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svnnyd4ys · 1 day ago

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thinking about Bubba and Jeremiah post war because- well. Is that even Jeremiah anymore?

think about it this way:

imagine being in love.

(imagine being Bubba.)

and the man (the one that you want and love) decides to fight in the war that cost you your leg, and nearly cost you him as well.

he still has night terrors and you still have night sweats, and you wake up one night, his shirt sticking to you like a second skin, but him not in bed.

there had been a message from the president over the radio the day before. they're coming back. they're coming back, and this time you won't even be able to run from them.

he's outside, and he's enjoying what could be one of the last times either of you ever see a spherical moon.

you sit down on the decking, hours spent watching him in silence and memorising the shape of his back under the bare light, until that spherical moon becomes a spherical sun, the two of them dancing in the sky (just like you used to).

when he turns to you, he looks disappointed to see you there. i told you yesterday. i don't want to have this fight, he tells you, it's done.

the country needs him. (who doesn't?) and the next day, he leaves.

he's a good soldier, but he's better at giving orders than following them himself. you know him like the back of your hand- not just his contours, his moles, his scars but you know his mind. you've seen it work everyday for the past 20 years.

you get yourself some new cube legs (hey, they nearly took everything from you- it's only fair you get something in return) and then you follow him to the front, pretending to be a new recruit. he's struggling, obviously and now seems to be the perfect time to reveal the truth- and then? well, the pair of you ride off into battle.

it seems that you revealed yourself to him just in time.

your husband dies in your arms. your husband dies in your arms.

(the pair of you look back on it and laugh now, but sometimes when Jeremiah's asleep and he's holding you, you bury yourself a little further into his chest and only breath when he does.)

you lay him down on the soft dirt beneath you, the eyes that looked at you with love were now looking to the dying sky and the mouth that once wrapped itself around quips or around you was slack and limp.

take a moment. stop and look to that same sky. watch it with him for the final time, before letting the old you take over. it's a good way to get out of things you don't want to do. how many times have you done it? how many times have you locked yourself out of your own body to run from it?

well, it's caught up to you now.

words fail you and he failed you but your new legs don't. your horse doesn't. he takes you where you need to be, and turns out-

it's the heart of the beast.

the Cube HQ. the Cube-Within-Cubes. it sounds silly to say it, it does. but you've seen what they can do. (who they do it to) (you lost your sister and your legs in the first war, your husband and yourself in the second- in the present. it's not over yet).

your president is in there. the guy responsible for all of this. (you'll realise later that this isn't true, but right now, naming someone with the blame erases any guilt you possibly feel. it's what keeps you going.)

they've trapped him inside a cube, and he says they'll do the same to you. you'd love to see them try. he admits to being a bad president, and when you're halfway through agreeing with him-

one of them is there. it's been behind him. it's been watching you. at this point, you can hear Jeremiah telling you to hold your horses. hold your tongue, but that's not who you are. and you probably would've said more, but then the president's wife shows up.

(it's horrific, you think to yourself. his lover gets to survive, and she gets cube legs. your lover gets what? a few more scars? a final resting place? no gratitude, that's for sure.)

his wife tries her best, she tries using her new cube legs- but there's no affect on the looming cube, their queen.

she's evolved. she can walk like you (before you got your new legs) and she talks in a stilted way- but she talks.

she speaks of peace- a combining of your spherical world, her cubic world. it sounds perfect. but it's not. because the one person you want to see this, the one who's been by your side through it all is dead.

he won't be there with you.

until she offers a deal.

a life-jelly (you can practically hear Jeremiah, see him, slyly laughing) for peace.

you can bring him back. you can bring him back and he'll be able to see the one thing he always wanted.

the president isn't as bad as you had thought, all things considered, and he lets you make the choice and he lets you bring the thing you want the most in this world back.

it is not him.

they didn't reanimate him, they didn't perform any fucked up cube magic. the queen was there and then she screamed, and she shrunk and transformed (those screams still keep you up at night, and you know they keep him up to because sometimes- sometimes you can feel him, or you'll wake up and see his face twisted into the same malformed visage as his saviour).

and then he was there.

Jeremiah.

you don't know when they started, but suddenly limp tears of relief, of happiness, of unshed grief begin to fallm and you wrap yourself around him.

he doesn't hug you back, doesn't move and his eyes- oh god, his eyes.

they're dull, and darting from face to face, place to place and- what if? what if he doesn't recognise you? what if he's still their queen, and this is just their plan? what if-

and then he practically topples you both. just like the Jeremiah you knew.

the president seems grateful, but as you four (his wife and Jeremiah become fast friends on the plane ride back) return to the main base, he doesn't say a word.

he simply turns on his heel, the new sun shining lightly down on him, the wife following after.

no more words are exchanged, but the next morning, there's a new Alexa sat on your bunk in the dorms and there's a plane ready to take you back to the farm.

Jeremiah sleeps basically the whole flight back. you don't. you sit on the seat opposite him, watching the gentle rise and fall and rise of his chest underneath the new starchy plaid shirt.

the medical team looked over him, and dismissed every single worry of yours- but he died. and then the 'life jelly' took on his form!

it's fucked!

the plane lands near your farm, secluded and away from everyone. Jeremiah clings to you like you're a life vest and he'll drown if he lets go. (chances are, he will.)

the first morning is rough. Jeremiah sleeps through it. he sleeps for the whole day and the next. you keep a silent vigil next to him, only leaving the bed to go to the bathroom, or to the kitchen (not that you can stomach much anyway, but Jeremiah's voice guides you through your routine, acting as a beacon through the fog), or to stand outside and observe the dodecahedron sun dance with the dodecahedron moon.

cool air whips at your face, and suddenly you hear him scream.

it's a horrible, shrill, gurgling sound and you nearly drop the glass of whiskey you're holding, jumping up from your seat on the porch and running up the stairs. (thank God for those cube legs, right?)

this goes on for weeks.

every night without fail, and every night it ends with him in your arms, on your chest listening to your unsteady heartbeat, or you in his, listening to his steady rythym.

a year passes, but things still haven't gone back to normal.

sometimes- Jeremiah wakes up in the corn field, staring up at the sun. he never remembers leaving the bed, and you would've felt it if he had. he speaks differently too, stuttering and stumbling through once familiar words, now acting like barbed-wire around his throat.

