#she wasnt . . . mad because he was hanging out with his brother?? did you even read the books. lmao

[cloverpurr]

bramblestar warrior cats made this post

[tinpani]

what's mimi and kara's married life like? Does she get along with the other matsus? Or the background characters?

*cracks knuckles*

their married life is awfully mundane and there isn’t much to really say about it. mimi is the breadwinner and has BEEN the breadwinner. karamatsu is only expected to cook and clean, and mimi’s not going to make him get a job because. let’s face it karamatsu is a trophy husband and mimi is rich as hell

if they ever have kids, they’ll be adopted. mimi miiiiight not be able to have kids ….. but that’s just a theory …… a mimi theory……

“does she get along with the other matsus 🥺🥺🥺” bitch. don’t ask that question. ichimatsu is threatened by mimi. literally. mimi doesn’t like how rude he is to karamatsu and like i knowww they’re brothers that’s what brothers are like to each other, but that’s ALSO mimi’s significant other and it ALSO doesn’t like how he just . takes it.

mimi gets a bit mad at ichi, ichi tries to retaliate, but then remembers this is a Rich Girl that could probably do worse things than beat him up he cannot comprehend (bullying ?) that it will not face any consequences for.

lemme uhhh thing from discord:

ok ok. once upon a time osomatsu and mimi were rly close friends like that bitch was its bestie (aside from nyaa ofc) and he would borrow money and talk shit abt choromatsu and fuck arnd w mimi and it was awesome even if mimi didnt rly understand him that well but whatever. he (+ kara) inevitably introduced it to choro so it could understand what osomatsu is talking abt, tho it clicked well w choro . wasnt much of a big deal. until mimi started hanging out w choro more bc mimi understands him better than oso and then mimi realises it doesnt get along with osomatsu *at all*. ex osomatsu would ask mimi for an opinion (that he doesn't actually care for) and mimi would be accustomed to say "do whatever u want", whereas choromatsu would ask mimi for an opinion, mimi would say "do whatever u want", and choro would say "i literally asked u for a reason dont gimme that" and mimis like "omg . " . and it starts to notice that it does not feel exhausted after being with choro like it did with oso. eventually mimi just stops talking to oso altogether .

damn! sad !! also that happens so gradually i think oso only kind of notices.

like i said b4 mimi’s close w choromatsu. of course it is they’re both otaku but mimi likes anime more than idols so they try to introduce each other to the stuff they like (actual thing i do watch demon slayer. watch demon slayer. watch demon slayer NOW)

that isn’t to say mimi being friends with nyaa and choro means nyaa and choro are friends. choromatsu thought that but quickly found out that was Not True At All

i also think it’s rly funny how mimi iru and choro can be like a “smart group” or whatever but mimi and iru are actually smart and choro gets lost and feels left out when they talk abt smart successful ppl shit. i mean mimis like an engineer or something

but no like when it’s just choro and mimi it’s awesome. they go shopping together bc choro won’t make fun of it for wanting to go to anime stores and choro sometimes forgets mimi’s a “girl” and not one of his brothers so when mimi’s like “ohh i need to go 2 uhh victoria’s secret or some shit” and choromatsu’s like “nooo you can’t!!! wait.” and then remembers he’s out with a “girl” omg

jyushimatsu’s chill. that’s all i can say. he’s awesome. mimi’s a bit frightened of totty and totty is a bit frightened of mimi. when will they get over this 😢

mimi does in fact get along with normal people! you’ve read before mimi is super close with nyaa and even calls her nyaa-dono which she finds funny. mimi is also friends with dobuko and chibita, and speaks to atsushi on occasion. it’s a regular at sutabaa and aida and sacchi know it, too, though they were quite alarmed to see it come in with karamatsu on its arm of all people.

and of course it knows more people than that. it’s got employees that have employees that have employees. there might be more to that chain idk i haven’t thought about it enough.

[lolita-lollipop]

Hizashi and Aizawa kidnapping a young teenage girl, and her bonding and quickly finding comfort with Hizashi, leaving Aizawa to awkwardly attempt at being super soft and all the more gentle to his sensitive little girl, his heart panging with pain every time she flinches or cowers away from him. “You don’t need to be scared of me, kitten.. please”

your little acts of favoritism weren’t necessarily intentional, you hated both of them. they were your brothers teachers, and whoop dee doo, they kidnapped you. but... you liked hizashi more.

it was just something about him that made you believe he was some form of comfort item, probably because he wasnt brooding, and didnt have a mean face, and he was the first human yud ever seen in this place, that all combined into one and he became your rock, your shoulder to cry on. he was just... so nice, although his quirk was loud, somehow he managed to speak softly with you. it was such a bright contrast to at home where two firey blondes always scream at each other, and your father tries to calm it down.

on your first night ever here, you had tried to jump out the window, and were captured by the thick scarves you once admired, hed lectured you, yelled at yiuu even, all you could see were those red eyes of his, and hear his voice. and he scared you, he scared you so much. i guess it justtranslates to now, first impressions are everything, and to you, he looked like a big scary man who would yell at you.

eventually, you stopped caring about how you hated him, or how you wanted to leave, as you clearly never were. so, instead of glaring at them, or crying, you accepted the fact that he was taking care of you. hizashi, hizashi was taking care of you... aizawa though? no way in hell, he was just so... you'd never seen him with a smile, he never tried to talk to you, he just kinda watched you, and it freaked you out, at some point you started believing he was trying to kill you, don't even ask how you came up with that conclusion.

you just couldn't manage to warm up to hi as you'd done so quickly with hizashi, and it showed. you were always tense when alone with him, like he was going to jump out at you any second and stab you, you didnt talk to him , sometimes you felt so anxious around him that you would outright start crying, shaking in some form of fear, or hide yourself under a blanket. although hizashi was proud that you loved him so much, he knew that this was hurting his husband, that his own little girl was scared of him.

so he would always try to coax you into doing things with him, saying things like "can your papa come and help" or "how about we have papa do this with you while I make lunch?", just trying to get him included so you would feel just as comfortable around him as you were with his own self. Sometimes he just left the room to let you have alone time with him. He’d even lectured his husband about how he always looked angry, and that he has to smile form time to time, and not the creepy “I’m gonna kill a villain” smile.

And so Aizawa started trying, not trying to be like hizashi, even that was too much for him, but trying to be nicer, he was a gentle person when he wanted to be, so this came with ease for him, he would tuck you in at night, read you stories, hold you if you cried, feed you, help you bathe (which you usually liked hizashi to do, and in general, inserted himself as a gentle roger in your life. You would expect taht this would work, that because he was so nice to you, because he was so sweet like hizashi, you would accept him as your father.

But nope! Again, first impressions are everything to you, and now, he was written off as the villain of you story, now, you jsut ran off to papa whenever he was around, and didn’t even give him the chance to hang around you, it just made it worse honestly, because now, not only did he look scary, but he also looked fake, which is never good. Every time he would try to if you, you would clutch onto hizashi for dear life, acting like his hand would do nothing but burn you.

Tears would cloud your vision, and he would pulle back, not wanting to cause you any more pain, and jsut stare in. Pure jealousy at his husband, who cooed and gave you a hug.and guess what? You hugged him back, and hid yourself in his chest, willingly, without a fight, without a tear, instead with a smile, most of the times mic wouldn’t interfere, wbatigg ns this to everyone a safe space for you, a place where you should naturally do things, but sometimes, he would give you little bushes int he right direction. Like disappearing completely for my he house so you’ll be forced to talk to Aizawa.

This is one of those times.

Yo been wandering the house for about ten minutes now, waking up form a nap, to find mic absent from his usual place in the rocking chair at your bedside. It was a little after lunchtime, and they’d only given you a small cup of fruit for breakfast (intentional, from mic), you were fairly hungry, and usually he was there to give you food, but you had no idea where he was, you had heard the… other one on the phone in their shared office, but you did not want to talk to him right now.

Aizawa could tell you were awake by the fact that all of the cats were meowing like crazy, and little pattering footsteps had followed his hearing around, mic had left abruptly, probably some little plan of mischief again, he was hizashi after all. He was just waiting for you to either 1: go back to bed, or 2: come to him for help. Mic had specifically told him to follow these rules for after nap time, so he did. And grew progressively more worried as over twenty minutes, trying to read through his students grading work, too distracted by the urge to go find you to accomplish anything.

His worries dissipated though when he saw your little head poking through the door, cat in hand, confused and tired looking, small tears beginning to prick th corners of your eyes, little sniffling sounds left you. His wha specked up form the desk, you’d given up walking around the whole house, your restarting had slowly pent up, you couldn’t manage to find him, and you were so hungry.

“Oh- hey honey, I didn’t know you were up. Do you need something?” He questioned, smiling intently at you, you just inched back into the door frame, breathing heavier by the moment, your hands shook and your head felt like it was going to explode at any point. Youbcontenoajted runnign back to your room and waiting till mic came out where you could hear him, but your stomach grumbled, reminding you how hungry you really are.

“I’m- im looking for daddy. Where is he.” You spoke, a very hushed tone overtook your words, making them almost inaudible for him. His face sunk slowly, he tougher you were actually gonna come for him, but the he remembered taht patience is key, and that he shouldn’t get mad, because it is t your fault taht you’re just a little sensitive, too fragile to handle more than one attachment, he gets it. He jsut at least wanted you to look at him, instead did your little feet, I’m Ayer if you could meet his eyes the. You would see how much he loves you.

“Oh, he left a. Little while ago. Is there something you need from him? Your papa can give him a call if you want, you could even talk to him!” He exclaimed excitedly, plastering that happy smile across his face to seem more inviting, liek mic had told him to do. He stood out of his chair, rounding up the papers and putting them in his file folders.you tried to sink back furthers, almost disappearing behind the doorway, you shook your head aggressively, almost running off, then yet again, your stomach made another noise, and forced you to stay.

“I- no. I’m- im hungry-“ you spluttered, not caring if it was embarrassing that you were stuttering so much, you just wanted food. And calling mic would just get you a lecture on how you could’ve just asked your papa, the same thing would happen whenever you went to uncnecesary lengths to avoid the man, your daddy would make sure you knew that it made him feel bad, while you’d at there bored. Not caring, at all.

“Oh- well you should’ve told me sooner kitten, if I’d known I would be up already. Cmon, let’s go to the kitchen, your daddy made you some food earlier” he spoke, rising from his chair slowly, you cowered slightly as he walked over, clutching the little kitten right to you for comfort, he mewed and snuggled closer, completely asleep. The man sighed when he saw you backing away from his grasp, he knew you were still scared. But he was just so impatient… he was tired of waiting, he wanted to hold you, even if it was jsut foena few minutes. He needed it feel you there with him.

Is he acted quickly, moving in a matter of seconds, he swooped his arm under your leg, and hooked his other around your torso, pulling you straight up into his grasp. Youu huh froze, his hands felt cold as ice on your skin, like they were burning you, immediately after he started walking, it snapped you out of it and you threw a fit. You dig your fingernails into his skin, and kicked and flailed in a panic, still trying to keep the little kitten in your lap safe. A full blown panic washed over you, clogging all your senses.

The dam holding back tears form your eyes crashed, and immediately you were sobbing, biting at his shoulder to let you go, he tried to rub your back to calm you down a bit, but just made it worse, as his hands felt like living anxiety creeping up and down your spine. He didn’t know what to do, let you ride it out, andkk no possibly have you get sick because of how much your crying in an empty stomach? Or let you down and go straight back to square one.

Your veined felt like pure ice had flooded in them, and it felt liek someone was repeatedly jabbing you in the head with tiny needes, fear was jsut so prominent in your sense, it overcame you, and made you whimper and scream.

“Whoah, breath for me alright? I just want to hold you. I’m not going to hurt you okay? I would never hurt you. Kitten… you don’t have to be scared of me” he spoke, trying to keep a proper computers, he wanted to cry with you, he wasn’t a very soft or emotional man but honestly, he was so upset with himself already, this was jsut pushing him for the edge. You cried, and cried, at some point you weren’t even crying and screaming at him, more with him. He held you close, you’d stopped the struggle almost five minutes ago, letting him hold you. It was odd. It almost felt… nice.

“I-I’m sorry. I’m being stupid again” You alien through your remaining little hiccups, shove my your face into his shirt, smelling the woody scent he carried around with him. He cooed, letting you hide yourself from him, savouring this soft moment was of top priorirty in his head… you jsut looked so sweet, so different from those harsh cries that would sound usually whenever he came around.

Who would think, shouts aizawas hand couldn’t feel nice? The same ones that had just been burning you, the ones that made you scream, felt like a breeze on a spring day, he actually felt warm, he felt like happiness, like contentment.

“No hon, it’s not stupid. Your scared. I know that, we all get scared and it’s not a bad thing, I love you, I really, really love you kitten. Just know that” he continued on with his little speech, leaving down to kiss you in the forehead, Jsut to be suprised when you didn’t flinfh, you were too tired to be scared; and too hungry, plus, he was really warm, the cat had pretty much snuggled up to him already, who says you shouldn’t.

“I- um- I love you… to?” You spoke, more of a question than anything, you’d spent so long Harding him that you didn’t know if you even could love him, it didn’t even feel possible, then again, you litterally cling to hizashi like a koala, and your mental state has relaly said “swoopity swoop” and scattered itself everywhere. Maybe having two comfort items was actually better than one… huh.

“Well, let’s go eat then. All taht crying probably made you tired, I’ll let you watch a movie in my office, you can watch pinto again, I know you love taht one. Cmon, let’s go” he spoke, and started walking again, you cuddled closer to him as he did, smiling slightly at the warmth. Hizashi was very extravagant, exiting, and hyper, this man felt very cool, calm, it was such a dark contrast, but it worked so well. You jsut… you Jsut liked it.

Well… now we’ll just have to wait and see who’s the favorite

———————————————————————————————————

Thank you for requesting! It was super fun to write and had me feeling super happy when I finished :)

I’m thinking about doing yandere todoroki family asks, because I’m litterally in love with @i-cant-sing one… so, requests are open for those if you want to put them in (please do I’m begging)

Anywho, have the most wonderful to days today! Goodbye!

