#so i have learned - so have many of us learned - the hard way

[xxxstraightfromtheheartxxx]

Read my tags first, ran out of space.

Note: I change my mind a few times throughout this text post, what I began with is not entirely what I ended with. And I’m not even sure of the ‘conclusion’ I got to. However I’m too tired to try and figure the rest out about it right now. Might change this post later when I have made up my mind or got more questions about it. Heads up! Spelling- and other mistakes in writing, were made. Frequently.

I know my tags make me a hypocrite and that’s one of the judgemental thought processes I’ve been fighting/growing against most for a while now.

I expect people to think similarly to me about this and that’s not within my right, they don’t owe me anything for the choice I decided to make and put the hard work in for. That I’ve suffered for it and for the patience I’ve had to bring up towards others being judgemental and having prejudices they didn’t fight within themselves. The frustration I keep feeling every time I have to explain to other adults how to respect accept and see minorities or marginalised groups as equal in worth to themselves. It’s so tiring, and I’m just white, I can’t imagine what it must be like to try and have these conversations to protect yourself and your family and friends and loved ones over and over again whilst still experiencing racist comments assumptions treatment behaviour bullying exclusion exploitation… through systemic racism, racist communities,through so many facets of their lives.

I feel like I’ve been shouting for equality. Not sure if that’s the best most respectful word for it in english, in my language literally translated our word means ‘equally worthy”. And to me that means that from birth we should all be treated with the same amount of respect love and acceptance. It’s only society, nurture that causes this inequality to exist, that not only allows but encourages prejudices and othering for power. Shouting at people who seemingly just refuse to open their eyes, minds and hearts and keep humanity from growing into healthier behavioural patterns in the future. They refuses to put in more effort to try our best to avoid wars, make the idea of hurting another person out of anything other than self defence, be heavily rejected, punished. Instead of not saving each other out of fear for economic and political threats to our own habitants and countries. To be unified so firmly by the absolute belief that violence is wrong, that those fears wouldn’t even be an issue because we’re all know all the other countries will still have our backs and we’d be able to function without the country that’s trying to start or continue a war, while only having to put in mild effort to be entirely independent from the threatening county, as humanity instead of as “individual countries”. It would cut the county/group at war of their resources entirely, which would endanger them to much to be able to actually be able to hold out being at war and making an actual big difference in the big picture of our common humanity. I know there are many weapons that could destroy so many at the same time, yet they would be poisoning the ground they so gladly wish to live on. (Ofcourse this is an ideal that is almost utopian).

This is the goal I thought we were all collectively working towards throughout our entire lives. To eventually be able to all come together in the far away future. All of the warmhearted people in the world.

And therefore we have to start within our small circle of influence and be open to try and learn to understand and respect each other with our differences and similarities, To expect people to be good and ourselves to put effort in it.

However completely swerved away from my original point. But it is the root of that frustration, hurt, disappointment and envy I experience when I see or hear or feel negative judgement .

People have been calling me stern and too strict and rigid in thought more in the last 4 years. It’s because I’ve been responding to prejudices and discriminatory behaviour and ideas verbally, and I have to admit about 50% of the time quite hard, not disrespectful, but clear. I’ve been setting boundaries over what way there can be spoken about others and myself with me. This week I even threatened to leave the room and wouldn’t continue conversing with them if they didn’t then stop casually using the n-word, while knowing it is wrong and hurtful and what my opinion and feeling was towards it. They called my stern and frowned and sighed but at least could bring it up not to say it with me around anymore. I know I haven’t changed their behaviour without my presence this way and it saddens me to feel them rejecting that part of myself that’s at the core of me. My moral core believe of equality.

When people won’t widen their view for one minority it makes me feel unsafe as part of multiple other minorities. I’m a queer womxn with persistent mental health issues, who isn’t able to work because of it and I’m neurodivergent and have some invisible fysical issues (I have loads of allergies which used to give me big rashes of eczema in my envoys and knees and later hands and feet, it has improved a lot, the amount of allergies keeps expanding though) ( I have a very small amount of energy compared to most people my age because of having to put in too much effort as a child and teen) to take care of others and secretly fighting feelings of depression). I’m lucky to be middle-class, white and have affordable healthcare here. All of these other aspects have made life harder for me throughout my entire life. Yet others have mostly blamed me and pestered me, excluded and avoided me for my inabilities and difference, including the inability to l love men.

It feels unfair that I try so hard to be accepting, understand and respectful of others, and not get the same amount of effort and care back… which is hypocrite of me, because the people I want to make the biggest changes never asked me to do all that. And while their lives are often so much easier specifically on the those societal aspects, does that make them owe me that effort back?

I feel like yes, they should, because they have more space for it, for questioning their prejudices than us. Because of the privileges of the main beliefs in their society, they didn’t have to lift a finger for throughout their entire lives. For all of the freedom and respect they’ve just got thrown in their laps, that took up so much of our lives for us to assemble a resemblance to their quality of life.

(Many people who have to fight for their lives daily, do not have that time or space so they only get to grow slower and are part of minority or marginalised groups as well. Bc evidently their is a lot of prejudice within those groups towards the other groups who are also being pressed down.)

I don’t know if I still think it’s hypocrite of me to expect people to put effort in being good. I don’t think so. The length they are able to go through to make those improvements however, I should bare in mind stronger again, like I used to.

If I give up on following my moral compass on this, I’ll never be the person I hope to be one day. I do feel like I deserve to give myself a break and be forgiving about those negative thoughts because they come from a desire for righteousness and good. Recognise, reject, correct, forgive and trust that I’ll do better next time because it is what I truly want to in the long run. I show myself to not always respond and to better pick my battles, so I can persevere and rebuild my energy for when I can make a bigger impact In the braided context or my own. However when I notice bad behaviour or judgement towards others, I do use little parts of it to give them a correcting look or to speak up for someone else or recently even for myself.

Totally did not see this rant coming!!

I knew this theme has been more at the front of my mind again recently and that I’ve been prickly about it, yet I hasn’t reflected on its origin as deeply as I did just now. So here, little amount of people this will reach, have some personal information from my brain and my heart.

.

I’ve been typing this for so long and my attention span has loosened throughout writing. I don’t supposes I’ve managed to make everything clear, I got more and more tired and created some weird sentence structures and maybe grammar and def phrasing to try to get my point through or at least comprehended.

Don’t come at me about the war part, I know it is unrealistic to achieve anything like that in our lifetimes.

Yet I’m holding onto this dream for dear life. Otherwise what is there? To grow towards, to live for? It all comes to recognising, appreciating, sharing and maintaining the good there is now and nurturing the good to come.

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.

[sapsuckers-and-stardust]

I feel like discourse about soulmates really cheapens a lot of what I (and I think many other people) love about Kirk and Spock's relationship to each other.

The biggest thing for me is that soulmates are boring. Love isn’t fated (fate isn’t real); it’s hard work. Like to use Spirk as an example, the idea of them being destined to be together is boring. Especially because they weren’t. At the start of TOS, both men are neurotic, closed off, and incapable of being in a relationship with anyone. Their love story is so beautiful because they have to change and grow to be with each other, and despite their obvious affection for each other, them ending up together is NOT a forgone conclusion. They have to work and fight, not only external threats but internal obstacles to be together and love one another. That is the entire climax of their arc from “The Naked Time” in TOS to “this simple feeling” in TMP to their reunion and reconnection in The Search for Spock and The Voyage Home.

Idk to me the idea that “they’re one soul, destined to be together in every universe, forever intertwined blah blah blah” is so… uninteresting. So many depictions of love in media are boring (and unrealistic).

The interesting thing is that these two damaged, hurt men worked so hard to love each other. In a way they changed their entire lives and who they were to be BETTER for each other.

Like. We know Spock had to learn to accept his humanity and emotions and that is a beautifully told story. But! Kirk also has to radically change himself.

In the beginning of TOS he keeps going on about being married (and in many ways chained) to his ship because of his duty as a captain and we see him very actively sabotage and deny himself affection from Rand and (many) other women in the name of keeping himself apart and committed to the service. Then after the development of his relationship with Spock, cut to TSFS and he literally steals and then BLOWS UP the Enterprise, knowing he's not only destroying his entire career and life's work but very literally the ship he has loved and adoringly served on for decades. All for Spock!

Like to me the work, the grit, the determination to survive and keep the other alive is what makes them so enduring in fandom. These men don't even really know themselves or what they want from life when we meet them but by the end of it all it is obvious that their relationship to each other is one of the core pillars of their raison d'être.

[overtake]

I'm really obsessed with your hockey AU and I was thinking if (when) they win the Cup, how do they celebrate their day with the Cup? I mean, if they're still having their relationship in private, they celebrate separately? I was thinking of them choosing correlated days so they could be at the other's celebration easily but I would like to know what do you think about it ♥️

I'm so grateful you're obsessed with it because I cannot get leafs maxiel out of my head. I actually talked about this some with @danifesting before and have many thoughts, so this is going under a read more

The day of the win

When they actually win, Max obviously passes the Cup to Daniel. However, Daniel is very caught up in the emotions and how beautiful Max looked with tears in his pretty eyes after he passed Daniel the Cup and used their raised arms to block his mouth when he said, "I love you" and Daniel said, "I love you too, I'm so proud of you." He does his lap with the Cup and then comes around and gives it right back to Max, who is temporarily very confused but does another lap, and then thinks about how beautiful and right Daniel looked lifting the Cup and gives it right back to Daniel.

This continues for another round before GP intervenes and says "guys, the rest of the team also exists." Max and Daniel aren't even sorry. They're too busy hugging each other and crying.

They get so many photos together and with their families all as one massive group, and people are side-eyeing them.

Max's Cup Day

They do separate days with the Cup. Max brings his to Belgium because he's learning how to belong back in the place he didn't get to be raised. He pays to have a bunch of nearby children's teams meet him and see the Cup and play one big, giant match together, and he announces surprise guest Daniel Ricciardo as the other team's captain. Also, the cats obviously made the journey to be in Belgium and they get put inside the Cup. They are NOT happy about it, but they do look adorable curled up inside there.

Daniel's Cup Day

Daniel brings the Cup to Australia. Hockey isn't big there and they had to make such a journey to get there that when Daniel politely requests two days with the Cup (one to try and grow the game in Australia, another for himself and his family), the keepers of the Cup and league agree.

On day one, way more people than Daniel thinks show up to see the Cup and meet him. People have flown across the country to see him and it, and he realizes all the good he could do for Australian hockey and spur of the moment decides he's going to build a new ice rink in Perth (of course, Max decides to invest too because "think of all the little Daniels the league could have!").

On day two, the camera crew treks out to the farm and shows up expecting to see Daniel's friends and family. They get the shock of their lives when Max opens the front door like he owns the place and invites them inside. Daniel has a party that night for all his loved ones and it's warm and lovely and happy and the camera crew/keepers of the Cup join in on the party like they've known everybody here their whole lives. But during the day, Max and Daniel take the crew on a tour of the farm ... they do dirt bike jumps over the Cup and give the poor keepers a fucking heart attack.

But there's also the night in between, where Max and Daniel get the full night alone with the Cup. They've made a million jokes to each other about what sex acts they're going to do when they get it. But then it's actually in bed with them and they realize the enormity of this thing they've done together. They just hold hands and cry a little and tell each other how proud they are, share stories of all the hard times and all their worst, cruellest thoughts they had toward teammates during playoff losses. They hold nothing back. It's this shared understanding of how much this means to them, and how much more it means that they got to win it together, and there's no embarrassment or judgment or shame, just a new kind of intimacy.

This is also when Daniel tells Max that he's only doing one more season because hockey is so hard on his body, his ankle is acting up, and he wants to be happy and healthy for their future kids. That he's going to stay in Toronto for as long as Max keeps playing, but that Daniel only needs one more season to say a proper goodbye and experience all his lasts with Max there, and then he's ready to be done. He achieved everything he wanted, and he's content now.