(he can barely say 'i love you' without it sounding like it physically pains him. your name now sounds like poison, or a broken radio when it once sounded like honey, or a record spinning on a gramophone.)

he's more difficult to hurt now.

one of the first times that he willingly left the bed, he scared you.

you were in the kitchen, the familiar friendly haze of whiskey seeping over you when his crackly voice speaks it's first proper sentence- "Alexa, play Baby Back by Future" "Now playing: MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT" "NO!!"

and you scream. the crystalline glass slips from your white knuckle grasp, and Jeremiah runs into the room, right onto the pile of shards.

you stand there, watching him. his shape is not as stern as it once was. his hands, his legs, his back- they move more. they're softer, as they dart across the glimmering glass, you notice that they barely even get a scratch.

his eyes are watching your every move, and you can feel them embedding a heated stare in your back as you turn away, grabbing the matching crystalline glass.

(they were wedding presents from his mother. the date of your marriage is engraved on them (13/01) and your names are written in cursive, perfectly and forever intertwined)

Jeremiah makes a passing comment on you having a heavy hand as you pour yourself another glass, and you say nothing. the old Jeremiah would've joined you for a drink. he would've left the shards there, hopping over them into your arms, pressing a kiss to the square line of your clenched jaw.

this is not your Jeremiah.

this will never be your Jeremiah.

you can love him as much as you want, but this is not him.

you remember- before all of this, you woke one night to find your Jeremiah staring at you, gently tracing a continuous line over your face. you had asked him why, but instead of replying with words he shushed you.

that night, his eyes had looked at you with so much love.

now, they barely look at you at all. he remembers the routine, the warmth you bring, but you don't think you can see an ounce of recognition in his eyes at all.

he does this because it feels right, because you've stayed by his side where a weaker man would've run. and maybe, there is some semblance of your Jeremiah still in there. maybe that's why he does these things, because the essence of your love is still there.

for a moment, you stand there, watching as he places the pieces of shattered glass on the counter top, neither of you speaking another word.

wordlessly, you leave this man and his soft sides and raspy voice in the cold heat of the kitchen, grabbing your whiskey on the way out. he doesn't follow after you, his eyes transfixed on the circular wall clock hanging just past your head.

you stand in the cornfield that Jeremiah proposed to you in.

he promised to stay safe and to keep you safe, as long as the two of you were together and even if (God forbid) the two of you weren't, but over the past year- the whiskey and the vodka and the gin have all been more of a safety net than him.

they don't have his arms, or his smile, but they make it easier to pretend that he still has those things.

you don't know how long you're out there, but the sun has risen and set and risen again, so you go back inside.

Jeremiah isn't there. the kitchen is clean, but Jeremiah isn't there and you whip your head around, desperation grasping at your neck like a dog's teeth.

dancing in the light of the kitchen table, is the glass you dropped from last night, and next to it, a small tube of superglue, and it's lid, the glue slowly seeping out of it.

holding the glass up with shaking hands, you can see its chips, its imperfections- but it's still nice.

you slowly creep into the living room, and Jeremiah is asleep on the blue couch. you had insisted on buying it when you first moved in together, but he'd hated it. he hated a lot of things that you'd loved, but he loved seeing you happy. you stand there, considering things for a minute, before grabbing a blanket that had been thrown over a nearby chair and covering him with it.

he doesn't stir, chest barely rising and falling but you can barely stand to look at the man claiming to be your Jeremiah anymore.

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whenmemorydies · 7 hours ago

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The restaurant could be good.

Why did Syd call herself an accomplice in 3x05 Children?

I was re-reading @yannaryartside's fantastic meta about this (and you should too) and it got me thinking. In their meta, OP asks:

Is Syd (or her leaving) supposed to be a wake-up call to Carmy? That he fucked up something that brought him genuine joy and connection because Syd knew the real him, while Claire liked Logan and Carmy's brokenness? The way Claire would enable him in his bad tendencies? How is he gonna realize all that?

Honestly, I don't know what these writers have planned for how Carmy comes to the realisation that season 3 Carmy is not it lol. But I have one suspicion about how it might go, and it has less to do with Carmy and more to do with Syd.

We have to go back to season 1 where it all started. Where Sydney met Carmy and articulated within the first three episodes of the show, her hopes for her future and the future of The Beef.

Recall 1x02 Hands and the convo between her and Richie in Richie's car:

Sydney: You know the restaurant could be good. Like I know you know that. Like it doesn't have to be a place where the food is shitty, and where everybody acts shitty and feels shitty. Like it could be a good legit spot.

Cut to season 3, after Syd and Carmy have overhauled the restaurant and everyone is...well...acting shitty, feeling shitty and the food is looking like a damn mess:

Also recall the alley chat in 1x03 Brigade:

Sydney: You know, I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.

Then cut to season 3 where we have EC Carmy decidedly not running things different at The Bear. Instead, he repeats toxic communication and management styles from his past:

Recall 1x05 Sheridan and Sydney's vulnerability with Carmy about why she started her catering business, Sheridan Road, after leaving the restaurant scene:

Sydney: Like it was the first time I didn't have a complete and utter psychopath behind me screaming, and pushing and yelling, and I thought I wanted that, you know?

Cut to season 3 and, well, you know the drill: behold our fav Executive Jeff acting like an utter psychopath and partaking in some screaming, pushing and yelling.

So what happened in season 3? Why have things gone in almost the exact opposite direction of what Sydney hoped for in season 1?

To my mind, the answer to that question lies in season 2 and what both Syd and Carmy were doing during that season. Yes, Syd spent most of season 2 setting up the restaurant alone while Carmy played hooky with Claire. But what was more striking to me was the contrast in effort that both of them put into actually doing things different at the restaurant (as per their pledge to each other during the alley chat of 1x03 Brigade).

