#so SO SO MUCH of this game made me cry im im love with it
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Red version of "The Ritual" goes so hard AND makes me cry like a LITTLE BITCH bc i too am suicidal and the. Confrontational nature of it is so. Good. I cry dude.
#i cant stop listening to it. i really love it so so so much. “EVERYBODY!” sobs sobs sobs#stray gods the roleplaying musical#its so healing to me#my other favorite song is “look at me” green version#so SO SO MUCH of this game made me cry im im love with it#the music is so powerful..
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happy one year anniversary persona 3 reload!!
#persona 3#persona 3 reload#makoto yuki#minato arisato#p3#p3r#damn it's already been one year since i started playing this game#when i heard reload was coming i wanted to play the game coz i watched the movies before#and i remember how much i love makoto's character and his story#and the friendship he had with sees#he just made me cry and made p3 my most favorite persona game#i wasnt even into ryoshu back then i only remembered makoto#but then going back to the movies and then reload ryoji their relationship is just so good#im glad i got to play reload ;;w;;#also thanks to my friend for gifting me the game for my birthday#youre too kind ;;w;;#iruiruart
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THE BEST BOY FINALLY SKATED BACK INTO THE GAME
#twewy#neo:twewy#ntwewy#twewy beat#neo: the world ends with you#the world ends with you#playing ntwewy for the first time#im so happy to have him back i love beat so much#he made me cry so much in the first game lol#my art
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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Art therapy is so fun because today I just drew pathologic fanart, and my therapist was like, "Awesome, so tell me about it"
#pathologic 2#pathologic#artemy burakh#мор утопия#my post#art therapy#i spent a couple hours playing on my birthday recently and it just made me so happy#i had to explain to my therapist what the game was#at first she was like “are you sure you should be playing that?”#but then she started to get really excited when i told her about how ive been using it to help manage stress n shit#plus hyperfixation mode activated#my stress tolerance and ability to break down tasks has improved so much because of this game#its literally my favourite#sobbing crying#did i mention i love this game?#anyway she said it was very insightful and im so happy because all i had to do was be autistic for half a session#also no. you may not see the image#i didn’t have a reference so its off model lmaooo#may redo the concept on digital ::3
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yknow im probably going to sound a bit overdramatic for a moment with this sorry but,
ive said like two lore streams ago or w/e that im not going to let myself get as heated as i did at the start with how gun's been handling ( read : forgetting she exists ) maria all this time bc at this point i consider my portrayal of her an oc, as i essentially feel across the board with my other texas muses frankly but like.
i do think, while i was obviously thrilled to no end that they announced maria & she was playable etc, i do think the execution of her in-game really sincerely disappointed and pissed me off so badly. like yes end of the day shes a bunch of pixels etc etc whatever sure but its like. genuine frustration at how absolutely sidelined she has been since day one. and i know theres plenty of valid arguments for other characters receiving similar treatment ( ie. sonny ) in a variety of ways, and i do get the angle of maria initially serving as a haunting of the narrative, haunting her friends and sister and being more of that sort of invisible presence rather than physically there in the moment like they all are - but its severely disappointing to see just how little they give a shit about her, both in lore & in gameplay etc.
model-wise? shes completely fine i adore how she looks and everything shes beautiful shes adorable shes exactly as babygirl as i hoped and imagined her to be & look. but shes otherwise both so underwhelming and so borderline useless ( being generous ) and her ability is just the most uncreative pointless thing i feel they could have thought to give her. like. theres so many pieces i can rip apart for just that alone but i dont wanna yap for an eternity lmao
i just wish they gave an ounce of a shit about her. and like sure yes they could easily alter things or add on things on for her in the future etc. sure, yeah, fine and all but its just... i dont think im going to forget how sloppily put together they made her. or how they've consistently forgotten & disrespected her all these months. and with them branching away from her & the friendgroups' story into other victims' as time passes, their already sheer-ass attention spans are only going to grow thinner across the rosters and i guess in my eyes theyre just never going to make up for any of how they treated her character. and like yes thats fine bc i & others will do her infinitely better justice than they ever will but its still just like... its still disappointing.
like so much went wrong with that release day that i think i was just trying to cling onto the excitement of her just being playable but everything else, certain other complaints etc i wont get into, made me think that disappointment in how she was executed was an exaggeration on my part bc im too attached to her lmao and so i kinda just internalized the disappointment i think but it really is just like man. i feel like ive lowkey been in mourning of her since she was released. no faith at all that they are ever going to give her an ounce of dignity outside of how her model looks.
