#so i want to do some research into that but it i have to pay for it uhHHH thats a no
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cadet-songbird · 2 days ago
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--- I ramble below, then I have TF-related stuff below that
THIS IS SO COOOOL
Yall don't possibly understand how much I love medical science. The human body is breathtakingly complex and it's crazy to me that I'll one day get to practice medicine myself. Like... This is crazy. EEEE Holy cow this is sooo interesting. I once checked out a book from the library about this and did some minimal research, but THIS is more interesting than what I read. ALSO THIS PUBMED ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED IN 2005!! IMAGINE WHAT WE CAN DO NOW.
(I feel like I should make a sub-blog that's my commentary on scientific studies lol)
Well, I guess I'm getting nothing done tonight in favor of this new rabbit hole. I'd like to apologize to my assignments, 3 projects I'm working on, my professional development courses, and the numerous unread books on my desk.
Welp, I'm already pulling a GPA of 3.8 so I guess I've got nothing else to lose. /J
--- done rambling. Onto what I wanted to add that is transformers related.
The heart has approximately 40,000 neurons and has the ability to process, learn and remember. It has its own emotions and in the field of neuro-cardiology, researchers are learning more about the “intuitive” nature of the heart and how we can apply this information to the relationships we have with ourselves and with others all around us.
Seeing as Transformers are *very* similar to humans in terms of bodily functions and physical anatomy (ignoring the fact that we are organic and they are not) we can assume that the spark *also* functions this way. This is so cool because it backs up the fact WITH REAL SCIENCE that it's not unrealistic for a transformer's "soul" to be their spark, and hence, able to be switched from one body to another. The process is probably more seamless as digital data is presumably easier to transfer than biological data. (Also this is a great place that heart transplant recipients can sometimes undergo personality changes, Deja Vu, and strange dreams after transplants)
Adding onto this, there is a whole field of "electrodiagnosis" that I haven't previously heard about. From Wikipedia,
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So yeah. We use electricity alot. BUT I want you to pay attention to the 'magnetogastrography', 'magnetoencephalography,' magnetocardiography. Because we can do this on humans with our "EM fields", it's PERFECTLY possible for transformers to be able to do this with THEIR EM fields. Maybe part of medic training is learning to read EM fields of not only a whole cybertronian, but also specific parts and detecting small abnormalities that an untrained person might not recognize or notice.
From Wikipedia-
The MFI system can detect the onset of arrhythmic and ischemic diseases in a very early stage with high accuracy for both acute and asymptomatic patients.
-Early detection of arrhythmia, ischemia, angina pectoris, cardiac microvascular diseases -Direct diagnosis of heart function after myocardial infarction (MI) and surgery of heart transplantation -Ongoing monitoring of patients with heart surgical intervention: patients with a stent or who underwent a balloon dilatation, post-bypass patients, post heart transplantation patients
Human doctors palpate areas in examinations to check for any DCAPBTLS, but what if medics did the same, looking for DCAPBTLS, but ALSO EM field abnormalities. Maybe they have SQUID units in their palms/servos that are extra sensitive and able to read those small differences in the EM field.
Because transformers aren't soft and squishy like humans are, this seems like a great alternative to being able to push on or squish areas of interest. This is such a cool concept that I might explore more in the future.
This concept can also further help us understand the relationship between sparks and processors where Canon media has seemed to brush details under the rug in hopes that people like me won't investigate further and cross-examine their artistic liberty.
Fun fact: The human heart produces electrical energy and generates a magnetic field around the body of ~3 feet/.9 meters. This field is also affected by our thoughts and emotions.
"We have found there is a direct relationship between the heart-rhythm patterns and the spectral information encoded in the frequency spectra of the magnetic field radiated by the heart. Thus, information about a person’s emotional state is encoded in the heart’s magnetic field and is communicated throughout the body and into the external environment."
Sources:
https://www.heartmath.org/research/science-of-the-heart/energetic-communication/
https://www.drbrookestuart.com/on-the-toroidal-field/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15823696/
https://www.heartmath.org/research/research-library/energetics/energetic-heart-bioelectromagnetic-communication-within-and-between-people/
I just thought this information would be really cool for your au <3
SO HUMANS DO HAVE EM FIELD BUT THEIR EM FIELD IS.LIKE. IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGE. OH THIS IS INTERESTING.
Imagine if Prowl can’t feel Jazz’s em field at first but then (maybe after the ivents of Jazz piloting him) he calibrates his sensors and YEP there it is.
