#so i wanted to finish this piece to vent
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#ive been in some emotional turmoil the past few weeks and its been hitting hard#so i wanted to finish this piece to vent#my art#a#illustration
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I keep flip-flopping between loving my current art style and wanting to go back to how I used to draw things and I haaaaate it
#ramblings#like i love how i did certain things in my older pieces#like the lineart and the softer shading#but also thinking back on the process and how long it used to take me to finish fully rendered pieces#it makes me wanna rip my hair out#i feel like i'm slowly losing patience for literally everything#and also. i'm so fucking tired like all the time. i want to draw but i'm exhausted from literally doing nothing#i have ideas but i feel burnt out just thinking abt Actually Drawing and i hate it#not to mention the other stuff going on in my life that's just. draining#god i wish i was normal#neg#this turned into a vent post without me meaning to so. yeah#anyway it's not that i don't like my current style bc i do#but sometimes. i feel like it's a bit of a downgrade in some aspects#like my art has regressed#but other times i'm so happy with it and love it so much i wouldn't change it at all#idk how to feel abt it and i kinda hate that#i'm so tired
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feverishly telling myself that everyone grows at their own pace while seeing yet another 13 year old with beautiful sistene chapel worthy art skills and looking back at the bland horribly drawn unappealing genuinely fucking worthless pieces of trash in my sketchbook and desperately trying to convince myself that I don’t want to quit drawing and that I do still like it and that bad art is still art (it’s not when I do it)
#actual sugar post#sorry I just. Genuinely sometimes I want to never draw again#I’ve been genuinely considering quitting making art because#I just can’t make anything that’s worth anything honestly#there are pieces that are technical achievements that get every fundamental right#there are pieces with unique styles that are genuinely interesting#there are pieces that have something to say#not only is my work technically bad but. It’s boring. I’m not creating anything beautiful or interesting or original#my work is boring and so am I. I don’t even have motivation to create anymore. I force myself to shit stuff out and take weeks to finish it#I’m gonna be an adult soon. I don’t deserve to draw if this is all I can make#I don’t even deserve to be alive. I contribute nothing to this world#I am a parasite#idk#vent#delete later
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my art teacher told me she wants to present one of my art pieces at a local museum …oh!
#i’m buzzing#wdym 😭😭#(it was a vent piece from the election actually but hey i mean im more than willing to finish it now!)#she told me she ‘really wanted one of my artworks to be presented’#i’m so happy 😭
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All my art feels dumb and cringe lately :(
#I don't know whats wrong#when I finish a piece I feel dumb for even bothering#EVEN THOUGH what I want to do every night is draw#I skip playing games and shit so i have more time to draw#I'm drawing things I want to draw...#but I feel lonely and alone maybe cause I don't draw anything anyone has any reaction to...#VENT#sorry for venting
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it's paste where he shouldn't be o'clock. sir you had to parkour to the top of the fridge and then across all my cabinets to get there. why.

#also just gonna use the tags to vent for a second but good GOD is this currnt bit of writers block incredibly poorly timed#I mean there's never really a good time to have writers block but I need to finish a piece for the fe3h femslash exchange by next week#and I'm only a few hundred words into it#and I dont wanna let this person down but I feel like nothing I've written for it has been very good so!!!! AHHHHH!!#and my dad's coming this weekend and my cats probabaly have fuckin fleas#I have to edit 2 podcast episodes this week each nearly 2 hours long#like this is not a good week to be me#and like I want to create!!! very badly!!! I feel like a tiger stalking its cage#and I cannot do everything I need to do right now. so instead I will walk to the kitchen and get some water#then I am going to sit down and complete one work task that is purely word vomit#then I am going to go to sleep and try again tomorrow#because that is what tomorrow is for
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what do u MEAN I have to practice drawing backgrounds….
#AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#I have NO creativity when it comes to backgrounds. the fuck do I draw!!!!#but I think that’s what’s upsetting me about my art currently#it’s not like. all put together#and backgrounds bring an entire piece together!!!#and I just need to practice anatomy some more tooooo ughhhhhhh. + change my style a bit#I’m working on an AF attack w/ multiple characters and 😓😓😓#I wanna finish ittttttttt. but I wanna be better at ART first and backgrounds. but alas#I want to start taking more time on my art too but I’m so impatient lol <\3#vent#kinda. idk I’m always venting about the same shit here#I need to YouTube. but I’m soooooooooo impatient again I’ll watch like five minutes and go ok I’m good I’ll figure this shit out myself#I need to like psych myself into relaxing n being chill n reminding myself I got time#😞😞😞😞😞😔😔😔😔😔😔😰😰😰😢😭😭😭😭😭#I’m being a big baby huuuwahhhhhhhhhhhh 😣😣😣😖#I have a piece I like with a decent background I’m gonna actually draw soon and not just have the sketch#and I’m gonna FORCE myself to take my TIME. and do DETAILS and shit. terrifying but I can do it#‘a decent background’ it’s just a square background but BUT. with like. uhhh patterns#and it all goes together and it’s nice so I like it!!!!#actual backgrounds tho……. oof!#N MY IMPATIENCE IS NOT TIKTOK BRAIN OR WHATEVER PPL R SAYING THESE DAYS. I GOT ADHD I CANT FOCUS ON SHIT WITHOUT HAVING 5 OTHER THINGS#HAPPENINF AT THE SAME TIME#but to learn I gotta like. do one thing???? the entire time? and that ONLY??? 😧
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I need to set something on fire desperately
#O_o#LET ME OUTTTTT#trying to find a reference for art and. hrrgh. AUGHHHHH. why was the plot LIKE THAT. WHY DID I DO THAT#Also I am so so sorry I’m trying to get back into art asap#and. AAAAAAH AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH#vent#???#edit#opened another message but. only read a split second before closing it#uh. uhhhhhh sure I’ll be open for requests I guess but I need to finish three things first#let’s call this the uhhhh nighttime breakdown I guess let me out let me out#:c#AUGH. AUGHHHHHHHHH I HATE CHRISTMAS#AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH#AAAAAAAH. AAH#UNRELATED SPEAKING OF#that freaking thing of is this my own interest I projected onto an oc or did I gain it because of the oc#I guess I like horses like uhhhh liam (desert fox). they’re cool.#every time I see a horse art piece I want to buy it for the bit (or is it a genuine interest?? who knows!!)#also I am so so so sorry to my new followers. Hello.#Back to regularly scheduled (joking about that) doc having a fit on the dash
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#ughhhhh i was gonna post my wip for todays prompt. but i wasnt feeling it to rush that wip#so i started writing another piece with a diff pairing and i love the first section i wrote#but i want to write sM UT AND THE SCENE I ORIGINALLY PLANNED WAS REALLY FUCKED UP NOW THAT I WROTE THIS CUTE SHIT#i dunno if i wanna just post that as one chapter and then continue it later#or if i want to continue it at all#so now im gonna really quickly try to draw something else in the 3 hours i have left lmao#fuck man ughhhh hdhsghsvsjsjdb#i really went all out on this new thing like mirroring a scene from something else i really love#just ugHhhhHHHHHH#i shouldve just worked on the original wip and dealt with the consequences of rushing the juicy part#delete later / /#vent#Cori.exe#Post.exe#if i cant finish a drawing before midnight im going to just late post the new bit i wrote#ill just warn ppl the next chapter/s are gonna be fucked up
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You ever just get one of those late night moments where you are having a panic attack cause you are so overwhelmed with all the work you need to get done
#THERES SO MUCH SHIT BEING DROPPED ON ME#I DONT HAVE ENOUGH MENTAL (LET ALONE PHYSICAL) ENERGY TO HANDLE ALL THIS#i have 2 pieces of work due tomorrow for college which i havent finished (then given another cus fuck me right)#AND THEN ON THURSDAY I HAVE ANOTHER PIECE OF WORK I HAVE TO HAND IN (its just a draft for a presentation i have to do but i havent done muc#on that piece of work yet)#plus my class after that which i am prob gonna get an assignment for soon (this one is ok cus i like my teacher plus its easy but still)#not to mention my regular classes which include running college restaurant so we have to do prep one day and then cook and serve the next#oh and dont get me started on how i am planning to start the process of going private for hrt soon thats a whole other#can of worms that i haven't even opened yet#UGHHHHH WHY IS THERE SO MUCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW#IM JUST A SLEEPY GIRL WHO WANTS TO PLAY GAMES WITH MY GIRLFRIEND WHY IS THE WORLD SO MEAN TO ME#vent#i just wanna crawl up. cry and disappear
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trying to do my homework. I've done five readings, a quiz, and answered half a question (about 326 words) for my lit class.
