#she has school in November will she just decide to not go then?

[tvdfan23]

My sister has the rose colored glasses on again 🙄😒

[batboyblog]

2024 Senate Elections: You'd Better VOTE!

Yes it's election year yet again in America! but not just for President, almost as important will be the US Senate!

I'm not gonna lie this is a rough map for Democrats, we're playing a lot of defense in some pretty red states with even our best hopes for a pick up being pretty long shots. But even with narrow control of the Senate we've managed the biggest climate bill in American History a huge infrastructure bill thats bring high speed rail to America capped the price of insulin changed the law to allow Medicare to negotiate drug prices bring savings to everyone, and put over 160 federal judges on the bench, 2/3rds of whom are women and/or people of color the first time white men haven't been the majority of nominees by a President. So let's keep progress going by voting for, supporting, donating, and volunteering for the following candidates in the races that will decide the US Senate this year.

Arizona

Ruben Gallego (Hold)

After frustrating Democrats by repeatedly voting against major Democratic priorities, supporting the filibuster and putting donors over voters, Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema left the Democratic Party to become an independent in 2022. Democratic congressman Ruben Gallego was running to primary Sinema before she left the party and is now the likely Democratic nominee to unseat her and give Arizona the Democratic Senator it deserves. Gallego is a former Marine, combat veteran, Harvard grad, a former state representative, and since 2014 a member of Congress. Gallego is a member of the Progressive Caucus and is known for his blunt and combative style standing up to Republicans. In Congress Gallego has been a strong supporter of native rights advocating for tribes on health care and child welfare issues. Gallego is also the sponsor of a bill to bring about nation wide, free, all-day kindergarten which isn't available in many states. If elected Gallego would be Arizona's first hispanic Senator. Republicans hope that the Democratic vote will split between Sinema and Gallego allowing them to win this important seat. The Republican front runner is conspiracy theorist and Trump super fan, Kari Lake. Lake rose to national fame in 2021 for pushing conspiracy theories about Trump having won the 2020 election, as well as anti-mask and anti-vaccine Covid conspiracies. Lake was the Republican nominee for Arizona governor in 2022. During that campaign she ran on an aggressive anti-LGBT platform, saying she'd ban drag, and was against trans rights. Lake also is against Abortion in all cases. After losing to Democrat Katie Hobbs, Lake refused to concede, and still pushes the conspiracy theory that she's the rightful governor of Arizona. If you live in Arizona please make sure you vote, but more if you have any time between now and November, volunteer to help Gallego! and if you don't live there you can still Donate or buy a pro-choice shirt from his campaign!

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Florida

Debbie Mucarsel-Powell (Flip)

Florida's current Republican Senator Rick Scott is a right wing extremist pushing dangerous ideas even by the standards of the Modern GOP. During his first term as Senator Scott has pushed to defund the IRS, and the Department of Education. He's sponsored bills to punish schools that allow students to use preferred pronouns, to ban affirmative action, bans teaching critical race theory, and ban trans people from women's sports. Scott is against abortion in all cases. Most alarming Rick Scott proposed a radical plan that would "sun-set" ANY and all federal laws after 5 years, including Social Security and Medicare, Scott would place all federal programs and agencies on the chopping block every 5 years for a radical Republican minority to block their renewal and leave us without Social Security, or the EPA, to name just two examples. The likely Democratic nominee is former Congresswoman Debbie Mucarsel-Powell. Born in Ecuador, Mucarsel-Powell immigrated to the US when she was 14 and had work to help support her family. When she was elected to Congress in 2018 she became the first South American born immigrant and first person of Ecuadorian heritage to be elected to Congress. In Congress Mucarsel-Powell was a member of the Progressive caucus, she fought to expand medicare, and secured $200 million for Everglades restoration. After a narrow defeat in 2020 Mucarsel-Powell joined the gun control advocacy group Giffords to fight for gun control a personal issue for her after her father was murdered when she was 24. If you're in Florida please make sure you vote, and Volunteer to help remove on of the most extreme Senators, If you're not in Florida you can help Debbie win by donating.

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Michigan

Elissa Slotkin (hold)

Long time Democratic Senator Debbie Stabenow is retiring this election, so there will be a tough fight for control of this important swing state Senate seat. The likely Democratic nominee is Congresswoman Elissa Slotkin. Slotkin is a former CIA analyst, after retiring from the CIA she worked in the State and Defense departments during the Obama administration. Slotkin was first elected to Congress in 2018 winning and being re-elected in a tough swing district. In Congress she's fought for common sense gun control, supported the cap on insulin prices and Medicare drug price negotiation, she helped pass a law on drug price transparency, she championed the CHIP act to bring high tech manufacturing jobs back to America, and was a big supporter of Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. Slotkin is centering a pro-choice message in her campaign as well as gun control and bring down medical costs. Who the Republicans will pick isn't totally clear, it seems like it's between Former Congressman Mike Rogers and former Detroit Police chief James Craig. Craig ran for Michigan governor in 2022 before he was disqualified for fraudulent signatures on his nominating petition. Craig has listed cutting off US support to Ukraine as one of his top priorities, and endorsed Trump's 3rd run for President early in the primaries. Mike Rogers is also trying to win over Trump voters and has attacked the rights of LGBT students in schools calling it "social engineering". If you live in Michigan make sure to get out and vote, and also volunteer! And for everyone outside the state you can donate or buy some merch.

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Montana

Jon Tester (re-elect)

In most contexts Montana is a deep red state going for Trump in 2020 57% to 40%. This makes the reelection of Montana's only Democratic member of Congress and only statewide elected Democrat, Jon Tester maybe the toughest election for Democrats this year. A Senator since he was first elected in 2006 Tester has won a series of upset wins in Montana over the years. A 3rd generation farmer Tester has been as strong for small farmers and ranchers in Washington. Tester has always been a champion of accountably and transparency in government pushing ethnics and campaign finance reforms. Tester is rated one of the most effective senators and managed to pass more bills last year than any one else in Congress. He's never been afraid to stand up for the Democratic side even if it'd be an unpopular vote in Red Montana. Tester voted to impeach Trump twice, and he voted against all 3 of Trump's nominees to the Supreme Court. He supported President Obama on The Affordable Care Act and Dodd-Frank, and has supported President Biden on the Inflation Reduction Act and Bipartisan Infrastructure Law. Republicans seem likely to nominate right wing influencer and former Navy SEAL Tim Sheehy. Sheehy promises to get drag queens out of schools and the Lord's Prayer in to the classroom. He also hopes to repeal Obamacare calling for a "total privatization" of health care and made statements against the very idea of health insurance, insisting people should pay full price at point of use. If you're a Montanan make sure to vote to re-elect a champion of the little guy, and also volunteer! if you're not please think of donating what you can, if you can only give to one campaign this cycle this one, or Ohio are the most important!

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Nevada

Jacky Rosen (re-elect)

First elected to Congress in 2016 Jacky Rosen moved up to the Senate in 2018. In her first term as a Senator Rosen has championed green energy for Nevada. Together with fellow Democratic Nevada Senator Catherine Cortez Masto, Rosen has gotten millions for solar manufacturing in Nevada as well as millions to replace the state's school buses with electric, and programs to study new groundbreaking green technology. Senator Rosen has been a supporter of gun control, is in favor of banning assault weapons. She sponsored a bill, the Background Check Expansion Act, that would require background checks for all gun sales closing loopholes for on-line sales and gun shows. Rosen is pro-choice and has sponsored a bill to protect doctors from being prosecuted across state lines for providing reproductive care, and is a co-sponsor of a bill to codify Roe V. Wade into federal law. Rosen will likely face Republican celebrity and army veteran Sam Brown. Brown ran and lost a race for the Texas State House in 2014 and ran and lost for Nevada's other Senate seat in 2022. Brown stated he was in favor of getting rid of the Departments of Education, Transportation, and Energy. Brown is against Red Flag gun laws that allow police to temporarily remove fire arms from the home of someone deemed a danger to themselves or others. Brown also has refused to say if he supports a national abortion ban, but does say he's pro-life and wouldn't support any judges that weren't. If you live in Nevada make sure to get out to vote and volunteer to protect the state's green future and the right to reproductive care. If you're not in Nevada consider donating or buying some merch.

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Ohio

Sherrod Brown (re-elect)

Ohio together with Montana represents the toughest re-elect for Democrats this year. The state went for Trump twice, elected a right wing radical, JD Vaince, to the Senate in 2022 and has had a Republican governor since 2010. To complicate thing more Democrat Sherrod Brown is one of the most progressive members of the Senate, regularly scoring along side Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren for the most left wing in the Senate. From the time he was first elected to Congress in 1992 Brown refused to take the Congressional Health Insurance until all Americans could be covered. Brown first supported a Medicare for all bill in 2006 and has supported different efforts to expand Medicare and health coverage. He was a key supporter of the Children Health Insurance Program (CHIP). Brown is a strong supporter of unions and has struggled his whole career to protect unionized manufacturing jobs in Ohio. He was one of the first Senators out on the picket line during the UAW strike of 2023. Brown's hard work has help make Ohio the center of a new booming lithium battery manufacturing in America, a green manufacturing future for the state. Republicans look likely to nominate former used car dealer and father-in-law of Republican Congressman Max Miller, Bernie Moreno. Moreno's main qualification seems to be having been endorsed by Donald Trump. He lists among his priorities "End Socialism in America" and "End Wokeness and Cancel Culture". If you're in Ohio make sure to vote to re-elect a progressive giant and volunteer too! If you live out of Ohio donate, if you're looking for the race where your dollar will matter the most, this one or Montana guys.

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Pennsylvania

Bob Casey Jr. (re-elect)

First elected in 2006 Bob Casey famously beat incumbent Republican homophobe Rick Santorum by 17 points. Since first entering the Senate Casey has moved leftward on a number of issues. First elected as a pro-Gun Democrat since 2012 Casey has sponsored a number of bills to expand background checks, ban assault weapons, ban extended magazines, and well as supporting mental health funds for victims of gun violence. For a number of years Casey was called the last pro-life Democrat in the Senate, however in 2022 he came out in support of Roe V Wade and voted twice on bills that would have codified the right to an abortion into federal law. Casey voted against all 3 of Trump's Supreme Court picks and has long supported Planned Parenthood's contraception efforts with federal funds, seeing easily available birth control as key to reducing the number of abortions. In 2021 Casey published a plan he called "The Five Freedoms for America's Children" modeled after FDR's famous speech. He proposed automatically enrolling all kids in Medicaid, an expanded child tax cut, a federally supported college fund for all kids who's parents make under $100,000, expanded free school meals, more funds for head start and abuse prevention programs. Republicans are rallying behind Mitch McConnell's hand picked candidate, hedge fund CEO David McCormick. McCormick worked for the Bush administration during Bush's second term. McCormick's wife Dina Powell also worked for the George W. Bush administration and was a senior aid to Trump as well. If you're in Pennsylvania make sure to get out and vote for a solid Democrat out to solve child poverty in America and keep the Hedge Fund guy from Connecticut out, and Volunteer if you can. Remember you can donate where ever you are.

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Texas

Colin Allred (flip)

Texas is currently represented by likely the most hated man in Washington, Ted Cruz. Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him more, he has a very punchable face, he might be the zodiac killer (thats a joke and meme). From shutting down the government in 2013 to try to overturn Obamacare, to leading the charge in Congress to overturn the 2020 election on January 6th Ted Cruz is a greatest hits of the worst parts of the Republican Party of the last 10 years. When Texas lost power in the middle of a historic ice storm in 2021 Ted Cruz and family ditched the state to go on vacation in Mexico, classy. Cruz in the Biden years has cast himself as a culture warrior fighting against "woke" publishing a book "Unwoke: How to Defeat Cultural Marxism in America" in 2023 to kick off his re-election campaign. Texas is a traditionally red state but things are starting to shift and in 2018 Cruz narrowly won re-election over Beto O'Rourke. Democrats hope with the right candidate they can turn Texas blue and beat the most hated Senator in America. Democrats think Congressman Colin Allred is the man for the job. Allred is a former NFL Linebacker for the Titans. After the NFL he went on to get his law degree from UC Berkeley, and work in the Obama administration. Allred was first elected to Congress in 2018, unseating a Republican who'd been in office since 1997 and becoming the first Democrat to represent the area in Congress since 1968. In Congress Allred has supported bills to expand voting right and protect abortion rights, as well as gun control. In the Senate he promises to address Texas' shaky power grid and make sure Texas is never left in the dark again with its leaders missing. Lets do this Texas, make blue Texas a reality if you live in Texas remember to vote and volunteer, if you're an American who hates Ted Cruz you can donate to make in unemployed.

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Wisconsin

Tammy Baldwin (re-elect)

When Tammy Baldwin first ran for Congress in 1998 she was the first openly gay person elected to the US House and the first open Lesbian to serve in Congress. In 2012 she became the first openly gay person elected to the US Senate and the first Lesbian to be a Senator, she is still the only openly gay Senator. Through out her time in office Baldwin has been a tireless voice for LGBT rights, in 2022 she helped spear head the passage of the Respect for Marriage Act to help protect gay marriage, she's also a sponsor of the Equality Act to protect all LGBT people from discrimination. Baldwin is a progressive who was a member of the House Progressive caucus, opposed the Iraq War and supported impeaching Dick Cheney. In the House she introduced bills for a single payer healthcare system in 2000, 2002, 2004, and 2005. In the Senate Baldwin is regularly listed as one of the most progressive members, voting against tax cuts for the rich, supporting a bill to require companies to have workers on their boards, she sponsored a bill to create a public option in Health Care, and has supported gun control efforts. The Republican field to challenge Senator Baldwin is uncertain, but former Milwaukee sheriff David Clarke dominates the polls if he decides to run. Clarke's sheriff's department is accused a number of human rights violations from his time as sheriff, including allowing a prisoner to die of dehydration after 6 days without water in the Milwaukee County Jail. Clarke is a Trump super fan who has pushed conspiracy theories about mass shootings being fake, attacked Black Lives Matter, called Planned Parenthood "Planned Genocide", and called for the mass detention without trial of Americans because he believed there were a million ISIS supporters in America. If you're in Wisconsin make sure to get out and vote for a trailblazing icon and also volunteer if you can, all Americans can donate and support Baldwin wherever they are.

VOTE VOLUNTEER DONATE SHOP

If you're an American citizen and will be 18 years old (or older) by November 5th 2024, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! make sure you're registered to VOTE please check Vote.Org to find out what you need to do, what deadlines there are and act NOW

If you're an American living outside the US, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO VOTE. Please checkout Vote From Aboard they have literally all the information you need to get registered and get your ballot wherever in the world you are, and Check out Democrats Abroad to take part in the global primary

Where ever you live in the US, there is an important life changing election happening! Get off your phone or computer and get involved, There are Events happening all around you right now Volunteer

Finally if you're a US citizen of any age any where on earth you can donate, donate to elect Biden/Harris donate to elect Democrats to the Senate, To the House, to Governorships, to local office

and the smallest thing you can do is reblog this very long post, thank you!

[scientia-rex]

I feel like disappointment in Biden is baffling to me because he was always a disappointment. He was the asshole who got to ride to power on the coattails of a better man. He told bizarre and repeated lies (despite getting caught at it and his team telling him not to) about having a Welsh coal miner dad when he did not and he stole that story from actual Welsh people. I read a profile of him years back that pointed this out and told the story of the time he straight up ignored good advice from an expert not to plant a certain kind of tree too close together and flew a bunch of them out to plant, at night because he was just too fucking excited about it, and they all died. He’s not a smart man! He’s charismatic ish and lacks principles and as far as I can tell doesn’t really care about abortion rights or a lot of things we’d consider pretty critical to preserving freedom. I sincerely thought he couldn’t become President because there were so many obviously better candidates in the pool. I underestimated the sexism and antisemitism in American politics, and when he became the candidate in 2020 I gritted my teeth and voted for him because the alternative was a man who is not only an idiot but also profoundly dangerous. Trump is not ha-ha crazy, he’s Mussolini crazy. He is not dangerous because he’s stupid, although that doesn’t help; he’s dangerous because he does not care about anyone except himself under any circumstances and if that means he lets the far right push us straight into forced birth for white women and sterilization for women of color he’s going to do that. If that means conversion therapy for queers and death penalty for homosexual acts he’s going to do that. He has literally no limits. If he gets back into power, a whole lot of people are going to die, again. It’s not a hypothetical because it happened the first time and he’s only going to get worse.

I am not, never have been, and never will be a fan of Biden. To pretend that he and Trump are in any way equivalent is wrong at best and another goddamn Russian psy-op at worst. To pretend that a third party candidacy is viable in the US is to completely ignore every election of your lifetime and your parents’ lifetimes, and to further ignore the lesson of Ross Perot.

You cannot save Palestinians by not voting for Biden in November; the best you can do is chip away at his margin, and the worst you can do is see Trump elected so he can decide to do the worst possible thing in ever circumstance. Biden has Palestinian blood on his hands and watching this when we could have had Bernie or Elizabeth Warren instead is maddening. (I would have preferred Hillary to Trump, but I don’t think she’d be any different than Biden here. They’re both old-school politicians.)

