#is it okay for me to post this stuff?? like for him? is it general enough?? idk d’you know what i mean?
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chaosstuffsstuff · 1 day ago
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Idk about the season two stuff, but I have thoughts about season three:
I HATE hate hate hate when people say Cat King should be used as a way for Edwin to become comfortable enough with himself to date Charles. It almost makes Payneland a notp for me. If it's that situation, that's just crap writing. No one should be used like that, even in a story. I hate it.
Aside from that, Charles already basically said no to Edwin. In my mind, that means it should be final. I don't care if he suddenly realizes he loves Edwin in a romantic way- that's just a sucky thing to do to someone. Let Edwin realize his first real crush doesn't have to be who he ends up with- that's NORMAL. That's HEALTHY.
I don't really have a problem with Charles and Edwin as a concept- I originally said I'd be okay with either outcome- but sticking Edwin with his first crush forever (literally) would damage his character. Him and Charles started as essentially mentor/mentee, then they became friends/mates, then brothers. They shouldn't become a romance after one of them already indicated rejection to the other.
Edwin should be allowed to move on and place his romantic love elsewhere. Even if Charles suddenly realizes he was wrong, that's not fair to Edwin. Even if Edwin doesn't end up with CK, he shouldn't end up with Charles. It's fun to ruminate on what that could be, the fanfics are amazing and definitely worth reading, but it shouldn't become canon.
Saying "there's no one more important to Edwin" is locking him in a box. Sure, Charles will always be his first love and his most important, but that doesn't mean he can't date someone else.
As an example from another fandom, this situation reminds me of Steve and Robin from Stranger Things. While they're portrayed (in fandom especially, for this example I'm focusing on that) as being each other's Person and most important, they're never going to date. Even though Steve confessed, Robin wasn't interested. She's a lesbian. With Dead Boy Detectives, it's flipped. Even though Edwin confessed, Charles wasn't interested. He's straight, as far as we/he knows and he hasn't indicated any feelings for Edwin that couldn't be just brotherly. Like Stobin, they're each other's Most Important, but it isn't romantic.
Sorry to go off, but this is just so frustrating to me. I hope this all made sense.
Also, as a general to everyone who's gotten this far, please stop posting how much you don't think Catwin (or any other ship) is going to happen under those ship tags- you can put it under any other ship tag for the fandom or even the characters, but if you're tagging a post about how a ship is impossible as that ship, that tag is filled with just that and it's very frustrating.
(I'm tagging this Payneland because I'm sleep deprived (it's WAY too late (early?) for this) and petty, do as I say not as I do lol)
season 1 ended with both Crystal and Edwin being interested in Charles.
for me season 2 would have ended with him "losing" both. Charles choosing to let Crystal go and live her human life, and Edwin having his "adult experiences" with the cat king.
of course in a hypotetical season 3 we could have got payneland togheter. Because as much as i love catwin, i really feel no other person can be more important to Edwin that Charles. Its just how it is...
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I love the original Cars 2006 game so much. The one that got released on like GameCube and Xbox. I mean, I love all the Cars games(Cars 3 Switch game they did you dirty), but that's an entire story for another time giving my individual appriciation for all of them later. What I'm going to say here applies pretty well to the other games that are centered around the first movie as well like Race-O-Rama and Maternationals, but I'm specifcally rewatching the original one's cutscenes again because I don't want to restart my data every time I wanna go through the cutscenes again(even though I enjoy playing it so, so much), and I just love the atmosphere in it so much. Some of my favorite movie scenes are the ones where they don't have any music playing because I love to close my eyes and turn up the volume and just.. pretend I am right there with the characters and right next to them and stuff or that they're talking to me or such, and that is extra immersible when there isn't an entire orchestra going on(not that I am knocking at having music at all, I regularly go back and listen to the soundtracks from movies if they have them posted).
