#so he says he needs time to think
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Kian's hair isn't naturally blonde, he bleaches it. It's normally a dark, muddy brown.
It's also naturally curly. But in his career, he's bleached it so much that it's dried and frizzed, there's no more curl left and he uses so much product that his hair is so unhealthy. It's damaged and broken pretty much beyond repair.
But after everything that happens, after Galloway, after the bugs, after all that. His hair is so much worse. But he starts to let it grow out.
At first it was because he just didn't have the energy to bleach it again, his roots started growing out and he couldn't even care. Everything was too painfully raw to even remotely care about his appearance, so he just let his roots grow out. it started to get too long, so he cut it. He didn't bleach it again.
And... his hair started to curl again. After years of him forcing it straight just because it was too frizzy and dry and brittle to actually care for. But it was starting to curl up now. Deep, brown curls. Like when he was younger.
He doesn't even recognize the person in the mirror when he gets up in the morning, but it's strange. The top of his head is softer, the bottom (where it's still blond) is very brittle and dry, but his hair is starting to heal. He cuts it and it grows out and he decides not to bleach it.
It's definitely a change, one that he's not used to, but it's nice. He missed his curls, he thinks that he's fine with the brown hair as long as it'll curl up.
#thinking of hair and healing n all that#he mentions that his roots are growing out to Rand and Rolan#and they ask if he wants help to dye it#but he... doesnt know he doesn't know if he wants to do that#so he says he needs time to think#and that turns into weeks and its still growing out#and he says hes going to cut it#so they help him cut it as short as he can its about d own to rands length#and he lets it grow out#its brown and curly and fluffy but for once in almost 10 years its healthy#rambling#phever dreams with phantom#jrwi#jrwi bitb#kian stone#I wanna write a fic about this but im in time ou t
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Teyvat's "Most Down Bad" Award Goes to Alhaitham for a Second Year Running
Seeing everyone making fun of Alhaitham for his "stalkerish" tendencies in this event is funny, because I feel like a lot of people missed that "Be literally everywhere Kaveh is" has been Alhaitham's MO from the day Kaveh appeared in the game.
From only grabbing his house keys after Kaveh returned from the desert (he couldn't have had both sets of keys at the end of the Archon Quest unless he went home and got Kaveh's copy) to ditching conversations to get back to his house only after Kaveh came home, to showing up without any warning or explanation in Kaveh's hangout with some ridiculous excuse about hearing his voice through noise-cancelling headphones... Refusing to offer any help in the Temple of Silence story quest other than staying in the library with Kaveh...
Since when does Alhaitham willingly cover anyone else's duties?
But this trend of "Be everywhere Kaveh is" didn't start when they were adults. It was already in place when they were still Akademiya students--and it's a trend that didn't end even when they had their fight.
Even when they weren't speaking, Alhaitham dogged Kaveh's every step through published responses to Kaveh's research articles in academic journals. He insisted on keeping a line of communication between himself and Kaveh open, even if the only way to do that was through very public ideological clashes. Pulling Kaveh's pigtails to get his attention lolol. It's implied that, for at least the few years between their fight and Kaveh moving in, this was the only communication between them--Alhaitham's refusal to allow their connection to entirely fade away. (And the fact that this is revealed in Kaveh's character stories--through his precious journal that records the moments of his life that had the most impact on him--shows just how deeply he values the fact that Alhaitham didn't give up.)
Another relevant side note: Alhaitham never asked Kaveh to give up his half of their house. Knowing half of it belonged to Kaveh, knowing that Kaveh may one day want to reclaim his part of it, knowing that it was listed as theirs, Alhaitham moved into the house and made zero effort to change its ownership. He was completely fine with living in "his and Kaveh's house." The stories suggest it was only months later (or even longer) that Kaveh even noticed he had the house, and he transferred away ownership of his portion without Alhaitham ever asking him (or even seemingly wanting him) to do so.
Please, let that sink in. Alhaitham actively left his grandmother's (presumably comfortable) house to move into "his and Kaveh's house," with no apparent explanation for why, and after doing so, he made no attempt to change that "his and Kaveh's" label. He moved into the house with no promise that Kaveh wouldn't show up on the doorstep the very next day and move in too. It almost feels like another deliberate provocation--I've moved into our house, are you going to come stop me? LBR, if Alhaitham had had his way, Kaveh would have been living there with him from Day 1...
