#and it is actually kind of traumatizing because it does look a stab wound from a murder victim

[dianasprnce]

forgot to make the traumatizing announcement that i kind of got stabbed yesterday

[deprivedwithjoy]

The Clear Sight of a Blind Lady

R E F L E C T I O N

Do not ever mistake me for a fool, your backhanded compliments are well-received but disregarded. Oppress your resentment, and you shall receive a politely served silent treatment. There is no need to act like a clown performing in a circus, if you're that desperate for attention then go block the streets and have a bus filled with dumb children to run you over. Maybe this time, playing the victim would actually convince people. Before you react negatively to this post, allow me to clarify this once and for all. No, this is not about you. However, if I did hit a nerve, please go to the nearest hospital immediately and demand to be prescribed anaesthesia to ease the pain of an intentionally stabbed wound. Another option would be to lie to yourself, use passive aggression, and create imaginary arguments in your head while staring at the window for several hours as if you're the main character with an incredibly traumatic past.

During the years of oxygen consumption, the compilation of data from experiences formulated a conclusion. Ignoring the elephant in the room does not make YOU the bigger person. It only makes things worse. And by that, I mean, it only makes your resentment worse because you thought you were undergoing an intense villain arc when in all actuality, you're not. Those people are stuck in the loop of hell where they are so convinced that their beliefs are righteous and justified, despite multiple signs of inherent subjectivity. They labelled close ties to be selfish after a trivial disagreement, as they claim themselves to be the so-called "open-minded" individuals who follow ONLY the ethical rules of life. That mindset itself is ironic; they're basically calling the world flat but simultaneously, they frown upon those who are humiliated for being in the same dark side of stupidity.

Once again referring to that random elephant who is currently banging its head against the floral-decorated wall, allow me to elaborate. You can still see the elephant, it did not just magically disappear after stealing the bike from your garage. For this upcoming statement, I would like to NOT apologise in advance for certain people's entitlement and inability to accept the fact that they are not always right. Therefore, if an acquaintance of mine wishes to separate themselves from my life, then they are more welcome to do so. Pride is often useful if it is to protect the values of oneself. The moment a blunder of mine was revealed, I tend to adjust my actions to prevent any further harm in the future and I also try my best to acknowledge the wisdom in failure.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the same principles as mine. Too much pride and vanity will cause more damage than the shifting of perspectives. Either way, do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Although I'm willing to understand your situation and compromise, I will not ALLOW you to disrespect me. If our relationship is lasting merely for the reason that I'm agreeable and you reap the fruitful harvest, then our relationship is fragile and it was already meant to be broken from the start.

If you identify one of my mistakes as an envious action of betrayal to pull you down, then let go of me. Let's be honest, if that's how shallow your mindset is, then none of your relationships will last.

If you view yourself to be superior to others for your diligence and some positive traits from past achievements, have you tried looking into the mirror to check how inflated your ego truly is?

If you accuse me of someone who is verbally abusive and toxic for learning how to stand up for myself, isn't it "a tad bit" hypocritical since you are willing to do much worse to me just to cross my boundaries? You went so far as to get mad at me for saying "No" when it's my right to decline something I do not want. You can't even accept it, do you? No worries, I get it. We're not as self-aware and "amazing" as we thought. And sorry to burst your bubble, but you should seriously stop living in that victimhood mentality. Like no cap, that sucks. Want my reflection? Here it is. My reflection is a reflection of another person.

[phoenixyfriend]

For your suddenly omegaverse au what exactly happened? Like I think obiwan and Anakin hop over from cannon verse to omegaverse but I am unclear on if there already existed obiwan and Anakin in omegaverse. Did they die early or do they just not exist or are they just not force sensitive and therefore not a part of the order? Is there still a sith conspiracy around Anakin?

Context: Original Post, Surrogacy, Worldbuilding, Obi-Mom, Soap Operas

So, from the original post:

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse

Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don’t exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood.

To clarify: There has never been an Anakin Skywalker in this AU. There has never been an Obi-Wan Kenobi.

They don't know this for sure when they land in the AU, though. All they know is that the Jedi have no record of either of them. They figure, well, maybe they just got lost in the shuffle. Anakin wasn't found until he was nine, after all, and that was only by great coincidence.

The rest of this post has almost no mention of the omegaverse elements, FYI.

Warning: References to the Tusken massacre, explicit sedation and isolation of a mentally unstable individual threatening violence.

I don’t want to make light of institutionalization and involuntary holds, but Anakin is a character with a history of violence talking about repeating such an act, and that’s... a bit of an extreme case.

------

It's not that hard to convince the Temple to let them run a mission that lets them stop by Tatooine or Stewjon. Anakin cares a lot more, so Tatooine it is! Obi-Wan can tell there's something sketchy going on with Anakin's particular anxiety about this, but he rolls with it. Anakin was very specific about the timing for some reasons, and at this point, it's easier to just let it all play through.

They go well after the whole “congrats, you’re omegas... somehow,” thing has happened, a month or so before Geonosis would have happened. Obi-Wan has managed to help the council sabotage and delay the Separatist side of the war enough that they’ve gained... maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months. Just a little more time to keep a few more people alive. Nobody’s reached out to Kamino yet, and Jango isn’t staging a failed assassination to draw someone in, either. They’ve bought enough time for Anakin to spend his vacation time checking in on his mom seeing if he exists here, and Obi-Wan can go with him.

They get to Tatooine. They wander about, and Anakin doesn't actually explain where they're going, but takes them straight to where the Lars farm is. Obi-Wan lets Anakin tell him that it was the Force that led him to the right area. Anakin can sense that his mom is in there, and Obi-Wan chalks up the relief from his former padawan to 'she's here and we don't have to look for her.'

Anakin is... panicking. Just a bit. What if he shows up and it turns out this reality's Anakin is off doing something completely unrelated and she realizes he's the wrong person? Or what if she doesn't recognize him and he calls her Mom anyway? What if he fucks up and says something stupid or just starts crying on her? She'll think he's insane.

Obi-Wan... takes over.

Anakin stays hidden, listening. Obi-Wan knocks on the door, and asks if there's a 'Shmi Skywalker' in residence. Someone in town mentioned her. He explains that he has a young friend of about twenty years--they're not sure, exactly, because the friend doesn't know his own birthday, but it's about there--who happens to be a Skywalker, and they're trying to see if they can reconnect him with a parent. They don't have much to go off of other than the surname... the Shmi that lives here wouldn't happen to have ever had any children about that age?

No. She hasn't had any children of her own blood, actually, her only child is her stepson, but she'd be happy to meet this other Skywalker, if he's in the area. It's always nice to find family, and connecting with those that were separated from you is a big deal on Tatooine. She's not going to look a gift bantha in the mouth.

(Cliegg, dear, put down the rifle.)

Obi-Wan promises to let his friend know, bids them goodbye, and goes to find Anakin.

Anakin is having a bit of a breakdown.

As one does.

Anakin insists that they stick around for a bit, that they do what they can to protect the farm, because that's his mom, even if she's not really his mom, and Obi-Wan can tell there's a Lot Going On here. He assumes it's because Anakin's upset his mom doesn't know him, which is a little irrational on account of their two options being "Anakin doesn't exist (and so Shmi doesn't know him)" and "Anakin does exist (but Shmi doesn't know this Anakin, so she still doesn't know him)," but Anakin's not a very rational person.

Obi-Wan thinks tamping down the current crisis is probably a little more important than chastising Anakin's attachment issues, mostly because Anakin's hands are shaking, and he's looking a little wild-eyed, and like. Obi-Wan's not great at dealing with Anakin's many and varied emotions, but he's learned at some point when it's best to just... roll with it Until There's Less Risk of Stab or Sobbing Laughter.

He helps figure out some minor fuckery with the Force to hide the family in the homestead behind them from visitors, and to warn them to hide when someone comes by. It’s not a lot--mostly just meditating and asking the Force for a helping hand--but it’s nice.

Except, well, Anakin keeps fidgeting. He keeps panicking. He has them coming back almost daily for a week, always too scared to talk to his mom but insistent on protecting her, and always looking at the calendar. Obi-Wan wants to get back to the Temple, but whatever the actual hell is going on with Anakin is too big to just ignored.

A specific day comes and goes. Anakin is a mess of jitters and nerves, and finally Obi-Wan asks just the wrong (right?) question, and... they visit Shmi.

Anakin says they can talk later, he just wants to see his mom One Last Time.

(Obi-Wan is getting more and more worried, but he sits through the incredibly awkward meeting between Anakin and his alt-universe mom, watches as Anakin has no idea what to say and almost cries, and Shmi just kind of lets him do that and Beru--a sweet girl, Obi-Wan thinks, and very practical--tells him that this is all very normal for reunited slaves.)

(Obi-Wan wonders if maybe there’s some stuff Anakin never told him about how being a slave affected him.)

(Obi-Wan had thought they’d moved past most of this, but..)

The meeting ends. There’s hugging.

They get back to the ship, and Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin fall apart. Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin cry and scream into a pillow, hyperventilate and nearly punch a hole in the wall as he rages about how it was all for nothing! Obi-Wan gets to watch Anakin break into a million pieces in a way he’s never seen before.

Obi-Wan gets a confession.

Anakin tells him about the Tuskens.

It’s not an easy conversation. It’s not a short conversation, either. Anakin’s full of pain and misery and rising guilt, talks about how he’s been asking himself if it would be easier to keep his mother safe if he just killed them all now, except Obi-Wan would know, and be disappointed, and sure the Chancellor had said that they were little more than rabid animals, but Anakin doesn’t think he can kill the younglings again when his mom is still fine, and--

Obi-Wan sedates him.

He wants to say that he’s not proud of this, but... Anakin isn’t well. Anakin isn’t well in a way that is currently, specifically, revolving around doing extreme violence. Anakin is talking about going out and committing a slaughter as preventative maintenance.

Anakin stays sedated until they get back to the Temple, and he’s put in Force-suppressant cuffs--Obi-Wan quietly tells them to use something that can’t be sliced or taken apart by a droid specialist, and to avoid collars because Anakin was a slave for nearly a decade, and has a lot of traumatic associations--and in an isolated room.

It’s not a cell. Not technically.

He can’t just leave, though.

Obi-Wan hates himself for it, just a little. He doesn’t want to be doing this, not to his padawan, his brother, his son, but... a massacre. Even the younglings, he’d said.

(“He said he didn’t think he could do it again,” Obi-Wan mutters, half to himself and half to the mind healer that asks for his rundown of the situation. “I think he knows it was wrong, but...”)

(But he still did it, of course.)

It’s... better than Obi-Wan feared, but worse than he hoped.

Anakin is emotionally unstable. He has been, for a long time, but he’s usually functional. When the mind healer isn’t directly poking at his worst wounds, Anakin can more or less pass for... not okay, necessarily, but no worse than anyone else in the war had. He can say the right words. He can do a joint meditation. He can talk about philosophy the way a Knight that’s taken all the right classes does.

But part of Anakin still holds to the idea that the Tuskens deserved to die.

“This is my fault,” Obi-Wan whispers, more than once, resting his head in his hands, elbows on his knees. “I should have...”

“He was an adult,” says Mace, who isn’t Mace, not the one that Obi-Wan knows, but a newer friend, one that’s still figuring how to act around him. “Young, but still an adult. He made that choice.”

Obi-Wan doesn’t answer. Things aren’t that simple.

“The timing can’t have been a coincidence,” Obi-Wan mutters to himself, later on, but in the same spot, and the same position.

The Quinlan of this universe shrugs. He knows Obi-Wan better than most, right now. Psychometry’s helpful that way, and sharing Obi-Wan’s heat hadn’t hurt. “Seems likely. You said Sith were involved and setting traps, and a kid like yours, with that much power and trauma... ripe for the molding.”

Obi-Wan whines, and then catches the noise and stuffs it back down, locks it up tight with the other ‘instinct’ things he doesn’t like to think about having. The sound already has Quinlan shifting closer, and the smell is... intended to be comforting, he thinks. Reacting to his own distress, which he’s probably just pumping out right now, because he still doesn’t know how to--

“Can I help?” Quinlan asks, and Obi-Wan lets him.

Someone gets through to Anakin, maybe, or he just lets himself be ground down, or Obi-Wan’s entreaties that he can’t teach Ahsoka until he understands his crimes get through. He won’t be trusted around the clones until the Jedi can trust him to do the right thing, they inform him.

“I wouldn’t hurt the clones.”

“Nobody’s going to believe that until you understand your crimes and truly, actually feel remorse for them.”

There wasn’t a crime, technically. Not in this universe. That tribe is still alive, here, unknowing of the fate they escaped by dint of Anakin talking himself down from committing another slaughter.

(He tells the mind healer it’s because Obi-Wan was there.)

(He might have done it, he says, if he hadn’t thought Obi-Wan would be disappointed in him.)

(He says it like it’s a foregone conclusion, that Obi-Wan’s opinion is worth more than the horror of what he might become.)

“We’re going to keep an eye on anyone talking to Palpatine,” Shaak tells him one day, after Anakin’s been mental instability hold for two weeks. “We don’t know for sure how far the similarities extend from your universe to ours, but given everything else you’ve been right about...”

“That bad?” Obi-Wan asks.

Shaak grimaces, fangs glinting in the light. “I want to believe we’d have never allowed a child into such a position, but I can’t know what political leverage may have been used in your dimension... whatever reason was had to put Skywalker in those rooms, we know the consequences now--”

“What did he do to my padawan?” Obi-Wan demands, because Anakin won’t even tell him that. Anakin hasn’t mentioned Palpatine since they left Tatooine. Not to Obi-Wan.

“Nothing physical,” Shaak manages. “But the lies he told and the suggestions he planted... it’s good they haven’t met again yet in this life. We’ll all be keeping them far apart.”

He wants to take solace in that. “Why do you know before I do?”

“Skywalker values your opinion,” she says. “Only yours. He doesn’t want you more disappointed in him than you already are, so much of what is relayed to the council as a matter of security goes no further, but this was deemed necessary to share. He agreed to it, if you worried we’d broken his confidence.”

Anakin’s therapy would normally be entirely private.

Anakin’s therapy would normally not be in response to confessions of mass slaughter.

He hasn’t asked to be let out, which Obi-Wan hopes is a sign that he realizes at least subconsciously that he was in the wrong. The mind healer says he could have been released under watch by a Master probably a day or two after he arrived, but seems to be drawing some kind of comfort in knowing he couldn’t hurt someone even if he tried.

Obi-Wan is Anakin’s emergency contact. His next of kin. His healthcare proxy. Anakin has a right to privacy, minor as it is in such a situation, and everyone recognizes and treats him as an adult, but... Obi-Wan learns as much from the mind-healer as he would have back when Anakin was actually a child.

“He trusts you to make the right decisions,” the mind healer tells him, careful and unassuming. “He has... a lot of conflicting opinions about many things, including the order, the coming war, the nature of human reproductive dynamics, the Code... but he seems keen on the idea that you are his best reference on morality and ethics.”

Oh, good, more horrifying responsibility.

“He’s better,” the mind healer tells him. “I want to get him out of here before he starts going stir crazy while still relying on the perceived safety as a crutch for his mental health. And he--”

“He’ll be staying with me,” Obi-Wan says, heavy as anything. “I know.”

“Well... there’s a war coming,” the mind healer says. She offers a thin smile when he looks at her. “I don’t want him going out, but it makes him feel useful, gives him a direction for the aggression, and... the Council is adamant that we’ll need him as much as we need you.”

It’s true.

“Did he tell you why everyone called him the Hero With No Fear?”

“No.”

“Ask him.”

[kikyan]

Izaya Ending

His ending is here along with the smut! MDI after the cut! ALSO I RLLY HAD TO HAVE A FRIEND HELP ME WITH THE SMUT CUZ I WAS SO EMBARRASED TO WRITE IT ALL OMFG-

TW: Dub-con! Degration! Name calling! Oral Sex (both giving and receiving)! Collar! Choking! Vaginal Sex/Penetration! Think that’s it if not lmk!

ALSO I RLLY USED THE MOST WATTPAD BASIC ASS LANGUAGE FOR THIS SMUT THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW THIS SHIT WAS WRITTEN YEARS AGO

PART ONE

“Oh? It seems he even has the Dollars searching for you!” 

“ Izaya, please I apologize for anything that I did that caused you to do this, but I need to get back to Shizuo!” 

“ And do what? Apologize for my actions and say everything is fine? You truly are different than other humans (Y/N)! Besides, does Shizu-chan know?” 

“ K-know what?” 

“You can drop the act. I know who you are (Y/N) or should I sa-?!” 

“ Izaya, I won’t ask you again. Please, I apologize for what I said or did but I must return to my fiance.” 

“ I can’t do that (Y/N). You thought you had me fool, no you thought you had the whole world fooled, but unlike Shizu-chan, I know the real you. You are far too unique, too precious to be in the hands of that brute, that damned monster!” 

“ IZAYAAAAAA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN FIANCE!” 

“ Speak of the Devil, he really did arrive, didn’t he? (Y/N) it’s better if you stay, wait no- I want you to see God punish his worthless creation, than have his Goddess forgive him and the cycle continues!” 

Grabbing her arm, (Y/N) was dragged to the door where Shizuo lay in waiting/ Shizuo’s eyes lit up with hope as (Y/N) arrived, quickly scanning her to ensure that she was not harmed by Izaya. 

“ This is low, even for you Izaya. What the hell do you want anyway?” 

“ I want (Y/N) of course! How rude of you to keep her from society, from me! She is too perfect, in fact, she is perfection! I can’t stand you of all people, a damn monster near her!” 

“ If I am a monster, what the hell does that make you?” 

“ That hurt Shizu-chan, but I’m sure my goddess, (Y/N) would forgive you nonetheless!” 

Grabbing a stop sign Shizuo prepared to swing at Izaya before seeing (Y/N) duck down. 

‘This is too dangerous for (Y/N)! I have to lead him away. . .’ 

“ You see (Y/N)! This monster swung at you! I told you, he would only hurt you! Stay with me, my Goddess!” 

Taking his knife out, he swung it at Shizuo cutting him horizontally across his chest. As Shizuo remained unfazed he swung the sign hitting Izaya as well sending him flying back inside the apartment complex. As Izaya got up and grabbed the knife and (Y/N), before placing the knife under (Y/N)’s throat causing her to panic slightly. 

“ (Y/N)! Izaya you damned bastard! Let her go, that’s low. . .” 

