#so ask me anything and i'll probably answer
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Part 11
“So… am I in purgatory?” asked the soul when I'd brought over a couple of chocolate chip cookies.
“I guess you could call it that. I call it the realm between Life and Death, or the in-between. Essentially the concept is the same.”
A small sigh escaped the soul. “Now I'm afraid I may not go where I was hoping,” they said.
“Don't be discouraged. This isn't what I was expecting either.” Memories and fears tried to surface in my mind, but I pushed them down. “Do you remember your name?”
“It was… Sam.”
“I'm glad to meet you, Sam. I'm sorry that one of the other patrons made your welcome less pleasant than it should have been.”
“That's alright,” Sam answered. “I can't say I blame them, in light of the current… ah, circumstances.”
I raised an eyebrow and studied this easy-going soul for a moment. “You seem to be taking this rather calmly,” I said. “What you're feeling is none of my business, but if there's anything you'd like to talk about, I'm all ears.”
A small smile appeared on Sam’s face. “I appreciate that, but honestly, even though this isn't what I was expecting to see, I have faith I'll end up where I'm supposed to be.”
I nodded. “Until then, let me know if you'd like a refill or something to eat.”
“Thank you. You're a kind soul.”
“So are you, Sam.”
Leaving Sam at the counter with his coffee, I eyed the section of the cafe where Wade had taken the other newly-arrived soul. Taking a small breath, I headed over and nodded.
“Hello again. I'd like to properly introduce myself. My name is Rose, and this is my cafe. You're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like, provided you remain respectful of others. You're welcome to ask me anything, but I may not have all the answers.”
The soul glanced at Wade, who was seated across from them and looking like he wasn't about to move any time soon.
“Would you mind bringing me a cup of coffee? As strong as you can make it?” came the carefully polite reply.
“Sure thing. Would you like anything to eat?”
“I doubt you'd have it, but a poppyseed muffin would be nice.”
“I've got some from a batch I made earlier—I’ll be right back. Coffee black, right?”
A startled nod.
“Isn't she great?” Wade beamed as he settled back and put his arms behind his head.
Smiling and shaking my head as I went back to the counter, one of the other patrons drew my attention for a refill, and by the time I finally returned to Sam, his cup was empty.
“Sorry about that,” I said as I poured some fresh brew into his cup. “I try not to let my patrons’ cups get completely empty.”
“No apologies necessary,” Sam said. “This coffee is probably the best I've ever had.”
I thanked him with a smile. “And you're one of the politest souls I've ever waited on,” I replied.
As I went back out into the cafe to bring everyone their refills and plates, I couldn't help but hope within my heart that Sam found the peace he was looking for, and I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was sorely missed by the family he'd left behind.
You run a café on the edge of life and death. Souls who have been departed from their bodies temporarily, such as in comas or near-death experiences, can relax in your quaint cafe for as long as they need before they can either return to their bodies or begin their journey to the afterlife.
24K notes
·
View notes
Note
I freaking love alabastards so much! Its like vol 1 Weiss and Jaune who got tired of taking shit for being too nice!
I so need more!
Would it be too much to ask for Alabastards on winter break or something?
"Hello, Arc."
"Weiss."
"How is your winter break?"
"Good. Yours?"
"My winter break is also going well." Weiss turned away. "Not that you'd know anything about proper grammar anyways."
"Oh, really? Is that because I'm too poor to talk good, or is it because you're so bad at being a good person you have to make up for it?"
"Bite me, Arc."
"Make me, Schnee."
The two sneered at each other until they noticed they were getting looks from their teams. Reeling back, the two parted. How and why the two were always found at odds, no one was truly certain. Maybe one had said something to offend the other, or perhaps there was a meeting they had before Beacon that soured their relationship long before it could begin? It was difficult to say.
Regardless, today was Non-Descript Winter Holiday and the two had promised to bury the hatchet, if only for the day. Weiss had bought gifts for each of her friends on Team JNPR, and Jaune, while Jaune used his skills to craft personal gifts for his friends on Team RWBY, and Weiss. As the two sat down with their friends, gifts were exchanged between each of them.
Weiss gifted Pyrrha jacket with a liner, both skillfully embroidered with her name. Nora got a quirky device that allowed her poor syrup through a glass tube onto her pancakes, like some kind of breakfast alchemist. Ren received a new apron to wear should his other need to be washed, this one featuring the words "I'm Not On The Menu". Jaune didn't open his gift.
"And why not?"
"Because I don't want to."
"Excuse me?"
"Knowing you, you probably put a cheap gag gift in here to spite me."
"Do you really think so low of me?"
"Do you?"
"...Fine. Then I refuse to open mine."
"Fine by me."
The rest of the party sighed, choosing to move on to other gifts. Jaune's gifts were hand-crafted with love... or friendship, if love was too much of a stretch. Yang got a bag for her boxing gloves that had "Chorld Wamp" stitched into them, making her giggle. Blake was given a couple sheets of paper with personal poems written front and back, some in haiku. Ruby got a coffee mug cozy, yarned and darned with black and red. Weiss, much like Jaune, refused to open hers.
"I don't care."
"Neither do I."
"I'll just open mine later."
"Or never." She scowled at her gift in disgust. "Knowing you, you probably put something disgusting in here, like a photo of yourself."
"Ha ha." Jaune groaned, standing up. "I'm going to call it a night."
"Oh, did I hurt your feelings by not opening your shitty gift?"
"No, I'm just tired. Not everything is about you, Weiss." Before Weiss could retort, Jaune had already left out of the room, gift in hand.
"Weiss, that was really mean." Ruby whined.
"Very mean." Pyrrha added. "You were both supposed to not be hostile this evening."
"Why am I the bad guy?" Weiss gestured to where her foe made his exit. "He was ruder than I ever was!"
"You were both rude." Yang answered, pointing a finger at the heiress. "You both promised to play nice during winter break, and you both broke that promise on the most important day of the entire break. You ruined it for everyone."
"I did not ruin Non-Decript Winter Holiday." Weiss rolled her eyes. "He ruined it."
"I'm gonna hit her." Nora said.
"Please don't." Ren replied.
"The least you could do is open his gift." Blake offered.