All while Jazz is completely fucking unaware that EM field is something he have and also something that.Displays his emotions. And can be detected and analysed by Prowl. OH THIS IS SUCH AN INTERESTING THOUGHT.
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carcarrot · 26 days ago
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having another one of my job-related crises
#where are the jobs for blokes that do fuck all. where are they!!!!!!!#i am quite literally looking for jobs where you do nothing. you do not understand how much i dont want to do anything#granted my current job has a certain amount of doing nothing in that i have the time to look for jobs where i do nothing#but i want to do even more nothing. do you understand#if i lived on my own i probably would consider some weird night shift job#but its probably better i have the routine i have living during the day like a normal person#despite the drawbacks of my cursed routine#where are those jobs i see people making tiktoks about where you do fuck all in the office and send like one email a day. id kill for that#my dream is to be paid for like. mostly sitting somewhere where i can work on my needlepoint#id even do mindless data entry. PLEASE pay me for mindless data entry i love repetitive tasks. if you let me listen to music im unstoppable#ive come across a couple data entry jobs but i think they always require a college degree#and its like oops sorry i never had the time or money for that! still dont! however i can promise you my autism is qualification enough#my dad talks about the market research jobs he used to have and how for like the entry level jobs there#there was clearly so much goof off time they were playing early computer games and shit#but there were like so much more data entry jobs that i guess are obsolete now bc of technology#and its like yes technology good but theyve destroyed an important job category: jobs where you do fuck all#whenever i have one of these crises i also check out gigs n jobs on craigslist and unfortunately everything there seems so sketchy#like every 'personal assistant' job sounds either super pervy or like im going to get serial killed#i should get paid a million dollars a year for doing nothing at all i think#anyway once again my only option is my successful director dreams. would be great if theyd actually happen#<- guy that doesnt spend enough time actually working on creative works in progress#well anyway. such is my mental state today thank you for your time
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guinevereslancelot · 3 months ago
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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knifekris · 3 months ago
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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faaun · 4 months ago
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ok let's catch up quickly
#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth#(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian#like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told#him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive#fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research#(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux#to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him#my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept#insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them#and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating#apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they#keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading#this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY#JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT#NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn#this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore#i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt#himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure#even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin#right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love#her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her#its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking#kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD#i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society#feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO#WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best#its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good#one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much
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encrucijada · 1 year ago
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edge of the blade by journey absolutely Serving as inspiration for adam's sound holy shit
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stellewriites · 6 months ago
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need to find somewhere illegal to watch the boys newest season once it’s all out
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jorvikzelda · 1 year ago
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This may be a good and normal thing but I have absolutely zero regrets about having purchased the laptop last night. Like all day yesterday and even as I was buying I was going oh god should I should I not but now I’m not even having second thoughts about the huge display lmao
#SO FUCKING GLAD that I actually did some extra research rather than just going meh the one I looked at before is probably better#I think it was a SIGN that I got paid a little early for the month’s work and then like the day after the laptop I bought went on sale#(Didn’t actually pay immediately so I didn’t USE any of that money but that is besides the point)#Only with the reservation of man… it’s big… and heavy… and REALLY huge and that’s bad…#I HAD deep down been going ‘man if only there was a bigger laptop with the same specs as the one I wanna buy’#And then!!! This baby pops up!! With a big display and BETTER specs!!!!!!!!#Cannot begin to express my excitement at playing Real People Games like that hasn’t even been a POSSIBILITY#Stray is at the top of my list right next to ranch of rivershine#And also probably Elden Ring that shit looks NEAT#(Also yes there is a catch and a reason this one is cheaper even though it’s better! The one I was planning on getting had an OLED display#This one’s just a normal good old LCD display. But in all honesty that is ABSOLUTELY a sacrifice I’m willing to make lol)#z talks#not horse game#Also the fact it’s not currently in stock so I’ll be waiting almost 3 weeks for it also very much feels like a good thing#Like. I have a Date on which I can expect to Receive It. And that means I have a very set time frame for the stuff I want to do to prepare#(mainly organise my cloud storage to make sure everything’s where it should be)#(but that’s a bigger problem than it might sound like because I have a LOT of files)
