#shitty wizard king

[onesunofagun]

Drinking Ganondorf soup while I'm sick because it's good for my soul;

[maxdibert]

Sirius: Hey, Snivellus, is it true that not even your parents love you?

Severus: Well, they love me enough not to disown me.

[brujite-de-gulubu]

If there's one thing that bothers me of kglw fans are the metal fans who complain about there being a techno section, like, buddy, some fans don't like metal and still don't complain

[jacqcrisis]

Idea: kingdom in a magical land. The current king is married to a woman who hails from a different country that despises and punishes the use of magic, while his is encouraging about it, to the point he has a head royal wizard.

Ever since the queen came into the picture, the royal wizard isn't allowed to stay on the castle grounds as people in his position have for centuries. He cannot be within the same room as the king without an escort and the king is not allowed to visit his tower without one of the same. In fact, most interactions with the wizard must be done solely by the queen unless it is specifically about warfare or something to do with the border. If the king and the wizard have to meet, they must be in the company of someone, and are not even allowed an iota of privacy despite the sensitivity of their conversations.

Ask the wizard on his rounds through the kingdom, and he'll state the queen doesn't trust him. Such a pity, he says with a grimace before continuing on his way, basket full of foraged ingredients swinging from his arm. The commoners believe it is due to her home country, their distrust of magic, and their belief anyone who practices it is a snake despite the wizard being nothing but loved by all.

The servants and the advisors of the castle, however, have a different idea. Especially those who've known the king since he was a boy and the wizard when he was just and apprentice, the boys having basically grown up together on the castle grounds. Those who've known the two and seen the deep friendship they developed, those who've spent years whispering tales of late night visits and trips out alone together up until the betrothal to the current queen...

Well, they have a different theory why she glares at the wizard so intensely at every light touch he happens to brush upon her husband's royal hand during their meetings.

[petrodragonicapocalypse]

king gizzard in bristol, 30.05.24

[rotting-pond]

Hello My name is Han-Tyumi

I am a cyborg Born If you may call it that Into a world that is dense and black Created without a desire to draw breath

Without a desire to have being Without a yearning of just to be

I’d like my desire back

_ Han-Tyumi, the Confused Robot; Murder of the Universe, by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

[professor-geen-berries]

What reg's letter really said

Ladies, gentlemen, frogs, queers, queens, kings, monarchs, entities, wizards, gays, slays, faes, racecars, taco cats, Bob, those who transcend gender and material labels, ikea furniture, all of the above, and other, I present to you, the final form of regulus black's letter to the dark lord...

Please ignore the shittiness

Alternate version:

[wheneverfeasible]

So we all know the mechanic Eddie aus out there, all love a greasy dirty Eddie Munson in coveralls, but what about mechanic Steve?

Steve, who has a nice car, who learned how to take care of it himself. Steve who found that he was actually pretty good with his hands, and a knack for fixing things. He understands cars, likes to tinker with them in his spare time, even if he had to teach himself at first.

Eventually he sees a Help Wanted sign at the mechanic’s and…well, why not? He applies, and he’s inexperienced, but they hire him. He sweeps and keeps things clean and tidy at first, and then he learns some hands-on experience, moves up in the job, and eventually he becomes the guy everyone wants to work on their car.

When the owner retires, it’s Steve who takes over the place, making the shop his own and making certain that it’s a safe place in a town where safety isn’t always guaranteed. The kids he used to babysit who aren’t kids anymore all learn car basics, Steve making certain they’re not caught in a jam and unable to help themselves, especially the girls. In the window, a small picture of Dorothy from Wizard of Oz rests, letting those who know…know.

And then maybe one day rockstar Eddie Munson returns to the small town he blazed out of after finally graduating, packing his shit up and high tailing it outta there like the bats of hell were chasing him. Maybe he’s still driving a shitty van, or maybe he got something a little more fancy. Maybe fame and money got to him a little bit and he’s got some fancy high end sports car and a bit of a dick personality. And this car breaks down. Who does he have to call?

King Mechanics.

And Eddie is huffing and complaining at it all, at his car for crapping out, for being late to meet his uncle, for having to wait for some mechanic to show up. And one does, not too much later after that first annoyed phone call. And the mechanic has surprisingly well-styled hair, and a body firm with muscle, filling out those oil stained coveralls nicely, and maybe Eddie starts to sort of flirt with the guy, until he looks at him properly.

Until he sees it’s Steve fucking Harrington.

And maybe they don’t get along well at first, and it’s all Eddie’s fault really, who is now huffy and puffy about having to deal with King Steve. Steve, on the other hand, is nothing but polite and professional, maybe even friendly. He might have taken back the moniker of king for his shop, might have even taken it as his last name after his parents disowned him when he came out as queer, but he’s far from who he was in high school.

And honestly? Teasing Eddie is kind of fun. Watching him get flustered and annoyed is funny because enough time has passed that Steve is comfortable with who he is and everyone in town knows he’s turned over a new leaf and it’s just amusing watching Eddie not realizing this yet.

