disillusionedjudge

[disillusionedjudge]

characters that are just. flat. after it’s over. on purpose. refusing to show the scar tissue and determined to keep moving forward. curt conversations. dressing their wounds but not resting and eating without enjoying it. practical to the point of brutality. one foot in front of the other. if they can just be nothing they don’t have to be hurt, and if they aren’t hurt it never happened.

[disillusionedjudge]

*lifts your chin with a blade* (flirting)

[disillusionedjudge]

((I didn't forget about this, I just crashed hard when I got home fsdjhgfdg - also, now that I'm sitting and thinking about it, I think this would be better with an au involving Gerun or another Occuria rather than Venat, just given Venat's goals vs the rest of their kin. Idk, this is still a half-baked au, tbh

anyway, some details under the cut! Not a whole lot just because this was a very sudden au and I would need to sit on it longer to work out all the details, heh. Also, this is the song I was listening to that inspired this! Particular the chorus, which is "I'm hearing voices in my head / I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna fear / I'm seeing monsters in my bed / I don't wanna see, I don't wanna fear / Say you ain't afraid of nothing / Everybody is scared of something"

so, I've talked about this, vaguely, before with how Gylfie could easily slide into a corruption au akin to Anak.in Skyw.alker, and if this were to be an actual corruption au, Venat/Gerun would perfectly fit the role of Palpa.tine. I mean, they'd fit a similar role whether this is a full corruption arc or Gylfie getting in over her head and realizing too late what's happening, but, yeah. That's still the sort of direction it could go, heh

the non-corruption version of this would fall in a similar line to the corruption version, but Gylfie never crosses the point of no return, so to speak. In this, the Occuria still recognizes she's vulnerable and would be easy to manipulate, and if it's with Venat, Gylfie would realize there's far more at play when they reveal themself to Ashe & Co after they find Mjrn. If it's Venat, I don't see them letting her know about their friendship with Vayne or Cid, because they know that will immediately drive Gylfie away from them, but they also don't let Vayne and Cid know either so they can't muck it up. But seeing Venat leave Mjrn would snap Gylfie out of whatever mindset she's in with them, and she'd switch gears to try and sway Ashe away from helping Gerun and the other Occuria with their goal of wiping out Archadia.

now, the corruption au definitely has more meat to it for what it is rn, heh. Venat or Gerun or some other Occuria would recognize that Gylfie is... frankly, fragile mentally. She's angry, she's got a lot of hurt rotting inside of her, and she, generally, has a lot of issues she's not working out. So, it'd be easy for them to swoop in early enough in - frankly, it can happen around the time she's 16/17, when she almost dies, because that's when things start declining - and slowly start earning her trust. They tell her things she wants to hear, like she's good enough and the others have failed to see her worth, that she deserves the rank she desires most, that they see her for who she is, etc etc, and they get in her head. They have her trust, they have control, and they just need to bide their time. And when Gabranth and Drace come into the picture, and she gets close to them and they become a family, the Occuria can use that to their advantage as well by using her fears of losing them, of being alone, against her, much like how Palp.atine uses Anak.in's fear of losing Pa.dmé against him. They tell her they can help her save them, that she can save everyone who matters to her, as long as she listens to them.

slowly, and this is where it really becomes more Gerun or a different Occuria than Venat, they change Gylfie's gears of taking down House Solidor (excluding Larsa) to taking down Archadia. That, for those she loves to be safe, for all of Ivalice to be safe, Archadia needs to go. Which means, at some point, she becomes an enemy of Ashe and Vayne, because her goals are different from theirs. Vayne wants to seize control from the Occuria for mankind, Ashe wants to be herself and free Ivalice of Venat and Vayne and the Occuria, and Gylfie wants to destroy Archadia at the wishes of the Ocurria, and unintentionally bring Ivalice down as well. That way, the Occuria can start over, and it'll be like they never existed, just like they'd done time and time again in some capacity. And, when Drace dies and Gabranth loses control, Gylfie feels like she failed them, so... what else is there for her to lose? Everything could've been prevented, it's House Solidor's fault. It's Archadia's fault. It's everyone's fault, including your own.

also, something I've been wanting to talk about but something I haven't been able to quite figure out how to word it, is that Bur-Omisace is the point where Gylfie is lost. And I don't necessarily mean from a corruption standpoint, though that could've easily spun into that, but her losing whatever scrap she had left of herself.