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stinkrascal · 2 years ago
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Plz tell me how you got diagnosed with autism? I defiantly have symptoms but don’t want to assume ):
i could sit here and tell you to drop thousands of dollars on a formal assessment or hundreds of dollars each on therapy sessions, but i will tell you a secret instead. u are not harming anyone at all by assuming you have autism without having a formal diagnosis. i promise it isnt as big of a deal as you think it is and anyone who tells you otherwise is uneducated
#jade answers#anonymous#self dx is not harmful in the way people pretend it is#especially when receiving a formal diagnosis can go upwards of thousands of dollars#it's classist to suggest that you're only allowed to relate to symptoms if you pay someone to confirm your suspicions#also people who arent formally diagnosed cant 'steal resources' from those who are formally diagnosed like some suggest#and also also even if people are 'stealing resources' (they arent) thats not how resources work#resources don't disappear because they're being used that's the opposite of how resources function#it's like basic supply and demand you know. and also monetary resources aren't typically given without professional diagnosis anyways#so in that regard self dx individuals can't steal those resources at all. so there's no argument there#also self dx is a great tool in your pathway to actually receiving a diagnosis if that's something you plan to do#or something you can afford to do#relating to symptoms. researching symptoms. then bringing up these symptoms to your doctor. that's all part of the journey#i think people have this weird idea that when u see a doctor they're the ones who have to organically recognize the symptoms within you#but that isn't true. you are allowed to recognize those symptoms within yourself first and bring that up#basically self dx is not a huge deal at all and the people who pretend like it is are generally just uneducated and kinda classist#or honestly just insecure. they're like the people who took out loans for college who don't want college to be free for others#because they're like Well i had to pay for college! so why can't everyone else pay for college?#and i'm not trying to say that to sound rude either. i used to be avidly anti-self dx and it was rooted in my own insecurities#about the legitimacy of my own mental illnesses which i had to fight tooth and nail to receive official confirmation#so yeah. just don't worry about it so much anon i promise it is not as important as people online make it out to be
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egoborderline · 2 years ago
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I don't know how much longer I can work at a Christian university before I lose my fucking mind completely I have got to get the FUCK out of here bro
#The academic culture here is atrocious and the way they want me to teach is so not my style#ENG comp one classes with 100 kids should be illegal#I get graders and assistants but it's still hard to give good feedback and help any of them on a personal level#Also my classroom style is not lecture heavy but I've had to adapt bc of the class size#Some students and staff are sweet and not hateful zealots but others are evangelicals with 0 brain cells#Like. I shouldn't have to tell a student that yes they can use the Bible as a source if it's relevant but it cannot be their only source#You need. Peer reviewed research.#The approach I usually take is 'hey so it's called faith because you don't need proof to be devoted to God. But in this paper I need you#To rely on what you can see and provide evidence for' and that usually works but I am so tired. Of even having to address it#I've been applying for jobs at local community colleges but I keep getting turned down#Maybe it's because I don't have enough professional development in my resume I don't fucking know#I just think I will snap someday if I keep working here#I've already located the like. Three gay people in the department and made friends thank God#Keeps me sane#But fuck bro#I'm so depressed#I don't feel like I'm doing good by the students#I don't feel like I'm intellectually stimulated. Or using my talents#I don't feel good about this job#And they pay like garbage#Some of the students are sweet and want to learn and clearly get something out of my class but many do not.#Woof
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goatmilksoda · 1 year ago
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Theres only so much chillhop and homemade fun drinks can do until you start feeling The Weight™️ around you.
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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Also me loosely researching the classical music industry in japan and finding some westerner getting ripped to SHREDS in some reddit post. I was legit reading this comment aloud to my coworker bc I was aghast at how brutal they were being (but also kinda amused bc they were. Kind of right.)
#speculation nation#i say loosely researching bc im not going for 100% realism in my self indulgent band au fanfic#but i still wanna have an idea of what the real life music industry looks like#the original asker was someone who was like 'i wanna combine my dreams of being a professional musician & living in japan. any tips?'#tho like much longer than that. talking about the plan they were thinking of and all that shit#there were ppl who were like 'literally Why Japan'(bc of anime probably)#& then the brutal reply from someone living in japan that tore INTO it#one of the biggest things being that Most people in professional orchestras in japan are japanese. for several reasons#like paying for visas not being smth the orchestras would wanna do. just easier to keep with ppl from japan#this response detailing how they could Possibly go about this if they were legit serious#but then being like 'but thats not why you want to do this is it?' & calling out the weird glorification of japanese culture#and i was just like Dammnnnnnnn#me and the employee both being old anime fans who are learning japanese for the enjoyment of it#but neither of us having any illusions about japan being the end all be all & thus wanting to Move There#id love to visit someday but i dont want to Move There. it's apparently pretty hostile towards foreigners overall anyways#but yeah i almost felt bad for this person. but Also. this response gave me some very useful info for my research#like yes sorry OP that u just got murdered. but this person just supplied the info i was looking for so Hell yes
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princessmyriad · 2 months ago
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.
