marie-swriting

[marie-swriting]

Finally received the other book! Can't wait to read it!

Je viens d'enfin de recevoir mon autre livre ! J'ai si hâte de le lire !

Just received a Captain Marvel book!! I can't wait to read it and learn more about the movie. I'm also waiting for another book about Carol's time at the Academy. Those books are gonna be so helpful for my Carol one shots (I'm currently writing one!) 🥰

J'ai reçu un livre Captain Marvel !! J'ai si hâte de le lire et d'en apprendre plus sur le film. J'attends également un autre livre sur Carol pendant qu'elle était à l'académie. Ces livres vont m'être très utiles pour l'écriture de one shots Carol (je suis actuellement en train d'en écrire un !) 🥰

[marie-swriting]

Je Reviendrai Toujours Vers Toi - Carol Danvers

Marvel Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Résumé : Au même moment où tu as découvert que Carol était en vie, elle a dû repartir et tu ne peux t'empêcher de repenser à votre relation pendant que tu attends qu'elle revienne, cependant, tu as l'impression qu'elle ne pense pas autant à toi ou quatre fois où tu as repensé à Carol et une fois où elle a pensé à toi.

Warnings : se passe après Captain Marvel donc c'est pendant les années 90, les italiques sont des flashbacks, angst, mention de crash d'avion, hôpital, mention de mort (la "mort" de Carol), rapide mention du mariage homosexuel étant illégal, fin triste, dites-moi si j'en ai loupés d'autres.

Nombre de mots : 6.2k

Version anglaise

Chanson qui m'a inspiré : How Many Things par Sabrina Carpenter

Tu gares ta voiture devant la maison des Rambeau. En sortant de ton véhicule, tes yeux ne peuvent s'empêcher de se diriger sur le côté droit des marches menant à la porte. Juste en voyant ces marches et cette maudite rampe, ton cœur se serre en repensant à Carol et à la dernière fois où vous étiez chez Maria, ensemble, il y a trois semaines.

Tu venais de découvrir que Carol n'était pas morte. Elle avait survécu au crash, contrairement à ce qui avait été déclaré six ans plus tôt. Elle avait également été kidnappée par des Kree dont tu ignorais l'existence avant de la revoir. Ce qui avait été le plus dur ce jour-là, ça n'avait pas été de découvrir que tu avais passé six ans à faire le deuil de Carol alors qu'elle était bien vivante, non, le plus dur avait été de découvrir qu'elle n'avait plus de souvenirs. Non seulement, elle ne se rappelait pas de venir de la Terre, elle ne se souvenait pas de sa vie d'avant, pas de Monica, de Maria et surtout, pas de toi.

Quand Maria t'avait appelée en te disant qu'elle avait quelque chose d'important à t'annoncer, tu t'attendais à tout sauf à ça. Tu avais même été énervée au début, lui disant que ce n'était pas drôle de blaguer sur la mort de Carol. Puis, Carol était apparue dans la pièce et quand son regard s'était posé sur toi, il n'y avait pas eu une once d'affection. Avant, elle te regardait comme si tu avais créé la lune et les étoiles. A ce moment-là, elle te regardait comme une étrangère, pire, comme une potentielle ennemie. Elle t'avait par la suite expliqué qu'elle craignait que tu sois un Skrull, peu importe ce que ça voulait dire. Tu étais trop sous le choc de revoir la femme de ta vie devant toi. Finalement, tu avais dû laisser ton choc de côté pour utiliser tes connaissances en mécanique pour aider Carol a modifié un Quadjet avec l'aide du Skrull Norex — c'est là que tu avais compris que cette histoire tirée par les cheveux était bien réelle.

Tu avais très peu parlé à Carol pendant qu'elle aidait Talos à retrouver sa famille dans le laboratoire de Lawson. Tu ne savais pas quoi lui dire, ce qui était bizarre sachant qu'avant tu lui disais chaque pensée qui te passait par la tête. Même quand vous aviez mangé chez Maria le soir quand tout était réglé, tu avais gardé tes distances. Carol avait retrouvé quelques souvenirs en détruisant l'emprise que l'Intelligence Suprême avait sur elle, mais étant donné qu'elle ne s'était pas jetée dans tes bras, tu avais déduit qu'elle n'avait pas retrouvé de souvenir te concernant, alors le cœur saignant, tu avais agi comme une simple amie avec elle.

A un moment, tu n'avais plus supporté ceci. Être aussi proche et aussi loin d'elle à la fois était une vraie torture. Tu ne pensais pas que Carol pouvait te faire encore plus souffrir après avoir fait un enterrement sans avoir retrouvé son "corps". Par conséquent, tu étais sortie pour prendre l'air et surtout être seule. Quelques larmes avaient coulé sur tes joues, malgré tous tes efforts pour les retenir. En entendant la porte s'ouvrir, tu avais vite séché tes larmes. En t'attendant à voir la bouille de Monica, tu avais sorti le sourire que tu réservais spécialement pour elle. Cependant, c'était Carol qui était arrivée en face de toi. Ton sourire s'était réduit, ignorant quoi faire de plus.

- Je… J'avais besoin de prendre un peu l'air, avais-tu expliqué en évitant son regard.

- Moi aussi. Est-ce que je peux te poser une question ? avait demandé Carol.

- Bien sûr.

- Qu'est-ce que tu étais pour moi ? J'ai eu quelques souvenirs où tu étais là. On s'embrassait. Est-ce que… Est-ce qu'on était ensemble ?

Tu avais été surprise de sa question. Tes yeux étaient rapidement passés de son visage à tes pieds alors que tu avais pris une grande inspiration avant de lui répondre.

- Oui, on l'était.

Devoir utiliser le passé pour parler de vous deux avait laissé un arrière-goût amère dans ta bouche.

- On s'est rencontrées quand tu étais à l'Académie, avais-tu ajouté. Je travaillais dans un bar pour payer mes études en mécanique et tu es venue dans le bar un soir avec Maria et il nous a fallu un an pour nous mettre ensemble.

- Je suppose qu'on était encore en couple quand je me suis retrouvée chez les Krees ? avait questionné Carol avec difficulté.

- Oui, on était même fiancées… Enfin, à notre façon.

- Je n'imagine pas à quel point ça a dû être dur de penser que j'étais morte pendant tout ce temps.

- Ce qui était surtout dur c'était de ne pas vraiment savoir ce qui s'était passé, avais-tu avoué, les larmes te montant aux yeux, comme à chaque fois. Enfin, comme je travaillais pour le projet P.E.G.A.S.U.S., j'avais des informations sur le crash, mais le fait est qu'ils l'ont vite classifié et puis, on ne retrouvait pas ton corps. Enterrée un cercueil vide, c'est… horrible, avais-tu informé, le souvenir de ce jour ancré dans ta mémoire. Tu ignores ce qui est arrivé à la personne et pourtant, on est obligé de la déclarer morte et de l'enterrer et de faire un deuil alors qu'on ne sait pas ce qui s'est passé. Est-ce que la personne a souffert ? Est-ce qu'elle morte sur le coup ? Est-ce qu'elle a eu une dernière pensée pour quelqu’un en particulier ? Tant de questions sans réponse. Ça, c'était la partie la plus dure, avais-tu dit en essuyant une larme sur ta joue. Et maintenant, apprendre que toute cette douleur était, d'une certaine façon, en vain car tu étais vivante depuis le début, mais sans souvenir de ta vie d'avant… C'est compliqué à assimiler. Mais j'imagine que c'est pareil de ton côté. Apprendre que les six dernières de ta vie ont été remplies de mensonge n'a pas dû être simple.

- Non, ça ne l'est pas, avait-elle répondu, les yeux larmoyant. Je suis beaucoup frustrée et en colère et surtout triste de me dire que, sans le vouloir, j'ai fait souffrir les personnes auxquelles je tiens. Je veux changer ça. Je ne veux pas faire plus de mal, avait affirmé Carol en faisant un pas vers toi.

- Tu ne peux pas te blâmer pour ça, tu ne le savais pas.

Voir l'expression de culpabilité sur le visage de Carol t'avait brisé le cœur. Tu aurais voulu la serrer dans tes bras ou au moins lui tenir la main, mais tu t'étais retenue.

- C'est vrai, mais il n'empêche que je me sens mal. A cause de ça, je me suis retrouvée à me battre du côté des oppresseurs. Mais je vais faire mieux. Je vais arranger tout ça. Je vais arranger la situation des Skrulls, je vais arranger la situation avec Maria, Monica et toi.

- Tu n'as pas à arranger la situation avec nous. On ne t'en veut pas. Je ne t'en veux pas, avais-tu déclaré sur un ton sincère.

- Alors pourquoi est-ce que tu as été distante tout la soirée ? Au début, je pensais que c'était le choc d'apprendre la vérité, mais il y a plus.

- Je… Je ne voulais juste pas te gêner. Il n'y a pas vraiment de mode d'emploi qui existe sur comment agir dans cette situation. Maintenant que tu sais pour nous deux, je ne veux pas que tu penses que je suis là à attendre qu'on se remette ensemble. Enfin, ne te méprends pas, je t'aime toujours, je n'ai jamais arrêté, mais je ne veux pas que tu sentes de pression de ma part. On a découvert beaucoup de choses en peu de temps et je pense qu'on doit prendre le temps pour comprendre ce que ça veut dire. Je pense surtout que tu dois prendre du temps pour comprendre ce que toi, tu veux faire. Tu as dit que tu veux arranger les choses pour les Skrulls, ça veut dire que tu vas repartir, n'est-ce pas ? avais-tu demandé, même si tu connaissais déjà la réponse.

- Oui, je dois les aider, je leur dois bien ça. Je ne sais pas combien de temps ça va prendre, mais ça ne veut pas dire que je ne vais jamais revenir. Je reviendrai toujours, avait-elle affirmé et à ses mots, ton cœur avait loupé un battement, mais tu n'avais rien laissé paraître.

- Je serai là, à t'attendre, avais-tu promis avec un petit sourire. Si un jour tu veux en savoir plus sur la Carol que j'ai connue, je serai ravie de répondre à toutes tes questions.

- Ça sera avec plaisir. Je suis sûre que tu as beaucoup d'histoires à me raconter.

- J'en ai des tas, des mignonnes comme des embarrassantes. Tu sais, je ne t'en voudrais pas si, finalement, tu venais à réaliser que tu veux seulement rester amies. Beaucoup de choses ont pu changer en six ans. Juste le fait de savoir que tu es en vie, ça me suffit.

- J'étais vraiment chanceuse de t'avoir dans ma vie, avait affirmé Carol en prenant ta main dans la sienne, faisant agrandir ton sourire.

- J'étais encore plus chanceuse.

Le bruit de la porte s'ouvrant vous avait fait sursauter. Rapidement, tu avais enlevé ta main de celle de Carol alors qu'elle s'était raclée la gorge. Vous n'osiez plus vous regarder dans les yeux pendant que Maria passait le pas de la porte.

- Vous êtes là, je vous cherchais ! Tout va bien ?

- Oui, avais-tu simplement répondu.

Maria était arrivé à votre hauteur et se place devant Carol. Elle lui avait fait promettre de revenir vous revoir, ce qu'elle avait promis en un instant. Monica était arrivée quelques minutes plus tard, la veste de Carol en main et lui l'avait donnée. Alors que Carol faisait ses adieux à Monica et à Maria, elle te lançait des regards de temps en temps et cette fois, tu voyais de l'affection dans ses yeux. Certes, ils ne s'illuminaient pas comme avant, mais tu voyais qu'une partie d'elle était toujours attachée à toi, maintenant qu'elle avait retrouvé certains souvenirs et qu'elle savait que tu n'étais pas une menace. Carol avait d'abord pris Monica dans ses bras, puis Maria avant de se tourner vers toi. Tandis que tu t'étais attendue à un câlin embarrassé, Carol t'avait serrée fort contre elle, appréciant le contact de ton corps contre le sien. Tu avais enfoncé ton visage dans le creux de son cou et inspiré son odeur comme tu avais l'habitude de le faire. Quand vous vous étiez relâchées, Carol vous avait sourit une dernière fois avant de prendre de l'élan puis de voler dans les airs. En la regardant voler vers les étoiles, tu avais profité de chaque second jusqu'à ce que tu ne la voies plus.

En entendant la porte d'entrée s'ouvrir et la voix de Maria, tu sors de ton souvenir. Tu clignes rapidement des yeux afin de faire partir les larmes qui menaçaient de couler puis, tu vas saluer ton amie. Elle commence à te parler des améliorations qu'il reste à faire sur son avion. Voulant oublier ta douleur au cœur, tu écoutes chaque mot de Maria, bien que Carol continue à rester dans un coin de ta tête.

Carol ne quitte pas ce coin même six mois plus tard. Elle continue à hanter chacune de tes pensées. Tu t'inquiètes pour elle, tu te demandes si elle va bien, si elle a réussi à trouver une solution pour les Skrulls, si elle va revenir bientôt. Avec le temps qui passe, tu pensais que tu penserais à Carol moins souvent, pourtant, il te suffit de regarder ton toit pour repenser à elle. Tu as juste besoin d'aller sur ton toit pour le réparer pour repenser à la première nuit que vous aviez passé dans votre maison.

Acheter ensemble avait été un pas important dans votre relation. Quand on vous avait donné les clés, vous aviez été sur un petit nuage toute la journée et même la nuit. Après avoir passé la majorité de la journée à défaire des cartons, vous aviez fait une pause et aviez sorti l'échelle afin de monter sur le toit. Vous vous étiez installées, une bière à la main tandis que ta tête était posée sur son épaule. En regardant les étoiles, vous vous étiez mises à parler. La conversation n'avait ni queue ni tête, mais tu étais avec Carol et c'était tout ce qui comptait. Alors que tu expliquais à Carol comment tu pensais aménager le salon, une étoile filante avait fait son apparition. Tu t'étais interrompue pour la pointer du doigt.

- Fais un vœu.

Tu avais écouté Carol. Tu avais fermé les yeux et souhaité toujours rester dans cette bulle avec elle. Quand tu les avais rouverts, tu avais découvert Carol en train de te regarder avec tendresse.

- Fais-en un aussi.

Tout comme toi quelques secondes auparavant, Carol avait fermé les yeux avant de réfléchir à son souhait.

- Tu penses qu'on est seules dans l'univers ? avait soudainement demandé Carol.

- Je pense pas, non. Ça serait triste de se dire qu'on est seules.

- C'est vrai, mais d'un côté pas tellement, t'avait dit Carol, te faisant froncer les sourcils.

- Qu'est-ce que tu veux dire ?

- Si on est vraiment seuls, ça veut dire que j'avais peu de chance d'exister et pourtant c'est le cas et surtout j'existe en même temps que toi. Et si on est pas seuls, je reste quand même chanceuse, car ça veut dire que parmi toutes les autres forment de vie, je suis née sur la même planète que toi, avait-elle répondu alors que tu la regardais avec un sourire moqueur. Quoi ? C'est pas parce qu'on habite ensemble que je dois arrêter de flirter avec toi.

- Tu es fleur bleue, mais je t'aime pour ça, avais-tu confessé avant de l'embrasser chastement.

- Moi aussi.

- S'il y avait une autre forme de vie sur une planète, tu penses qu'elle ressemblerait à quoi ?

- Laisse-moi une minute…, avait commencé Carol en regardant en l'air pour réfléchir. J'imagine bien une planète où les gens chantent au lieu de parler.

- Quoi ? Mais qu'est-ce que ça veut dire ? avais-tu rigolé, perdue.

- Leur langue, c'est le chant, avait insisté Carol comme si c'était logique.

- Donc ils parleraient en anglais comme nous sauf qu'ils chantent ? C'est totalement ridicule ! C'est impossible.

- Et pourquoi pas ? T'es experte en vie extraterrestre ? avait-elle rétorqué sur un ton faussement outrée.

- Non, mais ce que tu viens de dire n'a pas de sens.

- Tu peux juste pas comprendre.

- Je comprends que tu veux surtout pouvoir montrer tes talents en chant n'importe où, avais-tu dit en riant.

- Peut-être. A ton tour, comment tu imagines une vie sur une autre planète ?

- Déjà, ils chantent pas, avais-tu répondu, en te moquant. Mais sinon, j'imagine une planète où tu peux manger que du sucré. Leur repas, c'est que des gâteaux, glaces, que des choses sucrées.

- Et ma supposition était bête ? avait déclaré Carol en rigolant.

- C'est déjà plus réaliste !

- Mais bien sûr ! Tu dis juste ça car tu adores le sucre et que tu veux en manger sans conséquence.

- Peut-être. Dommage qu'on saura jamais qui de nous deux a raison. Ce n'est pas maintenant qu'on risque de découvrir une vie extraterrestre.

- On ne sait jamais ! Et puis, je suis sûre qu'à nous deux, on peut le faire. Tu fais le vaisseau spatial et je le pilote, avait-elle dit, alors que tu avais pris un air dramatique.

- Est-ce que t'es vraiment en train de suggérer que je dois t'aider alors que j'ai zéro connaissance en vaisseau spatial juste pour que tu m'abandonnes ici ? Je suis outrée.

- Tu sais très bien que je t'abandonnerais jamais, t'avait assuré Carol en prenant ta main. Et puis, si je devais un jour visiter l'espace sans toi, je reviendrai vers toi.

- Tu le promets ? avais-tu demandé en plongeant tes yeux dans les siens.

- Je promets de toujours revenir vers toi.

- Dans ce cas là, je promets de toujours t'attendre.

Cette nuit est à jamais gravé dans ta mémoire ; cette promesse que vous avez faite, vous l'avez toujours tenue, même quand Carol a été déclarée morte. Sans avoir de réel souvenir de toi, elle est revenue et toi, tu l'as attendue. C'est pour cette raison que ton cœur avait fait un bon quand Carol avait presque répété mot pour mot votre promesse sans en avoir conscience, ça te donne espoir qu'un jour, tout ira bien. Pour l'instant, tu es condamnée à te rappeler toute seule.

Tandis que tu sors tes outils, tu te demandes si Carol pense autant à toi que tu ne penses à elle. Est-ce qu'elle pense à toi aussi facilement ? Est-ce qu'elle a besoin de beaucoup d'éléments avant de penser à toi ? Est-ce que penser à toi est aussi douloureux ?

Tu secoues vite la tête, ne voulant pas te torturer plus, et décides de te concentrer sur tes réparations.

Un an est passé depuis le départ de Carol et toujours pas de nouvelles. S'il lui était arrivé quelque chose, on t'aurait prévenue donc tout va bien. En tout cas, c'est ce que tu te répètes chaque soir avant d'aller te coucher. Tu as hésité à appeler Fury à de nombreuses reprises, mais il a sûrement des choses plus importantes à faire, alors tu attends.

Depuis le temps, tu es devenue maîtresse dans l'art de distraire ton cerveau, surtout pendant la semaine quand tu travailles. Cependant, chez toi, avec tous les souvenirs de Carol à porter de main, c'est plus compliqué.

Aujourd'hui, c'est ton jour de repos et tu pensais pouvoir distraire ton cerveau en regardant la télé. Toutefois, même quand tu fais ceci, tu n'es pas à l'abri d'un souvenir de Carol. Alors que tu regardes une série, une scène dans un hôpital apparaît sur l'écran et, malgré toi, tu repenses à la première fois où tu as pensé perdre Carol.

Quand on t'avait informée que Carol avait dû éjecter lors d'un entraînement ce qui a causé une blessure grave, tu avais senti ton monde s'arrêter. Ta respiration s'était accélérée pendant que tu étais partie pour l'hôpital telle une furie.

