#families of choice

[mindblowingscience]

Researchers have found that aunts play a crucial role in supporting the well-being of their LGBTQ youth relatives, including preventing them from experiencing homelessness. These findings are published in Socius, an open access journal. The research paper, coauthored by Brandon Andrew Robinson, associate professor and chair of the University of California, Riverside's Gender and Sexuality Studies Department, is based on a longitudinal study of 83 LGBTQ youth from the Inland Empire and South Texas, two geographic areas identified as understudied places in LGBTQ research.

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[soleminisanction]

I've always really liked DC's in-house choice of referring to their various superhero groupings as "families," but it has gotten a little frustrating recently with people both in canon and in fandom seeming to forget that families aren't just a parental-unit-and-kids formation. They're complicated, and a lot of the DC families are too messy to fit into that neat little nuclear family mode.

Which is to say... here's some scattered thoughts/summaries about how these families are actually structured in canon, because I think it's interesting:

Supers -- The smaller, more traditional Superfamily (Clark, Lois, Kara, Kon, etc.) is a pretty traditional Midwestern nuclear family, with Jimmy Olsen filling the role of close family friend/goofy neighbor sidekick (in the Silver Age, he was Kara's would-be suitor) and Steel feeling more like part of Clark's personal circle of friends. The recent line up, though, with Jon, the twins, Kong and Nat? Starts to feel more like some old dynasty or noble house, complete with fostered foundlings and the Steels acting almost like knights under a noble's banner, possibly reflective of what the House of El would have been on Krypton.

Arrows -- Might currently be the closet to a traditional nuclear family structure. You've got Ollie and Dinah, their younger sisters, Ollie's adopted and biological children, and Ollie's granddaughter through Roy, plus by some counts Roy's co-parent and her sister as "in-laws." Bonnie and Cissie King-Jones are adjacent to but not technically "part" of the family, though I believe it's implied at one point that Ollie might also be Cissie's bio-dad. Pretty straightforward, these guys are actually family and they act like it, for good and ill.

Shazam Family -- Also a literal, actual family. Not originally, the original golden age "Marvel Family" was considerably more complicated and only Billy and Mary were full siblings, but nowadays the whole point of the modern Shazam family is that they're foster siblings united by familial love and that's fantastic. Meanwhile your average Black Adam story is 75% angsty family drama, 25% Egyptian mythology references.

Flashes -- Technically closer to three nuclear families (the Allens, the Wests and the Garricks; four if you include the Quicks), two of whom are united by marriage and all of whom are bound by the Speedforce, which, given its semi-spiritual connections to things like Speedster afterlives, can act almost like a religious force that connects them to the additional members like Avery, Circuit Breaker and Max as Bart's foster-dad. They're a big, sprawling tree with more cousins than siblings, the kind of family that functionally has a reunion every Christmas and Thanksgiving.

Lanterns -- Now these guys are the exception that proves my point about the whole 'family' thing not being straightforward. The lanterns aren't a family, they're a corps. Soldiers. Space cops. Comrades-in-arms. They respect each other, have each other's backs, might even like or care about each other, but those last two are optional, and they don't have the same kind of assumed obligations towards each other that a family would have. They're friends and co-workers, not family, but that doesn't mean their relationships are less significant, they're just different.

Wonders -- Roughly half of them are either one of Hippolyta's daughters (Diana, Donna, Nubia pre-Crisis) or related to them through the gods (Cassie), and the other half (Artemis, Yara, modern-age Nubia) use sister as a term of endearment more in a utopian lesbian commune kind of way. I think they brought Steve Trevor back recently? He's basically the Ken in this equation and perfectly fine with that role. None of which should be surprising if you've seen Professor Marston and the Wonder Women.

Bats -- This is the one that people get really wrong when they try to force it into a traditional family structure. Don't let WFA fool you, the Bats are and have always been way more a snarled mess of tangled interpersonal relationships than they've ever been a cohesive family. Whether Dick is Bruce's son or his brother depends on what era you're talking about, and the former reading is much more recent than you think -- as in "started cropping up in the early 2000s" recent. Barbara is both Cassandra's sister and her mother. Duke and Steph both have living parents and neither of them want or would ever dream of treating Bruce like their dad; Tim was the same way until his dad died. None of the Robins ever lived in the mansion together, nor did Cass. Babs considered Jean-Paul Valley her brother and Huntress is so close to Tim she once hallucinated him calling her Big Sister. They're a beautiful mess of people finding places where their broken edges fit together into something that works for them and trying to reduce it down to a cozy nuclear family is just so goddamn reductive and lazy.

Blue Beetles -- Are only tangentially related to each other. Seriously, they never even get direct mentoring, each one just takes over when the previous one dies and works on completely different rules from the other two. They're complete strangers bound by a legacy and that's honestly pretty fun.

Zataras -- There's only three of them and they're literally a father, daughter and cousin.

Martians -- Not really a family because there's only the two of them, but an interesting case where the two survivors of what was functionally a war of mutually assured destruction came together in an attempt to find some peace in the aftermath of what they'd lost.

Titans -- The JLA and JSA aren't really in the "family" category, but the Titans lean into it hard, mostly because they're a textbook found family. They don't mirror a nuclear family structure, they're simply a group of people who came together to form a mutual support network. They're the idealized college friends you grew into your own with, some of them childhood companions and others you only met once you leave home for the first time, but all of them friends that you manage to maintain contact with for life, with everyone coming back together even as you scatter and do your own things.

Young Justice -- Meanwhile, this team is the chaotic group of misfits you hung out with when you were a teenager, especially when you were just starting to be allowed to act without adult supervision. You drive each other crazy, none of you know you're all queer as fuck, and you'd fight a bear for any of them even if they asked you not to. They'd probably be insulted if you tried to call them a family. They come out here to get away from their families, thank you very much.

[whovianimeniac]

A family photo of one of my favorite found family groups. :)

[phantomstatistician]

Tag: Families of Choice (Found Family)

Sample Size: 19,860 stories

Source: AO3

Note: "&" denotes a platonic ship

[afewproblems]

Difficult Days - Part 8

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six , Part Seven or Read on AO3

“I told you so,” Gus says as Shawn straightens his shirt collar and fixes his hair in the precinct bathroom. 

Shawn sighs through his nose and turns on the tap to run the tips of his fingers under a short burst of water.

It's been two weeks since the incident with Lassie and Henry and it has not blown over.

If anything, Lassiter is…weird around him. 

Sure he's still surly and quick to yell and argue about their presence in the field and at the station, but every now and again Shawn catches the Detective staring at him.

And not some passing glance or vacant unassuming look, no.

This is the full-on, piercing, cop stare down, complete with a terminator scan and infrared analysis.

Needless to say, it's starting to freak him out.

Shawn has brought it up to Juliet and Gus separately, with Juliet's response being a single raised eyebrow and the question, “since when is Lassiter not monitoring you? I'm pretty sure he only just started trusting Buzz and he's been stationed here since before my transfer, Carlton can be a bit of an intense guy Shawn”.

And Gus's response--

“I told you so”. 