#personal#does anyone else feel like its a little bit#6 years without uploading they come back with some ads#cant make unsponsored vids its bout getting that bag#is this just me? i support making bank however one can in this world but it does feel like#like its just a lot yknow? like the frequency of any genuine video made for passion instead of money#they just seem few and far between. im sure theres a dragon contract or something but im so fucking sick of hearing about flamesusan tbh#hm whatever consider this my overstimulated need to have a pissed off rant about something today but it feels weird#the channel feels weird 😕 i still very much admire and respect the boys and i support them supporting their lifestyle#idk how to explain it just feels like theres a looot of ads and very little genuine enjoyment from creating lately like the last#idk 7 or 8 months ive noticed it but maybe its always been like this. or maybe its been like this since the revival idfk im so tired dudes#im so fucking sick to death of living in an internet world and not being able to go even 10 minutes without an ad#or a double ad or an ad right before a sponsor segment or just fucking. its just fucking EVRYWHERE I WANT TO BURN EARTH DOWN AND START AGAIN#nuke it the second anyone invents ads again and keep restarting until we eliminate themmmmmm FUCK#like i just want the comfort content of their voices and personalities but its continuously interrupted#and their personalities dont seem to hold the same level of compassion or passion these days#and surely these things must be related. like the internet will miss yall if you left but its okay to stop youtube. its okay to find#literally any other job if being payed to pretend to care about a pixel dragon and finding any uncreative excuse to make a video#just for the sole purpose of going around your advertisement (so you can claim youre making content and give them a reason to keep sponsorin#if that aint it for you chief then do literally anything else with your time. find employment elsewhere#i know a lot of the tubers and esp the ones that have been doing it for so long think they mighnt be able to get or do any other job#but i promise this just isnt true!#make from the heart again! now that youre not being straight you should have the most freedom to create from the heart!#but theyre not! it feels more repressed and in the closet than the actual time they were in the closet! (or though they were we been knew)#but it feels! so uncomfortable! so unnatural! the videos theyve been making lately feel like theyre aliens hiding in skinsuits#desperately trying to make video advertisements about products their top researchers have assured them that humans like!#but they cant make a whole video of just ad because humans dont like that so put some other crap in there. just enough#to make the stupid humans THINK theyre not just watching an ad. content? no doesnt matter just do some garbage for a few mins#humans are idiots theyll watch anything just try not to look so uncomfortable in your human suits so it seems natural#but it doesnt feel natural. it feels gross and fake and bad. and worse because they are. or rather were. comfort content for me
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months ago
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roommate's partially blind(?) female turtle keeps doing this today to elevate her basking game
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#it's possible it's a mating thing but they're both very young and again she's female so. less likely to me than#that she was like 'oh sweet more rock im gonna be so tall' but im also not a turtle expert#note: this turns into a rant about these turtles' conditions like 4 tags in#ive never seen her do this before#also don't blame me for the tub setup roomie straight up Does Not Know what she's doing at all#im trying to nudge her into like. proper care and stuff right. and trying to make sure they don't die#and with some things it's more an issue of being able to get the proper supplies rather than not knowing#but i told her to get a bulb that. yk. actually gives off heat (again) and gave her an approximate wattage yesterday#and i found out today that she was planning on getting a regular light bulb witt that wattage#i had to explain to her that heat bulbs exist and you shouldn't like. pick a bulb not designed for heating To Heat just bc it has the same#wattage. head in my hands i want to keep this lighthearted but it's kind of extremely distressing to me tbqh#did she not research at all before getting them?? she's had them for at least a year how has she not wondered why her turtle's eyes don't#open??? etc???? and she just lets them chill in an open tupperware and though she chastises rascal for swatting at them#she's gone like 18 hours of the day so it's not like she's there to stop him#guhh my point is if she had these time/financial restraints beforehand it was really irresponsible to get all these pets#and then not fucking take care of them!!! if you can't get them incredibly basic necessities then hold off on taking on the responsibility#of another creature's life!!!!!!! thank you!!!!!!!!!!!#ugh i know firsthand how depression can fuck with pet care in some ugly ways but she Keeps getting pets#this was a three time mistake not a one time mistake and she seems so unbotherwd#and she's fine with dealing with the problems she just Does Not Notice Them because (afaict) she's just not paying attention or wondering#but i don't know?!!! i don't know. very conflicted feelings about my roommate to be honest#i was terrified to learn that she would be my roommate and im very Not Cool with the animal neglect thing#nor the fact that she's apparently cheating on her bf (she blames him ofc) but idek what to do or say about that#but she's also very friendly? it's a really weird dynamic. we're on good terms but i wouldn't call her a good person#arghhhh whatever. whatever. i have since moved top turtle (😐) off since i dunno if she could get down on her own#+ i dont want bottom turtle (😐😐) to shake her off. shell or not im not risking it
