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#so i ended up just letting it heal over
transgenderkris · 28 days
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if i got to go back to being my kid/teen self and try again i would piss off sooo many teachers and school principals by refusing to follow arbitrary rules that they cant enforce through anything more than calling my parents with no lasting negative impacts on my life bc no one outside of that school will know or care about you being a defiant student
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redeliminator · 2 months
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i believe that to some extent Andre knows he's fucked up and this headcanon is one of the hills I will die on in the farewell tape, Cal says that “you can’t cure somebody who has nothing wrong with them.” 
Andre, on the other hand, admits they might be seen as hypocrites. he's not gonna back out, he still thinks it's the right thing for him to do, but he seems to acknowledge that people will not perceive it the same way. he tries to explain that no matter what it’ll look like, it’s not murder for the sake of murder - not in his eyes at least. there's a (sick and twisted) lesson hidden in this tragedy.
to some extent, Andre is aware of what’s going on with him, what exactly shaped him into who he is now. he sees the cause and effect of being bullied, of feeling rejected and alienated, and not being able to do anything about it because that's just who he is. he can kick and scream and shout but he will never change who he is at his core and this realization is crushing for a 17/18-year-old. this and all the implications of a missing sense of belonging.
he knows he’s messed up. he knows what would fix him and he’s convinced it’s out of his reach. he looks at other students and he thinks: it’ll never be me. and he's angry that they have something he will never have.
his awareness doesn't help though. if anything, it fuels his frustration. what adults know to be a temporary problem (high school) seemed like an insurmountable obstacle, the end of everything.
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lanternlightss · 3 months
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littol notebook ->📒(For the ask game!! :D)
(ask game)
*sounds of papers being dug through* OKAY. SO !!!
nameless bard and collei, right ?? (technically. actually. this fic wouldve been part of a series where nameless bard came across many many people of teyvat who happened to venture into old mond’s ruins, or the edges of mondstadt, or where simply wandering, and talked with them, about anything, about nothing. this all stemming from ,,, a small hc au thing where a ghost bard takes care of those that venti cannot immediately reach, or when he is preoccupied by something else. mond’s silly little grandpas.)
but back to collei and bard. two characters who have such a relationship in regards to gods. this fic would’ve had collei come swinging by mondstadt for a visit, and, perhaps, got lost in a storm on the way there. ending up huddled into a corner and devastatedly watching as her stuff is tossed into said storm. there, she meets a stranger who looks awfully like that one local bard amber and lisa talk about, who has run in to find her, and take her to safety.
throughout the way there, she wonders. why is it that this storm is so peculiar ?? mondstadt’s winds are never quite this strong !! is barbatos … angry, maybe ? was something done to have upset him ? (did they ever get angry at her, for when she …. )
“is barbatos ever upset?”
“upset?”
“would they ever get … you know, angry at someone, for something. if they hurt people.” (off note, HOW much of mond’s history does collei know, bc i feel like she would be interested in it, and amber would be more than willing to tell her about mond details.)
and bard … pauses. scowls. laughs. it would depend, wouldn’t it ? how are they hurting people ? are they malicious about it ? they are a kind god, see, and often go around to inconvenience those who have wronged them or their city. (they don’t answer, there are times barbatos is seething, times where people are reminded that the reason the mountains around them were halved by this same god, that the wind is playful, sweet—and dangerous, ruthless.)
then bard goes on to be like. why. if barbatos were to be angry at anyone, that honor would go to me !! my, if they knew of all the offerings ive took from them, they surely would smite me. (the entirety of the time, i just want the vibe that bard is assuring—you are not from here, no, but you are more than welcome as a free child all the same, you who have gained your freedom from despair. you who lives her life reaching for each new opportunity given. you are doing good.) also bard slightly. kinda. vagues at decarabian and other gods at some points.
i just think. bard, who lived his life under a god who did not understand them. collei, who lived her life thrown to the wolves, stuck with remains she did not ask for, who felt betrayed by the heavens for how they failed her.
