#so maybe I can see 2-3 shows
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So now work is over I can write a little bit more:
I’m so happy that the Il Sistina Production retruns! Last year I really regretted not going. I’m very privleged to live in Vienna, Austria, not only was I able to see the Vienna Production quite a few times but a lot of other European productions are reachable for me.
I can’t afford Chorzów AND Il Sistina and while Chorzów would be cheaper for me I really want to see Il Sistina A LOT. I fell in love with their Make Up and Costumes and the actors being so active on social media also helps a lot. Also: The homepage got better! They now have an English option and the glitching got better. I’m just waiting for my days off notice to get approved (another big advantage of living in a socialist country like Austria, we have five weeks paid vacation, also I’m joking, Austria ist not a socialist country, we are run by conservatives).
Only thing that kind of bugs me is that I most likely will be going by plane and not by train, but I’m still thinking about it because, if I book now there is a night train for like 30 Euros which is cheap as hell but I will be exhausted.
So much to consider here ...
#personal stuff#that was such a great news#and now I have enough time to plan#flying is very expensive so I propably will suffer through the train ride#the tickets themselves are not that expensive#30-60 Euros#so maybe I can see 2-3 shows#hotel will be the biggest expense I guess#especially if I want to see more shows#to take it all in!#gatti
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waow 2024 is almost dead!!! gone too soon. feels like it’s been a big year for me art-wise for many reasons, BUT. i’m making 2025 bigger.... hopefully....i’ve made some art goals for next year which i won’t explain in detail but they boil down to 1) do more studies 2) tackle my weaknesses (backgrounds, dynamic poses/angles, uhhh lots of stuff i am a one trick pony right now) 3) get into drawing comics, all of which are in preparation for 4) take my story ideas more seriously and get started on one of the many graphic novels living in my head. i have one in mind i HAVE to complete in my lifetime or i will die, but firstly i’m gonna mess around with some little standalone svanhildr comics perhaps. goat fans rejoice.
anyway i wasn’t meant to ramble so i’ll just say THANK YOU for the support as always!!! i’m very flattered all of these have more than 1000 notes.....crazy. thank you. muah
#tumblrtop10#my art#looking forward to 2025 i really really REALLY REALLY want to get stuck in with my story ideas.....#my main passion project i'm more and more leaning into not even sharing i cannot lie. it's very personally made for ME to love and enjoy#and i suck at a lot of what i'd need to draw for it (humans interior backgrounds and an art style that's at least a little gritty)#GOD it's been taking over my mind so much i want to gnaw on it but it's in my head#so maybe i'll just do a first draft for me and me alone and when i'm in my 30s and maybe better at those things i can draw it finally#actually one of the characters for that features here hiii mockley!!! coming in at number 2 most popular of 2024 i'm so proud of her#her design's come a long way i'm kind of super happy with her as always <3 i love you my repressed old woman dinosaur#ALSO i'm SOOOOO excited about a character i made recently i can't wait to share her with the world#she's been a LONG time coming....my goirl.....#i will hopefully show her off in the new year#ALSO no one will see this i'm sure but thank you to my commissioners for the patience#i have now finished my break and will continue drawing
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guess who's back, back again
(it's my exposed jawbone)
#it doesn't hurt right now (knock on wood)#and i called the dentist and got an appointment for wednesday#i don't want it to get worse obviously but i kind of don't want it to get better before then either#just so they can actually see with their own eyes what's going on#i took a picture but obviously with the location it doesn't show much detail#just that there's a patch of white-ish SOMETHING and that the tissue around it looks a tad inflamed#i just need it to stay how it is RIGHT NOW for a few days#there's been sort of an irritated patch in the same spot as before for maybe 2-3 weeks#it was a little sore before but it feels fine now other than having kind of a rough texture#and then this morning i could feel something hard and pointy in the center of it :/#i just really really really need it to not get like before#cw dental
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Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.
Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now
Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.
Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!
Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.