“ It’s fine! Besides, my Goddess is so forgiving, I'm sure she will let this slide! In fact, I feel as if instead of the way I initially thought, it was you Shizuo who used (Y/N)!” 

Catching him off guard Shizuo looked down from (Y/N) with a hurtful expression as he pondered if he did truly use her as Izaya said. 

“ Kid. . . ding. . .!” 

With that Izaya took this time to spin (Y/N) from his hold and bolted to Shizuo, knife ready and a gun to end this beast’s life. As Shizuo looked up he failed to notice the blade approaching fast, approaching close to his eye until it did, leading to Izaya stabbing Shizuo in the eye causing him to crouch down in pain and hold his eye that was bleeding profusely. Izaya held the gun on his forehead before looking down with insanity filled eyes and a smile to top off the look. 

“ Shizuo, let’s ask (Y/N) if she forgives you for using her?” 

Turning to the side he was met with (Y/N) sobbing as she looked at him straight in the eyes before blurting out, “ Izaya, please! Leave Shizuo alone! He did nothing wrong! I’ll do whatever you want me to do just please leave him b-!?” 

“ Oh but (Y/N), you already are. He did nothing wrong? That sounds like forgiveness! Now Shizuo, any last words?” 

Turning slightly noticing he lost the battle and that Izaya won, he mumbled a small “ I love you (Y/N), forgive me” before having his life taken away as well as his fiance. 

“ SHIZUO!” 

(Y/N) ran to catch his body as she sobbed louder before clutching his arm, the one that held his engagement ring. Looking at his corpse (Y/N) continued saying “I FORGIVE YOU I’M SORRY PLEASE, PLEASE COME BACK!” 

“ Heh. . . hehe, ha, haha, HAHAHAAHAHAHA! THIS IS SPLENDID! THIS IS GREAT! THAT DAMNED MONSTER IS GONE! MY GODDESS IS MINE AND MINE ONLY NOW! HEY (Y/N), YOU FORGIVE ME, RIGHT? I MEAN, ON THE BRIGHT SIDE NOW THERE ISN’T A SHIZUO TO EDGE ON, RIGHT?” 

“ . . . I-I-I-I-I. . . I f-forgive y-you. . . I forgive you Izaya. . .” 

“ SEE I KNEW IT! ISN’T MY GODDESS WONDERFUL? NO MATTER THE CRIME SHE WILL ALWAYS FORGIVE! OH (Y/N) YOU TRULY ARE SPECIAL AND ONE OF A KIND!” 

Crouching down to hug (Y/N) from behind, Izaya smiled before speaking. 

“ Indeed (Y/N), you truly are special! Who would have guessed in a million years that I would meet the one who changed me! The one who became my goddess, the one who made me see humanity in a new light!” 

“ I-I-Izaya. . . why me. . .? 

“ Why you ask? Simple, it’s because . . . yOu’Re My FaVoRiTe HuMaN~” 

Standing on the rooftop Izaya was speaking with a female in pigtails as he began to tell her that she wasn’t really planning on killing herself and that she had one or two secrets that she didn’t tell anyone, so if her parents had one. . . what was the big deal? 

“ All humans lie, hide things, no one really makes it through this life being completely honest. Everyone's the same, no exceptions! Well, that is what I thought until I met (Y/N) (l/n) but I’ll let her do the rest from here on out. What you choose to do is on you in the end so choose carefully~!” 

Walking out to the edge with the girl (Y/N) looks and stares at the blood splatter as she turns to her and says, “ we humans will commit the worst of crimes, murder, robbery, rape, you name it. Though, the biggest crime any human can commit and go about not knowing is lying to yourself and making a mistake thinking it will solve the issue. Do not fear, I am not judging you I just want you to know, no matter what you choose to do tonight, I forgive you and I assure you, a second chance is waiting for you all! So please, on the bright side, you now know what is happening and now you know what you can do to change it!” 

The girl began to sob as she clutched onto (Y/N) sobbing and pouring her heart out with her smiling as she looked at the girl. After some time she finally left and (Y/N) looked up to the moon before hearing Izaya speak once again before hugging her and smiling. 

“ Who would have known, so tell me is this you speaking (Y/N)? Or is it Saika?” 

“ You can rest assure it’s me Izaya, but please don’t mention Saika.” 

“ I never imagined someone as happy and cheerful as you to wield Saika, more importantly, go through something as traumatic as you have. Oh well, that’s life I guess! I’ll be waiting by the door whenever you wish to leave my Goddess. . .” 

“ Alright. . .” 

As (Y/N) stared at the moon and then the red blood splatter she began to recall that memory, that small memory that started it all. 

~ 

In a small room all alone lived a young girl in her ‘timeout punishment’ as they called it. It was actually isolation, for three days the young girl hasn’t eaten and was barely drinking enough water to stay alive, but who was she to complain? Looking out she saw several children walking around and playing and it began to sadden the young girl as she could not join them for a small game of tag. Her mother was most likely with some other man and so was her father. As they argued and took out their stress out on other people, such as their daughter (Y/N), they failed to realize the young girl apologize for everything. 

Blood stained the nice mats and floors as two bodies lay on top of each other with wounds in their stomachs causing their entrails to leap out. 

“ I’m sorry mother and father! I apologize, if I wasn’t so weak then this never would have happened. On the bright side, I have freedom now! I also heard that I can play with the neighborhood kids too! Ah, don’t look at me like that mom! I know that I caused you so much pain, but you did too! I know for a fact that I should have done so much more but it’s fine mother! Father was upset when I defied the orders but then again father always got mad!  I ended up reading a book on how to make friends and it said that I should try to make them happy and if I make them sad to apologize! I love people mom and dad! I’m scared they won’t like me or worse hate me! Which is why I need to make them happy, which is why I need to be happy!  I don’t know when they are sad so I will just apologize if I do something you would disapprove of mom, dad!” 

~ 

Looking down from the moon (Y/N) smiled before turning to face Izaya and walking side by side. He too was hurt and didn’t know how else to cope so it was fine! Besides, you’ve made so many friends so any sacrifice that was paid was rightfully paid! After all, you were his goddess and he treated you like one! You’ve made so many friends so it’s been working right! Well whatever, just remember that (Y/N) is afraid of people hating her and never wanting her, so treat a friend right before you start to see not only you fall but they themselves. 

“ What are you thinking about (Y/N)?” 

“ Nothing much Izaya, c’mon let’s go home if that’s all. I still have dinner to make!” 

“Indeed, so what are we making?” 

“ well, what’s your favorite meal?” 

“Well, what was Shizu-chan’s favorite meal?” 

“ Well. . . if you want we can make that. . .” 

“ Then it’s settled! Hey (Y/N). . . you don’t hold it against me for killing Shizu-chan do you?” 

(Y/N) turned to look at Izaya who held the same crazed expression as he did when he pulled the trigger. Shaking her head (Y/N) looked up to smile at Izaya before mouthing, ‘I forgive you Iza-chan!” 

Smiling at the nickname he approached the girl standing before him as he grabbed her by the waist before kissing her softly. Soon after the kiss turned heated as his tongue found its way next to the girls as their tongues entwined together. Feeling the need to breathe, they separated as their only connection was the string of saliva that hung from both of their lips.  

" You are just so forgiving and unpredictable. . . It's exciting to see what our dear (Y/N)-chan will do when faced with a predicament but I think it's more exciting to see how much you of all people can hold on, can withstand before you break! Don't worry my Goddess, because you have me to help you!" 

"Thank you Iza-chan! I appreciate that you will make me happy as much as I make you happy!" 

Grabbing the (h/c) haired female, Izaya began to walk downstairs with his goddess in hand as his mind raced and began to wonder, how far would your relationship with Shizuo last, that is if he was still alive? Well, whatever the case was, Izaya wasn't going to lose to Shizuo so with a sadistic, yet smug grin, he turned to the female he held in his hand and said, 

"(Y/N) - Chan. . . How does a baby sound to you?" 

Pushing Y/N onto the bed, Izaya began to remove his jacket. Pressing kisses onto her neck, mumbling to himself about how this child would be absolutely perfect.

"I-Iza. . .?" 

"Shh. . . (Y/N) - Chan~ don't worry~ The pain you will experience will only make you stronger, our baby will be the summit of all of humanity. Our child will be born to be the perfect mix of our best qualities.”

"Iza. . . I-I. . . If you want a baby then I'll give you one, I'll give birth to our baby. . ." 

" Perfect~ Just to make sure that monster hasn't tainted you, he didn't touch you did he?" 

"No. . . We decided to wait till marriage. . . But it's fine Iza! I mean the one I love is well. . . you isn't it?" 

Not liking the response the young girl gave him Izaya smirked before turning to a straight face filled with anger and lust. 

"That's perfect!~ That means I'll be your first right (Y/N)-chan?"

“O-Of course! You’ll be my very first Iza!”

"That's perfect! (Y/N), you should do more than love me, you should worship you me like your God, your savior, and your salvation. So until then, until I know I have your life, love, admiration, and belief, you are just a lowly human that doesn't deserve my attention."

"Iza! I'm sorry for what I said, but I hope you still know I love y-!?" 

"Apologizing isn't enough (Y/N) - Chan!~ You need to show me you mean it! Show me your love, your faith, show me who you belong to, lowly human. . . " 

" W-w-what should I do?" 

"Well. . . That's up to you to decide! I'm sure Shizuo asked you to do something naughty before right~" 

"W-w-well t-t-that's-!?"

" So you aren't denying it! Well, I guess I'll have you so the same but show more devotion to me! Show me your love!" 

Understanding what he meant (Y/N) turned to the side before nodding and proceeded to get off the bed getting on the floor before nearing Izaya again. 

Izaya began to smirk seeing how submissive (Y/N) was acting and decided to edge her on more.

"Let's make a bet (Y/N) chan~" 

"A bet?" 

(Y/N) tilted her head slightly adding to her "cute" factor causing Izaya to smirk seeing how he was about to taint his Goddess before that monster did. 

"Yes! Let's see. . . Oh! I know! If you can show me your faith by simply being a little naughty then I'll reward you! If not, you'll get punished!" 

"P-p-punished?!" 

(Y/N) scared expression causing Izaya to harden upon her expression. 

"After all, a lowly human like you has to be punished already for doubting in your God! Now (Y/N) - Chan, let's start!" 

(Y/N) began to near Izaya's jeans and nervously began to unbuckle them before turning away with red dusting her facial features. 

"Aww is a sinner embarrassed to face her punishment? Her God?" 

Nodding slowly, (Y/N) began to turn around to face Izaya who was smirking as he saw the young girl timidly stare at his erect member. 

(Y/N) began to fumble with his boxers as she blushed before thinking about the previous time she did something like this. It was late afternoon, Shizuo and (Y/N) had a mini drinking competition which lead to some intense moments. As soon as her mind came back to her she realized that Izaya's member was exposed and she was staring at it. 

A small chuckle brought her out of her daze before she remembered that she needed to do this, to avoid punishment, she didn't mind doing what she was going to do, but if she didn't do well, she was going to be punished and she feared that a lot more. 

(Y/N) began to near his member and placed a small kiss upon the tip causing Izaya to shift a little as he stared at the female below him as she nervously wrapped her lips about his member, begin to slowly suck on it. 

Izaya tilted his head back as he tried to silence his moans. His Goddess was tempting him, in fact, he had to restrain himself from taking her then and there. 

"A-a-ah. . . (Y/N)-c-chan. . . ~"  

Letting small moans escape his mouth he looked down to see the young female, she was red from embarrassment and small tears slipping from her eyes as she continued to tease the young male. 

As the female began to suck a little harder, Izaya bit his lip but it was futile as he huffed a little before letting out soft moans. 

"(Y/N) - chan!~ I-I-I a-a-ahh~" 

Letting his lust get the best of him he grabbed (Y/N)'s hair and pushed her mouth further in causing her to choke a little and to deep throat him. Getting used to his length was difficult for the young girl as she was trying to match the speed of his forcefulness and her own. 

Izaya was shaking a little as he began to chuckle as he stared deep into the girl’s eyes before whispering and grunting a little in response. 

"S-so (Y/N)-chan. . No more like a lowly human. . . Do you believe that was enough? Are you going to finish and follow through with your punishment?" 

(Y/N) continued to suck on his member before hearing more smaller grunts indicating he was close and he was. Izaya was blushing as he continued biting his lip, although this degrading was a big turn on for him and hopefully his "lowly human" he couldn't conceal his excitement as he let one more moan out before releasing inside the girl’s mouth. 

"Swallow." 

(Y/N), already a step ahead, began to swallow the male’s cum making sure to get any leftovers around her mouth. 

"Good job, but I still didn't feel your devotion, your faith in your actions. Nonetheless, I did feel pleasure, so I'll reward you my lowly human~" 

Izaya began to reach for a collar of some sort before showing it off to (Y/N). As she soon understood the message she allowed him to place it on her, she made sure her hair wasn't a bother as she allowed Izaya to gently place it around her neck. Soon after it was placed Izaya noticed how the collar had a circular ring piece in the center and as he smirked he allowed his fingers to wrap around the ring before yanking it causing (Y/N) to jerk forward and meeting his hungry gaze. 

"You were so good, but not good enough. . . Out of my utter kindness as your God. . . I'll pleasure you as well lowly human." 

"I-Iza. . . I-I-I l-love y-yo-?!" 

"THROUGH ACTION! NOT WORDS, ACTION!" 

Izaya grabbed the collar and dragged you to the bed, not before turning and witnessing your red face, you were being slightly choked due to the tightness of the collar, small tears from the previous event and the biggest turn on, you were drooling a bit and it was so cute, like a little ahegao face. 

" You look so fucking hot, are you tempting me? Do you wish to seduce me and make me forget your crimes? Well, that won't work human, but that doesn't mean I can't play with you~" 

"I-Izaya w-what are you doin- a-a-ahh~" 

Small moans escaped from the girl’s mouth as Izaya began to kiss her, his tongue entering her mouth and slowly melting together with hers causing ultimate bliss. Halfway during the kiss, Izaya's hands wandered downwards to the girl’s jeans before he unbuckled them and proceeded to pull them down causing the girl to gasp. 

"Izaya! W-wait!?" 

" I believe you mean God~" 

(Y/N)'s jeans were removed as Izaya's fingers began to near her clothed womanhood. As he massaged your clit through your (f/c) underwear he smirked as he saw his goddess bright red and soft moans and mewling sounds as he made her feel pleasure. Soon after his fingers made it inside and he massaged her womanhood with much ease and it drove poor (Y/N) crazy. 

"I-Izaya. . ." 

" I think you mean God my lowly human!~" 

"G-God. . . I-I f-feel strange. . ." 

" Not yet! Don't tell me that's all! Well, I guess I better start!" 

Izaya neared (Y/N) womanhood as his tongue went to meet her clit and massaged it ever so gently. Making sure she could experience everything he made sure to hold onto her thighs before sucking and nibbling lightly against the bundle of nerves. Causing her back to arch, (Y/N) moaned in pleasure before Izaya began to change not only where he was attacking but the speed. He slid his tongue up and down one last time before he used his tongue to plunge into (Y/N) womanhood. His tongue went in and out of you as you moaned loudly, it was driving you over the edge. Soon after he stopped before getting up and returning back to his position, straddling you but he replaced his tongue with his finger gaining more access. To start off "soft" he allowed two fingers to access the girl plunging them in and out at a small pace before adding another and going faster causing the girl to moan and turn to face her God. 

" I-I-I f-feel f-funny. . ." 

" It's only a matter of time, my dear human." 

(Y/N) began to feel a knot in her abdomen, it was getting more intense and tight with each time his fingers went inside of her. As she was reaching the point of no return he began to speed up as (Y/N) let out one more moan before her body trembled as her eyes slightly rolled back as her juices sprayed everywhere especially on Izaya's fingers. Izaya smirked before seductively removing his finger from inside of (Y/N) and licked them before smiling softly. He leaned down to whisper, 

"That was amazing! You taste so sweet I can't get enough of it!~ but. . . I think it's time we moved onto the main event don't you think, my lowly human, my little slut. . ." 

It was only at this point that (Y/N) noticed the mirror facing the bed. It was a large, floor mirror that gave the observer a good view of the bed. It hadn’t been there before meaning one thing: Izaya had bought it just for this event.

“Ah, I see you’ve noticed it, finally! The perfect instrument for this night of trial! It’s there to test you, you see. . .”

Izaya’s hands snaked around (Y/N) to the back of her shirt. From there, he pulled one of the straps holding her shirt up, letting the tie unravel. 

“You didn’t really think that our fun, little night would end here, did you? I said we were gonna have a main event; an event with a special little treat for you, my lowly slut. Take it all off, we shouldn’t waste any time!”

(Y/N) sat up in shock. Izaya was being too candid, too forward. The darkness of the room led to Izaya’s face having dark shadows. The look made him too lustful and brought a familiar knot to (Y/N)’s abdomen.

Leaning in, Izaya whispered, “Hurry up.”

With shaking hands, (Y/N) brought her hands to her top and took it off in one swoop. The air suddenly surrounded her and she felt ever colder. The easy part was over, but now came the bra. She had been dying to take it off ever since they arrived home, but she couldn’t have expected that it would be in this situation. 

She could feel her face flushing red as she undid the hooks behind her back. She couldn’t bear to face Izaya, but she could still feel his lustful gaze directed towards her. She could feel him surveying every part of her body in arousal.

When she finally slipped the garment off, her body may have been cold but she could still feel the heat pouring between her legs. The air enveloped her body and made her nipples harden up. They perked up even more when Izaya brought his face closer to her.

“No matter what, I want you to look at me. It’s the very least a whore like you can do during this. If you can prove yourself through this, then you’ll get through this next trial~”

Without breaking his gaze, Izaya began to descend upon her chest. Taking one bud into his mouth, he began to swirl his tongue around it. His other hand pinched the remaining nipple and worked together to create a rhythm. Popping it out of his mouth, he bit into the skin around (Y/N)’s chest before moving on to the opposite bud. The sensation made her mind cloud and her mouth threatened to let moans escape. Every part of her body was on fire.

“Mmm. . . Is this pleasurable for you? Are you enjoying it? Don’t forget, my little bitch, that you have to prove your love for me. How devoted are you really?”

“Izaya, I-”

“How many times do I have to say this, (Y/N), only through your actions. Hm. . . Maybe a little punishment will help set you straight?”