Shawn rolls his eyes and runs his wet fingers through his hair, twisting them up to ruffle the ends just right.

“You did not--”

“Uh no,” Gus speaks over him, “did I not say that Lassiter was pissed?”

Shawn looks at Gus through the reflection in the mirror, “Gus--”

“Did I not say that calling him a dog would end in him shooting you?” 

Gus raises a single challenging eyebrow as Shawn turns the tap on again to run his whole hand under the stream before flicking cold water at his friend.

“Shawn!” Gus yelps, darting out of the line of fire, “this is a new shirt!” 

“I don't think those were the words you used and come on, it's just a little staring right? It's only…a little weird, right?”

Gus raises his eyebrows and tilts his head, looking at Shawn through the mirror.

And yeah, okay, it might be a little more than just a little weird.

“Whatever,” Gus grumbles, "I do eventually have to get back to my real job so can you stop primping so we can talk to Vick?”

Shawn reaches out for the paper towel dispenser and grabs a sheet to dry his fingers before crumpling it up and raising his arm high above his head to throw the makeshift ball into the garbage can. Shawn groans as the tiny ball of slightly damp paper barely hits the rim before it tumbles to the tiled floor of the SBPD bathroom.

“Gus,” Shawn huffs as he reaches down to pick up the paper, “you know as well as I do that people are much more likely to give you what you want if you present yourself well and take pride in your appearance”.

“You literally have a queso stain on your shirt Shawn”. 

Tossing the paper directly into the trash, Shawn side steps the comment and Gus as he turns on his heel and makes his way to the doors.

Their caseload has slowed down to a crawl recently. Shawn blames the weather, scorching heat and enough humidity to make a seal sweat. All the potential clients, and criminals, are either holed up at home with AC or busy at the beach --not that Shawn wants crime to happen necessarily, but the lack of cases does present a problem when it comes to their financials, which Gus maintains he should pay more attention to.

Thus the visit to their favourite interim Chief, Vick.

Maybe there's a brand new case that they could assist with, or stowaway on long enough to earn a paycheck.

Either way works for Shawn.

Shawn rounds the corner of the next hallway --Jesus, the precinct is either way bigger than he remembers or they've actually managed to fall into the Labyrinth from Labyrinth. 

Not that Shawn would mind running into Bowie at this moment, especially in those pants. 

He halts suddenly as he sees, who fucking else, but Lassiter and Henry talking just outside of Sargent Bart's door.

Perfect.

Shawn takes a step back, closer to a display cabinet on the wall and quickly reaches for Gus to pull him back beside him.

“Why the hell is he here again?” Gus whispers.

“Because I'm cursed, because the universe hates me,” Shawn says under his breath as he peeks around the shelf again just in time to see Henry laugh at something Carlton says.

“See?” Shawn says, gesturing towards the pair, “hates me”.

Shawn frowns and closes his eyes, trying to visualize the emergency evacuation floor plan they were provided when Vick hired them, maybe there was a way to get around the pair without being seen…even with Vicks office being two doors down from where his father and Lassiter are standing.

Shit.

“We should have gone left instead of right, that would have been faster,” Shawn admits with a frown as he slumps back against the wall and out of sight.

“If someone hadn't insisted on messing with his hair for twenty minutes we wouldn't be in this situation,” Gus hisses, throwing his hand out to slap at Shawns shoulder, earning a muted yelp which Shawn tries to quell as best as he can.

Shawn retaliates with a slap of his own at Gus's arm and just as he ducks out of the way of another hit he hears Lassiter’s voice float down the hallway. 

“Spencer has been a menace since he started”.

“Shh! I hear my name,” Shawn hisses as he peers around the shelf again, he feels Gus move behind him to match the position. 

Henry is facing away from them but he can see his dad nod at the Detective. 

“He does some good work but he's got no respect for protocol or authority,” Lassie continues looking at Henry with a strange expression that Shawn can’t quite qualify.

“I don't know what the chief sees in that waste of space,” Lassiter huffs, the words are irritated and clipped but his sharp eyes are scanning Henry now. 

Evaluating, looking for something.

Henry stiffens at the words, and Shawn watches as his dad steps closer to Lassiter. He breathes out a low laugh that has the Detective’s eyes narrow as though he's caught something, but Shawn knows that laugh intimately and hears ‘Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!’ blare in his mind as his dad's posture changes. 

Henry leans in even closer, his voice quiet and cold, as he says, “you call my kid a waste of space again, Detective, I'll put you through the wall, are we clear?” 

Shawn lifts his right hand to stick his index finger in his ear, twisting it hard, because there was no way in hell he heard that right. 

Since when did Henry defend him to the other officers --especially his new best buddy Lassiter.

He looks at Gus whose raised eyebrows have cut harsh creases across his forehead in surprise, he shrugs as they both turn back to the strange scene down the hall.

Lassiter blinks once, his face triumphant for a brief instant before he schools his expression into one of shock. The Detective nods as he steps away from Henry's imposing shadow.

“Crystal, sir,” he says, adjusting his tie before nodding at Henry and making his way back to the bullpen. 

Shawn slowly slips back behind the shelf as though dazed, and lets his shoulders connect with the wall behind him.

Because, what in the hell was that?

“What in the hell was that??” Gus whispers as he falls beside Shawn, letting his shoulder roughly connect to the wall. 

Shawn shrugs as he stares unseeing at the floor, “weird, bizarre, peculiar, flummoxing, yeah, that’s it, it’s flummoxing”.

He looks back up in time to see Gus raises a single, exasperated, eyebrow.

“Jules got me a word of the month calendar last week”.

Gus rolls his eyes, but a small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth as he taps Shawn with his elbow, “I'm just surprised you used it correctly”.

Shawn grins, motioning for Gus to head back up the hall the way they came, “it’s always the people who love us who end up hurting us the most,” he sniffs with a false wobble to his voice that has Gus shooting another glare his way.

“You know that’s right, keep it up man”.

Shawn snickers as they make it back to the washroom entrance so they can reorient themselves in a more vacant part of the station, Gus says something about hitting the head while they’re there but Shawn is barely listening. 

Henry's behavior in the hall was flummoxing, that goes without saying.

But Shawn couldn't stop thinking about the strange triumphant expression on Lassiter’s face when Henry tore a verbal strip off him. 

Something was going on with the Detective, and Shawn didn't need a vocabulary calendar to know it was weird with a capital, W. 

Maybe they found themselves a case after all?

***

Shawn should have gone home after his date left, although to call her a date would be entirely inaccurate considering her recent engagement, barring a slight misunderstanding.

Shawn smiles indulgently as the petite brunette immediately snaps the flip phone open, a radiant expression of relief on her face, and speed dials her brand new fiance, mouthing ‘thank you’ at Shawn before disappearing into the crowd of Tom Blair's pub.

It wasn't often that Shawn got to use his observations like this and it always managed to make the tightness of overwhelm in his chest loosen after a long day.

He breathes out a long slow sigh and lifts his gaze to the crowd around him now.

