#since i started restricting
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Bro, they put me in culinary 4 my online school elective... i talked to my friend abt it and he was like "you dont even like eating" 💀 im suuuuupperrrr picky, and its gotten like v bad, so ive lit just pretty much been eating like candy and bread for weeks🙂↕️
my main food groups rn r
Ice cream
Snickers minis
Sourdough baguette (ripped up and split through like a week+)
Pizza
Idk guys, i need more foods that i feel like won't make me super sick/ lit. kill me (ik im delusional, but aren't we all?)
#idk guys#mayb arfid??#this has been going on 4ever#but got so much worse#since i started restricting#ana rexx#light as a feather#⭐️rving#starv1ng#tw 3d vent#tw ana bløg#tw ed ana#tw ana rant#!!! <3
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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Lack of Light
Cave Creature!Sun x Reader (SFW)
Snickering to yourself in slight victory, you sit back on your butt on the hard, moist, rocky ground before using one hand to click the flashlight on. Holding it near your stomach, the light shoots out into the massive cave. You realize with a cold trickle of dread that you are not alone.
Word Count: 3,700~ Warnings: Injury, light angst, hurt/comfort, and broken bones.
A/N: This is purely something I wrote on a whim and a faint idea of a salamander/axolotl Sun. It's short and sweet and very indulgent. Please note the fic tags before reading, and enjoy!
#yeah so this is restricted to users only#cave creature!sun#sun x reader#ao3 link#lack of light#btw i just checked my ao3 and it's been over a year since I've started writing for the fnaf dca fandom! whoo!#anyways have a little treat while i continue to work on cs
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skłodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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i think i’m one ‘o them relationship anarchy enjoyers
#marzi speaks#been thinking abt how much less stressful being social has gotten#since i’ve decided to stop giving a shit abt romance and sort of like. accepted i’m arospec#n don’t get me wrong i’m still a hopeless romantic or whatever. but i don’t Need to date someone#and any time i get the opportunity i just get uncomfortable#it’s not the commitment i’m afraid of— i’m very ride or die#i just hate labeling shit like that. if i care for you deeply do i need to identify whether that love is romantic#can i not just love you#idk. shit got easier when i coukd just tell my friends i adored them without worrying abt being misinterpreted#i’m not romance-averse or anything. i’d say i’m romance-favorable#like if someone i really care about says they want to start doing couple things with me. sure 👍#but i don’t like the idea of calling something an explicitly romantic relationship#i’d rather it just be. oh yeah that’s so-and-so we’re close. we’re tight#like i feel like putting a word on a relationship restricts what it’s allowed to look like to a specific standard#and i HATE restrictive standards they drive me nuts !!!#so much less overthinking when it’s just like. ‘ah yes i love xyz person.’ does it matter what kind of love it is. it’s strong either way
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2024 bodychecks
#sadly i need to let yall know that#ive gained weight#lmao#not really a surprise considering a havent posted#in a while#so...#ive been trying to restrict but idk#also started doing some exercise but last year i hurt my knee and since then ive had trouble with that#im currectly like 41kg?#i think#i hope bc if i gained any more im gonna kill my self fr#also i need to lose weight for june bc im going on vacation yay#so#idk if ill post more or anything#ik yall dont care but if anyone wanted actual updates i post way more on twt#ANYWAYS#me#bodycheck#thinspo#but not even#ed things#tw ed but not sheeran#pro for me not for thee
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i hate webtoons and that they are also enforcing the subscription model to read their comics, they're literally enforcing a preview limit unless you download their specific webtoon app now and that's so fucking ass?? what in the goddamn made them think suddenly changing the webtoon accessibility after 10 years would be a good idea??
#literally just started a new webtoon about a supernatural viet florist too#man i was already losing interest in webtoons before but this seals the nail in the coffin#esp since they rolled out the mature webtoon restrictions so i can't even read my favorite horror webtoons anymore#yen yaketies
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Will you upload more of your animatics to Youtube and Tiktok?
Tbh I have no idea!
My short Lucilith one with Austin and Lexi audio was doing really well but it was sadly taken down by tiktok for being too sexual... which is astonishing to me, it wasn't explicit or anything so I'm kind of worried about posting on tiktok again I feel like this social media is very restrictive on what you can show/joke about (which is... not ideal when your media of preference is Hazbin Hotel lolol)
Plus my first Tiktok was filled with very weird comments full of stupid ship wars etc so this place scares me a bit I feel like it's filled with children and I don't know if I want to keep posting about Hazbin there :'D or maybe I'm just a boomer, idk
For YouTube, I'm waiting to have more short funny animatics to compile them into a big video like I did with my Vashwood animatics.