"It it'll make you guys feel better, then fine!" Weiss opened her present. "But do you really think anything he got me will make me say... Oh my god..."
--------------------------------------------------
Jaune held his present in his hand, fully unwrapped and, begrudgingly, impressed. Inside the box was a camera. High quality, too. He fiddled with the buttons, the zoom, the lighting, the timer. Everything was so smooth and easy to play with. He didn't want to admit, but this was probably the best gift he'd ever.
"Jaune, open up." Jaune looked up to the knocking at his door. Opening it, he found Weiss holding his gift to her. "What the hell is this?"
"Your present." Jaune answered, making Weiss scowl.
"You know what I meant." She shoved past him and set the binder on his desk, pushing the gift box to the side. The binder was pure white and decorated with a single sticker of Beacon Tower, something purchased in the school store as a memento. Opening the binder and flipping through the pages, each of which were decorated with printed photos from Jaune's scroll. "You have every single person we've known in this binder."
"Yeah?" Jaune said with a raised brow. "That's how photo albums work, don't they?"
"Everyone we've known EXCEPT for the two of us! Why?"
Jaune blinked, looking at her like she'd suddenly turned into a creature of Grimm. "Because you hate me?"
"I don't- I never-" She groaned. "Just because I don't like you doesn't mean I hate you."
"No," Jaune agreed, "but you insulting me at every turn and being an overall bitch to me does."
"Only because you're an asshole to me." Weiss growled before sighing. "Look. Here's what's going to happen. We are going to fix this. You are going to take a picture of us and put it in this binder."
"Why should I listen to you?"
"Because if you don't, I'm going to kick your ass before the others do."
"The others?" Jaune blinked. "Why are they going to kick my ass?"
"Because they think we ruined the winter break for them."
Jaune was quiet for a moment. "I mean, we did."
"Yes, we did, and exactly the point. So take that fancy camera I got you and take my pic-" CLICK! Weiss blinked a couple of times as her vision was still blurred from the sudden flash. "Argh! You asshole!"
"What? I took your picture." Jaune showed off the photo on his camera with a shit-eating grin. "See?"
"Delete that." Weiss ordered.
"No." Jaune refused without dropping his smile.
Weiss opened her mouth to say something, then heaved a sigh. "Fine. Just... don't do anything weird with it. That's all I ask."
"Okay?" Jaune looked to his camera and pressed a button. "There, I deleted it."
"Oh." Weiss then watched Jaune turn on the light and pulled the chair to the center of the room. "What are you doing?"
"Setting up the shot." Jaune said off-handedly. "You want our picture taken, right?"
"Yeah, but-"
"No buts, except yours in this chair." Jaune chuckled.
"Ugh, you're worse than Xiao Long." She seated herself in the chair.
"I doubt it." Jaune lifted and lowered the camera repeatedly while crouched next to the desk before he grabbed a textbook and set the camera on top of it. "Okay..." He ran up to Weiss, taking place behind her. "Smile."
"Why?"
"It's your picture."
"Are you smiling?"
"Yeah."
"Bull."
"I am."
"...Fine." Weiss smiled and the camera flashed as she did. Jaune ran up to the camera and looked it over. He grinned. "What?"
"Nothing. I just look really good in this."
"Let me see." Weiss looked at the photo and immediately frowned. "You made a stupid face."
"I was smiling."
"You were making a stupid face while smiling."
"Well, do you want to take another one?"
Weiss thought for a moment, then nodded. "No stupid pictures this time."
--------------------------------------------------
Weiss opened her photo album, much time had passed since she'd opened it. Many more memories were captured in time and held in place right there inside her book. Her favorite page was the one with all of her favorite photos. The ones filled with her making goofy faces with her husband, Jaune Arc.
Happy Non-Descript Winter Holiday
#rwby#non-descript winter holdiay#nondescript winter holiday#jaune arc#weiss schnee#white knight#alabastards#ruby rose#blake belladonna#yang xiao long#nora valkyrie#pyrrha nikos#lie ren
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
santa baby *•̩̩͙ ✩ •̩̩͙*˚
summary: in which you wait all night long for santa, as you have been every year, for as long as you can remember. expecting a swollen belly and a full white beard, you're surprised to see a tall, dark, and handsome stranger staring back at you. or santa gets caught red-handed and has to play it off.
pairing: jeongguk x reader
genre: idek. holiday skit? palette cleanser 4 you!
warnings: swearing included, lowercase intended
very silly. i laughed for a good minute when the idea came to me, hope you enjoy!
wc: 1.5k
it's finally the holidays, your favorite time of the year. at 21, your resolve to catch santa has stayed stronger than ever. it didn't matter how many people told you santa wasn't real, you were an ambitious girl. surely one of these years, you were bound to catch him, right? i mean, who else could be responsible for the gifts under your tree, every single year?
"alright everyone, gather round! it's time to pick your secret santa buddy!" you hear your coworker yell out, along with squeals of excitement.
for the first time, this year, your company decided to hold a secret santa event, as a means of reviving the workplace environment.
yawning, you make your way to where everyone from your department was gathered. how do they have so much energy? it's barely eight in the crack ass of the morning.
"like every secret santa, each one of you will pick out a paper randomly from this bowl right here. the name you get is the person you'll be buying a gift for. any questions?" your boss says, enthusiastically.
subtle chatter fills the room. "all right then. if there are no questions, go ahead and pick your draw"
waiting your turn, you take a sip of your coffee.
"are you excited?" your friend taehyung beams, joining you.
"not really, just looking forward to my bed today."
"why? you still waiting on santa to pop down your chimney?" he says with an elbow nudge, wiggling his eyebrows.
"he's REAL taehyung. i'm not doing this with you again." with a roll of your eyes, you walk closer to the bowl filled with names.
"it's probably one of your family members, be serious for five minutes. if it's not, you definitely need your locks changed. you don't find that creepy at all? have you asked them?"
"nope. because i know it's not them. and my locks are perfectly fine. he doesn't use doors, you idiot, it's the chimney."
tsking, taehyung follows close behind.
waiting for the cookies to cool down, you plopped down on your couch. your eyelids heavy, you decide to take a quick half hour nap.