and again. i know i and the fandom do her infinitely more justice than they ever will at this point and that fact alone does make up for this all, i just wish she was remotely fun to play as and didnt feel like such a slapped together, zero-thought, near copy-paste non-asset in-game. i play her bc i love her but she also just makes me fucking sad LMAO
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#sorry for random whatever this is its been eating away at the back of my mind since release day & only worsened while playing lately lol.#im literally so fucking thankful that ive been able to work on her for so many months & that ive had such lovely experiences building#her character from the ground up with this lil corner i love you guys so sincerely & bigly for helping her grow into the character#she is currently & will grow into in the future - i just wish gun would love her w even a fingernails worth of how much we adore her.#( 'mourning' is probably overdramatic as hell but its the word that comes to mind lmao ) like i know my expectations need to stay#reigned in w/ gun & i try to but it is just. discouraging as hell w/ her in-game & then the constant worsening state of the#game on top of it not helping in the slightest lmao. anyways sorry again ignore me im just thinking too strongly about my girl-#end of: im proud of where ive been able to take her & how ive built her over this nearing year of writing her & im beyond happy w/ the#connections shes made & the stories being built & all of it. shes my oc as she stands on this acct & i truly hope i keep#building her for a long while more. sorry if u read thru all this nonsense also thank u & kisses to the sky for loving my girl w/ me <3#we all do more than gun literally ever will with any of them.#gonna go lie down & prob cry a moment & then return to Normal and try to write FNJKSD
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Im so sorry i played Our Life: beginnings and always and not only has it sucker punched me with bittersweet feelings of life and change and relationships but its also thrown me into brain rot hell of it. Im sorry if ocean boy cove floods your feed get it? Its a pun
#t-n talks#personal#our life: beginnings & always#olba#i love him so much i love them all so much i need to replay with all the dlcs and get shiloh to come to our wedding#because i named a fosh after him in like step 2 or 3 and i missed him and i dont care if he lied to us im sorry shiloh#come baaack#but also baxter what happened baxter we missed you so much youre important to us youre important to meeeeeee#everyones my friend now how do i have jeremy at my wedding but not shiloh? jeremy you should have made shiloh suffer tooooo#im so glad i got jeremy though god i felt for him so bad like genuinely what was wrong while he was mean to us#i just wanted to be nice and friends but also dont be mean to cove and im so glad hes mellowed out a bit hes really a good kid sometimes#i love them all so much dereeeekkkkk hes such a good friend god hes SUCH A GOOD FRIEND im screaming#and baxter baxter baxter baxter sometimes i dont think hes in love with us but in love with our relationship but also like#i wouldnt mind us three being closer because youre fucking important to me baxter just like jeremy#youre all part of this found family gay as shit now if i can be adopted then that means i can adopt you too!!!#god but seriously? like i expected to cry because of relationship love drama at first not because i was having#complicated feelings about being adopted and my relatiinship with my sister god ive never had an older sister really#and my siblings and i arent super close but im adopted and i dont think ive ever wanted something more than this family#this game man i just god my fiance was like “i dont think this game was meant to be so deep/intense” but like its a visual novel#novels are meant to invoke feelings and thoughts and discussion and reflection at least thats what i believe every story has a purpose#its up to us to figure out what its purpose is maybe not in general but to us what can we take away from it and god#it makes me want to hold onto my friendships tightly and reach out to everyone i knew/know#i have too many tags on here because of brain rot but i love this game and im so excited for the next one and i would love to download#like my log of the entire game so that i can recap everything at like my leisure#just cause im not gonna remember all my choices and stuff
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i fucking hate this gane
throws up tears