Breaking cycles

I agree with @yannaryartside: Carmy playing hooky with Claire in season 2 was him numbing himself (i.e. Claire is the drug that he was addicted to for this purpose). I also reckon he was using Claire as another way to keep Mikey in his life - a reverse-engineered haunt - particularly while the most obvious physical manifestation of Mikey in the present day (The Beef itself) was being transformed into something else entirely. That kind of change - that kind of loss - couldn't have been easy for Carmy, particularly as The Bear was something he had wanted to open with this brother in the first place. I get why Carmy would "self-medicate" with Claire to try and numb some of the pain he may have felt, I really do.

But while Carmy was spending so much of his time either avoiding or dulling his pain, it meant he had little time or energy for working through these things. We know that he has been making attempts at this particularly in relation to his familial trauma and grief (as evidenced by his attendance at Al-Anon meetings). But throughout seasons 1-3 we see almost no work on Carmy's part to address the abuse and trauma that he's experienced in professional kitchens. We do not see him trying to prepare himself for the task of leading an entire restaurant. The first and only time we see Carmy start this process is in the last episode of season 3, when he bravely confronts Chef David Fields at the funeral dinner for Ever.

Now admittedly, Sydney does not have the history of familial abuse that Carmy does. But as discussed above, she does share a history of professional abuse in the restaurant industry with him. Its why the two of them make that promise to each other to do things different in 1x03 Brigrade.

To this end, Sydney spends almost all of season 2 working to enhance her leadership skills to make herself better for the staff she'll be leading as CDC of The Bear. Recall her book, Leading with the Heart by Mike Krzyzewski (Chicago-born, Polish-American and hugely successful former basketball coach of the Duke University Blue Devils and the American national basketball team), gifted to her by her father, Emmanuel:

In the beginning of 2x07 Forks, we follow Sydney as she surveys The Bear during renovations and while she works on a menu idea. This opening sequence features the following narration from an interview with Krzyzewski (which reiterates the show's ongoing message that none of us are alone, particularly when we take the time to listen to one another):

The other thing is that you're not gonna get there alone. You know, be on a team. You know, surround yourself with good people and learn how to listen.

You're not gonna learn with you just talking.

And when you do talk, converse. Don't make excuses. Figure out the solution. And you don't have to figure it out yourself.

I always wanted to be part of a team and obviously I wanted to lead that team. You know, [...] what an interesting life it is to be a leader.

The advice Coach K gives in the above monologue is also mirrored in Marcus' eulogy for his mother where he spoke about the importance of listening. It's also gold advice for how to be consistent in relationship to others. I've spoken here about the themes of chaos and consistency on this show and how one of Carmy's battles is understanding that,

[C]onsistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Sydney took the time throughout season 2 to learn how to be consistent and effective as a leader. She knew - and knows - that simply being an excellent chef is not going to cut it when it comes to running a restaurant and leading a team. This took time and effort on her part but she was committed to making The Bear different to all the other places she'd been at, so she did it. I should also note that Syd did this internal work while menu-planning and trying to push herself culinarily. She was doing so much lifting. Jealousy of Claire aside, I am surprised Syd didn't rip Carmy a new one when he talked about rejigging the menu while at his girl-who's-a-friend's house lmao.

Cut to season 3 though, and Syd is running The Bear with Carmy who has spent the entire season not having put in the work to change the chemistry in their restaurant. Of course Syd tries to counter this as best she can. She runs interference with the team and gently tries to steer the ship. But as she says in 3x09 Apologies, things have been off at The Bear.

So when Syd tells us in 3x05 Children that she's an accomplice, I can't help but feel that in her heart, Sydney believes she's an accomplice in the betrayal of their vision - Sydney and Carmy's shared vision for The Bear - from season 1. The vision she worked so hard during season 2 to bring to fruition.

By season 3, they've betrayed it and each other: family style is no where to be found and The Bear looks and feels like all the other places Syd and Carmy have been at. While exhausting for Carmy ("I'm so fucking sick of this"), this would have been devastating for Syd, given all she's done to try and avoid this outcome. You can understand why she'd consider an offer like Shapiro's (though we know she's not going to take it).

Given the events of 3x10, where Carmy confronts Chef David and has that heart-to-heart with Chef Terry, its clear his perspective on Michelin mode is starting to shift. I think the threat of losing Sydney will scare the shit out of him too. But what I think will prompt Carmy to actually change his behaviour in season 4 is the realisation that he too is an accomplice and has betrayed not just himself but Sydney and their team as well. Season 4 will necessarily need to be told, at least in part, from Syd's perspective so that the impact of this on Syd is made clear to the audience (Storer and Calo, are you listening? Its me, a desperate fan). And once Carmy recognises his role in continuing the traumatic professional legacy championed by Chef Fields, he can get into working through and breaking that cycle. I'll be seated and ready for it.

#sydcarmy #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #sydney adamu #carmen berzatto #the bear meta #the bear season 3

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freedelusionshere · 3 days ago

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People can easily use each other in all kinds of relationships, that’s why I think it’s so important to have relationships established on knowing and caring for people and not seeing them as disposable.

Hook-up culture is not that. I really don’t think it’s accurate to say Carmy used Claire and not that they used each other, but also one person has experience with hook-up culture and it’s not Carmy, and they make sure to show this is what Claire and her friend group typically do.

They reverse the gender tropes a lot on this show and definitely did around this relationship, and Carmy wasn’t even going to tell Claire what he said in the walk-in. She was in a place she wasn’t supposed to be and accidentally overheard it.

She walked away. She didn’t try to work it out or talk about it. And it was about him not her. He never blamed it on her at any point. Which she lies about later to Tiff. It wouldn’t feel good to hear that for anyone, but he didn’t know she was there and he wasn’t saying it to hurt her.

There’s also no indication he ever felt safe enough with Claire to have that deep of a convo, all their convos are depicted as vapid and talking around their real feelings for a reason. Claire was using Carmy as well. She knew he had anxiety, she noticed his heart racing. She is a medical professional.