THUNK
waking up from your slumber, you're startled by the loud noise. confused, you slowly rub your eyes and scan your surroundings.
well this definitely isn't what you were expecting.
wide eyed, you stare at the strange man across the room, standing right in front of your fireplace.
are you dreaming? you're not sure. you always thought santa would be old fat and ugly, the man standing in front of you is anything but. carrying a big red sack on his back, the fabric of his sleeves lays taught against his biceps. woah, santa's jacked. you can also see a slither of a tattooed sleeve under his little getup, and piercings on his face. what the hell?
after it seems like an eon of staring at eachother in silence, you finally muster the courage to speak up.
"santa?" you ask, delirious from sleep and yet hopeful as ever.
"i'm your... secret santa!" the man says reluctantly.
"oh.. yeah you don't really look like santa." dejected, you say with a sigh.
offended, the stranger scoffs, and gestures at his read coat and matching red pants. "um.. hello?"
"nah. santa's all fat and old n' shit. you could pass as his grandson, though," you think aloud, tilting your head to the side.
"i'll take that as a compliment.. i guess?"
"wait.. i've never seen you at work before, though?"
after another awkward silence, "i'm new. i was only recently hired a few weeks ago."
"oh.. okay!" you answer, delirious on sleep and perfectly satisfied with his reekingly suspicious answers.
"well since i baked cookies for santa and you're the next best thing, why don't you have some?" getting up, you casually walk towards your fridge, grabbing the half empty carton of milk, along with two cups from your cupboard.
you hear quiet footsteps behind you, taking a seat on your kitchen island.
"so.. santa? you really believe in santa?" the stranger says, taking the cup of milk you offered him.
"i swear to god if i get made fun of one more time, i'm turning into the grinch." you deadpan, serious expression adorning your face. flat lipped, you cross your arms and stare at him.
suppressing a giggle, the stranger goes on, "no, no! don't get me wrong, i think it's cute."
you squint your eyes. "but you don't believe me."
"now you're just putting words in my mouth. when did i ever say that?" amused, he takes another bite of the freshly baked cookie.
"this is damn good stuff, you know? you should definitely sell these." your secret santa remarks, mouth full of cookie, and a visible scorn on his face.
"only the best for santa." you say, plopping down on the stool across from him. face in your palm, you watch the perfect stranger eat cookies, made with all your love, that were never meant for him.
"i really thought i'd catch him this year, damn it."
"you just wait here every year, waiting to catch him?"
"pretty much."
"well if you had caught him, that would mean he's lousy as his job, wouldn't it?"
"as lousy as you were?" you playfully say, "surely he has better work ethic than you do."
snickering, the stranger nods in agreement.
"i'll let you in on a little secret." your santa says, gesturing for you to come closer.
you lean in, lending him your ear.
"i know santa personally. i could put in a good word for you, if you want."
jerking back, you're quick to remark, "stop making fun of me, i already told you! i'm serious about this!"
"i am too! i'm being for real."
"sure. well since you do know him, let him know i've been an awful good girl this year, and i demand a gift worthy of that," you say, going along with his bit.
"hmm.. i'm pretty sure he's the one who gets to decide that, but alright, i'll let him know. anything else?"
"and that i've written up a wishlist." you pick up the piece of paper you left under the plate of cookies. "here you go. make sure he gets this."
taking the piece of paper from you, the stranger quietly reads what's written.
"alright. shouldn't be too hard to accomplish," he says, matter-of-factedly.
this dude's a wacko.
yawning, the sleepiness from earlier latching onto you again.
"well, i'll be going to bed now. would you like me to show you out?"
"i'll manage. thanks for the cookies!" grabbing his gift sack from off the ground, he gets up and heads towards the chimney.
going up the stairs with your back turned to him, you wave him off.
mere seconds after plopping down onto your bed, you fall back asleep, wondering off to dreamland for sure this time.
you hear the sound of birds chirping, feel the sun shining on your face.
you peacefully turn in your sleep.
one, two minutes pass.
with a furrow of your eyebrows, you come to.
wait.
wait.
what the fuck?
startled, you spring out of bed.
as the events of last night dawn on you, your eyes gradually widen in shock.
????????????
running down your stairs, you scramble into your kitchen
to find
the plate of cookies
empty.
you weren't dreaming.
oh god. oh god. now you've finally done it. a stranger merrily breaks into your house and you made conversation with him?
from the corner of your eyes, you spot something shimmering under your christmas tree.
gifts?
"jesus, what happened to you?" taehyung asks with a sandwich in his mouth. "did the grinch visit you?"
you hadn't bothered to look at the mirror this morning, rushing to get dressed and out the door. you need real human interaction to feel sane. you were also hoping to find an answer to whatever the fuck happened last night.
"i think a stranger broke into my house last night. i think i also offered him cookies."
choking on said sandwich, taehyung coughs a few times before finally clearing his throat.
"pardon?"
"he said he was my secret santa."
"and you just.. accepted the fact?"
"well.. yeah? i was half asleep and waiting for santa," you say with a pout.
"the fuck? that's breaking and entering?? you should file a police report! oh god, he works here, doesn't he? do you remember what he looks like??"
recalling the events of last night, you find yourself lost in thought. "yeah.. quite an odd fellow."
scratching your head, you continue, "damn, he never even told me his name."
"dude, i knew you were off your rocker, but this has got to be a new low."
"um.. excuse me?" a voice calls out from behind you.
you turn around to see mingyu, one of your coworkers, holding a neatly wrapped gift box.
"i got your name.. i didn't really know what you'd like so i got you a bunch of different things.. i really hope you like them."
silence.
"or if you don't, i can always return them and get something else! really, it's no trouble!"
silence.
...
taehyung nudges you hard.
"mingyu, you're my secret santa?"
"..yes?"
"then who the fuck was that at my house last night?"
#jungkook#bts#bts fic#bts jungkook#bts x reader#christmas#xmas#holidays#holiday season#merry christmas#santa claus#secret santa#dear santa#santa jungkook#santa jeongguk#jeon jeongguk#bts jeongguk#jeongguk x reader#jeongguk fic#jungkook bts#jeon jungkook#jeongguk#santa baby#bangtan#bangtan boys#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook au#jungkook imagine#jungkook fluff
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
“tutoring”
You're known for being intelligent at your school. You're usually picked to answer questions. You think you're pretty decent in academics, but not that good.