And the game doesn't really have any music at all during any of the cutscenes and the whole thing is like super..soft to me? Not soft as in like fluffy pillows and pink aesthetic soft, but soft as in like it's getting late out and so you're trying to be kinda hushed with your voice and there's not really anywhere you have to be so you slow down your pace and kick a couple of pinecones or rocks. If that makes any sense at all. Cause normally movies or shows(whether the whole series or each individual episode) have a certain plot or arc that is happening that everyone is focused on and consumes the whole thing, give or take a few moments. And while this game does have a particular thing so it can have a start and end to the story of the game, everything is framed in like a "Yeah, this is what they get up to in their freetime." And I don't know if you know but I love my slice of life stuff so sooooooo so so infinitely much. So getting to get that sort of content is really fun and perfect for me. It's like you're just actively hanging around them and getting caught up in whatever typical nonsense they end up in(assuming we are ignoring the whole monster truck bit), and the "OH THINGS ARE. HITITNG THE FAN." Or bigger development moments are saved for like the movies or something or whatever comes up in my head.
I'm not really entirely headed anywhere with this, I just wanted to put out some appriciation for the game and how nice the atmosphere is. I think it's also cause I really love getting to just sit and here them talk and there is a lot of casual conversation that happens and just plain dialog. Like it's not even filler dialog it's just talking and chatting. And I spend a stupid silly amount of time listening to voiceline compilations on YouTube so this is just the bees knees for me.
Thank you for the read though, may I offer you with a clip because APPERENRLY there's a limit to one clip per post that I am just now finding out about. I think I've already talked about the Litnig one anyway. Maybe I'll post it again later.
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I uuuuguguhhh also perfectly reached the tag limit. If anyone needs anything to do in their freetime while bored or as a filler may I suggest reading this post and it's tags, you will be occupied for a while IFNFJCJFNS. I was half joking about reaching the tag limit as well. Well, we all saw it coming, it was going to have to happen one day. And go figure after a long absence that I was going to have it in me to do some running of my mouth...
I do want to say I am probably back now yall! Knock on wood- but I think the reign of my absence is over! Which I am especially hoping so for several reasons but also because I am so SO not done milking F/Ovember to its full extent. I spent too many months looking forward to that to not invest and rot my blog with it.
#honorable mention to Lightning encountering the tuners and they have some beef with each other and so Lightning goes to Wingo-#-and says “What? Are you going to slice and dice me with your spoiler?” AND IM. I LOVE THEM DONT GET ME WRONG BUT.#Lightning just obliterated them with that comment. Shot were fired and RETURNED TO SENDER.#I knowwww the movies are centered around Lightning going through character development but I hope they don't ever-#-completely take away his case of not being able to completely keep his mouth shut in certain moments.#Dare I say. He has a bit of sass to him. Which I mean I completely get why it's practically gone in the second and third movies-#-cause he's no longer an arrogant rookie. But I like to think if he really gets pushed then some of it will show. That it still lingers.#I mean. The second movie doesnt open up with him going “Cmon Mater. Im Lightning McQueen I can do anything!”#because he's entirely dropped any of his arrogance. because he hasn't.#Opening of Cars 3 and he's PLAYING PRAMKS WITH BOBBY AND CAL. And it is a RUNNING thing they have going on.#Let him be silly. He's silly guys.#I actually had other things that I wanted to mention here and then I got caught up in talking about Lightning whoops.#The entire game is centered around him okay what am I supposed to do.#Do I even dare go on my tangent about Chick now. Cause I will probably get close to the tag limits.#Okay I'm going to speedrun my thing of Chick.#Obligatory mention of his voice. uhm. I love the 180° attitude change that happens to him over this clip.#The entire game he is in like the racing official's camera's face about everything and now that I think about it at least-#-Cars 3 was right about giving him his own talk show. but. Chick shutting his mouth for a second and actually showing-#-proper concern over something that isn't tragically derived from something that is therapy worthy is such a sight to see.#Yea okay Kane you always talk about how the movies would be different if you were in it. Now how about the GAMES.