En entrant dans la chambre, tu avais trouvé Carol allongée sur son lit, des bleus sur le visage et plusieurs pansements sur les bras. Quand ses yeux s'étaient posés sur toi, Carol t'avait fait un sourire forcé, craignant ta réaction.

- Mon Dieu, Carol ! Tu vas bien ? avais-tu demandé, inquiète et en te rapprochant d'elle.

- Oui, juste une petite commotion cérébrale, avait-elle répondu sur un ton léger.

- "Petite" ?

- Viens, ma puce, on va aller s'acheter un snack, avait dit Maria à Monica, tu n'avais même pas vu qu'elles étaient là.

Maria avait pris la main de Monica et l'avait accompagnée vers la sortie. Quand la porte s'était refermée, tu n'avais pas attendu une seconde avant de reprendre la parole.

- Tu m'as tellement fait peur ! Quand on m'a prévenu que tu étais à l'hôpital, j'ai…, avais-tu repris sans avoir la force de finir ta phrase.

- Désolée. Je ne voulais pas t'inquiéter.

- J'ai cru que je t'avais perdue pendant une seconde.

- Tu ne te débarrasseras pas de moi aussi facilement.

- Je rigole pas, Carol ! avais-tu rétorqué, les yeux larmoyant. Je ne sais pas ce que j'aurais fait si tu… si tu avais été morte. Je ne peux pas te perdre.

- Je reviendrai toujours vers toi, tu te rappelles ? t'avait affirmé ta petite amie. Après, j'avais pas précisé dans quel état.

- Tu sais très bien que tu peux pas réellement me promettre ce genre de chose, avais-tu corrigé, sans relever sa blague. On ne sait jamais ce qui peut arriver. Aujourd'hui en est la preuve. Si tu n'avais pas éjecté à temps ou si tu étais mal tombée…

- Le fait est que je suis en vie, avait-interrompu Carol en prenant ta main. Y/N, écoute, tu as raison. Il y aura toujours un risque, mais je peux te promettre que je ferai toujours tout pour revenir vers toi. Peu importe la situation, t'avait-elle assuré tandis que tu avais pris une profonde inspiration.

- Ma promesse ne change pas, je t'attendrai toujours, peu importe la situation.

En entendant ta phrase, Carol avait été satisfaite de te voir un peu plus rassurée. Elle espérait qu'elle n'aurait jamais à te faire attendre trop longtemps, si un jour elle venait à se perdre ou pire si malgré ses efforts, elle n'arrivait pas à revenir.

- Désolée de t'avoir fait peur, s'était-elle excusée avant de se décaler légèrement dans le lit. Viens là.

- Je ne veux pas te faire mal.

- Tu ne me feras pas mal, avait affirmé ta petite amie.

En faisant attention, tu étais montée dans son lit. Carol avait enroulé ses bras autour de toi, ignorant la douleur. Tu avais posé ta tête sur sa poitrine, écoutant chaque battement de son cœur.

Après ce jour-là, Carol n'avait jamais brisé cette promesse. Même s'il lui avait fallu six ans et une perte de mémoire, elle avait effectivement retrouvé son chemin vers toi. C'est en te remémorant ceci que tu avais espoir de la retrouver auprès de toi un jour. Si elle l'avait fait une fois, elle pouvait le refaire à nouveau.

La sonnerie du téléphone te sort de tes pensées et de ton feuilleton. Tu te lèves et te diriges vers le mur où est fixé le combiné. Tu réponds et entends la voix de Maria.

- Tout va bien ? Je ne te dérange pas, j'espère.

- Non, ne t'inquiète pas, je regardais la télé.

- Elle a eu des nouvelles de Tata Carol ? demande Monica en arrière plan.

- Je vois que Monica est toujours à l'affût, rigoles-tu.

- T'as pas idée !

- Alors, tu as eu des nouvelles ? répètes Monica et étant donné que la voix est plus proche, tu devines qu'elle a arraché le téléphone des mains de sa mère.

- Non, rien, ma chérie, désolée, réponds-tu, gênée. Comme toujours, la seconde où j'apprends quelque chose, je te préviens, c'est promis.

- D'accord, merci, dit-elle avec une petite voix. Bisous Tata Y/N.

- Tu as téléphoné à Fury ? te demande Maria une fois qu'elle a repris le téléphone.

- Je… J'ai pas osé, avoues-tu en soupirant. Il a sûrement plus important à faire que de s'occuper d'une petite amie… ex-petite amie, inquiète, dis-tu en jouant avec le fil du téléphone. Il doit chercher la prochaine menace sur Terre et hors de la Terre aussi maintenant.

- C'est vrai, mais peut-être que Carol l'a contacté et qu'il nous a rien dit car il pensait qu'elle nous a parlé. Ça vaut le coup de lui passer un coup de fil, affirme Maria.

- Tu as raison, je le ferai.

Maria n'attends pas une seconde de plus et enchaîne avec la raison pour laquelle elle t'a originalement appelée, tandis que tu repenses à ce qu'elle vient te dire. Appeler Fury ne te coûte rien et ainsi, tu pourras sûrement avoir des informations sur comment va Carol. Par conséquent, quand Maria et toi raccrochez, tu récupères la carte avec le numéro de Fury et composes le numéro. Tu entends trois tonalités avant qu'il décroche.

- Agent Fury, que puis-je faire pour vous ?

- Bonjour, je m'excuse de vous déranger, c'est Y/N, l'amie de Carol.

- Oh, bonjour ! Ne me dites pas que des Krees viennent d'arriver dans votre jardin, dit-il sur un ton désespéré.

- Je vous rassure, tout va bien de ce côté là, rigoles-tu.

- Parfait, alors comment puis-je vous aider ?

- Est-ce que vous avez eu des nouvelles de Carol ? demandes-tu après avoir marqué une pause. Ça fait un an et elle nous a pas parlé, mais comme on ne peut pas communiquer avec l'espace, c'est normal, j'imagine. Peut-être qu'avec votre technologie, elle a pu vous contacter.

- On a la technologie nécessaire, en effet, mais non. Depuis qu'elle est partie, je n'ai rien entendu, t'informe Fury, te brisant le cœur malgré lui.

- Oh.

- Je suis sûre qu'elle va bien, tente-t-il de te rassurer. Elle est forte et s'il lui était arrivé malheur, Talos m'aurait prévenu. Je peux également communiquer avec lui.

- Bon à savoir.

- Je m'excuse, j'aimerais pouvoir vous donner plus d'information.

- Ce n'est pas grave, dis-tu en essayant de contrôler le tremblement dans ta voix. Je vais vous laisser. Merci pour votre réponse.

En raccrochant, tu ne peux t'empêcher de souffler. Ce n'est pas la réponse que tu espérais. Tu appréhendes encore plus d'avouer à Monica que tu ne sais toujours rien. Tu vois bien qu'elle désespère un peu plus chaque jour et tu dois avouer que c'est également ton cas.

Bien que Monica ait quinze ans, Maria te demande de venir la surveiller quand elle doit s'absenter plusieurs jours.

Lorsqu'elle rentre des cours, vous commencez à discuter et à préparer le repas du soir. Monica est une vraie boule d'énergie, elle a besoin de te raconter les moindres détails de sa journée en plus de te parler du dernier livre sur l'espace qu'elle a lu — elle s'est passionnée pour ce domaine depuis qu'elle a découvert l'existence des Krees et des Skrulls.

Après trois ans, Monica a arrêté de te demander si tu as des nouvelles de Carol. Elle s'était mise à poser la question moins régulièrement après un an d'attente ; maintenant ça a fait plus de six mois que le prénom de Carol n'a pas quitté ses lèvres. D'un côté, tu te dis qu'au moins tu n'as plus à lui briser le cœur en continue, cependant, ça te fend le cœur de voir que Monica a perdu tout espoir. Autrefois, ses yeux s'illuminaient quand on parlait de sa Tata Carol, maintenant ils s'assombrissent et elle se referme sur elle-même. Tu ignores comment arranger la situation. Même Maria t'a dit qu'elle était aussi perdue que toi.

Par conséquent, Monica s'occupe l'esprit avec des hobbies et ses amies. Ce soir ne fait pas exception. Vous venez de finir de manger et Monica t'aide à débarrasser la table.

- Est-ce que je peux me coucher plus tard ? demande Monica en te faisant des yeux de chien battu. Il y a un nouvel épisode de ma série. Juste un épisode et après je vais me coucher, promis !

- Ça dépend, commences-tu, sachant déjà que tu vas craquer, tu as fini tous tes devoirs ?

- Oui, j'ai même pris de l'avance sur ceux des prochains jours.

- Bon, très bien, acceptes-tu, malgré toi, mais seulement ce soir et pas un mot à maman !

- T'es géniale ! Merci Tata Y/N, s'exclame-t-elle en te serrant rapidement contre elle.

Monica court jusqu'au salon alors que tu commences à faire la vaisselle. Tu laves d'abord les verres puis, les assiettes, enfin, tu t'attaques aux couverts. Quand tu prends la première fourchette, tu ne peux t'empêcher de la regarder avec précision tandis qu'un souvenir avec Carol te revient en mémoire, même en faisant la vaisselle, tu n'es pas en sécurité.

Vous fêtiez vos trois ans ensemble dans votre maison. Carol avait tenu à te faire un effort en te concoctant un plat. Vous vous étiez mises sur votre trente-et-un, excitée à l'idée de passer un moment romantique ensemble.

Quand Carol t'avait servi le plat, elle avait pris ta fourchette avec de la nourriture au bout et l'avait amenée à tes lèvres, comme si elle était une mère voulant nourrir son enfant. Tu avais rigolé en prenant la première bouchée de ce qu'elle avait cuisiné. Toutefois, les rires avaient vite laissé place à la surprise. Ce qu'elle avait fait était délicieux. Tu ignorais que Carol avait autant de talent culinaire. Fière de ta réaction, Carol t'avait redonné ta fourchette, te permettant de manger seule alors qu'elle attaquait son assiette.

Lorsque ce fut l'heure du dessert, c'était tes talents qui était mis à l'honneur. Tu avais préparé le dessert préféré de Carol. Avec un immense sourire sur son visage, elle avait commencé à manger le gâteau sans attendre une seconde. Quand vous aviez fini de manger, Carol avait pris ta main et plongé ses yeux dans les tiens, un air tendre sur son visage.

- Je veux ça jusqu'à la fin de ma vie. Je veux me réveiller à tes côtés chaque jour de mon existence, je veux rire, pleurer, danser. Chaque chose aussi insignifiante soit elle, je veux les faire avec toi. Être avec toi est la meilleure chose qui me soit arrivée. Je ne veux jamais te perdre, avait-elle affirmé en posant sa main de libre sur ta joue. Même si on essayait de me séparer de toi, je trouverai un moyen de revenir. Peu importe ce qui pourrait m'arriver, rien ne pourrait me tenir éloignée de toi. Et pour cette raison, avait continué Carol en sortant un écrin de sa poche et en posant un genou à terre, je serais la femme la plus heureuse si tu acceptais de m'avoir à tes côtés pour toujours. Je ne sais que techniquement on ne peut pas se marier, mais on peut le faire à notre façon. Qu'est-ce que tu en dis ?

Tu avais regardé Carol avec les yeux grands ouverts. Sans que tu puisses te retenir, des larmes de joies avaient coulé sur tes joues. Ton regard s'était posé sur la bague qu'elle te tendait. Elle était fine, avec un simple diamant, c'était exactement ce que tu voulais. Carol te connaissait si bien qu'elle n'avait pas eu besoin de te consulter pour trouver ta bague parfaite. Ta bouche se fermaient et se rouvraient, ignorant quoi dire. Tu avais pris une profonde inspiration avant de plonger la main dans ta poche et de sortir également un écrin.

- J'avais prévu la même chose, avais-tu avoué en lui montrant la bague qui était parfaitement au goût de Carol. Bien sûr que je le veux, avais-tu déclaré en te mettant à genoux et en l'embrassant. J'avais prévu tout un discours, maintenant il paraîtrait ridicule à côté du tien et je suis trop émue pour m'en rappeler. Tu m'as volé la vedette.

- Désolée, avait rigolé Carol. Promis, je saurai me racheter.

- Embrasse-moi à nouveau et ça sera fait.

Pas besoin de le dire deux fois à Carol. Elle s'était relevée et t'avait invité à faire de même. Quand vous étiez face à face, Carol avait placé la bague sur ton doigt puis, tu avais fait de même avec la bague que tu lui avais offerte. Ensuite, elle avait posé ses mains sur tes joues et avait rapproché son visage du tien avant de poser ses lèvres sur les tiennes.

- Tata Y/N, t'appelle Monica depuis l'entrée de la cuisine et te faisant sortir de tes pensées.

- Oui ? Ton épisode est fini ? demandes-tu, en coupant l'eau alors que Monica se rapproche de toi.

- Non, c'est la pub. Tu as besoin d'aide ? Ça fait un moment que tu fais la vaisselle.

- Oh, euh, non, merci. J'étais distraite, c'est tout, réponds-tu en essayant de paraitre naturelle.

- Tu penses que…, commence-t-elle en jouant avec ses mains, tu penses que Tata Carol nous a oubliées à nouveau ?

- Quoi ? Bien sûr que non ! affirmes-tu sur un ton doux.

- Alors pourquoi est-ce qu'elle nous ignore ? On dirait qu'on ne compte pas pour elle. Après tout, elle nous considère peut-être plus autant comme ça famille qu'avant, déclare Monica, une expression triste sur son visage.

- Monica, écoute-moi bien, commences-tu en la forçant à te regarder, Carol tient encore à nous. Je n'ai pas besoin de le savoir pour en être certaine. Elle doit juste s'occuper de beaucoup de choses. C'est Captain Marvel maintenant, elle a beaucoup de responsabilités. Elle doit stopper la guerre entre les Krees et les Skrulls, on ignore combien de temps ça peut prendre et qui sait quelles autres missions elle peut avoir entre temps. Elle s'occupe de plusieurs galaxies à elle tout seule. C'est normal qu'elle ait pas le temps de nous contacter.

- C'est vrai, mais juste un message pour nous prévenir qu'elle va bien ne serait pas de trop, rétorque-t-elle et même si tu penses comme elle, tu ne montres rien.

- Je suis sûre qu'elle le fera bientôt.

- Ce genre de phrase marchait quand j'étais petite. Je n'y crois plus, dit Monica avant de tourner sa tête vers la porte de la cuisine. La pub est finie, ajoute-t-elle en se retournant.

- Monica…, tentes-tu de la retenir, mais elle te laisses seule dans la cuisine.

Tu ne peux pas en vouloir à Monica d'être aussi pessimiste. Son cœur est brisé de ne pas revoir sa marraine et aucun de tes mots ne peut lui mettre du baume dessus. Tu soupires, te sentant de plus en plus désespérée. Malgré ce que tu viens de lui dire, tu ressens la même chose qu'elle. Tu sais que ce n'est pas le cas, mais tu as l'impression que Carol vous a effectivement oubliées. Sauf que cette fois, ce n'est pas à cause des Krees, mais parce qu'elle vous a abandonnées de son plein gré. Tu as l'impression que vous êtes le cadet des soucis de Carol. Tu sais que c'est ridicule et égoïste de penser ça, il y a des choses plus importantes, mais avant d'être Captain Marvel, elle était Carol Danvers, votre Carol. Tu aimerais juste avoir un signe aussi petite soit-il que ça soit encore le cas, qu'elle pense encore à vous, qu'elle reviendra.

Allongée sur le lit de son vaisseau, Carol a la capsule sur sa tête. Elle ferme ses yeux, prend une profonde inspiration et commence ses recherches sur les moments de sa vie qui ne lui sont toujours pas revenus.

Carol entrait dans le bar, accompagnée de Maria, un sourire fier au visage. Après ses durs efforts, Carol avait réussi à devenir plus forte. Les membres de l'Académie commençaient à la prendre un peu plus au sérieux, bien que certains hommes persistaient à être mauvais. Pour célébrer leur avancée, elles avaient décidé d'aller au bar pas très loin de l'Académie.

Maria était allée s'installer à une table non loin du flipper tandis que Carol se dirigeait vers le bar. Accoudée sur le comptoir, Carol attendait qu'un employé la remarque. Elle avait vite perdu patience, se tournant vers Maria pour montrer son agacement en roulant les yeux, ce qui l'avait faite rire. Elle avait ramené son attention au comptoir quand une voix féminine s'était faite entendre.

- Excusez-moi pour l'attente, que voulez-vous commander ?

- Je voudrais…, avait commencé Carol sur un ton las en se retournant avant de se stopper, Hey, bonjour, avait-elle repris avec un sourire pour tenter de cacher la panique qu'elle ressentait face à ta beauté, pas grave pour l'attente, vous travaillez dur et je pourrais vous attendre toute la nuit, je… Je veux dire, je vais vous prendre deux bières, s'il vous plaît.

- Je vous attrape ça tout de suite, avais-tu répondu avec un léger rire face à sa réponse maladroite.

- Merci, Y/N, t'avait-elle remercié après avoir jeté un coup d’œil à ton badge sur ta poitrine.

- Il n'y a pas de quoi.

Tu t'étais légèrement éloignée afin de récupérer deux bières et de les ouvrir. En retournant vers l'aviatrice, tu avais posé les boissons devant elle. Elle n'avait pas bougé pendant une seconde, comme si son cerveau n'avait pas réalisé que c'était le moment où elle devait retourner vers Maria avec les bières.

- Je m'appelle Carol, au fait, s'était-elle présentée avant d'être gênée. Je sais pas pourquoi je viens de vous dire ça, vous ne m'avez pas demandé. Et puis, vous avez plus important à faire. Désolée. Je vais aller voir mon amie qui m'attend, là-bas, avait ajouté Carol en pointant vers Maria.

- Pas de soucis. Si besoin, je suis là jusqu'à deux heures du matin, avais-tu dit avec un sourire charmeur.

- Je prends note.

Soudainement, Carol ouvre les yeux pendant qu'une larme coule qui fait son chemin vers son oreille. Carol enlève la capsule de sa tête et essuie rapidement son visage.

Elle l'a fait.

Elle a enfin réussi à se rappeler de la première fois où elle t'a vue. Depuis qu'elle t'a quittée, elle se bat chaque jour pour retrouver ses souvenirs. Certains sont plus faciles que d'autres — elle a réussi à se rappeler de Monica assez facilement, pour Maria, c'est aussi complexe que pour toi. Après plus de cinq ans d'acharnement, elle a enfin pu se rappeler un élément clé de votre relation ; il y a tellement d'autres moments importants qu'elle ignore, contrairement à toi, toutes les étapes importantes de votre relation son perdues dans un coin de sa tête qu'elle n'arrive pas à atteindre.

Elle sait qu'elle pourrait te demander de parler de votre histoire, mais elle n'ose pas. Elle aimerait pouvoir vous parler, à toi, Maria et Monica, mais si elle doit revenir, c'est que tout peut redevenir comme avant, qu'elle a arrangé la situation avec les Krees et les Skrulls — même s'il semblerait qu'elle n'a fait qu'aggraver la situation — et surtout qu'elle a réussi à retrouver tous les pans de son identité. Si elle revient vers toi, elle veut pouvoir être la Carol que tu connaissais, que tu aimais. Elle veut pouvoir rigoler avec toi en reparlant d'un moment mondain que vous avez vécu, tel que la fois où Carol s'était moquée de toi car il y avait une minuscule araignée inoffensive dans la douche et que tu avais eu peur.

Carol veut pouvoir retourner vers toi, non plus comme une femme à la recherche de son passé, mais comme la femme que tu aimes encore. Elle a juste peur que le moment où ça sera le cas, ça sera trop tard pour toi. Elle ignore si tu l'attendras éternellement. Et pourtant, si seulement elle savait que tu la veux juste à tes côtés à nouveau, peu importe quelle version de Carol elle est.