and mondstadt, and barbatos, who may guide their people, but leaves them largely to make their own decisions. barbatos, whose appearances made are when their people are in distress, who would rather cut their wings off than leave mondstadt to burn. and how they would feel about that—about how this city has turned out, how it helped them, or !!!!!! just !!!!! yeagh
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odetolovers · 9 months
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it is absolutely wild the way i’ve allowed people to treat me
#every year i write an end of year recap i’ve been doing it since 2019#this year So much happened but one of the big things was breaking up with my ex#and it genuinely blows my mind how badly i was treated and the fact i stayed as long as i did#year and a half of clownery when i knew after 4 months i’d been sold a lie 😭#i feel so bad for past me because girlie you didnt deserve that!! nobody does!!!#it’s helped me sm in my current relationship because i know what it’s like to be the collateral for someone’s self hatred#it’s motivated me to heal and develop self esteem so i dont do that to my wonderful partner#they have really shown me what love is and let me tell you! it’s nothing i experienced with my ex!#mind blowing mind boggling i am never letting Anyone treat me that appallingly ever again#literally crazy i wish her a lot of healing and growth cos goddamn how are you terrified of being a bad person yet treat people like you#treated me. no wayyyy no way#i so believe in that thing of what people are most scared of they’re most likely to do#goddamn! 2023 man. wild time#valentina talks#i definitely made many a mistake which is why im not really like. Angry at her because i understand and i’ve had to change a lot and grow a#lot too. i think everyone just is perpetually making mistakes and growing and that’s okay. but it doesn’t mean the people you hurt need to#forgive you or think your actions were okay#just yeesh. i’m glad it’s over and i moved on
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nomairuins · 18 days
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bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏
#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower#so thatll hopefuly be tmrw#i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in#the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk#i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating#1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like#We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex#and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on#schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk#it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything#which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it#but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become#nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless#and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep#schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i#dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite#of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better#i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish#my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just#say nothing. yay
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toastsnaffler · 3 months
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looking up info on keloid scarring is so helpful. thanks man I didn't think of trying that one
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#well actually that kind of is relevant bc ive been trying to find more info abt tattooing keloid prone skin#which is effectively opting to wound urself. but everywhere is just like if ur keloid prone ummm. Don't do it 👍#theres not enough known abt keloids to predict if theyll be triggered or not by the healing process like it depends on so many things#i mostly get them from acne scars. but they dont always immediately appear sometimes its weeks or months after#n once u get them theyre permanent. treatments for them have a 100% rate of recurrence n will grow back bigger if u try to excise them#and they cant be tattooed over like other scars bc they dont hold ink n the irritation can cause them to get bigger too#it depends a lot on the tattoo artists skill/experience ig like u have to know Exactly how deep ur tattooing + how the wound will heal#bc if healing triggers keloids. well ill just end up with permanent scarring instead theres nothing i can do if it happens#which honestly might still look cool but its unpredictable bc they tend to extend past the original wound. n it wouldnt scar uniformly#urgh. i should probably talk to a gp n an actual tattooist abt it. i could ask to get like a rly small tattoo to test how my skin reacts#pointless thinking abt rn anyway cuz im not gonna get one any time soon i have some other shit to sort before that#but it would be so frustrating if i cant i have so many tattoo ideas i do rly want them.... :-(#ah well whatever.. im just procrastinating doing shit i need to crack on bc i cant spend another entire weekend doing nothing#after a month n a half of being on meds i feel like theyre becoming less effective. my task paralysis n focus is getting worse again :(#like its taking more and more effort its been rly noticeable at work. hoping its just bc of general mental health or poor sleep or smth#and not that im building tolerance or smth bc man. what else can i even do if that happens#this is gonna make me miserable to think abt so lets go do smth else!#at least i woke up feeling tons better today 💪💪💪 storm passed baby#.diaries
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cherrysnax · 4 months
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oh yeah we were also wondering why we flock to media with dead kids that haunt the narrative both figuratively and literally and uh :) yeah we know why
#child death tw#rowan seemed so much older when we were kids#but realistically she was barely like 14#maybe even 12 or 13#Jason Todd chara and asriel. them mfs from fnaf and maria#they’re dead kids but at the end of the day they’re all apart of someone else’s story#and a lot of them come back. in one way shape or form#with the exception of maria they all come back wrong and hurt and twisted by their deaths#but still deserving of love. still craving it more than anything#being a vessel for someone else’s opinions. barely even themselves#rowan died. and a part of us died with her#that was probably uh.. yknow. That guys last real time being here#cheri took all the stuff as kid. all of it happened to them but buddy boy was still kinda around#and then rowan died and then. She did too#and then Jay had to take over for years and then cheri came back but didn’t know they were cheri until#like they were 17 because they just repressed repressed repressed#and obviously those are very shallow views of those characters#but to a hurting kid who resonated so much with them they were everything#I have no clue why I’m so introspective tonight#but my friends do call me the emotion guy so#I guess it means something. but yeah something died in us when rowan died#but something was also born. rowan was a person. a little girl who should’ve grown up and that’ll never change#but I think this year is the year that we learn to let her go#im happy i got the chance to know her when we did#I hope she’s a fucking butterfly or something really cool like an alligator if her next life#also we already knew why we flocked to this media because duh. but like it helps to know which part of us needs more healing#who needs a therapist when you have me ;)
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steakout-05 · 9 months
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i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)
#tf2#this post is nigh incomprehensible#this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self#i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games#like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy#i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people''#i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!''#man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is#i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever#like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it-#-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar#scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline#that made absolutely zero sense.#i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you#the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane#like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like.#when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care#it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!'#and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser#and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it#it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch''#i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm......#anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it!#autism#i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on#spy sappin my executive functioning#my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment#YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest
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mushroom-for-art · 1 year
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Back to our regularly schedules beat downs with part 4 of this au with the wonderful Syn belonging to @seasidemew being put in situations!
