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marie-swriting · 2 years ago

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Kudos to anyone who can find the easter eggs from Zolita's Single In September music video in my one shot 🥰

Forever - Chrissy Cunningham

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Summary : You're enjoying your relationship with Chrissy during the summer but as you get closer to September, it gets harder and harder to see Chrissy when all you want to do is say 'I love you' for the first time.

Warnings : angst, sad ending, some internalised homophobia, break up, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.1k

French version (available on 02/04/2023 at 9pm)

Song inspiration : Single In September by Zolita

The sunlight forces you to open your eyes. You see the sun is up in the blue sky, you understand the day has started a few hours ago. Your eyes land on Chrissy’s face in front of you, she’s still peacefully sleeping. You look at her face illuminated by the sunshine and you tell yourself you could get used to it. You could get used to the idea of waking up with Chrissy next to you for the rest of your life. Chrissy moves slowly, making a strand of hair fall on her face. You get closer and put her hair back in place. When she feels your touch, Chrissy stirs from sleep before opening her eyes and seeing you.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” you mutter and Chrissy shakes her head.

“You’ve been awake for a long time ?” she questions with a sleepy voice.

“Only for a minute.”

“What time is it ?”

“Almost 10 A.M.” you answer, making her frown.

“Aren’t you supposed to meet Eddie at 10 ?”

“Yeah, but we can still lay in bed.” you affirm taking her in your arms.

“I’d love to but if you want to be on time to see your best friend, you’ll have to leave soon and I have to start packing anyway.”

“Are you trying to kick me out of your house ?”

“No, I’m just trying to protect your friendship. Besides, I don’t want to give him another reason to hate me.” Chrissy specifies while getting out of bed.

“He doesn’t hate you.”

“He doesn’t like popular.”

“He doesn’t like bullies.”, you correct, “You, you’re a nice person, no matter if you’re popular or not so he likes you. And even if he didn’t, he doesn’t get a say.”

“He’s still your best friend.”

“Anyway”, you shut it off, leaving the bed, “I’m gonna go get ready because someone absolutely wants me out of her place.”

Chrissy doesn’t even try to respond to your dramatic sentence, she only kisses your cheek. Then, you exit the room with your toiletries.

When you’re ready, you go back to Chrissy and find her, the nose stuck in her closet, and many clothes are spread out on her bed and others are folded in a suitcase. Chrissy goes on vacation the next day for two weeks. You’re a little bit apprehensive about it, because you’re not going to see each other and it’s already complicated for you two to share moments together.

“Do you know if you’ll be able to call me ?” you ask, nervously.

“I’m not sure, but I think it’ll be complicated. My parents always choose an American backwater, even more lost than Hawkins, to be sure they cut themselves from work. If I have access to a phone, I’ll call you as soon as possible, promise.” Chrissy assures you as she takes your hands in hers.

“I don’t doubt it. I just hope I won’t be busy at work when you’ll be able to call me.”

“We’ll find a way to talk.”

Chrissy takes you in her arms to comfort you. You get lost in her embrace, enjoying the feeling of her body against yours for the last time until she comes back from vacation. When you break the hug, you kiss passionately, as if you wanted to share two weeks worth of love in one kiss. When you’re out of air, you press your lips against her right cheek before taking your bag and leaving Chrissy’s.

When you arrive at Eddie’s, you find him waiting for you in front of his trailer, a cigarette in his hand. As soon as he sees you, he has a faux-angry expression on his face while he points at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“We agreed on 10, not 10:30 A.M.”

“You’re one to talk !”, you retort, “Do I need to remind you I had to mess up with your clocks last year to make sure you’ll be on time for your exams ?”

“Yeah, but high school is not a best friend. Come on, I have to talk to you about my next campaign, I need your advice.”, he states while putting his arm around your shoulders and dragging you in his trailer. “I suppose Chrissy is the reason why you’re late.”

“She leaves tomorrow for two weeks so I had to enjoy every second we had together. Besides, if it had been up to me, I would have stayed in her arms.” you admit while sitting on the kitchen table.

“Awn, look who’s being all cheesy about her crush for the school cheerleader.” Eddie mocks while pinching your cheeks.

“If you want my help, you better stop.” you threaten fakely as you get your head out of his grip.

“I’m just teasing you, I can see how happy you are with her.”

“More than happy, actually ! I… I think, no,” you start with a smile, “I know I'm in love with her, Eddie. I know it might sound stupid to say that, it could be a puppy love but I’d like to think she’s the love of my life. When I woke up this morning, I just wanted one thing : to stay next to her forever.”

“You should tell her.”