Marvel Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

I'll Always Come Back To You - Carol Danvers

Marvel Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

Summary : At the same time you discovered Carol was actually alive, she had to leave again and you can't stop thinking about her and the relationship you had while you wait for her to come back, however, it feels like she isn't thinking about you as much as you do or four times you reminisce about Carol and one time she does.

Warnings : set just after Captain Marvel so in the 90s, italics are flashbacks, angst, mention of plane crash, hospital, mention of death (Carol's "death"), angst, quick mention of same-sex marriage being illegal, sad ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 5.8k

French version

Song inspiration : How Many Things by Sabrina Carpenter

You park your car in front of the Rambeaus' house. As you get out of your vehicle, your eyes can't help but stare at the right side of the stairs leading to the front door. Just by seeing those stairs and this damn banister, your heart tightens in your chest as you think back to Carol and the last time you all were at Maria's, reunited, three weeks ago.

You just discovered Carol wasn't dead. She had survived the crash, contrary to what was declared six years ago. She had also been kidnapped by the Krees which you knew nothing of before seeing her again. What was the most difficult for you that day wasn't to discover you had spent the last six years grieving Carol when she was actually alive; no, the most difficult part was discovering she had lost her memories. Not only did she not remember she was from Earth, she didn't remember anything from her past life, not Monica, not Maria and especially not you.

The second Maria called you to tell you she had something important to divulge to you, you were expecting anything but this. You even got angry at first, telling her she shouldn't joke about what really happened to Carol. Then, Carol appeared in the room and as soon as her eyes set on you, there was no tenderness in them. Aforetime, she looked at you like you hung up the Moon and the stars; however, at that moment, she looked at you like a stranger, worst like a potential threat. She then explained to you that she feared you might be a Skrull — whatever that meant. You were too shocked to react as you saw the love of your life in front of you. Though, you pushed away your shock to use your knowledge in mechanics to help Carol modified a Quadjet with the help of a Skrull named Norex — that was when you understood this far-fetched story was actually real.

You were scared to talk to Carol while she helped Talos to find back her family in Lawson's lab. You didn't know what to tell her which was weird considering you used to share your every thought with her. Even when you ate at Maria's the night once everything was settled, you kept your distance. Carol remembered a few things once she destroyed the Supreme Intelligence; nevertheless, considering she hadn't thrown herself at you, you guessed she didn't recall anything about you. With your heart bleeding, you only acted as a friend with her.

At one point, you couldn't handle it anymore; being this close and yet this far away from her was a real torture. You didn't think Carol could make you suffer anymore after holding a funeral without any body to bury. As a consequence, you went outside to catch some air and most of all to be alone. A few tears streamed down your face, despite all your efforts to hold them back. As you heard the main door opening, you quickly dried your cheeks, expecting to see Monica's face, therefore you put on the smile you reserved only for her; however, Carol was the one who came in front you, making you smile smaller as you didn't know what else to do.

"I… I needed to catch some air," you explained, avoiding her gaze.

"Me too. May I ask you a question?" Carol questioned.

"'Course."

"What were you for me? I got some memories back with you in it. We were kissing. Were we… Were we a couple?"

You were taken aback by her question. Your eyes quickly went from her face to your feet while you took a deep breath before answering her.

"Yes, we were."

Having to use past tense to talk about you two left a bitter taste in your mouth.

"We met when you were at the Academy," you added. "I was working in a bar to finance my Mechanics studies and you came into the bar one night with Monica. It took us a year to get together."

"I suppose we were still a couple when the Krees found me?" Carol asked with difficulty.

"Yes, we were even engaged; I mean in our own way."

"I can't imagine how hard it must have been to think I was dead all this time."

"What was mostly hard was not knowing what truly happened," you admitted, tearing up like you always did. "I mean, I worked on the P.E.G.A.S.U.S. project so I had some information about the crash, but the fact is, they quickly classified what happened and then, we couldn't find your body. Burying an empty casket is… awful," you informed, the moment still fresh in your mind. "You don't know what truly happened to the person and yet, they have to be declared dead and buried and you have to grieve while not knowing what happened. Did the person suffer? Did they die on the spot? Did they have a last thought for someone in particular? So many questions left unanswered. That was the hardest part," you said, wiping a tear off. "And now, learning all of this pain was for nothing in a way because you were alive from the start but without any memory of your past life… It is complicated to assimilate. Though, I imagine it's the same for you. Learning the last six years of your life were lies must have been hard, too."

"Yes, it is," she replied, tears in her eyes. "I'm frustrated, a lot, and angry but also sad because without wanting it, I hurt the people I love. I want to change that. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore," Carol affirmed, taking a step towards you.

"You can't blame yourself for this, you didn't know."

Seeing the expression of guilt on Carol's face broke your heart. You wished you could have hold her or at least hold her hand, however you held yourself back.

"That's true, but I still feel bad. Because of this, I fought on the oppressor side. I'm going to do better, though. I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna fix this situation with the Skrulls and with Maria, Monica and you."

"You don't have to fix anything with us. We're not mad at you. I'm not mad at you," you stated, genuine.

"So why have you been distant all night? At first, I thought it was the shock of learning the truth, but there's more."

"I didn't want to make things awkward for you. There's no instruction on how to act in this kind of situation... Now that you know about us, I don't want you to think I'm here waiting for us to get back together. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still love you, I never stopped; however, I don't want you to feel any pressure from me. We have just discovered so many thing in so little time and I think we need some time to figure what it means. I especially think you need time to figure what you want to do. You said you wanted to fix things with the Skrulls that means you're leaving, aren't you?" you asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, I have to help them, I owe them this. I don't know how long it's going to take me, but that doesn't mean I won't ever come back. I'll always come back," she affirmed and at her words, your heart skipped a beat in your chest; notwithstanding, you let nothing show.

"I'll be there, waiting for you," you promised with a small smile. "If one day, you want to know more about the Carol I knew, I'll be glad to answer all of your questions."

"I'd love this. I'm sure you have many stories to tell me."

"I have loads of them, cute ones and embarrassing ones. You know, I wouldn't be mad at you if, in the long run, you realized you preferred for us to stay friends. A lot of things can change in six years. Just knowing you're alive is enough for me."

"I was very lucky to have you in my life," Carol affirmed, taking your hands, making your smile bigger on your face.

"I was luckier."

The noise of the door opening made both of you jump. Quickly, you took your hand away from Carol's while she clears her throat. You didn't dare to look in each other's eyes while Maria walked through the front door.

"Here you two are, I was looking for you two! Is everything alright ?"

"Yes," you simply replied.

Maria walked to you and put herself in front of Carol. She made her promise to come back to see you all which she immediately promised. Monica came a few minutes later, Carol's jacket in her hand and gave it to her. While Carol said goodbye to Monica and Maria, she glanced at you from time to time and this time, you could see tenderness in her eyes. Sure, they weren't as sparkling as they used to, but you could see a part of her was still attached to you now that she gained some memories back and she knew you weren't a threat. Carol took Monica in her arms first, then Maria before going to you. You expected an awkward hug, however Carol held you tight against her, enjoying the contact of your body against hers. You hid your face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her scent like you were accustomed to. As soon as you broke the hug, Carol smiled to you one last time before running and flying up in the air. As you looked at her flying in the stars, you made the most of every second until you couldn't see her anymore.

Hearing the front door open and Maria's voice, you snap out of your head. You blink the tears away then you greet your friend while she starts talking about the improvements that should be made on her plan. Wanting to forget the pain in your heart, you listen every word Maria is saying, though Carol continues to linger in a corner of your mind.

Carol hasn't left this corner in your mind even six months later. She keeps haunting your every waking thought.

You worry about her, you wonder if she is okay, if she found a way to help the Skrulls, if she'll come back soon. As time goes by, you imagined Carol would be less in your mind, yet, you just need to look at your roof to think about her again. You just need to go on your roof to fix it to think back to the first night you two spent in your house.

Buying a house together was a big milestone in your relationship. The day you got the keys, you were on cloud nine all day and also all night. After spending most of the day unpacking boxes, you took a break and took out the ladder to go on the roof. You sat down, beer in hands while your head was on her shoulder. As you looked at the stars, you started talking. The conversation was just nonsense you didn't care, though you were with Carol and that was all that mattered. As you explained to Carol how you wanted to arrange the living room, a shooting start appeared in the night sky. You cut yourself and pointed it with your finger.

"Make a wish."

You did what Carol said. You closed your eyes and made the wish to always stay in this bubble with her. Once you opened them, you found Carol gazing at you with love in her eyes.

"Make one, too."

Just like you a few seconds earlier, Carol closed her eyes before pondering about her wish.

"Do you think we're alone in the universe?" Carol suddenly asked.

"I don't think so, no. It'd be sad if we were."

"That's true but in a way not so much," Carol said, making you frown.

"What do you mean?"

"If we are truly alone, that mean my chances to exist were low and yet, I do and I exist at the same time as you. And if we're not alone, I'm still lucky because that means that among all the other planet I could have been born, I was born in the same as yours." she answered while you looked at her with a mocking smile. "What? Just because we live together doesn't mean I have to stop flirting with you."

"You're cheesy but I love you for it," you confessed, pecking her lips.

"Me, too."

"If there was another form of life, what do you think it'd look like?"

"Give me a minute…," Carol started, looking up as a way to use her imagination. "I'd imagine a planet where people sing instead of talking."

"What? What does that even mean?" you laughed, confused.

"Their language, it's singing," Carol insisted as if it was logical.

"So they'd speak English like us except they'd sing? That's absurd! It's impossible."

"And why not? Are you an expert on aliens?" she retorted, faking outrage.

"No, however I know what you just said doesn't make any sense."

"You just don't get it."

"I get you just want to show off your singing talent wherever you are," you said, chuckling.

"Maybe. Your turn, how would you imagine a life on another planet?"

"For starters, they wouldn't sing," you replied, mocking her. "Anyway, I'd imagine a planet where you can only eat sweet. Their meals are only cakes, ice creams and all."

"And what I imagined was stupid?" Carol stated, giggling.

"It's more realistic than what you said!"

"Yeah, sure! You only say this because you have a sweet tooth and because you wanna eat without consequences."

"Maybe. Too bad we'll never know which one of us is right. We're not gonna discover extraterritorial life now."

"We never know! And also, I'm sure we can do it. You make the spaceship and I fly it," she said as you had a dramatic expression on your face.

"Are you seriously implying I have to help you with zero knowledge on to make a spaceship just so you can leave me here? I'm appalled!"

"You know very well I'll never leave you behind," Carol assured you, taking your hand. "Besides, if I ever had to visit space without you one day, I'll always come back to you."

"You promise?" you asked, looking her deeply in her eyes.

"I promise to always come back to you."

"In that case, I promise to always wait for you."

That night is forever engraved in your memory. You never broke the promise you made that night, even when Carol was said to be dead; without remembering you, she came back to you as you waited for her. That's why your heart skipped a beat the second Carol almost repeated your promise word for word without knowing it. It gave you hope that one day, everything will be okay. For now, you're just condemned to remember her alone.

As you take out your tools, you wonder if Carol consider you as much as you do. Does she think about you easily? How many thing she thinks about before she gets to you? Is thinking about you as painful as it is for you?

You shake your head, not wanting to torture yourself even more and decide to focus back on fixing your roof.

One year has gone by since Carol's departure and still no news from her. If something had happened to her, you would have been warned so everything is okay. At least, that's what you keep telling yourself every night before going to bed. You've hesitated to call Fury several times, but he probably has more important things to do so you wait.

After all this time, you've mastered the art of distracting your brain, especially when you're working during the week. Howbeit, at home, with every memory of Carol within easy reach, it's harder.

Today, it's your day off and you decided to divert your brain by watching the TV. However, even when you do this, you're not safe from a flashback about Carol. while you're watching a TV show, a scene in a hospital appears on your screen and in spite of yourself, you ponder about the first time you thought you lost Carol.

The minute you got the information Carol had to eject while training which caused her to get severely hurt, you felt your whole world stopped. Your breath quickened when you ran to the hospital.

Upon entering the room, you found Carol lying in bed, bruises on her face and several bandages on her arms. Once her eyes landed on you, Carol forced a smile, fearing your reaction.

"My God, Carol! You're alright?" you asked, worried and getting closer to her.

"Yeah, just a small concussion," she replied with a light tone.

"'Small'"?

"Come, sweetie, let's go buy a snack real quick," Maria told Monica, you hadn't seen when you entered the room.

Maria took Monica's hand before walking to the door. Once they closed it behind them, you didn't wait a second before talking again.

"You really scared me! When I got the call you were in the hospital, I…," you resumed without having the strength to finish your sentence.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you."

"I thought I lost you for a second."

"You won't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm not joking, Carol!" you retorted, tearing up. "I don't know what I would've done if you… if you had died. I can't lose you."

"I'll always come back to you, remember?" your girlfriend reminded you. "Though, I didn't specify in what state."

"You know very well you can't promise me this kind of stuff," you corrected, not paying attention to her joke. "We never know what can happen. Today is the proof of that. If you hadn't ejected on time or if you had a bad fall…"

"The fact is, I'm alive," Carol interrupted you, taking your hand. "Y/N, look, you're right. There'll always be a risk but I can promise you I'll always try my best to come back to you. No matter the situation," she assured you while you took a deep breath.

"My promise doesn't change, I'll always wait for you, no matter the situation."

The second she heard your sentence, Carol was satisfied to see you were a bit more reassured. She hoped she'd never have to make you wait too long, if one day she were to get lost or worst, that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't come back.

"Sorry for scaring you," she apologized before lightly shifting in the bed. "Come here."

"I don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't," your girlfriend affirmed.

While being careful, you got on the bed. Carol put her arms around you, ignoring the pain. You lay your head on her chest, listening to her steady heartbeats.

After that day, Carol never broke that version of your promise as well. Even if it took her six years, new powers and a memory loss, she did find a way to return to you. It's when you remember those things that you still have hope to have her close to you again one day. If she did it once, she can do it again.

Your phone ringing snaps you out of your thoughts and your show. You get up and walk to the wall where the phone is. You answer and your hear Maria's voice.

"Everything alright? Hope I'm not bothering you."

"No, don't worry, I was just watching TV."

"Did she have news about Auntie Carol?" Monica asks in the background.

"I see Monica is still on the lookout," you joke.

"You have no idea!"

"So, do you have news?" Monica repeats and considering her voice is closer now, you guess she took the phone from her mother's hand.

"No, nothing, honey," you reply, embarrassed. "As always, the second I hear something, I'll tell you, it's a promise."

"Okay, thanks," she says with a small voice. "See you, Auntie Y/N."

"Did you call Fury?" Maria asks once she took the phone back.

"I… I didn't dare," you admit, sighing. "He has better things to do than taking care of a worried girlfriend…. ex-girlfriend," you say, playing with the phone cord. "He has to look for the next threats from other countries and from outer space now, too."

"True, but maybe Carol contacted him and he didn't tell us anything because he thought she would call us. Calling him is worth the shot," Maria affirms.

"You're right, I will."

Maria doesn't wait another second and changes the subject by telling you why she called you in the first place. While she talks, you reminisce to what she just told you. Calling Fury doesn't cost anything and like this, you'll probably get information on how Carol's doing. As a consequence, as soon as Maria and you hang up, you grab Fury's card and dial his number. You hear three tones before he picks up.

"Agent Fury, how may I help you?"

"Hey, sorry to bother you, it's Y/N, Carol Danvers' friend."

"Oh, hi! Don't tell me there are Krees in your front yard," he says with a desperate tone.

"Don't worry, we're okay on this side," you laugh.

"Perfect, so how can I help you?"

"Have you heard from Carol?" you ask after marking a pause. "It's been a year and she still hasn't called us and as we can't communicate in space, it's normal, I guess. Maybe with your advance technology, she contacted you."

"We have the technology, indeed, nevertheless no. Since she left, we haven't heard anything," Fury informs, breaking your heart in spite of himself.

"Oh."

"I'm sure she's okay," he tries to reassure you. "She is strong and if something had happened to her, Talos would have told me. I can communicate with him as well."

"Good to know."

"I apologize, I wish I could give you more information."

"It's okay," you say, trying to stop your voice from shaking. "I'm not gonna bother you any longer. Thanks for your answer."

As you hang up, you can't help but sigh. It's not the answer you hoped for. You dread even more to tell Monica you still have no news. You can see she gets more desperate by day and you have to admit, so do you.

Although Monica is fifteen now, Maria still asks you to watch her when she has to be gone for some days.

Once Monica comes home from school, you start talking and making the meal for the evening together. Monica is a real bubble of energy, she tells you every detail of her day on top of telling you about the last book she's read about space — she developed a passion for it since she discovered the existence of Krees and Skrulls.

After three years of waiting, Monica stopped asking you about Carol. She first started to ask less frequently after a year of waiting, now it's been six months since she uttered the name 'Carol.' On one side, you think that at least now, you don't have to keep breaking her heart over and over again, on the other, it hurts yours that your niece has lost all hope. There was a time where Monica's eyes would light up when someone would mention her Auntie Carol, now they grow darker and she closes herself off. You don't know how to make the situation better. Even Maria told you she is as helpless as you.

Thereby, Monica busies her mind with her hobbies and her friends; tonight is no exception. You just finished eating and Monica helps you to clear the table.

"Can I go to sleep later?" Monica asks with puppy eyes. "There's a new episode of my show. Just one episode and then I'll go to bed right away, promise!"

"Depends," you start, already knowing you're going to give in, "have you done all your homework?"

"Yes, I've even done the ones for the following days."

"Alright," you accept, in spite of yourself, " but only for tonight and not a word to your mother!"

"You're the best! Thanks Auntie Y/N," she exclaims, quickly hugging you.

Monica runs to the living room while you start washing the dishes. You first wash the glasses, then the plates and finally, you wash the cutlery. The second you take the first fork, you can't help but stare at it while a memory with Carol comes back in your mind — even when you wash the dishes, you're not safe.

You were celebrating your three years together in your house. Carol insisted on making an effort by cooking you a meal. You were dressed up to the nines, excited at the idea of spending a romantic moment together.

Once Carol served the dish, she took your fork with food at the end of it before bringing it to your mouth, like a mamma bird feeding her baby. You laughed as you took the first bite. However, your laughs turned into shock; what she had made was delicious. You didn't know Carol was that skilled in the kitchen. Proud of your reaction, Carol gave you back your fork, allowing you to eat on your own before eating her own plate.

The second it was time for dessert, your skills were put in the spotlight. You had made Carol's favorite dessert. With a big smile on her face, she started eating the cake without wasting a second. Once you were done eating, Carol took your hand and looked you deeply in your eyes, a tender expression on her face.

"I want this until the end of my life. I want to wake up by your side every day of my existence, I want to laugh, cry and dance. Every single thing, no matter how insignificant it is, I want to do them with you. Being with you is the best thing that happened in my life. I never want to lose you," she affirmed, putting her free hand on your cheek. Even if I ever had to be separated from you, I would find a way to come back. No matter what might happen to me, nothing could keep me away from you. And for that reason," Carol continued as she took out a jewelry box from her pocket and knelt in front of you,"I'd be the happiest woman on Earth if you agreed to stay by my side forever. I know technically we can't get married, however we can do it in our own way. What do you say?"

You looked at Carol with wide open eyes. Without helping yourself, tears of joy ran down your face. Your eyes landed on the ring she was holding. It was thin with a simple diamond, it was exactly what you wanted. Carol knew you so well that she didn't need to talk to you to find the perfect ring. You mouth opened and closed, not knowing what to say. You took a deep breath before searching in your own pocket and taking out a box as well.