Rainstorms
Rain lashed down hard and fast and Syn groaned from under his psychic protection as wind whipped up and slapped raindrops in his face. He did not like the rain, especially with it interfering with his flight and tracking, he couldn't sense anything past the heavy clouds and the rumbles of thunder. It'd been a few weeks since he last actually knew the location of the pair turned trio, he'd left to let their dynamic settle not wanting to deal with the fight and resistance as a new social dynamic formed and when he finally lazily backtracked to locate them he couldn't sense a trace! Nada, zilch!
He thought he sensed a ping of shadow energy far off east one day but it was too far away, with the pairs' travel pace even with Citrus' abilities they couldn't have gone that far could they? Not with May walking at least and from what he gathered from watching them she wasn't exactly the most confident when being carried around either.
Another harsh gust saw raindrops flying right into his eye and he snarled at the sky, "FINE," he growled as if it could hear him and was intentionally trying to provoke him. He shot up through the clouds' psychic energy creating a shield to protect him from any rogue lightning that may decide to take issue with him. Fighting through the storm he finally broke through and flew above it looking down tail swaying at the expanding storm, he lifted himself further looking to try to get an idea of how large the storm was to estimate how long it would annoyingly stay around for. His psychic powers couldn't penetrate the dense storm system meaning he couldn't sense anything below, they could be right below him and he wouldn't have the foggiest clue and that frustrated him greatly.
Summoning psychic energy in his palms he moved his hands in calculated swipes attempting to dispel the storm through sheer will, he saw the clouds shift and swirl underneath him and he smirked at his act of controlling nature.
Screeching in rage at the insult against his skies the long green serpentine god swirled and descended rapidly onto the dark hued Pokemon invading its territory and messing with the balance of things. Their body slammed into a protect barrier in an attempt to slam into this perceived rival knocking them backwards by the sheer force and weight behind their collision snarling at the creature in insult Rayquaza did not allow even a moments breath as a concentrated shot of energy blasted from the back of their throat right at the other causing the protect to splinter and shatter.
Syn shot to the side to avoid the blast glaring at the sky god, "Oh you want to play huh?" He smirked, eyeing up the creature already in a bad mood from the weather and feeling overly cocky with himself in general. Flying past as the god attempted to ram into him again he created shadow energy around his hand like a claw stabbing his hand down into the back of the creature as he flew past to rip a long slash like wound across the length of its back before he had to break away for it's screeching and attempt to whip him with its tail end. He smirked at the damage caused as he watched the gods body spin as it flew to adjust itself.
The draconic power infused rock slammed hard into his back from behind as crackling energy blasted once more from the gods mouth, the energy darted through the sky in shades of purples and blues creating the silhouette of a dragon as it flew slamming into his front secondd after the rock. Syn yelled out in pain feeling his chest burning from the impact as his back ached in turn. His gaze turned hateful towards the serpent crystal in his shoulder growing and power flowing through his veins as his form changed and he went for them again.
His fist collided hard downwards into Rayquazas face as they roared in pain speckles of blood flying out the god's nostrils as Syns fist ruptured blood vessels in the gods snout. His other fist came punching above the creatures eye causing at least a fracture before strategically backing off to attempt a downwards kick into the back of the gods neck. Rayquaza twisted, grabbing his leg in their maw and biting down hard with previously concealed teeth. Syn yelled once more the pain and frustration attempting to kick the gods face but they wouldn't let go.
Rayquaza began to move their neck and head beginning to shake and sway Syn in its jaw like he was some play thing, each jostle sending the gods teeth deeper into his flesh, blood beginning to pour from the gods mouth through the clouds. He moved his body to attempt to grab at and forcefully wrench the serpents mouth open but it only snarled biting down harder as he attempted to pull it's maw open.
Finally it threw him but before he could even rebalance himself it rammed into him with a sickening thud that shook the skies like a crack of thunder. The god didn't stop flying past and swirling around slamming into him over and over each collision with intent to break and hurt and not letting him escape, not allowing him a moment to regain any composure.
Pokemon in the woods below scurried and ran to shelter as the storm cracked and rumbled on above them sensing the dispute as Syns yells of pain were drowned in thunder.
Rayquaza wrapped itself around Syn, squeezing him hard in its middle section crushing him, he felt his ribs cracking and like his arms were going to be popped and crushed further into their sockets. He could feel his consciousness slipping as the god slowly unwound itself. His eyesight was blurry as he looked watching an abundance of energy form around the creature as its form grew larger, orange energy flowed from it's forms as it looked down at him in disgust, before he could think the gods tail came down on him like a mighty whip cutting through his flesh and sending him hurtling down through the sky with a horrid crack that resonated along the sky.
The god returned to its original state glaring down at the clouds before ascending back up into the upper atmosphere having defended its territory.
