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biggest-gaudiest-patronuses · 1 year ago

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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?��

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole

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borgialucrezia · 3 months ago

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DAVID OAKES as JUAN BORGIA The Borgias — 1.05: The Borgias in Love

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torchickentacos · 5 months ago

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i will always shout praises of bi4bi but given recent discourse I feel the need to say that I love bi4het too! I just love bisexuality in general in its many forms, and anyone who only likes it when it's 'queer enough' for them is biphobic. Bisexuals should be able to bring their LaMe CiShEt BoYfRiEnD to pride without being made to feel like spectators and outsiders to their own event.

#3 am queer discourse take <3 #anyways hot take number two. cishets do belong at pride. everyone who wants to celebrate queerness should be welcomed at pride #if a completely cishet business major fratboy wants to come to pride and vibe with us then he should be welcomed!#not even like. oh he has a queer sibling. no. if he's just a cishet dude who wants to spend his saturday at a parade then hell yeah #like completely ignoring that you have no way to tell he's definitively those things. it shouldn't matter regardless imo #pride is not a secretive club you need to be let into. it's a feeling and a celebration and a statement and a state of being #and whatever you want it to be #burying my other related hot take under the tags readmore ksdjksdjksdj #idk. i'm just tired of a lot of the things people seem to think about bisexuality's validity relating to bi women specifically #this is frustration with the gatekeepy and straight-passing discourse of it all #I'm tired of people being expected to act and to preform and to BE queer enough for others' opinions.#am I still welcome if I haven't been with a woman in a few years? if I dress boring? if I like m/f? if I don't listen to chappell roan?#joking on that last one but like. idk. never straight enough for the straights but never gay enough for the gays #constantly some mercurial in-between that offers no comfortable easy group to put us in.#what do i have to do to not be judged as a filthy hettie? are my doc martens enough for you yet?#like oh sorry let me cuff my jeans and have a bob and wear a button up over a cami and wear etsy earrings. am I visually bi enough yet?#let me apologize for the cardinal sin of liking men too. let me wash my hands of any time a cishet man has held them.#if it was a bisexual man then just hand sanitizer is fine right? where do you draw the line on my queerness?#let me preform for you in a way that makes me queer enough.#anyways. sarcasm aside. I think I've made my distaste for this whole affair evident #if you don't want cishets at pride then what happens to those you incorrectly deem as cishet? do I need to prove myself to you?#am I passing as straight? am I passing as gay? am I enough for onlookers?#is it not enough to just show up at pride and celebrate? anyone and everyone who wants to?

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diaryofamadsunwukongfan · 8 months ago

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One big, happy family/s

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girl-intrigued · 2 months ago

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The Gemini tattoo-

Wan you are insane !!!

#wanpleng #affair the series #wan really doesnt give a fuck about them almost being siblings

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a-drama-addict · 8 days ago

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Harding: So why’d you become a Grey Warden Davrin?

Davrin: I wanted to feel like I had purpose, Wardens gave me that :)

Harding: Alright! What about you Rook?

Therése, who murdered her father, committed arson and then killed her father’s wife: Oh you know. It was just another Tuesday.

#okay i’ll put the lore here in the tags because i need you guys to know what i did to make therése unwel #*unwell #so therése is from a minor noble house in starkhaven #she grew up being really close to her mom #and also learned her warrior training through her mom!#she was also close to her dad and went hunting with him often #when therése was 17 her mom got assassinated by what she and her siblings assumed was a bitter rival house #but they couldnt quite figure out. why #her dad remarried and about 2 years of that therése found out her father was having an affair with his now wife while during his marriage #to therése’s mom. and because therése doesnt Know how to handle emotions healthily at this point she becomes pissed #so when she and dear old dad go hunting the week after she kills him #then burns down the hunting cabin they were staying in #then kills her step mother #and then her siblings (reasonably) turn her in #and as punishment she gets sent to the gallows #but one of the spectators was a warden and was like. we need recruits always give her to us #and they did and now she’s a warden. Yay!#this is why she is normal #roscoe rambles #<- real bad this time #oc: therése thorne

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starculler · 9 months ago

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Reverse Robins AU except the first kid Bruce collects is originally from the correct timeline/universe (physically and/or mentally, but either way having no way back home).

It's a tossup for me between having that first kid be Duke or Damian (both at once might be an interesting challenge!), but the results are the same:

A kid stuck in a world where they're the first sidekick with all the weight and responsibility and the learning curve that entails. Thinking they're alone until the one who came before them crash lands into their life, and then trying desperately not to let the version of this person they know best overshadow how they interact. Clinging desperately to a hard-won legacy while also having to re-invent themself from the ground up.