Izaya kneeled up from the bed, pulling (Y/N)’s collar with it. The collar constricted around her neck, bringing a wave of euphoria as she was choked for those few seconds as he filled the two of them, leading to Y/N being on top of Izaya. 

“Don’t think this is how we end it. Just for now, you’re nothing more than a slave with a hole. If you ever want to be anything more, prove it.”

Staring at him for a few seconds, (Y/N) was in disbelief of what she was hearing. Did Izaya really believe that, that she was just a warm hole for him? And she already sucked him off, what more did she have to prove?”

“Well go on, prove your devotion to your god, to your complete master.”

(Y/N) knew what she had to do. Her whole body was shaking as she lifted herself on top of Izaya. She could feel her cunt getting wetter by the second, almost soaking Izaya’s midsection. She couldn’t believe that she was doing this with Izaya, much less how obedient she was. It was her first time, she should be hesitant! Maybe she had been secretly wanting this for so long?

Once she was in position, she began to lower herself onto Izaya’s member before being stopped by Izaya.

“Ah, ah, ah, did you think that this is your only punishment? No, no, no! Turn around, (Y/N), face the mirror. If you dare to look away for even a split second, your god will make sure you get disciplined.”

(Y/N) found it good to not upset Izaya. That would be an adventure for another time. Hesitantly, (Y/N) turned around to look at herself in the mirror. When she saw herself, she couldn’t believe the state of her appearance. (Y/N) looked like an arousing mess. Her hair was messy, but it looked artistic in a way. Her hairs were jumbled up and her lips were swollen. Her chest was flushed, riddled with hickeys and as hard as ever. 

“Remember what I said~”

Filled with determination, (Y/N) rose onto her Izaya and steadied herself. She lowered herself onto Izaya’s member, sliding it in with ease. It hurt a lot at the start, but the pain went away and was quickly replaced with arousal. (Y/N) felt like a crab, looking at herself in the mirror. It was uncomfortable to watch, but she didn’t dare disobey Izaya. 

She started moving up and down, watching as her breasts bounced along with her body. Izaya laid below her, helping her along by holding her waist. His fingers dug into her sides, making her squirm around. If only she could see him, what face would he be making?

The room was echoing the moans of both (Y/N) and Izaya. He stayed silent, except for his grunts and the occasional moan. That, along with the sight of such a lewd image right before her eyes, made the knot in her stomach grow and grow. 

The wet claps grew within the room, along with Izaya’s heightened pace. Now, his nails dug into her sides but she didn’t dare comment on it. (Y/N) was too distracted by the intensity of her senses. Her hair started to stick onto her face and she found herself moving into Izaya’s thrusts. Her arms were burning from the position, she kept trying to adjust herself into a better position. 

Izaya’s hands briefly left her waist to play with her breasts some more, before returning to add some much-needed support. The clapping now was wetter, almost sounding empty and echoey. (Y/N)’s abdomen could feel herself tightening around Izaya, but the position just wasn’t enough. Lifting herself up more, she raised her heels and put all her balance on the balls of her feet. The position was just enough and to add more friction, pounding Izaya in further. 

She lowered her hand to play with her clit before her own hand was replaced by Izaya. He said nothing as he played with her folds, rubbing and tugging at it with ways that sent (Y/N) into a frenzy. Her legs twitched and shook, threatening to compromise her position. 

Soon, the passion was more than (Y/N) could withstand. She came all over Izaya, feeling the liquid flow out of her. Her vision blurred and she could feel chills wash over her body. Between her legs, it felt as if everything was pulsating and her heart was ringing in her ears. Izaya followed shortly afterwards, removing himself from her insides and letting her fall onto her side.

His arm snaked around (Y/N) once more, pulling her closer.

“Guess what, my sweet (Y/N). You passed!  You managed to catch my attention through that amazing performance! What do you think?”

(Y/N) had no thought within her mind. The pulsating still hadn’t gone away and the fluid between her legs still felt sticky. If there was one thing she knew, it was that this baby would certainly end up interesting.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Stalker X Stalker, Part 10

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Perma tag: @nathleigh @peachmuses

Stalker x Stalker taglist: @aespades @jayjayspixiepop @blueslushgueen @fan-written @seraphichana @nerd-nowandforever @toodaloo-kangaroo

Marinette’s collection of vigilantes in her house was still growing, somehow. You’d think it would stop with just the ones that consistently lived in Gotham, but no.

Nightwing started dropping by whenever he was in town to try and teach her escrima. She wasn’t good with them because she wasn’t used to fighting people up close, but she didn’t really think that that was the reason why they were doing it.

Still, it was fun…

(Except for that one time they’d been heading back to her house and she dropped her phone down the drain and had to beg the rat-person -- she was pretty sure Nightwing had called them Ratcatcher? -- for help. It was very traumatizing. He’d given her a new phone but she was never going to recover emotionally from that day.)

And then, a few days before Thanksgiving, Flamebird had made an appearance.

The reason why was less fun, though.

She’d opened her blinds and stared at him for a few moments. He was leaning against her fire escape, hand pressed to his stomach.

“Hey, Robin, does Flamebird usually do the Napoleon pose?”

“The…? Oh, no, he does not.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I thought so.” She swung her window open. “Hi. Nice to meet you. What happened?”

“Got stabbed.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Okay, yeah, obviously, want to elaborate?”

“Got stabbed in the stomach,” he said, after a second’s thought.

So, no, then. She shrugged to herself and let him come inside.

“Right, Robin, go get the medkit out from under my sink,” she said, pulling a hairband from her wrist and tying her hair back.

Flamebird frowned. “Can’t you just undo everything with your magic?”

“Not magic,” supplied Tikki, popping her head out of Marinette’s pocket.

“FUCK,” yelped Flamebird.

Damian made the quiet clicking sound he made whenever he was about to say something rude but Marinette cut him off with a glare and pointed him towards the bathroom. Damian grumbled a little under his breath but obeyed for fear of being thrown out.

She turned back to Flamebird. “Also, that’s not how my ‘magic’ works. If I’m not involved in a fight…” She made a ‘poof’ motion with her hands. “No miracle cure.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Man, if I’d known that I would’ve just dealt with this myself.”

“Well, it is too late for that,” said Damian, who had come back out with a medkit. “Now, sit down, we will tend to your wound.”

And they did.

(Or, rather, Marinette did. It didn’t matter if she knew, logically, that he already knew how wounds looked and how to treat them, she just didn’t feel comfortable making him help. She sent him off to play with the cat and worked on dressing it. She’d made a mistake here by doing the normal routine while stitching someone up: asking about things they liked to distract them. He said he was an ‘avid reader’, she’d laughed and said that she probably wouldn’t know any of the books he mentioned because she hardly ever read in English, and now she was apparently in a book club. That was on her, she supposed, but it was still a little irritating.)

And that was all the vigilantes. They all came over from time to time. Sometimes they’d see each other and give each other awkward smiles or actively ignore each other, but it became a constant part of her life.

But it all came to a head one seemingly regular day.

She had been walking up the stairs to her apartment with Tim, ten bags of groceries loaded onto her arms and five on his (he was to open the door), and had nearly bumped into him when he stopped suddenly.

“Cass?” He asked, confused.

She raised her eyebrows just slightly. She’d thought everyone knew about each other but, now that she thought about it, because of the scheduling Tim wouldn’t really be around when everyone else came by.

He took Cass’s arrival in stride, though, fishing his key out of his pocket and pushing the door open.

He did not take in stride the fact that Duke, Damian, and Nightwing were all inside her house already. Duke was sitting on her counter, wrapped in a blanket as he scrolled through his phone. Damian was playing with Vanelope. Nightwing was doing stretches on her floor.

“Hey, look, more people that don’t live here,” Marinette said with only a hint of bitterness.

Nightwing glanced up. “You’re out of chips.”

“Already --?!” She took a deep breath to steady herself. “Fine. Fine. I got more, anyways.”

Tim snapped out of it. He closed and locked the door quickly before sending Marinette a pout. “Alright, I can get you cheating on me with Cass, but come on,” he half joked.

Marinette rolled her eyes. “If one of the people I’m apparently cheating with is a five-year-old --.”

“TWELVE.”

“-- then I think you have more things to worry about than my serial adultery, darling.”

“... guess that’s true.”

“Also, I only buy groceries with you, so you’re clearly my favorite concubine.”

Duke grinned. “Actually --.”

“Except for that one time I asked Signal to go find ricotta because I’d forgotten it,” she conceded. “I guess he's my second favorite.”

Cass pouted and raised her hand.

“She makes a good case for herself. You’ve both been demoted,” she joked.

Tim was still pouting. Probably has something to do with going from favorite to second favorite. Who knows.

She rolled her eyes. She had bigger problems. Like her food. There were frozens and she was not going to lose her food to something as stupid and useless as the air. She waved him along as much as she could with the bags digging into her arms and started putting things away.

She tipped her head back after a second to squint at everyone. They were awkwardly staring at each other, for some reason… oh, right, they technically didn’t know each other.

“Uh, introductions, I guess. Signal, Robin, and Nightwing, meet my friends. Tim, Cass, meet my annoyances.”

Tim perked up a little at being called a friend rather than an annoyance. Problem solved. Kind of.

He set down his bags and leaned close to her ear. “So, they don’t know you know?”

“Duke does,” she mumbled back. “I’m not going to tell them about it, though, I want to see how long it takes them to notice.”

He snickered. “I can get behind that.”

“Good. You didn’t have a choice in the matter,” she joked, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose.

She could hear Cass groan a little at the obvious affection and both Duke and Damian cringed. She fought the urge to laugh. It was just a little kiss on the nose, they didn’t have to act like it was scandalous or gross.

But, apparently, it was gross enough for Damian to grab her arm to try and pull her attention away from Tim (and physically pull her away from him, she noted, as she was forced to take a half-step back from him).

“Did you get more of my gummy bears?”

She rolled her eyes. “Did you ask for them? Did you tell me you were out?”

He looked a little put out and she felt bad enough to give up the act quickly:

“Yes, kid, I got you your weird vegan gummy bears.”

He beamed and started sifting through her bags.

She smiled fondly and ruffled his hair, ignoring the knife that was sent her way for the action with practiced ease, then started putting things away.

Everyone except Damian made their way over to help. There were no ulterior motives, they insisted, even as she watched Nightwing slip a bag of chips into Damian’s hoodie for safekeeping and Duke pocket an apple.

At least Cass and Tim were reasonably well-behaved, she thought right before she watched him split an orange with her.

~

Tim squinted at the three people below him.

Jon had come to visit because a) the no metas in Gotham rule had more or less stopped being enforced due to constant complaints from the Justice League, b) Damian needed friends his age, and c) it was Christmas and Jon was so sure that this year was going to be the year that Damian finally understood the holiday.

And, because Jon had come to visit, so had Conner. The worst part of being an older brother that Tim understood all too well.

But, now, he looked down at the three people gathered at the bottom of the stairs.

They were apparently competing to see who could be the stupidest. Steph was standing on a banister, Marinette was trying to sit on a vertical bo staff, and Conner was doing a handstand on both of their heads. It was a little shaky, what with Steph’s barely restrained laughter and the fact that bos are not meant to be balanced on and Conner trying to do tricks, but they were clearly having fun.

Tim crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the entrance to the cave. Did he have a type?

Their comms crackled to life and all three went stock-still, grins wiped from their faces briefly as they listened to see what had happened.

“I am requesting the night off to have an outing with Superboy.”

Bruce gave the grunt that meant ‘fine’.

The three relaxed now that they knew that everything was okay, quickly going back to their game. Marinette had added a surfboard. Steph was struggling with an exercise ball. Conner was slowly taking off fingers.

Tim sighed to himself. Yep. Dumbasses who can only be serious for truly important things -- and, even then, only for a few seconds at a time. That was his type. Someone, please, save him.

~

It had been a while since Marinette had gone out on her own (with the intention of staying alone, leaving for patrols didn’t count). Really, she normally wouldn’t, but she needed to pick up a piece of fabric she’d forgotten to get the day before and it wasn’t even a meter’s worth. She didn’t need help for that.

Besides, going by herself was much quicker. She was able to go by rooftop as Ladybug.

Of course, going as Ladybug had a risk to it that she didn’t realize until it was too late: responsibilities.

She groaned to herself as she made to jump to the next roof and her eyes landed on a person getting mugged in the alleyway below her.

She looked down at the bag with her fabric inside it and wondered if it was even worth leaving it there while she got rid of the attacker. Most of the time the people mugging people in Gotham were using fake guns. Even if they weren’t, muggings were common enough that most people had little on them and were only slightly annoyed when people tried to rob them. The person below was no exception, it seemed. They scoffed when the gunman poked their back.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m going,” they said irritably.

Wait, shit, she knew that voice.

She squinted down into the darkness and, yep, she would recognize that almost unhealthily pale skin anywhere.

She dropped down into the alley between them and, to her slight surprise, it turned out the gun actually did have bullets in it. A shot rang out. She fell back a step, cradling her shoulder.

The gunman’s eyes widened. He hadn’t meant to shoot her. It had probably just been a split second reaction.

Unfortunately for him, getting shot really fucking hurts and she was going to take it out on him. Especially since he’d been trying to mug one of her friends. She glanced back at Tim, who was shaking and a little pale, and grit her teeth. Yeah, this guy was fucked.

Eventually, though, the pain in her shoulder, worsened by all the movement, got too unbearable and she rolled off of the mugger. She tied the man’s hands and feet behind his back with her yoyo and, after calling Miraculous Ladybug, called it a day. She’d get her yoyo back later.

For now, she pressed a hand to her ear. “Hey, Signal, I’ve got one for you.”

“You’re joining me for daytime patrols now?” He asked, his voice somehow brighter than the powers he had.

“Nah, just happened to come across…” She considered embarrassing Tim but decided against it when she saw her friend’s face. “... someone getting mugged while out today.”

He huffed a little but she ignored it in favor of relaying the address.

The perpetrator to be taken care of, she turned to the victim. She didn’t know whether the rules applied to people you knew, but she figured she might as well go through with the normal procedure. Tim liked procedure, it might help him.

So, step one: connect with the victim. She unzipped her hoodie and smiled brightly, making sure her eyes crinkled behind her mask.

Step two: check to make sure they aren’t going into shock.

Normally, she was able to skip this step. The miracle cure got rid of it if they had gone into it before the attack… but his eyes were somehow both fixed intensely on her like he was scared she’d disappear if he chanced a look away and extremely vacant.

She took slow, careful steps towards him, hand out to check his pulse.

Once she was close enough, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. Marinette didn’t quite know what to do. The part of her brain still doing the normal procedure told her to hug back because this was a scared victim that wanted comfort, but the other part was tempted to push him off to check for a concussion… even though, logically, he shouldn’t have one because she had cast Miraculous Ladybug so her arm wouldn’t have a bullet in it anymore --.

Oh. She was stupid.

He’d watched his friend get shot and now he was freaking out. Like people are supposed to do.

She hugged him back, bringing a hand up to run through his hair.

“Would you like me to take you home?” She asked.

“My… my friend lives near here,” said Tim quietly, mindful of the fact that the mugger was still within earshot.

She nodded. “I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

He bit his lip so hard that she worried he’d break the skin and nodded.

She took him home and, with only a brief stop to keep Vanelope from escaping, set him down on the couch. She kept a hand touching him at all times as she gathered the blankets and pillows strewn about by all the visits the bats made. For once, she was glad she never really had time to clean, she didn’t want to let go of him when he was clearly so concerned about her.

Less than five minutes later she’d wrapped them both up as tightly as she could with as many blankets as she could reach. He rested his head against her shoulder, arms loosely draped around her under the blankets. Vanelope settled on their laps and started to purr; she made a mental note to give her a bunch of treats later.

But, for now…

She cupped his cheeks in her hands and waited patiently as he struggled to pull himself together enough to actually be present.

“Darling, I said I wouldn’t go anywhere. I’m not breaking that promise. Okay?”

He nodded slightly, finally releasing his lip to speak: “Okay.”

She pressed a kiss to his nose. A half smile made its way across his face.

“Now, how do you feel about Big Fish?”

He squeezed her a little tighter. “The circus scene is cute.”

She nodded her agreement. “I like the daffodil scene better, personally, but it is pretty cute.”

She turned the movie on.

~

Tim was sure he was overreacting. Of course he was. She hadn’t died, she wasn’t even hurt any more. It clearly didn’t bother her, he had ‘accidentally’ chosen that shoulder to rest his head on and she hadn’t so much as winced when he had. No, the only worry she had was about him.

So, he should be fine.

But he wasn’t.

She’d been shot and, for a second, he’d feared it would be another Darla situation. And he couldn’t deal with another Darla situation. He couldn’t. He had to believe that he was better than that high school Tim that had let all his friends die. Because if he wasn’t better than that meant he couldn’t have friends and he couldn’t deal with that either.

He didn’t want to be alone again.

No, he wouldn’t let that happen. He could think of a plan, surely. He was a planner, he found problems and he dealt with them. That had been his coping mechanism pretty much since birth and (if you ignore all the workaholic tendencies, independence issues, and General Trauma) it was working out pretty well for him. Can’t be sad if there’s work to do, after all.

Yeah. Work. He was good at work.

He bit his lip.

Alright, so the problem stemmed from his fear of being alone… which wasn’t going to be fixed anytime soon. Good coping mechanisms? In this family? Please. Next.

Alright, so the problem stemmed from his fear of her getting hurt.

Simple solution! Don’t let her get hurt!

… not as simple a solution as it sounded on paper.

She wasn’t going to stop vigilantism anytime soon. He wouldn’t make her, and she wasn’t going to do it on her own accord. Even if she decided to at some point Tim didn’t have much hope for it. Every person in the family had tried that already, it never worked. They’d say that it would be fine, that they were going to stop for their mental health or even just permanently end it… but family was family and how could someone sit back and watch family get hurt when they could do something about it?

So, that wasn’t going to happen. What other answers were there?

Well, he supposed that she had left on her own and that was the main problem. If she hadn’t left on her own then he wouldn’t have followed after her in secret and he wouldn’t have gotten attacked in the first place.

But he couldn’t be around much more without it being weird unless he…

He couldn’t…

Could he?

He figured it was worth a shot. And he should ask now. If she said no he wouldn’t have to worry about her thinking him weird, she’d just assume it was a request made while in the middle of shock and forget about it.

He hesitantly let go of his lip.

“Hey, Bean?”

She stopped pretending to watch Big Fish for the sake of giving him privacy. “Yeah?”