There's also the fact that Kaveh literally can't write on a single message board anywhere in the entire nation of Sumeru without Alhaitham hunting his messages down and responding to them (which absolutely no one else does, by the way).
"NUH-UH!" "UH-HUH." "NUH-UH!"
Alhaitham's own character stories tell us explicitly that one of Alhaitham's defining character traits is "He is never where you need him to be," yet somehow...
Shot, and chaser:
Any time Kaveh is in the slightest bit of need or danger or just wants Alhaitham near, Alhaitham is "coincidentally" exactly where Kaveh needs him to be, whenever Kaveh needs him to be there.
Alhaitham didn't just "happen" to run into Kaveh in Port Ormos, an entirely different city from where he was supposed to be working. He didn't just "happen" to read the same terrible book as Kaveh when we know he otherwise would not waste a moment of his time on poorly-written literature...
He didn't just "happen" to appear when Kaveh was upset and needed a distraction in the House of Daena during Kaveh's hangout. He didn't just "happen" to be sitting around waiting when Kaveh needed answers after the Archon Quest. He didn't just "happen" to find Kaveh's academic publications and every single message board posting and respond to them at length and in public.
The only person for whom Alhaitham just "happens" to be available is Kaveh, over and over and over again--because he is very deliberately making himself a constant presence in Kaveh's life.
Which is exactly what Kaveh's mother told Kaveh he needed.
(Like, out of all things, I think people really underestimate the devs deliberately paralleling the romantic relationship between Kaveh's mother and father with Kaveh and Alhaitham's relationship. If you want to point to one thing that says "These two characters are intentionally queer-coded," it doesn't get any more obvious than this.)
Alhaitham, are you not embarrassed to be this transparent??? 🫣
#genshin impact#haikaveh#kavetham#alhaitham#kaveh#I wasn't even looking for half these screencaps#I was just scrolling through the content and “Oops; there's another one”#imagine thinking it's a “coincidence” to run into someone in a desert that stretches hundreds to thousands of miles#I say this in the most positive way possible#but I think Alhaitham might actually need an intervention#bro is reading PULP FICTION for a man#checking the message boards daily for updates from a dude he already lives with#skipping work to do favors for his favorite#I would say his Kaveh hyper-focus is impacting his quality of life#but Kaveh IS his quality of life so...#do you think the merchants in the market are getting savvy#when they see Alhaitham coming they're just like#“Oh Mister Alhaitham! Mister Kaveh was really admiring this painting the last time he came through--”#how many times do you think Alhaitham's brought home new foods only to never buy them again because Kaveh didn't like them?#we could end world deforestation with Alhaitham's pining alone
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there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love
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what kind of underwear do you think Erik and Charles wear (i'm not asking this to see them half naked) ((please believe me)) (((PLEASE)))
My Personal Belief is charles is a briefs guy while erik's a trunks guy. trunks/briefs kinda couple because i can
and idk just a lil bonus or somethin. as i do.
#nsft#probably. again A Promotion Would Be In Order From Me Personally but WHATEVER.#cherik#im too tired to tag everything ok this post'll find its people#snap sketches#not too tired for a tag ramble tho eUUGGHHH#i HAVE to post the second bit now or ill be editing it all night and for what. i will live#and my silly ass said i wouldnt draw that reading idea. well guess what im a LIAR who LIES.#i do wanna revisit that proper tho .. at least draw em by the fireplace someday but anyway#i think the funny thing is i had like. plans to draw charles in purple briefs just cause he wore them once and i chortled Unreasonably#so here we are. youll have to forgive me my friend i have a condition called If I Get An Excuse To Draw I Will#it is a very serious condition cause i need to SLEEEEPP truly and honestly locking in later i HAVE to#leaving all of you with this for the next idk twelve hours thats crazy#all i want to do is draw but i feel my eyes . Getting Weird and i have exams so i guess i should be a responsible person and sleep#i actually have a lot i need to catch up on so like. i prob wont be back on until this weekend when im Hopefully more free#'snap didnt you say that last night' I HAVE TO BE SERIOUS THIS TIME i got a lot. so i will see everyone saturday Hopefully#please give me the strength to focus for once thank you#for now good night everyone !!! please enjoy my doodlings from today. yesterday. i must not make any more for now
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katnep is the type of ship you'd expect nepeta to try really hard and dress all cutely and karkat be a bit more lazy and wear the same clothes BUT if we're all being honest karkat would absolutely dress up all fancy and nepeta would wear her usual clothes. karkat would go to kanaya in a heartbeat, kanaya would try to reach out to nepeta but nepeta will not comply.