Syns body smashed and bounced against trees on his way down further damaging his already battered body, he rolled and landed face down onto a bouldery stoned area and an empty gasp of agony wheezed from his throat as he felt his ribs break and a searing hot pain in his chest. Despite the state of him driven by the crystals strength he began to push himself up gasping in pain with blood slowly dripping down the jagged pointed rock he'd landed on, that had punctured through his lung.
He barely managed to remove himself from the rock as his mega form broke suddenly, his hands slipping from the cold and wet as he tumbled off of the rocks into the wet mud and grass with a groan of agony. And there he lay without any more strength left in him to drag himself to shelter or heal, barely able to really form a logical thought around the pain of his body and the difficulty in breathing he was currently having each breath a fight and a wheeze at that.
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May had been out in the rain trying to find shelter, despite having managed to steal a human coat she still shivered for the cruel wind and felt soaked to the bone as she held a large leaf as a makeshift umbrella. She'd flinched to herself at the sound of the storm above, the sudden loud noises right overhead terrifying her with how unpredictable they were and relentless. All she could think of was a cave to at least shelter in she knew there was one nearby when she heard a strange sound. A wheezing, and no not the Pokemon. Despite her freezing fingers and trembling ankles begging her to just find shelter she moved her head and listened to follow the sound worried it may have been another Pokemon in distress.
The bloody bruised collapsed body that she found wasn't what she expected, despite the dimness of the tail and crystal she knew immediately who it was.
"Syn!" She hurried over, despite the fight despite the wariness of him to see him in this state, she couldn't just ignore it. She knew that she didn't really know him at all but she couldn't just continue walking. She knelt and carefully moved him into the recovery position to get a better look at him, gasping quietly at the bleeding wound on his chest on the left hand side. She felt the panic quickly setting in as she didn't know what to do.
Syn could hear someone nearby, had breathing not been so hard he would've tried to growl to preserve what little dignity he had left, his hearing was like he was underwater and incredibly faded but he was almost sure he heard his own name as his body was moved, he wheezed too weak to open his eyes exhaling a struggled, "nne…" as hands just slightly warmer than his cold body carefully cupped over his wound.
She couldn't let him die, she couldn't! I mean how was he supposed to become a better person to grow if he died right here right now? She couldn't let that happen; she owed it to him if he was truly sorry to at least have the chance to make it up to them. Her hands covered his wound as she struggled for clear thoughts, oran berries and medical leaks weren't enough to fix this the other wounds maybe but this looked bad real bad, it was a deep wound by the looks of it, as her hands covered the hole she could feel his breath escaping, oh god his lung was pierced. She tried to concentrate her thoughts to formulate a plan on how to save him, surely there would be some Pokemon nearby with some kind of healing move? Like, like recover or…
She didn't notice her hands blooming with warmth as she tried to think of what to do, green energy forming over her hands and flowing into him and over his body, the move focused on his internal damages mostly, closing the hole in his lung, fixing bone fractures and recorrecting other broken ones. When she opened her eyes from her panic thinking she stared bewildered at the green glow from his body, she glanced quickly at her palms confirming that it was her own powers before quickly focusing herself thinking thoughts of healing and wanting to help him to channel her limited abilities into healing.
Energy pulsed over his body glowing brightly in waves, his breathing became easier and more steady but he was still much too tired to awaken being far too drained from the battle. As the internal wounds and injuries fixed themselves her hands began to tremble with exhaustion before the energy weakened and fizzled to nothing. The rain continued to hammer down, but it seemed most of his injuries now were treatable through other means and he was much more stable.
May moved stumbling a little to her feet with leaf umbrella thoroughly abandoned, she moved him onto his back before crouching and wrapping her arms under his carefully and being rather cautious of the crystal as she heaved and huffed lifting him up the best she could and beginning to effectively drag him along as she carefully walked backwards checking her surroundings as she pulled him along, had he been a bit shorter she may have been able to lift him into a carry but his longer body made that difficult, she could only just pick up Darkness when standing around the waist.
Finally spotting the cave she knew was about she continued to carefully drag him along until they were finally in shelter, hoping he didn't mind when he woke up that she dragged him but what else could she do. Very slowly and very carefully she moved to lay him down on the cave floor, she sighed feeling more than a bit exhausted as she moved to slowly stand again she didn't have time to waste his other wounds still needed seeing too after all. She paused looking at him lying on the cave floor, she awkwardly shuffled closer moving to kneel besides him and pressed the side of her head against his chest listening carefully to his lung that had been injured as he breathed just to make sure that it had in fact healed and she wasn't just leaving him to quietly suffocate or suffer.
She lifted her head, nodding to herself satisfied with the sound of his breathing, no wheezing or whistling, just shallow as she carefully put him in the recovery position again in case he started to cough up blood while she was gone, not wanting him to choke. She took off the coat she was wearing and carefully lay it over him as a makeshift blanket or warmer as his skin was freezing. She wondered how long he'd been out in the rain for as she moved and headed back out to brave the weather for medical supplies.
Syn quietly shivered but he felt something warm on his body as he lay in vague awareness for what seemed like hours.
