#so I’m also laughing at myself here
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Indie Horror Game Idea where it’s a bunch of set ups mashed together, and a guessing game of what’s gonna try and kill the protag—
You move in to a new apartment building, the room is strange. You have a neighbor who’s a cute anime girl who immediately takes a liking to you. You start working as a waiter at this restaurant where the head chef doesn’t allow you in a certain room. There’s a festival in just a few days that everyone is excited for and talking about. There are missing persons posters spread out through the town. Weatherman is reporting a fog about the roll in just before the festival. And the game takes place in a small urban town.
#indie horror#idea not meant to be taken seriously#horror games#let it be known I love indie horror games#especially story heavy ones#but I can poke a little fun at the reacurring tropes#also my game features a morally question woman and missing people#so I’m also laughing at myself here
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Hi, it's me again. I decided to follow your advice and try to seek out your 'actually serious' analysis, which led me to your komahina bible, the most easy to find compilation of this supposed analysis. Here are my thoughts-
1) Overview
- Most of this 'analysis' isn't analysis but a summary/overview of the game. It's not so much a 'bible' as a children's book summary of the bible, which at that point it would be better to play the actual game itself. It's clear it was made for a presentation on the 'uninitiated' if you will, but if that's the case, you shouldn't be advertising it as the literal bible on the subject.
- When you are not regurgitating points from the game beat by beat, the screen is halfway filled with either manga panels or fanart. My gripes with manga panels are, that even though they do depict the events of the game, the way they can be depicted by the artist can be pretty subjective due to the freedom of the medium in comparison to sprites, and that the role of one character can differ depending on whose pov manga it is (chiaki vs nagito). Fan art therefore should be scrutinized even more since it fully depicts abstracted and even the fandomified version of events, leading to situations where it's either unclear what is actually happening or betrays your more shallow view of the characters (i talk abt this later.)
- When you do use pictures directly from the game it's either a possible screenshot from a memorable moment or dialog from the wiki, limited almost exclusively to the freetime events. This leads me to believe that you haven't actually played the game(there are other factors hinting towards this) or watched a Let's Play of it, but going off of merely information that's already widely known and circulating within the fandom, and easy to search on the wiki.
2) Incorrect/Questionable information
Here I'll compile a lot of information that's either plainly wrong or baffling to having come to that conclusion , leading more credence to the theory that you either haven't actually played the game or your memory of it isnt as good as you think.
-"if Nagito's plan went off of without a hitch, he would have killed anyone that was closes to him at the time" plainly wrong. Komaeda's goal from the start was to make himself the victim, so by dying this way his death could have meaning and help the others. For somebody that keeps talking about Komaeda's "Martyr complex" this is truly a weird take to have.
-"Nagito...got the nurse for sure sick" is there any proof that specifically points to Komaeda for this? I believe the takeaway should've been that Mikan got sick because she was around all of them AND she overworked herself trying to take care of them. Is this just an awkwardly phrased attempt to make more of a connection between Tsumiki and Komaeda? I don't think you needed more than the ones that already existed.
- "he helps Junko brainwash a bunch of students" Kamukura at neither point in the anime or Danganronpa 0 was ever specifically implicated in the brainwashing. He never 'helps' Junko, especially in that way. If you meant, participates in the student council killing game, you should've said that, but even then his agency and influence is limited.
-"they found the Remnants and captured them!"...no, they didn't. The Remnants presented themselves as survivors and the Foundation took them in. They handed themselves over willingly. It was a pretty big piece of the final part of the game...
3) Komaeda and Komahina
- "Nagito's habit of putting people on pedestals" Where. Sure, he certainly parrots the belief that the "Ultimates" as a unit are at the top of the food chain and should be prioritised, but its clear that doesn't exactly carry over to his classmates like teruteru, Kuzuryu and even Souda sometimes. Just because of a few positive comments refering to them as Ultimates and the trial which he literally breaks down in, this is a hard position to support.
