#like there are areas of my life I wish I’d put more effort into bc I want to keep cultivating my dnd friendships

[gays4vulo]

I feel such joy to know ppl & hear them share things with me. Looooove having friends and picking their brains, I really should do it more often than I do now tbh

[alreadyblondenow]

Whenever the sun is hiding

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

Pairing: General!Kun x warrior!female reader, Mulan AU, enemies to lovers Genre: SMUT, FLUFF, angst? WC: 3,750k Warnings: this story is so asian because it is a Mulan AU, this is a time where women are allowed to be warriors, mentions of heavy training bc they’re warriors, cheating but... youll get it once you read it, unprotected sex, mentions of fingering, mentions of Kun fantasizing about the reader fucking him, fingering, a lot of kisses, slight exhibitionism, mentions of other idols A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time. I just watched the new Mulan movie, (yes the one that was boycotted) and it was amazing. To the one who requested this... I’m sorry if you’re not asian, :( but I hope you still read and love this.

Under the scorching sun in the middle of summer, warriors are trained to be prepared of what lies ahead. The power of the enemy is quickly growing by every second and the young warriors of China, and it’s very young, new and ambitious general is not going to slack off until his nation is safe.

That is why he is very hard and strict with how he teaches the warriors assigned to him. So strict that every woman in his battalion went home after the first few days of training. Except you.

It is your incredible will and perseverance to bring honor to your family that’s making you stay and helping you go through each hard training everyday. And who would have thought that your perseverance and driven soul will make general Qian Kun hate you to the core.

But that’s not the only reason why he hates you.

One beautiful night after your night duty when you thought everyone was asleep, you took a bath on the river and enjoyed your time alone. Releasing your feminine side by smiling while watching the moon, catching flowers that fell on water and tuck one behind your ears. You were beautiful, the general thought.

So beautiful that he almost did not realized that he was peeking now and accidentally saw your breasts the moment you went out of water. He then quickly hid behind a big rock, careful not to make a sound and careful not to be caught. That night, he touched himself while thinking about you.

And that is why general Qian Kun hated you. Because despite being a successful general in his very young age, he’s still a man who can’t have a decent fuck when he sure knew he needed one. You make him sin even though he’s already engaged and every time he touch himself with you in his mind, he will always feel so guilty afterwards.

Who wouldn’t hate you for that?

“Wake up, wake up my general”

There’s that soft toned wake up call again with a faint image of a woman on top of him, blurry because of the sunlight behind her that hurts Kun’s eyes and made him squint, but he knew he was dreaming.

And then he woke up.

It’s that dream again. The dream of his future wife who had been matched to him a day before he left for his duty as general. What a pity. It doesn’t look that much, but Kun was so excited to meet her in person. But the girl has been visiting her in his dreams, and that’s why he knew that this marriage is a good idea. This marriage will be beautiful, she will be beautiful and he will have a quiet married life after this duty of his.

Kun got up from his comfort and asked his assistant if you had gone home already and coward away. “No general, Y/n was seen during the morning run,” the soldier answered.

“Bring her to me, I want to talk to her,” Kun ordered and then stretched is body before putting on his robe and sit on his chair, waiting for your presence.

“General, L/N Y/N is here,” the soldier announced and Kun commanded you to enter right away.

It was nice on the generals tent, cozy and not hot like the tent you use together with the others. His things were neatly placed, and he is staring right at you now.

“From now on you will go last with everything. Last in line, last to shower, last to rest after training. Except during meals, you’re first during meals but don’t eat with other men. Are we clear?”

“Yes sir!” Of course it was clear to you but you never know why? Did you do something wrong?

But the real reason is, after what happened the other night, the incident in the river, Kun can’t risk the other men to be distracted by you. Some men in the battalion are already matched and ready to marry when they get home, just like him. So he can’t tolerate sin now and raise cheaters during this training .

Or maybe he simply just wanted to protect you.

For you it’s alright if you’re always last, what’s more important is you’re not last when it comes to skills and fighting. You were always doing great in the field, and the general was always impressed by what you’re showing. He just can’t say it out loud because it will hurt his pride. But who cares if he agrees, you’re not giving up and that’s what’s important.

Knowing that you’re last to take a shower and to clean yourself in the river, Kun can’t contain himself even though he has been avoiding you for weeks now. Yes. Weeks. But all his great efforts are coming to waste because at the end of the day, he will end up thinking about you and well, fantasize about you fucking him instead of resting.

“Maybe you like her and deep inside it’s not just weird fantasies after all,” the second general, Lucas, said to Kun while he is busy washing his hair.

“Did you forget that I’m matched already and she’s waiting for me to return home?” Kun frustratingly answered back.

“No, I did not forget that. But you don’t know this fiancé of yours, and you have never seen her or touched her,”

“Sure I did. In my dreams”

“That doesn’t count you moron. Look, if fantasising is not enough for you maybe just ask her-“

“You’re the moron, you know I can’t do that. I can lose my rank as general,”

“Let me finish first” Lucas held up his big hand and waited his friend to shut up, “Ask her truthfully, be clear with your intentions. After all, she’s a girl too and maybe she needs what you have been wanting too,” Lucas explained and left for he is done taking a bath.

Turns out Lucas was right. Whenever you take a bath in the river alone, and made sure that no one is watching, you touch yourself quickly and relieve your stress in a corner. Imagining a man whose fingers are deep inside you and imagining that you two are in a hurry so others won’t catch you.

Then after a good orgasm, you just feel silly and desperate. Why do I do this to myself, you murmured.

“Next time do it behind that rock,”

A familiar voice startled you and instantly made you shy. Did he saw you touch yourself? How much did he saw or hear? Why is he here? Did he do this on purpose? Of all people, why the general?

“I’m sorry general. I should get going...” you said with shy eyes, covering your still wet body with your thin robe and avoiding the general’s gaze that melts you instantly.

“Can you join me?” he stopped you from walking away from him, holding you by the elbow. A gesture that you can read easily. The general is not joking and he meant every word he said.

By the time he left you to go in the middle of the river, you haven’t made up your mind but you aren’t leaving yet as if you wanted to accept his offer and see what goes after. What are expecting? A kiss? A good talk? A good fuck? Why does he want me to join him?

All these questions ran through your mind as you slowly untie your robe and let it fall on the ground, walking slowly towards to the handsome man waiting for you under the moon and stars in the middle if a cold river.

Whatever happens, happens.

“So this is your decision?” He asked you calmly, with a soft smile that you have never seen him wear. “We will never speak of this whenever the sun is up,”

You nodded slowly and he came close, grabbing you by the waist and lifting you underwater so you could lock your legs around him.

“Tell me, are you matched?” he asked, looking so handsome in his damped hair.

“I am,” you answered weakly but you already got lost in his eyes.

“All the more reason to hide what we have,” he said and started kissing your neck that felt so good. Suddenly the cold water became warm, or that’s just Kun sharing an unfamiliar heat to you.

Slowly, he walked towards the big rock he talked about earlier. Feeling the water gush to your body and his hand soothing your butt underwater while making small talk. Everything feels so wrong but so good at this moment that you can only let out soft moans and listen to his groans as he was busy kissing you and kept on touching your body. Kissing your breast and licking your nipples like you were some kind of cold treat on a summer day, and you did not miss how his tongue felt around your sensitive areas.

“General-“

“Kun. Call me Kun whenever were alone,” he whispers and started nibbling your earlobe. His hands started to roam on your inner thighs, holding you with one hand and readying himself to make his first move. “Don’t make a sound,” he said and kissed you on the lips. Deep and with tongue that you became speechless and all you can do is shut your eyes close and feel this two fingers go inside your cunt. In and out you feel him under water but it sadly it doesn’t do the job.

“I think it’s the water,” he stopped and groaned quietly, his frustration was obvious. Is he really desperate to fuck tonight? “Let’s go to my tent, what do you think?” he asks you.

“N-no. That’s too much. We can get caught, I think I’m fine for tonight-“

He cut you off with a smirk and chuckle, “No were not. Were not going to get caught and were certainly not yet done for the night, unless you really want to. I can’t force you,” and again, he gave you freedom to choose. But whenever he’s like this you can’t help but feel like you’re throwing yourself to him. You just stared at his eyes and traced his soft lips using your thumb.

“Lead the way,” you said. And you witnessed him smile from ear to ear.

Quiet and very careful, you and Kun walked towards his tent and made sure that no one will see you together. Good thing the coast is clear and if anyones is awake, they should be guarding the place like a hawk. The moment you’re both inside his cozy tent, he blew the candle so no one would see your silhouettes, and of course, you did not make any sound.

He walked you towards his bed and slowly undid your robe, swiftly removing it and making you lie comfortably on his bed. He removed his robe and went on top of you immediately, staying in between your legs while he spreads kisses on your body. But you swear, you wanted to see his cock to inspect whether it’s big or can it fit?

“Don’t worry, you will feel it in a moment. And it will answer all your questions,” he smirked in between kissing your left breast while kneading the other. “Do you like kisses?” He asks as he spreads some around your body all the way down to your cunt, teasing it with a few licks.

“Now I do,” you smiled and answered his question. Reaching for his head to rake away his hair and to see how his tongue works.

Incredible. As expected and you wish you could make a sound.

Kun went back up to you, searching for your eyes under the very minimal light, “You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Is that an invitation for tomorrow night?” You joked and smiled through the feeling of him finally spreading your legs open and making you feel his cock slide up and down your wet slit, again, teasing you and preparing you for what’s yet to come.

“If you let me kiss you everyday then I’m considered the luckiest man on Earth”

Such sweet words you thought. But such sweet words are not easily said if you don’t like the person you’re with. In other words, you don’t know if he actually mean it or is he just trying to be sweet because he’s about to fuck you senseless now?

“Ugh- it wont go in,” he said frustrated but still quiet. He’s that big and you are that tight.

“Ahh- fuck I wasn’t ready” you almost screamed the moment he put two fingers in your hole to prep you more, making you wetter by every second.

“Fuck its huge,” you informed him when Kun finally manage to put a few inches inside. He just chuckled and lowered himself to kiss your neck, whispering, “its not yet even halfway in,” he said in a very sexy way that just took your breath away.

But before he fucks you properly, he made sure he’s looking directly to you not missing the way you will react when he finally move. And when he finally did you furrowed your brows and parted your lips shamelessly, letting out small sounds that’s for yourselves only. You look and sounded so beautiful and irresistible Kun thought and he knew right then and there that he will be addicted to you. Almost to the point of he can’t let you go.

“Please don’t get me pregnant,” you plead and hold on tightly to his shoulders and kiss him even more deeply.

“I wont” he said and spread your legs even more for a new angle. Finally giving you hard and piercing thrust that you don’t have any choice but to accept them.

The night continued as you two forget the world outside the tent. He did a lot of things to you. Completely maximizing his time before the sun appears. After the first wave of your sexual activity, to your surprise he flipped you on your stomach and made you arched your back beautifully. Spreading kisses on your back while he kneads your breast from behind, pinching your nipples and giving them a great squeeze from time to time... as he fucks you harder from behind that if anyone is listening outside they will already know what you two are doing in the dark.

And just as you thought that he’s done with you, for his final move tonight, his grand finale, he made you cum using his tongue with two fingers inside your cunt and his other hand busy kneading one of your breast.

“Your legs are shaking uncontrollably, are you fine?” He was teasing you. If you have the energy to punch him you would gladly do it but now you really can’t.

While you two were enjoying the quietness of the night, you snuggle beside Kun while he wraps his arms around you. Both staring blankly in the ceiling and both replaying what happened earlier in your minds.

“I don’t feel guilty, I hope you do too” he said out of nowhere.

“Surprisingly I don’t feel guilty either,” you tighten your embrace to him.

“Is that an acceptance for my invitation for tomorrow night?” He smiled. You didn’t answer him for it was far too obvious already.

By the time you and Kun parted ways before the sun comes up, you both instantly felt incomplete. Why? You managed to get back to your tent quietly and went to sleep immediately, Kun did the same thing but right now as you sleep like a baby, Kun was having a nightmare.

Not exactly a nightmare. But it was for Kun. His fiancé visited him again in his dreams, and even though he knew it was just a dream, he still felt ashamed that he cheated.

On the next day, as expected he was back on his usual cold and strict image like he wasn’t inside you last night. But as much as everything was bothering you and your mind was out of focus the whole day, you didn’t let your guard down still did what you had to do during your training.

“A fucking tiring day don’t you think?” Your friend Hendery whined and flopped to his side of the bed. “You were out late last night. Stargazing again?”

“Y-yes, I saw different stars last night,” you said with a smirk, confident that your friend won’t get it.

And as you did stargazed near the river that night and endured the cold, you waited for a pair of arms to finally keep you warm. And his lips, to kiss your tiredness away. But to your disappointment, he never came.

He didn’t came the next night. Or the night after that. And even the following nights. Until you got the news that he left the camp and went back to the city for serious business for a few days.

“You were just a past time Y/n. The general played you and how come you were such a fool believing that he actually like you” you frustratingly murmured to yourself while you thrown rocks at the river angrily.

“Tss. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how” you said mimicking his words before throwing another rock, “where’s my fucking kisses now!”

“I can give them to you know if you want it,”

Finally, the person you hated so much showed up. “Well, it’s too late- general, welcome back” you bowed and gave him respect even though you know he don’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t be like that,” he let go of his horse and reached out to you for a hug but you avoided his touch. “Let me explain and let me make it up to you,”

You shook your head ‘no’ without looking at him. And Kun knew that this was his last card, his last chance to make it right. “I like you and that’s the truth. I realized that now during our time away, and I understand why you feel like this. I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me,”

“You’re general Qian Kun, don’t beg for my forgiveness-“

“I’m not a general right now, I’m just a normal man asking for forgive to the girl I like,” he breathed in deeply and let it out heavily, “My guilt got the best in me for the past days but now... it’s clear that I can’t lose you. Not yet and not like this”

After that night, better days came in, forgiveness was given and everything felt a lot lighter. You and Kun stopped fucking just for the sake of feeding each other’s lust and actually taking time building your relationship. Secretly. But you told him that when it’s time to go home, you should part ways and bring honor to your families by marrying the people waiting for the both of you. He did not answer you.

Of course that didn’t stop Kun from falling in love, because even though you two are in the middle of a war zone and a very sticky situation, it was a beautiful time to be in love.

And when the war between the enemies was settled, Kun wasn’t so happy upon hearing the news because this means its time to go home and get married.

After you and Kun made love in his tent for a couple of times tonight, with tired and sweaty bodies you did not care and still cling to each other.

“Tell me about your match, is he handsome like me?” He asked you out of nowhere which is alarming because he never opened this kind of topic before.

“I haven’t seen him. I left before I could meet him. But I heard that he’s brave and he can do a lot of things and that he loves his mother very much.

How about yours?”

“I don’t know anything about her she visits me in my dreams but I never see her face clearly,”

“And?” you asked because it’s obvious that he’s holding something back.

“And I wish that she’s you. If we have met a little bit sooner I’d marry you. Why can’t it be you?”

“Why? because of sex?” You asked slightly offended.

“No, no don’t get me wrong I think about you even when the sun is shining brightly in the sky or whenever you have clothes on or your body is covered in armor and your face is full of dirt. I admire your natural strength and drive.”

“This is wrong. We agreed to go home with honor” you turned your back against him and thought about what he said.

“Tell me why is this wrong? We love each other-“

“Were engaged to different people... Kun, are you hearing yourself”

“You don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you cannot live without and Y/n, I can’t live without you” he explained sternly. Already mad but that didn’t stopped him from covering your exposed body with his blanket and leave a soft kiss on your shoulder.

“This right here, what we have now, it’s everything I wanted and more. In fact, I could die right now, Y/n. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this before. I'm just exactly where I want to be” he whispered but he sounded so frustrated still. “In the end I’ll respect your decision. But I’m not marrying someone I don’t know, someone that’s not you, I would rather die in war,”

If Kun was being honest, he thought you would chose him over someone you don’t know. He was beyond heartbroken when you told him you wanted to go home and thanked him for everything that he taught you in the field. Not even one mention of the special things you shared whenever the sun is hiding. And on top of that, you called him general before you say your goodbye.

And on your wedding day. You were wearing a traditional chinese wedding dress and wearing a beautiful smile because finally you will meet what your ancestors have matched you with.

But just like that cold night beside the river, you waited and waited and waited.... for nothing. For your groom did not show up.

For Kun did not attend his own wedding not knowing that you were the bride.

You were both completely clueless that you were meant to be.

[painted-crow]

I haven't been on tumblr in a hot century so it feels a little weird to be writing a submission to you... but I just bingeread most of this blog and your way of explaining the shc system is so gloriously comprehensible that I really want to pour my brain out at your feet and have you explain the bits to me.