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fingertipsmp3 · 5 months ago
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I did have a productive day tbh. I did all my work shit, I made two appointments and I went for a run for the first time in 5 days :)
#i was on the phone to my friend complaining throughout most of the work shit#she was bored at work (she is a cashier at a failing bike shop) and i was also bored at work (proofreading)#i did find out there was some kind of swat team situation in my town though and 3 people got arrested which is crazy#you don’t hear of this type of stuff happening here. they had 5 ambulances. i didn’t even know we HAD five ambulances available. like at all#anyway so the appointments are dentist because i FINALLY got a permanent filling last week but it SUCKS#i mean he covered the area that needs to be covered but there’s a sharp bit and it doesn’t feel secure and the bite is really bad#like the temporary felt better. if he could’ve just.. repeated the temporary but with permanent materials. i’d be fine!#but he decided to freestyle and i really must ask why#i wouldn’t mind but this isn’t an nhs dentist and it’s going to take me a week’s work to pay for this filling and it’s not even good#so i’m going back there and making them sort my shit out#i just hope they don’t have to give me anaesthetic because it took like 4 hours to wear off last time. and the injection site#was really sore! i think it bled at one point. or my gums did. SOMETHING bled. look i couldn’t work out what was going on but it was bad#it hasn’t happened since. is all i know#oh and i also made a physio appointment because the bone spur on my ankle is fucking killing me#i went for a run and felt like i was losing my damn mind because my arthritic knee that has popped out of its socket 4 times previously#wasn’t giving me any trouble at all; but my stupid ankle WAS#i keep trying to research what to do about this but google results are so full of AI garbage i can’t find anything specific#like okay WHAT kind of insoles or orthotics do i need? what type of shoes? what exercises should i be doing???#when i went to pick up my prescription i thought about asking the people at the pharmacy but they were so rude i just aborted that mission#i don’t know what’s gone on but they look at you as if you’ve just stumbled into their living room and started guzzling their ibuprofen#i’m like girl i just want my allergy pills. jesus#personal
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numberone-wifeguy · 7 months ago
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05/07/24
#joy of joys!!!!#we're back to sleeping under five hours from the anxiety!!!!#fanTAStic.#my stomach feels like pure boiling acid.#maybe i should talk to her again.#tell her I'm trying and i appreciate her apology#but I'm too deeply hurt to just move past it so quickly.#not only is that honest [which is Good and Correct behavior that will get me Doing Relationship Right points]#but it'll also help me determine where we stand.#will she be able to respect that? if so for how long?#will she be able to give me time and space? how long will she be able to maintain restraint regarding new/temporary boundaries?#a test of sorts#[admittedly less Good Relationship Behavior. but can you blame me?]#ugh. at least i have therapy on Thursday. R will know what to do.#And I'm getting high again on Wednesday night.#Which will be the third week in a row. I'm actually following the general consensus pretty strictly but angel is...#shall we say a bit squirrelly. I'm so sure she's eventually going to express concern or anxiety about it.#that will also be a good opportunity for a test of my safety level rn.#how will she respond to me disagreeing with her outright?#''a considerably low dose of a very low-risk drug once a week is not some crazy out of control behavior.#i'm well researched and well within the parameters of safest practices. i think I'm fine.''#genuinely though i want to keep going i think mayyyybe two more times after this weekend#to get a feel for my personal reactions and metabolism.#i want to try a higher dose at a later date. i was going to skip this weekend to do it next week but!!#I don't think that's a good idea yet. i think I need to keep taking it slow.#not that dex is PHYSICALLY addictive but. given my track record.#i make finding ways to turn literally anything into an unhealthy dependency an Olympic sport.#so i think forcing myself to gain experience and to think carefully and pay attention#is a good move here if i want to escalate for soul-searching self-medicating internal-exploration etc purposes.#entry//
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