#sophie’s idle chatter#i just finished chapter 5 meaning the end of season one and its safe to say this game has destroyed me in a million different ways#some of which being my emotions and my bank#what the fuck was the entirety of chap 5….. lunar games i cannot do this u have actually made me cry so much why did u have to make the#writing so so good and all the characters so compelling in their own way 😭#im abt to start chap 6 where we can unlock yuye and jihans routes from this chap onwards#sighs im not emotionally ready for this bc seeing glimpses of the bad ending illustrations in the archive makes me wanna jump out my window#and then after i unlock all their routes theres still season 2 thats locked…#hwal and eunhan…. throwing up …….. shitting tears …… banging my fists against the wall ….. punching air …….#fuck#at least this game is the kind with ads to replenish bc im used to these kinds of games#stares at lord of heroes and all their reward ads 🧍♀️#anyway my bank is always open for this game rven if it forces me through emotional trauma#baek jihan my beloved…. my love…… my life…… ourgh#AND SUYEON WAILS I LOVE U#man the devs have me in a chokehold for their amazing lore and writing…#anyway its 2 am and my eyes are puffy and my nose is stuffy and i should sleep but what is sleep when u have been emotionally damaged 🫡
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mysme is doing wonders for my mental health i miss you so much my defender of justice 707 my love my star my planet the light of my life the bfest bf to ever bf the earth
#teenager me got good taste. my twenty something ass is falling again for this man i love him#truly good for mental health at the cost of non peaceful night sleep? what a deal. i love you mysme#the fandom is dead but coming back to this game is the best choice i ever made this year so far#i love you mysme. take me back to 2016 again except dont that year was shit but i do miss you a lot#ESPECIALLY YOU!!! CHOI TWINS!!!!! SAEYOUNGIE!!! SAERANAH!!!!! I WUV YOU TWO!!!!!!!#saeyoung especially dear god if a man does not love you as much and as deeply and as multi dimensional LITERALLY as seven is he even worth#ah i love him#ALSO ZEN GOD i used to go aw he is so sweet and cute now im loving him a whole lot. gimme hourglasses pretty boy. and i love ur rants go of#his calls in seven's route day 8 forgot what time is the best. my guy i want u as my older bro#yoosung is so cute. his whining about uni life is so relatable. my introverted gacha game addicted ass get you lil guy#AND JAEHEE GOOD LORD JAEHEE.#as a teenager? she is cool. now? im screaming she is stronger than me anD#quitting her corporate job?? to open?? a coffee shop?? with me???? that's like. peak ideal marriage happy end there tf. CHERITZ.#cheritz i also wanna lie down in lingerie. on the bed with her too. CHERITZ GIMME THE CG#except cheritz no longer give mysme new content except for home screen which is gracious already#anw this is not about the game company MYSME!!!! I MISS YOU!!! THE FANDOM IS LONG DEAD!!! BUT!!!#SEVEN O SEVEN IS ETERNAL!!!! god he is branrotting me like he never did before the grip is insane#im laughing im crying saeyoung i love you#babblings#cant believe im returning to this blog just for this
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what are some cool games u have played? dont matter if u mentioned before. tell me again tell me again :D
uhh hmm.
well okami is my all time favorite the art & the music & the message/story are all just incredible theres not a single time ive finished it i havent cried. i absolutely adore ryoshima coast ive spent so many hours just running around there to listen to music. which fun fact for u i only know about this game bc in about 6th grade i picked up okamiden bc i thought the little doggy was cute & was like fine i'll play as this boy if i get a cool dog and u cannot imagine how excited i was to find out u DID play as the little dog. i was SOOOOO obsessed literally my exact thoughts were 'if issun is ammy's celestial envoy then i am going to be chibis' i have a metric fuck ton of fan art i did at the time bc i thought it was quote "the epic-est game for ds ever" also cried every time i finished it. i was 13 so i didnt know what "being down bad" was but do know i was as obsessed with kurow as i was with d-ne later and now tenshi not a single irl friend was unaware i was in love with him. also fun fact for u bc at the same time i was also getting super into vocaloid i was so convinced my vocap name would end up as chibiP to the point i named myself that in pkmn x chibiP after chibiterasu of course. please enjoy my banger old art which is not even a fraction of my output
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yume nikki is my next favorite game specifically the og that changed my brain chemistry as a kid. i adore that game so much its hard to put it into words. its just so unlike anything else. there is absolutely nothing in the game that can directly harm u theres no real health meter theres no way to die during the main play the absolute worst that will ever happen is u get stuck or woken up. in a horror game. which is already just amazing. and the whole horror aspect just plays on something i dont think is often done as well in many other things. ur alone. u wander and wander thru worlds that loop and connect and seemingly have nothing to do with each other. theres no dialogue; talking to npcs just gets u a noise or animation at best. ur entirely alone with just urself. its all dreams so u know everything is of madotsuki's own creation, another layer to the all u have is urself feeling. the art is just unusual i cant even say any of it on its own is in anyway scary. the whole thing shouldnt be scary and yet every time i start wandering in a world i cant help but feel unease. amazing 10/10 no other game will ever have what this gave me.