I hope life is treating you well and thank you for the awesome blog you run. The way you describe things and the way you help people sort themselves is clear and clever and so very kind of you to do, and that's what I appreciates about you. :)

(This was a chunk of a submission from someone who ended up sending in a second version that I answered in depth, but the fan mail portion from this first version was so sweet that it seems mean to just delete it. So here it is, as a #cutie post. 😊)

[pepperful-qt]

pepper do you have any advice for people who want to pursue their passion (art/music/etc) as a profession or get it as a college course but arent really that good at it? i dunno dude, theres a lot of greater artists out there (u included btw) and i jus kinda ?????? yk? + having art/music as a profession doesnt really pay well in my country

hey lovely! you flatter me hahahaha 💖 it's a pretty complex situation but i'll try my best💙 i do want to clarify that the nature of my profession is moreso based on clients and studios rather than freelance do-your-own-thing illustrator type thing. bc of that my thinking is a bit different, but I still have musician and other fine arts friends

you say you aren't that good at it, but natural talent isn't what matters. true that to a degree there is that "artistic sense", but like your skills it's something that can be honed, refined, and built upon. very few are prodigies. know that anything artistic is malleable and dynamic and will change, you just need to be willing to both do it and put in the effort to do so

if it's your passion, don't let it go. just don't. i promise even if you don't make it your profession, looking back years later you will regret giving it up completely.

there's always someone that will be better than you. it's just reality. for someone outrageously competitive like me it's infuriating and disheartening (i get it, trust me). there's different approaches to this depending on you: you can go with it & pursue your passion anyway because it's something you enjoy and that's what matters, and you let the fact that there are others above you drive you. Or, like me, you push yourself to specialize in a certain area and become unique enough to stand out. there's no easy or straightforward answer to it, but it's a reality everyone has to deal with, artists more than anyone

MOTIVATION & SELF CONFIDENCE & INSPIRATION ARE NOT CONSTANTS wow i wish i could scream that from the rooftops. it's so so so normal to get stuck it a rutt or block. they last a long time occasionally. some artists have tricks they do, but know that slumps are normal and it's okay to take breaks!

have another job! this was my high school art teacher's advice to me & even though i kinda ignored him it is good advice! it's literally what Semi does lol. you can have a well paying job you use to keep yourself afloat (in Semi's case, civil servant) and fund your artistic pursuits! you can even double major or minor in whatever art or music you're interested in if that's an option. for me, ik how computers work and some niche programming that could definitely get me by in a software or IT company if i needed to. i also draw/paint/do photography on the side, the latter of which i get a bit of money for. it's totally a viable option for you if the arts don't pay well in your country.

fine arts is not just painting and drawing and music etc. i go to an art school where everything is a BFA. film, vfx, game design, graphic design, industrial design, dance, etc are all fine arts. your options are open! i'm not sure exactly what your interest is, but there's lots of options for you. all i knew was i wanted to work in film or games, and i ended up doing something very tech savvy that could fit in both! true there's less creative freedom and more technical skill involved, but i still have those other passions i do on the side :)

those who just rely on natural talent don't make it that far. there are countless technical and life skills you need to learn as well. for something like graphic design, sculpture, drawing, etc, you can learn about composition, color theory, and the principles of design

ik i said don't give it up, but also don't strain yourself to make it work. mentally, financially, physically, or otherwise. your quality of life is important, and the phrase "you'll be happy as long as you're doing what you love" only goes so far if you're struggling to make ends meet and starving or not feeding yourself well, or giving yourself injuries in the very body that allows you to follow this passion.

Art is a risk, in more ways than one. it's upsetting how art has fallen to the wayside and is disregarded as a waste of a profession when the world functions on art, and has literally since humans had original thought. take an art history class, it'll change your perspective. look out for yourself and your quality of life! push yourself, yes, but not over a cliff

i'd pay money for someone to tell me a universally accepted answer to what makes art or an artist "good"

i hope this was somewhat helpful and if you have any follow up questions lmk!

[jo2ukes]

Hello! I’m hildahilda from tumblr and I saw you taking prompt requests for 50 ways to love your partner (which has become one of my fave dmileth fics). May I suggest... Dimitri and Byleth debating/arguing over political concerns or having long horse rides together? Just getting these ideas from their paired ending lol. Thank you!

HELLO LOVELY!!! Aaa your comments are always so sweet i always look forward to reading what you have to say slkdfjslkd  thank u for requesting smth ilysm~

I’m SO SORRY this took so long - I’ve been working on it off and on, but I slacked off too much at work last week so things kind of blew up and I’ve been living off of energy drinks. THAT BEING SAID, this is for YOU!!! I’m gonna upload to ao3 later as well, just not rn bc I’m at work lol :-)

spoilers for like. post game and blue lions stuff, though i tried to be pretty vague!

It was never typical for diplomatic meetings to go smoothly. Not that Dimitri is naïve enough to expect them to be easy. Even in times of peace, there are always areas for improvement. Dissatisfactions to be addressed. Relationships to maintain. Something about having his work cut out for him makes these meetings easier – though solving the issues are certainly more time consuming. Uniting Fódlan has been no small undertaking and he is grateful for all the assistance he receives from his friends. He is painfully aware that destruction is his forte – his hands and mind have only recently been converted to the goal of healing and restoration. To lead, you have to be able to both destroy and create, Byleth has told him. She’s right. United Fódlan and the relative peace they have now wouldn’t exist had he not destroyed Edelgarde and her dissenting Imperial forces. While the beast in him once relished in the idea of putting an end to El’s machinations, taking her life was one of the most painful trials he’s had to endure. The perspective motivates him. Encourages him to listen to his people and create a world where no destruction is needed, where no one is unjustly taken.

 He constantly reminds himself of this goal. It makes the sleepless nights worth it.

 The current roundtable has gone on for hours at least – Ferdinand, Lorenz, Byleth, Seteth and a handful of other nobles – mostly from former Faerghus territories – are in attendance. Unofficially, Ferdinand speaks for nobles of former Imperial territories, while Lorenz speaks for former Alliance territories. They’ve been instrumental in the restructuring efforts. While the three of them were not particularly close before, Dimitri counts them among his close friends now.

 “I hate to mention it on top of everything else,” Ferdinand bites his lip, “but there’s one last item I feel needs to be addressed before we adjourn. We’ve had trouble with the Western Church in the Aegir territory. We’ve repelled a few initial attacks. At first we thought it was bandits, but… well, we’ve confirmed the worst. Normally, my pride would never allow asking for assistance, but with our resources and attention spread out as it is, namely correcting my father’s corruption, I’m not sure this is a matter I can handle solely on my own. I don’t want to cause any more chaos in my territory than need be.”

 “You are correct to bring it up,” Dimitri says, furrowing his brow. “Aegir territory is a long way to go to cause trouble.”

 “If the Western Church is mobilizing again, it will certainly affect the trade routes we’ve established,” Lorenz observes. “The few merchants that can afford to travel certainly can’t afford losses to their inventory or company. Our trade routes are the most vulnerable. As former Imperial lands are in the most chaos, what with the complete restructuring needed post-war., it makes sense the Western Church, whatever their goals may be, would seek to cause disruptions there. If we truly seek to provide aid and maintain good relations with the nobles in the south, surely this conflict requires more attention. Wouldn’t you agree?” He looks back at Ferdinand.

 “Respectfully, yes,” Ferdinand nods solemnly. “Though, I understand the Central and Western Churches have their summit planned later this month, which surely makes matters precarious.”

 Eyes turn to Byleth and Seteth.

 “You are correct,” Seteth nods, addressing the nobles. “We are aware certain sects of the Western Church are mobilizing, though we had not heard of any activity in the Aegir territory. You can trust the matter will be dealt with. Her Grace has asked that I lead a fraction of the Knights of Seiros to investigate these disturbances while she attends the summit later this month. Ashe wrote to us several weeks ago, disclosing Western Church movements in the Gaspard territory once again. Since then, we’ve been keeping a watchful eye.”

 “How watchful, if they are mobilizing in areas you are not aware of?” Lorenz asks. “Your Grace, your Highness, I know the Church is quite busy with restructuring efforts, but perhaps it would be wise to focus more resources in this area.” He taps his upper lip thoughtfully. “Perhaps if we sent forces that were not affiliated with the Church it wouldn’t complicate things at the summit. The Western Church can feel safe in trusting the Central Church, and the people can feel safe that something is being done about these attacks.”

 “I agree,” Dimitri hums after a beat. “Very well. Seteth, I want you to take some of Fhirdiad’s knights with you. As things are a little more stable in the capital than anywhere else, it is less of a burden on our resources. Ingrid and her company should be available, I believe. I’ll send word they’re to accompany you back to the monastery. I’ll want to be kept in the loop, of course.”

 “With all due respect, your Majesty,” Byleth says, clearing her throat, and breaking her silence, “this is a Church affair. While I appreciate your offer for assistance, we must decline.”

 “On the contrary,” Dimitri shakes his head, “It stopped being a Church affair when it started threatening to plunge all of United Fódlan into another war, your Grace. These are not random attacks, they seem rather targeted.”

 “The Western Church simply does not have the resources or manpower to launch a full-scale war,” she shakes her head. “I do not believe that is their intention this time. They’re recovering just the same as the rest of Fódlan. If you’ll remember, the last time the Western Church created conflicts, there was a larger power at play. As relations with the Western Church are already delicate at best, I’d ask that you let us investigate internally first, at least until the summit has concluded. A month’s time, that’s all I’m asking.”

 “It is not that I distrust your ability to manage your own, I simply wish to prevent further harm to the already suffering villages.”

 “I understand your concern, your Highness. My wishes are the same,” she straightens her back, looking him square in the eye. She looks truly regal and imposing. For a moment Dimitri thinks it’s a shame the others get to observe her in her authoritative splendor, that it’s not a look only he can witness. But the thought only lasts a moment – he’s more than familiar with that determined glint in her eye. He’s in for a fight.

 “However,” she continues, “I cannot hope to restore faith in the Church if we are constantly shown to be unable to handle our own. Say what you will, but Edelgarde’s war has damaged the Church’s reputation, strengthened seeds of distrust. Whether that distrust was well-placed or not is of no consequence. The reputation of the Church must be restored. Through transparency, through rooting out corruption and self-serving officials, so be it, but it must be handled by the Church. We’ve only just concluded a war built on that same distrust – what message would it send if the King had to step in? How would that offer any reassurance to the people that things are different?”

 “You suggest, then, that the people will be more willing to accept the Church should be allowed to continue to govern its own?” he asks, folding his arms.

 “I’m suggesting we be given a chance to prove ourselves. If the leaders cannot trust the Church, the people cannot hope to hold the same faith.”

 “It is a risk,” Ferdinand interjects, “but I believe Her Grace has a point. Restoring faith in the Church should be a priority, and that task begins with our actions here.”

 Lorenz and Seteth both begin to speak, but whatever they start to say is lost to Dimitri and he focuses on his wife’s voice, rising above the others. When she and Dimitri disagree on topics, the others in the room cease to exist to the two of them. While they do not always agree, he trusts her above all else. He respects and values her opinion, as she has led him down the right path time and time again.

 “Rather than bandaging a severed limb,” Byleth continues, “We should treat the root of the problem. I believe this is not the Western Church, but some unnamed force. Without revealing too much of my own hand, I have reason to believe Edelgarde’s… unsavory allies may have resurfaced.”

 “Is this truly information that should be held by the Church alone?”

 “For the time being, yes,” Byleth nods. “As you said, we do not want to cause further damage to those that are already suffering. Mobilizing too early may do just that. Again, a month is all I ask.”

 “If Ingrid and her company were instead mobilized to the Aegir territory to assist in repelling potential attacks in the meantime, would that be sufficient?” Dimitri asks. It’s more of a thought than a command. He’s willing to let Byleth win this round as he can’t begin to fathom some of the complications that come with running the Church. He takes an interest, supporting her how he can. In private, she tells him of her duties and concerns – an odd topic of conversation for pillow talk, but he likes that she trusts him with some of her burdens and worries, as she’s helped him shoulder his own for so long.

 His main goal is to protect the people. Byleth has always been better at keeping her attention toward the future, while his attention is usually focused on the short term. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons their compromises work so well. Sending troops to assist Ferdinand would fulfill his intention of keeping the villagers safe, at least until the end of the summit. Not to mention, the increase in feelings of unity.

“I have no qualms with that solution,” Byleth says, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.

 “We would be grateful for your assistance,” Ferdinand addresses Dimitri, giving a slight bow of his head. “I’m humbled, your Majesty.”

 “It’s settled then. I will pass word along to Ingrid,” he scribbles a note for himself. “In the meantime, perhaps we should adjourn for the evening?”

 A collective sigh of relief seems to spread throughout the hall. The various lords stand, bowing to Dimitri before exiting, ready to rest and enjoy the few hours of downtime they have before meetings resume again the next morning, servants coming to escort them to their various rooms. Ferdinand and Lorenz excuse themselves as well, familiar enough with the castle they feel comfortable roaming the halls without guidance.

 Once the room is empty, Dimitri turns to his wife who stands behind him.

 “I thought that went rather well,” he says, offering his hand. She takes it. “Though the Archbishop seems quite determined to give me a hard time,” he jokes. She squeezes his hand gently.

 “You’ll have to forgive her, your Majesty. I hear she’s rather stubborn,” she smiles up at him before standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.

 “If that is official guidance from my Queen, I suppose I shall take it under advisement,” he laughs. The two of them walk hand in hand through the corridors. “You’re sure the investigation into the Western Church won’t be difficult for you, beloved? I worry about your safety.”

 “I can’t promise the investigation won’t come without dangers,” she replies truthfully, “but I will exercise caution. I have Seteth watching out for me.” She sighs, her mood immediately lightening, “At any rate, that’s enough talk of politics and official business. I asked Cyril to saddle the horses before sundown. If I haven’t been too stubborn, perhaps you’d like to join me?”

 “I’m quite fond of your stubbornness, you know,” he smiles, letting her lead the way to the stables.

 “I know,” she laughs.

[guardiandae]

Meta/Commentary Part 1: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

Wade finally learned his roomie's real name on day two, when the proposed nickname of 'Priscilla' was rejected via stabbing.

"Y'know- I usually know a guy's name before I let him penetrate me," Wade joked, gritting through the pain.

"My name is Nathan Summers. You can call me Nate. Or you can shut your whore mouth."

I’m gonna say this right now so when I finally finish the sequel of this fic, nobody can cry foul or anything or pretend that I didn’t plan everything all along from the very start of this journey: There’s a reason why Nate stabbed Wade and it’s not just to be an edgelord. This fic starts written in Wade’s POV and then switches to Nate’s, and there is so much more info revealed from Nate’s perspective that changes how interactions are colored. In the sequel, it’s not written in that style but eventually you will understand Nate’s POV and be able to look back on this (and other moments) and be like, Ah. I spent a few months just agonizing over this fic planning. The levels of depth going on here, you don’t know.

Also it’s hilarious because, the movie never really establishes Cable’s real name so hi, it’s Nathan Summers. Scott Summers’ (Cyclops)’s son, but like... older than him because future and time traveling hijinks or whatever. This is only important because like, daddy issues.

-

technically they were even sleeping together, even if Nate slept in the only bedroom because he'd called dibs and Wade slept on the couch in a pile of fast food wrappers.

Denial.

Living with Nate was weird after living with Vanessa for so long. No more kisses -- not like he wanted any.

Denial!

-

Usually when Wade got home, Nate was never there.  Hours later when Nate did come back, he'd just go to bed. Other times, Wade was hired for jobs that took days of travel to complete. There was little interaction between them and they barely saw each other, so Wade took to leaving little notes behind.

[Went to get milk. And also to put a cap in someone's ass. He's a bad guy though, so don't worry. I'll be home late. xoxo] [Forgot the milk. Also didn't cap the guy so I didn't get paid. Can you pick some up while you're out? xoxo]

So much info in one little spot. Nate only sees them as roommates, as a living arrangement and tenuous partnership to serve as an end to both of their needs. Nate has a place to live, and his only responsibility, as we learn in his POV, is to pay the rent on Wade’s behalf, with Wade’s money, because Wade is a disaster and his memory is getting worse. Not only is Wade just an annoying person who can’t take anything seriously, in his incorrect opinion, but there’s that level of guilt for feeling like a freeloader when Nate is the kind of person who’s had to fight just to survive his entire life. Wade’s little notes are so sweet, but to Nate, 1. weird 2. is this a joke? 3. stop reminding me of how much you care and meanwhile i can barely bring myself to write a note back, aaaaaa

I need to remember to revive the note-leaving between them in the sequel. It’s too cute, I can’t stand it.

-

Mercenary jobs had become harder to come by, and then work dried up. It was almost like nobody wanted to pay a guy to kill people anymore. As if there could ever be a shortage of people in the world who needed to die. But when one door closes, another opens -- everywhere he went, he suddenly saw slews of missing persons flyers. Wade had never noticed how many there were before, but he took it as a sign. He'd always wanted to try his hand at being a P.I. and Wade hadn't realized that the market was booming with families desperate to find loved ones. He offered his services as a private dick to several different people, but every single case was unsolvable. It was like they'd just vanished into thin air, but he knew that wasn't possible. It was frustrating to realize he was such a lousy dick.

