#so..not accurate but just my own thoughts and opinions that i keep in the back of my mind when i'm reading EMD

[2aceofspades]

Me to Two:

Gaw hopefully they make up, yeah...

Fingers crossed 🤞🤞

Perfect opportunity for a lil Acey ramble sesh tho~

Spoilers for anyone who hasn't read EMD! Also this is gonna be long cuz I like to ramble sometimes. All of this is just me rambling my own thoughts and perspectives (:

_______________________________________________

In all honesty, I know I'm personally expecting there to be a lot of unresolved tension between the both of them if they get an opportunity to talk. I mean, I doubt their childhood was filled with apologies and making up and such. Their childhood must have been filled with them being pitted against one another in some ways. Their strengths have been both used and somewhat strained by Draxum to benefit the mission he placed on them. This has probably negatively affected their egos quite a bit, thus exacerbating that brutal sibling rivalry.

From the start, One hasn't been all too kind or honest with Two either. Although, it could be argued that Two's betrayal just stings more because One had spent every little mission making sure Two stayed safe, one way or another. That much is seen through One's internal monologue throughout the story. Two's betrayal also definitely hits more to One's autonomy, which is its own can of worms, of course.

But One also spent his time jeopardizing Draxum's orders for One's own personal goal of taking out Raph and Mikey...thus jeopardizing his and Two's success with their given mission. This must have been a pretty heavy blow to Two, who chose to do and not to do things for One because Two was under the impression that their mission was their sole focus. Thus, their perspectives play a big role in both sides of this broken trust and strain in their relationship as experimental child soldiers and brothers (in arms).

So, maybe Two had a similar perspective and goal. And I think this has been discussed that, on the surface, Two did what he did for the sake of the mission. In his eyes, his betrayal was justified and almost necessary for success. One was threatening their sole mission because of One's personal fears. So, in Two's eyes, shutting down One would thus secure their success. Right? Cuz, at the end of the day, isn't that what they're both going after? Success? It looks different for the two of them, but Two is following orders and One is taking out the experiments that he perceives as threats in order to secure his and Two's ranks in Draxum's command. They're both trying to succeed, both in the things they choose to do and not to do.

Additionally, maybe Two didn't expect One to take it so personally. Both of them were hurt by one another, betrayed by each other. I don't think it was ever one-sided. Cuz how could it be? One was trying to protect Two, but I think the same can be said for Two. He isn't the total bad guy. Their perceptions of each other and of themselves are skewed, off...and it makes sense. That's a major reason why I love this story so much. At least, for me, it's relatable in that way. Because when someone who raises you and is supposedly trying to protect you does things out of fear instead of love, your perception is off. Maybe it looks like love, but it doesn't feel like it.

For both One and Two, they do things out of fear. They were raised to be useful tools; that's how they're perceived by Draxum. Their strengths are useful, even their fear is useful at times. The things they can do are useful and they can be replaced if they are not 'good' tools. So, when something or someone threatens that perception, they do things out of fear of being useless, unsuccessful. It's difficult to not see yourself or others in that same way. That has been very relatable for me, in all honesty. And it's a repeating theme for both One and Two AND Draxum in the story, which makes sense.

Does all of this make what Two did okay? No. It just puts a possible explanation to why he did what he did.

Small circle back, One and Two would both need to take responsibility for the things they did and failed to do and rebuild their trust. Will that happen? I don't know, but I hope so :)

I love thinking up the possible timeline between them though. Both of them have certainly said and done some rather hurtful things to each other. Is that going to be acknowledged by either one or both of them? Mm...I dunno. I hope so, but they'd only really have that modeled from Raph and Mikey. It would be AMAZING if they have that finally modeled by Draxum though. I think that would open a door for all three of them that could introduce some real, nice healing. Will that happen? Again, I don't know, but damn do I hope so.

All in all, I am hopeful for both One and Two. They deserve to just be themselves, not just used as helpful tools, ya know? That's my two cents tho (:

[winter-spark]

I notice that even though Citron's my fave, I spend more time here talking about Orange and Navel.

I think it's fear of being wrong.

[ponderingmoonlight]

JJK men after hurting (y/n)

Pairing: Choso x reader; Gojo x reader

Word Count: 4,7k (Gojo's part is huge)

Warnings: this is drama over drama so be prepared, injury in Choso's part, mentioned pregnancy and breakup in Gojo's part, also Geto is an a-hole in here and it isn't 100% accurate to the original story-timeline, it's getting veeeery heated my lovelys, but also comfort but mostly hurt

As usual, I am very thankful for every little like, comment or reblog (thank you anon hehe). Let me know what you think of this, I literally poured my heart and soul into these two parts <3

Tags: @sanicsmut I just know you'll like this girl, @chilichopsticks

Choso Kamo

„(y/n), this is nothing I will discuss with you right now. Just stay here.”

“I can’t let you kill him, this isn’t right. His death won’t bring back your brothers!”, you shout urgently, hands desperately trying to keep him from walking away.

“I always appreciate your opinion and support. But this is something I have to do for myself. Don’t get in the way.”

With one last glance back he’s gone, lost in the neon signs around you, shadow immerged into darkness.

Your brain goes into panic mode immediately, palms sweaty just by the thought of him haunting that boy down. How strange it is that you are able to call Choso your boyfriend. Choso Kamo, a reincarnated curse that is over 150 years old. Choso Kamo, who seems cold-hearted to people when he first meets them. Choso Kamo, who loves his family more than anything else.

You know this isn’t him, that killing Yuji Itadori is nothing but an act of revenge for him that he hopes will make him feel better.

“But how does killing someone else solve your problems?”

He never answered this question. He didn’t have to, given the fact that he just stared at you with furious eyes. You know all too well how it broke him to lose his brothers through the hands of some random jujutsu sorcerers. Fuck, you were just as heartbroken as he was. But if revenge is the only solution, wouldn’t this little game go on to infinity?

This isn’t the way, this isn’t the man you love. And you won’t let him go berserk only to regret what he did later on.

There is only one thing you can you now.

Your feet start moving on their own, following his shadow through the dark hallways of Shibuya’s train station. You aren’t a very gifted jujutsu sorcerer, maybe a grade 2 in sorcerer terms. But maybe your presence will be enough to stop him. Maybe his love is greater than the hatred he carries in his heart for that Idadori boy.

After all, it is a miracle in itself that he really loves you, a human being. Instead of killing you right on the spot he decided to safe you and even take care of your multiple wounds back then when you first met. You are not only hopelessly in love with him, but owe him his life. It’s time for you to give something back.

The only thing that echoes through the hallways are your very own rapid steps and sharp breaths. Please let him be okay, please let him still search for that boy. Your forehead glisters in sweat, the area only illuminated by the changing neon signs.

Finally a sound. You stop in your tracks immediately and close your eyes while holding your breath. It’s far away, but those are steps and dampened rumbling. It has to be him. And he’s definitely not alone. 

You can’t waste any time. As fast as your shaky legs carry you, you run down the hallway, eyes roaming around to catch a glimpse of his dark messy hair. Did he found Yuji Itadori? From what you’ve heard, Sukuna’s vessel is a quite skilled jujutsu sorcerer himself. But despite that, you know how much power Choso holds. If they meet, there will definitely be a fierce fight and your boyfriend might get hurt in the process.

But Yuji gets killed.

Suddenly water starts to soak into your shoes, pooling the surrounding area entirely. You furrow your brows. Where the hell is that coming from? Aren’t you underground? And also, it wasn’t raining outside…

Instinctively you follow the stream, noises growing louder and louder. Your heartbeat picks up, eyes wide open in realization. They have to be in there, in that toilet. The only think you are able to do is run. Water splashes around you, completely taking your already dimmed sight under the purple neon lights.

Until you see your boyfriend. Bending over the severely injured body of what looks like Yuji Itadori, fist ready to hit him with his last shot.

You don’t know what has gotten into you. Before you are able to even think about a plan you sprint forward and shield the boy’s body with your own.

Only to get hit in your stomach with full force by your own boyfriend.

For a moment you forget how to breathe, the only sound being the constant ringing in your ears along with a silent cough. Are you dead? You can’t tell with your sight completely turned black and your empty head.

“(y/n)”, is all Choso is able to breathe out.

It happened so fast he couldn’t react anymore. Within the split of a second, he was only able to direct his fist away from your head into your stomach.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

A trail of blood escapes your lips along with a cough, gaze completely empty. Did he kill you? His guts turn, he feels like fainting away. Oh god, what did he do?

“(y/n).”

You shouldn’t even be here in the first place. He told you to stay out of this, to leave this to him. Why on earth did you throw yourself in front of Yuji Itadori? How could you risk your life so reckless?

“(y/n)?”

You don’t react, glossy eyes wide open, directed into darkness. His shaky hands pull up your shirt, revealing a huge bruise. He broke a few of your ribs, that’s for sure.

“(y/n)!”, he begs again, repeating your name over and over like a prayer.

His hands grab your body and pull you away from Itadori while all he can do is kneeling next to you. Are you even breathing? Fuck, you are so cold and completely soaked in water that still pours down without mercy.

“(y/n)…”

His hand caresses your cheek gently. You just have to wake up. This is a bad dream, right? He didn’t just punch you with full force, he isn’t responsible for you laying here with broken bones and bruises. No, he didn’t just hurt the love of his life, his precious girlfriend.

Are those tears running down his cheeks? He can’t tell. The water pouring down on him makes it hard to see.

“Don’t…kill…him…”, you suddenly mumble.

Choso feels like flying and dying at the same time, relieved by hearing your voice while being absolutely crushed be the fact that he is responsible for your poor state.

“Why did you throw yourself in front of him, (y/n)? I never wanted to hurt you. I would have never hurt you…”, he stutters, pressing your upper body against his.

You cough violently, feeling as if your spilling your guts out every second. God, you feel terrible. If you move a single inch you’ll faint away into darkness.

But despite the pain that rolls over you like a tsunami, you force your eyes to look at him? His beautiful screwed up face, his glistening eyes. Is he crying? This might be the first time you’ve ever seen him like this.

“I know you didn’t wanted to hurt me. Did you kill him?”

Your voice isn’t more than a fade away whisper, almost too distant to get under the pouring water. But the second your words reach his ears, Choso can’t hold back any longer.

He’s crumbling in front of you like a piece of paper, hands holding onto you for dear life.

Choso almost killed you. The love of his life, the only thing that’s worth living. And for what? Because he was seeking revenge.

“But how does killing someone else solve your problems?”

Your wise words repeat themselves over and over in his head. Fuck, if he only listened to you. He shouldn’t have agreed to work with Geto in the first place out of sheer rage. No, he could lay in bed with you at the moment, hearing about what is currently happening at Shibuya in the news.

Then this wouldn’t have happened. Then you wouldn’t lay in front of him severely injured.

His whole face is screwed up, trembling fingers clenched to tight that they bleed while a sob escapes his lips.

All of this is his fault.

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). I’m so so sorry”, he cries out, placing his head on your chest.

“Is he dead?”, you croak out, tired eyes wandering to the boy’s unconscious figure leaning against the wall.

“Yes…Yes he does…”

A weak smile forms on your lips. So this wasn’t in vain. After all, you reached your goal.

“Thank god…”, you mutter.

Choso’s guilty conscience eats him up from the inside. Why? Why the hell did he think killing Yuji Itadori is a good idea in the first place? Despite the deaths of his brothers, despite all the pain he’s been through, despite the fact that he isn’t even human.

He loves you with all his heart. Your gentle disposition that is the opposite of his cold-hearted one. Your friendly smile that outshines his emotionless expression every time. The way you love him although he didn’t even know what love is when he first met you.

You showed him so many facets of life and he tramples on all the things you taught him.

“I will get you out of here. And I promise will every fiber of my being that I will change, that something like this will never happen again”, he blurts out.

“You don’t have to change, darling. You just need to decide on your perspective of life.”

Everything hurts, you feel like dying from the inside. Although you don’t seem to bleed externally, the stinging taste of blood in your mouth tells you you are severely injured. A load moan escapes your lips when Choso gently lifts you off the ground, body screaming out in agony.

With a gentle kiss on your forehead and tears still running down his cheeks. Something like this will never happen again. Not through the hands of others and especially not his.

God, never again will he ever hurt you.

Satoru Gojo

Your fingers tremble uncontrollably as you try to figure out what you hold in your hands. Is this…positive?

Are you really pregnant?

Two lines. Two clearly visible lines. You feel like fainting and flying at the same time, your thoughts are racing.

Is this really happening? Are you dreaming?

No, the proof lies visible in your hands. You are pregnant. You are expecting a child with Satoru Gojo.

“Listen (y/n)…I’ve been thinking about this for a while now…Have you ever thought about having a baby? I mean, you’ve been my girlfriend for more than 6 years, my fiancé for half a year. I’ve never seen me as a father and I know this isn’t the best timing considering what’s going on in the word at the moment. But the thought of you with a precious baby belly, a child with your eyes…This thought filled me with so much joy recently that I wanted to talk about this with you.”

You couldn’t find words, his sudden outburst caught you off guard. But oh how much you thought about that too, how it would feel to have a child with the man you love more than anything else on this world, to start a family with Satoru. Tears started to sting your eyes, arms wrapped around him tightly.

“I would absolutely love that!”, you cried out, face buried against his broad chest while he stroked your hair just the way you like it.

“We don’t have to rush anything. Just living like usual without protection”, he mumbled against your head.

“I love you so much, Satoru. Nothing makes me happier than being with you. And maybe next year there will be three of us.”

He smiled down at you the way that always makes you see stars. God, how much you love that man. The thought alone to spend the rest of your life with him and your little family filled your heart with nothing buy warmth and joy.

“I love you too, sweetheart. More than anything else”, he mumbled.

Satoru. What are you supposed to do? Call him, text him, drive to Jujutsu High? You’re on your day off while he told you this morning that he’ll teach the new student, Yuta. As much as you’d love to get in your car immediately and meet him in person, you shouldn’t disturb him right now. No, this is something special. This needs time, a calm evening and privacy.

A little message can’t hurt though.

Hey babe, can’t wait to see you tonight. I’ve got some exciting news. Love you <3

You let out your shaky breath, eyes darting to the test again. Is this really your life? It surely can’t get any better than that.

-Satoru’s POV-

“I hate so say it, but I guess there’s no way out of this”, Shoko comments.

But there has to be. After all, he’s the strongest, he’s the only one who’s able to protect you right. This shouldn’t be the only way to save you, there has to be more.

“I will find a way around this”, Gojo hisses through gritted teeth, hands so tensed up that his veins pop out.

“You can’t. There’s absolutely no way to keep her save. She’ll insist on going with you if you tell her. And if you don’t she’ll find out and come to your place. Or worse, someone else will find her. She is the safest when she’s gone.”

Fuck. Satoru slams his fist against the table, blood squirting. He knows she’s right. Deep down, he is very aware of the fact that no matter how he twists and turns it, you’re in danger. Suguru made that very clear. He has to make a decision now, even if it breaks his own heart.

“So what’s the solution then, huh? Breaking up with her?”, he barks at Shoko.

“If you really want to make sure that she’s safe and gone, yes. Aren’t her parents living far away from here?”

That’s not what he wanted to hear. Thick rage crawls up his spine and takes his sight. He’ll kill all of them. Every single one of these curses and Suguru’s accomplices. This shouldn’t be the only way, he shouldn’t have to break the heart of the women he loves most.

Fuck, how much he hates to see you cry. Just a few days ago, he told you that he wanted to have kids with you, to start a family, he proposed to you. This will not only break your heart, but shatter you into million pieces.

“I get that it’s rough and that you don’t wanna do it. But if you want to make sure that (y/n) is safe, you have to make her believe that it’s over.”

“What if I’m hiding her somewhere at Jujutsu High? What if I’m staying by her side?”

“She’ll never allow that and you know it. (y/n) would rather die herself than letting other people suffer because you aren’t there.”

She’s right. Deep down Satoru knows that every word Shoko says is true.

- Later that evening –

You almost fall off the couch in excitement when you hear keys turning in the lock. He’s finally home! It must have been a pretty rough day if he wasn’t even able to reply to your text. Your fingers hold onto the test in your hands for dear life, heart jumping up and down in joy. How will he react? Will he laugh, will he cry? You don’t know. But he’ll surely be cheerful.

“Hey babe, I need to talk about something with you!”

The sound of your joyful voice alone makes him want to break down. Fuck, you don’t deserve this, none of this is your fault at all. So why does he have to break your heart so violently? He shakes his head, blindfold covering his already glossy eyes. There’s no way out of this. He needs to hurt you in order to save you.