#The games that have proper story and plot to them. I am not counting the Cars 2 games as plot.#1. becuase the DS one is just a rip of what extra stuff the movie WAS going to contain before it got cut down cause it was like 2 hours at-#-first. and 2. because the other Xbox game literally has 5 minutes of “This is a thing that is happening!”#Cars 3 Switch game is on the world's thinnest ice for having such a poorly slapped together thing to call a story or plot line.#THE PIXAR XBOX RUSH GAME AND DISNEY INFINITY ARE DIFFERENT.#I'm not going to say what those games have done to me because it will make me have to write a second novel and-#-I will be crying and frothing at the mouth. I should not have reminded myself of the Pixar Rush game.#If I make a post about Finn very soon do not be surprised. I mean. Dont be surprised in general. But extra dont be surrpsied here.#lightning❤️🧡💛#finn🩶💙
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kyouka-supremacy · 1 month ago
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#I can't believe my computer broke just a couple of days before the new chapter came out.#Not to be dramatic or anything but this was my last straw#It means everything to me 😭😭😭 My puter has my whole life in in. And endless resources of everything#That's why people tell you to backup stuff 🤦🤦🤦#Okay before I get too dramatic it's not gone like I can turn it on just fine.#Except there's no cursor to be found anywhere and I can't find a way to fix it#(Yeah it's not the f4 key I've tried that. Repeatedly)#So since there's no way to turn the puter off without mouse I had to kill it the hard way 4-5 times today#(aka every time I tried turning it on again in hope everything got fixed on its own)#And when I turned it on again five minutes ago. IT DIDN'T START NORMALLY. AND IT ASKED THE SYSTEM LANGUAGE AND STUFF#I lost like. Half my lifespan. I was terrified it got formatted out of nowhere and I had lost everything#It didn't. It seemingly is fine (from what I can see from my desktop).#But man I really didn't need this kind of stress on top of average exams depression#Idk what to do... I want to go to the guy in my dorm who studies computer science but it'd be the third time I ask him for help–#and I'm a little embarrassed now. Asking for help sucks in general#But I don't have money to pay consultation...#I think there is a chance my touchpad just worn out since. Like. I use my computer extensively#But even that seems a little excessive? Not even the buttons work. I've only had this computer for three or four years...#Anyways I don't have a physical mouse. And I can't spend money to buy it when there's a chance that wouldn't fix the problem. Ughhhhhhhhhh#random rambles#If I stop posting in the next days. It's simply because I can't 😭😭😭#Goodbye people please keep posting ss kk for me
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woodsborostabathon · 1 month ago
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biggest most petty pet peeve is ghostface being depicted as like Just Some Guy. like jus some rando sexyman w no actual face behind the mask just vibes. “imagine being ghostface’s subby kitten uwu” mf WHO?? WHICH ONE??? its a PERSONA not an exclusively male entity of its own!!! u could be talking abt like (13) diff people and (4) of those are chicks!!!
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cha1cedony · 9 months ago
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Btw I haven’t stopped thinking about Link’s most recent teen fact. I know it was funny silly! Lincoln sneaks in to clean his dads’ bedroom! But also. it made me SO sad 😭💔 I’m almost always sad when we learn more about the Grant and Marco’s relationship bc wow yeah the Wilsons never change :( For all of Grant’s efforts to communicate better with his son, to do a better job at that than Darryl and Carol did, he doesn’t communicate with his husband! He outright lies to his family! And now we know that Marco also doesn’t really communicate that well lol
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marblebagcollective · 8 months ago
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one day i will have all the words 2 explain why the ctommy "finale" (its not canon in my heart like at all ive never considered it canon) was so horribly harmful
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quiescentdestiny · 1 year ago
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I saw a post a while back that essentially was like complaining about aftg/andrew playlists having Conan Grey or Tswift and the entire arguement was "andrew wouldn't listen to that" and I just----
I just.... I need to know, are people making playlists based on what music the character would LISTEN to???? because that's.... definitely not what I do when I make character playlists.