I hate everything about this, and I hate that saying “maybe don’t put the man who literally said he would kill his political enemies in power” is seen as supporting genocide. It’s acknowledging reality. Joe Biden as a person can eat rocks for all I care. I was kind of hoping he’d die sooner in his term so we’d have time to get used to and then vote for President Harris. (Remember when the line was “she’s a cop, don’t vote for her”? Funny how there’s always a reason not to vote for a woman or a person of color or someone you just “don’t like” and can’t put a finger on why except she “seems angry.” Oh does she. How would she not? When Michelle fucking Obama, the picture of grace , STILL got called angry for having the nerve to be a Black woman with an opinion? When Hillary Clinton lost to a man with no political experience to her decades and who openly discussed sexually assaulting women? Would you have voted for President Harris? Or would you let Trump win again because you don’t LIKE her personally and she’s made decisions and statements you disagree with?)

Biden has both less power than his critics give him credit for and more power than his fans give him credit for. He needs to do more to pressure Israel and although it’s a delicate diplomatic situation I’d rather see us fuck up our diplomatic relationship with Israel than watch more Palestinians get murdered for things like “wanting to eat” and “existing.” The line has been crossed, and he doesn’t see it. Because he wasn’t the best person for the job. Because they didn’t get elected, because of sexism/antisemitism/racism. Hell, I have no idea what bootlicker Pete Buttegieg would have done here, but I’d have given him a try. But no. We got Biden and we’re stuck with this reality where you can be as leftist as you want and still have to look at the situation and decide whether you’re comfortable contributing to a Trump victory through inaction. I want socialism—I want every single person on Earth to have clean drinking water, enough safe food, shelter, medical care, and education—and I’m going to vote for Biden, pissy as it makes me, because the only actual alternative is so, so much worse, for me personally as both a woman and a queer, and for everyone in America and the rest of the world who Trump would find reasons to hurt. What do you think the man who openly and repeatedly praises dictators is going to do when those dictators massacre their own people? Yes, we need to care about this genocide now. We also need to care about all of the other people who are at real risk, both at home and abroad. Would a Trump government agree to fund military intervention in Haiti without insisting on it being a colonial exercise in power? Would a Trump government roll back the restrictions on discriminating against transgender patients in healthcare? How would Trump respond if Orban started dragging people into the streets and shooting them en masse? How would Trump respond if China finally went for it and invaded Taiwan? There are more lives at stake here than mine or yours or even those of the Palestinians, who have deserved better for literally decades and are being mass killed in ways that should result in immediate sanctions, a war crimes trial, and the execution of Netanyahu.

The world deserves better from you than complicity in a Trump victory.

[wintrwinchestr]

strangers | part 1

summary: following in the footsteps of a girl you once knew, you decide to up and leave home one morning without looking back. when you find yourself to be tired, hungry, and alone in the middle of nowhere, you're thankful when a kind stranger offers you a ride, a warm meal, and a place to sleep for the night. he only tells you about himself in bits and pieces, but he seems trustworthy enough, and what you don't know can't hurt you, right?

!!PLEASE READ WARNINGS, THIS IS A VERY DARK FIC!!

I've tried to label this fic as detailed and as boldly as possible. I will not be held responsible or bullied off the internet if you choose to read this potentially upsetting/triggering work of fiction anyway.

warnings: joel miller x f!reader, 18+, smut, age gap (reader is college-aged, joel is mid-50s), no outbreak au, serial killer!joel, dark!joel, talk of death/murder and blood, mommy & daddy issues, brief talk of domestic violence, lying/gaslighting, manipulation, f-receiving non-con somnophilia (no sex, but groping, fingering, dry humping, kissing, and choking), degrading language toward victims, pet names (baby, darlin', sweetheart), some joel pov, no ellie/sarah but tommy has an unnamed daughter, somewhat inspired by "strangers" by ethel cain, takes place in illinois/ohio/indiana, vaguely set in the 70s/80s, this part is mostly introduction/storytelling/yapping, please respectfully let me know if i missed anything and i will rectify the tags

word count: 9.8k

a/n: i started this as a oneshot way back in november, and then it sat abandoned for a very long time. thank you to my lovely friends @polaroidpascal and @chippedowlmug for encouraging me to finish it, and also bestie kiers who never hesitates to match my freak. also thank you to the many writers who made me feel inspired to write something dark and not give a fuck what people think about it. i hope you enjoy this joel he's a freak and i love him and if you say anything mean about him i'll send him after you <3

divider by @saradika

series masterlist/moodboard

read this chapter on ao3

part 2

Ruby Carpenter.

You had spent all day trying to remember her name without really knowing why. Maybe it’s because as the sun sets on what would be the first day of your junior year at the nearby state school, you wonder if she ever made it to one of the fancy ivy leagues she had always aspired to attend. You wonder if she’s even still alive.

Ruby had disappeared a few years ago now, the summer after your senior year of high school. For nearly a year afterwards, her missing posters remained stapled onto every telephone pole and stuck onto every store window around town, until the paper began to disintegrate and the ink began to fade. In that time, you couldn’t even make a quick run to the grocery store without being confronted by dozens of replicas of her yearbook photo printed onto the sides of all the milk cartons. Despite all of the efforts to find her, including several search parties and a decent amount of statewide media coverage, everyone had just stopped looking for her, eventually. Even the police. Even her parents.

It was decided that she had probably just run away, and you can’t entirely blame her, but you can’t imagine why she would, either. You remember her perfect head of blonde ringlet curls that shone a yellow gold in the sun, and her bright blue eyes that turned fiery in her more passionate moments during classroom debates. She had every boy in your grade wrapped around her finger, was the teacher’s pet in every class, and it wasn’t even a question whether she would win prom queen your senior year. She was always sweet to you, always complimented your outfits or your makeup or your art projects with a genuine lilt in her voice and a kind smile, so you could never bring yourself to hate her even though it would’ve been so easy to. You figured she was going to cure cancer or become the president after you had all graduated, which is why you never really stopped wondering whatever happened to her that summer. She was beautiful, with boundless potential and a bright future ahead of her, why would she have just given it all up?

Everyone around town knew Ruby, or at least it seemed that way. But maybe nobody ever really knew her as well as they thought. Maybe she’d had a secret boyfriend all that time who whisked her away that summer, maybe she had decided to try drugs and fell down a rabbit hole that she couldn’t claw her way out of, maybe she had finally figured out that the only thing this town would ever be good for is holding people back. Maybe she did just wake up one day and decide to run without ever looking behind her.

Maybe you should do the same.

With your dad long gone now and your step-father doing a piss poor job of filling in the hole he left, following in Ruby’s footsteps has sounded like a better idea with each passing day. Rob isn’t even really your step-father, anyway, just your mom’s sorry fucking excuse for a boyfriend. The guy’s already been married upwards of three times before, why try for another one? He’s a lazy son of a bitch who can’t hold down a job at a fast food joint for more than a couple of weeks at a time, who sleeps every second of the day that he’s not chugging through a six pack, and who leaves marks on your mother uglier than his fucking face. 

She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, of course, but it’s not like she’s winning the “mom of the year” award any time soon, either. She’s never even been nominated. She’s forgotten just about every one of your birthdays, been the reason you’ve never had any friends come over, and in her most recent offense, blew all the savings you had put away for your last two years of college. Which is why you’re not spending tonight celebrating being one year closer to at least having an official-looking piece of paper to show for yourself. Instead, you’re using the rattling of your bedroom window unit and the booming bass of your radio to drown out yet another drunken screaming match between your mother and the guy she lets live in your house now, watching the world outside pass you by and knowing that if you don’t do anything about it now, you’ll never make it out of here. You’re thinking about Ruby Carpenter, hoping she found somewhere greener and more promising and was able to make something of herself, far away from here. And you’re thinking that this rusted orange sunset is the last one you’ll ever see from your bedroom window.

It’s decided, then. You’re leaving, first thing tomorrow.

—

You’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep by the time your alarm clock chimes to life at five o’clock on the dot. You’re quick to silence the shrill beeping with a swift swat of your hand, careful not to wake anyone else in the house. The sun has just barely begun to stream in through the blinds of your bedroom window, but it illuminates the room just enough for your eyes to land on the backpack you had stuffed full of a few changes of clothes last night, waiting for you by the door. 

You don’t waste any time stripping off your pajamas and pulling on just about the only clothes left in your room that aren’t in your bag. You’ve got your teeth brushed, face washed, and hair tamed in all of about ten minutes, too anxious to spend even one more unnecessary second in this house. You swing your backpack over your shoulder, pull your bedroom door open at just the right speed so that the hinges don’t squeak too loud, and tiptoe delicately down the stairs, careful to avoid the creaky floorboards that you know like the back of your hand—the one three steps from the top, the one at the landing about halfway down, and the very bottom one.

You land softly when you leap over that tattletale bottom step, successful in the most difficult part of your escape plan so far. Rob is passed out on the living room couch in typical fashion, his mouth full of crooked teeth hanging open as his grating snores permeate the calm morning air. He’s still got a death grip around an empty beer can, even in his sleep, and your mother will likely be the one to toss it into the trash for him, useless fucker that he is. You aren’t going to miss either of them, and you imagine they’ll just skip trying to replicate the first half of the aftermath of Ruby’s disappearance altogether—no posters, no search parties, no police. You’ll just be gone, one less mouth for your mother to feed. Though, you’d been mostly feeding yourself since you were tall enough to slide a couple of bills across the counter at the corner store down the street, anyway. You’re ready to disappear, the same as candle wax when it burns, the same as the end of a rainbow, the same as Ruby Carpenter.

You don’t bother looking back when you shut the door behind you, content to leave it all behind just as the sun begins to rise and set the sky ablaze. By the time it sets again tonight, you hope to be in a different county, in a different state, anywhere that isn’t here. The rest, you’ll just have to figure out when you get there, wherever “there” may be.

—

You had only realized about an hour ago that you’d forgotten your cheap digital watch in the drawer of your bedside table, where it’s laid unused for the past couple of months, because who needs to tell time during the summer? You never had anywhere to be, never had to get to class or turn in a paper by a certain time, so it’s just been collecting dust since you had unclipped it from your wrist on the last day of spring semester. It sure would have come in handy right about now, when you have no fucking clue what time it is. The sun had disappeared behind the hills several mile markers back, so it must be… eight o’clock? Ten o’clock? Fucking midnight? You have no idea. What you do know is that you’re exhausted, hungry, and your feet hurt like hell. You aren’t really sure what you expected, the reality only just now setting in that you don’t even have ten bucks to your name anymore, thanks to your narcissist of a mother. The crumpled up bills you do have in your pocket are hardly enough for a goddamn sandwich, let alone a motel room. The cool night breeze raises goosebumps on your skin, and you swear you can see your fucking breath, even in the middle of August. You wrap your arms around yourself just as tears begin to prick at your waterlines, and you let them fall as you collapse onto the scratchy patch of dead grass on the side of the freeway, not a park bench or a bus stop or even a gas station in sight for God knows how many more miles.

You sit cross-legged, elbows propped up on your knees so that your hands can support your weary head, the skin of your palms becoming slippery with salty tears as your crying just doesn’t seem to stop. The road you’ve found yourself on seems relatively low-trafficked, the heaving sounds of your sobs accompanied by more cricket chirps and rustling wheat than rumbling tires. But a few high beams do streak across your vision every once in a while, coloring the backs of your eyelids a flaming scarlet.

After several minutes, your tears seem to dry up on their own, your body likely too dehydrated now to produce any more. You wipe the moisture from under your eyes with the back of your hand, sniffling as you gnaw at the skin of your bottom lip and debate if you should just turn back now, give up on your stupid little plan (or lack thereof) and just call the whole thing a loss, pretend it never even happened. Your mother and Rob won’t have even noticed you’d left.

Just as you pull yourself back up to your feet, set on at least finding somewhere that isn’t the hard ground to sleep on tonight before you make your way back home tomorrow, the warm headlights of an old pickup truck are shining bright in your eyes. You put your arm up to block them as the truck slowly squeals to a halt in front of where you’re standing, and you squint your eyes at the driver as your vision adjusts.

“You need a ride, sweetheart?” A man asks in a gravelly voice, and you can still hardly make out what he looks like. Based on the southern accent you pick up on, he doesn’t sound like he’s from around here. 

“N-no, thank you. I’m okay,” you respond shakily, taking a nervous step back from the stranger and his rusted pickup.

“You sure? Looked like you were cryin’ over here, like you might be lost or somethin’.”

“‘M not lost, I know where I’m going.”

“Oh yeah? Where’s that?”

Shit. 

You take a guess.

“Um… the motel down the road,” you reply, tilting your head in the direction you had been walking in.

“There ain’t a motel down there, sweetheart. Ain’t nothin’ in either direction for miles, ‘s all just farmland out here. Reckon you’ve already figured that out, though.”

You pause, unsure of what your next move should be. He knows you’re lying, knows you’re alone with no fucking idea where you are or where you’re going. You could run, but even that shitty truck of his could catch up to you in a matter of seconds. You take another step back, swiveling your head around to look up and down the road as you try to figure your best way out of this.

“Just lemme give you a ride somewhere, darlin’. There’s a diner just off the exit, ‘bout twenty miles up ahead. Could take you that far, at least, get you somethin’ to eat,” he offers. A warm meal does sound pretty good right now, and you suppose you aren’t exactly in a position to refuse his help.

You think on it for a second. “What’s it called? The diner.”

The stranger huffs. “Moody’s.”

“What do they have?” you challenge.

He sighs. “It’s a fuckin’ diner off the side of the freeway, darlin’. They got greasy food and black coffee, ‘s about all you need.”

You don’t say anything.

Then, after a beat—“They got some kinda sloppy mess they call the Thunder Burger. ‘S got onion rings and shit on it. Ain’t half bad.”

You have to admit, he’s passing your pop quiz with flying colors. His answers have been too quick, too specific for him to be lying to you. There’s a pretty solid chance this diner does exist, and that he’s been there before. The man hasn’t said anything that’s indicated he wants more to do with you than to offer you a ride and some dinner. He’s probably just somebody’s harmless grandfather, anyway, judging by his motheaten flannel and gray-stricken beard you can see now that you’ve approached his truck a few paces closer.

“Okay,” you concede, your stomach growling loudly as the man leans over the bench seat to pop open the passenger side door for you. You shrug off your backpack and climb into the cabin, clicking your seatbelt into place as you situate yourself on the cracked leather seat. 

“All set?” the stranger asks.

“Mhm,” you hum, finally getting a better look at the man you might just owe the rest of your life to after tonight. For being somebody’s grandfather, he’s… kinda handsome. Really fucking handsome, actually, in a rugged sort of way. He’s got warm amber eyes that sparkle even in the dark of night, a kind smile that completely disarms you in an instant, and a splintering scar across the bridge of his nose that somehow only adds to his good looks. You try to suppress your own grin as you look away from him quickly, opting to focus on fidgeting with one of the fraying edges of your denim shorts instead. Even in your peripheral vision, you don’t miss how his eyes shift from your own to the exposed skin of your thighs. He doesn’t say anything, just clears his throat as he shifts gears and steers his truck back onto the road again. 

He lets the next few minutes pass in comfortable silence before asking, “You got a name, sweetheart?”

You tell him, and he flashes another charming smile at you. “I like that, ‘s pretty… Well, I’m Joel. Sure you were wonderin’. Now you ain’t gettin’ a ride from a stranger no more, are ya?”

“Yeah, I guess I’m not,” you giggle, and you’re surprised at how comfortable you feel with him. “So… you’ve been to Moody’s before?”

“Handful of times, yeah. When I’m passin’ through.”

You nod. “So you come up here, like… for work or somethin’?”

Joel chuckles. “Or somethin’. You never even heard of the damn place, so… reckon you don’t find yourself out here very often, do ya?”

“No… ‘M not even really sure where ‘here’ is, to be honest. I just kinda… started walking.”

“Ah… a runaway, then, are ya?” Joel asks, with an appreciated amount of understanding in his tone rather than judgment. “‘M sure your folks are missin’ ya right about now, must have your boyfriend worried sick.”

You scoff at that. “Fuck no. They probably don’t even know I’m gone, won’t even bother trying to come look for me. And I don’t have a boyfriend, so…”

“Damn shame. ‘M sorry about that, sweetheart,” Joel comforts, placing a large calloused hand on your thigh. It makes your breath hitch, but his touch isn’t entirely unwelcome. You let him squeeze once at the plush of your leg before he replaces his hand on the wheel, and your cunt spasms out a little fluttering pulse against the seam of your shorts, despite yourself.

