#she knows what shes doing is horrific and shes doing it anyway
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Not over Cait threatening to throw some guy in prison in front of her gf who was wrongfully imprisoned and tortured for a decade
#arcane#i see people discussing and debating caits terrible actions but i havent seen anyone talk about this???#girl you know the prison system is fucked they beat the shit out of your girlfriend#in season one you could excuse her for being privileged and sheltered from the reality of the world#but girl you saw what happens to prisoners you saw it#she knows what shes doing is horrific and shes doing it anyway#arcane vi#arcane caitlyn#caitvi
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
as someone who’s never liked timsteph i find it so funny that i just accidentally talked myself into a revrob au of them. revrob au where war games happens, steph (~15) gets captured & tortured, except this time tim (~16) comes in to try & help but due to [unforeseen circumstances] no one comes as backup, and they’re both tortured, leading to steph’s red hood era via being resurrected somehow by arthur brown and tim’s oracle era brought on via complications due to torture.
tim’s the one person steph won’t target, and steph’s the one person tim can’t really get angry with about killing, because they get it.
#THE ONLY EXCEPTION💥💥💥 except it’s like a kinda horrifically toxic relationship#steph is pissed that tim survived & is still condescending to her via his ‘as long as u don’t target the kids i won’t interfere’ shit#and tim wishes he died instead because now literally everyone knows abt him bc he was publicly kidnapped & recovered#tim was with steph as she died and she’s very grateful for that. tim is annoyed bc she didn’t have to deal w the aftermath like he did#like they have the worlds most unhealthy relationship but also it works bc their care outweighs their hatred#& then u also get fun convos where tim can’t stand damian/b/duke saying that what steph is doing is wrong bc *they weren’t there*#tim drake#batfam#dc#stephanie brown#anyway. i have never shipped timsteph. i dont know where the brainrot came from. i’m having fun here tho#reverse robins#tim becomes a biomedical / doctor esque thing and works in r&d at drake industries 👍#he’s the one steph goes to when she’s hurt. he can’t talk anymore & he trusts that she’ll always listen to him even when she doesn’t want to#anyways. what happened here.#(tim ends up having to kill black mask to escape bc he was held there even after steph died. bc he had info she didn’t.)#(it’d be hypocritical if he got angry at her killing ppl who did bad things.)#i know tim & damian are on good-ish terms when they’re adults but that tim still is fine w steph hunting damian /b/duke#bc ‘he got his chance to chew them out. now it’s her turn.’ i have no clue about literally anyone else yet tho#thoughts
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw someone say they're we're happy Alicent's and Otto's deaths forced them "realize what they had done" and like...
Otto's one thing, I get the animosity. but Alicent? your getting hot and bothered over her realizing she failed, she failed to save her children, she failed to protect them, to them alive? that she tried so hard, so fucking hard, making every hard decision, trying to get between her children and the fate they were damned to by Viserys and Rhaenyra? that she damned her kids, who were already damned to die to begin with, and had to suffer the guilt of them dying to her own hand? that she's going to drive herself mad with grief over her children, her grandchildren?
like... it's not satisfying (especially for show Alicent) watching a woman go so mad with grief it literally kills her because she fought with everything she had to save her children only for them to die anyway. ever since her father's exile, when Rhaenyra's lies took Viserys's favor, when Viserys ignored the Rhaenyra's sons bastardhood at the risk of the whole house, or when Luke took Aemond's eye and Viserys demanded good will; she knew her children's lives were forfeit. then Daemon killed Vaemond and her children's coffins were built, catching cobweb's all the while. she knew and she fought it desperately, taking risk after risk, living in fear until her moment came, she could out Aegon on the thrown, she could protect her kids, maybe, just fucking maybe they'd be safe... only for it to lead to a war that would kill her entire family.
her death, slow and tragic as it was, is heartbreaking. she didn't deserve it, she deserved to feel safe, to feel as though she could allow her past friend take the thrown without her children being at risk to feel as though she and her children weren't being circled by wolves and picked at by vulture's. she didn't deserve to live alone and die alone. she didn't deserve to have her hands coated in her children's blood.