“Remember when… I…” He bit his lip, trying to think of a better way to phrase it, but he couldn’t. There really was no casual way to ask. He took a deep breath to steady himself. “Can I, maybe, move in with you?”

She stared at him for a moment, eyes wide, before quickly shaking her head.

He must have looked pretty put out, because she rushed to explain herself:

"You’re under emotional duress, darling, it wouldn’t be right to say yes.”

He nodded his understanding and it was silent for a bit before he eventually said: “But, if I asked tomorrow… would you say yes?”

She looked at him for a while, her face unreadable, before she gave him a hesitant smile.

“Well, I already said that you basically lived here. I suppose there wouldn’t be anything wrong with making it official.”

[mollyringle]

My husband watches The Untamed, vol. 25: eps. 49-50

Episodes 49 and 50: I considered finding us something else to watch tonight so as not to overload husband with Untamed, but he looked at me and said, “We’re finishing The Untamed, right?” So, yes we are!

Jin Guangyao making excuses: “It was either their death or mine.” Husband (as the good guys): “OK, we choose yours.”

Also, we’re not entirely buying “I really had no choice” when it comes to marrying your sister and getting her pregnant and killing the child. But you keep telling yourself that, JGY.

I like how after slapping JGY, Lan Xichen stares in shock at his hand like “omg, that’s the first time I’ve ever hit anyone with my actual hand.” (I’m assuming using a sword is more the usual way.)

When the truth comes out about Jin Zixuan’s death, and Jin Ling starts shaking JGY and demanding “Why??”, husband said, “Stab him! You’ve been wanting to stab someone all this time. Here’s someone you should stab.”

At flashback of Jin Guangshan and a mistress sharing a grape in their mouths, I pointed out to husband that it’s the only kiss in the whole series. (Shoot, why couldn’t WWX have found an excuse to feed LWJ a grape with his mouth? Maybe if their hands were both tied and they needed to eat something for strength in order to escape…scuse me a sec, I need to go write a fanfic.)

“He hid it inside his body”—does that mean…ewww. And wait, how and when did he take it out? I…have questions. But I guess it doesn’t matter ultimately… [EDIT: OK, no, it was in his wrist. Whew!]

But WWX saying “Good for you” regarding hiding things inside your body: lol! Yeah, we all know what he gets up to in the novel in certain chapters.

Wen Ning with Baxia: wicked cool! Although I am curious: where was Baxia and how did he get it? I might be forgetting some detail about that. Or did Nie Huaisang orchestrate that too, somehow?

Not that I WANT more blood, but it seems there ought to be far more blood when the arm gets cut off, and he probably wouldn’t stay conscious long (or indeed alive). We hypothesized that the sword cauterized the wound. Because magic.

Husband when they get out the guqin and recorder to subdue Wen Ning: “I like how at these times they’re like, ‘This is too serious for swords. Have to sit down and get out the musical instruments.’”

Jiang Cheng tossing Chenqing to Wei Wuxian: yes!! Solidarity! And the almost admiring look JC gives him when he’s playing it—awww.

While the amulet’s floating around and the camera angle goes with it: husband: “Is this…AmuletCam?” Yep. Yep, it is.

And Nie Huaisang’s stone-cold stealth finally shows. So satisfying! Although dear Xichen, YET AGAIN trusting too much and getting traumatized for it. Pretty remarkable that JGY’s still not only conscious but has the power to fly across the room, pulling Lan Xichen with him, while missing an arm and with a sword through his body.

“Stay and die with me”: the kind of statement that passes for romance in JGY’s world. Poor Xichen.

Husband said “Not talking to you” when, in the aftermath, LXC is sitting turned away from NHS.

Then, with a laugh: “Ah, Grand Master Lan and all the disciples, arriving too late to actually help.” We also were pleased that someone finally put a leash on Fairy.

As to Jiang Cheng’s flashback when it seems he possibly sacrificed his own golden core to save WWX, husband was still thinking about it later and said, “But they both still had their golden cores right then. The two of them against, what, four guards; they should have had a good chance. He didn’t have to give himself up.” I pointed out that JC was really not in his right mind that day, and husband conceded that. But he said, “Still not redeemed, I say. Too yell-y.” (Husband is an only child and doesn’t always understand complex sibling dynamics the same way those of us with siblings do. Try to forgive him, JC fans. I myself am sympathetic toward JC, most of the time.) :)

Awww, Sizhui’s reunion with Wei Wuxian! So much love. And I like how they’re both all “I wasn’t crying; you’re crying” after the hug. We laughed at the less-than-flattering things Sizhui then remembers about him. Though really, “How could I teach little kids these things?”—yeah, um, good question. Still, Stern Dad WWX is pretty hot.

Happy ending in the waterfall (or the hill, if you go with that scene swap)—yay! Husband upon seeing him drinking Emperor’s Smile: “Hey! He’s breaking all kinds of rules.” And will forevermore, I’m sure.

And as the screen says: THE END!

Thank you for reading and appreciating!! It’s made these last months more fun than they would’ve otherwise been.

[shyrose57]

2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.

3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 

You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 

4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 

10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 

12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.

13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.

Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)

14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 

15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 

2: I fear the day.

3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.

I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?

4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?

10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)

12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 

13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?

Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 

14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.

15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.

[ariainstars]

Feminism (and Not) in Star Wars

Warning: unpopular opinions ahead.

 During the last few years, I have often heard and read people arguing that the Star Wars sequels are “feminist”, that Rey in particular is a Mary Sue and, at worst, that “feminism ruined Star Wars.” So, I would like to add my two cents. 

It cannot to be denied that the end of the sequels, and with it of the saga as a whole, is highly dissatisfying. But feminism is not what caused it.

The sequels are not feminist at all. Especially not in Star Wars, where the greatest hero Luke Skywalker had ended the conflict through compassion and forgiveness. TRoS in particular is a slap in the face of female dignity and virtue, both for the male protagonist’s mother and for his love interest. 

Unfortunately, and that is one of my major issues with the sequels, many things are not being said or explained. This might be due to the fact that Episode VIII was subversive and that so many classic fans ranted and stormed against it; but that didn’t prevent Episode IX from showing, if not saying, a lot of things. 

Star Wars is all about subtext, that’s what makes it compelling. Please:

Read between the lines.

Look at what is not being said but shown.

Compare the attitudes of different people in similar situations.

  Rey

„You cannot deny the truth that is your family.” Lor San Tekka in The Force Awakens

  Rey was introduced as a positive female character but then, over the course of three films, her moral corruption was displayed under the lame excuse of a black and white morality (“I am all the Sith” vs. “I am all the Jedi”).

Rey seemed like a reboot of Luke Skywalker at first, but watching her throughout TRoS we see her fail in all instances where Luke had proved himself a hero.

  - Luke had forgiven his father despite all the pain he had inflicted on him and his friends. Rey stabbed the „bad guy”, who had repeatedly protected and comforted her, to death.

- Luke never asked Vader to help the Rebellion or to turn to the Light Side, he only wanted him back as his father. Rey assumed that she could make Ben Solo turn, give up the First Order and join the Resistance for her. She was thinking of her friends and her own validation, not of him.

- Luke had made peace by choosing peace. Rey fought until the bitter end.

- Luke had thrown his weapon away before Palpatine. Rey picked up a second weapon. (And both of them weren’t her own.)

- Luke had mourned his dead father. Rey didn’t shed a tear for the man she is bonded to by the Force.

- Luke went back to his friends to celebrate the new peace with them. Rey went back letting everyone celebrate her like the one who saved the galaxy on her own - the woman who was tempted to become the new evil ruler of the galaxy and had to rely on the alleged Bad Guy to save both her soul and her body.

- Luke had embodied compassion when Palpatine was all about hatred. Where he chose love and faith in his father, Rey chose violence and fear.

- Luke had briefly fallen prey to the Dark Side but it made him realize that he had no right to judge his father. Rey’s fall to the Dark Side did not make her wiser.

- Confronted by Vader’s disclosure of his true identity Luke was forced to face himself, to realize that he had been judgmental, arrogant and biased; and after the initial shock he accepted his origins as a part of himself. - Rey did not reconcile with Palpatine as a part of herself. (When she says to him “I don’t hate you” it’s not a sign of superior attitude. It merely shows that she sees him as separate from herself.)

- After realizing what he had done to his nephew, feeling responsible and disillusioned, Luke went into exile for years waiting for his death. - Rey also was appalled at herself, but she spent just a few minutes on Ahch-To until Luke appeared to her, this time telling her exactly what she would have wanted him to say to her on her first visit on the island. This scene was so ridiculously opposite to his attitude in TLJ that I believe he was a fantasy conjectured by her like Ben’s vision of his father.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Rey failed where Ben had been strong.

- Ben killed Snoke to save Rey. Rey killed Palpatine to complete her Jedihood. (Or at least, what she believes being a Jedi means, i.e. “being always right and winning at all costs”.)

- Ben loved Rey despite all she did to him and took away from him, and she didn’t even honour his name in the end.

- Ben knew the stories of Luke, Vader and Palpatine well enough to wanted to end the Jedi and Sith at last and start something new and better. Rey only knew scraps of old tales and wanted to have them her own way.

- Ben had been under an evil influence in his mind since before he was born; when he finally turned to the Dark because he had nowhere else to go, he was 23. Rey gave in to her Dark Side minutes after meeting her “mother” in the Death Star ruin; the same happened to her again with Palpatine on Exegol.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  On the ruin of the second Death Star, Rey is at her lowest on the same spot where Luke had won over himself thirty years before in RoTJ.

- Vader had provoked Luke to make him turn - Kylo hadn’t.

- Vader hat traumatized Luke - Kylo had protected and spared Rey repeatedly.

- Vader hardly had had a kind word to spare for his son (except perhaps when he said to him “It is too late for me, son”) - Kylo had comforted her and shown her his human side.

- Vader had lured Luke into a trap twice in order to keep him by his side. - Kylo hadn’t, on the contrary, he wanted to prevent her from running into Palpatine’s trap.

- Luke did not know what had made Vader the way he was when he came to find him, but he was adamant to save him. - Rey knew by the time of their duel that Kylo was largely also a victim, and she stabbed him to death.

- Luke always fought fair. - Rey used the distraction made by Leia’s reaching out to him to impale him - the way she had seen him impaling Han.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  It is ridiculous to say that it’s a victory of Good over Evil when a young woman uses Jedi training to kill her master’s own son, who was on the defensive, with his mother’s help and blessing. That their weird connection, which was already introduced during the first two films, is explained by way of their being a dyad (one soul in two bodies) only makes it worse. Rey will rather kill the man she belongs to, or die herself, than admit that she needs him. If that is supposed to be “feminism”, it’s a very distorted idea of female independence and strength. Just like it’s not automatically “feminism” to make a girl pose as the heroine because she wants to be a Jedi no questions asked.

Fans discussed and argued about Rey’s family for years; it was a great move in TLJ when she admitted her parents were “nobodies” and that they left her on purpose. It was refreshing to see her carve her life and personality on her own. TRoS shattered this by making her the descendant of the most powerful man in the galaxy; and what’s worse, she wound up being a usurper just the way he was, taking over the Skywalker mantle.

  The sequels are feminist only when the audience believes that it’s a happy ending if a female ends up alone with no one standing in her way. They are told from her point of view, so as viewers we will automatically believe that she’s the heroine and root for her (or not, but still believe that it’s her story). Looking only at the bare facts, Rey is much less heroic than she first seems.

  At the end of TRoS Rey is alone with two dead people behind her, on a desert planet in company of a droid and with an old, wrinkled woman as her only interlocuter, the way she began, and her mind still has hardly developed beyond that of a child. She is willing to embrace the legacy of both Skywalker family and Jedi although the fate of Ben Solo should have taught her how fu***-up both of them were.

  Rey doesn’t want to see. She’s in denial like when she pretended that her family was coming back for her on Jakku. Inside, she is still a child - everything she did was motivated by her desire to find the belonging she ardently craved. She can’t be blamed for that. But does that make her a “strong woman”, or even a “Mary Sue”, like many annoyed viewers claim? No.

  Leia 

“If you will not turn to the Dark Side, then perhaps she will.” Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi

There is something I find much worse than Ben’s patricide or Luke’s panic attack at the Jedi temple. Those were actions spurred by the moment and provoked by Snoke, and both men regretted it immediately. Leia’s behaviour shows an unpardonable attitude for entire decades. Being a trained Jedi herself, she could have taught her son - instead she sent him to his uncle. This seems a practical choice since she was politically active while her brother wanted to start a new Jedi Order, but from the novels we learn that Ben heard his parents arguing and talking about him like he was a monster ever since he was a child, and that when he was sent away this seemed to confirm to him that something was wrong with him and had to be fixed. (From the novels we also learn that he actually had no ambition to become a Jedi and wanted to be a pilot - true Skywalker and also Solo that he is -, but he had no say in the matter.)

 After the tragedy at Luke’s temple and the rise of the First Order, Leia fought with the Resistance for years knowing that her own son was on the other side. What if she had met him and been forced to kill him (or if he had come into the situation, as we see in TLJ)? In TFA, she sent his own father to bomb Starkiller Base knowing well that their son might be on board. Leia had felt Snoke’s influence on Ben’s mind when he was still in her womb; so, she knew he had been manipulated for decades, but when she heard of his fall to the Dark Side, she automatically assumed he had made the choice to be “evil”. Only after he had been a part of a criminal organization for years Leia sent her estranged husband to him. She only reached out to him when she was on her deathbed, and I still am not certain whether she wanted to help him, or to make him stop fighting against the girl she had adopted in his stead. 

Would Padmé have left her own son in the dumps? Never. Padmé refuted Obi-Wan’s disclosure about Anakin’s fall to the Dark Side adamantly, and went to a volcanic planet alone, with a highly advanced pregnancy, to see a terrorist and murderer because she still saw the good little boy he had been in him. And she would have gotten him out of that hell had Obi-Wan not interfered. If you don’t believe me, watch the scene again: Slowly but surely, Anakin’s expression changes totally on speaking with his wife. Padmé was literally reaching out to him, and she was succeeding. Love, as always, was stronger than anything else in him. And Padmé believed in her husband until her very last breath. “Obi-Wan, there is still good in him.”

Din Djarin, the Mandalorian of the eponymous tv show, is an outcast who earns his living with dubious business and has killed his fair share of people. But had anyone attempted to do to his little protégé what Snoke did to Ben Solo, I don’t doubt he would have marched on the Supremacy and strangled him with his bare hands. (At least, he would have died trying.) Han would probably have done the same, but Leia deliberately never told him of Snoke’s influence on her son’s mind ever since before his birth. By the time she finally does, as we witness in TFA, their son has been Kylo Ren for six years. 

Leia, the princess, the general, the war heroine, had feared her son before he was even born because she sensed that he was like her own father. But she had no qualms and no fear accepting and instructing the granddaughter of her worst enemy. Why? 

Because Rey doesn’t waver. She has no doubts. She is not conflicted between both Sides of the Force. In Leia’s eyes, Rey is pure Light Side, so she embraces her wholeheartedly as the child she always wanted. As far as I can remember, Leia has never, the way her brother did, offered love to anyone who didn’t fight on her side. And Rey, who had angrily confronted Luke for his moment of terror which “created Kylo Ren”, did not consider for a moment Leia’s responsibility towards her son. Despite training with Leia for a whole year, she never tells her about Luke’s failure which pushed her son into Snoke’s clutches. Nor does she realize that Leia’s love for her is not unconditional but that it is parallel to her Jedi training. Rey literally becomes both a little girl and a Jedi with Leia, down to wearing pure white for the whole of the last instalment of the trilogy. 

Most fans admire Leia for her rebellious, spirited nature. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s not necessarily such a good thing if one spends one’s whole life fighting instead of learning how to preserve peace. Leia is adamant that the side she’s on must win. Like every Jedi before her, she does not know, want or even consider that what the Force actually needs is Balance; and that both her father and her son were not evil because they were strong on both Sides, but that this meant they might have found balance, had they not met opposition to this in everyone they knew. 

Leia never approached her relationship to her father (at least as far as I know), never tried to understand him better and forgive him the way her brother had. Considering what Vader had done to her and her friends, she can’t be blamed for pushing away her memories and living in terror of the Dark Side. However, on the long run her incapacity or refusal for introspection is not a strength but a weakness. The one who paid the price is her son, and with his fall to the Dark, the whole galaxy again became prey to the terror that she herself had always fought against in first line. 

Vader had been right after all: Leia did fall prey to the Dark Side, though unknowingly. Not only did she give up on her son, she actively helped evil come back to the galaxy by believing to do the right thing: she trained Palpatine’s granddaughter, taught her to deny her own fears and weaknesses, gave her justification for her actions, helped her killing her own “evil” son. If that is not the Dark Side’s influence, I don’t know what it is. Leia denied her son’s potential for good and given up on him long before his fate was sealed, and in the same way she closed her eyes on Rey’s potential for evil. The same “bad” son had to prevent the girl she had taken under her wing from becoming what the old devil Palpatine had in mind, at the cost of his life. 

 Conclusion

 I am not an advocate for feminism on principle. If females can be independent and self-assured, if they shed the cloak of “damsel in distress”, on the downside this also means that they can be or become villains just like men. Many people tend to believe that a woman is naturally better, kinder, softer than a man. The Star Wars saga never bowed to this cliché.

 The idea that a woman does not necessarily need a man is positive on its own, but it becomes poisonous if it undermines female trust in men. Star Wars has a long story of lonely, unhappy men (all three generations of Skywalkers), who were denied their natural right to be needed by their women and to keep their families together. One of Anakin’s dilemmas was that he saw Padmé as being too good for him and wanted to prove to her that he was equal to her in his own way. Ben, ironically, felt that he was not good enough for Rey because he was tainted by his larger-than-life heritage, so he wanted to “let the past die” and start something new and fresh with her.

 A man naturally wishes to protect others, in particular wife and children. But in all three generations, we find these men whose personalities are split in two and cannot reconcile the two halves of their self: Anakin / Vader, Luke / Leia, Ben / Kylo. Due to the similarity in his two names, I expected the last of the Skywalker blood to finally heal the wound in his personality and become one. Had anyone wanted and needed both, Ben and Kylo, he might have. But Kylo was an aberration to everyone including Rey. Kylo was a villainous figure and as a male, he was aggressive and arrogant; but at least he made his own decisions and had chosen his own name, things Ben Solo never got to do.