I need to do the other half, and then I have to do two basic readings for my noncredited class at a university I don't go to that was free.
my brain is actively resisting the second half of the one assignment.
but I also have to do discussion board things tomorrow, so I genuinely can't put it off because then I'm going to be distressed by having to do all that writing ya feel?
#venting because i'm so drained mentally and just want to curl into a ball but am so close to finishing the damn thing.#literature#college#struggle bus#(when i planned this out I didn't realize my one assignment was fucking layered so I didn't know I'd have to read to pieces and respond#to both pieces with a summary and personal reaction thats worth 100 point btw. so i misjudged some things)#and also I had a snow storm that made me lose power for an entire day so I got put doubly behind by that unfortuate circumstance
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i dont typically give a shit about how many likes my art gets but i kinda busted my ass to finish a big pinup piece in time for valentines day and it got 2 likes... i average a strong 9 to 10 what the heck man.
#alan yells#i dont really draw for others just for me but my god. 2?? 2 likes!??#i was hella proud of it too like 😭😭#its not that big of a deal im just a lil frustrated lol#and im not expecting that much bc like i said i average low anyways and only draw stuff to cater to myself but damn. 2 in total? crazy#i wont change my ways tho lmAO#i think whats bothering me is that i managed to finish it in 3 days whereas my last piece took a whole month and before that 3 months#so its like im getter better at rendering and finishing something more timely which im happy about#but the little acknowledgment is discouraging? idk idk#its fine i just wanted a quick throwaway vent
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Sigh. Will I ever finish anything?
#i've started writing five different pieces#but i always reach a block and my brain just shuts down#and i just had another idea#i am so frustrated#i want to finish and post SOMETHING#grrr#venting
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Not like there's anything to do about it now. Best to just move on and hope it doesn't happen again.
#um#cw gore#cw body horror#cw nudity#artistic nudity#i suppose#my art#my artwork#rambling in the tags#rambling starts here you can leave if u want#woe edgy vent art be upon ye#yeah this is just about a whole lotta everything#posting this here first instead of on twitter because im waiting for glaze to download sigh#i love finishing a piece then immediately slapping 12 filter layers onto it#chromatic aberration my love#um this might actually be my favourite piece ive made so far.#cant believe i drew myself nakey but hey artistic expression demands it#yeah thats me. youre probably wondering how i ended up in this situation
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【Go on and Love Me】


୨୧ — ꒰ male!reader | he/his prounouns | Sagau | Genshinimpact
୨୧ — ꒰ Streamer!Reader who gets sidetracked by people's donations/chats making the genshin characters feel jealous
Ft. Xiao, Wanderer, Kinich, Traveler
A/n: inspired by la2yn0va hsr fic

X I A O
(Name) happily smiled at another donation sent to him after recently completing a natlan quest
"Thanks for the 20 bits donation!"
He thanked the chat with a wide smile, the chat which was filled with people commenting every second flooding the entire screen making (Name) shift his focus to answer their questions about himself.
This cute interaction made (Name) feel warm and lovely in the inside, being able to interact with fans who admired him.