“I’m going to, when she’ll get back.”, you inform, determined, “It’ll be the perfect moment because my parents will leave for their own vacations so I’ll be able to set something special to tell her. She probably won’t say it back because we’ve been dating for five months only and she still tries to figure things out, it’s the first time she’s with a girl, after all, but I want to tell her.”, you announce as Eddie looks at you with an affectionate smile. “Anyway, we’re not here to talk about my relationship with Chrissy.” you finish and take Eddie’s notebook to help him.

Since Chrissy left, you haven’t received any news. You haven’t received a phone call either at home or at work. When you started working at Hawkins’ Diner, you gave her your number in case she’d need it, but apparently, she isn’t going to use it in the next few days. She told you she’d struggle to contact you, you shouldn’t be surprised, but you can’t help but feel an ache in your heart. You miss her. You want to hear her voice, at least. Therefore, you try to keep your mind busy, hoping you won’t think about her. It’s a failure ; so, you’ve started counting days until she comes back. When the day finally arrives, you wait to come home from work to call her. You’ve thought about it the whole day but you didn’t know when Chrissy would arrive so you waited until the end of your shift.

When you’ve dialled Chrissy’s number, you wait with the phone on your right hand while your left one is playing with the wire. You think no one is going to answer you but Chrissy picks up the phone at the very last second. When you hear her voice, your heart misses a beat. Oh, how much you’ve missed her voice !

“Hey, it’s Y/N. I’m not bothering you, aren’t I ?” you ask her.

“No, don’t worry. I just finished unpacking.”

“You’re part of the people who unpack as soon as they arrive ? Why am I not surprised ?”, you point out, making her laugh, “So, how were your vacations ?”

“Pretty good. I had a lovely time with my parents and my brother.”

“I want you to tell me everything ! Do you want to meet tomorrow ? It’s my day off.”

“I would have loved to, but the trip back to Hawkins was exhausting, I think I’m going to rest tomorrow and I need to start getting my stuff ready for University, too.” she answers, yawning.

“Oh…,” you say, disappointed, “we can meet another day ? You know my schedule, call me when you’re free.” you propose.

“I’ll do it.”

“Great. I’m not gonna bother you any longer, I lo…,” you start before correcting you, “I’ll let you rest, good night.”

“‘Night to you, too.”

It took more than a week for you and Chrissy to find the perfect day to hang out. Either you were working or Chrissy had something to do for her parents or University. It was such a struggle to plan something you’ve noticed Chrissy was busier than you even though she’s not working. When you finally managed to find a day for your date, you had a big smile on your face for the remainder of the day, Eddie teased you a lot about it.

When the day of your date finally comes, you try to hide your excitement. Not being close to her for three weeks was a real torture. You even started to wonder how you were going to do it once you’d be at University. Chrissy is going to New York while you’ll leave for Los Angeles. In other words, you’ll be on the opposite side of the country. When you got your answers for your higher education, you understood pretty quickly it would be a challenge you will gladly take up because she was worth it, you were optimistic, you would manage it for sure. Of course, it won’t be a pleasure cruise, but you’ll try. You’ve been in love with Chrissy for so long you’re not going to let her slip through your fingers so easily. That’s why this summer, you’ve decided to spend every second together. The past three weeks made you lose precious time, but you’re determined to make it up. As your parents finally left for their vacations, you’ve been pestering her to find a moment to meet.

When the day finally comes, you have everything planned. She’s going to spend the night at your place and you want it to be special, especially because you want to confess you're in love with her. Everything must be perfect.

You hear somebody knocking on the door so you run to open to Chrissy. When you close the door behind her, you kiss her without wasting a second. Chrissy kisses you back but quickly breaks it off. You hold yourself back from frowning because of her actions. The kiss seems different, with less passion. Maybe she doesn’t want to wait to make up for lost time ? Chrissy puts her bag next to the entrance and you drag her to the living room.

“I’ve planned everything for tonight.”, you start showing her the living room table, “I rented your favourite movies at Family Video, I took your favourite snacks and I made you favourite dish for tonight.”

“You shouldn’t have gone out of your way for me.” Chrissy states.

“I just want us to have a good time.” you smile.

Strangely, Chrissy seems embarrassed, she’s playing with her necklace.

“I don’t deserve you, thanks.”

With red cheeks, Chrissy pecks your lips. At this point, you want to tell her you love her. You open your mouth but Chrissy cuts you off.

“Let’s watch a movie.”

You nod, taken aback. You take her hand and lead her to sit on the couch. You take the TV remote and start the first movie, you had prepared it before she arrived. When the credits start, you cuddle against Chrissy, taking her hand in yours. You don’t pay attention to the beginning of the movie, thinking about when you’ll be able to confess your feelings. In your head, you had everything set up, you were supposed to tell her before starting the movie so you’d be sure to not chicken out. Finally, you tell yourself you’ll do it once the movie is over. You already know what you’re going to say so when you’ll be able to talk to her, you’ll just have to confess.