Anyway, when these Day With The Cup videos get released, fans are saying "I think this may not be a joke anymore. I think these guys might actually be gay for real. Max is in Australia giving a tour of Daniel's farm like it's his and telling stories of how he named the animals? Daniel was at Max's Cup day? Like what is going on here?" They're still not actually telling people, but some of the less oblivious players who can conceptualize that gay people exist definitely know.

[thetadispatcher]

The bear was perfectly content with just receiving physical affection, and she'd learned only to get excited at the word treat if G said it. So the others never had to worry about her barreling them over if they used the word well she was nearby.

"That's one way to put it, yes." Dan nodded, there was more that went into installing a stomach into an android so they could actually make use of the food they ate, but he wasn't about to bore them with the technical side of things.

"It was the dinner we had made for Christmas. The visiting family was a little confused why I had a place at the table, but they didn't say anything, as I believe they thought it was all Peter's doing. And questioning Peter on his reasoning rarely gets any results, usually the response is 'I don't know', or 'I just wanted to.'" He felt anyone who witnessed the unusually kind treatment Dan received just chalked it up to Peter's doing. So it made it a lot easier for his parents to get away with doing it as well, since everyone would think they were doing it as to not upset their son.

"Although the first food I was ever offered was a chocolate chip cookie. Peter had bought it from a vendor with the money left over from purchasing me, he thought I needed food to survive too." Dan chuckled quietly, although Peter's choice in what to feed what he thought was a starving android wasn't the best, it was still a kind gesture.

Dan glanced at Bishop, his LED started flashing yellow as he reviewed the information he'd accidentally gotten from touching Strasky. "I suppose that's a good place to start..." He felt he might as well use what he learned of the other Johan Ross and his AI, and see what applied to the Johan he knew and his android. The android was a prototype his parents got from working at Cyberlife, so his model might be called the WAU as it would have no official label yet.

The PL600 glanced at the human in his arm who gave him a lopsided smile in response. "It is. After hearing so many other androids speak of being mistreated by those they thought were family, I'm glad I can say that never happened." He was thankful he didn't have to experience the pain and suffering other androids had at the hands of their owners, he felt sorry for them still, but at least he could tell them that not all humans were terrible. He could give them proof that there was hope for them, they just had to find the right humans who'd accept them as part of the family like he had been.

"Now I just need this one to stop almost dying on me." He gently flicked the human's forehead, getting a glare in return that held no weight as it was clear Peter was trying hard not to smile at the android. "Hearing him call my name in that crowd of androids had to be the happiest I ever felt, then to see he'd lost an eye after the happiness stopped clouding my mind... I can say it felt like my heart sank. Realizing that I could've actually lost him without even getting to say goodbye, that's not something I want to feel again." He fluffed up the man's wild hair, looking at him with a fondness that made it clear how much of an impact the human had made on him.

"Someone's hogging the treats. Heck." Rook said, still petting BeeBee, "And I didn't even bring any snacks along."

It normally wouldn't be an issue to go retrieve some, but she had to mind her own energy levels while they were out there.

"So you can just go out and buy a stomach. That's sick!" And weird at the same time. But Dan's story showed there was at least some kind of reasonable use for the upgrade.

"What was your first meal?" Willow asked, while keeping an eye on Peter.

"I bet it was chips." Rook said.

"You should start with giving him a proper name. Perhaps you could call him WAU." Bishop said with a not so subtle grin that won him a skeptic look, including from his double, "What?"

The android didn't need to ask to know when Bishop was being a dick on purpose. He flexed his arm, as a reminder that he was now ready for another go if he didn't behave.

"Yes, sometimes love comes at the expense of our wardrobe." Willow agreed.

"Hey, I never bled all over you." Rook protested.

"But it's still worth it, isn't it?"

[jellymochii]

My Angel

♱ pairings: Guardian Angel!Felix x F!Reader

♱ genre: fluff, angst, smut

♱ cw: smut, cunnilingus, religious themes, mentions of abuse/foster care system.

♱ wc: 4.1k

↪author's note: Hiya! I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors or if it seems rushed, I'm still a new author so any feedback is greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy :)

**THIS IS PURELY A WORK OF FICTION AND DOES NOT REFLECT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE PEOPLE MENTIONED**

*Abrahamic-denoting any or all of the religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) that revere Abraham, the Biblical patriarch.

_______________

An angel's task was always difficult, yet fulfilling. Serving at the right hand of the Lord and doing everything possible to assist humans in gaining access into heaven. Some angels, however, we're granted one of the most difficult tasks of all– becoming a guardian to a human.

The tradition of every abrahamic* Religion states that at birth, a guardian angel is assigned to the human, overseeing the physical and spiritual protection of that individual, as well as encouraging them through various methods to turn back to God. While it can be a daunting task for many, especially the angels who were assigned reckless and bold humans, it was overall a beautiful and rewarding experience for many of the angels, watching their little humans grow and live life to their fullest. 

While it was quite normal for angels to grow quite fond of their little beings, and even experience love for them, becoming in love with them was something that was forbidden entirely, as it represented otherworldly and ungodly desires and lust not suited for the pure kingdom of God. This was something, of course, that a newer guardian angel would quickly learn.

_______________

Life would always find a way to kick you down, no matter how hard you tried to crawl your way back up. Not a single day in your life was free from pain, even on the day you were born.

Growing up in foster care was less than ideal, switching from house to house on a whim, leaving any friends you may have made in that town behind as you started fresh. Some of your foster parents and towns were much more pleasant than others, but living in a cycle of rejection of adoption from everyone led you to spend 18 years of your miserable life in the care of facilities and strangers. You were never wanted, not even by your own parents.

The only people you ever considered to be your true family were a pair of twins in the same boat as you, Hyunjin and Yeji. Much like you, the two never had any luck with getting adopted and struggled a lot with trusting others after what they'd been through, and yet, they welcomed you right in every time you found your way back to the facility after another failed fostering. Once all of you had turned 18, you collectively decided to scrape together moments from part time jobs and rent out a small apartment south of the city, where you'd been residing alongside the Hwang siblings for a while now.

Since the foster facility was highly faith-based, you were always subjected to weekly preachings and visits from the local pastor. He was kind, sure– but he always said that God had a path for all of us, and that everyone would find peace eventually, and that your guardian angel is always watching over you and protecting you. Despite listening intently every Sunday, that peace and protection from the world you were promised never seemed to make its way to you. You were cursed and cast out in the eyes of the Lord, left being the second option to everyone. There was no way in your eyes someone out there could truly love someone like you. And yet, you felt that there was someone out there who desired nothing more than you. It had to exist somewhere. Maybe somewhere, love was right next to you all along.

_________________

There you found yourself that day, umbrella in hand, taking the usual 10 minute commute to your part time job. The pouring downfall certainly wasn't ideal for walking in, but you trudged through nonetheless, passing through familiar streets that were usually bustling with life at this time of day. It felt quiet, unusually quiet. 

As you're about to place your headphones on, hoping to drown out the sound of pouring rain around you, a loud THUD coming from behind a coffee shop quickly grabbed your attention. Normally, you wouldn't give it a second thought. It could just be the usual raccoon rummaging through the dumpster, but something didn't feel quite right. Why did you feel so compelled to stop in your tracks and investigate? Perhaps it was a natural wave of curiosity or something compelling you to walk towards the source of the sound. As your feet dragged you towards the narrow alleyway, you felt something stronger than any rummaging dumpster critter could possibly make you feel, almost as if you were being pulled by a string of fate to peek behind the rundown bricks of the shop.

What you didn't expect to see, however, was a man with large wings rubbing his head in pain sitting on top of piled garbage bags in a dumpster.

You froze in your tracks at the sight as your mind raced. What the fuck was going on? Was your brain playing tricks on you again? Was this a lucid dream of sorts? Who is this guy?

The man’s eyes met yours, suddenly snapping out from his pained and confused state as his eyes widened as his face turned into a state of shock.

“Uhhh, Y/N, can you see me?” He said hesitantly.

Who is this guy? You thought. How does he know my name? And most importantly, how big are those fucking wings? Are they real?

“Who are you? How do you even know my name?!” You shouted, taking steps back out of fear.

“Wait...you CAN see me? Is this real?” The mysterious man questioned as he took notice of his large wings wrapped around him, now covered in dirt and torn white cloth from his attire. 

Admittedly, he was extremely beautiful. Warm brown eyes, long golden hair, and sun-kissed skin lathered in a constellation of frekels. Not to mention, the once delicate white fabric wrapped around his muscular arms.

“That doesn't answer my question, who are you and what's with the giant wings?” You retorted.

He paused for a moment as if contemplating his next thought.

“Felix...yeah, I'm Felix. I'm your guardian angel, Y/N.”

“My...what?” You questioned.

He hopped down from the garbage bags he sat on and approached you slowly. Every neuron in your mind was screaming at you to run away, to call for help, but your feet kept you planted as he crept forward, his hand gently cupping your face.

“I’m from the Kingdom of Heaven, I've been with you since the moment you were born, and God... you are so beautiful.” He spoke softly as he wrapped his arms and wings around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

Your mind still couldn't wrap around the fact that a gorgeous man in a dumpster with comically large wings was hugging you like his life depended on it. You felt your nostrils flare up as a stray feather from his wing fell on top of your nose, as your face twitched.

“AH-CHOO!” You sneezed. Okay, maybe the wings were real.

He quickly pulled back from you after the sneeze. “Oh, sorry about these, let me just-” he said as he quickly retracted his wings, almost making them vanish into thin air.

“So.” You said. “If you're really my guardian angel, and you're really from heaven, then why are you here?

“It's...a long story. I made a bit of a mistake, but hey- at least I'm here with you now!” He beamed.

“So then you've seen me this whole time? Everything I've gone through, and everything I've ever done?” You questioned, as you felt your cheeks flare with anger. How could he be real, and how could he let you suffer from rejection your whole life?

“Well, not everything you've ever done, most just the major ones-”

You cut him off quickly with a slap to the face.

“How could you ever let me go through hell and back?! You know all I ever wanted was to be loved, and yet you let me suffer?” You screamed, memories of the past flooding into your head.

Felix hunched over slightly, hand cupping his cheek from the sting you gave him. He crawled away slowly, like a rejected puppy, before he spoke.

“I really...tried my best Y/N. I know you've suffered so much, and it's my fault, really. I was still a young angel in heaven when you were born, and I got assigned to you. I felt every emotion you had and tried my best to keep you safe. It was for your own good...I promise.”

This was unbelievable to you. How was all of that for your own good? The countless lonely nights, praying to God that you'd finally get a loving family, only to be shut out and left to rot in the foster home until the cycle would repeat.

“My own good? How was any of this shit for my own good?! I suffered because of you, asshole!”

His heart shattered. You were everything to him, and yet it seemed like all his dedication to you was worthless.

“I'm done with this conversation, I need to get to work.” You declared as you began to walk back to the alleyway before a voice stopped you.

“Y/N...please. You can hate me forever, but just look at this, please?” He spoke with a whimper in his voice, holding up a soggy newspaper with 2 faces plastered on the front cover.

As much as you were frustrated, you decided to indulge him for once and take a look. The headline of the local paper issued in bold letters stated “BREAKING: FOSTER PARENTS ARRESTED FOR SERIAL CHILD NEGLECT AND ABUSE.” 

Once you actually saw the couple's faces, you felt the color in your face begin to fade. It was one of your foster couples. Your favorite one, in fact. The two seemed so sweet all those years ago, spoiling you with frequent gifts and homecooked meals that tasted amazing - it was the rejection that hurt the most because of how much it appeared like they loved you. Were they really monsters this whole time, and did Felix know about this?