Gylfie, at her core, is funny. She likes cracking jokes and, playfully, having fun with her loved ones. She's adventurous and full of heart, and there is a goodness to her that's long been weathered away, but not completely. She's like that with Gabranth in Drace, in private moments, and especially with any ships she has, or any friendships she's able to develop and hold onto. It's a side of her that Balthier recognizes and knows, because she's like that with him and Fran, despite everything. But she's spent so long broken down and holding onto her pain that it's rotted inside of her, that it's chained and muzzled her, so it's hard for her to show it or be the person she used to be. Being a Judge has defined her very being, and she's dangerously close to losing herself completely. But it's something that was avoidable, and especially so when she travels with Ashe & Co to protect Larsa. Like the little lordling, Gylfie's able to loosen up and develop a bond with them, free of the pressures of her rank and Empire and eyes always watching, and it seems like she can turn around after all.

And then everything goes wrong on Bur-Omisace. She, with everyone else, learns that Gramis and Drace are dead, and Vayne is now Emperor. Bergan goes mad, Takrin tries to escape to make her out to be a traitor to eliminate her, and she kills him. And as much as she hated him, she... never wanted to kill him. But she did, his blood is on her hands, and something in her mind snaps. Baltheir and Fran see it, because her gaze is colder. It's harder. And she knows SIlas can't be trusted, despite him backing her up and promising to keep the truth a secret, everything threatening to crush her, and she feels like she's going to buckle beneath the weight of it all. She fears for Gabranth, fears for her Empire and Ivalice, and wants nothing more to end it all by killing Vayne herself. I actually wrote a drabble a while ago if about her slipping control, if y'all are interested, you just can't question why I wrote in present tense sgkhjgsfd

While her losing control may not be as violent as Gabranth, his death... did nothing to help. With his death, Gylfie's gone - she takes her place as Judge Magister of the Third Bureau, something she always wanted but no longer does, and can take no pride in it. She's earned her place through blood spilt by her own hand, through losing those she loved, and she has nothing. Her rank cannot fill the whole in her chest or change anything - it cannot change the fact she's a dog. It cannot change the fact she's a bastard half-breed masquerading around as the last remaining Ynarra, one of Archadia's deeply respected noble Houses alongside House Solidor. It cannot change the fact she failed to protect Drace and Gabranth. It cannot change the fact she has hurt all those she held dear. While her anger dies, so does her spirit, and she's very much so the shell of her former self. She goes about her duties almost listlessly, but she is still an ever-present threat to anyone who dares attempt to hurt Larsa or Archadia. Her cold, hollow demeanor is not without its teeth, but she has lost all that matters. She is alone, and she will remain that way. She got everything she always wanted, but at too great a cost.

((Venat au with Gylfie? 👀

[disillusionedjudge]

((Venat au with Gylfie? 👀

[disillusionedjudge]

“I stopped looking for the light. Decided to become it instead.”

— Francheska

[disillusionedjudge]

[disillusionedjudge]

Dear friend, it seems that you and Ciri are thoroughly enjoying our fourth house in as many months, finding time to bond so delightfully. I will remind you, though, that you asked, nay, begged me to teach her magic. Please conserve her energy so that I may properly do so.

[disillusionedjudge]

THUNDERBOLTS*

[disillusionedjudge]

[disillusionedjudge]

ANYA CHALOTRA as YENNEFER OF VENGERBERG Netflix’s The Witcher ‧ Family

[disillusionedjudge]

Ship dynamic

[disillusionedjudge]

ever since I was a little girl I’ve been a bitch

[disillusionedjudge]

When I love someone, I make myself increasingly vulnerable to them – and give them the power to hurt me by letting them know my sensitive spots.

