#so instead i will just think myself into circles about it
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tikosblogg ¡ 12 hours ago
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Hiii, i saw that you're taking requests and I have one. ❤️
Can you please write something about Noah and reader who had started their relationship not too long ago and Noah discovers reader's scars. She's pretty insecure about them and thinks that he'll be disgusted when he sees them but he just starts kissing them instead and likes her just as much as before if not even more because being so vulnerable around him just shows how much she trusts him. There can be some smut or just fluff, it's up to you (this was kind of inspired by "A match into water" by Pierce the veil bc it just seems so Noah coded in my opinion 🤭)
Thank you in advance 🥹
So sorry anon I just saw this😭❤️ hope you like it!
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Warning: fluff, mentions of self harm..
The air in Noah's house was thick with the scent of sandalwood and something undeniably him – a mix of leather, ink, and warm skin. We'd only been dating a few months, a whirlwind of late-night talks, shared playlists, and an undeniable, electric attraction. Tonight, we were curled up on the couch, a movie flickering on the screen, but neither of us was really watching.
His hand traced lazy circles on my arm. As I admired his tattoos. Each brush of ink was a conversation, a story etched onto his skin. I loved tracing them, memorizing the swirling patterns, the hidden meanings. It was a stark contrast to the canvas I’d been desperately trying to hide.
I shifted slightly, pulling my sleeve down further. Anxiety coiled in my stomach, a familiar serpent whispering doubts in my ear. He was so beautiful, so confident, a walking piece of art. And me? I was a damaged landscape he hadn’t fully explored yet.
His fingers stilled. "You okay?" he asked, his voice a low rumble that vibrated through me. His eyes locking on mine, filled with concern.
I swallowed hard. "Yeah, just... cold." A pathetic excuse, but all I could manage.
He chuckled softly. "Come here." He pulled me closer, tucking me further into his side. His arm wrapped around me, warm and protective. And that's when it happened. My sleeve, already stretched thin, rode up a little too far.
The breath hitched in my throat. The flickering light danced across the pale lines on my wrist, a ghostly reminder of past battles. My heart hammered against my ribs, threatening to break free.
Noah went still as a statue. For what felt like an eternity, he didn't move, didn't speak. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the inevitable. Disgust. Disappointment. Maybe even pity. Anything but this suffocating silence.
"Y/n?" His voice was barely a whisper.
I couldn't meet his gaze. Shame burned in my cheeks. "I... I was young and stupid." The words tumbled out, a desperate plea for understanding. "It’s... it's in the past."
He gently took my wrist in his hand, his touch feather-light. My eyes flicked open, drawn to the intensity in his gaze. He wasn't looking at me with disgust. He was looking at me with... empathy?
He turned my arm over, his thumb tracing the faded lines. He didn't say anything for so long, the silence deafening. I wanted to disappear, to melt into the couch and never be seen again.
Finally, he lifted my hand to his lips. One by one, he kissed the scars, each touch a featherlight apology. He kissed them with reverence, with a tenderness that made tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
"They're just stories, Y/n," he murmured against my skin. "Stories of survival. And you're here. You survived."
He looked up at me, his eyes filled with a depth of understanding I'd never expected. "Don't ever be ashamed of them. They're a part of you."
He brought my hand to his heart, pressing it against his chest. The steady beat of his heart was a comforting rhythm against my palm. "They show me how strong you are. How much you've overcome."
He leaned in closer, his breath warm on my ear. "And honestly," he whispered, pure warmth returning to his eyes, "it makes me feel…good…that you let me see this... it means the world to me."
He kissed me then, a slow, gentle kiss that tasted of understanding and acceptance. In that moment, the serpent of doubt retreated, banished by the warmth of his love.
I knew then that he didn't see me as damaged. He saw me as a survivor. And maybe, I could start seeing myself that way too. Being so vulnerable, so utterly exposed, had been terrifying. But it had also forged a bond stronger than anything I could have imagined. He hadn't been disgusted. He’d been… honored.
As he pulled me closer, his arms wrapping securely around me, I knew one thing for sure: I wasn't just falling in love with Noah. I was falling in love with myself, scars and all. And he was right there beside me, every step of the way.
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midnightwind ¡ 1 month ago
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hey do you think the Crows control the mage circles in Antiva too, in some way? do you think the heads of Houses get handed the phylacteries of their mage members? do they bring in trainers from the Circles, or send them to classes in the towers, or do they have to wait for a mage to "graduate" before they can recruit them into a House properly? or are mages who are taken by the Crows just quietly ignored until the phylactery needs to be used?
#I saw One source say Antiva has Mage Circles and it's been haunting me ever since#because I just... I don't see that system working as well as it does in Fereldan#I don't see the Crows (who tend to recruit very young) leaving mages as an untapped market for their members#nor do I see them leaving them in a Tower when they could be training to be a Crow at the same time#it feels like maybe the Knife Houses would get stuck trying to snag an older mage and speed running some Crow training#while Talon Houses could just stare down the Tower and make them send tutors#I've been quietly thinking about how Viago might react to Rook de Riva getting stuck in the Fade#and how Antiva having a Circle means they have a phylactery system#and him being like “well okay you're all fucking stupid- we have their blood let's use that to track them??? idiots??”#not taking into account that I have no idea if the tracking magic would even work#or if all the Circles/Towers would use that same system outside Fereldan#and this ignores the funny little Colleges that could be a thing depending on your Inq choices lol#I'm just a Mage Origins girly so I see “circle” and “mage” and go oh!! blood fuckery!!!#the storage of said phylacteries could be either with the Houses (again Talons likely) or in the Tower(s) either works I'm just Thinking#like what if.... black market Mage Circle... just for the Crows.... it could be worse than the usual Circles.... I'm Just Thinking...#sleepy and thinking about this while editing chapter 2 instead of dunking myself into bed#just imagine Viago during the year Rook de Riva is away staring down a little vial of their blood#knowing they're just a little ritual and a few months away from being home again#I like the angst!!! I like how torturous that could be at times!!!#DAV Posting
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bunnyboy-juice ¡ 31 minutes ago
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awawawawawawa
#bunny rambles#i was “cleared” to go back to work yesterday but she told me i could use the rest of the time also if i wanted/needed#and im using it. but the little corporateanxietybot who lives in my head and tries to make me be a Good Worker[tm] is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF#cause she thinks my boss/Dad is gonna scream at and hit her for being Lazy#this is a trauma post also um. didnt expect to name her rn but she's screaming and i cant scream back cause she sounds like alarms and those#scare crustywhitedog so i have to calm that one so i don't meltdown#my wife submitted the RTW date for me so like. its okay im actually taking the time and ik this is necessary also bc. it is clearly unwell#that its freaking out because it's gotten a more than a 2 day break for the first time in a year#ik corporateanxietybot has protected me in some ways but. i gotta kill her so bad. maybe H can help me reformat her somehow .....#i also hate her is the thing. she cant hear me rn bc she's just looping in circles alarming but anyway. i hate her. like Me. she's so#capitalismcorebootlicker and i hate that about her and i hate that she exists and i hate that she exists bc my dad raised me to be an#Employee instead of a person 🙃🙃🙃🙃#im not elaborating or explaining any of this. this is a diary entry now#i wish i could click her to kill her like the drones in hardcoded lmao it'd be so much easier. ik she like. lives in the work mode mask as#well which is also HARD bc if im not actively thinking Of work or At work she's nonexistent#but shes so LOUD 🙃🙃 like shut up. we're not gonna explode n die from taking an extra week off you're being dramatic our boss isnt Dad#like he LITERALLY isn't Dad. not even close. he's like the most docile man in the world come on ik they're around the same age and both hve#held authority over u but boss checking in wasnt a trap ur not ab to get caught doing wrong ur fiiiiIIIIIIINE#(also corporateanxietybot is not an adult. she's 15 and terrified but she integrated to my work mask which is the problem cause she makes me#a “phenomenal employee” and also makes me work myself sick when she is given the reigns. little devil on my shoulder except the capitalist#system we live under treats her as a positive thing so she gets positive reinforcement at work which only makes her more anxious 😭 i gotta#talk to H about this next Friday huh. also wow. parts work has made it a lot easier for me to acknowledge these behaviors so i can confront#them easier. weird. strange even. so many parts have gotten names this past month n im realizing also why its been so hard to process stuff#but it also has made me kinder to myself. anyway she turned off (her batteries are low since she's been home for a month too) so im gonna#clean myself up and get some food in me and then get some cleaning done
