#so yeah anyway now i can officially confirm that i never want to experience or feel that ever again

[dianasprnce]

forgot to make the traumatizing announcement that i kind of got stabbed yesterday

[imminent-danger-came]

Sun Wukong Knew About MK the Whole Time: A Theory

I am currently hyped up on leftovers and iced coffee, so let's do this!

I've talked about this before, here and here, but I think it's finally time I wrote an official post. You can go and read those posts if you want to (I definitely hit the nail on the head with some of this stuff), but I will be compiling a lot of what I said on those posts here!

So. Let's get the Mr. Elephant out of the room first: The David Breen Tweets. (thread here).

I see this tweet mentioned a lot whenever I bring up SWK knowing about MK, and honestly, this is a far cry from the "it's been confirmed that SWK didn't know" definite answer everyone's been implying.

So let's break it down!

#1: "Monkey King ain't the father"/"Monkey King isn't his dad." Well of course! Being born from a stone means you don't have any parents. I see it like this: Wukong isn't MK's dad, but he's also not NOT MK's dad, it's a secret third thing (creator and creation). Or, perhaps Wukong didn't help create MK at all, but he at the very least was involved in the circumstances that lead to MK being created/being born from the stone. (Aka eldritch abomination MK theory. My Beloved. Okay sorry.)

#2: "Monkey King was ripping his way through memories looking for MK, but kept coming back to the stone. He doesn't know why." So, while Wukong was ripping through memories, he didn't know why the scroll kept spitting him out by the stone. This is not a confirmation that Wukong didn't know about MK and his origins. It also begs the question: how did Wukong know MK was in the scroll to begin with? There's also some speculation to be had about why Wukong was so desperate to find MK to begin with:

MK: "Monkey King did this?" Macaque: "It looks like he's been tearing his way through his past—trying to find his way to.." MK: "Me."

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

What was he so afraid of MK finding? Or, what was he afraid the scroll would force MK to experience? I think these are questions worth asking.

#3: "Wukong's trying real hard to leave the 'not being open with MK' days behind after s3. Problem is he's got lifetimes of info to catch them up on." Well, this one is a DOOZIE. One: we already know MK doesn't know everything about Wukong and his choices because he doesn't know Wukong killed Macaque (thank you 4x11). Two: "trying real hard" and "successfully doing" are very different things. And three: YOU DON'T JUST DROP INFO LIKE "Hey, did you know you're a Monkey Demon?" ON TOP OF SOMEONE RANDOMLY. Especially not MK. You have to prepare them for it.

Wukong is trying to do better and be better for everyone around him, but that still takes work. That still isn't easy. He's still going to make mistakes, which means he's not going to always go about being open with MK in the best way.

Sun Wukong: “Point is, mistakes happen, but so long as you leave the world in better shape than you found it, then it’s all good. Right?”

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

This scene—to me—feels like Wukong is trying prepare MK for his eventual "Hey did you know you're a Monkey Demon?" conversation he wants (and needs) to have down the line. Yes, SWK is trying to be more open with MK, but he's also just not going to be given that chance before the truth comes out.

MK: "Yeah right, if Monkey King really was my dad don't you think he would have said something by now?" Mei: "Yeah...because he's normally SOOOOO forth coming with information." MK: "Well uh, whatever—when we find Monkey King's stone, then we'll just ask him!"

(4x05 Court of the Yellow Robbed Demon)

-

Notice how they never asked Monkey King that question? From a writing standpoint, why bring this up at all if it wasn't to imply that (even if Monkey King isn't MK's dad) he wasn't involved with MK's creation in some way?

ANYWAYS.

NOW THAT THE BREEN TWEET THAT HAS RUINED MY LIFE IS OUT OF THE WAY, let's get into the evidence given to us throughout the entirety of the show. Starting with this:

This isn't a scene that takes place during the "A Hero is Born" special, as I'm sure plenty of people have noticed before now. Of course, this could have just been Monkey King "scouting out a successor", but with everything we know now doesn't that...feel kinda weird?

We were told at the beginning of the show that Monkey King gave MK his powers, but now we know that's not true. MK has had his own powers this whole time—and that's something Wukong, at the very least, knew:

Sun Wukong: "Listen kid: You fought demons, and you didn't die, and you made it here! Not just anyone can lift my staff, but you did." (1x00 A Hero is Born)

-

MK: "This whole time, I thought my powers came from the staff! Sun Wukong: "The staff's just a big 'ol stick bud! It takes someone special to lift it." (3x03 Smartie Kid)

-

There's also 1x09 Macaque, which I have mentioned before:

Macaque: "Ohohoh no, can't you hold the magic staff anymore? Well, you know what that means—there really isn't anything special about you. You're just a kid with a heavy stick."

This scene is then followed by MK lifting the staff, which only happens because Wukong encourages him.

MK: "Ugh, I can't! I'm not strong enough." Sun Wukong: "Kid! We're definitely going to have words later, but it's time for the Hero Stuff!"

(1x09 Macaque)

-

Ultimately, Wukong knows MK can lift the staff again even after Macaque supposedly stole all of MK's powers. He knows MK can beat DBK (more on that later). He does something similar to all this in 3x14, being the one to let MK face the Lady Bone Demon, powered by the Samadhi fire, alone (even after Pigsy tries to stop MK):

Wukong want's to protect MK. That's why he went to face the Lady Bone Demon alone in the first place—but here, he let's MK stop the end of the world all by himself. Why would he let his beloved student face not only LBD, but a reality ending flame alone?

Because he knows how much power MK has. Because he knows MK is capable of doing it.

This all brings me to my main point: If before now we were supposed to believe that Monkey King gave MK his powers, and he so clearly didn't, how would Wukong not know he didn't give MK powers. And because he clearly knew he didn't give MK any powers, why would he not question where this kid's insane level of power came from? He had to have "chosen" MK to be his successor for a reason right?

ESPECIALLY because Wukong never planned on being a mentor in the first place:

Sun Wukong: "I know I can never make it up to you. Honestly, I- I never thought I'd live as long as I have let alone be someone's mentor—turns out I'm not very good at it. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm sorry MK. For all of it."

(3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)

-

This was also alluded to in 3x05 Amnesia Rules:

Pigsy: "Of COURSE you don't remember the kid—one day you are going to grow up to be a terrible mentor!" Sun Wukong: "Ha! Zhu Bajie, can you imagine me teaching someone? HA!"

-

So, Wukong clearly didn't ever want to become a mentor, and this directly contradicts what Wukong says to MK in "A Hero is Born":

Sun Wukong: "You're perfect!" MK: "Perfect for what?" Sun Wukong: "To be...my successor!"

Honestly, think about it: has Wukong ever once actually needed a successor? When given the opportunity, he goes off and tries to handle things on his own anyways (Leaving in s2, wanting to go and reforge the Samadhi Fire on his own, going to stop LBD alone). It's the classic "we're being told one thing and shown another" trick.

Sun Wukong: "No no no- in case you forgot I'M retired, you're the one supposed to be taking care of the bad guys." (1x01 Bad Weather)

Even in 2x01 he's lying:

Sun Wukong: "Aw, come on bud! I promised myself that when I found a successor I'd go see some friends, take a tour of my old stomping grounds, just cut loose you know?" (2x01 Sleep bug)

It's proven in the next episode, and by the fact that all of his friends are dead/gone, that literally nothing he said here is true.

And, it's also note worthy to point out, that by this point Wukong had already disappeared for hundreds of years. Why step in again at all? Why put the effort into getting a successor you definitely were never prepared to have?

MK: "*sigh* You think Monkey King ever felt like this? Maybe that's why he stayed up on this mountain, just having a good time with you guys. You know cause- cause he knew he'd be out of the way where he couldn't hurt anyone he cared about." Macaque: "Or, he was doing his usual Wukong thing and being a lazy peach eating idiot. Ignoring all the worlds problems.

(4x09 Roast of the Monkie Kids)

-

So, I don't know about you, but I'm going to trust Macaque's insight on this. I'm not sure Wukong ever planned on coming back. Sealing DBK, he effectively cut off one of his last ties to the world (please go read wlw-wukong's thoughts, they are delightful), and he had already left the world alone for a long time. Why did he feel the need to train a successor now?

The simple answer is this: because he knew he needed to train MK and teach him to control his powers, and DBK's return was the perfect way to do it.

NOW. THE S4 MK VISIONS.

So, the visions MK see's all through out s4 (4x03, 4x04, 4x05, 4x06) are of Wukong ripping through the scroll and going to the stone—David Breen confirmed that himself in the above tweets.

Here's a list of what we see:

(4x03 The Great Tang Man)

-

(4x04 Pig Napped)

-

(4x05 Court of the Yellow Robbed Demon)

-

These are what I would say are the visions of Sun Wukong trying to find MK in the scroll. Yet, they are distinctly different from what Subodhi presses MK to remember ("Tell me of your childhood, your parents." "You do not remember?" "And what else?"):

(4x06 Show Me the Monster)

-

Look at that difference!

Every vision MK has includes the same scenes, except this one. That's why I think it's a memory; that and the way it's framed, with MK closing his eyes in focus. The other visions from 4x03, 4x04, and 4x05 all are unprompted, being forced upon MK. Why make this last "vision" so different from the others? Why show our mystery lady making the stone monkey? That would be because it's a memory—be it MK's, something from the scroll, or a mix of both.

There's also the matter of like, why Wukong going to the stone would trigger any sort of vision in MK to begin with. Overall, it just seems like there something more to those visions.

This would be how I imagine the general timeline playing out:

MK is created (through help of Sun Wukong), a beautiful baby boy pops out of the stone, and Sun Wukong "loses" that beautiful boy (if Wukong knew he was born to begin with) with MK finding his way to Pigsy's.

Then it's later Sun Wukong finds MK again, coming up with a plan to make MK his "successor" (still leaving MK with Pigsy, which I think was the right call lol). As Wukong says in 4x01, "You make ONE mistake, and no one ever let's you live it down! Looks like the ghosts of my past have finally caught up with me." That's what I think this parallel in particular is really trying to show off—in some way, MK is part of his past mistakes, just like Macaque is.

AND SO. I WILL CLOSE OFF THIS THEORY POST WITH EVERYTHING WE LEARNED IN THE SPECIAL.

Sun Wukong: "Heh, nothing gets under his skin more than a monkey. Leave Azure to MK and me."

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Sun Wukong: "Kinda embarrassing for the Jade Emperor to have two little cheeky monkeys running circles around him the first day on the job." MK: "Well, one monkey and one unconfirmed, but *laughs* yeah! I'd be embarrassed for sure!"

(4x13 Rip and Tear)

-

Wukong sounds suspiciously confident that MK is a monkey.

Not even MK is sure what he is (which he's probably just in denial, but also "Until I know what I am, what my destiny is?" from 4x08 anyone?), but Sun Wukong is extremely certain about what MK is.

Sun Wukong: "We got this bud. Would have liked to give you some new training with your monkey form, but-" MK: "Oh yeah yeah yeah- uh um- about that— um. I- I was thinking, I've never really needed a scary new monkey form before, so, I just thought maybe I'd use it next time." Sun Wukong: "Next time? Kid, there might not be a next time! This is the time."

MK: "It's be fine! Mei and I have got this awesome new armor and everything! You know, when we look this good? Ain't nothing gonna beat us." Sun Wukong: "Kid. New armor isn't going to cut it! We have to hit Azure with everything we've got! You can't just ignore this whole part of your power because it scares you!"

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

If the writers were trying to highlight the fact that Wukong didn't know, this scene would have gone very differently. Instead of "You can't just ignore this whole part of your power because it scares you!" I think it would have been more along the lines of "I know this is new for all of us, but you've got to accept this part of your power!".

Even this exchange at the end of the special raises some alarm bells for me:

Pigsy: "Heh, don't bother. I've been telling him that for years but he LITERALLY never listens." Sun Wukong: "Yep! That's how we roll."

(4x14 Better Than We Found It)

-

That's how "we" roll? As in him and MK, as two monkeys? Again, Wukong is surprisingly chill and okay with this new form for someone whose first interaction with it was supposedly this:

MK, writhing on the ground in pain, completely destroying the world around him, and unable to control his powers.

Sun Wukong: "Yeah! Go MK, go! Just try not to totally wreck up my stuff would ya-"

(4x13 Rip and Tear)

-

Overall, it gives me the impression that Wukong already knew what MK was before 4x07. This new form didn't scare him because he always knew that's what MK was. MK, to Wukong, is MK! And MK has always been a Monkey Demon. He has unshakeable faith in his protege, and even while MK is absolutely tearing up the world around flower fruit mountain he can't help but cheer for him.

After all, Wukong knows MK is the only one who could defeat Azure:

MK: "Ne Zha's right—while Azure has the Jade Emperor's power and the scroll, there's NO way we could beat him head on!" Sun Wukong: "I mean, some of us could beat him! *ahem* One of us, specifically-" MK: "Nope! None of us at all."

(4x12 The Plan Man)

-

"But Imp!" I hear you say, "Wukong was talking about himself here!". To which I would reply, that's not true! This scene is right after Wukong has already said he only almost beat the Jade Emperor:

Sun Wukong: "But don't worry—I almost beat the Jade Emperor single handed once! Between both of us, Azure doesn't stand a chance." (4x12 The Plan Man)

-

Between this and Wukong's pre-fight convo with MK ("We have to hit Azure with everything we've got!"), he's clearly banking on MK using the full extent of his powers to win this fight. Wukong isn't banking on his own—if he were, he would never have left MK to go and collect the scroll pieces during their fight with Azure.

Conclusion

Sun Wukong knew MK was a monkey the whole time, lol—and fate has plans for MK. Great plans, or foul? Time will tell.

And Wukong has done his best to ensure that those plans are great.

[shipmistress9]

Made to Order - 4

AN: Oh, look. That plan I mentioned with four big plot points for 'chapter two'? Yeah, it turned into four separate chapters after all. How… very not surprising. 😂

Previous Chapter AO3

. o O o .

When my phone pings with a new message, I flinch. I can’t help it. It’s been like this for three days now, ever since Violet was here again and I made an utter fool of myself.

With every message I receive, I expect her to call me out on my inexcusable behaviour. That I’m acting unprofessional if she’s being gentle or that I’m a creep if she’s being brutally honest. I don’t think she’d cancel the order, not after my official account received a generous down payment from a Dain Aetos. But she could refuse to meet in person again, and I couldn’t even blame her for it. Maybe it would be better that way anyway. No more chances for me to get entangled even deeper in this mess.

Studiously, I keep kneading a fresh batch of gum paste and ignore both the phone and my ever-spiralling thoughts. They can’t lead anywhere anyway.

After a few more minutes, the paste is smooth enough even for Liam’s taste, and I stow it away into the fridge, wrapped up air-tight, of course. At the rate Liam is currently modelling one flower after the other, we’ll need this new batch by tomorrow.

“Do you need help here?” I ask as I slide into the bench opposite of him, the sturdy work table at the back of the bakery between us covered with modelling tools and countless flowers already drying.

Liam’s lips twitch into a grin, his eyes never leaving the large rose he’s working on. “So desperate for distraction? But sure. Could you prepare a few more petals for this one?”

I quickly check my phone, the message I got earlier, and am relieved to find it’s just another customer confirming an appointment. “No idea what you mean,” I say, absentmindedly placing the phone onto the table next to me.

Liam snorts, knowing how little I enjoy this fiddly work. Give me dough and fillings and let me experiment with aromas and spices. Let me construct a cake with many layers and frosting, built for perfection. I even enjoy decorating the final cake with fondant, more frosting, or various decorations. But making these filigrane decorations? Not my favourite part, and I gladly leave this to Liam. But the least I can do is help as best I can, so I reach for the gum paste the rich colour of orange peel and do my best not to mess it up.

For a while we work in companionable silence, and as always, I’m amazed at how easy Liam makes it look, how realistically his flowers seem, as if they would move if a breeze were to blow by, and how accurately he colours the paste accordingly to the palette Violet gave me, an almost pinkish salmon hue this time. There really is no question about who of us is the artist.

My phone pings again with another message, and even though I see directly that it’s just a confirmation for a delivery, I flinch again. At some point, I will have to face her judgement. It’s only a matter of time.

“Is everything okay with you?”