-"Nagito manipulates Hajime into playing the game" How. He literally just told him to play it. How is that manipulation. Also, isn't it a bit unfair to put the blame on Koizumi's death to him as well? I think they were multiple factors playing into this, but sure, how else are you gonna convince people that Komaeda is a twisted fucking cyclepath that loves leading people to their deaths.
-The way that you say the Kuzuryu/Pekoyama relationship mirrors Komahina as 'I will give up my agency for you/ I just want you' is also confusing. Unless of course you mirror Peko's struggle with her agency and harmful beliefs the clan enforced on her with Komaeda's own belief system, in which case, idk man, i feel like you are giving a bit too much credit to the supposed severity of Komaeda's views and trying too hard to make Hinata the 'rational' and 'grounding' one in the relationship.
- Again, the amount of times you refer to Komaeda as a freak for doing something 'weird' or even being drawn weirdly doing it , mostly in the manga, makes me belief this isn't just an affectionate tongue in cheek joke as you claim, but an actual way in which your interpretation of Komaeda is colored.
-"it doesn't excuse his nonchalance towards tragedy and murder but explains it" what needs to be excused here exactly? Komaeda doesn't need to immediately bawl his eyes out when someone gets killed or else he's suspicious and...bad? I am confused with what you mean by this. If you mean that Komeada shouldn't be so nonchalant about murder because he's constantly trying to kill someone else, that is plainly incorrect and i explained above why.
-Posturing about Komaeda's 'black and white thinking' while in the next exact slide you show fanart of him smugly explaining he has Borderline. First, i want you to explain to me the black and white thinking in a way that isn't "oh, the friends and classmates i previously liked turned out to be fucking terrorists". I think that's a pretty justifiable situation for your thinking to go from white to black. Also, if that is enough credence to assign Komaeda BPD, you really don't know how BPD works, especially since you assigned it to the one character you constantly talk about being a freak (and also lust...pseudo lust? after).
- The insistence with Hinata not really understanding Komaeda and running away, even if he wants to understands him is pretty suspect, especially when compared to the game. Hinata is confused and overwhelmed yes, but it's not just that he wants to understand Komaeda but that he still feels fondness for him, he still follows his advice and puts his faith in him and the way he mourns him in Chapter 5 is also pretty indicative of this. It's just another part in the pattern in you making Hinata the confused, rational, 'morally pure' man that's 'tempted' by 'corrupted' manic pixie mentally ill demon Komaeda. Something tells me your priest AU isn't so much playing with dolls as much as...what you actually believe these characters dynamic is.
- The whole page where Servant is basically made into a joke about how hot and sexy and freaky he is doesn't help your point either.
-The most damning evidence of course is a drawing in the second to last slide, wherein Komaeda is supposed to be analogous to 'guy who has something wrong with him' (distorted, freak, mentally ill) and Hinata is analogous to the guy that 'is the only one that understands them' (the rational one, the relationship of understanding doesn't go both ways).
- Your slide with sources is pretty vague and unclear. Also the way that you credit "Your superior mind" before the game itself when all you've been doing is repeating and misinterpreting the plot of the game is ...ironic
So yeah, that's all I got. Feel free to 'debunk' my observations as much as you please, I just want to know if there's actual basis behind everything you just said or I should go digging for 'the actual serious analysis' yet again.