As time goes by, you feel Chrissy shifting position on the couch, she moves so far away from you that her hand leaves yours. You don’t react, thinking she just wants to be comfortable. At one point, you notice Chrissy is distracted even if her eyes are on the TV. You’re about to say something when Chrissy asks you to pause the movie, because she needs to use the bathroom, and you do. While waiting for her, you tell yourself it’s time to tell her. You don’t want to waste another second. Chrissy comes back on the couch and sits down in a way to be in front of you. You both take a deep breath before talking at the same time.

“I have to tell you something.”

“Sorry, you first.” you laugh while Chrissy scratches her neck.

“No, you go.”

“You’re the guest, you should start.”

“Ok,” she sighs, avoiding your gaze for a second, “Look, about our relationship, I’ve been thinking and we shouldn’t rush it.”

“What do you mean ? I thought we were taking it slow, I’m sorry if I took things too fast.” you apologise and Chrissy shakes her head.

“It’s not that. I’m still trying to figure things out and I don’t want to waste your time.” Chrissy tries to explain and you frown.

“You’re not wasting my time. I know you’re trying to figure out who you are and I have no problem with it.”

“No, Y/N, you don’t understand. I need to be alone, to finally understand and accept myself. I don’t want to hurt you because I’m lost.”

“You’re about to hurt me with what you're about to say.”, you correct as anxiety rises in your stomach. “Chrissy, I totally get it. I’ve been there before, I know the importance of understanding yourself, I’m still trying to understand who I am sometimes. I get you more than you think, so please don’t break this off.”, you beg her, taking her hands, “Did something happen during your vacation to make you reconsider us ?”

“No, like I said, I’ve just been thinking and I’ve come to the conclusion it’s the best thing to do. Besides, with Uni, we’ll never be able to see each other. We already struggle when we’re in Hawkins, so in two different States ? It’ll be worse.”

“But we can try.”, you stammer, holding your tears back, “I can come visit you, you can come visit me in L.A and we can see each other when we’re in Hawkins during the holidays and we can also call each other every day.”

“It’ll only work for a few weeks.”, she insists while her voice breaks, “I think we should live our lives individually to understand ourselves better and also our relationship, we’ll even be able to know if this thing is really right. Maybe you need it as well without realising it. We can always meet up again when we're more mature, after our studies.” she proposes and you shake your head taking your hands out of hers.

“Why do you want to wait when we could have something right now ?”

Chrissy’s heart broke as soon as she heard you contain a sob. She knew doing this would be hard, but she thought about this for several weeks, hoping it wouldn’t be the right decision. Unfortunately, it is. As much as she doesn't want to be the cause of such a pain, her struggles and her fears made her realise she has to break things up with you. Deep down, she doesn't want to wait, but she knows she needs to prioritise herself in order to not destroy what you have.

“I think it’s best if we wait before going farther in our relationship because we need to evolve individually. Especially because we’ll be far away from Hawkins, we’ll be able to discover ourselves without the family pressure. We should enjoy this moment at University to have new experiences, even kiss some girls, for example.”

“But I don’t want to kiss some girls. I only want to kiss you, Chrissy.”, you retort, standing up from the couch, “Chrissy, I… I love you.” you admit, surprising her.

“You do ?” she mumbles.

“Of course, don’t you ? Maybe not ‘love’ but don’t you at least have some kind of feelings for me after all these months together ?” you question, your lips trembling.

“Y/N, I…,” she starts with a pleading look, “try to understand me, please.”

You raise your hand to make her stop talking while your eyes are filled with tears. Chrissy stays silent, not knowing what to do to make the situation less painful. She tries to get closer to you but you take a step back before running to your room. You close the door behind you, panting as you try not to cry. Yet, when you hear the front door, you break down. Reality finally hits you and your heart shatters in a million pieces, almost making you sick. Your breathing is jerky while your cheeks are wet from your tears. You end up on your bed, not having the energy to stand up anymore. You keep crying for many hours. When your breathing finally calms down, you take your phone and dial your best friend’s number. Your vision is still blurry because of your tears when you ask him to come to you before hanging up and crying some more.

Your tears have finally stopped running down your cheeks when Eddie enters your room like a shot. He sees you rolled up in a ball under your cover, he takes big steps toward you. He lifts the cover and holds back his tears when he sees your puffy eyes. You throw yourself in his arms, sobbing again. Eddie tries to calm you down by stroking your back. When he feels like you’re able to talk, he asks you what is the cause of such sorrow. Without waiting, you explain everything in detail. You tell him how Chrissy broke your heart when it was supposed to be a romantic moment in your relation. You finish explaining everything by repeating again and again “she didn’t even try to run after me when I left”, “she doesn’t love me”, “I mean nothing to her”. Eddie knows nothing he could tell you could be of help, so he keeps holding you against him until you fall asleep.