The rest of the drive to Moody’s is relatively quiet, save for the gentle crooning of an old country singer emanating from the cassette player on the dash. The soft singing and steady strumming of a banjo combined with the muffled chugging of the truck’s engine is enough to lull you to sleep, especially after the day you’ve had. You know that just about every mental alarm bell you have should be screaming at you to jump out of the car, to run, that sleeping alone in the dirt would’ve been a better decision than getting into this strange man’s—Joel’s—truck, but you’re too tired to hear them. He smells good, like woodsmoke and pine and cinnamon, and if he wanted to do something awful to you, he probably would’ve done it by now. So you trust him, for now at least, and let your lashes fan out against your cheeks as your head falls back against the cushioned headrest, coaxed into sleep by the lullaby of tires against pavement and fingertips against guitar strings.

—

You only rouse when you feel the truck come to a stop about half an hour or so later, slowly blinking your eyes open against the bright neon sign that reads “MOODY’S” in bold capital letters. Your jaw stretches wide as a yawn overtakes the muscles, and you hear Joel’s southern drawl replace the one from the cassette as he shuts the engine off.

“Mornin’, sleepyhead. Not too tired to eat somethin’ now, are ya?”

Another unpleasant-sounding rumble from your empty stomach answers for you, loud enough for both of you to hear this time. The air puffing out of the diner’s kitchen smells strongly of fatty bacon and rich coffee, just like Joel had promised you the place would offer. Although the digital clock on the dash read just after 10:30 before you fell asleep, you’ve never craved breakfast quite like you do right now. You absentmindedly lick your lips as you imagine the sweet and savory—and more importantly free—meal that could be waiting for you beyond that blinding beacon of a sign.

“Well, alright then. Let’s get some food in ya before you keel over, hm?” Joel says as he exits the truck, landing on his feet in the dirt parking lot with a soft groan. He waits by the hood for you to meet up with him, and you walk up the couple of steps to the entrance together. He holds the door open for you, and you offer him a shy ‘thank you’, to which he responds with a soft spoken ‘welcome, sweetheart’. You stand shyly behind his broad form as he asks the hostess for a table for two, and she leads you to a green leather booth tucked into the corner of the diner. She hands each of you a sticky laminated menu, the pages a charming mess of clashing colors and faded pictures and retro-looking fonts, then departs with a promise that your waitress will bring the two of you some water as you take your time deciding on what you might like. 

You light up upon reading that Moody’s serves breakfast all day, and that they can make you exactly what you were hoping for—a stack of chocolate chip pancakes with sides of bacon and hashbrowns. You can’t help but smile to yourself as you wiggle in your seat, excitedly anticipating the waitress to come back around so you can order.

“Whatcha so excited about over there?” Joel asks, eyeing you from across the table as he glances up from his own menu.

“Nothin’, I was just hoping I could get some pancakes, and they have ‘em on the menu,” you explain giddily. “I’ll probably get some coffee, too, really complete the whole ‘breakfast for dinner’ thing.”

Joel huffs through his nose. “Decaf, I hope. ‘S the middle of the goddamn night, sweetheart. Gonna be bouncin’ off the walls in the room later, hardly get any sleep.”

He’s right, you suppose. But wait—“What room?”

Joel shrugs casually. “There’s a decent motel another exit or two down, figured they could probably get us a couple o’ beds for the night. But, ‘m sorry, shouldn’t have assumed—”

“No! No, it’s okay.”

Is it? You only met the man less than an hour ago, and you already agreed to let him give you a ride before you even knew his name. You suppose you hadn’t really thought about what would happen after he bought you dinner, but not thinking ahead seems to have been a theme today, hasn’t it? You remind yourself that he’s only been kind and respectful to you so far, save for that placement of his hand on your upper thigh soon after he picked you up. But that could’ve just been a friendly, paternal gesture, right? And he said a couple of beds, when he mentioned the motel, which seemed to imply that he plans on the two of you sleeping in separate beds, maybe even separate rooms. You’ve found yourself having to make yet another somewhat reckless decision tonight, but one that would be in your best interest to say ‘yes’ to, at this point. What other option would you have if you declined his offer?

“Don’t really have anywhere else to go, so… yeah, okay. Motel sounds good. And decaf it is, I guess.”

Joel’s apologetic expression quickly morphs into a satisfied smirk. “Good girl,” he praises. You like how the words sound coated in his thick drawl, even though you probably shouldn’t. You shift where you sit as that familiar fluttering sensation returns to the seat of your panties, just for a moment. You’re grateful that the waitress arrives at the booth not a second later, cheerily introducing herself as she sets down a glass of water for each of you. When she asks if you’re ready to order, Joel gestures to you as if to say ‘ladies first’, and you politely prattle off your request. You make sure to emphasize that you’d like your coffee decaf, and ask if she could please bring some more of the little cups of vanilla creamer to the table. “Not a problem, honey,” she replies, and Joel winks at you as she asks what she can get for him. He orders the Thunder Burger he had told you about earlier, and a black coffee, which he doesn’t request to be decaf. The waitress leaves the two of you alone again with an ‘I’ll have that right out for ya,’ and you let your eyes follow the calming baby blue color of her dress as she glides her way back to the kitchen. When she disappears around the corner of the bar, you take the opportunity to study Moody’s other patrons. There isn’t another young person in sight, mostly just men around Joel’s age with similarly heavy bags under their eyes, likely truck drivers indulging in their first hot meal of the day within the diner’s comforting wood-paneled walls. You wonder if that’s how Joel knows about this place, because he “passes through” this area on long hauls across the midwest. You open your mouth to ask him if your assumption is correct, but he cuts you off before you can say anything.

“I gotta admit, sweetheart, I’m curious… The hell was a pretty thing like you doin’ out in the middle of goddamn nowhere tonight? I mean, I know you’re a runaway ‘n all, but… shouldn’t you be one o’ those college party girls or somethin’? ‘M sure you got plenty of friends wonderin’ where you are.”

You sigh, shaking your head as you distractedly pick at a splintered piece of wood at the edge of the table.

“I was in college. Was supposed to be going back again this year, but… my mom spent all the fucking savings I had left for the rest of it on fixing up her dumb boyfriend’s car. It’s just been sitting in the fucking lawn all summer, sure as hell not being used for something useful like going to the job he doesn’t have. That bastard…” You say the last part under your breath through gritted teeth.

“Shit… Tha’s a tough deal, baby, ‘m real sorry to hear that,” Joel comforts. “But y’know, everybody’s got mommy ‘n daddy issues, don’t mean you just up and start walkin’ all by your lonesome, not even have any idea where you’re goin’.”

“Well, it wasn’t just that. There was… nevermind, it’s stupid.” You slump into the cushioned booth, silently cursing yourself for even bringing it up.

“What is it?” Joel pushes, sitting up straighter to show you that he wants to listen, wants to get to know you. And God dammit, he might be the first person you’ve met in a long time who actually seems to care about what you have to say, as strange as it is. You flick your eyes up to his face, and he’s wearing a sincere gaze that convinces you to continue.

“There was this girl I went to high school with. She disappeared a couple of years ago, nobody ever found out what happened to her. People figured she probably just ran away, and I thought… I dunno. That maybe she had the right idea, leaving that place behind. I always held onto this hope that maybe she was still out there somewhere actually doing something with her life, that maybe she just changed her name or something and disappeared on purpose.” You pause. “I guess I just thought I might be able to do the same, if I left.”

“I see…” Joel muses sympathetically. “Maybe I oughta give you a lil’ more credit, then. Must’a been tough losin’ a friend like that, not knowin’ where she ended up.”

“I mean, Ruby wasn’t really my friend. She just—”

“Hang on. Ruby, you said?” Joel interrupts, his eyes suddenly looking a little wild.

“...Yeah. Her name was Ruby. Ruby Carpenter.”

—

Fuck.

Joel has to adjust himself under the table, his dick now hardening uncomfortably in his jeans at just the mention of her name. He remembers Ruby, remembers chuckling to himself when he realized the irony of her name matching the color of her blood, remembers watching the news coverage of her disappearance in this very same diner, those handful of years ago. She was a sweet thing, he remembers this, too. It was a shame she had ended up being such a fighter, that she had to get put down the way she did. But she shouldn’t have thrown that fucking rock at his face, called him a sick fuck and a freak as she made her pitiful little escape attempt. Joel is lucky that all he came away from it with is that ugly little scar that mars the bridge of his nose. He can’t say the same for her.

“Why? You heard her name before?” You ask him, an unfortunate little twinkle of hope in your eyes.

“Maybe.” Yes. “Sounds a lil’ familiar, might remember hearin’ about it on the news or somethin’.”

That goddamn news coverage sure as hell taught him a lesson. Joel had spent months trying to keep the cops off his fucking tail after he had dumped her body on some forgettable patch of land behind an old decaying barn. He had even gotten pulled in for a fucking interview at the station in what he now presumes to be your hometown, where they had questioned him for an hour or so about her disappearance. He still isn’t sure how he talked his way out of that one. Ruby might not have been good for much else, other than pissing him the hell off with all of her pathetic crying and begging to just please, please let me go back home, but she did help him perfect his craft, he can give her that much. It’s because of her that Joel makes certain now that any girl he picks up doesn’t have anybody who will miss her or plaster her face on every local channel or send out goddamn search parties to find her. Girls like you.

You’re just so perfect, it would be so fucking easy for him to make you disappear for good, it’s almost comical. It had hardly taken any convincing at all to get you to climb into his truck, had taken even less to get you to agree to go to some seedy ass motel with him that might not even exist, for all you know. It does, but you didn’t even try to test him about it this time, just put all of your trust in him like a stray puppy would to the first person to pick it up off the street. That is just about what you are, he supposes. So far, you seem like the perfect candidate to become his little captive pet. If you keep it up, maybe you won’t meet the same fate as the rest of them. He’d told himself he’d be done after the last one, anyway, his body too old and achy and slow now to chase after the ones who put up a little more fight, like she had. She’d nearly escaped, made it a decent way through the woods and almost reached the main road before tripping on an exposed root and snapping her ankle. He remembers how weak and scared she’d looked before he’d used his knife to put her out of her misery, and it makes his dick twitch. Joel doesn’t plan on snuffing you out, not right now at least, since you haven’t given him a reason to. But his fingers still twitch where they rest on the table, moving out of instinct as he can’t help but imagine what they’d look like wrapped so tightly around your little throat. Would you cry? Would you beg? Would you pray? Would he have to glide his blade across your vocal chords just to get you to stop screaming so fucking loud? He wonders.

“Oh… Was that one of the times you were just ‘passin’ through’ for whatever reason you haven’t told me yet?”

Joel hadn’t realized that his eyes had been unfocused for so long, or that he’d been holding his breath, or that his hand had been squeezing his glass of water so hard he’s glad it hadn’t shattered. The airy sound of your voice brings him back to reality, and he huffs a light chuckle as he fixes his face into a more pleasant expression. 

“Yeah, ‘spose it was.” 

You roll your eyes at him playfully. “Come on, Joel. I just told you, like, my whole sob story. I feel like I deserve to know at least one thing about you now.”

You have a point.

He gives in. “Fine. I got a brother, used to come through this area when I’d pay him a visit. That good enough for ya?”

You cross your arms. “No. What’s his name?”

“Tommy.”

“What’s he look like?”

“Like me. Little younger. Little uglier.”

You laugh at that.

It makes Joel smile.

Maybe you could be the one he’s been looking for all this time. Too bad he had to waste so many others before he finally got to you.

—

The waitress comes back to your table soon after that, with your steaming plates of delicious-smelling food and hot mugs of coffee balanced expertly on a large plastic tray. She sets them down in front of the pair of you with a cheery smile, and you thank her happily when she doesn’t forget the extra sickeningly sweet cups of creamer you had requested. Joel doesn’t take his eyes off you once during the interaction, not even to feast his eyes upon the monstrous burger now sitting before him, not even as he thanks the waitress for delivering it to him. His lingering gaze makes you feel a little warm, but it could just be from the heat radiating off of your plates.

“What? You’re not getting a bite of mine, if that’s why you’re looking at me,” you tease, already getting to work putting the sugary creamer to good use.

Joel just shakes his head, his caramel colored eyes still never leaving you as your coffee begins to resemble their hue. “No, ‘s not why.”

“Whatever,” you reply through a giggle, making a poor attempt to hide your girlish grin behind the lip of your white ceramic mug. 

The two of you eat your meals in relative silence, mostly enjoying each other’s company and basking in the relaxing ambience created by silverware tapping against porcelain, hushed conversations, and the local country station playing through the old radio sitting on the counter. The reception is a little spotty way out here in wherever the hell you are, so you can’t quite tell what song it is. But Joel seems to know, judging by the rhythmic bouncing of his knee under the table that creates little circular ripples in your coffee. Maybe you’ll ask him what it is later, how he knows it, if you can listen to it again in the truck together. He doesn’t seem to be as much of an open book as you’ve already given yourself away to be, and you respect that about him. It doesn’t make you any less curious, but you resign yourself to getting to know him better in the small doses he’s willing to offer you. 

You decide to begin a mental list of all the things you want to ask him later, knowing that by the time you make it to the motel tonight, you’ll be far too exhausted to do anything more than just collapse onto the springy mattress and sleep until you get kicked out of the room the next morning. You almost wish you hadn’t listened to Joel’s request for you to take your coffee decaffeinated tonight, and you still aren’t quite sure why you did. It just feels so strangely easy to give into him, to trust him, to let him make decisions for you. You suppose that’s what you’ve been needing all this time, someone to guide you and understand you and at least pretend like they care about you. Joel has shown you more concern and care and protection in the last hour or so than either of your parents have pretty much your whole life. And he’s good at this, making you feel wanted, making you feel like somebody, even in subtle ways, just by looking at you.

“A’right, why don’t you finish up, darlin’, ‘n we’ll hit the road again. Practically usin’ your pancakes as a pillow over there.”

“Oh, sorry,” you apologize sleepily, waking yourself up enough to make quick work finishing off your plate and your last few sips of coffee. 

“Nothin’ to be sorry ‘bout, sweetheart. Lord knows you need some rest, won’t be too much longer now,” Joel assures, fishing a few tens out of his faded leather wallet and placing them on the table. He slides to the edge of the booth and stands himself up with only a few pained noises as he straightens out his back, then offers his hand for you to take. You use it as leverage to pull yourself upright, and your hands linger in each other’s hold for a few seconds longer than they need to. The hostess thanks the two of you for stopping in when you pass her by, and Joel opens the door for you again as you leave Moody’s. He opens the truck door for you, too, and promises you that the motel is just another couple of minutes down the freeway. You make an effort to stay awake in your seat this time as Joel begins the drive, opting to gaze out the window and focus on trying to make out the sparkling constellations above the treeline. You smile privately at the moon when you find that she’s following closely behind you just as she always does, bright and full. 

She doesn’t leave your side until you reach the unassuming little roadside motel, which to your gratitude, proudly displays their vacancy on the flickering sign in the parking lot. It doesn’t look like a five star joint by any means, but you know it will serve its purpose just fine. Joel instructs you to stay in the truck while he goes about getting a room for the two of you, and you don’t object. He’d insisted that you didn’t need to be on your feet any longer than you already had been today, and you were too tired to argue with him even if you wanted to. When he returns, he taps lightly on the passenger side window so as not to startle you from the half-asleep, half-awake state you’ve found yourself in, and swings your backpack over his shoulder as he helps you out of the truck. He leads you to the room at the end of the row, and the door takes some finessing of the key and a shove of his shoulder to open. Joel flicks on the light, and you let out a disappointed-sounding ‘oh…’ when it reveals your accommodations.

There aren’t two beds like you had assumed Joel was going to request. There’s only one.

Joel catches your reaction. “‘S this gonna be alright? I know it ain’t the Ritz Carlton, but—”

“No, the room’s fine, it’s not that. I just thought… I just assumed that… I didn’t know it was gonna be, like… just the one bed.” You try to explain your discomfort as gently as possible, without seeming ungrateful for everything Joel has done for you tonight.

He looks at you sympathetically. “I know, I ain’t tryin’ anythin’, I swear. Guy told me it was the last room they had, jus’ figured it was better than nothin’.” 

You offer him a soft smile, but your eyes must still look a little wide as you begin to nervously pick at your fingernails. Joel continues, “I can take the chair if you want, darlin’. Get the bed all to yourself, how’s that sound?”

You visibly relax at that, your shoulders deflating as your smile becomes a little more genuine. “Okay, that’s good. Thank you.”

“‘Course, sweetheart. How’s about you take a nice hot shower, rinse off some o’ that dirt you picked up from walkin’ all day… Don’t suppose you got some suitable clothes in here for sleepin’ in?” Joel asks, handing your backpack off to you.

You shake your head. “Just some jeans and t-shirts, and another pair of shoes. And… y’know, some underwear, and stuff.”

Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, then rubs his fingers across his forehead exasperatedly. “I swear… it’s like you didn’t think there’d be a tomorrow or somethin’, girl. Christ.” Joel looks out the window to his truck parked just outside. “Tell you what, think I got somethin’ in the truck you can wear. Why don’t you see if they got anythin’ on the TV tha’s worth a damn, ‘n I’ll be back, alright?”