Sometimes people watching would yield something interesting, a breakup, a meet up with a mistress, a promotion --though those were more rare for a neighborhood pub like this. 

He tilts his face to the bar and it's then that Shawn's gaze lands on a familiar face sitting at a table in the far corner.

Detective Lassiter, drinking alone. 

His blue eyes fixed at a far point in the middle distance as he lifts a glass of dark amber liquid to his lips. His shirt is undone by two buttons revealing a swath of chest hair that his loosened tie rests on. 

Holy shit. Lassie looks…good.

If Shawn were being honest with himself, Lassiter has always looked good --if a bit stuffy sometimes. He blames those damn eyes and Lassie's surprisingly strong build. Shawn had been manhandled enough by the Detective to know just how strong he is.

“Spencer?”

Oh holy hell.

The Detective is waving at him, his long, lanky arms curving in a large arc above his head --thankfully not the one holding the glass.

“Spencer! I didn't know you were here!” Lassiter says, his voice carries clear across the pub, causing several other patrons to turn and look at them. 

Lassiter stands up, somewhat wobbly from his table, drink in hand, and makes his way over to Shawn.

Just what in the Bizzaro wonderland has Shawn managed to stumble into that Lassiter is coming his way and sitting down?

“You’re here!” Lassie says loudly, turning a few heads as he sits down heavily in the seat beside Shawn. He’s not exactly smiling but the lack of his signature scowl is just as strange, especially directed at Shawn.

“I am,” Shawn hums as Lassiter takes another sip that is more of a gulp of liquor. The acrid smell of scotch floats over the air between them making Shawn lean away, or try to anyway. 

But a heavy arm makes its way around his shoulders, suddenly pulling Shawn into Lassie’s side. From this close Shawn can smell the spicy aftershave Carlton only sports on special occasions, what might have prompted it Shawn has no idea for once.

“Listen, since you’re here, there's something I have to get off my chest,” Lassiters's voice is clear even over the din of the bar crowd, Shawn would have expected a slur given the nearly empty glass in the man's hand and the overwhelming smell of scotch on his breath.

“Please say it's not your shirt,” Shawn huffs, trying not to picture exactly that as Lassiter snorts into his glass. He hopes the Detective is distracted enough by the alcohol and the lack of lighting in the pub to notice the way Shawn's ears heat at the image, he's sure they must be a bright crimson by now.

Maybe Lassie will finally explain his weird staring the past month, or maybe the Henry incident, as he and Gus had taken to referring to the very flummoxing Detective showdown in the hallway outside of Sargent Bart’s office.

Lassiter shakes his head, his blue eyes wide as he removes his arm from Shawn’s shoulders and turns in his seat to face him fully. 

“You astound me”. 

And that's definitely not what Shawn expected when Lassie came over to his table at the crowded neighborhood pub.

Shawn had been surprised to even see Lassiter at a bar on a weeknight, and even more surprised to see him clearly drinking so heavily.

“I--come again?” Shawn pulls on his earlobe roughly because there was no way--

“It’s beyond astounding.” Lassiter says as he reaches over and places a warm hand on Shawn's elbow and squeezes lightly, "it is some of the most impressive reasoning I’ve ever seen.”

Shawn breathes out a startled laugh, “is there a punchline to this?”

“I don’t know how you do it. I mean it’s not psychic-ness –we both know that’s a crock of crap. You sir, are unstoppable. Guaranteed arrests.”

Shawn opens his mouth to speak but Lassiter keeps going, “can I tell you something else?”

“I really wouldn’t recommend it, no”.

“You know how everyone thinks my wife and I have been separated for nine months?”

Oh.

Oh boy.

“Look, Lassie,” Shawn says lowly, he really shouldn't be listening to this.

As much as Lassiter has been grating on his nerves the last few weeks with his rigid, by-the-book bullshit, and his irritating friendship with Henry, it doesn't feel right to stand by while the alcohol makes this straight-laced handsome weirdo spill what is clearly not meant for Shawn’s ears.

“Two years. Two years tonight,” Lassiter continues as though Shawn said nothing, he takes a long draught of scotch and sets the now empty glass down on the hightop with more force than necessary.

“And I’m the one who keeps trying to fix the damn thing”.

Lassiter wipes a large hand down his face roughly and laughs, “you know I used to be a good cop”.

He doesn’t wait for Shawn to respond, “seriously, stunning arrest record,” Lassie punctuates the words with a sweeping gesture of the hand, “one of the best in the department --you know I caught the Back Bay Killer, there was a tip--”.

“I remember that,” Shawn nods as he shifts in his seat, “the blue sedan”. 

Shawns eyes widen at the same time as Lassiter’s. 

Shit.

He hadn't meant to let that slip, especially not in front of a very drunk and quite possibly armed Detective.

“That, was you?” Lassiter says slowly, he pulls away slightly but keeps his hand on Shawn's elbow.

Shawn feels his heart rate tick up at the proximity and the way those blue eyes have begun to scan him just as they have the whole last month.

“It, uh, it might have been--”

“You know what,” Lassiter interrupts him, pulling out his handcuffs from his back pocket, he slides them across the hightop. The silver metal glints the low light bouncing their sheen on Lassiters face as they move, “you should have these Spencer, you'd actually make better use of them”.

Shawn stares at the cuffs, making no move to take them from the table. 

“Lassie--”

But Lassiter continues as though Shawn hasn't spoken, “I have officially hit rock bottom. A month ago I got this case, right? A healthy 42-year-old astronomer dies. Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, spends all day in an ergonomically-designed chair charting the night sky,” Lassiter huffs, his face scrunched into a frown, counting on his fingers as he lists the facts of the case.

Which, okay even Shawn is intrigued now. 

A waitress comes by their table but Shawn waves her off with a tight smile, the last thing they need is more alcohol at this table. She nods at him with a wide grin that drops into an irritated grimace as she turns on her heel to another table that would definitely yield a larger bill to tip on. 

“‘Natural causes’, that’s what the coroner comes back with,” the Detective scoffs, tossing his hand out to connect lightly with Shawn's shoulder before it wraps around his shoulders again and tugs him close.

“Does a full autopsy, no red flags, nothing.”

Carlton sighs, his head drops to hang low enough that his hair brushes the tabletop before he brings his eyes back up to look at Shawn with the most dejected expression he's ever seen on another man's face.

“I know he was murdered, I just can’t…”

Shawn waits for a beat as Lassiters gaze slips into something unfocused. He reaches out to tap the other man's hand lightly, bringing his blue eyes back to Shawn, “can’t what, Lassie?”

“I can’t prove it, Chief doesn’t want us to waste more time on something this ‘open-and-shut’,” Lassiter grumbles, letting go of Shawn to raise both hands to make air quotes before letting them fall to his lap.

And maybe this is the reason for the constant staring at work, has it really been jealousy this whole time?

“Should just retire, fold up shop, it's not like I have anyone that would notice,” Lassiter mumbles under his breath, and nope. Nope. 

That is just unacceptable. 