Spoilers, but this is when the Thanos snap happens, and Wade is completely oblivious. Could someone who can be so devastatingly observant really be so obtuse? Or is his mind just protecting itself from such an incomprehensible reality that everyone else is suddenly saddled with? These are things Nate wonders later as well. Even I don’t know for sure. (I haven’t watched End Game and there’s still more plotline to tackle during the Snap, don’t @ me about how Marvel did it, I don’t know and I don’t care, I have my own plans)  (By the way, characters will either be snapped or inexplicably alive, and that’s not a plot hole, that’s the joke. Welcome to Marvel, the writers never fucking make sense and I don’t have to either, YEET)

[Someone tried to sell a metal arm on the black market????!! It better be Bucky's and not yours. Not like I care.] [It was Bucky's.]

Rip Buckkyyyyyy lmaooo

But also, cryyyy because Nate is busy trying to help deal with absolute fucking chaos and he didn’t really stop to consider whether Wade would be wondering what happened to him. Ow. Yeah, I think Wade definitely subconsciously registered what happened and is in total denial of reality. It’s better that way. Nobody fucking tell him.

-

There was nothing that he hated more than being ignored. Might as well just talk to himself. Which he did a lot of lately.

Foreshadowing.

-

All of the warmth left his body at once, leaving him a little breathless and dizzy. He was vaguely aware of Nate looking at him, but it was less of a 'you're home' and more of a ' why are you here?'

This whole area of the fic hurts so good because I’m gay and I love drama.

Wade coming home, literally bleeding to death on the inside and in shock because, once again, everything went to shit for him, story of his life. And he sees Nate just there, dressed down, relaxed, and has this little flash of domestic happiness because he so desperately wishes that the domestic happiness was real and that Nate actually was waiting for him and happy to see him come home, and the hard snap back to reality where Nate doesn’t even like him is soooo fucking painful lol end me. And on top of that, he misread Nate’s concern as hate/disgust for him bc that’s what he’s used to, and then he passes out on the floor and wakes up with Nate over him because I’m gay and I love drama!!!!

-

"Wade, you died for a second," Nate told him. Wade couldn't quite tell if Nate was concerned for him or just annoyed. "I had to pull a piece of metal pipe from your chest. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I got a… pipe in my chest," Wade said, pausing for breath. His lungs felt wet and heavy. He should've left the pipe in.

"Very illuminating," Nate deadpanned, letting go. "Anything else I should know?"

This moment where Nate is so very fucking concerned for Wade, but then Wade cracks a weak joke, because that’s how he copes, and Nate is like, wow, fuck it, so much for being worried about you.

[[SCREAMS IN GAY.]]

-

These thoughts didn't feel like his own, even though they had his voice. His mind was always scattered, full of thoughts that flowed nonstop like a babbling brook. Sometimes it took a lot of conscious effort to reign himself in and make sense of his own head. But these just popped out of nowhere, in bold print, in boxes that were separate from everything else.

"Am I going nuts?" he wondered aloud, whispering to himself, because honestly, he was a little afraid of his own head right now.

(A little late to be asking that.)

And this is when the ‘boxes’ manifest for Wade. But in this fic, the voices that manifest in his head are his own intrusive, negative thoughts. The depression, the loneliness, the self-hatred, the belief and fear that Nate hates him too.

-

I’m gonna recap vs a full copy and paste because the next bit is long:

-Wade is coughing up blood clots from his lungs in the morning, or trying to. -Nate is disgusted but also sympathetic and offers to help Wade out. -A really layered conversation occurs.

“Maybe if I drown myself in the bathtub, the blood clots will rinse out. What d'you think?"

Wade’s exhausted. Joking, but also dead serious. Nate is concerned about Wade making such a dark joke, but he also can tell that Wade really is struggling.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Wade is relieved Nate wants to help him, at first, but then remembers he just said he wanted to drown himself in a bathtub, and becomes disheartened again because he remembers Nate doesn’t like him. “Oh. Yeah.”

From Wade’s point of view: Nate just offered to help Wade kill himself, because of course someone would get a kick out of drowning him, he’s annoying, yadda yadda.

From Nate’s point of view: Wade isn’t okay and he offered to help him with his problem, because he sounds desperate and Nate doesn’t think that jokes will help Wade with his mental state, nor will the drowning actually do anything to solve the problem (the blood clots festering in his lungs).

"I bet you'd love to hold me down and watch me struggle," he said, still thinking about the drowning idea. Then, in a flirtatious tone, "I'll make it good for you, baby. Just promise me we'll do it face to face."

From Wade’s POV: He’s making a joke about Nate drowning him, but also making a sex joke to make it funny, to mock Nate if he really does want to drown Wade, so maybe he wouldn’t do it, or maybe it’d be weird and interesting.

From Nate’s POV: Wade is flirting with him, and his humor and still really dark and Nate really shouldn’t laugh at it or encourage that kind of thing.

From Wade’s POV, seeing Nate trying not smile: ah holy fuck he really wants to drown me.

"I don't want to watch you struggle," Nate said. If he did, he'd just leave Wade alone to keep coughing up blood.

"Ah. Consensual," Wade nodded. "Okay, well, I'd be open to some over-the-clothes stuff, and whatever happens while I'm still dead doesn't count."

Nate couldn't help but laugh. "I don't think we're having the same conversation."

Wade is continuing the joke, because from his POV he’s like, whelp, this might as well be what happens.

But they really aren’t having the same conversation. There’s more like, four different conversations happening at once. Wade’s very sincere idea of drowning himself as a solution to his problems, and Wade joking about Nate drowning him as a sexual innuendo.  Nate interpreting Wade’s dark humor as a shitty attempt at flirting that he neither wants to encourage nor outright shoot down, and Nate offering to give Wade a better solution to fix his actual problem.

And Nate’s solution is to use his telekinesis to just... remove all the shit from Wade’s lungs. But he didn’t communicate that idea with Wade before just doing it, even if he did ask permission, so that’s pretty shitty and hence why we had to add the ‘Nonconsensual Telekinetic Heimlich Maneuver’ tag. smh

"That was dubious at best and now we have to add a warning in the tags," Wade sighed. "Non-consensual telekinetic Heimlich maneuver…. This is problematic now. People aren't gonna click on this."

-

This is a good spot to stop for now and continue in another post.

[wannawrite]

not my type

who?: Wanna One’s Ong Seongwoo genre: 🌸 type: bullet point

blog navigator.

University! AU 

you don’t date younger guys

but you just might ;)

thanks for requesting! this was quite difficult to write since I am a child still lol. Do note that Seongwoo is 20 in this work of fiction. ⁃ admin l

disclaimer: pictures used do not belong to me and credit goes to their original owners everything that is written here is purely fictional DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERING

~

so,,,your love life 

not that exciting 

in fact, it is facing a drought at the moment 

reality is harsh huh? 

or maybe it is because of your high standards 

1. No younger guys 

2. Must be a nice person 

3. Someone I could foresee marrying 

but none of your blind dates left you impressed

and then there’s this kid from the music block called Ong Seongwoo 

he’s just one of the guys trying to worm his way into your ‘possible boyfriend’ list 

scarily enough, his tactics were working

~

we gon throw this waayyy back when y’all met 

frat parties were never your thing

in fact, f*ck linda and this stupid party, I just want to go home and sleep 

you love your roommate and all but you couldn’t help but curse her out 

after all, she had dragged you to this party thrown by one of the music department frat guys 

and left you stranded 

in a hallway with at least 3 couples passionately making out 

tonight was not your night at all 

you hated the loud, shitty music and the smell of sweat and liquor 

appalling 

but linda was your ride here and there was a slim chance of hailing a cab right now 

you had no choice but to suck it up and rough it out 

Another issue

you needed to finish that essay on sustainable fashion before the 6am deadline 

shit 

gr8 job prof 

all-nighter? 

borrow a laptop from someone and do it now? 

what the hell 

which person would bring a laptop to a frat party? 

unless you can break into one of their rooms and take one??1?1?11

you almost slap yourself at the idea

dumb worried bitch energy 

sis is out of ideas and just wants to graduate be a little empathetic, folks 

you want to sit down on the floor and sink into a puddle of goo 

oh no 

there’s no way you are going to maintain this 3.9 GPA lmaoo

you move to wrestle Linda away from one of the frat guys 

but hollers and cheers stop you

a group of guys block your path as they welcome yet another friend 

but get this! the newcomer has a laptop case in his hands!! 

he appears to have just come from a lecture or meeting 

bUT HE HAS A LAPTOP YAYAYAYAYA

now, all you had to do was to stalk him, suck up to him and steal borrow the device 

sucking up to one of these frat boys was easy 

their brains had been bruised with bud lights so they weren’t the brightest of the bunch 

before you know it, he’s whisked away by his friends and dissolved into the crowd 

crap 

you really, genuinely, wholly, need this laptop 

They would help a fellow college student in need, right?

left with no choice, you elbow your way through  

I suppose your efforts pay off 

bc you catch him as he’s headed upstairs 

barely 

“hey!” you yell over the noise. “I-I...” 

the mystery guy only stares, quizzically 

suddenly, you’ve lost all ability to form coherent sentences 

this is embarrassing!

hE JUST LOOKING 

sis gotta calm down 

remember the real reason: laptop

“c-can i borrow your laptop real quick? I have a d-deadline tonight” 

mystery boy says nothing 

...

“What’s it in for me? If i lend you my laptop?”

he tries to remain serious but the corners of his mouth are tugging up

sneaky

desperation is pretty much flooding your body 

you wld say f*ck it but you can’t 

“I’ll owe you a favour!” you blurt out thoughtlessly. 

*crickets chirping* 

hope is slowly beginning to fade and your brain is coming up with extension excuses 

just crumbs,,,anything

Orbits gg thru with the drought

when he goes 

“okay”

JESUS THANK YOU 

he beckons for you to follow him 

oh?😏😉

“I know a better work environment than here.” 

oh. 

“What’s your name? I’m y/n, it’s my third year.” 

“Woah, third year? my name’s ong seongwoo. I just got here.” 

huh, freshman 

seongwoo doesn’t say much after

he leads you to a common study area in the enormous fraternity house 

you turn away as he sets up the laptop and everything bc privacy!!!

but the number of brain cells you have left won’t allow you to remember his login details anyway 

“thanks,” you murmur bashfully 

well, this is an expected and rather awkward situation 

seongwoo plants himself in the chair a few seats away from yours 

he pulls out study materials from his backpack 

??? hello? sis, u shld be enjoying the party downstairs ???

you try to shift your fullest attention on your project 

but!! his presence alone is so loud prominent, it’s giving you a hard time keeping your eyes off😔🤧

anyway u manage to suck it up and finish paper and submit it just in time! 

a miracle 

maybe he is your angel ;)

you turn to face him and,,,seongwoo has fallen asleep!! on his books!! 

his hair is slightly tousled and his glasses rest askew on his face 

papers flap in his face but he’s too gone to care 

the poor child is tired 

💓💖💕soft hours💕💖💓: open

gently, you tap his shoulder 

“seongwoo? hey, um, your laptop,” 

he only stirs the 2nd time you call him

Cute

groggily, he covers his face and speaks into his hands 

he mumbles something about ‘dealing with it later’

you figure it would be best if you left him alone to nap 

suddenly, seongwoo grabs your arm 

at least, he reaches for it

“I need your number to claim that favour.” 

my number ????

for half a second, your heart does pitter patters 

he’s only being objective though...

and it was you who suggested it in the first place 

sighing, you punch your number into his phone 

“okay, but use it wisely and...try not to...call or text so much...”

that sounds rlly mean >:( 

“yeah i’ll keep that in mind.” 

there’s an underlying layer of...cheekiness? in seongwoo’s tone 

your brain jumps to the first conclusion it can think of 

“I don’t date younger guys, Seongwoo,” 

rEGRET FILLS YOUR ENTIRE BEING IMMEDIATELY AFTER 

now, Seongwoo looks up and beams broadly 

“Bold of you to assume I’m interested,” he taunts playfully 

red sinks into your face and you defend yourself in splutters 

“I’m not interested in general! I’m prioritising my studies and everything else! It was just to make sure you know where we stand-“ 

futile, really 

“relax,” he replies. “Just saying, I could change your mind.” 

Cocky 

but true lol

an amused scoff leave your lips and your arms go akimbo

“I’d like to see you try, freshman.” 

~

*back to the present* 

You: really, Seongwoo. I don’t see why you can’t drop by the printing station yourself 

Seongwoo: you are seated RIGHT NEXT to it. Just fold the papers into aeroplanes and fly them over 

You: a 15-page research paper ?? That clearly says ‘do not bend’ 

Seongwoo: ignore it. Throw it over 

you never predicted this was where life would take you 

here you were, sat in the library, the table by the printing room 

and Seongwoo was seated a few tables away, texting you to collect his freshly printed document

just because 

You: Oh my god shut up you’ll get points deducted if your paper is the least bit crumpled 

You: i’ll just bring it over 

so,,,you did 

you brought seongwoo’s papers over to his table 

he had been watching from afar, lips pulled into a dumb smile

“thank you, senior.” 

boy had the audacity to say that in front of your salad 

just to tease him, you reply: 

“yeah, senior, just how I like my future boyfriend.” 

with that remark, the smile slips off seongwoo’s face and his jaw clenches

but he tries to play it off all cool😎🤧

you shoot the sweetest smile you can muster before skipping back to your table 

*beep beep*

I nearly put vibrate -

Seongwoo: that doesn’t count as using my favour card! 

your head shakes, but your mouth smiles 

it was no secret that seongwoo had a small! crush on you 

even if it was, everyone knew 

his whole frat and most of his seniors 

your friends and roommates 

the whole bloody campus 

this relationship started out with seongwoo following you on ig

then occasionally dropping a text and wishing you well 

he also hyped up all your pics 

and said hi whenever you bumped into each other 

it escalated to meeting up for brunch or a movie 

just...as friends, casually 

but you enjoyed his company and goofing around much more than some blind dates 

now, texting him was a regular 

going out was common 

and you haven’t even counted the number of times you guys met at social events 

sometimes, he made you feel so✨ special, precious, wanted by doing the smallest things 

like a tea on your table 

or going the extra mile to cheer you up 

most of the time at the expense of his handsome face 

he was always,,,there

you did find out about his feelings, though he never addressed them fully

it was fun!! to press his buttons as a friend 

“yeah idk abt dating someone younger. Wbu?” 

“Hmm. Senior year makes everyone 10x hotter.” 

thOSE WERE JOKES 

BANTER, PEOPLE, BANTER 

but...you weren’t certain if that would turn into something more 

you know, you hadn’t given dating someone younger a thought 

it never crossed your mind 

maybe it was a subconscious deal breaker 

you were always quick to bring age into making deals 

old broken deals could be made new 

the concept was incredibly foreign 

my boyfriend? younger? 

Personally, you could never see that happen 

b-but seongwoo made you sO DAMN HAPPY ALL THE TIME 

there was sunshine in his smiles

and starlight in his eyes 

ᵕ꒳ᵕ

uGh fEELINGS 

but is this attraction? 

Eventually, after many sleepless nights, up thinking about this, you made up your mind

If he made a move first, 

bc ur scared 

you would be hella open to dating him 

f*ck that ‘older people only’ rule 

(⁄˘⁄ ⁄ ω⁄ ⁄ ˘⁄)♡

[3.06am] seongwoo leaves a voicemail. He says, “hey, will you go on a date with me? I like you.”

[3.14am] seongwoo leaves another voicemail. “I’ll use my favour card if I have to. Just give me a chance.” 

anD HOLY F*CK YOU DON’T knOW HOW TO ACT AFTER HEARING THOSE 

RIGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP 

yOur heaRT IS FLUTTERING AND YOU CAN FEEL THE BLUSH COMING 

UGH SWEETHEART YOU GOT IT BAD 

so u jump on this bandwagon and call him asap 

it goes straight to voicemail but you don’t leave one 

hehe

you know,,,to build suspense 

all day long, that’s all you can think about 

SeoNGWOO LIKES ME?

~

[8.17am] seongwoo wakes up to a silent voicemail from you 

he doesn’t know what to think of it 

he dials your number with shaking hands and before you can utter a word, he rushes, “meet me at xxx cafe at 11am” 

then hangs up 

Tumblr: 101 cafe date outfit ideas

Seongwoo arrives early and orders a drink while waiting 

he also picks out a window booth to sit at 

his nerves could eat him alive if they teamed up 

what would you say to him? 

how badly did you react to his 3am confession 

getting mildly intoxicated on Daniel’s stash was a horrible idea

he spilt all his secret uwus

the bell chimes 

and all his attention is focused on you 

your eyes land on him 

a smile graces your face as you walk over 

“I like you too.” 