They didn’t really have the parts he needs to fix Eddie’s car at the moment, however, so he orders them in. Offers to give Eddie a ride to wherever he needs to go. Maybe even mentions Wayne, with whom he actually got kind of close with, and who sometimes comes around for a cold drink now that he’s retired and has more free time on hand.

Eddie is incensed Wayne never told him he was friendly with King Steve, but Wayne never cared much for gossip, and Steve has been a godsend more than once when Wayne’s old clunker died frequently.

And so Steve and Eddie are thrown together, and Eddie realizes that maybe there’s more to Steve than meets the eyes, and that’s even before he discovers the Dorothy in the window. Sadly, he doesn’t discover it until after he goes on some rant about how Steve is clearly homophobic, but Steve just stares at him amused because he hadn’t even known Eddie was gay back in high school.

Eventually, Eddie realizes he and Steve have more in common than he ever realized. Realizes he’s become the sort of people he always despised and was a bit of an ass. Steve meanwhile was already aware of his crush on Eddie and was merely waiting for the right time to make his move.

Anyways. I just like the idea of done-up Eddie, slick and fancy, and dirty grubby mechanic Steve.

hostage tag: @derythcorvinus

[radiance1]

Danny, has been turned into a cat.

Why? He may or may not have pissed off more than wizard after they failed to summon the ghost king successfully and gave them massive shit for it.

They wanted a powerful ghost tyrant, got a ghost prince with a shit eating grin instead.

Was it worth it? Yes, yes it was.

However, now he is stuck in this dimension, and wanders around experiencing the life of a street cat. Somehow, someway, he became the leader of a clan of cats, some of them surprisingly having powers, other not, but he never knew the life of a street cat was so...

Intense? Is probably the word.

Gang wars, negotiations, managing resources, taking care of the injured from said gang wars or the occasional shitty human, etc, etc. The resources like food weren't really a problem, his powers made it very easy to just, take whatever he wanted, how much he could take was a problem though, nothing a bag can't fix.

Some kind of villain (If what he heard was correct) stepped on his turf, and he couldn't have cared less what they were going to do, until some of the casualties involved his family of cats and, safe to say.

That villain did not expect to be beaten up by a superpowered cat. Much less robbed by other superpowered cats.

Of course, such an event wouldn't go unnoticed.

[url-is-url]

I've seen posts about John Constantine dating Vlad Masters/Plasmius, much to the disgust of the Ghost Zone generally and Danny specifically. And I can see this happening because John Constantine, chaotic disaster bi gutter wizard extraordinaire, is also an accomplished monsterfucker and would 100% be down to get down with a half ghost. Man's been with King Shark (excellent material to seach on AO3 btw 😳) he's not gonna flinch at Vlad, even if it is weird that he has the same last name as his sister's husband.

HOWEVER. Despite being a shitty gutter wizard with a bad habit of getting his associates gruesomely killed and therefore tries not to have associates, Constantine does have a soft spot for kids. He doesn't like when things disguise themselves as kids, he doesn't like when things hurt kids. Number one most reliable way to get John Constantine to stick his neck out? Endanger a child where he can see.

So when John finds out what Vlad has done to a literal fourteen year old child? And that he tried to outright kill the clone kid? NOPE. It is OVER, and Vlad gets to find out exactly how and why this shitty gutter wizard got such a badass name as Hellblazer.

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Light My Love - Prologue - T.Nott

Series Summary - Follow Y/N as she navigated the wizarding world on her own, starting from her first year, all the way through to her seventh. As she falls in love and get her heart broken, how a certain friend is always there to mend her broken heart even though his is slowly getting broken in the process.

Chapter Summary - Y/N finally receives her Hogwarts letter, meeting with her friends in Diagon Alley and doing their shopping together. She is counting down the days until she finally gets to see Hogwarts and get herself sorted.

Pairings - Theo Nott x Fem!Reader(eventual)

Series Warnings - Blood purity, dark wizards, Reader is a descendant of Salazar Slytherin, pining, angst, reader will have some shitty boyfriends, Female Reader, use of Y/N

Chapter Warnings - Female Reader, use of Y/N, mentions of food and eating,

Author's Note - I wanted to do a retelling of the Harry Potter series with a pureblood Slytherin character so here it is! I will probably update this slow just like my Always There series so be patient with me! After a few posts I will make a masterlist and link it to all of my posts for this series as well as on my masterlist.

Word Count - 962

My full Masterlist

Series Masterlist

My requests are open!

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

not my gif

When the Hogwarts letter first got delivered, she wasn’t surprised. She was a pureblood, her parents being some of the most known people in the wizarding world. Her family didn’t have the best reputation, they were known followers of the dark lord, however neither of them were taken to Azkaban. They had influence in the wizarding world, much like the Malfoys. The first trip to Diagon Alley was exciting, Y/N running into a few first year students that she had met before at parties. 

