative energies

• Pick apples

• Collect fall themed things from nature like acorns, changing leaves, pine cones, ect)

• Have a dinner or feast with your family and/or friends

• Set intentions for the upcoming year

• Purge what is no longer serving you & commit to healthy changes

•Take a walk in the woods

• Enjoy a pumpkin spice latte

• Donate to your local food bank

• Gather dried herbs, plants, seeds & pods

• Learn something new

• Make wine

• Fill a cornucopia

• Brew an apple cinnamon simmer pot

• Create an outdoor Mabon altar

•Adorn burial sites with leaves, acorns, & pinecones to honor those who have passed over & visit their graves

The name Mabon comes from the Welsh/Brythonic God Mabon Ap Modron, who's name means "Divine/great Son", However,there is evidence that the name was adopted in the 1970s for the Autumn Equinox & has nothing to do with this celebration or this time of year.

• Though many cultures see the second harvest (after the first harvest Lughnasadh) & Equinox as a time for giving thanks before the name Mabon was given because this time of year is traditionally when farmers know how well their summer crops did & how well fed their animals have become. This determines whether you & your family would have enough food for the winter.That is why people used to give thanks around this time, thanks for their crops, animals & food

Some believe it celebrates the autumn equinox when Nature is preparing for the winter months. Night & day are of equal legth  & the God's energy & strength are nearly gone. The Goddess begins to mourn the loss she knows is coming, but knows he will return when he is reborn at Yule.

Related festivals:

• Sukkot- Is a Torah-commanded holiday celebrated for seven days, beginning on the 15th day of the month of Tishrei. It is one of the Three Pilgrimage Festivals on which Israelites were commanded to make a pilgrimage to the Temple in Jerusalem. Originally a harvest festival celebrating the autumn harvest, Sukkot’s modern observance is characterized by festive meals in a sukkah, a temporary wood-covered hut, celebrating the Exodus from Egypt.

• Mid-Autumn festival- September 17th

Is also known as the Moon Festival or Mooncake Festival. It is a traditional festival celebrated in Chinese culture, similar holidays are celebrated by other cultures in East & Southeast Asia. It is one of the most important holidays in Chinese culture; its popularity is on par with that of Chinese New Year. The history of the Mid-Autumn Festival dates back over 3,000 years.  On this day, it is believed that the Moon is at its brightest and fullest size, coinciding with harvest time in the middle of Autumn.

During the festival, lanterns of all size and shapes – which symbolize beacons that light people's path to prosperity & good fortune – are carried & displayed. Mooncakes, a rich pastry typically filled with sweet-bean, egg yolk, meat or lotus-seed paste, are traditionally eaten during this festival. The Mid-Autumn Festival is based on the legend of Chang'e, the Moon goddess in Chinese mythology.

• Thanksgiving- This is a secular holiday which is similar to the cell of Mabon; A day to give thanks for the food & blessings of the previous year. The American Thanksgiving is the last Thursday of November while the Canadian Thanksgiving is celebrated in October

• The Oschophoria- Were a set of ancient Greek festival rites held in Athens during the month Pyanepsion (autumn) in honor of Dionysus. The festival may have had both agricultural and initiatory functions.

-Amidst much singing of special songs, two young men dressed in women's clothes would bear branches with grape-clusters attached from Dionysus to the sanctuary of Athena Skiras & a footrace followed in which select ephebes competed.

Ancient sources connect the festival and its rituals to the Athenian hero-king Theseus & specifically to his return from his Cretan adventure. According to that myth, the Cretan princess Ariadne, whom Theseus had abandoned on the island of Naxos while voyaging home, was rescued by an admiring Dionysus; thus the Oschophoria may have honored Ariadne as well. A section of the ancient calendar frieze incorporated into the Byzantine Panagia Gorgoepikoos church in Athens, corresponding to the month Pyanopsion (alternate spelling), has been identified as an illustration of this festival's procession.

Sources:

Farmersalmanac .com

Llewellyn's Complete Book of Correspondences by Sandra Kines

Wikipedia

A Witch's Book of Correspondences by Viktorija Briggs

Encyclopedia britannica

Llewellyn 2024 magical almanac Practical magic for everyday living

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Darlin’, Darlin’

Pairing(s): Jacob Black x Swan!Reader, Jacob Black x Bella Swan, Edward Cullen x Bella Swan

Warnings: wolf imprinting, scenting, makeout, agedup!jacob, hurt&comfort, one night stands, changed it a little bit from the prompt, renee being a crap mom, sorry i tend to write her in a negative light but i have never been able to stand her character 😅, plus i have my own unresolved mommy issues lol 😅 , mention of alcohol consumption, reader smokes, unprotected sex just imagine reader being on birth control, flings, virgin!jacob, losing that v card, kinda bitchy reader?

Words: 4818

Stepping one foot out of your taxi, you finally take in the sight of the Cullen residence. Just to make sure, you double check the address that was on the wedding invitation.

Yup, this was the place.

Already there's festive laughter streaming out of the house. Some people lingered on the large wrap-around porch, talking amongst one another.

You weren't looking forward to the wedding but your mother called and pestered you enough to where you just gave up and sent in your RSVP despite your reservations. It wasn't that you didn't like Bella, you just never liked the idea of marriage. Your mom had failed at several before. In the end you always wondered what the point of it all was.

And a wedding in your mind was the most absurd thing to waste one's money on. Especially one as extravagant as this one. You surmise that the Cullens obviously were the ones to foot the wedding bill. Neither Charlie nor Renee would have the funds to put together a glittery wonderland like this one.

Readjusting the skirt of your dress, you walk up the steps, bombarded by the loud music and chatter. You were already regretting going through with it when you weave through the throng of people in the house. Unfamiliar faces that stare at you in your trek to find Renee. Though really you just wanted to fist a few drinks into you first. Your mom wouldn't be happy if you got drunk so early. It would definitely lighten your mood, but you shake off any thoughts of libations.

After asking around, you learn she's upstairs helping the bride get ready.

Fine paintings were displayed on the wall as you take one step at a time. They look to be originals too. Not that you knew much about art. The paintings were beautiful regardless. Everything about the Cullen house was meticulously perfect. A wonder how your clumsy sister was marrying into this atmosphere.

You follow a gaggle of female voices to a closed bedroom door. When you knock, a short pixie of a girl opens it with startling gold eyes. "You must be Bella's sister!" She's open and inviting, tugging you by the arm inside of the room.

Renee calls over to you, delighted at your presence. "You made it!" She throws her arms around you, suffocating your nose with her strong perfume. Like with most of your family, you were never close to Renee. The moment you were accepted into a university away from her, you leapt on the opportunity and never looked back.

She steers you to where Bella is standing in front of a floor length mirror that reflects her image. Her wedding gown was sleek and not as terrible as you first imagined it to be. When was the last time you'd seen her? Probably not since your own senior year in Arizona.

Her dark eyes round at your appearance, definitely not expecting you to be there.

"Hey Bella. Congratulations." Your lips quirk up in a small smile that hides your desire to not be there. This is what you had to do in front of your family. Put on a mask and pretend you were happy to see them. You felt awkward in that room, knowing your interaction was being watched by the pixie girl, your mom and an unknown blonde woman who was drop dead gorgeous.

Her thin lips part in a struggle to gather any useful words. "Th-Thanks." It was clear she didn't really know how to act around you either.

You shoot an anxious look to your mom as if to say 'See, I did what you wanted me to do now let me free.' Ridiculous how you still looked to her for any guidance even though she would offer you none. Renee merely sighs and nods her head toward the door.

Relief makes the warmth in your face cool down as you give Bella an awkward wave goodbye before hightailing it out and back down the stairs. The rest of the house was no better. Your claustrophobia starting to get the best of you as you desperately try to elbow your way to the backyard for some fresh air. It was so stuffy in there. The lack of fresh air flow was really starting to get to you.

That's when you bump into someone- well honestly you thought it was a wall by how sturdy and hard the person's body was. Wobbling backwards, you're grateful that at least the body you bumped into had faster reflexes than you. A large, tan hand grips at your wrist to pull you back up and stabilize your posture.

You stare up into a handsome face with penetrating dark eyes. His jaw slackens, whatever he was going to say. Pure shock ripples across his face.

"S-sorry about that." You apologize and brush off his hand, or at least try to. His grip on your wrist is incredibly strong. Furrowing your brows you look back up to him. "Um, excuse me. . ."

He blinks, snapping himself out of whatever stupor he'd been in. "Sorry. Sorry." His fingers reluctantly release your wrist, hovering over your skin until you pull your hand back to your chest. Cute and towering over you, you feel the anxiousness in your chest from the crowd subside. He doesn't move. Instead he introduces himself with a shallow breath. "I'm Jacob Black."

"Oh, Jacob Black. That name sounds familiar." You reply and give him your own name.

"You're Bella's sister." Jacob states but his voice still held a bit of confusion.

You awkwardly chuckle. "Yeah, that's me." The intense way he's looking at you has you slightly uneasy. "How do you know Bella?"

"We. . ." he clears his throat, finally averting his gaze from you. "We're friends. I live on the reservation. Charlie and my dad are best friends."