“Come on Lassiepants, you’ll figure it out just like you always do. People have your back,” Shawn taps the Detectives hand again, firmly this time, glaring as Carlton scoffs again at the words.

“Like who?”

“Well, Jules, and Chief Vick, and Gus, and me--”

“You?”

Shawn clears his throat, ducking his face to hide the way he can feel his ears begin to heat, “uh yeah, we have your back Lassifrass”.

Carlton hums, his eyes closing briefly for a moment before he looks at Shawn again, “you ever take your own advice Spencer?”

Shawn bristles slightly, annoyed for the first time since Lassiter made his way over to the table. 

“Look, this isn’t about me, you're a striking man with strong features, eyes that I--that people--that women,” Shawn swallows harshly, ignoring the way Lassiter’s eyes trace over his rapidly heating face, “women wanna do cannonballs into, you have great posture and uh, penmanship the likes I've never seen”.

It’s like verbal vomit, it just keeps coming and Shawn can’t seem to stop it, “you're honestly a catch Lassie, don't be so hard on yourself”.

Lassiter stares at him frozen as Shawn bites his tongue, swallowing nervously. Him and his big dumb mouth. 

“I'm a catch”.

Shawn nods, looking anywhere but at the Detective and his bright gaze, “uh, yeah, yeah Lassie, you are”.

Lassiter continues to stare at Shawn for what feels like an eternity. His blue eyes almost seem to glow in the darkness of the pub and Shawn is so, so, aware of how close they're sitting now.

He watches transfixed as Lassiter lifts his hand from his lap to reach up and trace a soft knuckle across Shawns cheekbone then down to his chin, slightly tipping Shawn’s face up.

Shawn feels himself stop breathing.

What. The fuck. Is happening??

Klaxons blare in his mind once again as a chorus of , ‘DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON’, repeats over and over.

Lassiter’s drunk, that's what's happening here, Shawn thinks as his brain starts to come back online, there is no way that the Detective is making a pass at him.

“A catch,” Lassiter repeats, the words rumble in his chest. He smirks slightly, his blue eyes crease at the corners as he tips his face away to mutter something under his breath about catching someone. 

Right, Shawn thinks to himself in what he hopes is relief rather than disappointment, the murdered astronomer. 

Shawn shakes himself and leans back in his seat, out of Lassiters's immediate orbit.

“You should go home Lassie, sleep this off so you can catch the guy like I know you can,” Shawn says, rapping his knuckles against the bar table for emphasis.

Shawn pushes himself off the stool and shrugs on his bomber jacket with shaking hands, startling at the sudden clatter behind him. He turns just in time to see Carlton stumble and sit gracelessly on the sticky pub floor.

“Jesus Lassiter,” Shawn huffs out as he wanders over, assessing the potential damage as he moves. 

“Falling already,” Carlton says, his slurred words taking on a dreamy quality that Shawn has never heard the man use before. 

“Yup, that's what happens when you drink half the bar man,” Shawn mutters to himself as he grabs Lassiters hand and hoists him to his feet once more. 

Thankfully the Detective isn't so out of it that he can't stand on his own two feet --though Shawn finds it terribly unfair how Carlton leans his face down into Shawns neck as he drapes his long lanky arm across Shawn’s shoulder once again.

The feeling of Lassiters warm breath on his ear is also so distracting that Shawn almost walks them into a pillar as they make their way to the entrance.

By the time they actually get to the front doors, and Shawn has flagged down a cab, Lassiter seems to be vacillating between sleepy petulance at being forced to leave the bar and something resembling contentment as he leans against Shawn heavily.

“Okay Lassie, let's get you home--”

“I'm not that easy Spencer,” Lassiter grumbles and Shawn nearly combusts, his face and neck heating again at the thought. At least the Detective isn't paying attention to him, instead turning his concentration towards buckling his seatbelt. 

The cab ride is uneventful but just long enough for Shawn to struggle to keep Lassiter from falling dead asleep; he resorts to flicking his seatmate in the ear, smiling at the irritated snuffle Lassie makes every time he does. Luckily the Detective also has enough cash in his wallet for the cab fare. Shawn refuses to feel bad about using it, it's not like Lassie's paying Shawn's way home too, he'll just walk back to the Psych office to crash there. 

It's fine, Shawn thinks; trying his best to ignore the feeling of phantom hands on his face or warm breath on his neck as he makes the trek down the boardwalk. Besides, if Lassiter was drunk enough to look at Shawn like that…

No. 

No way, it’s just jealousy, that’s the reason for the staring and for the strange confession this evening. That’s all. 

On the plus side, he’s solved the case of ‘what’s been eating Lassiter’ without any additional effort or the need to be held up at gunpoint this time. 

But, on the down side, it’s yet another case he’s made no money on for Psych. 

Shawn wipes both hands down his face before wrapping his arms around himself as he continues down the well lit path home. 

At least Lassiter was drunk enough that he won’t possibly remember tonight. 

Not at all.

And that’s fine. Totally fine.

***

“You should have seen him, Gus, he tried to give me his handcuffs for crying out loud”.

Gus rolls his eyes and flips the page of the magazine in his hands, pretending not to follow Shawn’s path as he paces across the Psych office. 

It's been three hours since their debrief at the station and over 14 hours since Shawn had managed to drag a nearly unconscious Lassiter home from the bar the previous night. 

Shawn is restless and Gus just doesn't quite understand. If he'd been there it would be so much easier to explain, plus Gus could have helped carry the Irish lug to his front door rather than Shawn offering their cab driver a huge tip to help him half drag, half carry the giant Detective.

“And?” Gus huffs, closing the magazine and tossing it onto the desk in front of him, “I would think that Lassie quitting the force would make things way easier for us Shawn, no more having to fight for cases or getting kicked off crime scenes”.

Shawn makes his way to the mini fridge in the corner, one of the few purchases he had insisted on that Gus actually agreed with when they first opened the place. He opens the door and snags a snapple from the shelf.

“I think we should help, it just feels weird for Lassie to be so down and out, like watching baby Darth Vader call Natalie Portman an angel, it's pathetic in an endearing sort of way”. 

Gus stares at Shawn with narrowed eyes now and sits up in his desk chair, “endearing? Lassiter?”

Shawn cracks the cap of his drink and pauses to read the ‘Real Fact’ printed on the inside.

On average, a human being will spend 2 weeks of their lives kissing, in their lifetime.

He frowns at the bottle cap in his hand, wondering just how ‘Real’ these facts actually are, or if they’re the product of a bored intern at Snapple. 

“Lassie’s all bark and no, we'll that's not right, but that's actually what I mean, he can't be no bark and no bite, that's just craziness in action Gus--”

“Oh my god,” Gus says slowly as he straightens in his seat, “you like him”.

Shawn rears back as though slapped, his mouth opening and closing several times before he manages to say, in a strangled voice, “no--thats--why would you--”

“Because you like people that don't like you Shawn, you always do this, you pick assholes”.

Well that's not fair.