You nod, “Okay,” then set your backpack down on the drab carpet in favor of picking up the remote perched in front of the small square television. You sit yourself down on the edge of the bed as Joel leaves the room, and begin to flick through the few channels that aren’t just a screen full of snowy static.

Local news. Commercial. Game show. Commercial. Documentary. Commercial. 

Eventually, you land on what seems to be one of those old black-and-white western shows that you can never remember the name of. You only know that the reruns used to play on Sundays around lunchtime, because Rob would always be half paying attention to it with a beer in his hand when you and your mom would get home from church. For how adamant she was that you attend every weekend, she sure never called him a harlot and a sinner for not wanting to go with her. You’re not sure she had ever even tried to get him to go, but he probably didn’t own anything decent enough to wear, anyway. Whatever, fuck them. The show seems like the kind of thing Joel would like, so you let it keep playing. 

He comes back a moment later with a small stack of folded up clothes, tossing them over to where you sit on the bed. You unfold what he’s given you and examine them—a pair of simple pink cotton shorts, and a white tank top with a ditsy floral pattern scattered across the fabric. The clothing is a little more revealing than you’d like, but you figure you’d be a hell of a lot more comfortable wearing them to sleep than the denim shorts you have on now.

“These are… great. Thank you, Joel. But…” you snicker. “Should I be concerned that you have a very convenient supply of girls’ clothes in your truck?” Joel scoffs. “‘S for when I got Tommy’s kid with me, smartass. He’s got a daughter, few years younger ‘n you.”

“Okay, well, I dunno how I was supposed to know that, but… as long as you don’t have a girlfriend who’s gonna come after me for wearing her clothes.”

Joel only chuckles in response, his attention suddenly pulled to the TV.

“Gunsmoke, huh? ‘S a good choice, definitely what I’d classify as ‘worth a damn’.”

You smile to yourself, and his approval makes that warm fluttery feeling return to your belly. “I didn’t even know what it was called, just seemed like something you’d like.”

He turns back to you. “That obvious, huh? ‘S just ‘cause I’m old and southern, ain’t it?”

“Maybe a little,” you admit, making a pinching gesture with your hand.

Joel nods as he makes his way over to the armchair on the corner of the room, collapsing onto it with a groan. “Well, why don’t you go ‘n get yourself all changed and cleaned up, ‘n if you’re quick enough maybe we can finish the episode together and then get some shuteye, hm?”

You swiftly unzip your backpack to retrieve one of your clean pairs of underwear, then bound over to the small bathroom with them and your new change of clothes in hand. It’s not the most spotless one you’ve ever had to use, but you’ve honestly seen much worse. You rinse off quickly in the steaming shower, using the scratchy motel-provided washcloth to scrub the dirt from your legs, stuck to you with the sweat you worked up from God knows how many miles of walking today. 

Today. You can hardly believe it hasn’t even been a full 24 hours since you left home yet. It seems like you’ve already known Joel for days, maybe even years, as silly as it sounds. You wonder if he might just take you in after this, or if he’ll have had enough of providing for you after just one night. He seems like a man of limited means, and he’s already given you so much. If you’re brave enough, maybe you’ll ask him tomorrow, when you get to the ‘so… what now?’ part of your time together.

For now, you step out of the shower and dry yourself off with an impossibly scratchier towel, then pull on your panties and the tank top and shorts Joel provided you with.

Jesus, how much younger is Tommy’s daughter?

The shorts just barely cover your ass, and there’s a sizable gap between their waistband and the bottom hem of your top. The thin, white material of the shirt only serves to accentuate the way your nipples poke through the fabric, but you suppose there isn’t anything you can do about that.

You quietly crack open the bathroom door, and are somewhat relieved to find that Joel’s already fallen asleep in the chair. You do wish you could’ve finished the episode of Gunsmoke with him, but the end credits seem to be rolling already anyway, and you’d rather avoid being seen in your very ill-fitting pajamas. Although, you do wonder if he’d say anything, or if he’d just let his hungry gaze linger in silence again, holding himself back from touching you beyond a comforting pat on the thigh.

You pick the remote up off the bed and use it to make the TV screen sizzle to black, then tip toe over to the lightswitch by the door and turn it off, the room now completely shrouded in darkness. Joel snores softly from the chair as you blindly feel your way back over to the bed, pulling the covers back and nestling yourself underneath them. The bed is surprisingly comfortable, considering, and it doesn’t take long for your exhaustion to catch up with you. Your thoughts become slower and slower along with your breathing, and you’re asleep not even five minutes after your head hits the pillow.

—

The last room they had, yeah, right. You’re just the most pathetic little thing, aren’t you? You’ll believe just about anything that comes out of his mouth if he turns up the ‘southern charm’ dial a few ticks, throws in a feigned apologetic-looking expression for good measure. It’s sad, really. For you, anyway.

Joel fakes his snoring for another thirty minutes or so, until he’s certain you’re sound asleep. He had heard your breath even out almost immediately after you had tucked yourself in, but he had chosen to lay in wait for a little while longer, just to make sure you wouldn’t put up too much of a fight when he made his move. You don’t seem like the type, considering how you’d hardly argued with him at all tonight, like when he had convinced you to forgo the caffeine with your dinner. There’s a reason he wanted you sleepy and subdued tonight, but you didn’t know that. Joel likes how well you listen to him, how easily you do as he asks.

He also likes how warm you are, how small your body is compared to his own, the difference in size especially prominent now that he’s laying snugly against you, his front pressing firmly into the back of you. You don’t wake from his lumbering movement, only coming to slightly when you feel his arm slide underneath your body, his warm hand snaking its way beneath your tiny shirt to squeeze at your plush tits. 

You mumble out a little “Hm?”, which he’s quick to quiet with, “Sorry, darlin’. Chair was too hard on my damn back. Just go back to sleep, ‘kay?” That chair felt like laying on a goddamn cloud compared to some of the other surfaces he’s found himself having to sleep on before, but again, you don’t know that, and what you don’t know won’t hurt you. You probably won’t even remember this in the morning, how his hard cock is slotted so perfectly against your ass, especially without the confines of his thick jeans holding him back. They’re discarded onto the floor now in front of the armchair, along with his flannel shirt and jacket. Joel holds you tightly against his bare, hairy chest as he circles a roughened pad of his finger around one of your nipples, smirking to himself at how quickly the bud hardens from his touch. He knew you wanted this, and the wet spot that the fingers of his other hand are teasing in the gusset of your panties is proof of it. How long have you been leaking for him like this? Had you been soaking the seat of his truck earlier today? Filthy thing.

You still don’t rouse when he pulls your panties aside and slips a finger inside your slick cunt, or when his grip on your tit loosens in favor of sliding up higher under your tank top, his hand coming to a rest around the base of your throat as he pumps his finger in and out of your tight heat. It would be so fucking easy…

But he can’t, he won’t, because you’re not like the others. You want to get to know him, you let him take care of you, you seem to like his company, and you don’t leap out of bed and call him a fucking perv and a dirty old man for what he’s doing to you. That’s what the others would have done. It’s what they have done. And they faced the consequences.

But you’re different. You’re not like them. You’re like him. A lost soul, that’s what you are. Nowhere to call home, no one who misses you or loves you or gives a damn what happens to you. Joel’s mouth had tasted bitter when he had told you about Tommy, or rather, lied about him. Joel hasn’t seen the fucker in years, certainly doesn’t pay him any visits or watch his brat, not since Tommy had learned the truth. You better not show your goddamn face around here ever again, you understand me? Tommy had spat at him. You’re fuckin’ sick. Only reason I don’t turn your ass in myself is ‘cause you’re my goddamn brother. But if I ever fuckin’ see you again, I won’t hesitate. Better make yourself pretty fuckin’ scarce ‘fore I change my mind. That might’ve been about the only time Joel had ever taken orders from his little brother. 

That bitter flavor is cut by the sweet tang of you that he tastes on his finger now, so young and eager and fresh. The hand around your throat squeezes a little tighter, and Joel’s hips begin to move against your ass as he allows himself to suck wet kisses onto the skin under the hinge of your jaw. Softly, gently, so as not to wake you. He could come just like this, using your pliant body in your sleep, rutting himself against your still form with the taste of your pussy on his tongue and his fingers pressed against your pulse points.

He’s close when you stir again, making broken hiccuping sounds as you choke on your breath.

“Shh, shh,” Joel soothes. “You’re alright, sweetheart. ‘S just me. Just—fuck—hold still, go back to sleep, baby.” You let out a quiet whimper, squirming against him just a little bit, but return to your unmoving and silent state a second later. Joel finishes himself off quickly with another couple of shallow thrusts against you, his large hand still gripped around the column of your neck, trying to stifle his groans as he spills into his briefs. He removes his suffocating hand and keeps you pressed tightly against him for a while after that, tanned arms wrapped around your waist and breathing in your scent as he waits for you to settle back down. 

When he’s sure he won’t disturb you again, Joel releases you from his hold and pads quietly back over to the armchair, redressing himself and resuming the position you had left him in. In the morning, if you do remember any of it, you’ll just chalk it up to a very strange dream, one fueled by the desire he knows you’ve felt towards him since he picked you up. You’ll be left with a strange assuredness that he feels the same way about you, without really knowing why. 

But Joel will always know.

—

The digital clock on the nightstand only reads around 8:00 when you’re awoken by a beam of sunlight shining brightly against the backs of your eyelids, streaming in from the window’s lopsided blinds. You had gone to sleep with your back to Joel, but you find yourself facing him now. He looks kind of peaceful when he’s asleep, that permanent furrow etched between his brows finally smoothed out as he dozes. A small smile tugs at the corners of your lips, but they fall quickly when you adjust your legs and feel the cool dampness against your core, the sensation bringing back the memory of the dream you’d had last night. 

It had felt so real, but it couldn’t have been, could it? There’s no evidence that Joel had really laid next to you last night, that he’d really touched you like that, that you’d wanted him to keep going. It must just be some kind of strange side effect of the affection you feel toward the man who had rescued you, more or less. You’ll likely just part ways after today, anyway, so it’s probably best to just try and forget about the whole thing, put on a fresh pair of underwear and pretend it never happened. 

Joel is awake by the time you’re done freshening up in the bathroom, and he greets you with a raspy ‘Mornin’, sweetheart’ as you retrieve your backpack from next to the bed and shove your ruined underwear into the bottom of it. “You get some good sleep last night?” He asks, rubbing a hand over his eye.

“Mhm, the bed was nice, more comfortable than the one I had at home, honestly.” You finish zipping your backpack closed and sit back down on the bed, pulling on some socks and the lace up sneakers you had been wearing yesterday. “I hope the chair was okay, like, for your back and everything.”

“What makes you say that, baby?”

You pause in the middle of tying one of your shoelaces, turning to look at him with a confused pout. “Didn’t you…? I thought you had told me something about how the chair would be hard on your back. Like, last night.”

Joel frowns, shaking his head. “Don’t think so, darlin’. Chair was just fine.”

“Oh… Well, that’s good.”

Maybe it had just been a dream, then.

Joel hands you a few bills from his wallet, and tasks you with getting the two of you some breakfast from the gas station across the street while he cleans himself up. He tells you that he doesn’t eat much in the mornings, but that you can get yourself whatever you want, as long as you bring him back a carton of cigarettes and a black coffee. You obey eagerly, retrieving what he asked for and getting a pack of miniature powdered donuts and an equally as sugary coffee for yourself.

He’s just stepped out of the bathroom when you return to the room, and your face feels hot when you see him with his dark hair slicked back and wet from the shower. The few strands that fall onto his forehead as he laces up his boots almost make him look a little boyish, despite his whitened temples. 

“Such a good girl, thank you,” Joel praises when you hand him his items. 

You respond with a shy ‘You’re welcome’, but he doesn’t miss how you seem to light up at his words. You plop yourself down onto the worn-in chair that Joel had used as a bed last night, happily munching on your gas station donuts and sipping on your coffee. It all makes you feel warm from the inside out.

But you figure you should find out what the rest of today might look like before you let yourself enjoy the beginnings of it too much.

“So, um… We’re just gonna check out this morning and then… what?” 

“Whaddya mean, baby?”

“I mean… are you just gonna, like… take me to the nearest bus station or something?”

Joel’s confusion is written all over his face, embedded deep into those lines between his brows. You could swear he almost looks a little hurt. “Why would I do that? ‘S that what you want?” He asks softly.

You try to backpedal a little, afraid you might’ve offended him or seemed ungrateful in your question. “I just thought it might be what you want. That you probably have somewhere else you need to be, like Tommy’s or—”

“No, I don’t,” Joel says definitively.

You pause. “Okay, so—”

“You ever been to California?”

His question stumps you for a moment, seeming so random in its nature. “No.”

“You want to?”

You shrug. “I mean… sure. Maybe someday—”

“Why don’t you come with me then, baby?”

You let out an awkward giggle. “...Come with you where?”

“To California. Come with me.” Joel’s tone is genuine but firm.

“Like, today? Are you sure?”

“I mean, we ain’t gettin’ there today, darlin’. But yeah, I’m sure. We both got nowhere else to be, do we? So let’s just go, we’ll see it together.”

You beam up at him, realizing that he’s being serious. Joel does want you, wants you to be his companion, maybe even something more that you’ll discover on familiar-looking back roads and in cities you’ve only ever seen pictures of. 

“Okay,” you agree excitedly. 

Joel nods. “Okay, then. Lemme go check us out ‘n we’ll get back on the road again. Burnin’ daylight already,” he jokes. He carries your backpack out to the truck for you, setting it down between your feet after he opens the door and helps you inside with a stable hand. It only takes a few minutes for Joel to hand in the room key and pay for the night, and then he’s back at your side. You begin to feel like that’s where you always want him to stay. 

“So, where to first, baby? California ain’t goin’ anywhere, can take as long to get there as we wanna. We’ll go wherever you like, take your pick.” Joel leans across your body to dig a folded up map out of the glove compartment, handing it to you. 

You examine it, your eyes darting across the dozens of dots with the names of cities next to them, some you’ve never even heard of. You point to one that you have heard of, but have never been to, because you’ve never even left the state you grew up in before.

“Um… how about Detroit? I’ve heard it’s nice, I think.”

Joel belly laughs at that. “It ain’t, but sure. You wanna go to Detroit, that’s where we’ll go. Buckle up, baby,” he instructs, patting your thigh. You oblige, and it feels good to finally know where you’re going, and that you’re going there with someone who cares about you, who feels safe, who wants you around. You also feel a little hopeful that maybe you were right about Ruby, after all. That you didn’t start walking for nothing, that you weren’t following some childish delusion, that if something as good as Joel had happened to you when you left, that maybe she had found herself on a similar path, ran into somebody good who took her wherever she wanted to go and helped her find someplace she belonged. Maybe she found her way out to California, eventually. What you are certain of is that neither of you ever have to go back to that town ever again, and that feels good, too.

And if it feels good, then it can’t be bad.

tag list: tag list: @beefrobeefcal @iamasaddie @rebel-held @dilfgestivo @zliteraturehoe @joeldjarin @kamcrazy123 @hellowoolf @rexamongthestars @stevie75 @luxurychristmaspudding @noisynightmarepoetry @mewantpeepaw @pedritoferg @alex-does-art-things @evolnoomym @annoyingmarvelreader @k1l4ni @joelsdagger (if your name is crossed out, it won’t let me tag you!!)

[sweetbans29]

Varsity Jacket - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Summary: You and Caitlin keep it light and playful at a game (based on THIS request)

Warnings: fluff

Word Count: 2.4k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN: Is this not everyones dream?

It's the first time in the state's history of WBB that they decided to play basketball in a football stadium. A piece of history that has been led by one girl allowing thousands to benefit.

The game was chosen to be an exhibition game, a kick-off to the season, naming it the Crossover at Kinnick. They laid the Iowa WBB court within the confines of the outdoor football stadium, drawing a near 55,000 fans to be a part of the first game in Caitlin Clark's senior year. A NCAA record-breaking 55,000 fans. The first of many records Clark would break this upcoming season.

The game followed a lot of football Saturday traditions. The way the team was called out, a stadium flyover, and your favorite part - the Hawkeye Wave over to the kids in the UI Stead Family Children’s Hospital. You had done it before when your team had danced at football games and were excited to be a part of it today.

You are proud to be part of the Iowa Hawkeye dance team - have been for the past three years now. It is what brought you to IU in the first place.

Growing up dance had always been something you enjoyed. Unlike most of the other girls on the dance team, you didn't start taking dance classes until halfway through middle school. When you learned you had a natural talent for it, you started taking it more seriously. You joined your high school's dance team and decided it was something you wanted to try your hand at in college. When you auditioned going into your freshman year, you were one of two freshmen to make the team.

Since then you have captained the team for two football seasons, going into your third. Yet here you are, freezing your azz off because you forgot your damn coat.

Upon arriving at the stadium, you should have been prepared. You should have thought through how it is November in Iowa and how it is about to be winter but that doesn't cross your mind until you are shaking courtside.