#the fact that her (amongst many other greens deaths) get so many TB fans dicks hard is actually nauseating#like do you not realize how fucking awful her death is going to be?#like I cant imagine her pain#imagine risking it all after years of literal torture by her own families hand#her father manipulation. Viserys's abuse snd neglect. Rhaenyra's betrayal.#to save her kids#knowing they were damned#thst they would die if she didnt try#and than they died horrifically anyway#despite her efforts to save them#to be a good mother#to not fail them???#and this isnt to blame her if that isnt clear#its just such a fucked up situation she was in#they were going to die regardless (in my opinion the war was going to happen no matter what they did and it would have claimed their lives)#but in trying to save them it felt like it was her fault#if you get what i mean#which makes her descent into madness so sickeningly horrific#alicent hightower#alicent my beloved#pro team green#pro alicent hightower#hotd#house of the dragon
222 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s 5:20am i cannot sleep i am consumed with thoughts and yearning for keigo takami i need to be euthanized
#literally these days all i do is Lay Awake and Wither Away#the nightmares have been exponentially worse lately#fun fact ur local fanfic author has Problems.#idk man there’s just something haunting about having reoccurring nightmares about your ex and every time u close ur eyes it’s throwing u#right back into the pit of hell that was that relationship#it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine i just no Longer Trust People#anyways this is a vent post and it is so cringe and lame#i just have never Hated an ex before so there’s a lot i’m coming to terms with especially considering how Fake he is#idek man IDEK!!!!!1!!1!1!#i rlly sacrificed so much to love and live with him and he said ‘mmmmmm now i have u in my grip’#whatever it’s fine he’s stinky and honestly the fact honey (the blog intern and my cat) doesn’t miss him AT ALL says so much#seriously she is so nonplussed by his absence it’s wild#eating fine sleeping fine shitting fine#SAYS A LOT. SAAAAYS A LOT. whatever whatever whatever#i would hit that emotionally immature man with my car if given the chance and yknow what. nick if ur reading this you’re one of the#most.#emotionally immature people ive ever had the misfortune of knowing.#what a shame you lost me#the best thing and healthiest thing that ever happened to you#because of your own actions and your own inability to take accountability for your mental health and actions#tell your mom i say hi#and tell your exes im sorry i ever doubted any of them x_x#WEEEEE what a vent#listen to big sister birbs when she says don’t date men who have something horrific to say about each of their exes
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
extremely frustrating situation
#overly long winded explanation incoming#so i’m gonna be living with two friends starting this fall#my parents bought a little townhouse and we’re renting from them#so they’re getting all of the paperwork and contracts and leases figured out#and these two friends are just. awful with deadlines. horrific. just the worst.#my dad has been flexible but he’s had to keep nagging them again and again to get these forms signed and whatever#and one of them finally finished the whole process and she’s good to go#but the other one still just needs to get the lease signed/notarized with their dad. like. asap. like within a few days.#and i’m trying my best to be like heyyyy sorryyyy not trying to nag or anything but we do need that ASAP…. it should be quick and easy…#i know you’re working double shifts every single day and your dog just died im so sorry#but my parents say you should be able to just go to the bank during a lunch break to get it notarized…..#please don’t be mad at me or my parents for saying we need this Now…… i’m sorry i know you have a lot going on but we do Need that done#right away….#anyway i don’t want you to be mad at me or think i’m just nagging so here’s a topic change! oh you didn’t respond to the topic change.#fuck me then. god. i can’t tell if you’re mad at me or not but i have the suspicion you Are. and that’s making Me mad at You#like god man just come the fuck on already you’ve missed every other deadline up to this point too. can you please just FUCKING get#everything submitted so we can stop worrying about it and just get excited to live together!! because it’s gonna be fun!!#but it’s worrying me too bc like… if this is how they’re acting before we’re even living together#and they’re missing all of these deadlines#am i gonna have to nag them to pay their rent every month?#it’s just frustrating bc it feels like they’re taking advantage of the fact that it’s my parents and not some other landlord#so they don’t think the deadlines my parents set are like. actual deadlines#meanwhile if it WASNT my parents they’d literally be out of a place to live because the housing market is so fucked there#and if you don’t get everything submitted within The Day then you’re no longer a candidate to rent the place#if you can even get to that point in the first place#so like. my parents are being exceptionally flexible and obv i can’t really know what this friend’s thought process is#but it feels like they’re just kinda taking them for granted and taking advantage of their kindness#like fuck dude just please come on
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
{Hero Archetypes: The More... something version}
The Fallen Hero You are the Fallen Hero, a tragic embodiment of betrayal, vengeance, or perhaps a heart-wrenching love story turned awry. Whether exposed to corrupting influences, manipulated by deal-makers, brainwashed, extorted, blackmailed, or witnessing the destruction of sacred bonds, your descent into darkness is marked by profound sorrow and loss. You might have turned for the sake of greed. Yet within, a lingering spark of hope remains, compelling you to reluctantly extend assistance to the newcomers. Motivated by the sincere desire to shield them from the same tragic fate you endured, you find yourself driven to guide and protect, despite the shadows of your own past.
tagged by: @tarnishedxknight tagging: anyone!!
