#slytherin incorrect quotes

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: Can someone recommend some good elevator music, I need something to play in my head to keep the creeping insanity at bay.

[incorrect-slytherin-quotes]

Gryffindor: So, how protective is slytherin?

Hufflepuff: Someone refused to use my pronouns so Sly shoved a "he/him" badge down their throat

Ravenclaw: A guy tried to mug me and Sly apparated him to the top of a roof just to push him off

Slytherin, themselves: This girl called raven and huffy a slur in front of me and she was never seen again hehehe that was fun

Gryffindor: *impressed but also slightly concerned*

[maraudersera-slytherins-1970s]

Peter Pettigrew: the first thing I look at in a man is his heart

Peter Pettigrew: the fact that his tits are in front of his heart is not my fault

The Marauders, The Slythrin Gang and everyone who has ever had to watch Peter around Sebastian Mulciber: ....

[shadowyladydefendor]

Picture this: Severus Snape, as a fifth year, practicing how to stall into a room with his robes perfectly billowing like he does when he's grown up, except he hasn't mastered it yet, so Lucius sitting in the Slytherin common room with Severus stalking back and forth trying to get it right. He knocks over one of the ornate vases put on display, because the House of Slytherin is pretentious that way.

Lucius: Enough of this nonsense, let me show you how this is done.

*walks but ends up tripping over his robes and the vase that had been knocking over* *gets up and pretends like nothing happened when the prefect comes to check what is going on*

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: i've only said i love you to three people. my brother, Pandora, and James when he got hit by a bladger and was dying from the head injury . I only regret one of those.

Remus: which one?

Regulus: James. he recovered like 2 days later so I just looked like an idiot

James: we're married

Regulus: still.

[child-of-icarus]

This except it’s literally just Starchaser

[bri-cheeses]

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[not-rab]

James *out of curiosity*: How did all four of you even befriend Regulus?

Evan: I helped fix his wand after I broke it

Barty: I stole his broom and refused to give it back unless he was nice to me

Pandora: I stalked him

Sirius: I'm his only biological brother and there's no refund button

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Evan: I love you, I really do, but we can't date Barty: What? Why? Evan: Because what happens if we break up? Barty: ... Barty: ! Barty: Who gets Regulus in the divorce?! Evan: Exactly!

[hesolemnlyswearsshesuptonogood]

REGULUS: who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

MARLENE: >:0 language

PANDORA: yeah watch your fucking language

EVAN: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MY SISTER THE FUCK WORD?

DORCAS: 'the fuck word'.

JAMES: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

EVAN: Merlin they censored it

BARTY: say fuck, James

EVAN: do it, Potter. Say fuck.

[incorrect-slytherin-quotes]

Hufflepuff: *walks up to Slytherin frowning*

Slytherin: what's wrong?

Hufflepuff: Gryffindor called me dumb

*five minutes later*

Slytherin, being held back by Ravenclaw, but frantically trying to break free to attack Gryffindor: bitch come here.

Gryffindor: i'm standing right here

Slytherin: *pulls off shoe and throws it at them*

[sunseekerchild]

Dorcas: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Barty: weak, I sleep with two.

James: you're both pathetic.

Barty: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with?

James: Regulus.

[a-great-tragedy]

Barty: Why do you always dress like you’re going to a funeral?

Regulus: Oh you do not want to see me going to a funeral

~funeral flashbacks~

Regulus: WHAT THE FUCK DO I WEAR SIRIUS?

Sirius: Just wear this-

Regulus: BUT I ALWAYS WEAR THAT! THAT’S CASUAL CLOTHES FOR ME…

Regulus: *Finds something* Can I wear this?

Sirius: Sure

Regulus: *Throws clothes to the side* NO, THAT SOUNDED JUDGMENTAL

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty, staring longingly at Evan: he could kill me and i'd thank him for it

Regulus, one hundred percent done with Barty’s bullshit: i'd thank him too.

[child-of-icarus]

[Regulus and Barty bickering]

Pandora, walking in: What are you dumbasses arguing about now

Barty: Reg ate the last of my lemon drops!!

Regulus: Only because BARTIMUShexed my robes last Friday

Barty: Regulus is the one that let a snitch loose in your dorm and I covered for him

Regulus: Wait—

Pandora, turning to Reg: Really!?

Regulus: Yeah, but… Bartys the one who lost your favoRITE EYELINER

Barty: And Regulus broke up with me again because he’s SCREWING POTTER

Regulus: YEAH WELL CROUCH IS IN LOVE WITH YOUR BROTHER

Evan: What-

Barty: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE