#so easy and comfy to use
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stargazer
#THEY HAVE RISEN#rain world#slugcat#rw slugcat#the watcher#rw watcher#rw the watcher#rw nightcat#stargazer#star#procreate is my fav graphic software now#so easy and comfy to use#2024
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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being like 5’2” - 5’4” is so attractive to me like omg ur head fits right under my chin and right in my tits ♡ let me hold you. i love being a tall girl
#im not picky about height. i do have a preference for shorter ppl tho 🙈#i just like being bigger hehe. like augh i love how u fit in my arms i love how i curl around u when we spoon i can hold u so close#im basically a giant teddy bear that holds u back n keeps u cozy. but also being small means ur so easy to fold n toss around 😩💕#i want to be big and comfy like.. my arms r always a good place to relax 💆🏾♀️#we can trade places sometimes‚ i won't say no 😏💕 but i wanna take care of you 💐🧎🏾♀️ this is already fulfilling for me#literally the most peaceful thing in the world#also luv to lean down or get on my knees sometimes for someone shorter than me. i am a hugger i am wrapping my arms#around ur waist and squeezing us together (but not too much). i enjoy being pressed against each other#having to hug someone over the shoulders out of convenience is always like nooo i give really good hugs i promise#lost the plot here folks.. this is a short person appreciation post ♡ that was very hot of you#my easily excitable heart thanks u 🙈 im so drawn to u like waow 👉🏾👈🏾 hi#god..
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Gratitude time
#today im doing it because it's easy and im overflowing with thankful things#very often i do it because it's hard#probably good to remember it CAN be easy#anyway#thankful for my team im gonna be travelling with and the enciuragement they are#its good to remember i am not on this ceazy ride alone#thankful for a genuinely good rich fulfilling day of class/prep#and the stories of God’s amazing provision from an incredible middle eastern guy who shared with us#and for the moroccan lady i met who now somehow is cooking us lunch tomorrow so now i get to try moroccan food#and her hospitality#and for a good comfy bed and the gift of a private room this qeek#and wifi cuz hey that's a bonus (not to be taken for granted this next month)#and a remarkable number of solutions for dumb lil problems#and for the fact that my goodby with The Boy tonight (the big goodbye. for 8 months)#which both of us were dreading because yknow the Big Sad#didnt actually hit either of us emotionally while we were together#which was such a gift. we got to spend 3 hours together just being peaceful and present and having good conversations#and thinking about how to do dating well this year#and praying together#and it was just. so good#and i am so so glad i get to date him this year and share this crazy thing with him even though itvis gonna be really really hard sometimes#and he made me a bracelet to take with me 🥺
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Ryuji my boyyyyyyy……..
#chattin#strikers liveblog#he is just so cute in strikers#i mean i loved him already but hes way more of a good boy here#hes less ‘dumb’ and more loud about things which fits him way better#making more suggestions to the team thats good?#im really appreciating him being treated as less of a shit comic relief#cause now its split between him futaba and yusuke lol#its not laid on as thick u know? theyre treated as serious characters…..i miss it….#also not related to the comic relief but like#sophia doing the WHOOOOOSH and WOWOWOWOOWOWOWOWWOWOOOOOOW sounds#w ryuji going ???? at first#and now he makes the sounds too LOL….it is so easy for him to get used to the weirdness and get along#ALSO#im in the snow city; thinking of his cute comment about sitting next to the heater-#cause its so toasty….. comfy lil mans….
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And here is the Isagi one, again, with different rendering method
#ブルーロック#blue lock#bllk#illustration#isagi yoichi#yoichi isagi#blue lock fanart#bllk fanart#i love isagi sm#W SAGI#no anatomical error this time (i think so)#maybe i would use this rendering method from now on#bcs it's comfy and easy to use#a bit enjoyably stressing tho#magician costume#illustrator#art#anime fanart#fanart#drawing#gambar
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Yeah of course I’m still thinking about plushies, what else (Patreon)
Most specifically thinking about magnets again - there’s the obvious of putting it in their hands so they can hold hands!