“Sure,” I reply without looking over to him. He’d see right through me. He probably does, anyway. “Why shouldn’t I be okay?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Liam drawls, pushing the stem of the next finished rose into the styrofoam block. “Maybe because you’ve been incredibly tense and nervous lately. Even more so than usual. I know that something’s bothering you, okay? Don’t even try to deny it.”

He really knows me too well.

I grunt, hoping beyond hope that he’ll drop the topic. I don’t want to talk about this whole mess, wouldn’t even know what to tell him at this point. It’s all just so stupid. Who ever gets a severe crush like this on a customer just from a couple of short interactions? Ridiculous.

“Xaden?”

I sigh and open my mouth, still not sure what to tell him, when the entrance bell to the front room rings.

“I gotta take that,” I say, too relieved about the interruption to wonder who might be coming into the shop. There’s been no appointment today. Or was there? I’m not even sure anymore. Gods, constantly thinking about Violet Sorrengail is really messing with me.

Which becomes even more obvious when I enter the front room and see her standing there by the door when I’m absolutely sure it can’t be real.

I’m such a mess.

I close my eyes and count to five, slowly, giving my mind time to catch up with reality. But when I open my eyes again, she’s still standing there. Her hair perfectly styled into a messy-looking braid that’s hanging over her shoulder, a light dust of make-up making her eyes shine, her lips even more inviting than ever as she once again contemplates all the different cakes with a little smile on her face.

Gods, I’m so fucked.

But at least she came here again and she also doesn’t seem to be angry, a little voice in my head tries to calm me. Isn’t that a good thing?

Swallowing, I quickly rebuild my composure before stepping closer to the counter, into her viewing field. “Violet?” I ask, my voice only slightly quivering. “Did I forget an appointment?”

At my words, she pivots toward me, the smile on her face growing even brighter. “Hey, Xaden. No, ah, we didn’t have an appointment. But I just got the final list and I thought I’d stop by to discuss it? If you have the time now?”

I blink, a bit stunned despite her perfectly normal words. So, she doesn’t hate me? Doesn’t think I was overstepping with how obvious my interest for her must have been? Or didn’t she even notice? Fuck, I wish I could look into her head, know what she’s thinking. “Yeah, sure, now is fine. But you could have just sent it over as well.”

I gesture over to the sitting area, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t have time to stay long and I… Well, I was going for a walk anyway, so I thought… why not stop by in person?” She gives me another heart-stopping smile and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. And in the light reflecting off the floor, it almost looks like there’s a blush on her cheeks. But no, I must be imagining that. It’s just the light. It can’t be real.

Wordlessly, I nod, keeping my eyes on the sheet of paper she places on the counter between us and my hands well out of reach of hers. I can’t afford slipping up again just because she’s standing less than a metre away from me.

“So, the allergies first, I’d say. Dain’s allergic to nuts, of course. I could have told you that as well.”

She chuckles, shaking her head, but I refuse to look at her. Because I know if I do, I’ll lose it. My head is just too full with thoughts like ‘She’s back!’ to really comprehend much else.

“And then someone from the in-laws is apparently allergic to apples?” Violet shrugs, thankfully unaware of my thoughts. “But that’s it there. Ah, and Dain’s mum apparently requested not to use any sugar substitutes. Don’t ask me from which new conspiracy theory that stems.”

“Noted,” I say with a slight smirk, keeping my composed front easier now that we’re back on professional topics.

But also, apparently it’s not just her future father-in-law she doesn’t like, as it seems. Honestly, doesn’t she have any close friends who’re in the right position to talk her out of this wedding? Because if I can see this is not right for her, then… Too bad I’m definitely not in the right position to change her mind, though. I mustn’t. And who am I to judge her decisions anyway.

“No apples and no… uhm, how severely is Dain allergic to nuts? Should I just keep all crunchy brittle and such away from this cake, or are any traces of nuts in, for example, a chocolate frosting a problem already?”

At this, I do look up at her again, after all. I really can’t avoid looking at her for the next two months, so I better get used to it. But, damn, does she look pretty. Even prettier than the last times she was here, it seems. More awake. Happier. Almost glowing even with that true smile on her face.

“No, small traces of nuts aren’t an issue. It’s just whole and untreated walnuts and sometimes hazelnuts that can cause a reaction, but it’s never been life-threatening and chocolate in general never caused a problem.”

I nod. “Okay, that makes things easier.” I read through the following list of possible fillings, sometimes with names behind them. They’re good solid suggestions, enough to pick from—but somehow something is missing. I’m usually a pretty good judge of character when it comes to which cake is someone’s favourite. And even though I don’t really know yet which one I would have picked for Violet… none of these really match. “Well, I can work with these,” I say nonetheless.

Violet lets out a relieved little sigh. “That’s good.” She pushes the list toward me, then steps away, ready to leave.

“Do you want to see a few first flowers for your cake?”

The question is out of my mouth before I can think, and I wish I could slap a hand over my lips to stuff it back in. Yes, I know I don’t want her to leave already. But do I really need to make a fool of myself again?

Grimacing, Violet throws me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, I really wish I could. But I’m just on my lunch break and really need to head back.”

Right. She probably has a job somewhere. A whole life, for Dunne’s sake, with a fiancé and all. And I just keep being an idiot over and over again.

“But… I could stop by tomorrow evening? If that doesn’t mess with your schedule? Because I’d really like to see them.”

This time, it is on me to smile. “Yeah, tomorrow evening is fine.”

“Perfect,” she grins. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow,” I nod.

Violet leaves, but even after she’s gone, long after she’s out of my sight, I still can’t stop grinning. She doesn’t hate me. Maybe, she really didn’t notice my slip-up, after all. Or she’s used to people falling for her left and right. Wouldn’t surprise me with how gorgeous she is.

I take another heartbeat or three to bask in the lightness her visit left in my chest, that fluttering something when she smiled at me, then I head back into the bakery. There are lots of flowers waiting to be made.

As I sit down again, Liam studies me with a strange look. “Okay, now, you have to tell me what’s up with you.”

“What do you mean?” I reply, biting my lip. In my mind, I still can see Violet, hear her laughter. Surely he’s not wondering about me being overly tense anymore?

Liam puts aside the half-finished rose, one in a soft apricot colour this time, and raises both eyebrows at me. “Xaden, you’re smiling. I know you broody and serious and troubled and anxious. I mean, it’s not that I haven’t seen you happy, either. But when you’re visibly happy like this, there’s always a good reason for it. So shoot. What’s up.”

Snorting, I shake my head. He really knows me too well. And he’s right, isn’t he? I’m happy.

I’m happy when there really is no reason to feel that way.

My shoulders drop as do the corners of my mouth, the lightness in my chest evaporating. What’s the point in being happy? Sure, Violet doesn’t hate me, which makes working for her easier. And, of course, I like working with her, it’s easy, fun, simple. I like being with her, around her, like talking to her, listening to her, looking at her.

But that’s the problem. I like it too much. I like it too much when there’s no path that could lead to more. Because I wish there was, no point in denying it. But there never will be.

My lips twitch up into a smile again, but it’s a sad one now. “It’s nothing, Liam. Nothing.”

. o O o .

Since Violet didn’t specify when she would be here, I spent a good time waiting for her in the front room. I probably have other things to do, but somehow I don’t care. All that matters is not missing even one moment of her being here.

When she arrives, my face lights up, I just can’t help it, and I walk to her directly to greet her. There’s that beautiful smile on her face when she sees me, her eyes gleaming with happiness. She lifts her arm as if to hug me in greeting, and for a brief second, I reason with myself that it’s perfectly fine to hug her if that’s what she wants. Everything to make the customer feel welcome. But fuck it. I want to hug her. No other reason needed.

All but brimming with joy and uncalled-for excitement, I lean down to accommodate her—when she brings her hand to the back of my neck and twists her head just so that our lips meet.

For the fraction of a second, I freeze, too stunned to react. She’s kissing me! But then my eyes flutter shut and I give in.

I tilt my head to meet her at a better angle, shuddering at her little mewl as I kiss her back. My lips move with hers, sliding, pressing. My hands landed on her shoulders but now one is moving up to her neck to pull her in even deeper while the other is sliding down, along the curves of her sides, finally settling on her tiny waist. Amari help me, she feels so good beneath my hands, her kiss so sweet. I pull her closer and feel her smile against my mouth before she parts my lips with her own, her tongue seeking mine. I can’t help it and groan into her mouth. This is everything I wanted, everything I dreamed of, it’s—

With a start, I wake up. My eyes are wide, my heart pounding in my chest as the memories of my dream settle in my conscious mind. What the fuck…?

Unable to lie still for even a second, I all but jump out of my bed and head to my bathroom. The water is icy, but I don’t care, and only after my face is dripping and I’m fully awake do my thoughts start to make sense again.

It was just a dream.

It wasn’t real.

Violet didn’t kiss me.

But, fuck, do I wish it was real.

Sinking down onto the edge of the tub, I bury my face in my hand and let out a low curse. “What is wrong with me?” I mutter to myself. “She’s engaged, for fuck’s sake. I can’t fall for her, dammit!”

But that’s exactly what’s happening, whether I want it or not. Whether it’s sensible or not. My shoulders slump and a short desperate laugh escapes me as I can’t fight the truth any longer. I’m falling for her, hard. And no amount of logical arguing is going to get me out of this.

. o O o .

In a way, admitting my feelings to myself makes things easier, I decide as I pick a few of the flowers Liam made and arrange them on a styrofoam stand. Or at least I hope it does. Yesterday, the logical part of my brain was dreading seeing her again this afternoon. Nothing good could come from this, after all. And at the rate she’s ripping away my self-control, who knows what might happen the next time I slip up.

But by now… It’s not that these thoughts aren’t still there. It’s just that… without having to fight how I feel, with letting myself feel what I feel, I think it will be easier to keep my interactions with her at an acceptable level. I’m falling for her and I can fight these feelings just as little as I can change that there’s no future for us. All I can do is somehow deal with the whole mess.

So I’ll just roll with it. Because there’s also another part of my brain, the part that’s just excited, just looking forward to seeing her again. To spend a little time with her. To enjoy her voice and her smiles for however long I can.

Deep down, I know this is not the most healthy way to deal with my feelings. But it’s the only solution I can come up with.

. o O o .

When I enter the front room, she’s already sitting in her usual space, visibly content. Once again, I take a short moment to just enjoy seeing her like this, a moment to look at her unrestrained before I let her notice me. And I already feel lighter, more in control. Nothing weird will happen while she’s here, I swear to myself. And I always keep my promises.

“Hey,” I greet her, my defences already built up against her greeting smile. And to my relief, it’s indeed easier on me this time.

“Hey to you, too. And thanks again for meeting with me. I’m not keeping you from work, am I?”

“No, don’t worry. From Wednesday to Sunday, I’m busy preparing the fresh cakes for the weddings, but since most of them are during weekends, Monday and Tuesday are usually calmer.”

Violet nods. “Makes sense.”

“Do you want something to drink today?” Again, I know it’s just a normal question, just the usual politeness towards a customer. It doesn’t matter that it might mean more to me, as long as I keep my emotions in this tight little bubble.

Out of habit, I turn to start the coffee machine when Violet replies, a little hesitant. “Could I… maybe get a hot chocolate again? Honestly, I’ve never had one that tasted so delicious.”

The smile tugging at my lips is real as I nod. “Sure. Just give me a minute or two.” It’s still stupid, to grant her this special treatment. But I can enjoy the simple fact that she likes something I prepared, can’t I? It’s innocent, nothing meaningful.

When I return to her, I hold her mug in one hand and the stand with the pre-picked flowers I prepared earlier in the other. That’s what she came here for, after all, despite me offering to show her yesterday only having been an excuse.

“Mmh, thank you,” she hums, taking the mug and inhaling deeply. “I’ve been thinking about this for days now. The hot chocolate.” She takes a sip and sighs. “Even better than I remembered.”

I smile again. “You’re welcome.” I like the thought that she thought of me as well, for whatever reason.

Violet takes another sip, visibly getting comfortable, and I don’t fight the happiness this sight brings me anymore. What’s the point? Obviously, she’s happy now. Whatever bothered her before about her wedding must be out of the way now. Which is good. I’m glad for her. Nothing could have developed between us anyway, so I ignore that sting.

“And these are the flowers you made?” Her eyes are on the petal paste roses, filled with clear awe. “They look so real.”

“They do, don’t they?” I say, not hiding the pride I feel. “And yeah, we made them. Well, mostly my coworker, to be honest. My area of expertise is more what goes into the cake.”

“Glad to hear you’re at least honest to her,” a voice calls from behind me, and I flinch. Why is Liam back already?

I turn in my seat, now trying harder to suppress my emotions. If Liam sees how annoyed I am about him being early, I’ll never hear the end of it. “I’d never take credit that’s not mine.”

Liam cocks his head, making a show of thinking about my words, and then nods. “Fair enough.”

With a small sigh, I turn back toward Violet. I’m a little disappointed that I don’t get to enjoy this meeting as I planned to, but it’s probably better this way. With Liam around as a buffer, I’m definitely not going to slip up again. “Violet, this is Liam, my co-worker.”

“And roommate, foster brother, and general life saver. At your service.” He makes a show of bowing towards Violet, and I can’t help but roll my eyes a little. He’s such a flirt. But maybe, that’s good. Makes our interactions lighter, easier.

Violet chuckles. “Nice to meet you, Liam. I’m Violet.”

“Violet is the one who ordered the cake with the orange roses,” I explain, waving at the examples in their stand. “Which is why she’s here. So see a few first samples.”

“I see,” Liam drawls, giving me side eyes. He knows damn well that a meeting like this it’s not typical.

“What are you doing here already, by the way?” I ask, stirring the conversation away from any possible follow-up questions. “Shouldn’t you still have classes?”

“Classes got cancelled because our prof called in sick. I’m attending art school,” he explains for Violet. “I only help out here in my free time and because I can get credits for my courses for modelling some of these decorations. And because Xaden here would be entirely lost without me.” He nudges my shoulder with his fist.

“Thanks, asshole,” I mutter but can’t help smiling. He’s not wrong, after all.

Violet eyes us with a tiny smirk. “I see. So, you’re the one I really need to talk to here? Regarding the decorations?”

Liam’s shoulders square and a wide grin spreads across his face. “Absolutely. Xaden can’t even tell the difference between pinkish orange and salmon colour. So if you’re here to talk about the finer details for your cake, I’m your man.”

Violet laughs, soft but real, and I can’t be annoyed at Liam, not when this is how he makes her react. My happiness is not what’s important here, only hers.

“Well then,” Violet says, her chin resting on her propped-up hand. “What do you, as an expert, think of our plan for this cake? Any thoughts?”

At that, I snort. Liam has always thought about how people want their cakes.

Grinning, Liam sinks into the chair between us. “I’m so glad you asked. Are you sure you only want roses? Because no matter how realistically I make these, on their own they will always look weird and artificial. Now, if you’d let me add some greenery and filler flowers, though? That’s what makes the decoration really pop.” He holds up a hand to halt her protest and I let him because I agree. We’ve had this conversation a hundred times already, after all. Without customers, though. “I know what you want to say. The decoration is supposed to stick to the signature colour palette. But trust me, adding greenery doesn’t interfere with that. Think of the bridal bouquet and the general flower decorations. Those will come with greenery, too, and nobody will think it looks weird or out of place. Why should it be different for the flower decoration on the cake? Come here, let me show you what I mean.”

He gets up and beckons Violet to follow him, which she does after throwing me a little glance. I settle back in my seat and watch as Liam stirs her through the room, showing her different examples, some simply with petal paste leaves, others with baby’s breath or other flowers woven into the decoration.

And I find myself… feeling content. Seeing her following Liam’s explanations with true interest, the little smiles she throws at me in between, her honest laughter filling the shop every now and then. Maybe this wasn’t how I expected this meeting to go, but that’s okay. Because I truly could get used to this, just having her around, just for the joy of it.

What does it matter that nothing can come of it when I can simply enjoy the little things? Like how her entire face lights up when she smiles, the blue outshining the amber in her hazel eyes. The curve of her lips and the way her hair shimmers when it reflects the light. Not to mention her witty comments and the inner strength she has to posses for going through with something despite the difficulties.

It’ll only last for less than two months, but until then, I want to enjoy every moment I can. Maybe it’s stupid, my heart telling me it would never be enough.

But it has to be enough so maybe, it will.

. o O o .

AN: Yeah, Xaden, that's the way to go. Get used to having her around. That's totally not going to blow in your face...