Maybe you hadn't given him a fair chance.

“Did you know they were terrible people, Felix?” You asked, almost regretfully.

He nodded, head still tilted down in ache. 

“They were evil. They wanted to hurt you, I couldn't let them.”

“What about the rest of them, then? There were... some nice ones, I suppose.” You responded.

“No...none of them were ever good enough for you. They would never give you the life you deserved.”

You felt immense remove and guilt for the poor angel, covered in dirt and in pain from your harm. You'd heard so many horror stories from the Hwangs’ about cruel foster parents in and around the town, and maybe Felix was just doing his job. Maybe he did care.

“Hey, listen-uh, Felix. I'm sorry, I didn't know they were horrible. I shouldn't have slapped you.”

His head slowly rose, warm eyes locking into yours. “It's okay, Y/N. You didn't know. But man...I guess this is what pain feels like, huh?” He spoke as a smile crept back onto his face.

“Listen-forget work, okay? How about we just get a coffee or something.” You remarked.

“Oooh sounds fun! I've always wanted to try it!” He beamed.

________________________

You learned a lot that day, to say the least. Felix told you his life story–about how he died when he was only 5 from leukemia, rising up to heaven and living amongst the paradise of heaven, until he was assigned by the elder angels to become a guardian to a human, a high honor for such a young angel as him. At the very moment you took your first breath, Felix was there with you. While still young himself, he quickly matured and aged alongside you, almost as if you were going through everything with him. 

Felix began to tell you how he could sense when you were in danger with your life, and how we knew the moment your mother gave birth, you would be in harm's way with her, hence why she felt compelled to give you up to adoption.

He really did want to see you in a loving home, truly. Yet no one who welcomed you had the best intentions, he'd rather you be alone than in the house of monsters. Call it bad luck, or call it fate.

“So Felix, what grave mistake did you make to get kicked out? Did you try to murder one of my foster parents?” You asked, almost humorously as you sipped your coffee.

“Oh...just a fight with another angel, was all. Not supposed to fight in heaven, y'know?” He muttered.

He couldn't tell you the truth.

The truth that he was cast out of heaven by the elders for falling in love with you.

He's always adored everything about you as a young angel, but as the two of you grew together worlds apart, his feelings grew even more. However, his obsession didn't become out of control until recently. He loved everything about you, inside and out. He loved how you always had your nose stuffed inside a book when you weren't on the job. He loved how your sneeze was so high pitched it sounded like a mouse squeaking. He loved the way you walked, talked, and slept–to say he was a man possessed was an understatement.

Unfortunately, God was all-knowing. He could see his desire, and word quickly got around of a lust-filled angel. 

That's when this morning, after a long meeting with the elders to decide his punishment, he chose to come to earth, to be with you. It didn't matter that he would grow old and feel pain, he loved you, and he would do anything to simply bask in your presence.

You decided to keep him in your life. You let him follow you around and keep you company (as long as he promised not to have his giant wings out). At night, he'd find someplace to sleep, which during the cold and wet season broke your heart, so you let him slowly become accustomed to your shared apartment, introducing him as a friend you met at work. You gave him an allowance to buy whatever clothes/shoes he wanted (to which he quickly became addicted to shopping, spending the bare minimum on clothes while splurging on stuffed animals for the two of you.) 

You couldn't complain, truly. He was a ray of sunshine, and brought something new to your life.

________________

Time flew by quickly with your newfound friend by your side. While Yeji was a little unsure at first of him, Hyunjin quickly became inseparable to Felix, and frequently taught him how to play video games and cook for the house. Turns out, Felix had quite the knack for baking, specifically brownies, which tasted better than any dessert you'd ever had before. As quickly as Felix came into this world, he'd swiftly become the best thing that ever happened to you.

And yet, there was still something that was bugging you.

How could someone as perfect as Felix in every way ever possibly be cast out of heaven? He didn't have a mean bone in him, and surrounded everyone close to him with his graceful love and support. 

He had to have been lying to you about the fight.

One night, while he was enjoying some soup and TV, you decided to confront him. Something wasn't right.

“Felix, can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what's up?” He said as he patted the empty spot on the couch, giving space for you to sit beside him.

You sat down and took his hand in yours. You were desperate to know the truth.

“Be honest with me, please. Why did you actually get cast out from heaven?”

He froze in his spot, face becoming pale.

“Felix...you know I won't judge you, I promise. Hell, even if you murdered someone, I'd still forgive you since you've done so much for me.”

He breathed a heavy sigh, there was no turning back now. He had to know if you loved him the way he loved you.

“Ok…I'll tell you but promise me that this won't ruin our relationship, okay?”

“Of course, pinky promise.” You said as your pinky interlocked with his.

“Well–I love you, Y/N. That's why I was kicked out.” He muttered, face heating up his freckles with a rosy pink.

“What do you mean? I'm sure you do love and care for me, but how is that wrong?”

“No, Y/N. I'm...in love with you. I have been for a long time. You're everything to me, I love every detail about you in ways I shouldn't.”

He paused, catching his breath and staring into your now widened eyes.

“Guardian Angels aren't supposed to fall in love with their humans…” He stated. “It's considered Lust, which is a sin. I'll probably never be let back into heaven unless I repent to God, and to you. Even though I’m head over heels for you, I'll never deserve you.”

Tears threatened to spill from his eyes as he let go of your pinky, standing up and turning towards the door.

“I'm sorry Y/N, I've ruined everything, but I'll leave you alone now.” He whispered as he wrapped his hand around the doorknob preparing to leave.

Only to be stopped by you, as you spun him around and smashed your lips against his.

Your soft lips and gentle cusping of his face made his heart soar back to heaven, leaving him no other choice but to pull you closer and embrace you while your kiss continued.

You pulled back first, almost reluctantly. 

“I love you too, Felix. I actually have for quite-” Your speech was cut off by his lips fervorishly smacking back into yours.

A long, drawn out groan came from his lips as your kiss melted all his worries away, ever so romantic and tender, yet wanting more.

The other angels were right, he needed more, a desire like no other was consuming him, making him hungry with lust. To him, just the chance to taste you was worth more than any eternal life he could have, because who needed Heaven when his Heaven was here in front of him? The more your tongue danced with his, the more something he'd never felt until a few months ago burned in his heart. He needed to taste you, he needed to worship the ground you walked on. He could feel his length hardening every second he spent engrossed in your presence, not claiming you as his was not an option anymore, he had to.

“Baby…” He whispered into the kiss. “...Please. I'll do anything you want, I'll make you feel so so good, j-just please let me have you.”

You parted your lips from his and looked deep into his eyes, now expanded from the love and lust consuming his system.

“Then take me Felix, I'm all yours.”

That was all it took for a switch to turn on inside of him, swiftly grabbing you and carrying you bridal style to your bedroom. He laid you down gently on your back, almost as if you were a delicate sculpture, eyeballing your figure attentively. 

“Can I?” He asks as he fiddles with the zipper of your jeans. You quickly nod and help him remove it from you, leaving only your delicate yet soaked panties exposed.

Felix wasted no time, as he quickly pressed the pad of his thumb to your clothed clit, rubbing circles at a torturously slow pace, causing you to whimper gently.

“Felix...please, I need more.” You whined.

“Oh, sorry love, I got a little carried away.” He giggled at himself, as he began to take off your panties, exposing him to your glistening and throbbing cunt.

It was more perfect than anything he could have ever dreamed of, and all he could ever want.

He looked up at you with pleading and glowing eyes like a puppy begging for its food, looking for any sign of approval to feast on you. 

“Go ahead Felix.” 

Without hesitation, his face dived into your needy pussy and began desperately licking stripes up your folds like a starved man. It was truly the sweetest nectar he had ever tasted, he needed all of it. Every last drop.

You felt almost helpless with him devouring you at this pace, a firm grip on both of your thighs as you squirm at his every touch. His tongue turns its attention to your clit, as his lips wrap around it and begin sucking it for dear life. Jolts of electricity were sent flying across your entire body as you let out a series of high pitched, whiny moans, making Felix suck even harder.

“Felix, p-please!I-Its too much!!” You cried out from overstimulation.

His lips released from your clit with a “pop” as he turned up to you. He looked disgustingly beautiful, with puffy lips dripping with your juices, and pupils dilated in an almost drunken state. 

“S-so good baby, you taste so good!” Felix said desperately. “Cum for me, please? I need it so bad, you have no idea.”

Soon enough, your fingers guide his head back down and begin tugging against his hair while you drive him deeper into your cunt. Felix can’t help but rut against the bedsheets to your moans, his eyes shutting from time to time from the friction of his cock and the sound of your voice as you cry out his name whenever his tongue hits a sweet spot. 

“Oh my god oh my god, Felix please! I'm gonna cum!” You cry out, earning a moan from Felix as he speeds up the already brutal pace, eating you out like it’s the greatest meal he’s ever had. His wings swiftly materialized to hold your thighs in place, allowing him space to bring your body closer to the edge.

One little peck to your clit was all it took to send you over the edge as you released the most guttural moan you'd ever cried out, your whole body trembling as your pussy released the sweet juices Felix desired so much. He wasted no time in licking every spot of your folds clean, drinking it all in as his whole body shook alongside yours.

Your breathing became erratic and heavy, trying to come down from what was possibly the greatest orgasms of your life- when you noticed Felix pulling himself up shakily from his position, taking notice to the newfound stain, and you see why. Right where he was lying down on your sheets, a puddle of warm liquid sat with some running down his leg, with underwear completely soaked. You couldn't help but giggle to yourself as you pulled him into a warm embrace, his breathing still heavy. 

“I love you...so fucking much Y/N.” He spoke softly, head tucked into your shoulder.

“I love you too Felix, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.” You replied, placing a gentle kiss on his temple, rubbing his neck and scalp gently.

Even after only a few seconds, you heard a sniffle followed by a wet feeling on your neck.

“Felix, baby...what's wrong?” You whispered, tilting his chin up so his eyes could meet yours. Tears were streaming down his face, and his lip quivered violently.

“I'm the luckiest angel in the world.” He croaked out through his soft sobs. “I'm glad I get to spend the rest of my life here with you.”

As his soft wings wrapped gently around your body, you finally realized that maybe love was around you this whole time. A sweet boy who loved you and always did his best to protect you, even if you couldn't see it at the time. You were truly grateful to God for sending him to you, and you knew your story with him was far from over. No matter what, you knew he'd always be there for you, and see the best in everybody.

“You really are my sweet angel, Felix.”

[accio-victuuri]

xiao zhan - kai xiao zao’s director (Xi Lou) Weibo update : letter to xz to celebrate 6 years of cooperation

"Six Years" To the late-maturing of "Us”

One year, two years, three years, four years, five cold and hot seasons, six springs and autumns; how beautiful is Chinese, there are so many interesting quantifiers to describe 365 days, time is like sand between fingers, no matter how tightly you hold it, it still slips silently from the gaps, piling up into the tall or low sand dunes full of stories on the long river of life, and the wind blows, and the past is flying.

2024 is a year of precipitation. "WM", which has been prepared for a long time, finally meets everyone. We met "WM", and the old friend showed his versatility as a singer. I still remember the first day the album was launched, a friend of mine on QQ com said to me: I haven't seen such a lineup for a long time. Looking at his appearance that had never seen the "world", I calmly said: "Nothing else, just use your heart", turned around and left, hiding my merits and fame. Thinking of the Excel spreadsheet five years ago, we were also new to the world. Actually, I want to say that I know what "WM" has experienced. Its success is not accidental, but the result of the gentleness of spring breeze and rain, and it is inevitable that it has accumulated over the years.