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exopelagic · 5 months ago
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this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh
#if the tories lose bad enough to make lib dems the opposition though… a guy can hope#I think it’s the fact that this is the first general election I can vote in that’s making me lose my mind a little here#I have done basically nothing but read today. I DO know a whole bunch more abt voting systems and the nightmare the tories have been now tho#I’m just kinda like. okay so what happens next? bc labour WILL do some decent shit but they also. fucking suck.#planning to look into the local green party once I’m back at uni bc I could actually do stuff there#I think I’m just dealing with a little bit of whiplash going from doing a biology degree where Everything is about climate change#like unambiguously it gets brought up in every topic (I DO focus on ecology and agricultural stuff and not like genetics but still)#clear consensus from literally everyone you talk to that shit has to happen right the fuck now.#it’s not even like I’m unaware of the state of policy rn I KNOW it’s a nightmare to do anything but we at least TALK about it#and then this election where it’s barely a footnote. biggest thing is the sewage dumping everyone’s talking about and yeah fucking finally#but is that all you’ve got?? the labour manifesto is bleak. it has a section and the stuff they’re proposing isn’t bad but it’s so little#and yeah no they’ve changed the official line on the manifesto to ‘make Britain a clean energy superpower’#I SWEAR it was different a few days ago#maybe I’m being pessimistic bc their plans for clean energy if they actually do them could be huge especially if they manage it by 2030.#it’s just that I know what the targets are and they’re already pulling back on shit like EVs bc of the shift right and I am So Tired#two party politics is a curse. as much as reform is an actual nightmare them getting a decent vote share might actually be the thing that#gets people talking abt proportional representation again bc they are nothing if not good at being loud#did you know we had a fucking referendum in 2011 bc what the fuck. and it went SO BADLY even though people generally supported it#god idk I think I’m once again being naively optimistic about people and election coverage has been very good at knocking me down a bit#people generally are good. I have to believe this. but man the british public is making that really fucking hard#genuinely I think a good chunk of that is down to first past the post driving politics to be divisive and aggressive#like is it the only problem? fuck no. but it’s definitely poisoning the way this shit goes bc when all the parties do is jab at each other#what are we actually doing here#idk I’m gonna stop now but this is taking up a ridiculous amount of bandwidth rn I can’t wait for it to be over#already dreading what the next election could look like in 4 years if starmer continues to suck ass bc I don’t trust him to not like at all#luke.txt#I said i was done but I just looked at the lib dem manifesto and oh my god it’s actually pretty good on this? holy fucking shit
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pacifistcowboy · 1 year ago
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You've been posting about how you're experiencing your first crush and are kinda freaking out about it and I just want to say that how you're reacting is understandable and reasonable. This is your first crush, you're experiencing something new alot later than expected and from the sounds of it, it isn't exactly a small one either so it's alot of new experiences at once so it can be overwhelming. Once the initial surprise wears off then you can start working out your feelings better.
(you’re not required to read all this btw dndjejf)
thank you 🥹🥹🥹 hilariously, i’ve actually been in a romantic relationship before, so this technically shouldn’t be my first crush, but that relationship was when i was twelve and we met n started dating completely online over text, and when we met up in person my feelings for them went away and we never acted couple-y irl shxhshfhefh.
then there was the guy who joined my class in secondary school and became my friend, then i think he accidentally became my special interest which was really unpleasant ‘cus i became obsessed with an actual guy i knew personally. i told him how i felt n he didn’t reciprocate but he was okay with remaining friends which was great! it was weird tho ‘cus i never wanted to like kiss him or anything, i just wanted to be around him all the time and like, be his best friend but a more official title? idk. he went back to america but the last time he visited i got to confirm my feelings for him were completely gone, now i just find him to b a good friend :]
but now there’s this fucker. and everything’s different.
i think the thing is that when we first interacted i got the vibe that he might’ve liked me even before i liked him so it wasn’t just wishful thinking, so i guess i felt like this wasn’t one-sided so i kinda let my feelings run wild?? but idk now. the first time we interacted he told me he doesn’t like touching people, but for some reason i was an exception, and for a while i was the only person he seemed to touch via like handshaking, grabbin’ my shoulder, puttin’ an arm around me, and the weirdest part was that i like it!! i typically don’t like being touched by ppl i barely know, but from the first day we met i didn’t mind him touching me, it’s bizarre. ANYWAY he touches our other friends too now n i feel less special n also worry that i totally misread the vibes from the first day enejfjehfh.
oh yeah my point was he was so touchy with me before i even got the crush on him, so i’m way more open to the thought of typical romantic-y physical affection with this guy than i have ever been with anyone. like. i wanna cuddle and hold hands and hmaybekiss??????? i’ve never felt like that with someone. i wanted to be near the guy from secondary school but i never wanted to ki s s someone before.
and i want to be his boyfriend. like for sure. with the last guy i didn’t know what i wanted with him, but i want to be this guy’s boyfriend. i want him to be my boyfriend. it’s nuts.
luckily this crush is causing me way less anxiety than the last one did tho! i’m kinda just always excited to see him n honestly feel like i could potentially get brave enough to tell him how i feel, even if it’s just so he can reject me and i can nip this in the bud lol. i just had no idea i was capable of feeling this way towards someone, i was pretty sure i was aromantic for a while! thank u for the reassurance, it’s a wild ride that hopefully calms down soon :]
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monty-glasses-roxy · 1 year ago
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Oh you know what I should probably clarify that um. While I adore Tiger Rock's design and keep saying he's mine now...