 This is not to say that the sequels are against strong females or prefer the guys over them: no, the guys f** up at least as often as the women do. But to pretend that Leia’s and / or Rey’s portrayal is unrealistically positive and that “feminism ruined Star Wars” is either extremely short-sighted or a mockery of femaleness.

 It is true that women have more and larger roles in the ST, but I can’t see anything wrong with that. Not any more than with the fact that in the OT there was practically only Leia (the few other female characters almost had no impact on the story), and that there were few females in the PT, too. The Jedi Order consisted almost only of men, and you hardly hear anyone complain.

 I know that many fans dislike Anakin and Ben, but please let us consider why.

 One reason is that in an action movie we usually value coolness in a male protagonist above everything, and that the Skywalkers are hot-headed by nature. Most fans prefer Darth Vader, Han Solo and the likes to the Skywalker men.

 Another reason is that the filmmakers have deliberately manipulated our emotions. The prequels are told from everybody’s point of view but Anakin’s, and the same goes for the sequels with Ben, despite the fact that the trilogies are about them, not about “the Jedi superheroes saviours of the galaxy” or “the almighty and untainted Skywalker family”. So, as viewers we automatically identify emotionally with anyone but them. We never get to really know the “villain’s” point of view, we only see how other people react to them; and since these reactions are much more often negative than positive, we get to the conclusion that both of them are inescapably evil, that they chose to be so, and that they deserve their terrible fate.

 My suggestion: rewatch both trilogies again and this time try to look through Anakin’s or Ben’s eyes. (And possibly also read the novels and the Kylo Ren comics.)

  You could be surprised.

[zevzevarainai]

Hey! You ever end up doing essay on the kazumaji gifs? (I'm highly interested because it's always majima o' clock where I live)

it’s always majima o’clock here too; maybe we live in the same area... but lmao i didnt write the essay on my kazumaji gifs because i didnt think anyone would want to hear it so i meant it more as a per request kind of deal. and you’re requesting. I want you to know you did this to yourself, my friend

below the read more for everyone’s well being. welcome to my first official majima analysis essay

ok so in those tags i said something like majima is softest with kiryu because it is absolutely the truth (unless you count makoto, which i love them too, but majima has moved on or at least is making an effort to. and that was pre-tacky snake skin jacket and pre-mad dog persona.) 

the prompt for the gifset was “maybe something about majima being stupid and unhinged but like, in a sweet way” and the whole point of this rambling is that kiryu is really the only one we see who causes the mad-dog persona to slip. kiryu says he can never get a read on majima but just because he is unpredictable doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand that he isn’t just batshit crazy. he trusts majima, and finds comfort in his lack of predictability, keeping kiryu’s life exciting and providing distraction from the insane amount of tragic shit that happens to kiryu. and majima has a similar experience of idolizing the yakuza lifestyle as teens/young adults only to have the yakuza drag them through hell. But this is supposed to be about Majima.

ANYWAY what GETS ME is again that mad-dog vibe slipping around kiryu. the only time we really only see it again is with Saejima when he comes back from jail. i’m gonna talk about that later too. LET’s GET TO THE GIFS i’m going in chronological order not the order i put them in

1)

Ok so as an audience, we don’t really know what happened between Kiryu and Majima between Yakuza Zero and Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami. Yes, we get that tiny ending scene of Majima going KIRYU-CHAN for the first time and Kiryu smiling at him. But we are given nothing as to how they met or why Majima started calling him Kiryu-chan. It is left completely to the audience’s interpretation. Because then it goes straight to the first scene with Majima in Yakuza/Yakuza Kiwami after Kiryu gets out of jail. It implies that they already knew each other, and arguably that they were somewhat close -- close enough for Majima to “miss him.” (What was majima doing for those 10 years, i don’t know, but he clearly wasn’t in a great place, missing both kiryu, makoto, and saejima, we ignore y5 lore in this household or make up shit to fill in the giant gaps) You could argue that Majima missing Kiryu is just Majima being “crazy haha woah” but his character is so much deeper than that, and it’s proven in this gif’s scene. Yes he is fighting Kiryu with all his men. But if you are reading this you understand that them fighting physically all the time is a secret love language. They never intend to severely hurt each other. Fighting is how they know that they have an equal, someone else who was modeled into a weapon because of the Tojo Clan.

And yes, “He belongs to me!” is an extremely gay thing to say. He doesn’t even need to say that, though. One of his men didn’t understand that he doesn’t actually want to hurt Kiryu. The guy picked up Majima’s knife and tried to actually hurt Kiryu. Majima willingly gets stabbed so Kiryu doesn’t get hurt. That’s a handful of gay subtext right there. Majima’s first scene in y1 is about how the world is a horrible, shitty place that will chew you up and spit you out if you care. Then he goes and gets stabbed. Self-sacrificially. He cares about Kiryu, even if it hurts. 

2)

This one isn’t as deep. It stems of the same concept of them fighting each other as equals. Majima explicitly says more than once that strength is the most admirable trait, Goromi says that it only matters that a man is strong. Kiryu is the only person who presents a challenge to him. He admires him. 

3)

(As a disclaimer, I know a lot of people are uncomfortable with Goromi. I’ve also seen a lot of non-binary, gender-fluid, etc. people project on Goromi and Majima, and I feel like that can only be a good thing. Obviously they deserve more and more quality representation. I think the people who dislike Goromi are valid as well, but for the sake of this argument we are going to see Goromi as the people who project on her do and I’m going to use she/her pronouns when talking about Goromi.)

Regardless on your stance on this whole little side quest, the player has the choice to go along with Goromi which creates actually a lot of subtle connecting between the two of them. Even in just talking to her, we see the mad-dog mask slip. She talks about how much she cared about the girls at Club Shine and wonders how they’re doing. Literally says “all part of my tragic-ass backstory.” And Kiryu sympathizes with it. Says he sees through the “i hated it” bullshit and sees Majima/Goromi’s true self, which is that the cabaret job was hard for Majima because he cared about the women and didn’t like using them as a source of income and knew it would be his fault if they got hurt. 

Also, Goromi says that "When I’m with a guy, it’s all about if I’m having enough fun. That’s why he’s gotta be strong.” Sound like someone we know? Someone who we are talking about in the last gif with i-just-got-the-shit-beat-out-of-me-and-it-was-awesome bliss on his face?

Anyway, the scene in the gif is near the end of the session. Kiryu is talking about how he’s been in prison for 10 years, and Goromi says that now that he’s out he should try to relax and and a little fun. Arguably, “since you’re so lonely right now, I’m gonna give ya a hand!” is most of Majima’s role in YK1. Kiryu gets out of prison. Majima wants to fight him all the time and says it’s because he’s gone soft and needs to train. Majima Everywhere presents excitement in his life when everything else is hard and shitty and traumatizing. Yes, Majima kidnapped Haruka. But there isn’t a lot of info on that. Majima says he did it so they could fight but it very likely could have been an order from the Tojo Clan or even Nishiki. Until he develops a bond with Haruka, Majima is, in a way, all he has. Nishiki is mean now. Yumi is ???. Kazama is i don’t even remember but he certainly isn’t any emotional support. He’s lonely. Majima is the only person he has from before prison, and quite possibly the only person who understands what he is going through. 

4)

YK2, Kiryu has yeeted out of Majima’s life as Kiryu does, but he’s trying to protect haruka so I’ll let it slide. And what does Majima do now that Kiryu’s not there? Leaves the Tojo Clan. Yes it’s because he doesn’t like the 5th chairman’s style and to make up for Kawamura, but the point is he’s bored. The use of “MY Kiryu-chan” is obviously written there because “haha majima he’s crazyyy” but come on. Majima left the Tojo Clan after Kiryu stepped down as the 4th chairman. Because he was bored. Because he couldn’t trust his own men. The only person he considered an equal just wasn’t there anymore and he found it difficult to adjust. (That’s YEARNING, fellas)

So yes, HIS Kiryu-chan came home, but what is home in this context? It clearly isn’t the tojo clan, so I guess it could be Kamurocho in general. But if the clan doesn’t make it home, what does make it home? Perhaps a certain triangle shaped man??

5)

Oh boy silly Majima wants to fight Kiryu again hahaha weeeeeeeee NO listen, LISTEN, he does want to fight kiryu again, because 1) the man has been bored for a year 2) FIGHTING IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE 3) Majima is once again surprising Kiryu in a world where nothing surprises him anymore, where kiryu expects people to be vile and only want him for gain. Every single goddamn game it’s “Kiryu plz save the Tojo Clan plz” and Kiryu NEVER gets anything in return unless you count, i don’t know, Daigo and Haruka’s safety? But Majima doesn’t give a shit about any of that. Majima is one of the only people who consistently does things for Kiryu (even if they’re presented in an abnormal way). Majima is really the only one who makes sacrifices for Kiryu. But this fight, it kicks off YK2 of “hey, i missed you but i won’t admit it because we’re manly yakuza, please let me try to make you smile.”

6)

THE kazumaji scene. Going off of Majima being the only one to make sacrifices for Kiryu, here’s a perfect example. Majima first aids the Tojo Clan which he swore to leave literally only because Kiryu asked him to. Then, here, he get beaten within an inch of his life because he promised Kiryu he would protect Kamurocho from Ryuji. Majima does not give a shit about the Tojo Clan at this point. Yes, Majima LOVEEESSSS beating people up, but he’s fatally wounded. This is not a Majima who would die for the Tojo Clan. This is a Majima willing to die for Kiryu. After warning Kiryu about being to trusting, too.

And of course, we get the Majima collapsing on the pavement and Kiryu rushing in to CRADLE him in his arms like a damn fanfic. You’ve even got the “I did it for you” which everyone knows is basically an “I love you.” Look at Majima’s face in the gif. Bless the Kiwami 2 graphics, first of all. He’s looking at Kiryu like he wants him to be the last thing he sees, like he wants him to know that he’s going out for Kiryu, that despite the fact that he’s about to cough up blood he needs Kiryu to have the information he needs to save the clan and Kamurocho. He’s telling Kiryu all this with labored breath because he promised. Kiryu “One-Expression” Kazuma is viably worried as hell, the little nod in the gif kills me because Kiryu needs him to know he’s touched and he’s so grateful. The only reason Kiryu left him was because there was danger elsewhere and he trusts Kaoru enough to take care of him. (Side note: I love Kaoru Sayama, but I still feel like she’s good enough a character on her own and doesn’t need to be a romantic interest for Kiryu. Like it was like oh... she’s Girl so she needs to fall for the Big Strong Male Protag.... If Majima was a cis girl they would have made out in this game, maybe even y1.) 

7) Speaking of sacrifices, Yakuza 3, the game where Majima literally joined the Tojo Clan again because Kiryu wanted him to protect Daigo. That’s a huge lifestyle change, Majima.

Yes, this scene is funny because Majima is riding in a Barbie-ass truck like a 15 year old driving on a learner’s permit in a downpour (yet proves he can drive stick seconds later) and thinks he hit Kiryu while he purposely hit everyone else. Look, Majima needs this ok y3 he looks like he’s been crying since kiryu left no one No One is going to hurt Kiryu now

That truck is likely stolen, he’s driving erratically as fast as he can because Kiryu is in danger, how did he even know that Kiryu was in danger is it like some kind of 6th sense... If you didn’t already know, I would take a bullet for Majima’s voice actor; his delivery of “Kiryu-chan! Where are you?!” could have just been like haha oops kiryu did i hit you ;3 but instead it’s this raw cry of genuine panic, like did his actions get kiryu hurt, Majima could not live with himself if he was the reason Kiryu got fatally hurt

8) Ok I’ve hinted at the fact that I have beef with the Hot Mess that is yakuza 5, wasn’t huge on Y4 and Y6 was fine but it was heavily based on the events of Y5. In my head I’ve got an entire fix-it fanfic in which Majima yeets out to Okinawa with Kiryu after Y3 I could write that upon request too ANYWAY here’s another sacrificial majima...

Despite not caring for Y5, THIS SCENE is RAW. Maybe he’s not super “unhinged” in this scene but it’s just so much. Majima, who Kiryu brokedown in his taxi bc he thought he got killed (because Kiryu made him stay in the tojo clan haha we’re out here crying), chooses Kiryu over Saejima. Saejima, Majima’s oath brother, Saejima. We love Saejima, Majima loves Saejima, but 25 years is a long ass time. Majima changed. Saejima changed. For awhile he had Makoto, but then Kiryu was all Majima had for a good chunk of Saejima’s time in prison. This is the man Majima got his eye stabbed out for defending. But the BaD GuYs that arent memorable enough for me to even look up the names of are like look, we want to watch the world burn because we are Bad Guys, so either you are going to fight your brother to the death or we are going to snipe Kiryu’s daughter in the fucking head. Obviously he doesn’t know that Baba is going to betray them, so he has to pick between Saejima and Haruka. He chooses to potentially kill Saejima for Kiryu’s happiness. I’m sure if things didn’t change, Majima would have held back and let Saejima kill him. Majima would rather die than see Kiryu in pain. Majima would rather kill Saejima/let Saejima kill him than let Haruka die. If that’s not a giant declaration of unconditional love and devotion, I don’t know what else to tell you.

Anyway, thanks so much for indulging me and listening to my yakuza opinions if you made it this far you the mvp :’’’’)

[scripttorture]

Hey, I am writing a torture scene in a Star Wars fanfiction, where a character is tortured both with interrogation devices and with the Force. How do I make the use of the Force in torture seem as awful and realistic as the interrogation devices? Sorry if that is confusing, I've never written a torture scene in fic before and I am nervous about doing this one right.

Welcome. :) It’s a perfectly understandable fear, let’s get stuck in.

 There are some issues around some of the canon torture devices in Star Wars. The short version of which is that high tech equipment isn’t realistic in torture and it can often suggest torture is ‘advanced’ or ‘intelligent’ when it is not. But this isn’t really the core of your question and I don’t want to discourage you on your first try.

 For more realistic low-tech alternatives I have a post on common torture techniques in the modern era over here. You can read a little more about why I think ‘interrogation devices’ are leaning in to torture apologia by looking through the ‘high tech torture’ tag.

 You can read a bit more about it in this Star Wars review here or by looking through this tag.

 Central to this is how you communicate pain in a story. Because that’s really what we’re talking about here. How do you capture a type of pain that your reader hasn’t experienced?

 It might be helpful to know that pain isn’t one sensation. We actually process different kinds of pain differently and we each have different thresholds for different sorts of pain.

 That might sound complicated but what it boils down to is that knowing someone likes their curry hot doesn’t tell you how they’d deal with a head ache or a twisted ankle.

 So if I was approaching this my first question would be: what kind of pain do I want to make the Force feel like?

 There are a couple of little bits from various parts of the franchise that suggest the dark side feels ‘cold’. But I think you do have leeway to really decide what you want this to be like.

 I would lean in to the way the Force can cause pain without leaving obvious wounds. Because a lot of torture, both historically and today, does the same thing and these ‘clean’ (non-scarring) tortures are often dismissed. The damage they cause is downplayed, the pain they cause is underestimated. And unfortunately survivors of clean tortures (the majority of torture survivors today) are dismissed because we expect torture to leave scars.

 Our vision is a big part of how we judge other people’s pain. We find it very easy to instinctually imagine (and sympathise) with injuries we can clearly see. Things like broken bones, burns and cuts seem to be easier for us to understand. I’d use that, in the same way I would if I was writing a non-magical clean torture scenario.

 I’m going to describe the reported sensations/type of pain caused by three different clean tortures; stress positions, pumping and electrical torture using a magneto. (You can look up any of those in the tags for more information.) Feel free to use any of these.

 Stress positions cause muscular pain throughout the body. Think of the sharp pain the comes with pulled muscles and imagine that throughout the body. That tension, the feeling that the limbs are giving way, everywhere. A building muscular pain punctuated by sharp bursts. It’s trembling afterwards, weakness, staggering, falling. A burning, pins and needles sensation as circulation returns to raised limbs.

 By contrast pumping is internal, organ pain. It’s a stomach ache that’s like being stamped on. A stabbing pain that doesn’t end. If you’ve had a bad E coli infection then think of that. Nausea, the awful empty feeling afterwards. Switching from one type of pain to another until it starts all over again. The way your head reels and your awareness narrows.

 As for electrical torture, well here’s Alleg’s description of his experience with the French military in Algeria (I have edited to focus on his description of physical sensation).

 ‘Suddenly, I leapt in my bonds and shouted with all my might. Cha- had just sent a first electric charge through my body. A flash of lightning exploded next to my ear and I felt my heart racing in my breast. I struggled, screaming and stiffened myself until the straps cut into my flesh. All the while the shocks controlled by Cha-, magneto in hand, followed each other without cease.[…]

 ‘Suddenly I felt as if a savage beast had torn the flesh from my body. Still smiling above me Ja- had attached the pincer to my penis. The shocks going through me were so strong that the straps holding me to the board came loose. They stopped to tie them again and we continued.

‘After a while the lieutenant took the place of Ja-. He had removed the wire from one of the pincers and fastened it down along the entire width of my chest. The whole of my body was shaking with nervous shocks getting ever stronger in intensity, and the session went on interminably. They had thrown cold water over me in order to increase the intensity of the current and between every two spasms I trembled with cold. All around me sitting on the packing cases, Cha- and his friends emptied bottles of beer. I chewed on my gag to relieve the cramp which contorted my body. In vain’

 Obviously you don’t have to use any of these examples if you don’t like the sound of them. The basic idea is to think about a type of pain and use that to create an evocative description.

 You could even use your own experience if you wanted to. Think about the kinds of pain you’ve had in the past, migraines or pulled muscles or eating a curry that was too hot, and use that as a basis for magnifying the same sensation.

 That’s all Step One.

 Capturing the full impact of torture means more then the torture scene. It means warping the story under the weight of abuse. It’s the lasting effects on the survivor and the knock on impact on their friends and family. It’s the way that impact can radicalise people, even witnesses. It’s the effect torture has on the organisations that use it and those that it is used against.

 A story does not necessarily need to give all of these elements a lot of narrative space.

 If your story doesn’t focus on the survivor then their symptoms might just take up a sentence as the main characters ask whether they ‘made it’. And in that case you hammer home the impact by showing the effect on these people who are at a remove. Their fear, their anger, their resolve to stop this. Perhaps even a few lasting symptoms they develop as witnesses to a traumatic event.