[sleeping-lilies]

robin era jason, dick, and babs headcanons because there’s too much comedic potential to ignore

- dick and babs were the ultimate gossip buddies. whenever dick was with the titans for long periods of time, babs always filled him in on everything

babs: dick you’ll never believe what hal said to bruce last night, i even have videos. dick, the look on his face please—

dick, immediately locking doors so his teammates don’t hear the mad shit about to be dropped on main: tell me everything

- vice versa too, dick filled babs in on everything going on with the titans and all they can say is thank god those lines are bat secured with no villains being able to listen in, imagine deathstroke hearing through bat gossip that joey’s dating who?!?! 😳

- batkids have been and always will be the holder of superhero gossip. it’s a business, you see, but we’re getting off topic 😡

- lmfao anyways this is literally how dick finds out about jason

babs: anyways, jason—

dick: who the fuck is jason

babs: ....

dick: barbara?!?!

babs: ok promise you won’t freak out

- babs and dick’s first reaction upon meeting jason being “why is he so small i wasnt that small” “dick you were literally nine when you were robin—“ “he’s tiny” it’s like those two share the same braincell

- i’m making it so that dick gave jason his number earlier because i feel like it 😡😡😡 (not that it changes much other than the fact that i want more gossip dropped in dm’s)

- when dick gave jason his number, he went to babs like “give me jason’s number” “didn’t you literally just give him your’s?” “ya but i’m gonna make sure he texts me” “ya ok that’s fair”

- whenever jason didn’t want to be in the manor (fight with bruce, boredom, etc) he went to wherever the fuck babs lived and they would facetime dick and talk mad shit. it was a thing.

- despite them all being able to drive, babs was the only one during this time with an actual, legitimate, legal license (jason was too young to have a license and dick is too lazy/busy/whatever-excuse-he-wants-to-use to take the permit and driving test) so babs drove them around everywhere and it was a mess™ consisting of a bunch of backseat drivers

- “dick omg look at this video i found from the batcave” “omg he said robin gives him magic” “robin gives him magic” they both cry about it for years to come

- babs sometimes kidnapped jason after school after telling the head of wayne manor (alfred) and took him to get ice cream, then to the library while she worked. jason was the greatest kid in the library, he even had his own throne special chair just for him whenever he came provided by library staff who adored this absolute angel.

- jason 🤝 babs 🤝 dick -> i believe in annoying yet endearing nicknames supremacy

- nicknames include (some used by some more than others or just one, or by both equally because they’re annoying pick and choose my good people)

little wing (iconic, we all know this one fellas and who uses it)

red (used for babs, absolutely fantastic, but in the future it gets confusing because some people with their goddamn hero names 😡)

boy wonder (classic, babs calls them both that)

barbie (for babs, jason uses this one and he’s the only one able to get away with it)

dickie (jason just really gets away with everything huh)

dickhead (jason’s lucky he’s cute)

baba black sheep (jeez i’m on a roll with babs’ nicknames she’s so nickname-able and that’s very cool and sexy of her)

jay z

jay allen

jay jay jay (shut up, dickhead—)

big bird

and a bunch more i’m too tired to look for them in canon or make new ones up, but you get the idea

- dick can totally bake, and babs and jason keep bugging him when he’s baking and add more chocolate chips while pretending to not notice that he can see them 😡😡😡

- headcanon that jason had hero worship for babs and dick because they’re so cool in and out of costume and it never really went away when he got older listen his older brother and pseudo sister are so cool and that’s not his fault but he’ll never admit it

- barbie movie marathons because barbie is an iconic legend and they all recognize it. they have the fucking “she’s the queen of the WA-A-A-AVES” song memorized along with all other barbie movie songs, they sing it on patrol.

- dick and jason’s sibling dynamic was and is basically “ur a little shit and i hate you but i will literally kill for you”

- dick had tension with bruce while jason was just a little shit who would totally cause drama for the sake of it, and people never take advantage of this absolute power duo for destroying bruce

- dick sending cryptid texts to jason through a burner phone because he’s dramatic jason totally knew it was him about things that drive bruce mad, like leaving the shower turned to the coldest setting before bruce got there, leaving the lights in the batcave on, etc. jason, a wise little child, totally took advantage of this. bruce came to accept his fate

- the gc names, guys the group chat names

- jason crashing into titans tower whenever he wants and dick doesn’t bat (hAH) an eye, occasionally he very sweetly asks babs to come with him and she agrees but only sometimes because some people have jobs, jason—wait dick is being flirted with by who?!?! i’ll leave it up to your imagination ;) and they totally crashed titans missions too

- one time bruce was busy with the league while alfred was on vacation and bruce absolutely could not dip (i’m imagining bruce getting a call from the headmaster during an honest to god fight and bruce just picking up while punching the daylights out of some asshole) (“mr wayne, what is that noise in the background?” “sorry, headmaster, the cat is having a seizure”), so when jason got into a “fight” (read: some jackass picking on jason before he snapped and yelled at him and the bitchass kid tried to punch him and jason’s no quitter) bruce called dick who was an adult and legally family (yes dick is adopted sometime after jason was, stay mad) like “son... son please” and dick was like “oh no need to plead with me, this is too good” but of course this bitchass doesn’t have an actual lisence yet and he was hanging out with babs anyways so he and babs rolled up to gotham academy and the kids stared at them like “holy shit they’re so cool” ya dick and babs are those power couple, whether romantic or not, that turn heads, they’re just that powerful strolled into the office, bailed jason out while intimidating the headmaster because the altercation was the result of school staff negligence of actual bullying like those cliche tropes, said “ayyy you got that brat good” and get him chili dogs or whatever the fandom made robin jason’s favorite food. omg i just made an entire fanfic in rough draft form someone please steal it and write it in full form and send me the link

- jason is very very tiny, you see. babs and dick pick him up and move him for any reason, whether because they want to sit on that chair or to just throw him out of harm’s way and take the bullet for themselves.

- jason and dick both get adorable blushes on their faces it’s genetic yes that’s how genetics work shut up meanwhile babs’ ears turn red when she’s embarrassed and all three of them clown each other for it

- i yelled about this to my mutual (cough cough @littlespaceboii) who also added to this absolute dogshit headcanon and then in the discord full of mutuals, but the basement of wayne manor is haunted. dick found it when he was a little gremlin (i stand by that dick was the original demon child) (“you see damian, before there was you there was me” the real reason he was good with damian lmfao) and was like “omg this is so cool” @littlespaceboii came up with that it was just alfred fucking with bruce and so when jason first came and dick was comfy around him he was like “so have you been in the basement” and jason was like “im literally robin i’ve been in the batcave?!?!” and dick goes “no the basement, the haunted one” and jason’s like “hAUNTED?!?!” cuz jason has at least some self preservations and knows not to fuck with the spookies until he too became a spooky and bruce was like “there’s no ghost it’s not haunted” because he’s a skeptic and a party pooper and babs is like “no go on let him finish” even though she knows full well there are no ghosts or does she? and uhhhh basically they becomes ghostbusters 2.0 but cooler and funnier

- this trio is basically baby pan/bisexual jason and two resident expert pan/bisexuals solidarity but that’s literally canon. they go to pride every year that jason’s alive what who said that?

- they all tease each other for their crushes like all siblings/family friends do, i don’t need to say it but it’s important that’s emphasized for my well being

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals who added onto this absolute train wreck too, but jason used to play baseball during his robin days, and dick never showed up to those games with being busy as an excuse, but babs always showed up with bruce and alfred and took pictures for dick so dick could be like “mlb players are jobless now that little wing is on the scene” babs (and sometimes bruce) always shouted loudest for jason whether he was in the field or in the dugout and jason would get this extremely adorable blush on his face (jason finds out in the future why dick never showed up (cough cough ptsd from two face’s massive baseball bat which led to everything that came after including being fired and veangance academy and nearly killing two face and omg that’s a ride) and is like oh my god my childhood is even more ruined—)

- remember when i said dick got adopted after jason did in this new absolutely fabulous canon i just created? bruce did that because “ahhh fuck that’s my kid and i want him to know i love him through every means possible since i have the ability to do so” i believe in good dad bruce supremacy and made a whole thing where he invited dick to dinner for like a week to work up the courage and bonding to ask him and show him the adoption papers and then everyone cried :) bruce decided to finally adopt dick after jason referred to dick as his brother and bruce was like “...oh” and alfred was like 👀

- dick, as the first child hero and one of the first heroes period like at least a year or two before babs, holds the “back in my day” card over literally everyone in the hero community in general and pulls it out to annoy babs and jason even tho babs literally joined the scene only a year or two after dick

jason, shaking in his panties: it’s so fucking cold

dick, standing strong in his tits out outfit, who had to wear the panties on his own decision: oh, you’re cold? back in my day—

babs, throwing her boot at his face: god shut the fuck up—

and then dick doesn’t give back her boot and it becomes a whole thing with lots of tackling and play fighting and someone nearly gets thrown off they rooftop for funsies but anyways

also on a side note, babs would take off her cape and wrap it around jason whenever she noticed his discomfort with the weather, or use the weather as an excuse whenever she saw him uneasy for whatever reason and they never mention it to each other

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals at some point too holy shit i have friends, but those three are team rocket. they went out as team rocket for halloween one year after bullying bruce to let jason out only jason because he can’t tell dick and babs what to do and jason is under his care and when they do convince him, dick and babs bully jason into being meowth. manifesting jason in a meowth onesie ARTISTS PLEASE—

- dick finally took his license seriously and took his driver’s test after babs became paralyzed.

- those were a rough few months for those three. and then another rough few months for those two

- yikes, sorry to throw angst at you (sorry (unfeeling)) anyways, in the future alfred finds those old photos and shows the rest of the fam, so dick and babs bully jason, 6’2 jason that towers way above both of them, and once again bullies him into being meowth “for tradition, little wing!” “shut up, dickhead” the rest of the batkids lose their shit over this, naturally. bruce and alfred stand in the back teary eyed reminiscing the old days when things were a little more simple.

- discowing walked so terrifying handsome squidward red hood helmet could run (even tho the ugly helmet tripped and fell and missed the mark because discowing wasn’t ugly and will always remain superior, i feel i have committed a terrible crime comparing the two)

dick: jason what the fuck is that

jason: it’s fashion

dick: it’s terrifying

jason: i’m only following in my older brother’s footsteps 😔

dick: listen here, you little shit strangles him haha just kidding that illegal wait theyre vigilantes they don’t follow the law—

- these three and cass refer to the rest of the batkids as “the kids” (if she’s older than jason, sometimes she is and sometimes she isn’t and i’m really confused but whatever)

- babs and dick’s relationship with jason pre death literally shaped how jason treats his siblings post pit madness like he literally goes “what would red and big bird do?!??” when he needs to go into big brother mode over the “little ones” (“little” because tim and steph are adults and duke is nearly an adult himself oh my god he’ll graduate from high school soon and jason never got to do that himself he’s totally going to the ceremony legally dead or not) 🥺

- holy trinity continue hanging out with each other, whether lunch or games or whatever, and just enjoy each other’s company after long, rough years

[kingofbr00klyn]

Newsies prompts! Yeah! Um... 1. Jack being a big brother to Race. 2. Crutchie and Racetrack getting into some trouble together. 3. Jack and Spot caring for some of the littles. Pick one or write them all idc. Can’t wait to read!

Hi this took me like 4 days to write, I thought it was longer than that but okay, I have loads of other stuff in the works, this is just the first one I finished. Sorry for the wait. So this is for the prompt we’re Crutchie and Race get into trouble.

I tried to mix both 1992sies and livesies in this, but I don’t think it really comes across. Also, this story is ever so slightly exaggerated, but oh well. But it’s been a while since I’ve written anything, so this probably isn’t the best.

This will also be found on my AO3 account.

"Remind me ta never listen ta you again."

"How was I'se suppost ta know this would 'appen?"

"Well, I dunno. But now I’m in trouble because a’ summing I didn’t even do."

“Oh c’mon! Nuthin’ bad happened. I came out worse than you did. You get to go home scot-free.”

“But still. This is all your fault an’ I’m gonna make sure everyone knows it.”

"Wow, Crutch, whatta' way to throw a pal under da bus."

"You'se deserve it."

Race rolled his eyes and sulked further down into his chair, only to regret it when the hard plastic rubbed uncomfortably into his back. He glanced at his companion, who looked just about as shit as he felt. Crutchie kept nervously running a hand through his hair and fidgeting with the helm of his shirt, he looked like someone who had just been caught doing something illegal. Oh wait, that's because he had. Let's take a step back, shall we?

2 hours earlier.

Crutchie stood outside his door step, awaiting Race's arrival. The two had decided to spend the evening together, since none of their other friends were available. Race had said he would pick him up at 6. After Crutchie's watch ticked 6:15, Race's old TP Cruiser pulled up. He wore a bright, cheeky grin as he leaned over to open the passenger side door. "Get in loser, we're going shopping!" Crutchie gleefully obliged, grabbing his crutch and sliding into the front seat.

"Are you ready for the funnest night of yer life?" Race asked, a unlit cigar hanging loosely from his mouth.

Crutchie laughed. "We'se just goin' ta the diner on 4th, ain't we?"

"Nope," Race grabbed something from the cupholder beside him and handed it to Crutchie. "Just got this from my guy. Thought we'd treat ourselves tonight." It was a fake ID.

Antonio Higgings

11/12l1997

XXX XXXX XXX

XX/XX/XX

XX/XX/XX

"Yer guy?" Crutchie snorted, handing the card back. "You'se mean Albert."

"Maybe I do. Anyway, I'm low on cigs and shit, so I thought we'se stop by a corner shop and see how well this baby works." Starting the engine, Race pulled out of Crutchie's drive and set off for the nearest place that would give them what they wanted.

"What if we'se get caught? I don't wanna be done just because you'se got a nicotine addiction." Crutchie offered, messing with the diles for the radio.