Of course if they’re on the same side i.e. right hand gets south polarity, left gets north, they’d only be able to hold opposite hands, so no handshakes (but I think that’s fine personally haha)
But on top of hands they could also have magnets behind their mouth! Kiss-magnets! My only real concern is the fabric pulling and developing kiss-wrinkles from being pressed against each other haha
They’d also be able to giggle with their palms to their mouths hehe, how cute! It’d depend on their kiss polarity
Which would of course depend on ship compatibility! Max has to be able to kiss Dex and Caleb, so if that makes it that Caleb and Dex can’t kiss, I mean that’s just an unfortunate side effect haha
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#ZEX#And kinda-sorta Caleb under the cut - mostly construction speculations#Gah I want themst as plushies so baaaad#Baby steps thataway - I'm still unsure with the fabric I'm using but everything testing! Every little step forward!#Just the thought of getting to play with them hehe ���#Also personally-funny haha - that black shirt has a gold zipper pocket on the front so it's a little like VUX medals to me hehe#Fun fun#I'll get to play with them eventually!!! I will!#Until then the speculations are still enjoyable :) About the different accessories to have on offer hehe#Since they'd have static faces what would be a good way to imply sleepies? Too scary to be tucked in with wide eyes lol#A sleep mask makes him look sleepy <3 I wonder what his PJs are like :0 Even when I drew him wandering around at night#I still defaulted to his usual shirt style but I've seen him in a T shirt! :0 Comfy cozy#Guess it depends on the season as well haha tho I imagine the Vyer estate has central air hmmm#Anyhow lol - poor ZEX! It'd be too easy to cover his plushie in stitches to denote Them and his MU and everything :')#I also like the idea of little velcro/magnetic accessories to attach to the face - so like he has the empty socket and a little patch aw#Would like very much to try dry-dying(?) his hair with the green tips as well - like putting that plush-blush on the cheeks but hair instead#It should be possible right!#Speculating hair shapes for Max - I think bangs embroidered right to the face are very cool! But I like the idea of flipping his bangs up#Not like Super long to give him an emo fringe or anything lol but just enough to cover like his upper lash line :)#Attachment parts are interesting for sure - almost gotta make like a wig-style design to go over his head! :0#But imagining the final version with him so cute and self-pleased and squishy and throwable haha <3 He's too cute!#All the stuff under the cut is fairly well-contained explained I think haha#Looks strange in a kind of x-ray breakdown but hopefully it'd be invisible once they're constructed! No weird pulling hopefully hopefully#Sure doesn't make polyships any easier sheesh - what if I want them all to kiss! What if I want them to kiss everyone!!!#Magnets and their binary polarity smh just gotta invent a dual-attraction haha
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I started rewatching Peaky Blinders and my god I love the overall mood and cinematography of the series so much. Haven't painted in a looong time but I felt inspired and decided to use my love for the show as a way to get some actual practice in.
I have been meaning to try to teach me some painting theory and general things for ages so here is the first attempt at trying to copy a scene. It's the first time I've done a study like that so it isn't the best and certainly not the most accurate but that's what learning is for, isn't it?
#sly draws#i don't find it too shabby#but my patience ran out halfway through so it's unfinished#better to start something and not finish it in one go than to never start it in the first place#which i do a lot#especially when it won't be perfect in the first try#i know I'm rambling but posting something like that is not easy for me#so i'm using this as another sort of training to get me comfy with my art and it not being perfect from the get go#if it ever will be
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getting gnc with it out & about at math meetup (or wherever)
#of course you have a zillion idea for faves' Looks. & also simultaneously none; if you're me#here's one: just the combo Different But Overlapping W/More Usual approach#easy to imagine winston Stays comfy to a sufficient degree &/or oft sticks to a Default kind of outfit approach. but anything's possible#like shaking things up gently for taylor too. always appropriate. ideal person from work to run into; as is often true#they can't make you link up that little taylor sketch w/any Sequence here. it can be its own independent taylor reaction lol#w/their slightly raised shoulders / all the more elevated [expressions i particularly like] it creates momentum like#well now i'd go and elevate winston's [expressions i particularly like] even more lol. the Especially Enjoyed trademarks/classics....#and of course we do not have winston running into taylor without Also being 💖😳 about it. what's Ever going on around here#tayston#winston billions#corned beef#winston's little a gnc with it even just in his tees & cargo pants. no normativity out here. genderdivergent & neurononconforming#i Did move to add sparkly gold eyeliner?shadow? take your pick b/c [Autistacity Shoutout]#taylor's outfit coloration based on [picked a medium grey like a tanktop akd had] & then was going to have spun off from a deep purple or#more like the burgundy taylor wears but a much lighter color would've just been more helpful w/all the Other lighter colors; like the lines#namely the lines showing up against it....so; stunningly; a bit more light blue for us all lol#another moment of pencil lineart but this time drawn today vs months ago. some digital editing; all digital coloring#as inaccessibly discussed prior....epic highs & triumphs of spontaneous sorts of [existing outside work's hostile environment] meetups#yes this is hoodie vs hoodie moments (they would never fight) (they may kiss???) (go back several tags & peruse things)