The birthday in 2024 was spent in the crew, which is not unusual. After all, most of the year, greetings were basically in the crew every time, but no matter how busy you are, you have to have a sense of ceremony. Xiao Zao specially customized a birthday cake and sent it to the crew. Then a friend in the studio sent me a picture of many cakes and picked Xiao Zao. Sure enough, the one who understands XZ's heart the most is XZ. After receiving the picture, I praised Xiao Zao because I know that it is easy to work hard for one year on the same thing, but it is difficult to work hard for six years.

I just got back from a business trip. It is now 22:42 on January 4th. I am sitting in my study table. As I write this, the phonograph album happened to play "Confessions of a Night Person". There is a sentence in Mo Yan's "Late Bloomers": "People with good natures mature late, and are forced to mature by bad people. Although they become wise later, they are still kind and sincere." I sometimes wonder why we can walk hand in hand for six years. Are we all a group of late bloomers? "When others are smart, we are stupid and dull; when others weigh the pros and cons, we are sincere; when others have exhausted their scheming and gradually fallen into a state of decline, we just happen to be wise." We are all a group of simple people, which may be the ultimate reason why fate can continue. If there is a chance, I will sing "Confessions of a Night Person" for everyone. This is my favorite.

Some friends told me in private that the 2024 Xiao Zao is a bit dull. In fact, I want to say that compared with the short-term and vigorous forgetfulness, I prefer the long-term mutual support. Companionship is the longest confession. This affection beyond commercial endorsement is worth cherishing forever.

Do you still remember the "Legend of the Condor Heroes" mentioned in "Five Years"? This one-year agreement will finally be fulfilled in 23 days. Xiao Zao invites everyone to watch the movie together in 9 major cities across the country, feel the swordsmanship, and regain childhood dreams together. Oh, by the way, the hero Guo Jing should also be a late bloomer.

We still need to give the "old couple" some sense of ceremony. Today, let's roll up our sleeves, tie up our hair, open our hearts, learn from the hero, and cook with him as wine.

As usual, toast a bowl:

Cheers to simplicity

Cheers to peace and safety

Cheers to health

Cheers to eating well

May the flowers be the same year after year, and the people be the same year after year!

Sixth year, please give me more advice.

[skyward-floored]

I have no clue if you’re still looking for short writing prompts for the IAU:

if you’re not, feel free to ignore this :)

But if you are, could you do a snip bit of brothers protecting brothers? Preferably someone protecting Legend?

It could be like, exhaustion in battle, unable to defend himself, so someone stands up to help. Or bullying, or protecting from a non-super, etc.

Again, feel free to ignore this, I hope you have a good day! :)

-allerina12

So, uh, sorry for taking six or so months to answer this! I can apologize up and down but the truth is I just completely forgot about this request 😅 But I did write a little something, so I hope you enjoy it :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes Legend hated how closely his powers were intertwined with how he was feeling.

He’d learned to control them, obviously, since he went out in public and experienced emotions without turning suddenly invisible or anything. But they still affected him to a degree, especially when it came to his rabbit form, and Legend was cursing himself now for being so weak.

He could feel himself shivering with panic, nose twitching as his ears rapidly swiveled around. His hiding place wasn’t the best, merely an old cardboard box, and Legend knew he barely had any time before he was found. Any minute now he’d be exposed.

He closed his eyes, trying to stop his quivering, and he focused on himself for the fifth time in as many minutes, trying desperately to get his powers to behave. Even his invisibility was acting up, and his panic just kept growing.

Relax, relax, you’ve got to relax or you can’t change back, you just need to relax—

“Hey, I found it!”

Legend froze, and couldn’t help the frightened squeak that escaped him as his hiding place was turned upside down. All six or-so pounds of his pink-bunny self spilled out, and hands immediately snatched around his middle, so tightly they bruised.

Several boys stared down at him, laughter floating among the group, and Legend pinned his ears back as they crowded in on him.

He’d missed his chance to turn back without anyone seeing.

The hands squeezed him tighter, and Legend squeaked again, pulling a laugh from the one holding him.

“You were right, it is pink! I thought you were kidding!”

“I know right? I can’t believe this is an actual rabbit. Check out the color!”

“Cute pink little bunny-wunny, didja escape from a fairy castle?”

“Nah, I bet some little girl colored its fur then dumped it out here so she wouldn’t be caught,” the one holding Legend snorted, and gave him a shake.

Legend thought he might be sick.

“You think it’d make a nice pair of mittens?”

“For your grandma, maybe.”

“How about we use it for target practice?” a taller one grinned. “Could put a leash on him so he wouldn’t escape, and let him run up by the soccer field, see how good Jax is getting with his slingshot.”

Considering nods went through the group, and Legend began struggling like mad, twisting his body around and kicking his legs. He tried biting too, and the boy dropped him when his teeth connected with a finger, landing him on the pavement with a squeak of pain.

“Ow! Grab it!”

He’d landed funny on his front leg, but Legend didn’t even care, scrambling to try and get away so he could hide and transform back. Everywhere he looked though there were legs blocking him, or arms reaching out to snatch him, and no matter how he zigzagged, there were always more.

Why did I transform in the first place, oh why did I transform—

Something suddenly connected with his side, and Legend went flying, a hot feeling shooting up his ribs as he landed hard on the pavement.

Legend couldn’t help the more human-like whimper he let out as something harshly toed at him, but it was lost in the argument that went up.

“Way to go, you screwed its leg up! Now it won’t run!“

“It bit me, it deserved it!”

“Yeah well couldn’t you have tried for some other part of it?”

Hands grabbed at him again, and Legend struggled against them before going limp in their hold. His energy was spent, and he didn’t think he’d be able to handle another hard landing like that. Not without breaking something at least.

He got lifted up so he was eye-to-eye with the leader of the group, and Legend tried to glare in return to his annoyed look.

“Well we can still eat it I guess,” he shrugged, holding Legend up by the ears. That hurt, and Legend weakly struggled, his ribs still aching, and leg hot with pain. The teenager gave him a harsh shake. “Stupid rabbit, quit it.”

Legend wanted to yell at them all to leave him alone, to stop being so cruel, to just go away so he could turn back and not be so defenseless, but he couldn’t get the words out. And besides, that would be using his powers in front of somebody, breaking a rule he’d had ingrained into him for as long as he could remember.

But then again... he was allowed to use them in situations like this, wasn’t he? Since he was in trouble? Didn’t his parents say there was some kind of exception?

The pain was making it kind of hard to think. Not that it mattered, since he was so terrified he wouldn’t be able to switch back even if he wanted to.

A loud snarl rang through the alley, and the boys froze, slowly turning around. Legend couldn’t see very well past them, but he’d know that sound anywhere, and drooped with relief.

His big brother was here.

Growling reverberated through the air, and the boys all took a step back, fear in their eyes as they stared at the opposite end of the alleyway.

“Is that a dog?” one gaped. “It’s huge, where— Oh gods, it must’ve smelled the rabbit.”

“It looks feral, look at its teeth,” another said in a quivering voice. “You think it’s rabid?”

Twilight let out a truly disturbing growling-snarl noise at the comment, drool hanging from his lip, and any remaining bravado fled the five of them.

“It’s rabid!”

“Give it the rabbit, go! Run!”

Legend normally would have laughed at the display, but suddenly he was flying through the air yet again as footsteps pounded away, already bracing himself for another painful landing.

Instead though, he landed on something soft.

Legend made a confused noise, and darkness danced in his vision for a moment before clearing, the softness below him changing to a different material that was equally soft.

“Ohh no, Legend, hey, Legend where are you hurt?” Twilight fretted, carefully moving him so he was cradled in his arms. He'd turned back into a Hylian.

“I’m... I’m fine,” Legend mumbled, trying to ignore the pain in his side and leg, his ears sore and heart still thumping erratically in his chest.

“Yeah, you’re not, don’t even start that,” Twilight said as he ran a gentle hand over his back, and Legend realized belatedly that he was shaking again. “What happened, Ledge?”

“Just wanted to go for a walk,” Legend whispered. “Decided to poke around as a rabbit, and those jerks showed up. I was... I couldn’t change back.”

“That was pretty stupid,” Twilight said.

Legend closed his eyes. “I know.”

Twilight left it at that, and kept running his fingers quietly along Legend’s head and back, which made his quivering finally still. He nestled up to Twilight’s chest, letting the warmth of his brother further calm him down.

“Seriously Legend, where are you hurt?” Twilight said after a minute, and Legend sighed. He knew Twilight wouldn’t quit hounding him unless he gave it to him straight. And quite honestly, he was too tired to fight it.

“...Ribs. Ears’re sore. My front leg too.”

Twilight hummed quietly, and ran a careful hand over the places Legend mentioned, his expression darkening whenever Legend flinched.

“I think your leg is sprained, I can't say for sure about anything else. But Hyrule can help you, we'll get you home,” Twilight soothed, carefully standing up. Legend’s world swayed anyway, and he closed his eyes, wondering not for the first time if rabbits could throw up. Twilight shrugged off an arm of the jacket he was wearing, and draped it over Legend, hiding him from view as he stepped back onto the street.

“I wanna change back,” Legend mumbled as he began to walk.

“Not right now Ledge, that’ll just make your injuries worse,” Twilight reminded him. “And it’ll be easier for me to get you home like this.”

“Please?” Legend whispered.

He was tired of feeling small and defenseless.

Twilight hesitated, and let out a long sigh, holding Legend a little tighter to his chest.

“Legend, I... I don’t want you to be hurt any further,” he said quietly. “I didn’t catch everything, but when I came around that corner and saw them shaking you around and treating you like that, I just... it made me want to maul something. It’ll be easier for me to get you home and protect you like this. I promise you can change back as soon as it’s safe. Okay?”

Legend closed his eyes, and curled tighter into a ball. “Okay.”

Normally he would protest more, a lot more. But his head hurt, and his ribs hurt, and though Legend would never admit it, he was... still feeling rather shaken from the whole thing. And Twilight was safe, and warm. He knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to him.

So Legend let Twilight run a hand over his fur again as he began jogging back towards home, burying his face in his brother’s jacket with a tired sigh.

He was safe.

[thedisablednaturalist]

I dont know if it’s something youve been asked before, and i dont know how to really phrase my thoughts. But whats it like working in like environmental things well disabled? Have you met many, or any, other disabled people in the field? I’m 16, and ever since I was little I’ve had so much passion for environmental education in particular, and it was a field I wanted to go into for a long time. Sadly it seems like my body has other plans, I’m currently at a point where I might have to drop out of highschool because managing class and disability is too much, and so college feels impossible. And when it was mostly mental stuff I had thought about maybe joining americorps or something because it looked like they’ll take people with a ged and then I could still do work I care about, but I’ve only ever met one physically disabled person doing anything related to the environment and stuff (there’s a person with leg braces and a service dog who works at the local aquarium) so I never really get a chance to ask about this stuff

so idk, sorry if I’m rambling a lot and hard to understand. If it makes you feel any better I’ve cornered every environmental educator I’ve met the last year or so (and I go to a project based environmental charter school thing, so I meet a lot) and asked them a lot of questions too. Especially since my school encourages us to think about future careers and what skills we need

so idk, I want to know. What’s it like? Is it hard? What did you have to do to get the job you have now? Do you regret it, would you choose something different if you could go back? Do you have any advice?

I hope you’re having an ok day, and that I’m not too annoying, and thank you if you even took the time to read this far. -🌱

no no don't apologize, this is exactly what this blog is for. When I started my journey I couldn't find any outspoken disabled environmentalists or any resources for people like us. So I started this blog to compile resources and share what I've learned as my career has progressed. I want everyone regardless of physical or mental state to be able to pursue their passions in environmental science and conservation.