#its like youre unable to root for her in any form. which is annoying bc shes actually awesome actually#also having her say “actually im the good guy fuck you'' w/o any actual deep analysis of her psyche or whatever while doing these things#doesnt count as development or showing shes 3 dimensional. its just having 2 dimensional waller say shes right when everyone is obviously#supposed to believe shes wrong#anyways i want real waller back please i miss herrrrrrrr#anyways hope mr john ridley has read secret origins no 14. i know its from 1987 but please guys please. my only hope#also it was a few months ago but i think they tried to push certain elements of a diff backstory in dream team and sorry but fuck that. and#any mention of another waller background like my eyes are closed sry. im a preboot truther#actually im just ignorant of most squad comics outside the original series. im gonna do a readthrough and become knowledgeable on other#stuff i just need to find time. so if im wrong then sorry if its smth factual and if you disagree with my opinion then uh sorry for ur loss#anyways shoutout to the time i had a nerd night w my one friend and she was asking me abt dc and said my favorite villains and i said waller#and silver swan. and she had a “yuck WHY” to waller and a ???? to silver swan. love shouting out my faves and explaining them to the less#informed. didnt say a number 3 but would probably be parallax ig. idk hes kind of slay. or maybe someone else honestly i like hal but waller#and nessie are blorbo level for me i could think abt them for hours#or maybe it wouldnt be parallax actually idk who my 3 would be. hes definitely up there but way below the other 2. maybe the cheetah#interpretation that i personally have. v different from the popular cheetah interpretation esp rucka vers actually. much closer to the pérez#and esp develops some subtext there surrounding barbara and the exploitation and theft of sacred cultural artifacts and pieces but also#like british colonization a lil bit#but i actually despise the cheetah that lives in my head but think shed be interesting to use narratively and see diana fight#vs the other guys who i find interesting and sympathetic and like for themselves#whereas my fave interpretation of cheetah can rot in hell#i got off topic here#blah#swishy rant#also disclaimer that w the main character ik dreamer is the main character of dream team. im talking more in general and that amanda should#always have a huge role as shes the main character of the squad and yet is treated like its villain and not its protag#sui sq
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STARDOM ☆ 7.28.24 ☆ SAPPORO WORLD RENDEZVOUS mayu acts as wingman to help hanan pin tam
#stardom#stardom wrestling#mayu iwatani#hanan#tam nakano#natsupoi#joshi puroresu#stardomedit#wrestlingedit#ogifs#owrestling#flashing gif#id in alt#im never sure how much detail to give for these.. also no guarantee any move names are actually accurate. im giving it my best lol.#this match was so cute so fun <3....#mayu's priorities ARE 1) loving her girls and 2) being petty and spiteful and mean and having fun with it esp wrt tam#and idk breaking her neck goes somewhere in there too or whatever#at the end of the match as mayu and hanan's arms are being raised by the ref in vistory#mayu is only looking at tam still lying on the mat with like. pure glee on her face#hanan's arm is still in the air and she's delighted for herself for this being the biggest win of her career so far#but mayu's only paying attention to tam and drops down to her hunkers to hold the iwgp belt in her face#shes SOO funny. icon of stardom forever and ever.#i love when girls use each other as weapons i hope they do it forever#ALSO oh my god when mayu stops people getting into the ring by just holding them in place and beating the side of their head over and over#like with natsupoi in the 4th gif. funniest shit in the world i love it so much#she did that with i believe mina at the philly show but i dont think the cameras caught it#so delighted we got to see it live there <3.. god mayu rules#anyway hanan getting the win here felt like a bigger deal in the moment before the 5star happened. lol 😔#i still want tam doing a gauntlet run of having a rematch with everyone that beat her in the 5star#maybe hanan can squeeze into that for a red belt shot
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Sometimes I still think about The Owl House Gang all trying to watch ATLA together but then Zuko's backstory in The Storm retraumatizes Hunter so bad they have to stop
#luz is too young to have grown up with the show she just heard it was good#SHE DIDN'T KNOW GUYS#they all get super into it and the gaang and maybe even make some jokes about how Zuko reminds them of Hunter#and then suddenly it is Not Funny Anymore#they just straight up stop watching it because it was So Bad#and then months later Hunter is like '....... i really want to know where that show goes'#so they pick it up again#everytime Zuko makes a bad life decision Hunter is just dying inside#'your dad DOES NOT LOVE YOU YOU CAN DO BETTER'#season 2 is such an emotional rollercoaster#like zuko is figuring stuff out and seems like he's gonna redeem himself and everyone is getting so hype#because at this point they NEED to see this character get a happy ending because they have been throufh WAY TOO MUCH over him#and then in the season finale he regresses#the BETRAYAL#they are like wailing and rending their clothes like dudes in the bible#hunter just sitting there with his head in his hands#season 3 storyline with zuko at the fire palace is also massively triggering for him but he's being so normal about it#the rest of the squad on the copium like 'he can still turn this around guys'#secretly several of them have given up on him at this point but they can't admit that there's too much riding on this#and then zuko DOES IT but the scene is so tense that no one even feels like they can celebrate because they're all projecting way too hard#and then zuko redirects the lightning and they're like 'FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!'