 The original Star Wars movies don’t leave a lot of time to focus on lasting effects on the main characters but they still show each of them resisting torture in different ways. They show torture radicalising characters who witness it. They show it galvanising opposition and they show torture as ultimately undermining the organisation that uses it.

 Essentially think about the sort of story you’re telling and how much space each of these elements needs in your story.

 Most of the writers who come here are focused on a survivor character and want to write that character recovering. So I’m going to talk about that in more depth.

 If however you’d rather talk about systems in your story I do have some masterposts that’ll help. There’s one here on the common justifications for torture in democracies. There’s one on why torture doesn’t work as a method of interrogation here and a more detailed discussion of the effect torture has on investigations here. There’s also a post on common misconceptions over here.

 I also think you should read the post on clean torture.

 So, let’s talk about how torture effects people.

 Torture does cause lasting symptoms in survivors, witnesses and torturers. Survivors are left dealing with symptoms for the rest of their lives. But that doesn’t mean they never recover and it doesn’t mean survivors don’t go on to have fulfilling lives.

 Recovery is about learning to live with symptoms rather then mental health problems vanishing.

 Now we know the possible symptoms of torture. But survivors don’t generally experience all the possible symptoms and we don’t really understand why there’s so much variety in what individual survivors experience. We also, generally speaking, can’t predict which symptoms any individual will get*.

 From a writing stand point that means we’re free to decide what fits best in any story. I’d encourage you to pick 3-5 symptoms from the list here for any survivors characters. There’s a more detailed discussion of memory problems in particular here. Memory problems are extremely common in reality and very rarely portrayed accurately/well in fiction.

 Personally I think the best way to pick is by looking at the list and thinking about which symptoms will add to the story you’re trying to tell. Think about what might add interesting obstacles in the plot, what might create opportunities to show your audience more about the character and what might change the relationships characters have.

 So if your character needs to be charismatic and social does giving them anxiety create an interesting barrier to that? If your character is determined or holds their ideals really high, does giving them depression help illustrate those qualities by showing what the character is battling with every day? Would intrusive memories prompt deeper discussions with their friends about mental health, their fears?

 Wrapping up I would really encourage you to look at that masterpost on the common misconceptions about torture. Because so many of the ways we’re used to seeing torture portrayed are tropes that have no basis in reality. And a lot of them are based on really harmful misconceptions about torture and torture survivors.

 This probably feels like a lot. It is. Torture is a complex topic to tackle and the sheer volume of misinformation out there makes it that much harder to do it right.

 Read the links. Think about what you want to write. Practice.

 And if you have any more questions feel free to send them in when the ask box re-opens. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*There are a handful of exceptions here but for the most part whatever the torture technique the possible long term symptoms are the same. Exceptions include sleep deprivation, starvation and solitary confinement.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Gardens #1 (1/1/2021)

Click here if you're like "What the heck is this about?"

Valera @autokrates fights an annoying sibling. Alastor cheers for the great show and does absolutely nothing to help. Sir Pentious @hiss-and-vinegar fusses over Valera's wounds.

Valera

*Ah, the gardens. Just the place for Valera and her brother to get into a no holds barred bareknuckle brawl away from her guests. Far enough that nobody has to hear them snapping and snarling at each other, close enough that neither has far to drag the other at the end of the dramatic little affair. Fortunately, fights don't actually take thirty minutes to muddle through for most people, these fish included. Five or so minutes of hissing and biting at their imperfect duplicates, and at the end, Valera limps away with Volitan's arm clenched in her jaws and a few pounds of flesh lighter. Neither comes away feeling better, but at least there's fresh fish to feed to the guests who craved a more cannibalistic slant to their meals.*

*The fountain is good enough to rinse the worst of this mess off, and Volitan can go let the ocean burn his wounds clean for all she cares. Her friends can't see her like this. She'll need... What, half an hour to close her wounds? They shouldn't notice.*

**Happy New Years.**

Alastor

From a high window a large crowd loudly cheers, whistles, and applauds.

It's Alastor, he's the large crowd. Him and his invisible audience.

He doesn't know what's going on but it was hella entertaining to watch.

Valera

Thank the gods Alastor was far enough away to probably not hear the undignified squeak that she made when she realized she had a witness, Valera's emotions were shot enough without embarrassment on top of it. Head jerking back to seek him out among the windows... Ah. There he is. Game face, Val, give him a thumbs up. With Volitan's arm! Lovely. In fact... She's just going to send it off to him, a little flotation between friends.

"Here! I'm going to be a while, be a dear and butcher this, would you? I'd hate to see it spoil while I cleaned up."

Alastor

Look at the delight on his face! "You're a TERRIFIC host!" He bows out the window so deeply it's impressive he doesn't fall out, then runs off with his new culinary treat. He's going to make something decadent with this.

But first he's gonna bite off a chunk from the severed end.

Sir Pentious

A certain snake is slimthering.... he is wearing the long robe that Valera gifted to him for Hissmas. He's searching for his love, now that he's properly warm and bask-ed. The smell of blood has his tongue flicking out longer, and he's drawn to it... slimther slimther...

"MY DEAR?"

Valera

The sound of Pentious' voice makes Valera tense up, swearing under her breath. What's the human phrase? Out of the frying pan, into the fire? She'd rather have Alastor and his cheerfully uncaring amusement, Pentious might actually *worry*. But it was too late to pretend nothing was wrong. So.. Time to do what she does best, then.

She perches on the edge of the fountain, posing just so to keep the worst of her injuries away from her beau's many eyes. A hand in her lap to artfully cover her thigh, tail conveniently looped around her legs before dropping back into the fountain. Natural? No. But it might be enough! Maybe! If she can distract him. "Penny! Hello dearest, enjoying the weather tonight?"

Sir Pentious

"YESSS, MY DEAR, THE WEATHER ISSS NICE. THE AIR ISSS SO GOOD HERE, A NICE CHANGE FROM SSSSULFUR." Tongue flicking, but he's definitely sure that's blood he smells... or something similar! He was used to Valera's blood, as he'd bitten her *quite a few times.*

A head tilt, and his face squishes inquisitively. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE...?"

Valera

"I'm glad to hear you're enjoying my home, my love." Her tail wiggles in the fountain, eyes scrunching up into half moons. Even if she was trying to keep him from getting too nosy, it was still nice to see him happy on Okkylk.

Right. A question. "Me? I'm sitting, obviously. You just missed Alastor though, I think he ran off to the kitchen with his latest prize."

Sir Pentious

"I'M NOT LOOKING FOR ALASSSTOR. THERE'SSS TOO MANY OF HIM HERE! BUT ONLY ONE OF YOU." He slithers closer, head tilted.

".... I SSSMELL YOUR BLOOD."

Valera

She twitches, hand lifting off her injured thigh to wave dismissively. "Yes, darling. I got into a bit of a tussle, you see. "

Sir Pentious

"A BIT?" His eyes widen and... He comes closer, trying to peer around her to see the damage.

Valera

... A choice is presented to her. Trust her fiance, or.. don't, and upset him. So, despite the immediate impulse to deflect, she reluctantly lifts her tail from the water. Or, what's left of it. The end seems to have been sliced off, gods only know where the fin went.

Sir Pentious

His eyes widen considerably, then NARROW. His hood opens and he's careful to put his arms around her, trying to mind any more wounds.

"BETTER NOT HAVE BEEN ONE OF THE *ALASSSTORSSS!!* WHO WAS IT?!"

Valera

A few scrapes and scuffs are hardly enough to keep Valera from leaning into a hug. "Alastor? No, of course not. I fought my brother! He tried to scold me again and I'd simply had enough!"

A pause as she nuzzles her face into his shoulder, purring softly. "I took his arm off, so don't feel TOO bad for me."

Sir Pentious

Ah, that *brother.* Sir Pentious growls like the cobra he is, vividly imagining tearing the man apart--not that he'd really seen him yet but he could guess.

"HE OUGHT TO THINK ABOUT HOW FORTUNATE IT ISSSS THAT YOU LET HIM LIVE!! INSSSULTING THE AUTOCRAT!! BROTHER OR NOT, HE'D BE *QUARTERED* IF HE WERE MINE."

Valera

She shrugs, lifting a leg to inspect the damage. A few cuts, nothing to write home about. Hilda would probably want to put stitches in a few of them, but Val was pretty sure they'd close on their own. They'd mostly stopped bleeding, at least. "I assume fighting with family is a normal part of having one? Maybe not physically, but Veci do tend to be more direct than humans. He doesn't like the way I do things, I don't like him acting like he knows better. We fought, I won, so I'm right."

Sir Pentious

That sounded much simpler.... But Penny couldn't help his frown. He took her hand in his, and kissed it.

"He hurt you. I would tear reality asunder for you and your smile, my love."

Valera

... Ah. Valera has to try very hard not to make a noise like a deflating balloon crossed with a dying whale, wheezing quietly and folding in at the waist as Pentious metaphorically stabs her with surprise affection straight to the heart. Thunk. Her head, thumped down to his chest. Don't look at her. Don't acknowledge her. She's feeling feelings.

Sir Pentious

He's petting down her hair, looking over her damage and that gored tail....

Penny gently pets down said tail, careful to mind the wounds.

Valera

Give her a bit to recover, and then she'll perk back up to see what he's doing there.

"Hm? Something wrong, love?"

Sir Pentious

"OF COURSE. YOU'RE BLEEDING AND WOUNDED AND OUT HERE BY YOURSSSSELF." He's looking so concerned... "I DON'T HAVE ANY BANDAGES ON HAND...."

Valera

"What?" Wait, right. Aliens worry a lot more about that kind of thing, huh? ..Or was that everyone not heavily traumatized and used to regrowing limbs? Hard to keep track, really. Whatever. He's concerned, which is the OPPOSITE of what she wanted!

Quick, say something comforting! "I'll be okay, darling! I'm used to... it...?" She squints. Wait. No. That sounds bad, actually. "It'll grow back in a few minutes! You'd never know I was hurt!" YEAH THAT'S THE ONE.

Sir Pentious

Frown! WEH!

"WHO CARESSSS WHETHER I KNOW OR NOT, YOU *ARE* HURT! AND I WANT TO HELP!"

Valera

She looks... A bit baffled. But once she's over the initial surprise, she takes one of his hands in hers and pats it.

"Oh. Um. Alright, do you want to.. Help me to the bathroom? I'm sure we've got medical supplies in there."

Sir Pentious

Listen, caring about other people is not Penny's strong suit, but he cares so so much about Valera.

"YESSS, GLADLY."

Valera

Being cared about is not something Valera is used to, she's not sure how to handle being the one getting fussed over. But if it makes Pentious happy... She'll try to fumble through it. Time to get up, then. He can't lift her, but taking the weight off the worst leg should make it easier to not open anything on her carpets.

Awkward cough.. "Thank you, love. I was just going to sit out here until everything healed over, but. This is better."

Sir Pentious

"YOU SHOWED ME THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE ANYMORE... SO, PLEASE LET ME SHOW YOU THAT, TOO." Hand kiss....

Valera

He's lucky she's already standing or else she'd do the affection wheeze all over again. But no, she has to hide her face against him like a normal person and pray the blush doesn't reach the tips of her fins. Just. Just going to take his arm and let him lead her along, then.......

Sir Pentious

Off they go..... To the bathroom........ Womance....

Valera

He can put salve on her wounds and wrap up the more uncomfortable ones, and she will be very embarrassed and very grateful... And also whine a lot because ow, the salve Hilda makes is NOT soothing in the slightest, it burns!!! Sure heals things fast though, the smaller cuts vanish in moments!

[piracytheorist]

headcanons for Peter(what still remains)

Headcanon A: realistic

I’ve talked a bit about it before, but I think Peter was sort-of in love with Anna. I mean, only in the creepy, fucked-up, toxic way someone like him can be, but I find it interesting in the way he looks at her, especially after the ninja wedding.

Anna is kind and caring, and though I think he’d thought of her as a potential wife and child bearer from the first moment (yikes), in their first fireside chat Anna showed her caring nature; when Peter was talking about how he feared his parents abandoned him because he was “dead weight” to them, Anna told him to never think like that. And I think that touched him, and in his way, he grew feelings for her. But still he was too messed up and trapped in a bad environment for those feelings to be expressed in a healthy way for both of them. I don’t think Anna could love him back, she doesn’t look like the kind of person who would be willing to deal with the huge amount of trauma he carries (considering she carries a lot of trauma on her own), so it was kinda doomed from the get-go. But he couldn’t consider all that, so he was actually hopeful.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

I’m not sure what I can find hilarious with this character XD The only thing that comes to mind is how he’s probably very good at standing still and thinking he looks cool when in reality it’s the equivalent of accidentally turning on selfie mode

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

I mean... I could go on full detail on what I imagine Judith did to him, but I’ve gained a lot of followers who are minors this past year...

I think in general, he’s starved for affection. I think of his grandfather, who in his age and wisdom (?) saw Zach and Judith and either didn’t put two and two together and practically allowed his only family to be indoctrinated into a cult, or he did and he was quickly killed for it before he could warn Peter. Zach and Judith, like any good cult leader, gaslit and manipulated Peter until he followed them and eventually became just like them. But still, there are moments where you can see Peter having child-like behaviour. 

He doesn’t remember much about the world before; he didn’t grow up with rom-coms that show people talking one (1) time and then acting like they’re super duper in twu wuv. Him having that with Anna, I mean, literally they bonded like once or twice, he then murdered two people in front of her in cold blood, and then he acts like this, like it was okay to marry her without even telling her so and cross her bubble to kiss her. That’s like... I mean it’s a post-apocalyptic world, there’s not big room for romantic relationships the way we have now,  but him jumping from “We talked a few times” to “We’re now married and will have many babies!”... is shit we imagined in elementary school. Combined with the tantrums he has when things don’t go that way - and I mean the way he pouts and huffs and jumps into action, not the actual actions he takes, it feels like his brain didn’t have a normal transition through adolescence; he didn’t develop things like... controlling your actions and understanding that relationships have depth. I’m not even talking about him not respecting Anna’s wishes and boundaries. I’m talking about him being criminally immature and inexperienced. And of course, it’s not a surprise given the conditions and the place he grew up in. 

But it’s tragic in a way that he seems to want that. He felt more for Anna and wanted to marry her, and when things went his way, like in the scene pictured above, he was actually gentle and sweet (again, not talking about Anna’s boundaries here because in his mind they don’t exist). He wants affection, he wants tender touch, he wants a relationship built on spending quality time together and bonding.

And since he was thirteen he’s been stuck with Zach and Judith, trapped in a cult that only saw good in him because of “God’s hand blessing him” and not because he was a traumatized boy worthy of love and affection. And that’s what’s tragic and for me one of the most... haunting details about his character. How he could actually care for and love someone, but he was manipulated and gaslit into becoming a monster.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

I mean the main canon rejection would be for him to stay alive, only like, being delayed by Anna stabbing him or something. He goes back to the village, and happens to be there to see Anna leave Judith away. Anna is scared because she legit thought he was dead, but he just lets her go. He then has a very painful talk with Judith about what she and Zach made him go through (all that being said over Zach’s body), Judith like the good gaslighter she is, she denies everything and tries to get him to her side, and he probably kills her. Anna, who has been watching from the side all the time, comes back and offers to help bandage his wounds. As she does, she asks him what he’s gonna do now. He looks at her, hoping she’ll ask him to come with her. She doesn’t. So he simply shrugs, looks around the massacred, burned village, and says “I don’t know.” Anna leaves, and there you have it, an alternate ending!

Send me a character and I’ll share four headcanons!

[dascarecrow]

Death Battle - Oscar Pine

Wiz- Since humanity’s earliest age the world of Remnant has been plagued by the creatures of Grimm. 

Boomstick- AKA a cheap rip off of the Heartless. These bad boys are destruction incarnate which sounds awesome at first but it really just means they live to ruin your day. 

Wiz- Yet for as long as the Grimm have haunted humanity they have been protected by the elite warriors known as Huntsmen. 

Boomstick- These kick ass fighters are the best of the best and the baddest of the bad. They also wield some of the most awesome weapons ever made. Because nearly all of them? Are also a gun. 

Wiz- Huntsmen are trained at combat academies across the world. And the greatest of them are trained at the main academies of each major kingdom. Shade Academy in Vacuo, Haven Academy in Mistral, Atlas Academy in Atlas- 

Boomstick- Real original there. 

Wiz- And Beacon Academy in Vale. 

Boomstick- Man a school where you learn how to beat the snot out of people, hunt evil monsters and build cool weapons? If they had that kind of curriculum when I was in high school I definitely would have paid more attention. At least try to get a B+ on something instead of all those Fs and Cs. 

Wiz- Unknown to the public however is that the headmasters of each Academy are part of a secret alliance dedicated to protecting the people of Remnant and ensuring their prosperity led by the headmaster Beacon Academy, Ozpin. 

Boomstick- And like any good conspiracy the Ozluminati knows a whole bunch of secrets. Like the true origin of Dust and who faked the moon breaking. 

Wiz- One of the greatest secrets that they have kept is existence of magic in Remnant. 

Boomstick- Like actual wave your hand and make stuff happen magic. Which I don’t really get keeping hidden. I mean Huntsmen can do a whole bunch of stuff that’s pretty much magic anyways. And even stuff that magic doesn’t do. So why hide it from people?

Wiz- That’s actually because of the prospective dangers that magic could bring. 

Boomstick- Oh yeah like what? 

*Scenes play of Raven, Penny and Fria using their magic and devastating their enemies* 

Boomstick- Never mind. I’ll take being able to call up hurricanes whenever I want over a scythe that turns into a rifle. 

Wiz- Ozpin led the other headmasters and select other agents in keeping several secrets, including magic, hidden away because he feared the turmoil and destruction that would result if they were ever discovered. 

Boomstick- And it actually went pretty well. Remnant had it’s problems but it was actually looking pretty good. Until some crazy fire lady *a picture of Cinder appears* found out about magic, went “I want me some of that”, teamed up with a terrorist organization and decided to get her hands on the nearest available bit of magic. Which was hidden under Beacon Academy. 

Wiz- Dark forces would attack in the tragedy that would become known as the Fall of Beacon. The school would be devastated, the students harmed and traumatized beyond measure and Ozpin himself would fall during the battle. But this would not be the end for Ozpin. 

Boomstick- Yeah turns out Dumbledore here actually had quite a few secrets of his own. One of which is that he was at this job a lot longer than anyone ever knew. 