i think you forgot that fandom is meant to be fun
#ask#anon#tw anon hate#i’m not gonna go through each individual point here bc frankly that’d be a waste of my time#so i’m just going to say this:#i am someone who makes jokes. funny haha jokes. i Laugh. i Shitpost. Common Fandom Behavior#‘freak’ is a word i use to refer to myself more often than anyone else#i view it with a positive connotation. and also kmda is objectively weird!! that is part of what makes his character good#i use 2 definitions of ‘freak’: the first is Related To Sex and the second is Strange Or Bizarre#komaeda is a strange and bizarre person who is regularly used for fanservice#you could for sure say maybe i have some sort of bias with calling people ‘freaks’ but for you to assume ill intent is nasty#that presentation was made to give my irl friends an understanding of what i mean when i talk abt kmhn#‘kmhn bible’ is a JOKE title. it’s a BIT. i don’t know if you’ve noticed but i try to have fun around here#anywho. i’m not going to argue semantics with someone who is clearly convinced that i couldn’t possibly know what i’m talking about#that’s not worth my time or energy.#i’m going to continue to have fun on the internet with my friends. i am going to continue making my funny jokes#i am going to continue to make weird bad not-quite-horny art. and i’m going to be happy#you can either block me like an adult and move on with your life. or you can send me another anon#if you do send me that ask know that i will block you. this is a conversation i am done having#because i will not have these conversations with people who refuse fo respect me#it’s clear that you have it in your head that you’re smarter than me. which sure whatever believe what you want idgaf#but regardless of how you view me i am not obligated to prove myself to you. ever#thanks for downloading my funny little powerpoint though ^_^
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it’s all the rest of what i want with you
connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k
Summary:
“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”
“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.
in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!
#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu#HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand#in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred#because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it#including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines.#like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like#‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted#and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.)#i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on#this one but the full quote was too long:#all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless#so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one#and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o.#liv in the replies#shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs.#if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡#the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is.#far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze#laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…)#also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy
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Arent you that guy that burnt their grilled cheese?
So sad
Next time add some BUTTER to that PAN you FUCKING SAVAGE
Thank you, stranger, for helping me learn more about myself
#getting called guy as a trans woman DOES really suck who woulda thought#also#I’m saying this as nicely as I can since I don’t think you had purposefully bad intentions here#we are not friends and you do not know me#I was like let me laugh at myself real quick about the time I was drunkenly making egg on toast in the pan and I was so worried about the#egg when I flipped the bread it was terribly burnt on that one side#notably only that one side I took a picture of#bc I was hammered and talking to a friend the whole time#and just. chances are when something is every day getting closer to 100k notes I’ve already been dunked on enough no?#like do y’all genuinely think you’re above making notable mistakes like that?#because you’re not#and I really wish people wouldn’t act like I’m some sort of invalid because I had#emphasis on the past tense#the good nature to laugh about#my damn fuckup
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you know, i’ve never in my life been blackout drunk before. this may change sometime in the next couple of days
#obviously i’m angry and devastated and everything else. whatever. but i’m also just really pissed off at myself because i honestly wasn’t#expecting it to go this way and i should have been.#i feel so stupid and sixteen years old all over again. waking up in the morning genuinely convinced we’re finally going to have a female#president in office and having to go to bed feeling like half the country is laughing at my naïveté. and it’s even worse this time because#we’ve been here before and i feel like i should have known better.#i seriously don’t know what we’re going to do. like globally the entire world is fucked#whatever. i’m not going to tag rant about this. i’m not going to say anything new here anyway.#caseyposting
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GGS TEAM PAST!!!