“Oh, there you are”, you breathe out when you catch a glimpse of him.

Satoru looks as breathtaking as always, albeit a little drained. It must have been a rough day for him. But your news will definitely brighten up his mood.

“Babe, there’s something absolutely exciting I have to tell y-“

“(y/n)”.

The harsh tone in his voice quiets you down immediately, the grin on your face washed away in the wind.

“I have something to talk about”, he announces.

Why does he have to be so cold? What has gotten into him? Worry lines disrupt your face.

“Oh, did something happen?”

The innocent tone in your voice kills him right on the spot along with your stunning glimmering orbs…No, he needs to do this. After all it’s for your well-being. You’ll see that too, hopefully.

“I’m breaking up with you.”

You hold your breath, eyes scanning over his stunning face for any hint of sarcasm, for an emotion. But no, all he does is staring down at you with stone cold orbs, arms crossed in front of his chest.

You feel like fainting, world collapsing around you. No, this can’t be true. He can’t be serious. Not long ago, he told you he wants a child with you, he asked you to marry him. Your heart clenches, tears start glistering in your eyes. This has to be a nightmare.

“No”, you breathe out, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I’m breaking up with you, (y/n)”, he insists.

This isn’t a joke or a dream. You can tell that he’s serious, that he means every word he says.

“Why?”

“I don’t love you anymore.”

You can’t believe your ears.

“Just yesterday, you told me over and over how much you love me, you…you had sex with me, Satoru. Just a few hours ago.”

You can’t stop your tears from falling anymore, the feeling of this indescribable loss pulls the ground from under your feet.

“It meant nothing to me.”

His words hit you with full force, pushing you to sit down in order to not collapse onto the floor. Was all of this a game for him? And what about…?

Oh god, you feel like throwing up.

“I’m pregnant, Satoru.”

His heart stops. Your voice isn’t more than a fade whisper, almost too low for him to understand. Did you really just say that?

“What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant!”, you suddenly scream on top of your lungs.

Pregnant… You’re pregnant. You’re expecting his child, the child he told you he wants. You’ll be family! This is absolutely fantastic, you have to celebrate-

No. Satoru stops the seed of joy in his heart immediately. Now is not the right time for that. After all, he’s about to break up with you at the moment.

“I don’t care.”

His word cut through his very own heart like a knife, your face twisted in agony simply takes his breath away. You don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve any of those venomous words he spits at you. But he does it so you are safe. Yes, over and over he tells himself that this is for your best, that at least you’ll be out of the firing line. You’ll be safe and sound, you and his unborn child.

“Leave this place, stay with your parents or something. I don’t want to see you here any longer.”

In this moment, you feel like dying. Your past, present and future plays itself in front of your inner eye, reminding you of all the precious moments together. Was all of this a lie? Does he even care about you?

Like in trance you get up, grabbing nothing but your wallet and phone. You need to get away from here before you break down completely. If this is how he feels, he doesn’t deserve to see your grief.

God, he wants to break down in front of your feet, completely mesmerized by the way you carry yourself so well after his harsh words. Hopefully you will understand that he did this for you. Even though he broke your heart, you’ll live. And this is all that matters…

“Goodbye then, Gojo.”

The venomous sound of his last name out of your mouth makes him collapse onto the couch the second you close the door behind your back, tears glistening in his eyes.

Why? Why on earth did this just happen? Why did he have to hurt you like this? God, please let you understand it when all of this madness is over. Please let you be okay…

- Day of the night parade –

“Oh dear, look at this”, your mother breathes out while turning up the TV volume.

You gaze at the flickering pictures without any emotions, dark circles surrounding your eyes from all the nights without any sleep.

Satoru? You haven’t heard a word from him since that evening. That evening that altered your brain chemistry forever. That evening that showed you his real face. Since you’ve had nowhere else to go and wanted to be as far away from him as possible, you stayed with your parents ever since.

“What is going on at Tokyo?”, your father mutters.

Huh, looks like absolute chaos. Your eyes widen at the sheer amount of destruction, the reporter whose head gets ripped away by…

Your heart sinks.

This was a curse, without any doubt. What about Satoru?

No. You shake your head vehemently. This isn’t about him. What about your students, Nanami, Shoko, all the others? Are they okay? What is going on there? Suddenly you feel like standing up, too excited to sit.

You swore to never step a foot into Jujutsu High again, to start over somewhere else. But this…You can’t just sit here in silence with all your powers while your friends might die through the hands of curses.

“I need to leave”, you announce.

“What? But you said you want to stay here. (y/n), if this is about him…-“

“It’s not”, you interrupt your mother immediately.

“I need to watch after my friends.”

Yes. Screw Satoru and whatever he’s up to. Mindlessly your hands caress your little bump. This is your responsibly, the least you can do.

- At Toyko –

“Gojo-sensei, (y/n) is here”, Maki announces through her communicator as you walk through the barrier with ease.

Impossible.

His eyes widen in pure horror. All this pain and grieving over the last few weeks, all the nights he cried himself to sleep because he missed you, the countless thinking about your precious little baby.

And now you’re right here where you shouldn’t be, running into the arms of Suguru without even knowing it.

“Oh, I didn’t expect he’d be so dumb”, a painful familiar voice behind you suddenly speaks out.

You turn around, taking in the appearance of none other than Suguru Geto.

“Are you responsible for this whole mess?”, you question.

He steps forward, a satisfied grin plastered on his face. Fuck, this isn’t good. Suguru is a special grade, he could kill you without even trying. Are your students around? Maybe they are at Tokyo, maybe they are safe.

“Did Satoru send you here? Apparently he doesn’t care about you”, Suguru’s voice comments dryly.

Your heart immediately stings in agony, fingertips trembling. Just a few innocent words that break you completely after weeks of pretending you’re okay.

“He broke up with me a few weeks ago”, you clarify.

Suguru breaks out in hysteric laughter while all you can do is stare at him and hold back your tears. How is he able to laugh about your feelings? Before he went berserk, you and Suguru got along pretty well. What happened to him?

“3 weeks ago, maybe?”

You tilt your head. Why that question? And why…why is he so accurate?

“Yeah”, you mutter.

“How ironic.”

“What’s so funny about that, asshole”, you bite back.

His figure comes to a stand so close to you that you can feel his breath creeping across your face.

“It’s funny that he tried to save you and now you’re standing right in front of me, (y/n).”

His words pull the ground from beneath your feet, thoughts racing so violently that you feel like throwing up. What did he say about Satoru trying to save you? What is all of this about? You lose your cool completely.

“What the hell are you talking about?”, you yell into his stupid smirk.

“I gave him an ultimatum. But now that you’re here already…Let’s get this over with.”

You aren’t able to properly understand a single word as he hounds a curse your direction.

“Why are you even here?”

Where is Satoru? What is going on here? Where are your students? So many unknown variables, so much pressure. You need answers.

“I’m here to kill Yuta Okkotsu.”

Your heart sinks immediately. Yuta? Suguru is probably on the hunt for Rika. No, you can’t let him get away with this.

“Over. My. Corpse.”, you hiss through gritted teeth.

“Oh dear (y/n). I always liked your charm, but nothing better than that.”

It’s hard to keep up with him without any weapon. Where is your dagger when you need it? You only have your powers and your combat skills to attack him. But Suguru isn’t dumb. It’s almost frightening, the way he keeps distance between both of you.

Your baby. Fuck, you need to be careful. After all, stress isn’t beneficial for your pregnancy.

And dying too.

-Satoru’s POV-

He runs as fast as his feet carry him, vision clouded by thick fear. He did all of this for you, to keep you out of grip for Suguru. And now you’re facing him alone, his students not able to help you. What about the baby? He needs to hurry. If Suguru harms one single hair on your head…

“Get away from her. Now”, he barks at his former best friend, positioning himself in front of you just in time before one of Suguru’s curses hits you.

“Ironic, isn’t it? That you even scarified your relationship only for her to run into my open arms.”

“I never thought you would go this far. She’s not only a jujutsu sorcerer, but my girlfriend. I thought you are better than that. Keep your hands off her or you’ll regret it.”

All you can do is stare at his broad back with tears glistening in your eyes. Is this why he broke up with you three weeks ago and left you alone pregnant? To keep you out of sight from Geto?

“Leave this place, stay with your parents or something.”

These three weeks of torture, of asking yourself over and over why you weren’t good enough and where you went wrong…because he was worried?

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”, you cry out, slamming your fists against his back over and over.

“Why did you just leave me like that? Why did you not leave me any choice? Why would you leave me standing in the rain pregnant? Why did you do this to me-“

“(y/n)”, he interrupts you, glossy eyes darted at you in a way you’ve never seen before.

Satoru grabs your hands and pulls you closer to him.

“Because I couldn’t stand you getting hurt”, he breathes out.

“Because I knew you wouldn’t watch out for yourself. Because I knew this was the only way to keep you safe, even though it meant breaking both of his into pieces. Trust me, I hated myself every single day over the last three weeks, wondering every miserable second how you’re doing. It made me lose my mind, (y/n). And now you’re here, right here where you shouldn’t be.”

“I’ve got hurt the second you broke up with me just after I’ve told you that I’m expecting your child!”, you scream into his face.

All the pain, the grief, the longing, the waiting. Everything crushes down at you and swallow you whole. All of this was in vain.

“I never stopped loving you, (y/n). On the contrary, my love for you is greater than my longing after you.”

For the first time since you’ve met him, you can see him cry. Tears roll down his face uncontrollably, the ocean blue of his eyes disrupted by rough red.

“I don’t mean to interrupt your little moment here, but now that you’re already here, I can kill you, right?”

As if in slow motion Satoru turns around to his former best friends, hands clenched into fists so tightly that blood spills.

“I will make you pay for every tear (y/n) spilled, for these weeks of torture. You will regret your threat for every single fucking day.”

“Let’s get it on, then”, Geto remarks dryly.

...

Hope you're doing fine. If you're still able to, feel free to tell me whenever you want a part ll of this and with you. Thank youu <3

[xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx]

"An ideal Sims game would have Sims 2's gameplay mechanics, Sims 3's open world, and Sims 4's graphics!"

I absolutely despise this take, and I want to explain why. This is a very long rant and it is full of piss and vinegar directed at everything in the Sims 4. I'm gonna try to keep everything kinda professional as much as I can but I can't guarantee an unbiased opinion.

If you'll let me talk your ears off for a moment, I'd like to explain, from my own experience as an artist and a casual player, my issues with the art style and direction of The Sims 4 compared to The Sims 2. (I'm not really going to comment on 3 because I've never played it.)

I want to start off by explaining the difference between better graphics and higher resolution. The Sims 4 absolutely blows Sims 2 out of the water when it comes to textures and polygon counts on sims, no contest. But I'd argue that the graphics themselves... aren't better. They're worse, even, so much fucking worse. The biggest problems come from the stylization and the animations, in my opinion, so I'll explain what I mean.

Have you ever felt like the Sims in 4 just look... weird? Not quirky, not kinda strange, but off. Distressing. Uncanny. Whatever the fuck the kids call it nowadays. When you strip away the packs and the CC and the shaders, the sims in the base game look bad. They're very close to being human; they walk like us, talk like us, have families like us, but they don't look like us, not exactly. There's always something off about them, no matter how close you try to get. Proportions will be a bit off, or your eyelashes will be like three polygons for some fucking reason, and the jig is up. The illusion is gone.

This is one of the instances where a higher resolution and more detailed models and meshes work against you. You aren't making believe. You are beyond the point of pretending that the pixelated shapes are real clothes and bodies and faces, because at this point, they're close enough that you don't need to. There's no gap to bridge. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're lifelike, at least, not enough to be completely human. In some ways, they're still tethered to being cartoony and plasticky and fake. Just enough to frighten you. Enough to put you off. They're not using it to their advantage anymore, and instead, it's holding them back.

When the Sims 2 came out in 2004, the developers knew that they weren't going to make a perfectly accurate life simulator. They physically couldn't render every wrinkle in the face or fold in the clothing. In some animations, things clip strangely or the facial expressions are sort of janky or there's just some form of roughness around the edges. But that's okay; your brain doesn't need a perfectly accurate representation this time. That's not what you're here for, anyway.

The Sims 4 is basically Icarus-ing itself into disaster. The entire game sacrifices style for complete realism, a goal that was unachievable ten years ago, and is unachievable now.

The Sims 2 never thought of itself as a completely realistic life sim, though. It has cartoony, low poly meshes and exaggerated proportions and wild, raunchy storylines that would never occur in real life. BECAUSE IT ISN'T REAL LIFE. And it isn't like real life, not because it's failing to be, but because it doesn't want to be!

The Sims 4 is not ever going to completely replicate human looks or interactions or dynamics. And if it's trying to, it's doing a shit job of it. That shouldn't be the goal in the first place. If I wanted to watch a lonely college student talk to himself in the mirror to try and get better at interacting with people, I'd close the computer and go look at myself. It somehow highlights the most mundane parts of life without any of the whimsy and goofiness that the earlier installments had. It takes itself too fucking seriously for its own good, and it's killing both the gameplay and the art style.

The other point I'd like to bring up is the animation. The Sims 4 allows for much more customization of both sim and environments, but at the cost of dynamic animations. How many times is that grab animation reused? How many times is the same set of animations used for sims with wildly different personalities? Your sims barely feel alive with how little they express themselves.

Now, look, I'm a digital artist. I've dabbled in animation, but only briefly, and only in 2D. I've got no clue how 3D animation works, much less how it worked 20 years ago, but I can see the passion in every single animation in the Sims 2. The more niche interactions allowed for more expressive animations than in 4. They could afford to have a distinct animation for mean sims throwing the football extra hard to be assholes, rather than every sim using the same generic football-throwing animation to save time and money. I get where they're coming from. I get the idea. But in one move, you've both made the art style stiffer and less expressive, and you've made the personalities of the sims seem meaningless. Everyone acts the same, regardless of what their moodlets or their traits say. It's hollow. It's stifled. It's a waste of potential.

But for what Sims 2 lacks in polygons, it makes up for in smaller animated details. Quality over quantity. The sims have hair physics, they open the door before they get in the car, they take utensils out of the counters when they cook, they jump on the couch and the cushions smush under their weight. When they dance, the weight is realistic, and when they smile, it tugs at every one of the few dozen shapes that make up their faces. The sims are lively. They dance and sing and love and hate just like humans, and rather than being some strange attempt at mimicry, it's almost a tribute. They were made with love. You can tell that they were drawn up and rigged and animated by a bunch of people working together, studying each other and making faces in the mirror for reference and watching their kids and neighbors and dogs and hands for reference. The sims are not human, and not trying to be, but they're taking the most human parts of us and making them their own.

You could never have a game with the Sims 4's graphics and the Sims 2's gameplay. The gameplay and graphics are inexorably connected, and the Sims 2 just has so much glorious detail baked into it, that you could never really make it work underneath the limitations of the later games. The developers of 2 knew what their limits were, and they worked tirelessly to make the game as full and complex as they could within those limits. The developers for the Sims 4 just did not have those guidelines, and thus, the drive to bend the rules was no longer there. They didn't go wild in rebellion because they were never told they couldn't in the first place. They spent the entire time chasing a goal they couldn't meet, and lost sight of what made the series fun to begin with.

It wasn't the realism you came for; you had realism already surrounding you. It was the caricature of it that made it interesting.

[live-laugh-legolas]

Oh, I really like your headcannons!!!! I would like to ask how do you think the members of the brotherhood (especially Gandalf) would react to the fact that the reader has wings and is also going on a journey (this was inspired by the valkyries, so I imagine how she would fight with these wings)

The fellowship x winged!reader

Aragorn:

-A huge weight is lifted from him knowing someone like you is on their side

-I also totally think he would be prone to motion sickness

-So if you ever have to fly him over a large gap or something he will need to sit down for a little

-“I’m never doing that again”

-He will help you preen your wings after battle to get the blood and dirt out of places you can’t reach

Legolas:

-He has absolutely heard about legends about your people

-He is so honored to get to meet you

-Watching you fight is so fascinating

-Will just take a moment to watch before almost getting beheaded in his distraction

-Calls you “birdie” in elvish

Gimli:

-You do literally anything with your wings and he is like “YEEESSSSS!”