Honestly, this field has a long way to go still. Even big institutions like the Smithsonian haven't quite figured it out yet. But there is definitely a shift happening. I've been seeing so many more disabled young people interested in this field and its amazing. I saw another physically disabled student at the Smithsonian conservation biology institute when I visited as an alum a few weeks ago, and I believe I was one of if not the first person to attend as a wheelchair user (yeah they didn't know what to do with me 😮‍💨) I had a professor who directly singled me out for being a wheelchair user so you will unfortunately run into some bigots in this field.

However the federal government (im assuming you are in the US so apologies if you're not) especially during the Biden administration has been ramping up its hiring of Schedule A employees. Schedule A allows you to circumvent the competitive process through the WRP (workplace recruitment program) once you've graduated college (or GED). Schedule A can be provided by a doctor or disability counselor (My DARS office did mine, love DARS: it's free and every state has one). My manager is HOH as well as one of my new coworkers and I was of course recently hired by the EPA as well. The EPA is probably the most disability friendly place to work in our field, if not anywhere. It has its issues but I've been pretty much over-accommodated instead of under (sad I consider the minimum accommodations to feel excessive).

Here's some of the things I've learned so far:

1. My biggest advice to anyone your age wanting to get into this field is to volunteer volunteer volunteer!! You are most likely at a time where you can afford to work for free. Most environmental internships are unpaid unless you have prior experience with the organization. Try out a bunch of different experiences to find out what you like the most. I never would have thought I'd be a bug person until I did my first invertebrate stream assessment. I got into environmental science late in my college career so it took me a lot longer to figure out what I wanted to do. Get as much experience as you can while you are still supported by your parents and don't have to worry about things like rent or bills. Some organizations are trying to change this so people from lower incomes can still have the same opportunities, but it still has a ways to go. Notably zookeepers have to work either for free or for dirt cheap for a couple years before they get hired full time.

2. Be prepared to lose out on your dream job due to your disability(s). I'm going to be frank and not spout any of that "you can do anything you put your mind to" bullshit. Yes, most things CAN be done by anyone with the right accommodations, but in a field where a large percentage of the work is done physically, you will be unable to do some types of jobs. I'm not saying it's impossible to get your dream job with disabilities, but it's a very common experience for us. For example, I looked into working on a boat. In a perfect world, I'd be given limitless accommodations and time to rest but on a boat that is extremely difficult. You can't take sick days whenever you need them. This was the same thing I had to realize when I was offered my dream job in my dream location: A stream specialist field technician for the USGS in Portland Oregon. I absolutely loved working in the field, and yes there are many of us who do/did fieldwork using mobility aids. I miss fieldwork everyday. But I had to turn it down. I knew deep down I couldn't handle it, having scheduled in advance field excursions that I couldn't postpone, having to hike in difficult terrain in remote locations, even moving across the entire country, at least at the time, was improbable. I was barely holding on at my field job where I did have safety nets. I just couldn't justify the financial and physical strain as well as the risk if I wasn't able to do the job and became unemployed. It broke my heart to give it up and I'm still grieving. But I do enjoy my current job and it lets me prioritize my health. No longer do I just work and sleep because work would take up all my spoons. I've been drawing and gaming and spending more time with loved ones. It is an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes what we want isn't what we need. Being disabled means that sometimes we have to make hard decisions that abled people don't ever have to think about. It's part of the grieving process for those of us who were abled at some point. I can't speak on what it's like for those with lifelong disabilities from birth, but I know its hard for them too.

3. Ok yeah 2 was a huge bummer, but here's where it gets better: When one door with stairs closes, a door with a ramp opens. There will be other opportunities. This field isn't just fieldwork despite what most people think. You don't have to be a super strong ranger that can hike 20 miles in a day without breaking a sweat to do environmental work. The field needs people who take what the guys outside collect and analyze it, research it, visualize it, present on it, take care of it, write about it, archive it, make art of it, etc etc etc. There are so many organizations that need people who can do data analysis and administration. Working at a desk doesn't make you less of an environmentalist. Plus that's not all, you can work in a lab or work with smaller creatures like bugs or herps or fish or you could do botany or geology! You don't need to be able to go out and get them yourself to work with them. Being able to save energy during my workday allows me to pursue my passions like collecting bugs and swimming. I can volunteer with citizen science projects or conservation orgs and still do fieldwork, but because its not a job I can do it when I feel up to it, I don't have to push myself to keep going because I'm worried about being fired. I currently work as a data analyst for the EPA and I work mostly from home so I can do my work without suffering. Yea data analysis isn't my favorite thing in the world but your job doesn't have to be. Sometimes a job is something that makes you money so you can do your passions outside of it. But I am happy the work I do supports something I am passionate about (supporting states so they can clean up more sites and thus have cleaner water).

4. You'll have to learn how to advocate for yourself. Push against boundaries. Explore your options. Especially with doctors. You know yourself best, don't let anyone else define your boundaries for you, even me. If someone says you can't do something because of your disability, but you know that you actually can, tell them and be assertive about it. Many of us are seen as abrasive and rude, but to be a disabled person in a very abled centered world you gotta be. Don't let anyone hold you back because THEY feel uncomfortable. My coworkers at my old job were worried for me when I showed up to work with my crutches for the first time. But it actually made me BETTER at stream assessments (having four legs means you don't slip as much). I could do it even if I needed to take breaks and use mobility aids. Nowadays it's too much for me to be doing that but at the time it was within my limits. And sometimes, you'll overestimate yourself and end up flaring or hurting yourself. It's okay to make mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person. At first you'll push through too much but as you learn your body's limits you'll get better at managing your disability. And sometimes a great memory is worth a week-long flare up. Its for YOU to decide what you can do.

That's all I can think of for now, I should probably get ready for bed soon. But just remember, there are more of us than they think and we can be capable, productive, and a benefit to the environmental movement no matter our ability or skills.

If you have anymore specific questions, or just need to talk, I'm always available (even if I might take a while to reply).

[verpineshatterrifle]

sorry this is like, weeks after you asked, the holidays kicked my ass and then i got sick

so what repcomm does to address order 66 is establish throughout all four books leading up to it that the clones will follow orders, not because they don't have free will, not because they're mind controlled, but because following orders in a war is what makes you a soldier, it very often saves your life

they dont do any of the shit in tcw/tbb where roughly every other episode some character disobeys a direct lawful order likely meant to protect them, and the fact that they disobeyed is what saves the day (i am looking specifically at omega)

this reblog has a whole bunch of book quotes about how following orders is like. not optional. and actually good

repcomm also does some interesting stuff with the relationship of jedi and clones- the book series get a lot of hate for 'jedi bashing' but i really don't think that's fair. many of the primary characters are critical of the jedi order, but there isn't a single jedi character in the series that's actually treated as a full antagonist

basically, the series raises some very interesting questions about why exactly jedi, who are not trained as military officers, are in charge of an army suddenly. geonosis casualties are extremely high (1/3 of the entire army, 1/2 of the commando squads) specifically because the jedi had no idea what the hell they were doing with military tactics. the main character jedi spend the series trying their best to learn, acknowledging when their clone officers should be the ones calling the shots, being useful where they can. the series does a lot with subverting the command structure in interesting ways, how far you can really push that, when you can't. bardan jusik (a general) acts like an officer as little as he can possibly get away with while kal skirata (a sergeant) regularly pushes generals around. etain tur mukan (general) spends a lot of the series desperately trying to grow into that role. arligan zey (general, jedi master) is treated as a bit of a problem specifically because as head of the spec ops brigade he can't take that back seat role even if he wants to

so you have the clones who are to some extent aware that while the jedi have magic powers, their military qualifications are... somewhat lacking, and now we all just have to kind of deal with that as best we can

long story short, order 66 in repcomm is one of 150 contingency orders that every clone officer has memorized. it's not a sleeper agent activation phrase. there's stuff in there about killing/arresting the chancellor too, if necessary. in fact, here's all the known orders:

so in the books, when order 66 comes through, it's a lawful order directly from the supreme chancellor, communicating that the jedi are now acting against the republic, and must be stopped using lethal force. because what else are you going to do with extremely powerful magic space wizards with mind powers?? 'capture alive' isn't realistic if the jedi have turned on the republic

and then quite a few of the clones actually do disobey the order. i don't want to spoil anything directly in case you read the series, but omega squad is completely doing their own thing during order 66, a certain arc captain makes a certain choice of his own, delta squad is on kashyyyk, bardan is losing his mind trying to locate etain, it's absolute havoc

(the books also show you the battle of coruscant on the ground and just. damn. damn. it hits hard. really hard.)

idk it just makes me sad- that the version where men whose emotional journeys, relationships with their officers, militaristic mindset, intense battle fatigue, the hopes and dreams they manage to have and the doubts and questions they barely dare to voice even to each other... we see all that, and then they have to make a choice- obey a lawful order given by the supreme commander to perfect soldiers, or do the impossibly difficult, unthinkable thing, and as the man that the republic doesn't believe you are, disobey that order because some small doubtful part of you hopes that it's wrong?

also the extreme irony that the only real hope the jedi had of surviving order 66 was to either 1- refuse to play the game (bardan jusik took this option and was only capable of doing so because he was broken down to the point where he couldn't remain a general AND he had somewhere else to go and something useful to do, this is simply not possible for most jedi) or 2- consistently, for three years, despite what the republic and the war needs, despite what the men themselves want and are comfortable with, despite your own exhaustion and moral crisis, treat the clone soldiers whose lives are under your command, with nothing less than full respect and dignity and hope that when they're told you're a traitor and they need to kill you that they'll think twice

it makes me SO SAD that this was all trashed for mind control trope simply because a kid's show can't fit that much nuance and depth in it

here is my biggest complaint about the animated star wars shows (the clone wars and the bad batch, no comment on rebels)

before i even get started, i know these are kids shows told in 20 minute episodes, and that the reason for my beef is because the 2008 clone wars show was focusing primarily on the jedi, and didnt have the time/wasnt interested in treating the GAR as an actual military and needed to appeal to a young audience. i get that. i do. now with that out of the way im going to bitch and moan unapologetically about how X Thing Ruined Star Wars, because that's the fandom's national sport, ok?

the shows treat the GAR like a high school. everyone is somewhat childish (to appeal to the young audience). disobeying orders is something cool heroes do. (ANAKIN.) improvisation is treated as a fun and cool tactic that generally works out after a whacky adventure, not something you do as a last resort when your actual plan fails. main character's competency is primarily shown through their enemies (and sometimes their minor character allies) suddenly becoming inexplicably stupid.

'good soldiers follow orders' becomes a terrifying signal that a character has lost their agency. 'when have we ever followed orders?' becomes a rallying cry and heroic last words.

when youve written a military THAT badly, how are you supposed to force your beloved characters to follow Order 66? well, you're kind of stuck with mind control.

it didnt have to be this way 😭😭

[dobadoo]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ YOU HAVE ENTERED TEYVAT ꒱ ˎˊ˗ you got into teyvat

what is life like for a Descended from our world in this hell ? ?

✧ warnings —fem !! reader, nothing. Just mentioning survival..butchering ?? ✧ a/n — ..this is not a fic with a char x reader.. I wrote this so that some ppl, would understand that if they really got into teyvat, all their fav characters would not fall in love with them at once lol. I tried to write everything as naturalistically as possible..NO I FORGOT ABOUT UR PHONE !!

Actually, I just wanted to speculate - I forgot to mention phones and such, but oh well.

I really think that life in Teyvat for a Descended from our world would be just hellish torture - yes, of course, you will get used to it, but that will be after the adaptation period. I would like to travel around Teyvat, but in reality, most likely, I would sit in the city and be paranoid about going out for the time being.. You cursed those moments when you dreamed of getting to Teyvat and starting dating some Zhong Li, Al-Haytham or Diluc (God forbid)

Life turned out to be no fairy tale and you had to achieve everything yourself, without parents or friends by your side. Yes, your little companion (your choice) was with you, but it was more of a pleasant addition, so as not to go crazy from loneliness.