#there is much crying at the finale#luz and amity kin assigned eachother as aang and katara so they're really happy when they get together#hunter like 'mostly this is making me glad I didn't have to become the political leader of The Boiling Isles as a traumatized 16 year old'#'can you imagine'#these tags were not supposed to be this long lmao#toh#atla#avatar#my rambles
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Guess who :3c (Patreon)
#My art#Webkinz#Diamond#Ukadevlog#Ghostkinz#Ta-dah! My November behind-the-scenes project was this! The poll was for this reason! Though I already knew I'd start with her haha#Have a little preview to start us off - I have Lots of thoughts to each part of development I ended up in but I want to roll them out slowly#Not everything all at once anyway haha - thoughts get all jumbled now that I'm on this side of things pft#I wasn't able to finish A Version I'd be willing to publish in just a month - even then I only worked on Ghostkinz about 3 days a week so#But for the time I spent I'm quite pleased with how its shaped up so far! :D I got to implement a lot!#Actually learning-then-implementing-then-learning-then-implementing - it's a loop I've been out of for such a long time now :0#Really interesting to fall back into after so long away haha#A lot of my other projects have been Pick Up One Thing and then do that forever and I was tired-tired of that!!#So going into this project knowing that I'd only have November to Get Guud at as much of it as possible and then that was it#I think it helped propel me - didn't end with me getting stuck on Perfecting Just This One Thing#I'd read a bit and then go utilize it and then come back and read some more of Zarla's template/walkthrough - compelling system!#I still couldn't manage to actually finish in a month but I got up to Phase 4!! Previous attempts at Ghost-making has gotten stalled at 1!!#Maaaybe 2 but never anything beyond that - and while I didn't actually Finish any Phase apart from 1 I still read through much much more!#On top of the learning aspect being fun ♪ getting to understand some of the more technical side ahh - it was also just fun to read haha#Like a course that can be silly hehe ♫ Enjoyable even outside of getting to make a little guy for my screen haha#But also yes that too!! I'm really glad I finally settled on an idea that I feel confident in seeing through#The best part about reaching for the Webkinz style is that Webkinz uses vectors - I've gone on record multiple times as loving vectors#They're an exceptionally easy medium to manipulate and that was The Thing that had been holding me back from committing to Ghosts prior#Drawing every single thing when I already struggle to plug in my tablet...no...... But Vectors#You can see here that Diamond's expressions are just a matter of tilting her head and moving her tail - so so soooo simple with vectors#Being able to super-quickly put out a lot of different expressions and animations and piecemeal everything together...yes..........#And for what further I have in mind :3c It's really all I could ask for in an art style to seek ah ♪ Just right for my purposes!#I thought it'd be nice to show off Diamond-for-real as her plush next to her digital version as well :D She's still the only OG8 I have#I want more!! I'd love to have a code for her as well haha - secretly just started this so I can have a digital Diamond lol#Plush-Diamond actually wears a necklace these days but I opted to leave it off her for the photoshoot - maybe once I figure out clothes haha
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jjk is about a lot of things but most of all with regard to Shoko Satoru and Suguru it's about how if you don't interact with people who aren't in your weird fucked up school with like 10 ppl total on a regular basis you WILL become an incredibly interesting adult in a way that makes people pity you
#JJK#Jujutsu Kaisen#Like obv the post is jokey but genuinely I feel like ppl don't talk about the intense isolation that goes on#Shoko Nanami Suguru and Satoru like regularly interact w 4 ppl (the others + Haibara) and like... Man. When you lose 25% of your social lif#And you can barely. Talk to the other 75% because they're equally but differently affected. Shits going to do some Interesting Things to u#Also it might be part of ''op grew up with very little social interaction not for any one specific reason but in general#Doesn't naturally form friendships/bonds even when surrounded by ppl'' but only having like 1 or two close friends#(and like. Satoru calls Suguru his only friend. He definitely likes Shoko and Nanami but obviously there's a distance there)#Will do some Very Interesting Things To You. Anyway Satoru and Suguru were both pretty heavily implied to be very socially isolated#As children (bc of being ''the strongest''/able to see curses but also autism. They're autistic) and then ended up having a wildly#Codependent relationship that ended up ruining them both bc they didn't know how to start fixing things#Because they were the only ppl they really knew so. I'm going to be honest I think at some points they straight up loathed each other#Suguru bc Satoru ''left him behind'' Satoru bc Suguru ''didnt catch up'' and like. They had fucking no one to talk to#like 1. Shoko and Nanami are Also Kids and Know Both Of Them Well so trying to go to them would be. Wild#2. The adults in their life... There's only so much Yaga can do as one man. And I also think he's Struggling#3. They straight up don't know how to talk to people. They just don't.