“Damn, you better not be messing with me right now,” seongwoo nervously chuckles. “I know I sent you th-“ 

“Oh my god! I like you!” 

For a moment, his smart mouth runs dry, surprised 

“Oh wow, what happened to your older guys only rule?”

You smack his chest in mock annoyance

“Rules are made to be broken! Let’s not talk about that.” You turn various shades of red 

Grinning like the Chesire cat, Seongwoo teases, “And that’s the beauty of it.” 

[neonlaynes]

I was actually tagged on my main but I’ll just copy it here WAHAHA

get to know more meme under the cut! it was fun to do and maybe (definitely, tbh) offers more insight on me as a person rather than just another local art peddler....lol.......

1. What is the favourite item of clothing you own?

god I really.......it’s soooo hard to choose between my regular clothing and my lolita wardrobe but I’d have to say my daydream carnival tiered JSK in ivory....it’s got such a gorgeous pastel palette and I could stare at the print for days!!

2. Tell me about the first time you watched your favourite movie?

do....do I even have one?! I think I have many....but a super memorable experience was in high school junior? senior year? where we had to read the great gatsby for class and it was coincidentally the year that the baz luhrmann adaptation came out so I went and watched it together with my friends. breathtaking visuals that I absolutely will not forget, especially the scene with 9000 flowers and the silk rain scene. we watched it a second time too, but that time we sat in the Very Front Row so our necks hurt afterwards from looking up and seeing everything at an extreme angle HAHA

3. What was the last book you finished?

it is soooo awful (to myself, if anyone shares this sentiment then welcome to the club) that the only true reading I’ve done these years are textbooks and fanfiction. I cannot for the life of me recall when I’ve read an Actual Book and I hopefully can change that eventually!!

4. What is the next book you want to read?

I am Totally Open to recs but I’m probably going to finally get to reading the myriad of design and art books that I got last year ;;;

5. When is your birthday, and what do you want for it this year? (If your birthday has already happened this year, did you get what you had your heart set on?)

oct 12! I am sadly very materialistic and impulsive and I tend to get the things that I want myself, so. I’ll go abstract and say maybe a sense of direction or something along those lines haha!! feeling like I haven’t stagnated for the past few years and being able to feel in control of what may come would be lovely. please I am quite desperate!!!

6. If you were given one month and $10,000, where would you travel to?

either japan because although I’ve been there, I feel I didn’t fully enjoy the beauty of the culture and especially the nature of the area (I went to tokyo) so I’d love the chance to go again!

OR!! a europe exploration trip with focus on italy! getting my minor in italian and it’d be a shame to not experience the rich culture of italy at least once in my life, but also bc I hear that it’s pretty economical to travel around while in europe and I might as well visit the other lovely countries!!

7. Cake or pie?

Cake!! I adore cheesecake!! literally whenever I go someplace and they have cheesecake I HAVE to eat and taste it I love comparing them... I actually hardly ever eat desserts but also catch me eating fondant abominations and LIKING IT!!!!!!!

8. Name 3 things you think you’re really good at.

hyperfixation (on a MEANINGLESS task like searching for a post buried underneath several layers of Hell, on a fandom/pairing, etc.)

retail therapy!!! you feel bad??? don’t worry!!! ADD TO CART!! CHECKOUT!!!

Art (one of my Only Skills bc I kept building on it and ignoring everything else so I’m Kinda Decent)

9. Name 3 things you’d like to be better at.

Focusing on the Right Things. it’s ridiculously hard to get me excited/passionate on something especially if it’s to do w academics so I Always procrastinate and never put 100% effort into things and even though it’s my last quarter in uni I want to see Some Modicum of change

Making friends and being social.........it’s not good to compare myself to others but I’m still rly beat up over not being able to be charismatic enough to Attract people but I also spend most my time worrying about social cues anyways so uhm?? spend less time Thinking and more time Doing!!!!!!

Art. I’d really like to see where the next years will take me art-wise. still don’t know what I want to focus on like painting, or developing my style, or just.......revisiting the fundamentals but it’s gonna happen y’all!!

10. Name 3 far-fetched dreams you’d like to do someday.

be Completely Fluent in Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Italian. I’m Chinese-American and I’m woefully inept in that I can speak like a native and pretty much comprehend most things but I’ve got the literacy and handwriting of an elementary school kid and BOYYY I am Truly Regret at this age, just like my mom said I would be, at not spending more time with my mother tongue. also ngl I fking love language and it’d be great to complete that East Asian Trifecta and be able to not have too much of a problem traveling in those countries. Italian I actually took because fresh out of high school I had a brief infatuation with assassin’s creed, namely II, and on a Damn Whim, I chose to take italian in college instead of japanese which was my high school language course that I took up til honors. REALLY ENJOY IT THOUGH, NO REGRETS HERE FOR ONCE!!!

Travel to the places that you see in nature documentaries...like what an EXPERIENCE that would be!! esp waterfalls?! beaches?! sightings of unique species?! okay actually now that I think about it this is going to involve a lot of camping stuff which I am painfully not ready for but would be willing to prepare for.....worth it though!! I just (clenches fist) really love nature

this isn’t so much a dream but like......Finding the One and not being in a loveless relationship/marriage. I don’t rly have any place to say this considering I haven’t dated Anyone ever at the ripe old age of 21 going on 22 but like a kid, I can still fantasize abt being with someone in a textbook romance,I hope. kind of Deathly Scared of becoming what they call in China “leftover women” who can’t find a partner and end up being single well into their late 30s ;; and since I’m gonna be out of college and graduated there’s even less chance to meet someone unless I Actively throw myself into shit which I am notoriously!! bad at!!! so that is a Saga for another time.......

11. If you had to dye your hair, what colour would you dye it?

PINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish dyeing hair didn’t mean signing off your hair quality to a death sentence (I am aware there’s methods/products you can use to make it better but... AAAAA) I’ve bleached my hair before and Already it was significantly.....Sadder

if you made it here I applaud you and appreciate you!!!! thanks for listening to meeeee

[el-trotamundos]

Returning to Canada after Melbourne’s strict lockdown has been a shock (and not in the right way)

In mid-October I returned to Canada having spent the better part of 2020 under not one, but two lockdowns of increasing severity in Melbourne. Better acquainted with the four walls of my bedroom than the four corners of the vast Australian continent, my working holiday year had certainly not gone as planned. I’ve been back nearly 7 weeks but it still hasn’t quite sunk in. This house, this city is not where I grew up and they hold no more than holiday memories for me. In limbo, I can’t go back to where I was and yet I’m not sure how to move forward. I am frustrated and sad that the opportunity to live and travel in Australia just evaporated. I feel in some ways like I was never there, that it will go down in my life story as the ‘missing year’.

As the first wave of coronavirus swept the globe, I chose to stay in Melbourne. I’d only just arrived a few months previous and Australia seemed to have a better plan than Canada. The government closed its borders and sent all returning citizens into supervised mandatory quarantine at hotels. Community transmission - to the extent that it even existed - was quickly nipped in the bud and in May only a handful of cases were being reported each day. Things started reopening and although I had lost my job in March, I felt confident I had made the right decision in staying and would be able to find another. Australia, like New Zealand, was a rare success story. 

That sense of pride didn’t last long. In June case numbers in Melbourne started to creep upwards. News articles started appearing about breaches at the hotel quarantine sites which allowed the virus to gain a foothold in the community. The return to the restrictions of the first lockdown were gradual - targeting postcodes (mine included) with the highest number of cases. At the beginning of July, the rest of the state joined us. New cases were 100+ and climbing every day but a far cry from the numbers Canada was experiencing and deeming acceptable. But this time the lockdown didn’t work. In August, as case numbers hit the high of 700+ a day, the government implemented its strictest measures yet. There was a night time curfew. Only 1 hour of outdoor exercise per day was permitted and you had to be alone or with members of your immediate household only. Masks were mandatory even if you were just out to walk the dog and you couldn’t be further than 5km away from your home. Rules were enforced with large fines and police and Australian Defence Force personnel patrolled parks and other areas where people might try to gather. 

Draconian? Authoritarian? Critics and Twitter bots certainly thought so: the Premier was often referred to as ‘Dictator Dan’. I do not dispute that the economic and mental health cost of Melbourne’s lockdowns was enormous. But it was the only way Victoria could get to the zero or single digit cases that the rest of Australia was enjoying.

Victoria has gone 31 days without a single new COVID case. In contrast, British Columbia announced a record breaking 911 positive cases on 26 November. It’s been incredibly tough to see Instagram stories from friends in Melbourne: they are going to bars, the beach, meeting new people, planning Christmas vacations. Of course we can do all this too in Canada, with limits depending on where you live, but it comes with a COVID risk that does not exist in Australia. 

Coming back to BC’s fairly relaxed guidelines was terrifying. Any relief I felt over leaving the nearly 4 month lockdown was quickly replaced by anger and disbelief at how complacent provinces were as they stared a second wave in the face (I exclude the Atlantic bubble here). With cases in BC climbing to the same level that precipitated Melbourne’s harshest restrictions, I found myself wishing to be under those rules again.

It’s not ridiculous to look at Australia for guidance on how to deal with this second wave. The state of Victoria and the province of BC have comparable populations of 6.6 million and 5.1 million respectively. Both Australia and Canada have similar systems of government in which the premiers have much of the control over how they handle the pandemic response. Just like we are seeing in Vancouver and surrounding cities, the majority of sustained community transmission was in the greater Melbourne metropolitan area. What is different is the path that was chosen when the pandemic started. Australia, like New Zealand, aimed for elimination, even eradication of COVID-19. Canada was content to merely suppress it at levels that would not overwhelm hospitals. That choice may have worked the first time but it’s certainly not now.

“New modelling from the Public Health Agency of Canada (PHAC) shows the number of COVID-19 cases could reach 60,000 a day by the end of December if Canadians increase their current level of contact with other people. That number could be limited to 20,000 a day if Canadians maintain their current number of personal contacts, according to PHAC. But to drive that number under 10,000 cases a day by the end of the year, Canadians would need to limit their interactions to essential activities while maintaining physical distancing and adhering to other public health guidelines.” CBC 20 November 

The fact that we should just accept 20,000 cases a day with our current levels of restrictions is mind-boggling. Even 10,000 cases a day scares me. Much of what I take issue with in the following is BC specific but it goes for any province not doing enough to curb this second wave (cough, Alberta, cough).

When I returned I was shocked to discover that BC did not have a provincial mandatory mask mandate unlike many others. The official line was that the spread was mostly from social gatherings and masks wouldn’t be worn in those situations anyway. To this I yelled ‘then put more limits on gatherings” at the TV. On 19 November masks became mandatory in public indoor spaces. Even as she made the announcement, Dr. Bonnie Henry seemed to brush it off as something the government was only implementing to appease the growing public call for legislation; other than that, there was still no reason for it. Furthermore, the mask mandate does not apply to schools. Again the government maintained the position that there was not enough transmission in schools to warrant it. So now BC is in this ridiculous situation where a parent has to wear a mask in the grocery store for half an hour while their kid sits in a poorly ventilated building for 7 without one. With contradictory messaging like that it’s no wonder people don’t take it seriously. Wearing a mask is relatively low cost high reward but it must be enforced in all indoor public settings.

The other thing that seemed crazy to me was people eating in restaurants, going to the gym, and attending large weddings and funerals. Those events had not been allowed in Melbourne for months. A few weeks after I arrived the government talked a lot about sticking to your ‘safe six people bubble’. But it was never made clear that a bubble is only as strong as its weakest link and would never be completely COVID free. With people still going to restaurants, the gym, and cinemas, the chances of someone bringing COVID into your bubble only increased as cases numbers did. Now we’ve finally been told to socialize with our immediate households only, but we can still troop out to the bar or go to a gym (although high intensity activities like spin classes are no longer permitted). 

What could help monitor these social interactions is the federal COVID Alert app. Yet the BC government has consistently declined to activate it stating that it will hinder current contract tracing efforts and confuse people who receive alerts that they may have been exposed. Adopting the app will never replace track and trace investigations by human beings but it can complement it. Dr. Henry has admitted that the rising case numbers are causing delays in contact tracking. If the alert can tell me I’ve been potentially exposed before a public health official can, I’ll take it. It’s the same principle with mask wearing - it will never completely prevent you from picking up COVID but it sure helps your chances.

I want my normal life back as much as anyone but that is simply not possible. Leaving one lockdown for another is not my idea of fun but 7 weeks of being back in Canada has demonstrated that this country is only putting off the inevitable. Even after 9 months of this pandemic, the federal and many provincial governments would rather use words like ‘encourage’ or ‘recommend’ rather than ‘mandatory’. They put out confusing or contradictory information and then scold people for not following it. The longer we wait to enforce stricter rules, the harder it will be to flatten the curve, let alone force it downwards. It’s only the end of November; we have another four to five months of cold weather keeping us indoors to get through. I shudder to think at what our case numbers will be in January after the holidays.

The news of three promising vaccines provides cause for celebration but we should not resist implementing further restrictions simply because some people *may* start receiving the jab next spring. It will take time before it gets to the general population - our medical professionals and the vulnerable rightly need it first. We will still have to wear masks, limit gatherings, and socially distance as those around us slowly start receiving the vaccine. Yes that means throughout 2021 for Canadians, especially if we cannot get a handle on cases this winter. 

I can offer these thoughts only as someone who experienced an actual lockdown (make no mistake, Canada’s version is ‘lockdown-lite’). I won’t bother advocating for the harshest of Melbourne’s restrictions because the government isn’t willing or prepared to invest the manpower it will take to enforce such rules. But surely some watered down version could be implemented. At some point public health must take priority. You can’t have a thriving economy when your workforce is sick, isolating, or dead. As the Victorian government reminded me daily this year: ‘staying apart keeps us together’. 

[chaekkung]

o wormie? u? in a lot of love? perfect i don't think i've asked u yet but (if ur free) could u talk about why/how you started loving changkyun/hyungwon (or both :-D) ?? pls ramble as much as u like!! read more exists 4 a reason and . i love reading ppl b soft and in love it's cute!!!!! i love u have a good night/day ! 💛💛

o holy shit thats a lot ok im gonna write about changkyun since i Havent... :( and ill copy pasta one of my hyungwon essays for u to read!!!! the changkyun will be under it :^) this is gonna be Super Long im sorrie in advance LMAO BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY/NIGHT TOO!!!! :D (also theres prob gonna be a lot of typos bc im Dumb but.. bear w/ me)

mister chae:

honestly i don’t even know where to start?? uhh i guess with his looks first since,, this is describing or smthing,, anyways yeah hyungwon is just… fucking beautiful. he has the most handsome and visually attractive face ive ever seen in my whole life??? and i’ve stanned a lot of groups in my past before but hyungwon is honestly one of the best looking man i know :( im not even being biased,,, anyways yeah there’s that. and he’s like naturally a model, i mean he can legit wear anything and do anything and he’ll look like he’s posing for a high end magazine, not surprised if he’s been modeling since he was like, born. also he has the most beautiful and endearing smile and laugh…. when he smiles he really goes from :o -> :D like!! please!! you are too fucking cute,,, :((( he really lights up the entire room solely w his smile im jusT?? wow?? like when his smile lines by the sides of his nose down to the corner of his mouth come out i just,,,, really… need 2 calm my heart. he has like the closed mouth wide smile, and the straight up whole face smile!! and i.. love both.. so much,,, and yeah anyways his lips are like the first thing people notice about him and big mood?? they’re so plump and … kissable.. and soft.. but my favorite feature on him are his eyes tbh…. idk he has really beautiful eyes? idk how to describe it but like, they’re so…. kind? and bright.. it’s just i want to look into them all day long and im just… so in love with his eyes. like,, they really hold all the stars in my universe wtf!!!  :( OH AND I DONT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH BUT…. HIS EARS ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WTF I WANT A MOLD OF HIS EARS ON MY DESK,,, idk about others but i personally find his right ear cute as fuck?? like the extra folds in his ears.. i would d*e for them………. godksj why is everything about him so cute i just?? want to kno …