(PS: Since it sounds better and also fits better to the word I'd use in my native tongue, I replaced 'gum paste' with the alternative phrase 'petal paste', in case anyone was wondering.)

Next Chapter

[mortumslab]

Remembering to be Human - Chapter 10

Hello everyone!

Here's chapter 10!

Chapter 10 tw: violence, gore, suicidal thoughts

Chapter 9 Link:

Trapped. Can’t get out. Not alone.

Not alone. Not alone. Feed. Must feed. Hungry.

Become. Become. Hungry. Feed.

“AH.”

Your scream wakes you. Julia’s hands are on you before you can fall out of bed. She pulls you back towards her. Breathing ragged. Heart hammering. The rush of blood is the only sound. Your head throbs. Eyes tight until the pain subsides.

“Arya, what happened?” Her voice is soft yet firm. Trying to ground you. It’s not working. You’re going to be sick.

Breaking from her grip, you bolt to the toilet. The bastard weaving your fate grants you a small mercy as you make it in time. Last night’s meal hits the toilet. Vomiting is normal for you. But the degree to which it has happened this week is concerning. You know the nightmare is related to your identity crisis. The thing inside is breaking through. It’s taking control. 

Julia is behind you. She’s held your hair out of the line of fire. Whatever is happening needs to be fixed soon. Or you may be yourself much longer. Do you tell Julia this? Worrying her may make her more emboldened. But it could get her killed, too. You don’t want her to die for you. Though you know she’s stubborn and would do it anyway. 

You would die for her.

“I think…” you swallow back the nausea. The headache is diminished now. A familiar pulsing. “I think something Heartbreak did. Or the Farm did. It’s inside my head. My telepathy. It’s like another conscience is in there.”

“How is that possible?” 

“I’m not sure. The experiments they did on me were nothing short of torture. Who knows what the damage is.” She helps you to your feet. Turning you to face her. She wraps you in a tight hug. Neither of you has an answer. But you both know who does.

“Just another reason to take the fight to them.” Your voice is muffled against her shirt. You realize a second late that the shirt is a Heartbreak fan shirt. “No way.” And your laughter echoes in the bare bathroom.

“Hey, just supporting my girl.” She smiles. “I have no idea why you have more merch than I do at this point, but I doubt you’re getting royalties.”

“I am not, but seeing that the public doesn’t fully condemn me is nice.” Your goal is to bring awareness to the corruption. Apparently, it’s working. You hadn’t paid much attention to your ranking in the officially unofficial Los Diabolos, but a cursory glance at breakfast tells you you’re in the top 10 of villains. Though commenters under your profile are in a heated keyboard debate about whether you’re a villain.

“We need to get you armor. And a name.” You look to Julia. She is ecstatic. Oh no.

“I have been thinking about this from the moment I started to suspect you were Heartbreak.” 

“Were you fangirling over me before you knew me?” You can’t stop the astonishment from covering your face.

“I will neither confirm nor deny that.” She says with a wink. Confirmation, indeed. “But I have some ideas.”

“Go on, then, enlighten me.” You say with a hint of teasing. She’s truly serious about this. You weren’t sure if it was an empty promise but a clear head doesn’t seem to have dissuaded her.

“Well, I still need to use my mods. So I need to find something to distract from the similarities.” She’s getting excited. You can’t help but smile. “So I was thinking of a few names. And I was thinking about getting a sword.”

“A sword?” You almost laugh. But Charge has never used a weapon. Why should anyone suspect she’s anything more than another villain?

“Yeah! Something I can maybe make electrically charged.”

She’s onto something. “So a name?”

“I had a few ideas.” Then she lists them off. “Diode, Electropath, and then to keep in theme with you, Pacemaker or Defibrillator.”

“I like Pacemaker. It makes it sound like you’re keeping me sane. Which, I guess, is why we’re doing this.” She’s truly giving everything up for you and your crusade. “What did I do to deserve you?” That slipped out. Shit.

“Being you was enough.” She says it so simply it has to be true. Right?

“Sap.” You grumble, finishing your coffee. “I need to coordinate Rosie dropping off money to the Children’s Hospital and then into our funds. Then I need to get Mortum to work on something for you.” 

“What do we do in the meantime?” 

“Investigate, I suppose.” You groan, getting to your feet. “I should suit up and deliver the Koch files to the D.A. and then whatever Blaze recovered.”

“Want some help?” 

“Like before, let me make a show. Drama. Then I’ll escape in a cloud of smoke. Hopefully, no one puts up a fight.” Sighing. “I think I feel better after last night. I’ll eventually need to figure out how to be the brutal fighter and the, well, me. But that’s for after.” After you take down the Farm. Figure out whatever they put in your head. Because you know it’s not making you this way. You are this way. You were broken. Now you’re trying to heal. But it won’t happen until you’re alone in your own head.

“Okay, I’ll keep the Rangers on patrol. I’m sure we also have some work to catch up on.” 

“Hey, how do you keep getting in here? I have several security measures.” You had been wondering this since she’d been in here after your escape from the Ranger HQ. 

“Oh, you have a… security flaw.” A small electrical charge rolls down her arm. 

“Ah, you fried my systems. Twice?” You can’t help but laugh.

“You never gave me a key.” 

“It’s a passcode. It’s the date of our Psychopathor mission.” You feel your cheeks burn up.

“Now who’s the sap.”

“Fuck off, I need to get going.”

Suiting up, you hear Julia leave via the private elevator. You don’t know what will happen if someone catches you together out of gear. But Arya isn’t yet a criminal, and your romance wasn’t exactly a secret in the Sidestep days. Hopefully Heartbreak and Pacemaker draw even less attention.

Julia is officially in your life in a capacity you couldn’t have expected last week. Deep down, you might have hoped for it, but your current career choice felt incompatible. Now, however, you’re letting yourself hope. Hope is dangerous. Hope leads to heartbreak. And there’s been far too much of that lately.

You open Mortum’s contact information on your phone. How do you phrase this? How do you just ask for something? As Arya? Not as Eden? Eden. Eden who’s currently being kept alive in one of Mortum’s research facilities. You had Mortum take her when you decided to go public with the Rangers. 

Your fingers hesitate over the keyboard. Just be honest. Open. Like friends. Because you are.

Hey, I was wondering if I could commission a project from you.

Need to call? 

Yeah.

Then you dial.

“Mon cherie, what can I do for you?”

Deep breath. “Hey, I think I’m going to need another suit. Nothing as high tech but safe and anonymous.”

A moment. “Oh? For yourself?”

Another deep breath. “No, actually, for an associate. Getting myself a sidekick.”

“Do I want to know who it is?”

“I’ll tell you, but it might be better not to know.”

“Ah, I wondered when this would happen.” She sounds amused.

“Are you laughing at me?” 

“I would never.” Definitely a laugh. That one even came across the speaker.

“Well, would that be possible?” Your meekness outside of the suit is your truthful self. Which helps when Heartbreak is nearly overbearing at times.

“Yes, in fact, I might have something available. Would you happen to have her measurements?”

“Uh, shit. Probably not. I can ask?” Her. She knows. You’re becoming swiftly incapable of keeping secrets. Thankfully, Mortum and Julia seem to be the only two who take you apart like this.

“Or I could come to your base. Avoid having to show a Ranger my lab.”

“That works. I have some gear here, but you may need more.”

“What you have will suffice. Tonight?”

“If you’re free, yes.” Relief. Good to have allies. Friends. Being human.

“See you tonight then, Mon cherie.” 

That’s one issue solved. You send a text to Julia.

Need you back here tonight. Mortum has a suit.

One problem solved.

Confronting the mayor wasn’t on your agenda for many months. However, with what Blaze discovered - more communications between GeniTech and Los Diabolos’ ruling class - and your discoveries from Koch, you feel ready to make some waves.

Heartbreak needs an entrance. You always do. And, once again, you find yourself perched on a building overlooking the city hall. You’re surprised they don’t have guards stationed here. You’ve done this enough times you wonder if they’re just asking for you to make a fool of them.

You know Alvarez is in her office. You can see her through her office window. Dampeners are active, but you won’t be here long enough to warrant taking them out.

Deep breath and—

BEEP

Your brows furrow for a moment. A notification? Why? Who?

Julia.

Special Directive is here. They’re being ordered to bring in Steel. They’re not telling us why. Stay away. Love you.

Rage.

Rage rolls through you. 

The Rat King alerts you to nearby guards. You don’t care. You’ve already dropped to your bike stashed below. It’s nearing the end of the day, so you can hide amongst the shadows.

The Rat King is doing its best to calm you, but you’re not about to let go of this. The Directive may be made of ReGenes like yourself, but they do not get to go after your friends. If someone dies. If. It will be on you. And you alone. If they touch Julia. If. 

The soft whirring of your bike is the only sound as you speed through afternoon traffic. You’re not far from the HQ. You wouldn’t have stayed away even if you were. You’ll pretend like you accidentally happened across this. Decided to take advantage of the commotion and rob the place. Something. Not really important right now. What’s important are the two military transports parked outside the Ranger HQ. They’re parked in a position to secure and exfiltrate. You recognize it well. You were usually with the target.

Leaping off your bike, the two ReGenes covering the front entrance are mowed down. The shrapnel of your cycle goes in several directions. One ReGene stops moving. He took the brunt of the force. The other moves on you with inhuman speed.

When you fight, it’s a dance. A graceful mantra you’ve shown the world. Heartbreak is a gentleman as much as a brutal weapon. Now, however, you’re just a weapon. A weapon the Directive created. Mental and physical trauma awaits your enemies.

Your fist catches the remaining ReGene. He goes down, but inhuman joints allow him to catch himself and spin, coming in for another attack. No. One word. One word and the ReGene falls limply at your feet. He’s alive. Barely. You shut him down without even a twinge of a headache.

Stepping over the guards, you stride inside. The receptionist appears to be alive. Terrified but alive.

“Are they upstairs?” Your voice is clipped. Harsh. No joviality. Not normal for Heartbreak.

This level of fear is usually expected. But right now you need information. Data.

“Anna. Are they upstairs?” Your voice softening. You use her name. She blinks. Then nods vigorously.

“Get yourself out of here. I took out the two out front.”

She doesn’t ask why you know her name. Or why you’re helping.

The stairs. You use your grapple to skip the flights. You expect a standoff is going on in the break room. You were correct. Landing at the stair door, you can sense the Ranger team and at least 6 armed ReGene thought-voids. The classic absence of thought never tricked you. Though, you pretended like it did. The Farm was far too willing to believe they’d tamed you. 

Now you’re unleashed.

The door stands no chance. You go through it like a hot knife through butter. The first ReGene nearest you reacts with enhanced speed. But you don’t care. You break his mind. Rage. Pure rage. He drops before even reaching you. The Rat King tells you the others have recovered from your entrance. Steel is ordering them to get into position. 

The next two ReGenes, the first armed with cannons and the second armed with a sword start towards you. While they both launch attacks, you distract the mind of the cannoneer. His shot goes wild, and using the swordsman’s momentum, you grab his wrist and bring the sword down across the cannoneer’s arm. The arm is bisected, and wires and sparks emit from the stub. You use the weight of the swordsman and, while flipping him over your shoulder, drive the sword through his abdomen. Both are still alive. Pain gates on. You hear Julia yelling. Six more Special Directive ReGene have entered the room. Did they spend fourteen Re-Gene on you? Really? Julia is being surrounded. None of the Rangers expected a battle. None of them are armed or suited up. 

Herald has one around the neck and is lifting them into the air. He’s wailing on the faceplate, but the ReGene doesn’t seem to care. Three from the original party have surrounded Argent. She’s having fun. The invulnerable woman is in her element. She’s using her morphogenic sword and is easily matching all three who also wield melee weapons. Steel and Julia are surrounded by the remaining five. 

You’re not even sure what the ReGenes in front of Julia and Steel are outfitted with. It hardly matters. You’re running on pure hate. You strip the first ReGene of its arm. It screams in pain. The arm is entirely metal. It makes a decent club to cave in the skulls of the next two. The fourth ReGene you hit so hard, your fist goes entirely through him. You pull out wires instead of guts. Disappointing. The remaining two have decided you’re a threat. Peripherally, you see Steel cradling a missing limb. One of his cybernetic arms is missing. 

Two ReGenes are standing over Julia. She has a gash across her chest. Blood. A lot. Julia. Hurt.

There are too many. Overwhelmed. You can’t get to them all in time. Herald is down. Argent is down. Steel is down.

All for nothing. Hope is lost. All for nothing.

Julia. She’s dying. No. No. No.

No. No no no no no no no no.

No.

begin.process.void

void.step.activated

Bisected. Halved. Decapitated.

Two. Three. One.

Unrestricted. Unchained. Overkill.

Unconscious.

[pacifistcowboy]

You've been posting about how you're experiencing your first crush and are kinda freaking out about it and I just want to say that how you're reacting is understandable and reasonable. This is your first crush, you're experiencing something new alot later than expected and from the sounds of it, it isn't exactly a small one either so it's alot of new experiences at once so it can be overwhelming. Once the initial surprise wears off then you can start working out your feelings better.

(you’re not required to read all this btw dndjejf)

thank you 🥹🥹🥹 hilariously, i’ve actually been in a romantic relationship before, so this technically shouldn’t be my first crush, but that relationship was when i was twelve and we met n started dating completely online over text, and when we met up in person my feelings for them went away and we never acted couple-y irl shxhshfhefh.

then there was the guy who joined my class in secondary school and became my friend, then i think he accidentally became my special interest which was really unpleasant ‘cus i became obsessed with an actual guy i knew personally. i told him how i felt n he didn’t reciprocate but he was okay with remaining friends which was great! it was weird tho ‘cus i never wanted to like kiss him or anything, i just wanted to be around him all the time and like, be his best friend but a more official title? idk. he went back to america but the last time he visited i got to confirm my feelings for him were completely gone, now i just find him to b a good friend :]

but now there’s this fucker. and everything’s different.

i think the thing is that when we first interacted i got the vibe that he might’ve liked me even before i liked him so it wasn’t just wishful thinking, so i guess i felt like this wasn’t one-sided so i kinda let my feelings run wild?? but idk now. the first time we interacted he told me he doesn’t like touching people, but for some reason i was an exception, and for a while i was the only person he seemed to touch via like handshaking, grabbin’ my shoulder, puttin’ an arm around me, and the weirdest part was that i like it!! i typically don’t like being touched by ppl i barely know, but from the first day we met i didn’t mind him touching me, it’s bizarre. ANYWAY he touches our other friends too now n i feel less special n also worry that i totally misread the vibes from the first day enejfjehfh.

oh yeah my point was he was so touchy with me before i even got the crush on him, so i’m way more open to the thought of typical romantic-y physical affection with this guy than i have ever been with anyone. like. i wanna cuddle and hold hands and hmaybekiss??????? i’ve never felt like that with someone. i wanted to be near the guy from secondary school but i never wanted to ki s s someone before.

and i want to be his boyfriend. like for sure. with the last guy i didn’t know what i wanted with him, but i want to be this guy’s boyfriend. i want him to be my boyfriend. it’s nuts.

luckily this crush is causing me way less anxiety than the last one did tho! i’m kinda just always excited to see him n honestly feel like i could potentially get brave enough to tell him how i feel, even if it’s just so he can reject me and i can nip this in the bud lol. i just had no idea i was capable of feeling this way towards someone, i was pretty sure i was aromantic for a while! thank u for the reassurance, it’s a wild ride that hopefully calms down soon :]

[colorstormx]

anyway uh. yeah this has been fucking with me more than I'd like to admit the past couple of days and I think I just need to talk about it for a bit

warning for a few things under the cut - menstruation, medical stuff, disordered eating

so. my last period started at the end of April, and didn't really stop until the end of July. technically I'm still spotting a bit but it's not the absolute bloodfest that it was earlier.