The next two days, you’re numb. Eddie made you leave your bed, forcing you to go to your couch, after he tidied up everything you had prepared. You stay in your living room, only moving when you shift position or when you need to use the bathroom. The week-end is finally here, you don’t need to go to work and you’re happy about it, you don’t know how you could have been focused, you can’t even pay attention to what Eddie is saying. He tries to take your mind off things by talking about his next campaign. He knows you’ll talk with him about what you feel when you’ll be ready to talk about it so he avoids the ‘Chrissy’ subject as much as he can. Since she left, you haven’t gotten a call from her. The night of your break up, you were hoping she would call you and tell you how much she regrets it. You wanted her to tell you how much she loved you, she didn’t want to lose you, she wanted to be with you forever, but the telephone never rang. Eddie took the telephone away from your eyes, fearing you might end up blowing it up with your stare.

A new day without Chrissy is almost over and you sigh once more. You watch the TV with Eddie next to you. When you hear a knock on the door, he stands up rubbing his hands together, already imagining the taste of the pizza in his throat. Before opening the door, he looks through the window and marks a pause when he doesn’t see the pizza delivery driver but Chrissy looking around as she holds something in her hands. Eddie comes back to you running. You turn your head to him as you see him frenetic.

“Chrissy is here !” he shouts, confusing you.

“What ?”

“You heard me. Chrissy is here and I think she has something in her hands.”

“Oh God !”

You get out of your blanket and jump out of the couch. You run toward the entrance. In spite of yourself, you can’t help but have some hope. With what Eddie told you, you’re already imagining her with a bouquet and a sorry expression on her face. You’re convinced that everything is about to be better. Before opening the door, you tidy yourself up quickly by looking at yourself in the mirror. When you’re satisfied with the result, you open the door and discover Chrissy, a box in her hands.

“Hey,” she breathes out, embarrassed, “I’m sorry to bother you, I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now but I wanted to give you back this.”, Chrissy informs handing you the box that you take, “It’s the stuff you left at my place. I thought you’d want to have them back.”

Her sentence is like another stab in your chest. All your hope vanishes in an instant. You hold back your tears and avoid her gaze by looking at the content of the box.

“I…,” you start with a broken voice, “I also have some of your stuff in my room.”

Without answering, Chrissy follows you. You go upstairs under the curious gaze of Eddie that you ignore. When you’re in your room, you go to your closet where you put Chrissy’s stuff in a container as well. You didn’t plan on giving it back to her now, you had just put it away in the course of your relationship because you didn’t want her to lose anything. However, Chrissy seems in a hurry to put you behind so you hand her the box without looking at her. While she takes it, Chrissy’s fingers brush yours. When you’re sure she has it in hands, you quickly put your arms behind you as if her touch had burnt you. You wait for Chrissy to go but she stays in front of you. You finally dare to look at her and see her teary eyes.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I’ve hurt you. I wish things could be different, but it’s the best thing to do. We need to be realistic, it was bound to happen,” Chrissy justifies, you stay quiet, “I’m deeply sorry. Please, Y/N, talk to me, I don’t want us to be over while you’re mad at me.”

“It’s not an excuse I wish you were telling me.”, you end up saying while finally looking at her, “I wish you’d say another thing instead of a goodbye.”

“It’s not a goodbye, like I said we can still meet after we finish our studies.”, she assures you but you don’t believe her, “It doesn’t mean what we have is over, it just means we’re taking a break from it so we can live new things but we will meet later.”

“And what can assure me you won’t be with someone else by then ? We all know when we say that, we don’t mean it. We won’t see each other again. What you’re saying is not a real promise.” you retort, crossing your arms on your chest and tearing up.

“For me, it is. We will see each other again when we’ll grow up.”

Chrissy puts down the container and walks to your desk. She takes a piece of paper and a pen before writing something. She folds it before uncrossing your arms, taking your left hand and squeezing it while giving you the paper.

“I swear to you.” Chrissy says looking you in the eyes.

You hold her hand with all your strength, despite the piece of paper, you take your time to appreciate her touch one last time. You wish you could stop time to make sure she won’t leave you again.

Unfortunately, she pulls her hands out of yours, leaving the paper between your fingers and taking back the box. Chrissy looks at you one last time before walking out of your room. Your eyes land down on your left hand. Your vision gets more and more blurry while you’re unfolding the piece of paper carefully. With a tear running down your cheek, you read Chrissy’s delicate writing :

“Let’s meet again on this day six years from now at Lover’s Lake. No matter what will happen, you’ll have my heart, forever.

Chrissy.”

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