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snickerdoodlles ¡ 10 months ago
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there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it
#its like#people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards#except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that#and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option#and like#vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them#a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr#where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them#part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling#like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other#vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented#like? its not like theres any one way to fandom#and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs#but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like#idk#feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want#.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself!#im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend#i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me#but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs#which is a very different dynamic#its like. hmmm words#i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages#vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal#if that makes sense?#the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe#and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need#before returning to it later when i have more time/energy#its got Longevity that discord lacks u know#........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE
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thr4shit ¡ 1 month ago
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I LOVE THIS FEELING AND TORMENTING MY MOOTS WITH OUR GOD AWFUL MENTAL HEALTH! IT SO DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A PEICE OF SHIT WHO NEEDS TO DELETE EVERYTHING OFF THEIR ACCOUNT AND SHUT UP FOR FUCKING EVER. /sarc
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vanweezer ¡ 3 months ago
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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docholligay ¡ 2 years ago
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I think it’s important to remember in fandom that in your own fandom space you are allowed to be god, but never forget that you are also a little stupid.
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skrunksthatwunk ¡ 9 months ago
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still thinking about how one of my first yyh meta posts got reblogged onto an sjw cringe comp blog in the year of our woke 2022. truly tumblr dot com, the last bastion of progressivism, has fallen (<- sarcasm) and also i'm kinda baffled that they didn't choose like. me putting yusuke in a skirt or something
#the post was a joke about how sensui might've been lackluster/bad DID rep i liked that all 7 of them were on board with wiping out humanity#like a LOT of my yyh content would make really good fodder for this kind of blog and they went for THAT?? damn#i could probably run a better sjw fail blog than them. i won't bc i choose to spend my time on equally unproductive yet nicer things but#like. guys my he/him nb bi arospec yusuke content is RIGHT THERE. the trans hiei stuff. the kuwameshi rants GUYS IM PRACTICALLY#SPOONFEEDING YOU DELICIOUS NUTRITIOUS CONTENT AND YOU CONTINUE TO SHOVEL DIRT IN YOUR MOUTH INSTEAD#note: i don't think i've actually posted about yusuke being arospec but it might actually be my strongest hc about him#nb yusuke is mostly bc it makes me happy and a tiny bit bc of his approach to gender social norms and group divisions#i think he would think gender is stupid yknow? why the hell should he be a man just bc a bunch of ppl decided it for him?#i think it touches on his anti-authority + anti-chivalry thing well. he has a certain kind of openmindedness to him (emphasis on 'certain#kind' there) visible in his approach to fighters and demon-human relations#bi yusuke is bc he has some of the most 'yeah obv i'd fuck a dude guys are hot. this is an opinion everyone has' energy i've ever seen#but i think arospec yusuke touches on his arc (esp his relationship with keiko) much more prominently#anyway i think it only ended up on there bc someone rbed it talking about a limitation in my perspective (judging 90s rep by 2022 standards#and while i think the points raised were largely valid the guy who made them seems to have been in that kinda circle#also this post reminded me that i (probably?) haven't made a joke on here i've been making to myself for years so im gonna go post that now#anyway most of you weren't around for that so i thought this would be a fun bit of lore to share
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keeps-ache ¡ 2 years ago
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MUSIC. [explodes]
#just me hi#there are so many emotions that can make one Explode but ouhhhhghghghghghghg !!!!#good explosion !!! everyone within 300 square miles will be coated in glitter!!! watch me !!#running in circles like a mouse on caffeine ouhuhh#i can be calm !! and normal about noises !! but i won't be !! because A !!#!!!#// OTHER things anyway lol! :>#i think i wanna do artfight this year.. ?#i didn't last year because i am horribly terribly awfully shy and slightly anxious#i Still Am but i'm gonna try artfght this year lol :D emphasis on Try! there Will be an Attempt !#//i also ended up falling asleep instead of spinning the wheel hvbfshfj Lol#but i Did start writing another thing so :D#i've started like 4-6 new written stories and am not committing to ANY of them lolll#mostly cuz i'm trying to just get back into writing and if i Commit then i start to dislike it#which is ridiculous !! if you liked it enough to say 'i'll stick to it' why are you spinning around and going the other way?? silly-silly!!#not sure how to get myself to stick to anything though#still a hit-or-miss there! i'm mostly missing but i guess that's the fun part huh? experimentation !! :D#//anyway relevant to artfght i was trying to make a ref earlier and ouhh boy did That Not Happen#//OH lemme tell you about the !! i've been picking up reading again which is So Much Fun !!! :DDD#i've missed reading but like in the way you don't know What you're missing#and like !! my beloved has returned home lol :D#i forget why i stopped but ouhh#so far i've reread the soc duology‚ farewell my lovely‚ reread the man who was thursday‚ working on the big sleep now :>#i really like detective stories fhvshs#i dunno why either lol#i think it's cuz one of the first books i got to pick out was sherlock holmes? it really seared itself into my brain hvhfdh#i've gotta burn through some more tho!! just wish i had the physical books‚ it kinda adds something to reading ykno? hfvh#but pdfs are fine :) i guess i'll have stuff to collect in the future lol :D#//oops my tags might get cut [wailing]
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casual-eumetazoa ¡ 1 year ago
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I feel like people have also pushed the social model of disability as the only valid model for explaining autism so much that it became just straight up misinformation. Like, listening to some autistic people on tiktok, it's like you can accommodate autism to such an extent that it stops being a disability or even a problem whatsoever. And maybe for some specific combination of traits this is true, but my guess is that it's quite rare. For most people who meet the current diagnostic criteria, autism would disable them in any context, especially since it is almost always comorbid with at least one other thing if not multiple, such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, connective tissue disorders, epilepsy, ADHD, intellectual disability, dyslexia/dyscalculia/dyspraxia, auditory processing disorder... the list goes on.