I got a gyno appointment because of said bloodfest and they ended up giving me an ultrasound and sending me in for blood work. the ultrasound showed ovarian cysts, and the blood work was normal except for high insulin. technically they tested my testosterone level too, but that result still isn't in yet. apparently it takes them forever to get it so. shrugs.

they basically diagnosed me with polycystic ovarian syndrome, although they need that testosterone result to really confirm it since I don't have a lot of the other common PCOS symptoms. my period was pretty regular up until this year and isn't usually super painful, and I don't really have extra hair in unusual spots.

my gyno pointed out the high insulin though, and said that PCOS is associated with insulin resistance and prescribed metformin. she also said that diet changes can help, and gave me a handout about it. apparently being at a higher weight can make symptoms worse.

and all of this is coming at a time when I had finally started to accept my body and feel more comfortable eating the way I want to. :')

I've had some rough experiences with body image and restrictive eating over the years, although I guess it was never technically a full-blown ED, just... really bad habits and a lot of excess guilt over everything I allowed myself to eat. and I thought I'd finally gotten past that, but seeing this handout just feels like it validates every harsh thought, every bit of guilt I ever felt about eating stuff that wasn't like. raw vegetables and bland chicken.

and I know that it's not actually advocating for anything super extreme, just moderation, but there's an obsessive streak in me that makes everything feel way more black and white than it actually is. like if I don't follow the stupid "sample diet" listed there I'm gonna get a bad grade in PCOS management. god it's so stupid but at the same time my mental state has just absolutely tanked over this, I'm overanalyzing everything and super self conscious of my body again and I'm just so tired of everything about it

I miss the blissful ignorance, I guess.

everything is just still new and weird to me right now. it's gonna take a while to process everything and I know I'll be fine in the end, I just hate having to get there.

anyway at least we're moving apartments in less than 2 months now. I can't wait to get out of this shithole. god I swear I'm gonna make an official commissions post bc it would really be nice to have some extra funds on hand for the move, and my hours at work are already starting to dip as summer ends. augh. anyway if you want me to draw something just ask and we can figure things out <3

so uh. yeah. good job on reading this far if you made it. I'm... horrible at reaching out to specific people to talk about stuff like this, so having it all out there in a semi public environment for people to reply to if they happen to see it is? a little less stress inducing, I guess. I just hate feeling like I'm bothering people with stuff. that all being said... please at least like this post if you read it all the way through? replies would be nice too, I just. want to be heard I guess.

[cassandralexxx]

Words to create line the under text feature (ie ignore this post unless you want to be assailed with negative vibes)

ok so like i should definitely leave the gc and maybe contact them so that I stop receiving messages about that one church group. Like I just got another email and since like confidentiality the subject line/sender is no longer the name of the church group and is instead just our city name I opened it and like jump scare fr. Like my heart drops and I feel bad every time. like i DONT want to be part of this I’ve confirmed it mentally through self reflection and a lot of internal thought. But they don’t know that. So I can’t blame them for me still getting their stuff. Like I haven’t even officially left the gc k just like muted the slack and changed my settings to always say that I’m away. Like dang it stresses me out seeing it. Like as I always go over I’m still within my faith I just really don’t want to be part of the group like it did make me more sad about myself and that matters to me. It matters the way I view an unchangeable aspect of myself. Anyways yeah those church group people are so lovely like I care for them deeply but I won’t be pulling up to their social or anything. Idk what I’d say if they do reach out to me though. Like idk if I’ll take the oh I’m taking 18 credits and am busy route or if I’ll be honest and be like while y’all are lovely and I’m still Catholic I want to distance myself from this ministry specifically, like I want to be involved in the church community just not this part of it. I hope y’all get that. But then like I can’t explain that it’s for I’m accepting myself reasons and not I’m shunning myself reasons. Like man it’s all so complex and maybe it won’t even come to fruition. But I think it will bc they know me and I’ve attended like two of their birthday parties so it’s not like they don’t know me. They know me so deeply and I don’t want to be known in that way. I think about the way one of the leaders would look at me when I would share my experiences and it’s so deep and personal and I can still feel it now. It is like feeling like being flayed alive ghat level of vulnerability; you can see all of me. I keep going back to “I’ll never be married in the eyes of my God” but that’s not the end all be all And i need to accept that. It’s something I’ve sctively been working on. I had a discussion with my fellow lesbian friend the other day and I mentioned the tie thing I’ve talked about before about me dad and she responded well maybe you can tie your girlfriends tie. And in moment I just said yeah in a sad voice but isn’t that what I want,, kinda of yeah. Like idek where I was going with this but also I do. Anyways wall of text of my inner thoughts bc when do I not. Anyways yeah board game Social email had me feeling unwell this fine Monday evening.

[nattikay]

Almost a month ago a teenage cousin of mine was diagnosed with autism (which traditionally is something that’s supposed to be diagnosed in early childhood but apparently it’s pretty common with girls in particular to not get diagnosed until later in life as they tend to better at “masking” the symptoms). My aunt (her mom) apparently sent out an email to other family members explaining what all that meant, and when my mom read said email she realized that it sounded a lot like me, and she wound up asking me if I thought I might be autistic too.

It was something that I had very loosely, lightly considered before based on a few Relatable™ posts, but of course I didn’t want to jump to any big conclusions like that just because I happened to share a few vaguely similar experiences with a handful of tumblr users. But now that someone else was seeing it too, I decided I should look into it a little more seriously, so I did. And the more research I did, the more everything just started to click into place.

So when I went in to see my psychiatrist yesterday, I told her about my suspicions. She assessed me, then confirmed said suspicions and gave me an official diagnosis.

So uh...guess I’m autistic.

Which, of course, doesn’t actually change anything in a practical sense. I’m still the same person I’ve always been. I’m still perfectly normal in terms of general intelligence. It’s just crazy how it reframes everything. How after 25 years of feeling like there’s something wrong with me that I could never properly place, I finally have an answer to the question I’ve been asking myself for years and years and years: “why am I like this?”

And I don’t just mean it explains the ~social awkwardness~ alone, but several other things too. Why I’ve always been overly sensitive to sounds and especially smells. Why I was such an extremely picky eater as a kid (and still am to a lesser extent). Why I hate hate hate tight clothing to the point that I have to wear pants a size or two too big. Why I’ve never been a “huggy” person. Why small talk feels like crawling through the pits of heck. Why I’ve always struggled so much with life changes (such as new houses, new schools (including just the average “moving up from middle school to high school”), new rooms (even if it’s just redecorating a familiar room), new job, etc) and need lots and lots of forewarning to be ok with an interruption to my expected routine. Why my brain latches so tightly to certain obsessions that I can literally measure my life by them (though I’m still not sure exactly how it chooses which things to be obsessed with). Why I literally Can Not Tell when “being friendly” turns into “flirting”...

...and probably some other stuff that’s simply not coming to the top of my head at the current moment, but you get the picture.

Having the diagnosis doesn’t change anything...but it sure explains a heck of a whole lot, not only about my current situation but literally my whole life.

Mostly I am hoping that now that I have a better understanding of the root cause of my ~awkwardness~ etc., I’ll be in a better position to find solutions that actually work for me and get out of my current life stalemate that I know I can’t stay in forever but have greatly struggled to even know where or how to start. Call it a New Year’s resolution or something I guess.

Anyways...yeah. Just some stuff that has been On My Mind and wanted to share I guess. Here’s hoping it’ll help me Get My Crap Together this year.

Wooo.

[randomshyperson]

Left Behind - Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

Gif was made by my official gif maker friend @abimess

Summary: The one where you lived in the apartment under the Maximoff family in Sokovia, or, your journey as a Sokovian civilian to Avenger.

Warnings: (+16) Violence, fighting, cursing, civil war environments, abuse of power, assault, torture, underage kissing, psychological torture, substance use, mention of assault/fighting of children, smut, kissing, teasing, insinuation of sexual and moral harassment, verbal offenses.

Words: 4.753k

A/N> It's been 84 years... I just hope someone still reads this haha Let me know what you think

All Works Masterlist || Read on AO3 || Series Masterlist

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Chapter 6 - Once a Promise, Always a Promise.

When you wake up, you get your ass beaten up by an unknown woman.

You awaken all at once, advancing against the woman who was watching you sleep. Her surprise only lasts a second, however, as the next she returns your blow and knocks you to the ground, a gun pointed straight at your face.

Wide-eyed, you realize where you are and raise your hands.

"Sorry, sorry." You can quickly. "I thought I was in the lab again. Who the hell are you by the way?"

The woman raises her eyebrow at you.

"Cap, get over here before I shoot her."

And the next second, a blond man is running into the area of the ship where you are, looking worried.

"Let's all calm down, okay?" He asks as he sees the gun extended, and waits for the woman to put it down. You sigh lightly, rising to stand up.

"I'm sorry I attacked you, Miss." You ask as soon as you are on your feet, and massage your shoulder, which hit the ground hard when she knocked you down.

"It's fine, you just got beat up anyway." She teases, making you give a short laugh.

You were about to ask if they could let you off the ship anywhere, but a low groan of pain beside you caught your attention.

Just then you noticed the man lying on the stretcher next to you a few feet away, a large wound in his rib. You are also able to notice the rest of the ship, there is a man piloting a few meters away, and two men sitting further ahead, talking to each other.

"Hey, I can help." You stated immediately, but as soon as you moved, the woman stood in front of you, looking at you with suspicion and defiance, and you swallowed dryly. "I-I can heal him." You clarified, but the woman only changed her posture when the man next to you touched her forearm.

"Can you do that?" He asks you, and you nod. You wait for the woman to take a step back to approach the man on the stretcher.

"Hey, are you guys sure of this?" The man lying down asked uncomfortably, and you raise your hands in the air.

"Hi, I'm Y/N, I won't hurt you, I promise. "You guarantee it." Can I heal your injuries?" You ask and wait for him to confirm.

The wound is deep, but you have dealt with much worse.

"How did you do that?"

"It was nothing." You say as you put your hands down. His skin was completely intact again.

"This sure is cooler than lightning, huh, Thor?" Commented the blond as he sat down on the stretcher, clearly feeling better. The long-haired man at the back of the ship looks at you curiously as he stands up, and when he notices his colleague completely healed, he looks impressed.

"This sure is an interesting skill for a mortal." He says to you, and you don't know exactly what to make of those words, but you don't have time to comment, because he is already approaching to introduce himself. "My name is Thor Odinson, god of thunder."

You frown.

"G-god of thunder?" You repeat confused. "Sorry, is that some kind of joke?"

The woman next to you giggles, moving to sit on the stretcher next to the man you healed. The blond man in front of you looks slightly offended, but his expression softens immediately.

"I understand that at first, mortals may be incredulous at such a..."

"No, I just thought the title was funny." You interrupt the blond man, surprising him. "You guys are the Avengers, aren't you? My master has already told me about you."

“Your master?”

It is the other blond guy in the blue uniform who asks. You mentally repress yourself.

"Damn, sorry." You say. "It's what I used to call the soldiers and doctors who gave me orders."

"Your files say that you disappeared in Sokovia when you were younger, and what we found at the base were the records of the experiments they did on you." He adds, and you twiddle your fingers nervously. "I just want to make sure you're not going to try to bring the plane down with everyone inside."

The attempted joke is enough to make you smile, but you are beginning to feel overwhelmed. You really were free. After all this time, the idea seemed almost absurd.

You try to control your emotion at once, and the man seems to notice, because his expression softens immediately.

"Hey, come have a seat." He asks, signaling to one of the empty chairs, and you obey. "My name is Steve Rogers, and I promise you're safe now. Hydra will never hurt you again."

You nod frantically, feeling the tears in your eyes. But you try to normalize your breathing, not wanting to cry in front of strangers.

"I'm sorry, I just... I've just been trying to get away for so long." You confess next, wiping your eyes quickly. "It's weird to think I succeeded."

"We are going back to the Avengers tower now. Is there anyone you would like to get in touch with?" He asks, and his words make your stomach sink.

"Yes." You say. "But I have no idea where they are."

"Who? Your family?"

You give a short laugh.

"Yeah, I guess so. They were..." You start trying to remember exactly. You didn't even know how long it had been since the time you saw the twins at the Hydra base. You had no idea if they were alive, but you wanted to believe they were. Taking a deep breath, you continue. "They were my friends. Wanda and Pietro, we grew up together. They... I saw them once. When I still had the serum in my head. I..."

Seeing your difficulty in organizing your thoughts, Steve interrupts you by touching your forearm.

"It's okay." He says. "We'll find the twins."

"So they really are alive?"

Steve smiles.

"Yes." He answers and you feel your body relax all at once. "They ran away, I imagine they were scared, but we'll find them."

You gasp, unable to control your tears. Neither Steve nor the rest of the Avengers seem to care.

When you calm down, Steve introduces you to the rest of the team.

You are not exactly happy to meet Tony Stark. The mention of his last name makes you frown, because you know it was a Stark bomb that blew up your home at Sokovia, but when you accuse Tony, he seems really upset.

"Well, I guess you can get on the list of people who hate me then." He grumbles and you cross your arms, the whole team sensing the tension in the air.

"You could at least apologize for blowing up half of Sokovia with your weapons." You retort angrily, and the man rolls his eyes, not getting up from the armchair you were in.

"Sure, no problem. I'm sorry, kiddo. Happy?"

You clench your jaw, but before you can say anything, Steve steps forward.

"Tony, try not to be a jerk, okay?" The captain speaks and the other man lets out a wry laugh. "Have at least some respect for the girl's story."

"I have respect, Captain." He assures as he stands up, looking impatient. "What I don't have is time to revisit the past while our enemies get more and more powerful." He says and you frown in confusion. "I've already banned weapons production in the industries, and we've already taken on Hydra in that place. Now we can move on, because I need to get back to the compound and understand exactly what that thing is."

He speaks and finishes by signaling to the opposite side, and it is only then that you notice the shining scepter on the far side of the room and let out a surprised exclamation, taking three steps backwards.

"How did you guys get this?" You ask horrified and the team looks at you curiously.

"Have you seen the scepter before?"

"Of course I have!" You reply. "That's what gave me the healing! The damn stone went through my chest."

Thor steps forward, looking at you in surprise.

"So Hydra were able to decipher the scepter?

You laugh humorlessly.

"If by decipher you mean press the scepter against my chest while preening me in an iron chair, then yes." You reply, but take a deep breath to calm yourself. "A yellow stone came off as soon as the scepter touched me. And well, it went right through my skin. When I woke up, I could heal. But whatever it is, it killed all the soldiers who were holding me."

Thor seems to consider your words as Steve tells you that he is sorry for what you went through in Hydra.

Suddenly you remember where you first saw him.

"The man on the bridge!" You exclaimed, surprising him, but you were getting your memories gradually, and your heart was racing. "You are Captain America.... My god, where is Bucky?"

"Great, another fan of the metal arm." Tony comments sarcastically, but no one seems to care.

Steve looks at you with a frown.

"Is he safe? Is he free? Can I see him?" You ask promptly next, and Natasha chuckles.

"Hey, calm down." Steve asks and you swallow dryly, trying not to feel so overwhelmed with so many memories coming back at once. "How do you know Bucky?"

You blink in surprise.

"He...he didn't talk about me?"

It takes a second, and then Steve's eyes widen.

“Oh my god, you’re the guardian!

"I am what now?"

Steve lets out an incredulous laugh.

"The guardian." He repeats as if you were going to understand what he meant.

Natasha clears her throat.

"Captain, perhaps you'd better explain." She asks and Steve gestures quickly.

"We've been looking for you for months." Steve then adds, causing you to widen your eyes in surprise. "Bucky he... he's been trying to find you since he escaped. But he didn't know your name. All he knew was the nickname you got from the soldiers. The golden guardian of death. It's been our only tip to find you."

"I thought it was just golden guardian." Clint adds next, Nat makes a noise of agreement.

"No, I'm sure it was just Guardian of Death." Thor comments, but you are barely listening to the teasing, feeling your thoughts racing.

Steve raises his hands to your shoulders.

"Thank you so much for saving Bucky." He says before hugging you. You feel your neck heat up at the sudden contact, but do your best to reciprocate.

Steve lets you go then, smiling.

"He's going to be so happy to see you."

"Where is he?"

"At the compound." Steve replies. "He cannot attend field missions, it's part of the pardon. It's too much bureaucracy to explain now.."

"I think he's just lazy." Tony adds wryly, making the Avengers giggle.

And Steve's smile dies briefly.

"What's with you today, anyway, Stark?"

Tony sighs impatiently, finally rising from his armchair.

"I'm sorry if I'm not reacting in the way you consider proper captain, but I'm concerned about getting to work soon." He says as he moves toward you two. “I need to find out what this thing really is.”

"No, Stark, you won't touch this." It is Thor who announces, and all the avengers look genuinely surprised.

"I beg your pardon?" Stark retorted, but Thor didn't hesitate before he looked at you next.