Sylvia Plath, The Awakening

[disillusionedjudge]

Jenny Slate, Little Weirds

[disillusionedjudge]

Don't try to follow me, I would Hold you down if I could Make you the enemy, I would Let you down Don't try to follow me, I would Hold you down if I could Make you the enemy, I would Let you down

[disillusionedjudge]

@tarnishedxknight - continued from here

"Aye, you are." Gylfie's tone was far from frustrated. There was a warmth to her voice, a humorous edge, and the playful glint in her eye made it all the more clear she was not trying to be mean. It was a compliment, and to hear Eswynn accept it as such only served to draw a smile from her. "As you should, my Lady. I speak nothing but praise for you, you know."

Oh, gods above, how she ached to kiss her. She'd never breathe a word aloud, but Gylfie's thoughts of Eswynn were... far from what they ought to be, and it made her feel guilty. She knew better, she did, but whatever it was that they had, she... wanted to keep it. She wanted it to be something... more.

And more was something neither of them could have.

It mattered not how much she... How she felt about it. It mattered not how much she wanted to steal her away from the palace and from Vayne, even if only to allow Eswynn the peace to always be herself, rather than folding herself small to appease others who didn't deserve her. Not that Gylfie felt she deserved her - far from it, really - but she hated how her Lady was forced to stifle her heart and her energy. What Eswynn deserved... was the world, and it pained Gylfie to know she was given invisible chains instead.

But her thoughts were distracted as Eswynn bit her bottom lip and still smiled, and Gylfie's expression softened. "For you? Anything, my dear Wynna," she said softly in return. "I will gladly permit you to remain unmanageable. After all, it makes my day rather interesting." I am honored you can be yourself with me, went unspoken.

[disillusionedjudge]

What if Gylfie's mother was in Balfonheim? Would Gylfie let Alsga around her and her family?

((ooh, this is a fun question 👀 Firstly, I'm gonna tag @tarnishedxknight because relevancy, and secondly, as a short and sweet answer: no. No she would not, heh, and Gylfie would not be thrilled to be living in the same city as her mother, though she'd just do her best to avoid her.

now, for the longer answer, it... wouldn't be great for Gylfie. I'm going to link this ask here because, in that, I talked about why Gylfie can never forgive her mother and why their relationship is so convoluted to begin with, which is important for this one. Gylfie wouldn't want her mother anywhere near her, and she would make that clear right out of the gate when they first come across each other. Alsga would be relieved to see her daughter again and would want to have a relationship with her again, but Gylfie would shut that down and refuse. Now, it's not like she'd try to chase her mother out of Balfonheim or she'd turn around leave either, she'd just make it clear that, even though they're living in the same city, that doesn't mean they can be a family again. She is not her daughter, nor her her mother, and that's that. Whatever kinship they had was lost years ago, and even though it would visibly hurt Alsga, Gylfie wouldn't budge on her decision.

Alsga would want to be a part of Gylfie's life again just on the basis of seeing her daughter, but if she were to learn Gylfie has a child of her own, she'd definitely want to be a part of her life. She'd... Well, for starters, she wants grandkids, but being a grandmother to Gylfie's child(ren) would give her an opportunity to, basically, "redo" what happened with Gylfie. Which would piss Gylfie off to no end, heh. Aaand that's where things can get complicated depending on Gylfie's family, heh.