"Didn't you bring a coat?" One of your teammates asks. She is currently bundled up in two jackets, ear muffs, and hand warmers.

"If I did, don't you think I would be wearing it?" You snap and immediately realize. "I'm sorry babe, I am just freezing."

You are trying to hide your shaking body and keep moving around to generate any sort of heat that you can.

A part of being on the dance team was being visible during the whole game. You weren't the cheer squad but your team had to be posted up next to them every game. It wasn't bad, it was just cold.

As halftime approached you directed your team to stretch out again, not wanting them to pull anything while dancing. You did the same, as you watched your basketball continue to do what they do best.

Once everyone was stretched, you all bunched together ready to take the court.

"I am still freezing my ass off," you say rubbing your hands together and huddle close to your friend. "I can't believe I didn't bring my freaking overcoat."

The team was coming off when someone bumped your shoulder causing you to take a few steps back.

"Hey! Watch it," you tell the 6-foot frame.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," the girl says. You pull down your skirt and smooth it over. Once you are satisfied with your outfit adjustment you look up.

'Of-freaking-course', you think to yourself as you make eye contact with none other than Caitlin Clark.

"I didn't see you there," she says, the slightest smirk peaking out.

"Very funny Clark," you say trying to hide your own smile and keep it serious.

"Oh, keeping it professional now are we?" She says. "It's cute, but you can call me Caitlin."

"That is so kind of you," you say, kind of surprised she is still there talking to you. You finish your sentence with, "Clark."

She just smiles and shakes her head. You hear the music come on and you know it's your cue. Caitlin doesn't follow the rest of the team back through the tunnel, rather stands to the side and watches you and your team take the court.

Caitlin knows she should be back with her team. More so to warm up but she couldn't nor wanted to take her eyes off you. She stood there watching you and your team keep everyone entertained during halftime. A smile resting on her lips the entire time.

She has seen you around before. How could she not, you were at practically every sports game. Caitlin would frequent the Hawkeye's football games but never really got close enough to see you perform (something she will probably never admit to you). If it wasn't seeing you in passing there, she noticed you would go and watch other sports just for fun. She has to think about it but if she remembers correctly she has seen you at both the men's and women's volleyball matches, women's soccer, and even some track and even the women's swim and dive meets.

Caitlin cheers on your team as you finish your routine and runoff, making way for the cheer squad to perform their routine next. As you make your way back you see Cait standing in the same spot she bumped you in. She is smiling at you and clapping as you make your way over. You walk up to her despite the murmurs you hear from your team, only making out your name and Caitlin's in their muffled conversations.

"Aren't you supposed to be somewhere, Clark?" You ask as you cross your arms over your chest. You may have just performed a 6-minute dance routine but the chilled air was unforgiving.

"Wanted to stay out here and watch - making sure your little frozen ass doesn't fall off," she says, her eyes never leaving yours.

"The team is great," you say with a smile choosing to ignore the second part of her statement and refusing to be the first one to break eye contact.

"I wasn't watching the team," she says, that stupid smirk playing on her lips again. You could feel yourself losing this battle.

"That's a shame, they are great," you say trying to regain any part of this conversation.

"Maybe, but not as great as who I had my eyes on," she says. You blush and look away. You felt like you were being interrogated by the freaking CIA not flirting with your school's superstar.

"Okay, Clark, you win," you say as you crumble under her gaze.

She rubs the back of your arm, letting her hand linger on you. You look back up at her.

"I should get back," she says not wanting to leave you but knowing her job isn't done.

"You should," you say, agreeing for her - the first time since this conversation has started.

"Thanks for umm, thanks for watching," you say, your nerves peaking out. She nods and heads in the direction of her team.

What the hell was that? You make your way over to your team and they are all chattering about the interaction. You take your seat next to your co-captain who is just looking at you.

You keep your head forward still processing it all. Caitlin Clark was just talking to you. Not only that, but she waited and watched you perform then proceeded to flirt with you about it. Her hand was on your arm. You were thankful it wasn't skin-to-skin contact because you probably would have never let her walk away. She was teasing you.

You are too caught up in your own thoughts to see when someone had walked up to you. Your co-cap tapping your leg and nodding at the woman who was standing in front of you.

"Oh hi," you say and stand.

"I was told to bring this over to you," she says holding something, you look down and it's a jacket.

"Oh thank you," you say grabbing it.

"She wanted me to say it is from Caitlin," she says, emphasizing the name. "Told me I had to emphasize the name."

The woman walks away and you unfold the jacket to see 'CLARK' on the back right above the number 22. This girl is not serious right now. If you were under any other circumstance, you would not be putting it on but since the only time you have stopped shaking was while you were performing you decide to put the jacket on.

If your team was whispering about your interaction with Caitlin before, they are shouting from the rooftops now.

The basketball team comes back out and you find yourself looking for a particular someone. To your delight, she is making her way over to you.

"You got it, good," she says, wrapped in an Iowa jacket of her own.

"You didn't need to do this," you say but make no move to try and hand it back to her. It has been the warmest you have been the whole game. She lets out a little laugh.

"Sure, says the one who was shaking like a chihuahua," she says taking in the sight of you in her clothing. She could get used to this.

"I appreciate it, Clark," you say and she groans.

"Caitlin," she says.

"Clark," you retort.

"Cait," she responds.

"Clark," you are not giving in.

"CC, Caity, C - anything but Clark," she says frustrated.

"Why does it bother you so much that I call you by your last name?" You ask now the one who has the slight edge in the conversation.

"Clark, get your butt over here," one of her coaches yells at her.

"That's why," she mumbles and gives you one last look before running back over to the team.

"Get it Clark!" You yell after her, earning some whistles and shouts from your team.

You're thankful it is still cold out because the redness on your cheeks can easily be taken as cold, hiding your blush.

Your team doesn't shut up about the fact that you had talked to Caitlin but she gave her varsity jacket to you to wear. All the girls were staring at you and taking in the sight of the player's jacket.

A ball gets swatted out of bounds and you catch it before it can hit anyone on your team. Caitlin sees where it goes and books it to grab it from you.

Here is the thing about Caitlin, she is the last person to go and catch a ball that has been hit out of bounds. Her whole team was aware of this. So it is to everyone's surprise when she is the first one to hustle after the ball when the whistle is blown.

You hold up the ball for her.

"Careful there Clark, could have hurt someone," you say.

She laughs, "Ya right."

"Since when are you the first one to run after a loose ball," you say exposing that you may have watched her more than a few times. Could anyone blame you? Caitlin has been drawing the attention of the whole nation.

"Didn't want to miss the opportunity to come talk to the pretty girl," she says with that damn smirk.

"You are too kind Clark," you say faking flattery.

"Oh, I was talking about the girl next to you," she says teasing you.

You sit there speechless as Caitlin finally takes the ball.

"I'm kidding, but you should see the look on your face. It's priceless," she says winking at you before heading back over to inbound the ball.

'Oh it is on Clark' you think as you watch them finish up the last quarter.

Caitlin, of course, plays amazing. She finishes the game off with her first triple-double of the season. You watch as she celebrates with her team - all of who were excited to start the season on a high note. You are celebrating with your team when they all go quite in front of you and stare at something behind you. You turn around before Caitlin can tap your shoulder.

"Ahh, so we meet again," you say with a smile. "Well done Clark."

"Okay, enough with the Clark. You are wearing my jacket for goodness sake," she says and shakes her head.

"Oh, ya, thank you for this," you say and begin to take it off. She stops you by putting her hand on your arm - the second time today you note.

"Hold on to it, if you take it off now you will start shaking again and I don't really care to see you looking like a little chihuahua," she says and scratches the back of her neck. You raise your eyebrow at her. If you don't give her the jacket back now, that means you will need to see her again to return it.

"And who exactly am I supposed to get this back to you?" You ask.

"Well that is actually why I came over here," she says and you can tell she is a little more nervous than she had been before. You don't notice but both of your teams are watching the interaction between you.

"Okay," you say encouraging her to continue.

"How would you feel about going out with me this weekend?" Caitlin says as she has to mentally remind herself to keep her breathing steady and to not rush her words.

"I don't know..." you start. "I was thinking I could just have someone swing the jacket by one of your practices."

Caitlin's face looks mortified and you immediately bring your hand up to hers to ease her, your joke being taken a little too serious.

"I'm kidding Clark," you say and give her hand a squeeze. "I would love to go out with you this weekend."

She smiles widely.

"Great," she says. "I'll text you details," she begins walking backward.

"And how are you going to do that without my number?" You say as she is now just out of reach.

"You're cute," she says, now back in control of the conversation. "I've had your number for a while, now I just get to use it."

You stare at her, mouth agape. You don't know how to get the last word in so she does.

"Talk to you soon babe!" Caitlin says and runs back towards her team.

AN: This was a cutie. Hope you enjoyed it and let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for the love and support 🤍

[formulamar]

she’s a ferrari - part 3

charles leclerc x yn!ferrari

fc: addison rae

summary: as a child, the great-grand daughter of Enzo Ferrari used to spend her weekends hanging around the paddock. but once she went off to university her appearances became rare. what happens when she starts working for Ferrari? and... one of the drivers steals her heart.

READ PART TWO HERE

NOVEMBER 2023

twitter

ynferrari's story

twitter

charles_leclerc

liked by joris__trouche and 905,679 others

charles_leclerc: I gave absolutely everything today. Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for the support throughout the whole season. It's been a tough one and I already can't wait to be in 2024 to be hopefully fighting for wins again ❤️

5,382 comments

ynferrari: you make us proud everyday ❤️

liked by charles_leclerc

DECEMBER 2023

ynferrari

liked by charles_leclerc, lewishamilton, and 109,354 others

ynferrari: finally gradu-ATE-ed!!!!! big thank you to my family, my friends and to beautiful London!!! you've treated me so well. can't wait for this next chapter, but its painfully bittersweet to close out this one. 🎓💐🤍

6,039 comments

carmenmmundt: intelligent AND gorgeous 🥰

-> ynferrari: you're my inspiration 🥲

fernandoalonso: Lo hiciste!! (you did it)

liked by ynferrari

carlossainz55: 👏👏👏

ynscousin: CONGRATULAZIONI YN 🍾 also how did you get rid of your jet lag so fast?

-> ynferrari: trust it was a pain 😭

ynbff: WE DID IT BABES!!!! ILY

landonorris: are you sure they didn't hand you someone else's diploma on accident?

-> ynferrari: just shut up and come to the party 🙄

user: who bought you that degree?

tifosi2019: from one grad to another congratulations yn!

-> ynferrari: congratulations to you as well!

charles_leclerc: Smartest person I know ❤️ Congratulations

-> ynferrari: grazie bello :))

-> lordcharles: EVERYONE SEEING THIS INTERACTION

ferrarifan03: CONGRATS YN!!!!

ynfan53: CONGRADULATIONS PRETTY GIRL

tifosi75: yn...is it possible this next chapter involves you being in the paddock more often??

-> ynferrari: 😉😉

user: spoiled brat

-> ynferrari: not too shabby yourself xx

-> ferrarifan03: HELPPPPP

rumorhasitf1

liked by f1fan, ynbff and 4,673 others

rumorhasitf1: RUMOR HAS IT

Rumor has it that various f1 drivers attended YN Ferrari's graduation party in London on December 9th. Guests included Fernando Alonso, Carlos Sainz, Mick Schummacher, Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Lance Stroll, George Russel and YN's rumored boyfriend Charles Leclerc. Susi and Toto Wolff were also in attendance. Witnesses state that YN and Charles held hands, danced and conversed throughout the whole evening.

753 comments

norrisluv: now the important question is what did he gift her...

-> lechairs: EXACTLYYYYY IM SO CURIOUS

lec4: getting emotional just imagining this...cutest couple to ever couple

charlnor: susi and toto being there is a little random to me not gonna lie...

-> scunteriafer: i'm hoping it's just cause they've known yn since she was little and they have a close bond and not because of anything else

cl16fan: Charles and Yn dancing together... i'm actually dying

lonso14: imagine nando just glaring at charles the whole night FHSKAJFLD

f1fan05: WAS FRED THERE @/rumorhasitf1

-> rumorhasitf1: Our source says yes!

ferrarienthusiast38: YN'S BESTIE IN THE LIKES HELLOFDJKSLJ

ln4s: it's got to be true then omgggg

lordpercevalfan: can we talk about this pic holy hell Charles how'd you bag that

twitter

PADDOCK GOSSIP

⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩

formulaamar 🎬: i wanted to get this out way earlier than i was able to but i couldn’t because school started again for me 🙄 and ive been busy with that but here’s part 3!!! this was supposed to be the last part but i decided why not add a little more hehe 😇 remember to comment if you wanna be on the taglist!!! ALSO ITS FINALLY RACE WEEK AGAIN LETS GO LETS HOPE FOR FERRARI FIXED THEIR FREAKING CAR 🥰

taglist 🌷🏷️: @agmoon03 @sarx164 @janeh22 @kindestofkings @ttokkisbee @swiftie-4-lifes-stuff @lottalove4evelyn @1800-love-me @forza-charles @blushmimi @emryb @heavy-vettel @tvdtw4ever @harrysdimples05 @chelle1306 @majasophieanna

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Wednesday Adams having a mute gn!sibling who she has a soft spot for and is protective of?

Black Hearts

|| Wednesday Addams x mute!genderneutral!sibling

|| Warnings; reader is mute, sign language marked similarly to dialogue, Wednesday soft for reader and hinted at Enid, short drabble, reader referred to with they/them

|| Summary; when reader joins Wednesday and Enid for classes, reader helps Enid out on an assignment.

Requests open!