#ask#answered#and also I havent been that present here bc idk I've been having more fun on twitter recently#feel free to check my twitter I even posted some spicy stuff over there since tumblr doesnt seem to handle spice well#my lucilith as austin and lexi animatic didnt do well here and I'm gessing its because the post is shadowbanned#which also happened to an old post of mine where Lucifer and Lilith were naked so I'm starting to see a patern here#twitter is the only place that hasnt been restrictive to me so far :(
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Pinterest has been throwing way too many unfair violation notices at me lately because they've been taking down a lot of my art reference pins. You know, references for human anatomy. Even those with Barbie anatomy.
I'm sorry but why are they so offended by THE HUMAN BODY.
I'm bout ready to just migrate Pinterest but I'm being held back because I still enjoy using it and I don't know of any similar sites.
#yes i love pinterest but not the many changes and restrictions they've added since I started using it in middle school#“but there are kids there” uhhh KIDS SHOULD NOT HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA THEY SHOULD BE ENJOYING THEIR CHILDHOODS WHILE THEY HAVE IT!!#pinterest#random thoughts from angie#semi vent#artists on tumblr#artist#art#social media#they've also taken down artwork i've posted that features nudity in a completely nonsexual manner#so i've had to be extra careful about that too#i mean i get not being allowed to pin straight up p*rn but NUDITY DOES NOT ALWAYS EQUAL P*RN DAMMIT
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One thing I hate is when people are supportive when you say that your doctor refuses to conduct further tests and claims it's psychosomatic until you say that you DO happen to have a diagnosis or two. Then suddenly your doctor is right for not sending you anywhere and actually it's because you be on that anxiety medication. I'll kill you.
#had someone sympathise with me until they found out i have an eating disorder. and at that point their talking point became#that it's all caused by that and that if i just stopped it would get better#notable facts: I'm more or less not restricting since June. my symptoms got way worse in August.#My symptoms started some 2 years ago. i didn't actively have an ed 2 years ago (basically i was in remission. then i relapsed but at the#time of the symptoms i was not restricting at all)#There is no known causality between EDs and IBS or Crohn's or anything of that severity#Even if there WAS; it wouldn't just go away afterwards. as you can see. because I don't restrict and I have the problems.#The pain actually makes me more prone to relapsing; not the other way around
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nevermind i saw the leaks, i was right lmao.
jason is fine and they just coordinated to trick failsafe to get it to frazzle out afaik.
that makes sense considering the entire point of #147 was bruce deciding to work with his family despite his growing paranoia over their safety, etc. given that zdarsky has been trying to explore bruce's mental state, it would have made no sense for him to immediately validate that paranoia, instead.
#jason todd#bruce wayne#comics#dcu#unpopular opinion that while this arc has been kinda weird at points and def not as good as the failsafe arc from last year (?)#its still trying to do something interesting WRT exploring bruce's mental state and how it causes continued problems with the family#and trying to get him to work through that so that he can actually work with his family instead of against them#i keep seeing batfam enjoyers saying that they want the batfam to actually feel like a family and work together#and that's exactly what this run has been trying to build up towards actually lol#like if you want that you WOULD have to explore why that hasn't been the case already#and it has to start with bruce being a weird bastard about everything and everyone he cares about#and since it's THE batman title it is obviously going to focus on BRUCE -- that only makes sense#everyone else is a supporting character and will not be in there apart from supporting roles (or occasionally a secondary main)#i think its done it a bit clumsy because of the restraints of modern comics as a whole#but there's a lot of dudebros who are mad that bruce is like emotional and communicating recently -- so that's probably a good sign? lol#like i have my gripes with it but on the whole... i see the vision and i feel a bit sad that you can TELL where zdarsky was restricted#but that's a whole different post for when i actually sit down and put myself through reading all the stuff in a oneshot#because the monthly thing makes it easy to forget literally everything lol#see ya'll when the TPB comes out in a couple of months lol#tuesday spoilers#comic leaks
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svanhildr through the years - 2019 things, which are the earliest svans i can find, 2021, which was the blessed svanhildr revival during my first art fight, and 2023, the latest svan. roughly two years between each drawing! insane and crazy
#my art#oc#svanhildr#i guess this is an improvement meme....i always get so embarrassed showing old art lol#i forgot that svanhildr's cape has been consistent since the early days. but it was red back then. and she was ROUND#2021 svanhildr is around the time i started drawing what felt right instead of putting weird restrictions on myself based on art school#so it'll always be a bit special to me even if it's not so good anymore#anyway the latest svanhildr really popped OFF on twitter which made me start reminiscing a bit#idk it's put me in a weird mood. good i think. life could be dream#ALSO i hit 3000 followers recently yippeee! got a fun thing planned this weekend. keep yer eyes peeled if you want a little drawing from me