Point is, of course accommodations, support, and a good environment can eliminate a lot of negative aspects of autism - but most autistic people are disabled by our neurotype and it cannot be accommodated out of existence. Accommodations can drastically improve our quality of life, but not make us function on the exact same level as neurotypical people. And because activist circles and tiktok and so on have an overrepresentation of people whose combination of traits allows them to function on a relatively normative level, people forget just how many struggles you can have, even as a low support person. Like some people think that needing help with filing paperwork or keeping your house clean is high support. That's not even mid support imho, that's something the vast majority of low support autistic people would benefit from. I'm mid support and I need help with tying my shoelaces and preparing simple meals - and I have a master's degree and no learning/intellectual disabilities.
Two things can be true at once. Yes, autism is a natural variation of brain types and we deserve the same rights and dignity as everyone else. Many of us would not want to be "cured" of autism and it is a part of us. Also, yes, it disables us, and limits our functioning, and can be (and is, for many people), a very negative experience, especially in the current world. It's not either or, it's not black or white. It is a complex neurodevelopmental difference that doesn't just boil down to being sensitive and passionate. And it does suck sometimes, maybe even a lot of times. Abled people should learn to respect us and our wishes and needs without either comparing autism to cancer or sugarcoating our experiences.
the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right
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spocksfurby ¡ 5 months ago
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sigh
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rinasauruss ¡ 3 months ago
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closer than quiet
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summary: Rafe is so tall he has to lean down to hear you better. that's it.
warnings: none, me thinks. just a suggestive line at the end ;P
word count: 590
AN: I couldn't help myself, so I wrote this blurb! this is my first time writing Rafe, let me know what you think! English is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors. feedback is appreciated!
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The soft hum of the waves was a steady background to the crackling of the bonfire, the flames dancing as the heat mixed with the cool bite of the night breeze. You stood near the fire, feeling the warmth spread through you, but the presence behind you was what made your skin tingle the most.
Rafe was close, an arm wrapped around your waist with a casual ease that made you feel both safe and exposed at the same time. His thumb traced slow, absent circles over your stomach, his other hand holding a beer with the same relaxed grip he used when he wasn’t thinking about much at all. Topper and Kelce were deep in conversation, their voices more distant than usual, as if the world around you had faded into something quieter. Rafe barely added to the chatter, content to stay in his own head—or maybe it was you who had his full attention. You weren’t sure, but it felt like you did.
You turned your head, looking up at him, a soft smile playing on your lips. "You good?" You asked it quietly, as though you already knew the answer, but you wanted to hear him say it anyway.
Rafe didn’t immediately respond, the sound of the ocean filling the silence. Instead, he leaned down, tilting his head as if to catch the softest whisper, even though you’d only spoken in your normal tone. His presence grew even more intense with the movement, his height hovering over you, his face drawing closer in that effortless, unspoken way that made you feel smaller and more drawn in with each inch.
"Hm?" His voice was low, just above a murmur, the sound of it vibrating through your chest.
You flushed at the gesture, a subtle warmth rising in your cheeks. His closeness, his height, the way he made the space around you feel like it shrank to just the two of you—it was disarming in the best way. His breath fanned over your skin, the warmth of it sending a shiver down your spine, and you could almost feel the heartbeat beneath his chest as he leaned in further.
You swallowed, your voice a little shakier this time. "You doing good?" You repeated, hoping your tone sounded steady, but there was no hiding the way he affected you.
Rafe’s grin tugged at the corner of his lips as he felt the slight hitch in your breath, his arm tightening around your waist, pulling you even closer. It was as though he knew exactly how much he was making you feel.
"Yeah, m'good, baby," he hummed, his voice deepening in that way it did when he was in his element. "Just thinking."
"About?" you asked, a whisper now, almost afraid to ask but too curious to hold back.
He tilted his head again, moving in just a little further, his lips grazing the shell of your ear. The closeness, the heat of his breath, was enough to send a shiver all the way down your spine, leaving you breathless.
The moment stretched between you, charged with unspoken words and everything that lay beneath the surface. The bonfire crackled, the night air was cool, but Rafe’s presence was all you could feel now, the pull of him drawing you in further than you’d ever planned to go.
His voice was soft, smooth, laced with that teasing edge that always made your heart skip a beat. "Just thinking about how much fun I’m gonna have taking this little dress off you later."
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(support banner by @cafekitsune )
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malusokay ¡ 4 months ago
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Little things that improved my life 𝜗𝜚˚⋆
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Accepting my sleep schedule. I'm a night owl; I focus at night, I'm calm at night, I'm motivated at night. For a long time, I tried to fight this since everyone always preaches getting up early, but since I started accepting my natural sleep schedule, I've been feeling a lot better and have become way more productive.
"drink more water". TEA. Tea is the secret here. I will be honest, I hate drinking water; it doesn't matter if I have a cute water bottle or a cute glass, I still hate it. TEA.
Replying quickly. I used to be one of those people who get a text message and think, "Oh, I'll reply to that later", and then just forget about it entirely. Now, I text back as soon as I see the message. This has not only improved my texting anxiety (which I cause on my own by now replying and then feeling bad) but also deepened my connection to my friends. <3
Keeping my circle small and being okay with that. Over the past months, I've had this sudden urge to expand my social circle and get to know more and more people, especially after I moved in August. However, this quickly ended in what I like to call my "social burnout". I was tired, annoyed, and overwhelmed. It took a few weeks for it to settle, but I've come to the conclusion that I would much rather have a smaller circle of people who I trust and love deeply than a huge group of friends, and that's totally okay.