-He’s such a cheerleader

-We also know he loves the powerful girl bosses

-So you are a top tier in his opinion

-I imagine that a winged being wouldn’t like being underground so he tries to keep you distracted with stories while in Moria

Boromir:

-My first thought was that Boromir would be like Thor when he met the Valkyrie

-He’s such a fangirl

-Ngl, after seeing you fight he’s a little timid

-I mean everyone else saw that right? You just decapitated that orc with your wing

-So badly wants to show you to his brother who would be awed

Frodo:

-He doesn’t know much about your people but he’s adamant to learn everything

-He is so thankful you will be helping him on this journey

-When he gets exhausted from lack of sleep because of the ring you carry him on your back and he can hold onto your wings

-Have him help preen your wings to get his mind off of his troubles for a little

Sam:

-Thinks you must be an angel when he first sees you

-He’s a little intimidated

-Ok, maybe a lot intimidated

-But that’s only because he thinks you must be one of the most beautiful creatures to walk middle earth

-He is concerned what you will eat if what was caught for dinner was a bird

-Would it be weird if you ate chicken? It feels unethical

-Actually probably gives a stern talking to whoever caught the bird because what if it was upsetting for you

Merry:

-Take this hobbit for a flight

-He will be so excited

-He would absentmindedly pet your wings (if you were ok with it)

-Maybe just give him a feather to play with

-He also makes so many bird jokes

Pippin:

-He doesn’t want you to think he is disrespectful

-So he doesn’t ask

-But he really wants to pet your wings

-They just look so soft and silky

-Until they are dirty from battle; but would help you pick twigs and dirt out of them

-“so…um…do you take dirt baths?*

Gandalf:

-He probably knew you before the council, and probably is the one who invited you

-You have been friends for a while

-He is vague but smug when someone asks about you

-He likes to see people’s reactions to you

-You’re like his party trick; he’s like ✨tada!✨*jazz hands to your wings*

-It gets old, but not to him

-He rides on an eagle and you fly next to them

-He refuses to let you fly him anywhere unless absolutely necessary

-But will be a backseat driver even though there is nothing to backseat drive about

———————————————————————

I love a winged reader and I have my own little oc in my head that I regularly have in this scenario. I’m a sucker for winged characters ngl. I don’t really know the Valkyrie so idk how accurate this will be to them

Also I may update this at some point cuz I don’t think I did a good job with it especially considering how much I think about this just in my own time; so sorry

[evvyyypeters-fics]

Dragon Prince! Evan Peters Headcanons + ( x gn!reader)

Warnings! Mentions of violence, fluff, little angst, lots of rambling and dragon lore stuff, not rlly proofread

Disclaimer! This is obviously not an accurate representation of Evan Peters as a person. This is a characterized/ fictionalized idea/ concept. Do not take this as fact. It is entirely fiction and based on my own opinions, thoughts and conception.

Good lord this photo does things to me. Eye contact with Evan has me melting

Requested by @jazz-berry (as usual) and inspired by @lemoniiiiiii

Y/N is definitely a self made boss, bounty hunter/ hunter/ pirate/ archer, etc. and Evan is extremely protective over them, it’s in his nature, but he knows how they feel about him being overbearing or getting in the way of them having their independence. So he kind of steps to the side, while keeping a big eye on Y/N. And if they’re ever in immediate danger and he’s around, you know he’s going to be the one to come save their ass instantly. He’ll be dramatic about it too, he has a stoic face where he acts like he isn’t super worried, but he’ll pick Y/N up even if they aren’t injured bridal style and carry them to a log or some sort of chair, bench or bed to sit down and heal.

“Y/N” He shouts, his voice louder than anything you had heard before, it was passionate and almost frantic. And yet, it almost sounded like a roar with the anger that was built up inside.

He rushed towards the dragon that had trapped me at the edge of a forest, its leaves barbed by rows of thorn bushes. To enter them would not only seal my fate, but also be a painful journey. And Evan was allowing neither. His cape bellowed, flickering before my eyes before I could clear the blood dripping from my head and traveling down my eye, his stance confident before the tall beast. He drew his long sword, sheathing it and wielding the heavy weapon between both hands.

I knew that Evan was the ‘dragon prince’ (even though I truly didn’t fully understand what that meant yet), but it still amazed me each time that just the mere look inside of his eyes and the gleam of his large sword made the firey creature cower, picking up its heavy wings, floating above the large scape of land. The grass shuddering beneath each audible flap, Evan’s gaze following the dragon as it rose in the air and turned away, disappearing behind the icy capped mountains in the distant lands. Evan instantly pivoted on his heels towards me, sheathing his sword back into its halter. I could hear the jingle of the chainmail on his armor and the buckle of his boots as he hurried towards me, lowering himself to my wounded position in the grass. He places a leathery, comforting hand on my cheek as he eyes the wound that to his relief, quickly crusted.

“Come on, let's get you out of here.” He says in that same cold tone he always uses. But there’s something oddly sweet with the way he scoops me up from under my knees, forcing my arms to flail around his shoulders, holding him tight as he carries me back to the kingdom like his bride.

“Is this truly necessary?” I ask, flustered. He only hums in response, not letting go. In fact, I swear I could feel his grip get tighter for a moment, adjusting me more comfortably in his arms. My eyes focused on his stubbly chin, his cape flickering behind him in the corner of my eye.

Headcanons:

(lore)

- He’s a dragon prince, so I think he would actually have some sort of DNA connection with the dragons/ spiritual one. His main defense mechanism against them being his ability to communicate with them, more in a telepathic sense. His eyes may glow yellow or have a more “dragon-like” appearance when he uses that part of himself

- He has a sword specifically made to pierce the tough scales of a dragon and is derived from special materials that are toxic to dragons

- Anyone can train a dragon in this world, but he has an easier time due to his communication ability, being able to tame them easier. He has lots of dragons who he is allied with who help me slay the other territories.

- There are multiple kingdoms made of dragons, and they go to war with each other, and humans can get crossed in this mix which is where he comes into the picture

- He’s sort of a hybrid mitigator for dragon-human wars, and even helps the dragon allies with their own turf wars

- His main duty is as a guard/ knight for the kingdom, he keeps watch for dragon attacks as well as humans. He used often as a weapon against dragons by the kingdom

- The royal family of the kingdom doesn’t recognize being a “dragon prince” as a real royal standing, so while he’s technically royalty and is part of a rare bloodline, he is not considered so by many. The highest ranking he has is being close to a commander/ knight, but only in the ordeal of dealing with dragons during war/ an attack

- He has his limits when it comes to slaying dragons. He will only slay dragons that are an active threat to the kingdom or someone he loves. He will never slay a dragon without a valid reason, and will negotiate with them before making any attacks

- He’s part of a royal bloodline, mixed between dragon and human, they’ve existed for thousands of years but were feared by many and slowly died out/ got colonized/ executed. He was abandoned/ his family was massacred when he was young and was found by a blacksmith of the kingdom when he was young. So he didn’t know he was part of the rare bloodline until he came in contact with a dragon when he was 13 and learned of his ability. His father then told him the truth of his origins and he began training as a knight to become a guard in the kingdom, thanks to the help of his adoptive father.

- He sometimes gets visions of the future, of course pertaining to things that involve dragons, but also premonitions of things that could lead to the end of the world. Dragons and humans are interlinked from ancient history, so certain clashes have almost led to the destruction of the world. There were a few ice ages and purges of life, but they eventually came back. Evan can get dreams/ spontaneous visions of these events due to his connection to both human and dragon and it’s essentially his job to keep order.

- There are others like him in the world, but because the bloodline has died out so much, they are rare to come by and most that are aware of what they are have hidden away in fear of being sought after and murdered for their powers.

- The kingdom where Evan lives needs his powers to survive in the kingdom because they live right on the edge of a mountain range where on the other side all the other dragon kingdoms reside, so they are more likely to get attacked or hit in a crossfire. Evan living there gets automatic protection, so he hasn’t left and is given fairly decent hospitality. He also has lived there his entire life and hasn’t put much thought into the outside world. Too focused on the job he has in his home to consider exploring or finding others

(relationship to Y/N)

- Y/N and Evan have known each other since they were kids. Around 6-7. They didn’t always get along, having a more frenemies relationship where they would pick on each other.

- As they got older they both became closer and better friends, relating on the fact that the other teens and children of the kingdom found them weird and they were both slowly isolating to each other

- They spent a lot of time together by the creek/ river, playing in the woods and skipping rocks

- They would both stay out together as long as they could, avoiding their own homes because not only did they not want the fun to end, but they both didn’t want to go back to their homes where their lives didn’t feel perfect or less lonely

- They found solace in their friendship together

- They each had their own separate dreams, Y/N wanted to explore the world outside the kingdom whereas Evan wanted to stay in the kingdom forever and become a knight. This caused them to start fighting again occasionally when the topic was brought up, and as they got even older, they began to distance themselves

- Y/N was the first to know about Evan’s connection to the dragons, having been there when they were playing by the edge of the woods and a dragon came and landed in front of them. Evan, being naturally protective, got in front of Y/N and found he could speak with the dragon and have an understanding. But Y/N, not having any such power just saw the two standing before each other for a few tense minutes before the dragon flew away

- They were both freaked by the incident at the time, and as they talked more about, became slightly excited. Evan already knew he wanted to use his talent to protect the kingdom, but Y/N believed he could do more with it. Like bringing peace between the humans and dragons for millenium.

- Eventually they both turned 18, and Y/N fled the kingdom and began traveling while Evan stayed and became a knight

- They spent at least a decade apart until Y/N came back to the kingdom with a group of thieves, helping them steal money from the townsfolk and hoping to steal the riches from the kingdom. They had their own reasons for doing so, mainly just trying to keep themselves alive and look out for themselves.

- Evan hears about the group of thieves that have entered the kingdom and is tasked with keeping them out of the castle. He catches one of them during a small ambush, realizing it’s Y/N he is confused, angry and distraught. They explain their reasoning for being a part of the group and the pair are still on rocky terms

- In return for not sending Y/N to jail, they come to an agreement/ deal that they will help him track down the rest of the thieves and imprison them

- They slowly reunite and warm back up to each other, remembering the old days as they spend time together getting into fights across the kingdom to find the thieves and catch them before they get to the castle, rekindling their once broken friendship

- They bond over their individual memories, Y/N telling Evan stories of the outside world and what they were doing, and Evan talking about his adventures as a knight and mitigating for the dragons and the kingdom

“You know, when we were kids, I had a huge crush on you.” I laughed as my stomach tickled, feeling the warm flames of the fire flickering, licking and trying to reach me from its cage of rocks and sticks, only getting a small tickle of warmth through the cold night air.

The stars were heavy above, twinkling like the ripples of water from the ocean. I could see Evan’s stoic face, outlined sharply by the yellow flames dancing across it. His cape draped over the back of the thick log he was perched upon. Despite the blank expression on his face, I swear I saw a twinkle in his eyes of surprise and that’s when I felt the air around us get thickly uncomfortable. The silence becomes stale and quieter, practically deafening if it weren't for the chirp of the crickets–which I call the birds of the night. It’s almost as if he can sense that his reaction has made things more awkward, because he lowers his gaze to the fire and says something I truly didn’t expect.

“Yeah, so did I.” His voice is soft, almost romantic in a way. I feel as if the wind has been knocked from my lungs. All this time, the boy–the man, who had been in the back of my mind all of these years. The one who got away, the one who I had never thought in a million years would ever love someone like me. He just admitted he had a crush on me? I could hardly fathom it, let alone hear it. I almost believed I was dreaming.

“Is it that surprising?” He asks curiously, as if I gave him an offended look, realizing that my eyes were probably blown into saucers after what he said because I feel him practically snap me out of a daze with those words, forcing my face to relax. I can almost see a smile stretch at the corner of his mouth after my expression softens, his gaze finally lifted back to me fully and searching my eyes.

“N-No I uh, I mean I just–I didn’t expect that. Really.” I said, my words tripping over themselves. There was that silence again, the loud ambience of the night filling my ears back up like cotton balls.

“You know…” I said slowly, breaking the silence, my eyes flickering around. Trying not to land my gaze back into his eyes as I feel my heartbeat begin to quicken, squeezing inside of my chest. “I still think you’re kind of handsome…” I almost hoped he hadn’t heard me, too flustered by the admittance. My feelings hadn’t changed for Evan since the day I left him, if anything they had gotten worse the moment I saw that it was him who had caught me that day. The way he was so strong, perfectly groomed, the chubby look on his face I had always pictured of him was gone and in return left with the most perfect frame. His light curls thick and fluffy against his head, the length I had remembered that always covered his eyes having been cut to a charming length revealing the deep black pits that were his irises. A color that could only be matched to the obsidian with the way it shimmered and yet there was no light inside of them, as if it was soaked up inside of them.

I gain the courage to look at him again and I’m shocked to see that a rosy tint has spread across the apples of his cheeks and spread to the tips of his ears. His eyes wide, the obsidian black irises stark against his sclera, like a pebble. I cover my lips as I catch an escaped giggle at his expression and he quickly softens it, realizing how stupid his reaction must have been. Now he’s the one who can barely look me in the eye.

There was something different about the rest of that night, in the way that we looked at one another. More attentive, more passionate, something lingering in the distance. Words unspoken and yet so many told. I don’t think I would have traded it for anything.

May do a part two if this is popular. You can request a fic about this concept if you want ♡

Taglist (you can be added or removed at any time):

@fear-is-truth @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @marchsfreakshow @colinzabelswife @dearlizzies @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re

[yourpeepysucksdotorg]

Looking back on my syscourse days with the wisdom of age, I feel as if I can pinpoint a single psychological concept that explains why syscourse is so prevalent to begin with, and why it’s so toxic and inescapable; group polarization. Basically, people are more likely to come to extreme conclusions or make risky decisions when in a group with those sharing the same ideologies, even though most members of the group will have the same core beliefs that aren’t nearly as radical.

In syscourse, this most often occurs when people debate the validity of endogenic systems. It also makes it impossible to have a good-faith discussion on the matter.

I’m not endo-neutral, and while my thoughts on the matter can be found elsewhere on my blog, I’ll remain neutral for the sake of this post making it to as many people as possible, because I genuinely believe so much fighting could be stopped if we just recognized the unhealthy patterns we’ve fallen into. Disordered systems who are anti-endo seem to blame endogenic systems for a lot of things, and while I’m not endogenic, I can pretty accurately guess that having a bunch of strangers tell you that you make their lives worse by expressing your identity makes you feel shitty. This keeps the two communities separated outside of verbal spats, and of course, after these spats, members of both communities will want support. Once again, I can’t speak from the endogenic perspective. But I know that anti-endos will continue to perpetuate that endos are bad, that you didn’t do anything wrong, that they’re just dumb and stupid. Which, I can assume this keeps endogenic systems in constant defense mode, as they constantly have to check which system blogs or servers are or aren’t okay to interact with, out of fear of being attacked by other systems, or worse, becoming some kind of lolcow for singlets.

When both sides feel like they’re being attacked, no productive discussion can be had. Once again, I do have my own opinions on the matter, but right now, I’m really just advocating for all systems to treat each other like living beings. If someone is being terrible to you, there’s no pressure to fight back. Just block them. While that one person might be an asshole, there are so many more people who care about you, support you, and want you to exist more than you even know. This is a saying as old as time, but don’t feed the trolls. Don’t aggressively retaliate, because you’re just giving them more material to bend to their will. And if you’re the one perpetuating assholery, just stop.

Maybe I’m just being an optimist, but I believe that so much syscourse could become irrelevant if we realized that the world isn’t black and white, and there aren’t good and evil systems. We’re all in this together, singlets are still gonna treat us like we’re nuts. We need to stand united rather than push each other further and further away.

[aeternallis]

Kim and his home / A Meta Rant

Y'know, in a lot of post-canon fics I see for Kimchay, there's sometimes this common theme of Kim refusing to move back home, either because he likes his freedom too much, or he just hates Korn to the point he refuses to share a roof with him.

And tbh, strictly speaking from my own personal experience as an Asian, I've always felt this aforementioned theme to be more in line with a western individualistic mindset, rather than the one the show is more accurately set in: an eastern collectivist mindset.

So I thought I'd talk about it~ Having said that, please do not take this as an attack or critique of anyone or their works, it isn't. Fics are fics, headcanons are headcanons, they're meant to be enjoyed as they are. This is simply an observation I made, so again, I want to yap about it.

See, I am of the opinion that since Chay has moved into the Theerapanyakul compound, it’s actually more in line for Kim to move back into the mansion as well, rather than continue to keep away.