Roxy is still my number one blorbo. This hasn't changed. The art pieces I was thinking about when I was hit with that realisation from earlier? Yeah it was an art piece of her. Several, in fact. She is still the rotisserie blorbo of my brain lmao I'm just throwing the shiny new toy tiger around a bit until I go back to her fully, ya know?
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spotsupstuff · 2 years ago
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i'm glad you enjoyed brandon F
little note about the uniform thing, the reason why he drags on a bit on that is cause he's a reenactor, 18th century uniforms are his insane obsession. he even jokes about it in the video i sent, saying "i'm finally back to my insufferable self!" when talking about the muskets
i don't blame him tbh, after watching his content for a while i had the realization that 18th century isn't like the romans, whose equipment we deduce through archeology, old sources and guess work.
like, the actual documents that standardized 18th century uniforms still exist and are not hard to access, i realized that after Brandon noted that his source was the fucking British Royal Library in London. ( i mean ffs there's literally photos of Napoleonic era vets heres a video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npSru7xEzX8)
and i honestly think its relevant, because if a million dollar historical production didn't want to put in the effort to go to a library and get the official documents. then what else they weren't bothered to get right?
but Brandon doesn't just do historical reviews he also talks a lot about the history in general. like, why fight in lines? what were marines in the 18th century? the history of tactics. and what role did cavalry play in line warfare? for example
heavens bless people of utube that manage to get hyperfixated on one topic for basically their entire life and then proceed to make stuff about it for us to watch, right? it's a delight to listen to someone who actually enjoys the subject and their subject therefore basically guarantees the authencity of what they put out
oooh but yes, the concept itself of what we actually get to know about things in what manner is fascinating in on itself. so since i was small i had been very fascinated by chinese mythology and mythology somewhat comes along with other parts of the culture and so on. and you know how the chinese culture is one of the oldest in the world?
as a result i've somewhat grown accustomed to the numbers that are typical to the span of chinese history and now whenever i go look into the history of my own country i'm actually stumped over how recently certain things happened! then again you wouldn't believe how oppressed or manipulated slovaks had been across history. ain't that right -glares at hungary-
to what extent we know which culture's history is so wild. the ability for certain historical things to simply last is absolutely incredible (such as military uniform documents or musical pieces of 18th century). fun fact! there's still messages written in stone by the soldiers of the roman empire on slovakia's territory. right near Danube, i think, p sure i visited that
thank fuck for reliable sourcing and also thank u for that vid that's gon come in handy for clothing references at Some point, i can feel it
and you are absolutely correct, yes! it Is relevant! as mister Brandon has said, there's of course a certain leeway allowed when it comes to more kid oriented stuff, but i'll admit! i was surprised to learn that serious historical productions apparently put less effort into these kind of things than the sea beast did (i don't usually watch those kind of things, i'm very fantasy/sci-fi and cartoon focused)
this kind of muddling of history that may seem "insignificant" to money grabbing bastards really screws up the perception of the eras for people who don't really have the time or the drive to look into things themselves. it's annoying
oh while we are on this history stuff, i saw this originally in utube shorts, but Apparently they are making a netflix movie or smth about Cleopatra and they made her black?? which is weird, considering that Cleopatra was greek and all that stuff. like don't get me wrong, yes give silenced/less known cultures like black folk more space to present themselves and who they are but like don't do it in a way that heavily skews the history? why are you going out of your way to create misinformation that could heavily impact understanding of history by taking out an already famous (not poc) person instead of Actually making the space for historically important black people. like maybe why not make a movie about that one super rich king from the southwestern coast of Africa (i think) that crashed the egyptian economy twice by being just too damn generous. that would be SO much more helpful to black peeps' history than shoving a black person into the place of a white one
i swear films nowadays either lack soul, heart, spine or brain like 98% of time
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ask-mrxmts · 1 year ago