You knew a lot and it was very hard to remain silent when Kaeya or Jean explained to you the things that you had learned long ago. It was because you did everything automatically and without explanations that many smart people began to suspect you - Rosaria, Kaeya and Diluc among them, and that already means a lot. Sometimes you are afraid to trust, because you know how they treat you.

Even if you tried to hide it, believe me, sooner or later you will say something unnecessary. And only the Archons know how others will react to the fact that you know the history of the kingdom of Sal Vindagnir or Kaenri'ah.

This is why you train too often to become stronger, dreaming of reaching the level of deities - perhaps from the outside you will seem like a fanatic, but you are so afraid not to live, but to survive in this world. Even if you are a super-lazy person, Teyvat will bring you down to earth (in the literal sense of the word).

In order to earn at least something, you did not immediately go on an adventure - you are calmer if at least a few mora coins are in your pocket in case of something. Lisa and traveler helped you find a job and from the moment you appeared in Teyvat, you not only diligently studied the language, writing and their rules, but also worked. Mostly, this was work in Diluc's tavern or looking after cattle, sometimes you babysat children and carried out various unofficial assignments. At that time, you did not have the vision, and your powers were at the level of an ordinary person, so you could not join the guild yet.

At first, guards were assigned to you, or Kaeya himself, being free, would go outside of Mondstadt with you. It was awkward that you were being coddled like that, but you understood that it was necessary - any Hilichurl or even a slime could beat you. You still remember how one of the last ones burned you badly while picking mushrooms…

And don't think that you were an important person in a good way - the Slimes don't show up in Teyvat every day, who knows what you're capable of…

At first, when kind old lady wjo name Inga took you in, you cried at night, biting your lips and covering your mouth with your hands so that the old woman wouldn't hear. And only your sweet companion was a witness to your hysterics. You were so homesick and yearned for the important person who had been stolen by an unseen force.

Yes, Teyvat was really beautiful - picturesque views, simpler people, especially in Mondstadt and Sumeru, interesting situations and adventures every day, but… Home is more important. You were happy, but more upset. This is not how you imagined being in a time warp - not knowing the language, laws, an unknown future, danger at every corner…

Time passed differently than in the game - the Traveler with Paimon often visited your friends, and the events of Liyue were just starting to unfold. That's how you met, even receiving some help. And from that moment on, the hostility between Paimon and your companion began..

So, hard work began to harden you and you approached Diluc with a request to teach you defense. Raghwingd hesitated a little, but agreed, although there were difficulties with his busy schedule. When Diluc could not attend training, he asked Noelle or Amber to help you, and if things were not going well at all, then any other knight.

Days of hard training, receiving the vision during an attack by a crowd of Hilichurls and Mitachurls helped you get back on your feet. You even began to understand a little what people wanted to talk to you about (before that, your little Campanion served as a translator and diplomat) and learned to formulate complete sentences. Writing was lame, but you did it, there was no limit to your happiness!

You still cried at night…

Gradually, you began to get out of the city on your own and could even use your skills and strength in the fight against Mitachurls and Hilichurls! even with treasure thieves.. But you had to be not so sad at the sight of a dead person whom you killed with your own hands.

So, you set off on a journey.

Survival in the wild was a living hell for you and not as easy as it seemed at first glance - dangerous animals, monsters and weather conditions almost knocked you down. You carried out assignments and simultaneously investigated how you could have gotten into your world. And when progress began, you became a full-fledged traveler.

You made many acquaintances, but that's not what we're talking about now.

You were often afraid to fight monsters, and when there were situations when you helped the Traveler defeat stronger creatures… You gradually began to get scars, but this served as a reminder that although you ended up in a fairy tale, this fairy tale is dangerous and cruel.

You had to work hard to become quite a famous traveler in all of Teyvat, and you even had the honor of traveling with Lumine/Aether!!

By the way, some characters, although you know their history, repel you with their actions - now you understand that these are not just beautiful pictures, but living people with their vices and their own cockroaches in their heads. For example, at your first meeting with Scaramouche - he wanted to get rid of you by setting his Fatui agents on you, he was cruel, more cunning than in the game. And the same Tartaglia, on the one hand, you liked spending time with his brother and with him, but on the other hand, he is the harbinger of Fatui, and who knows what is on his mind.

You found a lot of treasures that you ran to sell - from there you get money for normal food (although you are used to cooking on a fire), an overnight stay in a hotel and some rest (your companion mumbles when every time you visit Inazuma, you rush to the hot springs). But you are not always so lucky, so sometimes you enjoy fruits and hunt (which, by the way, most likely ends with your stomach rumbling with hunger).

By the way, you don't just get meat from boars, did you know? Butcher the carcass.

You have to have connections, the most useful of which are like Bei Dou and Ningguang (although you'll have to do something outstanding for Li Yue to pay attention). BeiDou, for example, can take you to Inazuma for a small amount of mora, or for free if you're on a closer relationship.

How many times were you nearly killed by lightning on Seirai Island? How many times did your sweet (no) companion freak out and pull you half-dead out of dangerous situations? I can't count them, really.

The Wanderer taught you to write much better at the request of the Nahida - you got along well with these two, surprisingly. Although you had some skirmishes with the wanderer recently… And he's not a very patient teacher. Should I remind you how many times he scolded you and hit you on the back of the head like a guilty child? Damn it! Why not tignari?..

Once (who are you telling - almost no one believes and laughs) you even spent the night with the Hilichurls. They are warm, by the way. You were very lucky that you came across a friendly tribe, although it was hard to fall asleep because of the fear of being strangled in your sleep.

In general, for many people, including those well known to us as Jean, Diluc, the traveler, Tartaglia, Tignari, the Wanderer and many others, you are strange - you can always blurt out something eccentric, swear and so on. Many even, especially Cyno,Itto, Sethos.. Kaeya Tartaglia and Hu tao like your ridiculous jokes from your world.. But in many ways, whether it's a mask or not, you behave friendly and playful - it's much easier not to see the vices of this world.

But sometimes you still cry at night..

@crimsoncandy04 @anantaru @hitomisuzuya @lavandulawrites @himasgod @neuvigroove @quimichi @rsventhesecondd @anemoswirlsmyheart @nil4everheartz @kujiba @genshingorlsrevengeance @shyentsfoundherink @lavandulawrites @ashyashylee @hitomisuzuya

[hexy-lynesdein]

The Traveler & her Path Behind

“Wounds suffered, lessons learned.”

I think the most prominent part about episode 4 other than it being Alice's trial— wherein she was able to ended her generational curse for once and for all; changing something that she thinks “wasn't real”, is that you get to see how it affecting her.

How Alice realizes that she was angry at her mom who was only trying to save her. Lorna did everything in her power to protect Alice in any way she could. So that even if she was no longer present on Alice's life— her protection through the song, in which she pours all of her love for her daughter into, would persist. Thanks to the people who sang that song with as much passion as how Lorna is writing it for Alice.

And I love how she learned all of this from a journey with a broken coven, each filled with covenless witches who had their own issues. But even though they are hardly a “true” coven— they were there for Alice. They sat there with her on that campfire, talking about each scars that they had, so that she wouldn't feel so bad about hers. And for once, she felt that hole in her heart was slowly filled with warmth. That similar type of warmth that she's been missing for ages.

Alice has always been angry all her life. It's easier for her to get angry and blame something instead of grieving it. Because being angry is relatively easier than grieving because you feel like you are in control of your life, you get this power to push through from that fire burning in you. But unlike anger, grief is far from that. It's that feeling of hollow and emptiness— that you acknowledge something was no longer yours. It's gone and you have to accept that. You will eventually move on and there might be something else that will replace it. You will learn to live side by side with this pit that sits with you and it will left you in a vulnerable state, and that's not alright. It's hard to said it'll be alright when it clearly didn't. But eventually, you'd move on. People always do. That's just how life is always been.

And for once, when the cause of Alice's angers was no longer there— and that she was finally free from it after a long time of suffering, she felt nothing but sadness.

This is a simple phrase if it were to be said by anyone. However, it held much bigger weight when it was Lilia who said that.

Lilia being the oldest witch from the coven. Lilia who's been alive for 400+ years. Lilia who made it this far in life, seeing all the horrors, and the tragedies that humanity experienced— the malice that lurked in their hearts. She's seen it all. She saw their path and “destination”; but mostly their destination because of her gift. That's almost all the thing she ever saw throughout her life up until now. Not to mention the flow of time that seems to be never standing with her.

It makes her angry. Because she saw it all. Lilia has seen their death. The causes and what's about to happen. But there is nothing she could do about it. She warns them. She tells them. And it didn't change anything. There's nothing she could do about the outcome. Because her task as a seer isn't supposed to change. She's there to observe — to see. And that alone upsets her. She turned away from her gift. Unwilling to use something that is a part of herself. For years. Decades. Probably centuries. Because why would she be? Death is all she'd seen. Why would she want to subject herself into something that would hurt her? Something that would only make her sad? And that's why, in the end, she resorted into being a con artist. Masking herself behind something that was not Lilia Calderu the chased-out-of-every-village-for-accurately-predicting-tragedies; running away from her true self.

Lilia already lost count on how many days and nights that she yearns for a change. To be able to do something for once. Flashes upon flashes would appear on the peripheral of her vision. About her coven. Her family. Her sister in the craft. And often times she wondered if a miracle would happened again in her life.

And it finally did.

When Agatha Harkness recruited Lilia to joined her coven, she almost wanted to spat. No one with a sane mind would willingly joined her coven. But fate always has its own ways with Lilia as her future self went back into that fateful day, where she write down the name of her new coven. Assigning herself to embark into a treacherous journey with a group of people that she, somehow, has quite a lot in common.

From there, she learns again what it feels to have a coven and be in a coven. Each trials they faced with death and their worst nightmare following in their step. But at least they are together this time. Lilia is not alone and maybe she could actually count on these people. Perhaps the walk down on this road with the infamous Agatha Harkness is going to change her. Maybe she still couldn't prevent deaths but at least she could piece up something that she has been missing. A part of herself that she was trying so hard to ignore— a part of herself that yearns for some form of connections through sisterhood.

And she finally got it again. She saw Jennifer who's capable of saving a life while being bound. Changing the outcome of Teen's life. She saw Alice fighting, oh ever so bravely, and full of fire. Ending her family's generational curse for once and for all — changing something that she thought she couldn't. She's seen all the struggles and how it impacts them.

And there they sat in that campfire, after the fire-trial. Sharing their own scars as an attempt to make Alice felt better about herself. Lilia saw the sadness that lingered on the once fierce and full of fire woman. She's seen it and she acknowledge it, she knows that feeling all too well. Lilia feels like she saw a piece of herself on her new coven members yet again, and she felt the urge to give Alice one last words of comfort, “Sad is better than angry”. And maybe that words is not enough to fully filled the hole in Alice's heart on its own, but as long as it means that Lilia could have a chance to do something for her sisters in the craft instead of running away again or being indifferent like how she always do— then that's fine. It's okay. She will take those chances.

And Alice? Alice is grateful to hear that from Lilia— who lives longer than her, who suffers worse things than her, and who knows so much more than her. Because to be loved, is to be seen and heard. And now Alice is surrounded with love.

[aramynx]

hello! i really LOOOVEE your writings especially shouto’s if it’s alright with you could you please write about shouto being such a gentleman as a boyfriend that the reader can depend entirely on him? like the reader is sooo independent until she’s with shouto, she could ‘turn her brain off’ bcs she knows shouto would take care of everything for her hehehehe. THANK YOU IN ADVANCEE ILYYY

YES 🫶 ABSOLUTELY ‼️🫶 I HOPE YOU ENJOYYYYY

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.* *.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

DEPENDABLE…

SHOTO TODOROKI X READER

summary: shoto is so eager to help you in any way he can, he’s happy to do whatever it takes to make your days even just a little bit easier

a/n: i love this so much actually, it’s more of a ramble than a coherent story but i hope you enjoy! thank you so much for your request! xoxo

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

It was hard for you to learn to depend on others. Until you started dating Shoto, you were absolutely determined to do everything yourself- that’s what you were already used to and it was never really a problem. When Shoto came along, it was like you never had to do anything for yourself again when he was with you.