"Then I punch Albert in the face," Race resorted. That drew a snicker from the blonde. "But seriously, don't worry 'bout it. Everthin's gonna be a-okay!"

Spolier altert; it wasn't.

After 10 or so minutes of driving, Race pulled to a stop and poorly parked the car. "Eh, good enough." He got out, with Crutchie tailing right behind him.

"You don't gotta come in. Ya know, cuz yer so scared of gettin' caught." The taller boy mocked.

Crutchie retaliated by hitting Race in the leg with his crutch. "I'm comin' wit' cha so you don't get punched in the face." Race forged offence, but waved off the comment.

The shop was small, just your regular off-licence, cheap booze with an even cheaper taste, the perfect thing to fuel Race's needs. A little bell rang as they opened the door, there weren't many people inside the shop, Crutchie noted the few middle aged men who were likely in there for similar reasons as themselves. Race swaggered to the front counter, an air of confidence around him. The shop clerk, a young man with a stoic expression, rolled his eyes at the tall blonde.

"What can I get you?" The clerk's tone was as cheerful as expected.

Race grinned cockily. "A smile would be a start, sweetheart," The shop clerk didn't respond, but continued to glare the boy down. "Okay then… A box o' ya finest Corona's and summa that scotch ya got up there." Race slapped $50 on the counter, along with his fake ID.

The clerk picked the card up, eying it suspiciously. Crutchie had a feeling this wouldn’t end well. “Yah think you’re funny, kid? Think I don’t know what a fake ID looks like?” The clerk said. “I’m gonna have to call the cops, you know.”

Race’s expression floored. Disbelief and fear quickly made itself at home. Crutchie felt a similar dread rise up in his stomach, he looked to Race for an inkling of what to do next, but the tall boy just continued to stare dumbly. Until he finally said, “I’m gonna fuckin’ kill Albert.”

As it turns out, the shop had an undercover officer outside the shop to deal with instances like this. The clerk called him in, and he escorted Crutchie and Race to the local station. Luckily, they had pretty much just been given a slap on the wrist and a call home. Except, since this wasn’t Race’s first offence, so he had also been slapped with a $50 fine.

The boys anxiously awaited the arrival of the parents. Race had already had a million and one messages from his brother, Jack. The sonva’ was having a field day with this. Text after text about how much trouble Race would be in, how he was grounded and how much shit Jack’s going to give him for this. Race ignored his brother, instead opting for spamming Albert with a variety of angry messages in all caps.

GottaGoFast - RedHeadHoe

19:05

GottaGoFast: ALBERT FUCKING DASILVA

GottaGoFast: U FUCKING BITCH

GottaGoFast: IM SO GOING TO KILL U

RedHeadHoe: ???

GottaGoFast: im at the police station

RadHeadHoe: oh what did u do now???

RedHeadHoe: OH

RedHeadHoe: YOU GOT CAUGHT

RedHeadHoe: HA

GottaGoFast: YEAH AND ITS ALL UR FAULT

RedHeadHoe: how is it my fault???

GottaGoFast: BECAUSE UR THE 1 WHO GAVE ME THE ID

RedHeadHoe: dude u didnt have to use it

RedHeadHoe: also i dont make them so it aint my fault

RedHeadHoe: blame my guy

GottaGoFast: ur guy?????

RedHeadHoe: ye

RedHeadHoe: skittery

GottaGoFast: ok but ur still dead

RedHeadHoe: cool

GottaGoFast: dentys gonna be here soon so gotta go

RedHeadHoe: good luck my dude

GottaGoFast: fuck u

RedHeadHoe: :)

Race slipped his phone into his pocket, just in time to see some familiar faces walk though the station door. Bryan Denton, Race’s foster father, walked up to the receptionist desk, before being pointed towards where the boys were sitting. Race looked at Crutchie, before straightening his back and putting on his most charming smile. "Heya Denty!" Race beamed, hoping to the gods above that this would go in his favour. Bryan didn't look particularly mad, but Denton never really got mad. It was like the man was incapable of it, it was great, and Race had done a lot of things that would cause any parent to flip their shit.

"Race," Bryan started, calm and collected as always."What were you thinking?" Okay, maybe it wasn't as great as Race thought, Denton's tranquill state was quite unsettling at the moment, Race had no idea what he was thinking.

"We'se just wanted to have a bit a' fun, ya know, teenage stuff," The blonde rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Did they'se tell ya 'bout da fine?"

"Yeah, they told me over the phone," Denton said. "I'll pay it and then we'll go home. Jack's waiting for us in the car.”

Race rolled his eyes. "Oh yay."

Crutchie didn't really pay much attention to the scene in front of him, he was too caught up in his own head. Fear and worry filled his thoughts, his grandmother wasn't the most forgiving then it came to things like this. Crutchie remembered once when he was 7 and snuck out of his room in the middle of the night to get one of the freshly baked cookies his grandmother had made that day, the elderly woman had found out about his midnight snack and boy was there hell to pay. She wasn't particularly mean or nasty, she could just be strict at times.

Times like these, Crutchie thought as he saw his grandmother barrel towards him with an expression that would make the toughest of men wet themselves. "Charles Andrew Morris! You are in so much trouble, young man!" Oh no, she used his full name. He really was a goner.

"Race, I don't think I'm comin' outta this alive…” Crutchie said.

Race snorted. "Don't worry, my dude, I got this." Crutchie didn't have time to ask what 'this' was, as Race stepped in front of him and greeted his grandmother.

"Mrs Morris, so good ta see ya 'gain," Race started. That diverted the woman from her path of destruction, as she instead gave the blonde a striking glare. The Italian tried not to shrink under her gaze, opting to continue with his sentence. "So um, ya see, Ma'am. It wasn't actually Crutchie's fault, it was mine. So, err, don't punish him for my mistake."

What?

Crutchie was in complete disbelief. And he wasn't the only one, Bryan shared a similar expression. While Race was a good friend, he was also a bit of an asshole, so him taking all the blame for this (even though it was his fault), was a surprise.

Crutchie’s grandmother eyed the boy suspiciously, before she turned on her heels and walked away. “Come on, Charlie, it’s time to go home.”

Crutchie was slightly dumbfounded, but didn’t question as he hugged Race. “Thanks man.”

Race winked and smiled. “No problem, Crutch. Text me if you ain’t dead!”

“Will do!”

RiceCrutchies - Racer

21:35

RiceCrutchies: Guess who aint dead :)))

Racer: yayyyy

Racer: so what happened

RiceCrutchies: Gran wasn’t very happy but she wasnt too mad

RiceCrutchies: Im grounded for 2 weeks tho

Racer: oh well at least we had 1 last night of fun before that

RiceCrutchies: Yea so how’d it go with Denton???

Racer: not too bad

Racer: im also grounded but they took my cigs at the police station so i need to get more from Albert

RiceCrutchies: You think you would have learnt your lesson but ok

Racer: 👌

Racer: i gotta go crutch see you in school???

RiceCrutchies: Yeah, see you and try not to do anything illegal between then

Racer: no promises

RiceCrutchies: 🤦‍

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Title: Messed Up Family

Gif credit @pantherclawz

Happy Reading Dollies.

Taglist: @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @jesseswartzwelder. @nocturnalherb16. @twistnet. @baylishh @myangelreyes. @leaalfred

"Leticia Cruz, what the hell are you doing here and who's that"?  You asked pointing to the rig she just jumped out of. 

"Oh, I'll be right back". She said but you quickly grabbed her shoulder. "Hell no". You growled. "Get in the house now". "Go". 

"Hey, tell that little bitch to come back she owns me". The trucker yelled through the window. 

You climbed up on the trucks door starring at the guy. "That little bitch is a minor so if you don't want me to call the cops I suggest getting the fuck out of here and if I catch you sniffing around young girls again I will cut your dick off and probe you with a hot metal poker then I'm going to send you to the Mayans, they'll love you". "Got it"? 

He frantically nodded, putting his truck in gear. You stepped off and wave, throwing up your middle finger as his side mirror came in view. 

"Young Cruz what are you doing here, your moms gonna be mad". You said taking a soda out of the refrigerator, handing it to her. 

"She's not my mom, she's my grandma". "Can you believe that shit"? She scoffed. 

"Wow, that's big". You rolled your eyes.

"Johnny's my dad, I can't deal with that".  Leti sighed taking a seat beside you. 

"Would it be so bad to have him as a dad"?

"He lied, I thought he was my brother".

"To protect you okay, he lied to protect you so you need to chill little girl".

"How are you so calm"?

She eyed you but you didn't say anything.

"You knew, didn't you"?

"Are you my mom"? She bit her lip waiting.

"Yes and no".

"What"?

"I knew and I went along with it because Johnny wanted that". "I knew your mom you are better off without her". "So you need to calm down okay". 

"Shit". 

"Does he know you're here"? 

"No and you better not call him, I just need some time". 

"Okay". You said looking at the clock on the wall, then you pulled out your phone. 

"What are you doing"? Leti asked grabbing at the phone, you moved your arm out of her reach. 

"You wanted time, I gave you some now you need to call him". 

"No". She huffed, crossing her arms. 

"Fine". You said pressing numbers on the phone calling Johnny. 

"Yeah"? He answered. 

"Don't yeah me boy, your daughters here and she's pissed". 

"Thank god, I saw here get into a big rig and go off". "I thought the worst". 

"Oh, I interrupted the worst of it, so you need to get here and do something". 

"I'm on my way, keep her there". 

"Yeah". You told him, hanging up. 

"What he say"?

"For you to hangout and he'll be here later on".  "So you want lunch"?

"Sure, I could eat". She shrugged her shoulders and walked into the house with you behind her. You fixed you two some sandwiches and lemonade. Just sat there talking and eating until you heard bikes pull into your drive way.

"Stay here, I'll talk to him". You patted her back and walked to the front door.

"You lost"? You say serious than let out a chuckle as Coco tilted his head looking confused.

"We need to talk. You three there's food on the table help yourselves". You say to the three bikers named Riz, Gilly and Tranq.

"She okay"? Coco asked pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up.

"Yeah, she just feels betrayed and lied to. That's all".

"I get that. I was just trying to protect her".

"She knows that but momma Cruz is the problem". You look at Coco with worry.

"What she do"?

"She's hurting Leti. I saw the bruises. She's bad mouthing you to her. Saying you're the one that drove her mother away and then deserted them. You got yourself locked up because you didn't want a kid".

"That's not true. I wanted Leti to go to a good home, where someone could take better care of her than I could. She could have a better life than what she has now if it wasnt for my mother. She wanted to keep Leti all to herself so she can have a second chance at raising a good kid. Look how that turned out. Leti's fucked up just like I am".

"Well she's sixteen, you can try to change some damage your mother did to her. You need to get her out of that house".

"Where's she going to go? She cant live with me".

"Right, I forgot. You're so fucking paranoid that you can't have someone stay with you because in the middle of the night you might blow their fucking head off".

"That happened one time and it was because of the war".

"You were higher than a kite. You smoked so much pcp that night that you thought I was there to still your mac n cheese and threatened me with a m4. So yeah blame it on the war". Looking at Coco you couldnt keep a straight face, you both laughed.

"I'm sorry about that. I just can't have that happen with Leti".

"Then don't do drugs".

"Are you sure you know me? Cause I really don't think you do".

"Alright, she can stay with me. I need help with the farm anyways. Put her to good use and maybe get rid of that mamma Cruz attitude and find Leti in there".

"Thanks. I'll help out when I can. I'll buy food and shit for her so it won't be to much on you".

"Thanks. See you're not a dead beat dad". You say wrapping your arm around Coco and walking back into the house. Leti and the guys were laughing and talking when you walked in.

"So"? Leti asked.

"You don't have to go back but you can't keep running away. So you're going to stay with Y/N for awhile". Coco told her.

"Why, cant I stay with you"?

"That's a long story, which will be told to you when we have a long day to ourselves, it will be raining outside and we will have a nice cup of hot Coco to drink". You say, Coco shook his head. Leti nodded.

"But cant we keep hot and Coco out of the same sentence. It's weird". Leti asked. Everyone laughed at the tribe daughter.

"Okay".

"Thanks for letting me stay here and taking me in. I wont be a bother".

"You're welcome. You'll have chores and you keep up with school, even if you want to homeschool. We can do that but you have to follow the rules".

"Rules"?

"Oh honey. There will be a shit ton of rules. Like rule one- never get in a truck, car, van or SUV with a man you don't know. That is a cause for kidnapping and sex trafficking. Second- if you run off again, I'll tie you to a tree out back in the woods and let the wolves get you".

"Okay. It wont happen again. I promise". Leti nodded her head quickly.

"Good. There will be more rules, once I have thought of them. I can and probably will change them at any time that I seem fit. You will also have a curfew and you aren't allowed to go anywhere unless Coco, one of the guys or I am present with you".

"Fine. Seems fair".

"Good. Coco you have anything to add"?

"No boys, drugs, alcohol, sex, tattoos, piercings or inappropriate clothing. No looking at boys no touching or writing calling or texting".

"Do you want me to send her to be a nun? That would seem easier".

"I just want her safe and not become a teen mom. I don't want her making the same mistakes I did. But she was the only good thing that came out of that. Just don't go having a kid right now. I'm to young to be a grandpapa".

"I'm pretty sure you're safe on that one Coco". Leti snickered.

"Good. Glad we got that settled".

"Great. So do you want to help her get her stuff"?

"Yeah, the boys and I will get it so you don't have to worry about mom".

"Thanks Coco".

"No problem kid". Coco turned to you. "Thanks for everything".

"It's no problem. That's what family's for".

"We are one fucked up family". He said as he went out the door. You watched as they pulled out of the driveway. Leti and you went to make up her room before the guys came back. It wasnt ideal for Leti to stay but she was just happy to have a safe and peaceful place to lay her head at night. You and Coco were glad she was okay and safe.

[godofavengers]

Just SIX reasons why John Murphy has reason to be mad at Clarke.