Started; November 6th

Finished; November 6th

~~~

One thing about you, you were mute. You couldn't talk. No matter what you or your family tried, you just couldn't. Which lead Wednesday to be extra protective of you in any school the two of you attended. Human or Nevermore. It didn't matter. She even specifically requested for the two of you to get roomed together. Of course, that ended up happening. And now the two of you shared a room with Enid Sinclair. Who was probably the most talkative girl you and Wednesday knew. At first it was really annoying, but now you both were a little more used to it.

It was a rainy morning at Nevermore today. You didn't have a class first period, so you slept in as much as you could before finally dragging yourself out of bed. Getting ready for the day. You got into uniform and had a snack from your stash. Before meeting up with your sister and Enid after their first class was over. As you joined them, you walked beside Wednesday. The two of you simply listened as Enid rambled on about social media whatnots. Frankly, you didn't care for that. Social media wasn't yours or Wednesday's style; but it was certainly Enid's. Wednesday shared a glance with you and you subtly signed something about how Enid didn't seem like she was going to be quiet anytime soon. That got a little smirk out of Wednesday, who nodded in agreement. Wednesday had made herself fluent in sign language when it became apparent that you wouldn't be able to talk. She was your translator. At least, while you were at Nevermore. Your family had taken the time to learn it too. Though even some of the teachers had started picking it up so they could better help you. Especially those who didn't also have Wednesday in their class the same time as you.

When you signed, despite trying to be subtle, Enid caught it and leaned forwards so she could see your hands better. She then looked to you in confusion, then Wednesday. Enid wasn't fluent in sign by any means. But she did try. It just took her a little longer to understand.

"What did they say? I think I caught something about quiet but I really have no idea what the rest was. What was it?" Enid asked, her rambling never stopping even for questions. Wednesday sighed and shared a glance with you. Deciding not to answer and change the subject entirely.

"Did you do the assignment for our next class?" Normally, Wednesday couldn't care less about small talk. But it seemed to be the easiest way to distract Enid from things she didn't need to know about. Plus, Wednesday wasn't sure if Enid would have gotten annoyed with the comment you'd made about her or not. Likely not, if anything it may have just dampened her mood. Something Wednesday didn't want either, though she wouldn't have admitted it even if you begged her to. She would rather do anything else.

"Assignment..?" Suddenly, Enid looked horrified. Wednesday raised an eyebrow. Knowing exactly why. Enid hadn't done it. You looked at Enid and smirked as you realized the same thing as your sister. You and Wednesday had worked on the assignment together, so you both had it completed. Enid had been on her phone during that time.

"For someone who keeps a blog about the school, you certainly do not seem to know much of what goes on in it." Wednesday commented, finding the whole thing amusing. Even you were grinning.

"It's a gossip blog, not an assignment blog!" Enid replied, panic in her eyes," there should really be an assignment blog, though. Some of us need it." She murmured the last bit," can I copy off one of you? Please? Please? Please!" She clasped her hands together in begging, Wednesday simply sighed while you rolled your eyes.

'Fine. You really should have done the work,' You signed. Then reached into your bag.

Enid titled her head," uhh, something about fine and work?"

"The agreed to help you." Wednesday explained briefly. Enid's eyes lit up as she engulfed you in a hug, making your whole body tense up as you looked to Wednesday. Wednesday grabbed Enid by her shirt collar and pulled her off you, but not with a lot of force. If anything she was pretty gentle about it. You felt relief wash over you as Enid was made to let go, she pouted but respected it. You handed your notes to her and she made the roughest, scrambled version of the assignment out there as the three of you walked to class. It wasn't pretty, but it would have to do.

As for class, it was pretty boring. Enid managed to get the assignment done and handed in while you ended up falling asleep half way through the lesson. Wednesday stayed awake for the both of you. Though she would never admit it, she didn't want you falling behind. She cared about you. Somewhere in that black heart of hers.

[dadbodbuck]

WE'RE BREAKING UP

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THIS TO ME.

WHY WOULD YOU TYPE THIS WORDS WITH YOUR FINGERS AND THEN PRESS POST.

GET AWAY FROM ME

hi jack unfortunately we got married when you weren't looking so you have to pay for an attorney :/

anyway

Buck texts him I need to talk to you and Christopher knows it’s going to be a bad day. He was actually thinking about coming home over Thanksgiving break—it’s not as clean as going back over Christmas, but he misses Denny (who’s been telling him a lot about his cool new sister during their nightly meme exchange), and he misses his school friends (even if they’re exhausting to be around sometimes), and worst of all he misses his family. He misses his dad, he misses Buck. He even misses Tommy—despite only having met him a few times, he knows he’s been good for Buck and for his dad. 

He liked seeing his dad smiling so much when he first started hanging out with Tommy, before her. He liked the way Tommy talked to him like an adult with his own thoughts and opinions. He liked the way Tommy talked about Buck, even though it was kind of gross seeing a grown man swoon that much.

But then. I need to talk to you. And it all comes crumbling down around him. Buck even has the nerve to follow it up with Can I call you? like some sort of therapist or school administrator. Chris opts for a video call, because he’s not eighty years old, and when Buck picks up, his eyes are bloodshot, his face is pale, and he’s nestled in his bed like a stereotypical teenager girl after she gets dumped.

Oh. Oh no. “What,” Chris says, and he kind of regrets the video call now, because Buck flinches back like he’s been physically hit.

“Uh, hey!” Buck says, trying to recover and failing miserably. The smile he plasters on his face looks so forced it’s painful, “How’s Texas in November treating you?”

Chris looks at Buck and decides to play nice. Just a little. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but you sounded like you had something important to talk about.”

“You’re right,” Buck sighs, “I’m procrastinating. I just wanted to let you know that Tommy and I have decided not to see each other anymore.”

And, yeah, Chris is pretty sure he knew this was coming, but it still makes him want to cry, or bite something, or throw his phone into the lake. “What happened?”

“Well—uh—Chris, I don’t—the details really aren’t important,” Buck says, with a wince, “What is important is that I love you, and your dad loves you, and just because Tommy won’t be around doesn’t mean you won’t have our support. I’m really sorry, bud. I know you liked him.”

It blindsides Chris, and he doesn’t know why. He should’ve seen this coming a mile away. He shouldn’t have gotten attached. He never should have sat down to watch The Batman with his dad and Tommy and stolen Tommy’s popcorn and talked shit on Buck’s taste in Star Wars Prequels. 

“What did you do?” Chris asks, feeling a startling rage building in his throat. It’s familiar, now. He doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows this is Buck’s fault. Buck looks like a dog that pissed on the carpet and is waiting for you to step on the wet spot.

Buck clears his throat, and visibly weighs truth and comfort in his mind. “I asked him to move in with me. It was—it was too fast—”

“You asked him to move in with you?” Chris balks, “He has a house!”

“I wasn’t thinking!” Buck hisses, “Listen, I know I fu—messed up. I’m sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am, Chris. But it—it was the best decision for both of us.”

“You’re lying,” Chris seethes, because he knows so, so intimately the look of an adult lying to protect his innocence. “He made you happy. He made dad happy.”

Buck looks away, chin trembling, and Chris feels bad for all of three seconds before the rage consumes every other feeling in his chest. “Call me back when you find someone who wants to stay. Otherwise, keep your love life away from me. And maybe you stay away from me too.”

Chris ends the call, and two seconds later Buck is ringing him again. Chris doesn’t pick up, just sets his phone on his desk and buries his face in his arms. He doesn’t want to cry. He did too much of that after he got to El Paso the first time. But he’s going to miss Tommy. He’s going to miss seeing his dad smile like that. He’s going to miss the dopey lovesick way Buck moved through the world.

When Chris finally composes himself, he sees two more missed video calls from Buck, and a string of texts:

Love you, buddy. Sorry you’re upset. Call later to talk? Or call your therapist?

I really am sorry. I thought Tommy was going to stay too.

Text me pls? So I know you’re ok

Chris texts back: im fine. we’ll be fine. i need some time and gets a response almost immediately.

OK. Take the time you need. Your dad says if you decide to come back and you’re still mad you won’t have to see me if you don’t want to

Chris, always being left behind, feels a sick surge of satisfaction at the prospect. He could be the one who leaves. He can cut his losses before they’re fatal, he can amputate the limb before it goes septic. He texts Buck a single k back and does not examine the way something in the back of his head tells him, quite viciously, that this isn’t the first time that Buck’s been left this week.

[bartxnhood]

talk fast | c.t.h

calum hood x fem!reader

summary: you both agreed to no strings attached, right?

warnings: oh boy tons of drinking (sorry), smoking, language, brief mentions of sexual activity (nothing explicit), and sexual innuendos.

w/c: 13k

a/n: hi my loves !! this one is a long time coming, i’ve been working on this since september. i started school in november which put a halt on all of my writing, but now that i graduated expect more from me. :). to all of my calum lovers, this one’s for you. p.s: if this does as well as i hope it does, i may consider making this a series on wattpad.

a/n pt.2: shout out everyone who helped my write this. esp @valentiyne you guys are amazing. 🩷

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2024 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you weren't a stranger to relationships, and you'd had your fair share of them over the years. which you were aware that everyone else did, but you weren’t really serious about relationships. you didn't want to be with someone who didn't envision a future with you or who didn't share your goals.

your friends often told you that you should let loose and enjoy yourself, but that was not the life for you.

you had been in a very healthy relationship with someone you had known since college for the past few years. however, as time went, he became increasingly open about his needs for different things and eventually ended his relationship with you.

you went into a deep depression after the breakup, you didn't leave your apartment for weeks, you only showered maybe twice, and you couldn't remember the last time you ate anything other than instant noodles or ice cream.

what else could you do while you were wasting away? you had imagined spending the rest of your life with him, and now he’s gone.

your life seemed to change overnight.

while your friends and family around tried being there for you, you had pushed them so far away that they had just decided to give up on you. except, your best friend, olivia, finally dragged you out of your bed and forced you to shower so you could go out for the night with her.

“you need to get out, have fun, and forget about that jerk” she states, standing above you as she glides eyeliner on your eyes. “you’re hot, you’re fun, you have a great personality. i’m sure we can find you someone tonight!” she adds while finishing your makeup.

“olivia…” you sigh then look into the mirror, watching as your friend painted your face with a determined look in her eye. “no. we’re gonna have fun, we’re gonna party and get drunk. kay? you need this.” she grins, resting her head on your shoulder looking at you in the mirror. “now, go change into the outfit i brought you.”

"where are we going, anyway?" you ask, pulling at your skirt, which was riding up as you moved. you loved olivia, but some of her dress choices made you uncomfortable. "my brother got us into the pre-release party for the band five seconds of summer," she adds, gazing down at her phone for directions to the club, a hole in the wall on broadway. "what?!" you exclaim, your eyes widening. "how did he do that?" olivia laughs and clasps her arm around yours. "well, when you have a brother who manages a band, you kinda get vip treatment," she spoke with a grin. "plus, I told him how you've been feeling down, so he talked to the guys and they said it was fine," she chuckled softly, as the two of you continued your journey to the club.

the entry to the club was immediately visible due to the brilliant pink, purple, and red lights illuminating the street, as well as record posters in the windows. "this has to be it," olivia says as she opens the door for you, walking in after.

this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so you should be excited, right? but you couldn't shake the nagging guilt on the inside.

it’s okay to move on, right?

olivia leads you to the bar and orders a couple shots, "to your drop dead ex and a new beginning!" olivia cheers, toasting the glasses and the two of you downing the liquor.

you were about to start speaking when you were interrupted by olivia's brother, mark.

"it's been a long time, y/n!" he welcomes you with a shout. “how’s it going?” he asks, you see olivia roll her eyes and turn to her brother. “mark, we were having a conversation.” she states matter of a factly.

"i know, but I just wanted to introduce you to some of my buddies," the tall ginger says, stepping to the side and revealing four taller men. mark introduces them, "this is luke." he had blond curly hair, ocean blue eyes, and a white button-down shirt with the top button undone.

"michael," he said, his pink hair slicked to the side, a black snapback on, with a small wave of his hand in greeting. "ashton.” he had curly hair like luke, but it was fashioned in a 60’s greaser type of way, he smiled at you warmly, extending his hand for you to shake, the two of you nodding in acknowledgment of the other. "last- but not least, calum."

your gaze met his brown eyes, his chocolate curls resting just above his eyes as he looked you in the eyes. he was dressed in a white button-down shirt with black stripes that complemented his tanned and tattooed skin. he softly whispered "hi" as he squeezed his lips together in a smile. you smile back and nod. "hi.” calum's gaze lingers longer than he would have preferred, but he couldn't help himself. no way, not with you dressed like that. the way the black skirt clung to your hips and the dark blue halter top left nothing for the imagination

“guys this is my sister, olivia, and her friend, y/n.” mark says, pointing to the two of you, bringing calum out of his daydream. “nice to meet you guys” you say, offering a warm smile and they all nod to you. “are you staying for the show?” ashton inquired, olivia nods. “of course we are! wouldn’t miss it for a thing.” she gently nudges your arm, you laugh softly and nod.

"great, can't wait for you all to hear the album," ashton says, as the other three nod in agreement. "well, I have to get them backstage, but I'll see you later, okay?" mark replies, and you and olivia nod as the group disappears into the busy room.

as the show began, olivia tugged you closer to the stage, two rows back. the lights dimmed and you heard a huge cheer from the audience as the four boys you had just met took the stage.

your gaze was drawn to calum, who seemed engrossed with the music. how he made it appear so easy while looking so nice. you kept an eye on him for the majority of the night, but your mind was elsewhere.

you had found your way to the bar after the show had concluded; it was a terrific show, as expected, but seeing the band live was a weird experience, and you just couldn't enjoy yourself given your circumstances.

you found yourself reminiscing on your relationship during songs like "lie to me" and "why won't you love me," wondering whether you would have said something different or been more open to him. maybe you’d still be together.

you finish the drink you ordered and search the crowd for your best friend, but when you can't find her, you return your attention to the empty glass in front of you watching it being filled.

"was our stage set really that bad?" when you hear a voice, you quickly look up to find the person who is speaking. "i saw you, you seemed unhappy," calum adds, leaning on the bar. you shook your head and let out a breathless laugh. "no, it was actually very good," you say with a smile.

calum's gaze lingered, he leaned forward. "but? you were definitely not having a good time." you shrug and allow the bartender to refill your drink. "well, i got dumped not too long ago." "so", you trail off, messing with the glass in your hand.

"just not in the mood for a party, i guess," you shrug, and you hear calum hum. he switches his weight from one leg to the other. "actually, you looked pretty hot on stage," you cover your mouth and widen your eyes. "oh my goodness...i." you can't help but giggle, "i'm so sorry," you shake your head, and then gulp the last of the drink in the hopes that it will provide you with some liquid courage.

"you think I'm ‘pretty hot’?" he asks, his brow furrowed and his tongue protruding from the inside of his cheek. "no..i.." you sigh, removing some of your hair from your face. calum chuckles "no, no. you said it, you think I'm hot," he says in a teasing manner, crossing his arms with a quirked eyebrow.

calum would be lying if he said he didn’t think you were attractive as well. he had been eyeing you all night and figured, why not have some fun?

“what are you doing after this?” he asks, stepping a tad closer to you. now, he was just a few inches from your side and you caught wind of his cologne. you look down at the empty glass again, wondering what you’d say. you knew what he meant, and you had never done anything of the sort.

“well that depends” you answer, looking up from the glass and letting your eyes meet his. “well, i was kinda hoping you’d want to leave here with me” calum suggests with a smirk. you smile, figuring you could let lose for one night. “sounds great.”

it was just one night..right?

your eyelids flutter open, and you immediately feel a piercing pain in your temple. you groan silently and look about until you realize you're not in your bedroom when you peek over your shoulder, you notice a figure.

he was facing you, on his side. his curls were brushed back, his lips were slightly parted, and his arm was resting on your waist.

"oh, shit.." you think as you sit up against his headboard, drawing the loose sheet closer to your chest. your mind is filled with images from the previous night. meeting him, and then their brief talk in the bar. you rubbed your temples, still reeling from what you'd done.

you had slept with calum hood.

you had to get out of there because you couldn't believe what you'd done. you were never the type to do something like that. you attempted to remove the sheet so you could hurry up and put on your clothes from the night before and go home. however, while you were doing so, calum's arm gently tugged on your waist. "stay.."

when you looked at him, his eyes were still closed. you didn't move, feeling frozen as your gaze landed on the arm that framed your waist. you couldnt lie, calum was very attractive.

eventually, you finally managed to break free from his touch, and you threw on your clothing while searching for your phone and handbag. you discreetly opened and closed the door, making your way through the house to the front entrance.

you come to a halt as you pick up your shoes, pondering whether or not to leave your phone number for him. but you tell yourself that you'll never see him again, opening the door and walking out.

you order a lift home and finally check at your phone's alerts. olivia left almost twenty messages and made thirty phone calls. you tell her you're okay and on your way home.

you opened your front door to find olivia racing towards you. "where the hell were you?!" she exclaims, her eyes wide open. you hush her with a "shh," dropping your shoes beside the door. "i texted and called you!" "i know, i know," you remark as you pass by her to your room. "you can't just leave like that!" she exclaims as she follows you.

"olivia.." you sigh and stand in your bathroom, removing the last of your makeup from the night before. "i'm sorry okay, i was drunk and he was right there in front of me." "who?" she asks as she leans against the doorway. "calum.."

there was radio silence for a split second before you glanced to olivia, who erupted. "you slept with calum hood!?!" she exclaims, lunging for your arm. "calum hood?!? the one from five seconds of summer?" you closed your eyes, your head still throbbing, and her ranting only made matters worse. "okay, yes? i was drunk, and he came up to me for a moment...and the following thing led to another..."

"you slept with calum!!!" the ginger laughs as she claps her hands and softly jumps up and down. "oh my god!! my y/n is getting some!" you groan, throwing away the makeup wipe while moving past her. "oh, god. ew!" you exclaim as you enter your bedroom in quest of your pajamas. "tell me everything!" she says as she sits on your bed. "uh..no.." you say as you begin to change.