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//uhHh gunna go on a small hiatus due to not having internet+other (ill expln in the tags c/tw vent/rambling)
#// i owe like 300+ for my internet ($200+ to reactivate) reason i havent been able to pay it was due to paying rent/bills/groceries/gas#and medication(for my partner) and weve applied to a better job but we need funds to pay for the livescan to continue/finalize the hiring#process but sadly we wont be able to pay rent this month due to some circum's sothats sm ;u;#and aside from all that both of us going thru heavy depression and mental fog#we want to hang out w irl friends but feel like we cant cuz were always broke (our friends still live w their parents/have a safety net) an#we feellike a buzz kill cuz we cant pay for our own meals or afford to go out in general just feeling left out causing us to be depressed#and not wanting to go out/be invited out#we had one friend lecture us abt money when its like dude you&gf pay $200 in rent to ur parents; we live together(w my retired/disabled MIL#and we pay rent household bills groceries gas car stuff medication we get paid bi weekly so like first/ending monthweek checks are for rent#and the mid week check we have to save accordingly for rent but were cured w the pharaohs curse cuz whenever#we have money that we plan to get alil smth for ourselves something goes wrong w the car#like we cant do shit and honestly it feels like someones praying on our downfall or smth cuz its every fkn time we cant catch a break#so yeaa gunna go on hiatus dunno how long tho but wont be too long but i will still be drawing so maybe expect some art dumps#ily guys thank you for putting up w me i dont ghost on purpose im just always depressed and need to be distracted or else the urges comebac#trying to be okay but its hard but i need to grow up#//i have my parents but theyre going to financial hardships too so they cant help and my sisters cant help cuz older sis started a family#amd my twin sis lives w my parents#my mom started working but hadda stop due to having a grapefruit sized tumor on her ovary (which is the other main reason4 my depression#and dad could care less abt my moms condtion (hes the reason for her suffering but ahe refuses to leave him#vent post#sorry went off on a tangent#but istg if i lose my mom im going to fkn hurt him cuz i already lost my dad (my FIL) and i will not be able to mentally recover#like i was there when we got the phone call (couldnt be at the hosptial due to covid reg.) i dont ever want to go thru that heartache again#edit if youd like to help me out i have comms open and i have a cshpp if ur feeling generous ;; $altereghost
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ronanlynchbf · 1 year ago
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diversity loss! those ppl correctly gendering u assumed you're straight..
#well 'correctly gendering' they genuinely just saw me as Some Guy i think so automatically referred to me as he#anyway there are a group of usually four to five ppl at the train station nearest to me who stop u and talk to you about sj stuff and/or as#you to donate. so stuff like immigrant rights lgbtq+ rights the environment et cetera & they were eyeing me when i was approaching (to#potentially be stopped & talked to etc. i get stopped like. 80% of the time around there) but then turned back towards each other and said#something along the lines of 'oh this is so scary this is so hard he's so scary' and then didn't stop me to talk and literally as i walked#away (i was JUST past them some ppl rlly do not wait for someone to be out of earsight to tall abt them) one of them said 'his face looked#good (as in approachable & a potential Person To Converse With) but the rest of him....straight man. look at that blouse.'#the previous sentence loosely quoted but it was smth like that...........WTF DO U MEAN STRAIGHT MAN??? TAKE THAT BACK PLEASE I BEG 😭🙏#<<<<<< also they meant cis straight man specifically i'm pretty sure...which is the absolute worst part of that whole assumption.#ALSO what's wrong with my blouse.........#thanks 4 the gender euphoria though. much obliged 👍#double also i don't think i'm using this meme setup thingie in the way it is supposed to be used but it makes sense either way. to me.#TRIPLE ALSO we're just assuming that if someone is a straight man they immediately don't gaf about social justice stuff?? okay.....#i mean i get it but also big generalization. but also i get it. but also big generalization. anyway. in other news i found out my grandma#used to write my grandpa actual poems. like ACTUAL actual poems of the professional sort that she made up and wrote down herself to give#to him <3333#& more news though this one is not very surprising and in fact very predictable I AM SO SLEEPY TIRED. ZONK TOWN I'M COMING DON'T U WORRY❗❗#just need to read the newspaper (the mutuals' posts of 2day) and then i am going to bed IMMEDIATELY u best believe.
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chemicalarospec · 2 months ago
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My experience with Hannibal so far:
Jeff the killer: kills people. Mutilates and eats them too.