ok now im going to talk about him!!! so his personality, is what i really fell in love with,, (god this all sounds so.. cliche. but it’s.. true, also unrelated but every time someone talked about,, love cliches and shit i was always like ‘sounds fake’ but???? after hyungwon i really?? believe in all of that..) if i had to use one word to describe him it would just be ‘kind’… like he!!! is!!! the king of being considerate and compassionate and wonderful and he’s just a really good person.. :( he’s the one you can always count on and lean on. he’d always be on your side and makes you feel safe and comforted,, like he’s really full of love??? even the members said he’s a really good listener and they chose as him as someone they go to when they’re feeling down because he makes them feel better about the situation (god, i wish they were me,,) and he has the most beautiful heart… like, he’s been wearing the Sewol bracelet since as long as we’ve known and he has never missed a day. you can always see it during fansigns, vlives, whenever he’s out, and he even wore it when he was modeling under his clothes… :(( he went from the charm, to the rope bracelet thing, to the clip on and now he’s wearing the wristband!! :(((((( he says he will always wear it to remember the incident, and he has been for over two years… he’s doing it out of the kindness of his heart and not to show anyone… he said he felt so helpless during the time, and watching every thing unfold before him, and has worn the yellow bracelet which symbolizes ‘hope’ :((((((((( god,, real emo hours,,, i love my angel so much wtf !!! ok next,, (sjdhaj at this point im going to write a whole novel wtf but im gonna,, stop soon i swear .) hyungwon is really fucking hardworking and ?? he’s so dedicated to his career and making sure that we, his fans, are always satisfied and proud to stan him.. like he’s constantly saying he will work hard to show us something better next time, that he’s not going to stop trying to improve himself. every single stage he puts his all into it, but he pushes himself even more to show us a even better one. he’s always worried and thinking about his career as an actor and a singer. he wants to promote the group in any way that he can, whether it’s through modeling or acting :(( what a King… he’s… really always striving to do the Best and he won’t ever settle or be content with it because he’s just naturally an ambitious and super hard working person… like. he’s so dedicated to what he does, no matter what it is. uhh one more thing he’s actually a really sentimental guy!! not like in a bad way, but in the best possible way. he’s really sweet, and gentle.. (he would be the Best Boyfriend,,, im just saying..) he’s the type to give handwritten letters… and surprise gifts.. (he said so!!) he said he cant cook but he want to cook for his gf he will try his best and it will be full of love… god.. i wish that were me. he’s the type to keep quiet… but take silently notes on what someone likes/dislikes, and will reveal it unexpectedly with a gift or when he says something and it will! make the other person! so happy! :((( he doesn’t put his emotions Out There, he’s not rlly good at it,, but he honestly has so much love in him,,, he tries his best to show it ok!! it’s,, good effort it’s so cute when he does… ah.. pls.,,, he’s always like ah, i don’t know if i can properly show my appreciation and sincerity for you guys, but i hope you guys know how thankful i am for you. LASDHFJAK GOFD,S,,,, IM FUCKIGN EMO THINKGIN ABOTU IT AGAIN… HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART I JUST WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD SEE IT.. :(( HE DESERVES ALL THE LOVE IN THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND I REALLY HOPE ALL MY LOVE FOR HIM CAN COUNT AS SOMETHING FOR IT ALL.. UGHFJASHJSAALSJF yeah ok let me,,, stop… sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this LMAo,, :(

ok i was gonna stop but i forgot to mention how he’s so fucking talented!! i mean this boy does it ALL. the whole package or w/e. god,, i love my whole ass talented man wtf! he sings, dances, choreographs, models, acts, DJs, is multilingual, and a world class poet,, cmon. ANYWAYS he excels in all those areas nd,, no argument there.. his voice is angelic as fuck ,, just like his personality.. and his dancing.. god,,, like . his dancing his so on point, his every move,, and it’s so.. fluid.. and natural. and it’s harder for tall people to dance esp ones w like long ass limbs (hyungwon.,,) but he still looks fucking amazing and pulls everything off so perfectly????? gofdj,,, can he like . Stop being so…. perfect.. and lovable… :((( he just puts so much passion into everything he does!!! and his heart is pure Gold ,, i just.. love him,,,,,,, everything about him …. ok lmao let me stop !!! if u actually read all this wtf,, im sorry nd i’d die for u

mister changkyun:

okay wtf icb i havent talked about changkyun that much on my blog.... anyways this is gonna be a mess and unorganized bc im Dumb but here goes,,, ok we can start from the beginning kinda,, so originally wonho was my #2 bias and then mh i think like i love changkyun but i wasnt like IN LOVE you kno?? honestly i started to notice him more firstable bc he and hyungwon are so frigging cute together?? i just couldnt ignore it and next thing u know im IN Love w my lil koala :(((( hes sO CUTE ..... LIKE.. IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT I REALLY JUST WANNA BE AROUND HIM ALL THE TIME!! his sense of humor and his personality in general is so?? positive?? and fun??!!! like i would spend every second of the rest of my life w him... and he’s so cheesy as we all know ,, and i find it so cute but also he makes me so stressed bc he’s so mushy aijsdgfhdjs but he rlly Love us wtf.. and hes so funnie... he makes me smile and laugh all the time :( and he genuinely Loves every single one of his fans so much... he’s so sweet with them and he makes them feel so loved and special, and like they’re the only person in the world at that moment :(((( this boy gives so much love and i only want to give him a million times more back... 

HIS LAUGH.. OK.. HIS LAUGH!!!!!! MAKES MY HEART MELT LIKE LAVA WTF SJDFUDJS HES SOSOSOSOOS CUTE WHEN HE LUAHGS HE LIKE.. PUTS HIS ALL INTO IT.. IT SLIKE HAHAHAHA FR... PLS,,, ESP WHEN HE GOES CRAZY AND ALSO STARTS CLAPPING,... LMAO MOOD.. HE SOS CUTIEJUJIiajsdfudj and WHEN HE SMILES THE CLOSED-MOUTH-WIDE-SMILE AND HIS CUTE ASS DIMPLES COME OUT.... HOTLT FUCKIDUFD THERE GOES MY SOUL AND GALLONS OF HEART NUT... ITS THE CUTEST SIGHT IN THE WORLD AHHH HIS DIMPLE ARE ADORABLE AND HIS CHEEKS!! I WANT TO SQUISH!!! i wanna . reside in his dimples. build a home there and alll....... omg.. :’(( every time he takes a selfie or smthing i rlly Lose it. every single selfie is his Best selfie. wtf.... king of angles fr... AND KING OF FOOT SELFIES TOOOSJFDK LLISTEN AGAIN HES SOSOOSOSO HANDSOME AND GOOD LOOKING OKAY!!! HES REALLY A VISUAL?? IDK HOW PEOPLE CANT SEE IT BUT LIEK THIS BOY IS F  I  N E ..... HIS FACE IS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHHhhhHHHHH  AND HE NEVER HAD A BAD ERA.. HE WAS HOT SINCE NO MERCY WTF !!!!! UGJFSUJDJS I HOPE HE KNOWS HES FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!! :( ANF HIS BEAUTIFUL NOSE,, AND HIS EYES!!!! OGM!!,,, GOD AND HIS PERFECTLY SHAPED LIPS.... HSI JAWLINE,,, BITUCSHJ,,,

OK HES SO LOVABLE IN EVERY DAMN WAY LIKE,, he’s Weird but its a cute Weird he’s so special omg there’s really no one else like him :(((( like...... he’s a treasure fr... he’s So Many things and once its hard to pinpoint his personality but like ??? i love it so much?? he’s a mystery and i dont know what he’s thinking like most of the time but.. i rlly love him omgdsj he’s so special :’( like fr !!! everyone LOVES him!! :(( most people wouldnt see him as the maknae if they dont Know,, but like he really is... and he’s really mx’s babie :-( they spoil him so much and love the heck out of him,,, he’s really the most loved maknae out there wtf... honestly... i love family... they really Adore him so much ugh what a big ass fking MOOD! :((

AND HIS VOICE!!!!! THE VOICE OF THE HEAVENS AND ANGELS AND HAPPINESS AND ALSO NUT!!!! WTF!! HIS VOICE IS SO SEXY AJSDFGDUJIS LIKE... PLEASE... NARRATE THE BIBLE TO ME HOLY FUCKSIFDU, YOU KNOW HIS VOICE ONLY V LIVE... HOLY SHIT MY EARS NUTTED SO HARD omg.... i just wanna listen to his voice All Day.... and dont even get mee started on his rapping .... he starts his bar and sets me on fucking fire w half a syllable . and did i mentioned he fucking amazing at rapping yeah . he Does That. and hes so charismatic, especially on stage... :((( ugh omgfisjd i wanan d*e when hes being so h*t on screen fucksdf,,, and like . his mixtapes he’s working on... king... pleas.e.... End me. just end me with ur talented ass wtf... 

SIJDFJD I NEED TO SHUT UP BUT LISTEN IM SO PROUD OF HOW MUCH HE’S GROWN IN THE PAST 2+ YEARS... LIKE HE’S COME SO FUCKING FAR!!!!! IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!!!!! GOD,,,,, I LOVE HIM SOSOSOSOSO DAMN MUCHSJIDFUDS HE MAKES MY HEART CONTINUE BEATING... THATS REALLY MY BABIE !! MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE!!! :(((((((((((

ok let me stop thank u,,, also... if anyone actually made it here hi wow uh ur great ily wtf :--(

[savetimeless]

Lucy get's severly hurt in a mission and Wyatt blames himself and freaks out for it.

anon i told you to watch this space but even i didn’t think i’d have this out so soon thereafter filling the last prompt like this one. 

nevertheless, here we are, and i hope you all enjoy. 

also send me more prompts bc my inbox is empty :( 

inspired by the 100 s2, and jamie lannister, GoT 

with my feelings on fire (guess i’m a bad liar) read on ao3!

Wyatt is halfway throughcleaning the action of his gun when Flynn sits down in the seat opposite him.

Neither speak.

Wyatt, while perhaps beingthe one who could understand Flynn’s past the most empathetically, had neverbeen able to connect with him.

Lucy had been the one topush them all to break Flynn out all those months ago, having cared enough tomastermind the entire plan herself. Rufus, God love him, had put consideredeffort into befriending the guy, after a few days of stony silence andwithering glares. Even Denise, who they had purposefully avoided telling theywere gonna spring Flynn, had somehow come around and now they could begenerally found sharing breakfast, however quiet it was.

Wyatt, however, had madeno effort what so ever to talk to him. After upending his entire stable thoughfairly miserable life, Wyatt couldn’t bring himself to befriend Flynn. Forgivehim, maybe. Protect him, well, it came with protecting Lucy, apparently. Talkto him? He didn’t want to.

So he keeps cleaning hisgun, head down, and doesn’t open his mouth.

“I know you love her.”

The gun slips from hishand as he looks up sharply.

“What?” he snaps.

“Lucy. I know you’re inlove with her.”

Wyatt grits his teeth,picks his gun back up. Not speaking. He doesn’t want to talk, especially not about this. Flynn stayssitting, silently, patiently, just waiting for Wyatt to answer, and he won’t,because he doesn’t owe this guy anything.

“No.” Wyatt slams the gundown, more forcefully than called for. “No, you know what? You don’t get to askshit like that. I helped you, you fucked life up for me, so, no, you don’t get to sit hereand ask that and expect me to talk about it like we’re five years old.”

Flynn inclines his head.“I wasn’t asking.”

Wyatt stands, his chairscraping loudly, and everyone looks over to them. Rufus looks surprised at thenoise, mostly, and Lucy is concerned, and Denise looks like she just doesn’twant to deal with a fight, but Wyatt’s angry so he doesn’t sit back down.

He does speak lowly,though, because he doesn’t want the conversation to be overheard.

“Don’t you ever, ever presume you can talk to me aboutpersonal things again.”

“Actually,” Flynn sayscasually, “it isn’t personal.”

Wyatt is so bewilderedthat he actually further engages in the conversation, which, later on, he’llregret deeply.

“How – how is that not personal?”

“I need to protect themission, and your feelings jeopardize that.”

Somehow, Wyatt has becomeso angry that he’s invested in the conversation, so he sits back down.

“And how do you figurethat?” Yeah, maybe he’s admitting its true, maybe he isn’t (it is true).

Flynn leans forward, likehe’s eager now. “Love breeds weakness, Logan. It is only going to cloud yourjudgment and you will make wrong decisions. You are emotional, are you not? Iknow what you did for your wife, going back to 1983 and killing an innocentman. What’s to say you won’t do something equally as rash to save Lucy?”

Wyatt pauses, lets that sinkin, and drums his fingers on the table while he considers his response. ThatFlynn thinks he loves Lucy the way he loved his wife is … it takes hisbreath away, honestly. He hadn’t considered what it could grow to be, had justrecognized it for what it was and let it grow. Now, in retrospect, he thinks heprobably should have tried to stop it.

Because would he go backin time, completely jeopardize the mission, just to kill an innocent guy if itmeant he could protect Lucy?

Yeah. He would.

And it’s terrifying.

Finally, he says, “A bithypocritical, considering what you do in the name of love.”

Flynn sits back, as if hehadn’t considered such a response. Wyatt knows he has, though, and perhaps that’s why he hadn’t wanted to talk tohim; because Wyatt was used to being the smartest guy in the room, but Flynnhad always been one step ahead of him. He doesn’t like feeling out of control.

“I think, Wyatt, that thatis the precise reason I know what I’m talking about.”

Wyatt raises an eyebrow.

“This love … makesmonsters of us all. Changes who we think we are, or, at least, turns us intosomething we wouldn’t be otherwise. It makes monsters. It’s a weakness.”

Wyatt thinksFlynn’s right.

Wyatt puts the conversationto the back of his mind.

It’s not until they’remid-mission and everything has gone to shit, a massive argument with Lucybehind him and Flynn glaring at him pointedly that it comes back to him.

Love is a weakness and it makes monsters of us all.

He was willing to endangerall members of the team, as well as more civilians than necessary to get thejob done, when it could be easily avoided by sending Lucy in as recon.

She had been the one tosuggest it, and it was what their fight had been about.

(“Why can’t you just letme do this? What, do you not trust me? Because I’m only a history nerd I’m notgood enough to do this?”

“No, Lucy, please just - .. . I can’t lose you too, okay?”)

It’s with that in mind,that he says, “Lucy, you need to go in for recon.”

Everyone looks a bitsurprised, because he had been so adamant before, but they agree fast enough.

As they’re prepping to goin, Lucy pulls him aside. “Are you okay with this? Someone else can –“

“It’s a Woman’s Club,Luce, only you can go in. And we all know how important this is, they’re goingto protect a lot of assault victims, so we need to do this, so Rittenhousedon’t screw it up.”

She shifts on her feet,uncomfortable. “Yeah, I know, but you said –“

“I know what I said,” heinterrupts. Over Lucy’s shoulder, Wyatt can see Flynn watching them closely,glaring pointedly. Wyatt feels his lips move, but can’t hear the words he neverthought he’d say. “I was being weak.”

Wyatt tightens his hold onFlynn’s throat. “This is your fault.”

Flynn doesn’t lookpanicked, though his grip is tight on Wyatt’s wrist, which only makes Wyattmadder and press harder.

“You, you and your love is weakness bullshit, and turns outI was right to be worried because now she’s – and you said –“

“So you’re gonna kill me?”Flynn groans out. “Monster.”

Wyatt grunts infrustration, but lets him go.

“Okay, we need to find herand –“

“She knows where she’ssupposed to meet us,” Flynn says, rubbing his neck.

“That was an hour ago!”Wyatt shouts.

Rufus puts a calming handon Wyatt’s shoulder. “We’ll find her, okay?”

They do find her. She’sbattered and bruised and sitting in a pool of her blood, but she’s alive.

She’s in a dark alley,propped up against a wall. She doesn’t move, and at first he thinks she’s deadand his heart stops. But she groans and shifts and his relief is so palpable sheopens her eyes.

“Wyatt?” she whispers.

He rushes to her side,gathers her in his arms. “Hey, hey, yeah, it’s me.”

He presses a kiss to hershoulder, then her cheek, then her hair. He cradles her face in one hand andlays his forehead against her temple.

“I thought you were deadand it was my fault,” he says hoarsely, his throat tight and tears in his eyesthat he rather wishes weren’t there but can’t do anything about. “I’m sorry.I’m sorry for what I said and – and you are not a weakness, you are my strengthand I lo –“

“Wyatt,” she interrupts,her voice weak and her breathing wheezy, “I’ve pictured this moment a thousandtimes and none of them included me bleeding in a dark alley, so can we do thiswhen we get home?”

He laughs then helps herup, slinging one of her arms around his neck while he supports her waist.

“Of course we can do it athome.”

It’s hard to get quiettime in the warehouse with six (sometimes seven, when Mason was there) peopleconstantly milling about, with little to no areas for privacy.

It’s especially hard tofind quiet time when the only ones with any type of medical training are he andDenise, with Mason sneaking in supplies when he could. It makes everyone tense,even though Lucy’s injury wasn’t as bad as it had seemed in the filed, and sohe and Lucy get about zero time alone in the next two weeks.

It’s when Denise finallysays she thinks they’re in the clear, that the wound is really starting to healand there’s no sign of infection that the others leave them alone.

Lucy announces she’s goingto shower, then inclines her head to him and winks and he’s pretty fuckingexcited. He follows her quietly, slips in after her.

The bathroom isn’t much,primarily a locker room with a few showers attached, but there are enoughlockers so everyone can store their stuff separately and there’s hot water fora few minutes a day so really, they could be doing worse for living in awarehouse.

She’s sitting on the benchthat runs through the middle of the room taking her shoes off when he gets in.

“Hey,” he says quietly. Hedoesn’t really know how to start the conversation now, it had all seemed sonatural to reveal it in the middle of danger, but now – now he has time tothink about it and he’s really nervous.