bonus points if kanaya continues to try and make something pretty but also comfortable and fitting for nepetas tastes but it backfires because she then never takes it off and kanaya has to watch it very clearly become worn and ruined as nepeta rolls around in dirt. Kanaya accounted for that of course, but nepeta somehow surpassed her expectations anyways
i think youre totally completely right
#katnep#karnep#karkat#karkat vantas#nepeta#nepeta leijon#nepkat#hs#homestuck#liv safe#asks!#my art#art#hehe im in a pixely mood rn#but no i think youre so right#hard to imagine karkat not putting his whole romancussy into his partner < why did i say it like that#anything nep puts on shes immediately figuring out how to tear it so she can move more freely in it lmfao#bc no yeah like ah maybe karkat would put less effort in since in canon he's not crazy about her but like. if he were though?#and if nepeta was already comfortable with him and didnt feel the need to prove herself to him? cozy nepeta time#'karkat why are you wearing that. we have a roll in the dirt date today'#ill post this now but rb it in the morning since no ones gonna see it rn lmfao
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Kinda want to write a Spock POV post-fal-tor-pan fic where Spock sees Jim and is instantly whammed with the fact that he's in love with him, but still has no idea why or what that means, so he just goes around with a knot of love tangled in his mind, utterly baffled as to why it's there or how to figure it out. He can't ask the kolinahr adepts, because it feels un-vulcan, so instead he's just. confusedly pining the entire time.
Jim smiles sappily at him and Spock's like "My Heart Is Beating Faster. Why Is My Heart Beating Faster. There Is No Cause For My Heart To Be Beating Faster. Do I Have Tachycardia."
Spock, to McCoy: Doctor, is there history of heart disease in my family?
Bones, suspicious: Yes? Why? (already surreptitiously scanning Spock w/ a tricorder)
Spock: I have noticed concerning irregularities in my heart beat. They occur primarily around Admiral Kirk.
Bones, freezing: Repeat that for me, Spock?
Spock: I have noti-
Bones: No, not that, the next bit! Where they happen!
Spock: Ah. Around Admiral Kirk.
[FIVE MINUTES LATER]
Spock, annoyed: Doctor, cease laughing. I fail to understand what part of my medical condition you find so amusing.
Bones, still wheezing with laughter: Don't - don't you worry your little head about it, Spock. You're not sick, that's the important thing. (interrupts himself by laughing again) You'll (wheeze) figure it out eventually.
(Spock, disgruntled, gives up on him and leaves.)
(McCoy keeps laughing for another ten minutes.)
#*sprays myself with water* stop. bad fool. no starting new projects until you have finished at LEAST two old projects#me taking the inherent angst of “post-resurrection memory loss” and saying “but what if we get silly with it”#he's been alive for two blinks and doesn't know what love is but boy howdy is he feeling it#probably to keep the lighter tone we can assume that kirk doesn't actually realize that spock doesn't remember that they were married#he's just like “my husband is alive again!!! <3<3<3”. he is unaware that spock has zero knowledge OR that spock is pining pathetically#so kirk is being Soft and supportive to spock knowing that he needs time to come back to terms with his emotions while spock is ??<3??#kirk thinks that they're on the same page about mending their relationship. while spock has no idea there WAS one Or that he Wants one#spock: jim has invited me to dinner once again. my heartrate increased due to both the invitation and admiral kirk's proximity.#the meaning of this is unclear. i may be ill. i have no desire to limit my interactions with the admiral however. therefore i shall attend.#kirk: i'm going on a date with my husband!!!!! <3<3<3 who is cute and flustered all the time because his mind is a little fuzzy!! <3<3#tos#star trek movies#tsfs#star trek#star trek the original series#star trek the search for spock#james t kirk#spock#spirk#k/s#bones mccoy