"I had planned the same thing," you admitted, showing the ring which was exactly what Carol wanted. "Of course, I do," you stated, kneeling as well and kissing her. "I had written a whole speech and now it'd look ridiculous next to yours and I'm too emotional to remember it. You stole my thunder."

"Sorry," Carol laughed. "Promise, I'll make it up to you."

"Kiss me again and it'll be done."

No need to tell Carol twice. She stood up, inviting you to do the same. Once you were face to face, Carol put the ring on your finger, then you did the same with the ring you gifted her. She put her hands on your cheeks and got closer to your face before pressing her lips to yours.

"Auntie Y/N," Monica called you from the entrance of the kitchen, bringing you back on Earth.

"Yeah? Is your episode over?" you ask, shutting the water while Monica walks to you.

"No, it's the commercial break. Do you need help? It's been a minute since you've started doing the dishes.

"Oh, huh, no, thanks. I was distracted, that's all," you reply, trying to stay natural.

"Do you believe…," she starts, playing with her hands, "that Auntie Carol forgot about us again?"

"What? Of course not!" you affirm with a soft tone.

"So why is she ignoring us? It looks like we don't matter for her. After all, she might not consider her like her family like she used to," Monica states, a sad expression on her face.

"Monica, listen to me carefully," you begin, forcing her to look at you. "Carol cares about us. I don't need to know to be sure. She just needs to take care of a lot of things. She is Captain Marvel now, she has a lot of responsibilities. She has to stop the war between the Krees and the Skrulls, we don't know how long it's going to take and who knows if she will get other missions in the meantime. She has to take care of several galaxies on her own. It's normal for her to not have enough time to contact us."

"True, but a message to tell us she is okay wouldn't be too much," she retorts and even if you think like her, you don't show anything.

"I'm sure she will soon."

"This kind of sentence worked on me when I was little. I don't believe it anymore," Monica says before turning her head toward the kitchen door. "The commercial break is over," she adds, turning around.

"Monica…," you try to hold her back, nevertheless she leaves you alone in the kitchen.

You can't be mad at Monica to be so pessimistic, her heart is broken from not seeing her godmother again and none of your words can mend it. You sigh, feeling more and more desperate. Despite what you just told her, you feel the same. You know it's not the case, but you feel like Carol did forget about you all. Except this time, the Krees aren't the cause, she did this willingly. You feel like you're not even a second thought. You know it's ridiculous and selfish to think that way, there are more important things, though before being Captain Marvel, she was Carol Danvers, your Carol. You just wish she would give a sign, no matter how little, that she still thinks about you, that she'll come back to you.

Lying on her bed in her spaceship, Carol has her Fracking Pods on her head. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and then she starts her search to moments of her life that still haven't come back to her.

Carol entered the bar, Maria by her side, a proud smile on her face. After her hard work, Carol finally became stronger. Members at the Academy finally started to take her seriously, though some men insisted to be mean. To celebrate her achievement, the two women had decided to go to the bar not far away from the Academy.

Maria went to sit at a table not far away from the pinball machine while Carol walked to the bar. As she leaned on the counter, Carol was waiting for an employee to notice her. She quickly lost patience, turning to Maria and showing her annoyance, rolling her eyes which made her smile. Carol brought back her attention on the counter when a feminine voice appeared.

"Sorry for making you wait, what would you like to order?"

"I'd like…," Carol started with a weary tone as she turned around before stopping in her sentence, "Hey, hello," she resumed with a smile to hide the panic she was feeling because of your beauty. "Don't worry about making me wait, you're working hard and I can wait all night for you… I mean, I'd like two beers, please."

"I'm going to grab that right away," you answered with a light chuckle because of her awkward response.

"Thanks, Y/N," she said after glancing at your name tag on your chest.

"Anytime."

You went to grab the beers and opened them. As soon as you walked back to the blonde woman, you put the beverages in front of her. She didn't move for a minute, as if her brain hadn't realized it was her cue to go back to Maria with the beers.

"I'm Carol, by the way," she introduced herself, before being embarrassed. "I don't know why I just told you that, you didn't ask. Besides, you have more important things to do. Sorry. I'm gonna go see my friend over there," Carol added, pointing at Maria.

"No problem. If you need me, I'll be here until two in the morning," you said with a charming smile.

"I'll keep that in mind."

Suddenly, Carol opens her eyes while a tear leaves her eye as it makes its way in her ear. Carol takes the Fracking Pods off her head and quickly dries her face.

She did it.

She finally remembers the first time she met you. Since she left you, she has been fighting to gain her memory back. Some are easier to find than others — she managed to remember Monica pretty easily, for Maria, it is as complex as you. After five years of trying, she finally remembers the key moment of your relationship. Notwithstanding, there are so many other she knows nothing about.

She knows she could just ask you about your history but she doesn't dare. She wish she could talk to you, Maria and Monica, nonetheless if she has to come back, she wants to make sure everything will be like before, that the situation between the Krees and the Skrulls is fixed — even if it seemed she has just been making things worse — and above all, she wants to find all of herself back. If she comes back to you, she wants to be the Carol you knew, the one you loved. She wants to laugh with you, talking about random moment you lived such as the time where Carol made fun of you because there was a tiny inoffensive spider in the shower and you got scared.

Carol wants to come back to you, not as the woman in search of her past, but as the woman you still love. She's just scared the moment it'll be the case, it'll be too late for you. She has no idea if you'll wait for her and little does she also know, you just want her back, no matter which version of Carol she is.

Marvel Masterlist

Emails I Can't Send Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Attn: People With Cervixes!

When was your last Pap smear?

Because I am tired of seeing young people (think 40 year olds!) die horribly of an almost completely preventable disease, and I haven't seen the obligatory Tumblr PSA about it, so I'm making my own.

1. CERVICAL CANCER IS REALLY BAD

Cancers that have a good prognosis are usually cancers that can be caught early--like skin cancer, which is easily seen, and therefore usually treated very early. Cervical cancer does not give you symptoms until you have very advanced disease, which means unless someone is regularly testing your cervix, you will likely not be diagnosed early. More than half of people diagnosed with cervical cancer present with advanced disease. 75% of them will be dead within 5 years. For comparison, when caught in the earliest stage, there is a 90% 5 year survival rate. Treatment for those diagnosed is chemo and radiation, and believe me, those are not fun. If you do happen to be in the lucky 25% of survivors, if your cancer comes back, you have an 85% chance of dying within a year. Also! We think of cancer as something that happens to old people, but the average age of diagnosis for cervical cancer is 50.

2. WHO GETS CERVICAL CANCER?

Cervical cancer used to be the most common cause of cancer-related death in women in America, but at this point it's basically a disease of People Without Pap Smears--developing countries, immigrants, low socioeconomic status, BIPOC, rural communities, LGBTQ, etc.

3. HOW DO PAP SMEARS SAVE YOUR LIFE?

A Pap smear is a screening test for two things: HPV, and your cervical cells. HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease in the world. Literally half of the people in America have some strain of HPV on their body. Most HPV infections go away on their own (in people with healthy immune systems), but some strains are Very Bad, and some people are just Very Unlucky, and the HPV starts causing your cervical cells to turn cancerous. 91% of all cervical cancers are caused by HPV. So a Pap smear looks to see if your have HPV, and if so, is it one of the bad ones? And also, do you have any cancerous cells hanging about in your cervix? And! It takes 10-30 years for HPV to turn those cells into cancer, which means you have a really really long time to catch it before it becomes cancer and cut those pre-cancer cells out!

4. WHAT ABOUT THAT VACCINE?

The thing my dad said I shouldn't get because it might make me a slut. Yes! There is an HPV vaccine! You should get it! It protects you against the nine most common cancer-causing types of HPV. It's recommended starting at age 11, and you can get it up to age 45 now! (It used to be 26, but as of 2020, it's now extended.)You can get it from most primary care doctors, or from Planned Parenthood, CVS, Walgreens, etc. If you get the vaccine you still need Pap smears.

5. I HEARD YOU CAN ONLY GET THE VACCINE IF YOU'RE A VIRGIN

Fake news. While the vaccine does not treat old infections of HPV, it does prevent new ones, so while the benefits are theoretically decreased in those who have already been sexually active, it does not mean you will not benefit from having it!

6. WHO GETS PAP SMEARS?

Everyone with a cervix starting at age 21, until you lose your cervix or until you're 65. You should get them every 3-5 years (depending on your exact age and what test your doctor does).

7. BUT I GOT THE VACCINE

Nice! You still need Pap smears.

8. I HAD ONE AND IT WAS HORRIBLE/I'M SCARED OF THE EXAM

Talk to your doctor about this in advance! Good gynecologists (and other providers) will work with you to minimize discomfort as much as possible. They can use a small speculum and lots of gel, prescribe anti-anxiety medications to take in advance, and some people will even use numbing creams and/or laughing gas.

9. BUT I DON'T HAVE/CAN'T SEE A GYN

Most primary care physicians can do them! So do a lot of urgent care centers!

10. BUT I'M A LESBIAN

HPV can be transmitted through oral/genital contact, hand/genital, and even hand-to-hand-then-genital, so you still need Pap smears.

11. BUT I'M A VIRGIN/ASEXUAL

You still need Pap smears. HPV can be transmitted not just through penetrative sex, but also through oral/genital, hand/genital, and hand-to-hand-then-genital, and also 9% of cervical cancers are not caused by HPV.

12. BUT I'M A TRANSGENDER MAN

If your cervix was removed, then congrats! You do not need Pap smears. Otherwise, unfortunately, you are still at risk for cervical cancer and need to be screened.

13. BUT I'M A TRANSGENDER WOMAN

Neovaginas do not need Pap smears! Congrats! Consider getting the vaccine, though, to prevent spreading HPV to others.

14. BUT I'M A CIS-GENDERED MAN

Congrats! You do not need Pap smears! You should still consider the vaccine though, not only to prevent the spread of HPV to others, but also because HPV causes 50% of all penile cancers as well.

In summary: please please please go get your pap smear. Go get vaccinated. The spread of HPV can be prevented, and cervical cancer can be caught and treated before it even becomes cancer.

DON'T FEAR THE SMEAR

[marie-swriting]

My Carol one shot is going to be published tomorrow at 9pm!! Hope you guys will like it 🥰

Mon one shot Carol va sortir ce dimanche à 21h !! J'espère qu'il vous plaira 🥰

Just received a Captain Marvel book!! I can't wait to read it and learn more about the movie. I'm also waiting for another book about Carol's time at the Academy. Those books are gonna be so helpful for my Carol one shots (I'm currently writing one!) 🥰

J'ai reçu un livre Captain Marvel !! J'ai si hâte de le lire et d'en apprendre plus sur le film. J'attends également un autre livre sur Carol pendant qu'elle était à l'académie. Ces livres vont m'être très utiles pour l'écriture de one shots Carol (je suis actuellement en train d'en écrire un !) 🥰

[marie-swriting]

Heeey!! Your "If you're dating...." posts are the best! Have you ever done Jack O'Connell?

Hey, no I haven't! But I will keep it in mind. Thanks for the request 😊

[marie-swriting]

Reblog if your art project has not, does not, and never will make use of generative ai at any point in your creative process.

[marie-swriting]

Three Years - Emily Prentiss

Masterlist

Summary : Three times Emily flirts with you but you don't notice and one time you do.

Warnings : alcohol consumption (please, be careful with your alcohol consumption), being embarrassed, fluff, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.6k

French version

Request : made by @mrsines here's the link to the request. Thank you for your request, I loved writing it and sorry for taking so long to write it. Promise, I will be writing your other requests very soon. In the meantime, I hope you'll like this one 🫶

Your arms are holding a box filled with your personal belongings while there is a bag on both of your shoulders; all of this weight is starting to be heavy, you don’t pay attention to it, though. You stare at your reflection in the mirror of the elevator very closely. Today is your first day at the BAU and you have to make a good impression.

You struggle to smooth your blouse and then, you check your make up. Your inspection stops when you hear a ding and the elevator doors opening. A woman with black hair and bangs comes in and stands next to you. You stay silent at first, quickly admiring her beauty while she greets you and presses the button of a floor, you don’t notice she is going to the same one as you. You stop staring at her, not wanting to embarrass her. Discreetly, you keep checking your reflection while the bag on your left shoulder slowly falls. You try to move as a way to keep it in place but it just quickens its fall and it finds its way on the crook on your arm. You sigh loudly, accepting your fate.

“I’ll help you,” the woman says with sympathy, putting your bag back on your shoulder.

“Thank you,” you smile.

You look away, however the woman keeps her eyes on you. She admires every inch of your skin, on top of your beauty, she sees your nervousness. She also perceives your annoyance as soon as you realize your necklace is not sitting correctly on your neck, the clasp is in front of it, instead of behind your neck. Full of hope, you try to hold your box on one hand, yet the second you feel it titling, you quickly bring back your hand in its initial place to stabilize it. Noticing your distress, the woman catches your attention.

“May I?” she asks, pointing at your neck.

“Yes, please.”

You gaze at her fingers getting closer to you and delicately, she turns your chain. You hold back your breath until the clasp is in its rightful place. Gazing up, you notice how close her face is to yours, her eyes looking deeply in yours. You can make out her floral perfume, making her even prettier. You clear your throat, trying not to show the effect she has on you before talking.

“Thank you very much, you’re a lifesaver!”

“Don’t mention it. You seem stressed,” she remarks without a trace of judgment.

“It’s my first day and I want to make sure I’m perfect.”

“You are,” she genuinely affirms. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be alright.”

“We’ll see.”

The ding can be heard again, indicating you’ve reached the correct floor. You sigh in relief, happy to get rid of all of this weight from your body. The woman lets you walk out first and you thank her. You’re about to walk through the glass doors, but turn around to the woman to ask her a question.

“Could you show me where Agent Hotchner’s office is, please?”

“Sure. Wait,” she adds, understanding who you are, “you’re the new profiler?”

“That’s me, yeah,” you confirm with joy while your right shoulder is hurting you.

“I’m Emily Prentiss, nice to meet you. Come with me,” she tells you, taking the box from your hands which you’re grateful for. “You’ll see, the team is nice, there’s a good atmosphere. You’ll fit right in, I’m sure. You can put your stuff on my desk in the meantime, you’ll feel lighter.”

Once you’re rid of your bags and your box, you keep following Emily until you read on a door with a plaque with the inscription ‘A. Hotchner’ on it. Automatically, you smooth your blouse.

“Your outfit is perfect, don’t worry,” Emily repeats, hoping to ease your nerves.

“I hope, I spent a whole hour to find the right one,” you explain, laughing nervously. “I want to be taken seriously.”

“And you will. Hotch might look stern but he isn’t,” she informs you. “See you later, Y/N. I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

Emily gives a crooked smile and leaves you at the door. You knock and wait for Hotch to allow you in. From her desk, Emily gazes at you and she can’t help but be excited to work with you and discover who you truly are. She hopes that once you’re more at ease, you’ll pay more attention to her flirty looks.

Mics in hands, JJ and Penelope are singing … Baby One More Time by Britney Spears while the lyrics are rolling on the screen in front of them and also on the ones on both sides of the makeshift stage. You stare at them performing and chuckle, the alcohol they drank clearly influencing their singing skills. You shout encouragement and Penelope points at you with a big smile while she sings, or rather screams, “when I’m not with you, I lose you my mind.” A bartender comes to your table and sets a sex on the beach in front of you, interrupting your entertainment.

“I didn’t order anything,” you state, frowning. 

“Someone is offering you a drink.”

“Who?” you sigh, expecting he’ll be showing a random man who only wants to hit on you.

“Her,” he replies, pointing at Emily who is sitting in one of the barstools. 

“Oh,” you say, surprised yet reassured, “very well, thank you.”

You jokingly roll your eyes while Emily gets closer to you, a cocky expression on her face. She sits next to you and leans at the same time, you're mixing your drink with your straw.

“For a second, I thought it was one of those lame guys who wanted to flirt with me,” you laugh.

“It’s only me,” she affirms with eyes full of innuendos which go over your head.

“You know you don’t have to offer me a drink, right? I can pay for a round.”

“I just wanted to do it,” Emily admits, hoping you’ll understand her flirty attitude.

“Anyway, you didn’t have to do it like that,” you insist, taking a sip of your drink.

“It was worth it, the smile that was on your face when you understood it was from me was pretty.”

“You know,” you start, not paying attention to her compliment, “I’m glad I agreed on coming tonight when you asked me.”

“I’m glad you agreed, too, after all these months of asking,” she says before adding with a tone that’s supposed to be light, “and also that you told JJ and Penelope about it, clearly they need to relax as well.”

In truth, Emily thought this night out would be a one-on-one moment, nevertheless she wasn’t explicit enough apparently when she asked you out for a drink. As soon as you accepted, you turned to your two colleagues and asked them if they were also coming to which they said ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. Penelope is always willing to hang after work and JJ needs a break from cases and her personal life.

“Actually, you might need it more than the rest of us,” Emily adds, “You work too much and coming from me, it says a lot! You’re a real workaholic.”

“I know, I’m working on it, ironically,” you joke, realizing your improvised pun. “Anyway, you’ve all helped me to let go more often. I’m so happy I got into this team, particularly with you,” you specify, making Emily’s heart miss a beat, “you’re a really good friend.”

Upon hearing those words leaving your mouth, Emily feels her soul leaving her body. She had hoped the drink and the way she’s leaning toward you would make you understand she is flirting with you, but it seems like you still haven’t figured it out.

At first, she thought you weren’t being reactive to her flirty comments because you were in a professional context, that’s why she bet everything on tonight the minute you finally said yes to her, and yet, it wasn’t enough.

“That, I am!” she states, hiding her pain with a pinched smile. “You like what I ordered you?” Emily asks as she sees you drinking again.

“I love it, you made the right choice.”

Emily is about to add something when Penelope interrupts your moment by joining you.

“Stop looking at each other with puppy-dog eyes and come with us!”

Without giving you the time to protest, Penelope takes your hands and forces you to leave your chairs. She drags you both to the stage where JJ has already found the song you’re about to sing. The bar employee gives you the last mic, you have to share it with Emily, while the first note of Dancing Queen by Abba begins.

You need some time before humming the lyrics, as for JJ and Penelope they are focusing on every single word. Emily takes your hand and forces you to look at her while singing, the mic between your faces. Your eyes gazing deeply in hers, you find the courage to sing more loudly, Emily encouraging you by making you dance.

Emily makes the most of this improvised karaoke to get closer to you, however as every time she makes advances, it goes over your head. Regardless, Emily won’t give up yet, she needs to be more direct, that’s all. One day, you’ll finally notice she wants to be more than just a ‘really good friend.’

You violently drop your pen on your desk and shake your hand as a way to ease the pain. You sigh and throw your head back. You wish you could rub your eyes who are stinging but your make up stops you from doing it so you just massage your temples. You can’t see the end of this paperwork. It really is the part of the job you hate the most! You’ve been focused on this file for so long you can’t even read yourself anymore. You have to correct several mistakes and you struggle to find the right way to form your sentences. You need at least ten seconds to figure out how to write it. 

Bringing your head back again, you see Emily at her desk, yawning, instinctively you do the same.

“It’s almost been three years since I've been here and I’ll never get used to it. This paperwork will kill me,” you complain.

“Tell me about it! I only want to jump in my bed and snuggle with Sergio.”

“Same.”

“We should stop for tonight, it’s getting late,” Emily states, glancing at her watch.

“If I don’t finish it now, I won’t be able to do it later,” you reply as she begins to put her stuff away.

“If you want to give a file full of mistakes, be my guest, but I’m telling you, we should stop.”

