#so thinking abt that stuff is triggering to me

[wetpussyju1ce]

i read on the sons of anarchy fandom wiki page that wendy and jax only married because gemma pushed them to it because she wanted grandkids and it got me thinking that gemma would totally push jax with some younger girl (like early 20s) who is associated with the club to maximize her chance at multiple grandkids. gemma doesn't care if she's ripping this poor girl away from her family or if she has other obligations like post-secondary education or a job, she sees her successor when jax becomes club president. she'll teach her to be the perfect housewife for jax and let's be so fr. jax is not gonna complain about a young(er) cute girl in his house cooking and cleaning and popping out his kids

thanks for the ask! see end of the text for notes :)

jax teller x poc!fem reader

notes: ik charming isn't real so imagine legal age to buy scissors is 18.

warning: reader is 21. but doesn't look like it. she's skinny too. also Gemma is a freak and lowkey behaving like a predator. some language used may be triggering cuz Gemma is purposely treating reader like a child. like grooming a whole adult. but yeah. Just be careful if that's triggering to you but no smut or anything.

Gemma first sees her at a shitty burger joint. the one where they make the workers wear bright coloured aprons and hats. Gemma never gets the burgers. Just the milkshakes. always the milkshakes. she used to get them all the time when she used to get her periods. always had a weird craving for them. but now that shes hit menopause. she still gets the urge. the itch for a sweet diabetes inducing milkshake once in a while.

she's served by reader, young, looks maybe about 16, tired, small wrists and skinny arms. Gemma pays, gets her milkshake and leaves. drinks the whole thing in her car in the parking lot then leaves.

the next time she sees her is at the supermarket, she's in front of her in line, abt to pay at the till, got some scissors, medical tape and paracetamol w random food items and socks. Gemma doesn't say anything, just watches the same girl that served her the other day keep looking at the tiny black monitor, surveying the price going up and up. then the cashiers asks for I.D, to buy the scissors and medicine. the cashier says she needs to be 18 and reader pulls out her ID. it gets checked. she's old enough. she pays for her stuff then leaves.

Gemma looks at her long and hard. looks at how small she is. just a girl, really. her hair is not that long barely touches her shoulders as it curls up in every direction, bounces w each step and move she makes. her face was always bare and she dressed in oversized t-shirt and jeans everytime Gemma sees her. Gemma knows she's tiny her clothes too. knows she has a flat stomach and small tits. but that's okay because that won't stay the same for too long.

it's honestly stalkerish how much Gemma keeps following the girl around, observing her go on about her day until she realises the girl is actually sleeping in her car.

that's when she finally decides to step in, introduces herself and gains the girls trust, because see, Gemma had a plan, and she will get what she wants no matter what it takes.

Gemma starts talking abt helping the girl, abt how shitty it must be sleeping in her car, abt how she lived through tough times and knows how it feels. Gemma convinces her to come w her to the bar, that she can get her a job that pays a little better than the minimum wage burger place. that there's even a room to spare for her if she's willing to put in the work.

and the girl does. oh she does. she's grateful. works hard and takes every opportunity given to her to improve her living situation. she tries very hard to earn her keep. Just to not go back to sleeping in her car because it's uncomfortable and cramped and it makes her hurt and ache all over.

Gemma leaves her be for a couple of days. so the girl gets used to her new surroundings. doing any task she's given at the bar, wipe counters, cleaning the toilets, bringing in the mail, taking out the trash, she'll do anything, and she gets paid of course, every week, in a little envelope w her name on it. the room she gets given isn't that big, it's tiny really, with a mattress, a single window, a wardrobe and a tiny desk. and it was more than enough for her.