"just...leave it, im not going to see him again," you say as you brush your hair after changing. "what?! didn't you leave your phone number or something?" "no, olivia, it was just one night," you shake your head. i don't plan to see him again, okay?" you reinstate by placing the brush on the dresser. "ugh, you're no fun!"

"you should be happy about this, you're one step closer to moving on from your asshole ex-boyfriend!" exclaims olivia. you take a step out of your bedroom, looking over your shoulder at your ginger friend. you smile sadly, "i don't think I'll ever be able to get over him."

"we are going to be late!" olivia yells as she tugs you out of bed. "i don't want to go," you protest, but the ginger pushes you into the bathroom. "get yourself ready and meet me outside, okay?" she smiles and goes away.

you sighed as you stood in front of your mirror and went about your business. wash your face, then apply skincare, makeup, hair, and finally your clothes. this consisted of a cropped white shirt, a black skirt, and boots. for the nightlife scene, this was your typical go-to.

you grab a leather jacket and your money on your way out the door to meet with olivia. “great, you're done!" she grins and grabs your arm. "and looking as hot as ever," you sigh, "i wear this every time we go out, olivia. this isn't anything new." you explain, and the two of you start walking up to the bar. "yes, but being single looks good on you... you look happier." she beams. you shrug and continue going, laughing as you say, "whatever you say."

you two arrived at the bar, which was already quite crowded with people you knew, and said your 'hi's and 'hello's' as you walked through the crowd to reach your normal friend group. this was a birthday party for one of your mutual friends; you were invited because you knew a few people there, but you didn't intend to stay long. after only a few drinks, you were dipping.

"hey, i'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?" you ask olivia, who was in the midst of a conversation. "um, no, i'm good for now," the redhead responds softly. you nod and turn around, headed for the bar.

you take a seat on a bar stool and order your usual, then pull out your phone and scroll for a few minutes as you wait for your drink.

"fancy seeing you here," you hear from behind you. when you turn around, a familiar face greets you.

calum hood.

you gaze at him for a time, blinking slowly, wondering why the hell he was at this party in the first place. how did he know your friend group?

"what? like what you see?" he laughs and walks up to the stool next to you. you discreetly giggle, rolling your eyes as you notice your drink in front of you. "you're full of yourself, calum," you say as you sip your drink. "well, you weren't thinking that when you were in my bed a few nights ago, were you?" he says, lifting his eyebrows as he speaks, attempting to elicit a reaction from you.

"oh god.." you mutter. calum follows you as you push yourself off the stool and onto the club floor. "come on, I was joking." when you hear his remarks, you shake your head and spin around to tell him off, but you freeze when you realize how close he is.

calum gazed back at you, his chocolate eyes piercing into yours. the way his wavy hair fell just above his eyes. you couldn't think straight when he was wearing a tight-fitting black t-shirt that emphasized his muscles- or how nice he looked in those black plaid pants.

calum hood was fine, and he knew it.

"you're a jerk," you reply, eventually jerking out of your daydream. as he steps closer, you can smell the tequila dripping from his breath. "oh yeah?" you say, nodding, "yeah." "well, you won't be saying that when you're in my bed again."

as you stare into his eyes, your grasp on your cup tightens. you couldn't take your eyes off him.

"fuck you."

he takes pleasure in your reply and leans in, his face right up against yours, whispering, "maybe later, sweets." then calum walks away, leaving you on the dance floor.

you find yourself back with olivia and your group of friends, scarfing down the drink knowing you needed to be intoxicated for the night ahead of you.

"i saw that," she says, as the two of you sway to the music. "what?" you inquire, attempting to appear clueless. "calum hood, hitting on you!!" she rolls her eyes. she giggles and pokes at your side. "no, it was nothing," you promise, moving her arm away. "whatever you say," she sings.

while you were on the dance floor with your friends, you were pretty intoxicated, and you knew he was watching you. you tried to ignore the sense of his eyes burning holes in the back of your skull. he observed your hips swaying to the music and the way your hair layed against your skin. It was driving him crazy.

flashes of you in his bed, your skin gleaming with sweat, the softness of your lips against his, or the touch of your nails on his back that sent thrills down his spine.

normally, he would never return to someone with whom he had a one-night encounter, but he couldn't get enough of you. he hasn't stopped thinking about you since that night.

you'd had enough of his glances and decided it was time to face him.

"stop" you say as you approach him. he blinks and asks, "what?." you sigh and roll your eyes. "i know you're staring, stop it." calum laughs and sets his drink on the bar. "i don't know what you're talking about, pretty." you sigh and rub your temples. "don't act innocent, i saw you." you say. he shrugs and leans forward. "oh, I'll show you innocent"

"calum, we can't do this," you say, looking him in the eyes. “It was only once." you say, as if attempting to persuade yourself. "oh, yeah?" you cross your arms and nod. "because it seems you don't believe that." calum retorts, his hand coming to rest on your hip.

as he moves in closer, you catch the scent of his cologne combined with the booze on his breath, which sends a shudder down your spine. you see flashes of his figure hanging over you from a few nights before. you couldn't possibly lie to yourself because you think about it every day.

"i know you want me.. i see the way you look at me," he continues. "come on, let's have some fun." his thumb was tracing circles on the fabric of your skirt.

you look into his eyes, your stomach flipping. you didn't want to give in, you didn't want to become someone you weren't. but that was calum fucking hood, and you couldn't resist him when he looked at you like that. "fuck it," you state.

you gaze at the sleeping figure beside you, his breathing calm and steady. you couldn't help but feel bad, so you told yourself you wouldn't hook up with him again. you told yourself you'd never see him again. he was a celebrity, and you were just a city dweller who happened to get caught up with him.

you lie there for a moment, admiring calum. how could someone look so lovely while sleeping? you yank the covers off your legs and frantically dress to leave him yet again.

you collect your shoes at the exit, stand for a moment debating whether or not to leave your number, but you decide not to because this is the last time you'll see him…

right?

from that night forward, you felt like the universe was messing with you because calum appeared to be at every party, club, or bar you went to. he'd approach you as if nothing was going to happen, as if he was teasing you in some way- but it always happened.

those nights, you'd always end up in his bed, never yours.

you couldn't help yourself; no matter how hard you tried to pretend you despised him, you couldn't keep the mask up because you always caved and went home with him.

it became a habit; you'd go out with friends or by yourself, secretly hoping calum would appear in some way.

some nights, you weren't even there to drink, just to be there.

it was the same thing every time: you'd pretend to despise him because a small part of you wanted a serious relationship yet couldn't get enough of him. he made you feel alive. your ex never made you feel that way. the only person who ever made you feel *loved* was calum. you both knew it was only for fun, but it made you wonder if it might ever turn into anything more. you were always silently wishing you had left your phone number all those times, wondering if he would have called or texted you.

plus, you were aware that your friends, particularly olivia, were becoming suspicious. you had recovered quickly from your split following that first night with calum. she knew you’d leave with him at those gatherings but she didn’t stop it because you seemed to be doing better and you were a lot happier.

so far, calum was treating you right. at least, when the two of you were hooking up. so she never made any effort to stop what was happening.

for what felt like the hundredth time, you were back in his bed. instead of looking at him, you've turned your gaze to the ceiling. you know you should leave because it's about noon and you need to get home because you have plans with olivia later that day. you groan, running your hands over your face before getting out of bed and hunting for your clothing, all scattered along the floor.

"since you obviously don't want to stay," he spoke suddenly, causing you to pause in the middle of putting your shirt back on. calum raises up to rest on his elbows as your head spins around. "how about we just agree that this is a no-strings-attached situation," he suggested. you finish putting on your shirt and take your place at the foot of the bed. "calum.." you sigh,rubbing your eyes.

"y/n, just listen and consider it. we can keep doing what we're doing without making any commitments."

you stare at him, his hair was messy, he wasn't wearing a shirt, and you couldn't help but admire his physique. you lean down to grab your shorts, responding while you did so, "i'll think about it," before throwing on the rest of your clothes and leaving his bedroom. as you close the door behind you, you hear him sigh.

your hand was on the doorknob as you stood at the door, but you stopped yourself from opening it. you hated yourself as you reached into your bag for a pen and a random scrap of paper to jot down your phone number. you retrace your steps and leave it on his kitchen island. then you disappear from his home once again.

you unlock your apartment door and walk in, closing it behind you. you enter the kitchen, putting your bag on the counter and grabbing a water bottle.

"where have you been?" you jump out of your skin when you see olivia behind the refrigerator door. "what the hell, olivia!" you exclaim, nearly spilling the bottle. she's standing with her arms crossed with an intense stare. "did you hook up with him again?"

you move out of the kitchen and into your room, closing the fridge. "no, I don't know who you're talking about." you respond, but olivia isn't having it. "stop lying. you were with him last night and the nights before." "so?" you grumble.

"so?!", she exclaimed, you can't tell if she's really mad at you or just acting this way, she repeats. "you're having an fling with a celebrity! you have a habit of hooking up with him. surely something has to be there." she follows you to your room, standing in your doorway as she questions you.

"it's nothing, olivia. we just happen to be at the same location at the same time. okay?" you explain while looking for some clothes to change into.

"i call bullshit. you were never like this, until you met him." she continues, making you sigh. "it's just a distraction, okay?"

"I just...I don't know," you shrug, unable to express your feelings. "i'll meet you later, okay?" you turn away from her.

"actually…i have a date tonight," olivia confessed. "im sorry, but i'll have to cancel." she frowned. "that's fine," you say sympathetically over your shoulder. “have fun, and please text me when you get home, okay?" olivia nods, singing, "i will, love you hot stuff" she passes by you to leave your shared apartment.

you're sitting on your sofa with a container of leftover takeout from a few nights ago after freshening up. olivia had somehow gotten you hooked on a cringe-worthy television show.

you were already two seasons in and couldn't recall a single episode. calum had made your memory fuzzy. you couldn't get him off your mind. you remained curious about what he was doing when you left. did he think of you the way you thought of him? did he ever wonder what you did when he wasn't there? though you convinced yourself you were just being delusional.

…right?

calum glances at the scrap of paper on his kitchen counter, his fingers tapping near his phone, unsure whether to wait to message you. calum was well aware that what he was doing was probably not wise. because, after all, hooking up with you was just for fun, right? so why was it so difficult for him not to think about you? why were you so difficult for him to forget? it was just intended to be once, but now calum thinks about you whenever he gets the chance.

calum sighs, picks up his phone, and starts punching in your phone number. he has no idea what he's doing, but he doesn't stop himself from sending you a message.

- ‘hey, it’s calum’

you're standing in the kitchen right now, washing your hands, when your phone dings. your heart sunk as you looked over and said the message. you swiftly withdraw your hands from the sink, grab a towel, and dry them.

you take out your phone and read his message. You stare at it for a moment, unable to believe he actually messaged you.

-‘hey’

you respond as you stroll over to your sofa and sit on the cushions. you weren't anticipating anything from him because he'd practically established that the two of you were only in it for the fun of it and that was it. no strings attached. you don't hear from him again for the time being.

you're disappointed, but you return your focus to the television, hoping to forget about the singer on your mind.

you haven't heard from olivia in hours; she should've been home by now, but you guess she went to the guy's place she was seeing.

you get up from the sofa and grab your phone; all of your anxiety fades as you open your phone to calums' contact information and call him.

It rang several times before he answered. “hello?”

“hey, calum sorry if i’m bothering you”

“no, you’re good. what’s up?”

“i was just wondering if uh…if you’d want to hang out?”

"what do you have in mind?"

you laugh, "not like that"

you can hear him laugh in amusement, “sorry- yeah, sure. there’s actually this party tonight and i wasn’t going to go since i didn’t have anyone to go with. would you be down for that?”

you pause for a moment, picking at your fingers. “sure! that sounds great” you answer.

“nice, i’ll send you the address to ashton’s place and i’ll meet you there. see you tonight, sweets.”

you arrive at ashton's house, sitting in your car for a few minutes as you ran your options through your head. ‘was this a smart decision? were you planning to do this?’ you groan, taking your phone, and bag then exiting the car, heels clicking as you approached the entrance.

when you opened the door, you were greeted by the smell of alcohol and loud music. you stroll past the crowd near the entryway and start looking for the person you came here to see.

you notice him in the kitchen with his bandmates, he noticed you as well. with a tiny smile on his lips, he motions you over to the group.

"hey," you speak softly now that you're standing close to him. "hi," he greets, unconsciously placing his hand on the small of your back. "guys, i'm not sure if you remember, but this is y/n," he reminds before re-introducing you to the rest of the band.

"are you mark's sister's friend?" michael interjects, you nod. "yeah! i was the one in the blue top that night," you smile, everyone nods in acknowledgment. "well, i'm glad you could make it, if you need anything just let me know." "thank you," you nod nervously, then glance up to calum.

he offers to take you around and introduce you to some people to make you feel more at ease.

"i'm going to get something to drink, you want anything?" you make the offer to calum, who is seated on the sofa, he responds with a simple, "sure." you nod, heading to the kitchen by yourself, leaving calum with his buddies.

"how long have you two been together?" someone seated next to calum asked, he turns to see it was ashton's girlfriend. "oh, no- we aren't together." he responds, but her reply is unexpected. "are you serious?" she asks, calum nods. "no way," she whispered, astonished as she takes a sip from the crimson solo cup. "what?" calum questions.

"there's no way you two aren't together," she says again, "the way you look at her. i'm not sure what the two of you are up to, but you should figure it out," she concludes, chuckling. calum simply stares at her, her attention drawing elsewhere.

he thought about what she said the entire time you were gone. did he actually act that way? did he treat you as though you were his girlfriend? did he look at you in a way that suggested you two were dating? no… you two were just hooking up. nothing else.

he had no idea you were back until you spoke up. "here.." you offer, handing him the drink. calum looks up takes the drink you offered, "thank you sweetheart" "anytime, sugar" you chuckle and go for a seat, but all of them are taken… okay, so you would just stand up for the time being. when calum notices this, he reaches for your waist and pulls you down onto his lap. you look down at him, confused, “what are you doing?” he looks up at you with those eyes.

those big brown eyes that made you feel as if you were on cloud nine. calum looked at you like you were the only girl in the universe.

at least, that’s what you told yourself.

“i’m not just gonna let you stand there.” he answered with a cheeky smile.

people started to leave after a few hours. you were still sitting on calum's lap as everyone else congregated in the living room, talking about whatever and playing drinking games.

you get up from the calum's lap, leaving your drink behind to walk to the restroom down the hall. you approach and knock, hearing someone in there. you stand a few steps away from the door and pull out your phone to pass the time.

after a few minutes, calum finds you. leaning his arms against the wall, effectively caging you between his arms as he stands in front of you. "whatcha doing?" he demands, boxing you in and staring at you. "I'm waiting for the bathroom," you say, glancing up at him.

"you know..." calum pauses, coming in closer. "my house isn't too far from here, and i have a bathroom..so..you can just use it there," you sneer at his offer, "how convenient.." you respond, just above a whisper.

you push yourself off the wall and past calum, leaving him speechless. "where are you going?" he asks, his arms at his sides. "your place. you coming or not?" you grin as you peer over your shoulder.

calum chuckles quietly as he approaches you and wraps his arm around your waist. he was nearly dragging you to the door. "sorry guys, we have to run!" he grabs your bag, carrying it for you before dashing out the door with you.

the others could only chuckle to themselves and smile knowingly as the two of you dashed away.

you're back in his bed, and you know it before you open your eyes. the smell of his bedsheets let you know you were back. the warm vanilla smell invaded your nostrils as you stretched and opened your eyes to find yourself staring at a familiar ceiling. you check over your shoulder for calum's sleeping figure, but he's not there.

you carefully sit up, bringing the sheet along to cover your chest and rubbing your eyes with your other hand. only then do you spew calum standing at the doorway wearing only basketball shorts. "good morning, princess," he says, and you groan, feeling a headache coming on. "i'm making breakfast if you want to stay," he says before walking out the door. you sigh as you get out of his bed and seek for your clothes before leaving his room for the kitchen.

you notice pancakes and fruit on a plate waiting for you. as he stands and consumes his food, you take a seat at the kitchen island. It's quiet for a few minutes before he speaks up.

"so i was thinking.." calum begins. you raise your head to look at him. "i know we said no strings attached but what if we expand the deal?" you lift your brows, confused as to what he was on about. "what do you mean?" you inquire. "at parties, we could be each other's automatic plus one. that way, we won't have to worry about who we go home with." you look up at him, then down at your plate, shifting some of the food about.

"i don't know, calum." you let out a sigh. you want to say yes, and you want to be around him at all times- but you just can’t confess it. "i'm just tired of being ditched by the guys at events, and i wouldn't mind if you were the one to fill that spot," you gaze up, your eyes meeting his. "okay...i'm down," you nod, and calum smiles. "great."

you continue eating as silence fills the room, you don’t really know how to keep a conversation with him since you two only hung out at parties. “when’s your birthday?” he asks. you chuckle, “what happened to no strings attached?” you ask, taking a drink of your water. “well, we can be friends with benefits. friends can know things about each other” he rebuttals. you look at him, finally caving. “y/bd” you answer, calum nods. “that’s coming up” you shrug, “its a couple months. what about you?”

“january 25th” he answers. “happy belated birthday” you reply and he laughs. “so you do have a heart.” you rolls your eyes, “oh whatever.” you can’t help but crack a smile.

calum admires you, how you still manage to look beautiful even in the makeup from the night prior and your hair is a mess. calum wants to be your friend, he wants to know stuff about you other than how you are in bed. he looks down at his plate, knowing he shouldn’t be thinking of you as anything for than his fuck buddy.

“what’s something you’ve always wanted to do?”

you think for a moment, your free hand is now supporting the weight of your chin. “hmm..i’ve always wanted like a big birthday bash.” you answer, “but i just never had the opportunity or people to go with” you add. he nodded, making a mental note.

———

calum proceeds to ask you out every other night, claiming that he doesn't want to be alone. of course, you went, but it simply muddled your sentiments for him. because he made it apparent that you were just friends.

so what was it about him holding your hand at parties that got you so worked up? or when he'd hold your back as you walked through a crowd of people. you'd have to convince yourself to stop staring at him for so long before anyone noticed.