Me: Yeah that's alright with me (skipping the eye gore tho)
Jeff the evil liar: evilly lies to someone about the cause of their psychosis
Me: I Am Not Okay With This
#i said this#chem watches Hannibal#okay i have a few theories#first of all my grandmother took a medication that made her hallucinate when i was a kid so i spent#a good amount of time considering the horror of not being able to identify reality#not as much as i spent considering the horror of forgetting or of deterioration but it was present in my psyche#(please keep in mind i was just a kid so a good part of what made this disconcerting to me is that i didnt understand it#and nor did it even seem possible to understand as 9 year olds generally get 0 exposure to info about these issues)#secondly the fact that its a dangerous brain problem#i think ive posted that my parents friend#JESUS CHRIST HIS LAST NAME WAS GRAHAM#anywyas he had epilepsy and died of a seizure when i was a kid#so someone living alone with that sort of problem... personally frightening to me#thirdly it could actually be the lying#every since the stuff with w*s went down ive gone back to being a very highly truth-valuing person#and there are also lots of awful stories abt medicial issues being neglected on tumblr#so the combination of those is v uncomfortable#also the betrayal like I KNOW he's an evil liar but this has been the first time it's doing actual harm to someone who cares about him#it could be even more personal than all that:#will KNOWS there's something wrong with him and he's RIGHT but he's being lied to and told there's no evidence#I've been going through it over the past few years figuring out that most of my mental health issues stem from my period#so i have shared a sense that There's Something Wrong With Me#so it's personally disturbing to imagine being lied to about that and let to rot#could also be that it's evidence that will really has nobody in his corner. except for Bev i guess. <3 bev#the idea that he's truly alone in the world and in a victim position like. hopeless.#also spent a good amount of time growing up thinking about situations so bleak there's no escape. so that kind of thing gets me but i was#always thinking more for a group or a side in a story so like. for one person is even more upsetting. darker than what i'm accustomed to#i could probably keep going i love theorizing#will graham: you won't like me when i'm pyschoanalyzed#me: people only like me when i'm psychoanalyzed
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snow-and-saltea · 5 months ago
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finished like 153 chapters in one night. i love these kinds of executions for yandere characters so much. i love it when a story takes mental illness and psychological brokenness seriously and still be able to create a beautiful interpretation without fetishizing that appeals to the very raw and basic nature of wanting to be loved so badly that fractures a person. i love stories like this that show us the worst of a person but doesn't rush to ease them again. i love stories that show the darkest pits of the human psyche and makes you go, "this is happening but it isn't the end. wait just a bit, and ill show you how things get better." i LOVE when stories do that; get all meta and create a story within the story that the actors/characters have to now see their way through and reach the scripted happy ending that feels impossible and illogical to reach as a conclusion, but happened anyways. stories that are seemingly taken out of the author's hands and into the characters instead and them being like "i know you believe this happy ending to be false, because you can't believe it'll be achievable through anything but delusion. but just wait, i'll show you." (thinking particularly about the princess iron fan arc in act age bc that still makes me tear up)
the depiction of ptsd and mental illness was something i was particularly touched by, too. the "problematic" aspects, ugly aspects, of mental illness were addressed so kindly and compassionately, and the solution never felt like it was straight up telling you "you're messed up. this isn't right, you're not normal". this is something i would've expected reading a story with a yandere character, because for most people the appeal of a yandere is to be attracted to someone who is Fucked up but hot. but like. even rebuttals like "no that's not normal! that scares me!" were handled so casually -- almost to the point you could call it carelessly, but it wasn't careless at all. it was a deliberate choice to not make a Huge deal about being turned off by someone's thoughts or preferences that made for a much more judgement-free and loving environment to agree or disagree with each other.
rindo is really the ideal wish fulfillment for mentally ill buddies like me along w kim kitsuragi sjjdjdjfkfkf. like i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, to see the twist that oh this guy is gonna be fucked up too! bc of the Genre! but no. he's kind, steadfast and humourous, and is so generous w his capacity to love people. he might be understood as a selfless martyr type with the way he keeps wanting to reassure amane even during really troubling events in the plot, but he was never traumatised by those events and he had a clear and sane mind the entire time. its so easy to think of him as a "victim" in an overbearing codependent relationship in the story, but he's just really emotionally resilient. he doesn't give up, he doesn't take hurtful words at face value because he knows something deeper is at play, he doesn't hesitate opening up first and being vulnerable or pushy if it helps amane feel less ugly being vulnerable with his thoughts and desires towards him.