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im sorry but i choose to believe that tim drake is the most insufferable "my man, my man, my man" girl about bear. he does not shut up about him. steph is cooking smth in the kitchen? oh my man can do that. bear cooks really well. dick triaging some poor victim on an emergency site? oh my man is really good at that. mhmm, bear is on his way to becoming a paramedic. damian building something? oh my man is really good with power tools. have you ever seen him build ikea? it takes him less than an hour. for our anniversary, he built me a coffee table. mhmm isn't he amazing? yeah my man did that. yeah my man, mhmm that's my ma-
#and on and on and on#like it never fucking stops#jason gets a tattoo? tim manifests in the tattoo parlor to talk about his man's tattoos#'yeah they're sooo gorgeous! he has a grasshopper over his heart cause that's what he calls me! yeah that's like his little nickname for me#'and there's two cardinals in flight on his forearms! isn't that sooo cute!!! he says he's keeping me with him!!!'#and like everyone thought is was cute at first bc like first gay relationship!!! let tim gush about his boyfriend!!!#but then it like quickly and i mean quickly became annoying#like dick puts on his police uniform and tim immediately is like 'have you seen my man in his paramedic uniform? dont his biceps#look so good in it? and he's providing service for those in need without being a pig! isn't my man so great!'#and dick just has to sit there with his eye twitching bc the last time he tried to defend his police job the whole family laughed so hard#they almost cried.#also i hope you know that all of tim's lines are said in a valley girl accent. with the tone of a woman who is so fucking annoying about#her man. like he's the kinda guy at sunday brunch 2 mimosas deep trying to one up bart on like who has the better bf#spoiler alert bart wins only for the sole fact that he's not annoying about kon the way tim is about bear#meanwhile the rest of the group is creating enough of a ruckus that they're like 2 seconds away from getting kicked out of dennys#and while i would like to say that bear knows about this i just think that he has such hearteyes for tim that it completely flies over his#head. like he sees tim and he turns into a fucking idiot. he's putting in the saline line wrong he's doing chest compressions on a guy#who is perfectly fine. he's letting the steak burn on the stove#so theyre like both fucking useless together. and i think that's love.#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber
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endless love!
[ID Two drawing collage pages of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. In the first collage, top corner, Wolfwood looks upwards disgruntled with a flushed expression, lying against a pillow, as his hair is being pet by Vash's hand. Next shows Vash and Wolfwood from behind, Wolfwood with his top bare and hickies covers around his nape area. Vash lifts hair away from his nape and asks, "More?" Wolfwood nervously says, "No." Next is a side profile of Vash, his arms around Wolfwood from behind while Wolfwood rests his hands against Vash's arms. Next to this are two smaller drawings; Vash turns to Wolfwood and says repetitively, "Wolfwood, Wolfwood..." Wolfwood, not looking at him, says "What?" He finally turns his head and looks shocked as he exclaims, "So close!" Vash says plainly, "You just noticed?" Below these is a drawing of Vash and Wolfwood sitting together as Vash kisses and hugs him from behind with his right arm around Wolfwood's neck and his left hand around his side. He also has his right leg propped against Wolfwood's knee. Bottom of the page has a comic. Wolfwood looks annoyed, speaking to himself, "Where is that idiot?! Need to get out of town before--" A chat bubble exclaims, "Wolfwood!" The next panel shows Vash running from the townspeople, small text saying "Get him! Vash the stampede!". Wolfwood, mad and about to pull the Punisher off his shoulder, says, "Argh, you fucking dumbass!" Vash exclaims, "Ah, don't!" before pulling Wolfwood into a quick kiss. He then tugs on Wolfwood's collar and says, "There's no need to shoot, just run!" Wolfwood stammers, "R-right..." with a flushed, dumbstruck expression.