She ACCUSED him of killing wells, when he literally had nOTHING to do with it besides his knife being the murder weapon. Then she jumped to conclusions, and threw the accusations in front of a group of delinquents who grew up on the Ark with the beliefs of there parents. Plus some of them were probably God damn murderers. Yes Bellamy kicked it out from under him, but in the long run they wouldnt of been in that predicament if she 'quote: "would of kept her damn mouth shut." Bellamy shouldnt of did what he did either, but Bellamy has done things to make up for it, and back on the Ark they obviously left it in the past like he did with all the things echo did.

She blamed him for Finn killing the camp of grounders, instead of you know the ACTUAL MURDERER.

She left him at polis with Ontari who fuckin raped him. (I know she couldnt know he would get raped) but she still left him there, without even trying to get him out of there.

Ok now for the one that literally made my blood boil. SHE TRIED TO KILL EMORI, completely going on the statement she said before of "your my people." I do not give a shit if she was the the one who did it in the end, emori was literally on the damn table. The fact she thought of doing it is what makes it fucking horrible. he begged and pleaded screaming and telling her he loved her, yet she didnt give a fuck besides giving a sad look. THEN, she didnt even say no when he asked her if he would be next I mean ffs.

Leaving Bellmay in the fighting pits. I know this doesnt totally relate to Murphy, but they had all become a family in space. Bellamy is like his brother now, I'd be fuxking pissed if someone left my brother in a fighting pit just because he was doing something he believed would help his people. (Witch a fair point I will give is Bellamy shouldnt of done what he did to Madi, she was just a kid who ran from the flame her whole life, but in the long run she took it willingly. I understand Clarke being mad, but leaving him to die? Really????)

Clarke has never taken true accountability for anything she has ever done. Murphy has many times, Murphy has made up for his sins. (Witch I honestly think arent very many besides ravens leg, trying to hang Bellamy, and killing the people who hung him. They deserved punishment but death was not the right one.) For ravens leg, we had that whole apology scene in season 4 when he apologized to her. For the death of the delinquents, in season 2 when he first met emori he explained to her what he did at camp. He told her he had reasons but nobody cared, witch was true. He did have reasons, the outcome wasnt nessarily what should of happened but it did and theres nothing we can do about it. For hanging Bellamy, like I said they are like brothers now. They had to of made up for it up on the Ark. (Also I just remembered that scene in season two when there saving that girl from the cliff Bellamy and Murphy shared a look that i read as forgiveness and Murphy showing he truly did care. And Bellamy saw that.)

I'm literally in the middle of my free period writing this because I saw someone on Twitter say they wont like Murphy any more if he keeps being shitty to Clarke, so I probably missed some but these are the biggest ones I thought of on the spot. If I did miss any let me know.

I will state for the record I dont completely hate Clarke. I'm not her biggest fan, but I wouldnt say I hate her. She just needs a big smack of reality and shouldnt be the center point of the show.

Honestly I will defend spacekru with my dying breath.

[redwoodrroad]

so..... now that halloween is coming up (specifically for guild wars 2), theres something that’s been on my mind, especially lately. theres always been this confusion about joko’s age and how long he’s Really been around

obviously he hasnt been around since the primevals, and last year we had the opportunity to track down joko memorabilia, and a bunch of documents were put into the trophy cabinet in the mad king’s labyrinth. within that cabinet, we then learned that joko must have actually grown up around the same time as thorn, from this page from.... his diary.... which i love lol

that said, there’s something still really odd in my mind because looking at the official timeline,

this makes it seem like he predates oswald by several decades--assuming the mad king was in his 50s-60s (maybe 70s at the latest?) when he dies--because let’s assume joko was an adult by the time he builds the Bone Palace (assuming he did build it; i’ll get to that): if he’s even in his 20s to build the palace, that means he was born somewhere around 730 AE--and if he was (likely) a teenager when he went to Kryta to hang out with oswald, likely around the same age, that would mean oswald is 95 when he’s killed in 825. that isnt even including the possibility that joko is already a lich by the time he erects the bone palace, and why would joko decide to become a lich while he’s still so young, like you’d figure he’d become a lich to prolong his life once he reaches the point where mortality based on age has started coming into question

im gonna put the rest of this under the cut to spare my followers who dont wanna read about all this but please lmk what you think if you wanna read the rest!!

so this is where i get a little lost and wonder if joko is even as old as the writers say he is. and maybe im getting the math wrong here, or i might not have the right grasp on the passage of time, but to me, it feels entirely possible that joko built the bone palace WAY later and destroyed / got rid of any evidence that would place the event at the actual year

remember: he’s likely an adult AND a lich already when he has it built (and maybe theres no reason for me to assume he’s a lich by then; it just feels like all the more power to him if he has the ability to literally control people into building it without asking questions), and ALSO remember that AFTER he invaded elona in 860, he “updated” the bone palace to include centaur skeletons

if he builds the bone palace and decides soon after that he wants to include the bones of centaurs, he has every opportunity to claim that the bone palace was there for much longer than it really has been, and this new construction is just “an update.” who’s gonna dispute that??? anyone who says “wait a minute, this wasnt here 100 years ago, i helped you build it last week!!” is gonna get thrown in the junundu hatchery to get eaten

not to mention--no one lives in the southern part of the Desolation. it’s also entirely possible that joko shut down any transit between vabbi and the central / northern part of the desolation in 860 just to build the bone palace, and no one even noticed whether it was there or not until it was there. plus, anyone who tries to say it definitely wasnt built before that century will just be hushed by authorities. and as for the djinn at Sand Jackal Run, what do they care what this twink lich does with his time lol they dont give a shit, who are they gonna gossip to about some gaudy palace next door

and here i wanna say that i think another possibility is that joko didnt originally build the bone palace at all--it could have really been built in 757 by an architect or ruler who had their own idea of why they wanted it there, and maybe joko just swoops in later around 860, liked how it looked, and wanted it for himself. he claimed it for his own and then thought it was missing something, so he Really made it his own by covering it in the bones of centaurs--and then, when anyone asks about that palace, he just says, “oh i built it in 757, but i updated it 100 years later, dont worry about it.”

i think this is equally as likely as my first suggestion, and it definitely doesnt change why i think this is interesting--and it’s INTERESTING to me because i think it’s pretty sus that the official date for the bone palace having been built is 63 years before the mad king is killed, and to me, i just think there’s no way the mad king made it to his 90s before he’s mauled by angry krytans--OR that joko might have been so much older than him, especially if they engaged in little pun wars while joko was visiting kryta.

i mean, with that assumption, we would have to say that joko was.... in his 20s? 30s? when he meets thorn for the first time? because if we assume now that joko really does build the bone palace in 757, but thorn dies in his... lets say 60s.... thorn would have been born between 755 and 765. but if joko built the bone palace even while thorn was an infant, it would sort of place joko at a place in his life where he wouldnt need to be dragged around by his mother. if he’s capable enough to build a palace, what would he be doing letting his diplomat mother take him to kryta--she has no sway over him once he has that kind of power, and joko doesnt exactly make himself notable as a mama’s boy--and beyond even that, if joko’s really an adult while visiting kryta, why would he--a 20- or 30-year-old man--be hanging out with.... a ten year old. or even a 16-year-old? why would he be playing little games with him?? because ALSO REMEMBER: thorn was NOT the only child to his ruling parents! he HAD an older brother--Ewan! if joko would be hanging out with anyone around that time if he was that age--and this decisively BEFORE oswald kills ewan because he kills ewan After the elonian diplomatic visit--it would have been Ewan.

all im saying--and maybe someone else has come to this conclusion or posted about it already, so im really sorry if im echoing a point that has already been made--is that joko is known for manufacturing lies about himself and his history of ruling; he has every opportunity to fabricate when the bone palace was built to further solidify himself as a long-ruled king just the same as when he claimed he was the last of the primeval dynasty.

the only DIFFERENCE between that and this suggestion is that the official historians likely have no idea either way when the bone palace was really built or by whom, and i think that’s really saying something! this is what ive really been trying to get to: the uncertainty of whether that palace was built in 757 or not, or if it was even built by joko’s people at all--that level of uncertainty about a major event is something we in the real world are sort of accustomed to seeing, but in this game where we have an official timeline set up--paired with the in-game confirmation that there are those in the world who purposefully muck up said timeline for personal gain--the conception of a major architectural feat is completely up in the air! plus..... if it really is the case that this event is inaccurately noted, then what other events in tyrian history have been officially but inaccurately noted? i think this calls a lot of things into question, even if we cant say for sure what events could be inaccurate or falsely represented.

MAYBE no one else cares about this, so that’s fine, but i just keep thinking about it, and i wanted to get my thoughts out there. let me know what you think if you read all of this hoosafudge because in-game history stuff is fascinating to me, and i think it says a lot about the world these characters are living in.

[bagelbite]

so my thoughts on endgame

yes this does contain spoilers and yes, i will continue to tag any of my spoilers as “endgame”

did i hate the movie? no. it had many very good moments that i will list before i list the problems i had with it

i LOVED all of the humor like they did that so well. like when steve was fighting his younger self and young steve says “i can do this all day” and now steve goes “yeah i know” in this just tired voice. and americas ass. and all of the jokes about rocket being a raccoon. and hulk taking pictures with the kids and then when rocket and hulk were sitting in the back of the truck. when tony threatened to sell all of morgans toys. korg playing fortnite. the whole scott coming back the wrong age bit. hulk having to walk down the stairs. when tony told steve that if he dropped the shield one more time he was gonna keep it. like there were so many parts that were just so funny and i loved it.

i loved all the tender moments. that little moment of friendship between nat and steve where she calls the avengers her family. i was SOBBING when tonys daughter was revealed and at literally every interaction between them. the fact that tony wasnt even going to build the time machine until he saw peters picture and thw fact that he had peters picture at all. tony telling nebula “you won” and her freezing bc shes probably never heard that before. the fact that both nat and clint refused to let the other one die (which was the truest form of love i have ever seen, not romantic but just genuine platonic love. also not that bullshit thanos called love for the very same stone). the moment when clint was looking around for his family and couldnt find them so he was just running back and forth not knowing what to do. im not even going to mention tony and peter’s reunion or goodbye because i was sobbing like a child the entire time. quill thinking for a second that gamora was back. when pepper told tony “we’re going to be okay” and you think she means the world and humanity but she really means her and morgan. the entire interaction between tony and his dad. there were so so many parts that just hit me so hard.

i loved all the heroic parts. carol showing up outside the ship with tony and nebula. steve standing up with his shredded sheild, still fighting on. the fact that steve can fUCKING WEILD THORS HAMMER LIKE BRUH. also that sick combo he did with the sheild and the hammer. the hail hydra moment because steve is so incredibly smart and knows how to work a situation. all of those bad ass women gathering to fucking destroy thanos. the circle opening up and revealing tchalla and shuri and okoye walking out, silhoutted by the light and the wakandan battle cry. the fact that the canons recognized that carol was the largest threat around and firing at the atmosphere to try and stop her and she just fucking rips through them like nothing. carol beating the shit out of thanos and him having to literally hold the power stone in his hand to beat her. that moment where you see all of the heros lined up ready to fight. “i am iron man”.

obviously there are more of every moment, and i loved all of them.

but.

that doesnt mean that i liked the movie. and heres why:

1) thor’s literal character assassination. i reblogged a few posts (that you can find in my endgame tag) that explain this better than i will be able to but bruh. the russo brothers did thor so fucking dirty and it makes me pissed. they made him fat purely for the laughs (which someone pointed out an emphasis on the fact that they literally edited his weight out of the trailers because they wanted to use it as a gag in the movies). also, they blatently ignored and made fun of the fact that thor OBVIOUSLY was grieving and blamed himself for how things had turned out. he has lost literally everything in his life: his home, his father and mother, his brother, his best friend - and now the man who wiped out half of the human population taunted him with his mistake of not going for the head. also, thor literally just went through the whole process of realizing his true power and sacrifing his home in order to protect his people and youre going to tell me that he just decides “mmm imma go to space and leave you all here youre fine without me” like no. also please read this post it makes me so mad its so true.

2) the whole time travel plot. to me it didnt seem well thought out and it leaves so many plot holes. like if removing a stone can create another timeline, i dont think putting the stone back fixes anything. you have still technically created another time line. and like what happened to loki we saw him disappear wouldnt that be another time line??? and like if 2012 or 2014 or whatever thanos came to the present, then wouldnt that create another time line?????? and if steve stayed behind, then thats a whole other time line. like it just doesnt make sense there are so many things that do. not. work. (sidenote: thanos said the infinity stones were reduced to atoms. wouldnt that be reversable by scott and shrinking down into the quantum realm??? this is just an idea)

3) it was predictable. there were SO many times that i was able to tell what was going to happen before it did. like clints family vanishing. and scott finding an older cassie. and scott being turned into a bunch of different ages. and tony saying no and then saying yes. even tony weilding the gauntlet was predictable (i just refused to think about it bc i didnt want to see tony die).

4) steve staying in the past. now im going to preface this saying that im not trying to say that steve didnt deserve it. he did and im happy for him (since this is what the russo brothers have decided to make permanent). steve did deserve happiness and i will even say that he deserved peggy. but. that doesnt mean thats what he should have done. it was out of character for steve (not as bad as thor but still out of character). he would have recognized that the world needed him in the now and he wouldnt have been able to just stay in the past. like steve’s biggest character flaw is that he cant just sit by and do nothing, he always has to act. so now out of no where he just decides that hes gonna screw over everyone in the present and stay behind. like he knows they just lost tony AND nat, two of the og avengers, and hes just gonna decide to leave them hanging without another person???? and hes just going to sit by knowing that bucky is out there being tortured??? ALSO i am absolutely not saying that any part of his talk with sam was unnecessary. i even love the fact that he gave the sheild to sam (black captain america is my shIT HELL YES I AM HERE FOR IT). but. there is no way that steve “even when there was nothing i had bucky” rogers wouldnt say anything to bucky. and i saw someone saying “well they obviously talked off screen” bitch i dont care there are probably thousands of off screen things that happen and thats why we have fanfiction. but the on screen stuff matters and steve just ignores bucky entirely?????? no he fucking doesnt the russo brothers are just afraid to encourage any more interaction between steve and bucky because they fear stucky fans. and im not even saying this as a stucky fan im literally saying it as a marvel fan who knows the smallest amount of steve’s character.