May swore her bone marrow was soaked by the time she came back carrying a bundle of medical leaks and oran berries as she sloshed back into the cave, she stopped to shake off her body at the cave entrance before she went deeper to where Syn was laying still to her knowledge unconscious. She carefully sat near him and removed the coat from him with a quiet, "I'm sorry I promise I'll put this back soon."
In one hand she crushed some oran berries into a smushed consistency as with her other hand and teeth she peeled the outer leaves off of the medical leak to get to the part that she needed, she squeezed the leak watching the clear fluid fall out the stem into the oran mush in her hand before she mixed and rubbed her hands together watching the color of the mush change into a more purpley to indicate the reaction was complete before she carefully began to cover Syns remaining wounds with the old style medicine.
A hot stinging ran through Syns spine and nerves from one of his injuries causing him to quietly groan and hiss in response as May carefully tended to his wounds creating more of the medical paste to apply as she needed it and wrapping the wounds to keep the paste in place with the long leak leaves. Despite the wound being healed she carefully added a dollop to his chest to get rid of what was on her hands before carefully putting the coat back over him to give him a blanket knowing he probably needed to be warm to recover properly.
May sighed softly feeling her eyes hang heavy, she had probably been up quite a while tending to him as she moved to look at him, she tilted her head a bit at him moving her hand slowly to touch his cheek and stroke up to feel his forehead, he thankfully wasn't burning up because she wouldn't know how to deal with a fever, he was still a bit cool though which made her worry. She slowly moved her hand off of his face realizing that was probably a bit strange but, guess Darkness had been right, he did have some cute stripes.
Shaking her head she moved to the other side of the cave sitting to lean against the wall, though guilt wracked through her as she saw his tail shiver with the cold. Cautiously shifted onto her knees and moved some sticks and leaves from the ground into a pile and held her hands over the little pile as she tried to concentrate, she didn't want him to be cold, just a little spark to keep him warm.
Energy quietly crackled and fizzled little sparks of energy darting from her paws zapping the leaf that fluttered and danced and another dart of energy seeming to walk along the little twig before a small flame formed. It swayed a bit as it grew on the end of the twig as first a soft red before a wave of orange yellow pinks and all colors waved through it and as the flame grew into just a small fire the colors danced and decorated the flame that radiated heat and light. She sighed softly in relief and exhaustion moving to rest back on her ankles, her head feeling more than a bit fuzzy from over exertion.
She watched the flame for a moment making sure it was contained, it shifted and danced but seemed relatively well behaved as she slowly moved to lie on her side tiredness quickly dragging her under into blissful unconsciousness.
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By morning it had finally stopped raining with the clouds beginning to depart and sunlight finally fighting it's way back through, droplets of water collected on leaves and blades of grass dripping down on anyone unsuspecting who knocked the incorrect branch like a mini shower. Syns eyes were heavy and it was a struggle to even barely open one to squint. He was in a cave by the looks of it from the vague shapes and colors he could make out. He blinked with his one eye heavily fighting to get it back open knowing he should be far more alert and wary of unknown environments. He could make out the faint smell of smoke, glancing he spotted some burnt leaves and twigs still emitting a thin little smoke wisp.
He closed his eye again just taking a moment to lie there before finally registering the slight weight on his body, finally and reluctantly he moved his head to look with blurry eyes and hard blinking as a coat came into vision draped over his body though it wasn't exactly big enough to cover him fully. He moved his arm slowly to lift the coat to examine it and paused, noticing green wrapped around his arm. He squinted in confusion as he moved his wrist closer to look at the leaves wrapped around him and became aware of the sensation of more leaf bandaged spots covering his body. What the hell happened…
He remembers the rain, then being above the storm…and..ugh.. That blasted snake. He groaned softly, moving to attempt to sit up and finally noticing a small pile of berries on a leaf left near him. Resting on his forearm to lift himself without fully committing to sitting up he stared at it, wracking his brain for how in the world those got there and if they were left by someone then who? And if they were left by someone were they the one who brought him here? Perhaps it was Citrine..
He turned his head hearing footsteps in the wet grass making faint splats and squelches as the unexpected but familiar orange one came into view, she was holding a large leaf with more berries carefully balanced inside like a bag by the looks of it leaves weaved and formed into a bowl shape. Their eyes met and she blinked at him looking surprised before to his surprise her expression turned into a smile as she looked at him.
"You're awake!" She beamed as she carefully stepped into the cave placing down the leaf bag of berries, "how are you feeling? I was worried figured you'd have woken up before me so when you were still out cold I thought oh that's not good I hope he's just sleepy so I went oh you know I'll go get him some foods for when he wakes he's probably gonna be starving." He watched her talk quickly but her tone was rather bright as she looked at him before kind of floundering as she placed down the leaf bowl filled with water, "oh arceus are you stuck? Do you need help?"