"Describe to me again how you got your healing, mortal."

You sigh lightly.

"They locked me in an iron chair and brought the scepter." You narrated. "But they lie me on the chair next, and I could only feel the metal against my skin, and then I saw a yellow light. Something went right through my chest, and then right through." You say. "I blacked out for a second, the room was completely empty like a vision. When I blinked, it was back, but all the soldiers holding me were dead. And then they knocked me out."

"Before you said you saw a yellow stone?"

You nodded in agreement.

"I dreamed of this memory for several days." You clarify. "I was back in the room, but this time I watched myself. I saw when they put the scepter to my chest, and when the golden stone came out and went through my skin. It was the stone that released the wave of energy that killed the soldiers .I don't know why I didn't die too."

"A single blow that killed a group of soldiers at once." Thor mutters more to himself than to the rest of the teams. "It's decided then, no mortal must touch this. It's clearly far more power than anyone should have."

"This is ridiculous." Thor accused the next moment, making the team look at him curiously. "You can't just deny knowledge about something like that and..."

"Why are you so insistent on this, Tony?" It's Steve who asks suspiciously. Tony sighs, and gives a short laugh.

"You guys are unbelievable, you know." He says. "I'm trying to find new alternatives to our problems."

"What problems?" Steve asks with a confused grimace, and Tony rolls his eyes, looking nervous.

"Our enemies, Captain!" He snarls. "In case you haven't noticed, it hasn't been too long since we faced an army of robots coming from a hole in the sky!" He accuses. "We don't have the power to face this kind of thing. The scepter is exactly what I need to prevent the worst from happening."

"Where did that come from, Tony?" Steve retorted confused.

Stark gave a short laugh, rolling his eyes.

"I don't have time for this." He grimaced and moved to grab the scepter, but Thor stood in the way, arms crossed. "Really?" Tony impatiently charges, but Thor doesn't move. Stark clenches his jaw before declaring angrily. "I had a vision, okay? I saw all of us, defeated. Defeated because we didn't have the power to win. And I... I could have prevented it."

The avengers look as confused as you are, and remain silent. Tony sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

"It was New York again, but this time the enemy won." He continues, visually upset. When he lifted his face in Steve's direction, his look was angry, but his eyes had tears in it. "And you told me that I could have stopped it."

“I wouldn't do that.” Steve says. “If we ever lose, I wouldn't blame you, Tony.”

Tony gives a short laugh.

“Wouldn’t you really?” He retorts. “I’m pretty sure you would, cap.”

Steve takes a step forward, his eyes soften as he looks at his friend.

“I promise you, Tony. If we lose, we lose together.” He declares. “That’s what being an Avengers means. I’m sorry if I was not clear before, and made you feel any different than this or…”

“Stop it!” Tony angrily interrupts. You flinch because you think you saw a familiar red light in his eyes. “Cut this sentimental crap, Steve. I’m just trying to do what’s necessary here.”

“Back off, Stark!” You order as you noted how he has moved his wand to the scepter, he seems surprised by the action too. You move in his direction as he takes two steps back, looking irritated. You gave him no time to answer however, as you raise your hands over his head and touch his forehead with your fingers before he can complain.

Immediately, you can feel the remnants of magic on Tony's head. You don't recognize it at first, but as your own magic removes the other energy, you sigh slightly. It feels familiar, but you don't know why. The energy is still harmful though, probably due to the intention of the one who cast it, but you manage to clean it all up.

You succeed because you coordinate your magic to wipe the other energy like you usually clear and heal wounds, and it seems to work, because Tony raises his hands to your wrist, his wide-eyed eyes soften and he looks almost startled.

"I'm sorry." He asks and swallows dryly. You remove your fingers from his forehead completely, watching with curiosity. He takes a deep breath, blinking several times as if waking up. "I'm sorry, everyone, I... Damn, it was like a horrible dream. I need to lie down for a minute."

And with that he leaves.

You don't ask questions anymore, because Steve is going after him, and you are trying to figure it out why you still feel the unknown magic tingling at your fingertips, as if it is trying to merge with yours.

//-//

You cry when you see Bucky again.

He lets out a disbelieving laugh, and then he's running up, hugging you tight.

Your conversation is long and intense, and is almost mostly made up of gratitude.

The other Avengers seem very happy to see the whole interaction, especially Steve.

Tony isolates himself in his room as soon as you arrive, and Thor looks upset. He and Bruce discuss something, and then they go to talk to Tony.

You don't pay attention because you are listening to Bucky tell you about getting all his memories back, and living with the Avengers since you helped him. He was now free from Hydra's control, and was pardoned by the state on condition that he was no longer the Winter Soldier.

Nat also added in his narrative the information that he and Steve were "making fondue" and the joke made him laugh with red cheeks but you didn't understand what that meant.

You are very happy to see him, but you can't help but think that he was not the one you wanted to find when you were free.

When he introduces you to the rest of the compound, and to your room, you hug him in appreciation, and you both exchange a knowing look, finally acknowledging that you are safe.

//-//

Your first night in the compound is a strange one.

After meeting the whole team, who were polite despite having fought you a few hours ago, you received a full meal and then locked yourself in your room.

But you were not used to having such a soft bed, not even before Hydra, so sleeping seemed kind of impossible.

Figuring that the Avengers wouldn't mind you taking a late night stroll, you left your room.

"Are you lost, girl?" A female voice suddenly sounded making you jump in fright. It was Natasha Romanoff, or as she introduced herself earlier, Black Widow.

"S-sorry, ma'am." You retorted clumsily, and the woman raised her eyebrows at you. "I can't sleep."

"First, I'm not old, so don't call me ma'am." She commented wryly, and you tried to smile. "Second, I know the feeling. If you want, I can distract you."

Your last social conversation with a woman happened a long time ago, and then you find yourself asking:

"Are you inviting me to have sex?"

Nat lets out a surprised laugh, crossing her arms.

"Where did that come from?" she asks, and you scratch your neck lightly.

"Sorry, I learned how to talk to women from television shows that Hydra soldiers watched in the labs. Bad references. What did you mean by distracting me?"

Nat laughed, impressed by your words.

"I meant like have some tea and tell a story." She clarifies, not sounding the least bit upset. You put your hands in the pockets of the pajamas you've been given.

"R-right. That sounds more appropriate." You mumble with flushed cheeks, eliciting another laugh from the woman. As you begin walking side by side, she comments.

"You know, I think I'm going to have a lot of fun with you around here. You are just as awkward as Steve and Bucky."

You end up hearing a story about agents in Budapest, but it seems Nat doesn't tell the whole story. It's nice, though, you missed talking to someone.

"That thing you did earlier with Tony, that was really cool." Nat remarks after a pause in silence.

You take a sip of your tea after shrugging, but she seems inquisitive.

"How did you know it was Maximoff who messed with his head?"

You almost choke at the sudden mention of the name and Nat's watchful gaze makes it impossible to disguise. You sigh.

"I... They are my friends." You confess looking down at the cup, "Or they used to be."

Raising your gaze to Nat again, she only seems curious to know, and you shrug slightly, deciding to trust her.

"We grew up together in Sokovia." You count twirling your fingers on the handle of your cup, "They were the only family I had in the orphanage. And well, it was for them that I broke into a Hydra building."

Nat listens to your story intently, and you swallow dryly before continuing.

"When they captured me, the serum, it... well, it didn't exactly leave me conscientious." You try to explain. "It was like pushing all my memories away, my mind would become completely empty."

“"Is that what they did to Bucky?" Nat questions and you shake your head.

"No, they used electric shock on Bucky." You return with a grimace. "With me, they couldn't hurt me permanently, so they needed something that would make me obey without me being able to heal. It was like being drunk, I guess, only much worse."

“I’m sorry.”

"It 's fine.” You say with a sad smile. “I was dumb enough to go there, i knew the risks.”

“Don’t say that.” Nat asks with a serious voice. “It’s was not your fault they torture kids.”

"And whose fault is it, then?" You retorted, upset, with yourself more than with Nat or anyone else. "My friends for being stubborn idiots? Of Stark for throwing a bomb in my building? I'm tired of looking for reasons to justify what happened to me. Nothing is enough, and I just want to see my friends."

Nat sighs lightly, and raises a hand on the table to reach for yours. You want to hold back the tears, but they are already falling before you can do so.

"I promise we will find your family." She assures you tenderly, and you feel your heart soar at the possibility.

You nod in understanding, taking a deep breath to stop crying.

Nat squeezes your hand, and it takes a moment for you to speak again.

"Wanda." You begin, and almost sob. It has been a long time since you have spoken that name. "She... She must have gotten her powers the same way I did." You say trying to remember everything you witness in Hydra at that moment. "I remember the soldiers talking about the twins being the only ones to survive the stone besides me."

"From Shield records, we know she can manipulate energy and Pietro can run really fast." Nat informs as she releases your hand. She sits thoughtfully for a moment."Maybe because you all got the magic through the same source, you can heal what she can do to Tony's mind. But that's not really my area, maybe you should talk to Thor as well."

You sigh lightly, wiping away the remainder of the tears falling on your face.

"I will." You say. "But I want to find Wan-the twins first." You correct yourself quickly, hoping Nat doesn't notice your flushed cheeks. She does, but says nothing.

"Try to get some rest." She asks as she picks up the teacups. "We have a party coming up, and then Thor is supposed to return to Asgard. I imagine you will want to have a little chat with Bucky before you return to Sokovia."

"I would go back to Sokovia right now if you ask me." You mutter making Nat chuckle lightly. "But I don't want to disturb any of you. I've waited for a long time, I can wait a little longer."

When Nat turns around after putting the glasses in the sink, she has a soft expression.

"You are not a nuisance here, kid." She assures with a smile. "We've just been caught a little by surprise with a new person, but it will be a pleasure to help you find the twins." She says and then has a mischievous expression. "I shouldn't tell you yet, but Steve is pretty excited about the whole thing. He wants you and the twins to join the team eventually."

"Really?" You ask in surprise and Nat just mumbles in agreement, still smiling.

She turns around on the countertop and before she leaves, she turns to you.

"If you ask my opinion, you seem to care a lot about both of them." She says. "I think that no matter how much time has passed, or if they are fighting on opposite sides, she will be happy to see you."

You swallow dryly, looking away.

Nat smiles one last time before leaving and you twiddle your fingers nervously, sitting for a while at the table before returning to your room.

With much to think about, you are surprised that you fall asleep almost instantly as you lie down.

//-//

The Hydra serum is still in your system.

You realize it in a rather embarrassing way actually.

After waking up on the couch, you went to the kitchen.

Bucky tells you that all the team is having a meeting and they will join you two soon, so you just lay against the wall while he reads the newspaper out loud for you.

The Avengers stay in the meeting room for a long time, and don't seem very pleased when they leave, but Tony seems intrigued.

You are surprised that he comes to talk to you as soon as he sees you.

"I didn't thank you for yesterday, kid." He says with a smile. "Whatever you did took away that bad feeling. Now I can work without having to hide that I'm trying to help."

You didn't quite know what to respond, but it didn't matter because Tony was patting you on the shoulder before smiling contentedly at the rest of the team.

"While I figure out a way to decipher the stone, which won't be hard since I'm incredibly smart." He begins his speech, causing the group to let out debauched laughter. "You guys can get busy with whatever old people do for fun. Except you Thunderlord, I'm going to need your help in the lab."

"Wow, Tony Stark asking for help." Thor teases and you watch the interaction with a smile on your lips, moving to join the table. "What a little magic doesn't do to your head, heh?"

"Don't tease me, Thundercat. I'll throw you out of this building, and you won't get any breakfast." He says with false seriousness and you laugh lightly as you pour yourself a cup of coffee. "Hey, kid, give me some too?"

"Ja, Master." You respond mechanically, perhaps even a little sleepily. The Avengers look at you with curiosity and confusion as they see you mechanically pour the coffee, and hand it to Tony, who looks shocked.

"He is not your master, kid." It is Natasha who breaks the silence, and you blink in confusion looking around for a moment.

"R-right." You say. "Sorry about that, Tony. Old habits I guess."

Tony thanks you for the drink, and you think the subject is going to die, but then Natasha keeps looking at you.

"Hey, Y/N, come over here." She asks and you move immediately. Shit. Natasha raises her eyebrow. "Take two steps to the left." Your body obeys. “Now to the right.” She asks and you obey again. This is terrible. The widow looks at you impressed.

"That looks bad." Tony quickly mocks before waving for Thor to accompany him to the lab, justifying that they should get to work soon.

Nat continues to look at you incredulously, but then Steve gets up from the table as well and snaps his fingers in front of your eyes, making you jump in fright slightly. He assumes a worried expression afterwards.

"You are obeying our orders as if we were your masters." He says. "Let's go see Bruce in the lab, he'll want to run some tests."

When you reach the lab, and Steve explains to Bruce what happened at breakfast, you are not surprised that he puts needles in your arm. You hope the news will be good when he finishes assessing your blood.

//-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-////-//

Tag List> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia || @mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @helloalycia // @ENSORCELLME // @aimezvousbrahms // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm // @sxfwap // @table57 // @madamevirgo // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @emptysince18x // @xastrydx || @yuhloversxx || @ymzki-haruki || @wouldirunofftheworldsomeday || @lostandsearching || @lezzzbehonesthere || @musicinourlips || @chaekhan || @diaryoflife

[starryhyuck]

can i request a best friend haechan with a corruption kink?? i love your work 🥺❤️

clueless; 2.4k+

this is so cliché and i love it

hyuck has been your best friend since you were nine. his toothy grin and curly hair practically sold you as he tugged you along for his wild adventures.

you both never strayed far from one another, even as you grew older and met new people.

you shared everything with hyuck except for one thing — your sex life. well, the lack of it actually.

you lost your virginity to lee jeno when you were seventeen, and it was probably one of the worst experiences of your life. it wasn’t jeno’s fault since he didn’t exactly know what he was doing either, but the lack of foreplay really brought you nothing but pain. he apologized after when he realized how uncomfortable you were, but the deed was already done.

hyuck’s had a few girlfriends here and there but nobody really stuck around. you knew he was sexually experienced though from the way other girls would talk about him. let’s just say you’ve heard your best friend is above average in size.

however, hyuck has never asked you about any of your sexual encounters the same way you haven’t confronted him about his. it’s the only thing you two don’t share — that is, until you get wasted on your birthday.

“donghyuckie,” you whine, leaning on him. he laughs and wraps an arm around your waist to keep you steady.

“how much have you had to drink?” he asks with an amused expression. you’ve interrupted a conversation with him and jeno. oddly enough, you and jeno don’t speak of the night you lost your virginities to each other. it would just make everything awkward, and you assume he hasn’t told hyuck either.

“jaemin’s trying to kiss me,” you mumble, not answering his question.

“jaemin tries to kiss everybody,” jeno chuckles.

you just sigh. “i need to get laid.”

hyuck’s eyebrows shoot up. “excuse me?”

“i’ve only been laid once, hyuck! and jeno was really bad!”

jeno’s face turns beet red and hyuck’s eyes darken.

“what did you just say?”

you don’t get to clarify before you’re being pulled away by renjun, who is insisting you open his birthday gift because he worked really hard on it. after you leave, hyuck turns to jeno with pure anger radiating off of him.

jeno gulps.

—

you don’t remember most of the events from your party other than the fact that you got completely trashed. hyuck is there to help you with your hangover and he doesn’t say anything when you keep complaining.

“my head hurts! why did you make me drink so much last night?”

“i didn’t make you do anything.”

you notice he’s a little more tense and curt with you today, but you don’t comment on it. he’s probably just hungover too.

it isn’t until a few days later when you realize how weird hyuck’s been acting. he hasn’t been hanging out with you often and when he does, he gets really frustrated and leaves. he keeps asking you weird questions like “you tell me everything, right?” and “what do you think about jeno?”

the whole situation’s really odd, and you approach jeno since he seems to be receiving the cold shoulder from hyuck too.

“do you know what’s wrong with hyuck? he’s been acting so weird lately.”

jeno frowns. “y/n, do you not remember what you said at your party?”

you mirror his expression. “no. what did i say?”

“fuck,” he sighs, running a hand through his hair in exasperation. “you told hyuck we slept together.”

“i did what?” you hiss loudly, causing jeno to smile politely at anyone who heard the commotion. “no, no, no. no way! i did not do that!”

“yes you did! you even told everyone i was really bad!”