#quiz#((*taps fingers together* I have;;; thoughts on this#so this isn't. quite accurate for Gylfie as she does have morals and does act for what is good#which is going against Vayne and fighting for all of Ivalice instead of continuing to blindly go with Archadia's expansion#because she knows Vayne will destroy Ivalice in his constant need for power and Archadia will devour herself before she's full#so Gylfie never fell in the sense of turning on what is right and following Vayne without question#or continuing to believe that it was the destiny of the Empire to conquer all#with that all said - I can see her having a corruption arc and I think that'd be fun to explore heh#but also this is accurate with how Gylfie sees *herself*#I really should write a post about this at some point lol#but Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person whatsoever. She used to believe Archadia was the best of the best for *years*#and felt it appropriate for the Empire she loved so much to continue her expansion and that Rozarria was 100% the enemy#and... never thought twice about the smaller kingdoms caught in the warpath#her mother's criticism of Archadia slowly began to chip at that but she wasn't disillusioned until Nabudis because *that*#was something she absolutely couldn't get behind no matter how she felt about the Empire. it was a horrific and brutal act that greatly#disturbed her and really snapped her out of it#also Ffamran leaving did make her start to question things a bit but not quite enough#anyway my point is: Gylfie doesn't believe herself to be a good person. she believes herself to be a *product* of war#to be too much like her father to be a good person#and that she's done so much harm that there is no room for her to be good#with that said she doesn't necessarily see herself as a horrible person but. definitely not a good one#and ABSOLUTELY doesn't see herself as *any* kind of hero - she'd honestly just laugh if someone called her one#but she had been brainwashed essentially and she had witnessed destruction of sacred bonds#and she has acted selfishly and she has done horrible things in the name of the Empire#but she also tries so hard to do *right* despite it all. she *wants* Archadia to be better#she *wants* Ivalice to remain whole and she does what she can to see Vayne defeated and Archadia changed for the better#her goal of becoming Judge Magister changes from her believing it was her birthright to her wanting to be one to make sure Archadia#stays on track and continues to do better under Larsa's rule because she knows he'll make the Empire *better*#and she's willing to do whatever she can to protect him and protect Archadia's future#but with that she may have to do things that wouldn't necessarily be considered *good*
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think over covid my m*ther was using the situation to make me not hate her for being a kinda terrible person but I'm having realisations because currently I don't have the threat of my grandmother hanging over my head. how fucked up is it that she refused to let me pursue university on my own terms
#I wasn't allowed to consider music I wasn't allowed to go to another city because I would have to live in a dorm alone#I originally intended to attempt to go to a foreign uni just so I had a chance to escape and on the night where they had all the uni info#there was a booth with info on how to get into a yank college and I took the leaflet because it was a foreign uni#and when my m*ther saw it she screamed her head off at me. that's not right!!!#after I realised I couldn't do that because I wasn't capable of doing all I needed to on my own#I was trying to delay it by maybe six months so I could get my shit together by pointing out I NEEDED a break from education#like I'd gone through a horrific grade twelve and ok we all know what my experience with education is at this point#I was not ready to attend uni! I needed time away from educational settings but was I allowed to do that? no!#actually I wanted to take a gap year anyway since like. 2016. just to decide what I wanted to do#guess what I got in response to that? 'you aren't taking a gap year because you can't get a job'#because apparently the only reason you take a gap year is to work.#it wasn't even a financial thing but even if it was that maybe should've been explained#so I got shoved. into a degree I did not want. I'm completing it but at this fucking point man#I can't cope with it?