5) tony creating his worst nightmare. tony has said multiple times that he blamed his dad for leaving him and it only makes sense that he would fear having a kid and then leaving them alone. and the russo brothers did just that. they gave tony the life he always wanted and then ripped him from it, creating tonys nightmare at the same time. he has now subjected morgan to live a life like he did, without a father. now personally i dont think tony should have died. did i predict that he was since infinity war (bc of rdj’s contract ending and also it will be very difficult to continue the “next generation” with these huge figures still around), yes. and i know that its unrealistic for everyone to survive in war but so is fucking time travel and they pulled that card. idk i just dont like how they did it.

so overall, i think i loved a lot of the overall moments on film, its just that i didnt like the themes, messages, and character delieveries shown in the movie. im just gonna go watch winter soldier and ragnarok and homecoming and captain marvel and black panther and all the other Actually Good marvel movies.

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: ITS MY LIFE!, a Portal fanfic [part 12]

Oh yes, friends, it’s back! It’s been entirely too long (two years too long, to be exact) and I hope you’re all ready for some more vaguely Portal-flavored nonsense. 

No real warnings for this chapter, just typical MarissaTheWriter ridiculousness. And canon character death, maybe, depending on whether or not you take the events of this chapter at face value (and, if I remember this story correctly, you probably shouldn’t).

Recap: Chell and GLaDOS have fused into one entity, P-body is pregnant, and Marissa for some reason decided that Rattman is the only one who can prevent disaster even though dude is strictly a non-action guy. She located him and now the two of them are planning on taking down the Chell/GLaDOS fusion.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

AN YOU GUYSARE ALL SO WEIRD! YOU WERE GIVIN ME GOOD REVIEWS THEN YOU SAY IM A TROLL AN THAT YUR GONNA KILL ME AN PUT SALT IN MY THINGS? 

That is pretty weird, yeah. 

(I’m not even sure what she’s referencing. Maybe a play on “assault”?)

IF IT WERENT FOR THE PEPOLE HOO REALLY LICK MY STORY LIKE THE BUZINESS GUY AN SEPHRAL AN CAT NOT BOUNCY ID STOP IT RITE NOW!

I dunno who Sephral is, but “the buziness guy” is user ASBusinessMagnet (later a recurring character in MarissaTheWriter’s stories; I’m pretty sure we got married at one point), and “Cat Not Bouncy” is Tumblr user catbountry, who was going by “Not Cat Bountry” on Fanfiction dot net and who did a dramatic reading.

PS - I NO THAT GLADOS IS SPELLED GLADOS I CALLED HER FUSION CHELLGADOS BECOS CHELL ALREADY HAS THE LS AN IT SOUNDED MORE COOLER!

See, I told you she’d explain that. All makes sense now, right? Perfectly logical writing decision.

ITS MY LIFE!

CHAPTER TWELF: THE FINAL BATTLE

Bit of a misnomer, since this is not, in fact, the final chapter.

(Actually, if I remember correctly, MarissaTheWriter may have been writing by the seat of her pants; it’s possible she initially intended this as the True and Honest Final Battle.)

Ratman an I were goin thru the air ducks to get to CHELLGADOSs layer were the final show down wold be. 

Oh my god, she means her lair, not her layer. That literally took me years to figure out. Holy fuck.

Wheatly was growlin an tryin to be scarry becos he didant have weapons so he was lick are cheer leader. 

Considering what happens when Wheatley actually tries to be the bad guy, I think this is preferable.

We intered the layer an saw CHELLGADOS buildin turrents but these ones was speshal becos they cold walk a round an shoot an stuff! 

Hey, I played Portal 2, I saw the turret assembly line. It’s pretty much autonomous. She doesn’t have to build them herself, and honestly I think she’d find it beneath her.

But maybe things have changed since I left the building.

"INTURDER!" One of the turrents called to CHELLGADOS. CHELLGADOS looked at me with all the angry she ever had.

That’s a phenomenal amount of anger. Surprised Marissa didn’t combust on the spot.

"Marrissa Roberts you have interfeared with my plans for the last time becos now I will kill you." 

All right! Time for some murder!

Then she seed Ratman an got more angry. "RATMAN IS A LIFE? NOW YOU WILL BOTH DYE!" 

I doubt she cares about killing Rattman, considering that she didn’t do so before and that he poses basically no threat on his own. Like I said… non-action guy.

CHELLGADOS taked out her portal gun wich was modified to shoot bullets lick a reel gun but cold shoot portals to just in case. 

Okay, but does it really shoot bullets? I ask because the turrets use spring-loaded action in order to fire the entire bullet, which is obviously a hell of a lot less effective despite delivering more bullet per bullet. Explains why Chell can take so many hits without dying.

Point being, there’s no evidence Aperture Science knows how guns are supposed to work.

She fired the portal gun an it hit Ratman with a boom an I thot he was dead for sure.

But Ratman gotted up! 

What? Is he still alive?

"Silly CHELLGADOS you cannt hurt me becos..." He pulled down his pants an I saw that he had replased his man thingys with... the space an rick cores! 

…I know we’re leading up to a “balls of steel” joke, and I shan’t comment on that, but this raises so many goddamn questions. How do you replace your testicles with personality cores? A personality core is a hell of a lot bigger, and heavier, than a human testicle. Also, Space Core is in space, so how did Rattman get ahold of him? Did he shrink the cores somehow? How did this make him immune to bullets? How did he fit two personality cores in his pants? Why did he need to flash everybody?

My brain is hurting over this and I know it’s only in the story because the author wanted to make a stupid pun. Moving the hell on.

"IVE GOT BALLS OF STEEL!" (Thats from a game called Duke Nukum Forever its funny) The space core was still thing he was in space but Rick was mad at been one off Ratmans tentacles. 

One of his tentacles? Are we in a hentai now?

"Well then ill just portal you into space like Wheatly an see how you like it you wont!" CHELLGADOS shooted a nother portal unner Ratmans feet an he was sucked into s space. "No dont you are my dotter Chell!" Ratman yelled as he got sucked in.

Uh… what? How? I thought Marissa and Chell were both Cave and Caroline’s kids in this story. Wasn’t that established several chapters ago?

"OMG HOW?" CHELLGADOS an me said at the same time to gether. "It all storted a long time ago..." Ratman gave us the down lo as he was just barely hanging on to the portal. "I used to work for Gabe Jonson affer he changed his name to Cave in onor of his dead brother. Caroline was got shot as you no Marrissa an was put in a robot body that was called... GLaDOS!" 

Right, we know. How is he hanging on to the portal? Can you do that? I don’t think you can do that.

CHELLGADOS o-mouthed at his shockin words. 

Did she forget she spent the beginning of this story being a goth emo over the revelation that she used to be human? Like… this isn’t news anymore.

"Gabe new he wold have to dotters named Marrissa an Chell but since GLaDOS was a prototip she an Cave coldnt make baby normal way an instead used the artificial enseamanation an grew test toob babys. 

Hey, what the fuck is the “normal way” to have sex with a giant robot? Seriously, please inbox me if you know. It’s for a friend. I swear.

But there was a miksup an my dna got used instead of Gabes for one of the toobs that toob was... CHELL!" Then Rutman coldnt hold on any longer an fell into space an died.

Why did Aperture Science have a sperm sample from Rattman on file? How did they get DNA from Caroline, since her physical human body no longer exists? How does Rattman know about the mixup? Who carried the baby to term? How did two white people birth a woman of color? How did two white people birth a woman of color? I don’t know if I brought this up earlier in the MST, but I am directing that question at every “Chell is Cave and Caroline’s daughter” theorist too. You’re not off the fucking hook.

Then CHELLGADOS started shackin an looked funny. Chell was fightin back a gainst GLaDOSs control! "Marrissa there is not much time left you must kill me to stopped GLaDOS once and four all!" 

Okay, but we know what happens when Marissa kills Chell — thanks to having consumed the “zombie taters,” Chell will just turn into a zombie. You don’t want the most tenacious woman in the world after your brains, but especially not when she’s fused with the most massive collection of wisdom to ever exist, who also hates you.

I o-mouthed becos Chells brane damage was cured so now I coldnt put her out of MISERY lol. 

That’s actually not the concern I expected Marissa to have. She has no problem killing disabled people, but being fused with a homicidal AI who is using your body as her puppet is A-OK, even when the victim is begging for death?

Man, this girl could use some new priorities.

"But I cannt kill you Chell yur my sister there must be a nother way! Chell got sad "Hurry GLaDOS is takin control!" An she started lollin with evil. There was no way I cold kill Chell an then I rembered that GLaDOS used to be Carlion an that made me not want to kill herr neither.

Yeah, and remember how she used to be a well-written and complex character who cannot be reduced to a mere villain and who actually likes Chell so much she keeps writing songs about it?

Sorry, there I go talking about canon again.

"Bloody hell Marrissa shes powerin up!" Wheatly screemed from inside my jump soot an I looked up an saw CHELLGADOS was floatin in air an electric stuff was comin out off her. "THANKS MARRISSA YUO REMINDED ME THAT I USED TO BE CARALIN SO I REMBERED THAT I HAVE POWERS TOO!" 

Hey, uh, what the fuck? 

I o-mouthed, that dumb ingineer forgot to make it so only I gotted the powers! I didant no what to do now an it seemed hope less when a herd a sound. "Hey b**** were heer for backup!" It was... ATLAS AN P-BODY!

Who are they here to back up?

"OMG why are you jersk helpin me?" I asked while o-mouthin from the shock. "Becos CHELLGADOS is half yur sister an we dont lick you so we dont lick Chell neither!" Atlas eksplained. "An I rembered that you gave us the drugs an beer in the first place so if it wasnt for you we woldnt have drugs an beer!" P-Body added an Atlas nodded like yeah! 

I guess that’s reasonable. I, too, feel indebted to those who give me drugs and beer.

We started ti fire are portal guns at CHELLGADOS an the portals combined to make a big portal black hole.

Co-op mode would benefit from the inclusion of this feature, I think.

"OH SH**!" CHELLGADOS screamed as the GLaDOS parts were all sucked out off Chell. 

Should have attached them better, I guess.

Ones all of GLadOS was gone we closed the portal an Chell falled down on the ground. "Chell I safed you!" I rant to my sister an gave her hug. "Marrissa Im sorry, but the damaje from GLaDOS was to much..."

“…not to mention, having my butt sliced off after someone used their powers a little too recklessly…”

An she dyed in my arms. "Nooooo Chell my sister you are died!" I cried soooo much an Whealty cried to becos they was frends even Atlas an P-Body looked kinna sad.

Isn’t Chell gonna turn into a zombie now or are we not doing the zombie stuff anymore? Was that only because she was brain-damaged? This fic is confusing.

I put down Chells body an stand up when there was a clikclak nose be hind me.

Oh no! Not a clikclak nose!

"LOL we tricked you to get yur guard down Marrissa! Now die b****!" An Atlas an P-Body lolled an shot me in head.

I’ve probably mentioned it before, but I love that the author of this mess has no problem writing over-the-top violence but feels the need to censor the word “bitch.”

"Marrissa!" Wheatly screamed an ever thing got really black an I died.

Love the prose.

TO BE CONTINUED?

Yes, indeed, we’re not done with this fic yet!

OH NO MARRISSA IS DIED!

Oh, yes.

CAN WHEATLY SAFE HER?

Well, seeing as she’s dead, I think it may be a bit late for that.

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT ONE PS IM THINKIN OF MAYBE WRITIN A SPINNOFF A BOUT TEEN FORTRESS 2 AN GABE JONSON AN CARALION LIVIN IN PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU GUYS THIN?

She actually did write that spinoff, by the way. I’ll put my MST of it up on this blog at some point.

Next chapter

[freerebelmentality]

Divided

AN: I finally finished writing out the first part and finally has a title. I really hope you enjoy reading this and dont worry more parts will be coming along. I still need to write out the rest and post them in parts/chapters.

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Summer is over, time for a new year of school. Everyone coming back from their summer vacations or just coming back into routine again.

You look around the school parking lot and seeing everyone go back to their rightful cliques, a few waving hellos or even stopping to actually talk to one another.

As you sit in the parking lot waiting for your friends to arrive is when you reflect on the memories you spent during the summer. Listening to the one song that followed you around the whole summer, walking into a diner and the song plays there.

Walk into a coffee shop, again song plays there but couldnt walk into those places with the person you spent the summer with. All the things will get back to your dad and most definitely would get an earful and would be forbidden to see him again.

Finally you see Castiel drive into the parking lot with Jo passenger side, and see your other best friend Cyrus driving into the parking lot with his brother Eldon. Castiel parks beside your car and you get out to meet them. Eldon parks across from you.

A smile forms as Cyrus gets out of the car and meets all of you. He has a big smile on his face as well, like as if its a sight of relief. You see Eldon get out of his car and you see a smile forming at the corners of his mouth. He walks directly to the school.

“I am so happy to see you guys” Cyrus says as he looks between his best friends.

“Me too” Castiel says as he gives him a hand shake and goes in for a hug

“I am so sick and tired of all this crap” Jo says as she goes in for a hug

“I am too. But you know how our families are. Its all because of the meat factory” Castiel says while adjusting the strap of his backpack.

Your friends look to you and waited for you to add in your feelings towards the separation of your friendship with Cyrus but nothing. They see you looking into nothing and blissfully happy smiling away.

“Y/n!” They say in unison.

As they bring you back to reality is when the first bell goes off and the four of you walk towards the school.

“What has you smiling?” Jo asks as she wraps her arm around your neck

“Nothing, just spaced out and really happy to see you guys” you say rather quickly looking to Cyrus.