“i mean, you were.”

you both sigh and you pinch the bridge of your nose. “why would hyuck care if we slept together anyways?” you ask him, and jeno rolls his eyes.

“just as clueless as ever.”

“hey!”

—

hyuck can’t stop thinking about you. this is bad. really bad.

he almost killed jeno that night for even touching you. jeno insisted that you two only slept together once and that it was a one time thing. hyuck was still troubled by the idea, and he couldn’t really fall asleep.

he kept thinking about you underneath jeno, moaning and crying for him to fuck you. and as days passed, he imagined it was him instead of jeno. pounding into you, coaxing you to your climax and whispering sweet things in your ear — hyuck wanted it to be him.

fuck jeno.

you’re super inexperienced and hyuck knows it. you get embarrassed whenever a sex scene comes on in a movie and you always grow uncomfortable whenever a random person compliments you. you also confirmed it yourself at your birthday party by saying jeno’s been the only guy who’s fucked you.

fuck jeno.

hyuck can fuck you way better. he wants to ruin you. he wants to make sure you forget everything about jeno — he wants to ram his cock into you until you’re begging for more. he wants to be your actual first, not a placeholder that jeno supposedly is.

fuck jeno.

he can make you feel good. he can show you what a nice fuck is supposed to be like. before he knows it, his hand is pumping up and down his hard cock as he imagines pounding into you. he wants to see you so pliant and submissive underneath him, begging him to fuck you harder and show you how you’re supposed to be fucked-

he groans when there’s a knock at the door.

he angrily pulls on a pair of sweatpants and swings the front door open before he can check on who it is. you stand behind it, a clear frown on your face.

his cock twitches at the sight of you.

“you asshole! why aren’t you answering any of my calls?”

“i didn’t see them,” he grumbles as you storm inside. he closes the door behind you, watching as you observe him.

“i’m sorry for what i said at the party the other day. jeno told me about it.”

so now you’re talking to jeno again. that’s just wonderful.

“it’s fine, y/n. don’t worry about it,” he sighs, moving past you.

you quickly stand in front of him to stop his movements. “i know it’s not fine! you’re clearly upset. i’m sorry i fucked your friend, okay? it was a one time thing. i haven’t even thought about jeno in that way since we did it.”

“y/n, it’s not even that!” he yells and you grow confused. “fuck. why didn’t you come to me when you needed to do that stuff?”

you blink. this was not what you expected him to say.

“what are you talking about?”

hyuck takes a step closer to you and you inhale. “why didn’t you let me show you how it is to get fucked, baby? why did you go to him? you know i could’ve made you feel better.”

you stutter. “u-um, h-hyuck this isn’t-“

“has anyone touched you since then?” he runs his fingers down your arm and you get goosebumps from his touch. “have you touched yourself?”

“i-i don’t really l-like doing that,” you murmur, avoiding his heavy gaze.

“you don’t put your fingers inside your pretty little pussy, baby?” he murmurs, forehead pressing against yours.

“h-hyuck, don’t say things like that!”

“tell me to stop then.”

there’s a beat of silence.

he growls, wrapping his arms around you and pressing your body against his. you squeak. “yeah? you wanna be fucked good, don’t you? wanna bounce on my cock until you’re full?” you whimper and hyuck goes rabid at the noise. he presses his mouth to yours and you reciprocate, not even thinking twice that you’re kissing your best friend. you moan into his mouth when his hands trail down to the curve of your ass.

“i’m gonna fuck you so good, baby,” he whispers against your mouth. “you’ll only think about me from now on.”

he grinds his cock onto you and your eyes widen at the feeling.

“see? see how hard you make me, baby? you’re gonna be filled to the brim with my cock.”

“please, hyuck,” you whine, clutching onto him.

“want me?”

“y-yes.”

he guides you to his bedroom and throws you on the bed. you stare up at him with innocent, doe eyes and hyuck is convinced he’s going fucking insane.

“you don’t know what you do to me, y/n. fuck.”

he shimmies your jeans down your legs and you wish you had worn a sexier pair of panties. hyuck doesn’t seem to mind, taking a lick up your clothed slit. you twitch at the feeling and he smiles up at you.

“so sensitive,” he remarks, pulling your underwear down. you feel bashful when you’re fully on display for him, especially since hyuck is looking at your pussy like it’s the eighth wonder of the world.

“hyuck,” you whine, squirming in your spot.

“sorry, baby,” he chuckles. “your pussy’s so pretty.”

you ignore his compliment, feeling embarrassed by the position you’re currently in. hyuck dives into you, licking and sucking at your folds. your back arches and you cry out, a new sensation filling your body. he holds you down with his arms, pinning you to the bed.

he slides a finger into you and you moan, gripping a fistful of his hair. he groans when you tug at his locks. when he enters a second finger inside your pussy and takes your clit into his mouth, the cord in you snaps. you unravel on his fingers and tongue, moaning his name as you cum.

it’s a blinding experience, something jeno never gave you. you whisper hyuck’s name as you ride out the waves of your orgasm.

when you come to, hyuck is kissing your neck. “good orgasm, baby? was it your first one?” you nod, head spinning a little. he smirks against your skin. “that’s right. i’m officially your first.”

he sits up and takes off his sweatpants, letting his cock spring up. your eyes widen at the sight of him. all those girls were right — hyuck was massive. you didn’t even know if he could fit inside of you.

“i don’t think you can fit inside me, hyuck.”

he chuckles lowly. “your pretty pussy was made for me to fuck, baby. i’ll make it fit,” he says confidently, pumping his cock up and down slowly. you watch as precum leaks from the tip. “wanna have a taste?”

“i-i don’t know how.”

he groans, fisting over his cock faster. “i’ll show you, baby. sit up for me.” you follow his orders, falling on your knees and gazing up at him. “good girl.”

you eye his cock and he motions for you to follow the same movements as him. you place your hand on his cock as he instructs, moving it up and down. your hand looks so small on his thick cock and you watch in amazement as more precum falls. you lean forward and take the tip of your mouth, surprising hyuck as he jolts. he shoves his cock deeper into your throat and you gag a little.

his hands fly to the back of your head as he slowly fucks your mouth.

“such a good girl,” he grunts. “suck my cock so well.”

you close your eyes as you take more of him in, saliva starting to drip down the sides of your mouth. you think you’re doing well since hyuck’s making all kinds of noises, going crazy at the sight of you blowing him.

he thrusts into you a few more times before pulling out, groaning when he does.

“i have to fuck you now, baby. have a big load of cum for you.”

you whimper. “but i wanted to taste it.”

he growls, shoving you back down on the bed. “i’ll let you taste it later. i need to fuck you now.”

he pumps himself a few more times before lining his cock to your entrance. he looks up at you one more time.

“you sure?”

this time, he’s not just speaking as a horny teenage boy, but as your best friend. he’s giving you a way out, but you don’t want it. you want to feel his cock in your tummy.

“yes, yes. take me, hyuck, please.”

and that’s all the confirmation he needs. he plunged into you and you wail. you haven’t been stretched like this since jeno, and hyuck is way bigger than him. you can feel the burn in your throat and you sob.

“i’m right here, baby,” he assures you, lacing his fingers through yours. “right here for you.”

the pain quickly subsides into pleasure and you try to roll your hips down on his cock. he grunts and starts picking up his pace, ramming into you.

“wanted this for so fucking long,” he confesses, biting down on his lower lip as he thrusts into you. “feel your pretty pussy clenching around my cock, baby. now you’ll only think about me, won’t you? think about how my fat cock stretches you out? how i ate your small pussy until you fell apart?”

“only think about you, only think about you,” you blubber, mind blank. you’re only thinking about how he’s pounding into you, turning your brain into complete mush.

he chuckles as he watches you envelop yourself into mind numbing pleasure. he takes pride in knowing he’s the only one who can do this to you.

“i knew you were a dirty girl,” he laughs sinisterly. he hoists your legs on his shoulders so he can fuck you at a deeper angle. you practically sob at how hard he’s fucking you. “begging to be fucked. how’s it feel? you like how my cock sinks into you? like how deep i am inside your tight pussy?”

“l-love it, h-hyuck,” you whimper. your eyes roll back at how deep he feels inside you.

you reach your second climax in no time and he groans, hips moving at a rapid pace. you feel like jelly underneath him as you let him use you any way he wants.

he shoots his load deep inside you, moaning at how much he has to give you. you feel warm and filled to the brim with his cum.

he leans down to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“good for your second time?”

“you’re my first, as far as i’m concerned.”

he smiles in victory.

[just-another-hhazbin]

I have a question for you:

I'm aroace, and while I love Alastor and that he's ace and potentially aro (not sure if the aro part is definitely canon or not), apparently Viv has said in past streams that he's egocentric/doesn't love anyone but himself and I'm concerned that that's why she made him aroace. Especially if he's definitely aro, since if he were only ace it'd be less questionable imo. Granted, he does have friends so the "only loves himself" thing may not be 100% true, and these things could still change while the show's in development. I'm just kinda worried about Viv's reasoning. What do you think?

Hello, fellow aroace! I find it both amusing and suiting that I received this ask several hours after I queued the ADHD Alastor reblog, because to me, they are very similar subjects.

To the best of my knowledge, Alastor has been confirmed ace in canon by Vivziepop. However, only Faustisse, who i don’t believe is any longer a member of the Hazbin team and has never been in charge of such official decisions, openly declared him aromantic.

However, Vivz has hinted at this, but holds off at the last moment because she wants “people to ship whoever they like and to have fun” (paraphrased).

That’s... not great reasoning and vaguely problematic in and of itself, implying that aromantic people cause problems and etc., but whatever. It’s a smart marketing decision and helps prevent the fandom from turning into even more of a bloodbath than usual, so I understand why she decided that. Do I agree? No. Do I understand? Yes.

However, it is issues such as what you bring up that makes me somewhat thankful we haven’t seen him officially declared aro (yet).

If you’ve seen my aspd!Alastor or other aspd posts, then you probably know some of my thoughts on the subject. For those who haven’t, I’ll take it from the top.

I... am also concerned. I think in the end that how much depth Alastor’s characterization is given will determine whether or not the aro is a good move. 

From what we’ve seen and what’s been given, Alastor is a manipulative, unhinged, sadistic, vaguely narcissistic asshole who cares nothing for anyone other than himself. On that description alone, I would very much recommend not labeling him as aromantic. Aro people have had enough of that stereotype, thank you very much. Also, people such as that can experience romantic attraction, it’s just that they tend to be douchebags about it.

That being said, the Alastor comic does give me hope.

(If you haven’t read the comic, go do so, because there be spoilers ahead. https://www.hazbinhotel.com/alastor-comic/page-1)

Yes, he’s a generally annoying pain in the ass dressed in bright red. However, he also wasn’t just going about his business killing everyone for the Hell of it. Sure, he might do that sometimes, but I’ll take “sometimes.” Furthermore, he wasn’t purposefully extra-dickish to customer service people (unless you count feeding the birds, which should be considered a crime but also, Radio Demon, could’ve been worse) and he tips street musicians while being kind to his fans. 

He obviously does want social interactions, and was increasingly frustrated and upset when everyone fled from him and the rose wilted at his touch. He wants positive interactions! He wants joy and pretty things and obviously does care about what others think of him, despite statements to the contrary.

And of course, the culmination of him indeed committing a murder and going full cannibal on someone’s ass... after stepping in to stop that person from abusing a customer, giving him a second chance, and then intervening again to stop the asshole from assaulting someone else.

None of these actions had any benefit to him. He knows that this will only increase his reputation as do-not-fuck-with-or-speak-to at worst, and have no affect at all at best. But he does it anyway.

So. If this is the Alastor Vivz sees and if we get more of him, of an Alastor who yes is a bit of an unhinged serial killer cannibal but also seeks out positive interspersonal interactions and cares about strangers, then I would be much more settled with giving him an official aromantic designation. Because then it’s not just that he said “fuck people and relationships; I’m a narcissistic sadist,” but that he’s searching for personal connections that resonate with him, and romance just isn’t it.

So. Yeah. Right now a lot of shit has been said about Alastor official and otherwise, half of it contradicting itself, and while I am Definitely Concerned about him playing into the stereotypical tropes around bad aro rep, I do have some hope that maybe it could play out well.

Also, unrelated to Vivz and how she and her team handles things, there’s always the fact that Alastor’s brother from another mother is undoubtedly Hannibal, who is the most in-love cannibalistic sadistic narcississtic serial killing gay to ever gay (or kill), so that’s a nice little counter-argument to have if and when people decide to be shit about Al’s character + acearo rep.

[captnjacksparrow]

I heard there were rumors about Naruto being developed into seinen after Shippuden. Wouldn't that have been wonderful? I think it was such a wasted opportunity for another amazing experience. We wouldn't have any child marriages, or that recycled bs Boruto. And a challenge for Kishimoto. Although I am not sure about that last one, he kind of lost the plot towards the end there.

But even so, what a wasted opportunity.

What's your take? What could have been the implications of that?

Am just going to take this ask as an heartful rant!!!!!! 😊😊😊😊

Just because of this ask, I decided to dig deeper into his past interviews and found things that even confirmed my opinions even stronger. 

Damn you!!!! Kishimoto!!!!

Thanks to you @sneezemonster15 🤩🤩🤩. LOL. Because When your speculation becomes true, you will experience some satisfaction which is immeasurable.

[[Anything I am going to cite from an old interview, after this line of the post is something I got to knew only today. Which means I never knew about these interviews before. Probably SNS shippers knew about these long back but to me it’s a new thing.]]

I heard there were rumors about Naruto being developed into seinen after Shippuden. Wouldn't that have been wonderful?

I never heard of such development and even if they do, they already did a lot of damage in the name of Boruto. And I don't think they can tell anymore story after Shippuden in a convincing way.

For me, Shippuden is in and of itself looks like a big seinen based Manga because I believe there were certain themes which were told in part 2 that are simply not suitable for a 12 year old to comprehend. Even I was overwhelmed by such plots because it really questioned my world view.

I mean, what can a 12 year old understand about Hatred or World peace which Nagato planned to implement or Itachi's pain? Yeah, there may be very few who could understand but majority don’t and hence we could see some part of fandom who still thinks ‘Sasuke should have left alone and made to start a new Village as a Revolution, or he should’ve destroyed Konoha to dust’. Any mature audience who consumed various media and have a broad world view would never spout such nonsense. Because the real world wouldn't work that way.

he kind of lost the plot towards the end there.

He didn’t actually. I believe he was made to create that Kaguya plot as a thread to continue Borutoverse. It may not be his idea. I am just speculating. Because Kishi is a damn genius in dropping threads much earlier in the story.

Example, Uchiha Madara.

When Sasuke and Naruto battled in VoTE1, I was wondering about the statues as to who might they be?. Then Kakashi slightly hinted us that the statues represents the men who created Konoha, but they were fighting until the very end for some reason. Similar to how Naruto and Sasuke fought there. And when Madara’s name was dropped for the first time when Sasuke suppressed Kurama, it just got only better.

So, I think Kaguya was a plot which was created right when Naruto was decided to pair up with Hinata and have a baby who will lead the Next Generation. When the series was going on and on about Sharingan, all of a sudden it took a U-Turn towards Byakugan. I was like, ‘Who the fuck cares about Byakugan anyway?’

Then it all made sense after looking at the abomination called ‘Boruto’, where all the Aliens were seen having Byakugan. So, It feels like he lost the plot. But I really think he was forced to. 

So far, whatever I wrote till now was my observation. 

That Damn Kishimoto gave an interview long back which proved my hunch right.

So, You see, he was never interested in a sequel series to happen. He was just forced to. 

Do you know what was the real ending he aimed for?

In many of my posts, I wrote about how SNS was a carefully constructed bond which Kishimoto paid a lot of attention to. I mean, there’s no way we can call the chapter 698 as a Retconned one. Every clues and hints were already there.

It seems that the bastard confessed about this 15 years ago, in 2006 Shonen Jump Interview and again in 2015 NYCC comic con.

He didn’t talk about Ships and shits in any of these interviews. He already planned the ending long back when he finished Part 1. The ending with Naruto and Sasuke doing Reconciliation Seal with Hashirama and Madara statues by visualizing everything into details and that too in freaking 2006. 

[[Click the picture to see the full view]]

Reconciliation of Naruto and Sasuke was something Kishi planned long back after finishing part 1. He even visualized all the panels in detail and that's the ending he was striving towards.