Wearing what I like. Even though I live in a big city, I'd still say that my style can sometimes be a bit more extravagant than what most people wear, another point is that I'm very uncomfortable with pants so I only wear skirts, which is also considered a bit odd where I live. But over the past years, I've come to accept that and have become so sure of myself and found such comfort in my style that I now just wear whatever I like, and it makes every day a little bit nicer.
Reading and writing for pleasure. Reading books outside of my studies and spending time researching topics that simply interest me is such a great way to calm your mind. Same for writing, I always like to say that to write is to think; putting your thoughts on paper in cohesive and well-crafted sentences that you can then reread and think over again is such a liberating thing to do.
Reaching out more. fuck the whole "double texting" and "no contact" thing. If you want to speak to someone because they mean something to you, then just do it. Unless they specifically asked for space, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be in touch with them. Many even really appreciate it when you show that you truly care. Let's stop the nonchalant act, and instead, let's face deep emotions and true vulnerability. <3
As always, please feel free to share your own little insights and things that helped you improve comments! <3
my insta: @ malusokay
love ya ・:*₊‧✩
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drdemonprince ¡ 2 months ago
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The conversations about accountability & apologies that we've been having in social justice circles these last few years have basically trained everybody to fawn.
We've been telling people that if they are accused of any wrongdoing or of hurting anybody's feelings, it is their obligation to apologize immediately, and never to hedge, disagree, or to explain their rationale what they've done.
In their apology, we expect them to articulate every single thing that they have done that was damaging in the strongest language possible and to declare outright that they have harmed someone, often multiple groups of people, even if they are not sure of the impact (or could not even possibly be sure).
If a person's apology is anything but immediate and entirely self-excoriating, we accuse the person of downplaying the damage they have done, failing to be accountable, and manipulating others.
In this way, we've made it impossible for a person to ever take their own side lest that be taken itself as a form of wrongdoing. We have trained our fellow social-justice-minded people to believe that if they do anything but worsen the case against themselves, they are being irresponsible.
I say we, in all of this, because I have partaken in all of this rhetoric, made these kinds of criticism, given accused people this type of advice.
And I have followed it myself, often to a damaging effect.
I have taken responsibility for problems in which I truly did not believe I played a part, I've overstated the damage that I've done so as not to risk understating it, I've ascribed malice to my intentions when I knew it wasn't there, I've agreed with people's most negative, bad-faith narratives about conflicts involving me that they were not even present for, offered up information about myself that was not a third party's business in the name of transparency, apologized for things I haven't done -- and in doing all of this, I have denied my loved ones the opportunity to really hear me about what I was going through and my motivations when I was in conflict with them, things that any true friend or close associate would obviously want to hear about if they cared about me.
This aim of giving the perfect apology and taking perfect accountability has been nothing but an isolating force in my life, because it has barred me from openly entering into necessary conflict with people when our needs were incompatible or they had hurt me just as much as I'd hurt them. The fear of being a manipulative, unaccountable DARVO-er has led me to roll onto my back and expose my belly, falling over myself with panicked apologies and the most unflattering information possible cast in the least explicable light, almost outright begging for others to become angrier at me and believing that it was only way I could ever possibly be accepted back.
We've drilled into people that the way to be good and responsible is to allow people to view us as negatively as possible, to even arm others with information that will confirm that point of view, and to never insert our own perspective or needs on the matter at all.
And yeah, there are a lot of shitty people out there who dodge accountability easily because their power ensconces them from any consequences. but the primary problem with that was never that they wrote a shitty notesapp apology that used the unforgivable phrase "I am sorry if you felt XYZ." The real problem was that there was no community that held enough influence to hold them to account, and for their victims there weren't ever adequate supports or protections.
instead of addressing any of that in a remotely systematic way, we have taken to picking apart every accused person's every word and deed for evidence of inner moral failure and created a culture in which we think we can determine a person's safety by how artfully they put words together when they are under threat. and what do you know, plenty of bad faith actors and conflict avoidant cowards and people who just dont understand what they are even being accused of can do that just fine.
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bunnysfairy ¡ 18 days ago
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your butch, who’s usually so strong, so composed, is tied to the bed, her arms straining against the restraints as she watches you: bratty and absolutely irresistible, sitting there, running your fingers over your clit with a teasing smirk.
“baby, untie me,” she growls, her voice low and rough, her eyes dark with frustration. “you know I’ll make you feel so good. just let me touch you.”
but you ignore her, moaning softly as you slip two fingers inside yourself, your other hand running over your chest. your head falls back, your breath hitching dramatically.
“fuck, you look so good,” she groans, her muscles flexing as she pulls at the restraints. “i swear, baby, just untie me, and i’ll fill you up so good, you’ll forget all about teasing me.”
you look down at her, a playful pout on your lips. “oh, but why would i do that when you look so cute begging?” you tilt your head, your voice dripping with fake innocence. “besides, i think i like this… having you all tied up, helpless. watching me while i touch myself.”
“you’re such a fucking brat” she growls, but there’s a desperation in her voice that makes you grin.
“yeah? and you’re so needy.” you climb onto her lap, positioning yourself over her strap but refusing to sink down. instead, you run your hands over your chest, playing with your breasts as you grind against her, just enough to drive her crazy.
“fuck, baby, please,” she begs now, her voice cracking. “let me move. let me hold you. let me fill you up. you know you need me.”
“hmm, maybe,” you tease, your tone soft and breathy as you finally, slowly, take her strap inside you. you’re gasping as you sink down, your hands flying to your chest, and her eyes widen as a guttural moan escapes her lips.
“that’s it, baby,” she groans, her hips twitching as much as they can beneath the restraints. “look at you. you’re so perfect, bunny. fuck, i need to touch you- untie me, please.”
but you don’t. instead, as you start bouncing on her strap, you let your hand drift back down to your clit, circling it softly, your breath hitching in broken gasps. your eyes flutter closed, and the way your body trembles under your own touch has her on the verge of tears.
“fuck, baby, please- ” her voice is hoarse now, her head falling back against the bed, eyes glistening. “i need to touch you. you’re so fucking beautiful, i can’t take it.”
you smirk down at her, your voice shaking as you tease, “you’re gonna cry, aren’t you?”
she growls, her voice breaking. “i’ll cry if it gets you to untie me. please, baby. let me make you cum. let me take care of you. i’ll do anything.”
you ride her harder now, moaning loudly as your fingers press against your clit, chasing your release. “no,” you gasp out, leaning forward slightly. “you stay there… you watch.”
her lips part, her breathing ragged as she struggles against the restraints, utterly wrecked beneath you.