She had ended up shopping the whole day with Draco, Theodore, Mattheo, Pansy and Astoria. The six of them chatted about their summers and how excited they were to go to Hogwarts. They all knew that they’d get sorted into Slytherin, getting themselves excited about learning more about magic than they had learned from their parents. Eventually they all parted ways, heading back to their families and returning home. Every one of them were counting down the days until September 1st.

Y/N was so excited the night before that she couldn’t even sleep, having already packed all of her things, she instead sat on her bed and read a book until it was time to leave. Once arriving at King's Cross Station, she excitedly led her parents to Platform 9 ¾ where she met up with all of her friends. She hugged both of her parents, kissing their cheeks goodbye before getting onto the train. They had taken over one of the compartments, lounging around as they talked excitedly about Hogwarts.

As her adrenaline had begun to wind down, her eyes got heavy, closing slowly before her head dropped onto the shoulder next to her. Theodore was a bit startled at first but then realized that it was just Y/N who had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He knew how she was, when she was excited she couldn’t sleep until her body caught up with her, only then she was able to fall asleep.

She had slept the whole train ride, no matter how loud the compartment got, only waking when Theo had gently shook her when they arrived at Hogsmeade's station. She let out a quiet yawn, her arms stretching above her head as she stood up. “Sorry for sleeping on you Theo. I guess I was just really tired,” She apologized.

“It’s okay, didn’t bother me. M’glad you slept a little bit before we got to Hogwarts. You would’ve fallen asleep at the table,” Theo joked, grabbing their suitcases from the top rack and leading the way out of the train. She tried to grab her suitcase from him but he was quick to snatch it away from her. “I don’t think so, principessa. A lady never carries her own bag.”

They were led by Hagrid to the boats which took them to the castle itself. She had only heard about the beauties of the castle but to actually witness it made her speechless. It was so much more beautiful than she imagined. It sat majestically on a hillside in the Highlands, surrounded by forests and water. She was in complete awe of the sight, taking in the beauty as they got closer. 

Actually getting into the castle made her feel so small, the ceilings were taller than she expected, looking up as the group of first years followed Professor McGonagall. She went through the sorting ceremony with them before leading them into the great hall. She was mystified by the candles and the ceiling, bumping into the boy in front of her due to the lack of her paying attention. “Sorry, Draco,” She said absentmindedly.

The boy just brushed it off as they waited to be called for their sorting. Draco being sorted into Slytherin before the hat had even touched his head. She was the last on out of all of her friends to get sorted, right after Theo. “Y/N Y/L/N,” McGonagall called her name. She took a breath before walking up to the stool, sitting down and getting the ancient hat placed on her head.

“Ahh, you’re another tough one! You could do great things in all of the houses! Shall we take your lineage into consideration? A descendant of Salazar Slytherin himself. I’ve got just the place for you,” The hat rambled, she smirked knowing where she was being sorted, “Better be Slytherin!”

She happily skipped her way over to the Slytherin table where all of her friends were sitting, finding her place between Mattheo and Theo. Both boys threw their arms around her, sitting as Dumbledore began his speech. The group waits until the feast is announced before digging in and trying a little bit of everything. All of them completely stuffed as they followed their prefect to the dungeons and the Slytherin common room. Instead of listening, she was more focused on watching the creatures of the Black Lake swim by the window. 

She walked towards the window, getting closer so she could see the creatures better. She hadn’t realized how long she was there for until Pansy tapped her shoulder, breaking her from her daze. “It’s almost midnight and we have class in the morning. Come to bed,” Pansy informed her.

“I hadn’t even noticed. Thank you Pans,” She smiled at her friend, taking her hand as the two of them walked together to their dorm. Their beds were right next to each other, her cat sleeping peacefully on her pillows. The two girls getting changed into their pajamas quickly before getting into bed. Y/N’s cat let out a protesting meow before crawling onto her chest and promptly falling asleep. Y/N following soon after, her dreams filled with all of the things she wished to do.

[sam-keeper]

The Visitor aka STRIDULUM (1979)

Ha ha yeah, wooo YEAH

da daaaaa dadadaDAA DAAA DAAAAAAA DADADAAAAA DADADADADA DA DAAAAA YEAH!!!!

This is the most prog rock movie I've ever seen in my life. This is spiritually being painted on the side of a van. Does it have a good plot that makes sense? I don't know, asshole, does Emerson Lake and Palmer's seminal classic Karn Evil 9 part 2 have a good plot that makes sense? I'm telling my kids The Visitor (1979) is Star Wars.

I noticed a pattern when looking at other reviews of this film: they fall back on comparisons, as a slight. Well, it's sort of The Omen, and it's sort of Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and it's sort of Carrie, and a little Battlestar Galactica and maybe The Birds... which all sounds very derivative, I suppose, until you actually a movie smashing all those things together, and realize, wait a minute, that's bonkers. It feels like critics grasp for these comparisons while foundering in The Visitor's psychedelic sea, desperate for a point of stability. None of these references offer stable landmarks, though, if you hope to predict where the film will veer next in its crazy pursuit of cool ideas and weird setpieces.