This idea is also foreshadowed by Tankhun when he asks Kim in ep. 5:

But before I continue, here's a theory I've been nursing for a while: technically speaking, if one were to line up how Kim and Chay were left off in the show, and how their story picks up in the first KP novel in that order, we already have some idea of how their story would have gone, had BOC and DAEMI’s working relationship not broken down, they weren't as problematic to work with, and Build didn’t have his scandal(s). 

At the very least, we have the skeletal roadmap of what BOC theoretically would have had to work with, had they been greenlit for a KP season 2.

A short summary of KimChay in the first novel:

During Porchay’s special chapter, Chay secretly follows Porsche to the Theerapanyakul mansion. When he’s at the gates, he makes a show of bravado of justifying why Porsche shouldn’t work there anymore, until Korn sees him. Korn tries to calm Chay down, but to no avail, until Kim pulls up in another car. It’s at this point that Chay mentions being familiar with Kim, and that they have some bad history that was never resolved. Kim corners Chay against the wall like the Theerapanyakul hubby that he is, until Chay kicks him in the nuts for acting all intimidating. 🤣 The special chapter ends with Chay getting dragged away from the compound, unbeknownst to Porsche. Later, Chay moves into the compound around the time Porsche and Kinn are kidnapped. Before facing the kidnappers, Kinn had told Chay to get ahold of Pete and ask for help, hence why Chay is brought to the compound in the first place. Presumably, this would also be around the same time he gets reacquainted with Kim (and most probably makes up with him). During the kidnap scene, Kinn tells Chay to call Pete and ask for back up. The next time we see Chay, he's visiting Porsche in the hospital, and Kim volunteers to take him home (as in, back to the Theerapanyakul mansion); it's implied that they've been spending quite a bit of time together, if Porsche's comments about it throughout the rest of the novel aren't indication enough. The rest of the story has them appearing here and there, mostly when Chay is complaining about the prospects of Kim cheating and/or no longer being in love with him. Lol There are some especially important moments between Chay and Porsche when they talk about their circumstances, but I don't want to spoil that scene in this rant too much.

In the show however, Chay's moving into the Theerapanyakul household is delayed later in the show's adaptation of the events, and he doesn't move in until the incident with his own kidnapping. By the end of the show, he's seen to be firmly ensconced in the Theerapanyakul compound, as we see in his last two scenes.

Focusing on Porchay's special chapter and his mention of the "bad history" between him and Kim in the novel, I'd always wondered if BOC had taken that line from the book and just ran with it, yknow? It would make sense (to me personally, at least), since Kimchay's story is different in the novel when compared to the show.

Although their stories are different, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they contradict each other. And with the first official art of the KimChay novel having been released, it’s clear now that DAEMI/Tiara_ME intend to incorporate the show’s KimChay story into their own (to what extent, who knows).

Having said this, let’s get back on topic: the likelihood of Kim moving back into the mansion had KP been greenlit for a season 2.

For a little bit of cultural context, I'll bring up three points (very generalized, mind you).

In Asia, the idea of children moving out once they’re 18 (or older, depending on the country’s age of consent laws) is very much a western concept. Most children in Asia don’t leave their family homes until they’re married, and even then, they sometimes still opt to live with their parents along with their spouse, so they can save money to buy their own in the meantime. In fact, a lot of Asian households can also have multiple generations living under one roof (I myself am also in this situation, at least part of the time when I go home overseas). That's not to say that children moving out early, or running away, or getting kicked out from home is unheard of, but for the most part, it's a rarer scenario compared to how normalized it is in the US.

For all that Kim goes behind Korn’s back, outwardly and at least towards his two elder brothers, Kim is a good son, in so far at least that he’s willing to go undercover in order to figure out the stink of what his family is connected to. He is loyal to his family—he’s protective over Kinn, and he’s gentle in how he interacts with Tankhun. Despite having moved out, the bored ease with which he strides into the compound shows that he visits often enough that it’s not an uncommon occurrence; the deference the bodyguards show him also supports this theory.

And finally, perhaps the strongest clue: when Chan tells him that Korn wants to see him at the end of ep 13, Kim cannot bring it in himself to disobey his father, no matter his own desire to go after the Kittisawasds. No matter what suspicions Kim may have of his father, at the end of the day, as my previous point—he is a good son, a filial one (all of them are, tbh). He doesn't outwardly show disagreements against Korn, and even during that tense meeting between them in ep 5, Kim shows some level of affection by bringing his father food. And yes, while I do agree that a lot of his smiles and behavior towards Korn is just for show, it doesn't change the fact that Kim doesn't want to disrupt the family harmony amongst them. At the very least—he actively chooses not to be the cause of that disruption.

So, with this context in mind, I’m of the opinion that Kim is more likely to move back into the compound, rather than continue to keep away. In fact, in the book, this is one of the big themes with Kim and Porchay: it’s due to Chay’s presence at the Theerapanyakul household that Tankhun comments about how Kim is often at home now.

It's Chay's presence in the mansion that brings Kim home.

The way I see it, Kim moved out because he had the luxury to do so. And I don’t mean this in the way that he’s able to discard his family obligations and pursue his own dreams, not at all.

I mean it in the most basic sense: Kim—or rather, the Theerapanyakuls—have the financial luxury to allow for Kim to move away. For any person that age, who wouldn’t choose to have their own space if they could honestly afford to do so? Besides that, it’s not out of the realm of possibility that the apartment complex Kim lives in is owned by their family, hahaha! But I digress!

Getting back on point: Kim is most likely to move back in, because he now has a reason to do so, that being Chay.

I've always been of the belief that throughout this couple's story in the show and all the way from the beginning, it was always Chay unknowingly stepping into Kim’s world of the mafia and becoming further involved, not just because of his brother, but more because of Kim’s growing feelings for him.

And then by the end of the show, how it makes for a resounding statement that it’s Kim who reaches out to Chay: he’s now the one stepping into Chay’s world—which just happens to be the world of the mafia.

In that sense, it’s Chay’s presence that ultimately brings/keeps Kim home, literally and figuratively. The way I see it, the fact that it's Chay's singular, enduring presence that would be the one to inspire Kim to come home is what makes their love story a powerful one, and one that can measure up equally to the other two.

[pretending-ican-write]

Cowboy Up - Pt. 12

A/N: Apologies for the radio silence for so long but it's been hectic getting my dissertation finished! I only have a few more weeks of assignments left and then uni is done which is very scary. For now enjoy this part! As always let me know if you want to be added to the tag list or send any requests you have for this pairing!

I make no claim that my ranching knowledge is accurate, it's all made up.

Pairing: Ryan (Yellowstone) x Dutton!reader

Previous part - Next part

---

The first colours of the day are starting to paint the sky when y/n stepped out of the house, hat securely on her head and cooler full of food for Gator who was waiting for her.  She dropped it next to the stone grill in exchange for two steaming mugs of coffee that she took to the barn where Jimmy was opening up.

When he got to the open door she handed him one of the mugs, “learning to do this shit one-handed is vital to starting the day properly caffeinated.”

The pair worked through tacking up the horses for the day in a comfortable routine that they had perfected over the last few weeks working together.  Despite repeated reminders that it was low man’s job to tack up in the morning, y/n just glared at whoever directed the reminder at her and insisted that it was a ritual she enjoyed.  Besides, anything she could do to help Jimmy pick up ranch skills quicker and avoid ridicule from the hands.

Comanche was the last horse y/n tacked up, always choosing to leave her own horse until the end when she could give him a little bit of extra attention (and her apple core, an important part of his day).  She led him outside of the barn in time to hear Rip calling out the start of the day.  Mourning the fact that she hadn’t had time for a morning cigarette, y/n mounted up to follow the hands out of the gate towards the herd.

-/-/-

A few hours later, the hands were moving all the cattle from their grazing with the help of the helicopter.  Y/n had Comanche positioned at the back of the group with Ryan and Colby to the left of her to keep the herd moving forward.

“I thought you’d be better to deal with once we finally got over 10 years of pining but no turns out you’re just more of a soft fucker,” Colby complained to Ryan.

She laughed at her friend, “not all cowboys are emotionally stunted like you Colby, no need to be jealous I’m sure you’ll find a real girl to love you one day.”

“A real girl?  As opposed to a what girl?”

“A blow up one,” Ryan sighed, “she’s saying you have a sex doll.”

He didn’t get a chance to insult her back as she opted to leave the boys at the back to check in at the front.  She eased to a walk next to Lloyd when Rip rode up to them.

“Y/n you’re in charge of keeping everyone on track,” he directed, “I gotta deal with stragglers.”

She saluted him and shouted after him, “take Jimmy with you!”

“You’ll take all our jobs when we retire, kid,” Lloyd commented.

Y/n laughed, “old man you ain’t ever gonna retire.  I know you’re gonna die on that horse herding cattle.”

She peeled away and returned to the back next to Ryan who smiled softly at her.  Colby gagged at his friends which earned a middle finger from both of them.  Everyone’s eyes snapped to the trees when there was a shout followed by hooves at speed.

“Ryan, Colby go get those cattle back here!” Y/n shouted, “Lloyd help Jimmy with the horse!”

Repositioning her hat to keep the sun out of her eyes, y/n groaned internally as she scanned over the remaining hands to ensure no more cattle would slip through the cracks.  John had spent her whole life preparing Lee to take over the ranch but now that he was gone, it seemed that her father was desperately scrambling.  In her opinion it seemed far too convenient that John had decided to reconcile with Kayce when the ranch needed an heir, overlooking the fact that she’d been part of the operation for 8 years.  She was pretty sure that she could handle the (legitimate) side of the ranch with her eyes closed.

“You looking deep in thought there sweetheart,” Ryan cut through the anger simmering under the surface.

She smiled at him, “just wishing that dad would see I could handle the ranch.  Jimmy alright?”

“Anyone would think that you feel sorry for him,” he joked half-heartedly.

Lucy shrugged, “I do Ry.  I was born doing this and y’all chose it but he didn’t.  Least I can do is hope he adapts quick.”

She watched as the cattle slipped into the rest of the herd, keeping an eye out for any of them that might have sustained an injury going through the woods.  They were followed by Lloyd who she gestured over to the back before he could get to Rip.

“He’s finding his hat before he comes back,” He answered her question before she got it out.

Y/n huffed out a breath, “fuck knows losing that would not go over well.”

With a nod to her, he turned his horse around and cantered back to head up the herd.  Lucy patted Comanche’s neck and turned her eyes back to the cattle in front of her.

-/-/-

With all the cattle down by the barn, y/n settled into the familiar movements of separating the herd.  Even when she wasn’t old enough to be in the pen, she could remember sitting on the fence helping  John organise the hands.  When she was 10, she’d been allowed to take part on her horse and Lloyd had spent many a evening helping so that y/n would be able to keep up with her brothers.  At this point in her life, there was a chance she could do this job with one arm tied behind her back.

In the other pen, y/n watched as Kayce’s stallion continued to give John a hard time.  She rolled her eyes and leant over to speak to Lloyd, “I question my brother’s motives for giving dad that horse unless he’s tryna get his inheritance early.”

“I think it’s gonna take a bit more than a horse with a vendetta to kill your father,” he remarked.  

Y/n laughed, “here’s hoping a concussion might knock some sense into him.  That or finally kill the rest of his brain cells and I can take over the whole thing.”

She turned her attention back to the cattle encouraging Comanche forward to cut off one of the heifers that had made a break for it.  With her thoughts back on the job and not her father, y/n quickly fell back into the rhythm of working the cattle.

-/-/-

A little while later, y/n’s attention was pulled away from the cattle to Kayce’s truck pulling up outside the barn.  She watched her brother get out before helping Tate out of the other side.  Her nephew made a beeline to the corral to climb the fence, fascinated with what the hands were doing.  Y/n sought out Rip’s gaze from the opposite side who waved her towards the fence where Tate was watching from.  With a smile of thanks to the foreman, she brought Comanche parallel to the boy.

“What are you doing?” Tate asked in greeting, reaching out to stroke the horse’s spotted neck.

His aunt glanced back at the herd, “well we’ve got to split up the herd before we can send them off to make sure they all go to the right place.  Different colours mean different things.  It’s up to us to know which colour is meant to go to who.”

“Mind if I steal your nephew from you?” John leant up against the fence next to him.

She leant down from Comanche to receive a high-five from her nephew, “he’s all your dad.  Misbehave for me Tate.”

Ignoring her dad’s groan and her suggestion, she directed the gelding around the remaining herd to where Ryan had been watching the conversation with hearts in his eyes.

“Why you looking at me like that?  Someone will see you,” Y/n teased.

He rolled his eyes at her, “you’re good with him.  That’s all.”

“For all my brother’s faults he and Mon made a damn good kid,” Y/n admitted, “I just hope dad doesn’t mess it up with how he’s gettin’ his claws in of late.  Tate practically worships him.”

“He adores you too y’know,” Ryan pointed out to her.

Y/n shrugged him off, “that’s just because I’m the only part of this side of the family that’s been around since he was born.  Dad has a lot more interest to a young boy than boring aunt Lucy.”

“You ain’t boring to me sweetheart.”

---

@child-of-of-the-sunshine @kendallroydefender @qardasngan @thecobraghost @little-diable

[yuseirra]

Onk Chapter 159 review~

(a small comic for starters :) either way, Ai will still kick his butt)

yes, I had been spoiled; yes, and I actually like it, as much as it leaves at a cliffhanger and leaves you in confusion(why is this comic always like this) The way it ends is indeed, quite shocking, isn't it? But I think I understand where it's coming from.

I honestly won't have a clue on just what this story is going to be unless it's not going to be like what I write here; If that's so, then I'll just sit back and just.. let the story run along after this~ I'm pretty confident, for now though!!

The development in this current episode aligns with the interpretation I initially had back when I hopped onto the series, right after 153-154. It feels like I've been reset XD

It's pretty good, right? It's entertaining and well done. There is no need to fuss whether "Kamiki is evil!!" or "He's the final boss!", at least not right now, that'd be determined in the following eps. but for now, I think I have an idea of what it's trying to convey.

He DOES look super evil in that last panel (I keep staring at it for how ridiculous he looks)but let's look into the things that are being discussed for now-

Judging by the reaction he has, Kamiki never stopped loving Ai. The reaction in chapter 154 and the current one can coexist as emotional responses.

But it seems that after Ai died, Kamiki did a lot.

It actually matches really well with the interpretation I made after reading chapter 154 for the first time! I mean this comic I drew. I thought I might have went a bit overboard with it for awhile, for Kamiki's actions after that chapter felt milder than that, but now that 159 is out, it... seems pretty similar.

Sometimes, the first answer you pick on a test is the correct one, right? I laughed...perhaps I should trust my initial feelings about things more...they may tend to be the most accurate.

He has this, "I'm already beyond hope now, I can't be saved" vibe to him. And I saw this coming all along, I kept wondering just what is it that he'd have done. It's been pretty vague except for that case with Yura, right? (To be honest, the one death that bothers me a lot is Gorou's. Did Nino and Ryosuke kill him?? Why did Gorou die?? I really hope Kamiki wasn't involved with that case because that leads to really weird sorts of conclusions... killing the doc that helped deliver his own children;;; I hope it's just Ryosuke and Nino that's played a part there)

Judging by how he reacts to Aqua, he does have paternal love, and Kamiki’s attitude towards his children is consistently kind and gentle. His way of speech is...I've been sent the leaks in another language right..; I can tell. He speaks in a really.. kind and gentle way. Even in that last panel as well. He's so tender with his way of speaking when he talks towards his kids, so much like the lyrics of Mephisto (how the song is like as it ends) I feel like he is, or at least used to be, a sweet person. Talking to his fully grown son like that.

It seems like he genuinely wants to watch his daughter's performance. I feel Kamiki cherishes and cares for Aqua and Ruby. As for whether he would go so far as to harm the children to save Ai... I think the chances of that are low. Ai’s judgment seems correct, and if Kamiki had married Ai and lived with her, he would have been a kind and gentle father to their children.

At the same time, though, he thinks it's too late to save himself now. The attitude he has feels like self-mockery or despair. He's a bit out of vigor, in my opinion(aside from that last panel).

The key is figuring out what exactly the "lies" he told was.

Judging by Aqua's reaction, Kamiki’s involvement in Ai’s death should be minimal. If it weren’t, there should be some anger connected to the mention of Ai’s name as Aqua brought it up. For example, "Ai trusted you until the end, she wanted you to help you, but you made her die!" Because it's very natural, right? If Kamiki killed the very person who wanted to help him, it's natural to bring that up as you mention the "help".