For a moment he was confused before realizing he was still only resting on his forearm barely lifting himself, he didn't feel as though he was genuinely stuck he likely had the energy to shove himself into a sit but, with the way she looked at him all worried and compassionate he let out a sigh lifting his other arm up.
"Yea, I'm, a bit more knackered than I thought I was," he lied, putting on a smile that passed as bashful as she moved closer and for a brief moment he thought of how easy it would be to just grab her and take her life. He felt her gently grab his arm though her grip was rather strong and her other hand gently held his shoulder where he was leaning before feeling her pull him into a sitting position as he blinked a bit at her strength as she helped him sit unassisted readjusting the coat so it was still around his shoulders for warmth.
She smiled at him, "is that better?" and he nodded as he collected his thoughts. She picked up the leaf bowl and carefully put it into his hand using her hands to make sure he had a proper hold on it, "here, you're probably thirsty. Got Suicune himself to bless the water so it is of utmost freshness." She smiled at him again, moving to shuffle from where she'd crouched to help him up to check his tail.
"You know Suicune?" he inquired though his tone was friendly as she shyly laughed slowly unwrapping some of the leaves off of his tail and wiping away the excess medication to reveal a fully healed wound with no mark nor scar.
"oh, oh no not personal or no I've never actually seen him. It's, that's more of a joke me and my brother use when we're reassuring each other that something is safe. Like there berries are good got them from Celebi themselves, or surely these rocks are safe Groundon told me so." She made a nervous soft laugh, "sorry." She felt unsure and awkward as she checked where he had been injured.
He chuckled softly as he drank some of the water it was cool and quite refreshing actually he hadn't noticed the horrid coppery taste in his mouth till just now.
"I appreciate you trying to reassure me that it's not poisoned." Laughing again at her startled gasp as she very panicked told him she wouldn't do such a thing.
"I'm pulling your leg I knew you wouldn't." He heard her sigh in relief as he chuckled moving to pick out a berry to try, "so got these from Celebi huh? Well if they're no good I'll be having words with the little onion." His teeth sank into the flesh of the berry as she made a soft chuckle seeming to appreciate him playing into the joke with her as he hummed softly, "I suppose the onion gets to live," joking on as she made a soft gasp at his answer looking a bit shocked as he chuckled once more at her expression. He bit into the berry devouring it with quiet hunger he hadn't even realised he was feeling. Getting beat down apparently gives one quite the appetite.
He paused his eating feeling Mays palm gently rest on his chest, he looked at her hand then back at her seeing her expression being quite focused as he raised a brow, "I didn't think we knew each other that well," He easily teased as he watched her expression become startled as she removed her hand.
"I'm sorry! When I found you you have a chest injury and I wanted to make sure it was like healed? That I couldn't feel your lung struggling I guess? So I thought hey I'll just feel through my palm because I didn't want to just put my ear against your chest because that's kind of weird but that was probably even weirder I'm so sorry." Her voice was undeniably stressed as she rambled her reasoning.
Syn smirked a bit gently taking her wrist and placing her palm back on his chest, "well by all means nurse, feel away," He chuckled removing his hand glad when her hand didn't pull away. He took a long deep breath in, he held it and then exhaled for her as well. She nodded a bit to herself.
"One more time? Just a bit slower." He chuckled taking in another long deep breath but slower, holding his breath and then slowly exhaled as she nodded once more, "feels, good I can't sense any difficulty and that didn't hurt right? Ah Magikarp I should've asked that before I started touching and letting you do breathing exercises I'm so sorry."
He waved a dismissive hand to the side, "if it'd hurt I would've gone 'ow!'" He chuckled, "and I did the breathing first, I wouldn't have if it hurt. For someone who patched me up and brought me here you're so apologetic. I mean you and whatever pokemon you convinced to use recover or whatever healing move on me saved my life."
He watched her duck her head shyly slowly moving her palm and brushing her thumb over a scar that had been left behind, "it was me actually, I just, if I'd been stronger maybe you wouldn't have a scar so I feel bad I couldn't heal you spotless." He hummed slightly moving his hand to the scar making a soft sound as May pulled her hand away.
"oh yea, would you look at that," he'd not noticed before a paler spot of scar tissue, "well what's another stripe, besides I imagine without your help I'd have a lot more to worry about than a little scar." He lazily brushed off his chest of imaginary dirt, "and that's not the worst scar I've received and whenever I look at it I know it's because I was helped by a very pretty nurse." He gave her a toothy smile as he saw hues of pink appear on her face before she looked away shyly laughing in response.
"oh don't look away from me, cute thing, how am I to admire the one who saved me?" He moved leaning closer as she looked away harder cheeks and over her snout thoroughly pinkened, "I must say I'm impressed you even managed to move me, did you perhaps mega evolve? Or levitate me?" She leaned away from him in shyness gently putting her hands to his face and pushing him back away from her making a soft odd embarrassed e-eh vocalization type sound.