“you’re gonna kill me, baby,” she chokes out, voice trembling as she watches you fall apart on her. “untie me so i can make you cum again. so i can make you feel everything.”
“maybe,” you whisper, leaning forward to kiss her, your lips barely brushing hers. “but only after you’ve begged enough.”
THIS POST IS ABOUT LESBIAN SEX ! MEN, MINOR DNI
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orangeblossomsintheair ¡ 30 days ago
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HONEY YOU’RE FAMILIAR | MV33
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summary : For a second, he thinks about turning around. Walking out. Pretending he never saw you, because what’s the point? It’s not like he can just waltz up to you and say, “Hey, sorry I ghosted you for no reason other than I’m emotionally constipated. Want to get a drink?”
wc : 5k
an : writing this to distract myself from my other wips? ..i would never.. 😦 also i wrote this at 12 am so let this not be a place of judgement :))
Max sometimes forgets how small Monaco is.
It’s easy to do when most of his memories of the place are a blur of fast cars and glittering parties. He spends most of his time racing through the streets during the Grand Prix or holed up in a hotel room overlooking the harbor.
When you’re constantly traveling the world, hopping between paddocks and podiums, the compactness of Monaco barely registers. It’s a speck on the map, a gilded bubble he never really bothers to think about until it’s right in his face.
But sometimes, like tonight, he’s reminded.
Monaco isn’t a city, not really.
It’s a playground. A handful of streets strung together like a necklace, choked with Lamborghinis, Rolls-Royces, and yachts so big they could be small countries. It’s a place where everyone knows everyone.
Or, at the very least, they know of everyone.
The millionaires gossip about the billionaires. The bartenders know who tips in cash and who never tips at all. Even the stray cats probably have dirt on the local royals.
It’s not just small in size. It’s tight.
Wealth wraps around this place like a noose, strangling it into exclusivity.
There are no dark corners to disappear into, no sprawling suburbs to lose yourself in.
Just a few restaurants, a few clubs, and a few streets where the same people circle each other like they’re on a carousel. If you’re here long enough, you’ll eventually run into everyone you’ve ever met.
Even the ones you’ve been trying to avoid.
Max doesn’t think about that when he walks into the bar.
He’s not in the mood for deep reflection or existential dread. He’s here because Daniel said he needed a drink, and when Daniel Ricciardo says you need a drink, you listen.
That’s how Max ends up at some overpriced lounge that smells like vodka and ambition, standing under soft, warm lighting that’s trying too hard to make the place feel classy instead of claustrophobic.
He’s nursing a beer, half-listening to Daniel tell some convoluted story about a failed date and a stolen Vespa, when he hears it.
A voice.
Your voice.
It’s the kind of thing that cuts through the noise without him even realizing why. It’s not loud or particularly distinct; it’s not like you’re screaming or making a scene. But it’s you. The way you talk, your cadence, the rise and fall of your words. It’s all so achingly familiar that it grabs him by the throat and yanks.
Max freezes. His drink doesn’t make it to his lips.
The years fall away in a blink, and suddenly, it’s like no time has passed.
He’s twenty-two again, still figuring out how to smile for cameras, while you’re draped over the back of his couch, talking absolute nonsense about whether or not the cars in Cars have insurance or not.
He doesn’t even realize he’s turned to look until he spots you.
You’re standing at the bar, laughing as you say something to the bartender. It’s loud, and Max can’t hear you properly, but he can feel you.
The way you lean casually on the counter, the tilt of your head, the way you wave your hand to punctuate whatever you’re saying. It’s so painfully, annoyingly you.
And God, you look good.
For a second, all he can do is stare. You haven’t seen him yet, thank God, because Max Verstappen does not know what the hell to do with himself right now.
You look different.
Not in a drastic way, just… grown.
Your edges are sharper, your presence more refined, like a photo that’s come into focus after years of being a little blurry. But the core of you is still the same. It’s in the way you throw your head back when you laugh, like the world isn’t slowly crumbling under the weight of climate change, billionaires, and whatever Kardashian family drama is brewing this week.
And suddenly, Max is thrown back years.
To a time when you were his person. The one he called when things went sideways, or when he won, or when he was just bored and needed someone to hear him rant about understeer.
You were his best friend.
No. The friend. The one. The only one who ever really got him. And then…Well, then he was an asshole.
He tries to tell himself that you two drifted apart.
People do that, right? It’s life. Except that’s a lie, and Max knows it. You didn’t drift; you held on like a freaking tow hook. You tried—texted him, called him, showed up to races, tried to remind him there was a world outside of 300 km/h and tire degradation.
Max doesn’t know what to do with this. With you. He’s not used to seeing ghosts in real life, and you might as well be one now.
Max debates his next move. He could just… not. Pretend he didn’t notice you. Slip out quietly, finish his drink somewhere else, and avoid whatever emotional grenade this is about to be. That would be the smart thing. The logical thing.
But Max has never been great at logic.
For a second, he thinks about turning around. Walking out. Pretending he never saw you, because what’s the point? It’s not like he can just waltz up to you and say, “Hey, sorry I ghosted you for no reason other than I’m emotionally constipated. Want to get a drink?”
But then you glance over your shoulder.
And your eyes lock.
He doesn’t have time to decide whether to stay or bolt
You see him.
And Max realizes he’s fucked.
For a split second, he thinks you might look away, maybe pretend you didn’t see him either.
He’s not sure if he’s hoping for that or dreading it. But then your face lights up, and the look you give him isn’t what he expects.
It’s warm. Familiar. Like you’re genuinely happy to see him.
His chest tightens. Max isn’t sure what he thought he’d see. Resentment, awkwardness, indifference, maybe.
But this? This disarms him completely.
You wave, and before he knows it, his feet are moving.
“Maxy,” you say as he approaches, your voice carrying that teasing lilt that could only ever be you. It knocks the breath out of him, so familiar and effortless it almost hurts. “Long time no see.”
Max freezes for the briefest of moments, the nickname hitting him like a slap and a hug all at once. Maxy. No one’s called him that in years. Not his family. Not his team. Not anyone.
No one except you.
“Yeah, uh, long time,” he manages, scratching the back of his neck in a gesture so awkwardly familiar it almost makes you laugh. He looks like he’s 17 again, shy and unsure.
Before either of you can say more, Daniel sidles up next to him, a beer in hand and an amused eyebrow raised as he glances between the two of you. “Know her?” Daniel asks, his voice dripping with curiosity.
“He does,” you reply smoothly before Max can fumble an answer. Your smirk is playful, but there’s no bite to it, just that same easy warmth Max hasn’t felt in what feels like forever. “I used to keep this one in line. Back when he was all awkward interviews and tragic haircuts.”