Just because you have sex with someone or call them a “girlfriend” or whatever, doesn’t equal intimacy or a bond of any kind. Which, Carmy thinks that word sounds awful, but it doesn’t come up very often that maybe he doesn’t care for the gendered dynamics of that?

He doesn’t say it outright, but the whole thing with him dating Claire is that it’s what Mikey and his family thought was good for him, and Mikey (and Richie and Fake’s) opinions of Claire are extremely sexist. Notice how Carmy gets grossed out by Richie calling Syd “sweetheart” or Nat pretending to be a helpless little girl to manipulate Cicero. He literally calls it “gross”.

Anyway, just me ranting about this for the millionth time but Carmy can apologize to Claire for using her because he didn’t know what he actually wanted when she was just hooking up with him for fun and thrills (she tells us that’s what she’s into) and then it didn’t go the way she wanted and got too inconvenient so she walked.

Carmy wants intimacy and emotional safety, and the show has gone to great pains to show he gets that from Syd, in contrast to anyone associated with his past. What Syd is getting in return needs to be answered now from her POV, but that contrast is the reason Carmy and Claire don’t work. Not because he made the mistake of calling her his girlfriend in order to not be seen as a jerk by Syd and not because they had sex (big deal TBH), and not he had a meltdown and admitted his real feelings to Tina.

#sydcarmy #the bear meta #anti claire bear

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cent-scratchnsniff · 21 days ago

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tie tying doodles w ramblings on it in tags

#lobotomy corporation #lobcorp #angela lobcorp #benjamin lobcorp #lobotomy corp spoilers #technically? never sure what and what not to tag #its cute.. the idea of benjamin showing her how to tie it. someone else probably dressed her in the first place before she woke up so she #likely didnt know how before. and you know ayin's ass isnt going to do that. besides the tie is reminiscent to benjamin as well #small doodle. wanted to do more i might depending on if i get motivated but her perception would allow her to process it and probably to it #first try. would there be pride? the pride she was able to pick up on such a thing quickly? a promise for later on down the line she would #be able to adapt? perhaps a hope? along with maybe a pride on angelas end for being able to do so. a small joy of able to do it first try.#even if her slower perception granted her a privilege humans didnt. it wasnt so sore of a thing at the moment. the wounds of time and pains #werent as of a all encompasing torrent as the hell she would he sprung into would be. the small joy or pride when she tied it later knowing #the reaction and knowing she got it first try. how capable she was. then for it to fade into monotony and a motion to do. a void of what #used to be there. no one to see and only to remember only to ever remember when she sees the tie that had been so strikingly like his #its like.. the feeling when you were so excited about something maybe you think of being a little silly later. but then it becomes so gutted #and devoid of what used to be there new memories maybe soiling the past experience. only to be left with what a void that you knew had been #filled with a positive light. its not there anymore. 'first try?' what a joke. were now on a try of countless repeats that have lost all #meaning and any ability to even ascribe meaning to.#anyways its only short doodles because im trying to find it in me to make a carmy angela piece and a yesod one rn. little scuffed but i #wanted to draw benj of men and angie #... at least i think she woke up clothed. no damn clue . would make most sense for her to be #it would be a little tortuous if she wasnt. either ayin doing it himself filled with rage and what was created with his own hands that #could never even begin to contain her warm but a mimicry and mockery done by his own two hands #then having to get close and even speak. or order or look at. but if it was in that situation benjamin wouldve done it actually with ayin #just staring through the glass not very respondent as benjamin has to help her into something or tell her what to do. having the man he #followed and was faithful to just... standing there and silent as he tries to help someone confused and only just beginning to become #concious open their eyes for the first time. all in all she was likely clothed before hand. still a bit disconcerting. not even awake or #begining to think at that point all but a body but not even one of flesh but one mechanical and man made - a Doll. given aspects and clothes #benjamin likely gave her a tie at that moment there if she were to be clothed. maybe a small marking of work or pass down?

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago

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It always seems a bit unbalanced on The Great Food Truck Race when there will be multiple teams who are cooking a wide variety of complex dishes with 10 different components and a bunch of prep work, and then there's that one team who like... exclusively serves plain crepes with some premade nutella on them, or plain waffles with just some whipped cream and cut up strawberries lol...

#AND then they'll be the winning team or whatever and its like... wow... imagine that... I wonder how its possible that they can get #more dishes out faster than the other teams... hrrmm.... lol #Not that they aren't still doing work like. obviously it's still hard and there's still a sales component and other stuff to be done #but It's just kind of unbalanced seeming when one group is serving like grilled shrimp sandwich with 3 homemade sauces and a #slaw and two sides and the other people are like... slicing fruit and drizzling a bottle of hersheys chocolate syrup on top of some thing #they just threw in a waffle maker for a few minutes #You see the footage of the teams cooking and everyone is like prepping a ton of different things and meat and vegetables and they have #boiling pots and pans and fryers going and tossing stuff in bowls and compiling these multi component dishes #and then That One Team is always just casually slicing bananas or doing some whipped cream in a bowl gbjhbhj #They usually dont even make their own caramel or chocolate sauces or anything. Nutella out of a jar babey!#So all you're really Making is like... whipped cream. and some sort of batter (waffle. crepe. etc)#If I got placed in a competition like that and I found out one of my opponents just sold waffles or pancake sticks or etc #like that I would just be like... okay.. I'm out then. bye. OR I would pivot and be like.. right I shall remove all complexity from my menu #whatsoever and just start selling plain balls of fried dough with powdered sugar or plain fries with nothing on them or something lol #update: OH my god.. one of these teams on a newer season is selling a 'bonus add on' where you can add #cinnamon sugar and caramel syrup (possibly not even home made by them???? just from a bottle) for $5 extra on your order #If I bought a $12 waffle from a food truck and they were like 'hey do you want to upgrade? for only $5 we'll drizzle a teaspoon #of caramel and sprinkle a little sugar and cinnamon on there!' I feel like I would cancel my order and walk away.#that is a $1 add on at MOST.. for a freaking DRIZZLE of caramel sauce LOL #and of course this team is in the top 3... squirrel.... come ON...#Which I know all these shows are fake and bad and whatever. I dont watch them seriously. I think I liked the first few seasons #but then anything past like season 4 (or whenever they started having established people who already ran food trucks on there #instead of taking a bunch of peope who had never run a food truck before and giving them one - which is a much more equal footing #premise to me) I have just been increasingly annoyed at and I really just have the show on for background noise #whilst doing chores or something and am not genuinely paying that much attention but... my god.. At least try to pretend its fair lol #WHICH I KNOWW... you can say 'well the other teams could do similar if they wanted.' or blah blah. tehcnically it's THEIR choice to #make stuff from scratch and not sell a bunch of packaged frozen chicken wings dropped into a fryer over a shitty 6min waffle or etc.#but... I will never respect a $5 for 1tbsp of caramel sauce type of situation.. even if they win.. you will always be losers in my heart #So many teams with real cooking skill & good concepts go home to the 'slap nutella on fried dough' people... how...