She seems to be willing towait for him to speak first, which is probably fair considering he was the onewho brought it up last time.

He realizes, all ofsudden, that he doesn’t actually need to say anything.

So he swings one leg overthe bench, so he’s straddling it, and puts a hand on her face. He leans forwardslowly, heart beating rapidly in his chest, but she’s the one that closes thedistance.

Their lips clash beautifully,teeth and tongue and heavy breathing. She slides closer, then goes up on herknees, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing their bodies togethertightly.

He’s really starting toregret sitting like this, but he kisses up her jaw to her ear and down thecolumn of her neck with single-minded focus.

She gasps when he mouthsat her collarbone, licking and sucking while a hand slides down to squeeze herass.

He kisses back up to herlips, and presses a couple chaste kisses against them.

She sits back on herheels, and he holds her jaw in his hand, his thumb running over her bottom lip.

“I’m in love with you.”

She smiles brightly,colour spreading on the apples of her cheeks.

“I love you, too.”

They kiss again, slow andeasy.

“I really do need to shower,though,” she says against him.

Wyatt grins and pullsaway. “My, my, is that an invitation, ma’am?”

She laughs. “Oh, I wish.We’d waste the next three day’s hot water.”

“That’s a lot ofconfidence in my ability.”

“Oh, you don’t think youcan keep up with me, old man?”

“We’re pretty much thesame age,” he says mockingly, a throwback to their first meeting.

“I’ve been told I’m a bitof a goddess in bed, Master Sergeant, so you’d better not disappoint.”

“Been told by who?” hescoffs. “You’re a history nerd, when have you ever been laid?”

“Oh, okay,” Lucy laughs.“I was gonna let you stay and watch, but just for that I’m kicking you out ofhere. Go on, out!”

He stands up, and pushesher up against the row of lockers. He rocks his hips into hers, and thelaughter dies on her tongue in lieu of a deep moan. He mouths at her neck andher fingers tighten in his hair.

“So I’ve had some time toreconsider my position,” she gasps, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that youmost definitely should come for a shower with me.”

Wyatt grins against herthroat, then kisses her deeply.

“Yes, ma’am.”

[convndrums]

here the FAWK she ( the semi-finished masterlist of all my characters ) is ! took way too long but hopefully as you proceed to click on the linque below you’ll know why smh but yep ! i’ll be adding their pages on my account when i’m done with them soon i hope and maybe come back with a bunch of connections for each character but for now this is all i got & smash this like or im me for plots i’d love to get on those finally xx

reintroducing amanda wheeler;  intro & info page.

queen of irony. rich post- faux country gal who’s a loud homosexual and writes hetero fics/has an indie het smut for the absolute shits and giggles. dates a married woman she’s utterly in love with and will pull the life support cord for. said to be possessed by a possessed flapper. cute and knows it even though she looks like a republican. socially open & everywhere. morally grey.

reintroducing imogen yates; intro & info page. ( tw violence )

the grey area between your mom friend and your drunk aunt. happily vegan & owns a vegan restaurant called the fork, alt. the vegan cult’s lair. won’t kill you, but will convince you she really wants to. local brat tamer. minds her business via minding others. clashed head-first into nature’s very own reset button: amnesia. used to be satan and traumatized everyone. disgustingly active and accomplishing.

reintroducing ethan holland; intro & info page. ( tw suicide )

he is a sk8r boi, she said see ya later boy ( and meant it. they’re dating now. hey lourdes ! ) a nice person, so nice he doesn’t realize how fake he sounds/is. a certified headass. previously a bully/bully enabler, current guilty fuck. #torn. does the most for his loved ones. doesn’t remember his own birthday. googled foot fetishes once. trolls stan twitter with his fake selena gomez stan account when tumblr crashes. burned a sue of cide note with his name scribbled on it.

reintroducing sebastian miller; intro & info page ( tw violence )

kazimer sokolov whom. russian ex-cult member well-adjusted into a mundane life via lies, a fake canadian accent he’s ‘trying to get rid of’, being a twilight saga aficionado and a dickwad, a lame record store and a tumblr blog to keep himself sane by maintaining a general aesthetic and shitting on people and every discourse out there. knives/books sniffer. allegedly fucked a moose. probably kinkshames as a way to deal with his own “kinks” aka please keep the dead bodies away. ( im kidding i swear but [redacted] )

reintroducing prudence zima; intro & info page ( tw death )

parents died in a fire when she was two months old and it shows. idolizes avril lavigne & her favorite movie is lords of dogtown for aesthetics references. dude. social leech or effortless networker ? both. remains in her lane regardless. cry-types probably. here for a good time, not a long time. steals your stash and smokes you out with it. avid dick connoisseur. minimum effort lifestyle. either on her way to become a manager of some one hit wonder band that finds it’s demise in a freak accident, a drug dealer or god forbid, a guidance counselor; depends. mild cool girl syndrome. 

reintroducing jennifer meade; intro & info page ( tw death, violence and abuse )

bi/pussy muncher and proud misandrist, first and foremost. remembers killing her brother very fondly. the one girl in a room to call when you want to kill a bug and you’re relieved until she kills it with her bare hand. tops. unstable & chaotic evil, respectively. the ginger devil. biased and has her minion whom she invests a great deal of her time in brain washing and obsessing over. supposedly here to make amends but that’s not happening any time soon.

reintroducing margot williams; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

deserves better. very gay. all her friends are heathens xtra, take it slow. corrects typos in the gc. a nerdy editorial assistant daydreaming about publishing houses instead of the magazine she works for. lowkey shy and she’s angry about it. goes off if she must. jacks off to #knowledge and yuri anime. helps with homework and essays and takes the kids out. deadpan because we’re original but she swears it’s just the face & unresolved trauma. stans her therapist. unofficial older sister.

reintroducing chandler accardi; intro ( re-written ) & info page

needs to do better. dropped out of college for culinary school then dropped out of that too. was engaged to an absolute goddess he ultimately wronged ( with her damn best friend, bitch disgostin* ) and got kicked out to the curb. currently residing in the couch of his sister until things are resolved. thot-by-default & annoying. has like three ( 3 ) redeeming qualities. has never been told to shut up and it shows. works at buzzfeed.

reintroducing abel gautier; intro & info page

french and “confused”. lives a minimalist n’ expensive life. if american psycho & french kiss were the same movie. wine sniffer. the devil bakes croissants. will watch you die. takes grudges to the afterlife. gets attached but either ruins it or ruins it to spare everyone, himself included. falls in love a lot but knows how to calm the fuck down. very giving, fortunately. manipulative but isn’t too wild about bending everything to his will. 

reintroducing simini gale; intro & info page ( tw abuse, violence & mental illness )

token white actress & character in rosie’s show. [ britney vc ] its me.... against dissociation. a loud mess with an intense mental state and anger issues dulled out by her prescribed meds and whatever pill she got in the bottom of her manager’s purse. dependent and distraught about it. grocery shopping for garbage food and attending comedy stand up shows half drunk as a hobby. stable ? where. very nice and super flighty. heels are hot. wishes she could fight someone without feeling the urge to actually fight someone. 

reintroducing calvin o’shea; intro & info page ( tw mental illness )

it’s not just the depression more than the incredible self hatred. walks into rooms with his bad energy, grumpy mood and cunty attitude. graduated college just to shut his dad up. wants to die harder than edward cullen. just doesn’t give a shit. has a baby named freddie mercury ( also known as the antichrist, with alanis, his mortal literal enemy whom he absolutely despises and will not hesitate to put his dick back in again lbr ) who will probably grow up to talk shit about his parents whom he also mentioned in his tell-all book on ellen. works at his family’s bookstore that sucks the life energy out of college students nearing a mental breakdown.

reintroducing isabel pavia; intro & info page ( tw drug use )

contemporary dances her feelings away. too ambitious for her own good but knows what she’s doing. in a goth ass secret society ( here ) a.k.a her new found purpose. knows everything eventually. oddly trustworthy. doesn’t know what speaking loudly is, let alone yelling. loves the moon & has that moon app. had to take painkillers when she twisted her ankle very badly and would take them for a while for stress and performance reasons, but has stopped. a quiet angel. 

reintroducing anastasia zeller; intro & info page

ambitious/multi-talented asshole. horror trash & an emotional/mental maze which translates well into her weird works on no sleep reddit and current horror comedy podcast. ( click here for info ). needs a therapist according to a friend, whom she dropped for saying that. will bite your head off. obsessed with her works to an unhealthy point. would love to establish a company and stuff out of it and is working on that. healthy relationships are a semi-foreign concept.

reintroducing morgan booker; intro & info page ( tw death )

vape-curious and takes photos of ghost towns and abandoned-everythings because #vision. had a roadtrip phase like the fake deep idiot he is. morally grey. genuinely here for a good laugh and spreading joy in the form of hover-friendships and taking lit candids of his friends. knows shit and comes off as a creep sometimes but does he really care. knows your mom’s name. lives in a disused hospital bc he’s marinating on that aesthetic. 

reintroducing bowie harmon; intro & info page ( tw drug use & abuse )

part of a duo in a web series as the anxious n’ cackling mess. showcases her depressión & anxieté by her colorful wigs n’ new hair dyes. painful receptionist at a tattoo parlor. recovering addict who advocates for drug use. thinks tattooing a ruler on someone’s dick one day would be the peak of her accomplishments as a tattoo artist. daily bad decisions. “ it’s complicated. ” when asked about literally any relationship she has with anyone in her life. traumas include her failed singing career. an ex viner-by-association.

reintroducing shaheen bin baz; intro & info page ( tw violence & mental illness )

the physical deception of going through hell in a short amount of time with zero mental durability to begin with during midterms. trigger-anxious. will shoot your toes off your foot if caught off guard. aided in criminal operations with the brilliance of his mind in codes. would not mind dying. seasons your food. waters his crops in his balcony garden. the grey area between a super laidback dude and a crackhead with violent tendencies. nearing a mental breakdown probably. 

reintroducing minka abbott-santos; intro & info page ( tw abuse )

defeats the evil stepmom stereotype one breath at a time. the human embodiment of a deer. gothic angel. alarmingly gets black swan. type to wake up to her staring at you from an armchair across the room, but lovingly, with a book she was reading in hand and two hot cups of tea; she was waiting to start the day with you. spooky until you get to know her and even more spookier when she’s ( note: calmly ) pissed but that’s extremely rare. gentle voice, soul and everything.

reintroducing reuben faulkner; intro & info page ( tw abuse & violence  )

rekt hell prince. lived in an amish community with his family until he got kidnapped away from home when he was seven into an awful living situation. doesn’t remember if the gas leak that happened five years later and killed everyone was his doing or not. knows where his real family is after months of tracking them down but. blood kink under investigation. shady bouncer at a shady club. has issues he has no care or time to diminish. fights for the shits and giggles. leaves texts at read. leaves you alone for your own good and his own sanity. 

reintroducing alexandra turunen;  info page

wants to do everything and be everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself ( read: post-graduation identity crisis ) currently investing in a motorcycle for no reason. essentially jobless. a “retired” kathryn merteuil who “outgrew” her cunning ways since highschool but really only found new socially destructive interests. appears to be self-possessed but she’s #shaken. doesn’t care about how well she presents herself anymore after getting rejected by four universities and refusing to accept her father’s offer to pull some strings to get her in one. sleeps a lot. 

reintroducing giuseppe del vecchio;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

goes by pepe because well. son of italian oil peeps & is extra. said to be in a cult when all he’s in is this extra ass dining club that does the most for initiation ceremonies. ready to fall in love with you. goes to the king’s college in london and studies business & changes his minor way too often for everyone’s liking. into everything and will be down to do whatever. faux deep. mischievous shit. incredibly unbiased. had his rawrk n’ roll phase that died along with someone in a club literally. still has it but he knows god now & less drugs.

reintroducing kelian scott;  info page ( tw death & drug use  )

a father/father figure who tries™. runs a mechanic shop/chop shop because bad decisions and dire needs ( had his son to send to school and his daughter who passed away due to a disease he couldn’t afford to treat even after turning his shop into a chop shop. his wife then left him ). stares into the distance. wants the best for the kids but one of them is a junkie ( he doesn’t know yet ) and the other -- his niece -- is an orphan he’s worried about. thinks ahead 24/7. needs to pull out of this dull n’ depressing daily routine he has fallen into like the basic ass divorced dad he is. 

reintroducing sal presley;  info page

smexy trace & fingerprint detective. talks. the perfect illusion to bring home to your parents and friends. gets shit done which is both a good thing and a bad thing. looks calm, collected n’ well-rested but isn’t. his actual name is salvatore but no. knows how to mix drinks and more; used to showcase his multi-talented ass to make his ( currently ex ) fiancée look good now just himself. was engaged three times; two of those times with the same person. obsessive; gets into his job a little too intensely for no reason but #justice and maybe something else whom knows. loses sleep at least two nights a week as a habit at this point. has an extended family back home he misses occasionally. wishes he could calm down truly. 

[silvershadow1398]

#13

Personal

1-How are you? Fine

2-Post a picture of yourself. No thanks

3-Do you ever wish you were someone else? YES

4-What is your entire name? I am not disclosing that

5-How old are you? 21

6-Age you get mistaken for: I always joke that it’s anywhere from 12-15, but realistically probably around 18

7-Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality: Pisces, and yes

8-What did you do on your last birthday? Absolutely nothing

9-What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday? Be a good captain of my dance group

10-What is your hair color? Black

11-Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, I have brown highlights

12-What is your eye color? Dark brown

13-If you could change your eye color, would you? Yes

14-Do you wear contacts/glasses? Yes

15-Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it: I don’t like my face, my body is ok other than being too short

16-Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body? I wouldn’t actually do it but yes, and it would be rhinoplasty

17-Say 8 facts about your body: 5′1″, size 5-6 (US) shoe size, somewhat flexible from dance, strong/large thighs but chicken arms, reached my final height at age 12-13, nearsighted since age 8, I have external tibial torsion from ballet, very prone to insect bites

18-Do you have any tattoos? No

19-Do you have any piercings? Yes, two per earlobe

20-Left or right handed? Right

21-What’s your sexual orientation? Ace

22-Do you drink? I have, I don’t really like to

23-Do you smoke? No

24-Do you have any pets? No

25-Where do you work? Currently not employed

26-Something you are working on right now: Choreography for a dance next year

27-Do you have any “rules” about food? I’m very very very picky

28-Where are you from? Maine, US

29-What would you say is your best quality? I don’t tell secrets

30-What do you think you’re really good at? I’m a fairly good dancer, photographer, video editor

31-What do you think you’re really bad at? Actually putting effort into my work and studying, I really should be getting better grades than I get

32-What talent do you wish you’d been born with? More strength and flexibility for dance

33-Are you a bad person? I can be

34-Are you nice to everyone? Noooo

35-Say 3 facts about your personality: INFJ, I think you can figure out two others based on that

36-Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? I don’t believe so

37-What is your ideal bed? Why? At least a queen size

38-Did you wake up cranky? Today? No, I don’t think so

39-Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? No

40-What do you think about the most? How much I wish I was someone else

41-Share 2 habits: I twirl my hair and pull strands out that aren’t 100% straight, I grind my teeth

42-What you want to be when you “get older”? Idfk

43-What are your career goals? Idfk

44-What is your ideal career? To not need one lmao

45-Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No way

46-Do you replay things that have happened in your head? When do I not?

47-Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I don’t think so

48-Say 10 facts about your room: Currently in a dorm room bc I’m at college, boring af, white walls, not very decorated since I’m moving out soon, the door is not soundproof at all, Australian outlets, small but honestly not too cramped, no curtains, air conditioner, huge windows

49-Do you have any phobias? Spiders, heights in some situations, being alone in a public area

50-Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? No but I really should go...

51-Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? Not explicitly declared by an allergist, but insect bites

52-Ever broken any bones? No but I had my first sprain a month ago!

53-Ever come close to death? No

54-Things you like and dislike about yourself: I like my personality but I hate my appearance

55-A random fact about yourself: Excluding my adoption bc I don’t remember anything about it, studying abroad is the first time I have ever left North America

56-What are three things most people don’t know about you? I used to play a couple instruments when I was younger but not anymore, never been to Europe, I have a specific pillow that I always have to sleep with

57-An unknown fact about your life: Ok so I TECHNICALLY have two older step-siblings from my dad’s side, but I do not like them nor do I have a relationship with them so I just say I don’t have any

58-Share something about yourself others might think is weird: My music taste

59-Five weird things that you like: They’re pretty nerdy; wildlife, astronomy, psychology, geography, demographics

60-Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this? Yes I do, and no one sent me this I just found it

61-Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? Just a profile pic, I deleted all other pics I’ve ever posted

62-Describe yourself in one word/sentence: Socially uncomfortable INFJ who just wants to go to bed

63-A quote you try to live by: Idk

64-Leave me a compliment: Thanks for making this survey

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Favorites

65-What is your favorite thing to do? Watch YouTube videos

66-What’s your favorite color? Blue

67-What’s your favorite band/singer? I don’t have one right now

68-What’s your favorite movie? I don’t like movies

69-What are your favorite books? I don’t read enough to know

70-What is your favorite quote and why? Idk

71-What is your favorite word? Idk

72-What is your least favorite word? Idk I have a lot

73-What is your favorite type of food? Pasta

74-You favorite ice cream? Vanilla

75-What’s your favorite animal? Emperor Penguin, koala in a close second

76-Dogs or cats? Dogs

77-Describe your favourite texture: Cotton

78-What is your favorite flower? Idk

79-What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex? Clean laundry lol, idk on the other sex

80-What is your favorite season? Tie between summer and fall

81-What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die? (not in order) London UK, Paris France, Copenhagen Denmark, Auckland NZ, Perth Australia

82-What are four things you can’t live without and why? Laptop, phone, DSLR camera, headphones, all their chargers; I think you can guess why!!!!