Second collage; Top left, Wolfwood spoons Vash in bed, his arms around his chest and the other beneath Vash's head. Vash has his hand on top of Wolfwood's as he sleeps while Wolfwood lies awake. Behind this drawing is faint sketches of Vash's face. In a small panel, Wolfwood hides in Vash's neck as he mumbles to himself "Stop. Stop thinking embarrassing things, Wolfwood..." Beneath this drawing is another of them in bed, Vash now turned to Wolfwood and a hand on his cheek as he kisses him good morning. In a simpler style, Vash wraps an arm tightly around wolfwood with the text "snork mimimi" next to him while Wolfwood says, "We need to get up. Spikey! HEY!" In this corner, there are faint sketches of Vash and Wolfwood; one of them looking at each other; Vash kissing Wolfwood's forehead; Wolfwood saying, "Hand" with an outstretch hand and Vash says "ok" behind a drawing of them holding hands, both turned away from each other shyly. Next is a 4 panel comic. First shows Wolfwood's face getting squished by Vash's hands with the text "squish" around his face. Next, his cheeks are stretched with the text "Chee--" Wolfwood then hits Vash's face with his palm, exclaimining "That hurts!" The last shows Vash on Wolfwood's lap, smiling to himself as he continues to have Wolfwood's face in his hands. Next to this is another comic; A close up of their hands, Vash holding Wolfwood's with both of his. He then kisses the palm of Wolfwood's palm and says, "They're soft!" Wolfwood looks at him with flushed cheeks, "There's no way that's true..." END ID]
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#just posting first for now!!! wanted to have these two spreads together grah#ive been weirdly selective when it comes to posting on tumblr but i really need to start dropping everything from twitter/insta onto here...#anyway what is there to say... i like to just draw them being in love and silly. there are so many flavors to vw#and i so happened to really enjoy the intimate sickeningly affectionate aspect of it... lays down...#give these two touch and loved starved selfless individuals the chance to pour their entire being into loving the other....#thoguh in particular i drew these both for wolfwood wednesday (which is everyday to me) so theyre wolfwood centric#i think for some time i was just seeing a lot of work of vash being loved by wolfwood and obviously that makes sense#ww loves that fool so much and will love him two times as much for the love vash refuses to give himself#but i also love wolfwood and desperately needed to see wolfwood being loved so i drew it#bc it goes both ways... i def believe that ww would be adamant about giving affection to vash at first bc vash would hesitate asking#but once he gets comfortable vash's love pours and he'd noticed too that ww avoids getting spoiled affectionately bc of his own issues#vash is. stubborn to me. more so than wolfwood. he will destroy him with love!!!!!!!!!!!#and wolfwood will adjust and get used to it. being loved. loving. steadily but slowly as his days are filled with soft touches and reminders#that he's being handled gently and with care for the first time in a long time#ruporas art
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obsessed w the doctor fully turning his back on clara after this statement (physically and emotionally cutting himself off) and, feeling unmoored, pulling the console lever to exert some kind of control over the situation. he then continues to put space between himself and clara only to spin around, having undone several jacket buttons, and specifically shows off the red lining interior—symbolic of his emotional vulnerability in this moment. he asks her what she thinks of him (as a person), disguising it as a question about the new outfit.
#ive had this one gathering dust in the drafts for months but the gifset i rbed earlier made me rmbr it#(also im doing a little s8 rewatch. as a treat)#this makes me fucking crazy every time i watch the episode. I need people to know#and i mean yes a part of this scene is to show off the new outfit but There's layers to it. as with everything to do w twelve and clara#and then right after this clara says she doesn’t think she knows him anymore#and peter capaldi delivers a facial expression so heartbroken it makes him look years younger. ykwim. he suddenly looks very fragile#anyway#dw#doctor who#clara oswald#twelfth doctor#twelveclara#12#clara#clara + dr#**
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happy pride month. i did not make this up for th ememe
#knight rider#kr#michael knight#kitt#art#doodles#comic#gay#knight rider fanart#mk2000#this has happened in at least.... 2 or 3 episodes i think#that's kinda gay michael#kitt was either going to say he's not an infant or something about how that's a word he only hears directed at attractive women#and michael is not. going to deal with one of those answers. doesn't even wanna know which he was going to ask#im going downtown tonight if i die and this was the last post on my blog it would be so so so so so funny#anyway my mom and my aunt both follow my instagram and watched knight rider in the 80s. so. i embrace whatever happens ;;#im still thinking about ''why dont You ever get me flowers'' or however that line went.#likE YEAH MICHAEL YOUR CAR HAS SAVED YOUR LIFE *NUMEROUS* TIMES. GET HIM SOME FLOWERS.#SCREAMS. why is this show so fruity i feel insane#gio if you see this when you build your kitt you need to take him to pride parades with little rainbow flags stuck off the windows#FLAG is only one letter away from F-
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fellas. fellas. listen. qui-gon does express affection towards obi-wan, he just does it in the divorced dad way.
that's his love language, despite never having been married, divorced or had a kid.