But that’s not the case. Instead, Aqua's reaction is something like, "I’m supposed to help you, as Ai said, but you’ve been telling this 'ugly lie for your own sake' so I can’t."

I think that, to evoke this kind of response, Kamiki must have done a lot after Ai’s death, thinking he was doing it for her, but deep down, he knew it was a lie he told himself all along, and Aqua is calling him out on it.

It doesn’t seem like Kamiki killed someone with the thought that "no one can outshine Ai" (that would be really stupid;;), but rather, that he made sacrifices because he wanted to save Ai or bring her back to life. In that case, what Aqua is saying here translates to: "Hey, would Ai have wanted that? That was a crazy thing you did for your own sake and pleasure, thinking 'Ai would want to live' or 'Ai would want to reunite with the kids in any way possible.' You know that's NOT what she has ever wanted, but you lied to yourself convincing it would all be okay as long as it came true. That makes you an ugly liar."

If Kamiki did kill someone, Aqua really should report him to the police instead of meeting one-on-one. Report him, for crying out loud! Why doesn't he do that in 155 and why doesn't he try to do it now, either? He just walks up to him and starts a conversation. Didn't he figure things out with Akane earlier? Can't they just turn those pieces of evidence they found to the police if they have them?

So... that's why I’m not sure if what Kamiki did actually involved killing someone... Maybe Aqua didn’t report it or he can't because there wasn’t enough evidence? Yura is dead, that's a fact, but well, we know now for sure that Kamiki did not play a part in Ryosuke's death(who cares about him but yeah), and if he isn't the one who's killed Gorou (the one who did it is Ryosuke and Nino is his acquaintance so I think there's low chance?;) Maybe he didn't kill Yura either. He says it's his fault but at this point, I don't think he's the one that's responsible for Ai's death. There is a reason I'm saying this, stay with me for a while, okay? But he's still done something that Aqua deems as a "selfish lie".. I just don't know how severe this guy can get and what he's done but I guess he's done some terrible things...

Moving on, I don't think this character would hurt Ruby or Aqua or anyone else at this point. (Although... who knows; if he feels like he has nothing to lose, he might...) It seems like he intended to end his life to offer as the final tribute, and Aqua came to stop him. (Like, Aqua came to him to "save him" on Ai''s behalf. He didn't say he's come to "punish him" for his misdeeds... so I think it's safe to say Aqua's come to save his butt) It might tie into the supernatural elements that pop up occasionally, like when Kamiki mentioned the "gods" in chapter 147 or talked about no longer needing to offer "sacrifices." There were many intriguing and important things mentioned in that chapter.

It seems like Kamiki thinks he’s done wrong, but he can’t stop himself from continuing on the path he was, so he wants his children to kill him or get revenge on him.

Nino is truly crazy... It's unhealthy to be fixated like that on just one single person... I don’t want to think too deeply about it because it’s not something I want to empathize with. I don’t wish to feel any pity. If I were to analyze it deeply, I could, but this is the kind of dark human psyche I don’t want to delve into because it takes energy and I don't feel it's that worth it. It's already been displayed so well in this chapter, and it's creepy and perfect as it is so I don't think it needs further explanation, she's just as I pictured her to be and even.. damp and scarier in eerily realistic ways.

If I were Ai, I’d grab Nino by the collar and ask, "Nino-chan, Why are you doing this to me? Why are you like this? What did I ever do to deserve this?" what the heck...poor Ai. it's too much. She's scary.

Ryosuke is out of his mind, and what has Ichigo been doing all this time if he knew something?... Perhaps he needed solid evidence and wished to catch her when she took action? But...; I really wish Ichigo did better when Ai was still alive if he knew what was going about with Nino and Ryosuke and Ai......

So, was Kamiki the one who made Ryosuke and Nino "that way"...(as in, hopelessly insane about Ai)?

No, that's not how it's going to go.

Looking at his past, there’s no big reason or motive for Kamiki to have done something like that and I don't think he could have coerced them to feel that way about Ai, they brought it upon themselves; (Honestly, I'm curious, what’s the connection between him and Nino and Ryosuke? At this point, I feel like they did not have any particular connection before Ai's death, at this point)

Kamiki clearly recognizes that Ai is just a normal girl who has cruel and selfish sides (this is a strong difference from Nino and Ryosuke). I'm not sure when he formed that idea, but he is at least aware of that, as he's doing whatever he's been doing.

That means, if Kamiki decided to take some extreme actions "for Ai", it wouldn’t have been because of some superficial motive like wanting Ai to be perfect or the best idol(Ryosuke and Nino's actions fall here) . Instead, it would have stemmed from a more practical desire, like wanting Ai to come back or get closer to her. For Kamiki, Ai isn’t a fantasy; she’s real. She’s a person he loves. That’s why the song Mephisto and Fatal suits him. Kamiki doesn’t need Ai to be an invincible idol; he just wants the person he loves to be alive.

So, tying it into the theme of this manga, I come to the conclusion that:

It wasn’t a single person like Kamiki who made Ryosuke and Nino the way they are, but rather, the public’s expectations of Ai.

This connects to the story explored in the movie arc, where people expected Ai to be the invincible idol, leading her to lie and conceal her weak self completely.

If my interpretation is correct... this is where the story is heading.

From the start, there was no such thing as an evil mastermind or anything like that. What happened to Ai was always the result of a fan’s twisted desire for their idol to be flawless, and the public's expectation of idols reinforcing such a behavior.

In reality, it’s Ryousuke and Nino who are insane, but the culture or fervor that creates such crazy people isn’t entirely absent in this world. That seems to be the point being made.

I mentioned this in a previous post: (it's paraphrased and condensed)

"But more than that, I think the main focus of this work and the message it's trying to give is: "Even celebrities are just people in the end"... Ultimately, that's it."

This is... probably it.

If you look at it that way, Kamiki is someone who was separated from the person he loved due to such malice (if Ai and Kamiki weren’t celebrities, they would have stayed together after having the kids and lived happily... What made Kamiki’s life miserable, and brought Ai to believe it'd hurt him less if she broke up with him was the dark side of the entertainment industry. After all, the pain he went through in his entertainment career was too much, and even afterward, they couldn’t reunite despite their feelings for each other because Ai was too successful as an idol. I think that’s why they couldn’t be together). In that sense, Kamiki is almost like the biggest victim of the entertainment industry in the story because not only did he suffer from it all his life, he ultimately lost the very person he loved because of it. Ai was an idol, so there was social pressure and expectations that she shouldn’t have kids or a boyfriend. That’s why they couldn’t stay together...

Kamiki, having his life destroyed by the dark side of the entertainment industry, and upon he lost the one person he loved, Ai, ended up doing a lot of things in desperation to bring her back and see her again. That’s what's going on about in the songs Fatal and Mephisto.

We haven’t seen exactly what he's been doing in the story, but I think the songs fill that narrative. "The gathering of light"... "finding things to fill in what's missing"...

Kamiki just wants to see Ai again. He wants to see her, but he doesn’t think Ai would love him or want to meet him, so he wished for her to come back to life, and when that didn’t work, he tried to get closer to her himself.

His true feelings were that he loved Ai sincerely and only had eyes for her.

But if what he did involve needing someone else’s life to achieve that goal (and the songs do suggest that...), that’s terrifying. Lol

Ai wanted Kamiki to be saved... If there really is a sliver of chance of such things to be a possibility, what he's done should not be that extreme. Kamiki does seem to think he's beyond saving, though.

I made an analysis earlier that he may be lying to appear as evil as he can be to persuade Aqua into believing he should just die there, and that he isn't worth saving... this was before I saw the actual images, but that could be the case too. if he's really planning to give himself away as a sacrifice of some sort or die to bring Ai back/reach her, then I guess it'd make sense for him to appear as menacing and horrible as possible so that his boy wouldn't have to care about him. He IS a liar and he IS a genius actor. He wants to do something for Ai, and I think that still stands. He said he'd do it in 155 - if that means it takes his life to do so, he'd still, definitely go through with it.

We’ll probably find out what he did all along within the next 10 chapters. I also think that the manga now needs to address the stars and the gods;; The idea that Ai became a star was mentioned directly, and Tsukuyomi was also brought up. The stars were beautifully shining during the B-Komachi concert, right? It feels like Ai is giving her blessing. If my guesses about this series is correct, Kamiki should mention stuff along the lines of the supernatural when talking about his motives. I think Kamiki tried to bring Ai back to life. If he hadn’t had that hope, I feel he would have followed Ai long ago. He doesn’t seem particularly attached to his own life. That means there must have been something that gave him that sort of hope. The songs imply something like it. It's made Kamiki believe Ai could come back to life...

I wonder if Kamiki can be saved. The fact that Aqua even brought the idea of helping the guy may mean there still might be a chance. Otherwise, Aqua would just throw him in jail; there’d be no point in talking to him like this, even if it's Ai's wish. Impossible things are still impossible.

But it’s true that Kamiki really fell apart after Ai died. Whether he’s just a pitiful guy or a victim who became a perpetrator (the latter seems more likely...sadly), we’ll have to wait and see.

To be continued, I guess.

That character’s life was truly miserable, but if he ruined other people’s lives, then he should still be punished for that.

Still, In the end, it seems like everything will turn out as Ai wanted, so I’m looking forward to seeing how much Aqua can fulfill Ai’s wishes.

It was a good chapter! :)

Come to think of it, in my analysis of Ai (this was written wayy back in June, when ch 152 was fresh) , I wrote something like this:

Ai didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

This might have hit the mark. The reason it has to be a movie is because of this… if it was only Kamiki, he could have just been shown the video Ai left, but-

Aqua’s “revenge” has to be fulfilled through a movie because Ai’s situation was caused by the public’s perception of her.

If people had accepted the real Ai as a person, twisted individuals like Ryosuke wouldn’t have appeared, and Ai wouldn’t have had to lie to the person she so dearly wanted to love. If… If only Ai had survived, I think Kamiki could have reunited with her after the movie was released. Because people would have understood and accepted their circumstances. Ai would never have had to die because she had children - for being imperfect and human, as she is.

This is not a story about a psychopathic murderer getting back at his ex-girlfriend or just one crazy fan attacking their idol, it's tackling a much bigger theme than that.

So no, this isn't going to be about Kamiki being the crazy mastermind, quite the contrary. He's the one who's lost his beloved due to a societal belief that idols have to be perfect and flawless. He's the one who desperately wants to get her back after having lost her.

When I think about it, it’s really heartbreaking. Ai and Kamiki could have been happy, for sure. They really could have had it weren't it for this, I feel.

The public isn’t always so cold, so I think Ai might have wanted to take that risk…

++ Oh, wow… Aqua showed up wearing the exact outfit from the Mephisto video!

Then, if my thoughts are correct, the next chapter, or at least within a few chapters, should reveal more about the Fatal/Mephisto storyline in the series. Those songs aren’t Aqua’s, they’re Kamiki’s.

+++ Didn't mention but Kamiki looks even younger than Aqua in that last panel, he looks kinda adorable in a very freaky way. Ai didn't mention his looks for nothing.. he still has it over the age of thirty...

yeah, I'll believe in him for just a little longer. I really hope the next chapter continues where it left off and just TELL US what he's been up to for once. This chapter is 159 so I guess it'd be the last ep of a volume, Yeah, that'd definitely make people wish to buy the next copy

but I really want answers at this point, stop the taunts.

If Mephisto and Fatal ain't the story of this guy then tbh, nothing would make sense to me about this guy nor the story. Aside from the fact that it matches his characteristics and lores in a perfect sense, it's just a really strong hunch I get. The moment I first heard Fatal, I knew it had to be it. I can't explain how it happens but I just know what it's supposed to imply. So there!

Till next week!

[lixiebokie]

sorry i love you

genre: lee felix x reader, hwang hyunjin x reader college au; dancer!felix x artist!reader x artist!hyunjin, fluff, angst

masterlist

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chapter 1: dorm parties

“do you think everyone has a soulmate?” felix thought for a moment popping another cherry into his mouth.

“i would like to hope so.” he responded eyes not leaving the view of the open city from the small window of bedroom. he watched as the car zoomed past and people walked past. “i hope i have a soulmate.”felix broke his gaze now looking at y/n. “are you serious? ofcourse you have!”

you were 15 then. everything was so different. felix was so different. 15-year-old him would have never threw a house party like this. so full that the wriggle past people was almost impossible or loud booming rave music that you both would make fun of together.

but everything had changed. of course it had you were no longer teenagers, now young adults who had classes tomorrow morning but in lixs famous words ‘deal with it in the morning.’

“excuse me.. sorry..”

“hey move the fuck out the way!” nessa shouted as y/n watching the crowd of people part and nessa walked through. the scene was what she imagine moses would look like parting the sea. she was always so confident but no matter what she never switched up no matter how much attention she got.

unlike felix.

“abit harsh ness.” the other girl rolled her eyes playfully.

“if you want a job done you have to do it.”

y/n still doesn’t know how she manage to land a best friend like nessa kate.

if life was a movie she’d be the it girl. everyone loved her, never afraid to speak her mind yet still able to keep her opinions respectful until it didn’t need to be.

“so, you’re going to find a cute boy to talk to and i’m going to find minho. we’ll meet back in 40?” she watched her hair flick around as she turned as if she was looking for someone.

“minho? why?” y/n asked. it was obvious nessa had a thing for him but that was something only y/n knew. everytime she seen him on campus she’d send him a sweet smile or a shy ‘hi’ if she was feeling confident. usually followed by y/n trying to dodge felixs eyes trying to catch hers. the rest of the group shit on felix for ditching them for him how would they react if nessa started dating him? especially hyunjin..

“i just want to talk to him..” she shyed away looking off to hide her smile.

“hm or kiss h-“

“okay bye love you. ttyl!”

——

felix looked gorgeous tonight. dyed blonde locks pushed back with a few strands hanging over his eyes. black outfit tightly wrapping his tiny figure, his sleeves pulled up that the veins in his arms were visable.

his freckles were y/n’s favourite thing on lixs face. they weren’t as visable as usual but still could be see up close.

he was just.. stunning.

when felix had found y/n’s eyes he couldn’t help but smile across the room to her. he lifted his arm motioning her to come over to him.

“im so happy you’re here.” he shouted over the music close to her ear. she was tense from how close he was and his hands on her arms holding his balance.

“it’s..full.”

“i know. crazy..” the song changed and so did felixs mood. his mouth widened into a smile and his eyes went big showing the blue contacts he’d put in.

“this is my song!” he shouted loud enough that she could hear clearly over the music.

one thing about felix that never seemed to change was the love he had for dancing. the song was familiar, his first or second dance recital he had perform this song with a few of his team mates.felix took a few steps back letting go of y/n’s arms and began to recall the moves. they weren’t perfect, but how perfect could they in a room crowded with people. but almost accurate.

felixs dream had never to be a dancer, it was something he did for fun. just for fun. he wanted to be a baker. open his own bakery on lonely street, the street opposite the beach so he’d have the view of a life time while doing what he loves.

so when he changed his culinary major to dance everyone was quite shocked. something was off about it. that was until he told the others about how his new friends had offered him a place on their dance team. also known as the schools dance team and one of the most talented in the country.

y/n watched as a circle had formed around felix as he kept dancing. he turned to her showing a smile after seeing the attention he’d gained, not missing one move. finally finishing he stuck a pose as people whistled and cheered for him.

“that was good, blondie.” minho wrapped his arm around the shorter boys shoulder.

“thanks min.” minho pulled back now looking towards y/n would still awkwardly stood with them. he was intimidating, leader of the dance team, there was rumours that even if one mistake was made he have a show made of you.

hopefully felix was able to keep up..

“oh, um this is y/n.” goosebump rised where ever minhos eyes landed on her. he looked back up leaning forward to shake her hand. “she’s my friend.”

friend. yes not best friend this wasn’t high school anymore.

his arm slapped the top of his thigh as he pulled back, straightening his back and looking back to felix.

not even a hello?

“i should go find hannie before he tries to swing off anything.” minho stepped back rocking on his heels, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“good idea, i’ll find you later.” felix nodded and the older awkwardly walked off in a swift manner.

“he’s.. nice.” y/n stuttered out trying to make some sort of small talk but also wanting to get that awkward encounter out her mind.

felix turned from back around his shoulder. “he’s just shy.”

“lee minho, shy?” felix nodded.