“Right” Jo replies as she smiles and continues walking into the school

Each of you get your class schedules and assigned lockers. Since all of you are seniors and have the same home room, you all realized your lockers are close together but in alphabetically order. Of course is basically dead last while Castiel isnt that far away along with Cyrus and Eldon. Jo is across from yours.

“Well this is going to be interesting” Crowley says to himself as he watches his nephew and friends children being extremely close to the Stynes.

First class of the day is English University Prep. You walk into class and immediately spot Eldon right away. Jo links arms with you and leads you near the back while Castiel seats himself in the front. You, Jo and Cyrus grab seats near the back of the class room.

“Of course our very own nerd gets the seat up front” Jo says as she chuckles.

Castiels glares towards Jo as he tilts his head to the side, you release a slight chuckle. While Eldon releases a chuckle as well.

Metatron Scribe introduces the course to get everyone familiar with the class and him in general. As the bell goes for the next class to begin is when he doesnt hand out homework on the first of being back in school.

“Well that wasnt so bad” Cyrus says as he walks beside you to his locker. You lean against the one next to his with books in hand.

“Its only the first day, they never give out homework on the first day” you reply.

“Y/N! Lets go before we are late for class” Cyrus says snapping you from your day dream

Walking down memory lane about the summer, thinking to yourself that you havent that much fun in so long. The thrill of sneaking around. Well to your family anyway.

“Sorry, yeah. Class. Lets go” you reply quickly once more

“What is up with you?” he asks as he walks side by side with you.

“Eldon” Cyrus acknowledges his twin brother.

“Cyrus. Y/n” Eldon replies and acknowledges you as well which brought a smile to his face

You nod as you walk by.

“Nothing. I am just tired and not so thrilled that school is here” You half lie and half tell the truth.

Both of you seat yourselves side by side during your second class of the day.

As class comes to an end is when you and Cyrus walk back to the lockers and place your books in there that wont be needed for the rest of the day.

“Y/n, seriously what is wrong with you?” Cyrus asks looking to you as the both of you walk to the cafeteria

“Seriously, Im just tired. I stayed up way too late and went to bed around three” you replied as you line up to get food

“Whats wrong guys?” Jo asks as she gets closer to you and Cyrus

“Oh nothing, just debating on what to have for lunch” you reply while getting the cheese fries

Finally Castiel joins the rest of you as he grabs his lunch he made from home out of his bag. The four of you enjoy lunch together while catching up n the summer events. Cyrus talking about the camp he worked at, it was something to get away from his family.

As the day comes to an end is when each of you piled into Castiels car and drove little ways out of town to hang out at a diner where no one cares about your families history with Cyrus’s family and just let you four hang out.

“Well first day of school wasnt so bad” Jo says as she slides into the booth to sit closer to the window

“I already hate my math class” Cyrus says as he waits for you to slide in as well

“I like all of my classes, well except for PE. Hate that class” Castiel says as he sits down next to Jo

“Of course you would like all of your classes” Jo replies as she looks through the menu.

“So y/n, how did you spend your summer? You never mentioned anything about your summer” Castiel asks while Jo and Cyrus look to you.

“Worked at the post office with Adam all summer. Nothing interesting really” is all you say while looking away from your menu.

“Nothing else?” Jo asks

You are getting irritated by the questions, you didnt want to say anything because you didnt want your friends to be mad at you or you thought that they will.

“Ok, but just so you know. We wont be mad on how you spent your summer or anything. We just want you to know and just be comfortable” Jo says while looking to you along with the others.

Now you debated on telling the about the summer but again. All the thoughts from your dad came to mind and immediately hear the lecture your dad will give. Along with being locked away. Well that was an exaggeration but you know how your dad is.

“I know that, really though. I just worked, made money and spent time hanging out with my cousin” you change your mind about telling them. But they are your friends and you wont get mad. At the same time it would be a good thing to tell them but something inside of you is holding you back.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Television and White People problems I cant relate to

I might make people mad, but I am just gonna say it. A good half the time I cannot relate to the problems and motivations of white people on TV. But I am going to list some scenarios that I cannot relate to

1. Unaffectionate Parents/parents that arent around much/parents who are strict = bad parents who ruin thier children

Listen purposefully withholding affection from your child as a manipulation tactic does equal bad parent. Never allowing your child to make meaningful connections outside of the home as a way to control them = abusive parent. But like shows like Gilmore Girls have the main character and side characters acting as if she has been horribly scarred by thier parents not letting them listen to rock or run around and dirtying an expensive dress. Or they excuse or justify a characters bad behavior because thier parents aren't around (usually these are rich characters).

I am a working class Latina and I always felt this was total BS. My grandparents were not affectionate people. There were no hugs or I love yous after the age of 5. Both worked long days and I was constantly left in charge of my siblings. I wasnt allowed to wear makeup until after I was 15 (I didnt start wearing it until I was 18) and when I did my grandpa constantly made comments like "what do you have on you face?" "Only ugly women have to wear makeup!" "If God wanted your nails to change color every month he would have made it so they could without that junk (nail polish)!". I wasnt allowed to listen to rap music. If my grandma bought me an outfit I wasnt allowed to do anything to get it dirty

I wasnt allowed to stay the night at a friends house until I was in high school and even then my grandparents preferred people stayed the night at our house versus me going to someone elses.

Guess what...I am fine. I never was rebellious. I knew they loved me. I knew they cared. I wasnt a teen parent. I can tell people I love them. I am affectionate with people I am close to. I graduated college. I was a good, friendly, well adjusted kid. All of my Latina friends were too. But like every other white "bad kid" or "jerk" is that way because of thier parents supposed lack of interest.

Listen I get the validity of loneliness or even anger at feeling as if your parents are not interested in you. I am just saying it is something that is not in my experience, so I have a hard time relating to it even though it is a very common troupe.

2. Cutting out family members/estranged family.

Ok so my Latina self has never, ever understood this movie plotline. Like I have extended family who may not even be related to me that are big idiots, which everyone recognizes, but I still see them at all the family events because it is rude not to invite them when they are family. Like we do not stand physically abusive people in my family. But that is what you have to be in order to be cut off from us. Stupid? A Mooch? Toxic? Prejudiced? A very annoying drunk? All those things are okay warrant toleration because you are family. And again this is extended family. In movies or shows where the child has cut off the parents from thier life or that make snide remarks or talk back to them...OMG not only can I not relate but I cannot even process.

Again I am not saying that people should have to tolerate any behavior which causes them anxiety or makes them uncomfortable. But like the idea of ever cutting out my grandparents or even my mother completely out of my life is unimaginable. Right not agree with the things they do or say, and I may not make an effort to reach out to my mom, but I will never purposefully avoid or talk bad about them to any one. And believe me my mom is pretty toxic but I would never hinder her ability to reach me if she needs me. I will no longer go out of my way to please her, but moving away having children and not letting her be part of thier lives. Nope not doing it.

Most of my latino friends live in multi-generational homes (grandparent, great-parents, parents, self and thier children). So just the idea that your grandparents or parents live in a different home than you was hard enough to wrap my mind around while watching TV. The idea that you moved across the country to get away from your family unimaginable.

Again not condemning any one who does that just explaining why minded just cant relate.

3. 18=Adult and going crazy

I am 25 (I think, I forget) years old. I am a virgin, I didnt have a sip of alcohol until I was 23 or right when I turned 24 (again I forget). I've never had a boyfriend. I have only been on like 3 dates with 1 person. I still ask my grandparents permission to go places, I tell them my plans and who I am with. I do this unprompted. My grandparents dont demand that I do it. I just do.

Dont get the wrong idea, I have had lots of fun. I lived on the dorms as a college freshman, I made lots of friends and was in multiple clubs, played intramural sports, worked as an activities coordinator at the college and hung out with friends. I've gone to concerts, I've traveled to multiple countries and studied abroad. I vacation with friends.

Like I could never relate to teenagers or college kids on television as a teen and I still can't as an adult. Dont get me wrong freshman year of college I met the Wild kids all testing thier boundaries and exploring thier sexuality now that they were out of the house.

But that just wasnt me. I didnt feel the need to. I didnt want to drink (my house wasnt anti alcohol or anything like that). I didnt want to experience getting drunk or trying drugs. I didnt have the need or urge to do anything sexual with anyone. It wasnt because I was ashamed of my body, saving myself for marriage, or emotionally scarred by my grandparents about the subject. I just didnt want to. My grandma always tells people when they ask her how she raised me to be such a good kid (although thinking on it I should resent being called a kid at age 25) that my brother and just came out perfect or the closest thing to perfect. Like I am not saying that to claim that I am, but just to give y'all the idea of how non wild I am.

18 was a wierd age for me. I was exploring mostly myself as an individual seperate from my family. Figuring out what I liked because when you live with so many people you kind of blend interests. Sometimes I dont know if I actually like an activities that I frequently do or if I frequently do it because one of my siblings likes it.

Making friends outside of family. I always had friends growing up but my closest friends were my siblings and cousins. College was the beginning of meeting people from different backgrounds and becoming friends based on common interests rather than out of convenience. A great transition to my next unrelateable troupe.

3. Peer Pressure and letting bullies get away with it.

So like for the longest time, TV made it seem like it was hard to stand up to bullies, like it was Big deal and hard decision to stand up for someone else. Like to an extent some more recent shows still do it (Glee for one). And I just cant relate.

I never cared what other kids thought of me. I was always secure in who I was and happy with myself. While I wanted to please my family, i never felt pressured to please anyone else to to follow the mass consensus on what is cool or not. I also could never stand a bully.

In elementary school I flipped over my shared desk when my desk mate called the new girl (who was on medications that made her fall asleep during class a re***d) and told him that if him and the entire class that if they have a problem with her then they can fight me and I am obviously not kidding. (My very first outburst and threat of violence). In the 7th grade a couple of girls were harassing a girl in the bathroom for telling thier secrets. Even though it wasnt any of my business and these girls were known for actually fighting other girls, I still told them that they were being stupid and to leave her alone. Which earned me a shove against the wall and a "you want to fight me?". To which I stupidly responded "I am not afraid of you" which was a huge lie.

My childhood friends who werent related to me were usually the people who nobody wanted to be friends with. Mostly kids werent considered "able" or were too "annoying". I hated the idea of people being shunned because they werent "able" or because they didnt have a concept of volume control, personal space, or the ability to read a room) or because we were related. I straight up yelled at a guy in the middle school lunch room because he was saying that I was so nice for hanging out with the special kids especialky Bob (not his real name) because everyone hated him for not being able to shut up or go away. Bob has asperger's syndrome or was adhd I honestly dont remember. He had an assigned aid and would get too close to people and once he started talking he wouldnt stop so classes were hard for him and making friends was hard to.

In 9th grade band class I stood up and called out the drum section for laughing and calling the drum majors (a Male and a female) a f*g, ugly crack baby, and other slurs while they were conducting and then told the substitute that I refused to continue playing until they were sent to the principles and dealt with accordingly. I then walked out and put my instrument away very loudly in front of the band and pulled a chair up behind the drum majors so I could glare the entire class down while they played.

In 10th grade a made a huge scene when a guy thought he'd be cute by saying that the only reason my friends and i were doing well in Spanish class was because we were "sucking mr.------ balls". I stood up and shredded into him about how that accusation was basically calling mr.----- a pedophile and that it showed how much of a sexist pig he was that he has to basically accuse successful ladies of having to used sex to be successful because that is easier for his ego than admitting his laziness inattentiveness, and bad attitude are the reason he is failing a class about his first Language.

I also yelled at a girl in the middle of the school grounds for saying there should be a holocaust for gay people.

Apparently I am the queen of making a scene. I list these things not a bragging thing, but because they werent hard for me. Most of were just reactive. I never understood why TV made doing the right thing seem like it was so hard and that you were being a freaking martyr.

I was never bullied. I knew that kids didnt like me but no one every messed with me or harrassed me the way they did other people. Doing the right thing did not make my life harder. Standing up for people wasnt some herculean task that took like two days of thinking and emotional preparation. The "majority" of people allowing mean spirited people to harrassed others never swayed me to let it go. Indifference was never an option in my mind.

So I was always really frustrated by characters who didnt automatically help a person who was being harrased. It is my least favorite TV or movie plotline. And again I can't relate.

Again this isnt to bash on anyone or to suggest that making a scene or putting yourself at risk are the only ways of helping others and standing up for others.