Trying to remember your childhood with Charlie, nothing comes up. When your parents split, initially you lived with him. But being a small kid alone at night while he was working wasn't really ideal. After a while it was decided that you should be with Renee and Bella. It must have seemed like the best option. Honestly you were screwed with either parent.

"Since you've been in the loop," from your peripheral you notice a waiter carrying around a tray of drinks (thank god they were serving alcohol before the ceremony) "what is Bella's fiancee like?"

That sours his face. Jacob doesn't bother to try and hide his dislike for this guy that was marrying your sister. His lips squirm but he couldn't conjure any positive words. "He's. . . well, I don't trust him."

"Why? Does he mistreat her?"

"Well-"

"Oh!" You smile when you connect the dots. "You like Bella, don't you?"

He's slightly loud now. "No!! No, I-I don't like her. I mean, I did, but not anymore, obviously."

Was it obvious though? The way he was yammering on made it all too obvious that he still had feelings for her. You watch him suffer, occasionally taking a sip of your champagne. When he winds himself out, he mutters one more apology. Jacob's face a beet red. You just chuckle.

"No need to apologize. Guess it was my bad. I don't know much about Bella. We've never been close. I was just curious."

Around you, the flow of guests was starting to congregate to the backyard. "I think it's time." You take one more sip and set aside your champagne flute.

At the reception, you again find yourself outside on the front porch. Her husband (and his family) were quite honestly the most beautiful people you'd ever set your gaze on. And they seemed to genuinely love Bella. You just hope that her marriage lasts longer than any of Renee's.

Next to you on the front step was another cocktail. Your fingers were occupied with holding up your cigarette. Watching the slow dance of the smoke curling upward. It was a beautiful evening, you'd give them that.

Having said hello to Charlie a few minutes ago, all of your duties here were over. You'd stay in the little rinky dink motel that Forks has tonight then head back to your actual home.

Snuffing out the stubby remnants of your cigarette, you toss back the rest of your drink and fish your phone out of your jacket pocket.

You're about to call a taxi before you hear the creaking of the porch's floorboards behind you. Twisting around to see Jacob Black leaning against the wooden column. "Heading out so soon?"

All honesty, he was cute. A year or two younger than you, Jacob was like a giant in comparison to Bella's now husband. More muscular too.

"Yeah. I have to go back to work the day after tomorrow." You won't tell him just how eager you were to return even if that meant you had to work. Anything was better than be surrounded by strangers. "I have a motel room for the night though. Gonna call a taxi."

"I can give you a ride, if you want. It'll probably take a taxi time to get up here." Jacob looks down the narrow, winding road that was the only one to lead up to the Cullen estate.

"Really?"

There's a ripple of relief in his gaze and the spreading of his smile. "Of course. You wanna go now?"

Arching a brow, you look around him to the front door where inside was the warmth of celebration. "You don't want to stay?"

His nose scrunches up. "Nah. There's nothing left for me in there."

Weird way to put it but you shrug it off and follow Jacob to a little red Volkswagen car that, while being on the older side of vehicles, appeared to be well maintained. Definitely didn't match any of the other fancy looking cars lining the Cullen's driveway. You're surprised they didn't hire a valet.

Pure magic the way Jacob maneuvers his car around all of the others without hitting any of them. Watching it made you nervous so you'd squeezed your eyes tight, listening to Jacob chuckle.

A good thing about Forks was that it wasn't a big town. And the motel was the only local one in the town.

"I appreciate this. Can I give you money for gas?" You lean back into the worn cushions of the seat.

"Don't worry about it." He just waves you off. The lightness in his voice doesn't match the anxious drumming of his fingers against the wheel. You frown at the behavior, tucking it away in the back of your mind. Your nature was to be untrustworthy of people. Especially those you've just met.

"Why did you go to Bella's wedding?"

"Because she invited me. And. . . as much as I hate him, Bella's still my friend."

That was sweet but the ceremony must have been a dagger in his heart, another reminder that the girl he loved could never be his.

'Why did you go to her wedding? You looked like the whole thing was actual torture." Jacob turns your question against yourself. "You even said that you aren't close with Bella."

"Obligation. My mother paid for a plane ticket to come to the wedding without my knowledge. Really laid that guilt heavy when she said the ticket was expensive." You roll your eyes when you remembered that phone call. "And I guess it's the least I can do as the older sister. Just show up."

A lull in conversation settles until Jacob brings up "So you probably won't be coming back any time soon. . . That's a shame. . ."

You shrug. "There really isn't a reason for me to stay. My life isn't here."

The drinks you previously consumed were beginning to make your tummy warm and your morals. . . well, loose. You start really taking in Jacob's side profile, his defined cheekbones and full lips. The muscles that are roped in his neck. Were you really entertaining the idea of sleeping with Bella's sloppy seconds?

You bite your bottom lip, fighting against the ache you feel between your legs. It had been a while since you'd last had a good rutting. But you felt that this guy, no matter how sexy he appeared, was a virgin. That was something you didn't want to deal with. You wanted a man who knew what he was doing.

Reigning in your drunk horniness, you turn your head to stare back out the window. No, you definitely didn't want to have another reason to come back here.

Quiet the rest of the way to the motel, you watch the neon sign grow closer as Jacob pulled into the pebbly parking lot. You stretch and grab your bag from between your feet.

"Thanks again for the ride. Are you sure you don't want any money for gas?"

Why did he look like a sad puppy?

"Like I said, it's alright. But. . . Can I get your number instead?"

You feel your brows shoot up and you know you must have a ridiculous expression. "My number? What for?"

His cheeks tinge with warmth as Jacob peels his eyes away from you. Yup, definitely a virgin.

"I'd. . . I'd like to get to know you." Was all he could mumble out.

Damn he was making it too easy for you.

An impish curl to your lips. "You can still get to know me. Want to come inside for a little bit?" The implication was too obvious that even Jacob was able to catch on your meaning.

Poor thing is stammering, conflicted with saying yes but the sweet part of him wanted to reject your offer. You really didn't think he would agree but enjoyed the shock he got from your words.

Letting him sit in the car perplexed, you open the car door and bid him goodnight.

It only took a second before you heard footsteps right behind you. You felt his body heat at your back when you open your motel room door. The lights were still on, the way you left them, at least casting a warm glow over the meager furniture in the room. You set your bag down on the chair and finally turn around to face Jacob.

He's blushing terribly, unable to hide his nerves and you take pity on him.

"You can sit down, ya know." you chuckle and he obediently sits on the edge. "You said you wanted to get to know me more, right?" Crouching down, you open the mini fridge that the motel offered. Having already stashed away some items you bought at the liquor store. Fingers crack open the can.

Jacob's gaze fires something inside of you. His blush was intense but it didn't compare to the heat in his eyes. A small blush of your own actually tinges your face. "Yeah. I did. Like what's your favorite color or your favorite food?" His smile would flood any girl's panties.

You hide your giggle by taking a sip from your can. "Hmm, those are real stumpers." The more the both of you joked around, the more tension that leaves Jacob's frame. Sitting next to him he's now comfortable enough to scoot closer to you so that your bodies are pressed together.

In a rather sneaky way, Jacob had stolen your can of beer and was drinking from it too. Well, now you couldn't have him driving back home tonight with a good conscious.

And just as the alcohol was starting to warm him too, his hands grew bold and traveled from resting on your thigh to your waist and higher until you were pressed against his chest. Jacob's kiss overflows with passion and lust that completely takes your breath away. He's definitely kissed before, that much was certain.

His skin nearly scalds under your fingers as they find themselves gripping the soft cotton material of his button up.

This was a new Jacob that you hadn't seen. Was he keeping this part hidden deep down all along?

Hot hands hike up the hem of your dress, impatient to rove the skin of your upper thighs. He palms the soft, squishy flesh of the insides of your thighs before pausing near the elastic band of your panties. He's groaning to himself, knowing what lay beyond the flimsy fabric. Just to verify for yourself, you grind yourself against the tent of his pants. Jacob shivers and given your unvoiced permission, his fingers pull aside your underwear.

His face is hidden in the crook of your neck, lips nipping at the juncture of your jaw. It makes your head tilt back to give him more access. Jacob growls in appreciation, thick fingers playing with your wet pussy lips. You squirm, wanting him inside of you but he was strong and kept you at bay. If this was indeed his first time then Jacob was in no rush. Like he wanted to memorize through the touch of his fingers each intimate part of you.

Nose nuzzling the soft skin of your throat, inhaling deeply. A finger grazes over your swollen clit making you jump from the sudden contact. Your little whine just makes his cock harder. Jacob chokes on his own moan and glides over your clit again.

Most men wouldn't even know where the clit is. Especially virgins. Jacob seemed to find it right away and liked how this small button of nerves could send you into a spasming fit.

As much as you want to regain control, your head is swimming from the attention he's giving your body. Eager hands and lips.

Jacob becomes slack jawed when he finally inserts a finger past your sopping folds. "Oh fuck"

He keeps whispering 'fuck fuck fuck' as his finger slides in and out, helped by your pooling arousal coating it. Your mewling is cut short though and turns into a cry of dismay when he removes his hand completely to examine his glistening digits. Bringing it up his lips, he sniffs it and you swear a dark possessiveness seizes his expression. Jacob licks his fingers and thumb clean.

While he's distracted, you scramble to fling your clothes off; skin burning up with desire. When you look back at him, his eyes are now glued to your naked form.

"Come on. You're turn." You grin and lean back against the pillows on the bed.

So obedient, Jacob nearly rips his shirt to shreds. The buttons were but an obstacle to him now.

Boy were you delighted to see his sculpted body. His abs and cum gutters that were oh so prominent. And once his pants were removed-

How was this guy still a virgin??

You've been with your share of men, but none of them had a cock as thick as a beer can. Damn near hypnotized watching it as he crawls on the bed and slots himself in between your open legs. Something animalistic on his face as he grabs your legs and throws them over his broad shoulders. Going by pure instinct, the bulb of Jacob's cock is dragged along your begging slit, experimentally bullying the tip inside.

Once he had the tip in, he snaps his hips harshly, piercing you and stretching out the walls of your pussy with his thick cock.

Now you're the one chanting 'fuck fuck fuck' repeatedly as he gives you no time to adjust. Now that he's inside of you, Jacob can't help but devour you entirely. Fingers digging into your plush skin as he holds onto you tightly. The tight squeeze your pussy offered his cock was driving him inside so that he mercilessly pounded into you. You enjoy every second, every ram his cock tip dealt your cervix. It was impossible for a virgin to fuck you this good and this dumb but there you were just a screaming mess. Absolutely no thoughts in your head, only focusing on the stretch the width of his cock gives you.

You try your best to buck against him, to reciprocate every pleasure he gave you but it was laborious to keep up with him. So you just let him use you as a fuck doll.

You wanted to be fucked into oblivion.

Jacob had a rude awakening the following morning, not just due to the slight headache that was ringing in his brain, but because when he reached over for the warm body he thought was next to him there was only cold bed sheets.

He peels his eyes open to find the bed completely empty besides himself. There was a piece of paper with black inked writing. It had an apology. You were running late to your flight and apologized.

But no number.

Staring at it for a moment, Jacob sighs, running a hand over his face. He just couldn't believe what he'd done last night. Worse was you'd left no number.

Really, he couldn't help himself once he'd imprinted on you. That was sealing the fate of the night. Especially when he smelled your arousal. Fuck, he was just hoping to be invited to stay with you. Though he didn't quite believe it at first when you'd offered him to come inside your room. He would've done anything in the moment to stay a little longer with you.

The alcohol wasn't what really urged him on once he got going, it was the wolf in him. To claim and. . . Jacob blushes to admit it, but to breed too. All instinctual, of course. He wasn't ready for kids and clearly you weren't either. But that's what his wolf was howling at him to do.

It was embarrassing to admit that at the end of the day, his wolf really did control him.

He runs away from his own thoughts by reading your note again, overly focusing on the lack of number. Anxious thoughts sweep him up in a smashing wave.

Pressure upon his chest makes him feel like he can't breathe. Repressing the urge to shapeshift into a stronger form that would allow him to really express the anguish he was feeling. It hurt when Bella rejected him. The hurt had stayed with him up until he'd spotted you.

He thought it cruel kismet that you turned out to be Bella's sister. Who would blame him though? No one has seen you in Forks since you were small. And Bella never spoke of you either. To him, you'd only been an urban legend with only a handful of pictures as shaky evidence.

This explains everything though. Why he was drawn to Bella. She would eventually lead him to who he really belonged with. You.

The animal in him gnashes it's teeth together, growling for it's imprintee, it's mate.

If only Jacob knew.

Find her.

Find her.

Find her.

A constant bark in his mind until he leapt from the bed and got dressed. He couldn't silence it until he obeyed. Finding his cellphone drained of battery. Jacob curses his past self for not charging it prior to the wedding. He'd have to wait to call Bella and hopefully she would answer on her honeymoon.

You frown at the unknown number that had your phone ringing. Since you were at work, you ignore it.

At first.

Four more calls sets you at your limit until you excuse yourself and go into the hall to answer it. "Hello?"

"You're a piece of work, you know that?! Showing up to my wedding without speaking to me for years?!"

"You invited me! And mom made me!" You snap, knowing who it was. Bella. What was she doing calling you? She was supposed to be on her honeymoon with her perfect husband. Renee must have given her your number. "What is it? What's so important that you pulled me away from work?"

"How could you do that to Jacob? You fuck him a-and then just leave without anything?!" You remember that stutter from childhood. It always got worse when Bella was upset.

Grinding your molars, you make sure to lower your voice so you weren't heard from your coworkers. "I left a note explaining that I would be late to my flight."

You hear her derisive scoff "But no contact information! Was he just a fling to you? A-A boy toy?!!"

The laugh left you before you could stop it.

"You think this is funny?!"

Cackling now, you have to take a deep breath to settle yourself. "Oh my god I don't think I've heard anyone say that in years!"

That adds heat to her tone. "You can't use people like that!!"

"I didn't use him. For god's sake Bella, we had a good time and that was that. I told him I didn't have anything left in Forks. Gave him plenty of opportunities to leave. I didn't force-"

"He-he REALLY likes you. And you just tossed him aside! That night meant more to him than you could possibly know!"

Maybe you should have been more considerate. But your jaded side was strong, having been fucked over by guys one too many times before. Some of them virgins too. Fuck you didn't want to say Bella was right.

"He can't be that upset that I dashed without leaving him a number. We hardly know each other. He'll find someone else now that he has the confidence that he could even get a girl."

Bella goes silent for a moment. You hear soft whispers in the background, most likely Edward. She returns to you with a frustrated huff. "Look, just- please call him or better yet go see him. I've never expected much from you, but you have to see him again. Please."

This was the only thing she's really asked for from you.

You called him when you got home, heavily apologizing because it was most possibly the best sex of your life if you were being completely honest. And he deserved an explanation on why you'd left without giving him your number. "It wasn't anything you did, really. I'm just kinda a shitty person. I'm really sorry. . . I should've been more empathetic. I remember when I lost my virginity-"

"Oh god. Th-that's not the reason why I wanted your number. I didn't just want to screw you. I. . ." You listen to him gulp. Jacob takes a deep breath. On the other end, unbeknownst to you, was Jacob pacing back and forth at a rest stop near where your city was in. He'd never meant for it to sound like he was tattling to Bella and butt-hurt. All he asked was for your number before she countered demanding a reason why. He was completely honest with her. She blew up at him over the phone to the point he had to hold his cellphone at arm's length. Bella hung up immediately once she was done. Probably to call you. Apparently she hadn't told you about the whole wolves and imprinting thing.

Using what scent was left on his shirt, he'd strapped his shorts and shirt to his leg and shifted to his wolf to track you down. It may have been extreme, but by the time he'd gotten Bella to answer her phone he was already at his wit's end. He knew he may have come off as a creep by doing this. This was an itch he desperately needed to satisfy. The wolf in him demands to know where you'd gone.

He couldn't say that to you. That would make him sound downright demented.

"I would just really like to know you. For real. Not just your favorite color or food. I want to know that too, but I want to really know you." God did he sound lame? Jacob thought what he just said was totally lame.

"You sure? You may not like what you find." There's a hint of sadness.

"I'm positive."

Setting up another date, you put down your phone with a tender smile. Maybe. . . Maybe this wouldn't be like all the other times. He sounded sincere. And no one else has gone to the trouble of getting your number from anyone.

You just hope you weren't making a big mistake.

Grabbing your cigarette and lighter, you head outside onto your small porch.

You put it between your lips while your thumb fumbles with the lighter's sparkwheel. A crunching sound a few feet away from you makes you pause. The cigarette falls from your lips as you stare into large brown eyes stare at you from a break of trees. Russet fur was highlighted by the street light that was near. You didn't think wolves were capable of growing to such a size. This thing was gargantuan.

There's not an air of danger around it. The wolf merely wags it's tail, snout shaping into what you could only describe as a grin before it pads back off into the night.

You smile to yourself. "Wow."

It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.

Perhaps a good omen.

Tags:

@enchantingcupcakecollectionfan

@bakugospartner

[kaziwi]

Heyyy, congratulations for the 100 followers 😍😍

I would like to ask for number 8 with Zoro, if that's okay. Thank you!!

Ugh i love Zoro sm, I hope you enjoy!!!

Link to Event

"I'll just stay behind."

Character(s): Zoro

WC: 727

CW: Sick fic, Zoro being a sweetie

It was cold....but also hot.....you wished your body would make up its mind already. Of course you were the first one on the ship to get the common Grandline Flu this year. But in all honestly you didn't mind being sick, the only issue was your crewmates avoiding you like the plague. Sickness spread easily on the ship, so no one wanted to take any chances. The only one who ever spent long periods of time with you in the infirmary was Chopper, who kept his distance and wore a mask to avoid getting sick. Other than him and Sanji dropping off your meals, you really didn't have any other company.

You didn't blame them, I mean you would do the same in their position, but thinking that didn't make you feel any better. Chopper said they all missed you dearly, but you wished you could hear it from then.