#Anyways they hated each other because they loved each other and I'm not saying talking to other ppl would've fixed this but#I think it could've changed A Lot y'know. Eh maybe my point would be stronger if Yuuji Megumi n Nobara#Like. Had better fleshed out social lives (showing why they're less fucking. Deranged) bc there's clearly Elements but not really much#Concrete stuff to point to. Yuuji kinda just forgets his old classmates. Sad! Megumi had His Sister and that was........ And Nobara didn't#Get her shit resolved. So. Yaaaay
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I agree with you about Capcom bringing Nash back for SF6! I even made a post in my Threads account about him if Bison comes back, then there is a chance he might return! Please Capcom! Bring my boy back in the series! You been neglecting him for far too long!
I could go on about how I think they could bring Nash back in SF6 for AGES. The sheer fact that F.A.N.G. lived and is in SF6 (Fang Fei/Foo, A.K.I.'s master) makes me think that Nash probably survived his bout with Bison in some degree and could come back but there's so many ways they can go about it they could make it really insane if they wanted to.
They could have the Secret Society/Illuminati revive him again to use as an agent to gain ground against Shadaloo and potentially leverage Gill/the Society into higher threat standing (villain).
They could tie Darkstalkers semi-into Street Fighter and say that the Nash we would see is him after escaping the Makai and give him some more wacky magic-like powers (and give Darkstalkers fans like myself some more crumbs to survive on for a while lol).
They could lean into the Nash/Shadow setup from Marvel vs. Capcom and say that Shadaloo had/has him and the Nash we get to see is totally brainwashed into servitude by Bison or has escaped his brainwashing but like Cammy has no memories of his past. Or hell, just bring 'Shadow' back and it's just Nash but under a different name with different goals in mind!
But those are just my ideas after all.
Capcom needs to give us Nash STAT. I need to see my boy again!
(Also as an aside I love your art <3 )
#I'd love to know more about your ideas on how Nash could return ladydbzelle btw! <3#the disappointment speaks#not me going off on a tangent about ideas for how capcom can put nash in a game lol.#give! me! more! of! my! boy!#we cannot just have nash appear in like 2 canonical stories (sfa3's ending for him being non canon) and in both he fucking dies like come o#like bosht is dead in canon we see him die and he dead fr after the explosion because he's crispy#its heavily implied that akuma finally killed gen in sf5 too but its not explicitly stated its very clear he should be dead#nash? there was a big energy explosion and his dog tags he wasnt wearing fell to the ground#we see no corpse... unless we include 'living' nash as a corpse haha lol undead guy joke#so by technicality and the fact that nash said his body was deteriorating which I think is kind of strange given bison can revive with ease#like bison's revivals are stunted by his psycho power if I recall correctly. nash has the opposite of that in sf5#if anything by that logic nash should be immortal but instead he's dying rapidly? seems odd#my thought from other game logic is nash is either not nash but rather some 'Eleven' type entity disguised as nash and has no idea#or like a poorly made clone using old dna from nash's body that was deteriorating rapidly due to that fact.#or maybe it was nash but he didn't die completely in the explosion of energy but rather was severely injured and on death's door again#either way our boy aint dead until capcom shows me his corpse#also I want to see how guile would react to see his dead buddy again after he dies for the second time. lets make it a third. come on.#it could be so funny capcom you have no idea.#I went off in the tags lmao I should stop yakking and get to doing other things lmao#I may just be caught up on F.A.N.G. somehow surviving getting his ass beat TWICE in quick succession and falling AND the collapse of Shadal
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:O
#Wow. Mr Ayatsuji was right#I think it's the first chapter in the entirety of bsd that ever had me go “oh” and “wow” out loud#This is so cool. I mean not much to see yet but these were all such cool plot twists#For a moment I really feared Dostoyevsky had taken over Gogol? I'm a little glad that wasn't the case poor Gogol#I suppose Bram is now like‚ dead-dead? I'm sorry. Not overly sorry but still sorry. I liked him.#Today I took lunch with a friend and she's a big jj/k fan and was talking about how everyone dies and I was like#“lmao. No one in bsd ever dies. ever”#How to be proved wrong in the span of 2 hours pfftttttt#Anyways I'm SO SO SO SO SO ////////////SO//////////// GLAD THE ACTION IS BACK AT THE AIRPORT. Ss/kk for pride month 2024 I can FEEL it#I think... Maybe? The new mega three sided singularity will create a new ability-entity. It makes sense doesn't it?#Something so powerful to create a new being. Spawning from Fukuchi's body. The dude from the season 5 finale#You know. You saw the similarities with Fukuchi. Yeah It makes sense#Next chapter is going to introduce them then show everyone at loss and desperation–#and then in the last page Akutagawa's grand entrance as being alive#I'm not even joking btw. It sounds reasonable enough. Akutagawa kinda has a thing with last pages entrances#Gotta explain the new outfit though. Something something and magical girl tranformations#Anywayssssssss good chapter. Hope the next one is going to be even better <3 (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏) (sskk 🙏)#random rambles