#having to be reminded the child need to be fed clothed and watered cause he survives off just tea? yeah. divorced dad behaviour.#no idea how to say i love you so just hands the child random trinkets (rocks)#forgetting how old the kid is and accidentally exposing them to or taking them along on adventures that they're definitely too young for#i do think obi wan mentions he likes one food when he's 13 and that's all qui gon feeds him forever#trust me i am the leading source on this my father has been divorced THREE TIMES#qui gon jinn#qui gon and obi wan#obi wan kenobi#star wars
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nahhh bro 💀💀💀💀
#ava#animator vs animation#alan becker#ava victim#ava agent#mygod this is so fucking stupid#im sorry for this it was a late night thought and it was so hilarious to think about#he does kinda look like an alan though the more i look at him#new name hc dropped /JOKES#also stickizens is what im calling outernet sticks from now on hehe#this is also an attempt at a comic and writing dialogue for these two so please tell me what you think#“LILAC YOUCOULD HAVE JUST SAID HUMAN NAMES...” SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHHSHSHHSHHH lets jsut say they do not know about the word human please#i may have overthought this a little haha sorry#ihave edited this somnay times i need sleep#lilacsart
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Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)
#dc comics#dc#batfamily#batman#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#dick grayson#cassandra cain#duke thomas#anyway. zdarsky run sure is something huh?#its still so funny to me that half of 148 was leaked a few days before like someone has it OUT for that book over at bleeding cool ig#i don't necessarily think this theory will come true I'm just imagining how stupid it would be if it did#I'm not super happy with the dialogue in the cass+duke+dick comic but i felt my og dialogue might've read too fanon#mainly just bc cass' last sentence was originally shorter/just ellipses and duke said smthin like ''wait? villain arc?''#which you could easily find in wayne family adventures. even tho it would've been appropriate for this situation 😭#now the dialogue just sounds kind of generic (esp cass') and it's BOTHERING ME AUGHH. this is the comic book fandom panopticon /j#anyway Bruce is in the retirement home in this scenario /j#me n my friends were talking over discord and came up w the cursed scenario that jason is tims robin in this (apart of the 'redemption' arc#-that he's been nail gunned with in this run. god this run is so weird when it comes to jason. like it doesn't outright dislike him-#-like it clearly does damian and (more obviously) cass steph and duke) but the tone of everything w jason is still bizarre#god. anyway yeah i didn't draw him but please picture grown man tank Jason in the robin undies (ala tt 03 but dare i say better)#also the dick being silly sketch was bc the issue i was reading had damian refer to dick as 'jolly'#specifically like ''unreasonably jolly'' or something like that (god i love when ppl find dicks cheerfulness deeply unsettling hehehe)#and i thought it was so funny. bc damian met dick when we has going through his ''bruce is dead'' depression-#-and STILL thought that dick was extremely unserious. he sees happy dick and is like ''what is wrong w you. genuinely''#but at the same time he loves it#i need to stop reading their batman and robin run so scatteredly (or i can just reread nightwing must die...always a possibility)#anyway yeah 👍 bad sketches be upon you#mine
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I've been doing a lot of reflection as of late, especially after this past class.
This past class was about the Torah and Tanakh in general, and the way the rabbi talked about the commandments (specifically the ten commandments) has made me really reflect on how I interpret them, specifically the fifth commandment, or honoring your mother and father.
This is a commandment I have wrestled with for a long time - in fact, it brought me away from g-d at multiple times. I was severely abused when I was incredibly young by my mother, and I used to feel insulted at the implication that I were to honor her while she got to live a better life. It was hypocritical, in my eyes.
But this rabbi surmised that this particular commandment was because parenthood is an act of creation, something that is like the g-d from which we come from. My realization is this: I don't think we're necessarily meant to take even these commandments literally.
I this particular commandment is more of a call to honor creation - creation is a gift, and like any gift, many people simply will not like it and will discard it. The person who abused me created me, but she did not honor creation. She didn't honor me, but I can still honor it.
I have started to honor creation much more. I'm too young, too unstable, not mature enough to be a father (though I fantasize about it), but I create all the time. I create relationships, I create with my hands through crochet. I create memories, I create my world. And I can honor who I am and where I came from that made me who I am. I've been learning one of the mother tongues of my family (Italian, since part of my family originates there) and it was judaism that inspired me to do this.