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ARIIIII I WANNA JOIN THE BINGO :333
LOGAN MY BELOVED!!!!! MY STAR IN THE SKY!!!!!!! hehe here is your bingo :33 I HOPE YOU’RE DOING SO WELLL i hope the stardew is valleying…. etcetc…… kissing u softly on the cheek <33
#I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY 🥺#i just feel like. you have such comfy cozy vibes. and i feel like our vibes overlap…. so it’s always so easy to talk 2 u hehe#we’re just :3 :3 <- that’s us <33333#I ADORE OUR CHATS I RLLY DO!!!! i remember our first interaction being . the choso/sugu/gumi rock band 😭😭 PHDKDB#i just always feel so comfy yapping 2 u!!!!!!!!!!!#and!! i feel like. instead of having older/younger sib vibes. you’re the cool gay cousin <3333333#the one i’d try to impress by doing smth stupid phdkdjd 😭#i’m always patting your head n tucking you into bed mentally bc you NEED your sleep n im gonna force your brain to give it 2 u >:3#ANDDD then your writing……. i’m always always snacking on it <333333 it’s always so tasty i’m still thinking abt your zombie au….#i cant WAIT to finally get to your stsg-subtext pieces you have no idea how hyped i am……#i just love u smsmsm 🥺🥺 so happy to have u as my moot u r the sweetie ever <3#ask tag ✩#logan !! ✩
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BG3 is fun because your entire party gets routinely wiped off the board by a brain with legs
#listen I play games for the story#um I need a story mode difficulty becahse im just enjoying myself not using my brain to plan out a battle plan#at least not to start with#and your starting gear is so shitty 😭😭#I’m like ahhhh LAY ON HANDS LAY ON HA - fucking dead my entire party is DEAD#ok will try again later#like I only put dragon age inquisiton on nightmare when I’m going to KE because I’m super comfy with the combat style and I know my build#it’s really fun because it’s challenging#but now that I picked sword and board I changed it to normal because I don’t know how to play#so the turn based combat in bg3 is hard for me and i still don’t understand the mechanics#so I want difficulty modes so I can put it on easy learn to play and get the story#I don’t want a challenge me personally I wanna see the story#so I am patiently waiting for difficulty options ♥️
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there's a lotta sadness and rough shit in the world rn but how joyful that i get to spend my time making others' lives just a little bit easier :)
#genuinely getting so many little joys out of the small ways i can help make life a little gentler on ppl#and they do the same for me!#🧚♀️'s gonna sleep well tonight bc of something i organised! and she brought me chocolate today when i ran out!#[redacted] can rest easy without cockroaches atm bc of a pest control thing i could get her! and the other day she helped make my bed!#another friend could feel comfy dressing up tonight to go see that movie with clothes and skincare i passed on! and she's been teaching us-#muay thai for months now!#on a sad note 💕'a copy of Care Work came today. it's gonna sit on the shelf with her funeral booklet and the little first aid kit a while.#before she left we taught each other so much too. i'm glad she felt comfy w me. i'm glad she was as excited abt our budding friendship as me#happy bday opal#me#ramble#🧚♀️#💕#world pls be kind to my friends
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omg yes!! i knew immortal in a strangers lap had to be yours!!
(also dont feel pressured to answer this btw if you want to keep it quiet/only for people who look)
Ok so, I held onto this for way to long because I wasn't totally sure if I was emotionally ready to claim it as mine but then I was like, the information is out there on my tumblr page if you go looking for it, and despite how dark it is, it is a fic I am weirdly proud of 😂 Thank you so much for reading and I'm going to hope this means you enjoyed it! I don't think I'm going to be claiming in on AO3 any time soon because I think it then sends an email to all of your user subscribers? (Unsure at this time) and THAT I'm not sure if I'm ready for- BUT thank you so much for reading and for reaching out! 🥰 I hope you are having a lovely week and a lovely Christmas if you celebrate! Thank you so much again for your support!
❤️Ally
#allylikethecat#ask ally#anon ask#fanfiction#keep it kind#matty fic#gatty#immoral in a stranger's lap#the ally deep cuts#the secret hidden ally fics if you will#but actually they're pretty easy to find if you go onto my tumblr page on desktop lol#anyway thank you so very much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it#i also hope that no one else is upset by the content after finding out that i wrote it#i do wanna say it is tagged to the best of my abilities!!#its a dark one so i guess ... use your best judgement about what kind of content you're comfy with#merry christmas!