Because of your intelligence you were chosen to be a tutor for an after school study hall session that students with bad grades were supposed to attend. The instructor told you to go help Christopher Sturniolo. He was told to study for a test but didn't want to.
You went and took a seat at a desk beside Chris. He was running his fingers through his messy brown hair. You could tell that he was frustrated then he finally gave up and sat back in his chair.
"Y'know I'm not gonna do this, right?"
“You have to Christopher.”
"No I don't, actually. I can ditch if I want."
He closed his textbook and sat back in his chair, stretching, making himself comfortable.
“Yeah you can if you wanna repeat being a freshman.”
"It's the end of the year anyway and I'm passing a few of my classes with a C or better. If I fail a class it doesn't make me flunk."
“Christopher. the principal gave me a paper with your grades on it and you’re failing almost everything. Don’t say you have a C or better.”
Chris looked off to the side, a little embarrassed. It was true, he was failing all his classes. It wasn't his fault, he was having a hard time coping with his own life. He didn't want to admit that though.
"It doesn't matter, I'll just go to summer school, or something."
“You wont get anything done there Christopher.”
Chris shrugged. He was too stubborn to admit he needed the help. He didn't want to deal with this right now.
"Fine. Let's get it over with, I guess."
He grumbled, opening the textbook back up to a page you told him to look at. He was obviously still annoyed.
Cali pointed to the text where he left off.
“Read that one.”
she was talking in a soft tone because she knew that he was just gonna get frustrated and give up again.
Chris groaned, rolling his eyes before reading out loud. Reading wasn't his strong suit, but he wasn't a terrible reader. He read the text in a lazy, uninterested tone.
“Hey I know you don’t wanna be here but if you wanna get better you have to try. Please?”
Christopher sighed, annoyed. He sat up fully in his chair, dropping his casual, laid-back demeanor from before.
He looked straight at you, clearly frustrated.
"Why do you care anyway? You don't even know me that well. I won't be in any of your classes next year. We'll probably never see each other again once the year ends."
“Because i don’t want you to end up homeless or being nothing in life or worse.”
Christopher’s annoyed expression faded. He looked down, no longer making eye contact with you. He was a little surprised at your response. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what would happened if he didn’t try in school. Would he even be able to improve? He didn't know, but it was too scary for him to give any effort.
“So please try Christopher.”
Chris was quiet, contemplating the choice he was being given. He didn't want to do this but it was either this or fail. He let out a small huff before looking back at the text.
"Fine. I'll try. But I can't promise it will go well."
“Thank you so much.”
At that moment she smiled for the first time. she had a beautiful smile and her dimple went out when she smiled.
Despite the whole studying thing, Chris took a moment to look at your smile, noticing your dimple. He felt a little flutter in his stomach, something he hadn't felt before. He quickly looked down at the textbook, shaking himself out of it. He was supposed to be focused on studying, not paying attention to how pretty you were. He told himself to push that thought out of his mind.
"Just... just tell me what to do."
“Read this text please.”
Chris quickly shoved his thoughts out of his head and focused on the task at hand. He tried to keep his tone neutral, but his voice was a touch softer than before.
"Okay. Fine. Whatever you say"
He picked up the textbook, looking for the text you asked him to read. He found the page, reading it aloud.
“Good!”
She said it in a soft easy tone. She knew this was hard for him so she had to go easy on him.
Christopher found himself wanting you to say the word "good" again. He wanted to get praised and have you tell him he was doing a good job. He liked your voice.
He shook that thought away, telling himself to focus on the studying. Even though it had only been little while, his attitude had completely changed. He wasn't as annoyed at having to study, at least he was when he heard you praising him. He was putting an effort into the work.
"Okay, now what?"
“Write down what i say okay?”
Chris grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. He was actually willing to do this for once, not just half-heartedly going through the motions.
"Right, got it. I'll write it down."
He looked at you, waiting for you to start speaking.
When she starts reading the passage Chris tried to listen to what she was saying but her voice was just so beautiful he just couldn’t focus on what he was supposed to be writing down.
Chris tried to focus on the words, but they faded out, replaced by the sound of your voice. It was pretty. Soft. Soft and sweet, like honey. He had to focus himself back on the task at hand every few sentences.
He quickly jotted down the words you said, trying to keep up. It was difficult because he found himself listening to you instead.
“Got all that?”
Chris snapped himself out of his trance. He looked down at the paper in front of him, a little embarrassed at himself for zoning out so much.
"Uh, right, yeah. Got it."
He said, looking down at his notes, his face a tiny bit red from embarrassment at spacing out like that. The whole time he was taking notes, he had to remind himself to pay attention to what you were saying and not your voice.
“i’m so proud of you getting stuff done!”
When she said that she gave him a rub on the back. Chris’s heart gave a little flutter again when he felt your hand on his back. Nobody had given him praise like this or said they were proud of him in a long time. It felt good, even if it was just over something small like actually studying.
He took a moment to let the feeling sink in before responding. His head was still down, looking at the notes he had written.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right, I've actually gotten stuff done today..."
“And that’s not all.”
Chris looked up, curious. He had been doing surprisingly well so far. It had gone better than he thought. He didn't expect something else.
He looked directly at you, waiting to hear what he needed to do next.
“Now you’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me what you learned from this text right here.”
Christopher felt a pang of nervousness when you said to look you in the eyes. That would be hard because of how pretty your eyes were, as well as looking you in the eye is already nerve-wracking.
He took a quick deep breath, mustering the courage to do as you said. He looked into your eyes, trying to keep a calm focus. He suddenly couldn't remember what he had written down at all. He tried to keep it together.
"Uh... well, what I learned is..."
“Go on.”
Chris tried his hardest to focus on answering the question, but it was hard when looking into your eyes. They were just so beautiful, so pretty. He could just stare into them all day. He tried to collect his thoughts.
"Uh, right, right... well, I learned that..."
He tried to remember what he had written down, but he was so distracted by just looking at you. It was impossible to focus on what he had written down.
