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I accidentally derailed a book discussion because the prof asked what we thought about it, and I said “at one point the author says ‘raccoons the size of huskies. which is a seriously big raccoon.”

and everyone started moving their arms to approximate the size of a husky and frowning. and I was like “because huskies are mostly leg, but raccoons are mostly body, so a raccoon scaled that large would be like a bear.” and then the prof said that he liked the ‘raccoons the size of huskies’ line, and tried to move on, and I interrupted again with “but that’s so big!”

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this one time at work a girl called me a twink in a way that felt derogatory so I said "don't say twink when you mean faggot" and she took a second and went... "FAGGOT!" ... on the one hand she got me good and on the other hand she got kicked out

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day 1 of having an oc: i think shes gonna be an elf!

day 600: ive been pondering the elfs miscarriage

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Museums not giving stolen artifacts and bodies back is bonkers. Like what if someone from China went into Arlington cemetery and dug up JFK’s dead body and took him and his eternal flame back to China and refused to give him back like that would be pretty messed up and kind of weird right like put John back that’s not where he goes but that’s basically what the British museum does every day

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the progression of the letters U -> V -> W feels like a pokemon evolution line

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shut the fuck up. baby red slider

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While we’re talking about censorship, I need everyone to stop playing this little amnesia game where we pretend not to remember what internet and fandom has looked like for the past 20 years. Weird and taboo porn has always existed, it used to be a LOT easier to access, and you won’t die if you look at it. We simply cannot continue placating the crazy mob of people who are scared of sex and love overstating harm, they’ll call you a pedophile literally no matter what, and they’ll roll around in their cognitive dissonance like a hog in mud when you point out that the other group calling you a freak and a pedo are the conservative alt right. Fucking exhausting being a fag and a pervert in 2025.

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I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

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irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

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looking for opinions both from americans and non-americans: what would you consider to be the big 4 american cities in terms of like, vibes-based cultural impact?

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yeah

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More guard dog/attack dog dynamicsss......

Character A who has B wrapped around their finger and thinks they're completely in control of their precious loyal partner x Character B who is way more powerful and aware than A thinks and A only controls B because B lets them but B definitely gets off on that fact

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my dear friend just looked up from the hat she's crocheting for a very large spherical rock we found in the river and said, in a slightly haunted tone that revealed this was the first time she was having this thought, "i should make something for my cousin's real human baby"

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lets test this out: everyone be nice to trans folk and if you see someone who is trans you have to give them $5

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fuck em up gang

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You see I too often sat in school classes and thought “when am I ever going to need this, I’m never going to be an engineer, I’m never gonna be a scientist, I’m never gonna be a linguist” and then I grew up and it turns out a lot of bigots and cults and scams and grifts hinge their entire business model on you just. Not knowing what a protein is or some shit