#reverse robins #batman #batfam #dc robin #thoughts and headcanons #i've not thought it thru very much yet but the interest is there lol #the inherent challenge of trying to retain the identity you've made for yourself vs preserving a legacy that might not exist in this world #because the oldest sibling you've all followed in the footsteps of might not actually exist in this universe you've landed yourself in #vs the knowledge that you've stolen it from him and everyone who came after once it comes out that all your predecessors DO in fact exist #and now YOU'RE the eldest sibling in this whole messy affair #the potential is ripe #and now that i'm thinking on it more a fic where it's both Duke and Damian would be great and provide some good contrast for later

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scrollingfan · 2 years ago

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Relationship chart for my agents (The two yellow guys are Neo Agent 3 (Octoling) and Honorary Agent 3 (Inkling)

Icons+extras in the notes.

#Splatoon #Splatoon 2 #Splatoon 3 #marie splatoon #Callie splatoon #Squid Sisters #Agent 3 #Neo Agent 3 #Captain 3 #Agent 8 #Agent 4 #new squidbeak splatoon #Neo and Honor are half-siblings from an affair and are also Captain's cousins but none of them remember that #Marie said that about Honor because she figured it out #also side note! I do not ship Agent 24 when it comes to my OC's however you are welcome to read it that way #callie cuttlefish #marie cuttlefish

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varpusvaras · 5 months ago

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I have two snarling pomeranians inside of me. The other wants to call the EU writing of Bail's sisters as rigid and rule-abiding proper ladies boring and unoriginal, and wants all of them be as batshit as Bail is. The other one finds the concept of all three girls in the family being proper and deliberate while Bail is constantly off the rails incredibly funny.

#it's almost 5 am and I am 3/4 way asleep so I don't remember all the details #one of his sisters was in some really weird affair that ended in a murder party I think #don't quote me on that #anyway with the latter I mean like they are all smart and thoughtful #in a intelligent and strategizing kinda way #and just having a lot of patience #while Bail is just. like that #and at least once a week the three of them are like thank god he took Breha's surname #he is NOT related to us #sw #Bail Organa #the Prestor siblings

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borgialucrezia · 8 months ago

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i'm convinced this is a 'normal' part of the relationship between these three siblings, as if her brothers purposefully show off their prowess to her...things couldn't get more insane than this tbh

#they're such a twisted family i'm yelling #and both cesare and juan can't even hide that they have incestuous feelings for her #sick in the head all of them i'm obsessed #let's circle back to david oakes saying juan was upset because wishes he was involved in cesare and lucrezia's affair...YEAHHHH #the borgias #the borgias meta #juan borgia #cesare borgia #lucrezia borgia #the borgia siblings #text post

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aroaessidhe · 4 months ago

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2024 reads / storygraph

Greta & Valdin

contemporary fiction following two gay siblings who live together in central auckland

Greta, in her 20s, getting her masters and living on a shitty academic salary, getting over an unrequited crush, and exploring a new relationship

Valdin, in his 30s, who quit science for a tourism show, whose ex (he still isn’t over) is in his orbit again when work sends him to Argentina, and has to confront what he wants for his future

navigating adulthood, OCD, a messy eccentric Māori/Russian family

#Greta & Valdin #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #oh this is great. also so weird/familiar reading about people in nz especially cities i am familiar with #I enjoyed the quirky writing style and I really loved the central sibling relationship!#The plot is just kinda a lot of hanging out with various people and then having deep conversations with them. and repeat #(but also nothing ever getting SUPER in depth)#(often about things that they’ve somehow never talked about in the decades of being a family despite the amount of yapping they do?)#but not a criticism really that's kinda the point of the book i guess lol! I think it worked for the most part #It is quite unstructured which I didn’t mind for the most part but the end was a bit random?#there’s suddenly short chapters from other character’s POVs which was a bit whiplashy #especially being in first person (by the time I felt used to the new character’s voice the 3 page chapter would be over)#Also maybe I’m dumb and missed something but what was going on with their mum’s possible affair?#like they were talking about it at the end but… i was confused if there was any conclusion drawn there. lol #there’s a review that’s like i hated this and all the product placement why do we need to know you got kapiti ice cream & went to [x] gelat #i just need you to know that we are like that about ice cream. they all have different vibes & giving that detail is just like...flavour #anyway yeah i thought it was good overall!#wlw books #mlm books

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destructive-delight · 9 days ago

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rewatching laid-back camp was a good idea… camping is not for me, but this anime still makes me crave going outside, travelling, exploring new places and enjoying the slower moments with good food and a nice book, especially during the cold seasons.