“Here read it again.”
Chris let out a quiet sigh, trying not to seem like he was frustrated. He knew he should be able to tell you what he had written down but he still couldn't focus. Your sweet eyes and soft voice were making it so difficult.
He looked back down at his notes. They were messy, written in a hurry. He took a moment to read through the words.
“Hey hey don’t be frustrated take deep breath’s! When she said that she moved his hair out of his face.
Christopher almost shivered slightly when he felt your fingers brush his forehead, gently moving his hair. He took a deep breath like you said, letting it out through his nose. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to calm himself.
"Okay. Okay. I'm good, I'm okay now."
“Okay now read this one.”
He took another deep breath, feeling a little more in control now. He slowly started reading, trying to keep a steady tone. He spoke clearly and slowly, putting a lot of effort into it. He wanted to impress you.
She saw that he was having trouble with pronouncing the word equivalent so she tried to help him.
“Do you need some help?”
Chris stopped reading, taking his time before answering. He was getting a little frustrated with himself, having so much trouble. He let out a quiet groan, looking at the word.
"Ugh, yeah. Equiv- equivolent."
It was getting harder to even spit out the word now. He was never good at reading. He dreaded whenever he had to read aloud, even though he just heard your voice reading perfectly. It wasn't fair, he was supposed to be the popular and good looking kid, not the one with bad study skills.
“Its okay here i’ll help you”
She said that with the most beautiful smile on her face. Chris felt like he was going to melt if he looks at you for one more second.
Chris went quiet for a moment as you help him pronounce the word. You slowly helped him say it slowly, sounding it out carefully while he repeated it multiple times.
He mumbled it under his breath as he finally said it correctly, a little frustrated he couldn't say it easily. "Equivalent... got it."
“Im so proud of you You’re doing great.”
Chris was proud that he was finally able to say the damn word. He had a small smile on his face, not realizing that it mirrored your smile from before.
He looked up at you, feeling more confident. He still didn't like studying, but he was actually getting better at it. The fact that you were complimenting him and telling him he was doing good felt good. He wasn't used to hearing that from people.
"You really think I'm doing good?"
“Yes i do you’re doing way better than before!”
Chris was surprised at how much it made him smile to hear you say that. He actually was doing well. He was not only passing the subject, he was actually getting a good understanding. He never had that happen.
He sat up straighter in his chair, no longer leaning back as he had been before. He felt motivated now. Studying was becoming less of a chore and more of something he wanted to try.
"Yeah, okay. Maybe this isn't that bad after all."
“Well study time is over see you tomorrow!”
The words "study time is over" immediately brought back that annoyed feeling in Chris’s stomach. He was doing so well, he didn't want to stop.
But then, he realised that meant he was free. He didn't have to sit and study anymore. He was kind of sad though. He wouldn't get to see you until the next day. It wasn't ideal.
"Right... uh, okay. Um, see you tomorrow then."
#80s#benny rodriguez#2000s#chris sturniolo#christopher owen sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#california#chris sturiolo fanfic#dumb!chris#writers on tumblr#the sandlot#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fluff#fluff#2010s#2024#2014 tumblr
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)
#len speaks#star wars#revenge of the sith#empire strikes back#the force awakens#not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️#i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish#times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it#for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭#i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my#current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches#as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the#spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless#i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all#i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats#it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!!#also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might#also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀#and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something#bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the#scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind#me to the dialogue lmfaooo
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
unusual face post where i don't bring up caname marriage. all of their gangstalia childhood photos have been shown! i've been very captivated by their answers
the question is virtually the same for each of them with different wordings. here lord and owner have a goal for their future. between a distinguished admirable grown up and a welcoming hotel runner. meanwhile hero and parrain's answer are like. so vague. [(i?) can be anything] and [(be?) me] makes me laugh. what are these kids even saying? such blatant different personality dynamics. i actually don't have any coherent words i just point at a difference and go wowwww coool(keys jingling in front of me). but really. how sweet!!! the different similar answers
#kill ame#gangstalia#i've heard lots of interpretation on ame's answer being#kind of petulant. i don't know if thats the right word but. mostly because he interrupted the interviewer asking#and because of the “what do you want me to say?” right before it#dismissive towards adults#and maybe to the thought of adulthood here? he can be anything he wants~#some interps see it as him being annoyed. a little fed up. sure i'll play by you... grown-up's demands...#i'm open to whatever goes honestly... hero is kind of an enigma right now. i love him dearly#refusal to give a “proper” answer to an interview could probably be seen as rude.(i don't think interviewers would mind much tho)#so hero and parrain here is a point of interest for me#and on another point!!! frus has captivated me before and now especially so with them both having to do with immortality interacting with#-humans who they care for who died#i don't angst over davie too much because it feels more like just one example. but that's frus's commonalityyyy (^_^)#and today it pops up again! their answers feel almost romantic to me. maybe less so for hero because(like i said before)...#but it's like a musing thought. i can be anything. i'd be me. what funny kids#the face family dynamic isn't a thing here but it's funny to think about with this. unexpected on who feels similar to who
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Becca! I would literally die for you blog. It’s my go to any time I need some good self care😉. You’re incredibly talented!
But I’ve had this idea bouncing around in my head. It boils down to just Bucky and cock warming. Like the reader is on him begging for more but he is just having way to much fun playing with their clit to start moving. Making them cum on him with out thrusting once.
Just an idea I thought you might like. I love you work, have a great day!!
I'm really glad you've been enjoying my stuff so much!! That's so sweet!💗 and I keep getting told I can get ✨filthier✨ so I'd love to mess with this is little bit
Because I love the thought of Bucky making you start off with a dildo that's just a little bit smaller in size than he is. Maybe one of those dildos with a suction cup on the bottom so it's stuck on a wooden chair.
"Good girl, take it all." He encourages, kneeling between your legs, watching your cunt greedily swallow the toy. It's a sight he doesn't often get to see and he's really not sure why he doesn't make a point of watching it more often.
You whine quietly, feeling the toy bottom out. Your ass makes contact with the cool, varnished wood beneath you and you can't help but roll your hips a little, enjoying the feeling of the tip rubbing against your velvety walls.