You mentally weigh the pros and the cons while Emily stands up from her chair, you glance one last time at the sheet in front of you then close the file.

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right. This is what we’ll do,” Emily continues walking to your desk. “We go home and we rest like we deserve and tomorrow night, you come to my place to eat. Promise, I’ll order food.”

“Yes, that’s better, I wouldn’t want to die,” you joke, putting your belongings in your bag. “Although,” you resume after thinking, “that’d prevent me from finishing this file and you’ll be charged with murder and so you wouldn’t have to do paperwork anymore. On second thought, you should cook, it’d solve all of our problems.”

“I’d like it if I could avoid your death, especially if I’m the cause of it,” Emily retorts, laughing. “I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” she adds, looking deeply in your eyes.

“You managed just fine before me,” you say, avoiding her eyes, overwhelmed by your proximity.

“Yeah, but it’s different now. Anyway, you come to my place tomorrow night and like this, our brains will be rested and we will be able to work on the file correctly.”

“Works for me,” you smile.

The following day, you go to Emily’s apartment, a bottle of red wine in hand. As soon as she opens the door, you find her beautifully dressed. She is wearing a black loose-fitting shirt and pants, her hair is curled — though you like all of her hairstyles, this one is your favorite — and her make up is natural nevertheless it still makes her face even more breathtaking. You forget how to respire for a second, not expecting to find an Emily this stunning. 

“You…” you start, clearing your throat, “you’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

“You’re kidding, right? I put on the first pieces of clothing I found.”

“I still stand by what I said,” she insists before stepping aside. “Come in. I ordered Chinese food, it should be here anytime now.”

“Perfect. I've brought this,” you say, giving her the bottle.

“You didn’t have to! I’m gonna open it. Go sit on the couch.”

Emily walks in her kitchen to grab a corkscrew. She opens the bottle and pours two glasses before going to find you in the living-room, a big smile on her face, thinking about the night you’re about to spend together. Though, her smile vanishes the second she sees the file from yesterday on the coffee table.

“Do you want to work before or after eating ? I only have a few things left to write,” you inform her.

“Oh, huh… I’m almost done, too.”

“We’ll do that after eating, then.”

“Works for me,” Emily states, pretending to not be disappointed. 

You thank Emily when she hands you the glass of wine. You take a sip and so does she. Emily is disconcerted. She thought you understood she simply wanted to eat with you, one-on-one. She hadn’t planned to work while you were there. Clearly, she should have been more direct.

Fortunately, during the meal, you don’t talk about work, though the file watches you eat from the coffee table. Emily enjoys learning a bit more about you and the few times you return the questions, she avoids the subject. You quickly understand she does not like to talk about her life before the BAU so you don’t insist.

While you’re eating noodles, you struggle to bring a portion to your mouth, lightly staining your face. Emily chuckles as she watches you moving your head to swallow the rebellious noodles.

“I have it all over my face, don’t I?”

“A bit,” she replies, mocking you nicely. “Wait,” Emily adds before taking a napkin.

She gets closer to you, her knee touching yours. Her left hand delicately grabs your chin to make sure you don’t move while her right hand approaches the corner of your mouth. After Emily wiped everything, she does not back off. You gaze at each other, time standing still, and slowly, your faces get closer. Her lips are only a few inches away from yours when your phone rings, indicating a new text. Instinctively, you back off and grab your phone on the coffee table. Emily, as for her, is cursing whoever dared to interrupt your moment. Sure, you didn’t understand this was more than a random dinner between two colleagues, but she managed to sort it out; until a few seconds ago. 

Upon opening your texts, you discover it’s from Penelope. She sent you a picture of a saucer she crocheted with a message.

Message from Penelope to you, 9:50 P.M.:

[1 picture]

Look at this beauty I just finished! I’m gonna crochet one for you, too!! Xx ❤️

“Look at what Penelope made,” you tell her, showing her the picture.

“Very cute. It’s going to go perfectly with her cups,” Emily exclaims, trying to seem interested.

“It will!” you reply, writing back to Penelope. “Anyway, we should work now,” you resume, grabbing the file, “it’s almost ten.”

“You’re right, I’m gonna go grab mine.”

With an awkward expression on her face, Emily stands up from the couch and goes to search for her work which is on the kitchen table. This moment definitely did not go as planned. Emily is getting desperate. She doesn't know how to flirt with you. Either, you don’t see her making moves or you’re too polite to turn her down. Yet, she’s sure you have a special bond, however maybe it’s only from her side…

The following months, Emily preferred to flirt less with you, undoubtedly, it’s not working so she has to understand what it means. Therefore, she keeps talking to you, but she stops implying things you’ll never catch.

During one of the rare aftertoons you have free, you ask Emily to go drink a coffee and go to a park which she accepted with joy. For once, you’re the one who is making plans! That is how you find yourselves sitting on a bench under a tree with a take-away cup in your hands. As usual, Emily hangs on your every word, half of her body turned toward you. Without realizing, you both started talking about your past relationships.

“My ex didn’t understand why I was working so hard,” you explain to her. “It was one of the main reasons why we used to argue. I mean, I’m not going to pretend I’m all innocent. I know I should have done better and found the right balance between my work life and my personal one, but she didn’t even try to understand me.”

“Now, it’s easier to find this balance, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is, mostly thanks to you!”

“Which is ironic considering I’m like you,” Emily giggles.

“Seems like we needed to meet so we could understand how to do it. Anyway, it wasn’t the only thing,” you resume, sighing. “We broke up because we were together out of habit, not out of love. We stopped going on dates, gifting each other random things. There wasn’t only one problem.”

“You deserve better, someone who will give you the attention you need, who understands you,” Emily affirms with a determined expression on her face. “You know, I would never do what she did. If I was lucky enough to be your girlfriend, I wouldn’t let you slip through my fingers, especially that way.”

Following her sentence,  you stay silent, your brain going a thousand miles an hour. The way Emily is turned toward you, what she just said… ‘Is she flirting with me?’ you wonder. You open and close your mouth several times, not knowing what to say. You feel like you’re reading too much between the lines. Emily cannot be flirting with you. It’s impossible. Surely you misunderstood the situation.

“This sounds like you’re flirting with me.”

“I have been trying to do that for three years now.” she replies with a mocking smile.

“What do you mean three years?” you ask, frowning.

“From the moment I met you in the elevator, I tried flirting with you, you were too nervous to notice, though.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nope!” Emily confirms, emphasizing the last syllable. “But I’m glad you finally noticed.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see anything until today!” you complain, putting your head in your hands. “How many times did I miss it?”

“Oh, I stopped counting!” she laughs while you sink in the bench. “I even thought you were being oblivious on purpose, however considering your current reaction, you really are just oblivious. The most recent moment was four months ago.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I invited you over so we could see each other outside of work and get closer and not to work,” Emily informs and your eyes are wide open.

“And I brought the file! I want to slap myself! Why didn’t you say anything? I’m so embarrassed, you have no idea! At least, I understand better why you were all dressed up that night,” you specify after having an epiphany. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re always beautiful but that night! God, I was struggling to act normally, in particular when we were close before Pen texted me. I wanted to kiss you so much at that moment.”

“Me too,” Emily announces, tenderly gazing at you.

“And I ruined everything…”

“Don’t feel bad, I could have been more direct,” she reassures you, putting her hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, no, all of this is my fault! I’m supposed to be a profiler and I didn’t notice you were hitting on me for three years… Fortunately, I’m better with UnSubs. For my defense, I’m not used to people flirting with me,” you inform, avoiding her eyes.

“I got that. You’re embarrassed, it’s cute,” Emily states with a smile you find adorable.

“It’s not cute, I’m stupid!” you correct, rolling your eyes. “Especially because I’ve been attracted to you since we first met, too,” you add, looking deeply in her eyes.

“I’m happy to know it wasn’t only me. Does that mean you want to go eat together sometime?” Emily asks before adding with a humorous tone, “it’s a date, by the way, in case you hadn’t understood.”

“Ha ha. Very funny,” you retort, deadpan.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it,” she laughs. “So what do you say?”

“I’d love to go on a date with you,” you say, taking her hand in yours. “Promise, this time I won’t bring work.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

Emily squeezes your hand and brings you closer to her. She wants to kiss you so bad, more than usual, except she doesn’t move. You probably want to wait until your first date. Besides, you finally noticed she was flirting with you, she can’t push her luck and ask to get even closer. Though, for the first time, you perfectly guess what she thinks and decide to lean toward her and finally press your lips on hers, breaking three years of romantic tension.

Masterlist

Emily Prentiss tag list : @thoroughly--confused

[marie-swriting]

He'll Be Here | In My Life Again - Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw [2/2]

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Part one

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : ten years later, Bradley wants to apologize for the way it ended between you and him.

Warnings : set after Top Gun Maverick, Mitchell!reader, angst, happy ending, maybe some grammatical as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 3.6k

Song inspiration : The Last Time (Feat. Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol) (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift

After spending several hours working on Pete’s P-51 Mustang, this latter and Bradley go to have a drink in Pete’s kitchen. Bradley sits down while Pete opens the fridge and looks for two beers ; Bradley’s eyes find a picture on the wall, he looks at his eighth birthday photo with nostalgia. His cake is in front of him and you by his side. Both of you have a huge smile on your face, ignorant of what the future would hold for you. Bradley’s heart tightens in his chest when Bradley remembers he’ll never have the opportunity of seeing your radiant smile on your face whilst he’s next to you again. 

Pete puts a beer in front of Bradley and snaps him out of his thoughts. He thanks him and takes a sip, his eyes finding their way back to the picture, in spite of him.

“You know,” Bradley starts, catching Pete’s attention, “that day, there was a moment where Y/N wasn’t next to me anymore so I went to look for her. I found her hiding in my closet with tears in her eyes. When I asked her what was the matter, she just told me to not pay attention to her, that I needed to stay with my other friends. I said to her I didn’t care about them, especially because she needed me at that moment. That’s when she confessed she was scared of losing me because I had met friends my age who would replace her. I couldn’t believe she thought that !” he exclaims, his eyes wide open. “In my head, it was obvious she could never be replaced, no matter how close I was to my other friends so I promised her she’d never lose me, that I’ll always be by her side. No matter what. I made her this promise and I’ve been breaking it for ten years now.” Bradley mutters, looking down.

“Have you tried talking to her ?” Pete asks, after a few seconds.

“Yes, several times over the years. The first time was a year after our breakup. I wasn’t far away from her Uni so I went to see her. Long story short, she told me to get lost. The last time was a week ago when she came back. I got the same reaction.”

“I’m sure she just needs a bit of time.” Pete reassures him, putting his hand on Bradley’s shoulder. “I never thought you’d talk to me again and look at us ! Things can get better. The bond you two shared was strong.” he affirms.

“I find that hard to believe, she hates me. And don’t even try to tell me otherwise.” Bradley adds, seeing Pete was about to talk. “She hates me and it’s understandable.” he admits, sadly. “She had nothing to do with all of this and yet I hold her accountable just the same. And the worst part is she warned me.” he specifies, taking another sip. “There were numerous times where she told me to get my shit together and stop ruining our relationship because of my anger toward you but I didn’t listen to her. I took her for granted so I kept messing up until she got tired of it and I’ve been paying the price ever since.” Bradley exclaims, bitterly. “You know, I’ve accepted the fact she’d never forgive me, however I’d still like to apologise properly. I just want her to know how much I regret how things ended between us, no matter if she answers me or just insults me. It might be too late but she deserves me to fix my mistakes, no matter if she forgives me.”

“I can talk to her if you want to. I can convince her to listen to you.”

“No, don’t say anything.” Bradley refuses after drinking. “If she listens to me I want it to be because she wants to, not because you asked her to.”

“As you wish.” he concedes with a heavy heart.

The two men stay silent for a moment, enjoying their drink. Bradley is finally able to detach his gaze from the photo, staring into the void.

“You still love her, don’t you ?” Pete asks, bringing Bradley’s eyes on him.

“And I always will. She was my first friend and my first love. She’ll always have a place in my heart even if I don’t have one in hers anymore. I miss her so much, Mav’, if you knew.” Bradley confesses, tearing up.

“She’ll never say it out loud but she misses you too. Bradley, I promise you things will get better between the two of you.”

Bradley takes the last sip of his beer, hoping it’ll help him with his tears and the knot in his throat. At the same time he puts the bottle down, the main door opens. He knows it’s you so he quickly stands up. He doesn’t want to give you another reason to hate him therefore he tries not to run into you, though his heart only wants that. You walk in the kitchen, talking about your afternoon with Penny and Amelia to your father until you find Bradley. Instantly, you tense up and glare at your former best friend. Bradley bids goodbye to you and Pete before leaving. Pete rolls his eyes at your attitude.

“What ? I didn’t tell him anything.” you defend yourself, searching for something in the fridge.

“You might as well have.”

“Look, it’s not because you forgave him that I have to be nice to him.” you retort, closing the fridge without finding anything interesting. “Unlike you, I haven’t forgotten the way he treated us, the way he cut us out of his life.”

“I haven’t forgotten either.”

“Really ? Because it sure seems like it. It seems you’ve forgotten the pain he caused us, caused me, all the nights I spent crying because of him, all the nights where you had to hold me in your arms while I was sobbing.”

“I remember very well.” Pete admits, trying to stay calm, “But Y/N, he’s changed, okay ? Besides, he was grieving, he was hurt, angry and young-”

“Young ?” you cut him, furious. “He was twenty-five ! He was a grown ass adult, he knew very well what he was doing.”

“Okay, he has his faults as well, but he really feels bad about the way he treated you. You could at least listen to him.” he suggests and you roll your eyes.

“And did he listen to you when you tried to explain yourself ? He sent you packing. I don’t get why I should be the one making an effort. And as my father, shouldn’t you be telling me to stay away from him ?”

“Not when I know what you mean to each other.”

“He doesn’t mean anything to me. And for a long time now.” you state.

“It’s not true and you know it.”

“I don’t understand why you insist so much.”

“I’m responsible for your fallout.”

“He messed up himself.” you correct, tearing up. “He’s the one who let his anger destroy what we had. He’s the one who distanced himself from me. He ruined everything himself.”

“It’s true, nonetheless you can’t deny if I hadn’t pulled his papers, you’d still be together. Hell, you’d probably even be married with a kid now !”

“Wow, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” you say, shocked. “If he hadn’t fucked up, we’d probably still be together, yeah but the fact is you’re not responsible for it. Look, I’m glad you two put your differences aside, it just won’t be the case for me. Anyway, we should stop here.” you order, crossing your arms on your chest. “I don’t want to argue with you, I only have two weeks left with you before I go home.”

“You can be stubborn at times !” he sighs.

“I got that from my dad.” you smile at him.

“Sometimes, I wish you hadn’t.”

You roll your eyes and laugh a little before starting to leave the room.

“He came back for me.” Pete confesses, stopping you in your tracks.

“What are you talking about ?”

“During my last mission.”

“I thought it was Hangman.” you say, frowning. 

“Hangman came to save us when we were on our way home. Bradley had strict orders to leave me behind when I sacrificed myself for him. But he came back. He didn’t listen and he came back. Without him, I probably wouldn’t have been able to leave the enemy territory.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before ?” you ask softly.

“Bradley told me not to. He didn’t want you to think he did that out of interest.”

You stay silent for a few moments, taking in this new piece of information. You can’t help but feel grateful for Bradley, though your anger is still there.

“It’s good to know that, at least, in the air, he has your back.” you state, leaving.

Pete sighs, seeing you walk away. He knows he promised Bradley to not get in the middle of this - even Penny told him to stay out of it, yet he can’t help it. You and Bradley were childhood best friends. He never would have imagined you’d stop talking to each other, in particular because of him. That’s why he can’t stay silent. He might have been the cause of your conflit but he wants to be the reason for your reconciliation. Furthermore, he knows he can reason you and with this last information, he was hoping it’d make you change your mind. Pete can’t help but feel a heartache, understanding it’s not the case.

However, what Pete doesn’t know is that your conversation has affected you. That night, you can’t seem to fall asleep. Your father’s words and your story with Bradley are echoing in your head. You keep tossing and turning in your bed, desperately hoping to put your brain on hold.

Once you can’t take it anymore, you turn on your bedside lamp and stand up. You walk to your closet and open it. You take a deep breath before pushing some clothes to the side in the corner of your closet until you find a box, you haven’t opened it for years. When you had started to grieve your romance with Bradley, you had put every picture, letter and object reminding you of him in that box. You were still too attached to him to throw everything away but too hurt to keep everything next to you.

The box in your hand, you sit down and open it. Tears make their way to your eyes in an instant as soon as you find your prom photo - if your heart wasn’t hurting that much, you’d laugh at your dress. In the picture, you’re looking at each other lovingly. You wish you could go back to this moment where everything was easier. You put the picture next to you and keep finding others from birthday parties, outings, travels you did at different ages. You hold back your tears until you read the letter he wrote for your eighteenth birthday. At that moment, it becomes too much so you quickly put everything back at its place and go back to bed.

Of course, you’re still hurting from your breakup. Bradley was the most important person to you though you can’t forget the way it ended. With what your father told you, Bradley seems to be the Bradley you used to love once more but you can’t risk another heartbreak. 

For the first time in ten years, your heart seems torn between staying mad at Bradley or hearing him out. You try to reason yourself, remembering why you’re angry at him in the first place, though it’s complicated now.

Sitting at the restaurant near Top Gun, you finish telling your order to the waiter. Once he leaves, you grab your phone and send a text to your father to inform him you’ve already ordered. You’re supposed to eat with Pete who is more than thirty minutes late and quite frankly, you’re starving. You don’t worry when you get no response, knowing he probably hasn’t finished working yet. 

While waiting for your food, you keep checking your phone until the hostess comes to you. Expecting to see your dad, you put your phone down, smiling. Your smile disappears as soon as you see Bradley. The woman wishes you a nice meal before leaving you two alone. Bradley is uncomfortable because of the look you’re giving.

“What are you doing here ?” you question, drily.

“Huh, I’m supposed to eat with Mav’.”

“No, I am supposed to eat with him and…”, you start before understanding the conversation, “I can’t believe he did that.” you sigh, making Bradley frown. “He’s set it up to be sure we’d see each other. Look, I’ve already ordered and I’m sure you don’t have a lot of time left before you have to get back to work so we can eat together.”

“You don't mind ?”

“It’s just for a meal.” you say as he sits down. “I see you’re still punctual.” you comment, sarcastically, Bradley looks at you confused. “I was supposed to meet my dad at noon. You’re thirty minutes late.” you inform, checking your notifications on your phone.

“He told me he reserved for half past twelve.”

“He really thought about everything.”

The waiter gives you your meal then, he takes Bradley’s order before going back to the kitchen.

You start eating silently. Bradley doesn’t stop moving on his seat, not knowing how to act around you. You don’t like the palpable tension either, you’re in the same situation as him. Before, your conversations didn’t have an end, a subject would always appear naturally. Now, you think twice before speaking, not wanting to create an awkward moment.

You stay in this heavy silence until the waiter gives Bradley his plate. Bradley sighs in relief, finally having something to do instead of being uncomfortable. When you’re done eating, you take a sip of your glass of water before talking.

“My father told me what you did for him on your last mission. Thank you for coming back for him.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I could have never left Mav’ behind.” Bradley genuinely states.

You smile at him quickly and Bradley takes this start of conversation as a small victory. He’s grateful for Pete’s help, even if he didn’t listen to him. Bradley tells himself that this moment is his only chance to fix his wrongs with you so he finishes eating the piece of meat he has in his mouth and clears his throat to catch your attention.

“Y/N, can I talk to you ? You don’t have to say anything. I’d be happy if you only listened to me.”