Not that the comparisons are totally off base, mind. This IS the story of Katy Collins, a Wicked Little Kid in the vein of the Omen's Damien or Carrie's... Carrie. It's just that this generic convention of the Bad Seed gets set up at the beginning of the film with a bizarre cosmic encounter between an old space wizard and an apparition of the devilish little girl in what looks like a blizzard on mars, followed by a whole ass monologue by "A Jesus Figure" about cosmic psychic spirits of good and evil dueling it out across the planets, delivered to a bunch of bald, white robed children. Hell yeah. But! But. Katy Collins is otherwise a classic, average evil psychic kid who kills people with telekinesis. And uses it to rig professional basketball matches for her shitty step dad, possibly at the behest of the satanic businessmen he answers to who are REALLY giving some serious drone hive vibes what with the way they all turn their heads at the same time. Oh and she's got a pet hawk that murders people at her behest. No, trust me though, it's a really derivative movie. Not like the movies we have now like uhhhh

[sweating] uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Better touchstones than typical blockbuster fare might be the mind-expanding chaos of paperback epics--Clive Barker's Great and Secret Show, King's Dark Tower, Morrison's The Invisibles. Here's some other fun facts: it was directed by Giulio Paradisi (it's a heavily italian production) but he directed it under the brilliant name "Michael J Paradise". The italian title was "Stridulum", which I guess is latin for something like a harsh or shrill sound or shriek, which fits the whole repeating War Between Birds motif and the use of bird cries in the soundtrack. Oh, and one of the guys playing basketball in the first scene with Katy is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, actual famous athlete. It's sort of a bizarre and improbable movie!

But I don't think I'd be nearly so dazzled by all the crazy shit this film throws at the audience if not for Katy herself, played brilliantly by a young child star Paige Conner. She's written and performed in a way that suggests malice, yes, but a childish malice, a bit of a put-on, a belligerent front that gets more and more petulant and uncontrolled as John Huston as the space mystic Jerzy (yes) Colsowicz (get it) confronts her with the limits of her own powers. There's this sequence where Jerzy and Katy play pong against each other. Jerzy, smiling, accuses her cheating by speeding up the game with her powers. Katy, giggling genuinely, gloatingly informs him that no, she sped up the game using a switch on the game console. Later in the film she tries to drop a fire escape on his head, of course. In that conversation, though, there's this charming chemistry between them, the chemistry of a smart young person and an older adult willing to treat her, not as a peer exactly, but as a thinking being, not just a Thing to be smacked into shape. This dynamic is crucial to the climax of the film and its ultimate conviction that no matter how ghastly Katy is, there's more than just evil to her, which might not be the most seasonally horror-forward message but is honestly pretty damn refreshing. Like I don't know if The Visitor is as good a film as The Omen (ok, I know that obviously it's not) but on balance it's probably got its heart more in the right place. Perhaps notably along those lines, one of the horror subplots of The Omen involves possibility of a woman getting an abortion, whereas The Visitor explores the possibility of a woman being impregnated against her will. While it may lose out on form, The Visitor might just win the long game on its politics.

Also some shitty teens get thrown through a plate glass window, and there's a whole sequence where a big truck's lights are treated exactly like an approaching spacecraft, and it's awesome, I don't know what to tell you, I love this shit.

Read more horror reviews like this all season on my Patreon

[mushroomnoodles]

Aaaaaaaaaaand I’m back to the Creature!Wizards theme XD

so how would Sphinx!IceKing react to being all preggos?? What would he look like?? How would Morrigan be different from “regular” Sphinx!Morri?? also pls draw Harpy!Betty again some time lol

-Creature!Anon

tw/cw for sfw and non kink mpreg

it'd take a while for him to notice, especially since as an immortal ancient creature (sphinx ice king is.. much more powerful than normal brand) the gestation period would be much longer, especially since harpy betty is a powerful wizard in her own right. powerful babies, they need to cook for a long time. he's still very much the type to feel the weight, feel the movements, and be like "huh. weird. anyways"

although, he WOULD notice, and so would magic betty. because ice sphinx uses his actual wings to fly, there would come a time where he just.. got too heavy for flight. and since he is constantly hungry and moody, betty would investigate. he is still delighted of course, but he seems to be on human brain with the pregnancy (he thinks he's only having one) and keeps making very shitty nests. he's also very cuddly and would demand a lot of attention, very needy (which is hard, because again, he is also very hungry, and betty needs to get an adequate amount of food for him)

he wouldn't be having seven in one go, he and betty would have two litters of 3 and 4.

here's the first litter btw, the main difference is morri has the apropriate amount of limbs and when they get older they'll have a lot more feathers due to their harpy heritage, and they have a brown coat.