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay abt to sleep but consider: AU where cassidy survives but only because her brother is killed instead and she is the most vengeful, angry 13-year-old ( or older, if it's years later ) who will do anything to find out and literally actually kill william herself—
#☽—— ⸢ ooc ⸥#☽—— ⸢ wishlist ⸥#f n a f /#murder mention tw#child death mention tw#'why wouldn't she find proof and report him' because she doesn't trust the world and DEF not the law#but also because she wants to kill him and you know what good for her#anyway this is prob the singular circumstance where i'd do an au where she lived#i think her dynamic with any william would be CRAZY if she started to suspect him#esp because i HC she went to the diner a LOT as a kid ( esp w/ her brother ) in any verse#because it was an escape from home life#and i'm not opposed to her ( in any verse again ) having had a decent relationship with william#because you know the manipulative bastard targets victims who need / want something or who have shitty lives#PS /heavily/ implies that with fruit m.aze and midn.ight motorist#tbh she's the definition of sb who needs any adult whatsoever to give a shit abt her#i think the idea that she finally sorta trusts him & obv he horrifically betrays that trust works well even in canon verse#on an unrelated note i think her and mike could've been friends or at least friendly given that i write cass as a bit older#than the other victims. i think she would see his whole 'demonized by the community thing' & Get It#because they don't generally like her much either. she's rebellious kinda has an attitude very androgynous in the 80s etc
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i wrote my funt.ime foxy one time which means i now have brainrot abt how early on foxy absolutely has this mindset of like. that's my dad! my creator! i love him! and because there's a certain sentimentality involved in the fact that these are his creations and his alone, william isn't even like. opposed to that. like, william interacting with the classic animatronics and treating them as Just Robots even when they show signs of sentience due to possession/agony/remnant VS him very much interacting with the funt.imes as semi-sentient beings. and then there's foxy (and potentially the others) who isn't initially aware of what his purpose is, who is excited to entertain and show off and prove himself! and then has to come to grips with something extremely horrific that is fully out of her control and quite literally consumes her very nature.
these are the reasons i'm always talking abt beating my william to death on the multi
#—— ✧ ooc »#.tbd.#(for anyone not following the multi (you should fkdhsal come write with my fn.af bbies) my foxy uses he/she pronouns)#associates my other fn.af muses with my william and then gets mad that he's Like That lmao#btw his treatment of the funt.imes extends to how he treats the glamr.ocks in his SB verse#esp if he made them himself#anyway i know that baby's claim of not knowing what she was doing/purely following programming could've been a lie#but i think it's horrifically worse if it's not#and for my foxy it's def true. imagine only caring about being an entertainer and then your own code and body betrays that#in the most horrific way imaginable because it's what your creator wanted and now there's blood on YOUR hands#hehe me looking back over this post and realizing i'm accidentally making funt.ime foxy - mike correlations again WHOOPS BYE#something something the robot your father made for you also has pseudo-father trauma & massive guilt that's not his own#i want to clarify i didn't intend that but now that i've realized it will be FULLY intentional <3#the way i debated which blog to post this on because it really is half abt foxy and half abt william
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
Ignore
#delete later#as awful as the past couple of weeks have been in terms of intrusive thoughts and random waves of panic and intense emotions and#blankness. there have also been random patches that have been. okay. and that is how i know my medication is working#bc the times ive been like this and not medicated? there has been no reprieve#like although i feel. awful and useless and am internalising my work failures in a non helpful way that im trying to fight#i am having moments of#hey we're okay. they raised an issue in a way that was gentle bc youre a good employee usually. and honestly although you#feel terrible for fucking up. someone you care about very much died a month ago. you have been experiencing a mental health#almost crisis (i refuse to call it a full crisis bc im not self destructing really badly) and quite frankly the fact that you're functioning#at all is. pretty decent. youre trying. i am of course having moments where im convinced that they hate me and want to fire me immediately#but that has no evidence. and the fact that i know it has no evidence is a pretty insane piece of progress#shout out to my therapist from two courses ago who drilled the moral shit into my head.#she genuinly helped me a lot with this.#also was really really hoping for the usual christmas bonus this year bc my finances are tighter than usual but the company had a#lean year so no bonuses for anyone. so dont have the leeway to try out sliding scale therapy for a while. but it is what it is.#this will pass. its just been a rough four months and i havent had a break. ive also been waiting fir thr other shoe to drop at work#and it finally has so i can at least stop torturing myself over maybes. im getting my meds. i can refer myself to nhs depression#therapy. which will be mostly useless and the same as it always is but it tends to help me feel like im trying to progress which is still#helpful in some small way. it will be what it will be. one day at a time and all that jazz#this is also how these things go for me. i lose it slowly over a month or so. have a horrific couple weeks until a day of a genuine#full breakdown. i survive that day and the day after and then slowly start clawing myself up again. ive just had a few breakdown#days this time. what can ya do. is what it is. im sure I'll have another breakdown soon as i can tell im not done crying#and will almost certainly have a breakdown at my parents bc i am not good at hiding the dead eyed look and mum will#definitely clock im being weirder than usual with food and touching things. so there'll be a#anyway nevermind. ill do what i must
0 notes
Text
i'm getting tired of realizing that xyz situation was traumatic.