You know who wasn't happy? A dark headed male inside a screen wasn't that happy unlike (Name). Why were these people gifting you so low? Most of all why was (Name)'s attention not on him anymore?
He had to pull alot of strings to make his own crit rise up since (Name)'s luck on the Vermilion domain was absolutely dog shit.
(Name) — Hm? My favorite character in genshin?
Xiao — You called?
Xiao unintentionally blurted that out without any thoughts whatsoever, but when he did realize and saw (Name)'s confused face along with the chat going wild.
Without any choice Xiao did his idle animation to hide his face away from you, he used his mask so that Xiao won't face you for a while since he was in a very vulnerable state
(Name) — New mail? Sweet 300 primos!
(Chat) — Fr? I didn't get any new mail from hoyo yet.
(Name) — Well.. Free primos is free primos
If (Name)'s happy then he'll rest easy today. Hopefully no rumors circulate about what happened earlier.. Self aware fanfics are crazy these days.
W A N D E R E R
Wanderer stared at (Name) blankly, he was too busy thanking people with countless of donations to even realize they were still in a boss fight farming material's for upcoming characters.
Wanderer became (Name)'s fan ever since he saw him at that temporary event named 'Unreconciled Stars Event Quest The Crisis Deepens'.
Smug mf since he made (Name) hit hard pity for him. But was kind enough to give you his c1 after 140 wishes
(Chat) — Why don't you change your main (Streamer Name)?
An irk mark appears on Wanderer's face but wasn't that visible on screen.
Is this swine telling (Name) to replace him with someone else? Hard pass. He was already stolen from (Name)'s attention and now these nobody's are trying to persuade him into maining some other weak random than him.
Just so happen that (Name) spotted a chest nearby and happily went over to open it, Wanderer took this opportunity immediately
(Wanderer) — Unnecessary.
(Chat) — Is it just me or is his voice rougher than usual?
Damn right it's rougher since he just wanted to vent his anger out on any enemies on sight
The chat won't know but what he had said was directly targeted at them, if only he could say every insult known to man right now
So (Name), keep your eyes on him only and no one else, then maybe he'll make his attacks stronger if you comply
(Name) — Well to answer your question earlier chat, no I don't think I'll be changing my main anytime soon. Wanderer's pretty fun to play with.
After (Name) finished talking he took a closer look at Wanderer's face, but his eyes swore Wanderer had a tad bit of pink on his cheeks
His eyes must've been starting to break with the amount of streaming his doing
T R A V E L E R
(Name) had just began to prep for his stream of the week and now he was currently adjusting the Traveler's artifacts to try out a new build
You know what's crazy though? His builds are pretty shitty.
He has the absolute worst luck in artifacts plus in leveling up pieces, most of which usually goes to defense or HP%
But he still hits about 800k regularly with the Traveler! How could he do such thing with only 44.6% Crit rate!?
(Chat) — 1 MILLION?? (Name) are you doing hacks?
(Name) — What? No! Guess my Traveler's just really op
The Traveler is a smug motherfucker
Of course the Traveler wouldn't hit such high numbers without using a...slight adjustment to the system
Sure their pieces are pretty bad but they'll accept anything (Name) had given them! How could they just shake off his hard work on griding for their ascension and talents?
Whenever the Traveler sees (Name)'s shocked expression during the massive crit's appearing on his screen they are damn right happy and overjoyed they managed to satisfy their grace!
(Chat) — Your builds are bad af tho lolol
(Chat) — Why main the Traveler? They're a pretty bad character to main, you should go for Nuevillete or Alhaitham.
The Traveler's good mood immediately faded into dust once he saw the chats text
Are those no lifers saying that they're not fit to be (Name)'s vessel? They're the most perfect one!