The Sunny had docked at an island earlier that morning, and now it was time for everyone to split up and stock up on supplies. The only issue was who was going to stay with you. Chopper had to run out and grab a few herbs only he could identify, so someone else would have to stay. Luckily for you, they were discussing this right in front of the thin infirmary door, so you could hear everything.

"I wish I could stay with Y/N swan, but I have to restock on food," Sanji said, dramatic sadness in his voice.

"Well I don't want to stay here!! I really don't want to get sick," Usopp pleaded.

"I thought the great captain Usopp didn't get sick?" Nami snickered at him as he rambled on to defend himself.

"I need to get cola so I can start some SUPERR repairs on the Sunny!!"

Everyone fought over who would stay, making you feel kinda sad. They really didn't want to stay with you?? Maybe you were a bit of a burden. Just before you could continue your negative thoughts, a voice caught your eye.

"I'll just stay behind."

The commotion stopped and you assumed everyone turned and stared at Zoro, but the shock didn't last long.

"Thanks Zoro-bro!"

"Yeah, thanks Zoro!!"

"Zoro!! Let me run you through what Y/N needs!!"

You couldn't help but laugh at Chopper's explanations, knowing Zoro wouldn't remember any of it. Slowly the commotion died down, and after a little Zoro entered your room.

"I'm assuming everyone else left?" You asked, not wanting to let him know you heard everything.

"Yeah, they won't be long, just restocking," Zoro said as he took Chopper's doctor chair and rolled it towards the side of the bed, sitting next to you. You then noticed that he wasn't wearing a mask, nor was he afraid to get close to you.

"Why aren't you wearing a mask? Aren't you afraid of catching what I have?"

"Eh, not really. I mean its a small ship, we're all gonna catch it eventually, so might as well catch it early."

You chuckled a little at his response...but you wondered why he of all people chose to stay behind...

"So...why did you stay behind? I mean, I'm assuming everyone else didn't want to cause they don't want to catch it...but why did you?" You asked after a bit of silence. He looked off to the side, and as he cleared his throat you swore you saw his cheeks turn red.

"Well...uh.." Zoro fumbled with his words a bit, which he never did, EVER, "I just didn't want you to be lonely...I know how annoying it can be stuck in the infirmary, and especially being sick and if someone else stayed they would keep their distance. And like I said I don't really care about getting sick so I didn't think there was any harm in staying."

It was cute, watching him ramble on, trying to give you a convincing explanation on while he volunteered to stay.

"Well thank you," you said, cutting him off, "It was a very nice gesture."

He almost looked like a tomato, his face turning red. You both talked for hours until everyone else came back. You were better in a few days, but that same day Zoro started showing symptoms. While everyone else again avoided Zoro, you stayed by his side, making sure his kindness was repaid.

[robinnsblog]

Most themes and symbolism about the game have already been discussed, so I’m not going to focus on those here. What I’m going to focus on, however, are the “friendships” in the game.

The game has clear influences from Neon Genesis Evangelion, one of its themes being human connections — so it feels fair to explore those here, don’t you agree?

Let’s start with the more positive ones: Swansea, Anya and Curly.

Both Curly (in How Fish Is Made DLC) and Swansea (after he mercy kills Daisuke) mention working over a decade for Pony Express, so they most likely went in several trips together and got to know each other. The case with Anya is a bit unclear, but she is close enough to playfully tease Swansea about liking the cake, and Curly has brought both of their playlists (Swansea’s and Anya’s) to the ship for years. Not only that, Curly calls Swansea “Big Swan” in flavor text and he probably was the one to gift him the swan keychain.

Between Anya and Curly we have the medical evaluations, including the one in the demo. It’s true that Curly didn’t open up much to Anya and the conflict with Jimmy ended up disastrously, but those brief moments were kind of sweet and they showed that there was at least a bit of trust between the two.

There was also some trust between Anya and Swansea, since he trusted her to rely his message to Curly, instead of sending Jimmy —who was standing outside the Utility room doing nothing— to get the Captain. At the birthday party, the two were standing next to each other as well, so one can safely assume they were in friendly terms.

Swansea and Daisuke

I don’t think I can add anything that hasn’t been said already. Swansea didn’t want Daisuke to join the corporate hellscape and become a jagged adult like them, and saved the cryopod for him so he could get saved if the situation came to it.

Now, let’s analyze the negatives ones: Curly and Jimmy.

I must preface this that I’m not going to discuss any relationship between Jimmy and the others, only those two, because I don’t think he ever considered them friends and viceversa.

In other words, there is no friendship to discuss there.

But to be fair, there isn’t much friendship between Jimmy and Curly either, because I hope we can all agree that Jimmy is a toxic/abusive friend to Curly. If you search the signs of an abusive or toxic friendship, Jimmy fits all the criteria even before the crash:

Not only he does not show an ounce of gratitude to Curly for getting him the job to begin with, he isn’t happy for his friend’s accomplishments.

Though he asks what is troubling Curly, he does so not out of concern, but because he can’t comprehend why his “friend” isn’t happy with the position he, Jimmy, covets.

And when Curly opens up, immediately after Jimmy makes it about himself. Curly tries to cheer him up, despite being the one down in spirits and in need of moral support.

Not to mention, when he gets angry, Jimmy uses what Curly shared in confidence as ammo to hurt him: he puts words in his mouth, barely lets him talk or defend himself, and insists his intentions were something else.

In my personal opinion, Curly only said: “I can fix it”, “We can figure all of this out”… because he was aware that he was also to blame for what happened to Anya — as Jimmy points out, as the captain, Curly should have had everything under control. However, what Jimmy is doing here is shifting the blame entirely on Curly, exploiting his guilty conscience to avoid repercussions.

All of this was, of course, affecting Curly’s health, compromising his effectiveness as a captain. Some of the effects of a toxic friendship are as listed:

Increased stress: Curly had trouble sleeping, though that could be attached at their horrible work conditions and wanting to escape to something better.

Emotional exhaustion, which can reduce your ability to focus: in the very first scene we control Curly, Anya calls him out for not paying attention in his med eval.

Isolation and distrust: in the same scene, Anya also calls him out for not opening up.

Fear of conflict: in their confrontations, Jimmy is the dominant voice and Curly barely gets out two sentences.

I don’t want to excuse Curly, but the first step to drop a toxic friendship, is recognizing you’re in one, which is difficult if you have been led to believe you were always the one in the wrong and the “good moments” make us forget the “bad times”. As Curly said, they go far… but how far did Jimmy mess him up? We can only speculate.

As a silver lining, maybe this hallucination was Curly’s subconscious warning him about Jimmy and how miserable his “friend” was making him.

But in the end, Jimmy was to Curly, what the alcohol in the mouthwash bottle was to Swansea…

… that one setback away from their worst selves.

[astra-ravana]

Augury: Bird Divination

Augury, also called ornithomancy, is the practice of reading birds and their behavior to divinate the past, present, and future. It is one of the oldest forms of divination, having been practiced by the ancient Greeks, Romans, and Egyptians, as well as the Celts and Native Americans alike. The reader in this case is referred to as the "augur", and reading the birds is often called "taking the auspices".

Birds are universally seen as messengers and sometimes, as psychopomps, connecting us to the other side and the divine. Augury incorporates the type of bird, the number of birds, as well as their flight patterns and behavior. One can gain powerful insight by incorporating this divination into their practice. Here's the interpretations for general types of bird, some basic movements, and more.

Bird type symbolism:

• Blue jay - Truth, communication, playful, high energy, loud

• Cardinal - Hope, joy, ancestors, loved ones, passion, warmth

• Crow - Magick, witches, transformation, power, omens, intelligence, mystery

• Dove - Peace, tranquility, love, connection, safety

• Duck - Friendship, good fortune, protection from negative energy

• Eagle - Power, leadership, freedom, manifestation, opportunity, adventure

• Falcon - Navigation, taking chances, travel, cooperation, courage, vigilance

• Goose - Love, partnership, home, protection, family

• Hawk - Spirit guides, bravery, awareness, intuition, instinct, higher perspective

• Heron - Strength, purity, longevity, knowledge, good judgment, transcendence, patience

• Hummingbird - The Fae, creativity, bliss, love, beauty, speed, rest is needed

• Kestrel - Consideration, stability, vitality, opportunities

• Owl - The gods, wisdom intuition, spiritual exploration, the unknown, observation, intelligence

• Raven - Mystery, magick, the Fae, knowledge, mischief, death

• Robin - Luck, prosperity, fertility, new beginnings, good things, rewards

• Sparrow - New love, relationships, team work, productivity

• Starling - Communication, adaptability, community, fun, freedom

• Stork - Longevity, fertility, new life, prosperity, wisdom, luck

• Swan - Grace, beauty, music, poetry, creativity, loyalty, partnership

• Vulture - Renewal, perception, creativity, death, patience

• Woodpecker - Hard work, advantage attention, progress, determination

Movement

Directions:

• Towards – Reception

• Away – Depletion

Crossing your path:

• An bird crossing your paths means boundaries.

• Crossing from left to right – Minor achievement

• Crossing from right to left – Minor obstacle

Diagonal:

• A movement diagonally means transformation.

• Lower right to upper left diagonal – Weak obstacle

• Lower left to upper right diagonal – Weak achievement

• Upper right to lower left diagonal – Major obstacle

• Upper left to lower right diagonal – Major achievement

Stationary:

• Stationary means foundation.