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some people be saying the most batshit insane shit abt travis mcelroy
#dude. just saw 'it's so obvious the other 2 are annoyed and frustrated with him'#like. no? it's not? i dunno what kind of projecting you're doing but i can promise you that griffin and justin don't like#secretly hate their brother and are begging for release.#you can hate travis as much as you want (even though i disagree with that sentiment) i can understand being annoyed by his style or whatever#but i see it all the time of people saying that the other two should just do the show without him etc etc. and look.#maybe u haven't listened to so#the same episodes of mbmbam that i have. but i can hardly think of a single top moment that would be the same without all 3#if u want to see smth with just the other two just watch monster factory. don't make reddit posts about how it's 'so obvious' that#these people you DON'T KNOW. hate their brother. because they don't. sorry#siblings annoy eachother all the time. it's not an irredeemable crime. just listen to something else.#dunno if this is an unpopular opinion or what but i was a mcelroy fan back when taz was releasing and i just caught up to v dracula recently#and trying to look up discussion on the new season led me to a horrible vitriolic cesspit mostly directed at travis. which#(a simple miscommunication btwn travis and griffin that is quickly resolved in-canon without argument)#people: wow can't believe Travis would try and RUIN the game like that griffin clearly wanted to disown him immediately#like#there has to be some misconstruing lense they gotta be looking through. anyway. wtf
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incident™
but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time 🫡 i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching 😳 and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every step‚ stumble‚#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following 🫶🏾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realm‚ and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it in‚ it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way in‚ as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were 😨#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop 🫡 but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alas‚ she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do it‚ but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ♡ i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too 🫶🏾 i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on ���� i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymore‚#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready 😌💕#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho 🧐 the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few years‚ when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ૮ – ﻌ–ა#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm 🧐#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya ✌🏾 getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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anyway sue zhao i would have loved you better but i could not have loved you more
#i think the problem is that i know he loved me but he was never honest with himself or others or me about how much#i mean he was going to kill himself over me and he's not even in LOVE with me#if he just showed it. and wasn't mean and didn't deflect and wasn't hot and cold. god. would there have been so much love#too much#and i guess that's the problem#is that i see more of a capacity for love in him than he allows to see in himself#he loved me but not in a way i could understand#and i think one day he might realize that if he didn't deflect so hard and wasn't mean and didn't beat back this affection with a stick#it could've been so good.#he knew me for 2 years and some of his fave memories ever were with me. he practiced the conversation we had every day#for 3 months. he always messaged me first. he always told me he didn't feel like he knew enough of me and wanted to know more#but why didn't he ask? why did we hang out so many times and in between laughs we bickered and argued and he sneered over nothing?#god. i am going to fucking lose my mind. why didn't he love me in a way i could stomach#why did he love me so much if it wasn't gonna be right#whatever. lol. whatever. fuck my fucking life.#negative //#sorry for posting again i'm just so sad and everyone is so sick of hearing about it#maia.txt#OR MAYBE THIS IS COPIUM LOL BUT I THINK THE GUY#WHO FORGETS ALMOST EVERYTHING remembering the teensiest things abt me and the guy who values his alone time#messaging me for like 5 hrs straight some days when he self described 'hates texting'#he could be a good manipulator with his apologies and he can be a good liar about other ppl but not abt me#he is fucking LAZYYY lol he wouldn't put so much effort into our relationship if he didn't love me#but why did he leave me second guessing so much. love isn't just devotion! it's affection and loyalty and joy and curiousity!#FUCK MY LIFE!