"If I wanted you to fuck yourself on that, I'd tell you to. Did I tell you to?" Bucky's voice has a sharp edge that almost knocks you out of your daze.
"N-no... But-" You begin, trying to justify your movement but he cuts you off.
"No. So don't. I want you to keep your cunt stuffed and take what I give you." He watches up at you as he presses your knees apart, keeping his eyes on your face until he can't bare it anymore.
You gasp quietly at the feeling of his hot breath on your exposed, slick sex and there's nothing you can do but whimper at the feeling of his tongue gently grazing your clit.
Fuck, it's good. It's not long before he's licking you like he's starving, lapping and sucking gently on your clit before forcing your legs wider apart to lick your arousal from the base of the toy.
"Bucky, please. Please let me move." You didn't mean to sound so pathetic but with each lick, you get closer and closer to an orgasm you won't be able to stop. An orgasm you've been warned you're not allowed to have.
You're almost surprised he takes pity on you, giving you permission to get off the toy. He removes it from the chair and sits down in it's place, offering his cock as a replacement.
You sit back down as you had earlier with your back to his chest but you can't help but feel amazed at how much better his dick feels. He's slightly bigger and while that's nice, nothing beats the way he throbs inside you and the hot, breathy groans against your ear at the feeling of your body taking all of him.
"Such a good girl." He smirks against your neck, littering your skin with kisses between his soft praises. You feel one of his hands on your chin, gently directing you to look to your right, over in the direction of the full length mirror.
The reflection you're looking at makes your walls flutter involuntarily because fuck, you really are stuffed full of his cock and he's making sure you're not able to fully enjoy it yet.
With one hand still holding your head in place, making sure you keep watching, Bucky's free hand trails down between your legs, flicking and rubbing your clit again.
"Oh f-fuck." You whine, watching Bucky's smirk widen. You can't sit still. You just can't. You want to grind your hips and take what you need and in that moment, his pleasure and all the instructions he's given you come second. You need to get off, consequences be damned.
"Don't even fucking think about it." He warns, delivering one harsh slap to your clit. It's not overly hard but it's enough to shock you. "You know you're not allowed to cum. I want to feel this pretty pussy dripping first. Don't worry though. Once you're wet and messy enough, I'll fuck you stupid on the carpet, right in front of the mirror. Want you to watch yourself cum so hard you forget your own name."
#asks answered <3#anon#becca writes spice#Bucky Barnes x reader smut#Bucky Barnes smut#I was so close to writing this with Steve instead of a toy#I had the first class of the year for my LLM last thursday besties#and my lecturer called me 'Rachel' at one point#I couldn't help but laugh#I was DREADING that class#who schedules a class from 10am to 4pm??#that's hideous#But I went early and I got chatting to my lecturer#I'd never met her before and we were the only two in the room#so I was honest when she asked how I was feeling about the semester#cause I was ANXIOUS but she was lovely about it#and by the end of the class I'd made a few friends 🥺#so my big panic on Wednesday night was all for nothing#will I learn anything from that?? Probably not.#I'll still be terrified the night before my next class for no reason
655 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#put a question in the ask-bioware channel in the discord and everybody misinterpreted what i was asking#which probably means i worded it wrong but still#very frustrating#like yes i understand surnames are faction dependent that's not what i'm asking i'm asking if race has anything to do with it#is every warden rook thorne? or just elves?#cause it sounds kinda elfy to me#i'm having difficulty picturing my big qunari lady as a 'thorne' like i'll deal but that would for sure affect her backstory in some regard#and i would like to know. that is what i am asking#i changed the wording but i got emoji answered by the server so who knows whether or not they'll actually answer it#or just consider it dealt with#dragon age 4#da4#datv#dav#the mayor is speaking
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don't make fanart, or even interact with fandoms a ton, so I wanted to reach out get people's, especially fan artists, opinion on the new Xisumavoid episode. Specifically the art gallery if that was not clear.
The concept seems cool, but I agree that it's an incredibly complicated subject, but that's where my opinions end. I don't know enough to form more.
I know the hermits work with artist a lot, and I have never seen anything bad said about them, but then again, like I said, I don't interact with fandoms a lot either.
So opinions? Excited? Cautious? Mad? I hope I'm not swinging at a hornet nest here, I would just like to geniuely know what those who are more involved in this sort of thing think.
#hermitcraft#please be civil#if not to me then to each other#I will turn off replies and delete this post if need be#i have never seen bad infighting in the hermitcraft space here in tumblr#but like I have seen it in fandoms as a whole so I am cautious#xisumavoid#oh also I probably won't reply to a lot of these If i even get people sharing?#just because I don't think I have anything to add#i'll try to answer questions if I can#and ask questions if I'm confused#but this is mostly for other people to just state what they think
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ask Game!
25 & 29
25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?
I don't remember feeling upset as I wrote something. At least not yet. My writing actually helps me process things and deal with feelings. I tend to write happy endings but if somehow I end up writing a fic that doesn't, then maybe I'll be upset. If I manage to write about widower arc Dean one day, I'll probably be upsed, maybe that's why I don't write about him (yet).
29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)
It's a fic that happens after 8x22, one chapter is actually a fic I read and inspired me to write more about it and then it turned into something with more than 40k words. It was one of the first fic I wrote. I was experimenting my writing actually and words just kept flowing at me. I was just trying, okay? I just finished the show I had to let this all out and I was exploring their relationship. Anyway, don't judge me please. The scene I'm sharing with you happens in Dean's room at the bunker, there you go:
“Cas, what are you doing here?” Dean asks frowning, clearly still mad at Castiel’s reaction toward the flirty waitress. Castiel stands up and presses play on the stereo to start the song “The Rain Song” from Led Zeppelin. Dean looks at the stereo with his eyebrows still frowning, not understanding what is happening, since Castiel doesn’t answer his question.
“I need to tell you something, Dean.” Castiel starts smiling, walking toward Dean, while Dean just stands there, where he is looking at him. “I know you like this band and this song. This is why I chose it. And I know you know the lyrics but please listen to them. You will understand what I want to tell you.” Dean tilts his head and parts his lips, surprised. Even though, he doesn’t remember all the lyrics, not remembering every exact word, he knows what it is about. Plus, with the worry face Castiel makes, Dean understands what is happening. This is scaring the hell out of him but it is happening and he can’t stop it, he doesn’t really want to anyway. So, he smiles at him.