• Stationary front – Stability

• Stationary back – Stagnation

• Stationary left – Separation

• Stationary right ��� Unification

Rotation:

• Clockwise – Major completion

• Counterclockwise – Minor completion

Sides:

• Left - Bad

• Right - Good

Number of Birds:

• 1 - The self, beginnings, manifestation, physical action

• 2 - Security, partnership, balance, duality

• 3 - Adventure, communication, trinity, raising consciousness, strength

• 4 - Wisdom, stability, home, protection

• 5 - Change, creativity, romance, humor and drama

• 6 - Peace, self-love, equilibrium, health

• 7 - Psychic ability, intuition, spiritual awakening, soul mates

• 8 - Transformation, finances, infinite possibility, struggle/delay

• 9 - Lessons, education, courage, pioneering energy

• 10 - Completion, higher powers, alignment, legacy

• 11 - Good luck, wishes granted, new friends, joy

• 12 - Introspection, other realms, the dead, the shadow

Finding feathers:

• Gray – A time of peace is arriving

• White – Focus on your spirituality

• Black – You are protected

• Brown – Strength and courage

• Red – Find and use your spiritual gifts

• Orange – You will be successful

• Yellow – You are on the right path

• Green – Healing is coming

• Blue – Use your voice

• Purple – Expand your psychic abilities

• Pink – Love, romance, or pregnancy

• Striped – Change will happen soon

• Spotted – Release the past

[rye-bread-soda-iceberg]

discussion and a little theory about black swan and sparkle's companion mission under the cut (+ spoilers) aka listen to me yap about the blue thing until I go insane

the First sampo we meet in penacony, specifically the one that follows us as we're hanging out with firefly, is nothing like how sampo himself is

his personality is a poor attempt from sparkle to try and convince us that it's him, but perhaps she's not familiar enough with him anymore to know exactly how he acts. "he" is acting weird and a little bit mean towards firefly for not knowing things about penacony even though she should

I don't think sampo would do that, at least the one we met on jarilo-VI wouldn't

the second (and third) time sampo appears, and this time it's actually him, is during the girls' companion mission

during the entire quest him and black swan play this little detective game orchestrated by sparkle where she writes herself in as a murder victim and has the two find her murderer. it's fun and silly and very chaotic

the entire story unfolds inside a dream bubble created by black swan, and when it's over the giant eyeball guy tells us that even though we recognized the people in the dream, it is still a dream. it doesn't represent reality and could have been tampered with

I don't believe that

anyways so. in this sampo acts a little bit more like the one we know, maybe slightly over the top at times but I think he was putting on a performance to spice things up. he was helping out sparkle with the whole thing in exchange for his mask that she probably stole from him (that we sadly don't get to see) so I bet he really put some effort into that, even begging black swan to not skip the last murder case

But. the MOST important part of this entire quest is.. the end. and the end is definitely not a dream

after the trio finishes talking, the dream stops and we briefly return to the real world before going into a memory. and boy there's some stuff to unpack in here

first of all the way they talk to each other? they almost seem like friends. of course, their views on the pursuit of elation are still different

he is still very polite about it

sparkle doesn't mention anything except muttering "why so serious" to herself

but they do talk like old friends and it's clear that in a sense they may be

after he asks for his mask back, sparkle remarks that it is not like the sampo she knows and then this little exchange happens

it is now canon, as in acknowledged out loud by a character (in this case himself) that sampo Really did orchestrate almost every thing that happened in jarilo-VI

how did he know this was going to happen? how can sparkle guess the reason why he wants his mask back? has he done this before? well clearly, thinking back to all the chaos he unleashes on that planet, maybe some kind of catastrophe has already came to it that we don't know about?

also slightly unrelated but I think he likes living there. he genuinely enjoys living in belobog because if he didn't, he'd find a way to leave

so anyways what we can deduct from this sequence is that:

- this entire quest is most likely a memory, not a dream. black swan deals with memories and it could be possible that she had some slight changes done to it and passed it off as a dream. maybe. and this would mean that it's a real event, that happened before the jarilo-VI story

- consequently, before that sampo and sparkle were on friendly enough terms that he was willing to help her put on a show for black swan in exchange for his mask (of course, he's always willing to do something to get something in return)

so I did say I have a theory

sparkle is the reason for That One sampo eidolon, "the deeper the love the stronger the hate"

she's the only character so far that we are SURE he dislikes, and that's something knowing he doesn't admit that stuff so openly. source: listen to his lines about other characters, he always masks any kind of negative emotion about other people yet tells giovanni that if it were for him, he'd never see her again (still said in a polite way)

so the "hate" he feels, that he still masks by smiling even though his eyes are devoid of any light, as of right now can only be towards sparkle

I believe she betrayed him somehow and maybe doesn't fully realize that

she's childish, really mean, DEFINITELY cannot "read the room" in any way and I doubt she cares about other people's feelings enough, so if sampo who by nature almost does everything to hide how he truly feels about people ever felt betrayed by her, there'd be miscommunication and possibly confusion on her side and feelings of hate towards her on his side

in the main quest, before sparkle reveals herself, she mentions hearing about his deeds on jarilo-VI but doesn't seem to hold a grudge against him. she probably dislikes him as well but perhaps not as much as he does, which also leads me to think she wouldn't understand if she did anything wrong

them not talking anymore would explain why sparkle's rendition of sampo feels off and kind of out of character

this is a theory I had actually already saw circularing on here, around the time sampo and giovanni's conversation in the memory bubble got leaked. but if I'm correct it's not as discussed

sad cause it's very interesting and you know what this also means?

penacony might not be the last we see of sampo

he has so much going on behind him and this just adds to it. he doesn't speak much about his past himself, he is clearly hiding so so many things and hoyoverse wouldn't keep leaving these little crumbs of information behind if it wasn't for a greater purpose

I feel like I say this every time I talk about him and maybe I'm slowly going insane but I'm also very happy cause I want to see what my beautiful man will do in the future

thanks for reading this far if you did and sorry if this is really messy

I just wanted to let some thoughts out!

[scoobydoodean]

so i’ve always been annoyed by the belief that “sam and dean are toxically co-dependent, especially dean!” like it just baffles me once i remember all the times they’ve been apart without one of them being dead (and actually including post swan song to an extent), but i’ve never been able to properly articulate why i think dean at least isn’t really co-dependent on sam. like there’s a difference between being (co)dependent on somebody and dean’s parentification right? thanks!

I'll preface this by saying I am not a medical professional nor have I studied academic literature on codependency in great detail. That said, "codependency" is usually just a buzzword used colloquially to describe people who are obsessed with each other anyway. I address the colloquial use and how Sam is much more unhinged here. I'm guessing the colloquial use is really more what you mean, but if you're looking for something different or a little more specific than that, I can probably write or point you to some other things I've written if you give me something more specific to go on.

That said, there is something about the way fandom talks about "codependency" between Sam and Dean that bothers me, and I think by reading around about codependency today after I got this ask, and finding out that this term is controversial among mental health professionals as well... I finally figured out why.

I think to a lot of people, "codependent" has become synonymous with words like "needy" and "suffocating". However, the WebMD type articles I started with, suggest that the partner of the codependent party is the one whose needs seem to constantly overshadow and outweigh the needs of the codependent partner in the relationship. While the codependent partner can exhibit negative behaviors, the primary problem of the codependent party is that in being a caretaker, they can lose all sense of their identity and boundaries, and don't know who they are outside of being a caretaker for others. However, this is a more modern take on the term. Because these articles I started with mentioned academic controversy, I then found a few academic papers to skim, and this proved to be even more helpful in understanding why I... don't like this term very much.

First, the historical origins of it are... off-putting. The term "codependency" first emerged in academic literature in the 1940s to describe wives with alcoholic husbands who behave as "enablers" [1, 2]. I probably don't have to point out how different things were for women back then, and how rampantly sexist that context makes this first wave of literature sound, but it's discussed extensively in this article. Second, there is more stigma associated with the term partly because Alcoholics Anonymous (shocking /s) latched onto it starting in the 60s and 70s:

The influence of the AA culture in shaping the concept of codependency as an illness offered the idea that people who were close to the substance user were themselves suffering from an illness (O’Briean and Gaborit 1992). These people were viewed as enablers and coalcoholics (Cotton 1979). [ 1 ]

I... think I am probably not the only one who finds that utterly rancid to read (some academics writing on the subject certainly seem to):

According to Gus Napier, a noted family therapist, it is "ridiculous" to label codependency as a disease, because it is a culturally conditioned response of an overfunctioning person in relationship with an underfunctioning person (Meacham, 1990-1991). [2]

Some researchers who have pushed the term "codependency" as a diagnosis have actually suggested that literally anyone who is living with someone with an addiction should be called co-dependent by definition, regardless of any behavior they may exhibit, which tells you a lot about the lack of consensus and how meaningless the term can be [2]. The term (especially within the disease model where codependency itself is a from of addiction) has been criticized by many researchers for the misogyny through which the term originated, for unproductive negative labeling and pathologizing of people (especially women) dealing with incredibly difficult situations with their loved ones, for victim-blaming people (especially women stuck in abusive relationships) for the actions of their partners, for tangentially—negative stereotyping about people with serious addictions, and for conflating addiction with interpersonal problems, and in the extreme case—for suggesting separation from ones family is the solution to addiction and supporting someone with an addiction somehow always enables them [1, 2].