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and of course only now after i gave up on the idea of going to the movies and just watched wicked by myself, my dad is like 'we might finally go to the movies tomorrow btw. you wanted to see wicked right?' 😑 i only spent a whole month asking but ok sure
i dont even wanna rewatch it bro. it was good, but holy fuck it was long and i didnt love it enough to wanna rewatch it only 4 days later but whatever
#if he sends me in alone (unlikely) i might try sonic 3 cause people keep talking about it#but that means rewatching sonic 1 and 2. but i just rewatched sonic 1#so hopefully i can rewatch sonic 2 tomorrow lol#if i need to watch that knuckles show i might be fucked lol#but all that said my dad was saying he missed movie popcorn and i think his girlfriend is coming which means we might all#watch wicked together#i hope they like it ig#at least this time ill be able to see it in good quality lol. both visual and audio-wise#my post#my life is a fucking boring cartoon i swear#its only when i completely give up on something that it finally happens for me istg#mostly in video games but also irl sometimes#....hmm maybe i should take that mindset with me to finally getting those last pvz achievements
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It’s wild how so many people are fundamentally incapable of recognizing queer characters unless they explicitly say the words, “I’m gay” on screen
#like season 1 and 2? sure maybe you can overlook Will’s queercoding and believe it’s just a result of the bully’s homophobia#season 3 is a huge stretch but it’s hypothetically possible to believe will is just a late-bloomer or asexual#but how on earth do you watch season 4 and still genuinely have no idea will is gay?#and this is not a rare occurrence#it’s astonishing how many people you have to literally explain the van scene to cause Will’s sexuality never crossed their mind#you didn’t see him staring longingly at his best friend the entire season?#some people’s minds are so aggressively heteronormative that they assumed will had a crush on el#and even after noah has explained that will is gay 50 million times#people still are confused and think it came out of nowhere or they quickly forget#somewhere there’s a fan who doesn’t keep up with stranger things news and doesn’t really use social media#a fan who is the exact opposite of chronically online#who hasn’t heard about NOAH coming out let alone Will’s sexuality#who will walk into season 5 and be utterly flabbergasted when Will comes out as gay (let alone when Byler happens)#and they’ll say that Will being gay is a huge plot twist they never saw coming#and they’ll be 100% sincere#and that’s truly baffling to me#do people think shows just randomly include melodramatic rain fights where ‘it’s not my fault you don’t like girls’ is said for no reason?#do people think the show went out of its way to show wills rejecting the attractive girl in his class cause they were in a silly goofy mood?#I genuinely wanna know what goes on through people’s heads when they have no gaydar or media literacy#even today there are people who still think romantic stobin should happen and think that Robin isn’t really a lesbian#will byers#byler
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Light would be the type of Sims player to make his Sim take the Criminal career and then actively make their home life a living hell
#Death Note#The Sims#Smol and I have been playing a crossover game lately and Sims/DN came up#The rules are very loose so it could've gone several directions - A Death Note sim or the DN cast in the Sims or playing the Sims#The image of L watching him play over his shoulder and point out how unnecessarily cruel he is towards creatures he sees as lesser#And Light having to weigh how much like a stereotypical Sims player he could be without showing his hand lol#''I see you've failed to add a fire alarm over the oven-'' ''I did that on purpose'' ''Hm. Interesting'' hahaha#Okay but genuinely how cool would it be to have a Death Note mod with Shinigami eyes where you can hover over your Sim#And see their projected lifespan - would you the player count as a Shinigami?#Probably not since the rules are that you can take but not give and there are plenty of players - myself included - who protect their Sims#It'd be an interestingly morbid little ticking clock - more than the the little ''How Many Days'' meter in the Sims 2 anyhow haha#Smol has also shown me the Sims 3 equivalent so lol - but the potential spookage!#I don't even think about mine all that often since I tend to turn aging off lol#But there are other ways to die!#We were also talking about how the ghosts might look different if they were Death Noted - maybe like an overlay of a page turning animation?#Pretty neat :)
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