#DUUUDE THIS WAS SO FUN#dreadful#veji#art#splatoon#splatoon 3#grand festival#grand fest splatoon#Man I shed like a few tears by the end of the reveal news thing#Like not out of sadness cause my team lost but just from the joy that all this happened and I was here for it.#I never got to experience splatoon 2’s final fest so I’ve waited 3 years for this and I’m…. Just so happy!#If you couldn’t tell from the colours in the drawing I’m team future btw#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING#Oh and I guess I should put my reasoning for my pick of future#so here it is:#I picked it because the future scares me. But it’s gonna happen anyway so I might as well look forward to it#I can’t let myself worry about where I’ll end up and who I’ll be when I’m older#But I do need to keep looking forward#I also chose it cause of deep cut. Like that was a big factor in my choice#Their music shaped my tastes. I just love it so much#And sure the characters themselves aren’t as fleshed out as the other idols#But they still mean a lot to me as splatoon 3 is the game that got me into the franchise#Even though I played 2 before 3 could never fully enjoy it as I came too late#I missed every splatfest cause I got it a year before splat3#So I could never connect the way I did to 3#Hearing anarchy rainbow for the first time changed me man. I fell in love instantly. It just means so much.#As an autistic person I actually surprisingly don’t really stim that much. But hearing anarchy rainbow just… flipped a switch.#I couldn’t stop moving. Literally like DJ Octavio man. It was a crazy experience to just feel like I had to move.#to walk around or something. To wave and flap my arms. Copy their dances. It sounds a little weird and childish when it’s written down#But it’s true. Splatoon’s music showed me that my autistic stimming was something I should embrace.
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Yo Unus Annus looks way different from what I remember
Had to draw Dislyte mark while that still is a bit of a fresh topic, and turn it into a joke that only some people will understand
Also I put it into the art contest so we’ll see how this goes
#markiplier#dislyte#ethan dislyte#digital art#digital illustration#fanart#unus annus#cereals art#also hi Dislyte community how are you#dislyte fanart#I haven’t drawn mark in so long guys#also hello to the followers who originally followed me for mark and Sean art hi here you go#you have been fed#I’m mad no one has made this joke yet#I gotta do everything myself#anyway please laugh at my jokes#I thought this was funny#cause you know Ethan and there’s an Ethan in Dislyte#also yes I play dislyte#I’m pretty good at it ngl#played it when it had just released
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I feel such joy to know ppl & hear them share things with me. Looooove having friends and picking their brains, I really should do it more often than I do now tbh
#I do think I need to get back on trying to keep up with all my friends#like there are areas of my life I wish I’d put more effort into bc I want to keep cultivating my dnd friendships#bc those are so so so so special to me and I really should do more to like grow those friendships#bc any relationship takes time and love and tending and I do that but I’d like to do more#but there’s a lot of areas in my life I wish I’d improve#I’m getting there tho I don’t wish to come as mean to myself rn#bc I feel very good I just got done playing dnd and that’s always such a fun time#I love seeing my friends it really boosts my will to live and makes me feel like a person again#idk we are going through it and I know why but also I don’t know why and idk how to explain#we’ll see if I can do something in therapy but also I need this insurance shit to get mailed to me so I can stop#stressing about everything#life is so hard I’m so proud of every person on this planet except for the billionaires and shit#bc we are all out here in the trenches in wjatever form that takes and Christ it aucks#but I can still take your hand or message u online and we can have a little laugh
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and that’s okay#that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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I’m going to be very transparent for a sec. I’ve had two alcohol induced psychosis events happen to me in the past week where I attempted to harm myself and ended up talking to police officers. I’m a recovering alcoholic that tries really really hard but keeps relapsing. I’ve tried AA and therapy and nothing is helping because they keep telling me to look for “my higher power” and I’m not gonna lie, in my opinion, that shit is wack. I’m struggling a lot and faith is the last thing on my mind. Anyways, I wanted to make this post to thank y’all for being one of the main sources of happiness and support for me. I don’t get a lot of people outside of this community that reach out to me when im hurting so im very grateful to have y’all in my silly little phone. I promise I will be back to making mods and what not soon but I’ve been really enjoying making music, it feels almost therapeutic. But yeah, thanks for being here for me y’all. I love you guys.