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autumnrory · 2 years ago

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oh godddd i was leaning towards a podcast app but i went through and found a few of the shows i've listened to didn't transfer over and then when i did a quick count there's like 200 shows missing and there's no way of knowing whether it's because they didn't transfer over or they're just not on the app skjdfkjs a nightmare

#like that's part of why i feel like i'd almost be forced to use apple podcasts or something bc you know most shows are gonna be on there #whereas with all these apps i'd never heard of it's like okay well are you only gonna have podcasts that are somewhat popular #bc i have a lot saved on stitcher that are probably niche especially if they're only one season or whatever #but i don't LIKE the other apps this one would let me drag and drop my shows into place and that was the happiest i figured i could be #bc otherwise everything is in whatever order the app dictates and i have to scroll past the shows i plan to listen to #in order to get to the ones i actually keep up with #i hate it! i have like no time left tho i'm unclear if they're straight up taking the app off your phone or just no longer updating lol #why is there not an exact stitcher dupe why are all the apps not essentially the same in terms of function i mean honestly

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Thank you, younger me, for drawing so many things in which the lines were never quite right. It is quite literally the only reason I ever figured out how to get them right.

#And I imagine future me will have a very similar thing to say when I am them and they are no longer me.#original #something about zyr improved composition and speed hopefully #i keep wanting to use she pronouns for future me. probably bc that is what i do for past me sometimes.#but i really don't think I'm ever going to want she her pronouns again #I still don't get my lines exactly how I want them a lot of the time but I am at a point where I'm fairly confident I can #produce nearly anything I see in my head and capture the spirit of it in a way that makes me proud.#even if it takes a really really long time sometimes.#and although I don't think the art I made growing up was bad i love the phrase #' the road to good art is paved with bad art.' I think I saw it in a video by Bobby Chiu? idk.#and I like it because whenever I'm not sure about what I'm making and I get to insecure or perfectionist about it #*too insecure #I remember that if I want to get good at the thing I'm struggling with I'm going to have to do it poorly or just okay a bunch of times #and that doing this is my ticket to this skill I'm placing value on. also doesn't hurt that Im drawing things I love and I enjoy doing it #although at this point I really really should just sit down and study leg muscles for like a hundred years #it's one of the more longstanding blindspots of mine. that and literally everything that is not people.#as in locations animals objects scenery... did you know that most graphic novels have some or all of those things???#how homophobic that in order to show my characters experiencing such luxuries as plot action and context I couldn't just #drop them on a gradient and be done with it!#I've been drawing for like 20 years and only a couple years ago was i like... OH MY GOD I CAN'T DRAW A FUCKING TREE

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a-lil-rat · 2 months ago

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I don't want to be a conspiracy theorist on main but all the memes about Luigi Mangione kind of piss me off bc I am 90% sure he is not the assassin.

I know I've joked in the past that all white men look alike but Luigi Mangione litterally does not look like any of the shooter pics.

The shooter has a long face and a sharp chin, Mangione has a more square face and rounder chin, and THE EYEBROWS!! You're gonna tell me he groomed his eyebrows before commiting a murder and they just grew back completely in less than a week? Nah

Not to mention, police claimed he was wearing the same jacket and backpack from the day of the shooting. You know, the same jacket and backpack the NYPD found discarded in Central Park?

And they're saying his fingerprints match the crimescene even though security footage clearly shows the shooter wearing GLOVES!!

Not to mention, after every meticulous step taken to get away with the shooting, why would the perpatrator still be carrying the murder weapon and a manifesto??

I genuinely believe the cops are using Luigi Mangione as a fall guy. They found a centrist Ivy League kid who kind of matched the description in order to shift the narrative from class war back to a less threatening "left vs right" culture war.

His politics are messy enough that people will spend more time debating over what side of the spectrum he is on than the actual issue at hand. THIS IS A DISTRACTION!

Also the story is all over the place. Was it a McDonalds employee or patron that reported him? The story keeps changing but either way it sends the message that the working class will turn on itself during an unprecedented moment of class unity and solidarity in the United States.

Also I think pinning this on an Ivy League kid was done in an attempt to shift the narrative from the assassin being a working class hero to just another trust fund kid. That being said, even if it WAS him, an Ivy League trust fund kid has more in common with you than you have with the 1%.

So people in the US, please think critically about the distraction tactics being pushed onto you and don't forget who the real enemy is.

Keep solidarity.

Deny

Defend

Depose

Edit: I have since been informed that Italians grow eyebrows at a very fast pace.

#luigi mangione #uhc #united healthcare #uhc shooter #uhc assassin #us politics #deny defend depose

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undyinglantern · 11 months ago

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logically I don’t even think I’m doing horribly (the guy training me told the manager I was doing “pretty well” about handling a “mini-rush”) but mentally my mind keeps telling me oh he’s just lying because we keep getting out breaks at the same time and since I’m practically tailing him of course he’s say that to be nice during the only opportunity to speak to the manager. Only since I’m around and can listen in is he saying something nice.