everyone knows i play pkmn the best is still pmd sky that also rewired my brain i still cant play it without crying.
its been a long time since i was really just playing it as the chapters released & got translated but 1bitheart is so so so important to me too. i dont kin for multiple reasons but if i did nanashi would be my first choice. like- without saying that to her i got my one irl friend to play once & when she saw how nanashi was she turned to me and went "this is just you" hes very important to me even now. absolutely loved the whole friendship sim & the story & its twists & the endings & their implications left me in shambles at 1 am on a school night. my fave charas are nanashi enri & saaya btw. i should replay this.
i also love the etrian odyssey series i love the character portraits (esp with the more recent games' color customization) i LOVE the dungeon art & i think all the monster designs are so cool. adore the whole make ur own map aspect keeps me so entertained to take a step & look around & chart all the walls & path ways. unfortunately i fucking suck at every single one i am not very good at strategy games so i end up stuck at or before the 3rd stratum. but thats okay its still fun to me.
the other one i'll talk about at length is spirit of the north another game i loved the art of. u play as a fox & get a partner spirit fox & i just love it SOOOO much. its also a game with 0 dialogue but theres A Lot going on it if u care to follow along & explore & dig into details & the game play is also pretty fun to me. this is the one game i started learning the speedrun btw thats also a very fun way to play it but ABSOLUTELY play it as intended first it has so much to offer
aaaand special mentions to omori, oneshot, witch's house, mermaid swamp, corpse party, & limbus company
#asks#kuki#idk if id say omori was good storywise but it WAS fun & i loved the portrayal of escapism#i love the ethical dilemma of oneshot#everyone loves witchs house. tragic story.#there was something in particular about mermaid swamp that made it memorable but i have to play it again its been years#corpse party also hits on something in the 'ur alone and trapped' feeling that i really like. cant say its actually good tho#& limbus is so fucking hard FUCK the spicebush fight PLEASE just let me overlevel w corp ryoshu so she can sweep & i can progress-#ah but the story is equal levels fucked up & horrifying and also the funniest thing i have ever read in my life. emotional whiplash. love i#i also played the mogeko games in high school those were something. i really liked memoca from wadanohara & moge-ko from mogeko castle#im not actually a gamer sorry i dont play much. i mostly just play pkmn#and proseka. but i dont care about anyone but 25ji & i cant read their stories bc they trigger me so i just tappy tap to songs#this reminds me i still have to catch up on hte maigoen game. wasnt doing well when it released but i might be able to handle that now#the. kanata chapter i think it is. i played the others. bgm is always so good thank u nilfruits im pretty sure thats who does it#and of course as soon as kamitsubaki city ensemble releases i will be playing that. & u will be hearing about it#bc ill get mad they make rime & friends cry#thisbis so long sorry
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got a friend request whos profile comment was just "belial..."
#stardust speaking !#i am sharing this precious knowledge cuz i saw it and started laughing i hope they keep with the game#(person with a million blogs) would u still love me if i made a billion blogs#me horrified looking at how little ive posted here the past months vs how much bs i talk on the other ones#sevilbarras event made me cry btw. im nvr super on board with plot points like what happened but. i sure did cry#the lines about 'now you get to see me in my wedding dress' and 'this is my husband' ruined me. like. i was a wreck#ch6 ended me#also gbf using more povs and stuff like that#like with how it started leaning into a conversation rather a monologue was rly good#cant believe sevilbarra became an uncle just like that#GALANTHALUS IS SO....may we get more lore right now i think its superfascinating#honestly rly good event series highly reccommend both events tbh
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ouighhh i went to bed like an hour or two early but ended up waking up even LATER than i usually do. now im exhausted trynig not to fall asleep playing thru the lantern right quest....
#i love gaming so much. son boy#its sad bc me and my brother can kinda relate with his feelings towards his family#my dad was super anti creative career paths at both of us#especially my brother who constantly made him cry over it#and it just got too much and now weve both been no contact for nearly 3 years#he messaged me a few months ago on fb only to say 'i miss you' and it had me shaken so bad#bc i want nothing to do with him#im hoping things end up a lot better for gaming tho it probably while im guessing#making kites with xianyun rn :)#yappin
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ok ive finished the dlc so now i can properly say my least favourite thing about dragon age awakening is that the women feel like an afterthought & don't fit in the group at all. & i want to care about them & their banter so much. but i really don't because the game is giving me fucking nothing
#dragonageposting#IM SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT THIS. i was thinking abt it so hard last night.#(crying) please join my polycule why wont you fit in my polycule videogame why didnt you let the women fit in my polycule#it doesnt help that anders & oghren's banter w them is insufferable. especially oghren#sigrun is SUCH a sweetheart & i adore her i really do but her & velanna are just so... lacking compared to everyone else#& it's by design! & i fucking hate that it is!#did i fuck up something? did i miss quests that would've made them better? even then i don't know if it would fix the issue#with oghren you already know him beforehand hes got a whole plotline & everything in origins so its like. it fits within the plot#anders shows up at the centre of the main plotline. at the start too. he integrates himself as part of the group very easily bc of that#nathaniel also has very good reason to be there! you killed his father! he hates your guts but hes not a bad person! he has depth!#he is given the opportunity to fit in a group whose leader he comes in loathing#justice would be part of the 'you're making it hard for me to care abt this character' group if i didnt know abt him showing up in da2 prob#but even then his quest just. felt longer. he was given more to do than both velanna & sigrun#not only that but hes a spirit possessing a corpse which makes his deal very unique#i was elated to meet sigrun bc i love the legion of the dead but they just. didn't give her much.#& the whole thing w velanna wrt seranni is like;.. barely touched on. i was so disappointed the quest was so short#the women are just given nothing compared to the men & i fucking hate it i wanna care about them so bad. i want to care. so bad.#they didnt even allow me to have either of them do their joining like??? what?? it mightve been a glitched thing or w/e but??#i was just forced into the climax of the game without either of them doing their joining. and it fucking sucked#idk the later parts of awakening feel rushed. like they didnt plan to actually wrap it up & had to do it hastily.#the beginning was so interesting & i was genuinely having such a good time but by the end of it i was just tired#we barely got anything on the architect i was also hyped for him but then it was kind of nothing.
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forgot aj said he'd want to get bit if clem got infected so that they could stay together and forgot clem has a dream where she talks to lee and he tells her that hes proud and she says she misses him and she says shes proud of aj and then ep4 opens with aj talking in the intro saying he remembers all his lessons but thinks clem is wrong sometimes.... remembering what That means for them later in ep4 and
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best game ever i think
#im SOBBING. oh baby boy. god the first time i played ep4 i cried so fucking hardd i cant believe they did this to me#aj narrating the intro and the outro OUGH throwing up. fucks me up what a game#hes my baby#games that are like. ur a parent figure and this child will learn from your actions break me every time#like bio/shock2 where eleanor says 'you taught me mercy' and then she spares sofia IM CRYING. i cant handle this#and every time the game says 'aj noticed that. aj will remember that' i get so nervous remembering that on no#i am shaping this little 5yo bundle of pixels#anyways i am DYING. i am suffering. i love this game so much. twd1 and twd4 best games ever made#twdg4#my post
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i actually do like jewellery as a gift bc when i wear it i feel like i have a part of the people who gifted it with me
#like these pearls from my best friend which are in 3 colors and remind me that i can be myself and that i always have her#i didnt even like pearls before she gifted them to me#and this golden necklace which has a quote and initials from my friends and i always joke that its for whenever i ever get lost those were#the people i should be taken to bc they are my home#and they are not my home anymore but i still get soft when i am around them so yknow#and then these earrings from my guy friends and i never thought they would get me jewellery on their own bc its just not their type of gift#well i didnt expect a gift at all now that i moved out and im the only one gifting them#but its cuz its how i let people know im thinking of them#anyways they got me these silver blue flower pandora earrings#and i dont have a lot of silver and i dont have anything blue BUT THEY ARE SO PRETTY#and they chose them themselves and i wanted to cry and i am wearing them now and i love them so much bc they remind me im not alone#and that i do have people to play board games with which is silly but important to me bc family game time has been dead ever since dad move#for work#and those silly gooses even asked me if i wanted to change them but that damn site cant have anything prettier than what the people#i hold dear chose for me#also i would like to add every bracelet my friends made me as a kid#they are boxed jewels of time
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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