83-Which mythological creature are you most like? Why? Idk

84-What’s your favorite television show? Idk I don’t really watch TV

85-Favorite place to shop at? The grocery store! Lol jk, idk

86-Say 2 facts about your favorite things: They’re all electronics?

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Family, childhood and places

87-Say 4 facts about your parents: They’re technically my adoptive parents, 11 years apart in age, larger age gap to me than most parents to their kids, wealthy

88-Are you more like your mom or your dad? Mom

89-Do you have any siblings? See #57

90-Say 9 facts about your family: Technically my adoptive family, mom’s side is Italian and Irish, dad’s side is Norwegian and German, I have a zillion and 3 cousins on my mom’s side, I know literally no one on my dad’s side, one of my cousins on my mom’s side is my literal soulmate I love her so much, I’m pretty sure I’m the only adopted family member on both sides, 3 of 4 grandparents are still alive, I feel pretty disconnected from my family for the most part

91-What’s your relationship like with your family? See last fact in #90

92-Say 7 facts about your childhood: Jesus what’s with all these fact questions?; I had a good childhood for the most part, I was more outgoing as a kid than I am now, then again I had 0 mental illnesses as a kid lmfao, I had a nasty accident at age 5 that left me with my trademark “eye dimple”, I played a LOT of computer games, I moved at age 9, I miss my childhood

93-The best and the worst childhood memories: Best memory is playing outside with friends or my parents and being carefree, the worst memory is that I was quite a crybaby at times

94-Say 6 facts about your home town: I honestly have no idea

95-Are you going out of town soon? I’m currently out of town! Will be back in less than a month

96-Where would you like to live? The major city right next to my town is pretty nice

97-What would your dream house be like? DREAM house would be a mansion with a lot of cool stuff, but that’s not realistic so I’d like a nice apartment in a good area

98-Where would you go on your dream vacation? I guess you could say I’m currently on my dream vacation, Australia!

99-Where you want to be right now? Anywhere except the school I’m at

100-Top three places to visit: That I’ve been to? Ok so that would be Sydney Australia, Newport Beach California, Maui Hawaii

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Friends

101-Would you ever smile at a stranger? I have

102-Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? Girls

103-Who is someone you never tire of? Honestly not sure, I get sick of people very easily

104-Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Pretty damn close to it when I’m with my mom and one friend, but I’ve never been 100% around anyone

105-Who is your most loyal friend? The friend noted above

106-Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Not EVERYTHING, but my mom is pretty close

107-If your best friend died, what would you do? I’d be devastated

108-A reason you’ve lied to a friend: I didn’t want to hurt them, or I was so ashamed of the answer that they could NOT know

109-Have you ever felt replaced? Yes

110-Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s): I honestly don’t know if I have a best friend

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Relationships

111-The last person you hugged? A friend last week because it was her birthday

112-Who was your first kiss with? Some guy I went to high school with

113-Do you like kissing in public? I have never done that, but probably not

114-Have you ever kissed someone older than you? No

115-You have a preference for boys or girls? Technically ace, but boys

116-Is the male or female body closest to perfection? I’m more attracted to men

117-Do you believe in love at first sight? I think it could happen

118-Do you believe in soul mates? It’s possible

119-What is your idea of the perfect date? Idc as long as I’m spending time with the person

120-Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend: The only people I’ve ever actually fantasized about are YouTubers so...

121-What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Usually the way they present themselves (are they angry, happy, relaxed, easy going, etc.)

122-Are looks important in a relationship? Not the most important, but they help

123-What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? I don’t mind if someone has not had braces, but if their teeth are REALLY bad then that’s kind of a turn off

124-What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? I can’t go more than 10 years

125-Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Probably not

126-Five guys/girls whom you find attractive: Dan Howell, Phil Lester, Shayne Topp, Damien Haas, Tyler Scheid

127-Do you have a crush on anyone? No

128-A description of the girl/boy you like: I don’t like anyone

129-Say 1 fact about the person your like: I don’t like anyone

130-If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Cool...

131-When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Never done it

132-Do you think someone has feelings for you? Haha nope

133-Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Haha nope

134-Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? No

135-Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? No

136-Anyone you’re giving up on? No

137-Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

138-Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No

139-Have you ever liked one of your best friends? No

140-Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Lol nope

141-Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? No

142-Is there someone you will never forget? Probably the dude I kissed

143-Say five ways to win your heart: Be authentic/yourself, don’t hide things from me, accept that I’m not perfect and have bad days, accept that I need to be alone a lot, know that I will test whether I can trust you by talking about weird things

144-What turns you on? A really nice smile

145-What turns you off? If you come off as a douchebag or if you don’t look like you take care of yourself (poor taste in clothes, smell bad, etc.)

146-What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Go somewhere with me that I consider extremely nerdy or weird for most people

147-What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Idk

148-What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Idk

149-Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Have you had one written for you? No

150-What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? Yesterday I gave some encouraging words to someone who’s been through a lot lately

151-Are you in love? No

152-Are you in a relationship? No

153-If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Don’t have one

154-Are relationships ever worth it? I think they can be

155-Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No

156-Can you commit to one person? Yes

157-Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Yes

158-Do you ever want to get married? I’m not forcing it but if I meet the right person then sure why not

159-Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I honestly have no idea, I can see myself as either

160-Future names of your children: I don’t have any bc I don’t want kids

161-Do you get jealous easily? Yes

162-The last time you felt jealous, and why? I’m usually jealous of someone who I believe is a better dancer than myself

163-What is your definition of cheating? Actively pursuing someone else

164-Have you ever been cheated on? No

165-Do you forgive betrayal? Never been betrayed, but my guess is no

166-Have you ever cheated on someone? No

167-Why did your last relationship fail? Never been in one

168-Things you want to say to an ex: I don’t have an ex

169-A description of the person you dislike the most: I have a lot of people I don’t like, I don’t think I can pick just one

170-If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I don’t have one

171-How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Zero

172-How long was your longest relationship? Never had one

173-You’ll love me if… Idk

174-Share a relationship story: Don’t have one

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Music, movies and books

175-How often do you listen to music? All. The. Time.

176-What kind of music you like? All kinds except most rap and country

177-Do you like to dance? I fucking love it

178-What was the first concert/show you attended? I don’t remember

179-Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Yes

180-Share a song that takes you to a certain memory in the past: Currently listening to Doctor’s In by Pond, which reminds me of a field trip I took about a month ago

181-A song that’s been stuck in your head: I don’t think I have one stuck in my head right now!

182-Put your music player on shuffle and write the first ten songs that play: Remedy by Little Boots, Hold My Heart by Tenth Avenue North, Test Drive from How to Train Your Dragon, Fine. by Carah Faye, Run Run Run by Dragonette, Exogenesis Symphony Part 2 by Muse, Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan, Concerto in F from An American in Paris, Information Overload by Grabbitz and Pierce Fulton, When I’m Away by The Colourist

183-A book you want to read/have recently read: I haven’t read lately and can’t think of one that I want

184-Describe your dream library: Idk

185-Last movie you just watched: I don’t remember

186-Do you like watching what type of movies? I don’t really like movies but if I had to pick, documentaries

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Situations and crazy things

187-You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done? Not interested in tattoos, but if I had to pick it would probably have something to do with either wildlife or Australia

189-What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for? Internet stalking

190-If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be? Idk

191-You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to? My parents

192-If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? This is morbid, but I would be born as someone else

193-If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why? Idk

194-If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Sophomore year of college

195-You’re an Action Movie Hero. What’s your weapon of choice and the line you scream when defeating your arch enemy? Idk

196-If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like? Idk

197-What is the first curse word that comes to mind? Fuck

198-What the last party you went to was… and when the next will be… I went to a birthday party last week, idk when the next one will happen

199-Halloween costume idea? This coming Halloween I’m currently thinking of going as a koala

200-What are you supposed to be doing right now? Studying lol

201-Currently wanting to see anyone? Parents in a couple weeks!

202-Why you follow me? I don’t? I literally just found this survey somewhere

203-If you met me what would you do? Idk who you are

204-Leave me a ridiculous question: Who are you?

205-Leave me a cute message: Idk

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~~~Opinions and beliefs

206-Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now? Empty rn

207-Do you believe in fate/destiny? Certain aspects, yes

208-What you wish for on 11:11? I don’t wish for anything

209-Do you consider yourself lucky? What’s your good luck charm? I do consider myself lucky at times, I don’t have one

210-Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? Yes

211-What is your religion, if any? Technically Christian (idk what type), though I don’t actively practice Christianity

212-Would you go against your moral code for money? No

213-What’s more important to you: strength of the body or strength of the mind? Mind

214-How important you think education is? Very important

215-If you were the president, what would you do? Get rid of capitalism

216-If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Capitalism

217-Is it the thought that counts? Or is that phrase circumstantial? Idk

218-If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Celebrate (lmfao I know that’s crude but I have depression)