[needhelpforrealnow-blog]

Here is her story

Okay i need someones help. I have a friend that ive known for almost 10 years she's like my sister. My Dad knew her father and grandmother for years. she, Her father and grandmother live just down the street from me and my family. She would often be at my house practically living there. She even had a bed in my home to sleep in and she even goes as far as calling my mom her mother. The father was the one with custody and he stuggled to provide but what he did have would often go to beer and drugs. she didnt like her father cause to put it bluntly he was an ass. She's told me stories of when her father had choke her almost to the point of blacking out and how when he would try to hit her, the grandmother would step in with a frying pan and said "if you dont stop this right now, and leave her alone then i will use this" he would step forward and she would hit him with no hesitation. The mother wasnt in the picture because she was an alcoholic and a drug addict as well. The father would let the mother spend time with her. Obiously she didnt act terrible because the mother was only going to spend so much time with her daughter. She would buy her stuff she wanted, take her places she wanted to go[that were often funded by one of her many boyfriends] my friend never met the moster she was. She didnt get the off feeling my mom and i would get but didnt know her enough to put our finger on what it was. But the grandmother knew how she really was and didnt allow halie to enter her custody while she was kicking. the grandmother was her saving grace and mother figure. She would cook for her, clean her room and buy anything she needed...but she passed away over a year ago from a heart attack...thats when hell broke loose the demon labled as a mother decided to take custody. Just a few months after the grandmother's death. The mother took the opose his daughter right after he lost his mother but when the judge asked who she wanted to go with. My friend was depressed and only knew her father as an ass and so chose her mother. This is one of her biggest regrets. She absolutely hates her mother. The mother is verbally abusive and is a danger to the public because she often drives drunk with he kids in the car. She's a great actor though so you can never tell the difference between her being drunk and her sober but guess what she recently has refused to feed my friend only ever buying food for her 2 year old son that my friend constantly has to be watching. the mother claiming "i dont feed people who dont love me" the mother forced my friend to break up with her boyfriend because while in an argument the boyfriend texted. She's called her a shit head an idiot. Even going as far as calling her a whore when she found out my brother was providing her food at school because the mother refused to feed her at home. [no strings attached. my brother has a child of his own and has known halie just as long as i have which is close to a decade] Even going as far as threatening to call the cops on my brother and her ex boyfriend. The boyfriend is a year and a half older than her but she threatens to the cops on him because he will turning 18 in june. [its feb 7 at the time this is writen]I have gone to her house too. This was when she was still going to school with me. it was around 10:30 but we went over so we can get some of her clothes that she refused to bring over earlier. When we got there we called to let her know we were outside and when we entered her brother was crying on the bed while the mother was screaming her head off " you woke up the fucking kids! Why the fuck are you coming at fucking 11 at night! What the fuck is wrong with you! You fucking woke him up!" all while picking up some of her sons toys and throwing them aggressively in a corner while my ftiend was trying to let her know that i was there as well. We came and left pretty quickly with the mother still cussing the whole time and the last thing we hear is "you better fucking get your ass back her by tomorrow!" her brother still crying the whole time. Now my friend loves her brother with all her heart. I would imagine so she watches him the majority of the time. Some People where she lives believe that he is her kid. One man saying "i have a boy around the same age as your son" that is how often she watches him almost every single day.  To the point where her son would rather be carried by her than his own mother. Here's another story but this one invovles her son on second thought i share two She was outside with a buddy of hers drinking while her at the time 1 yearold son was inside sick with a fever. My friend wasnt home at the time cause she was at my house Spending the night. She gets a call that her little brother had gotten a seizure because of how high his temperature was! Apparently she didmt know you were suppose to give the medicine every so many hours and pretty much left him and she knew he was haveing a seizure because her buddy saw him through the window! He's fine now so dont worry infact he use to walk on his tippy toes before his seizure and now walks normally! Heres another story with this boy. One time when my friend was taking a shower her mother was passed out on the couch with the sliding door slightly opened. And her 1 year old playing on the floor. He went to the door pushed it even more open and was wondering outside in the rain heading towards the street. My friend had gotten out of the shower not to long after and couldn't find her brother she noticed the door open and look outside to see him heading towards the street with a couple of neighbors try to get him to come to them and away from the street. Sadly but unsurprisingly he doesnt like other people very much often sticking towards his mother but mostly towards my friend. When she saw him she called out to him and he finally came back to their house.And hell as a short bonus: the mother has even driven with her youngest child in the front seat of the car!Now this story is one that happened very recently like feb 5 recently. And to let you know as to why my friend doesnt call the police herself its because My friends phone is not connected so the only way she can talk anyone is through wifi And a app called kik or messager on facebook. Now the app only allows texting and her mother refuses to connect her phone. So even if she wanted to she would beable to call for help and so on sundayI was at home asleep when i felt my phone buzzing like crazy! I look at my phone and i was horrified at what i had been reading. My friend had texted me saying for me to call her dad or to call the cops because her mother threaten to beat her and grabbed her roughly and locked her outside the house and that she had been drinking she was scared to try and call someone else because she would grab her again. Now my friend doesnt like cops and neither do i but to read from her asking for them it made my heart drop to my stomach and i immidietly jumped out of bed and called guyfriend [who had been getting close with halie as well] that i needed a ride right than and there to her house. he lived near by so it was only 2 mins for him to get to my house. I jumped in the car and texting her that i was on the way with our friend. As we were going i called her father and told him what his daughter had texted me. He claimed that his car wasnt working like it always isnt and that he had a friend over but he didnt have gas and when he hung up my friend had texted me saying for me to tell her dad not to believe her mother. The father called back i told my guyfriend to circle around to his house since we hadent left the street yet and when i picked the phone up he said for me NOT to pick her up. My guyfriend had just parked in front of his house. i was confused, he told me that she was just angry over an argument over a boy and to not pick her up. I was furious at what i was hearing and told him that she was obviously distress and that her mother threaten to beat her and he then yelled at me telling me that he heard her 'in the house' and that he's not going to stress over it. I motion for my friend to leave And then he practically shouted in my phone "DONT PICK HER UP!" I wasnt going to argue anymore and all i saw was red. And that last remark so i hung up. I called my mom to let her know i was had to go only to be told she wasnt home to begin with. I told her the situation and my mom calmly told me that she was going to head home and speak with the father befor hanging up. And told mu friend to head to her house. I kept in contact with my friend to make sure she was alright. And the text from that point on went like this:Tell my dad [1:41 pm] Not to listen to her About me and marco She's drunk She wants to make him hate me and him Are you coming or not i couldnt here what my dad said He told me not to pick you up Why not I cant stay here Please convince him Ill walk over there then. Im picking you up. Im not going to try and Convince him Of shit. Is he mad i cant use the fucking phone anne I know and im coming I cant fucking call him cause she's going to get me againYour coming where? To your house I called my mom she sounded calm but said she was going to his house in a bit Are you okay? No im not okay Where r u ? At my moms She left I need to take care of my brother. I know that She left him here Fuck It's whatever My dad doesn't want me over there So it doesn't matter anyways Well we do halie You can't pick me up I can't stay over there I don't even have any clothes I don't know what I'm going to do We're still coming She came back ): Idk if she'll let me What is she doing You want me to call the cops cause i can Just come and if she doesn't let me we'll call the cops We are here [ 2:05 pm]When we got there i was so nervous and angry i couldnt even think straight. And told my friend to start it off i handed him my phone so he can do a voiceHe nocked on the door and mand when she said hello my friend tried to get out out of the house and the mother said"what are you doing? What are you doing?!" "Ima leave"  "your not leaving anywhere get your ass inside. She aint going nowhere. get inside" "my dad said i could leave""YOUR DAD did not send nobody get inside NOW! Get inside now before I FUCKING CALL THE COPS and your ass is going to fucking juvenile" "why?" " YOUR DAD did not call them" "yes he did" "YOUR DAD JUST CALLED me right now. Get your ass inside your dad did not call them your dad said he didnt even have a fucking car to take your ass to school" "you said i cant! I can go." "BECAUSE I HAVE EVRY FUCKING ATHORITY OVER YOU....EVERY AUTHORITY OVER YOU.YOU HAVE NO REASON TO EVEN BE WITH YOUR FATHER BECAUSE HE'S NOT EVEN CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF YOU! HE HAS NO FOOD HE'S A DRUG ADDICT AND HE DRINKS! AND YOU WANNA FUCKING LEAVE" "yea" " YEA, I dont care what you want" "okay" "i dont care" durning that argument she called her father "SO YOU SENT ANNE AND another friend of hers to come and pick her up?.....FOR what! Why didnt you tell me that. Why did you tell me that she was going to stay here. So whose going to take her to school? IF YOU dont have a car than whose going to take her to school.......exactly, exactly" "anne can take me" "NO! She is not your responsibility" "she can take me!" "i dont care" "of course you dont" "your staying here. I dont care, your staying here"" no im not" "yes you are""no im not""yes you are...bye chuck" "no im not" "your staying here" "why""because i said so" "why""because I said so because you are not the adult i am and next time you listen to me" "THEN NEXT TIME DONT LOCK ME OUT""WHEN THE FUCK DID I LOCK YOU OUT, YOU LIEING LITTLE SHIT HEAD. MY SON WAS OUT THERE WITH YOU! DID I LOCK YOU OUT" "yEs!" "I JUST STOOD RIGHT THERE INFRONT OF THAT DOOR""not really""cause i asked you to take care of him""YOU LOCKED ME OUT"" OH BUT YOUR WILLING TO GO A MEET FUCKING OTHER RANDOM GUYS LIKE A LITTLE WHORE""i knew you veiwed me as a whore" "GET THE FUCK INSIDE you guys got to gWe waited outside and two cop cares showed up one came to us he was around is early 20's and the other was older mabey 40's but i didnt get a good look cause he just waked pass us to the door. We told the cop how we were worried for our friend and i showed him the text on my phone and told him i had a recording. He told us to wait there and went inside as well when he came back out and told us that my friend and her mother just got in a argument over a boy and said that even though it was in good intentions i should stop the door again. I asked so what was going to happen and he said nothing that tshe's not drunk she's doesnt show signs of abuse so there's nothing to be done and that we're only getting my friends side of the story not the mothers. It was at that point i started to cry. I had failed my friend and quit honestly. Just wanted to scream i looked and my friend to see what we can do and noticed him crying as well. I tried to stop myself from crying thank the officer. He ask which car was ours and when we told him, he took down the rest of our information and wish us a safe trip and went on our way. I have never felt so mentally and emotionlly exhausted. I quit hoestly felt like screaming and crahing the car. The cops took the mothers side they didnt even bother testing her and we didnt even talk to the other cop but the cop talking to us talked to both the mother and us and if was obvious which side they took. I told my friend to take me home and when i got there i just started bawling i wanted that lady gone. I wanted the grandmother back. I just wanted it to be over. I hated i couldnt help my friend when she needed me the most. I texted my friend and she told me that she was sorry and that the mother is lying to the cop and that she was going to literally kill herself ...i told her not to and while i dont believe she would im slowly doubting that belief. This is the guy friend- I made this account cause if you read it all than you can see why we need help. We are backed against a corner and we need help, so if any of you can give us the help than please

[auntiejethisis]

YALL MIND IF I RAMBLE ABOUT SOME FUCKED UP SHIT

[ tw: Drug Abuse/use. Overdosing. Violence. Child abuse. Mental / Emotion abuse. Death/dying. Physical abuse. Sexual abuse/pedophilia]

[Dont feel compelled to read if these topics make you nervous/distressed/upset. If you did read it and I missed a tag, please PM me so I can add it because this will be a very long and very hard post for me to make]

_________________

So I've been quiet on the topic for the past few days. On Tuesday (6 days ago) my significant other got kicked out of my dad's home. We were arguing really loudly and I've been ridiculously stressed for the past.......... 7 months and everything just boiled over. Unfortunately, my father got involved, and took my side. He told Brandon to "get the fuck outta my house or I'm gonna kick your fuckjng teeth in!" The worst part is, yeah, it was a bad fight but him getting involved with it made the whole fucking thing escalate.

The way he yelled made me break down in the most upsetting way, all over my father yelling. The reason was, the way he screamed at Brandon was how he yelled at my sisters and I since we were small. Bran's 23, a grown ass adult man and the sound of his shout sent me right fucking back to being a kid in his house and him screaming at me up the stairs. I had no idea what the fuck to do, and if Bran didnt basically carry me outta there, I wouldn't of left because I was afraid. I was so fucking afraid of what would happen to me if I did. I considered fighting to stay, I was paralyzed with fear the whole time to the car ride to his fathers.

He takes 'pride' that he didnt hit us like Grandpa Porte did for him (which makes me disgusted ) since all 3 of us are super fucked up. My two sisters are unfortunately addicted to cocaine. So is my father. My mom does a lot of pain killers. It messes up my mentality to think that out of all of us, I'm the most sober and it drags all the way back to this fucking place, it all started with him and this fucking place. Mom got addicted to pain killers after my sisters and I were born because she was so miserable being here.

He never did set a good example for any of us and for my two other sisters, he babie's them. He still does because none of them talk to him anymore. My sisters haven't been to my father's house in over 5 years because he's such an abusive piece of shit. And because they dont talk to him, but they talk to me, he would get mad at me for them not responding to him. All of his anger about Allison and Vanessa always came out at me.

I was always afraid of my dad because he was, metaphorically, powerful. The community we live in, everyone has fallen for his narcissism, where he hasn't done anything wrong. I was afraid because it felt as though I was always being watched; I couldnt be anything less than perfect or else he would know. I couldn't skip school. I couldn't hang out with certain people. I couldn't do this or that or anything without him knowing. I couldnt trust that anyone here could help me.

Brandon's family were the first people I talked to about what happened, after Brandon told his father he knows and remembers being raped as a child. We were drinking at Raym's (something I seldom do) and Raymond asked me why my dad and mom broke up when they seemed so happy. It made me so pissed that even Raym, my father-in-law and the first man to ever love me like a daughter, could not see through his shit. I exploded, cried, talked about something that happened so long ago that it had... felt as if it hadn't happened. He listened, and at first he didn't believe it, but the thing was, he believed me.

When I was around 8-9, I saw my dad beat up my mom. My sister Vanessa (only 14) was already kicked out by my father, and my sister Allison (10-11) was hiding during this. I was traumatized and a foolish child who watched the whole thing. I watched my mom try to fight back, but her being so small (pain killer addiction) she couldn't. My dad dragged her by her hair through the dirt, he hit her in the face with a rock, punched her, kicked her. Even 13 years later, I can still hear her crying in the front yard, watching dad storm up the front porch and hearing him slam the door. I remember rushing to my room because I was afraid he would come upstairs. I remember the small creaks of the stairs that my mom use to follow and I followed as I lived there so the stairs wouldn't make a noise. I remember her washing off her face to remove the blood, but the bruises and scratches were still on the woman I loved more than I could ever know. I remember the quiet 8 minutes she gave us to pack and told us not to make a sound and her herding us past my father who stared furiously at her, but wouldn't touch her, because we were in front of her. I remember her crying in the car because she forgot her cellphone charger and we needed to find a place to live. We slept in the car at the back of the island, me lying in the back and my sister and her lying down in the front seat. The next morning we stopped at the house, and my mother begged me to run inside to grab her charger, and asked me because she knew he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't believe that after I saw what I saw. It was one of the worst things I have ever witnessed and when I walked inside, there sat my dad in the same spot. I also made an impulse decision to grab my favourite bear, slipped past the living room, right by his chair, grabbing her phone charger and then sneaking out the back door.