“Cas” he starts, wanting to apologize for doubting him with the waitress, but Castiel stops him instantly.
“Listen, Dean.” During the first lyrics, Castiel comes closer to Dean and extend one hand toward him. “I would like to dance with you,” Castiel offers. Dean hesitates while staring at him and puts his hand in Castiel’s. Both smiles as they lean in at the same time. Dean removes his hand from Castiel’s and puts his hands on his lower back, while Castiel puts his arms around Dean’s neck. When the first lyrics are sang, he rests his chin on Dean’s shoulder, while they dance slowly together.
“Listen,” he tells Dean again, whispering in his ear.
It is the springtime of my loving
The second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing
So little warmth I've felt before
It isn't hard to feel me glowing
I watched the fire that grew so low, oooh, oh
“You helped me grow. You changed me, Dean.” Castiel starts when the first lyrics are over and only the melody stays, moving back his head to stare into Dean’s eyes while he cups his head with his hands. “You taught me so many things, you taught me how to feel. You taught me about free will. And I believed in it, I have faith in it, I have faith in you. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. I never used you, Dean. I never will.” Castiel says finally calling back to what happened in Dean’s first fantasy.
“Cas –“ Dean starts, swallowing his tears. “I know that now. I should have never doubted you, I’m sorry.” Dean says lowering his gaze, but Castiel lifts his head up a little bit, already missing looking into his eyes. Dean’s eyes are back staring at Castiel’s blue.
“And I’m sorry I gave you some reasons to believe I would do this to you.” Castiel’s eyes starts to be fill with tears too.
“You didn’t Cas, it’s not you. It’s me. I always think people will leave me.”
“I never will, Dean. I couldn’t. You hear me? I always come back to you at some point. When you told me that we were family, that you needed me in that crypt. You broke the hold Naomi had on me, Dean. Don’t you understand? I can’t stay away from you for too long. If I do it’s because I have no other choice and it’s to keep you safe.” Castiel’s heart is racing, carried away by the emotions invading him.
“You had a choice in Purgatory, and you chose to stay. You chose to let me leave without you.” Dean throws, remembering how hurt he felt at the time, when Castiel showed him what really happened at the gate, he even altered his own memories to avoid knowing Castiel’s left him on purpose.
“It was different I was feeling so much guilt about the Leviathans, about what I did to people, to angels and to you. I didn’t deserve to go out with you. I didn’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”
“You do, Cas. I’m the one that doesn’t deserve you. I always get angry and end up hurting people I care about. Hurting you.”
“It’s not true. You are not like that. Not at all. You see yourself how our enemies sees you but they are all wrong, you too. And you do, Dean. Deserve me.” Castiel says resting his head again on Dean’s shoulder, with his face buried in his neck this time. “Now, let’s dance slowly again. I like doing that with you. And listen to the song.” Castiel smiles against Dean’s neck.
It is the summer of my smiles
Flee from me, keepers of the gloom
Speak to me only with your eyes
It is to you I give this tune
Ain't so hard to recognize, oh
These things are clear to all from time to time, ooh
Oh, oh
“You are not like you said you are, Dean. When I look into your eyes, and after all these years, all I see is the most caring human in the whole world looking back at me. You care about people, ready to risk your own life to save them. You saved the world so many times. You saved ME too.” Castiel says moving his head back again to stare into Dean’s eyes, showing how much he deeply thinks what he is telling him.
Ah, talk, talk, talk, talk
Hey!
I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought it would ever go
I cursed the gloom that set upon us, upon us, upon us
But I know that I love you so, ohhhh, oh
But I know that I love you so
These are the seasons of emotion
And like the wind, they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I see the torch we all must hold
This is the mystery of the quotient, quotient
Ah, upon us all, upon us all a little rain must fall
Just a little rain, oh yeah
Uhh, ooooh, yeah yeah yeah
Castiel pulls back for the third time to look at Dean again. Dean is used to it now and he knows it means Castiel still has something to tell him. “We have been through so much together, you and me. Despite or thanks to all that, today I am able to say that –“ Castiel stops taking a deep breath to put all he feels in three little words as much as possible. “I love you”. He finally confesses, letting a tear run down his cheek. Dean swallows hard and wipes it with his thumb. He guessed what Castiel wanting to tell him, knowing the song, but he needed to be sure, he needed to hear what he had to say and he needed to hear that he loves him.
“I love you too, Cas.” Dean grabs Castiel’s neck with one hand and pulls him closer. He brushes their lips together, a desperate and passionate kiss, saying ‘I love you’ in another way again. Dean is overwhelmed by Castiel’s love and kiss, not controlling what is getting out of his mouth, his emotions, his feelings for him are getting the upper hand. “My mom used to tell me that angels were watching over me. I couldn’t believe her anymore when she died. But then, I met you Cas. And you gave me faith again. You always took care of me. You always watch over me, even when I sleep.” Dean chuckles and continues his speech, more seriously, putting his heart out. “Then, I fell in love with you as I never did before. I didn’t believe I could love someone like I love you. Cas, you are the light in my life, never think otherwise. You are my angel, you always have been.” Castiel smiles fondly at Dean’s confession, feeling his heart exploding in his chest, wanting to go out of it.
“I’m all yours and you are all mine.” Castiel declares with some lust replacing the happy tears in his eyes. “The song is already finished.” Castiel observes, looking at the stereo disappointed, while the music has ended a few minutes ago, but they were too focus on each other to notice.
“The song last more than 7 minutes, Cas.” Dean reminds him, chuckling, despite he didn’t notice when it ended either.
“I know, but it’s not enough. I like dancing with you, holding you in my arms.”
“I agree, I like it too.” Dean declares smiling fondly, stroking Castiel’s jaw with one hand.
“We should do that again some time.”