219-Which movie character do you most identify with and why? Idk

*************************************************

~~~~~~~~Feelings and Others

220-Are you a procrastinator or do you get things done early? I am quite the procrastinator if I’m not interested in the task, otherwise I’ll do it ASAP

221-Post a photo/draw a picture/write a poem (pick one) of a moment of personal significance: No thank you

222-Say 5 things you love unconditionally: Kind of running out of steam to answer this

223-What motivates you in life? I’m not gonna die anytime soon so I should do something useful (sorry that was also crude)

224-Something that you’re proud of: I’ve accomplished some good things

225-Five words/phrases that make you laugh: Dingus, dingleberry, twat, meme, dank

226-Share the story of something that makes you smile: Whenever I see a new YouTube video that I know I HAVE to watch

227-Something you always think “what if…” about: What if I wasn’t abandoned at birth and not adopted

228-What was something you used to enjoy, but was ruined for you? What’s the story behind that? Thought I’d enjoy seeing a show at the Sydney Opera House, then I fainted while on a tour of the venue so I can never go inside the building again (seeing it from outside is ok)

229-Describe one of the most awkward experiences of your life: I MAJORLY MAJORLY offended someone (in Australia nonetheless) a couple months ago

230-Something/someone that you miss: My house

231-Are you over your past? Nope and I probably never will be

232-What is your saddest memory? Idk I’ve had a lot

233-One of the hardest moments in your life: Dealing with my parents when they’re acting like children

234-Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? YES

235-What’s something you want to do that you’d be embarrassed to tell other people about? Idk

236-What was your most embarrassing moment? Falling into a split from slipping on stage during a rehearsal

237-Share one of your fears/insecurities: Very insecure about my appearance and being adopted

238-Something you’re currently worrying about: If I’m gonna pass my final exams

239-Have you done something you regret very much? Yes

240-If you could take something back that you said or did, what would it be? Idk I’ve done a lot that I regret

241-Does anyone hate you? Probably

242-Do you hate anyone? Yes

243-Are you good at hiding your feelings? For the most part yes, but I do have outbursts (that smack myself about later)

244-What’s something you hide about your personality? I fake being social enough that people don’t think I grew up sheltered

245-How do you approach social situations? See above

246-Are you a social or an antisocial person? Very antisocial

247-Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Very introverted

248-Do you care if people talk badly about you? Yes but I know I shouldn’t give a shit

249-How do you deal with criticism? I’ll rant to my mom, or just bottle up my feelings

250-How you hope your future will be like? I just hope I’ll be happier than I currently am

251-What’s something that scares you about the future? Idk wtf I want to do with myself

252-Five items you lust after: Electronics, enough said

253-One thing you’re excited for: My parents to come back to Australia so I can leave this shitty university and go traveling again

254-Describe the most terrifying/strangest/beautiful dream you’ve ever had: I’ve had dreams about giving birth, and I once had a dream that I was going to have sex but I woke up while I was in the middle of foreplay

255-Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Not fictional, but I have had crushes on celebs

256-Who is your celebrity crush? I’ve gone through a lot of people, but it’s currently Damien Haas

257-Make a confession: I need to study, help pls

[drblackgaard]

Characters to Whom I Relate

(tagged by @echoofmidnight over a year ago to do this, finally doing it, now with 100% less ending prepositions in the title)

In which Devon probably definitely massively overshares about his problems

unlike the original I’ll actually add a brief(?) explanation and not just their name and photo. one might also notice some overlap between this list and character’s I’ve cosplayed, for obvious reasons.

im tagging @messed-up-polkadots @moss-effect @duchashka @writingpikachu @tanosoka

Ryugazaki Rei (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club)

This will probably be the only long one? When I was first tagged in this post, Rei was probably the first character that came to my mind. I love all my Free boys so dearly, but Rei is my least favourite out of the Iwatobi boys, which makes it interesting that he tops this list so definitively. (This list contains lots of characters considered the “smart one” (roughly 10/13 on the list, arguably). That is not the primary reason that I picked any of them, just for reference.) When I first watched Season 1 of Free!, I was at the very beginning of my first year away from home (2nd year of post-secondary). Like Victoria and I literally started watching the show while my family was dropping me off in Vancouver. My social situation/mental health situation was really not great in high school, especially not as a combination. I felt like Rei’s struggles of s1 captured my experience bizarrely well. Not the learning to swim, but Rei was faced with this social situation where he awkwardly entered into a pre-formed social circle where he was the only one without this shared history. As time goes on, he increasingly realizes that he’s the outsider, not just in skill, but in years and years of shared experiences, and as everyone talks about their issues concerning Rin, Rei’s increasingly confronted with the fact that he doesn’t belong in this circle of friends like any of the others do. He’s an outsider looking in, always 4 steps behind what’s going on, and no one’s ever bothered to fill him in on the things that have happened. When the finale rolls around, and Rin has the chance to swim the relay with Rei’s team; the team that he’s trained with and built up all this work for, Rei makes the huge sacrifice play and sits this incredible moment out, isolating himself so that his friends can hang out with their other friend and he can watch from the sideline. This whole situation was very much like my social situation in late high school, but more depressing in general, more acquaintancey than in Free, but the finale really got to me, and I could immediately think of so many times that I’d bit the bullet and had to sit out on participating or make sacrifices that really hurt to help people spend their time with their Rin’s instead of with me, because I know that they’d much rather do that than be around me. Rei’s story was really emotional for me in s1, and I probably resented it to a degree for that, but it was nothing if not relatable. Also, Rei’s real gay. Ok, now for shorter things(?)

Nanase Haruka (Free! Iwatobi Swim Club)

There’s definitely something to be said that Haru is half of my all-time main OTP and Makoto is my #1 fictional husband and the whole thing where your ships say a lot about what you relate to/are looking for in relationships and what a big part Free! was of me coming to terms with being gay and all of this is extremely highly interconnected. The main point I want to make on this one, though, is Haru’s relationship with his talent. The very first episode opens with a monologue about how Haru wishes that people would stop putting him on a pedestal. He’s the only sports anime protagonist I’ve seen who despises competing in the sport the show’s about. [continuous grumbling about the s2 finale and haru’s arc’s ending but hey tokyo makoharu is enough for me to be happy with]. Haru is exceedingly talented at swimming, yes, but he doesn’t want to do it for a living; doesn’t want it to be about the numbers and the competition. Obviously this was much more a thing in s2. Haru’s very talented in so many other areas: all forms of art, cooking, he’s consistently in the first class of his grade throughout middle and high school. It’s clear to me in s2 that he just wants people to remember that he actually has other talents, so many other career options besides professional swimming, which is why he gets so upset when even Makoto of all people broaches swimming first as what he should be looking at for the future. I am very smart, plainly put. I hate embellishing my gifts but the point is that I’ve always been put on a pedestal for being years beyond my age in academic and emotional intelligence. After a point, you really wish that people would remember that you have any other skills or talents whatsoever. I knew that I didn’t want to build my identity on my brains, and tried to push so hard to get people to recognize more parts of who I am, but it’s still usually overshadowed by my brain. Being a Christian in a close Christian community social-wise, I’m very frequently in situations of mutual encouragement, compliments, and such, and every time that someone identifies my smarts as my peak characteristic, I die just a little bit inside. Once at a youth leader’s retreat with some of the closest friends I had (very relatively speaking), we were given someone else’s name and had to pick a single word to describe that person. I was expecting something intellectual as always, and received the word “loyalty” as a singular concept I represented to her, and I think it might still be the most lasting compliment that’s stuck in my head, now 6-ish years later. That one was also really long, but it dovetails nicely into the next one. Oh, and Haru’s also very gay, and in love with Tachibana Makoto. Very relatable.

Eugene Meltsner (Adventures in Odyssey)

Obviously I really like Adventure in Odyssey. It’s my #1 fandom, Victoria and I run a relatively popular fan podcast for it, and we just listen to it a whole lot. When people ask who my favourite AIO character is, which happens frequently, they usually assume Eugene, because he’s smart and I’m smart [which is annoying to me, re: above]. They are actually correct about the character, but wrong about the reason. The reasons Eugene’s my fave are actually mostly unrelated to why he’s included here, but the above point does connect well to Haru’s spiel. Likewise, that spiel connects well with Eugene’s insecurity regarding his mind. I said above that I try hard not to build my identity on my intellect, but obviously there are times that that effort has failed me. Coming to UBC was a big part of that. In my teeny hometown, I stood out greatly in high school. I graduated with about a 97% average, 2nd highest in my grad class, bilingual diploma, and almost double the minimum credits I needed because of all my extra-curriculars. I was fluent in 2 languages and excelled at 2 instruments. My last math teacher said I was tied for the smartest student he’d ever taught. First year of college was at home, did alright, then I came to UBC. For reference, the university has about 8 times more undergrads than the population of my hometown. I quickly realized that I was not the smart one anymore, just another one of the crowd. I made friends with people whose intelligence casually dwarfed my own by orders of magnitude. I didn’t have an existential crisis or anything, since I’d already tried to proactively guard myself against that kind of false life foundation, but insecurities are always there to creep in. I often think of Eugene in Truth, Trivia, & ‘Trina. One of Eugene’s arcs in that episode (which was obviously in many others as well), was getting over his compulsive need to prove his worth through his intelligence, of understanding he had value without needing to info dump on everyone all the time. For Eugene, it obviously had deep rooting in his relationship with Leonard and the ways that was left unresolved for Eugene after his parents’ disappearance, but that’s another dissertation for another podcast episode. The point is, while I recognized this fact in theory, I’ve always had a lot of trouble internalizing it. I know my worth comes from who I am in God, not on my own talents, but that doesn’t stop me from compulsively seeking validation through my brains or my humour or literally anything else I can possibly do to receive affirmation from others. Also Eugene loves neologisms and beautiful, convoluted sentences and I can really get behind that.

Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

I finally watched this musical for the first time less than a week ago and yeah, I feel like I’ve probably covered most of the reasons that connect me to Evan Hansen. high school: I was extremely alone, very depressed, frequently suicidal, and, more often than not, constructing elaborate fictional scenarios in my head wherein I had deep, intimate friendships with the people around me. I didn’t take it as far as Evan, and also was gay for Connor in this analogy. They can’t all be perfectly relatable.

Adrian Hlaváček (Always Raining Here)

This is where the list becomes a lot more loose lists of character trains. Adrian is: A Hot Mess™, really real gay, had that one crush that messed him up for so long bc you always fall for the straight ones and hope against hope it will impossibly work out and it obviously doesn’t and then you end up like the picture below, loves to sing, all about that Musical Theatre Life, seems like the innocent and pure one but then it turns out Oh you actually have a lot of emotional baggage that’s messing up your relationships in all sorts of unexpected ways, smart, lives in Vancouver, etc.

Wirt (Over the Garden Wall)

Wirt is: Anxiety+, poetry and concert band, the biggest nerd??, long walks through the forest, the older brother who will do whatever it takes to help his lil sibling, really stubborn, maybe never, maybe he’ll never give this up.

Amy Santiago (Brooklyn Nine-Nine)

Amy is: lover of reading, lover of Jake Peralta, cares so much about organization and protocol and actually enjoys filing and alphabetizing things, has a serious problem about putting people in leadership roles on pedestals where you just really want to be validated and mentored and spend time with them and maybe you just need to take a chill pill somethings and diversify your investment in people, super passionate about justice and doing the right thing

Jemma Simmons (Agents of SHIELD)

Jemma is: a biologist, really deeply truly fascinated by all sorts of sciency things and doesn’t really get when maybe that cadaver is a little morbid to others because LOOK it’s so cool! look at how that alien parasite burrowed into the brain like that why are you all turning green? what do you mean this isn’t a conversation for the dinner table?, would die for Peggy Carter also, mom friend, steadfast friend and a lot tougher than you realize until backed up against a wall, just such a huge nerd it’s incredible

Jake English (Homestuck)

Jake is: a dork, says the most outlandishly old-fashioned euphemisms completely unironically that no one else has said for 73 years, frequently has no emotional awareness as to his surroundings, just utterly oblivious at all times, very not straight, indiscriminate taste in most media

Ryan Haywood (Achievement Hunter)

Ryan is: (not actually a character but whatever), the “smart one” of the group but he actually basically never knows what he’s talking about and is usually just saying words vaguely related to the topic he knows and no one else realizes it, very doting friend, not here for any of your “wow look at that man and woman who are friends clearly they must be doing a romance there is literally no other option” nonsense, terrible diet, so much more of a nerd that he lets on 99% of the time, switches from really dark to really genuinely caring to really over-the-top at the drop of a hat, the theatre guy

Ben Wyatt (Parks and Recreation)

Ben is: Depressed+, really into so many different things, gets annoyed at people who act like mainstream fandom is anything other than mainstream culture at this point, it’s not a niche nerd thing anymore, sorry big bang theory, enormous romantic softie, puts a lot of thought into everything he does, likes terrible math puns, will correct your incorrect details about his fandoms. he wasn’t going to say anything, but actually it’ll bug him if he doesn’t. he’s not pretentious or a prick about it, he just cares a lot about a lot of things.

Marius Pontmercy (Les Misérables)

Marius is: literally me in our grade 12 production of Les Mis, and Lena you brought this curse upon me that I’m continually more and more like Marius how did you trap me like this? it’s awful. Marius is actually the Worst™ and here I am; my soul eternally bound to this fate. Marius is just the biggest mess in all of fiction, continually, every day of his life, and every post I read about his awful shenanigans in the book is too accurate to my life and I hate it. Ex: everything on this post

Carlos the Scientist (Welcome to Night Vale)

Carlos is the other one on this list I’ve cosplayed. To quote my sister when I told her I was doing it, “You ARE the gay handsome scientist man”. Carlos is quite literally me. A flamboyant brown scientist with impeccable hair who wears his lab coat far more than is professionally necessary and just really loves science a lot.

[demirin]

@korrinbelle​ done taggedt me in this ages ago but I Forgot

Rules: Answer all the questions, then add one of your own, and tag as many people as there are questions

1) Coke or Pepsi?: Coke

2) Disney or Dreamworks?: Meeeeeehh???? neither i guess

3) Coffee or Tea?: I drink over 2 liters of tea a day what do u think

4) Books or Movies?: Books!!!!

5) Windows or Mac?: Windows..... id rather break a leg than use a mac

6) D.C. or Marvel?: They’re both garbage

7) Xbox or PlayStation?: Playstation??? I guess??? I’ve never seen an xbox irl

8) Dragon age or mass effect?: Eeeeehh neither

9) Night Owl or Early Riser?: Neither....... catch me sleepin at 1am & wakin up at 10 am

10) Cards or Chess?: Cards!!!

11) Chocolate or Vanilla?: Vanilla is my fav flavor of all

12) Vans or Converse? Converse

13) Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar?: What kind of white people ritual is this

14) Fluff or Angst?: Both....... i have a tendency to turn angst into fluff n fluff into angst so like what can u do yknow

15) Beach or Forest?: Forest!!!

16) Dogs or Cats? Both....... Theyre both so fuckening amazing and good....

17) Clear Skies or Rain? Rain!!!!

18) Cooking or Eating Out? Eating out bc id rather die than make any effort

19) Spicy or Mild Food?  im turkish bruv if it’s not spicy enough to make my nose and eyes run like a waterfall what even is the point......

20) Halloween/Samhain or Solstice/Yule/Christmas? i like the christmas atmosphere

21) Would You Rather Forever Be A Little Too Cold Or A Little Too Hot?: id rather be a little cold bc i hate nothing more than being so much as mildly too hot

22) If You Could Have A Superpower What Would It Be?:  either seeing the future or reading minds solely for my own gain and convenience. though now that i think about it, being able to mass control & instill thoughts in people’s minds would be pretty good too.

23) Animation or Live Action?: Animation

24) Paragon or Renegade?: neither, but i think i’m closer to being a paragon in some areas.

25) Bath or Shower?: showers, since i don’t really enjoy taking baths.

26) Team Cap or Team Iron-Man?: i had to google this but prolly team cap since i do not trust any government in any way shape or form in any capacity

27) Fantasy or Sci-Fi?: fantasy

28) Do You Have Three or Four Favorite Quotes If So What Are They?: " I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it. ” would be a personal favorite of mine

29) YouTube or Netflix?: Youtube

30) Harry Potter or Percy Jackson?: Percy Jackson 300% lmao i don’t care for hp

31) When Do You Feel Accomplished?: when i’m Right™

32) Star Wars or Star Trek?: i haven’t watched either

33) Paperback Books or Hardcover Books?: don’t care

34) Fantastic Beasts or Cursed Child?: cursed child is garbage and the fantastic beasts BOOK is nice so fantastic beasts.

35) Rock or Pop Music? both

36) What Is The Most Important Thing In Your Life?: my sister

37) Mountains or Sea/Ocean?: i don’t like either tbh

38) How Do You Express Yourself?: generally, by screaming.

39) What’s The First Book/Film That Really Counted To You?: 'wisdom of psychopaths’ is the book that made me want to study psychology and get into clinical psychology, so that one.

40) What’s Your Element (Air, Water, etc.)?: air

41) If You Could Travel Anywhere, Where Would You Go?: fuck dude idk prolly somewhere in asia since i wanna see vietnam, thailand, korea & japan but plane tickets are super expensive

42) If you had any job in the world, what would it be?: something closely linked with psychology but also writing? i’d love to write scripts/plots for video games.

43) If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?

1. infinite wealth with no repercussions.

2. the capacity to see the future, read & control minds and materialize anything i wish to out of nothing.

3. for the human race to stop being a bunch of entitled, selfish, stupid and closed minded pieces of shit, and by extension of this; poverty, discrimination, war, and all other stupid human bullshit to end.

44) If You Had To Eat One Food For The Rest Of Your Life, What Would It Be?: chicken

45) What’s Your Patronus?: cats  

46) Would You Kill Yourself And Save Your Friends or Kill Your Friends and Save Yourself?: depends on the friend.

47) If You Had To Become A Mythical Creature Which Would You Be?: fuck dude who knows????? imma be a siren and get me some mad money by enticing people to give me their money and credit card info and put me in their wills.

48) What can you make with origami?: fuckshit aside from paper planes

49) Have you ever invented a food or drink style? (or at least thought you did?): nope

50) What would you say is your berserk button?: being disrespected.

tagging: anyone who wants to do this but like @demondick, @lesbianpidge & @inuyoshie in particular i love nyall u3u

[illfoandillfie]

Hi, a tarot reading for a specific question please. This guy L and I have been fucking around a bit whenever we get drunk for the past two months, nothing serious. For me it’s just for the fun of it, I hope it’s the same for him. But he’s kind of in a rough spot right now. He’s the type to try and distract himself from his problems tho. I don’t know if I should start anything the next time I see him (tho idk when that’ll be bc of our exams)? I'm also not sure about his feelings. Thanks!

thank you for that clarification! hopefully this helps clear things up for you!

tarot: ace of wands, justice, king of cups, 4 of cups, ace of cups, the high priestess, 2 of pentacles.

So I focused on asking about L’s feelings regarding the casual hookups to try and gauge where he’s at with it all. If you have any follow up questions though feel free to ask and I’ll pull more cards (probably over the weekend lmao)

Anyway. The first card is the ace of wands. This symbolises desire, creation, willpower and inspiration. And it’s being clarified by the 4 of cups (contemplation, disappointment, overactive imagination) as well as the ace of cups (new feelings, attraction, new relationships). From these cards it looks like he might be thinking about something more serious than you are. With the ace of wands it definitely started off as just a fun sort of thing, just a desire to make out a little or whatever but with the other two cards it seems like that might not be enough for him anymore and he’s starting to develop feelings towards you. 

Our next cards are justice and the high priestess. Now, the justice card is about balance, clarity and truth. You said that L is in a rough spot right now and this card is making me feel like he’s trying to rebalance his life by forming an attachment with you. Like, things aren’t going well for him in one aspect of his life so he’s trying to create a positive shift in another area, if that makes sense. Generally this card in a romance reading would indicate an almost karmic return - a partner treating you as well as you treat them, if you cheat the truth will come out but if you put in effort you’ll be met with a supportive and caring partner. But in relation to L it feels like a very internal sort of a decision where he’s trying to tip the scales in his favour a little bit and has (consciously or subconsciously) come to the conclusion that what you’re doing is fun and good so taking it further can only be better. I think part of what makes it feel like that is that justice is being clarified by the high priestess. The high priestess is a card of secrets and mystery but also intuition and an inner voice. There’s some really interesting connections with these cards. truth and clarity vs mystery and an unrevealed future. But ultimately the high priestess is about knowledge and listening to that small intuitive voice in your head. If L’s inner voice is telling him you can provide a form of happiness that he’s not getting somewhere else and can rebalance his life, then he may be considering that option. 

Our final two cards are the king of cups and the two of pentacles. The king could represent L or it could be you. Because I was asking about L’s thoughts on your situation while I was drawing the cards I would be inclined to say it’s possibly how he views himself but, you may have a clearer idea of who the king is representing. So, the king of cups is compassionate but in control. He’s mature and wise (because he’s a king) as well as creative and a good friend. Interestingly there’s a connection to the high priestess as the king can also represent the unconscious, particularly connected to emotions. But, even more interestingly there’s a connection to justice here as well as the two of pentacles. Balance. All three of those cards (justice. king of cups. 2 of pents.) are related to balance in some for or other. 

Justice, being major arcana, is like the big picture stuff, it’s the balance of the universe. The king of cups is an internal balance between intellect and emotions. And the 2 of pentacles is a day to day sort of balance - balancing priorities or decisions and adapting to changes.  But balance is clearly a key part of L’s feelings towards you and about your hook up situation. I can’t say if it’s a choice he’s settled on or a vague notion in the back of his head or just a feeling he hasn’t even really noticed yet but there’s definitely a strong chance he’s projecting more feelings onto your encounters than you are and probably more than he should be.

I also pulled from my channelled messages oracle deck to try and get a sense of what his thoughts regarding you might be. Take these with as many grains of salt as you like. Anyway, here’s what the messages say:

I want to get you drunk. Listen. I nearly screamed when this one came out. Clearly, he enjoys being with you while you’re both drinking and fooling around and would like it to happen again. But under it we have this love scares me. Now in this deck, grey cards reflect confusion so this isn’t a clear thought he’s having, likely it’s not even really consciously “love”. He might know he’s attracted to you and that something in how he sees you has shifted but he’s not fully aware of exactly how or why and so it’s kind of unnerving him a little. Part of his interest in seeing you again under similar circumstances to the last however many times might be related to curiosity and wondering if something really has changed. 

Then we have I just wish things were different. To me this is about his general situation, the rough spot he’s in. There’s a desire for it to be different, better. And then under it is you make my heart full. Which seems to evoke a similar sort of vibe to that justice card where thoughts of you and the fun you have together are sort of an antidote to the shit he’s experiencing elsewhere. Mentioning his heart is also another indicator that the king of cups is his version of himself because the suit of cups is tied to the heart and emotions and having a handle on them. 

...Maybe... another card of confusion and followed by the bold and bright Love Me. This is another sort of thought that isn’t deliberate (yet). He’s only beginning to piece together the connection he’s seemed to have formed between things bad but you good and this is like his brain clicking over and joining the dots and arriving at... love me....maybe. It’s still not certain but the is the seed of an idea there. 

Then we have I just want you all the time and I want a fresh start with you, both in reverse. This is one of the few decks where I actually taking reversals into consideration because I think reversing a card can change the meaning of the words. And I think it definitely does with these. He doesn’t want you all the time, he enjoys being with you when you are together but this reversal shows that it’s not a desperate need to be with you, it’s not his main driving force whenever you see each other. He likes you, he has fun with you, but he hasn’t yet reached a point of wanting to pursue you. The fresh start one definitely has the energy of an ace (hence the giant 1 on the card lmao) and if that was the right way around I’d say it was an indicator of him wanting to ask you out and move your relationship to the next level. BUT. With it being reversed, I don’t feel like that’s the case. I think theres a possibility it could one day reach that point, especially if his rough spot doesn’t start to smooth over any time soon, but for now it’s a bit of a passing fancy, a little crush maybe.