this is a fictional story and not irl, so obviously like. irl, you wouldn't want to enmesh yourself so deeply with someone that you'll die if they do. but he was willing to do that. not necessarily that, but the same gesture -- "if i ever betray you, you can kill me, and then we'll both be the last thing we'll see". on paper, even just writing it, makes me sound insane and delusional. how could this be something someone sane could say? but he WAS sane, because he was also saying "you said you love me so much you want to die with me, so you must also mean that you love me so much you want to live with me forever. this means your heart wants to be with me, so stop deceiving yourself into thinking you'll be fine. know that my heart and yours are joined in the same way, because i want to see you at the end of my life too, and there's nothing wrong with that."
rindo has such a great talent for finding multiple meanings, often positive, to amane's thoughts. because his mind is often muddy and swamped with unpleasant words and memories when he spirals / ruminates , he can't stick his hand through it long enough to see what comes out when he pulls out of it. very natural, normal and human desires you form with someone you love: "i love you. i'm scared you'll leave me someday. i want to be with you forever. i don't know if i deserve to be this happy. i love you. i love you. i love you. i don't want to spend a day without you. i want you to be happy and i want to be involved in making you happy, but i feel so incompetent that i'm worried i'll fail too much. i love you. please love me back.”
the way the characters in this story is so kind genuinely ... makes me want to cry. like rindo's mom accidentally saying homophobic things at first out of surprise but then her Maternal instincts took over and she could have another son to shower with love. the way everyone looks out for them but doesn't judge their relationship or try to messily break them away from each other or intervene for their "own good". there's no unnecessary drama or misunderstanding that isn't solved within 1-2 chapters in a really clear, reassuring tone (while also maintaining a natural pace so as to be thoughtful to the writing).
man. i cried multiple times reading this story. i was just here for the yandere BL ride, not the unexpected feeling of love and validation for my mental health issues?!
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bmpmp3 · 7 months ago
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and you will listen to my halfway unmixed vocal synth covers. you will. my final message (dies in your arms)
all the virvox guys in voicevox humming! yume no tobira piano ver vsqx by leah ocarina and the instrumental is by 友紀!
#wip#vocal synth#voicevox humming#i will never stop posting unfinished covers!!!! never!!!!!#hfkjdjgskfdsd in my defense its because i get like 90% done a cover pretty fast#and then that last 10% takes me MONTHS HDJFKSJFS#and i have a feeling im gonna be messing around with these dynamics for. a while LOL#so listen to how it is now~ its not bad for someone who doesnt know what they're doing <3#i think some love live songs might be particularly good for voicevox humming like specifically the more 00s idol-y sounding ones#like some earlyish u's ones and such. because like theyre great and fun songs but theyre also#like less focused on super fancy voicework and more focused on like. charm. probably because they werent sure if it the#franchise was even gonna take off that much at the time and they were working with limited budgets and just kinda#figuring it all out? obvs there was so much talent front the get go. but in different areas#dance comedy acting singing pr etc. some vocalists had a lot of experience and some didnt have as much#so theres like this like. charmingly clumsy edge to some of the songs. less worry about pure vocal talent#and more focus on sounding like ur a cute anime character having the time of ur life LOL#in general thats been a big focus of the sound of the franchise -> sounding like ur having fun and#filled with passion above all else. which is why i think these songs might work for these guys pretty well!#(although u can definitely hear the noise. and how much these guys HATE su zu and tsu HJKSHJDS they're doing their best)#my beloved off-key makeshift boyband LOL you have to be nice to them. they're speaking synths pretending to be singing synths <3#dont ask how the lyrics about youth (seishun) pertain to the 50 year old man. its okay. dont bother him#also no tuning credits cuz. u cant tune in voicevox. so its all just the program LOL i thought about doing pitch correction#in fruity loops or smthng but i am le tired so i didnt <3 its part of the charm i say now. its the charm#i did go in and mess with the vsqx to change the timing and lengths of different syllables five separate times tho LOL#but thats because there are 5 dudes and i did Not want them to sound TOO much like theyre playing back the same midi 5 whole times#even tho thats what they are doing. you know how it is with this stuff HJKSHJKFDS
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