Wiz- In ancient times the Gods of Light and Darkness who had created Remnant saw the trials humanity endured to survive with each passing day and sought to give their creation a chance at salvation. They reached into the afterlife and returned to Remnant the greatest warrior to ever walk its surface, a mage knight known as Ozma.  

Boomstick- Of course because Gods are kind of jerks they gave the Wizard of Oz a skewed deal.  

Wiz- The Gods tasked Ozma with uniting humanity together and calling them to return to Remnant so they may pass judgement. Should humanity be in harmony upon their return the Gods would walk alongside them once more and grant to humanity grand gifts as reward. 

Boomstick- Not a bad deal really. Everyone plays all nice and you get some sweet magic powers out of it. Why wouldn’t you want to do that? 

Wiz- But if the Gods returned to find humanity divided and selfishly demanding that which was never theirs then it would be final day Remnant would ever see for humanity would be destroyed. 

Boomstick- Oh right. How is that supposed to work then? I mean the gods come back and they see some guys arguing over their favorite sports team and they just go “Your no good. Gonna kill you all”. I mean I get the appeal of having magic powers but does that really outweigh complete genocide? Huntsmen have their own personal superpowers and Dust is as good as magic anyway.  

Wiz- Regardless Ozma agreed to the gods request, motivated by his sense of justice and belief in the inherent good of humanity. 

Boomstick- And the chance to see his ex again. *Picture of Salem appears* Can’t forget about that. 

Wiz- Indeed. Of course the Gods recognized that the work they tasked Ozma with could take quite some time so they made arrangements which resulted in a rather unusual return for him. 

Boomstick- The Gods kind of have a thing against full blown resurrection so they didn’t just zap their newest employee back to Remnant. No they decided to stuff Ozzy Osbourne’s soul into some random sucker so he could get to work. 

Wiz- The Gods did not wish Ozma to bear the burden of his work alone so they made it that he would return in the body of another, which carried a like minded soul that his own would merge with. In the course of his work Ozma would discover that death was no longer the same for him. 

Boomstick- The Gods basically made him the Avatar. *Shows picture of Aang* Whenever Willy Wonka wound up biting it his soul would crop up again in some other schmuck and merge with whatever soul was already living there. Rinse and repeat for the next few thousand years. 

Wiz- The man known as Ozpin would wind up being the latest in this long line of reincarnations, continuing his past lives work in uniting the people of Remnant so they may pass the Gods Judgement.  

Boomstick- And once Gandalf here was down for the count it was time for another round of musical souls. Where he stops who the heck knows. 

Wiz- Ozpin’s would wind up reincarnating in a young farmhand known as Oscar Pine, who would find himself continuing the work that Ozma had began millennia ago and the inheritor of his countless lives knowledge and power. 

Boomstick- Man I don’t know who to feel worse for. Pinecone for having an old dude stuck in his head that can see all of his private thoughts. Or the Clockwork Wizard for being stuck in the head of a kid that’s just starting puberty.  

Wiz- As a result of this merger of souls Oscar would inherit Ozpin’s memories and more importantly his fighting skill and powers. 

Boomstick- As the headmaster of a school for hunting literal soulless monsters Ozpin knew how to throw down with the best of them and Oscar got everything the old professor knew downloaded straight to his brain, none of that pesky learning stuff the hard way needed. He would even be given Ozpin’s own personal weapon... a cane. A cane. That was seriously this guys weapon? He fights for thousands of years to protect humanity, counter hordes of dark mosters and try to make it so the Gods give Remnant a passing grade and his personal way of beating people up was with a walking stick. Starting to see why it took him so long to get people up to snuff. 

Wiz- Don’t be so quick to judge Boomstick. Ozpin was supremely gifted with his weapon, often using it like a rapier to rapidly jab at enemies and wear them down faster then they could respond. *Scenes of Ozpin’s fight with Cinder* And because he has Ozpin’s memories Oscar can do this just as well. *Scenes of Oscar’s fight with Hazel* However Oscar has chosen to focus on his own fighting style instead of simply repeating Ozpin’s. Oscar’s own personal style has a greater emphasis on striking power than  speed, being centered around strong, focused blows instead of the rapid fire technique Ozpin preferred. 

Boomstick- Finally someone who gets that the best way of doing things is by hitting the crap out of them as hard as possible. And it works pretty well for the farm boy. He was able to one shot a Sabyr, which was about two and a half times his size. And keep in mind Grimm are pretty much all bulk. Oscar pretty much killed that thing by stabbing it with a blunt object. Not to mention that he was able to smack someone so hard that they tumbled down the stairs and made Hazel stagger back a few feet when they collided with him. Hazel, who was able to catch the mini wrecking ball that is Magnhild and was stabbed through his stomach by a giant ice wasp and got back up like it was nothing.  

Wiz- Given the loss of energy that would have resulted from rolling down the steps and Hazel’s own notable durability then we can safely say that Oscar used an extreme amount of force in this one attack. 

Boomstick- And if Alpine gets tired of trying to whack people with a overhyped brake lever than he has some decent hand to hand skill as well. He was able to round a corner, close the distance and punch Neo so hard that she went flying down the hallway, all faster than she could react. And Neo’s whole thing is that she can literally dance around just about anyone like they’re moving in slow motion. Oscar was able to outpace her a few times during their fight and that’s immediately after he’d already taken some bad hits. She’d have done even worse if he’d been starting fresh. Not bad for a farm hand. 

Wiz- Oscar’s impressive performance is probably helped by his Aura. 

Boomstick- You mean that rip off of the force from Pokemon? Wait do Pokemon live on Remnant? Are the Grimm actually Pokemon and they’re what happens when humanity doesn’t learn how to make Pokeballs? Does this mean animal slavery is actually perfectly justified? 

Wiz- No. On all acccounts. 

Boomstick (disappointed)- Aaaaah. 

Aura 

- Grants shielding 

- Empowers strikes 

- Environmental Protection 

- Heightened Awareness 

- Enhances Healing 

Wiz- Aura is the soul made manifest, the user’s essence rendered into tangible form. 

Boomstick- Is that supposed to be arousing or the complete opposite? 

Wiz- Aura grants anyone who possesses it a great many benefits, primarily in terms of defense. Anyone with an active Aura automatically receives a shield that protects them from harm and damage. Oscar was able to take hits from flaming boulders and barely showed any hint that he even felt the attack. 

Boomstick- Wait, wait, wait. You mean that if someone gets this Aura stuff they automatically become invulnerable to being hurt? Wiz I’m calling in three of the favors you owe me to give me some of that stuff. 

Wiz- Aura doesn’t just prevent users from coming to harm though. It can also enhance striking power, be channeled through weaponry to increase it’s power, protect the user from harsh environmental factors like extreme cold, give someone heightened awareness of their surrounding to the point they can detect approaching enemies and even boost one’s healing. 

Boomstick- Alright Wiz I’ll make it seven favors and I’ll use Jocelyn’s credit card the next time I get drunk and come up with an awesome idea. Man thousands of years of of combat experience and a personal force field that increases strength and healing? This kid must kick all sorts of- 

*Montage of Oscar getting attacked by Ruby, Qrow, Jaune, the Hound and ends with him being shot by Ironwood* 

Boomstick- *now depressed* Oh right. Aura kind of sucks. 

Wiz- While Aura is formidable it does have it’s limits. Every blow it takes will cause one’s Aura to wear down and deplete. The stronger the hit the more damage Aura will take from it. And even those gifted with extraordinary amounts can’t maintain it indefinitely. 

Boomstick- Yep. Take it from me folks it doesn’t matter how big the bottle is. If you keep drinking from it, sooner or later you’re going to run out. 

Wiz- And once it’s completely depleted Aura will break, leaving the user vulnerable. 

Boomstick- How the heck does that work? I mean it’s your soul. You always have it. So shouldn’t this Aura stuff always be going? And if it breaks shouldn’t you I don’t know die or something? 

Wiz- To be exact Aura isn’t actually the user’s soul, but rather a type of energy harnessed from it. So it’s depletion and breaking isn’t actually fatal to the user. It also isn’t something that runs automatically. Aura has to be consciously activated and dismissed by the user. So it is possible for someone to be caught off guard because they don’t their Aura running. 

Boomstick- Figures. You find a super cool energy that can give everyone super powers and it turns out to suck eggs. 

Wiz- Well just because your Aura runs out doesn’t mean it’s the end of fight. It does recover over time and trained users can speed up how fast it rebuilds with just a bit of focus and willpower. Oscar’s teammate Jaune has shown the ability to restore his Aura after focusing for a brief moment. And given Ozpin’s countless lifetimes of experience it stands to reason that Oscar has the ability to do this as well.  

Boomstick- And even if Oscar’s Aura does wind up failing him he still has a few tricks up his sleeve. Magic ones. Remember Ozma wasn’t just a highly skilled warrior he was also gifted mage. So his whole conga line of souls also gets cool magic powers. 

Magic 

Controls the elements (fire, ice, wind , lightning, etc.) 

Energy blasts 

Creates shields 

Telekinetic movement 

Wiz- Quite right Boomstick among all the denizens of Remnant, Oscar is one of the rare few gifted with magic in the current age. While the exact abilities Oscar can use are nebulous we can infer some details going by what other magic users have done. He can unleash streams of pure power as an attack. 

Boomstick- And these emerald streamers pack a punch. Salem was able to shrug off Hazel literally splattering her all over the ground and returned the beating without missing a beat. 

Wiz- While Salem can regenerate from any damage done to her she still feels pain and can be hurt, even if the damage is undone. 

Boomstick- Oscar brought her to her knees with one blast of his magic, which also left her in visible pain. So it’s safe to say he hit her way harder than Hazel was able to. And that guy dropped a friggin meteor on top of her. *Shows clip of Hazel doing just that* 

Wiz- We have also seen magic be shaped into different forms so presumably Oscar can do this as well. His past lives have been seen creating fields of magic that can move others in a telekinetic fashion and there’s no reason to believe Oscar can’t still do so in present day, albeit not quite on the scale Ozma was once able to. 

Boomstick- Yeah one of the lives of Doctor Who did something kind of dumb. A bunch of sisters came by his house and were all “hope, joy and love” and he decided to give them almost all of his magic because of good vibes or something. I mean why would you give up actual magic powers that made you such a kick ass knight in the first place?  

Wiz- (annoyed) Anyways... Oscar lacks the reserves of magic power that Ozma once held and while we don’t have an exact measure we’re going to go with about a rate of 5 to 10 percent remaining. Fortunately for Oscar magic doesn’t deplete the way Aura does so he can use it almost without limit. And the power of the Maidens, that is the sisters he gave his magic to, gives us a view of what Oscar can accomplish. Namely the power of the elements 

Elemental Magic 

Fire  

Ice 

Lightning 

Wind 

Plant life 

Boomstick- Most folks on Remnant can do stuff like throw around fireballs or lightning bolts with the use of Dust. But magic lets you do that stuff all on your own and with no limit either. 

Wiz- Mind you Oscar’s lesser reserves mean he can’t do anything on the scale of the Maidens but he does still have the capacity to control the elements, just to a lesser degree than most magic users.  But the greatest asset magic grants Oscar is his shield. 

Boomstick- Don’t let the fact that it looks like a glass bubble fool you, this mystical barrier is actually pretty sturdy. It’s stood up to the full power of the Fall Maiden, allowed Oscar to survive a several miles long fall without any injury whatsoever and is so strong that it let him crash right through the bottom of Atlas and keep on going with no problem. 

Wiz- Actually Boomstick that last feat wasn’t a result of Oscar’s magic. 

Boomstick- Oh? I guess you’re going to tell me that glorified bike handle of his did it. 

Wiz- It did as a matter of fact. 

Boomstick- Wait what? How is that possible? It’s a cane for crying out loud. It’s something old people use for getting around and whupping the young, not the tool of a seasoned warrior and mage. 

Wiz- Oscar’s cane, much like it’s holder, far more than it appears and has quite a few surprises. 

Boomstick- Oh this should be good. 

The Long Memory 

Oscar’s personal weapon 

Once wielded by Ozpin 

Incredibly durable 

Focus for magic 

Stores kinetic energy 

Wiz- Oscar’s weapon, known as the Long Memory, is a collapsible cane that he carries at almost all times. The cane itself is highly durable, able to take hits from a Dust empowered Hazel without any sign of strain or damage. Hazel boasted immense physical strength on his lonesome and the benefit of Dust significantly increased his damage output.  

Boomstick- Okay so it’s a pretty strong cane. But it’s still just a cane. 

Wiz- The Long Memory is also a channel and focus for Oscar’s magic, enabling him to use it on a higher scale than he would be able to on his own merits. 

Boomstick- Oh like a magic wand. 

Wiz- More like a scepter. 

Boomstick- Like a magic staff? 

Wiz- Scepter. 

Boomstick- I get you, it’s like a magic rod. 

Wiz- Boomstick I swear if I have to get the shock collar again... 

Boomstick- Geez calm down Wiz I’m just funning ya. So this walking stick is pretty much a *Wiz glares at Boomstick* “magic scepter” that lets pine tree use magic better than he can by himself. That’s kind of cool actually but why make it something that looks like an emergency brake? 

Wiz- The Long Memory has one more special trick, completely separate from Aura and magic. It can store and carry kinetic energy. 

Boomstick- I’m sorry what kind of energy? 

Wiz- *exasperated* Stuff that make bullets go shoot. 

Boomstick- I know what it is Wiz. No need to get snippy. Man you are so juvenile. Anyways why is that so special? 

Wiz- *trying to be professional* With each passing moment and every blow struck The Long Memory accumulates kinetic energy and having been crafted centuries ago it has quite a reservoir of power to access. Oscar can access this stored up energy whenever he wishes, unleashing bolts and waves sheer power. This allowed him to blast a hole through the bottom of Atlas when he was sent plummeting to his doom in the Vault of the Winter Maiden. 

Boomstick- Huh. Not a bad parlor trick I’ll admit but how much damage can he really do with that thin- 

*Scene of Oscar destroying Monstra plays* 

Boomstick stares in open mouthed shock while Wiz looks on with a smug grin.  

Wiz- You were saying? 

Boomstick- HOLY MOTHERF*BLEEP*ING S*BLEEP*T!  Did that kid just fire off a magic nuke?  

Wiz-To be fair Oscar can’t throw around attacks like that too often. This particular instance used up the majority of stored up power that the Long Memory had available. And that power was gathered across several lifetimes if not centuries. He definitely wouldn’t be able to use an attack on this level repeatedly. He would be able to recover some of the kinetic energy however because the Long Memory gathers and stores it away automatically. Smaller expenditures may not necessarily be reclaimed but the cane would definitely avoid running completely out of power with this aspect of it’s abilities. Anything you’d like to add Boomstick?

Boomstick- *still in shock* I-, Yeah not really, my mind is going to be stuck on that nuke thing for a while. 

Wiz- *shrugging it off* Okay then. Come back in a few days where we’ll cover Oscar’s opponent, Izuku Midoriya. 

[tokyoghoose]

forgive these bastards ➤ prologue

summary ➣ when detective akaashi comes across a rather complicated case, he is faced with many challenges along the way. In his attempt to solve the murder of a young woman and a string crimes, he must work beside the reader to learn more about the victim. ( detective au )

theme song ➢ im not a good person - pat the bunny, sleep is for the weak - the dreadnoughts, the quittin kind - eleisha eagle, how do you sleep - himalayas, blow my brains out - tikkle me, when i was done dying - dan deacon, stalkers tango - autoheart, youre nobody until somebody wants you dead - saint motel, kitchen fork - john conte, distant past - everything everything, cough cough - everything everything

warnings ➢ mentions of murder and death, description of blood and gore.

announcements!

here it is! the prologue of ftb! :) I'm super excited to start this series! this is a little shorter than i wanted it to be, but I'm still pretty happy with it.

feedback is appreciated and welcome! requests are open!

—————

"Keiji, it's getting dark. Why not come inside for the night?"

The sun was just over the horizon, the moon coming up to replace it. It's bright—the orange and pink colors. The image is burned into young Akaashi's memory when he looks over. He waves at his mother with a nod before passing the volleyball back to his friends and running over. The scrapes on his palm sting and the bruises on his legs hurt a little, but he doesn't mind the sensation. It feels like freedom—even if he doesn't really understand the full meaning of the moon. This is what he imagines it feels like.

Games to be played with friends and laughter. If this is what life holds then he is more than willing to live it. His naivety holds firm when he grabs his mother hand at the door, being pulled into a brisk hug. She laughs and pats his hair and he thinks it's the kindest gesture in the world. He snuggles closer before pulling away to see dinner on the table. His mother locks up, looking quietly into the city with concerned eyes. She wasn't going to let anyone hurt him, the smile that she cherishes wasn't going to fade as long as she could help it. She turns with a smile, passing him a plastic fork before listening to the adventures Akaashi had gone on that day.

Childhood seems so far now.

———

If you were to tell Akaashi's five year old self that seventeen years later everything he thought about freedom and life was a lie and he would become a detective who took away other's freedom, he'd probably laugh and then cry and cry some more. If you were to tell him that his mother would die so he'd have to be raised by his aunt at the age of thirteen, he'd probably punch you in face in attempt to break your nose—and if you then told him that's the reason he became a detective and went through five grueling years of internships and having to learn how to stomach crime scenes in the first place, he'd make sure to add a swift kick to the shin with it. Even at twenty, if someone—anyone—would have told him that he'd never get sleep again because of the things he'd see day to day, eventually becoming desensitized, but still having nightmares that kept him up all hours of the night—well, he'd probably just brush it off because he thought he'd be different.

News flash: he's not different.

In attempt to rub sleep from his eyes (ironic considering he got maybe an hour), Akaashi yawns, triggering a chain reaction from his assistant. The city is bustling with talk of the latest murder—a social media personality. Twitter is blowing up with the hashtags 'rip' and 'always & forever.' Yet, hardly any of the people tweeting and saying things like: 'always in our hearts, never forget,' didn't know her personally. They knew the internet version of her, the side she showed to the world and not the side she was personally. To the world she is known as an idol—a hero to some.

But everyone has their dark secrets.

The car stops along the house's pavement, the driveway a large circle with a statue in the middle. His first thought is someone was in it for the money, maybe a robbery gone wrong. Stepping out the car, he snaps on some gloves and looks around before being handle the case file from an officer on duty, being caught up to speed.

The house is pristine except for the blood that has dried up on the tiled floor. It's a stark contrast from all the white and gold. Minimalist; he notes. Akaashi skims the file before looking at the body and watching it get zipped up into a black bag before being carried away. All that's left is half an outline and some splatter across the floor.