[jag-rat]

Let's analyse the drow!

Quick history on the drow: The drow have been historically characterised as ‘evil’, especially in earlier editions their alignment was always on the evil spectrum. Even Drizzt Do’urden for example was a story that essentially circles around one ‘good’ drow who managed to rise above the rest of his kin and become ‘one of the good ones’. I think we also need to acknowledge that in the earlier editions drow definitely had racist implications around them intentionally or not. With the drow initially being described as ‘completely opal black aside from their white hair’ and essentially just existed as the ‘evil’ elf counterparts to their perfect blonde cousins. Now in recent years wizards of the coast have started to rectify this. As of right now Drow have been described as being more purplish grey in colour and are steering towards being implied not to be 'completely evil'. There's no doubt about it that the drow have had a rocky history and being overtly over-sexualisalised by the early writers definitely didn't help much either. But I still think there's something very interesting wedged into this unique race of elves. 

Lolth's role: Their main goddess is of course Lolth who even in modern renditions is always depicted as a chaotic evil spider demon. You could argue she’s currently the main reason why the surface folk still don’t like these dark elves. Even in Baldur's gate three which came out last year the writers make a point of emphasising that the ‘good drow’ are the ones choosing to rebel against this goddess. Now obviously this ‘good’ and ‘evil’ thing has always been a core part of DND, which makes sense given it was inspired by Tolkien who consistently made a point about there being two sides, good and evil. And it's still a very common theme in modern fantasy but I think when we look at Lolth and her connection to the drow from a more contextual standpoint this insistence of ‘evil’ isn’t nearly as interesting as exploring the greyer implications of how this Goddess came to be. Being viewed as ‘evil’ in the dnd universe is natural as Lolth is written as a chaotic evil being, encouraging violence, the sacrifice of first born sons, and general betrayal among your fellow drow isn’t very appealing. It's enough for anyone to wonder why the drow worship her in the first place if they aren’t evil. However I think it's also important to remember in real life when we create gods they almost always reflect our world, the good and the bad. Let's take Zeus for example, he was a pretty shitty guy, cheating on his wife, kidnapping women and punishing people for petty reasons. But he was still worshipped, he just reflected power and kinghood. And kings aren't perfect or benevolent, they can abuse their power and take what they want. People are complex and imperfect and so are their Gods. So a similar sort of argument could be made for Lolth. 

How the environment shapes a culture: The underdark is almost always described as a harsh environment, with creatures like hook horrors casually wandering around, mushrooms that explode when touched and let's be honest probably not a lot of food in a place with little sunlight or stability. Earthquakes happen often here killing many and flattening villages. The underdark is without a doubt an unpredictable chaotic and cruel hellscape where death is a guarantee and often occurs for little to no reason. It's not hard to imagine how competition could become everything here. That means that every creature living in the underdark, even every other drow clan is just another competitor for those sparse food and resources in an already barren and harsh climate. In an environment so unforgiving and competitive you can imagine how a Goddess such as Lolth would be worshipped. Because Lolth, like most Gods, reflects the environment her worshippers live in, she is characterised as being as cruel, violent and chaotic as the underdark is. And the teachings of violence, sacrifice and betrayal that she encourages of her followers might not actually be such a bad thing but rather the key to the drows continued long term survival in such an impossible climate. Traditions and culture almost always stem from a purpose, in this case how you survive. The cutthroat nature of drow culture mirrors the underdark in such a way that it ensures that the strongest survive (although it's important to note when I say ‘strongest’ I don't mean it in a literal sense but rather those who possess the qualities best suited for survival in that environment.) The strict hierarchical structure also ensures this, with female drow being favoured as they are naturally larger, stronger and more robust than their male counterparts. Which in itself is most likely because larger stronger women generally lead to a higher rate of survival in offspring especially in harsher conditions where a single misstep can be certain death. This physical and social difference lends itself to the spider metaphor of their goddess both literally and figuratively where spiders eat their males. But as unfair as this rigid hierarchy based on sex seems, it can be argued like many cultural phenomena to be a curated survival method in itself. After all you need fewer males than females to maintain a stable population which is an important detail when living somewhere with a natural lack of food. Even sacrificing your first newborn son as gruesome of a tradition as it is, in a way makes sense. It selectively ensures that the male population is lower meaning less overall resource demand in an already scarce environment will be lower while still being able to maintain some semblance of genetic diversity.