So, if it's just Gylfie, Caelen, and Myra, Alsga would not only want to be a grandmother to Myra, but she'd also want to get to know Caelen. It would bother her a little that they had Myra out of wedlock, but not enough for her to harp on them about it or make much of a fuss, given that... she's not exactly better, ahah. Buuut it's not all out of good faith - she'd want to know the man that managed to win her hotheaded daughter over and get her to, sorta, settle down. Gylfie still works in Balfonheim under Reddas, hence the sorta, but I think she'd be more willing to take time off as needed to care for Myra so Caelen can keep up with his smithy, just given he has deadlines he needs to meet with orders and whatnot, while she doesn't. I digress, the fact that Gylfie is with a man and a mother is... something that would relieve Alsga, and the fact that Caelen and Gylfie would/do marry is another relief for her. Her daughter is "on the right path", in Alsga's perspective, which would... also piss Gylfie off, heh. With Alsga, she's not malicious, she's quite sweet, really, so it'd be easy for it to appear as if Gylfie is overreacting to her in this situation because of it.

However, if it's Gylfie, Wynna, and Rasler?That's... a bit more messy, heh. Alsga would want to be a grandmother to Rasler despite Rasler not being Gylfie's son by blood, because, unlike Takrin, she doesn't place care on blood. If Gylfie is calling Rasler her son, then he's her son, that's that. But... she wouldn't want to get to know Wynna. It'd make her "uncomfortable" that Gylfie ended up with a woman after all, so she'd want to be able to spend time with Gylfie and Rasler and only them, and try to convince Gylfie she simply doesn't want to "bother" Wynna. Gylfie would see through that immediately, even if she wanted to repair her relationship with her mother, and she'd shut it down without missing a beat. She'd refuse to let Alsga anywhere near Rasler and refuse to even see her mother alone since she can't respect her or her family. Gylfie doesn't have the patience for that, nor does she have the heart to deal with that sort of hurt again. And, in this case, if Alsga did end up interacting with Wynna, she'd be awkward and a little stilted - not mean, but clearly not... interested or welcoming of her. So, yeah, Gylfie isn't going to hurt Wynna that way.

Now, if it's Gylfie, Caelen, and Wynna, and any of their kiddos? Yeah, no, Alsga isn't going to accept any of that. She'd think their relationship was wrong and scold Gylfie for dragging children into it, and tell her she needs to get herself sorted out. That would push Gylfie over the edge for sure, and she'd shut Alsga down so fast it'd make Alsga's head spin, heh. She... tolerates a bit more when Alsga's upset with her than she should, but when it comes to others that she loves? Nope, no way, not okay. She wouldn't waste her breath trying to convince Alsga to see differently or defending herself, but she'd make it incredibly clear she's not welcome near her or her child(ren) ever. Alsga is not her mother, she never was or will be, and she will never allow her into her life again, and that would be that. Whatever love she had for her mother, despite her hurt, would be gone, and she'd never look back. Alsga would be heartbroken but refuse to how it was her fault, and she'd think Caelen and Wynna did something to turn her daughter against her, and would want nothing to do with any of them in turn.

In regards, specifically, to any of Gylfie's children, Alsga... would be a good grandmother to them overall, but also not. She'd treat them well and absolutely spoil them, but... in the case of Rasler, or Myra and/or Rasler with the polyship, Alsga would make subtle comments disapproving of their parents. It wouldn't be vitriol or anything outright hostile, because, again, Alsga's homophobia is more subtle and "I don't want their lifestyle pushed onto me" when they just want to live, but it would be disapproving and fretting over Rasler/Myra, and potentially making them question their parents and family situation. Which, again, Gylfie would come in hot against Alsga if she caught wind she was doing anything to hurt or make her child(ren) uncomfortable, heh.

So, yeah, Gylfie wouldn't want Alsga anywhere near her or her family. She'd have a hard time being able to explain her reasoning why to Caelen and/or Wynna, though, just because she... isn't good about opening up on her issues in general. Plus, with Alsga hurting her in far more quieter ways, and unintentionally in some, when compared to Takrin, Gylfie does doubt whether or not her hurt is even justified. Plus, she wouldn't want Alsga to hurt them, either, and she prefers trying to deal with things herself, even if she shouldn't.