He pinches the bridge of his nose. Just what he needs—more nightmare fuel. But a job is a job no matter how tired he is.

"Alright, let's start at the entrances. Check the windows and doors."

———

Red. Why is there so much red? Whose breathing is that? And why is it so loud?

Your eyes finally focus on the hand outstretched in front of you, widening at the sight. A silent scream escapes past your lips and shakes your body, making you stumble backwards. The shaking hand blocks the view, forcing your eyes away from the scene. The thumping of your heart and blood in your eyes is so deafening that it makes you lightheaded. You felt sick. You were going to vomit, pushing down a gag and covering your mouth.

You look at your hands, willing them to stop shaking in tight fists before looking at the body below you. Blonde hair dyed red from the puddle. A sob wracks through you.

Heaving a heavy breath you weren't aware you were holding and gripping your phone tightly, you dial the police. Your voice shakes when speaking:

"H-help, please. She's dead! "

———

Akaashi rubs at his temple in attempt to soothe an oncoming headache, the dim yellow light at his desk straining his eyes. He looks at the file, nibbling on his lip in irritation. The pictures of the scene and the overall file and personal file just swarms his head with mixed up information and he honestly isn't sure where to start. With a soft sigh he leans back into his seat, crossing his arms over his chest.

The case is gruesome, a red massacre. Victim was stabbed six times in the abdominal, close to gutted even, but the blunt truama to her head shows she was dead before hitting floor. The door hadn't been broken in, the wood and hinges still in place like they hadn't been shaken—perhaps she let them in. The window had been forced open from the inside, the paint that previously sealed it being chipped aggressively against the pane. It could've been some loopy stalker, but the more he looks at the case it's less likely.

His head hurts and he can't focus and it's getting late.

He begins to nipple of his thumb nail, bringing it up to his lips in deep thought. The red strings in his brain trying to connect the dots sooner than it's actually possible. He's smart, but not that smart. His eyes slowly shift to the post-it note beside the biege file, a number scribbled down messily. They had sent you home with an officer to calm down from the shock. It had been about two days now as they waited for the autopsies and inspected, but time was running short and he needed your statement before the case runs cold and slips through his fingers. He'd have to interrogate you, ask you to speak on behalf of your friend. It seems you would know the most about her and her true identity as her emergency contact. Maybe‐ hopefully, you'd help provide answers.

But he hates this part. The part where he has to call traumatized homicide victims and witnesses. He doesn't do well at comforting people, especially when he's the type to cut straight to the point. He doesn't know how to stop someone from crying (because someone always does) and he can never stop himself from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. He's blunt and yet, he's like a double edged sword. And he knows what they feel because he's been there and he sees it every day, even if he wasn't involved directly. If it haunts him at night, then it must taunt them all day. It's a hard push to get over, and even then the wounds never really heal. Suppose that's why Akaashi keeps pushing to solve cases, even cold ones, because he knows how it feels to be hopeless with a dark mentality. Nothing else matters until the killer is at the mercy of law.

He goes back to gnawing on his abused bottom lip, leaning forward to grab the black office phone before dialing the number. He lets it ring, twice before he hears the line click and a soft, weak 'hello?' He clears his throat, picking up his pen to write down anything he may need. This isn't his first rodeo, afterall.

"Hello, is this l/n y/n? Yes, this is the detective on case. Would you mind coming in to answer a few questions about your friend, Michiko?"

—————

taglist ➣

@izzyphantomgamer @callmeignorance @kenmagi @sawasmura @kagsblueberrymilk

[reylo-love-theme]

Specific personal reasons why Ben dying really hurt

Disclaimer: i know people have had many dif reactions to this movie and for those of you that liked it good for you. this is my personal opinion on my own blog so please don't attack or debate me in the comments just go make your own post please if you feel that. I respect you all and I'm just trying to cope.

This post is for people who are in a similar situation as me and want a place to relate or their thoughts turned into words.

1. I'm a childhood abuse victim myself and 2019 was a terrible year full of my trying to deal with my past and my cptsd and my toxic shame. I barely made it.

Ben Solo was a reminder that it's not too late to save yourself and that people you love do care for you. I literally leaned solely on reylo fanfiction during my darkest times for this aspect of hurt/comfort and redemption and recovery.

2. I had never went to watch a movie of my own free will (see number 1). Doing this was terrifying since I had to overcome so many triggers. I chose to watch TROS so that it would end my year on a happy note with a postive message of hope, love and recovery.

3. The only reason that I shipped Reylo was because I had investigated very throughly and had become certain they would get a happy ending.

I have a tendency of relying on fictional characters for the support I do not have in real life so I needed to choose who I love very carefully or else when I loose them I'm actually in terrible pain.

The worst thing was that I wasn't prepared for it. (Preparing and being nihilist had given me depression and I literally pulled myself out of that thought process for this hope of Ben living. It seemed so close to happening and I got stabbed in the stomach and left in a puddle of blood)

Now, I'm struggling really hard not to blame myself for falling for false hope again (I had made that mistake once and swore off hope for like 11 years) (even though I know that being so cynical is terrible for my health)

4.I stepped on Reylo in 2018/2019 fully and spent a whole year looking forward to this movie. It brought me so much joy and I tamped out my inner cynic that said "putting your hope in something you love will only let you down".

I told myself that even with all that has happened in 2019, making it to December and watching the movie would be symbolic for me (a way of saying "look world, I made it.")

5. The message the movie sends me is just.... I really can't. I don't understand why it couldn't be a happy ending for Ben who literally redeemed himself. For me personally, I don't consider a kiss and a smile and then death a happy ending. What does that mean for me? A person who related so heavily to this broken struggling character. Does it mean that all my pain was worth nothing in the end? That those who I love will never love me back or remember me or even care that I was abused and my trauma made me a literal walking self-defence mechanism? That the only ending the general population accepts as morally correct is for "bad" abuse victims to die?

And the message of Ben dying for someone he loves (while not a bad trope) is toxic because of the way it is shown. Even with the emoting on Rey's behalf, it's not enough to justify someone dying for that. (There just isn't enough romance or support from Rey (unlike TLJ)) It seemed like an unbalenced love (because of the way Rey just kept on rejecting him and hurting him without really trying to help (until the end where literally he sacrificed himself, would someone who loved you do that?)

And the additional message that Ben's family would help a random stranger but not the person that literally needed them and still loved them after all the abandoment he went through. My family literally turned a blind eye (or just blamed me as a weakling for reacting to it) to my abuse and that is what happens to Ben. Even at his death, not one single member of his family (Han was just a memory) was there to mourn him or even help him (Leia's disappearance thing I'm so confused on what the heck happened, why the heck did Maz smile if Ben just literally died and his mom died trying to save him.)

And no one bothered to be on his side, he literally had to redeem himself the whole way. That isn't a good message to people who need help. It's literally saying that you are the only one who can save yourself (not a bad message by itself but the strength of the message comes from the fact that others can stand by you as you save yourself not BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL OR WILL HELP YOU)

Anakin sidelineing him for Rey was just salt in the wound.

As someone who's pain was literally ignored and laughed at by the whole family, this was immensely rage inducing.

And what about rey and her character development? I also had related to her for being abandoned by her parents and left to fend for herself. She was a nobody who was strong on her own. She didn't need to be related to a strong lineage. Additonally, ending up all alone on the same kind of desert she started at is not a good message. ( I get the nostalgia thing but they could have literally used any other character, Rey wasn't a good choice for that scene) First off, she wanted to get off jakku. She wanted a family. Ben told her she wasn't alone. Next, she needed to realize that being a nobody didn't mean she was worthless ( a strong and powerful message to ordinary girls) (not find out oops i was from a loving family all along!!!) That isn't good plot when she literally spend two movies recovering from her parents abandonment (it makes it seem like ohhh they loved you and this was the only best

thing they could do!! XOXO (this is a common victim blaming trick abuse apologizers use to silence victims pain)) it would have made sense if she found this out earlier but to do this to an already developed character arc is just sucky. Her turning dark influenced by palp is not as good a message as her turning dark influenced by her past and her overcoming it anyway. For star wars, a theme has always been hope, love and redemption and I feel like the theme was picked up but not carried through in one character, instead spread throughout everyone but leaving a sense of unsatisfactory ending since no one really ended their arc. (In my opinion, you can have a different one)

6. Ben dying. That is just cruel and sadistic..there were already so many "surprise they are alive illogically!" Moments that JJ could literally have pulled one for Ben a final time and no one would have batted an eye. It would have suited the style of the movie. It was such a bad shock for me. The movie already baited my heart several times with Ben nearly dying and I cheered internally when he came back. I held out my hope till the very end of the credits and this movie just made of fool of me. I was ready to gloss over any and all flaws and buy merch if only Ben had been loved and lived.

7. The way it affected me. (Warning this might be upsetting to read so skip if you don't want to hear about mental health right now)

I was in so much shock as I stumbled out of the theater that I literallt thought I was going to be okay. I couldn't feel anything and I felt sick and empty. (That's not a reaction a star wars movie should give or any "hopeful" movie)(this is coming from someone who has watched the sacrifical death trope many times and cried (it was a good hurt))

This wasn't because there was literally no resolution or purpose to the death. It seemed like a cliche trope failure of redemption=death. But with the added on "no mourning, superfical loss". (It would have been more acceptably had it been a side character, bad writing can excuse it, but for a main half of the protagonist this is just sick)

I wandered home mechanically on Friday and then as soon as I thought back to the scene where Ben smiled and died I broke down crying. And I lost all my appetite and felt nauseous for an entire two days. I barely ate two meals during that time because I was so distraught and my mental health crashed completely back into my worse cptsd symptoms and nightmares and insomnia and waking up to panic attacks. I wasn't functioning, I kept trying to pull myself together but my only postive coping mechanism(reading reylo fanfiction) was gone. In fact I felt betrayed that my coping mechanism would actually be the cause of my pain.

I completely felt like those two days were actually traumatizing and as someone who has actually experienced traumatic events I'm using the word in a serious way. Anything can hurt you badly enough if you put enough of your heart and vulnerability into it.

Now it's Monday I'm just trying to recover enough to go outside again but I feel really tired. I'm trying to salvage my christmas and my life as a big middle finger to whoever decided that abuse and mental health could be used as convenient plot points and just discarded and laughed at.

[marvel-medigeek-fics]

You Can Take Buck Out of Firefighting, But You Can’t Take Firefighting Out of Buck

Prompt from @justsmilestuffhappens  linked here   Hope I did it justice, enjoy! 

ao3 link

----

One second, Evan Buckley is driving down the freeway, trying not to be late and the next second, he has no idea what’s going on. He opens his eyes with no recollection of anyone or anything, except Maddie.

“Maddie, I’m going to be late.” He is almost out of bed before Maddie and someone else grab his wrists and gently propel him back into the bed.

“I’m sure the station will understand.” Maddie gestures to the three men and one woman next to her.

“What do you mean the station? I work at a bar, Maddie. I live in South America. Speaking of which, why did you and all of these people I’ve never met fly down here just to hear me get fired? I’m touched Maddie, really, but I don’t need an audience.” Everyone in the room looks confused, including Evan himself.

“What year is it, Buck?” The tallest man asks.

“It’s 2014. And my name is Evan.” He pulls out his phone and quickly tries to call Amy, he’s going to be late. Hopefully not too late. He needs this job. Amy never does answer.

“It’s 2020.” Maddie says gently.

“Huh?” Evan laughs to himself, but stops when he sees how grave everyone’s faces have become. “It’s 2014, I don’t know who paid you to make me think I’m losing my mind, but it’s not funny.”

“So you don’t remember your leg getting crushed by a ladder truck, or the tsunami?” The woman asks incredulously.

“Or me getting rebar through my brain. And then getting stabbed by your sisters ex husband.”

“Or me falling into a well?”

Evans face gets more and more confused the longer they talk. All those awful things happened to them? To him? There’s no way.

He bolts for the door and runs. He can’t be late to work. Again.

As he passes by the entrance to the hospital, he notices the words in English and how he has no idea how to get to work. All the streets look different and completely out of order.

Bobby, Chimney, Eddie, Hen and Maddie manage to catch up with Buck before he hails a cab. Hen snags a newspaper off a stand and promises to return it.

All of them are worried, but no one more than Eddie and Maddie. Their expressions turn downright panicked when Buck doesn’t believe the newspaper is legit. “You guys really go all out with your pranks, don’t you? Look I am flattered that you are going to all the trouble, but I really have to get to work.”

“At least let us walk you. I’m Howie, but everyone calls me Chimney.”

“I bet that’s a funny story.” Evan smiles and starts walking, thankfully in the right direction.

“It is.” Everyone choruses in sync.

By the time the 6 of them make it down to the beach, Evan understands where Chimney got his name, and knows everyone else’s names. They ask him a bunch of questions about LA (he’s never been), relationships (he hasn’t had one longer than 2 dates in years), and Christopher (sounds like a cool kid, but he can’t pretend to know him). But he can’t ignore the way one of the men, Eddie, keeps looking at him. Evan concentrates, but he can’t place him anywhere in his past. So he just silently appreciates the attention. Eddie’s cute, brooding as hell, but cute. Especially the way he scrunches his nose when somebody brings up Abby, especially when it involves a train crash. No clue what’s up with that.

The beach is packed and the pier is bustling with people. Down below the pier is a few pieces of construction equipment, working steadily on some sort of project.

There’s no bar that looks like the one Evan works at, but is has to be around somewhere. He’s been working there all summer, how could he have forgotten where it is? It’s not like it can just walk off.

Before he can look around, halfway down the pier there’s a sickening crack. Half the pier plunges into the sand right before his eyes. Evan turns around and everyone who was just with him runs down the pier ahead of him. Before he can even think, he jumps into action right beside Eddie. It’s almost like he’s done this before, because neither of them miss a step working side by side. They don’t even have to talk to know what the other needs. To hold pressure to a wound, or to grab the hand of a dangling victim.

Eddie almost doesn’t remember that Buck has amnesia, that’s how normal he’s acting. Jumping into help someone else, consequences be damned? That’s Buck alright, and Eddie can’t help but be proud. Even if Buck doesn’t think he’s a firefighter, he still acts like one. But he can’t help but think about what will happen if Buck can’t remember him. Their relationship.

“We make a good team.” Buck says, winking.

“LA’s finest.” Eddie replies.

There’s a knowing glance shared between Hen and Chimney and another between Maddie and Bobby. Eddie and Buck are both seemingly oblivious, but everyone else knows why they make such a good team, and it won’t go away even if Buck has amnesia. And that reason? A little something called love.

After every victim is accounted for, when the 6 first responders regroup, everyone looks at Buck curiously.

“I shouldn’t be surprised by you jumping into help, Buck.” Hen says, side eyeing him a little.

Buck just shrugs. Jumping in was as natural as breathing. Maybe he should quit bartending, because helping people: that’s his real passion. And the nickname’s kind of growing on him. Buck. Yeah, that feels right too.

--

Buck finally convinces the 118 to go home. He’s fine, he insists. Hen, Bobby and Eddie all have families to get home too. They reluctantly do, each making him promise to go to the hospital if he feels dizzy, starts throwing up, gets a headache, faints, etc. The textbook symptoms of a traumatic brain injury are interesting and all, but Buck’s fine.

Maddie and Chimney refuse to leave, and Buck gives up trying to talk them into going. So he walks down the pier, listening to the water lap against the shore and the muted bustle of people.

Could those people be right about him actually being a firefighter? He knew the way he had jumped in, most people didn’t even think about. He knew he liked helping people, and that’s what he had been doing today. Today. At the accident site, the one on the freeway. And then, nothing. His memory stops right there.

And then he remembers Eddie. What he feels for him: the love, the pride, the peace. He has to fix this, before Eddie leaves him too. 

Buck sighs deeply, and stands there for a second. There was no prank. He should apologize, return to the station. Just as he turns around, he hears a scream.

Hanging from the pier is a teenage girl, and her father is begging for her to hold on. Buck looks around quickly, and catches his sister’s eye. Behind her is a spool of rope, probably left over from some sort of project.

Buck grabs the rope, while Chimney does the medical eval. Her hands are slipping and before she falls Buck catches her and forces himself to stay still. He wants nothing more than to just pull her up, but Chimney quickly tells him not too.

“I’m a firefighter. We got you.” Buck says, and he swears he hears Maddie cheer quietly.

After the girl is pulled to safety with the help of her core muscles, Buck wipes the dust of his shoulders. “Hot shot.” Maddie teases.

“I’m sorry I thought you were pranking me.” Buck says.

“Amnesia gone? What year is it?” Chimney says, carefully squeezing Maddie’s hand.

“It’s 2020, Chimney.”

“What day is it?”

“Friday.”

“Where do you work?”

“I’m a firefighter at Station 118 in Los Angeles, California.”

“Whew!’ Chimney mocks wiping the sweat of his forehead. “We don’t want to have to replace you.”

“Awww.” 

“It’s exhausting having to train the newbies.”

“I wasn’t that bad!” 

--

Later that night, Buck knocks on Eddie’s door. He answers it immediately, and his eyebrows etch together in concern.

“Are you okay?”

“I noticed how you looked at me today.”

“What do you mean?”

“You looked at me like you couldn’t keep your eyes off of me. It’s how Chimney looks at my sister.”

“I-uh.”

“Then I realized you’ve looked at me like that since you brought Christopher to me after the tsunami. It’s how I look at you.”

“You remember the tsunami?”

“Don’t you? Worst day of my life.”

“I thought you had amnesia.”

“Had.”

“So, you remember things now?”

“I do.”

“Buck!” A gleeful Christopher appears behind his father.

“Chris! How you doing, buddy?” Buck kneels down to hug his favorite kid.

“Good. Dad said you got hurt today.”

“I did, buddy. But I’m okay now.” Chris and Buck grin at each other, happiness radiating off of them. Eddie smiles softly in the background.

“Chimney texted and said you saved a girl. You done good, Buck.” Eddie says, teasing Buck fondly.

“Even a good firefighter when I don’t remember I am one.” Buck scoops Chris up into another hug, and doesn’t shift when Eddie wraps his arms around both of them.

“I thought I lost my best friend.” Eddie whispers into Buck’s ear. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Not for a long time.” Buck says in his normal voice, moving to rest his forehead against Eddie’s.

“Good. Because you’re our Buck.” Christopher says.

And that he is.