Gemma quickly notices that the girl doesn't drink. never smokes either. no matter how much she's offered. she eats as much healthy food as possible. drinks lots of water and tries to take care of her health as much possible. which is puzzling to Gemma because where did this girl even come from?? how did she end up sleeping in her car?

it doesn't matter. because Gemma had a plan. and the first step was already complete.

it turns out that the girl was actually 21. which was great. good even. because Gemma genuinely thought she was 16 or 17. and she doesn't think Jax would get it on with a teenager. her boy was better than that.

and even at 21 the girl looked smaller than others her age, it's like puberty skipped her. she was skinny to begin with. a given considering she was homeless a couple of weeks ago. she was short, but not that short. her face still held on to baby fat and she has the cutest curls on her head. she was perfect. a fresh canvas for Gemma to paint on.

so then Gemma managed to convince her to go with her to the doctors for some check ups. she'll pay for everything, Gemma said, she just has to come. Gemma talked about feeling a sense of responsibility towards her, said she felt like someone who found a kitten by the side of the road. she had to get her checked just to make sure everything's okay.

and she accepted, under the guise that Gemma just cared abt her wellbeing. in a sense it was true. but in reality all Gemma cared about was any medical issues that could potentially affect the chances of her getting grandchildren from this girl, because of course that was the case, Gemma has never done anything for free.

everything went well at the doctors, the girl is perfectly healthy, has no history of medical issues, doesn't even have family history of anything, heck, even her period cycles were absolutely normal and all her teeth were hers, straight and perfect.

it was unfair really, how Gemma lucked out with this one, how perfectly healthy she was, ripe and ready for the taking.

then next step was getting the girl to trust Gemma even more. she started stringing the girl along for random trips to the most random places, grocery shopping, to the bank, to the garage, whatever it was. then Gemma would bring her with when she goes shopping, says she needs some girls time, about how her son jax was useless and that this feels like having a daughter of her own.

Gemma didn't really come out to shop for herself, even tho she likes to, it was more for the girl than anything, she coaxed her into trying clothes Gemma picked out, managed to convince her that she should let Gemma get them for her. and that's how it started, slowly building up the perfect little doll for jax. Gemma would dress her up in pretty girly colours, the colours she doesn't wear herself, like light pinks and oranges and baby blues. Light and soft fabrics. then perfumes. then lipglosses and mascara.

Gemma wasn't surprised when she found out the girl doesn't even know how to wear makeup. she just smiled and said she didn't need it anyway, with a face like that. and just told her lipgloss was enough. oh she was perfect, and Gemma was so happy. so thrilled.

and then Gemma asked her once if she was a virgin. all the girl did was bite her lip and look away and that's all Gemma needed to know.

then the girl started catching the attention of club members, especially when she walked somewhere and her sweet perfume would waft behind her, leaving a trail of sweetness behind. Gemma knew to put her in pretty colours in an environment where it looked like everything was grey and black, it made her stand out, like a flower growing in the cracks of concrete.

and even with all the attention the girl didn't care, she kept on working, doing whatever Gemma asked her to, perfectly obedient. and Gemma knew to stop giving her dirty and difficult jobs now, she needed her to stay put, do easy things and be pretty while doing it, so it maximises the chance of jax seeing her.

and Gemma knew not to tell jax a thing. she knew he'd be suspicious of her true intentions. so she didn't tell him, or anyone, anything and just waited, bid her time until the boys were all together having drinks, she called over the prettiest girl in the room and asked her to give jax a folder.

the girl nodded and made her way to the table, she didn't have to say anything, standing behind him like that, because her sweet scent already alerted him that she was there. Jax turned around in his chair, confused, and the moment she parted her strawberry pink lips to tell him about the folder, Gemma saw the moment her son was done for. she saw the moment something in his eyes shifted and knew she won.

phew. I hope you liked it anon :)

I really liked this idea and the dark themes of it. so I def want to maybe write something more of the same theme and ideas. but yh. this took me a while because part of me wanted to flesh out a whole fic but then realised I do not have the energy for that atm so that's all I can offer for now.

Also nobody cares but I'm on like ep3 of s1 of soa 🧍This blog was fuelled purely by me watching soa while ovulating and now here we are 😔

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Trying to build muscle is so frustrating bc it's hard enough to motivate myself to eat as it is but now I have to eat more protein and my stomach is too liddol for the amount of food I need in a day

Can I get an f in the chat?

[chimerahyperfix]

CW: Graphic depictions of violence, lots of Death and Gore, Psychological horror for like 3 lines, mentions of drowning. Please read the tags and take caution. This one's more than a little visceral.

-----

The King is here.

You walk through crowded halls of rushing Housemaidens getting into defensive positioning. It's like fighting a wave in the ocean, hard to push through the crowd. You make do anyways, curling through paths you normally wouldn't take.