Daniel barks out a laugh, glancing at Max’s meticulously styled hair. “Tragic haircuts? Wait, this-” he gestures wildly at Max’s head, like it’s some architectural masterpiece “-is the improved version?”
You’re already laughing, and it’s the kind of laugh Max hasn’t heard in years.
He groans, dragging a hand over his face, though the corners of his mouth are betraying him with a faint smile. “Don’t encourage her,” he mutters to Daniel, but his tone is far too soft to have any weight.
It’s stupid how easy this feels. How natural. Max isn’t used to easy anymore.
Daniel, bless him, is soaking it all in.
“So?” he says, giving Max a teasing nudge. “Aren’t you going to introduce me, or do I have to guess?”
“I was getting there,” Max grumbles, shooting him a half-hearted glare before looking at you. For a moment, he falters. He doesn’t know what to call you. Acquaintance feels too cold. Stranger would be a lie. And friend? That feels like stepping too far into a past he’s not sure he’s ready to face.
“An old friend,” you offer, saving him effortlessly, like you always did. “And you must be the famous Daniel Ricciardo.”
Daniel grins, full of boyish charm. “Guilty as charged,” he says, tipping his beer in a mock toast. “And let me just say, I already like you. Great taste in insults.”
“Flattery will get you nowhere, Ricciardo,” you say, though your smirk says otherwise.
The three of you fall into an almost absurdly natural rhythm, as though you’ve all been doing this for years. Daniel’s effortless charisma bounces off your sharp wit, and Max finds himself smiling more in five minutes than he has in weeks.
Maybe months.
It’s like the weight on his shoulders has lifted, just for a moment, and he can breathe again.
You’re mid-story when he realizes he hasn’t felt this light in ages.
“So there I was,” you’re saying to Daniel, gesturing dramatically, “dragging Max out of his hotel room because he was refusing to face the world after a bad race.”
“I wasn’t refusing to face the world,” Max interjects, but there’s no real heat in his voice.
You give him a look that could level a building. “You were lying on the floor eating Haribo like it was your last meal,” you say, deadpan. “It was tragic. Genuinely tragic.”
Daniel’s cackling now, nearly spilling his beer. “Please tell me there are photos of this.”
“Sadly, no,” you reply with mock disappointment. “But the image is burned into my brain forever. It was that bad.”
Max groans, shaking his head, though the grin tugging at his lips is impossible to hide. “Why did I ever let you into my life?”
“Because no one else could handle you,” you fire back, and it’s so quick, so natural, it makes his chest ache.
Daniel takes a step back, still laughing. “You two are too much,” he says, pointing at the two of you like you’ve just performed a comedy sketch. “I’ll leave you to it. Don’t get too emotional without me, okay? I’m going to find another beer. Or maybe a Vespa to steal. Who knows?”
You watch him disappear into the crowd, still grinning. For a moment, the two of you are left standing there, and the noise of the party seems to fade just slightly.
“Daniel’s fun,” you say, breaking the silence.
“He is,” Max agrees.
When the music starts bumping up again, the two of you are faced with a whole other problem entirely.
“So, you’ve been busy!” you yell, leaning across the sticky bar top, your voice barely cutting through the bass thumping around you.
“What?” Max shouts back, leaning closer.
“I SAID, YOU’VE BEEN BUSY!”
“I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
“I KNOW! THAT’S WHY I’M SHOUTING!”
“WHAT?”
You throw your hands up in exasperation, but he just smirks, clearly enjoying this.
So you double down.
“DO YOU WANT ANOTHER DRINK?” you bellow, miming holding a glass.
“WHY ARE YOU YELLING ABOUT DRINKS?” he shouts back, baffled.
“BECAUSE IT’S TOO LOUD IN HERE!”
“WHAT?”
This back-and-forth nonsense goes on for an impressively ridiculous three minutes, the two of you getting progressively louder, until Max finally groans, shaking his head like he’s reached his limit.
He steps closer, leans in like he’s about to shout something else, then just presses a warm, steady hand to the small of your back. “Come on,” he says, not even bothering to raise his voice this time.
“What?” you yell, still committed to the bit.
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he starts gently steering you toward the stairs, and you stumble a little, caught off guard by the unexpected physical contact.
“Where are we going?” you shout, craning your neck to look at him as you climb.
“UPSTAIRS!”
“WHY?”
“BECAUSE I VALUE MY HEARING!” he fires back, glaring at you over his shoulder.
“OH, NOW YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR HEARING?” you tease, but he ignores you, his hand still firm and insistent on your back as he guides you upstairs.
The VIP section is quieter, tucked away from the pulsating bass and the sweaty chaos of the main club floor. Max had slipped a word to a bouncer—who nodded in a way that made you roll your eyes—and now you’re here, sinking into the plush leather of a semi-circular booth with a ridiculous view of the dance floor below.
The relative silence hits you like a warm blanket. You blink, adjusting to the sudden absence of aggressive EDM, and turn to Max, who looks much too smug for your liking.
“Smuggled into VIP like I’m some sort of black-market item,” you tease. “Careful, Verstappen. This is how egos start.”
“You’re welcome,” he says dryly.
“For what?” you shoot back. “The privilege of not getting tinnitus at 27?”
“Yes,” he replies smoothly, sliding into a nearby booth like he owns the place. “You’re lucky to know me.”
“Oh, absolutely,” you deadpan. “My life has improved immeasurably since you dragged me up here. I’ll write a thank-you card.”
“Make sure it’s handwritten,” he quips, signaling a waiter for drinks. “And don’t skimp on the stationery.”
“You’re ridiculous,” you say, rolling your eyes but you’re smiling, and he knows it.
He chuckles, leaning forward slightly. “Hey, if you’re going to criticize, at least admit this is better than shouting at each other over terrible music.”
You glance around the room, all dark wood and dim lighting, where a few scattered people are having hushed conversations or staring down at the dance floor with an air of superiority. “Alright,” you admit, “it’s not terrible. But the crowd up here…”
You nod toward a guy at the next table wearing sunglasses, inside, and sipping champagne like it’s water. “Is this your scene now? Bottle service bros and indoor eyewear enthusiasts?”
Max glances at the guy, smirking. “Not my scene. But I figured you deserved something better than sticky floors and overpriced tequila shots.”
You laugh. “Wow. I feel so special. Nothing says friendship like a quiet room and a drink I can’t pronounce.”
“Admit it,” he says, leaning back again. “You love it.”
“I love judging it,” you correct, grinning. “Big difference.”
