god almighty (non-religious), i wish i wasn't low empathy. it sucks so much when a friend is not okay but you can't find the right script for how to handle that right now and you can't make yourself care as much as you feel you should. maybe if i was less tired and generally depressed myself, or if there was an active problem that could be solved, then i could actually figure out what to say. i can listen to venting fine, but i'm not about to promp it or anything because i don't really know if it's prying or prompting sometimes.
like, darling, i don't mean to just not answer you but you're clearly in a bad mood and not lending yourself to a normal conversation structure because of it, and i don't know what to say so i'm not saying a damn thing. sorry you aren't doing well, i wish you were and stuff, but i also don't naturally have the pieces that make me able to respond to that shit so i've elected to simply not.
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
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saw someone criticize carrie sex and the city because she cared more when big was in the hospital because she cried than she did when samantha got cancer. which is crazy because they tell you in the episode that carrie is going into a crazy ass state of denial because she is so so scared samantha could die and this is kinda almost ruining her relationship... you guys just hate to see a real one lose their marbles day in and day out
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this is fucking pathetic i see ONE instagram post and i spiral and when i ask my mother for validation and idk, COMFORT?! she's just telling me that i can practice over the summer and improve and thats WAY more than what ill need to do and just reinforcing the idea that im not good enough AS IT IS and its not realistic to be a fucking tryhard over the summer for something i will NEVER succeed at and im crying and snapping at everyone and my sister heard one snappy word and started yelling at me too and like cut me some fucking slack im never gonna be able to complain about this outside my home bc if i did complain it would be fucking selfish (and ACTUALLY selfish im not lying) and if i dont get in again i KNOW that its gonna fucking break me and i feel like a worthless idiot and im not good enough for this thing and im never gonna get in so whats even the point of trying again when itll just destroy me
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job searching, despite the tons of applications I've put in and the stupid fancy new resume i made, has been going very badly
My mental health has just been absolute garbage type bad, which is why I've been stuck in this slump of not doing anything other than suffering...
I'm working on getting my medications sorted out, which is helping me with this problem, but it's taking time and I'm dealing with my insurance denying everything (bcs I'm also in the process of getting approved for a hysterectomy AND a dermatologist and insurance doesn't like that) and getting a new psychiatrist
I'm always still gratefully accepting any tips/donations to help me out while I don't have a job :') Here's my Ko-Fi 💖
Art in return will be back as soon as I'm finished with my queue once I'm able to manage things (when I say my mh has been bad... I mean like bad bad. the kind of bad you dont talk about online usually)
Today after buying some food and body wash I have $11.86 in my bank, and blood work coming up Friday the 28th, as well as a few bills that autopay at the beginning of each month and will overdraft my bank ($58 for one and $66 for another, $124 total)
I've actually also been trying to look into getting help with SSI because I was fired due to mental disability, but that hasn't been going well either. I'm still trying to get legal help on my behalf 🫡 will update on that too if anything changes...
I'm feeling really awful about all of this. It weighs on me very heavily and makes trying to get out of this depression worse, and I've been putting this off for a while because of how embarrassed I am. But I'm struggling a whole lot and ignoring it is just making it worse :') I really appreciate any shares and help 💖 My gratitude to my amazing community is immeasurable 💖🥹
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