“Gus--”

Gus waves his hands in front of him and stands abruptly from the desk chair which rolls backwards, stopping as it connects with the edge of the rug, “no Shawn, he's threatened to shoot us how many times? He's put his hands on you!��

Shawn tries for a swarthy grin at Gus, “don't knock it till you try it--”

“No! Nope,” Gus cuts him off sharply, “don't try to change the subject or throw me off with,” he shakes his hands again at Shawn, “the thought of naked Lassiter”.

He visibly shudders while Shawn feels the tips of his ears begin to heat, as he feels the phantom warmth of Lassiter's arm around his shoulder from the night before.

Gus sighs, pinching his fingers into his eyes briefly before pinning Shawn with a look “I just don't want you to get hurt again Shawn”.

Shawn thinks of the way Lassiter looked at him that night and the way his knuckle felt against his face and the hand on his elbow, firm in its grip but still gentle and warm from the alcohol coursing through his system. He side steps the thought of how much the lack of recognition in Lassie's blue eyes had hurt that morning during the briefing.

“I might not know exactly what I’m doing Gus, but I think it'll be okay”. 

“Now let's go, I hear the planetarium is playing Laser Floyd, may as well grab two birds before the bush kills them”.

Gus looks at him with wide eyes and a bewildered expression that slowly shifts to something very pained, “I think you just butchered two very well known idioms Shawn”.

“I've heard it both ways, now come on!” 

“You're so full of shit dude,” Gus grumbles behind him as he locks the front door to the office, earning a bright bark of laughter from Shawn as they make their way to the Blueberry.

Tag List: @adaed5 @drakkywolf @newgrangespirals @riverofrainbows @steddierthings @newgrangespirals @eriquin @childofposiden71 @theoxymoronicpoet @cinderellarhea

Part Nine Up

[gerec]

found family cherik fics?

There are a lot a lot of found family fics so I'm just giving you a tiny selection, Anon. Definitely go to Ao3 and look for stories with the 'families of choice' tag for tons more!

The O(l)dd Couple by winterhill 

Futurefic, fixit, fluff. In public, Erik and Charles are immensely powerful and charismatic world leaders. In private, they're a pair of stubborn old men.

this is only now (where do we go from here) by thebodyeclectic (series)

From this prompt on the 1stclass_kink meme: Modern AU, where an older Alex (in his mid twenties?) somehow figures out/recieves the news that, no, his younger brother didn't die in the crash like he'd been told, and then sets out to find him. The catch is, Scott's been adopted and adores his 'dad', who is incidentally the adorkable Hank McCoy.

and now you will not be alone any more by pocky_slash

Erik gives driving, sewing, and cooking lessons, soothes nightmares, bolsters self-esteem, and still can't figure out why Charles keeps smiling at him like that.

nothing quite like family by lavenderlotion

He cared for all his students, of course, but there was nothing quite like family.

Love Runs Out by ikeracity 

Hammer Bay, one of the most mutant-friendly apartment buildings in all of Manhattan and affectionately nicknamed the Hub by its residents, is home to an eclectic mix of families, broke college students, scientists, artists, and high school dropouts. Charles Xavier, new arrival to apartment 3K, catches the attention of everyone on the third floor but he only has eyes for one: cranky author Erik Lehnsherr who lives directly across the hall in 3B.

Jail Break by blarfkey (first of a series)

It's totally normal in Suburban America for the dad to pick up his rebellious teenager from jail, right? Even when it's the Pentagon instead of the local police station, and your dad is a Mutant Supremacist Assassin and America's Most Wanted who didn't post bail so much as murdered all the guards?

Whatever. Peter will take what he can get at this point, even if it means the most painfully awkward road trip in the history of the universe.

Generation X by SOABA (first of a series)

The third of December, nineteen sixty-two. The day that Charles Xavier’s world was completely and irrevocably turned on its head.

“I’ve run the tests multiple times, Professor,” Hank said, fiddling with his lab coat, “The results are conclusive. You’re pregnant.”

No Yesterdays On the Road by pocky_slash (first of a series)

It's been two months since Cuba and things are settling down for Charles, Erik, and the beginnings of their mutant school. Right up until Charles disappears, that is. Faced with the possibility that a bitter Emma Frost has kidnapped Charles, Erik is forced to team up with Moira to hunt down the remainder of the Hellfire Club. From there, they hope to locate Frost and retrieve Charles, without killing each other along the way.

(Or: Erik and Moira Drive Across the Country and Talk About Their Feelings.)

Majesty At My Doorstep by emperors_girl (first of a series)

Alex is not the kind of kid who lives in houses with white picket fences. Alex is the kind of kid who’s had seven placements in five years. He was never, ever going to be able to stay.

[cer-rata]

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Superman - All Media Types, Superman (Comics), Superboy (Comics), Super Sons (Comics), DCU (Comics), DCU

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Jonathan Samuel Kent & Kon-El | Conner Kent, Chris Kent & Kon-El | Conner Kent, Osul-Ra & Otho-Ra (DCU), Jonathan Samuel Kent & Osul-Ra & Otho-Ra, Chris Kent & Lor-Zod, Otho-Ra & Lor-Zod, Jonathan Samuel Kent/Lor-Zod, Chris Kent & Original Male Character

Characters: Chris Kent, Jonathan Samuel Kent, Kon-El | Conner Kent, Otho-Ra (DCU), Osul-Ra (DCU), Lor-Zod, Original Male Character(s) of Color, Get it - Character, Brian is Turquoise, But also Black

Additional Tags: Superfamily (DCU), Kon-El | Conner Kent Feels, Chris Kent Needs a Hug, Jonathan Samuel Kent Needs a Hug, Jonathan Samuel Kent Aged Naturally, But There Were Other Horrors, Possibly Unrequited Love, Implied Jonathan Samuel Kent/Lor-Zod, Even Sythezoids Can Experience The Nile River, Families of Choice, Unconventional Families, Multiverse fuckery, Fluff and Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eldritch Cinnamon Roll

Series: Part 12 of The Kids Are Alright

Summary:

The Superkids (+the spawn of...Brainiac?) Gather to play a D&D one-shot that Jon is putting on. Along the way they reflect on their current positions in life...and each other.

(For @superfamilyweek Friends and Family / Civilian Life)

[andillwriteyouatragedy]

chapter fifteen of 'make a promise not to break,' 'THROUGH THE COLD' sees Jaskier’s brother arriving in Kaer Morhen, Jaskier and Johanna's displacement from home, and the reappearance of some unfortunate places and people from Jaskier’s past.

you can read the new chapter now on ao3!

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #81: Harry Potter, but make it Aberforth's Daughter

Having been told that choosing to be a muggle in the Wizarding World is "not getting into the spirit of things", I set about determining under what circumstances I could bear to live in the British Wizarding World. This is what I came up with.

Or: What if the SI were to replace Aberforth Dumbledore's OC daughter?

aka the Aberforth's Daughter SI fic

Some context:

First, we're leaning heavily on book canon while dipping our toes into Hogwarts Legacy as far as the extended magical communities in the Scottish Highlands are concerned. This means no Fantastic Beasts movies, no Credence Barebone, but the Hogwarts Legacy map and the implication the Wizarding World is bigger than just a school and alley - and actually magical.