#goddamn trauma onion over here.#keep peeling back different layers. finding more#it's annoyinggg ugh#i'm realizing recently i have a lot more trauma due to the horror of being autistic and not knowing it.#just. different horrific situations that i was in where i had no idea the people around me had negative feelings towards me only to have it-#-all come crashing down— from my perspective— for no reason at all.#anyways my high school gf's best friend's family banned me from their home because they all thought i was like.#a ticking time bomb about to kill them all or something. and i had no clue?? i thought like.#that we were all friends. i thought they liked me.#and that hurt obviously.#but what really hurts is that my gf continued to go there. like. she would have me drop her off still.#and i wasn't allowed to even get out of my car.#like. despite how they demonized me she still spent time with them. had me DRIVE HER to them.#it kinda fucked me up i'm realizing.#she cheated on me with him lol. go figure#they're still together! afaik#i don't harbor any negative feelings towards her we were seventeen y'know. stupid kids.#i don't think she could've realized how much that fucked with my head.#i hope they've both grown.#i do hold something of a grudge towards him still admittedly. he kind of bullied me in school.#and that's a whole other thing y'know. intentionally cruelty and all that.#bite.txt#—peter
0 notes
Text
a source of angst, drama, and character study that ime is sorely underexplored is haru's willingness to forgive her Objectively Horrific father but not akechi. I have takes on it.
#☢️.txt#the overall take is 'trauma is complicated and sometimes its just like this'#but i do think the longer haru is removed from being an abused teenager the more she realizes#oh. that was actually that bad. it was even more horrific than i processed at the time.#i also think she gets a better understanding of just how exploitative and awful her father's business practices were#as she becomes more involved with the business herself + starts founding her own cafes#to be clear i dont think she forgives akechi or necessarily *should* so much as i think its interesting#i also just want her to have to confront the idea that a lot of people are glad her father died. and its for reasons#that are just as legitimate as the reasons she was devastated. because of the Complexity there#smth smth the haru vs akechi vs yusuke approach to having an awful father#haru's desperation to restore a dad she lost. akechi wanting to destroy shido at all costs while craving shreds of 'affection'.#yusuke going from blind rage at madarame to quietly believing that he did love him. it wasnt all a lie.#akechi finds both of their views very upsetting! because he's physically incapable of not taking things personally.#but part of it is also that. they have *some* reason to believe those things. their dads sucked and akechi does think they deserved to die!#but apparently okumura was a decent father once upon a time. apparently madarame wasnt always terrible.#akechi doesnt have that because he knows damn well theres nothing in shido's words. everyone knows what shido thought of akechi.#anyways. some day maybe ill write this!#roz hcs
1 note
·
View note
Text
thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:
the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)
it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.
"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)
as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.
that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.
#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles#and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words#whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being#wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what#you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family#is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad
607 notes
·
View notes
Text
a year ago, i was celebrating simchat torah when my rabbi interrupted the services to let us know there had been an attack on israel. we didn’t know how bad yet, but we prayed everything would be alright. the rest of the service went on as planned, but there was a chill in the air, like we knew something had changed. something big. but we didn’t quite understand it yet.
a year ago, i watched people i’d followed for years celebrate a gruesome massacre of over a thousand human beings before we even really knew what had happened. i watched anons pour into my inbox, demanding i condemn israel even though israel hadn’t even retaliated yet.
a year ago, i talked to my nonna on facetime for her birthday. she was in her 90s and wasn’t as present anymore, and i could barely focus because my thoughts were thousands of miles away. i promised her i’d call her the next day but my next day became scrolling past horrific photos and videos i didn’t want to see, posts celebrating the attacks, posts telling people that if they didn’t celebrate the attacks that they were bad people. she died two weeks later and the same people sharing the posts celebrating the massacre sent me messages telling me it was good my nonna was dead, or extremely crude and disgusting messages about what they wanted to do to her dead body because she was “probably a zionist.”
a year ago, i worked at a synagogue that started getting dozens of calls and emails from people, across the spectrum from neo nazis to evangelical christians to radical leftists saying the most horrific things, telling us it was our fault, that we had to do something, that it was on us. we were responsible. an anon told me i was a zionist because i had a zionist language on my blog (hebrew) and worked at a zionist institution (synagogue).