“believe it or not he didn’t properly talk to me until i joined danceracha. hannie had to do all the talking.”

and the tension was back.

no matter how close her and felix were nothing could stop the thought that they no longer knew each other. y/n couldn’t even remember the last time a conversation was held for longer than five minutes.

felix wasnt like nessa.

he let the attention get to him.

it wasn’t bad at first, puberty hit and he started getting flirted with, going on dates. it was whatever but then he got cozy with the frat boys and switch his major from culinary to dance. two things he loved but something in the way he followed lee minho around campus seemed to be strange. then felix started partying, doing frat things even when he wasn’t apart of it.

he didn’t care for uni anymore it was more of a live life now thinking about it later mentality one felix never use to have. live fast, love dance. the moto of his dance team really reflected his new way of living. none of it affected y/n as much as the others hated it. well except she was slowly becoming more distance with the boy she was in love it.

“i should go find-“

“actually i wanted to ask you something.”

felix interrupted before she could walk off.

yes? she wanted to ask. anything for you felix.

but instead she turned back around and just looked at him, waiting for him to finish what he wanted.

“the girls dance team, you know the one hyunjins sister is in, wants a new logo. i showed them a few of things you’ve drew and they’d love to meet you.”

y/n sighed. does he really expect her to want to do more drawing on top of her uni work?

“you don’t have to but i thought it would be nice. and i’m friends with some of them. it might be nice to get close with some of them, it must be tiring only having nessa for your girl problems.” is he serious right now?

y/n shrugged. “couldn’t you ask hyunjin?”

“you think hyunjin is going to agree to work with ‘preppy bitches’?” felix air quoted hyunjins words before throwing down his hands looking with a dumbfounded expression.

chan: haven’t seen jinnie for a while is he with you?

y/n glanced at her phone then looked back up at lix.

“ill think about it”

“great!” felix answered before walking off to meet minho and the rest of dance friends.

you: no, i’ll go see if i can find him.

it was a surprise hyunjin didn’t end up like felix. he was just as attractive: tall, long healthy brown shoulder length hair, dumpling face with a piercing gaze and great sense of style. but hyunjin didn’t let just anyone get close to him.

he wasn’t shy for say, just not outspoken.

“hey have you seen hyunjin?” y/n asked walking up to seungmin surrounded by his music friends. he shrugged. “check lixs room?”

“oh y/n!” she could tell the voice out. she was caught up to by a few girls on two or so one being yeji, hyunjins younger sister.

the two other girls she recognised as girls on her team.

“felix told us you’re designing our new logo. that’s so neet!”

“well you know me.” she awkwardly laughed with the girls as they looked at one another. she couldn’t believe felix had already told them she would do it. even after minutes prior telling him she wasn’t sure. if he didn’t want to let anyone down no way should that have anything to do with her.

“come get a drink with us?” yeji linked her arm guiding her to the kitchen.

“i really shouldn’t.. im suppose to find-“

“it’s just one, then we’ll let you go. promise.” in the kitchen there was lots of girls all wearing the same dance jacket.

she started to feel nervous as they got closer and the girls all turned to smile at them. their was also a boy, dark hair and small frame. he stood with them but went quiet when they reached them.

“everyone this is y/n. she’s gonna be designing our logo.” the girls all showed her welcome and even a few gave a hug to show their appreciation. there was no backing out now.

she’d rather stress and overwork herself than have 15 angry dancers on her back at all times especially when one was her friends sister and someone she use to be quite close to.

yeji had spent about 20 minutes talking to her about how her uni life was going so far and how she was enjoying everything and her new friends. every other minute she was receiving texts from chan asking her were she was, how hyunjin was. she found other times herself watching felix in the corner of her eye as he spoke to a group of girls. some old one direction song blasting through the speakers next to do the drinks made it almost impossible to hear anyone.

“it’s been so long since we spoke-“

“listen yej i appreciate this but i really need to get to hyunjin.”

“why is something wrong?” he eyes turned doe like and big at the mention of her brothers name. face suddenly filled with worry.

“no he’s fine, just gonna check on him.”

“ahh true, he’s never been a party person. how are we even related?” she laughed looking into y/n’s cup.

“you’ve had barley any drink. want me to go check up?”

she passed her drink to her. “no ill be fine, it was nice catching up.”

——

“found you!” y/n peeked in finding hyunjin sat on felixs small bed. legs crossed with his sketch pad rested on them.

he gave her a small smile as she walked in quietly closing the door.

“just had to escape your sister and her friends.” y/n joked and sat down next to him.

hyunjin rolled his eyes and scoffed. “what about felix?”

“hm? what about him?” y/n peeked up at his name making hyunjin chuckle.

he closed his sketchbook putting it to the side and resting his weight on his arms.

“you spoke to him?”

y/n hummed looking down at the creased duvet. playing with it between her fingers.

“yeah, i spoke to minho aswell. it was terrifying.” hyunjin laughed.

“you spoke to anyone tonight?”

“vanessa.” hyunjin answered pressing at his tiny phone typing a message to someone. “ and chans up my ass making sure i’m okay.”

felixs room was nothing unusual. white walls and laminate floor, a box for his jewellery which stood on top of his drawers of clothes, on the ground next to it a neat folded pile which needed to be put away. but one thing that stood out was a small cork box placed on his desk leant against the wall.

it was full of random shit, a cinema ticket for fast and furious, some photos jotted around of him a dance shows and with the dance team and some of his parents.

not far in front of it stood a framed photo of felix and minho. they were dressed up in one of their dance uniforms. much like the solider uniform cheryl cole wore in her fight for this love music video.

y/n picked it up taking a closer look. felix seemed so happy around minho liked he’d found the older he always wanted but never had.

“what you got there?” hyunjin asked looking over her shoulder.

y/n turned to him not putting down the photo. “you think we were abit harsh on him?”

hyunjin went to scoff but sighed after seeing her sad expression.

“hey i remember this night!” hyunjin avoided and instead pointed to a photo seemly hidden by the photo frame.

she placed it down pulling the photo off its clip.

it was a photo of her. it was from hyunjins eighteenth a night she didn’t remember much of but was one of the best nights of her life. her arms wrapped around felixs neck and his on her waist. both squished together in a big hug but still smiling at the camera. felixs smile wider from his lack of intoxication and eyes red from the flash.

y/n smiled down fiddling with the ends that had creased over time. she felt like she was in that scene from mean girls.

but felix was cady and he wasn’t madly inlove with her like cady was for aaron.

HJ’s 18th

my bff 4 life

was scribbled on the back in felixs swirly writing.

no wonder it had been hidden, felix must have been so embarrassed it wasn’t a good photo to begin with, eyes presented red from the flash and all fuzzy from nessas shaking hands.

y/n felt angry for some reason. it was hidden. the only photo of the group on his stupid cork board was out of sight.

replaced with lee fucking minho.

she threw the photo down making it fly off his desk behind. she didn’t see it land anyway, now truly out of sight.

“i don’t understand why you still like him.“

y/n turned leaning on the desk. what wasn’t there to love about felix? he was kind, and loving. he always put her first, he was ambitious and a great baker. only, only half of that was true now. was she often wondered was she holding onto someone who was no longer there?

“the same way you like nessa.” she shurgged still leaning on the desk behind her.

“except ness isn’t some attention loving-“

the door opened and felix stumbled in. interrupt hyunjin mid sentence.

“please down tell me you were hooking up in my room!” he pinched his nose teasing them.

y/n smiled awkwardly but hyunjin wasn’t as impressed.

he picked up his sketchbook and walked out before felix could say anything else.

felix sighed walking over to his bed to pull out a storage box.

“so, you and hyunjin?”

“it’s not like that..”

felix grabbed rumidged through the box “then what is it?” he asked glancing to her. he grabbed something out the box and pushed it back under the bed. “i thought hyunjin was into ness?” felix propped up his feet so he could hug his knees.

“what are you doing in here?”

“um.. last time i checked this is my room.” he teased rising to his feet. “so?” she sighed. felix had no right to now be interested in hyunjins personal life after bailing on him after 5 years of friendship to play buddies with the dance team.

and hyunjin wouldn’t be happy finding she was going around telling everyone his business.

“i don’t know lix.” felix hummed raising his eyebrow but shurgging off showing he wasn’t as curious as he made out to be.

“oh that reminds me!” he walked to his bedside tide taking a envelope out the drawer.

he came closer to her until he was in speaking distance holding out the card. “happy early birthday from me and the dance team.” she looked to his hand hesitating to take it but she wasn’t going to leave him like that. “i have a comp on your birthday dinner, and i don’t think your friends would want me there anyway.” your friends not our friends. that had just shown felix had completely block the rest of them out of his new stylish life.

it was true, when making invitations to her birthday dinner seungmin had taken felix off the guest list and nessa had to persuade him to put him back on when reminding him of how special her and felixs friendship was but if the group could have it their way, lix would not be there. looks like today is their lucky day.

felix continued on. “but we should go out one night, me and you? to celebrate. not every day you turn 21.”

she nodded taking the card from his hand. “well i better go get this to yeji.” he held up a cropped dance jacket, red with the girls dance team name on the back in diamonds. “she left it last time she was here. so i’ll see you?” and with that felix was gone.

last time yeji was here? excuse me?

🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣🥟🐣

join the taglist!

[what0smart]

Jay and Jon: Absolute Power

Been a while since I posted but I wanted to make a post as a sort of quick refresher for what we know about Absolute Power and what it's gonna be like for Jay and Jon. (Some of this will be more speculation as some of it is not 100% confirmed but the majority of this is accurate based on what we've seen.) Spoilers Ahead!!!

Amanda Takes Control of Gamorra

In Suicide Squad:Dream Team we follow Nia as she struggles to fight against Amanda as she is forced to help in a hostile take over of Jay's country, I'll get back to Nia's role in this soon. In Issue 2 of Dream Team Bizarro acts on Amanda's orders and ends up killing Jay's mother, but right before that Jay is telling her that he's trying to call Jon for help but he's not picking up his phone.

For a while we were unsure if something had happened to Jon or if he just wasn't near his phone which many, including myself, doubted because of Jon's super hearing and how attentive he is as a boyfriend, but now we know why he didn't answer the phone.

Jon was Missing

For a long period Jon was just nowhere to be seen in the comics, even in a Brainiac event focused on the entire Kent family. In that event Clark mentions that Jon is with the Titans, but the next week we saw that he was not with them despite both comics taking place at nearly the same time. It didn't feel like they just didn't have room for Jon in the story but more that he was intentionally not present. We now know that it's because he has been kidnapped by Brainiac, as we now have the covers for Jon's solo issue in Absolute power "Superson". It seems like Amanda had gone after Jon first before going after the Nakamura's knowing that Jon would intervene unless stopped beforehand. There’s a chance that this could be wrong and we won’t know until after the event releases but until then this is the working theory.

Nia's Betrayal

In Issue 4 of Dream Team we end up seeing why Nia hasn't stopped Amanda despite her opportunities, it's because Nia's parents are under threat if Nia steps out of line.

While her actions are understandable she did just chose her own parents over Jay's mother and his country and that choice is going to cause a strong divide between the two of them. If you're more interested in this Nicole Maines, the creator of Nia and one of the writers for Absolute Power recently had an interview going over how Jay, Jon, and Nia's relationships are going to have massive changes throughout this story.

We're going to start with this spike in Nia and Jay's relationship as previews for Absolute Power #1 show that Nia is tasked with Deadshot in capturing Jay so he doesn't use his platform on Truth and Amanda keep's control of the narrative.

Final thoughts

I am personally very excited for this event, at it's base I'm glad to get an event which feels like if the heroes win could be a conclusion to Amanda Waller for quite sometime if not permanently. This is a very unique story and it's exactly what I've been hoping for Jon to get conflict wise of putting him in a position where he feels powerless, it's also going to dive into his past which is always nice to see finally happen for Jon. Jon's event appearances in my opinion are consistently pretty good in things like Dark Crisis and Beast world so I'm really happy he's a main character. It's nice to see Jay being involved in a major conflict in a way his addition feels very natural with references back to Son Of Kal-El and will have lastly impacts on him as a character, especially for Jay's first event appearance. We haven't seen much of Nia's friendship with them so it's nice to have more at the for front now rather than in the background, even if it is kind of their friendship falling apart. This is also Nia's first real time in the spotlight starting out with Dream Team and leading into this, which I have very much enjoyed so far, Nicole is not afraid to put Nia in really tough spots or give her flaws which I appreciate. This event has some of my favorite writers on it like Mark Waid so I'm expected good things and I hope you all who read this enjoy it too.

Edit

I had to make some corrections and you can find those here

As well as now that the issue released you can read the update to this post here

[slickricklj]

I keep seeing some misinformation being spread about something Koshi Nakanishi (the director of RE7) brought up years ago, after RE7 was revealed (in regards to Chris and Jill). Since some people keep buying into/spreading misinformation, I'm gonna address it on here.

I've seen this screen shot (and others) showing partial text of something I posted some years ago, being spread on here and even on twitter. Notice how this individual cut off what I said in MY POST?

Here is what was said:

Not sure what the reason was some individual felt the need to cut out the context from my post. Even just looking at what he said itself, the context is STILL present though. HE said SPECIFICALLY THEY received MANY OPINIONS and REQUESTS. This is why it's in its own quotation marks. Comprehension is key. What Nakanishi is saying here, is that FANS have told them things such as, "It's about time to get Chris and Jill married." It's a quote WITHIN his response to what was asked. He's saying THAT'S a REQUEST/OPINION, it's not his own statement. He's mentioning what was requested for the "story of the latest game," which is why the man said he can't say anything about the story of RE7 afterward.

Ask yourself, does it make ANY sense, for him to just randomly say it's about time for them to marry Chris and Jill, when the question and his baseline comments were about the story of RE7 itself, and clearly Chris/Jill (as a duo) were irrelevant to the plot (with Jill only just recently getting a NEW story released -set in 2015- in 2023)? If it was of such urgency, wouldn't it have been established after all these years, let alone back then?

The link again (so people can actually read it/go translate it for themselves)

original text:

――なるほど（笑）。とはいえ本作はナンバリングタイトルですので、ストーリー面に期待されているユーザーさんも多いと思うのですが、その辺りはどうでしょうか。

中西：最新作でのストーリー面へのご意見、ご要望も沢山いただいています。「そろそろクリスとジルを結婚させろ」とかね（笑）。ただ、本作のストーリーについて今言えることはありません……。

some various translations:

Google-

See how it's a QOUTE within his response? *also note how this translation actually points out he LAUGHS after referring to the REQUEST*

yandex-

bing-

Like I made VERY clear, it was FANS being acknowledged for a request to see progression in Jill and Chris's relationship. Just like I was talking about what Takeuchi said when asked about them, and Kobayashi with his RE6 interview, when asked about specific romantically-angled pairings. Guess I may as well address his interview as well.

Hiroyuki Kobayashi (based on several translations people can do themselves with the scanned images), was saying RE was never planned to be a "work" about romance. NOT ONCE does he DENY romance existing anywhere (hell he talks about Leon and Ada having some development). He NEVER said Chris/Jill was STRICTLY a partnership for instance (as some have claimed over the years). What he actually said was in line with Takeuchi's claim about there being sort of a rule (for the scenario writers), on romances in the series--though they OBVIOUSLY still exist. There's a difference between someone saying "we don't focus on romance" and "there is no romance at all."

Kobayashi NEVER even denied there being a romantic aspect to their relationship, if people actually bothered to read the ACTUAL interview (even some messy online translations of the interview scans can give you the gist of it still clearly). He said it's more accurate to call them partners (meaning in the official sense) rather than to call them lovers, because they are not "together" officially. I actually thought it was interesting Death Island, never even referred to them as partners once, and it was just a given they were close and working together again once Jill got back on the field, even with Chris still serving as a captain (shown in the film and stated directly in his bio for the film).

A user (valenfieldc) on gamefaqs gave a translation I saw years ago, that lines up closely with what I got from online translations in recent years-

what producer says are actually these:

Q: About Leon and Ada's relationship in this game, will they finally have a breakthrough or they want to remain this ambiguous, unclear relationship fighting BOWs for another 10 years

A: they will have new development, "change" is the theme of RE6. Leon changed due to the mutated president, Ada changed due to some event, one of the interesting part about this game is how do changed Leon and Ada interact with each other. they also have secrets. anyway, you can look forward to it.

Q:there are some lover-like pairings in this series, eg, ChrisXJill, LeonXAda, which one do you prefer?