"no, no I just, I had to drag you? Sorry," she glanced at him nervously worried he'd be mad at being dragged around, he blinked, pressing his face into her hands that were holding him away for sheer sanitys sake, he looked her up and down brows coming together in thoughtful puzzlement.
"You must be very strong," as he tried not to laugh at the mental image of her dragging his large mega body. Like a Lillipup with a Snorlax plushie he couldn't help grinning at the thought as May shyly looked away.
"I guess? Uh," she slowly brought her hands back to herself feeling awkward about holding him away by the face, "sorry," to which he chuckled easily.
"Oh it's all good, I could certainly get used to having your hands on me after all." The squeak she made as she ducked and moved to get up made him chuckle in a mischievous fashion though sad to see her put physical distance between them he was sure the blush was reaching her horns.
"Well!" She fumbled with her hands a bit shyly glancing over to him as her face felt very warm, "since you seem in good spirits I suppose I can uh, with confidence say you'll be fine and probably don't need anymore help from me? So you're uh, discharged or something." She could see him grinning at her playfully as she realized she was playing into the nurse bit.
"Why not stay? I haven't seen you eat a bite yet, and I'd like to see you eat, so why don't you join me in breakfast?" holding out a berry for her as she looked a bit shy and unsure, "Please? I'm sorry for teasing you really, I'm still trying to do and be better so let me show you that I'm changing for the better?" He looked at her all soft and pout like watching her shoulders slowly relax as she smiled back at him with a soft;
"oh fine, but only because you're looking at me all sad." before moving to sit opposite him accepting the berry he held out and taking a careful bite. His tail swayed content watching her stay with him, smiling to himself as he bit into a new berry himself enjoying the flavor on his tongue wondering what she was thinking of him right now, surely positive things. With how pink she was he was curious if she was attracted to him.
"So," He started carefully, "how come you're all on your lonesome? I haven't heard or seen Citrine or pinky yet." He had to bite his tongue from adding a cheeky 'though I suppose you're pretty pinky right now.'
She looked at him with a soft, "oh," as she thought around a new mouthful of berry buying herself time before settling on, "Matt wanted some space, I asked Citrine to watch him, I'm sure they'll be back soon."
He tried not to show his intrigue, so she was alone, and she was alone with him of all people. He hid his thoughtful smirk behind another mouthful of food. Well, he was sure she would come around to liking him and understanding what he had to offer incredibly soon.
"Ah," He vocalized thoughtfully. "Say, if you're on your own and I'm on my own perhaps we could, travel together for a time? I'd hate to leave you on your own after all, especially considering how kind you've been to me. And, maybe you could get to see how I'm doing and what I'm doing to improve myself? It's been a while since we last saw each other after all and I want you to see that I'm serious about getting better." He smiled at her in casual affection, lies falling from his mouth easily.
He could see her hesitate for a moment, her tail shifting and waving in slow thought. He wasn't particularly panicked, she saved his life and stuck around to take care of him stayed to eat together there was no way she wasn't at least intrigued enough by him to consider the offer and by how open she was to interaction he can't see her denying.
"I, I think that'd be kind of nice actually," He hid a knowing smirk, "but," his mouth fell, "I'll be honest I'm still, wary of you..which I know is pretty awful of me considering that you've been really quite nice and you're likely working hard to improve your image and self and I don't want to knock you down from that, you seem to be really coming along well I'm just. It's just a me thing is all." He could see her squirm a little in guilt, in honesty he knew she was being completely reasonable and rational to be cautious of him especially as he knew he had less than honest intentions but seeing as the self doubt was already planted evident by her awkward disposition it made his job easier.
"No no I completely understand, we, didn't have a first good meeting and my behavior afterwards wasn't, I'm not the most proud of it." He looked at his hands as though in sorrow, "I completely understand your caution and I just appreciate that you're giving me a chance." He looked to her and smiled, "you're really kind for that." He saw her face soften into a smile, anxiety ebbing away slightly. Hook line and sinker she believed him and felt more reassured in his company.
He finished off the last berry and sighed softly in contentment, though he'd preferred something more meaty and maybe a bit more alive; he couldn't complain when the berries were picked for him and he didn't have to forage. He glanced at her seeing her finishing up as well as he stood up offering his hand to her.
"Let's go then huh, together?" He smiled down at her as she looked up at him, her expression soft as she smiled and took his hand so he could help her up to her feet.
"Together."