It seems, he never planned about pairings and stuffs ahead as many shippers would like to claim. I am not saying he planned SNS as the endgame couple either. But I honestly think, Kishi wished for an ending similar to Chapter 699. Like without any pairing trash, finishing off with Naruto and Sasuke sharing their dreams and hopes together. 

And this is what I’ve been screaming in all my posts... That I speculate, I guess, I believe and so many similar words... that Kishi always wanted to finish with Chapter 699 and Chapter 700 feels like an afterthought.

But anyways, with Studio persuaded him into pair up his Main Characters, he was asked to write Boruto Script for one last time and it seems, that’s the only movie where he wrote the entire screenplay from A to Z. He said that Boruto movie is the ‘Pinnacle of his career’. Does it mean, ‘The Last’ movie was not his pinnacle, eh??? 

And what do I always scream about Boruto series in every posts?

That I feel like Naruto and Sasuke seems to Babysit Boruto like a parent. 

And that’s what he wanted to finish as the last chapter of Naruto.

I mean throughout the movie, there were no trace of Hinata and Sakura playing any major role in their Child’s life, instead Sasuke is seen talking fondly about Naruto to his Son, I mean Naruto’s Son. So, If he envision drawing 2 guys taking care of a child as the last chapter, then what was he trying to say?

This Kishimoto is just too sinister!!! 

And it seems, he dissed ‘The Last’ movie subtly in his own words. Like almost he claims he had no part in that movie. Well, I always had my doubt regarding that movie. Never expected Kishi would say this.

Couple of days ago, I made a post about, how Kishi never gave 2 fucks about Sakura from the beginning. I analyzed that post based on my observation by carefully reading through panels in the initial chapters and his motivations to draw the panel in a certain way. That gave me an idea of what Kishi’s style of designing a character. I never knew about this Interview thing, when I wrote that post.

It seems, in an Interview, he pretty much confirmed my view about him.

Kishi’s assistant was posed with a question, ‘How every character, no matter how bad they are, gets redeemed in some way?’

To which he answered, ‘Before even making a first appearance, Kishi will lay out how he wants the character to be, what it’s personality traits are, what was it about to do.’

So, Kishi really never planned to make Sakura redeemable. Her fate was sealed when she unveiled her grand dream in chapter 4 before her teammates.

What I would like to conclude is,

Kishi developing anything after Shippuden will not have his full heart. So, that development based on Seinen may not be true. 

Kishi planned Chapter 698 long back when he completed Part 1. He even visualized every panels about how it is going to be. So, probably Chapter 699 is where Kishi intended to end the series. Hence, the abomination you were made to see in Boruto is not his idea.

He never planned about pairings unless he was asked to. Hinata was the popular one and he just went with it. It’s not like he always intended for Naruto to end up with Hinata.

When he was asked to write a story about Boruto, he envisioned Boruto movie as the final chapter of Naruto series, if only he had the opportunity to draw this as a manga. In this movie, Naruto became an Hokage, Sasuke is a Shadow Hokage, Naruto’s son was adopted by Sasuke. Hinata and Sakura were the bench warmers. 

It seems to me that Kishi somehow wants to place Naruto and Sasuke as the face of this series towards the end. He knew that he can't make them as an official couple and when things didn't go as he planned he made them into an unofficial couple who takes cares of a boy with all the care.

Geez!!! I wish I were wrong😏😏😏😏. But all these interviews proves that I was right about many things without even realizing it was there.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I Thought About "Hunting Palismans" From The Owl House

Salutations, random people on the internet who certainly won’t read this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Today, I present to you reason #4,693 for why The Owl House is the best thing at the moment: It's the perfect balance of serialized storytelling with an episodic format. The story always moves forward with an exact order for how episodes should be watched, but each episode still functions as its own standalone tale. Having prior knowledge of what happened before adds more to the experience, but you can still watch whatever you want and still have an enjoyable time. Take "Hunting Palismans," for example. It adds so much more to the overarching narrative while slightly continuing other threads. But it's still something you can watch as is without remembering the past or wondering about the future.

However, to properly explain how requires spoilers. I wasn't kidding when I say that this episode adds so much, so you're going to want to be wary of that when you continue reading.

With that said, let's review, shall we?

WHAT I LIKED

Coven Heads Meeting: We already saw these fellow schmucks in the trailer, but that doesn't take away how cool they are! It's not explicitly stated which head belongs to which coven, but you can already tell who goes where just from their designs alone. And I love that. I love that just by showing us some excellent character designs, anybody with half a brain can already figure out the particular type of magic each Coven Head specializes in. It's a perfect example of the show-don't-tell level of storytelling that is always at its best through animation, and I'm all for it because of it.

What the Day of Unity is: Several fans, myself included, have already speculated that the Day of Unity was that Emperor Belos planned to combine the human world with the Boiling Isles and rule it all with an iron fist. That being said, figuring it out is one thing, but being told that it's true is a whole different level pants-s**ting horror that I AM NOT READY FOR! Even when it's going to happen, I can assure you that I will not be prepared to witness it ...and I am scared of when it does.

Belos Body Horror: ...Disney, I was already scared s**tless of this guy. I DO NOT NEED THIS!

That being said, seeing Belos do...whatever the f**k that was, helps explain further why he needs the magic in palismans. I always assumed because it's like fuel for a car, giving him the power he needs. Now, even though the answer is more apparent, there are still some questions to be had. Is he cursed, and the magic keeps it at bay like Eda's potions? Or did he experiment with the wrong type of magic, and the palismans keep him stable? Only the future can say for sure...and I'm also not prepared for the answers from that either.

Golden Guard is Belos’ Nephew: Gosh dangit, THE INTRO HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET, AND THIS EPISODE IS ALREADY GIVING SO MUCH!

But, yeah, the most powerful witch on the Isles is apparently Golden Boy's Grunkle Belos. That very knowledge is incredibly interesting to discuss while presenting possibilities for future narratives. I don't know about you, but I see the Golden Guard going down the path of Zuko, learning that the magic of friendship is worth much more than whatever power he gains from being Belos' nephew. And possibly earning his uncle's love seeing how he's the only family he has. It's a situation that's vastly different from Amity's because even when she defies her parents, she'll still have Edric and Emira at the end of the day. For Golden Guard, knowing that he lost a great family to wild magic, the inclination to go against Belos is a lot weaker due to him being all he has left.

Oh, and also, Belos' family getting wiped out because of wild magic. Yeah, not only does that give the best type of motivation for Belos' distaste for it, but it also explains the Golden Guard's hesitance to use it. He's inclined to so he can save his uncle, sure. It's only the fact that he knows what happens with wild magic that causes some resistance...Also, we're less than a minute in, and I'm already getting all of this from one discussion between two characters.

HOW IS THIS SHOW SO GOOD?!

Intro Changes: It's about time too. It seems weird that the crew waited to change Eda and King's designs in the intro this late in the game, but it also tells me that Amity dying her hair lavender is the last huge change this season will present. Otherwise, why change the intro at all if you were going to alter Luz, Willow, and Gus' designs anyway? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Luz Keeping the Echo Mouse as a Pet: The fact that she keeps the most important creature in the world to her as a pet...it's...it's adorable, alright? And as we established several times, I cannot hate adorable things.

Don't judge me!

Amity Staying Home: There are two plausible ways why Amity didn't go to school that day. Either she's getting punished for dying her hair or because she's trying to avoid Luz so they won't talk about the you-know-what. Either could work and seem understandable to Luz, thus explaining why she admits how "that makes sense." Although, there is something to discuss in how Luz is curious as to where Amity is. Judging from the tone of her voice, it's pretty clear that she wants to talk about the little peck on the cheek and maybe get some confirmation as to what it means. Because there is no going back from that. You can explain away saying or doing something stupid, but you cannot un-kiss a cheek. That is a point of no return, and if Amity really is avoiding Luz because of it, that means it's up to our favorite weirdo to make the first move. As for what that may entail...we'll just have to wait and see.

Frewin: We get two bits of information here for the price of one reveal here. Knowing that Frewin is a palisman is shocking enough, but the knowledge that Bump is partially blind and needs Frewin to see? That is an intriguing piece of intel that I would have never expected to get revealed. This is reason #5,279 for what makes The Owl House so good. Even when the show presents information you wouldn't guess, it's all so interesting anyways that you can't help but go along with it.

Adopting Palismans: First of all, love the fact that the Bat Queen makes a return to provide a solution to the palisman trees being rare and solving her own problem regarding the discarded palismans. It's a situation where everyone wins in a way that is so clever that I can't help but admire it.

Second, the idea of students choosing to adopt palismans instead is cute. I'd say it gives further insight into who these characters are in how they say what they want to be, but there's nothing really new added that fans couldn't figure out from the get go. But I will say that it's pretty cool to know that these characters have official staffs now. Speaking of which, if you're upset that their palismans don't match up with your headcanons...grow up.

This was a cute and smartly written scene that should not be bogged down by whiney fans who can't accept a series doing something different from what they expect.

Little Rascal: I’d take a bullet for this bird. That is all.

Luz Being Uncertain of her Future: A lot of fans offer several ideas of what the future could look like for Luz. Will she stay in the Boiling Isles? In Connecticut? Or will she go back and forth? We don't know, but one question we rarely brought up is what does Luz want? More specifically, what does she want to do? After everything Luz went through, the adventures she's gone on, and the lessons learned, what is something that Luz wants her future to be? That's an answer she doesn't really figure out, and I'm genuinely ok with that being a question that's tabled for another day. Most kids who ask that question themselves aren't always going to find an answer after a short amount of time and sometimes even need to spend their lives trying to figure it out. So having it be something Luz has to consider and probably find out in a future episode is the smarter option, as it allows time for it to simmer in her own mind and provides more insight into her character. As stated several times in this episode, she doesn't think things through, so it's nice that the writers finally allowed her some time to wonder what's next when the adventure is over.

Luz Having to Improvise Without Paper Glyphs: You want to know what my favorite Spider-Man moments are (this is relevant. Trust me). My favorite moments are when Spidey's web-shooters run out of fluid, and he's forced to improvise with that big brain of his to find a solution. That's sort of what happens with Luz in "Hunting Palismans." She didn't bring her glyphs with her (why would she), so she's forced to use the environment around her to make new ones. Plus, Luz also flexes her knowledge of the Boiling Isles by mixing her glyphs with a magical plant (which Willow certainly told her about) so that she and the Golden Guard could knock out Kikimora's dragon. It's yet another showcase of her intelligence that a lot of fans are too keen to overlook. Unfortunate to see, too, because looking at how well Luz can craft the perfect solutions by fighting smarter, not harder, is a fantastic add-on to her personality. I love characters who win through their wits rather than their raw powers, and I once again hope more people will catch onto that aspect of her too.

Golden Guard Whistling the Theme: Look, I love it when a show acknowledges its own theme song, ok? Leave me alone.

Luz and the Golden Guard: This is one of those dynamics you didn't know you wanted until you have it. And now that I have it, I DEMAND MORE!

Seriously, seeing these two interact off of each other was a ton of fun to watch. When Luz and GG are initially at each other's throats, their threats and mockery towards one another aren't out of spiteful anger between two mortal enemies. It's more like...two siblings who get on each other's nerves yet are supposed to deal with one another. It's equally adorable and hilarious, and yes, I absolutely loved that they're forced to work together in this episode because of it.

Although, while the entertainment value is fantastic, it also adds more proof of why Luz is the best character in the series. She spends one night with this guy, and that's more than what she needed to make a difference with him. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're buddies now, but Luz definitely sowed the seeds into his redemption. He's far from willing to join her side, but he still does something he rarely does with anyone else: He told her that his name is Hunter. And this is what Luz does. Through nearly every person she meets on the Boiling Isles, she always manages to change them for the better. It'll be a while before Hunter deflects from Belos, but if Amity proves anything, Luz has a way of sneaking into people's hearts. They just need to spend more time with one another, and I can't wait to see what happens next because of it.

Kikimora Wanting to Kill Hunter: This shows a lot about who Kikimora is, but it potentially proves just how dysfunctional the Emperor's Coven can be. If Kiki proves anything, the coven must be filled with people willing to backstab and cheat their way to get on Emperor Belos' good side. Just look at Lilith. She literally cursed her own sister just to get in and received all the rewards because of it. The Emperor's Coven may be the best choice for witches to do magic, but if you're surrounded by people you can't trust, then is it really worth it?

The Guards Not Knowing Who Hunter is: This helps add to how much of a big deal it is for Hunter to reveal his name to Luz. If people can't even recognize his face, there's a chance it means that he keeps his true identity a secret except for those in his inner circle.

And the coven guards brushing off his brand is more than believable to me. They may be aware that Belos' right hand is young, but teens will be teens. Anybody with enough artistic talent can fake a brand. So it isn't too far off for those two to think Hunter was just a kid pulling a prank.

Hunter is Powerless Without his Staff: Not much to say here. It's just some more neat insight into Hunter's character that makes me wonder if even Belos' magic is real magic.

But I will say this: The fact that Hunter comes from a lineage of powerless witches, well, who's to say that isn't because of a...certain ancestor?

(*Cough* Hunter is related to Philip *Cough*)

Hunter vs Kiki: A pretty well-animated fight scene that adds potential drama to the story for the future. Now that Kikimora knows that Hunter helped Luz escape with the palismans (albeit unwillingly), she may or may not hold that over his head when the time comes. Or, at the very least, decides to keep a closer eye on him whenever he makes a slip-up.

Eda and King Getting Luz her own Palisman Wood: These last two weeks have been severely lacking in the Eda and King department, but scenes like this more than make up for it. Those two have formed such a bond with Luz to the point where they would do the impossible if it meant she would feel better. It proves just how much of a family they all are and the lengths they would go for each other. After all, weirdos have to stick together.

Little Rascal going to Hunter: Hunter is right. That was surprising.

Given how much Little Rascal stuck by Luz, I was more than positive that she would be the one he chose. So seeing Little Rascal pick Hunter instead is a much nicer twist. There could be multiple reasons why, and I'm just going to leave that to the analyzers in this fandom to decide. Especially since the answer isn't really all that important.

So, instead, I'm going to go ahead and sit in the corner as I wOrRy AbOuT tHe DaY tHaT bElOs FiNdS lItTlE rAsCal!

IT'S GONNA HAPPEN! AND I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY, IF THE WRITERS KILL HIM, I WILL NOT BE HAPPY!

WHAT I DISLIKED

First, there's...um...

Well, there was this...

Ok, as much as I liked--No, that turned out well anyways...

…

...

...I've got nothing.

I, honest to goodness, have no complaints about "Hunting Palismans" Not even the tiniest of nitpicks I would usually ignore due to how well-executed everything else was.

It's all written fantastically to the point where it's...perfect.

IN CONCLUSION

"Hunting Palismans" is an easy A+. It introduces even more plot threads, gives insight into characters, and despite being essential to the story, it still manages to be a fun episode all on its own. And, I'd go so far as to say that it's one of the best, if not the best, episodes in the series. There's nothing bad about it, and that surprises me. I rarely find nothing bad to say about any story, even the ones I enjoy greatly. I'm sure there are some flaws that others would be more than happy to point out, but why bother hunting for the imperfections when I could accept that, for once, an episode is simply perfect.

(And that’s six hits in a row...THAT STINKER IS GOING TO HAPPEN! It hasn’t happened yet, BUT IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN! I CAN FEEL IT!)

[tedturneriscrazy]

🎶Knock, Knock, Knockin' On Hooty's Door🎵

I wonder if anything will happen in this episode.🙂

(I say as if I didn't watch the episode twice before going to bed and writing this post)

I don't think I'll ever not be amused by the way Hooty just...does things with his face

Seems like he found a thesaurus at some point

Okay so it's canonically spelled "Hootsifer," good to know

Also, this is really all we get of Lilith, huh?

His little hoot/coo at Lilith's letter❤❤❤

To borrow a meme format: If I had a nickel for every time Alex Hirsch was involved in a show where one of the characters was experiencing pubescent voice cracks, I'd have two nickels, which isn't very much but it's weird that it happened twice

Eda's face🤣

As much as this bit is played for laughs, Eda's clearly still shaken by what happened last episode

Jeez, Luz, priorities /j

Pictured: Hooty

The way King talks about being pelleted implies this is something Hooty does on the regular

Hooty's plan to help King is literally a Buzzfeed quiz? Okay then

Betcha never expected lore from Hooty, eh?