With Shoto around, you didn’t need to worry about if you’d be able to pay your part of the shared rent that month; if you needed to depend on Shoto a little then you could. He already thinks that you should let him cover the rent since his income is much higher, but understands that you feel the need to contribute. If you chose to stop working at any point, you’d be able to live comfortably with Shoto.

The dynamic of his parents’ marriage isn’t something Shoto wants to recreate in your relationship. Around the house, his mother was always taking care of things; she was constantly exhausted since her workload was infinite. Shoto thinks of it as unfair, since he also lives in your shared home, he should take on some chores when he’s able to.

Usually, you’re very insistent on doing the majority of the work since Shoto is the main breadwinner for you both, so he decides he’ll do his part in the early hours of the morning before you have a chance to wake up and protest.

You wake up tucked into bed comfortably, Shoto’s pillow fluffed up neatly beside you in the empty space. The air is cold as you walk downstairs slowly, making your way towards the pile of laundry you had been avoiding for the last couple of days. As you approched the laundry room, a gentle hum could be heard from the other side of the door. Upon opening if, you were greeted by the pleasant sight of the laundry washed, dried, and folded on top of the machine, separated into yours and Shoto’s respective clothing. Beside it, a small yellow sticky note:

“Good morning, my love. I hope this makes your day a bit easier. Love, Shoto.”

Shoto was always happy to help you- he didn’t think of it as a chore, it was his responsibility. Carrying groceries inside was something he had learnt to master doing in one trip from the car to the kitchen, and of course, your hands were always empty. Whenever you’d go shopping together, Shoto would carry all of the bags, no matter how many. He’d try and fit as many as he could in one hand to make sure you could still hold his other if you wanted to.

Despite having his hands full 90% of the time, Shoto makes sure he opens doors for you, smiling as you walk though and wait for him on the other side. He tends to move himself to the outside of the pavement when you walk together, keeping you close to him in more crowded areas of the city. His hands seem to always stop you from mindlessly walking over crossings without looking; something that he’s grown used to you doing when he’s beside you. Shoto doesn’t really understand why you seem to enter a complete trance around him- he thinks that you get lost in your own little world sometimes, and the starry expression on your face only convinces him more.

He knows how you were before he came along- you’d do everything by yourself, no matter how difficult. He knows you’re capable, but he doesn’t want you to feel as if you need to do everything alone- he wants to look after you to the best of his ability, and he expects nothing from you in return.

Cooking definitely isn’t Shoto’s strongest skill. He can manage the basics, just barely. He’s definitely gotten better by watching you cook for him in the evenings, a starstruck look in his eyes as he does. Nothing tastes better than the meals you cook for him. You’re happy to give something back to the man who does almost everything for you, especially when he smiles so warmly every time you place his plate in front of him. You stay at the table together until you both finish, then Shoto thanks you for the food, and takes your plates over to the sink to start washing up. It’s a little routine you’ve developed over time.

While Shoto’s busy doing dishes, you tidy up the table and wipe it down before heading into the living room and picking a new movie for you to watch together, gathering blankets and cushions to create the perfect cuddle nest. After a few minutes, Shoto comes in to see you flicking through your options. He sets two drinks down on the table in front of you and presses a kiss to your forehead before asking what you were going to watch that night. If you needed anything at all, he’d be the one getting up, no matter how comfortable he was.

When you inevitable fall asleep on the couch, Shoto turns off the movie and scoops you up to carry you to bed, placing you down as gently as he can and tucking you in, his lips lightly pressing against your forehead before he whispers,

“Sweet dreams, my dear…”

Being around Shoto meant that you could float around doing little tasks without worrying about so many things at once- after all, your dependable boyfriend had already managed to get them done before you could object.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

[manias-wordcount]

Hi! I really love your writing style, and I was wondering if by any chance you are still doing oneshots related to Cowboy Bebop. I've been searching for days for one where Spike takes care of a sick reader, filled with fluffy and maybe with a little of Angst. Could you possibly make one? I love that kind of oneshots 😭

Sick Talk Hick-Hop (Spike Spiegel x Reader)

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗺! 𝗶 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿. 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗶 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆'𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗵𝗲𝗵

𝘀𝗽𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗯 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁: @dogsandrocketsocks @pittbull-enthusiast @asuperconfusedgirl @rendartgrimson @abellaheart-blog @skylardarling @sachimz @roronoaism @itzmymelody

𝙒𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚? ⇒ 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩

𝙟𝙤𝙞𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙫𝙚𝙧?

𝙗𝙪𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙚?

There are very few times where he can use the word “hate” to refer to something about you. But those times exist.

For example, he hates seeing you with other men. To him, Jet’s the only exception to this rule. But let it be some other many chatting you up, Spike can’t help but be jealous. He can’t help but see red, even when you are trying to politely turn the guy down. He knows he can be a bit irrational about it. You’ve always been a pretty little thing. All sweet and all soft. It’s only given that others would fall for your charms- just the same way he had all that time ago. But he’s not going to hand you over to just any sleezebag. In fact, he’s not going to hand you over at all if he can help it. Not if he can help it.

But he also hates sending you off to do errands for the ship on your own. He knows you’re more than capable. You were living by yourself before you had joined the Bebop’s crew. But the areas that you used to live in were safer. While the places that the Bebop crew used to frequent were not. And he learned that the hard way when you came home in tears one day, covered in scratches and bruises after getting mugged on your way to the store. After that, Spike realized that as much as he enjoyed not having to run around and do Jet’s bidding, he liked to ensure that you’re coming home to him safe and sound and without even a single hair on your even being displaced even more.

But one thing he didn’t realize he had to add to that list of things he hated, was seeing you sick.

Especially like this.

“How you feeling, sweetheart?” Spike found himself uttering quietly after noticing you had just stirred from the latest little nap you had taken. You had made a soft noise in the back of your throat- something near silent and sweet- as you stretched your legs between his and cuddled up a little closer to him. It’s a sight he would have usually fawned over. A sight he would have been dreaming about for weeks and weeks. A sight that would have driven him crazy with just how adorable you’re being right now. But of course, he knows the full story. He knows what’s happening here.

He knows about the extent of your sickness and it’s not pretty. 

It was him who had found you in a corner of your room a couple of hours prior, in distress as you tried to blink back the tears and hide what was going on from him. You had just finished emptying the contents of your stomach into a trash can that you were too weak to even crawl away from. It wasn’t a pretty sight, but there was no chance in hell was leaving you there to fend for yourself. So it was him that got you out of there. It was him who did all the running around for all the medicine and food and drinks that you would need while Faye was helping you get cleaned up and into something more comfortable. And it was him who made sure once you were done in the bathroom, you had a safe place to recover. Full of all the blankets and snacks and love and care that you would need. 

His room, of course.

It was there that he could make sure that you had access to a mostly clean place. According to Jet, the sheets on your bed would need to be replaced and the surfaces in your room would need to be wiped down. And according to Faye, you probably wouldn’t want to be alone right now. But that was all the two of them had said before Jet had disappeared into the kitchen to fix you up something and Faye disappeared to… wherever the hell she decided to go. And that was the extent of what he knew about how to care for sick people. 

His method throughout life was always to brute force things. He rarely got sick or hurt. And when he did, he was always able to sleep or walk or drink it off. And when things got really bad, he somehow always had someone there to take care of him and to patch him up. The nurses at the syndicate. Jet. And you. Especially you.

But he couldn’t imagine you brute forcing your way through anything. You’re soft and sweet and drowning in the fabric of one of his t-shirts that Faye had dressed you in. You take medicine and you drink soup and you cry when someone finds you sick and struggling in your room because you wanted to keep things a secret so you wouldn’t be a burden. He couldn’t imagine you brute forcing your way through anything. Through this, even. And he hates the fact that before he found you, you clearly were going to try to.

But despite knowing very little about how to care for sick people, he knew this much. You needed to be comfortable. You needed to be safe. And you needed to be someplace clean. So he kept you in his room, where he could keep a pile full of medicine and water bottles and all the snacks that would be good for you right now just right by his bed. It allowed him to monitor you better- to know whenever your cold chills switched over to a randomly spiking fever and to know whenever you need something. It also allowed him and you to take advantage of the fact that between the two of you, he had the much bigger bed.

And that meant space to lay down in. More space for the two of you.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” He remembered saying to you when he first carried you from the bathroom to lay you down on his bed. He doesn’t know what he was apologizing for right then. Maybe it was because he didn’t get to you sooner. Maybe because he couldn’t offer you the same plush and soft comfort of your sweetly decorated room. Maybe it’s because you’re sick and he wants to take that away from you as soon as possible. He wants to make things easier for you. He wants you to recover as fast as he can. And he wants to take care of you. Just like how you take care of him. Just like how your very presence- your very existence- breathes life into him. But he’s a lousy nurse. And he doesn’t have the same caring touch that you do. “Can I get you anything? Water? More food?”

But he can be here for you. And maybe…just maybe that can be enough.

At his questions, you shake your head at him pitifully, eyes hazy, and gaze far away as you look in his direction sleepily. But you didn’t say anything. In fact, you hadn’t spoken much with him or Faye since he had found you a couple of hours earlier. And what little you were able to say always came out slow and heavy, like something was weighing down on both your tongue and brain at the same time- preventing you from thinking or speaking much. So instead, you just let out a pitiful whine as you reached for him again, not ready to apart just yet. And because your very existence has him whipped and ready to do just about anything for you, he found himself climbing into bed right next to you and pulling you into his arms as you pushed yourself right up next to him.

And there you both lay. There you both lay for hours. Legs tangle between each other. Your head on his chest. His hand combed through your hair. Your fingers gripping his shirt. And his eyes watching you carefully, looking for any signs of distress. The silence was broken only by an occasional question from him and a soft response from you. Sometimes he would hear you sniffle. Sometimes he would have to pass you a few tissues. And sometimes, you would rest your whole body weight on him as your eyes fluttered shut and you napped sporadically. Whenever you could get enough peace. 

And in those moments you were asleep, you would cling to him. Even tighter than before. You would whine if he moved his arm from around your waist. You would push yourself impossibly closer to him. You would mumble a little something here and there. And your face would relax. You would be still. You would breathe softly and consistently. You would be at peace. 

And for a moment, Spike would be able to forget that you’re here because you’re sick. For a moment, he would be able to forget how he found you. For a moment, he would forget that there was ever a time that he could use the word “hate” and be referring to something about you. Things would be okay. Things would be perfect. For as long as you were asleep. For as long as you were in his arms. For as long as you were in peace.

And while he might be a lousy nurse, he knows he’s a good fighter. He knows he is. He knows it. So while he can’t offer much to make your recovery go faster, he can protect these little moments of respite that you have. He can protect your peace. Because he would hate to see it go. Because he would hate to see you lose this.And because he hates the thought of you existing for even a moment without. Not if he can help it.

Not if he can help it.