#the police officer last night was surprisingly very friendly and even made me laugh#I’m glad I’m still here and I’m going to make things right for myself because there’s so much more in this world that I want to live for#suicide tw#tw sui attempt#tw self harm#tw#tw alchohol mention#tw alcohol#also I couldn’t make myself go to the psych ward because I needed to stay home to take care of the kitten#I was bawling my eyes out because I felt so guilty about even thinking of having someone else take care of him#he’s so bonded to me that he cries for me when someone else holds him#I just couldn’t#also the psych ward sucks#and I’m not knocking it entirely but#it really is a last resort thing for me now#after being in one that drugged me up on Ativan and took me off my heart meds to the point where I didn’t remember it#a whole ass week I have no recollection of
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random inane thoughts i’ve had lately:
“they didn’t know what killed people back then… they threw them in caves and they died!”
i was trying to decide what a character dynamic from a show i have never watched and know very little about is like and for some reason i decided that my only two options were “i recognize you. you recognize me?” “yes.” “so that’s in our favor.” or werewolf gimmick, which is not even a character dynamic, it was just the song playing as i was having the thought and then it made me laugh
#truly i am just Surviving#these past five months have been traumatic and i do not say that lightly#so i’m glad that i can make myself laugh here and there#just let my brain do whatever it needs to to survive in these conditions#all things considered i’m doing much better now#but i also kind of just need this semester to be over#and also the next one#and honestly let’s just skip forward to June when i graduate#soooooooooo done with it all#in good news - i have decided to put off grad school for a semester#i trust myself not to just fuck off and refuse to go back to school#but i also NEED the break or i think i will Die#the traumatic shit didn’t even have anything to do with school#i just don’t have any time to heal with all of that going on#i need to REST!!!!!!
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.
#Diary#So here’s something I remember DEVASTING me for some#I was at the playground with my step sibling. and we were playing this game where we would swing and point out the smaller kids like ‘Thats#my kid’. Choosing babies basically and not much else. And this one girl was getting teased so we invited her over and she sat in my step#siblings’s lap while they swung. Well this girl chats like the 5 year old she was and I stumbled over my words or something and my step#sibling laughs at me hysterically. That hurt my feelings but I remember thinking that I wanted to be more thick skinned than I was when I#was the girl’s age so I just pushed it back and kept swinging. My step sibling had to#pee or something. so it was just me and this girl. I wasn’t as chatty as my sibling but when the girl slipped off the swing and couldn’t#Get back on. I asked her if she wanted me to help her get back on. and she was like ‘My mom doesn’t let me talk to strangers’#Of course this confused me. because we just met and I am also a child?#She looked. like. uncomfortable near me or something and I just felt so weird in my body#Cause like. I know I’m chubby and taller than other girls but am I really scary like an older boy?#My sibling was an average size and a little malnourished and I was already incredibly insecure about our differences#Like I was wearing knee shorts and a t shirt to swim in the lake and they were wearing a girl’s bikini lol#Then this little kid gets right back on their lap when they got back and I was like ‘😬’ trying not to cry and just walked away to sit by#myself. Now there’s a picture of my clueless father sitting next to me when I’m like ‘Oh ‘extremely high kid voice crack’ sure you can sit#next to me dad😃 Please drown Em in the lake for me because I hate them and that people like them better’ from behind.#This was a pretty regular experience for kids but I was a little off and even kids sense these things lol
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the pics of morgan and joel are from travis sanheim's wedding this weekend!
^^^me experiencing the one-two knockout punch of “oh they WERE each other’s wedding date” followed by the realization that sanny finally got married 🥹😭 cheers indeed!!!