“Go ahead.”

Bradley take a deep breath before looking deeply in your eyes and starting to speak : 

“Look, I know I messed up with you. I’ll forever feel bad for the way we broke up. I should have come at your birthday and-”

“Are you seriously talking about that ?” you question, in disbelief. “Bradley, it’s not the thing-”

“I know I did worse.” he interrupts you, knowing what you were going to say. “I know your birthday isn’t what hurt you the most, the fact is, it was your breaking point. Had I come, we might have found a solution, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. I’m sorry for that night, I know I hurt you by not coming. I also know I broke your heart by ignoring you and your dad after we broke up or with what I said. I know it’s not an excuse but I was in this awful period of my life and I had to exteriorize what I was feeling and when Pete pulled my paper, it was on him then on you. I never should have lashed out on you because our relationship got damaged and that affacted our friendship, too, and for this, I’d forever be mad at myself. I should have prioritised you. I hate knowing I made you cry. I never would have thought I’d be the cause of your pain. I’m sincerely sorry for everything, above all I’m sorry for breaking my promise. If I could, I’d go back in time, I’d do everything to not lose you, to not break my promise. And maybe I’m pushing my luck right now but you’ve listened to me this far so I might as well say it ;  if you agreed to give me another chance, I’d love to be a part of your life again. You still mean a lot to me.”

Bradley finally breathes once he’s done talking. He’s sick in his stomach, fearing your reaction. Before, he could predict what you were gonna say or do with just one look. He doesn’t like the way you’ve become strangers. You need a few seconds to take in what he told you before replying.

“Thank you for everything you said. I appreciate your apologies but I need time.” you confess before looking at the time on your phone. “I have to go. I’m gonna pay.”

“I can totally-”

“I insist. Take this as a thank you for my father. Goodbye Bradley.”

Contrary to ten years ago, your goodbye is full of nostalgia and not of bitterness. Bradley stays static for a few moments, eyes on the restaurant’s door you’ve just walked through. Sure, nothing is done yet. You didn’t say you wanted him in your life again however you listened to him and that’s all that matters. He can only hope this victory is big enough to bring you back to him.

The next few days and nights, you’re lost in your thoughts which have Bradley as a main character. You think back to his words and specifically of the way you two used to be before everything bad happened. You were fine, close and in love. The months after your breakup, you wanted to have this once more, before your hurt turned into anger. If Bradley had tried apologising at that moment and not a year later, you would have forgiven him in a heartbeat. 

Now, you’re hesitating. You’re scared there’s going to be another conflict and Bradley decides to cut you out of his life once more. You wouldn’t handle it if it were to happen. Though, you wish to have Bradley in your life one more time. 

While you’re thinking, you see Bradley occasionally as he comes to your place. You don’t talk but you observe him and a part of you wants to have him close. Pete keeps speaking up for Bradley, more or less discreetly. All of this is making you change your mind and breaking the walls you had built around your heart.

After another night of staying awake, you tell yourself it’s time to speak with Bradley. You can’t stay like this anymore. Therefore, when the sun is up, you muster up your courage and call Bradley. You tell him to meet you at your place at a certain hour at the end of the afternoon, knowing Pete will be with Penny so you’ll be alone.

Your anxiety at its highest, you’re sitting on your couch and playing with a loose strand of a pillow. Despite the TV on, your eyes go from the door then to the time on your phone. There’s a knot in your stomach as you have a feeling of déjà vu.

You feel like you’re twenty-three once again, in your old house with your party dress and your red lipstick, waiting desperately for Bradley, only this time, he arrives on time, like he promised. Indeed, five minutes later, you hear a car parking in your driveway before someone knocks on your door. With one movement, you stand up after turning off the TV then, you open the door, finding Bradley, putting his Hawaiian shirt back in place. You let him in and you go to your living room.

When you’re sitting next to each other, your stress grows stronger. Was this a good idea ? What if now it was too late for him ? What if he got tired of waiting for so long ? As for Bradley, his mind is not at ease either : ‘maybe she just wants to tell me face to face she doesn’t want to see me anymore ? Or maybe in addition to her life, she doesn’t want me in Mav’s life either ?’. Finally, you’re the one cutting the tension.

“I’ve been thinking,” you begin, avoiding his gaze, “about what you told me and about us.” you state, setting your eyes on him. “Although I appreciate your apology, a part of me can’t help but think back to all the times where you apologised just to hurt me every chance you got.” you keep saying and Bradley’s heart tightens in his chest. “Though, I want to believe this time will be different. After all, if it worked out between you and my dad, why not us ? I want to forgive you, have you in my life again, however it’s the last time I forgive you, I won’t have the strength to do this one more time. I don’t know if we’ll ever have what we used to have and maybe our friendship will never be as strong as it used to be but I miss you so much. I miss my best friend.” you confess, tears in your eyes.

“I miss you so much, too, Y/N.”

“If it’s not too late for you, I still want you in my life as well.” you whisper, avoiding his gaze.

“You’ve always been the one I want, it’s never been too late for me.” Bradley affirms with a determined voice, putting his hand on your cheek. “I promise you it’s the last time, I won’t hurt you anymore and you will not lose me either and I will really keep these promises.”

Without thinking, you throw yourself in Bradley’s arms and hold against you the person you missed the most the past ten years.

Part one

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Just Live - Natasha "Phoenix" Trace

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Summary : You always feel like you have to work harder to be recognised as your own person, instead of just Natasha's sibling.

Warnings : Trace!sibling reader, reader is one year younger, use of they/them pronouns, set during the movie with some canon deviant elements, angst, mention of plane crash, happy ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2k

French version

Request : made by anonymous, here's the link to the request. To whoever requested it, I hope you'll like what I wrote and again, sorry for taking so long to write it 🫶🏻

You’re with Payback, Fanboy, and your sister Natasha when you’re arriving in the Hard Deck so you can find the other pilots you’re going to work with for a new mission. You almost have no information about it, you just know you’ve all been called back to TopGun.

The second you step foot in the bar, you hear Hangman's arrogant voice near the pool table where he’s with his friend and fellow pilot Coyote. As if he felt you coming, Jake looks up towards you and catches Javy’s attention.

“What do we have here? If it ain’t Phoenix! And here I thought we were special, Coyote.” he exclaims with a cocky smile. “Turns out the invite went to anyone. Oh, there’s even Phoenix Number Two,” Jake adds, seeing you, “So, you’ve finally reached your sister’s level?”

At the mention of the nickname ‘Phoenix Number Two’ - which is, obviously, not your callsign -, you can’t help but be annoyed. Hangman always knows how to get under your skin. You’re about to reply when Natasha beats you to it. 

“Fellas, this here’s Bagman.”

“Hangman.” the concerned person corrects.

“Whatever. You’re looking at the only naval aviator on active duty with a confirmed air-to-air kill.”

“Stop!” 

“Mind you,” you start, looking him up and down, “the other guy was in a museum piece from the Korean War.”

“Cold War.” Coyote rectifies.

“Different wars, same century.” Payback specifies.

“Not this one.” Fanboy adds.

“Who are your friends ?” Javy asks.

You decide to not participate in the conversation any longer and go to ask for a beer. The assignment hasn’t started yet and you’re already sick of it. Sure, for once, you didn’t get more than one comment comparing you and your sister but it’s still a sore subject.

You’re only a year younger than Natasha and yet, those twelve months are enough for the entire world to use your big sister as a comparison. Even before getting in the Navy, you received a lot of remarks explaining how you should be more like Natasha; and this happened only when people were noticing what you were doing. In general, when you were a kid, your achievements were whisked away.

By choosing to be a naval aviator, you thought you’d finally detached yourself from Natasha as you’d be doing a job that is out of the ordinary. At that time, your sister was already in the army, she just didn’t know what she wanted to be in particular. A year before you officially became a pilot, Phoenix proudly announced that she wanted to be one, too. Your parents were immediately proud of her; they didn’t show as much joy when you had told them - as for you, you were irritated. Being a pilot was your dream, it was supposed to be the thing that differenciate you from Natasha, it was supposed to help you show who you truly are and now, it’s just one more thing that you share with your sister.

Your callsign, Griffin, is also another common point with Natasha. People from your year racked their brains to find another mythological creature so you could have a link with your sister. They meant well, you know it, but the fact is that even in the Academy without your sister, you lived in her shadow, in spite of yourself. With years, it drew you and Phoenix apart. You still get along and you’d do anything for her, though you can’t help but be bitter. You know it’s ridiculous, you’re mad at yourself for being this resentful towards her; after all, it’s not her fault, Natasha has always made sure people would see you for who you are, though it doesn’t change the way you feel. With time, you’ve learned to be discreet about this pain that is eating you from the inside. However, from time to time, like tonight, the pain and the anger that comes with it find a way to the surface. So, during the evening, you stay on your own, your beer in hand, conversing with people just enough so they remember you’re here but not enough to be the main topic. 

The mission you’ve been assigned to is the most dangerous one you’ve ever had. You all agree to say it’s almost impossible to complete it. Even Hangman is not cocky enough to pretend he’s confident about it. You’ve always given yourself fully for your work, however this time, you work twice as hard. It’s not only about your own survival but also for the other ones, including your sister. You might train every single day, it still doesn’t seem enough. In training,  no one has succeeded to complete this mission, except Rooster if we forget the fact he arrived at the target too late. Besides Bradley, you’re the one who did best before ‘colliding’ in the mountain just when you were about to hit the spot where the uranium would be. You could have succeeded if you hadn’t been distracted by Natasha and Bob’s plane behind you.

“Why are you dead?” Maverick questions, tensed.

“I didn’t communicate correctly and I didn’t notice they needed help.” you reply with a neutral tone.

“Exactly so, stop playing solo and learn to pay attention to your wingmen. Besides that, you had good technique. Phoenix, as for you, you know how to communicate but you have to be a bit more careful when you fly.”

Reluctantly, you accept Maverick’s critic. He’s not wrong, communication has never been your strong suit. You’re a very lonely person and though sometimes, this might be a strength, when you’re a naval aviator, it is not. You have to do better, you have to do like Natasha. It is not easy for you to admit it but you can’t deny Maverick is correct so you take it upon yourself to learn from his critics so you can be a better pilot, hoping you’ll be able to make it if you’re chosen for the assignment. 

Once the day of the mission has come, anxiety is at its climax while you’re getting ready to fly. Maverick is the team leader and you’re his wingman, Rooster is with Payback and finally Phoenix is with Bob. You do not feel at ease at the thought of your sister flying with you; you are scared something might happen to her. You try not to think of the worst case scenario and instead focus on what you have to do. If you want to keep your squad safe, you have to stay focused on your mission, not on your fear of losing Natasha.

In the air, you all do everything perfectly, completing the two miracles necessary for this mission. Now, enemy missiles are coming from everywhere and you do everything to avoid them. The flares you used to avoid them fly left and right while you keep each other updated on every new threat. There is no end, every time a missile is destroyed, four new ones seem to appear in the sky.

Adrenaline is running through your veins while black smokes surround all of you. In spite of yourself, you look in Natasha’s direction in case she might need help. Though, a missile going right to Bradley and Payback’s plane catches your attention and you fly in their direction to help them, except your plane gets hit in the process and you can’t do anything but fall down as Natasha screams in fear in your ears. 

The second you come back to yourself, you find yourself laying on the snowy ground. Thanks to your third unplanned miracle, you’re not hurt or your adrenaline is still high enough so you can’t feel the pain in your body. You barely avoid an enemy aircraft coming your way thanks to Maverick’s intervention who came to your rescue while crashing his own plane. Together, you find a plane for two before leaving enemy territory and going home.

After a landing more or less wonky, people present on the carrier cheer for you and Maverick as they know you’re safe and sound. You just have time to catch your breath before someone grabs you from behind and makes you walk to a room. Once the door is closed, you find Natasha in front of you and she hugs you, sighing in relief before taking a step back and looking at you with a severe expression. 

“What got into you? It was reckless to pull a stunt like that!”

“Reckless? I saved Rooster and Payback’s life.” you retort, outraged she’s mad.

“And you could have lost yours in the process.”

“I didn’t. I knew what I was doing.”

“No, you didn’t. You were ready to sacrifice yourself and for what? To prove something? To prove you’re a damn good pilot?” Natasha asks, knowing you too well. “Breaking new, you already are! That’s why you were chosen for this mission.”

“This has nothing to do with that.”

“Really?” Natasha questions rhetorically. “Y/N, I don’t know what you need to realise you’ve got nothing to prove.”

“Easy for you to say.” you reply, avoiding her gaze for a second.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Everyone has always seen your talents. I have always had to fight to have a bit of recognition. No matter what I do, I’m only Natasha’s little sibling or ‘Phoenix Number Two’, I’m never just me. So, yeah, maybe I came to Rooster and Payback’s rescue to show I’m strong but what do you want me to say? Years of being invisible mess with your head.” you defend yourself, tearing up.

“That doesn’t mean you should sacrifice yourself at any given occasion. There are other ways to show your talent as a naval aviator. How would you think we’d react if you were to die after acting like you did? Sure, maybe people would recognize your achievements but we would be devastated, I would be devastated.” Natasha exclaims, her voice breaking. “And now you must think I’m insensitive because I’m making this situation about me and maybe I am, but if that’s what it takes for you to understand how dangerous and stupid what you did was then so be it.”

“I’m just tired of working harder just to not be seen.”

“Y/N, it’s not the case anymore.” she affirms, taking a step forward. “We’re not kids anymore. If people didn’t see you, you wouldn’t have been called back to TopGun and you wouldn’t have been Maverick’s wingman and yet, you were. It’s probably easier said than done, however you have to realise the child version of you who was never taken seriously has grown up and showed they had guts. I’m not saying people will stop comparing us but they don’t see you as an extension of me anymore, they see the real you now.”

“You’re probably right.” you end up saying, wiping a single tear on your cheek. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

“You better not do that ever again or this time, I’d be faster than Maverick and find you so I could kick your ass.”

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

You lightly chuckle before taking your sister in your arms again. Slowly, you feel the adrenaline leaving your body as you integrate the words you’ve exchanged with Natasha. She’s right, you have to realise things aren’t like they used to. Maybe one day you’ll finally be able to do it. Maybe you’ll finally let go of this idea you have to fight to be seen for you and you only, maybe one day, you’ll finally be able to just live.

[marie-swriting]

Maybe if people updated more we wouldn't turn to ai

You’re a pathetic, impatient loser. Fanfic writers owe you nothing, and their writing is their own, not yours to do with as you choose, you entitled brat.

[marie-swriting]

Writing Sam Wilson

With the rampant racism going on in the Sam and Sambucky tags on a daily basis, I thought I’d put together a list of resources that people can tap into when writing Sam. Because idk if maybe y'all don't know any better but it's it getting so exhausting seeing your favorite character constantly mistreated or seeing hate crimes in his tag all day.

And listen as a white person myself, I HIGHLY recommend that you go through the stereotypes and tropes carefully and with a mindset of learning. I also highly recommend that if you get offended, defensive, or irritated about anything you read here, you inspect that. And if your first reaction is to double down and argue, inspect that too.

Addressing our biases is uncomfortable but not as uncomfortable as some of you have made people in this fandom with the way you treat Black characters and fans.

Do better.

Stereotypes & Tropes

The link in the heading above is a guide to quite a few harmful stereotypes and tropes to be mindful of when writing characters of color by writingwithcolor. I highly recommend you read through their content.

Below is a list of things we see most often in the Sam and Sambucky tags as well as links from sources talking about similar situations in other spaces:

Infantilization of white characters (At PoC’s expense): Bucky being framed as a helpless child who can't think for himself and that always being Sam's problem.

Black Man, Protecting his Traumatized White Wife: Sam always comforting and being concerned about Bucky when the comfort and care is never reciprocal, and when 'caretaker' Sam's only role/purpose in the story.

Writing a Comedic Black Character: Sam being over-the-top funny and saying things that are wildly out of character. Those incorrect quotes that frame him as joking but he's really mean and hateful, sometimes even violent, toward Bucky? Yeah.

Sam being sexually aggressive: why do people insist that Sam is the top in the relationship? That he's a dom, that he's rough in bed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with top!sam, but insisting that he's no-doubt aggressive and dominant in bed? Nah. Same goes for hyper sexualization.

Size Difference: Describing or drawing Sam as bigger or taller than his white partner when canon clearly depicts otherwise.

Villainizing Black Characters/Actors: Sam is always wrong, Sam is unfair, Sam is a bully, Sam is violent. Mackie is a misogynist. Mackie is homophobic etc.

Writingwithcolor also has this search engine that finds anything on their blog.

Resources for writing Sam as a well rounded character:

A lot of the time Sam is written without any depth or nuance. In many fics, he only exists to prop the white dude up. Very rarely is he written as the caring, badass, heartthrob that he really is. Be mindful of Sam's role in your story, is he always chasing Bucky's affection, are you using Sam as a reader insert to lust after Bucky? Do you diminish/ignore Sam's skills and knowledge to make the white dude look good/smart? Do you consider his trauma and mental struggles as well when you write about Bucky's and how Bucky leans on him for support? Remember Sam's POV does not equal a Sam-centric story.

Below are a bunch of links on how cool Sam really is to help you shape his character in your stories:

From the 2019 samwilsonbirthdaybang:

MCU Wiki (link updated by me since Sam is now Cap) Marvel Wiki A folder full of Sam meta Complete Badass (reblog) NCO (non-commissioned officer) and why

Sam Wilson Meta: A Timeline

Sam Wilson's USAF Rank

Sam Wilson is a US Special Forces Pararescueman, and a PTSD counselor. 

Sam's role at the VA was a peer counselor, not a therapist. here's the difference.

A compilation of Sam Wilson’s personality traits

Sam's PTSD

Sam's age & Riley's death

More badass Sam Wilson

Resources for drawing/coloring Sam:

Here's a hint: he's not beige or grey. Too often do we see art of someone who is supposed to be Sam but he's one shade darker than the white dude. These posts go into detail with some great advise:

Creating Black Characters

Whitewashing & Colorism

Coloring gifs of poc

Y'all can't draw or color Black ppl to save your lives.

Color picking

Color theory & darker skin

Some examples of whitewashing skin tone: this, this, this, this and this. Loads more examples on whyaretheywhite!

Here's a visual:

see where this dude's skin tone is on the color picker:

compared to Mackie's skin tone?:

Look at the difference between those two shades! Remember whitewashing doesn't only refer to the lightening of skin, it also includes drawing Black characters with European facial features, and not incorporating the appropriate hair texture etc.

Additional resources & reading:

How to write fic for Black characters: a guide for non-Black fans

Colourblindness

White Authors and Topics to Avoid/Tread Carefully

Physical Descriptions:

Dark skin reactions to cold weather Skin color changes due to health Describing skin tone Skin tone & food comparisons: it's weird. stop it.

Dehumanizinig Sam

Antiblackness in it's many forms

It's not preference, it's racism.

Antiblackness: Even more examples

It's not shipwars, surprise, it's also racism.

More Stereotypes

Interracial Relationships

For now that's it. I might add useful articles I come across to this post as time goes on. Please also add your own resources but fuckery will be blocked.

These resources are by no means exhaustive, they are just what i have used as references throughout the years. You will do yourself (and a multitude of Sam fans) a massive favor by being introspective about your role in this fandom and how it affects Black fans and other fans of Sam Wilson. Go and read the rest of the articles/posts on these blogs and apply the context to the Sam and Sambucky fandoms, the similarities are stark.

xoxo, a tired Sam fan who just wants to see him loved and respected.