Solutions to these dilemmas?: Now of course it goes without saying all these things are horrible, sex selection, strict hierarchies and encouraged violence to decrease competition are all bad. However in an extreme dystopian sounding scenario such as this one it does at the very least make sense. And I think what we can gather from this is that despite all the terrible things, at least terrible to us living in the world we are, drow aren’t really evil. Not even their society despite its depiction is ‘evil’. Calling them evil is kind of like if lions from a zoo who get fed everyday started calling wild lions evil for eating zebras. We may not like it of course but it's not fair to call it evil, it’s survival. In the same way Lolth isn’t even an ‘evil’ Goddess, she's just a cruel and unfair one, made to reflect the natural violence of the underdark and the lived experiences of those worshipping her. When debating the drows morality it's just about context. It brings some questions to mind. Like if the ‘good drow’ drow who are against Lolth did manage to rebel and forcefully shift the culture of the drow to be more like the surface elves for example what would really happen? Would the drow stop all their violent habits and competitiveness to live happily ever after in a more equal world? Or when all of this ‘evil’ behaviour was ‘corrected’ would it lead to a ripple effect causing famine and death anyway? Who are the surface dwellers to determine what’s wrong and right when they’ve never had to survive in such an environment? Perhaps instead the culture of the drow would just naturally change over time anyways if the need for those more violent and extreme traditions subsided because there were more ways of accessing resources and building a stabler environment. Either way I don’t know the future of drow society, but what I do know is that it’s far more complex and grey than we give it credit for.

[nightghoul381]

Dark If ~ Jude Jazza

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

CW: Needles

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

I calmly pretended to be hiding in the castle and explained everything about the curse to my father.

However--.

King: “You’re sick and will die soon? There’s no way you can trust that!”

King: “Poor thing… you must have been brainwashed by that wizard.”

Kate: “No…! Please believe what I’m telling you…!”

King: “You are prohibited from leaving the room until the chaos has subsided. All right.”

Father didn’t believe my words and locked the room several times.

(I don’t know what to do… I have to somehow get out of this room and find the spinning wheel.)

I tied together all of the dresses in my closet, tied it to the pillar, and opened the window.

Around the same time—

When the prison guard saw a prisoner in the cell leisurely smoking a cigarette, he panicked.

Prison Guard: “W-where did you get that cigarette from… did someone lend this guy a light!?”

Guard: “N-no…! I don’t know!”

Jude the Wizard: “Blah Blah, you’re so loud. It’s just one cigarette.”

Jude the Wizard: “If the princess is more important than anything else, it would be better for you to prepare a spinning wheel.”

Guard: “? What are you saying?”

Jude the Wizard: “Your precious princess is suffering from a disease that cannot be cured, even if the incompetent court doctors tried for a thousand years.”

Jude the Wizard: “If the curse is activated, time in her body will stop. During that time, I will treat her.”

Jude the Wizard: “I’m sure I gave the same explanation ten years ago, but those idiots didn’t listen.”

Prison Guard: “You’re just spouting nonsense because you want to be spared! Ignore him!”

Jude the Wizard: “Haah---”

Letting out a deep sigh along with deep purple smoke, Jude pressed the cigarette butt against the cold floor.

Jude the Wizard: “Would it be okay to say then, if ya did that everyone would want to be turned into mincemeat?”

Kate: “This is the spinning factory… or it’s supposed to be.”

(There are so many layers of barbed wire, so it seems impossible to get in.)

(If I try to enter through the side entrance, the security will find me right away… and I won’t have time to save myself.)

Kate: “If this is how it is, I have no choice but to break through the barbed wire even if I end up covered in blood—”

???: “I don’t think thorn princess means a princess who gets torn to shreds by thorns, does it?”

Kate: “…!?”

When I turned around in surprise, a man with mint-colored eyes was standing there.

Kate: “Who are you…? If you know my father, I won’t be returning to the castle, so please take care of him.”

Liar Fox: “I’m just a liar fox.”

Liar Fox: “I happen to know the location of what you’re looking for. Now, is that the truth or a lie?”

Kate: “…! How did you know I was looking for something?”

Liar Fox: “I don’t know. But, why not? You look like you’re looking for a spinning wheel and you’re ready to go to sleep.”

Liar Fox: “If that happens… you won’t be able to return to your original world for 100 years.”

Liar Fox: “If that ‘person’ can’t find a cure, it’s possible to die in your sleep.”

(This person…seems like he knows everything about the situation.”

He might be similar to that Victor person I met before coming to this world.

I looked straight back into his mint-colored eyes.

Kate: “That person is trying to keep the promise he made to me.”

Liar Fox: “Hmm… then I’ll take you to the place where you can find what you’re looking for.”

The liar fox guided me to a clock tower that overlooks the country…

Kate: “Jude…!?”

Jude the Wizard: “Tsk… Why weren’t you in your room?”

Kate: “How did you escape from prison… or rather, how did you break into my room!?”

Jude the Wizard: “Your castle is guarded by shitty monkeys. No wonder they raised a princess with no crisis management skills.”

Kate: “Um…? But, Mr. Fox, what I was looking for wasn’t Jude, but the needle of a spinning wheel--”

Kate: “…Huh? Mr. Fox isn’t here…”

When I looked back, the man with mint-colored eyes had disappeared without a trace.

Jude the Wizard: “You’re talking about foxes and other things that don’t make any sense. You’ve gone crazy.”

Kate: “T-that’s not true…!”

Kate: “After I was separated from you—I made a promise to the old you.”