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thinking about vampiric arakawas again just so i can make a 'blood-sucking politician' joke
#snap chats#have i ever posted my vampire arakawa musings. i think i did long ago in a distant land. or at least for halloween vjaERLVKJ#anyway i was having my evening stroll with my dog and thinking about how much i love dark-renaissance age stories and whatever#which is a weird way to lead into vampires since At Least Dracula vampire stories dont start until the victorian - progressive era#though i guess you can do whatever you want with mythical creatures and its not as if vampiric stories cant start during the 1400s either#theyre immortal and Not Real (i hope) so anythings possible theres no need to be super restrictive#i am. literally not getting to the point Point Is it could be funny .....#thats why they cna be really good assassins like just eat your targets tf <- vampires dont eat people#but then of course i have to wonder the implications ... oh ive definitely made this post but im still curious#fuuuck man i wanted to make my joke but i just realized how do i even get to that joke cause i dont think masato would be a vampire#dhampir as i definitely said way back then IF THAT. what were the circumstances wait shut up why are there police next door#bro im too nosy this post is interrupted hang on#not nosy enough to keep watching im bored its probably nothing anyawy. cause i think sawashiro and ikumi woudlve been human#like during the uhhh idk dark ages and maybe arakawa turns sawashiro into a vampire later on but what of masato .....#idk im not gonna think too hard about it. right now just take my blood-sucking politician joke idea we'll figure it out later#stopppp i was wondering about vampires in japanese pop culture but then i rmemebered mandurugo WHICH. are filipino but STILL FOUL#im everywhere im ending the post now bye#wait i have to end this post cause why tf did my bestie send me a tweet being like 'look forward to the future of chao'#since shadow x sonic generations is coming soon LIKE DONT PLAY WITH ME AVBOUT CHAO I DONT PLAY ABOUT THEM FUCKERS#ok im ending the post now for real bye im gonna throw up
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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I have to admit that it has been WILD to see what comes out of the contingent of people who have decided to put all their eggs in the electoral basket as they seek to explain their logic to others. I keep seeing statements in these posts that I am absolutely sure people are just saying without recognizing the implications because they're scared but my god
#the amount of cruelty in how these posts are phrased#'if I can do [thing that is frankly fucking obscene to have felt compelled to do to exercise a basic right] to vote than so can you!!'#but like#we do remember that we've agreed not to victim blame people unable to overcome systemic oppression and disenfranchisement#i thought that if 'your legislators are restricting your vote' we felt empathy and responsibility not disdain and shame#my district has voter id laws that had me and wifey scrambling until literally TODAY to make sure at least one of us could legally vote#while on a technical level i am an 'eligible voter' legally even if i try to show up to vote I WILL BE SENT AWAY WITHOUT PROVISIONAL BALLOT#and i really think people's only concept of 'can't vote' is literally 'explicutly legally prohibited from voting' as opposed to#the understanding of voter suppression we have had literally since women and poc started seeking suffrage#you know the one where selectively applied laws and restrictions with asymetrical gatekeeping explicitly create plausible deniability
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Body dysmorphia post is so real. I can’t look at fashion stuff for too long because usually the fashion isn’t actually that good, the model is just thin and it messes with my head.
There should be a movement of sorts to make more yuri (and media in general honestly) with body diversity.. most people have very very different body shapes and are also not commonly thin
yeaahhh i feel you >__< my dysmorphia is soooo bad that even just like seeing thin girls can trigger it hardcore which feels like such a silly thing to say but thats how much of a presence it has in my head. its like super bad in winter months too when I tend to gain more weight and subsequently melt down like. every other day OTL
WAAAY more yuri/lesbian stuff needs to be representative of fat bodies or even just bodies that aren't cookie cutter thin its crazy!!! especially since I feel like a lot of lesbianism/general sapphic dating culture involves dismissing body/beauty standards but most lesbian media is still scared to depict something as standard as like, a fat butch lesbian
#askz#anon#i go thru a bad cycle when it comes to my weight#thats like. and endless repetition of#'i have to lose weight by any means necessary' => *starts restricting food intake* => 'wait a second i cant live like this =>#*stops restricting and then gains weight back and freaks out* => 'i have to lose weight by any means necessary'#and it just repeats like that u_u its been like this since i was 19. ugh
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