#thank you for the ask#ask game#one of my first fic#just a bit of it#it's difficult to understand with the context before I guess but it's still cute anyway#I'll probably never post it#there's a lot of smut in there#one chapter is not from me#they're also pretty out of character#but I guessed I needed to write it to let it all out#to try how was my writing too because I never wrote anything before#there's a zeppelin song in it#the rain song#it was hard to find one with a slow rhythm so they could dance#one where they could talk between lyrics#I noted the timestamp between them and timed how much time the lines should take for them to say so it could fit#and also with lyrics that matched their relationship in the fic#destiel#deancas#dean winchester#castiel#writing fanfiction#ao3 writer#I wasn't one at the time#I was just writing for myself#my destiel fanfic#emms answers
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
***
#I've received anon hate from a ss/kk shipper for my unrequited ss/kk beliefs on the basis that ss/kk is canon according to anon and like#You ever in a fandom where it's like. Yeah I guess that might as well happen#“You are clearly wrong about ss/kk” I mean? Okay? I'm not here to be right I'm here to have fun ahah#People are crazy#Besides yesterday's post was written last December but like. It's not like I don't still stand by that.#I would still stand by unrequited ss/kk if they kissed in the manga. BECAUSE IT'S FUN#I kinda want to answer the ask but I have this strict policy of not answering anything mean-#so I need to resort to rant in the tags instead 😔#I don't know what's about me that attracts so much anon hate tbh. I really wish I'd know#Maybe it's what you get after you hit a certain number of following. Idk. Or maybe it's divine punishment for the crimes I've committed#Anyway. Sorry for delying answering to the other (nicer) asks I've had a raging fever the entire weekend#I'll get answering rn so I'll probably post the answers tomorrow. Sorry for the wait!!#random rambles
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
i need to write more he/him 13
#yesterday i was writing fic and idk what happened but in the middle of a sentence i was like 'she' and i went 'uhh???'#like it was so immediately clearly wrong and jarring#i never have that with 13 even in the he/him fic i wrote it took a couple of sentences to get into it#i should check what the sentence was theres probably some gender bias for me to dig out there#anyway i need to find an idea for this#maybe i'll do he/she 13 where the fam isnt entirely sure what to do and the doctor wont explain anything so#everyone is just doing whatever and 13 is giggling to herself thinking of what he said to bill on the roof#waiting for someone to ask so she can brush them off with an evasive non-answer pretending she doesnt know exactly what hes doing#get more genderfucky by having her dress up in period clothes and everyone in the past (and future) is#using hints from his clothes except those gendered hints arent always the same as ppl from the 21st century would take either so#it just confuses everything more
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
if one more well meaning relative asks me if i have done any drawing recently i will start screaming and flip a table 🤪🙃
#it's not their fault!! it's not!!! I'm known for being The One Who Draws#they usually get updates from my parents sending out pictures of things I drew for assignments for school for years!! they haven't gotten#anything new in a long time!!#it's not their fault to ask hey have u been making anything new??#but also if one more person asks I'll literally go fucking nuts I will start screaming crying throwing up#I will begin tearing myself limb from limb#especially if it's my grandma who I see literally every week and she in fact knows I have not been drawing#it's worse when she asks bc then it's also with that quiet pity of someone who assumes I probably haven't but hopes that I have#ANYWAY SORRY I JUST HAD TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE#I'm doing my best and I'm not in a great space and I'm trying real hard to try and figure out who the fuck I am when my entire life isn't#Completeing Assignments#bc since middle school I have been nothing much outside of a Complete Assignments Machine#and I've found ways to bring my humor and my creativity and things I enjoy INTO Completeing Assignments#but I've somehow then learned I can ONLY do these things if they're for Completeing Assignments#and now I have graduated college and I'm trying to get a fucking job and move somewhere new and my life isn't Completeing Assignments anymor#and I haven't relearned how to have creative fun ideas outside of the assignments framework#but I want to get there again#but I need everyone to stop asking me if I have made any art recently#bc I think for a while the answer is going to be no and if it's not no it's gonna be yes but I'll have made something so fucking weird#you're going to wish I had said no and not explained that I was building a dead rat puppet#im a rambling sam
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love second hand book shops, I got to them frequently and always leave with Something and have a good time just peakin around
But i gotta say
It's one of the Worst spots for me in terms of imposter syndrome
I feel like everyone's uneasey with my presence as though i'm a stranger who just stumbled into their inner sanctum and they're.. they're gunna let me stay but they're gunna be weirded out the whole time and breath a sigh of relief when the Strange Unwelcome Freak Leaves
It also happens at record shops and sometimes at small antique shops or cons+festivals
Just this immediate foreboding of being Angrily Tolerated in a Space I Don't Belong
#monster noises#it's Incalculably stupid because 1) it's a store. anyone can go in there.#and 2) in all those locations... I do beling there!!!!!!!! not even in the sense of point 1 where it's a retail location but like!!!!#Book shops Record shops Antique malls Cons... are all like super 100% right up my alley nerd shit these Should be like '''''my people'''''''#which is i think a strong contributing factor to this pervasive feeling like#there's an underlying current of not just being in there to Shop but that i want the other people there to Like Me? I guess?#in our limited interaction?#i want them to see that i'm One Of Them and it makes me nervous#because whenever i am trying to be a Part of something i Immediately feel like some kind of isolated hollow fraud#like i'm worried that i not only Look like a poser#but that i Am#secretly#a Poser#so secretly that I don't even relaiE i'm a poser#it probably doesn't help that i also always have The most off-kilter interactions with the staff in these scenerios#it's never anything truly embarassing#but it's always like i try to be as nice as possible but their reaction is never what i expect#and it throws me off#it's a hard thing to pin down in words but like.. it feels like they are more than anything just Waiting for me to leave#if not from the get-go then from the moment i open my mouth to answer a question#and like idk !!! i'm trying so hard to be open and friendly and not just use canned response but also not be Too weird or too loud#and be engaged in conversation but it never works!#it's like i ooze some deeply unpleasant vibe and it turns everyone off me immediately when i enter their space#i'll see other customers having lovely conversations with staff and stuff and then when it's me it's like Cold#truly it does nothing for my self esteem#not everyone has yo or is going to like me but i really don't think it's too big an ask to not be scrutinized by store staff Constantly ;<;
3 notes
·
View notes