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some autumn outfits~ 🍂🎃
#oc#not fanart#mori kei#hello friends! it's been a while again hasn't it#I meant to post this last month but then forgot I hadn't haha#oh well! if the shops are going to start stocking christmas stuff in october I reserve the right to keep posting halloween stuff in november#holiday creep works both ways now. I don't make the rules sorry#anyway anyway#autumn is the best season for fashion#like... you can layer! you can wear cute sweaters and knit socks and big stompy lace-up boots!#you can replace your head with a pumkin!#pumpkin heads are VERY in at the moment. trust me I'm a fashion design major#the dress on your right is actually one I made myself irl! it's sort of based on a regency morning gown#can confirm it's insanely comfy and very easy to use as an impromptu basket haha#(and yes of COURSE it has pockets what do you take me for)#anyway I hope you're all having a lovely autumn so far! eat some nice stews. jump in some leaves#watch over the garden wall if you haven't already. watch it again if you have#I shall see you anon! hopefully sooner than two months this time though haha
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like yeah i COULD do my calc homework. but i could also rot
#so so sooo so so tired of having a body. im#actually theres an easy and simple solution to this and its to delete instagram#i redownloaded it so i could message some people but ive fallen into the trap of instagram reels#maybe just maybe the constant stream of bbl at home workout lose 27 pounds in six days diet wieiad as a ballerina shy girl workout isnt good#for us. so here is how i am going to crawl out of this hole#i am going to delete instagram. and then i am going to put on comfy clothes#and then i am going to do some laundry#and then i will do my calc work. and afterward i will do something good and easy and relaxing and i wont feel bad for not being productive.#and then on wednesday i will get some lotion (because all my skin is peeling) and some hair dye. maybe red but the jury is still out#and ill cut and dye my hair again. and hopefully feel a little more alive. try to stretch more. that might help. i hope it helps#if u read this far i love u. we will climb out of these holes together even if they take a few tries#my post
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For allies and other genderqueer people...
If you're curious about someone's pronouns and are unsure of their gender, ask personally. If you want to know where someone's landed in a gender journey because where they are has changed from where you knew them- and they've largely yet to tell people- ask personally.
Don't corner someone. Don't confront someone. Just ask casually and privately if you feel you must. Please.
Because otherwise, you're making someone choose between the discomfort of being untrue to themselves or the discomfort of outing themselves in public where that might not be safe.
Don't, for example, ask a "hypothetical" someone in front of a large group- some of whom are complete strangers and some of whom are old friends this person has not seen in literally years- if pronouns have changed. Even if everyone at the table is queer. Don't ask someone this in the middle of a restaurant in ear-shot of other patrons and all the employees. Don't then proceed to yell across the table asking about this person's gender journey and if this person bought a binder and if this person binds, and where this person's transition might go from here. Even if you are genderqueer and at one time explored your gender expression in a similar way.
When this totally "hypothetical" person hedges around the questions with a shrug and an "I don't know," don't press this person. Drop it. Certainly, don't insist on using a different set of pronouns than the ones you were previously familiar with. "How about they/them? I'll use they/them." Because now this person has to choose between being misgendered or coming out in the middle of a fucking restaurant miles away from home and in front of strangers. And even if this person chooses to stay in the closet at that moment by asking you to use old pronouns, you have still made this person choose between being misgendered or coming out in public in front of literal strangers.
And also! Don't tell a totally "hypothetical" dude that he needs to discover the wonders of being involved with women romantically and sexually immediately after he tells you he's a dude and, yes, he likes guys. And don't insist that one day he'll have a sexuality crisis and realize he's "gay" because he probably, truly likes women. And when he corrects you and tells you, "If I'm a dude and I'm exclusively into chicks, that'd make me het," don't double down. Because that tells him that you essentially see him as "girl lite" or a different font of girl. You see him as a chick who's just so quirky that she uses he/him pronouns and goes by an edgy name as a "fuck you" to the patriarchal gender binary, but that's not who HE is.
#gender journey#I had a terrible night last night#I told them to call me Evan and use he/him pronouns#as quietly as I could#and then felt off about it all night#and woke up this morning feeling so wrong#it was the first time my name and pronouns were used in public rather than private- like my home or a friend's home#and it felt foreign and off#nothing like the joy I felt when I came out online#I couldn't stop smiling the first time I told my discord server to change my pronoun preference to he/him#it felt comfy and easy the first time moots greeted me with a 'lil 'Hi Evan'#and I was having trouble this morning reconciling that joy with the fear I felt last night#shouldn't I be happy?#All night I just wanted to put the cat back in the bag#I am still so unsure of myself. I don't think I was ready for a public announcement like that#the difference. I think (besides the anonymity of online allowing me more freedom) is that I came out online on my own terms#I don't like truly public announcements#every time I heard 'he' and 'him' last night it rang in my ears#not in the same way that she/her does; with discordance#but more with unfamiliarity and peculiarity#like I was experiencing a ten-second lag all night#I'm not yet used to the sound of my new name#it might be too different from the name I've been hearing for the last 26 yrs of my life#but a part of me feels backed into the corner#I told them my name. And now there's no going back#I can't walk back into the closet#I wasn't ready. Plain and simple#my dysphoria with being afab is also just hitting really hard today
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