A: We never intend to make any romantic relationship in this series, so Chris and Jill are partners more precisely, in RE:R is also this way. If you really have to find a romantic relationship in this series, Claire and Steve in CV 's relationship are more subtle. Players can look forward to Jake and Sherry in RE6.

^He even name dropped Jake/Sherry as the NEW pairing with "romance."

Yandex-

Google-

^All errors aside, you can see the GIST of what he said is very clear either way.

Anyway, the point is, this claim being made about Nakanishi's interview was NOT something anyone at Capcom said THEY needed to do themselves, or confirmation they would be. Love interests can exist as "canon" storytelling, without ever even having them become an "official" item. Things could change someday, who knows, but even married couples in this franchise haven't actually been allowed to be "romantic" either.

Always check sources when available, and be careful with what is being presented as a "fact."

[sirenjose]

So I've been really into your analysis lately and I'm a huge fan now, wanted to ask some questions, feel free to not answer any

1- what was your favourite idv story/event to analyze?

2- your least fav of the latter?

3- are you into anything else besides idv?

4-how do you find the motivation to analyze stuff? I've tried before and it was very draining :')

Thanks for your time, hope you have a lovely day

I'm very happy to hear you're enjoying yourself despite my own low opinion about much of what I put out. I'll do my best to answer!

Hmm I always dislike picking favorites because I'm bad at picking eheh... But the ones I liked most... I honestly enjoy T&I and COA (1-5) even more than the main story. So I think I might pick... Atropos' Ropes for T&I and for COA, thats harder... 3-5 are my faves but I might pick 4 just because of how it felt it had the most story/details given than all the rest. Even the *SONG* had story. I loved it.

Least fave, eh... Orfeo and Zinaida immediately come to mind, though Orfeo I'd say was worse... COA 1 is another primarily because of how DIFFICULT it was for me to figure it out enough to put together an analysis. And I had to rewrite that thing at LEAST 3 times to the point I'm just hoping it's good enough and leaving it alone. Time of Reunion I think is another that comes to mind, mainly because I didn't appreciate how they treated Norton in there, especially in the videos (but at least those aren't canon like the in-game event was). So based on all that, I might say Orfeo if I really had to pick 1. Then rank ToR 2nd and Zinaida/COA1 3rd.

FF14 and Honkai Star Rail especially I'm playing actively these days, but I honestly like a lot of stuff. Like Persona (espeially 4), 999 aka Zero Escape, and Star Ocean Til the End of Time. Least in terms of games.

Hmm... Maybe because the 1st reason I play a game is because of the story, and gameplay is always 2nd to me. If the story and characters are good, that gets me interested. Issue with IDV is we only get bits and pieces. Really need to look deeper to really understand some of the characters. I actually only started analyzing because I challenged myself (partially out of curiosity for the answer) to see if I could prove if Norton wasn't as evil as people thought (based on all the comments I saw when I 1st joined the fandom a long while ago). From there, there was Jose who I wanted to analyze because he honestly had so many plot holes I couldn't (and still can't completely) solve. So I get the most enjoyment analyzing something that doesn't have a clear answer. Which is why I don't always post for every letter. A big part of it is I enjoy history and culture and such, so it's fun for me to learn about different foods, or time periods, or how bad the environment was for miners or sailors back in the day, etc... I dont think I have an easy answer (I can see I'm rambling). Norton I actually only began to like because I was spending so long working on my 1st analysis for him (and my perfectionism made me analyze all of Norton's essences before i could call it finished). Jose was because I love Captain Hook, and then after because of the plot holes that bothered me. Then for others, I think I enjoy making analyses to... try to sometimes change people's opinoions/beliefs. Like with Margaretha or Vera. With Edgar was because I was more interested in his story and him as a character only once I put together all his lore. Sort of goes on from there. I could ramble on but I'm going to get even more guilty. I hope this helps somewhat, but let me know if it doesn't and I'll keep going. Maybe the simple is A) I like history/culture/research, B) I like to convince people that certain characters arent as evil as they think or change beliefs I think aren't quite accurate, C) I like solving puzzles and I love story, D) I already think too hard about literally everything, and combined with my perfectionism, we get analysis

[halsteadlover]

Always a Family

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Warnings: talking about infertility and bad writing.

• Word count: 3498.

• A/N: bye I’m so bad at giving titles 💀. I know that’s not good, I’m sorry for how this turned out. Let me know what do you think about this one and if I wasn’t accurate dealing with this topic, I tried my best and I apologize for any mistake. Reblog, like and comment please, I’d love to know your opinions ❤️ my inbox is always open if you want to just talk. Love you, and thank you for your support.

Ever since you were a teenager, you had the desire to become a mother, to find a prince charming with whom to start a family and live happily ever after in a house of your own.

You found your prince charming, the best you could ever ask for, you found the house in which to live happily ever after, but no family, however.

Due to some health problems, when you were just a little girl you were told you’d never be able to conceive and for you the possibility of becoming a mother and having a family would unfortunately have been only and forever a dream.

That part of your life was a part you never told anyone, not even your husband even if he was your rock, your lifeline, your everything, but still the crippling fear he might leave you if he had found out was superior to anything else and prevented you from telling him the whole truth.

When you and Jay met you were going through a period where you didn't have any expectations but he managed to change your mind. You never imagined you’d fall so much in love with that man that you’d end up marrying him, you never thought you wanted to share your life with someone as much as you wished with him. Telling him about your infertility had never been a problem, since initially, as already mentioned, you had no expectations. But as time went by, keeping this part of you inside became more and more difficult and the guilt for hiding such a big thing began to slowly eat you from inside.

For better or for worse, though, things always came to light.

One evening, after dinner, you and Jay were on the sofa cuddling, a bowl of popcorn on your lap while watching a movie. Your head rested on his chest as his arm wrapped around your shoulder, squeezing you warmly against him.

You actually didn't even like the movie, being an action movie, but Jay seemed to thrill and he was so cute and handsome as he was watching tv with so much concentration you didn't have the heart to change channel. You didn't particularly like those kind of movies, perhaps because you spent so much of your time immersed in murders, criminals, drugs and kidnappings, the last thing you wanted was to see something that reminded you of them.

“Baby?” you heard Jay's voice waking you up from the state of sleep you were falling into.

“Mmh?” you answered, opening your eyes and bringing them back to the TV as if you had followed the film step by step. To your surprise – and delight – it was over and you found yourself mentally breathing a sigh of relief.

“Did you miss the ending?” he asked you amused.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh yeah? And what do you think about it? Did you like it?”.

“Definitely an unprecedented film, a completely unexpected ending and one twist after another, ten out of ten.”

He burst out laughing, holding you closer and filling your cheeks with kisses. “My sleeping beauty. You could’ve told me you didn't like the movie baby.”

“No baby, I enjoyed the movie, it's just that I'm a little bit tired after today.”

Jay planted a kiss on your temple, chuckling after realizing it was obviously a little lie. “I love you so much baby, but now let's go to bed come on.”

“Y/N can I talk to you about something?” Jay asked suddenly, after you settled under the covers, cuddling.

“Of course, spit it out.”

“First of all I want to tell you I don't want to scare you off or anything, it's just something I've been thinking about for a while now and… well… I wanted to tell you about it.”

“Do I have to worry?” you asked amused.

“No, no, of course not,” he spoke, taking your hand in his, his eyes locked in yours. “So… Obviously I'm not talking immediately, like something that's going to happen tomorrow but… Well… What do you think about starting a family? We haven't talked about it much, but do you want to have a baby one day?”.

Your stomach dropped at hearing those words, your heart nearly skipped a beat. Anxiety immediately kicked in though you tried as hard as possible not to show a reaction, to remain neutral.

You reluctantly knew this day would come sooner or later, but you hoped with all your heart it’d delay as long as possible. For an instant all thoughts rushed out of your mind, not having the slightest idea where to begin to tell him his wish would never be granted, at least not with you.

“S-sure baby, I'd be so happy to have a baby with you,” you replied, trying to put on a fake smile and feeling your heart break when you instead saw the radiant smile that appeared on his face, the way his eyes sparkled.

“Are you serious? Do you really want it?”

You tried with every fiber of your being to keep your composure but you couldn't stop your eyes from filling with tears, which however Jay, seized with happiness, thought were tears of joy.

“Yes Jay, there is nothing else in the world I want than to have a family with you,” you replied, telling the sincerest truth. That was true, having a family with your husband was really what you wanted with all your heart.

In a fit of joy he hugged you, squeezing you so hard he took your breath away. But you felt so dirty, hypocritical, a shitty person to prevent him from fulfilling his desire. The tears threatened more and more to escape from your eyes but you managed to find the strength to hold back, not to burst into tears.

You couldn't sleep that night.

The guilt was eating you up from inside, you couldn't drive away that feeling of betrayal.

You felt guilty for hiding something so important from your husband, the person you had to trust most in the world, you felt guilty because you’d never be able to give him something he wanted so much, you felt bad about yourself for not being able to accept you’d never become a mother, you’d never have a baby bump to caress, you’d never experience childbirth, watching your baby grow up.

This sense of guilt coexisted with the disabling fear of losing everything you had built with so much effort. You were fucking afraid of losing the love of your life, that once he found out he’d run away.

You couldn't lie in that bed much longer, feeling an overwhelming feeling of suffocation taking over you. So you got out of bed, trying to be as quiet as possible to try not to wake Jay, who was sleeping peacefully next to you.

But it wasn't long before he noticed your absence.

Jay stretched out his arm to his left, in an attempt to hug you but he immediately realized your absence and this made him wake up suddenly. He propped himself up on his elbows, rubbing his sleep-filled eyes as he tried to adjust his vision to the dark room.

“Y/N? baby?” he called you and after receiving no answer, he moved the covers from over his body and stood up, heading towards the living room. Fear took over him when, seeing you sitting on the couch, he realized you were crying.

“Baby, oh my god are you okay? What is going on? Are you hurt?” he rushed to you, bending down in front of you. You sat with your elbows resting on your knees, your hands covering your face as you sobbed.

“Y/N please talk to me, tell me what's wrong, is something hurting you?” he persisted, his heart pounding, anxiety gripping his stomach. You shook your head, through tears, unable to speak.

“My love, look at me please. You're scaring the shit out of me, please,” he kept asking as his hands caressed your arms. You stood up, wiping away your tears at the same time, but still keeping your face covered. You didn't want him to see you, not like that.

“Baby...” he murmured, then sitting down next to you, starting to caress your back, “I'm here, I won't leave you. Just take a deep breath, I'm here next to you.”

A few moments passed before you to began to calm down a bit.

“Look at me baby,” Jay said, almost in a whisper and when you didn't, he placed two fingers on your chin and turned your head towards him, forcing you to look at him. Your eyes were still red and swollen from the tears, your cheeks wet from them. “It breaks my heart seeing you like this and not being able to help you... My love please talk to me, whatever it is we can solve it, I'm here with you.”

Oh darling, I wish this could be fixed.

You shook your head, the urge to cry threatening to overwhelm you again.

“Y-you'll leave me if I tell you…” you stammered, struggling to maintain eye contact.

A bewildered expression came over Jay's face and in that moment he wondered if you had hit your head somewhere. “What? I hope you're joking, for what kind of reason would I leave you?” he blurted out, dumbfounded “You are my wife, the love of my life, unless you've slept with someone else, there's no way I'm ever going to leave you, just get it out of your mind.”

“What? Absolutely not, it's not that,” you replied immediately.

“I know baby I know, I was just kidding. But you have to tell me what makes you feel like this, I want to help you but I can't do it if you don't talk t-… Oh no, no, no, don't please cry, my love...” he hugged you, squeezing you like never before, one arm around your shoulders while the other hand stroked your hair, “I'm here, I'm here and I will never leave you, I’d die rather and I'm not kidding, whatever happened will never make me walk away from you.”

You continued to cry in his arms, until he pulled away slightly and gently grabbed your face, wiping away the tears streaming down your cheeks with his thumbs.

“You trust me right?”.

“Blindly, with my own life,” you answered without hesitation.

“Then you must have no doubts when I tell you nothing and no one can ever separate me from you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, grow old with you, I won’t leave you not even in a parallel universe.”

“I'm so scared Jay,” you whispered.

“For what baby?”.

“That you will no longer trust me, that you’ll hate me and look at me differently.”

At that point panic began to take hold of him again.

“Baby you're really worrying me now, did something bad happen? Please tell me.”

Now or never.

“About h-having… Well, having a family…”

Jay breathed a sigh of relief at you, his mind having already planned the worst-case scenarios he could think of. “You don’t want to have kids? It’s okay baby, why didn't you tell me? It's an important thing, don't-...”

“No, no,” you interrupted him “It's just that… God… I really want to start a family too, my love.”

At that point the panic was replaced by confusion. “Baby I really don't understand.”

“I would love a family but the thing is…” you sighed, trying not to cry again “I can't.”

“What do you mean?”.

“Physically, I… I can't have children, I'm completely infertile.”

“Oh.”

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last an eternity. You couldn't read Jay's expression well, you couldn't tell if he was angry, disappointed, scared or whatever.

“Now you're going to leave me right?” you asked in a whisper, your eyes filled with tears again as you looked at him, scared stiff at the answer you’d receive.

“What? Absolutely not my love,” he replied quickly, looking at you as if you were crazy “I'm actually relieved, I thought something really bad had happened.”

“Relieved?”.

“Oh, no, no, sorry baby I didn't mean that, I just really thought the worst for a second,” he explained, feeling guilty at his choice of words. He continued to caress your face while you looked at him carefully as if waiting for a rant from him.

“Do you hate me?”.

“Baby come here,” he said pulling you into a hug. It broke his heart to see you like that, to know you had been so afraid of losing him you preferred to torment yourself rather than tell him about it, and he wasn't angry, he never could be, not about something so delicate you weren't responsible for. God, how could you even think he could hate you? He could leave you? “I love you so damn much, more than anyone else on this planet, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone, I could never hate you how can you even think about that?”.

“I was so scared to tell you, I thought…” you cried “I thought you were going to leave me.”

Jay broke away from the hug, pointing his green eyes straight into yours. “Baby it's not your fault, I understand why you were so afraid to tell me and I'm so sorry, because I would’ve reassured you that I love you to death, that I will never let go of the best thing that ever happened to me, you don't have to never be afraid to talk to me and express your fears because I will always be by your side, I will support you no matter what happens, you must never doubt this.”

Those words from him threw you even further into an abyss of guilt and despair.

“My baby, God I hate to see you like this,” he whispered, hugging you again.

“I feel awful.”

“Why? You absolutely don't have to.”

“Because you are so amazing and understanding and… And I don't know what I did to deserve you after I kept such an important thing from you…” You stopped for a second due to a sob “I feel like shit because I'm wrong and I can't give you what you most desire, because of me we won't have a family, a child of our own, and… Shit, you'd better leave me… You deserve to…-”

“Okay Y/N now I have to stop you,” Jay interrupted, not even wanting to hear another word of your nonsensical speech. He pulled away from the hug and put his hands on your shoulders, “I don’t want this bullshit to come out of your mouth again, okay? You're not wrong...”

“Can I ask you something?” you asked him, interrupting him in your turn.

“Sure, anything you want.”

“But please tell me the truth. If I told you sooner, would you have changed your mind about me? Would you have continued our relationship?”. For an instant you were terrified of hearing his answer, your heart pounding.

“No love that wouldn't have changed anything and it wouldn't have affected our relationship because I loved you, I love you and I will always love you dearly with all my heart and even now that you told me it doesn't change how my eyes see you. In sickness and in health remember? Through thick and thin,” he answered without hesitation. He took your hand with his, intertwining your fingers, “Y/N, baby, listen to me alright? You're not wrong, it's not your fault and I'm not mad at you, I won't leave you understand? I understand why you didn't tell me sooner and I don't blame you. You know, sometimes our body betrays us, not everything goes the way we want but we don't have to blame ourselves for this. What matters to me is that we are together, there are so many other ways to have a family, there are so many kids out there who are alone and need lots of love. We’re always gonna be a family.”

You nodded, still crying.

“Love it's not your fault, I know that's easy for me to say and hard for you to accept. You make me so happy, you have no idea how much, you really are the best thing that ever happened to me and that won't change my mind.”

“It's not right for you…” you whispered..

“What's not right?”

“To stay with me, you want a baby and I can't have one, it's not fair for you to have to give it up.”

“But we won't give up, as I have already told you there are many children waiting to have a family, that need love and affection. Honestly, there's no other person in the world I'd want to do this with, just you,” he spoke “We can have kids but there’s no one else like you baby.”