Jude the Wizard: “Ah…? What are you saying—”

Jude the Wizard: “—You’re saying you made a promise to ‘me’ in the past?”

Kate: “It seems like that… I don’t even know how I went back in time.”

Jude the Wizard: “There’s a magic that can stop time, so I guess that kind of thing could exist, I don’t’ know.”

Jude muttered as if he were about to vomit, and frowned in displeasure.

Jude the Wizard: “…Ha, I see. I thought you had forgotten about me.”

(You thought I had forgotten…)

--Flashback—

Kate: “You’re the wizard who put a curse on me, aren’t you?”

Kate: “I’m sorry for barging in on you so suddenly. I came to ask if you could lift the curse.”

Jude the Wizard: “…Ah?”

--End Flashback—

(…maybe)

Kate: “Was the reason you were so mean when we first met because you were angry…?”

Jude the Wizard: “I don’t remember the old days anymore.”

Jude the Wizard: “So, did you find out why you were cursed?”

Kate: “Yes…That’s why I was looking for the needle of a spinning wheel.”

Jude the Wizard: “Then here you are.”

Kate: “Eh…What!?”

Jude took out a sharp needle from his pocket.

Kate: “Why are you carrying that…?”

Jude the Wizard: “So I could stab you.”

Kate: “I-isn’t that too sharp to be used as a spinning wheel needle…?”

Jude: “If it doesn’t pierce, then what’s the point?”

Kate: “Well, I had asked the old Jude this but,”

Jude the Wizard: “Tsk… You’re a young lady who asks a lot of questions.”

Kate: “Why do I have to be pricked by a spinning wheel…?”

Jude the Wizard: “It seemed right, I don’t know. Besides—you seem to like pain.”

(…Ah, I knew it.)

(That was Jude.)

The moment I thought that, my heart became warm.

There’s a phenomenon where people fall in love with their kidnappers, and that kind of thing can’t be explained in any way—

I’m attracted to this man.

I came from London, England, and I have lived in this world…both of them.

Kate: “…Please, tell me one last thing.”

Jude the Wizard: “This isn’t the last thing, I told you I wasn’t going to let you die, don’t piss me off.”

Kate: “Why are you going to such lengths to help me…?”

Jude the Wizard: “…”

Jude the Wizard: “Of course, it’s because I have to pay back what I owe.”

(…I see.)

Kate: “…fufu, that’s very like you, Jude.”

Jude the Wizard: “Oh, and…”

Kate: “…?”

Jude the Wizard: “When I met you in the alley that day… even though you could’ve gotten into trouble, you didn’t even think twice about putting your nose in it,”

Jude the Wizard: “You’re such a good-natured person that you’d get angry on behalf of a kid you just met,”

Jude the Wizard: “And even when you were confined to the castle with your life in your hands, you bit the bullet because you’re a princess who refuses to give up, you know.”

Kate: “…Are you making fun of me…?”

Jude the Wizard: “I’m pretty sure I’m praising you.”

Jude the Wizard: “But, well—If you think about it, 100 years isn’t cheap, right?”

Kate: “Eh…?”

Jude the Wizard: “I’m ‘saving a life’ same as you, while you just happened to shelter me in the alleyway,”

Jude the Wizard: “I’ll spend 100 years looking for a cure, and I feel like that’s not a fair exchange.”

(Ah, is this the grave I’ve dug…?)

Jude the Wizard: “Assuming you saved my life, that’s worth about 50 years—”

Jude the Wizard: “If you wake up after I cure this stupid disease, why don’t I use you as a useful laborer for another 50 years?”

(--!)

Kate: “Does that mean, you’ll still be with me when I wake up…?”

Jude the Wizard: “Tch, that’s a creepy way to say it.”

Jude the Wizard: “Will you pay me back exactly what you borrowed?”

Kate: “Okay… I promise I’ll pay you back for 50 years!”

I never thought I would feel so happy right before I fell asleep due to the curse.

I close my eyes tightly while suppressing my heart, which is pounding like crazy.

Kate: “…Go ahead, just one quick prick, please.”

Then I heard the sound of the chains on his clothes shifting—

I felt a sharp pain in my neck.

I can feel the needle slowly sinking into my skin.

Kate: “…Oh,…Ngh”

Heat slowly emanates from the sting and spreads throughout my body.

The feeling of being poisoned is scary, but…

(When I think about it, this pain… This curse, it’s all given to me by Jude--)

Jude the Wizard: “…Does it feel good?”

Kate: “…!?”

When I open my eyes, Jude was smiling.

Jude the Wizard: “I guess you like pain, don’t you… a woman with bad taste.”

(Ah…)

I feel my consciousness begin to slip away.

It feels like falling asleep with a pleasant feeling of fatigue.

Kate: “J…Jude…”

Jude the Wizard: “—good night, princess.”

As soon as I heard that gentle voice, my consciousness was swallowed by the darkness.