a year ago, i started losing friends one by one after many of them started to share posts justifying or celebrating the massacre or memes created by neo nazis, some of which didn’t even bother to sub out “jews” for “zionists” but they shared them anyway. i was pushed out of an activist group after months of begging them to stop using antisemitic language because i had the audacity to tell a white gentile in the group not to say racist things about a black indigenous jew behind her back, and said gentile told me he didn’t have to listen to me and that he could “claim” the holocaust too because his ancestors were from eastern europe.
a year ago, i watched in real time as the world i thought i knew, the world in which jews had a future and safety in the united states, crumbled day after day. people that previously went out of their way to take care of me and support me decided that because i didn’t feel comfortable marching alongside pictures of hitler i must be a zionist and therefore no longer belonged. the person processing my government aid didn’t want to approve me because i worked for a synagogue part time and argued that the synagogue should just pay me more because “they can afford it.” my synagogue, which has been involved in social justice since its founding several decades ago, along with its rabbis who have been just as involved, were abandoned by the communities they had put their blood, sweat, and tears into advocating for when they had the audacity to grieve for the dead of october 7th.
a year ago, i learned the hard way that we are not special in this time. antisemitism is a river that has ebbed and flowed for thousands of years, and i felt like a fool for thinking a dam could be built overnight.
a lot of people say that every day of this year for them has been october 7th, but for me every day has been october 8th. the day after the initial shock, when reality started to sink in. the realization that all the people who had shared “happy rosh hashanah” posts or complimented my kippah or pretended to care about harry potter goblins were quickly dropping the facade. that my token minority card had expired and now having a jew in their group didn’t look diverse, it looked “sympathetic toward israel.” every day has been a painful reminder that no one else is grieving like we are, and a large number of those people are angry that we are grieving. they don’t understand that we’re not just grieving the lives lost and the hostages. we’re grieving for the world we thought we knew, a world where we might have a chance to thrive like we did in the golden age of spain. but those golden years are ending. and that is one of the things we are grieving.
a lot of people also say that they wish they could go back to who they were on october 6th, but i don’t. i’m glad the illusion was shattered, that i can see more clearly who will stand with jews even if they face backlash, who will challenge their antisemitic biases and do the hard work to unlearn them, and who did not have to be asked twice to share literal nazi rhetoric if it meant feeling like a hero. i’m glad the masks are coming off because it means you can’t gaslight us anymore and tell us it’s all in our heads. we can see you for exactly who you are now. and we will not let you break us.
i don’t want to be living forever in october. i don’t want the blissful ignorance of october 6th, but i also don’t want the bitter anger of october 8th. i want to stand up for what i believe in, to celebrate my culture and my people, and no amount of intimidation or harassment will keep me from loving my jewishness. you have shown me i can no longer live in october 6th, but i refuse to let you keep me in october 8th.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
in 2020 when vanessa hudgens said "people will die, which is terrible, but like, inevitable," she was rightfully criticized by a ton of people, but now that's how almost everyone approaches covid. in 2022 when the then-director of the cdc rochelle walensky said it was "really encouraging" that mostly "people who were unwell to begin with" were the ones dying and not abled people, she was also widely criticized (though mostly by more left-leaning people and disability justice advocates). both of those statements were considered horrific things to say and devaluing the lives of people who were dying from covid.
but covid didn't stop spreading, it didn't stop mutating, it didn't stop killing and disabling people, the vaccines don't fully prevent it, you can catch it even if you're not uniquely vulnerable- and having had a covid infection before makes you more vulnerable, anyway. regardless of what the cdc or your boss wants you to think it's not safe to unmask just because everyone else is doing it.
i understand that the cdc and politicians have been minimizing covid for years, i understand most people don't know you need a kn95/kf95/n95/etc mask to stop the virus, i understand most people don't know that you can spread covid asymptomatically or presymptomatically, i understand that there's been a complete failure to communicate the dangers of covid to the public, i understand most people don't even know what long covid is or how covid can completely ruin your life without killing you. i understand that a lot of people don't know, but there are also people who do know and they don't care. or who are vaguely aware of the dangers of covid but choose not to pay attention to it because it's scary or inconvenient.
but we're five years into the pandemic and people have, for the most part, given up on caring, and i'm running out of patience and understanding and the ability to be nice about it. bc if you're not masking in your day to day life, that means that you've on some level accepted that "people will die, which is terrible, but like, inevitable," and that you're fine with contributing to that. i feel like one morning i woke up in a world that went from condemning that sentiment to fully embracing it overnight. and that's something i don't think i can ever really understand or sympathize with.
687 notes
·
View notes