[glowettee]

study motivation notes | by mindy @glowettee

hi angels! ✨ i've been getting so many sweet messages about staying motivated with studies, and i wanted to share my thoughts with all of you. as someone who dreams of becoming both a doctor and ceo (yes, we can do both!), i understand how overwhelming academic pressure can feel.

let me tell you something that changed everything for me: motivation isn't just about forcing yourself to study - it's about falling in love with your future. when i feel tired or discouraged, i close my eyes and imagine future me in a white coat, helping patients while running my own healthcare (or journaling + skincare) business(es).

this vision keeps me going even during the hardest days. the secret to staying motivated isn't just about having perfect study schedules or aesthetic notes (though i do love my pink highlighters and cute sticky notes!).

it's about understanding why you're doing this. my psychology studies have taught me that intrinsic motivation - the kind that comes from within - (i've talked about this before) is so much stronger than external pressure. i've noticed that on days when i feel completely unmotivated, it's usually because i've lost touch with my 'why'.

so i take a moment, light my favorite vanilla candle, and write in my journal about my dreams. sometimes i even create little vision boards on pinterest (my current one has hospital corridors next to business magazines - yes, i'm that girl!). here's something i've learned in my past ap psychology class: our brains love small wins. instead of thinking "i need to become a doctor," which feels huge and scary, i break it down into tiny goals. today's win might be understanding one biology concept really well, or finishing one chapter of my business studies. these little victories create dopamine releases that keep us motivated!

i've also discovered that environment matters so much. i created a cute study corner in my room with soft lighting, my favorite plushies, and inspirational quotes. when i sit there, my brain automatically goes into study mode. it's like my own little med school prep sanctuary! remember angels, it's okay to have bad days. sometimes i cry over calculus (literally me yesterday), and that's totally fine! the key is to be gentle with yourself while staying committed to your dreams.

i like to think of myself as both the student and the cheerleader - pushing myself forward but also offering comfort when things get tough. one thing that really helps me is connecting with others who share similar dreams. if it's my pre-med club friends or my business club besties, having people who understand your journey makes everything feel less lonely. we support each other, share resources, and sometimes just vent about how hard everything is (while eating cookies, of course!).

the path to achieving our dreams isn't always aesthetic study sessions and perfect grades. sometimes it's messy, sometimes it's hard, and sometimes it feels impossible. but, that's exactly what makes it beautiful. every challenge you overcome is shaping you into the amazing doctor, ceo, lawyer, content creator, or whatever you dream of becoming.

remember, you're not just studying for a test or a grade. you're building the foundation for a life where you'll help others, make a difference, and achieve things beyond your wildest dreams. every formula you learn, every concept you master, is a tiny step toward that future.

sending you all my love and motivation! believe in yourself the way i believe in you. ✨

always here for you, mindy 🤍

[0wldn0]

What are the stunticons hobbies?

As whoever sent this anon probably noticed, I took my sweet time thinking about this ask FDHFD But that's only because I loved thinking about it!! Such a sweet and lovely thing!! How fun it is to think of them having favourite things they love to do!!

The Stunticons were never really able to discover such things before, like what hobbies they have, what they like to do in their free time, etc... They were stuck in between being sent off to deadly missions and the being berated for it when they do one thing wrong. It's hard to figure out anything about yourself when you're in an abusive loop like that.

After they go on their separate ways, they do start to slowly discover things they like to do. They see a glimpse of what it is like to have a normal life and just do things for themselves. Especially after everything with the Earth team is resolved, and they can live carefree on Earth for a few years, they spend more time just figuring out things they like to do! They all LOVE racing of course, but they have their own individual hobbies as well!

Deadend figures out he loves to fix things! Be it machinery or just broken furniture. It makes him happy to take something broken and discarded, and give it a purpose again. It kind of makes him heal over and over again, yknow? It's therapeutic to take something that noone sees any value in anymore, and just find the potential in it, bring it back to life. He would not invent or build new things, just fix the broken ones! ((Once on Earth, after everything is dealt with, I can totally see him seeking out anything he can fix in junkyards and such. He likes to takes his time and make them look pretty too! In the end he would have many things that he doesn't really use though, and then he would have the idea to organise a lil stand so people in need can take whatever they want and take it home! He would only watch from far while the Terrans handle all the socialising. It would make him happy to see these trinkets find homes and have a purpose again!))

Breakdown would LOVE graffiti!! He discovers that he loves doing this back when he's on Gigantion, and is asked to help paint a small area on the wall. He finds it very relaxing to watch the paint give the wall so much personality like that! He kind of gets into a trance where he forgets he's supposed to paint the wall only one solid color, and just tries out new things. "What if I blended this color here? What if I made a line here? What if there was a little shape here?" and boom, he got carried away and the whole wall is covered in different colors, writings, designs... He feels ashamed for it at first but the giants are not mad at all, if anything, they're impressed!! Do it to that wall over there too!! And that makes Breakdown so very happy! Once he is on Earth, I can totally see him just playing around with colors and shapes on an empty wall he found. It would be so intriguing for him to watch the colors just stick to the wall. Most of the time, he doesn't have anything specific in mind when he's doing this, he just likes to watch the colors. It's nice to direct your full focus on this one beautiful thing and not think about anything else for a while.

Dragstrip, I can imagine liking many different things, especially when he comes to Earth and learns about the different things humans do! Knitting, puzzle solving, cooking ((even though he wishes he could taste the food... Humans say they're delicious))... But I can see him loving reading and writing the most! Especially reading about both Cybertronian and Earth history, culture, social norms, etc etc. He likes to analyise these topics and learn about how they affect the current environment, both when it comes to Cybertron and Earth. He would definitely write theses on these topics too! He would start doing that just to infodump his brothers about the topics he researched at first, but then his brothers would urge him to start sharing these! Because damn man!! You write like a professional!! Imagine him creating a blog for himself where he just yaps about his observations and researches all the time. Eventually getting a dedicated number of followers too!! Aside from topics like these, I can also see him reading books just for fun too! And then go to the nearest brother and talk about the book, either explaining why he liked it so much OR going on a whole hour long rant about why the writing was HORRIBLE FDHFHD ((I like to imagine this hobby landing him a place in the Cybertonian council when they all are back on Cybertron, even!))

Wildrider was always an interesting one to think about, because I think, he would have a hard time living in peaceful times and just find things to do. They all are used to war, constant fighting and keeping their guards up. Peace is hard for all of them to get used to. But Wildrider especially deals with it the hardest. Peace feels... wrong to him. He doesn't like how strange it is, how unfamiliar it is. It puts him on edge, like something is wrong. This isn't how life is, it's just an illusion of a dream he can never have. I had this one scene in mind that I've been thinking about turning into a comic... He would hear fireworks go off, and of course, not knowing what they are, would rush outside thinking that gunshots are going off. He feels a sudden high of adrenaline and fear. But then he just sees these bright colors in the sky and realises that it is nothing dangerous, it is just celebration. And he does feel relieved, but deep down there's also... disappointment? Noticing that feeling makes him stop and just stare at the fireworks. Why does he feel disappointed? He basically just saw that there was no danger around and everyone was safe, then why does he feel like this? He would definitely hate himself for it, feel like he does not deserve to live such a peaceful life because for some god forsaken reason he just can't appreciate it. But it is not his fault, really, even though he fails to understand that. He has grown so used to living life on edge, that safety scares him. He is afraid that he will give into this new peaceful life, only to be thrown into another war again, to have life laugh in his face for his stupidity to believe that he can have a normal life after everything.

Wildrider would have a low mood for a long while. His brothers and Motormaster, of course, take notice of this, and they are NOT going to let him wave them off. Breakdown, Dragstrip and Deadend especially would press him strongly for any kind of explanation just so they can help him. Wildrider would not want to talk to them about this though, because he feels ashamed of the way he's feeling. Ashamed of the fact that he wants there to be carnage, and that he's scared of the way things are right now. I can see him getting angry with them because of how much they're pushing to just get answers from him, leading to an argument between them, ending with Wildrider leaving to cool off somewhere. It is Motormaster that actually gets him to open up about his feelings in the end, and she's the first one to comfort him about them. Letting him know that he is not a bad person or undeserving of peace due to these feelings, he just needs help to adjust, and he should let his family offer him that support.

In the end, Wildrider would try many things with his brothers! Give a go at all their hobbies! He would do activities with the Terrans too! Really starting to live that peaceful life! Eventually, he would figure out he really loves games! Be it videogames or real-life ones! Games are thrilling, exciting, some of them give him so much adrenaline, but in the end, it is all also so safe. It's just playing around. Losing doesn't matter, because noone will die. Winning also doesn't matter, because nothing will come off it. It's just living in the moment and having fun with it. Imagining Nightshade gifting him a gaming console that they themselves built after noticing how much Wildrider enjoys games. I think he would have a hard time holding back tears honestly. ((I know his personality makes him appear as someone who would play shooters or PVPs only, but I can totally see him playing soft things like farming simulators even! He just likes to play! Anything is fun!))

((can you tell that I've been wanting to talk about Wildrider...))

LASTLY! Motormaster! She would definitely be the last one to actually discover things she likes to do. She's too focused on her brothers' happiness, too busy making sure everything is okay with all of them. There's also a lot of self-hatred that needs to be worked on when it comes to her. Even after the Stunticons completely forgive her for her past actions, she does not forgive herself at all. This makes her really not want to think about anything regarding herself. What do I like to do? Who cares. I shouldn't be doing anything.

It doesn't help that her wish for revenge from Megatron did not end the way she planned, and she realised she was only dragging the Stunticons and Menasor along with her for her own wants and needs. So now she really does NOT want to think about herself as a person at all. She's just there to guard the Stunticons, nothing else matters.

The Stunticons do try to help her open up more, as they realise she has kind of put them all in the center of her life now. Of course she lets them live their individual lives and they never feel like she interferes with their personal business or anything, but they can see that it is not healthy for her. Unfortunately they can't really do much to change her way of thinking, as her self-hatred is only fueled more whenever she notices they feel bad for her. They should NOT worry about her, how dare she make them worry about her?!

Her healing and finding things she likes to do would be way later, when the Earth team finally has a spacebridge built to go back to Cybertron. Cybertron is free of war, and full of life now. The Stunticons all start new lives on it and she kind of is unable to keep track of them now, and she has a feeling she doesn't need to. They still spend almost all their time together, but they all got their own lives figured out too, they stick together while also doing their own things. They're "grown" and don't need her watching over them anymore. This does put her in an empty point in her life, where she just feels... lost, honestly. It takes a while to recover from such a big change in her world.

Silverbolt especially is a big help for her healing at this point in the story. ((Shoutout to @wwheeljack wink wink)) These two end up developing a very close bond. A queer-platonic relationship. Silverbolt gives her the kickstart she needs to really live her life to the fullest. She discovers she loves sight-seeing. She always have, she just was never aware of how much peace it brought her. Finally accepting and welcoming this serenity it brings her makes her appreciate sceneries even more. This would lead to her realising how much she loves travelling! Going far or not so far from home, just going to a new place! Observing everything on the way, taking in all the life. Eventually, she would share these hobbies with Silverbolt. It would be another kind of thrill to be with him as she does what brings her so much peace.

((I was also wanting to talk about Motormaster a lot FDHFD))

BONUS: Menasor!! Honestly, I think Menasor's hobby would be just existing and talking with those they care about. I can imagine Menasor just being happy to be alive and be themselves. They would lay down and stare at the sky for hours, and it's just peace in their mind. They would talk with the Terrans, Maltos, Bumblebee, for so long, and not get bored. It's just nice to be. Of course later on Superion also becomes a beloved friend, and these two become each others' worlds almost. They just love to do anything together!

I can also imagine Menasor loving to do cataloging, or keeping a journal. It's just random things they write in there. Things they see, things they talk about with others, something funny Wildrider said that day... Anything! Then reading these things they wrote every once in a while and smiling at them.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

POOR GABRIEL MONTEZ! YOU NEVER SAW THIS COMING DID YOU? ALL YOU WANTED WAS POWER. SECURITY. SAFETY. & THATS EXACTLY WHAT YOU GOT! JUST IN EXCHANGE FOR YOUR BODY. LETS JUST HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS JUST HOPE YOU WONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE MESS.