Max watches you for a moment, shaking his head with an almost fond expression. “You haven’t changed at all.”
“And you’ve changed too much,” you shoot back, gesturing at his ridiculously put-together outfit. “Look at you, Verstappen. Fancy haircut, custom clothes, actual social skills. Who are you?”
“First of all, the haircut is functional,” he retorts, mock offended. “Aerodynamics.”
“Oh, of course. Wouldn’t want your hair slowing you down at 300 kph,” you say, pretending to be serious.
“It’s a real thing!” he insists, laughing now. “If you knew anything about racing-”
“If I knew anything about racing?” you interrupt, your voice rising in mock outrage. “Excuse me, I was there when you had to Google how to talk to the media without sounding like a robot. You think I don’t know the intricacies of racing, Maxy?”
“Don’t call me Maxy,” he groans, dragging a hand down his face.
“Oh, I’m definitely calling you Maxy,” you say, delighted. “I might even get a custom T-shirt. ‘Maxy’s Biggest Fan.’ I’ll wear it to a race.”
He narrows his eyes at you. “If you do that, I’ll steal your phone and delete every embarrassing photo you’ve ever taken of me.”
“Bold of you to assume I don’t have backups,” you say smugly, sipping your drink.
“Unbelievable,” he mutters, shaking his head, but there’s a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.
For a moment, the two of you fall into an easy silence, the noise of the club below fading into the background. You glance at Max, noting the relaxed set of his shoulders, the way he’s fiddling with the label on his beer bottle—a habit he’s had for as long as you can remember.
“So,” you say, breaking the quiet, “what’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve bought since you became all… you know.”
“All what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“You know,” you say, waving a hand vaguely. “World Champion. Multi-millionaire. Guy who smuggles old friends into VIP sections.”
He chuckles. “Ridiculous? I don’t know… probably the private jet.”
You stare at him, deadpan. “The private jet is the least ridiculous thing about you, Verstappen. Try again.”
“Fine,” he says, thinking for a moment. “I bought a sauna for my house. Didn’t use it for six months.”
You burst out laughing. “A sauna? For what? Post-race existential crises?”
He groans, rubbing his temples. “It was a bad idea, okay? I thought it would be relaxing.”
“Did it come with, like, a tiny man who throws water on the rocks for you?” you ask, grinning.
“No, but now I kind of want one,” he admits, laughing.
“God, you’re the worst,” you say, shaking your head, but your tone is full of affection.
“And you’re jealous,” he fires back.
“Of your unused sauna?” you say, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah, I’m absolutely consumed with envy.”
The two of you dissolve into laughter and the conversation continues.
Next thing you know it’s 3 am and you and Max are stumbling out of the club, too giggly for both of your sakes.
Daniel had hopped on to another place hours ago so it’s just you and him.
The cool night air hits you like a slap, but instead of sobering up, it just makes you giggle harder.
Max freezes mid-stumble, his head lolling back like he’s auditioning for Les Mis on the world’s worst stage. “Why’s the air so aggressive?” he slurs. “Feels like it’s… pushing me. Rude.”
“Why’s the ground so spinny?” you counter, stumbling sideways into him.
“'Cause you’re bad at walking,” he accuses, latching onto your arm like a barnacle while swaying dramatically.
“You’re bad at walking,” you fire back, immediately tripping over a shadow and nearly eating pavement.
“You can’t even walk straight!” Max protests, laughing as he catches you before you faceplant.
His arm slides around your waist, steadying you in the most unsteady way possible.
“You’re the one spinning,” you argue, slurring every other word. “Maaaybe you should ju- just stay still for once in your life.”
“Oh, because you’re the expert,” he fires back, wheezing as you nearly trip again. “Where- where are you even staying at?”
You squint at him, trying to focus. “Uh… good question.”
Max stops dead in his tracks, turning to look at you with a mix of disbelief and amusement. “What do you mean good question? How do you not know?”
“I don’t rememb- ber,” you admit, cackling as if it’s the funniest thing in the world.
Max groans, dragging a hand down his face. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re just- what? Homeless now?”
“Homeless for the night,” you correct, wagging a finger at him like that somehow makes it better.
Max laughs so hard he has to pause, doubling over slightly. “How- how do you forget where you’re staying?”
“’S not my fault!” you defend yourself, leaning heavily against him. “The hotel has, like… a name! A boring one! And too many floors!”
Max groans so loudly it echoes off the buildings. “Oh my God. You’re homeless now. You’re a wandering drunk with no home.”
“I'm trying a new lifestyle,” you say, grinning. “Like… nomadic, y’know? Spiritual.”
“Yeah, okay, Buddha, let’s find you a real place to sleep before you start befriending rats,” he mutters, dragging you down the street.
“I like rats,” you say cheerfully. “They’re just misunderstood.”
“You’re misunderstood,” Max shoots back. “Come on. You’re crashing at my hotel. I can’t leave you out here to, like, adopt a possum or something.”
“I don’t wanna!” you whine, digging your heels into the ground.
“Tough!” Max barks, throwing his arm around your shoulders to keep you moving. “You’ll thank me in the morning when you’re not spooning a garbage can.”
You groan dramatically, slumping into him. “Maxxyyy, I’m tired. Can’t I just sleep on a bench or something?”
“Nooo. No benches. Benches are gross. You’ll get, like… pigeons on you.”
“Pigeons are my friends,” you declare solemnly, as if this is a hill you’re prepared to die on.
Max shakes his head, clearly trying to stay serious but failing miserably. “Okay, Dr. Dolittle, you’re not sleeping outside.”
You groan again, dragging your feet even as he starts pulling you along.
“Stop whining,” he slurs, swaying as he tries to walk in a straight line. “It’ll be like- like a sleepover! Like when we were five.”
“Sleepovers at five were better,” you mutter. “Less… you.”
“Excuse me?” Max stops, glaring at you like you’ve mortally offended him. “I’m the best sleepover buddy. I let you steal my Haribo once.”
“You hid the Haribo under your pillow!” you counter, poking him in the chest.
“’Cause you’re a thief!” he says, grinning as he pulls you toward the street corner.
“Am not,” you huff, pouting.
“Are too,” he replies, but his tone is teasing as he hails a cab.
When the cab pulls up, it feels like the world is tilted just enough that the ground might collapse under your feet at any moment. You both tumble into the backseat in a fit of giggles, your laughter echoing off the darkened streets.
It’s the kind of laughter that’s born of a little bit too much alcohol and a whole lot of absurdity. You could’ve sworn you heard a streetlight flicker in disbelief at the sound of your shared joy.
Max flops dramatically against you as if the very act of sitting upright requires more effort than it’s worth.