#I keep trying to rush myself because I don’t want to make the customers wait #The first time I grabbed the popcorn myself I didn’t lift it high enough when I turned back around and knocked some onto the counter #Unless someone orders a large popcorn (which is a bucket) I feel like I’m taking too long fumbling trying to open up the bag #And then another TOO LONG scooping it in with the handle in there instead of just scooping the whole tub in there #One time I tried to rush too much and ended up lifting my hand too high and burned it on the popper #Twice actually once on my pinky knuckle and another larger spot on the other side of the back of my palm #One customer specifically I couldn’t understand and asked them to repeat like 5 times #And I could’ve SWORN they said ‘temp’ like I thought they were referring to ME as a temp or something #So I responded like ‘no I’m in training’ like a fucking idiot when it turned out they were asking for a motherfucking cup of water #Of all things.#I still keep getting confused and forgetting that hi-c and lemonade are the same drink #Instead of filling a cup with the proper fountain which is right there right text to the register oh no I turned around and went and got #Team before fixing the order and doing the right thing. And the tea machine has like 3 buttons for different flavored iced teas #So I just pressed a random one too like! Look at this idiot !!!!#Oh god and I still don’t know what’s in what drawer for refills. As in when we run out of cups for the sodas or icees or popcorn buckets #I still don’t understand how to make the popcorn. You press a button to hear it up? Wait until it beeps I think?#Then put it into the popper and let it keep popping even when it beeps again? Until it stops popping then you can pour it out? I think????#Could be completely fuckinb wrong for all I know #I work til past closing hour (cleaning. Roughly until midnight so go to bed around 1-2am) on Friday then have to be in again by 10.30am #Even if I’m lucky that will only be maybe 5 or maaaaaybe 6 hours of sleep. Ending and starting the day the same way wtf man #Why did I apply to a place that’s half an hour drive away when they only pay minimum wage #Why did I think a movie theater job would be manageable for me #Well actually that one I can answer it’s bc I thought I would be put to cleaning (sweeping theaters between shows) not customer service #It’s. Almost 5am now. I feel like my schedule has gotten even WORSE since applying here.

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chahnniesroom · 4 months ago

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night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company.

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand.

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan.

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags.

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts.

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project.

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully.

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong.

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind.

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive.

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet.

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again.

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response.

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

“No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table.

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter.

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

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fmhobeus · 11 months ago

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fwb!suguru who knew he wanted to fuck when he first laid eyes on you. then wanted to take you out to endless dinners to chat his ears off when he first spoke to you.

fwb!suguru who grew to like you without fucking you, almost forgot it was what he wanted you for – a life together or a night together?

fwb!suguru whose dick got painfully hard when you taunted him, rolled your eyes at him or outwitted him. he lived for your sassiness.

fwb!suguru who happened to fuck you on a random night unexpectedly and it changed the trajectory of his life.

fwb!suguru who stayed after every dick appointment. cuddled with you on the bed, watched movies or your favourite TV show, ordered take out and held you in his arms till you both inevitably fell asleep.

fwb!suguru who couldve sworn he wasn't in love with you. he would still fuck other people (and then come back to you, poor baby was thinking of you the whole time)

fwb!suguru whose grown accustomed to your presence. he calls you when he isn't feeling okay, you call him when something bothers you. he's grown used to you telling him all about work, how you got your nails done, how you saw a cute cat near your apartment. trivial details, which coming from anyone else he would hang up, but he looks forward to them with you.

fwb!suguru who eventually stops fucking other people and is just your man, without you knowing.

fwb!suguru who is determined to mark you up in placed people will notice. your neck, your thighs, your collarbones.

fwb!suguru who believes in giving you his all. all of his long girthy dick that pumps you full it should be criminal, his long slim fingers that have made you orgasm so often and hit that deep spot with unbeat ease, his long tounge... oh god his tounge. he thinks maybe even his long life ahead is yours too, all yours. his little kids too maybe? he doesn't like to think too much about that.

fwb!suguru who has to have your pussy checked with his tounge daily. he has to lap up your insides no matter any circumstances. his voice purrs across your body when he talks you through your orgasm.

"mhmm yeah cum all over my face beautiful, I know you want to"

fwb!suguru who gets sick at the thought of you sitting so pretty for another man when you tell him you're going on a date. suguru who looks so disturbed at the thought of another man even looking at his pretty girl who isn't really his.

fwb!suguru who takes you to corporate events just so he can call you his girlfriend, even if it's just pretend. when you question him it's always "easier explanation than a friend i fuck on the regular, isn't it?"

fwb!suguru who knows how you like your coffee in the morning. he knows what you like for breakfast, your comfort food, your hobbies, your favourite movies, your least favourite movies, your icks, your past. he knows you like he knows himself. he thinks of you when he passes your favourite cafe, he texts you when he sees something in the colour you like.

fwb!suguru who is sure he hasn't felt this way before, who is so vulnerable with you that it scares the shit out of him.

fwb!suguru who is afraid, angered at everything about you. he's angry at how you lull him into a sense of security, how you hold him, how sweet your voice sounds when you call him by his name, how you take care of him, how you listen to him. he hates how your pussy clenches his dick for dear life, milking it dry and how you never let a drop of his cum go to waste, licking it up like a little slut. he's fearful too. about losing you. about where loving you the way he does leads. loving you? wait. he loves you? fuck. fuck. fuck. this hasn't been according to plan at all.