Since the original stream of literature related to addiction, codependency has rebranded and expanded into literature on family experiences with abuse and mental and physical illness. Which is where we get articles like this one I already linked. The codependent party is still a caretaker in these settings, caring for the needs of a loved one who is ill. Still, "codependency" is not an official medical diagnosis (i.e. not in the DSM-5). It's a term that has been used in academic literature by mental health professionals, when trying to describe a range of behaviors within dysfunctional families. These researchers do not agree on the term's meaning or on whether it even is or should be a diagnosis. Many are interested in it only from an interpersonal or personality perspective, which is also where we should stick.

Taking all of this into account though, I think the very first thing we have to ask ourselves is what exactly we get out of using the term "co-dependency" to describe Sam and/or Dean when the term doesn't even really have an agreed-upon meaning. Is the intention to write interesting character analysis, or is the intention to glorify or criticize using a term that has historically stigmatized understandable human reactions to troubled family situations? I think the goal has perhaps too often been the latter.

That said, I've already been referencing it, but I think this article does a good job of summarizing much of the literature, and then actually focusing on people who do choose, of their own accord, to identify with the term "codependent" because it is helpful for them in understanding their own lived experience and their patterns within relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to explore this as it relates to Sam and Dean with the right motivations. If you read the accounts of the respondents who choose to identify with the term, you'll see shades of Sam and Dean I think (I have written something pretty close to the chameleon-self about season 1 Dean, and I can apply that one to Sam too through his attempts to fit in at Stanford). When it comes to my experience with these characters however, I just don't find that I personally see any value in analyzing Sam and Dean through the word "codependent" given it's lack of agreed-upon meaning professionally and colloquially.

It seems to me that the term itself leads to more confusing conversations instead of less confusing ones because of the lack of clear definition, and the potential for negative stereotyping instead of actual edifying analysis is extremely off-putting to me. It just doesn't do anything for me personally. The issues to which it relates I think are interesting (especially parentification which is a term I do find useful), and I think criticisms leveled against the term are also useful to read in understanding ones own struggles with how fandom tends to frame Dean as a caretaker who they believe is actually somehow responsible for everyone else's decisions. But I think that perhaps I prefer words and concepts that are better defined than the muddiness of the term "codependent".

Lastly: Even if I'm not a particular fan of the term, the fact is that the actual show uses the term twice—in season 5 (shoutout to butch--dean's transcript search engine). Once in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" (to Dean):

DR. FULLER Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good.

First, this dude doesn't really know what's going on and thinks Sam and Dean are having delusions. However, in season 5, Sam's experience with demon blood is repeatedly paralleled with drug or alcohol addiction, and Sam is someone for whom Dean has been made to feel responsible for most of his life. This episode addresses Dean's overly burdensome responsibilities in other ways and it's also come up in the past in 1.12, 2.09, 2.10, and 4.05. I prefer to discuss this theme with much more specific terms. In this case, I would say Dean has an "overactive sense of responsibility to others", originating first with his childhood experiences with parentification. Sam also has a tendency to try and make Dean shoulder responsibility for his decisions when they backfire, and does so multiple times related to the demon blood (4.04, 4.21, 5.05). Cas and Zachariah also both blame Dean for Sam breaking the last seal because he didn't stop him in time (5.01, 5.02) and Bobby criticizes how Dean responds to Sam's addiction (4.22).

And then again in 5.18 "Point of No Return", specifically when Zachariah (my favorite manipulative angel) tries to get Adam to be on his side by basically calling Sam and Dean creepy incestuous weirdos:

ZACHARIAH So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

This one honestly to me is just Zachariah doing Zachariah things. I'll reach these episodes on my rewatch fairly soon though, so we'll see if I end up talking about it more then.

Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. et al. The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Int J Ment Health Addiction 18, 754–771 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Anderson, S. C. (1994). A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency. Social Work, 39(6), 677–685. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23717128

[trashland-llamas]

Could Just Eat You Alive

x fem reader

divider by cafekitsune

'Why can't I just make you my meal?' Sanji whispered in her ear, in a way, proposing a fantasy he had longed to make a reality for quite some time now. Chuckling as she choked on her drink. 'You can just ask if you want to eat me out, don't have to sugar--'

'But I'm not. I mean it literally.' Eyes raking over her as if she were a piece of meat. Already letting himself think of where he'd place the freshly filleted fish. Which dips would best collect the sauce and how to keep the fish cold but y/n warm. The thought made his mouth water. 'No restraints.' Sanji giddy as he realized the meaning behind her words. 'So you agree to do it?'

'As long as there's no gags or blindfolds and I get my safe word, yes.'

'Why of course we'd still use the safe word. But I'll make sure you don't regret this madam.'

Y/n lightly cursed Sanji out in her head, blaming it on his puppy dog eyes and his silver tongue. She couldn't deny she wasn't curious though. It after hours at the restaurant with the doors locked. Splayed on a round table, feet dangling off the end. Nude as the day she was born. The table cloth underneath hadn't been soiled just yet. 'You look divine.' Fingers brushing against y/n's cheek, still in his uniform.

'You just gonna sit back and admire you handy work?'

'Can't rush perfection now.' Giving her a toothy grin. 'Open.' Doing as told, Sanji placed a piece of sashimi in her mouth. Unsure if any more blood could rush down south at the moan she let out. 'Taste good?' Shoving his cock down y/n's throat. The soy and eel sauce splashing as he fucked her throat, hands clutching the table cloth. Feeding her a piece of pickled ginger. Sanji plucked a few more pieces of sushi as he stalked to the other side of the table, towards her cunt.

Not bothering to wipe off his fingers, trailing them along y/n's lips. Thumbs rubbing against her clit. While it felt amazing, shocks of pleasure shooting up her spine, she couldn't ignore the other negative sensations. The stickiness against her skin. The cold air that had slowly shifted to unbearable. 'Swan,' uttering out the safe word. Immediately shutting down the scene they were in. Sanji draped his discarded jacket over y/n's shoulders once everything was removed from her body.

At home, he sat behind her in the bath, drawing random shapes against her skin. 'Sorry for ruining the mood.'

'Don't be. Sometimes you have to try things to know they're not for you. Still got to indulge in the dream a little bit, that's more than what I expected to get.'

[testure-1988]

About Me

Name: Al /Ali

Age: 34

Cisgender

Sign: Taurus

Pronouns: she/her

USA (NJ)

Goth

Aromantic

Neurodivergent (ADHD, APD, anxiety)

Agnostic

-This is a SIDE BLOG. I will follow you with my main (nivekogresimp)

DNI if you're:

A TERF or SWERF (or just transphobic and against sex work in general)

racist

homophobic

a fascist/nazi

pro-police

hardcore Christian

misogynistic

TCC/a Columbiner

into pedophilia/ a MAP (or if you like Lolicon/shota or DD/LG)

Ableist

Also don’t even bother following me if you’re a zionist/Israel supporter

-I post NSFW stuff sometimes, so minors should take note.

-If you see something (artwork, a photo) that belongs to you, please let me know so I can credit you or remove it.

What I'm mainly interested in:

The Goth subculture/ trad goth stuff

Music in general (I love Industrial Music, Experimental, Noise Music/Harsh Noise Wall, Goth Rock, Post-Punk, Punk Rock, Grindcore, Doom Metal, all kinds of Electronic Music, Italo-Disco, 80s New Wave/Synthpop, City Pop, 90s/80s Hip-Hop and a whole bunch of other genres)

Skinny Puppy

The 1980s

Horror Movies

JTHM (and Invader Zim...sometimes)

Art & graphic design

Dark/horror/ gothic/religious aesthetic posts

goth fashion

Vampires

Cemeteries

Bones

Leftist/democratic socialist stuff

bats, cats & rats :D

Anime (Berserk, NGE, Cowboy Bebop, Sailor Moon, Hellsing, Studio Ghibli, etc.)