I don't think g-d wants me to honor my abuser. I think He wants me to remember the Holy action of creation. When I am a father, that act of creation will be Holy, and indeed, I am already joyful about the thought.
I have seen many people struggle with this particular commandment, but I think this perspective helps me personally. I don't think I ever have to forgive my abusers (plural), and I don't think I am commanded to simply because they happened to be family. I am commanded to recognize the holy, to elevate the mundane. In doing so, I will remember g-d. Through creation, I honor g-d and everything he has done for us, for me, and for our collective people.
#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#abuse tw#i am not sharing this for the sake of pity and i also ask not to be told to divulge my abuse story. that isn't relevant#i have been needing to engage with this topic for a long time though and judaism has helped me a bit in navigating healing#but i decided to share this publicly in the hopes it will help other survivors specifically of familial/parental abuse#i know how it feels (in general). it's so lonely and you can really harbor (understandable) baggage about this particular commandment#i have a meeting with My Rabbi (sponsoring rabbi) and i might bring this up. we've only spoken once face-to-face (zoom)#so that might be really Intense to bring up to him but he is very kind and i trust him (which is why he is My Rabbi)#and he has already told me that he WANTS me to wrestle with g-d and His word *with* him#again i am posting this publicly so i can document my thoughts and keep them straight but also with the hope it MIGHT help others#if it even *casually* inspires another survivor i will feel so grateful (though it is THEIR achievement and not mine to claim)#i want us to survive. i want us to eat well. i want us to smile#i will say that this must be a very sudden whiplash in tone from my last post about sex. from sex to awful horrific abuse#my stream of consciousness is just Like This though in the sense that i have very sudden realizations and tonal whiplashes#so you're just getting a very frank look into how my brain is structured and what my brain thinks are important enough to think about#if i seem much more verbose it's because i needed to write this on my laptop which makes typing and more importantly yapping even *easier*
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me personally. i wouldn't have gone after all the olympians at once. you're biting off more than you can chew here. all you would need to do is take each olympian out one by one. and then convince demigods that once enough people stop believing in a diety, that diety ceases to exist. which is not a lie. and you could use the death of pan to back yourself up. sure, you'd be in it for the long haul. but chess isn't meant to be a quick game.
#sometimes i identify the faults in kronos's plan and think of how i'd do a much better job#kronos did not need to summon an army in five years time#all he needed to do was allow luke monologue about how the gods will be their own undoing#and let luke pretend to almost kill percy in tlt#and then watch as the gods continue to prove luke right through using percy and his friends as pawns#and the gods would have been too caught up in their hubris to realize what was happening#let the gods destroy themselves#and the distrut will grown organically#had they been just a little more patient#this could have worked#albiet it is immoral so...there's that i guess😒😒#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#revolt against the gods#the battle of manhattan#i'd call it “the downfall of olympus” lol#if i had a nickel for everytime i thought of a better plan than kronos#i'd have two nickels#gods what does that say about me?
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Sandra-Lynn and Sklonda are having a "What Do We Do About Kristen" phone call as we speak
#dimension 20#dimension 20 spoilers#brennan lee mulligan#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20 fhjy#d20 fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#sklonda gukgak#sandra lynn faeth#riz gukgak#fig faeth#kristen applebees#like kristen IS a good friend and she DOES appreciate riz and fig but she is a mess#like as mothers of two deeply troubled children it makes sense they're comcerned#if my daughter the self-sacrificing ticking time bomb said she was ignoring a CURSE because she was busy with her friend's campaign???#or if my son needed me to pull over to take a nap because the SAME GIRL was stressing him out so much??#i think because we live outside the universe and love kristen it's easy to forget#kristen went from being the 'good kid' that the bad kids corrupted to the bad influence that worries their mothers#thinking about ally saying that kristen this season is when chaos is no longer cute#speaking of which this scene did make me realize how little the Thistlesprings check up on gorgug#ik they're trying though so imma give them a pass#like kristen has NO proper guidance on how to enter adulthood#i GUESS jawbone but Jawbone isn't raising her so much as he is housing her#What Kristen REALLY needs is to have one singular adult want to be her parent#She doesn't HAVE a proper sandra lynn or sklonda checking in on her#she has her ex-girlfriend's uncle#if kristen had someone looking out for her we wouldn't BE in this situation
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