[marie-swriting]

Just received a Captain Marvel book!! I can't wait to read it and learn more about the movie. I'm also waiting for another book about Carol's time at the Academy. Those books are gonna be so helpful for my Carol one shots (I'm currently writing one!) 🥰

J'ai reçu un livre Captain Marvel !! J'ai si hâte de le lire et d'en apprendre plus sur le film. J'attends également un autre livre sur Carol pendant qu'elle était à l'académie. Ces livres vont m'être très utiles pour l'écriture de one shots Carol (je suis actuellement en train d'en écrire un !) 🥰

[marie-swriting]

Pas Assez Fort⸱e - Kate Bishop

Marvel Masterlist

Résumé : Tu ne penses pas être aussi fort⸱e que ta jumelle, Kate, alors tu décides d'aller en mission seul⸱e.

Warnings : Gender neutral!reader, Kate est ta jumelle, trafic d'armes, se faire frapper, doute de soi, ne pas se sentir assez bien, angst, dites-moi si j'en ai loupés d'autres.

Version anglaise

Nombre de mots : 3.4k

Request : faite par @jamiedc-they-them voici le lien vers la request. Merci pour ta request qui a été intéressente car elle m'a forcée à écrire plus de scènes d'action donc c'était super d'écrire des choses différentes. Désolée d'avoir pris aussi longtemps pour la publier, J'espère que tu l'aimeras malgré tout.

Tu sais que tu aurais dû attendre. Tu sais que tu aurais dû demander à Kate de t'accompagner. Mais c'était plus fort que toi. Tu devais y aller seul⸱e. Tu devais savoir si tu pouvais y arriver seul⸱e, accomplir une mission sans l'aide de personne. Tu dois bien en avoir les capacités ! Après tout, tu as suivi les mêmes entraînements que ta jumelle. Si Kate y arrive, alors pourquoi pas toi ? Certes, tu as toujours considéré que tes compétences à te battre ne sont pas aussi affûtées que celles de Kate, mais tu peux le faire… n'est-ce pas ? Ces derniers temps, tu as réalisé que tu dépends trop de ta sœur quand vous allez en mission et ça ne peut pas continuer. Tu dois être certain⸱e que tu puisses te protéger toi-même.

Par conséquent, tu n'as rien dit et tu es allé⸱e suivre la piste que vous avez trouvée plus tôt dans la semaine. Après l'arrestation de votre mère, vous avez fouillé tous ces effets personnels, chacun de ses appareils et comptes afin de découvrir si elle couvrait d'autres magouilles pour le compte de Fisk. Au fil de vos recherches, vous avez découvert l'adresse d'un entrepôt isolé, vous aviez alors décidé que vous iriez vérifier le lieu pour voir ce qu'il cache. Cependant, tu as décidé de faire cavalier seul⸱e.

C'est ainsi qu'habillé⸱e de noir et un masque couvrant ton visage, tu te fonds dans l'obscurité du lieu lugubre. Les quelques luminaires qui fonctionnent encore clignotent, proche de la mort. Le sol est souillé et une forte odeur d'humidité entre dans tes narines. Tu marches à pas de loup, regardant de tous les côtés. Ta main gauche tient ton arc, l'autre rase le mur. Ta respiration bien qu’accélérée est silencieuse, te permettant d'avancer sans te faire repérer. Plus tu te rapproches d'une vieille porte rouillée, plus tu entends des voix, réalisant qu'elles sont nombreuses ; tu te demandes finalement si c'était une bonne idée d'y aller sans renfort.

Remarquant des caisses à côté de la porte, tu te caches derrière et tentes d'écouter la conversation. Tu arrives seulement à discerner quelques mots comme "armes", "dans la semaine" ou encore "Fisk", toutefois, tu comprends parfaitement ce qui est en train de se dire dans la pièce d'à côté. Soudainement, la porte s'ouvre, tu te caches un peu plus, espérant que les hommes ne remarquent pas une présence extérieure.

Avec le bout d'une flèche, tu empêches la porte de se refermer, te permettant d'entrer dans la pièce une fois que la voie est libre. Là, tu découvres de nombreuses caisses scellées ainsi qu'un bureau avec différents dossiers dont tu te rapproches en premier. C'est définitif, cet entrepôt renferme plus de dangers que tu avais envisagés avec Kate. Ta voix dans ta tête te dit que tu devrais partir tant qu'il est encore temps, que tu ne sauras pas te défendre si tu venais être découvert⸱e. Cependant, tu décides de ne pas l'écouter. Tu es venu⸱e pour prouver que tu pouvais y arriver. Certes, croiser autant d'ennemis n'était pas prévu, mais les missions sont toujours faites d'imprévus. Tu ne peux pas fuir au premier obstacle.

Tu essayes de taire tes peurs avant d'ouvrir les documents devant toi et de lire rapidement le contenu. De nombreux chiffres et noms de codes ainsi que des adresses sont inscrits sur les pages. Tu sors ton téléphone d'une main tremblante que tu tentes de contrôler, jettes un rapide coup d’œil en arrière, puis tu prends en photos les preuves. Alors que tu tournes une page, un message de Kate apparaît sur ton écran, tu enlèves la notification sans la lire et reprends ton activité. Une fois satisfait⸱e de tes trouvailles, tu refermes les dossiers.

Tu te rapproches de la porte et quand tu n'entends que le silence de l'autre côté, tu te dis que tu as encore un peu de temps. Tu te tournes alors vers les caisses que tu prends également en photo. En les regardant plus attentivement, tu remarques que celle du fond est déjà ouverte — ils l'ont probablement ouverte afin de montrer la marchandise. Tu t'en approches et soulèves le couvercle, découvrant — comme tu t'y attendais — différentes armes à feu.

Tandis que tu t'apprêtes à prendre de nouvelles photos, tu entends quelqu'un se racler la gorge derrière toi. En sursaut, tu te retournes et découvres un homme dans la quarantaine, un fusil à la main. Tu as à peine le temps de te baisser derrière la caisse que l'homme tire dans ta direction, il te manque de peu. Pendant quelques secondes, le silence remplit la pièce jusqu'à ce que tu l'entendes prévenir ses collègues d'un⸱e intrus⸱e tandis que ton cœur s'affole. Tu armes ton arc et respires un bon coup et te relèves pour tirer sur ton adversaire, le touchant par miracle dans l'épaule et le faisant lâcher son arme. Il n'abandonne pas pour autant, serrant ses poings. Tu regardes de tous les côtés, cherchant un moyen de sortir, ne te sentant pas de taille à l'affronter. Toutefois, il t'interrompt dans tes recherches et se jette vers toi, il se saisit de ton bras, mais tu le frappes dans le coude et il te relâche. Tu lui donnes un coup dans le visage, le déstabilisant pendant une seconde. Alors que tu tentes de te faufiler entre les caisses, la peur t'empêchant de faire attention à ton environnement, il sort un couteau et se rapproche de toi. Il lève le bras, prêt à planter la lame dans ton corps, tu as juste le temps de lever le bras, gagnant une coupure plutôt qu'un coup de couteau dans ta poitrine. Il retente de te poignarder et tu réussis à échapper à toutes ses tentatives, bien que tu gagnes de nombreuses blessures plus ou moins partielles. Tu finis par le désarmer et reprends la main en lui donnant un coup dans la partie intime. A cet instant, il tombe au sol en grognant alors que tu cours vers la sortie.

Tandis que tu traverses les couloirs, tu croises d'autres hommes. Tu te maudis intérieurement avant de chercher une autre issue. Tu arrives à échapper à certains d'entre eux juste à temps alors que pour les autres, tu dois donner — et recevoir — plusieurs coups avant de t'en débarrasser. A bout de souffle et tenant tes côtés droites, tu arrives à atteindre la sortie, mais tu ne cries pas victoire tout de suite. Tu peux les entendre, ils sont sur le point de passer la dernière porte. Tu continues de courir avec difficulté jusqu'à ce que tu sois sûre qu'ils aient perdu ta trace.

Lorsque tu es sûr⸱e que tu n'es plus suivi⸱e, tu t'insultes de tous les noms en réalisant à quel point tu n'as pas su gérer la mission, confirmant tes doutes que tu n'es peut-être pas fait⸱e pour cette vie.

Tu calmes ta respiration avant de marcher jusqu'à ton appartement. En ouvrant la porte, tu appréhendes de tomber sur ta sœur, cependant c'est le silence qui t'accueille. Tu pousses un soupire de soulagement avant de te débarrasser de ton arc et ton carquois. Tu enlèves ton masque et passes ta main sur ton visage afin d'essuyer la sueur. Tu te diriges vers la salle de bain et défaits ta veste afin de n'avoir plus que ton débardeur et ton legging sur toi pour examiner tes blessures. En relevant ton débardeur, tu découvres de nombreux bleus en train de se former sur tes côtes et ton visage. Ton arcade sourcilière saigne également tout comme ton bras droit et ton épaule gauche. Tu ne perds pas plus de temps à inspecter ton corps, te déshabilles entièrement et sautes dans la douche. Tu te laves rapidement, enlevant la crasse et le sang, tes blessures te faisant souffrir à chaque mouvement ; tu n'as qu'une hâte, toutes les panser.

Une fois sorti⸱e de la douche et en pyjama, tu prends le kit de premier secours. Alors que tu sors ce dont tu as besoin, tu continues à ressasser les évènements. Ta mission ne s'est pas passée comme tu le souhaitais. Tu aurais dû en parler à Kate, l'attendre. Ta sœur a toujours été plus forte que toi, que ça soit pour le tir à l'arc, l'escrime ou les cours, mais tu pensais que tu avais assez de compétences pour te débrouiller tout⸱e seul⸱e, ton estomac se tord, réalisant que tu n'es pas assez fort⸱e.

Alors que tu désinfectes tes plaies, les larmes aux yeux, tu entends la porte d'entrée s'ouvrir et Kate appeler ton prénom. Tu réponds un rapide "je suis là" avant de commencer à panser tes blessures. Tandis que tu t'occupes de ton arcade, la porte de ta salle de bain s'ouvre avec force.

- Kate ! t'écris-tu.

- Pourquoi tu m'as pas répondu…, commence Kate avant de te regarder. Mon Dieu, Y/N, qu'est-ce qui t'es arrivé⸱e ?

- Je vais bien, ce n'est rien, réponds-tu en évitant son regard tandis que tu places le stéri-strip au-dessus de ton œil.

- Tu te fous de moi ? Tu saignes et tu as des bleus ! Qu'est-ce qui s'est passé ?

- Je ne veux pas en parler.

- Tu es blessé⸱e, tu vas en parler, insiste-t-elle en se mettant à côté de toi.

- T’es pas ma mère.

- Non, je suis ta jumelle, c'est tout comme. Ton arc…, chuchote ta sœur alors qu'elle a une illumination. T'as fait une mission, c'est ça ?

- Bravo, Kate ! On peut rien te cacher ! rétorques-tu en te contorsionnant afin d'examiner le reste de ton corps. Maintenant, laisse-moi, je dois m'occuper de mes blessures et j'aimerais me reposer.

- Pourquoi est-ce que tu ne m'en as pas parlé ? On aurait pu la faire ensemble.

- Je sais, je suis incapable de faire une mission sans toi. J'ai encore beaucoup à apprendre, j'ai compris.

- C’est pas ce que j'ai dit, contredit Kate, les sourcils froncés.

- On sait tout⸱e⸱s les deux que c'est vrai, dis-tu, sèchement.

- Si c'est pour être désagréable comme ça, je vais te laisser, déclare ta sœur, prête à partir.

- Kate, attends ! la retiens-tu, elle reste dos à toi pendant une seconde avant de te faire face. Je m'excuse, j'ai juste… Je pensais pas que cette mission serait aussi dangereuse, expliques-tu, la voix légèrement tremblante. Tu te souviens de la piste qu'on a trouvée en fouillant l'ordinateur de maman ? demandes-tu, elle hoche la tête. Je suis allé⸱e dans l'entrepôt. Je m'attendais à ce qu'il y ait personne, deux gars à la limite… J'avais tort. Je saurais même pas te dire combien il y en avait, j'étais trop occupé⸱e à sauver ma peau.

- Pourquoi tu y es allé⸱e tout⸱e seul⸱e enfin ? questionne Kate, doucement. J'aurais pu t'aider. Ou alors, tu aurais dû partir quand tu as réalisé qu'ils étaient nombreux.

Tu restes silencieuse pendant une seconde, hésitant à lui avouer la vérité. Tu es proche de ta jumelle, mais tu n'as jamais osé lui avouer ton manque de confiance en toi. Tu as peur d'être aussi vulnérable. Finalement, tu prends une grande inspiration avant de parler.

- Je voulais voir si je pouvais m'en sortir seul⸱e. Faut croire que je peux pas, confesses-tu en regardant tes doigts. Enfin, c'est pas étonnant, je ne suis pas aussi doué⸱e que toi, je vois pas pourquoi cette fois aurait pu être différent, ajoutes-tu d'une petite voix.

- Qu'est-ce que tu veux dire ?

- S'il te plaît ! souffles-tu en levant les yeux au ciel. Fais pas l'innocente. Tu es la plus forte d'entre nous. Tu es celle qui a toutes les médailles. Je suis bon⸱ne, mais pas exceptionnel⸱le. Je m'en tire bien en compétition, mais je suis nul⸱le sur le terrain.

- Tu penses que j'étais parfaite la première fois ? demande Kate rhétoriquement en rigolant. J'ai fait pleins de bêtises, tu peux demander à Barton.

- T'as quand même arrêté la Mafia Des Survêtes et tu t'es battue avec une Widow !

- Et j'ai survécu juste parce qu'elle n'avait pas pour mission de me tuer, déclare-t-elle.

- Tu vois ce que je veux dire ! Tu es faite pour ça. Même débutante, tu as su te débrouiller. Je fais une petite mission de mon côté et je me suis vautré⸱e. J'ai failli tout ruiner. On m'a trouvé⸱e alors que j'étais encore en train de récupérer des infos.

- Tu t'en es quand même sorti⸱e.

- Tout juste, je suis étonné⸱e qu'on m'ait pas tiré⸱e dessus !

- Tu t'amélioras avec le temps et puis, tu penses que tu n'es pas exceptionnel⸱le, mais tu l'es. Tu es doué⸱e dans ce que tu fais, affirme Kate, mais tu secoues la tête.

- Pas assez pour aider des personnes. Je devrais arrêter d'insister. A chaque fois, tu es celle qui me sauve les miches. Je te ralentis plus qu'autre chose.

- N'importe quoi ! J'ai besoin de toi pour ces missions aussi. Ça deviendra plus facile avec le temps, je te le promets.

- J'ai pas l'impression. C'est mieux si je m'occupe de faire des recherches et que je te laisse aller sur le terrain.

- Arrête avec ça ! soupire l'archère, agacée. Je suis sûre que si les rôles avaient été inversés, je me serais faite battre autant que toi ce soir ! Ce n'est pas une médaille d'or qui m'aurait sauvée face à dix gars armés jusqu'aux dents. Alors, arrête de penser que, parce que tu as eu du mal une fois, tu n'es pas fait⸱e pour le terrain. Je te connais et je sais que tu peux te battre et te protéger ! On s'est entraîné⸱e⸱s ensemble depuis notre enfance, je connais tes capacités. C'est vrai qu'un combat encadré est totalement différent de la réalité, mais ça ne veut pas dire que tu incapables de réussir une mission. Tu penses que les Avengers ont réussi du premier coup ? Non, ils ont juste continué jusqu'à ce qu'ils deviennent ce qu'ils sont. Tu as juste besoin de plus d’entraînement et je t'aiderai.

- Peut-être, dis-tu, peu convaincu⸱e.

- Que tu peux être têtu⸱e quand tu t'y mets ! grogne Kate tandis que tu lui fais un sourire forcé. Bref, qu'est-ce que tu as découvert ?

- Un trafic d'armes pour Fisk. J'ai également pu photographier des documents, on devrait y jeter un coup d’œil.

- Je suis d'accord, mais avant, prends soin de toi et en attendant, je vais commander une pizza, dit-elle en marchant vers la porte. Au fait, au cas où tu te demandais, reprend Kate en se tournant vers toi, c'est ce que je te demandais par message, tu sais celui que t'as ignoré.

- J'étais trop occupé⸱e à ne pas mourir, réponds-tu sur le ton de l'humour, mais ta sœur ne rigole pas. Trop tôt ?

- Ouais, confirme-t-elle en levant les yeux au ciel.

- Désolé⸱e.

La pizza aux poivrons posée sur la table basse, vous regardez les photos que tu as prises afin de déterminer toute l'étendue de ce trafique d'armes et où se passeront les prochaines livraisons. Une fois que vous êtes sûr⸱e⸱s de vous, vous décidez de préparer un plan afin d'intervenir. Vous ne pouvez pas laisser ces armes traîner dans New York — ou dans n'importe quelle autre ville tout court.

C'est ainsi que deux semaines plus tard, alors que certaines blessures ont presque disparu tandis que tes bleus tirent sur le jaune, tu te retrouves dans un nouvel entrepôt. Cependant, cette fois, Kate est à tes côtés et tu as un peu plus confiance en toi.

Vous vous êtes entraîné⸱e⸱s dur avant de partir en mission. Vous n'êtes pas encore à un niveau professionnel, mais vous vous défendez plutôt bien. Tu as mis toute ton énergie pour affiner tes réflexes. De plus, tu as appris de tes erreurs, tu ne te feras pas avoir aussi facilement à nouveau.

Vos visages cachés, vous marchez à travers les couloirs avec prudence, tu es en tête de file. Cette fois, tu n'y es pas allé⸱e à l'aveugle, tu as vérifié combien d'ennemis sont sur les lieux — ils sont beaucoup moins nombreux, à peine plus de cinq personnes. Deux d'entre eux faisaient le guet, vous avez réussi à les maîtriser, ce qui vous a permis de vous infiltrer. Sur le chemin, vous avez seulement croisé un autre homme, un peu plus costaud, il vous a fallu un peu plus de temps pour le neutraliser. Heureusement, il n'a pas eu le temps d'annoncer que vous êtes là.

En arrivant face aux caisses — beaucoup moins nombreuses que la dernière fois, il y en a seulement cinq et elles sont moins larges —, vous vous dépêchez de vous organiser pour trouver une solution pour vous en débarrasser. Alors que vous êtes en train de bouger la troisième caisse, un homme vous surprend. Sans perdre une seconde, vous commencez à vous battre tandis que d'autres ennemis apparaissent. Bien que tu ramasses quelques coups, tu en reçois quand même moins et tu arrives à mieux neutraliser ceux qui t'attaquent. Tu viens de faire perdre conscience à l'homme avec qui tu te battais ces cinq dernières minutes quand tu te tournes pour voir où en est Kate. Elle est allongée au sol, l'ennemi à califourchon sur elle, la ruant de coup et sur le point de l'étrangler. Tu ne réfléchis pas et tu lui tires une flèche sur l'épaule. En criant de douleur, il défait son emprise sur Kate et se tourne vers toi. Tu te jettes sur lui et le frappes de toutes tes forces. Déstabilisé, il s'éloigne de Kate qui reprend sa respiration fortement tout en toussant. Tu arrives à le neutraliser assez rapidement, plus vite que d'habitude, la peur et la colère de voir Kate en danger t'ayant donner les forces nécessaires pour agir.

- Merci, dit-elle avec difficulté, tu poses ta main sur ton épaule avant de faire un signe de tête vers les caisses.

- Viens, il nous en reste encore à déplacer.

Kate s'exécute sans rien ajouter. Vous finissez par vous débarrasser des armes sans croiser d'autres personnes. Il faut croire qu'ils n'ont pas eu le temps d'appeler plus de renfort. La mission étant réussie, vous rentrez chez vous.