Secondly, the OC wakes up with memories of her past life as the SI on her fifth birthday. This is less of a true SI than a modern woman in the British Wizarding World, with the middle-aged SI being a critical HP fan with an engineering background.

Thirdly, the SI takes the place of an OC - Aberforth's daughter, Aishwarya Devi, born in early 1979 as a result of fling with an Anglo-Indian astrophysicist by the name of Sandhya Devi who moved to the UK as a young adult. Although Aishwarya - Ash - is never unaware of who her father is, her parents agreed before she was born that Sandhya raises Aishwarya by herself for a variety of reasons that are part wartime paranoia, part not wanting to burden a child with the expectations of the Dumbledore name, and part Aberforth really not being cut out to be a husband or father. Assume she existed in canon, was sent to school in her mother's native India, and never made it into the pages of the books.

Just imagine it:

Ash grows up in the town of Brocburrow in the Hogsmede Valley. She is a quiet but inquisitive child - two traits that only grow more pronounced after she remembers he past life as the SI.

It becomes painfully clear early on that there is nothing she can do to prevent the Second Wizarding War from her position as an untrained underage witch, so Ash concentrates on learning everything she can so as to survive it, soaking up everything her mother can teach her - Wizarding and muggle astronomy, plus more runes and arithmancy than most ever learn in Hogwarts - and reading everything she can about this new world she has unfortunately found herself a part of.

The more she learns, the less impressed with the British Wizarding World Ash becomes. Too much power is concentrated in the hands of too few, with most wizards willing to blindly follow the most magically powerful among them because of a lingering belief that the magically powerful are magically powerful because they are deserving of it. (Think of the similar medieval concept re: nobles and their presumed nobility.)

Aberforth has little role in her childhood. If Ash had really been a child, it would have been easy to mistake his distance for lack of care, but having once been a semi-functional adult it's easier to see that Aberforth simply has no idea how to interact with children. He tries for her sake and Ash can't help but love him for it, even as he fails miserably.

Although Sandhya initially wishes her daughter to attend her alma mater back in India, Ash manages to convince her to let her attend Hogwarts in the fall of 1990, one year before Harry Potter is set to start his schooling.

To no one's surprise, she ends up sorted into Ravenclaw - and wielding an acacia and huma feather wand. ("A kingmaker's wand," Ollivander says.)

First year it's her intention to keep her head down and avoid attracting the notice of her uncle. Ash succeeds in this, coming across as just another academically gifted Ravenclaw, albeit one who makes a bit of a name for herself complaining that the muggles know such much more about outer space than we do. And math. Calculus was invented before the Statute of Secrecy, you know.

She also manages to strike up a surprising friendship with fourth year Percy Weasley - their usual tables in the library are next to each other and so they form a quiet academic acquaintanceship that evolves almost without them realizing it into true friendship. As least half of this is based Percy once telling his brothers off for a prank that borders more on bullying than humor, and the rest on Ash being just that advanced in astronomy and arithmancy.

Second year Ash is determined to stay out of the sorcerer's stone debacle - but also sets out to cultivate a friendship with Harry Potter, initially because it's the only way she can think of to get him away from the Dursleys (as any sensible adult should have done the first time he crossed their path) and out from under her uncle's thumb, but later because he is genuinely a sweet kid who soaks up all the affection he's given and returns it threefold. She does this by inviting him to celebrate Diwali with her and the other Hindi students - which opens up a can of worms regarding Harry's hereto unknown desi background - and establishes herself (and through her, Percy) a trustworthy older student Harry can rely upon.

This works out better than she can possibly dream when Harry takes his fears regarding the stone to Percy, who then presents them to McGonagall in a way that leads her to stake out the third floor corridor in her animagus form, catch Quirell in the act, and watch him die when Voldy deserts him.

Third year starts fairly close to CoS, but after the first petrifaction - about which the Headmaster does nothing save almost seem to encourage the rumors about Harry being the Heir of Slytherin - Ash decides to use her first Hogsmede weekend to act. She goes to the Hog's Head, tells her father exactly what is happening in the school, and watches as Aberforth's face turns into a storm cloud.

She has no idea what Aberforth actually does - only that the next morning the Headmaster announces the school will be closed until the person behind the petrifications is caught. She spends a week at home before the school reopens and though there are rumors the Aurors found a basilisk in the school, not a word of explanation is ever given to the students.

Ash's third year continues without further incident - except now she is on the Headmaster's radar. Albus had been kept carefully unaware of his brother's child, but now that he knows of her existence, he's eager to fit Ash into his Greater Good. Ash rebuffs him, but it's hard to be sure if even that isn't part of his plans.

Fourth year follows PoA fairly closely, though it's Ash's house Harry runs away to following events with Marge. Sandhya is more than happy to take her daughter's friend in, but the more she learns about Harry's home life, the more concerned she grows, and starts the ball rolling in the muggle world to have the situation investigated. This plays out quietly in the background while the school year otherwise follows canon - up to and including Wormtail's escape at the end of the year.

The summer before fifth year starts with both Harry and Dudley being removed from the Dursley home. Harry gets to stay with Ash and Sandhya while the Wizarding World fights over who gets to become Harry's legal guardian. They never get to decide - Harry is legally emancipated when he's forced to take part in the tournament - but the whole situation shines a bright light on everything that has been going on at Hogwarts the last few years. Dumbledore comes out of the situation with his titles intact, but his reputation in tatters - particularly after he claims Voldemort's return, which many think is a way to try to regain his former prestige.

Sixth year - OotP - is where things really start to change.

Despite his emancipation, Harry continues to live with Ash and Sandhya - Ash having very much taken up the mantle of protective older sister at this point.

With Dumbledore's political power already on a downward arc, it makes no sense to send Umbridge to Hogwarts. So Percy Weasley is the new DADA instructor instead. This makes a certain amount of sense, as Percy's frantic work keeping Crouch Sr.'s department running even while he was imperiused/ill/dead meant that things actually ran smoother. Fudge sees Weasley as a potential rival to be cut off at the knees... and one of the few Hogwarts graduates in his employ with an O in DADA.

This is awkward for a number of reasons, not least because despite having remained friends throughout Hogwarts, after running into each other at the Yule Ball (Ash was Harry's date) they're in that awkward stage of waiting for Ash to be older before investigating the attraction between them.

Sixth year goes well, with Percy setting out to teach not torture, and doing just enough to keep the ministry off his back - there are some parts of Hogwarts that need to be investigated, i.e. security and the reduced class offering - as well as doing just enough for his fellow professors to think he's a ministry toadie - Flitwick and McGonagall are not convinced by his act, but others are. There's still an incident at the DoM at the end of the year, but Harry is able to tell the relevant adults so that it's they who spring Voldy's trap, not half-trained children.

Ash's seventh year - HBP - goes by similarly smoothly. The major change here is that 1) Harry repeats everything he learns from Dumbledore to Ash, whose takeaways from the memories are far more critical of her uncle, and 2) Ash and Percy begin dating, but so little changes between them that only those they've explicitly told notice.

