#slytherin incorrect quotes

[slyterinthings]

Slytherin: Can someone recommend some good elevator music, I need something to play in my head to keep the creeping insanity at bay.

[incorrect-slytherin-quotes]

Gryffindor: So, how protective is slytherin?

Hufflepuff: Someone refused to use my pronouns so Sly shoved a "he/him" badge down their throat

Ravenclaw: A guy tried to mug me and Sly apparated him to the top of a roof just to push him off

Slytherin, themselves: This girl called raven and huffy a slur in front of me and she was never seen again hehehe that was fun

Gryffindor: *impressed but also slightly concerned*

[maraudersera-slytherins-1970s]

Amos Diggory: Emma and I broke up

 Hufflepuffs: Oh no 🥺 , we're sorry, we are here if you need anyone to talk to. 

 ---

 Emma Vanity: So...We broke up 

 Slytherins:... 

 Barty Crouch Jr: HOGSMEADE, TOMORROW, BUTTERBEER ON EVAN

 Rabastan Lestrange: Welcome back captain 

 Lucinda Talkalot: *sobbing* I used to dream of times like this

[shadowyladydefendor]

Picture this: Severus Snape, as a fifth year, practicing how to stall into a room with his robes perfectly billowing like he does when he's grown up, except he hasn't mastered it yet, so Lucius sitting in the Slytherin common room with Severus stalking back and forth trying to get it right. He knocks over one of the ornate vases put on display, because the House of Slytherin is pretentious that way.

Lucius: Enough of this nonsense, let me show you how this is done.

*walks but ends up tripping over his robes and the vase that had been knocking over* *gets up and pretends like nothing happened when the prefect comes to check what is going on*

[multifandomconfusion]

Ravenclaw: What’s your biggest fear?  Slytherin: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.  Hufflepuff: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.  Gryffindor: Zombies.  Slytherin: ...  Hufflepuff: ...  Gryffindor: BUT they can open doors. 

[silversparks27]

I love how Slytherin won the house cup for years before the Dumbledore’s Great Bias Towards Harry Potter Invasion, and continued to provide steep competition even after. And it’s not like Slytherins did it by being good and rule-following students, it’s pretty common knowledge that they’re the furthest thing from that. They simply managed it by being smart enough to not get caught. They broke the rules, they had their fun. They just did it discreetly and smoothly enough to never gain the attention of authorities, unlike their gryffindor counterparts. Slytherin cunning forever prevails.

[bri-cheeses]

*Dorcas introducing Marlene to the Skittles for the first time*

Dorcas: “This is Regulus. Yes, he does bite. Do not mention James or Sirius around him.”

Dorcas: “This is Evan-and-Barty. Do Not separate them unless you are prepared to face the consequences.”

Dorcas: “And this is Pandora. She can see the future sometimes and has predicted horrible deaths for all of us, but we don’t like to worry about that.”

Dorcas: “What do you think, babe?” :3

Marlene: “… I think I’ve just unknowingly started dating a cult member”

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[not-rab]

James *out of curiosity*: How did all four of you even befriend Regulus?

Evan: I helped fix his wand after I broke it

Barty: I stole his broom and refused to give it back unless he was nice to me

Pandora: I stalked him

Sirius: I'm his only biological brother and there's no refund button

[incorrect-maraudersaandco-quotes]

Evan: I love you, I really do, but we can't date Barty: What? Why? Evan: Because what happens if we break up? Barty: ... Barty: ! Barty: Who gets Regulus in the divorce?! Evan: Exactly!

[sunseekerchild]

Dorcas: I sleep with a knife under my pillow.

Barty: weak, I sleep with two.

James: you're both pathetic.

Barty: oh yeah? and what do you sleep with?

James: Regulus.

[incorrect-slytherin-quotes]

Hufflepuff: *walks up to Slytherin frowning*

Slytherin: what's wrong?

Hufflepuff: Gryffindor called me dumb

*five minutes later*

Slytherin, being held back by Ravenclaw, but frantically trying to break free to attack Gryffindor: bitch come here.

Gryffindor: i'm standing right here

Slytherin: *pulls off shoe and throws it at them*

[maraudersera-slytherins-1970s]

Peter Pettigrew: the first thing I look at in a man is his heart

Peter Pettigrew: the fact that his tits are in front of his heart is not my fault

The Marauders, The Slythrin Gang and everyone who has ever had to watch Peter around Sebastian Mulciber: ....

[a-great-tragedy]

Barty: Why do you always dress like you’re going to a funeral?

Regulus: Oh you do not want to see me going to a funeral

~funeral flashbacks~

Regulus: WHAT THE FUCK DO I WEAR SIRIUS?

Sirius: Just wear this-

Regulus: BUT I ALWAYS WEAR THAT! THAT’S CASUAL CLOTHES FOR ME…

Regulus: *Finds something* Can I wear this?

Sirius: Sure

Regulus: *Throws clothes to the side* NO, THAT SOUNDED JUDGMENTAL

[child-of-icarus]

This except it’s literally just Starchaser

[i-need-of-a-hobby]

dorcas: truth or dare barty: truth dorcas: what's your body count barty: just the one, in not insane evan: i know for a fact you slept with regulus before we got together barty: ohhhh we're talking sex-