#have i ever told you all how i have the best anons in the world because i do. you’re all so nice to me and whenever i just. yell things#you come here and answer my questions and i love you for that thank you anon. i love you. 💕💕💕#also yes i KNOW i said finally and sanny’s like what twenty five however that is a) an old bachelor by most hockey standards b) he and alex#are high school sweethearts/been together forever and are disgustingly in love thank you they’ve been married in spirit if not reality#for years now. this has no bearing on my actual personal opinions on when you should or if you should be married or how long it should take#anyway. truly deeply madly obsessed with the joel/morgan of it all now because did they have to conform to a blue suit theme and if so#joelle why were u not wearing a belt. were all the flyers in blue suit uniform because that’s what our beautiful sensible sanny could trust#them to do &if so which ones were at the wedding i WILL be investigating post-haste. i have to update my tags 1st bc i’m the future me rn#who is currently dealing with them potentially being matching wedding dates & dunking my head in tinfoil to say morgan broke up with his gf#and ohhhhh if i don’t have a five weddings fic floating around SOMEWHERE for them. god knows i have the comment marriage fic AND fantastic!#liv in the replies#travis sanheim#<- in spirit i guess because it’s about his wedding so i felt like he should be included#philadelphia flyers#joel farabee#morgan frost#<- for my own sorting purposes#ANYWAY CONGRATS SANNY HAPPY MARRIAGE WE <3 U (do have to mention that i laugh so hard every time about that post calling him a rpf void i-)#also also bc i keep adding p.s. to this i was very pleased with myself to have flat fuck tk in the reply so that the travii were present 🫶
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people begging me to do something to make a certain someone happy aren’t taking into account that i hate this person and i will revel in the knowledge that i kept them from getting the most perfect version of what they wanted. in fact i hope they mourn the loss of this for the rest of their life and die unhappy about it
#i wish i could do worse. i wish i could go through and ruin everything i ended up giving them (all against my wishes) and i wish#i could ruin everything they love because god do i hate them and i will laugh when they finally fucking die#i have no idea why everyone glosses over all the shit this person has done to us and all the pain they’ve caused and i can’t fathom why#everyone wants to make them happy and why they’re willing to beg and bribe for me (and one other person who also hates them) to#give in but it is amusing and i hope they all fucking cry about it like oh nooo did poor [REDACTED] not get something they will never#get another chance to have ? oh well that sucks so bad for them i’m oh so sorry i caused that i can’t believe i managed to ruin their#chances for this how awful that this person i hate who has done and gotten away with so many horrible things didn’t get their perfect#little fantasy how sad we should all comfort them and call me a bitch who has no respect for anyone#god sometimes i wish i gave into violence more in the past bc i wish i got to fucking beat their ass up back when it would be self-defense#unforch i will never get to now. SAD!#i suppose i have murder fantasies and the thought of being able to ruin their funeral to soothe my soul#and the knowledge that i could make them fucking hurt by refusing to cooperate w them#and ough every time an opportunity presents itself for me to fucking take back what they took from me arises i have to fight myself#on it bc everyone will know it was me. i don’t even want what they have i just want them to know they will never get it back and#god it would upset them so much but they never should have had it in the first place ough if i get the chance before i ditch everyone here#for good i’d want to take it and stick around just long enough to hear how much they’ll cry about it before i fuck off#unforch i would need to know where all of their copies of things are but fuck i hate knowing they’ve taken so much from me bc i didn’t#get a fucking choice and they think they have to right to keep it all bc oh it makes them so happy they love having it they’re so fucking#afraid of losing it but it’d be so easy and i doubt they’d even notice for a while and i genuinely could disguise it as a mistake something#got misplaced some files corrupted etc etc but whatever this is fantasy a sweet little daydream of mine my second fantasy involving#them has smth to do with setting their house on fire and my third fantasy is desecrating their grave when the time comes#okay i’m done w this lalalalalala *skips off into the distance* i think revenge is not productive but god is it delicious to think about
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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me yesterday: time to give myself an incredibly butch haircut :D
me today: can’t believe the unfeminine-but-technically-women’s tank tops i’m trying on look weird on me, what’s up with that! [shocked pikachu face]
#extremely not a problem just hilarious 2 me#local K: has so much dysmorphia they didn’t believe they could look masc even with their hair like 7/8″ long#local mirror: uh‚ hello????#laughing at myself a lot#also the like. gaggle of 14-y/o boys complaining abt how their butts didn’t fit into shorts DID make me feel better if i’m being honest#We All R Out Here Struggling <3
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