“I know…”

“Darling,” he murmured, giving you a kiss on the forehead before continuing to speak “I'm always with you, you know that right? I will always help you, we will face every obstacle together and together we’ll be able to overcome this guilt you feel. One day you’ll be able to understand it's not your fault, that there is no need to feel this way, you’ll be able to truly understand unfortunately life can be bad even with people like you who don't deserve it at all, that you shouldn't let yourself be discouraged and find your strength even in the bad things that happen to you. You’ll be able to forgive yourself one day for feeling wrong, I know, it will take some time, but I know you will because you’re one of the strongest people I have ever known and I will always be with you, at every step you take.”

And that’s it. This was the reason why you married that man, because he understood you, he read you like no one else did, because before you even spoke he was able to understand what was tormenting you.

“I love you so much Jay,” you cried out and that time it was you hugging him, “Thank you for everything, for being so amazing, God I don't know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you so much too, thank you for trusting me.”

You stayed on that sofa for an indefinite amount of time, hugging each other and talking, until the sun started to rise outside. You felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off your shoulders and you thanked the universe for having a man like Jay next to you, not everyone would’ve reacted the way he did, and you felt like the luckiest person on earth to have chosen a gem as rare as him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked you. You were lying on the sofa, your head resting on his lap as he played with a strand of your hair.

You brought your gaze to him. “About what?”.

“How did you find out?” he asked, “But I don't want you to feel obligated to do this, I know it's delicate for you.”

“No, of course I want to tell you,” you replied “When I was about fifteen I had a uterine fibroid discovered, nothing too serious, it's a benign tumor that could be surgically removed without a hitch but during surgery the surgeons had found the situation was worse than expected and there was a complication, a massive hemorrhage that forced them to remove the uterus.”

“I'm so sorry baby,” he whispered, stroking your hair “Have you ever told anyone about this?”

You shook your head. “If you mean professionally no, my parents continually suggested I had to talk to a psychologist but I always refused, I was just a little girl, you know, I didn't think I needed it and I kept it to myself. I've always pretended nothing happened but, growing up, I realized that maybe I should’ve done it instead. It's traumatic for a 15-year-old to be told she’d never be able to have children and now I'm still bearing the consequences.”

“I'm sorry you had to go through all this alone, especially when you were still too young to even understand what was going on,” he spoke. “But now you are no longer alone, I will always be there at every step you take and above all it is never too late to ask for help if you need it.”

“I know love,” you smiled weakly. “I already feel so much better now that I've told you about it, I'm just sorry I haven't done it sooner, but now I feel like I'm not alone in going through this anymore. Don't get me wrong, I've accepted it by now, but I know that when we’ll expand our family, I have to solve some 'issues’ first.”

Jay smiled at the word when. “When?”

“Of course baby. As someone very important to me told me, there are so many children out there in need of love and a family.”

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[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write up a BG3 headcanon request involving Halsin, Wyll, Astarion and Gale? How would they react to/take care of their Tav who has an alcohol or drug addiction?

A/N: Aw, man, do I feel this ask. Sometimes I like to joke that I come from a long line of alcoholics, because, well, I do. But it’s usually me trying to put some levity into serious family discussions. I don’t think a lot of people understand that addiction is a physiological illness: it’s a full-body response, not a case of “mind over matter” as some people like to say. There’s such a stigma and it sucks because research shows that when we respond kindly, and not with punishment or ostracization, that’s when addicts have a higher chance of recovery. So know that while I am no expert on addiction, I did try my best to be respectful and accurate. I hope you enjoy! 

TW: Addiction, Alcoholism 

BG3 Male Companions Taking Care of Tav Who Battles Alcoholism/Addiction 

Astarion: 

In a way, Astarion is kind of an addict himself. He’s a vampire, spawn, or ascendant, he needs blood for energy. He can go for extended times without it, but those times have been tortuous and caused lasting mental and emotional damage. That eternal need hanging over his head coupled with the impact of Cazador’s abuse has permanently re-wired his brain. Astarion doesn’t react like the average elf, he can’t, not anymore. 

So when it comes to altered brain chemistry, Astarion’s certainly no stranger. Although his addiction lies more within the supernatural, he can use his own experience to relate to Tav’s more pedestrian affliction. 

Astarion won’t ever outright deny Tav something. If Tav asks for a drink or a drug, Asation won’t take it upon himself to literally hold Tav down as a means of keeping them from consuming it. Astarion knows that method won’t work in the long run, and would most likely only result in Tav resenting him, and he can’t have that. 

Astarion will make a face or two, however, his expression switches from concerned to slightly judgemental depending on the context. He wants Tav to be aware of his opinion, but he doesn't want to smother them. Tav’s not a child, Astarion isn’t responsible for them. 

Still, thanks to his concern, I do think Astarion would confront them about it. He’d need to speak to Tav to hear for himself precisely what's going on. If Tav is still in their denial phase, Astarion tries hard to get them out of it. There’s no use trying to help someone who refuses to acknowledge they have an issue. Astarion knows, so he understands the shame that comes with it. But he reminds Tav he did eventually come clean about being a vampire, and about his past with Cazador, so now it’s Tav’s turn to do the same. 

Once Tav is open about their struggles, Astarion makes a point to check in with them throughout the day. He’ll nonchalantly provide Tav with alternatives to drink: water or tea, things that aren’t ale, and wine. He’ll be subtle about it though. Astarion will never act as if he’s going out of his way to do Tav a favor. No, it’s not like that, he swears! It just so happens Gale was asking for tea and Astarion thought he’d go make him some seeing as how sad and pathetic the wizards had been acting over losing his goddess, and Astarion thought, well, perhaps Tav would like some as well. 

The most difficult part for Astarion is witnessing Tav endure withdrawal. It’s a horrible, painful process. If Astarion didn’t know any better, he’d say the whole thing looked a lot like being killed and then brought back from the dead. He still remembers the way his body ached and burned and hungered upon Cazador turning him into a vampire. It may have been two hundred years but nothing could ever make him forget that pain. It’s why Astarion wishes, more than anything, that he could alleviate such agony for Tav. 

If Astarion remains a spawn, there’s nothing he can do but hold Tav close, dab their forehead with a cool cloth, and whisper soft words of comfort into their ear. ‘You will be alright, darling. Even this will pass.’ 

If Astarion has become a vampire ascendant, however, he can make Tav a vampire, if that is something Tav chooses. This isn’t a magic fix, however. While there’s a possibility Tav may no longer have the addictions they did as a vampire that they did as a human, there’s no guarantee that hunger will not carry over. Should it carry over, Tav would then be forced to be content with those previous addictions in addition to their newfound bloodlust. It’s a risk. But even if there’s a small chance it could work, Astarion proposes the idea to Tav. Ascendant Astarion would still find it preferable for Tav to be an addict as a spawn, as it makes it incredibly easy for him to control Tav’s actions. Sure, they may still be addicted, but without Astarion’s permission, they can’t take what they want when they want. It would create tension and a fair degree of hostility between the two. But Astarion the Vampire Ascendent believes an angry, vampire-spawn Tav to be superior to a happy dead one. 

And of course, no matter whether he’s a spawn or ascended Astarion makes a point that despite Tav’s addiction, he’s not going anywhere. If Tav falls off the wagon again, or if they’re not ready to try and face their addiction right now, Astarion will remain at their side, waiting for the day they’re ready to try again. ‘I’m not going anywhere my love. I can promise you that.’ 

Gale: 

Gale’s first response, of course, is to try and determine a way to solve this problem via magical means. Now as a wizard, he doesn’t have access to the kinds of healing spells druids and clerics have. But, he does a fair amount of arcane knowledge about enchantments, and curses. And well, what is addiction if not a natural, biological enchantment? Gale considers himself fairly rounded on the subject of human biology as well, so Tav is in for a bit of an earful if and when they first admit their affliction to him. 

Gale may not have experience with the kinds of addiction Tav is, but thanks to his experiments with Weave, and now having been cursed with the orb, Gale knows the urgency of living under a constant ticking clock. If he cannot consume the magic from magical artifacts, if the orb is not sated with bits of the Weave on occasion, he risks blowing up everyone for miles. 

In some ways, this makes Gale’s “addiction” all the more dangerous. It doesn’t merely affect his own body and the relationships with his loved ones, but it jeopardizes almost every other living person within Baldur’s Gate. Of course, Gale would never say this. And while he may think such a self-pitying thought, he dare not share it with Tav. The last thing Gale wants to do is make Tav’s very real problem seem inconsequential because it most certainly is not!

Instead, Gale offers to commiserate with Tav on occasion, making sure to never bellyache the loudest. He wants it to be Tav’s time to vent, complain, scream- to just let it all out. He knows Tav is under an incredible amount of pressure as their leader, addiction or not. Gale wants Tav to trust him enough for the two of them to be vulnerable around each other. I mean Mystra above! The whole camp knows that Gale’s easily susceptible most of the time, so there’s absolutely no shame in Tav admitting they experience similarly at times. 

Gale will take it upon himself to concoct a special drink menu for Tav, all nonalcoholic of course. It’s elaborate and painstakingly organized. If Tav thought their sober options were few and far between before, they certainly won’t now! Gale is the camp’s resident cook, so he takes pride in being able to satisfy not only everyone’s needs but to please their tastes as well. Well, except for Astarion. Blood is not ever to be a feature on Gale's menu, thank you very much!

The part Gale has some trouble with is wrapping his head around someone as wonderful as Tav would ever want such a life for themselves. Gale thinks highly of Tav, sometimes too highly. In some instances, Gale cannot see the forest for the trees thanks to the pedestal he’s placed Tav on. In such scenarios, Tav may have to remind Gale that they’re only mortal. And that this affliction of theirs is no more a choice than Gale’s own need for magic. 

Once Gale is on the same page, he ceases the majority of his condemnation, instead opting to try and distract Tav from the overwhelming desires raging on inside them. He offers to show Tav the Weave once more, or perhaps, some other simple, rather pretty tricks. Rolan’s display of fireworks in Emerald Grove wasn’t a difficult spell, and certainly no challenge for Gale. But if many simple spells are what it takes to keep Tav’s mind occupied as they ride out their newfound prohibition, then so be it. 

If by some miracle, Gale does find a spell or enchantment to help alleviate some of Tav’s worse withdrawal symptoms or cravings, he will perform it enthusiastically should Tav want. And if Tav prefers to handle this the old-fashioned way, Gale will do his best to bite his tongue and respect Tav’s choices. ‘I just want things to be easier for you. Life is hard enough as it is with all this tadpole business running around. Whatever you ask of me, you shall get.’ 

Gale is a faithful partner. He doesn’t run at the first sign of trouble, not when’s committed himself to another person. Be it in friendship, or romance, relationships mean a great deal to him. He refuses to let Tav endure this hardship alone. ‘I do not say this lightly: you mean a great deal to me. No matter the toils, I will stay by your side.’ 

Wyll: 

Wyll, above all else, aims to be an honorable man. Despite his suffering, despite his shortcomings and misfortunes, he refuses to falter or fall. His deal with Mizora may have sullied his Father’s view of him and dampened Wyll’s view of himself, but it did not change how he desires to see himself. Wyll knows the kind of man he wants to be and he does everything within his power to act accordingly. 

For Wyll, addiction is a difficult subject. He’s very strong-willed, and because he spends so much time working hard to do what he believes is the right thing, he can look down on other people at times. He has sympathy for people dealing with such afflictions, but behind his care, a small part of him is disappointed. He believes in choosing to be good, to try harder. He thinks all mortals are capable of acting wiser. So while Wyll understands Tav endures such difficulties now, Wyll also firmly believes Tav will have conquered them in the future. 

This can put a fair amount of pressure on Tav’s shoulders. But it can also serve to inspire them. In either case, Tav would need to talk to Wyll about how they feel when it comes to Wyll’s encouragement. Wyll, being the supportive man he is, would never want to intentionally make Tav feel demoralized. So if there’s something in his behavior or in his words of motivation that he can change to make Tav feel less burdened, he will do so. 

Wyll, like Astarion, knows he cannot make himself responsible for Tav’s choices. So Wyll does not take the part of Tav’s keeper, but he does make an effort to be near Tav as they make their decision, offering his opinion should Tav ask. The more Wyll’s presence remains a constant in Tav’s life, the more Wyll hopes Tav will come to appreciate his perspective. If Tav knows Wyll isn’t going to leave or abandon them anytime soon, they may feel emboldened to make the necessary tougher decisions of turning down a drink or two. 

Wyll is more than happy to stay up chatting the nights the cravings just won’t go away. During days Tav’s irrepressible urge causes them to feel restless and manic, Wyll asks Tav to join him for a lesson in combat. After all, he’s not called the Blade of Frontiers for nothing. Sweating out the chemicals and forcing the body to flush all the drugs out of Tav’s system is a great way to sober up. And if the symptoms of withdrawal aren’t all-consuming, it also makes for a great distraction. 

However, during the periods everything is all just too much: the headaches, the nausea, the itchiness, and the sweating won’t stop, Wyll finds a shady spot in camp for the two of them to rest. And as Tav rides out such agonizing lows, Wyll tells stories of his time as a child living in Baldur’s Gate in soothing, hushed tones. His warm voice brings comfort, a much-needed contrast to the ailment Tav’s fighting. 

Wyll cares deeply for Tav. And he believes in Tav, even when Tav doesn’t believe in themselves. ‘You can resist this, you will resist this.’ 

Wyll has no intentions of going anywhere. Addiction or sobriety, he and Tav are a team. Wyll sees Tav as a great hero: he knows they can fight to save themselves. ‘You are the strongest person I know. Nevertheless, you do not have to shoulder this burden alone.’ 

Halsin: 

Halsin is the least likely to have any shared experience when it comes to dealing with addiction. He has fought off depression and hopelessness time and time again but he knows not of the pitfalls addiction brings. Having lived as long as he has, there’s no doubt he’s met those suffering from such afflictions. And being a druid, he may even have been consulted on how best to treat them. But that’s the end of Halsin’s experience. 

If Tav has an issue, any issue, Halsin is more than willing to help Tav navigate it. After all, Tav helped him save the shadowlands from their darkness. There is no ask too great, Halsin could never say no to aiding Tav with a favor. To Halsin, Tav is a savior: they saved Emerald Grove, they saved Thaniel’s realm, hell, Tav saved all of Baldur’s Gate. Halsin feels he owes them unimaginable thanks. So it pains him greatly to know Tav is suffering. 

Halsin offers to use his abilities to help Tav ease their obsessive mind, and the nagging hunger addiction brings. Of course, druid magic alone is not enough to stop the urge from manifesting and whispering in Tav’s ear. Halsin offers to accompany Tav around town, to sort of supervise them, in his way. He won’t force Tav to change any of their decisions but he keeps a watchful eye almost like a doting father as he places a supportive hand on Tav’s shoulder each time they walk past a bar or tavern. 

Halsin knows he cannot control Tav’s actions, but he can influence the choices they make together as a duo. So long as he is at Tav’s side, Halsin will let his wise opinion be known. 

In their time outside of the city, Halsin takes time to educate Tav on the different flora and fauna found in Faerun. When they come across a plant used to ferment alcohol, Halsin explains the history of the process. Yes, wine and ale are examples of making use of what nature provides, but as with all other things, even nature must be consumed in moderation. Mother Nature blesses everyone with the ability to enjoy such pleasures, but that gift can double as a curse. It is a test of our restraint and humility to know when and where to indulge. 

Speaking of indulgence, Haslin would not recommend swapping one appetite for another, but should Tav want to bide their time engaging in an alternative pleasure, Halsin would be more than happy to oblige. Physical activity and sweating would help relieve Tav’s body of some of the toxins built up within their system. In addition, such activity provides a temporary release of euphoria in the body and brain, which would help combat the pain and despondence that come with withdrawal. ‘If I can provide you with the least bit of comfort. It’s no hardship from me. Far from it.’ 

In the case Halsin leaves Tav for a time to settle the newly displaced within Thaniel's healed realm, he does what he can to ensure his new village is a place of continued healing and sobriety for Ta. Halsin privately enlightens all of the other adults within his new settlement about Tav’s condition. He asks them, respectfully, to refrain from providing Tav with any alcohol or other substances whenever Tav comes to visit. 

Halsin does all within his power to let Tav know they are not alone in their journey, and that no matter the setbacks along the way, he intends to bolster Tav through it all. ‘You are by far nature’s greatest gift to me. No matter the foe, be it the shadows or the dependency within your mind, could ever keep me from you.’ 

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