#from the title i assumed the whole show would be a very summery affair #but most of it does take place in autumn/winter #the characters are also all incredibly cute and fun without feeling like they're pandering to an otaku audience #the friendships and even the main sibling relationship feel real and just refreshingly wholesome #and not as sugary sweet and put-on as they often do in these types of anime #which comes with the unfortunate side effect of really making me feel my friendless loser status #still it’s a nice and comfortable watch #and i feel less apprehensive about spending so much money on our upcoming trip #just being away from it all is good for me #especially physically so i can’t even being to contemplate sacrificing an off-day to go to work because there’s always oh so much to do #i know this from experience #but justifying it is always an ordeal

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swordmaid · 2 months ago

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thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.

#but im like damn... gale...karlach....stay away from her... or else ur gonna explode in the end....#really a coin toss between those two and im gonna be sad at the end but that's the thalia experience 😭😭#also i dont think she's gonna save the tieflings... not bc she's evil but she generally doesn't care... and curing the tadpole is her utmos #priority. like she's already stressed with her chaotic magic killing her if she loses 50/50 now you have to add brain worms on top of that?#funny that shri'iia does more heroic deeds and she's like. the evil aligned chara #but thalia is generally very cold in a sense that she's always looking at the bigger picture and she's willing to sacrifice/disregard #who gets caught in the crossfire.. like that's just another responsibility she has to bear for Her. and she's very the type to sacrifice he #own happiness for her Duty vibe. like i think she's just learned how to be content with whatever she's left with.#also she's her father's heir bc she's the only child to her father's First Wife. and thalia get step siblings along the way but i think tha #grief of losing her mother / becoming an adult/handling adult affairs quickly made her jaded on a lot of stuff #and she feels like it's her responsibility to lead her noble house to higher pastures so her step siblings can live freely #like she's just taking all the work to herself - as the Heir. and that's what she was doing UNTIL she gets the wild magic #now suddenly she feels like she's cursed. and the fact that it's chaotic by nature and so dangerous..!! she can't stay in court or at home #over the fear of harming someone. and she's learnt that to get rid of a problem you always have to go to the root of it #hence why she's travelling around finding more info and source of the wild magic in hopes to cure herself from it #and she kind of put her life on Pause bc she believes she can't get anywhere with this curse. but its like gworl u put ur life on pause lon #before that.. anyway her end goal is that once she cures herself and she's normal again she'll prob marry some other old money heir #set up trusts for her siblings and live a quiet life. but that wont happen obvi hehe #also one of the siblings' name is melpomene... being named from the goddess of comedy thalia is kinda boring lol #essentially her story is like. she learns how to have fun. essentially. depending on how i rp her idk yet actually

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wonder-worker · 1 year ago

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The duke of Clarence before-named, brother to king Edward (IV), had been fully reconciled to the king by the mediation of his sisters, the duchesses of Burgundy and Exeter (Margaret of York and Anne of York), of whom, the one without the kingdom, and the other within it, entreated the duke to make peace with his brother."

-Croyland Chronicle

#it's interesting because Cecily Neville is often given the credit for reconciling George to his brother by historians #but actually contemporary evidence doesn't emphasize her role at all; instead it highlights her daughters: Anne and especially Margaret #Cecily's one of the MANY people mentioned in the Arrivall - it's Margaret who's once again given a distinctive emphasis #and is often credited well by historians #but Anne of York is completely overlooked and it's extremely unfair #Croyland highlights ANNE not her mother. But historians opt for the opposite route #and it sucks because we KNOW Anne was very close to her brothers #she evidently chose her birth family over her husband #Edward's (in)famous indulgence of his siblings began with HER - not their brothers - and he was clearly supportive of her affair as well #George literally hosted her divorce trial #once again: it's really frustrating how the York sisters are given such less attention compared to their brothers #even Margaret - who's the most famous - is mainly known for her role in *Henry VII's* reign rather than her brothers'#Anne of York is given only scattered mentions...and Elizabeth is ignored entirely :/#margaret of york duchess of burgundy #anne of york duchess of exeter #george of Clarence #15th century #the wars of the roses #english history #my post #edward iv #queue

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cam24fan · 3 months ago

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To any Desi rgu fans: do y'all think Anthy and Akio celebrate Raksha Bandhan?

#If they do then I bet it's the most passive aggressive affair where they're both trying to explode the other with their minds #Rgu #Feeling lonely af bcs every single one of my cousins have siblings except for me

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lux-scriptum · 4 months ago

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I know my cast is too large and confusing when I started to place to characters next to each other to see if they’d be good as a ship and had to pause and go “wait. Are they related?”

#still unclear #i don’t think so #this is what I get for gleefully adding half siblings and affairs in characters histories #ugh 😑#i think I’m safe tho

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