After that—The time until I felt the light on my eyelids felt like a moment, but also felt like it had been a very long time.

When I slowly opened my eyes… I saw that I was in neither the castle nor a clock tower,

I was in a castle covered in thorns.

Thorn Ellis: “…Ah, Jude, Miss Kate.”

When I looked to where I heard the sound of footsteps steadily approaching,

A sadistic, twisted smile was looking down at me.

Jude the Wizard: “Are you awake, Sleeping Beauty?”

Kate: “…I, did I die?”

Jude the Wizard: “Ah?”

Kate: “But—Even though 100 years have passed, neither you nor Ellis are old men.”

Jude the Wizard: “…”

Jude the Wizard: “Idiot.”

Thorn Ellis: “Wizards can manipulate time, so they can do whatever they want with their physical age. Both for themselves and others.”

Thorn Ellis: “Unless you’re fatally injured, you won’t die of old age.”

Jude the Wizard: “You went in my library and studied this, you moron.”

Kate: “…My disease, is it…?”

Jude the Wizard: “I’ve had 100 years, there’s no way I couldn’t cure you.”

The triumphant and arrogant smile made my heart ache again.

“Even if I die, I won’t break my promise.”

I’ve known for 100 years that those words were true.

Kate: “Thank you, Jude.”

When I thanked him, just like Jude from 100 years ago,

He hooked his fingers under my collar and pulled me closer.

Jude the Wizard: “I’ve already repaid my debt… I’ll make sure to collect what you owe me.”

Kate: “Yes…!”

The budding love that began 100 years ago, when time had stopped, began to unravel in my heart once again.

Feeling that kind of premonition, I nodded enthusiastically.

Something that was missing in this twisted fairytale world, I don’t know that that is yet…

(…If possible, I’d like to keep searching for it forever.)

Because, in this world, I fell in love with him.

--I can’t go back to my original world.

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Bitter End | Premium End | Epilogue

[ratasum]

So about that big rewrite with @wall-legion. (Spoilers and some salt ahead, and significant changes.)

Again, as per usual, keep in mind that we're doing this based on personal opinion. If you enjoyed your time, I'm INCREDIBLY happy for you! But we did not.

Zojja isn't the one who goes to the wizards (at least not at first). I've mentioned before that Jenn and I had been treating it like she'd been There All Along the last eight years, and we're not changing that.

Instead, since in our plot Logan dies for real in Arah, he's the one in Wizlandia. He got picked up after being left there with the intention of people returning to get his body. The assumption is that he got awakened or something. Turns out that's not the case!

Zojja has some roles in the other plots that I'll write out when I get around to actually writing cohesive fic stuff, but it's limited bc of chronic pain and fatigue from what she went through in Maguuma. She's doing her best, but still struggling with what she's no longer able to do. Which leads to her vanishing in the middle of the night roughly a month before SotO starts.

Odetta and Leyya eventually find the letter she received from Logan, leading them on the goose chase that takes them to Wizlandia as well. Plot roughly follows canon from here in points, with Logan in Zojja's role and Zojja present and Mabon mentoring her to unlock more of her magic.

Mabon lives! He also gets some of his memories back because of the possession, and he starts spilling the beans. He keeps mentoring Zojja despite his apprehension with Isgarren, who starts helping in the convergences, and she starts getting pressured towards ascension as well... genuinely considering it because she's so tired.

All those loaded Chekov's Guns about the fractals and how horrific and unethical they were, the wizards never stepping in even when the world is at risk (Void?? hello??), and Isgarren's seeming lack of care for anything outside of the Kryptis gets tied up. How? He, Eparch, and Vass had a shitty breakup and Isgarren is obsessed with "punishing" him for his supposed betrayal over Vass's death. There's some JUICY DEETS here I'll go into later.

Galrath is replaced. Because why the FUCK is he even there???? We killed him to keep him OUT of the wizard's tower in GW1.

Anyway Isgarren tries to genocide the kryptis to "keep Tyria safe," leading to a big kerfuffle and a final fight with him. He ends up killed right before we fight Eparch and kill him. Peitha gets made king!

Logan decides to ascend in the end and stay with the wizards. He knows he can do well here, and everyone thinks he's dead anyway. Dagda takes on Isgarren's role. She also gets to learn she shouldn't tie her worth and willingness to exist to one person and stops trying to cling to the memory of the kodan and wrap up Zojja.

Lyhr leaves to find his partner. He may return to the wizards eventually, but he needs to do this.

Zojja decides to stop trying to be better and to work within her means. She also decides she's going to burn the system in Rata Sum to the ground, but needs time to plan. Opts to go back to Lion's Arch for now.

The wizards agree they can no longer stay in their tower doing nothing. They start reaching out more to core Tyria. No hiding anymore. If they're going to protect the world... they need to be part of it.

And unrelated to any of that, the Rata Novus fractal is now the Thaumanova city cube.

But yeah, we're gonna have fun with this.