My mother was a food to drop the charges. That day was the moment my life truly when fucked up. My father rigged the CAS system and got coached by one of the councillors before he went in to claim his rights to us and he won. The reason we didnt go with him at first was because my sister and I broke down into tears, refusing to go anywhere my mother wasnt. That didnt stop them from trying to get us though. For years I moved back and forth between the two of them and I watched my mom get into abusive relationships. I watched my father abuse relationships. I've witnessed both of them doing drugs, and my sisters following them down that path. I remember being 13 and my mom telling me she had to go to the hospital for depression and how angry I was for her to let me to return to a place where I almost watched her die.

I remember a year after that, my mom had a miscarriage and my brother was gone. He would of been 9. She caught pneumonia while pregnant; she couldn't breathe and the doctors didnt know what to do.

I remember my old step dad dismissing what happened and leaving because my mom lost the baby, as well as most of her uterus. I remember my mom in the intensive care unit, so close to dying and my father begging her to come home. I remember angrily thinking that mom would be better dead than with you. I wanted to say it, but in reality, I didnt want my mom to die

[qtlitoang3l]

2018 .

another year down .. it went by very fast didnt it ? time is going by even faster .

2017 was a year full of roller coasters .. a lot of ups , but equally as many downs . i usually reflect my year in Dec/Jan so here it goes . January: I started school again . BIG step , considering i was out for 2 years before then . i remember how excited yet nervous i was . im so glad i did it . It was also the month that my good friend from high school , Brandon , told me that he was getting deployed (he’s in the army) in Feb . i was scared , but all i could do was pray for him to come back home alive . he came back home last month (Dec 2017) safe and sound . i thanked God for watching over him . unfortunately , a few days later , my dad got a heart attack .. now THAT was the scariest moment of my life . i still remember that day very clearly . it haunts me every time . ill never forget the sight of my dad holding his chest , sliding down the couch , and grabbed my hand for his life , grasping for breathe . after 3 days being in the hospital , he was discharged with meds and a new plan for his diet . my mom was by herself at work so my siblings and i had to go out to help while my dad was in the hospital . i knew how scared she gets when shes by herself . my dad and i werent on good terms for a year until this moment happened . i guess we both realized that life is so short and that anything could happen in a second . more importantly , im so glad he’s okay til this day . On a happier note , that was also the month that i purchased my first firearm ! so bad ass right ? The beginning of the year was rough , but it got better ! February: Had dinner with Brandon and Aimee b4 he got deployed . Again , i prayed for his safety . I went to a concert (william singe and alex aiono) , which was so fun . Not much happened that month . Had a valentine’s day dinner with the girls and with an old friend . 

March: this month was important because thats when i found that my sister was having a boy!! amazing news right ? and i could finally be an aunt ! I also watched the Lion King on broadway . i think thats a pretty cool thing to mention , right ? it was such a good show !

April: Finals month ... ugh . also my bday month .. didnt do anything cuz all my finals were on the week of my bday . Got my car fixed that month too after that bad car accident . ugh . May: went to a friend’s dowry , did my first 5K bubble run , went to a house warming party , picked up my mom from her 2 week vacation . she deserved it . Did i mention it was the first semester that i start a nursing course ? nerve-wracking!! 

June: My sister’s baby shower . SO FUN ! i decorated everything and bought this beautiful cake . everything was obviously blue :) i also remember having A LOT of exams back to back . not fun at all .

July: My nephew was born .. it was the best day ever . it changed my life . i am an auntie !! he made everyone so happy and everyone was so happy to see him . it was nice to see my whole family together and happy . I also went to a really fun wedding that month . 

August: After a brutal semester and final , I WENT TO LA !! its been forever since ive been on vacation !! i prefer to go with friends , but i went with my siblings . ups and down on that trip and wouldnt wanna travel again with them unless my parents were there . lesson learned and long story . still have pictures that i havent posted from that trip !

September: went to birthday dinners , a wedding , apartment warmings , a “bachelor” party (lol) and started school again . This was also the month that one of the doctors at DH passed away from breast cancer . it was a very gloomy time for my coworkers . i wasnt at work when everyone found out , but ive heard about it . everyone didnt want to work . the atmosphere completely changed . I went to her funeral , but only the beginning part . instead of being sad , we celebrated her life as a doctor and her passion for her career . it was a sad time and the world lost such a talented person . RIP Dr. Stanfield. at the end of the month my friend dan got married at city hall , which was everything he wanted . didnt have to spend a lot of money at all ! October: My friend threw a huge house party for his birthday . parties are not like they use to be . but because most of the ppl there were older , there wasnt much drinking or playing games , which was the sucky part . no one really wanted to do anything . not sure why , but it is what it is . Also did a photoshoot that month , which i havent done in a long time . forgot how much fun it was .

November: Ughhhh drama month out of all the other months , only because this girl is totally obsessed with her ex and hes literally the only thing she talks about . basically we went to the club and she KNEW he was gonna be there yet she decided to come with us . okay . she sees him , starts freaking out , gets all dramatic like “OMG he totally saw me” type of dramatic . it actually went as far as “i could get him kicked out RIGHT NOW if i wanted . i KNOW the bouncers here , dont test me” yeup .. DRAMA . it was entertaining at the same time . my mistake was that she could handle herself . no , she was totally sloppy and even fell.. in front of her ex .. nbd -.- GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER . i stopped hanging out with her .. i couldnt handle it the negative vibes . she came to the thanksgiving party the week after and of course she brought that weekend back and started venting about how she saw her ex and shit . i honestly didnt care . Anyways , thanksgiving with the sister’s in laws was alright . there was some questionable food that i had no idea what the mom was cooking though .. it was some weird things .

December: went to a holiday party , met and saw some friends . it was a good time ! that was also the month that i thought i was gonna fail but ended up passing in the end . THANK GOD . the whole week after the final , i literally went out every day to go drink . you can tell how much stress i was under . lol . i noticed that i was getting a cough , so i cooled down on the drinking after that week . figured i should take care of myself right ? i watched a cirque du soleil show . fantastic as usual . My friend duy asked me to part of this pageant because there was not enough girls .. hmm ... well i didnt wanna just compete because there werent a lot of girls .. so he sat me down and literally gave me a power point show as to why i should join . LOL . i appreciated the time and effort , so id do it for a friend in need . it’ll be fun ! maybe not intense as miss massachusetts but it’ll be a good experience . a big accomplishment that month was when i went snowboarding for the first time in my life !! omg it was so much more fun that i thought it was ! i was hesitant to go because my student that passed away from a snowboarding accident (RIP) , but i couldnt be afraid forever .. it was for him :)

And nooow .. we are in January !! crazy how much has happened in a year .. my resolution this year , besides spending time with my brother , is be more carefree and not care what other ppl think . i think i need to focus on being happy instead of trying to please others . i was told by someone .. that i should be myself more and ppl will see how fun/funny i am . haha , maybe i should ! i will def try . ive kept my guard up for a long time around a lot of ppl and i know ill regret it 50 years from now when im old . im gonna wish i was myself more .

as for you .. yes you .. you know exactly who you are .. i left a section specifically for you . its been a while .. a long while actually . you may or may not still read my .. “journal” .. i might just be writing this for no one to read and now one will ever see , but i guess ill never know . and its okay . even though youre not here anymore and you may not ever be anymore , im living my life the best way that i can , going through life like i never knew you . has it been hard ? yes . am i forgetting our memories ? .. i might have .. i mightve even forgotten what you look like . i dont go on your social media and you are prob doing the same . i think of you from time and time , but not in the way that you think . in a way that i hope you are doing well and only sending you positive vibes . i still pray for you and ask you to be watched over . anyways . i know youre mad .. and i understand . you’ll always have a hold of me .. but eventually .. i have to let that go .. or at least i have to learn how to . i miss our friendship , but i guess if i care about you that much .. i cant be selfish anymore . and i promise that after this , i wont be writing about you anymore .. it’ll all just disappear eventually .. my wish to you is to find happiness . i hope you can promise me that .. take care of yourself . 

[ifuckinhatemymom-blog]

Letting go of my fp

I was obsessed with him so much it put a strain on my relationship. It started before I was diagnosed. I didnt even know what was happening to me. Think of the biggest dickhead in the world, and imagine yourself infatuated with him. I even wondered if I had genuine feelings for him. I didnt, fucking obviously I didnt It was this fucking disorder warping everything and making my life a living hell Im not even sure why it happened. I usually keep people at a distance from me. I dont value peple in my life but he suddenly came in my life and he was the coolest, funniest, most charming son of a bitch I ever laid eyes on. (Seriously though, he is a fucking asshole.) He has a lot of issues of his own. Like super super depressed and self harming in every way you could think of. The friends group I was in? Everyone hated him. Treated him like shit, talked shit about him behind his back. I didnt understand why people could pretend to be his friend but hate him so much. It is so fucked. Anyway they probably had reason to hate him (theyre not excused from being fake assholes, he is still a fucking human being) because he was rude and mean. I was the only one who would properly call him out on his shit. I was also his biggest cheerleader and defender. I saw the positive side of him, saw how much pain he was in. I took it upon myself to try and "fix him". Lol. Obviously, that wasnt and is not and never will be possible. I became obsessed with helping him, being there for him, I forced my way into his life, I sledge hammered through the walls he had up whether he wanted it or not, and for a moment I felt so close to him and so happy because this was also the first time I had a friend of MY OWN? MINE? MY friend, because everyone-- including my girlfriend-- fucking hated him. I hadnt had an FP since I met my girlfridnd and that was 8 years ago. I had been giving HER my heart mind body and soul (dealing with the torment of that not being reciprocated for years. Honestly I feel like ill never trully feel im 100% her priority or like she loves me as much as I love her but fucking what ever). Anyway she was the one everyone was drawn to and I was always kind of the one off to the side, she would introduce people to me and thats how I would make friends. Do you see where im going with this? The preference everyone had for her over me was clear as day and I struggled with that and her being the center of attention for years. I was shy, awkwardly ugly as fuck, my fat didnt fall well on my young body yet, I was shit. Fucking pathetic and gross. She has BPD too. (Invalidated me alot when we were younger, I couldnt share any of my feelings without her making it obvious that I, and I quote, "will never be as crazy as her". I shit you not.) It all shifted when we joined a larp at this dingey little alternative school. By then, my skin was clear, my hair was the BRIGHTEST fucking pink you could imagine, still fat but I honestly wear it very well now, and my confidence was higher than it was since I was maybe 6 years old. Bitch. That group was eating out of the palm of my fucking hand. It was the first time that I was the group leader/head bitch in charge. She didnt seem to mind it! Said she was happy for me. But again. First time for me. He wanted to be my friend, too. He was intimidated I could feel it off him. It felt great. He respected me more than he did anyone else in the room and he made it apparent. I guess I internally knew him and I would be close friends and that everyone would be mad about it. One of the guys at the program was oddly possesive over me and he particularly hated my FP the most out of everyone. Started treating me different as FP and I got closer. Exluding me, doing things to pin me and FP against each other. Shit got weird. There is a whole ass history when it comes to that boy but ill bitch about that in another post. Anyway as I was trying to say before getting sidetracked, the minute I laid eyes on FP it was almost instant? I could read his vibe(badass bad boy asshole the fucking works), and on top of that he was attractive. Instant. I needed him to be my friend. My close, cool, bad ass friend. Fast forward to me crying to my brothers because my girlfriend was fed up with the little relationship I had going on with him. I began to resent her, thinking that she wasnt allowing me to have friends of my own when deep down I knew what the fuck I was doing was wrong and if I were her I would have cussed me AND FAUGHT HIM a looooong time ago, but I was lying to myself and to her. He has a girlfriend he loves very much, yet he would do things on purpose to make my girlfriend jealous? Like one time when I was running late to the program (no surprise) my girlfriend didnt have a phone at the time, I was texting him and shit telling him when I would be there and shit like that. And you know what he does? He says "its a shame you dont have a phone, because shes texting me instead of you right now." To my girlfriend. Needless to say when she told me this shit I was pissed off but did I say anything to him? No. I was hurt, though. Because just like everyone else in my fucking life, he was using me to get to her even if in a negative way. He kept doing little shit like this. He invited me over his house to play with his pets in front of my girlfriend and purposely excluding her (he had promised her she could visit and meet his cat a few weeks prior) And what did I do? Like a giddy pink school girl, I anxiously agreed to go to his house alone. in front of her. I did it because I never get asked to hang out on my own. I wanted him to be my friend and have someone be only mine for once. My distorted thinking was making me not care about how it made my girlfriend feel, because inside I was in her shoes countless times and it was sort of a silent revenge. He was toxic. I mean toxic. I felt ignored often, belittled, made to feel like I was a stupid little girl and like he was above me and like he needed to baby me, when really I was helping him better himself. A real asshole. Class A shit. My best friend and my girlfrend hated him so much at this point. It must have been so obvious to everyone else. I feel so fucking stupid. Just the other day I was trying to talk to him about some basic shit and he again ignored me and sent a meme instead. He did that thing often where you can say something to him but he will change the subject to what ever it was he wanted to be talking about, completely ignoring anything I had to say. Questions, statements, talking about my dreams or wants, opinions, all fucking ignored like it didnt fuckng matter. The other day I brought it up. He used excuses and didnt even try to listen or say sorry or that he would try and fix it. None of that. And I guess im just going to have to accept that I will never be special to him, im not valuable enough to him for him to even care or listen. Fuck him. Im fucking done with him. My girlfriend and I and the relationship isnt centered around him and I anymore, I think ive let go of him months ago but its becoming more concrete these days. I let him go the first time for her, because at the end of the day I love her over everyone and no one will ever change that... but it wasnt for me. I didnt do it to save myself I did it to save the relationship, I distanced myself. This time im letting go because im finally accepting that I need to do it for my own sake. For me. For my health. My sanity. Good bye FP. I hope this never happens to me again. -nani P.S I will try and dissect this entire situation in bpd terms at some later point. Like what caused my certain behaviors, what was happening because of my illness and trauma, a general analysis of it from what would maybe be more of a psychiatric view. Im no professional but despite all my shit im super analitical and im good at looking at cause, effect, rationalizing etc. When it comes to others and after im finished having a personal experience.