It's a big deal to everyone but you, at this point. This is the big event, the big fight; to you it's simply where time loops back. Just another day, y'know? You've done it over and over, and you'll probably keep doing it anyways.

It's odd, pushing through the crowd. Everyone is going one way and you are going another. Rushing versus strolling. Your hands are in the pockets of your lab coat. You're practically whistling, for crab's sake!

You simply cannot be bothered this loop. It's a failure from the start: you crabbed up making the bomb, which means you're crabbed from the very beginning. You climbed up the Favor Tree and wedged yourself between the braches for a few hours to pass the time, because looping back would be too much of an inconvenience, and you could just wait until the tears started spawning in the house to go back. The birds had a good time at least, one starting to craft a nest next to you.

You ghosted throughout the day, and now its go time. Everyone else is prepared and ready to fight for time itself, and here you are just. Walking. Realistically you're searching for a tear to stop it all before it starts, but luck isn't on your side this loop.

You can hear it, hear it-- the horrors. All the screams of those unfortunate enough to cross the King's path and fight back. It would be easier, for them, to just bow back and let themselves be frozen-- but no one wants to be frozen, because that's having choice itself stolen from you, a cage of ice to lock yourself in forever. It's just as bad as being dead. Stagnant and eternally screaming.

So they march to their deaths.

The King does not take kindly to the Housemaidens fighting back. Some loops, the House isn't prepared for his attack. Those loops are the nice ones, the less gorey ones. Less dead and more frozen bodies, because no one was prepared to brawl with the monster. He can just... swoop on through and take the House without more than a handful of casualties. This loop is one of the bad ones, because your fellow housemaidens were all prepared. You always think your prepared, too, to see the outcome, but you never truly are.

You turn into the main hall, and freeze still.

No matter how many loops you go through, the carnage always gets to you. There's a nasty, overpowering smell of iron in the air and big dark stains painting the walls, the floors and the roof. Bits and pieces of mashed guts and viscera. There were people in this hallway, once.

Not anymore.

It makes you sick to your stomach like every other time. Just the thought of it. There were people here and now there's only parts of them left. Just ten minutes ago or so, there were people here.

There were people here.

The gore goes in a trail down the hall. Paints practically everything-- including frozen people, if you look down the hall. All frozen with shock and absolute horror on their faces. You recognize some of them.

You try not to think about it.

You push on. Try to ignore the way the blood seeps into your shoes very fabric so they become damp. Try to ignore the fact you're trailing someone's very life behind you now with bloody shoe prints.

There are still no tears.

Plan B, then. The King himself.

You hate going against the King. It always ends terribly with you in agony. But that's the only option left right now, so you chase him down on his little path carved from the blood of the innocent. You find him quickly, too- just down the hall.

He stops before you can get too close. The smell in the air is overpowering, the sharp tang of blood and the burning sensation of the sugar.

"Burning one." He says to you. You're not sure where he pulled that one from: the nickname was something different at some point, but you've long forgotten what it was. Maybe it's the smell of burnt, rotting sugar or maybe it's the potions that burnt your throat. You're not sure anymore.

He just... stands there. Turns around and looks at you. You can feel the dead expression you're pulling as you stare back. Blood glints on his armor, shining and the worst sight in the world and all the same kinda beautiful in its own way? Like the lightless gore is the night sky itself, sparkling with little dots. Makes you feel sick just thinking that.

"How have you done it?" He asks. He asks it every time the two of you face off, the same five words. How. A inquiry. Something you have done, you shouldn't have, and he knows it.

You... think you've gotten it, now. Your hypothesis: How you wished. It's not something you were supposed to do. You did something different something WRONG, and it did something to time itself, tearing a hole in the fabric of space. It's wrong. It's wrong, and you know it and so does the King.

He stares in your direction. You think? Despite his hands, blood-stained as they are, not being infront of his face, the mop of hair is still in the way. You can feel the glare still. Enraged. Daggers in your side.

"I don't know." It's the truth.

"You don't know?"

"I don't remember."

The King goes silent. It's odd, having an actual conversation with him. Even if it was a tiny exchange, it still throws you off. He's willing to talk, even if just a question. He's never really talked to you-- or anyone, to your knowledge-- before.