En entrant dans votre appartement, vous vous débarrassez de votre équipement, lorsque c'est fait, vous vous regardez une seconde avant de vous mettre à courir vers la salle de bain. Tu arrives à battre Kate d'une milliseconde, te permettant de te soigner et de te décrasser en premier alors que ta sœur ne cesse de te mettre la pression derrière la porte, se plaignant de devoir encore rester dans sa sueur.

Quand c'est enfin son tour, tu en profites pour faire des macaronis au fromage. Tu remplis deux assiettes et tu voudrais l'attendre, mais tu as tellement faim que tu commences à manger sans Kate.

- Hé ! s'offusque Kate en arrivant, les cheveux mouillés. Ça aurait été sympa de m'attendre, en fait !

- Ça va, je t'en ai gardé ! rétorques-tu en pointant vers l'assiette que tu lui as préparé.

- Encore heureux. Oh, non, t'as pris la fourchette ! se plaint-elle en réalisant que tu lui as laissé celle en plastique.

- Ça fait des années que je te dis qu'on doit investir dans des couverts, dis-tu, la faisant lever les yeux au ciel avant de marquer une pause. Merci, Kate.

- Pour quoi ? demande ta sœur, les sourcils froncés.

- Pour m'avoir aidé. J'ai pu m'en sortir cette fois et c'est grâce à toi.

- Non, on ne vas pas faire ça. C'est grâce à toi, contredit-elle en te regardant droit dans les yeux. Je t'ai juste entraîné⸱e, mais ce soir ? C'était toi et seulement toi. Tu as réussi à maîtriser ces gars, tu m'as même sauvé.

- N'exagère pas, je t'ai empêché d'avoir un vingtième bleu, c'est tout.

- Déjà, j'en ai que dix, corrige Kate en posant sa fourchette dans son assiette, et vu comment il avait l'avantage ? Je n'aurais pas gagné qu'un bleu.

Tu sais que Kate a raison en disant ceci, mais tu refuses de penser à ce qui lui serait arrivé si tu n'étais pas intervenue à temps. Tu as vraiment eu peur pour elle à ce moment-là.

- Même, reprend ta jumelle, tu vois que tu es fait⸱e pour ça. Tu avais juste besoin d'avoir un peu plus confiance en toi.

- C'est vrai. Mais je dois encore y travailler dessus. J'ai hésité à certains moments, confesses-tu les yeux baissés.

- Ce qui est normal. Tu verras, ça finira par être plus simple, te rassure Kate.

- Je l'espère.

- J'en suis sûre.

Tu souris à ta jumelle, reconnaissante de l'avoir dans ta vie. Bien que certains doutes persistent dans ton esprit, tu sais que les jours où cette petite voix sera trop forte, Kate fera tout pour la réduire au silence et te rappeler que tu peux le faire, tu en as les capacités.

Marvel Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Not Strong Enough - Kate Bishop

Marvel Masterlist

Summary : Doubting you're as strong as your twin, Kate, you decide to go on a mission alone.

Warnings : Gender neutral!reader, Kate is your twin sibling, firearm trafficking, getting punched, guns, self-doubt, not feeling enough, angst, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

French version

Word count : 3.1k

Request : made by @jamiedc-they-them here's the link to the request. Thank you for your request which was great as it forced me to write more action scenes so it was nice to pen things I'm not used to. Sorry for taking so long to publish it, I hope you'll like it, though 🫶

You know you should have waited. You know you should have asked Kate to accompany you but you couldn't help it. You had to go alone. You had to know if you could do it on your own, complete a mission without anyone's help. You must have the abilities! After all, you followed the same training as your twin. If she can do it, why couldn't you? Sure, you've always considered you were less competent than Kate, your fighting skills aren't as sharp, however you can do it… right? Recently, you've realized you rely on your sister too much when you go on missions and this can't keep happening. You have to be certain you can protect yourself.

Therefore, you told her nothing and decided to follow the lead you two found earlier in the week. After your mom's arrest, you search through all of her belongings, every device and account to find if she was covering up other Fisk's scheming. As you searched, you found an address to a secluded warehouse and you had agreed you'll check the place to see what it's hiding.

Here you are now, all dress in black with a mask covering your face as you blend with the darkness of the bleak warehouse. Some lights are still working but they are glitching, close to dying. The floor is soiled and there is a strong smell of moisture coming into your nostrils. You walk stealthily, glancing at every side. Your left hand is holding your bow and the other is skimming the wall. Though your breath is quick, you're not making any sound, allowing you to move without being noticed. The closer you get to an old rusted door, the more you hear voices and you realize they're numerous; you, now, actually wonder if it was a good idea to come without backup.

Noticing some boxes next to the door, you hide behind them and try listening to the conversation. You only manage to make out some words such as 'weapons,' 'in the week,' or even 'Fisk,' nevertheless, you perfectly understand what is happening on the other side of the door.

Suddenly it opens and you hide a bit more, hoping the men won't remark an outside presence. With the tip of an arrow, you prevent the door from closing, allowing you to enter the room once the coast is clear. There, you discover several sealed crates and a desk with files on top of it, you walk closer to it. There's no doubt anymore, this warehouse contains more danger than you and Kate imagined. The voice in your head tells you you should leave while you still got time and that you won't be able to defend yourself if you get caught; however, you don't listen to it. You came to prove to yourself you could do it. Sure, coming across that many enemies wasn't planned, nevertheless during missions, there are always mishaps. You can't run away at the first obstacle.

You try to push down your fears and open the files in front of you while you quickly read the content. There are numbers, code names and addresses all over the pages. You take your phone out of your pocket with an uncontrollably shaking hand, you glance behind you then take pictures. As you turn a page, a text from Kate appears on your screen, you delete the notification without reading it and keep shooting evidence. Once you're satisfied with what you've found, you close the files.

You get closer to the door and the second you hear nothing but silence on the other side, you know you still have some time. You turn to the crates, which you also take a picture of. As you look at them more carefully, you notice the one in the back is already opened — they probably opened it to show what was inside. You get closer to it and take off the lid, discovering — as you expected — several firearms.

While you take more pictures, you hear someone clearing their throat behind you. Startled, you turn around and discover a man in his forties, a gun in his hand. You barely have time to duck behind the crate that the man has already shot in your direction, missing you by an inch. For a few seconds, silence fills the room until you hear him tell his colleagues there's an intruder and reloading is gun, you heart beats faster in your chest. You put an arrow in your bow, take a deep breath and stand up before shooting your enemy, hitting his shoulder by some miracle which makes him drop his weapon. He doesn't give up though, clenching his fists. You glance both ways, searching for an exit, not convinced you can defeat him. However, he interrupts your research and throws himself at you, grabbing your arm but you hit him in his inner elbow and he releases you. You punch him in the jaw, throwing him off balance for a second. As you try to run through the crates, fear preventing you from paying attention to your environment, he takes out a knife and walks towards you. He raises his arm, ready to stab you, you just have time to raise your arm, only receiving a cut instead of the blade in your chest. He tries to stab you again and you manage to avoid it every time, you get several well-nigh partial wounds, though. You finally manage to disarm him and take the upper hand, hitting him in the groin. At that moment, he falls on the ground, groaning while you run to the exit.

While you go through the corridors, you find other men. You internally curse yourself before searching for another exit. You manage to avoid some of them just on time while for others, you have to throw several punches — and take some — before getting rid of them. Out of breath and holding your right ribs, you finally get through the exit, nonetheless you don't cry victory right away. You can hear them, they are about to walk through the last door. You keep running with difficulty until you're sure they've lost your track.

Once you're sure you're not followed anymore, you damn on yourself, realizing the way you ruined the mission, confirming your doubts that you're not made for this life.

You calm your breathing before walking to your apartment. Upon opening the door, you're worried you'll meet your sister, however quietness greets you. You sigh in relief before getting rid of your bow and arrows. You take off your mask and run a hand down your face to wipe off the sweat. You go to the bathroom and unzip your jacket so you're just in your T-shirt and leggings to check your wounds. As you lift your shirt, you find numerous bruises already forming on your ribs and your face. Your brow ridge is bleeding as well, just like your right arm and your left shoulder. You don't waste another second and get fully undress before jumping in the shower. You quickly wash your body and your blood, your wounds making you wince at every movement; you can't wait to bandage them all.

Once you're out of the shower and in your pajama, you take the first-aid kit. As you take everything you need, you think back about what happened. The mission didn't go as you expected. You should have talked to Kate, waited for her. Your sister has always been stronger than you, whether it is archery, fencing or University, but you thought you had enough abilities to fend for yourself; there is a knot in your stomach as you realize you're not strong enough.

While you disinfect your wounds with teary eyes, you hear the main door opening and Kate calling your name. You quickly reply with an 'I'm here' before resuming what you were doing. While you're taking care of your brow ridge, the bathroom door open with strength.

"Kate!" you scream

"Why haven't you…," Kate starts before looking at you,"My God, Y/N, what happened to you?"

"I'm fine, it's nothing," you answer, avoiding her gaze while you put a band-aid above your eye.

"Are you kidding me? You're bleeding and you have bruises! What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"You're hurt, you're gonna talk about it," she insists, standing next to you.

"You're not my mom."

"I'm your twin, it's basically the same. Your bow…," your sister whispers as she has an epiphany. "You went on a mission, didn't you?"

"Congrats, Kate! We can't hide anything from you!" you retort, contorting yourself to examine the rest of your body. "Now, leave me alone, I need to take care of my wounds and I'd like to rest."

"Why didn't you tell me about it? We could've done it together."

"I know, I can't do a mission without you. I still have a lot to learn, I get it."

"That's not what I said," Kate contradicts, frowning.

"We both know it's true," you snap.

"If you're just gonna be mean, I'm gonna leave you be," your sister states, ready to leave.

"Kate, wait!" you hold her back, she has her back on you for a second before turning around. "I'm sorry, I just… I didn't think this mission would be that dangerous," you explain, voice shaking. "Remember the lead we found while going through mom's computer?" you asks and she nods. "I went to the warehouse. I was expecting to meet people, two guys maybe… I was wrong. I wouldn't even be able to tell you how many they were, I was too busy saving my own life."

"Why did you go alone?" Kate softly questions. "I could've helped you. Or you should've left the second you noticed they were too many of them."

You remain silent for a second, pondering if you should tell her the truth. You're close to your twin, notwithstanding you've never dared confess your self-doubt to her. You're scared to be this vulnerable. Finally, you take a deep breath before speaking.

"I just wanted to see if I could do it on my own. Looks like I can't," you confess, looking down. "I mean, it's not that surprising, I'm not as good as you, I don't know how I could think it could be different," you add with a small voice.

"What do you mean?"

"Please!" you scoff, rolling your eyes. "Don't act dumb. You're the strongest between us. You're the one who gets all the medals. I'm good but not exceptional. I do well in competitions, I just suck on the field."

"You think I was perfect the first time?" Kate rhetorically asks, chuckling. "I made so many mistakes, you can ask Barton."

"You still defeated the Tracksuit Mafia and you even fought a Widow!"

"And I only survived because she didn't have the mission to kill me," she states.

"You know what I mean! You're made for this. Even when you started, you've always known what to do. I do one small mission on my own and I fail. I almost ruined everything. I was found while I was still looking for information."

"You still got out safe."

"Barely, I'm surprised no one shot me."

"You'll get better with time and besides, you think you're not exceptional but you are. You are good at what you do," Kate affirms, however you shake your head.

"Not enough to help people. I should stop trying so hard. Every time, you're the one saving my ass. I'm just slowing you down."

"Nonsense! I need you for those missions as well. It'll get easier with time, I promise."

"It doesn't feel like it. It's better if I become the girl in the chair and I let you go on the field alone."

"Stop with that!" the archer sighs, annoyed. "I'm sure if the roles were reverse, I would've gotten beaten up just like you tonight! A gold medal isn't gonna save me in front of ten guys heavily armed. So stop thinking that because you struggled once you're not made for the field. I know you and I know you can fight and protect yourself! We trained together since we were kids, I know your abilities. It's true that a supervised fight is totally different from reality but that doesn't mean you're incapable of succeeding. You think the Avengers succeeded the first time? No, they kept working until they became who they are. You just need a bit more training and I'll help you.

"Maybe," you say, not convinced.

"You can be so stubborn at times!" Kate growls while you force a smile. "Anyway, what did you discover?"

"Weapons trafficking for Fisk. I also photographed some documents, we should take a look."

"Agree, but before that, take care of you and in the meantime, I'll order a pizza," she says, walking to the door. "By the way, in case you were wondering," Kate resumes, turning around, "that's what I was asking you in my text, you know the one you ignored."

"I was too busy not dying," you reply with a humorous tone, yet your sister doesn't laugh. "Too soon?"

"Yes," she confirms, rolling her eyes.

"Sorry."

The pepper pizza on the coffee table, you are both looking at the pictures you took as a way to determine the extent of this traffic and where would be the next delivery. Once you're sure, you decide to make a plan. You can't let those weapons in New York — or any city for that matter.

That's how, two weeks later, while some of your wounds disappeared and your bruises are turning yellow, you find yourself in another warehouse. Though, this time, Kate is by your side and you are more confident.

You've trained hard before going to the assignement. You still don't have a professional level, but you can defend yourself well enough now. You've put all of your energy on sharpening your reflex. Furthermore, you've learned from your mistakes, you won't be conned easily again.

Both of your faces masked, you are carefully walking through the corridors, you're leading the way. This time, you're not going in blindly, you've checked how many enemies are on the premises — they're less numerous, just over five people. Two of them are on the lookout, you manage to neutralize them which allowed you to enter the building. On the way, you only stumble upon a guy, slightly stronger, it took you a bit longer to stop him. Fortunately, he didn't have the time to tell anyone you're there.

Upon arriving in front of the crates — which are less numerous than last time, there are only five of them and there aren't as large —, you quickly find a solution to get rid of them.

As you're moving the third one, a man finds you. Without wasting a second, you start fighting while other enemies arrive. Although you receive some punches, you still get less hit than the last time and you can neutralize your attackers more easily. You knock out the man you were fighting the last five minutes when you see where is Kate. She is lying on the ground, the enemy straddling her, punching her repeatedly and about to choke her. You don't think twice and shoot him an arrow in his shoulder. Screaming in pain, he let go of Kate's neck and turns to you. You throw yourself at him and hit him with all your strength. Destabilized, he steps away from Kate who breathes loudly while coughing. You quickly stop the man, faster than you usually do, the fear and anger of seeing Kate in danger giving you the strength you need to act.

"Thank you," she says with difficulty. You put your hand on her shoulder before pointing at the crates.

"Come on, we still have to move some of them."

Kate complies without adding anything. You get rid of all the weapons without stumbling upon anyone else. It seems like they didn't have the time to call reinforcement. As the job is a success, you go back home.

Upon entering your apartment, you both take off your gear, once it's done, you look at each other for a second before running to the bathroom. You beat Kate by a millisecond, allowing you to tend to your wounds and clean yourself first while your sister keeps pressuring you to do it faster behind the door, complaining she can't stay in her sweat any longer.

The second it's her turn, you go make macaroni and cheese. You pour two bowls and you wish you could wait for her, nevertheless you're so hungry, you start eating without Kate.

"Hey!" Kate screams offended when she's in the kitchen, her hair still wet. "It would have been nice to wait for me."

"Come on, I keep some for you!" you retort, pointing at the plate you made for her."

"You better. Oh, no, you took the fork!" she complains, realizing you left her the plastic one.

"I've been telling you for years we should invest in cutlery," you say, rolling your eyes before marking a pause. "Thank you, Kate."

"For what?" your sister asks, frowning.

"For helping me. I did it this time and it's thanks to you."

"No, this is not what we're gonna do. It's thanks to you," she contradicts, looking you in the eyes. "I just trained you, but tonight? It was all you and only you. You stopped these guys, you even saved me."

"Don't make it bigger than it was, I just prevented you from having a twentieth bruise, that's it."

"First of all, I only have ten," Kate corrects, putting her fork in her bowl, "and considering he had the upper hand, I wouldn't have gotten just one more bruise."

You know Kate is right when she tells you this, yet you refuse to think of what could have happened to her if you hadn't arrived on time. You were really scared for her at that moment.

"Still," your twin resumes, "you know you're made for this now. You just needed to have more faith in you."

"That's true. But I still need to work on it. I had some hesitations," you confess, looking down.

"Which is normal. You'll see, it'll get easier," Kate reassures you.

"I hope."

"I know so."

You smile to your twin, grateful to have her in your life. Although you still have some doubts in your mind, you know that the days this voice in your head will get too loud, Kate will do everything to silence it and to remind you you can do it, you have the abilities.

Marvel Masterlist

[marie-swriting]

Translation is officially over! Can't wait to share it with you guys 🥰

I have three one shot ideas with Carol Danvers and I can't wait to write them!! My girl deserves some love and I'm glad to finally give it to her.

I'm currently finishing the translation of the Kate Bishop request I got (I'll write one of my Carol idea after that) so there'll be a new one shot this Saturday! I hope you'll like it 🥰

By the way, I'm sorry for taking so long to publish but my thesis really ruined my writing routine as I forced myself to not think about my one shots but it worked so well that now, I keep forgetting that I have all the time in the world to write! I just need to get my writing routine back and everything will be alright because I keep having ideas and not publishing them and I hate it 😭

J'ai trois nouvelles idées pour des one shots Carol Danvers et j'ai si hâte de les écrire !! Ma femme mérite de l'amour et je suis si contente d'enfin lui en donner.

J'ai écrit la vf de la request Kate Bishop, je suis en train de finir la traduction (j'écrirai une de mes idées sur Carol après celui-là) donc ce dimanche, il y aura un nouveau one shot ! J'espère qu'il vous plaira 🥰

Au fait, désolée de prendre autant de temps pour écrire, mais mon mémoire a vraiment détruit toute ma routine d'écriture comme j'ai dû me forcer à ne pas penser à mes idées pour me focus sur le mémoire, cependant ça a tellement bien marché que j'oublie encore que maintenant j'ai tout le temps pour écrire ! Je dois juste retrouver ma routine et tout ira bien, parce que j'arrête pas d'avoir des idées mais je ne les écris pas et ça m'énerve ! 😭

[marie-swriting]

I have three one shot ideas with Carol Danvers and I can't wait to write them!! My girl deserves some love and I'm glad to finally give it to her.

I'm currently finishing the translation of the Kate Bishop request I got (I'll write one of my Carol idea after that) so there'll be a new one shot this Saturday! I hope you'll like it 🥰

By the way, I'm sorry for taking so long to publish but my thesis really ruined my writing routine as I forced myself to not think about my one shots but it worked so well that now, I keep forgetting that I have all the time in the world to write! I just need to get my writing routine back and everything will be alright because I keep having ideas and not publishing them and I hate it 😭

J'ai trois nouvelles idées pour des one shots Carol Danvers et j'ai si hâte de les écrire !! Ma femme mérite de l'amour et je suis si contente d'enfin lui en donner.

J'ai écrit la vf de la request Kate Bishop, je suis en train de finir la traduction (j'écrirai une de mes idées sur Carol après celui-là) donc ce dimanche, il y aura un nouveau one shot ! J'espère qu'il vous plaira 🥰

Au fait, désolée de prendre autant de temps pour écrire, mais mon mémoire a vraiment détruit toute ma routine d'écriture comme j'ai dû me forcer à ne pas penser à mes idées pour me focus sur le mémoire, cependant ça a tellement bien marché que j'oublie encore que maintenant j'ai tout le temps pour écrire ! Je dois juste retrouver ma routine et tout ira bien, parce que j'arrête pas d'avoir des idées mais je ne les écris pas et ça m'énerve ! 😭