#My writing#@seasidemew oc#@seasidemew syn#Tw blood#Tw fighting#Tw violence#Tw lung injury#Tw manipulation#Syn that lives in my brain: hey who are those fighting warning for op. Me: oh no one..go look over there real quick#Beating Syn with a mallet and he squeaks like a chew toy at ever smash#Me: how would Syn logically be in such an injured state he needs healing he's like really op#The mushroom network that lives inside my brain: Have rayquaza beat his ass#Me: :0 you're right! Lmao so me just pits him against rayquaza because I need the scene dammit#And yes Rayquaza does mega at the end to land the finishing strike out of pure pettiness he's allowed#And YES half dying Syn does try to wheeze Anne because like he's real fucked up rn and presyn brain probably kind wishes she was with him#I just love the tragedy of to some minor degree a little part of him still thinks of her wishing she didn't let him go#Also he really do just be out here like oh May just saved my life? Press x to flirt#There's a time and a place my man's lmao#The oran berry medical leak thing is a PLA reference my fav medical media trope is slap some goop on that shit#Also he really just out here like I'm a good boy now see I'm totally getting good character development come closer I promise I won't bite#Also Syn once more grumpy with the weather I dunno why but I make him very grumpy about things in my writing XD as a treat on the house#I also make him seem weirdly touch starved lmao because he probably is lmao pressing into that touch#Funnily enough this is technically still pre corruption arc XD he still gets a lil corruption in probably but like no actually shadowin yet#Which is very funny to me because lmao these are all establishing fics I fucking love my build up fixs
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pepprs · 1 year
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feeling misery and despair about going back to work btw. im trying to suppress it and i did a good job but the inevitable is inevitable
#purrs#i had like 3 massive breakdowns at the end of the week incl one on friday when i was off. and then i was like ok. i am literally weak and sh#shaking from all of that let me just pretend none of it happened. and i did!!! i pretended so well that i have felt basicslly normal all#weekend. i played a lot of video games and i even went out twice.. once to a chorus concert on campus (which is big bc being on campus ummmm#is deeply agitating to me rn ♥️) and today to home depot w my family to wander around the plants and hear the birds. i am suppressing things#and i know i am but if i don’t think about thst i feel so normal. except now it’s 11:16 on a sunday night and i have work tomorrow. and i#know most of the horrors are over but there are still so many more fucking horrors ahead. saying goodbye to people i love and anniversaries#of things happening including today being the 4 year anniversary of a certain email lol. and i can FEEL the difference. the way my stomach#is in knots bc weekends are only so long (even long ones) and i can only hold back the horrors for a little while. it’s all temporary. augh.#i literally need like a whole month off i think. idk. work stuff has fucked up my mental health beyond belief this year and it’s so sad bc t#this is my dream job but im in so much mental pain and physical exhaustion constantly and they beget themselves and by the end of the week#im miserable. but the semester is about to end. but what if it doesn’t get better bc EVERY single god damn time we talk about how it’s gonna#get better it quite literally gets worse lol 💖 i can’t im not strong enough. coming up on 5 years here and im not fucking strong enough!#but i will heal eventually i think. i just need the horrors to cease for long enough for me to catch my breath (and other redacted things ♥️
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kashilascorner · 1 year
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the way the lotr movies didn't really bother to properly close (or acknowledge) Eowyn and Faramir's story arcs and they just kind of threw them in together at the end
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zuzu-draws · 1 year
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sending lots of hugs your way :''3
Thanks, i really needed those. The shock is starting to wear off and i'm getting more and more... emotional :"D How...do they expect us to enjoy this week's Gojo episode when Gege pulled this in the manga. I didn't like to admit it but i did have a soft spot for him, damnit.
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dbssh · 1 year
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my take on starscream and windblade is i genuinely think their dynamic by the end of the series rocks. when starscream is incredibly fond of her and respexts her and sees her as not only an incredibly capable leader but a fundementally good and better person. and windblade is like 😬 starscream? well shes dead now so we never ever have to unpack all that. so uh. lets move on.
#SHE DOESNT FUCKING LIKE HER.#like i think if stsc had lived windblades general opinion wouldve been girl im proud of you and your#growth or whatever but like can you retire or something. stay away from me.#like i think wb meant it when she said she wanted stsc to get better and believed she could. but i dont think theyre ever going to be#friends. im of the opinion that death + the haunting is the best ending for starscream#and that its really the only environment for her that is conducive to fully truly healing and being at peace#like idk i think she was miserable and there would be no future in which people let her 'escape punishment' nor one where shes interested#in doing that even with bee and windblade in her corner. and i just idk#i think she needs space to be alone out from the public eye#and away from all the pressures that kept her spiraling over and over her whole life#and i just. the way exrid was set up i just dont think there was room for her to do that on cybertron#but i dont think shes healthy enough to realize that and leave#and i think 'noble sacrifice that returns her dignity and gives her comfort'#and 'true freedom to be herself no more and no less with the company of someone who actually likes and cares about her with no#responsibility or risk to her physical or mental health'#is like. really the best of both worlds i think it was good for her.#fix its where she gets brought back are cute and all but honestly i dont know. would she even want that. it would change everything#when shes finally for once comfortable and at peace#yk sometimes death is a GOOD THING IN NARRATIVES and she DIDNT EVEN REALLY ALL THE WAY DIE so like i thibk its fine.#i miss her tho. god i miss idw.
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stinkbeck · 1 year
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oi i’m pissed 2 high heaven
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delicatetaysversion · 2 months
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my period is like 10 days late and im feeling so heavy and sad
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greatbigstorm · 3 months
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