"DO NOT INTERRUPT"

Officially a "type of worm"

The dance being a grievous insult wasn't exactly from nowhere, but still funny nonetheless

WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING COCCOON

Tiny Nose playing Switch definitely seems to be drawing from Dana's real life experiences

Wait, Hooty and Tiny Nose are friends?

Well shit, turns out she could use magic this whole time. Guess her going Super Saiyan wasn't just the power glyph.

I am extremely skeptical of your medical credentials, TN

I have so many questions about the methodology they used for the blood test(s)

I think Hooty may have misinterpreted what King was looking for

I'm still amazed at how King has had, and continues to have, moments in the show with some of the greatest emotional weight

Ooh, sound powers!

"IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CRUMBLE!!!"

It just occurred to me that that segment consisted mostly of Alex Hirsch talking to himself

Hello not-at-all obvious setup

Today I learned that Hooty is the baker of the house. Maybe he'd critique Amity's fairy pie.

Aaaaand there's the sleep inducing

Oh shit

In hindsight the Owl Beast being part of a dream sequence is rather obvious

Wow, Eda, tell us how you really feel about the Owl Beast

Oh we're just gonna ride aboard the Trauma Express today, huh?

Oh, I guess Lilith did make an appearance, after all

Damn, Gwen, not even looking

Oh shit dad issues

Sandy Cohen?! (To anyone who gets that reference, hi. How are your 30s treating you?)

Well, I know who Peter Gallagher voices now, anyway

Oh dear...

(Also, bright flashing lights triggering the curse? There's an epilepsy allegory in here somwhere)

Blood and eye injury? Gotta stretch that Y7 rating

Now we have some context for that look on Eda's face when Lilith mentioned their dad: good old fashioned guilt!

I desparately want to make a "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" joke, but I'm better than that

New memory! Raine!

Oh no...

I get the feeling I'll hate this part, too

They were exes!😢 Guess the fandom called that one

The reasoning for them being exes is understandable, all too real, and goddamn heartbreaking

That said, the fact they never stopped loving each other🥺😢😭

I do hope we can see Raine again under less...traumatic circumstances. Maybe that wedding that was mentioned?

Oh shit, are we getting into the Owl Beast's memories?!?! What a tweest!

Bet nobody expected Cloaked Moonface to show up in the frickin Hooty episode

(Also, holy shit I briefly forgot this was the Hooty episode)

Who is this mysterious cloaked figure? And why are they so tall and long?

So the curse was a sealed beast this whole time. Damn.

And it was just picked up as beach junk to sell as a trinket. So much for it being connected to Belos. (Not that people will stop trying to do so)

Who had "experiencing sympathy for the Owl Beast" on their Bingo cards for this episode? Yeah, me neither.

And here we have the necessary Eda coming to terms with her curse segment. More accurately, Eda and the curse coming to terms with each other.

Goddamnit why does it have to be cute

"It's like sandpaper" IT'S LIKE A CAT I FUCKING CAN'T

Insert Steamed Hams reference here to kill the mood

New transformation!

Oh no she's hot!

No, Hooty, you made it surprisingly much, much better!

She might have a problem pushing people away and holding onto guilt, but Eda always knows that she looks damn good

Oh right, Luz having girl problems. Fuck, so much is happening in this episode!

"Cotton-candy-haired Goddess" LUZ! 🤣

Attuned to other people's emotions = being a fucking creeper

Oh Luz, what happened to you back home?

Also, 99.999% certain Amity would love your cheesiness

That's...rather morbid, Hooty

So much lore development, including the fact the Owl House has a basement

Classic inanimate object silhouette fakeout gag. Subversion in 3...2...1...

There it is!

I can't imagine being pelleted is a fun experience.

Honestly I have so many questions about how Hooty got Amity there in the first place, but I'm not so sure I actually want to know the answers to any of them...

Cue much panicking

Wow, I'm really getting some Into the Bunker flashbacks

Oh this is gonna be amazing isn't it

I commend Luz for not actually dropping dead of embarrassment

Seriously, how can Hooty set all this up so fast yet not hold a pen?!?!?!

Poor Luz, she thinks this is destroying her chances

Meanwhile Amity is just "Oh, Titan, is this actually happening?!"

The way she's fixing her hair!❤

Goddamnit Luz let this play out, she's so clearly into this!

"Again?!" Okay who do I have to kill?

Luz is luzing it

Nooooooo....

JUST TALK FOR FUCK'S SAKE (aka how like 95% of issues in literally any plot could be solved)

Noooo Amity's so heartbroken right now💔

This isn't what either of them wanted!

To be fair, Hooty, Luz had a part in this too. Not that she can be blamed entirely. Poor thing clearly had some awful experiences back home...

Now Hooty is McFucking losing it

Why did I think he was gonna say "Looks like I'm gonna have to JUMP!" I think I've watched too much Homestar Runner (jk there's no such thing)

Those pulsating organs are still gross

Eda swooping in to save her son (No, really, he actually is now)

I'll say things get weird when Hooty gets upset!

Yes, King! Save them with your voice powers!

Damn that is some romantic lighting, and Luz is enjoying the eye candy (cotton candy, if you will)

Luz's reaction to Harpy!Eda is the family-friendly summation of how the fandom has reacted.

Hooty really just tearing up the landscape in remorse

Mother-daughter moment about love life!

I appreciate not just Eda's encouragement but her actually asking Luz what she wanted

God, Eda is best mom

Also, OH FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING?!

OH SHIT

THESE ADORABLY AWKWARD NERDS❤💜💙

"I'm not as cool as you think" could be interpreted as self-deprecating, but here it seems...oddly reassuring?

The way Luz eloquently says how she wants Amity in her future...beautiful❤

Luz making some good faces

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

YOU CUTE DORKS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

THERE IT IS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS

WE WERE LOSING OUR SHIT OVER A PECK ON THE CHEEK THREE WEEKS AGO AND NOW LOOK WHERE WE ARE HOLY FUCK

Awkwardness is still there, but that's to be expected

BET Y'ALL DIDN'T EXPECT THAT TRAILER SHOT TO BE IN THE HOOTY EPISODE HUH

THE WAY LUZ RUBS AMITY'S HAND😭😭😭😭😭

(And yeah, it's gonna still be scary, but only because it promises to be so wonderful)

Let's give it up for Hootsifer, goddamn!

Let'a also appreciate just how fucking funny it is that Lumity becomes official in the Hooty episode

Fus ro WEH!

Hooty actually saying "Luz's new GF" out loud...

In just about any other show the love interests getting together would be a climax/culmination of the entire plot. Here? It's actually used to advance the plot, and that is brilliant!

Dana Terrace and the crew really just knocking it out of the park again and again, huh

"They're adorable, and deserve all the happiness!" Well said, Hootsifer. Well said.

Probably for the best they had Hooty promise that. As much as what happened/progressed, there was a lot of property damage.

OH SHIT ONCE AGAIN

King's dad/relative! And he's voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson!

GODDAMNIT HOOTY

Wow. Just...wow. This episode.

King has voice powers! Harpy!Eda! Lumity are girlfriends for real!!!!

How do you pack so much into a single episode?! And so expertly?!

I had my suspicions before, but this confirms it: The Owl House is the greatest show of all time.

And we have two episodes left until the hiatus! And 11 episodes in the season after that! What are we in for?!?!?!

I, for one, can't wait to find out!

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[everything-laito]

if I don’t have tendinitis by the end of writing this series, I am officially immortal. anyways here’s the long awaited Laito and Cordelia analysis: Part I

Hi, Corn here! Holy shit I’ve been wanting to write this for forever now; idk how long this series will be but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna wing it.

Lemme get something REAL clear before I begin. Because for some fucking reason I still see people trying to say that Cordelia did not molest/rape/etc Laito. Cuz she did. It’s called grooming and manipulation, sweetie. And I’ll explain that too. 

Also, I’m not defending or justifying Cordelia’s actions (there’s a difference between explaining why something happens and defending it. For example, we know racism is harmful and awful, but explaining what it is and why it happens isn’t defending it). I also don’t defend Laito’s nonconsensual or abusive actions either on here, I also wanna clarify that. I just merely explain his theorized rationale and psyche.

God I don’t even know where to start, or where this is exactly going to end, but my god, time to pop off. I’m going to divide this into sections as well. 

Also I think this is usually a given with all the Laito stuff I put on here, but, spoilers ahead! And trigger warnings galore! Pedophilia/rape/abuse/grooming/depression/anxiety are the ones I can think of now, but all of those are really a given on this blog. Just wanna emphasize it because I’m gonna go deep into em. 

As always,,,,, rant under the cut~!

Section 1: Before the Storm (insert Life is Strange joke here)

There’s quite a bit of back and forth about where Cordelia started doing this. I just finished Dark Fate and the conversation between the triplets caught my eye. Laito mentions in his Dark Fate Ecstacy Epilogue that implies Cordelia wasn’t abusive at first. It’s revealed how Karlheinz used Cordelia just for his Adam and Eve experiment to create a new human race, which is why he blatantly ignores her after courting her and making her have kids that she didn’t even wanna have. Which is. Yikes. I’d say that’s a form of coercive pregnancy abuse.

The conversation turns to Laito who then says that Cordelia lost her mind due to of sexual frustration and then hurt the triplets. Sexual frustration is a real and common thing, but I’m gonna explain the potential logistics of this being turned into abuse. 

Sexual frustration in general can be described as a sense of “dissatisfaction stemming from a discrepancy between a person’s desired and achieved sexual activity” (source). I know it’s from Wikipedia but the phrasing of that definition is just too perfect. (also Wikipedia’s good just to get the basics from ;) ) Sexual frustration can happen from physical, mental, emotional, social, religious, or spiritual barriers. Everyone has some kind of ideal sexual activity, whether it be innate and or learned (like getting used to sexual acts over time, whether that be from a traumatic or consensual experience). However, I can safely say that Cordelia has high libido, regardless of the reason. 

Oxytocin, my absolute favorite hormone to talk about, is huge in this case. Touch starvation (what I’d say most of us are going through now because of quarantine) also depends on oxytocin level. We’re social creatures, and we need touch in some way. Having sexual needs is also not a thing to be shameful of (if you do have them), since that is also very human and very biological. Oxytocin is needed for so many things! From social bonding, sexual bonding, reproduction in general, and general emotional wellbeing. Everyone has different levels of oxytocin needs. With a lack of oxytocin, whether it causes sexual frustration or touch starvation (or both), it can create fear, anxiety, and or depression. This has to do with my favorite part of the brain, the amygdala. It’s this lil almond shaped part (hence, amygdala, which is Latin for “almond”) is responsible for empathy, your fight and flight response, as well as SO many other things. I’ll talk more about the amygdala later, because I’m getting off track. 

Back to the logistics of oxytocin deficiency and abuse. Basically, I didn’t initially think that touch starvation or sexual frustration could get so bad that someone would resort to abuse. Haven’t found anything that supports that either. However, since it is linked to depression and stress, I do believe Cordelia would have other underlying psychological issues that made her response to depression and stress just so much worse. It’s kind of obvious that Karlheinz absurd her, and when someone goes through a traumatic episode, there’s different coping mechanisms or different emotions are triggered. Maybe even before Karlheinz she had issues, but we will never know. I just know that Cordelia seems susceptible to some kind of manic episodes, such as mood swings and intense behaviors. 

Dark Fate confirms that Karlheinz most likely used this, and used Cordelia due to her Founder blood and that her psyche was “optimal” to eventually have the triplets kill her. Karl can see the future and past etc, I believe that was confirmed in Lost Eden too. Anyways, all of this paves the way to what Cordelia did to the triplets.

Section 2: The Beginning

There’s been quite a bit of back and forth between when did Cordelia start sexually abusing Laito? We know that Kanato and Ayato were abused when they were young, but there’s no flashbacks in Laito’s routes that depicts him being a child (to my knowledge). Not saying Laito wasn’t abused when he was a child, but I can assure you that the first time Cordelia had explicit sex with Laito was when he was older. 

Special thanks to @vampiretsuki​ and @amiecris​ for helping me think this through on Zara’s server! 

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance. 

Now, you may be thinking, “Oh! What about Ayato and Laito’s Versus II CD?! Didn’t it mention that Laito wasn’t in the triplet’s shared bed 9/10 times?!” And yeah, if you remembered that, kudos to you! Yes, you’re totally right. I thought this was some inconsistent writing, but I don’t believe so. I believe Cordelia was grooming Laito as a kid. For some reason, grooming never came to my mind, it was Tsuki who mentioned grooming, and Cris also backed that notion up. It’s not confirmed if Cordelia planned to do this to Laito in the beginning (which I doubt, I think she sexually exploited him on a whim due to sexual frustration and because Karl wouldn’t; and the suitors she had wasn’t “enough” for her) but I think it’s implied that it happened (from the earlier excerpt). As for grooming, here’s an excerpt from the VS II CD:

Ayato: You weren’t even there 9 out of the 10 times. Laito: So you knew, Ayato-kun. Ayato: … Laito: You know, I have been thinking how I came to be the person I am today. I am still wondering why wasn’t it Ayato-kun or Kanato-kun.

God that’s so SAAAD! This is why Laito being groomed from a young age would make sense. It would also make sense as to why he was so dismissive and hesitant to help Ayato out. In Ayato’s flashbacks, Laito is there, but doesn’t interfere when Cordelia gets into the picture. Laito tends to run away from his problems, and this manifests even when he’s a kid. To further the support of the claim, it’s definitely not farfetched that Cordelia would do something to a child, especially her own child. She used Kanato for his singing voice when she was having sex..... yikes. That’s another form of sexual exploitation. So uh, let’s dive right into see what grooming does,,,,, *opens another private window* Here’s the source I’ll be using too. 

Grooming is a process that is typically used to sexually exploit children. Ewewewewewewew. It can be a quick or gradual process. It’s basically harnessing the trust in children utilizing constant contact. There’s not much explicit evidence describing this with Cordelia, but if Laito wasn’t sexually exploited when he was younger in the fashion he was “used” to when he got older, again I do think he was groomed. It would make sense as to why he either avoided conflict with Cordelia as a child. Either that was his own disposition (which to a degree I think it is), or maybe he was confused about Cordelia’s actions towards his other brothers, since he “loved” Cordelia. Young Laito typically fell silent when Cordelia entered the room, which again could be because of his disposition, fear, or he knows not to say much in front of her. 

During the grooming process, a child can result in not being able to see coercion and deception. In general, kids 7 years old and under biologically are not able to differentiate persuasion from their own decisions, which results in the laws surrounding advertisements catering to children. Fun fact. I know we’re dealing with vampires and so their brains might not work like that, but from what I’ve seen, they’re pretty human. Also, we’re still not sure about their ages or how vampire biological ages work, but bear with me on this. 

Another stage of grooming involves cutting off the child’s support system, whether it be family, friends, etc. I made a comment in an analysis that Laito doesn’t have a support system, and at the very least, his brothers. But even that is pretty weak. You know how it’s mentioned how Laito wasn’t even in bed with Ayato and Kanato most of the time? That’s probably due to Cordelia weakening Laito’s bonds with them. Furthermore, on the website I’m using to get information from, it says this:

Control and alienation is exercised in the following ways:

[more bullet points here]

- creating conflicting feelings of love and hate, protection and exploitation, guilt and innocence, entitlements and duties.

OOOOOHHHHHH BBBBBOOOOOYYYYYY!!!!! Ayato and Kanato say that they fucking hate Cordelia. But... Laito’s the only one that says he “loves” her. He also says that he hates her. So, from this, I think it might be safe to say that Cordelia groomed Laito as a child, and continued to use those tactics when he was older.

Well, I’m gonna end it here for part one. That was quite the ride, but I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! Next part, we’ll be getting into Laito when he’s older and the effects it had on him, along with some other crazy dark sides of psychology. I still won’t be answering many of my inbox questions until this huge analysis is finished, sorry! I kinda wanna focus on this first. But feel free to hit me up with any questions! I’ll still get to them :)

Any Cordelia/Laito questions will most likely be answered in this series, just a heads up. But if you have any questions pertaining to Cordelia/Laito right now or after the series, feel free to hit me up still! Any clarifying questions for this post or anything in general are always encouraged as well if you’re confused or want me to elaborate on something :)

Part two is planned to be up next week! See ya then ;) -Corn