#somebody lied to her #aniya writes ૮ ․ ․ ྀིა #jjk #suguru ♡#jjk smut #jjk x reader #geto suguru #jjk geto #geto x reader #geto smut #jjk suguru #suguru geto smut #jjk ^ ~

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suksatoru · 19 days ago

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being married to sae itoshi meant you were under his care 24/7. sunrise to sundown, all he did was fuss over his precious wife. but when you got pregnant, sae was on a whole other level of pure psycho.

he was always monitoring what you ate—ensuring no bad or spoiled food made contact with your lips. he'd have the highest quality meals brought right to your doorstep on nights you weren't in the mood to cook, and the finest heart shaped chocolates shipped all the way from switzerland waiting for you on your bedside table when you woke up. they were his way of saying sorry when he had to leave his two babies early in the morning due to practice.

you told him your baby had a sweet tooth one night when demanding chocolates at three am, but even as he'd rolled his eyes at your mini tantrum—he was already pulling out his phone and placing a hefty order of your favorite sweets that could probably keep a small village alive through the apocalypse.

whenever you came to his games in the winter or days it was raining, he made sure you were properly bundled up to protect yourself from the biting and ruthless cold. he ignored your whines about looking like a snowman—sae absolutely refused to let you take even a foot outside in bad weather unless you were dressed accordingly. he disliked a lot of things, but anything that may dampen your mood skyrocketed to first place when he learned how much he hated seeing you upset. like, heaven forbid, when you'd catch a cold.

but after learning about your pregnancy, he refused to show up to any game unless they had a private section where you could sit and watch safely. the vip spot simply wasn't enough, he needed to make sure no one else would bother you. you didn't seem to mind—you dragged rin with you to sae's games anyways, and the double protection of the private seating and his brother's presence allowed sae to play his best while at ease.

sae was meticulous in his routine when it came to you. he had his priorities set, and just the prospect of something happening to you made his eye twitch. he was the one in control, and he'd make sure it stayed that way. sure, he babied you beyond belief—spoiling you was an understatement. sae worshipped you, according to rin. sae would shrug at his younger brother's words, but he never did deny the statement.

so, when sae wakes up from the sound of rustling sheets and your pained whines, he's sitting up in an instant. every ounce of tiredness at being awoken from his sleep is thrown out the window when you weakly ask him to get a bag for you as you tell him you're definitely about to throw up.

he carries you to the bathroom, and while he holds your hair back—his mind is racing, running through everything you ate, touched, and breathed in the past few days. did someone else get you sick? you hadn't gone out these past few days, it was one of the rare weekends sae managed to find some free time in his schedule to stay at home with you. rin had visited and spent the night a few days ago, but his brother had been in perfect health. sae knows this because he refused to let poor rin into your shared home until he checked his temperature and vitals.

but pregnancy was something unpredictable. and, unfortunately, not a situation sae could chart out and control. your soft whimpers sounding through the air bring him back to reality as you weakly flush the toilet in front of you, slumping against him.

"gross," your murmur as your eyes flutter close. sae cradles your head to his chest, wrapping his arms around you with a subtle frown on his face. he presses a hand to your forehead, brows furrowing. you're burning up.

"cariño, what hurts?" sae questions, uncharacteristically soft. he runs a hand through your hair—which was damp from your own sweat. you don't give him a verbal response, resorting to letting out a pained cry as you rest your head against his chest. he frowns, tucking an arm under your knees as he picks you up bridal style and carries you back to bed.

your left hand rests weakly on the swell of your stomach, and he lays you onto the bed as gently as he possibly can before pressing the softest kiss he can manage onto your scalp.

"stay here. i'll be right back," he assures, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you nod slowly. he walks out of the room quickly—eyes catching the soft illuminating light of his bedside table, where the clock reads 4:28 AM. he dampens a cloth in the kitchen and grabs some painkillers, and he's by your side once again after another minute as he helps you swallow the medicine, carefully adjusting the cool washcloth on your forehead to help relieve some of the stress.

"this is your fault, sae. these are the kicks of a professional footballer," you laugh weakly, and sae huffs. wordlessly, he lays himself back into his spot beside you on the bed before placing a tentative hand on your stomach. and you're right, because sae can feel the gentle kicks under his palm.

"i'm sorry, cariño." is all he says as he glares at your tummy, almost like he's telling the baby inside to behave. you watch him, laughing quietly to yourself.

"it's not like she can see you, silly."

you don't even realize what you've said at first. neither has sae, but as he does—his movements while rubbing your stomach slow to a stop as he tilts his head downwards to meet your gaze. he cocks an amused brow at your words

"she?"

your cheeks heat as you realize what you've said, or what you've implied, really. you didn't know why—but it felt like the baby inside was a girl. sae's eyes twinkle with amusement as he presses a soft kiss onto your stomach

"i was thinking 'sae junior' for a name..."

"oi, don't make me kick you, sae."

his laughter is sleepy and low as he presses a kiss behind your ear, whispering quietly as he wraps the blanket around the two of you tighter.

"glad you're feeling better already. now, sleep."

he doesn't have to tell you twice. your soft breaths even out soon enough, and he makes a mental note to call your doctor in the morning. right now though, it's nearing five am. he usually went out for his morning run at this time—but he decides he'll sleep in today. nothing was better than having his little family safe and sound in between his arms, with the reassuring rise and fall of your chest lulling him back to sleep.

bllk masterlist. :P

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cloudwisp · 6 months ago

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✮ sylus x wife!reader (2)

contents: tooth-rotting fluff. arranged marriage au. sylus as your sweet and doting husband who's simply in love with you and anything that you do. 1.5k wc.

꒰ note ᰔ thank you for everyone's patience who requested a part two!! I truly hope this meets your expectations <3

part one here. ꒱

⭒ You’re an early bird married to a night owl. After gradually moving your belongings into Sylus’ master bedroom, your different sleeping schedules were made acutely aware. His day is just beginning when you’re heading to bed and he’s more or less mentally retired after a long night of business dealings and meetings when your body decidedly rises with the first rays of light at dawn. Because of this, you both compromise to meet somewhere in the middle—Sylus sweetly tucks you in later than your usual bedtime and leaves only when you’d fallen asleep, and you snuggle with him in the mornings until the very last minute and you’re forced to get ready for the working day. However, his sleeping patterns are more on the irregular side and he’ll check in on you when he’s supposed to be resting.