What could Nuevillete or whatever character have that they don't? Could they switch elements? Don't think so
If they wanted bigger numbers, the Traveler will show them big numbers all right, if you want them to hit 10 million they're gonna make it happen with just one click
(Name) — Thanks for the suggestion chat but I'm going to stick with the Traveler, I'm already wayyy too attached
The Traveler's mood once again took a 360 and smiled softly at what (Name) said to them, their stomachs fluttering with delight
(Name) is attached to them? No other compliment or praise could ever reach what the Traveler was feeling at the very moment
Their grace! Oh their grace... If only they could just grab onto you and drag you here where you rightfully belong
K I N I C H
Kinich is an upcoming playable character but many in the genshin community have fallen head over heels for him
Yet he couldn't careless about them, after all just being near (Name)'s presence even though it's just by the Traveler's vessel already makes him nice and comfortable
(Name) — Day 10 of saving up for Kinich let's goo
(Chat) — Woah already 200 wishes? You're quick man
(Name) — Can't help it lmao, Kinich seems fun to play and he's really pretty!
(Chat) — He seem's boring though
(Chat) — Dude the dialouge is slightly glitching wtf
The dialouge's glitching is caused by Kinich's embarrassment and rage, he was previously just about to talk till he heard (Name) sing praises about him! How could he not accidentally stutter and mess up the dialouge!?
But on the other hand, the hell did that person meant by he was boring? He wasn't even released yet! This caused Kinich to panic mentally if whether or not you'll change your mind about pulling for him
He stared at you from the screen, clenching his fists tighter by the second. Just a small bit more... Just one more step and he'll be released, then he could really be by your side now.
(Name) — Aw man, hold on chat I gotta pause the stream to fix this glitching
(Name) eventually had to exit the game to try and see what the problem was with his device or if it was overheating again
Meanwhile Kinich was still standing there re-adjusting his thoughts about what just happened. His feelings were all a mixed bag at this point, he sighed rubbing his temples slowly
Ajaw eventually came to his side while looking at him weirdly like he had done something wrong
(Ajaw) — Wow.. Just wow
(Kinich) — Shut up...
To rightfully apologized the system eventually sent 10 wishes in (Name)'s game mail which he was confused at first but eh, more wishes for c6 knich!
Once he becomes playable Kinich would definitely spoil (Name) with high numbers and crit's. He would just have to deal with Ajaw's yapping in the meantime..
So don't get distracted over what those 'Chat' people say about him!

A/n: likes and reblogs are appreciated! Have a nice day(ノ´ヮ´)ノ*: ・���
#genshin#genshin impact#genshin fanfic#genshin impact x reader#reader insert#x reader#genshin x male reader#genshin au#genshin impact sagau#genshin sagau#sagau#genshin x reader#x male reader#kinich#Xiao#Traveler#wanderer#yandere genshin impact#genshin cult au#self aware#genshin self aware au#male reader insert#male reader#xiao x reader#aether x reader#lumine x reader#kinich x reader#wanderer x reader#genshin impact x you#self aware genshin
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I haven't seen anyone else talk about it, so I wanted to share that Logan's rant monologue insulting Wade in the Honda Odyssey, before Wade decides to beat him up and they ~fight~ all night... that so clearly to me, was Logan projecting. It started as a tempered rant to cope with how annoyed and pent up he was, with the heat of everything and with Wade's muchness that makes him, him, but the longer he went on, the more he started ranting and exposing himself in the process.
"THE XMEN REJECTED YOU, AND THEY'LL TAKE FUCKING ANYONE!!!" That was my first hit, that he was referring to himself. He sees himself so lowly, so failed, that's canonical to the film. And canonically, he didn't even quite originally feel worthy or want to be with the XMEN. Didn't feel like there was a place for him there, a place for him anywhere. One of his biggest healings was Professor X not giving up on helping him believe that he deserved to be there, was wanted, was worthy, was a good guy. That's canon to his character. So we know he was speaking about himself. He was chewing Wade out, but he was also talking and focusing moreso on what upset him about himself. (He sees himself as just any jo shmo, when he IS literally THE X MAN ㅠㅠ)
He was seeing himself in Wade, how he "can't even save a relationship with a gd stripper", (he sees himself as not able to save anything either, and he's angry for that more than anything else he's angry or annoyed at) projecting SO HARD as he pieced together saying it out loud, that Wade was exactly like him. Logan hated himself for not saving anything. For being a "loser", a "failure", for all of the same reasons he was lashing out at Wade for. He was so angry and annoyed by Wade reminding him of himself, because he related to him. Wade was his reflection, in his eyes, calling him out so loudly with his own behaviors. And he hated himself. He deeply was suffering with that hatred for himself, and as a result, he lashed out on Wade when really he was chewing out himself, inside, admitting it.