"Ouuuuhhhh... of course you don't." He wails. It sounds like nails on a chalkboard to you. "You shouldn't have been able too, oohhh... not at all..."

He raises a fist up. It sparkles like the night sky, dark dripping from between his fingers. There's still someone's remains painted on them. Preemptively you brace and throw your arms up in an attempt to block.

It's a different thing that hits you. A new attack. A giant open palm slams into your chest, and you go flying backwards into the wall. The world turns to slow motion as something in you SNAPS. Crunches. Your bones shatter and explode with the force and speed, shooting little shards of agony everywhere.

It hurts. It HURTS. Pain rips through your entire body, and you realise you've started to scream when your chest begins to hurt. Blood splatters onto your glasses, blotting out your vision.

You look up at the King. How'd you get on the floor? How are you breathing, with no lungs? You can see fragments of bone stuck between the metal of his armor.

"Let this be a lesson to you, Burning one."

Metal clinks, and your vision swims-- dots in the corners, figures blur. Blood drips down into your left eye and paints half of your vision a dark shade. Nothing but pain.

Make it stop. Make it stop, make it stop make it stop-- it hurts, it hurts it hurts it hurts.

You

Simply stop thinking. Just for a moment.

So your brain can catch up! Yeah, sure. That's a good enough excuse.

Just. Pain. You are pain incarnate, and that's all you will be until you die slowly and loop back.

You

Blink,, and

The King. Is gone. You can hear him leaving, loud stomping footsteps dissapearing down a bloodstained trail, and you just stare.

How lucky, HOW LUCKY of you to be left alive this time. Like this isn't a fate worse than death. You gasp for air, and realise all you have left is blood filling your lungs.

It hurts. You want it to end, now. It's hard to see, over the blood and spots dancing across your eyes, but you see them; tears, floating around you. A quick out. You reach out, and the pain in you flares alive, ripping and tearing you apart. You feel like your flesh is going to peel off.

Your fingers brush into one of the tears, and you sob as the ice rolls down your arm and consumes you. It feels a hundred times better than what you were feeling before.

You freeze in time-- and luckily theres no nightmare you have to endure, you just wake back up at your desk. You spend a good chunk of the morning curled up in the bathroom getting sick, because, wow! That's the worst one yet! It's curled into your very being, the feeling of breaking your bones like rock candy, the feeling of drowning in blood.

You just... have to do it better this time, or... something. Hope is fading away into background static. You can't... do this anymore. It hurts too much. You want it to stop. Please make it stop.

[prettyboykatsuki]

brb 🫡

[solidcarbon]

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[doostyaudi]

I think... Me adding yandere content to my dni was a little bit excessive...

[szczylpierdolony]

it’s so interesting to me how often you can find ed/pro ana bloggers on dni lists

[izzy-b-hands]

im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just

it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)

[kkujo]

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭

[graevs666]

.

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

On that note, if you feel like my style of humor about certain topics is legitimately disrespectful I would truly suggest you reach out to me honestly about it.

while I can’t guarantee that I’ll necessarily agree with you and stop doing it depending on what it is, at the very least I can make efforts to tag things for you to blacklist to make your experience here more pleasant. I also will not hold it against anyone if they unfollow or block me- but harassment is never the answer and will never solve anything.

[seventh-district]

wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[chipped-chimera]

I haven't finished BG3 yet but I am kind of scared that it's gonna be one of those pyrrhic victory endings and I'm not sure I can mentally deal with that at the moment 😐

[dreamerlynx]

me, still sitting with my laptop open in my lap: okay so you’ve basically. gone over and summarized the instructions for the assignment. good. it’s been all day you want to try actually starting?

me immediately: no

[nashvillehotchicken]

since my mom has some trauma from being ex-mormon and ex-nazarene and there have been a lot of issues between us both in some held-onto beliefs and triggers, i've not been wanting to tell her explicitly that i'm converting until i'm able to move out and have a bit of stability and a better sense of safety

i do still want to be at least slightly open about this and sort of sneakily educate may family for the better so i've been using the "my friend" rule to talk abt my studies and its working hilariously well lmao