With the Wizarding World at war, it's a bit of a culture shock when Ash begins muggle university the next year, majoring in astrophysics. Her flat near the college serves as a well-warded base for Harry and co to hunt for horcruxes after Grimmauld Place is lost. She fights in the Battle of Hogwarts, and though she'd intended to save as many as she could, it's still a surprise when she manages to save Fred Weasley from his canon fate.

Afterwards, Ash goes on to gain a doctorate in astrophysics in the muggle world and work on integrating muggle discoveries with Wizarding knowledge, as her mother had done for the past several decades. Her friendship with Harry means that her work is put in a greater spotlight, and when Professor Sinistra finally retires Ash is the one asked to replace her. Sometime between all this she and Percy marry - much to the surprise of the other Weasleys - and have a single child just old enough to start Hogwarts when Ash begins teaching.

Harry himself takes a more political role in this world, having come to the conclusion very early on that oppression and ignorance help no one, and that it's the Wizarding World's belief that might makes right that got them all into this situation in the first place. He's Head of the DMLE for several years before being elected Minister for a maximum three terms. His administration is marked by efforts to shift Ministry hiring practices from nepotism to merit, as well as make laws apply legally to people of all magical backgrounds. He's not entirely successful, but it's a vast improvement.

Bonuses include: 1) Albus Dumbledore not evil so much as misguided - he honestly, genuinely thinks that he knows what's best for everyone. Maybe he even does. He's simply forgotten that people are not pawns and just because you want what you think is best for them doesn't mean that they want it, or that it is what is personally best for them. All of this should be brought up when he tries to pull Ash into his web; 2) An institutional problem with bullying in Hogwarts. All houses have villains and victims, but Gryffindor has more than its fair share of the former, compounded by Dumbledore's nepotism and McGonagall being too busy to breathe most days. This eventually comes to a head during GoF, when Ash ties a charm into the school wards that writes the word Bully across the perpetrator's face when they violate standards borrowed from a muggle secondary school's guidebook; 3) Aberforth playing a greater role in Ash's life as she grows older, especially after she comes to him for help with his brother in CoS; and 4) Ash and Harry becoming siblings of choice. Ash never displaces any of Harry's friend group, but is there and willing to listen in a way no one in his life had been previously. And that changes everything.

And that is, surprisingly, more than I'd thought I'd have. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

Other SIs: Aberforth's Daughter | Lysa Arryn | Petunia Evans | Princess of Dol Amroth

More Terrible Fic Ideas

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

Summary: Life at the Institute takes a turn for the worse for Alec. When he's alone with no where else to turn, his siblings step up and help him find his feet once more with help from a few new friends along the way. Between them, Alec finally gets a chance to realize that the world doesn't begin and end with being a Shadowhunter, and there's more out there for him, so long as he's got the courage to reach out and grab it.

Author: @thequeervet

Submitter: @dandelioncasey

Note from submitter: As the author originally said, it's basically what if Shadowhunters was Shameless, which is very fun 

[wangxianficrecs]

💙 I'll Take Such Great Care of You by CheekyBrunette

💙 I'll Take Such Great Care of You

by CheekyBrunette

G, 49k, Wangxian

Summary: Sizhui has grown up with a single father. Now, he learns what it is like to have a mom. Kay's comments: This story was recommended to me by a friend and it completely wrecked me. Left my crying. Broke my heart in the best way possible. This was so perfect?? Modern AU from Sizhui's perspective who's slowly getting used to having another adult around - Wei Wuxian, his father's boyfriend. Slowly though, mysteries of the past unravel. Both of his own and Wei Wuxian's past. Make sure to check out the warnings too, because it gets really dark, though there is a happy ending for Wangxian and Sizhui. Excerpt: “Wei Ying has inquired about your birthday.” Lan Sizhui quickly lowered his cat-ear headphones and sat up a little further in bed. He had been winding down for the evening, his laptop balanced on his knees, when his father had come to join him in his bedroom. Currently, Lan Wangji sat carefully on the edge of Sizhui's bed. “My birthday?” Sizhui asked. “It’s January 12th.” His father's expression was always as placid as a lake sheltered by mountains. And yet, he somehow managed to look amused. “I am aware,” he said. “Wei Ying also knows as such. He is hoping to join you in celebrating.”

pov lan sizhui, modern setting, modern no powers, families of choice, adopted lan sizhui, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, lan wangji adopts lan sizhui, lan sizhui needs a hug, wei wuxian needs a hug, panic attacks, claustrophobia, nightmares, implied/referenced sexual assault, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced organ harvesting, dysfunctional jiang family, good sibling jiang cheng, good sibling jiang yanli, family fluff

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[ludicleaf]

Hello!!

*rolls up on a cart full of fireworks with a nice traffic cone hat*

I come bearing a quest XD since you asked for asks >:)

(this is a writing challenge only if you want it to be heh)

Step 1: pick a blorbo! Any blorbo, your favorite blorbo XD

Step 2: from the blorbo's perspective, do this quiz

Step 3: now you have a random personality trait assigned to them! This can be the theme of the story?

Step 4: have fun making up a scenario? Hehe

That is all, I hope you have a nice day :DDD

well guess who has a new chan-centric idea on the back burner

[robynochs]

YES! Chosen family is an important part of my life. Love and commitment are what makes a family.

[kbirbpods]

Original Work: the sun will be guiding you by blackkat on ao3 [ @blackkatmagic ]

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Characters: Fay (Star Wars), Nico Diath, & Jon Antilles

Tags: Humor, First Meetings, Families of Choice

Audio Length: 1 minute and 52 seconds

Summary: 

“An’ya left her apprentice with you?” Nico asks suspiciously. 

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #80: Harry Potter, but make it The Old Guard

I know what some of you may be thinking - haven't you done this crossover before? And you're right, I have. But shortly after posting that I realized I had missed a massive opportunity, because right there in the first book is the philosopher's stone, a magical object created by Nicholas Flamel that can grant the user eternal life.

So I thought: What if the sorcerer's stone was just a cover for The Old Guards' flavor of immortality? Or: What if The Old Guard intervened in Harry Potter's life following the destruction of the stone?

aka the Standing Stones, Buried Blades fic

Bear with me:

The legend of the philosopher's stone arrises some time in the 12th century, when Nicky, needing a quick explanation for his immortality in a sticky situation, comes up with the idea. It's intended to be nothing more than a means of diverting attention while he makes a quick escape. He certainly never intends for it to turn into the subject of serious alchemical research for the next thousand years.

The Guard ends up running with the story, because it means they don't have to fake their deaths in the Wizarding World every couple of decades. Joe and Booker are particularly fond of raising the story to new and more ridiculous heights each time they use it - though this somewhat backfires in Joe's case, with the addition of Flamel's wife Perenelle to the myth.

Just imagine it:

Fast forward to summer 1991, when Dumbledore asks to borrow the stone for "research".