"God's CRUELEST JOKE, IS THAT YOU *WONT* DIE ALONE. BECAUSE YOU! CANT! DIE! SO THE REST OF US HAVE TO SUFFER YOU THE REST OF OUR EXISTENCE!" (something along that.)


He didn't know for sure that Wade can't die. He picked up on that Wade can't be killed. Logan is the one who can't die. They are two flipped sides of the same immortal power coin. When he finished his screaming at him, and everyone was silent at how cruel and shocking the confrontation and his words were, I was sinking with a very empathetically whispered "oh, Logan..." Because I felt his misery. I immediately picked up on him really talking about himself, and I think that was genius and layered. I was upset for how awful that was to say to Wade, heartbroken for Wade taking that to heart, and I was heartbroken that Logan was saying that because he believes that about himself. Because they are, oddly, a lot alike. Very compatible.
This scene here:
I read that Hugh said that Ryan wrote that. He's brilliant with these films. It was so genius. I really needed to share this and bring this thought, meta, analysis to light. For all of us to have.
Is Logan mad at God's "cruel joke" of his immortality, yet ability to feel so much pain through it still? Yes. He punched the roof in rage, because it's not fair. Venting his own pain. He sees his powers, his own and Wade's too, empathetically, as their curse. The curse of being the one who lives, and the guilt with that. The one who can't die. The one who lives, who is forced to live, while everyone who "deserves to live" dies. And WILL die, around them.
"And You can't die. That's on all of US!" Logan says, clearly referring to himself living forever... And "us" being the people HE loved. He saw himself as a burden for existing with them, for them. He deflected that onto Wade, as if the people in Wade's life must feel that way too, but didn't really mean that. He meant it about himself. Logan believes he was a burden on the people he loves, the people he lost. That's probably why he left too, and didn't come back when they called out for him to. He distanced himself to protect them, and protect himself from that fear of rejection that he feels is so imminent, and them not having him, is the one element that led to none of them surviving without him. He was always the key. He was always wanted, and he was always important and needed. He just couldn't ever believe that.
Man, that's why it became so personal for Logan too, when he was shown Wade's photograph of his family. Because HE had a family, and he would do anything now to save them. Just like Wade. He held that photograph all night, he went and got it when it fell out of the car, he kept looking at it. It became personal for him, when he identified with it. That Honda scene really was their turning point of everything. That's when Logan cared with everything. He got it. Wade is the him he couldn't be. But now he can.
I dropped some heat with this one.
Extra little personal context/thought notes: Maybe I just spotted it because I have a natural knack for psychology, I'm hyperobservant, highly empathetic and deeply feeling, and I'm also years experienced of my parents and whole family treating me the same exact toxic lashout way almost every other day. That's a workweek for me to see through toxic lashout anger BS. These are not my gifs!!! They were created by another amazing account. I will refind their @ and tag them!! >>> It's @landoslastnerve ! Thank you friend! 🤍
Also wanted to include someone's tags from those gifs:

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#fictionalmenmistress#original#wolverine#deadpool#deadpool & wolverine#deadpool and wolverine#deadclaws#poolverine#wolverpool#logan#logan howlett#logan james howlett#james howlett#james logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool 3#xmen#x men#xmen wolverine#the wolverine#the honda hatefuck#the honda odyssey#honda odyssey#honda odessy#logan x wade#wade x logan#my reviews#deadpool meta#deadpool 2#deadverine
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