⭒ When Luke and Kieran witness you and Sylus bid each other with a goodbye kiss—an affectionate and wholesome display between lovers as your husband sees you off to work at the front door, they are stunned and lose it from the sidelines at the budding romance. “Wait, what just happened?” “Was there a development while we were gone?” The crow twins would share glances and decipher the scene before them together. They both have been rooting for you and their boss since day one, and they marvel at the way you both are completely smitten with each other. As though you two are like newlyweds who can't get enough of your shared love, unwilling to separate just yet even as you slowly step away from Sylus.

⭒ His touch linger with purpose to hold onto every last part of you and his hands move from your waist and slide down your arms to hold your hands until his fingers curl slightly and mourn the loss of your warmth when he eventually has to let you go. When Sylus watches your figure disappear and return back inside his home he receives a thumbs up and pending double high fives respectively from his two henchmen. He walks past them and ignores their antics by giving them orders, but Luke doesn’t leave his brother hanging and celebrates that their boss is officially and undeniably in love.

⭒ Anniversaries were an unexpected thing to celebrate with Sylus—along with holidays and birthdays. You were caught by surprise when you received a gorgeous dress and pearls inside a pretty wrapped box adorned with ribbons after being married to Sylus for three months. You weren’t quite romantically involved with him at that point and went along with what he planned for the evening, and you had a feeling it wasn’t just a performance for the public at an upscale restaurant but he genuinely wanted to make this night special for you. Then something in the air shifted and became sweeter and you suppose you wanted to start making the smaller things in life count. Even if there wasn’t a particular milestone coming up, you decide to make one up yourself. After all, there’s a true saying that the secret to marriage is keeping it fresh and interesting.

⭒ With the help of the cute twins, they set up a cozy tent in the verdant space of the garden meanwhile you decorate fairy lights all around in swooping arcs and tight lines, arrange pillows and blankets inside, and place a deck of kitty cards in the center. After everything is where you need it to be, you show the boys your gratitude and send them away as you work on the finishing touches. You gather the plate of chocolate-covered strawberries and two glasses for the red wine when suddenly your husband sneaks up from behind you and wrap himself around you, inquiring about how the twins wanted him to come find you… Oh those cheeky little things. Well, never mind them. “Don’t tell me that you forgot what today is. Happy 300 days since our first kiss, baby.” You admit that it may come off as a little silly and no one’s truly keeping count, but you simply wanted to do something nice for him.

⭒ Sylus never passes up an opportunity to take care of his darling wife. Even if that means going along with your unusual ideas like you suggesting to borrow his dress shoes after the auction show was over. He throws you a puzzled look followed by a bemuse chuckle, and he supposes he could oblige if that’s what you really wanted. You explain to him that being well dressed from head to toe to match his outfit came at the price of your painfully, aching feet. And he can’t resist giving into your demands when you ask with such adorable little pouts. There are more practical methods to go about the situation, but he certainly loves humoring you even if things don't work out the way you thought they would.

⭒ Sylus leads you to a nearby bench and gestures for you to have a seat while he removes his shoes and bends down on one knee before you, unworried about dirtying his expensive trousers. He works diligently to undo the straps around your ankles and place your heels aside to focus on slipping his shoes onto your feet. “Well, you look quite fetching in my shoes. Now shall we continue our walk or do you have any more requests to make?” He helps you straighten yourself as he returns to his normal height. You huff and make a discontent noise when you almost trip over your own two feet trying to take a step forward in your (his) much too large and too spacious shoes. “Actually, these won’t do. I changed my mind, I want my heels back.”

⭒ Sylus chuckles at your hopeless attempt, his hand going on your hip to keep you from toppling over and accidentally hurting yourself. “Ah, it appears my shoes are too big for you, kitten. You say you want your heels back, hm?” He kneels before you once more as he retrieves your pair of heels, his fingers brushing along the underside of your leg and he carefully tugs them back on your feet. He gives your ankle a gentle squeeze as he finishes securing the straps, his gaze flickering up to meet yours. "There, I hope you're satisfied now, my sweet wife." His arm then goes around your waist and he effortlessly lifts you off the ground without so much as a warning. He smirks at your precious reaction, your body flushed against his meanwhile your arms encircle his neck for balance. “Why don’t I just carry you the rest of the way instead?”

⭒ You’re snuggled up against Sylus’ chest as you bring a concern to his attention one night. “What happens when our arrangement comes to an end?” The main reason you agreed to marry him in the first place is because it was a contract marriage with a specific time frame of five years that you’d have to spend with him. And you realize that with everything he does, he’s always been considerate of you as a whole even with how he drafted this contract knowing that it could end at his own expense. He provided you with a means of freeing yourself from him if you for whatever reason wished to no longer continue your marriage with him after the term ends. The choice is left entirely up to you because he never wanted you to feel trapped but he won’t make it easy for you. “If I decided to leave, you’d really let me go?”

⭒ Sylus hesitates for a moment, his gaze fixed on you and he seems to be thinking about something as his expression grows serious. “You always know how to ask the tough questions, don’t you sweetie?” After a moment, he lets out a small sigh and nods. “…Yes. Technically, you’ll be free to go. I won’t stop you if you truly want to leave.” Another sigh escapes him, yet his voice remains soft and sincere and he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and his palm cradles your cheek. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you to stay. What do you want to happen when the contract ends, darling?”

⭒ You mull over your thoughts, teasing him with a pensive look as you purposely drag on the seconds. “Since you’re leaving it up to me, I think… I want to renew our vows at the five-year mark. How’s that sound?” A surprise and slight disbelief flit across his face at the same moment his countenance softens at your affirmation. “You want to renew our vows?” You offer him a demure nod with your sweet smile and he gently takes your hand in his, bringing it to his face and laying a kiss against your knuckles. “Then it’s settled. I would be honored to renew our vows when the time comes. There will be no more contracts or strings attached. We’ll be bound by our love and our love only.”

#ᨳ ₊˚ 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐩.𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐬 #sylus #sylus x reader #sylus x you #l&ds x reader #sylus love and deepspace #sylus lnd #sylus l&ds #sylus lads #lnds sylus #lads sylus #l&ds sylus #love and deepspace

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