It's hard not to be suspicious, as the conceit needed to ask someone to turn over what is supposed to be a powerful and unique relic upon which the owners' lives rely is extraordinary - to say nothing of the fact that he's the headmaster of a school full of children and having such an object in a school is foolhardy at best. Even so, they hand over the fake stone they put together for just such occasions they're required to produce it, just see what Dumbledore is planning.

To say they are unhappy that he uses it as the MacGuffin at the end of an obstacle course designed to draw a genocidal Dark Lord into a school full of children would be an understatement.

The day after the wards they placed on the fake stone tell them it was destroyed, Nicky walks into the Great Hall during breakfast and makes a scene to rival all scenes, not the least because it involves a lot of confusion on how this completely unassuming man in muggle clothes found his way into Hogwarts without anybody knowing and then who proceeded to calmly and rationally accuse Dumbledore of child endangerment and willful negligence.

After the teachers get over the shock that the thousand-year-old "creator" of the stone 1) looks younger than most of them, 2) prefers to dress as a muggle, 3) is Italian, not French, and 4) prefers to go by Nicky these days, they're equally as angry at Dumbledore for daring to hide something that dangerous in a school - even if, "It was only a fake."

While that situation is bubbling over in the Great Hall, Andy and Booker investigate the - not yet dismantled - obstacle course and are even less impressed with Dumbledore than before.

Joe elects to check on the child who ended up in the hospital wing because of it - and becomes nearly incandescent with rage, because one doesn't need a thousand years' experience to realize the child in question has very clearly experienced significant physical and emotional abuse. That it's Harry Potter almost makes it worse, as it speaks of someone either being exceptionally negligent with regards to their responsibilities to such a famous child or else intentionally placing him in a position to be abused in order to utilize that fame for their own ends. Given the events with the stone, Joe is inclined to believe the latter.

It's not quite a kidnapping - Joe asks Harry if he'd like to get away from his abusers, even if he has to convince Harry that the events of his childhood count as abuse, - but it's equally clear that Joe has no intentions of allowing Harry to return to the Dursleys even if he'd said no.

Needless to say, the others are quite surprised when they return to their latest safe house and find Harry there, but quickly agree with the necessity after Joe explains the situation. (Andy has to be talked out of murdering Mr and Mrs Dursley. Harry's justice comes through the muggle courts.)

And so Harry is adopted by Joe and Nicky, with Booker initially reluctant to get too close after his experiences with his own children. (After some growing pains, Booker gets over himself and becomes a favorite uncle, coincidentally preventing the nonsense with Merrick that occurs in canon.)

HP canon continues apace, albeit with some adjustments:

Events of Second and Third Year are flipped, with Sirius escaping during the summer of 1992 after the papers announce Harry's "kidnapping" from Hogwarts. (Nevermind that if the Wizarding World checked with the muggles, they'd find all the adoption paperwork in order, if expedited.) Sirius' innocence is discovered at the end of the year - and when Snape ends up reflecting back Lockhart's oblivate when he tries to claim the capture of a dangerous escaped convict for himself, he earns momentary approbation throughout Hogwarts. Sirius is found innocent at his long delayed trial, but Joe and Nicky refuse to let him spend time unsupervised with Harry until he gets the medical treatment he so clearly needs.

Third year, Lucius Malfoy plants the diary in Ginny's school shopping somewhat by accident - he was aiming for Harry's school things, wanting to hurt Sirius by hurting his beloved godson, as Lucius had been using the Black accounts to grease palms and Sirius' freedom means that he now has quite a debt to repay before his embezzlement is discovered.

Now having some experience with trustworthy adults, Harry comes clean about hearing a voice in the walls when his parslemouth abilities are discovered during Lupin's rather more successful dueling club. Lupin realizes the monster must be a basilisk after that, and with some detective work eventually relieves Ginny of the diary before anyone is dragged into the chamber.

With Fourth Year comes the Triwizard Tournament, which not even "the great Nicholas Flamel" can get Harry out of, due to the binding nature of the magical contract. Though Dumbledore comes under international scrutiny for failing to ensure the safety of his students (eventually losing many of his non-British titles), this does little for Harry. The Guard takes up residence in the castle, helping him research and train, but events largely follow canon. Cedric dies, Voldemort returns, and no one believes it - not the least the wider Wizarding World, which largely believes Dumbledore spun a child's traumatic experience into a means of regaining the political clout he lost over the course of the year.

As Dumbledore is already losing political favor, Fudge doesn't waste Umbridge on the DADA position. Instead the real Alistair Moody takes up the position, which only highlights how obvious it should have been Crouch Jr was not Moody. Dumbledore loses further political clout when this leaks out, but when Voldemort makes a play for the Ministry at the end of the year he regains most of it. Harry is able to warn his parents of what was happening because of his visions, who in turn warn the Ministry in time for action to be taken - and if Dumbledore is disappointed Harry left the fighting to the adults, he hides it well.

Sixth Year largely follows canon, minus the Harry/Ginny subplot. And though Dumbledore encourages Harry to tell only his friends about the Horcruxes and "leave the poor Flamels out it", Harry does exactly the opposite.

This has interesting consequences for Harry's Seventh Year, as Voldemort is unable to gain a foothold in Hogwarts despite taking over the ministry. This is in large part because Joe and Nicky set up shop in Hogwarts, very obviously offering The Flamels' protection to any who need it, while Andy and Booker work in the background to track down and destroy all the horcuxes.

By the time Voldy makes a play for Hogwarts at the end of the year, they've destroyed all the horcruxes - save the one in Harry - without his knowledge. And when Joe takes down Voldy when he decides to torture Harry to force the surrender of the school? Well, the horcrux in Harry is too small and in too weak a state to keep the main piece tied to this plane of existence. Voldemort dies, Harry and the Flamels are hailed as heroes, and life in the Wizarding World returns to normal.

Harry goes on to lead a long and fulfilling life in the British Wizarding World. (He gains a dual mastery in education and DADA at a French magical university and ends up teaching DADA at Hogwarts for almost seventy years.) And though he keeps in contact with the Guard until his death, he never resents them for not sharing their immortality, having learned quite early on how little a blessing it really is.

Bonuses include: 1) Active, attentive, loving parents tempering Harry's recklessness and encouraging him to put more effort into his studies. This causes him to drift apart from Ron - though they remain friendly acquaintances - and closer to Hermione, Neville, and others outside his house. Harry and Hermione remain friends throughout Hogwarts, become each other's go-to plus ones for all social events afterwards, and eventually fall into a romantic relationship in their final year of university. They are the only ones that are surprised by this turn of events, with their various friends and family members having started betting on when they'd get together begining in Third Year; 2) Harry and Hermione turning their home into the first Wizarding foster home, raising a variety of Wizarding orphans as their own, and serving as a two-person lobbying group for modernized family law in the British Wizarding World. Though they are surprised by a pair of twin boys late in life - who they name James Sirius and Joseph Nicholas - they treat their biological children no different than the orphans they continue to take in; and 3) A running joke wherein the immortals call coffee The Elixir of Life.

And that is surprisingly more than I thought I'd have. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you do anything with it.

More Terrible Fic Ideas