Cartoons

Batman

Little Nemo In Slumberland (the comic strip)

Mythology (Norse, Greek & Egyptian mainly)

Elvira, Mistress of The Dark

The Addams Family

Edward Gorey

Some of my favorite bands/artists:

Skinny Puppy, Godflesh, Tom Waits, Einsturzende Neubauten, Meat Beat Manifesto, Coil, The Cure, Front 242, Bauhaus, Siouxsie And The Banshees, Severed Heads, Alien Sex Fiend, Acid Bath, Throbbing Gristle, Cabaret Voltaire, Depeche Mode, Japan, Tears For Fears, Type O Negative, Clan Of Xymox, Virgin Prunes, Cocteau Twins, Aphex Twin, Boards Of Canada, Massive Attack, Autechre, Goldie, Merzbow, Agent Side Grinder, The Klinik, (old) Ministry, Nine Inch Nails, (old) KMFDM, Front Line Assembly, Fad Gadget, Revolting Cocks, SPK, Clock DVA, :wumpscut:, Christian Death (Rozz only), Swans, The Sisters Of Mercy, Joy Division, Dead Can Dance, Sleep, Black Sabbath (with Ozzy only), Electric Wizard, Neurosis, Cult of Luna, Isis, Ningen Isu, Yoko Kanno, Church Of Misery, Bongzilla, Phobia, Doom, Pink Floyd, Altar De Fey, TR/ST, Boy Harsher, George Clanton, Ulver, Kraftwerk, Dissecting Table, Anaal Nathrakh, Lycia, Tim Hecker, Akira Yamaoka, Deftones, Porcupine Tree, Hello Meteor, The Devil & The Universe, Wardruna, Goldie

Current favorite bands/artists ATM:

Jim Kirkwood. Klaus Schulze. Severed Heads

[dnfnoodles]

what exactly happened with John swan. I remember the name but not anything that happened with him 😭

oh god get ready for some lore. So basically it all started with John Swan making some video I think minecraft related? (never saw it though idk if it’s even there or if it’s lost media) and he got Dream to be a part of it. So they had each other on discord. John used the fact to convince some other small youtuber guy he can get Dream to dm him. Then he and his friend used it to troll that guy. The troll included some weird shit like the fake Dream saying the n word and stuff. Then John Swan made some neg comment about Dream somewhere and it got posted on reddit and Dream responded saying this

John went to cry about it on twitter how Dream is slandering him and ruining his credibility blah blah blah and explained himself that the fake discord was actually his cousin or something like that. Obviously Dream wasn’t buying that bs but the whole internet was and was after Dream. Dream made his detective dream stream pointing out why the story doesn’t make sense. The story ended with Nicholas De orio who used to be Johns friend and was at his side at the beginning and after Dream, recording their discord call where he confronted John saying he knows he is lying after talking more with Dream and John at some point admits to it all and Nicholas posted that to twitter and Johns career died

[anystalker707]

When he's a damn tease (Sanji version)

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x [gender neutral] Reader Check out: (Roronoa Zoro's version) Summary: Headcanons about him teasing you because he knows you secretly like him (there are two versions) Tags: version 1 has gentleman sanji treating you like a royalty while you're shy / in version 2, he is that too, but you make him flustered

A/N: anon requested something regarding giving sanji a silent treatment--gonna work on this next

MASTERLIST

• Maybe it’s just immense luck, because Sanji apparently just started to be more lovesick at your sight after he caught onto some of your comments, such as “I feel like it’d be safer if Sanji joined our group” or “probably the best cook out there, really”, which aren’t even too different from what the others comment, but the fact that it was you saying it had him swooning and nose-bleeding more than usual

• You don’t really know how to deal with it, so your reaction most of the time is to look down and turn your head away whenever he is being that extra

• “Oh, you’re so cute when you’re shy, (y/n)-swan!” he says with heart eyes and hand clasped over his chest

• Sanji always has that stupid grin on his face whenever you watch him fight, making sure to you’re watching him while he puts on his best show—if it’s a difficult opponent, he’ll start ranting about how he can’t lose because he needs you back home and whole

• If you’re fighting with him, he’ll do his best to help you out and be the most perfect pair, very sweet, actually

• The others are worried, at some point, that you might not really return his feelings since he is extremely invested in you—Sanji does love cooking and fighting, but it seems to gain a completely different tone when it comes to you—and you don’t respond a lot, however, the worry fades away once they notice you keep every single note that Sanji leaves for you with the dishes and how you’ll even eat whatever he prepares you slowly to appreciate every bite of it

• Sanji doesn’t stop treating Nami, Robin and the other ladies well or fancing them, it just becomes different. It’s clear by the way he starts wearing that specific shirt just because you commented how nice it suits him, and the way he doesn’t start complaining when you walk into the kitchen during his alone hours—he actually likes having your company while he cooks

• Then, he wants more attention from you, what leads to the actual teasing

• Sanji will be seeking your approval almost the whole time just to make you react and, of course, because he loves your company and pretty much anything about you. It might be the simplest thing, but he will be there helping you out because you deserve it

• “Sanji, we need you to go buy stuff, we can’t have you watching the ship!” “...Only if I get to go with (y/n)-swan.” Sanji crosses his arms with a pout. At first, he was worried he would put negative pressure on you by saying that just to find out how amusing you thought it to be after he made a joke with it

• “You’re still here?” Zoro raised an eyebrow seeing Sanji still hadn’t left after the crew split up to gather what they needed in the new island; he was staying to watch the ship, so there was no reason for Sanji to be there, unless, of course... “Only with (y/n)-swan!” Sanji grinned in a smug manner that immediately turned into a mess the moment he saw you.

• And of course you go, trying to hide how flustered you are because you will hear a thousand comments like “oh, it’s a beautiful city! Such a beautiful view, but not as beautiful as you” before his eyes turn into hearts and he’s melting again because it ends up getting you shy

• Prepares every single dish you want. Once, he sits down next to you with your dessert in hand, but refuses to let you hold it. “You seem so tired, do you mind if I help you out?” He holds a spoonful of it in front of your lips, and despite how it makes your cheeks burn, you find yourself accepting it, much to his happiness

• Sanji may put on a serious and smooth posture to impress you, but he’ll either be a mess in seconds—like when the two of you are hanging out—or just internally, keeping that face when he’s confronting any enemy or scaring off someone who shouldn’t be too close to you

• He will hold your hand because it seems fit, always saying stuff like “I’m afraid you’ll get lost,” or just keeping it in his grasp after he holds it just to inspect “how lovely it is” and press a kiss to your knuckles—really just treating you like a royalty because he loves it even when you’re too flustered to even hold his gaze

• Also, Sanji might find out about it if you have a weak spot for him speaking French, so he will always be slipping some words in French in whatever he says to you. It might be the simplest thing said in the right way, just a “here’s your food, mon amour,” with a soft wink, and you’ll already be dying internally

.𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟.

• Another version in which Sanji is all over you, but doesn’t know how to deal with it because your reactions aren’t that easy to read, then you actually crack a genuine smile once in a while whenever he does something and you’re the owner of all of his attention

• He might be swooning over Robin and Nami that he’ll just stop and come right to you the moment you show up, asking if you need something

• Sanji is walking around with the first buttons of his shirt undone and handing out drinks until he puts on the best grin he can to hand you yours. “Even on such a hot day, you manage to be as beautiful as always, (y/n)-swan,” he comments while you get the cold glass from the tray he holds out. You smile in response. “Ah, true? It might be your eyes, Sanji! You seem to be handling it much better than me.” “Maybe, but my eyes are never mistaken, that’s for sure.” You let him win just that one time, eyeing his proud posture with a soft smirk

• Will do anything for you, whatever you want or think about (he may notice you’re bored and kick Zoro just because you think it’s funny when the two argue). You do recognize what he does, of course, but it’s fun to play around for a little, right? Tease him back

• Unlike Sanji’s teasing, yours will just lead him into situations that will actually fluster him to no end and/or never give him what he want, but it seems more like another reason for him to keep trying and trying, as if he will come up with the right response at the right time, even if you never let that happen

• “How does my dessert taste, (y/n)-swan? Probably very sweet, but not as sweet as you!” As much as you want to let yourself get lost in his compliments and just give up already, you’re not ready to give up on playing with him just yet. “Maybe as sweet as your lips, then?” It’s loud enough for him to understand, but not to make sure it’s exactly what you said. “Wh... What, (y/n)-san?” he mumbles, uncertain and with red cheeks, growing even more out of place when you just chuckle, never answering it

• He will get really jealous when he sees someone else hitting on you. Once, Nami decides to present you someone else so you can hang out with just to reach Sanji indirectly and you play along with it, pretending you don’t see him biting his shirt and dying in silence behind you until you question “how could I want someone else with Mr. Prince right there?” and he miserably tries to play it cool after that

• Sanji will get a little too frustrated at some point and try to make you jealous as well, but it doesn’t really go well because he thinks his flirting just doesn’t work if it isn’t with you, then he notices you’re observing him from the corner of the club and things just get worse, to the point he can barely face anyone when he’s walking away from whoever he tried to use to get to you

• You chuckle as you follow him, pulling him by the arm just close enough to whisper into his ear, “don’t play around, you know that when I catch you, there will be nothing left of you”

.𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟.

[khaire-traveler]

🪻 Subtle Hyakinthos Worship 🌱

Pick flowers; press or dry them

Start a garden; tend to a plant

Grow your own herbs or produce

Keep a picture of him in your wallet

Wear jewelry that reminds you of him

Get a candle that reminds you of him (no altar needed)

Make a flower crown, especially with Laurel leaves included

Drink an herbal/flower tea (SAFELY!!!); add some honey to it

Support environmental preservation or LGBT rights organizations

Have imagery of swans, flowers, hyacinths, an iris or larkspur (sources believe one of these are the original flower mentioned in myth), the sun/sunlight, or rebirth (maybe spring) around

Have a stuffed animal swan or any animal you associate with rebirth

Express yourself in little ways if you can't be fully open; a bracelet that represents your gender, pride flag colored shoelaces, etc.