His head lands squarely on your shoulder, and for a split second, you’re both tangled in the shared warmth of a really questionable decision.
He looks up at you, eyes half-lidded, and grins like a kid who just got away with stealing candy.
“You smell like tequila and poor decisions,” he mutters with a lazy drawl, his words slow but somehow still cutting through the haze of the night.
You’re already shaking your head before you even speak, the words spilling out one over the other. “You smell like someone who wore Axe in high school.”
Max’s eyes widen in mock outrage. “I did not!” He shoots up from your shoulder like you just insulted his very existence, but the motion sends him veering dangerously toward the cab door.
He catches himself at the last second, gripping the seat like it’s a lifeline.
By the time the cab pulls up to Max’s hotel, you're both deep into a discussion about whether Axe body spray could be classified as a biohazard in certain quantities.
It’s a ridiculous debate, fueled by far too much tequila and a complete disregard for logic, but it’s the most fun either of you have had in ages.
Max is practically in tears from laughing, his snort-laugh echoing off the walls of the cab as he tries to argue that Axe is, in fact, a perfectly fine product, just poorly misunderstood by society.
The cab screeches to a halt, and Max stumbles out first, holding the door open for you with the kind of exaggerated flair you’d expect from someone who probably practices his dramatic entrances in front of a mirror.
As he pays the driver, his wallet slips from his hands not once, but twice, and he’s already apologizing profusely, his face flushed from the alcohol and his own clumsiness.
Finally, he gets the wallet sorted, tucks it back in his pocket, and reaches down to drag you out of the cab like you’re a piece of luggage.
You’re both barely standing, teetering back and forth on your feet as if gravity itself is conspiring to make the night even more ridiculous.
“Welcome to my humble abode,” Max says, throwing his arm out grandly to gesture toward the hotel lobby like he’s unveiling the Louvre.
The marble floors, polished to a shine, the sleek, understated furniture… none of it compares to the visual assault that is the ugly carpet underfoot.
“Your palace has really ugly carpet,” you mutter, laughing as you trip over the offending fabric, your feet not quite able to keep up with your brain’s idea of where they should go.
Max snorts, his hand steadying you as you almost face-plant into a particularly gaudy potted plant. “You’re banned from the palace,” he retorts, giving you a playful shove.
You recover, and together, you stagger toward the elevator, which, for some reason, feels like an obstacle course in itself.
The elevator doors open with a dramatic ding, and Max promptly starts jabbing the wrong floor button in a series of random, very confident moves.
Each one is a miss, but he keeps at it, as if this were somehow part of the plan.
You lean against the wall, your body shaking with laughter as you struggle to breathe through the giggles.
“This is why they don’t let you operate machinery,” you manage to gasp, watching him fumble with the buttons in disbelief.
Max grumbles under his breath but finally, miraculously, hits the correct floor button. He turns to you with an exaggerated wink. “See? I told you. Genius.”
You raise an eyebrow, patting him on the head condescendingly. “Sure you are, buddy. A true mastermind.”
The elevator ride is a blur of jokes and half-baked insults as you both fight to keep your composure.
Max leans against the wall with a smug look, clearly reveling in his victory over the elevator button.
When the doors finally open, you both stumble out, holding on to each other uselessly.
At the door to his room, Max proceeds to fumble with his key card in a way that can only be described as tragically incompetent.
The key card slips from his fingers twice, and each time, he lets out a string of expletives in a garble of Dutch and English.
“Jesus. You okay there, Einstein?” you tease, leaning casually against the wall and watching him drop the card once more. You can’t help but laugh.
“Shut up,” he mutters, his voice already tinged with frustration. “Technology’s hard.”
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the door swings open, and Max stumbles inside with the grace of a rhino on roller skates.
He turns to face you with a theatrical sigh. “There. I did it. Happy now?”
You’re already halfway to the bed, your shoes flying off in opposite directions, one ending up by the dresser and the other getting lodged under a chair.
With a dramatic thud, you collapse onto the bed, your body sinking into the soft, luxurious comfort like it was the only thing holding you together.
“This bed is softer than my hopes and dreams,” you mumble, your voice muffled by the comforter as you stretch out like a starfish.
Max, predictably, flops down beside you with the subtlety of a sack of bricks, his arms and legs sprawling out in every direction.
“Move over,” he grumbles, his face smooshed into the pillow.
“Nope,” you reply, barely lifting a finger to indicate where his side is. “Your side’s over there,” you say, pointing vaguely toward the edge of the bed, but it’s clear from the way your eyes are barely staying open that you’re not in any shape to play the “bedroom politics” game.
“Too bad,” Max grunts, grabbing your pillow from beneath your head and smushing it over his face. “This is a dictatorship, and I’m the dictator.”
“Goodnight, Haribo hoarder,” you slur, your words trailing off into nothing as sleep drags you under.
The last thing you hear before you fully fade into unconsciousness is Max’s muffled laugh, and you can’t help but smile.
For a brief moment, it feels like nothing’s changed at all.
—-
Max’s eyes snap open, and for a second, everything is blurry.
He blinks a few times, the weight of his eyelids making it feel like he’s wading through molasses.
A dull ache sits in the back of his skull, a reminder of the questionable choices he made the night before.
He groans, dry, scratchy, the kind of noise that only belongs to mornings where you regret both your life decisions and your snack choices.
He’s still in his room. So far, so good.
Nothing seems out of the ordinary... except for that persistent feeling in the air that something is off.
Max stretches, or at least tries to. His arms flail in an uncoordinated spasm, which results in a series of awkward grunts and a pop from his back that sounds like a joint trying to jump ship.
For a second, he considers staying perfectly still, hoping his body will remember how to function like a normal human.
But then—
There’s something warm beside him. Something... alive.
Max freezes, eyes snapping wide open. His breath catches in his throat as he tries to process what’s happening. The warmth next to him isn’t the soft comfort of a pillow.
It’s... a person.
A person in his bed.
What the actual hell?
His brain goes into overdrive, trying to make sense of the situation. His mind races through a thousand thoughts in a second, each one more ridiculous than the last.
Did he... did he end up getting a stranger drunk last night? Did someone break into his room to cuddle with him?
Max’s eyes dart to his left, and it hits him like a freight train.
The person is you.
You, sprawled across the bed, fast asleep, your hair tousled and your face peaceful, completely unaware of his mounting panic.
For a moment, Max just stares, brain failing to catch up.
How did this happen? His head starts swimming. His mouth goes dry. His first thought is that he’s dreaming..except, no.
This is far too real. He’s not that lucky.
“I need to call Daniel..”
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