If you have a partner, buy or pick flowers for them; buy or pick flowers for yourself

Pick up trash in your environment

Try spring cleaning; tidy up your space

Take a self-care bath/shower, especially with herbs or flower petals

Make a list of things that made you smile throughout the day/week, big or small

Talk a walk/hike in nature; walk through a field of flowers or an area with lots of flowers

Put up a sugar water feeder for pollinators, such as hummingbirds, butterflies, and bees

Fall asleep/meditate to the sounds of nature - bird songs, forest ambiance, etc.

Take regular breaks from screens; be sure to get some fresh air

Learn about the local flora

Try foraging (SAFELY!!!)

Practice compassion towards others as well as yourself

Donate fresh fruits and vegetables to soup kitchens and homeless shelters (if the shelters accept perishables)

Get some movement throughout your day, even if it's just stretching your muscles

Eat three meals a day; try to eat well if able

Stay hydrated; drink lots of water

Take your medications, if any

Try herbal/natural remedies for MINOR health problems; stomaches, headaches, sore throats, etc.

Take some time to bask in the sunlight

Get accustomed to the idea of change; without change, we cannot progress

Keep a self-love and self-growth journal; write about your feelings (positive and negative), treat yourself with understanding, write ways you've changed throughout the month, etc.

Engage in comforting activities after a hard day; engage in self-care

Engage with childhood media; get in touch with the younger part of yourself

Get comfortable with the idea of growing older; to be human is to grow old; to grow old is not a bad thing

Be kind to children; play with them if offered

Dance/sing to music, especially music that makes you feel free, wild, young, or happy

Recycle when you can; try to make/use your own compost

Leave flowers on graves (ask permission from the cemetery first!!!)

Make your own cookies, pastries, breads, etc.; try to use natural ingredients

Give out handmade pastries, cookies, breads, etc. to loved ones and those in need

Try to ground yourself in nature; stand in a green landscape with bare feet (if safe); focus on the fresh air coming into and out of your lungs, the peaceful sounds near you, etc.

Be gentle with yourself, especially if you're having a difficult time; treat yourself as you would treat a loved one - someone extremely near and dear to your heart

Open your windows, blinds, curtains, etc. on a sunny day; let the light or fresh air in

Stop and smell the flowers c:

-

This is my life of discreet ways to worship Hyacinthus! I found this list a bit challenging, mostly due to the stress I'm dealing with offline, so I'll likely make edits to it in the future. In the meantime, I hope someone finds this helpful! Take care! 💜

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

[cavennmalore]

Something weird I've noticed in the kotlc fandom that I really cannot wrap my head around is the treatment of the Vacker family, specifically Alden and Fitz. These are understandably popular characters (and for good reason) and it makes sense that people interpret them in different ways. I can't help but notice that some of the predominant discussions around them center on personality traits they just... don't have in canon.

Most of the characterizations I see of Alden treat him as a rampant child abuser. He's overbearing, stern, and determined to force his child to live up to the Vacker name by any means necessary. Naturally, Alden is not a perfect character or father, but such a harsh depiction flattens much of what makes him dynamic in the books. As I see it, there are two main flaws that Alden has in canon: his past with Prentice and his meddling.

What Alden did to Prentice is treated pretty seriously throughout the series. In Exile, it's made clear that falsely accusing (or, not so falsely, depending on what you consider the real crime to be) Prentice and performing the mindbreak is the biggest regret of his life. So big, that it shatters his sanity and ruins one of his closest relationships (Exile, Chapter 35; Nightfall, Chapter 3). It's the mistake that keeps on giving, and it's made abundantly clear that while Alden wasn't aware of what he was truly doing, he bears responsibility nonetheless. It's a burden that Alden takes extremely seriously, pushing him to search for the Moonlark for years, but more on that later. While his guilt over Prentice is an important part of his character, it's not the flaw that I usually see given the most weight in his characterizations.

Alden's meddling is prominent, to say the least. It heavily features in most interpretations I see of him online, largely negatively and largely without specificity. In canon, there are really two ways that his nosiness presents itself: his children's personal lives and his hunt for the Moonlark. The two best examples of his meddling as a parent come from his interventions in Fitz and Biana's friendships. In the first book, Alden encourages Biana to befriend Sophie because he worries about her (Keeper, Chapters 43 and 47). He acts similarly with Fitz and Keefe, encouraging Fitz to invite Keefe to Everglen so Keefe can avoid spending time with Cassius (Flashback, Chapter 21). In both cases, Alden doesn't go beyond asking his kids to spend time with potential friends. He doesn't micromanage their hangouts or insist it's for status reasons; he's interested in supervising kids who he worries are in a bad spot. This is notably different from Gisela's meddling, which is for personal gain with tangible, selfish goals (Neverseen, Chapter 63). Maybe Alden shouldn't be pushing his kids to spend time with those they don't have an interest in. But the eventual friendships that arise from them make up for it, in my opinion.

The other form Alden's meddling takes is his hunt for the Moonlark. As a manifestation of his guilt over Prentice's mindbreak, Alden enlists Alvar and Fitz to search the Forbidden Cities for the Moonlark. I've seen this search used as the basis for a lot of the animosity between Alden and his sons, which I think is incorrect. Alvar is the first hunter and is very open about how pointless he thought the endeavor was (Keeper, Chapter 28; Neverseen, Chapter 1). The difference of opinions over the Black Swan between Alvar and Alden is a point of contention in their relationship, but it's important to note that Alvar doesn't claim to feel pressured or pushed into the search. He just thinks the conspiracy of the Black Swan is stupid (Keeper, Chapter 28). Of course, much of this protesting was a cover for the fact that he was working with the Neverseen and would've been searching anyway (Neverseen, Chapter 63).

Fitz takes over the search at age six (Neverseen, Chapter 1). Fitz's age when being sent out is questionable at best, and I think is fair to criticize Alden for (though, I think the age has more to do with Shannon being unable to decide how Elvin aging is supposed to work since none of the other characters seem to think six is unreasonably young). But while the reader can freely critique Alden for this, what's crucial is that Fitz doesn't seem to mind this. Rather than be upset or resentful that Alden had him search for the Moonlark, Fitz calls it "the most important thing [he'll] probably ever do" (Stellarlune, Chapter 43). He's proud of the work he and his father did; if anything, it's a positive in their relationship. I've seen some arguments that pushing Fitz into the Forbidden Cities is part of a pattern of having kids do dangerous work (per Sophie doing Fintans mindbreak in Exile, even though that wasn't Alden's idea and he offered to disobey the Council if she didn't want to), which isn't necessarily unfair. What I do think is a problem is acting like the search for the Moonlark had a significant negative impact on Alden's relationships with his sons.

Part of the reason I think this interpretation is so prevalent is a contributing misunderstanding about Fitz's character. Fitz is often portrayed as anxiety-ridden over his role as a Vacker and the expectations that come along with it. Being a leader isn't something he wants, but something he feels pressured into. In canon, Fitz is almost the complete opposite. He's shown at being naturally gifted at telepathy and school and is incredibly charming. Being a Vacker -- and the expectations that come with it -- is something he embraces wholeheartedly. In fact, it is the loss of his leadership that causes struggle. A main point of contention that Fitz has with Sophie in Stellarlune (Chapter 43) is that he "still want[s] to be that guy that everyone looks to" even though that's no longer his role. None of this is to say that Fitz is perfect, or that he doesn't fight against the idea of being labeled so. Instead, much of Fitz's arc is about learning when to step back and change his perspective on the world, including recognizing when his privilege has clouded his judgment. His rejection of being labeled perfect has more to do, in my eyes, with having a difficult time reconciling his "idyllic" childhood with the harsher childhoods of his friends (Flashback, Chapter 21).

So what is the problem between the Vackers, if not fanon? The one issue that is repeatedly brought up by both Fitz and Alvar alike regarding their father is favoritism. Alvar felt ignored after the births of Fitz and Biana, claiming that Alden replaced him with Fitz whom he refers to as the "Golden Child" (Neverseen, Chapter 72; Flashback, Chapter 49). Fitz feels betrayed by his parents' immediate re-welcoming of Alvar when his memories are gone, insisting they prioritize Alvar over Fitz and Biana's safety (Flashback, Chapter 16). In both cases, Fitz and Alvar feel like an afterthought or the lesser child. It's that feeling that fuels (or encourages, considering Alvar's done quite a bit throughout the series to create independent hate lol) the animosity between them and Alden.

It's this "favorite child" dynamic that I find really interesting and unique about the Vacker's dysfunction in the series. Maybe it's just me, but I don't see a reason to paint over this dynamic with bullying, especially considering there is a father-son relationship in canon that is the Vacker fanon almost to a T. Cassius spent Keefe's whole life attempting to pressure him into becoming a "real" Sencen, which Keefe tried to do before realizing it was unattainable (Flashback, Chapter 21). It's the bedrock of their non-relationship. To shove Fitz and Alden into that pigeonhole is a disservice to each of these relationships, which have their own intrigues without sharing. None of this is to say that people can't headcanon as they wish, and to try and play with characters is the fun of fandom. I wouldn't want to discourage anyone from that or shame them for it. But to claim those relationships are canon is disingenuous to me and a misportrayal of the books.