you opted to see someone else on the side in the hopes of sorting out your feelings because the only reason you had feelings for calum was because he was the only person you had been seeing this much, right? furthermore, calum had made it obvious that there were no strings attached.

"hello?" you answer the phone as you go inside your apartment after getting home from work. "hey! "I'm sorry if i'm bothering you," calum says over the phone. "no, i just got home from work. you're fine!”

“how are you?" you ask, placing your keys on the table.

"i was just wondering if you're free tonight?" he inquires. you sigh and open your refrigerator to see if you have any snacks. "um, actually i was going out with a friend tonight…" you speak, and on the other end you hear him sigh, "okay! if your plans fall through, let me know." you smile to yourself, "of course," and it gets silent for a bit as the two of you are at a loss for words, "well, i'll let you get ready then..." "alright...bye..." you say as you pull the phone away from your ear and finish the call.

calum sighs as he tosses his phone to the opposite end of the sofa and rests his head back. he knows that he should not be disappointed; you have your own life, and calum was only a little part of it, just as he had his own life but knowing he wouldn't be able to see you tonight hurt. so, instead of moping about, he decided to ask his bandmates if they wanted to hang out for the night.

however, the night was uneventful; luke had met a girl, michael was conversing with someone, and calum was left alone with ashton.

"isn't that the girl you're seeing?" ashton says unexpectedly, motioning towards you at the bar. calum looks over his shoulder and sees you talking with a guy.

calum is hurt, but he turns around and shrugs as he faces ashton. "we're not seeing each other, i don't like her like that," ashton chuckles as he sips his drink, "sure you don't," calum moans, "mate, cmon.."

“you’re lying to yourself, mate. maybe you don't say you like her, but your eyes say everything." ashton spoke, calum knew it was true. he did like you, but he was unsure if you even considered him more than someone just to hook up with. you had been giving him mixed signals, because one night you were all about him but the next day you wanted nothing to do with him.

calum peers over his shoulder once more, this time observing that the guy that was now touching you, his hand on your leg, inching higher and higher. calum considers ashton's words and walks away from the table he was at towards you.

the way he felt was enough confirmation for his feelings for you. he wanted to be more than just a friend you sleep with. he wants to the be the person you come to during your darkest times, he wants to know your favorite songs, he wants to know your favorite movies, food, candy, animal, he wants to be your person.

“so when were you going to introduce me to your friend?” your head whips around to find calum standing behind the bar stool you sat at. “calum?” you blink before turning back to your date who had now removed his hand from your thigh. “you know him?” the man questions, eyeing calum.

“uh…he’s just my-“ calum cuts you off, “boyfriend” he finishes for you. your eyes go wide looking at calum again, you were about to open your mouth but calum beat you to it. “and we should be heading back now” he reaches for your waist, grabbing your purse and escorting you out of the bar.

"what the hell!?" you yell outside the bar, shoving him away from you. "you can't do that, calum! we're not exclusive, we are not dating; we're just friends who occasionally hook up" you hear calum chuckle and it sends you over the edge.

you huff and begin to walk away, but calum follows you and drapes his arm over your shoulder.

"youre mine and i don't share"

"where are you taking me?" calum walks next to you, instinctively leading you to his car. "home," he says, unlocking his car door and allowing you to enter before closing it and walking to the driver's side.

within a few minutes, you realize he's heading in the opposite way. "calum this isn't the way to to my place" you're saying. "I know," he replies, looking over at you. "i never said which home"

‘get ready, im coming over’

calum takes out his phone. he thinks nothing of the message you just sent him, presuming you're coming over to visit him. however, when you came and kept honking the car horn for him to come outside he was a bit thrown off.

when calum walks outside, he puts his phone and wallet in his pocket while walking over to your car. as you roll down your window, he leans in. "get in, we're going shopping," you say, music still playing and a smile on your face.

"why exactly do you need me for this?" calum inquires, his brow furrowed. you reply, "well considering you'll be the one taking it off i figured you might want to help me pick out something" while grinning. despite his flushed cheeks, calum takes a step back, unlocks the car door, and hops inside.

you took calum to the mall and modeled for nearly two hours while looking for the right outfit for your birthday. it had been two hours of no success until one of the last stores you visited had this leather skirt you had been eyeing for a while.

calum couldn't take his eyes off of your body when you emerged from the dressing room. both the halter top you chose and the skirt perfectly complemented one other. you drawled, "sooo?" hoping for a positive response. he answers right away, "yes." when you looked down at yourself, he speaks up again. “that’s the one, you have to get it.” and you couldn't help but laugh. you nod and examine yourself in the mirror before returning to the dressing room to change into your clothing so you could check out.

you happen to pass a leather jacket on your way to the register. and it just so happens to go well with the skirt. additionally, you observe that calum is examining it longer than anything else you have so added in the store. you made the choice to pick it up, do your best to estimate his size, and continue moving forward to pay.

on the way back to your place you pick up takeout since it was getting late in the evening and you both were starving.

when the two of your arrive home, you get comfortable on the sofa and begin picking out a movie while calum is in the kitchen sorting out the food before bringing it all into the living room. you picked out a movie and the two of you eat in peace, enjoying each others company.

afterwards, you had started cleaning up all the empty containers and throwing it away with the help of calum.

“will you put the skirt on again? i forgot what it looks like” calums asks and you laughed, looking over your shoulder. “seriously?” he nods. you pause for a moment before rolling your eyes and sigh, “fine.”

you walk out of your bedroom in the skirt but you hid something behind your back, looking a bit shy. which was unusual because you never acted like this around calum, so he knew something was up. “y/n, what’s behind your back?” he asks in a teasing tone and you begin walking towards him slowly. “okay, so, don’t be mad but i may have picked you up something too..”

she grins bringing the jacket from behind her and handing it towards him.

“i—y/n/n please tell me you didn’t buy this leather jacket for me” you take a few steps forward. “i’ve never heard you say please before. this is new.” you say, smirking. calums rolls his eyes but he can’t help but smile and you continue, “but yes i did. i saw you eyeing it so i grabbed it”

he tries to hide his smile. “well go on, put it on” you help him into the jacket and it’s then when he notices. “did you get this so we could match?” he says laughing. “no i absolutely did not! i just wanted to do something nice for you” he quickly responds “you didn’t have to go through the trouble of getting more clothes sweetheart. taking some off would’ve had the same effect” he chuckles. you playfully hit his chest and say “you’re insufferable.” you look away but then looks back smiling.

“but yeah maybe i wanted us to match a little bit. sue me” he grabs your waist and pulls your closer, you feel his thumb drawing circles on your exposed skin and it sends shivers down your spine. “well i certainly appreciate the thought, sweets. now we just need an occasion to show up everyone” calum teases, leaning in. his lips only inches from yours, you feel your cheeks warm up. “calum..” you warn but he continues to close the space between the two of you. “it’s just one kiss..”

you hate your birthday, it was the one day of the year you always found yourself to be the most miserable despite having people who loved you around. you still felt so unhappy.

“y/n, are you ready? you can’t be late to your own party!” olivia calls out from the living room. you exit your bedroom, meeting her in the room. “i’m ready, im ready” you say, throwing your bag on your shoulder. “y/n..” you hear olivia sigh, she takes a few steps towards you and puts her hands on your shoulder.

“lighten up. i know you hate your birthday but this year im not

letting you be miserable. kay?” she gently shakes you enough for you to crack a smile and nod, “good” she says, linking her arm with yours.

“now let’s go before people think you bailed your own birthday party.”

the two of you arrive to the same club where you had first met calum yet this time, the atmosphere was different.

no purple, pink, or red lights. no promotional posters in the windows. instead, you see white paper decorations and warm fairy lights.

you enter the bar in front of olivia and hear a loud uproar of people cheering as you did and some people even popping confetti. you couldn’t help but laugh as you walked through the crowd, seeing all of your close friends standing around celebrating you.

olivia was also giddy, knowing she had planned this whole thing along with calum.

“you guys didn’t have to do this!” you said over the music after you saw the cake sitting in the middle of the room, you’re beaming with joy. for the first time in a long time you were excited to be celebrating your birthday.

you spent time greeting people and thanking them.

some of these people you haven’t seen in years and it made you feel like things were finally getting better.

just as you were about to catch up with some old friends, the lights dimmed and you heard some light strumming from the nearby stage.

you look over seeing four familiar figures underneath the red stage lights.

“hello everyone,” luke begins, adjusting the mic. “if you all don’t know, we are five seconds of summer” the crowd roars at the name drop and some people are playfully hitting your shoulder not knowing your tied with the band.

“we just wanted to say we are truly honored to be back at the place we showcased our recent album, and of course to celebrate the birthday girls special day.” .

“so, happy birthday, y/n. we hope you have a wonderful year.” luke beamed.

the set was at least forty-five minutes long, they had played mostly their new stuff off the youngblood album but dropped in a few older songs.

you were over the moon.

to say you had five seconds of summer perform at your birthday party? that’s huge.

you never thought you’d end up in this position.

to say you had personal connections to people as big as calum, or even the whole band for that matter.

tonight was a night you’d definitely never forget.

standing outside the club, you watch the people inside dance and get lost in each other. the whole scene was almost melancholy- the way everyone was there to celebrate you. the night was near ending and you felt so cramped in there, you thought you'd spend the last few hours of your birthday catching your breath.

"hey you" calum voice interrupts your thoughts, a cigarette between his fingers as he watches you from a close enough distance. you furrow your brows, "didn't know you smoked"

he quickly flicks it to the floor, stepping on it a few times before picking up the trash.

"Is it a turn off?"

"no no i just didn't know" you shrug and look back up at the sky, "i don't think i know anything about you aside from you're good in bed and you like whiskey" he chuckles now, stepping closer to you and placing his hands on your waist.

"well, ask me anything you want"

you watch as he looks away for a moment, searching for the perfect question.

"if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

your eyes don't leave the sky as you think, long and hard about the question. "i’d love to see paris... it's been my dream since i was a child."

you could feel his hands loosen from your waist, he steps infront of you and stared down at your face with a smile. It's almost like he's thinking of what to do or what to say next.

“paris?” he repeats.

you nod, tilting your head to the side, studying him. "what about you?"

calum had now completely removed his arm from your waist as he leans down to rest his elbows on the metal railing.

“considering i’ve toured around the world, ive been to plenty of amazing places” he says, looking back to see if you were looking at him.

“i don’t have just one, too many places, not enough time to explore” he answered.

you nod, looking away towards the city. the nightlife in downtown los angeles was a lot lively than normal.

probably because your birthday fell on a friday this year, so all of the bars were jam packed and faint music flooded the streets.

you inhale, about to say something as your turn your attention back towards the brunette.

“y/n! cmon!” olivia grabs your wrist pulling you inside and away from calum, towards the large cake so you could blow out the candles.

“come on birthday girl, make a wish!” olivia cheers along with everyone standing around. you laugh, “okay okay!”. you blow out the candles and everyone begins to cheer. olivia hugs your side and giggles, “what did you wish for?” she asks. you grin petting her head, “if i tell you it won’t come true, will it?” your eyes flicker between calum and olivia as you speak.

you hear olivia groan in annoyance. someone amongst the crowd, you guess ashton, you could recognize that arm anywhere, points to the cake and says, "birthday girl gets first pick!"

you finally see his figure merge from behind someone with a plastic plate and knife. "what piece does my girl want?" ashton continues.

you examine the cake once more and point to a corner piece smothered in the purple icing with a kiddish like grin on your face. ashton's nods and begins to cut you a piece.

as it nears the end of the night and the bar slowly begins to empty out, you've found yourself at the bar watching everyone says their goodbye and share a hug with you before leaving the building.

the music was faintly playing now, compared to when you had arrived eariler.

solo cups trashed the floor, paper plates and napkins scattered the bar table. you look down at the glass setting in front of you as you swirl around the liquid contents. you didn’t even notice calum approaching.

“how was your birthday?” he hums, sitting next to you.

“good” you smile, resting your head on your hand. “tonight was good. you did great on stage.”

“yeah?” calum raises his eyebrows, you see a playful smirk forming on his lips. “mhm, very rockstar.”

calum laughs at your comment and then the two of you fall silent, watching as some people begin cleaning up the mess.

“can i talk to you?” calum questions, turning his focus back to you.

you nod, “yeah, of course”

“in private.” he adds.

you raise your eyebrows , wondering what he needs to say that he can’t in front of your friends.

“sure”

calum takes your hand and leads you towards the back door, which you had no idea was back here.

when he opens it, you see a patio with a string of fairy lights surrounding the area.

“you’re going to think i was stalking you or something, but this just happened by chance. i swear.” calum stands you in front of him as he reaches in his back pocket and hands you a plane ticket.

“we’ll be in paris on the first leg of our tour and i had an extra ticket.” he stated. you look up at him wide eyed, then do a double take to make sure you were seeing it right. “calum..what? i…i just i can’t just-“

“i want you there.” he adds.

“i want you in paris with me, hell- i want you on the whole tour with me. please, take it” he offers it to you again, making you take it.

“oh my god” you mutter, looking down at the ticket now in your hand.

“the flight is in two days, i know it’s hella last minute but i figured its now or never” calum speaks softly.

you’re still at a loss for words, your body working faster than your mind as your wrap your arms around calums figure. “thank you so much” you say into his shoulder.

“anytime” he hums, hugging you back.

“cmon cal! we gotta head back.” michael can be heard from the bar.

the australian pulls away and offers a warm smile, “see you in paris..” he says and walks off. “bye..”

you’re quick to whip your phone out and text olivia before heading back to your apartment partment

“youll never believe what just happened”

“is this a good or bad thing”

“uhh good? i think? i hope so”

“well dont leave me in the dark what happened”

“calum gave me a ticket to paris” “WHAT, Y/N THATS HUGE. are you gonna go”

“i mean, id feel bad if i didnt. i hate how easy it is for me to like him.”

“we’re so having a debriefing when you get home.”

the plane ride was long and tiresome, eleven hours of being so uncomfortable in the seats and having someone next to you who had no regard for personal space. plus, you just hated planes in general.

but once the plane landed, you felt a wave of relief and soon enough you were off the plane and navigating your way through the foreign airport.

once you get to baggage claim you wait for your luggage and once you have it, you begin looking around for a familiar person.

you round a corner and finally see the one you had been searching for. “there’s my pretty girl” calum says, as his eyes lands on you as he makes his way towards you.

“i look awful calum” you laugh as his arms wrap around you tightly. “no such thing” he says into your hair before pulling away. “how was the flight?” he adds, taking your luggage from your hand then linking his free hand with yours while leading you out of the airport.

“long” you laugh tiredly, as you watch him load your bags into the back of the car.

the uber back to the hotel that calum was staying at was nice, being able to see nice scenery before you’d sleep for the next twelve hours.

the plan was, you’d sleep for as long as you could until calums show tomorrow, then hopefully, you’d be well rested and enjoy his concert and have a few days in the city to spend with him.

still only as friends..right?

while you start unpacking, calum was helping. “when are you going to sleep?” he asks, taking your now empty suitcase and putting it next to his as you were folding and putting the clothes in the dresser. “probably when i get done here.” you say closing the drawer to the dresser.

“no, you’re not” calum says, causing you to stop and turn to him. “what?” you blurt, harsher than you wanted. “what do you mean ‘no’”.

“i mean no because i’m taking you out tonight.” “calum” you try to interject but he doesn’t let you. “were going out tonight, no ands, ifs,or buts. kay?” he says, walking towards you. “and be sure to wear that skirt, you look good in it.” he whispers into your ear.

“what skirt?” you ask, trying to act oblivious.

calum scoffs a little, “you know the one.”

you finish swiping the last bit of mascara onto your lashes and close the tube, then check yourself in the mirror once more wanting to make sure you outfit was good enough.

“you done?” you hear calum voice ring the hotel room into the bathroom. “yeah!” you yell back and grab your lipstick, touching up your lips before throwing it and a gloss in your bag and exit the bathroom .

“you look great” calum grins, walking towards you. his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you closer. you grin, taking notice just how good he looks in leather jacket. “so do you, mr.rockstar.” “yeah?” he smiles, you nod. “yeah. you ready?” you ask. “yep let me get my wallet”

the night was nearing an end, you walked down the street next to calum, luke and sierra followed behind the two of you. calum had taken you all over the city, to nice cafes, his favorite spots from the last time he visited, and a museum. it was truly a wonderful day in the city of love.

the four of your turn a corner and suddenly you’re shocked by the bright dazzling lights of the eiffel tower.

you’re starstruck, you must’ve stopped in your tracks became calum looks back at you, “you comin’?” he grins, holding out his hand for you to take.

you felt like a kid in a candy store as you approached the structure. it felt like something out of a dream. you weren’t sure why you loved the idea of being in paris, but you were here now. standing in front of the famous landmark in the world, it was so beautiful you could cry.

“wow..” you speak breathlessly. the twinkling lights reflected in your eyes, the way it stood out against the dark sky, it felt like the most magical thing you had ever seen.

you’re quick to take your phone out and snap a couple pictures, not wanting to forget this moment. it would be something you would talk about forever.

“hey y/n-“ sierra taps your shoulder. your spin around and face the girl, “mm?”

“care to take a pic of me and luke?”

“sure!” you take the phone from sierra as the couple poses in front of the sight. “i’ll take a couple so pose however you want” you smile and begin snapping pictures of the two.

luke and sierra were a good couple, they complimented each other very well. and from what you’ve seen of sierra she was a good friend and good girlfriend to luke.

“check those, make sure you like them” you hand the phone back to sierra so she can check them.

“perfect! thank you so much!” sierra beams looking at the photos then up at you.

“do you want some with calum?” she asks.

you look over at calum who was already looking at you. “um, sure!” you hand your phone to sierra.

you and calum stand next to each other and let sierra snap a couple pictures together. luke is standing behind sierra watching as she makes sure to get all the angles.

“beautiful!” she exclaims with a wide grin as she hands your phone back to you so you could check the pictures.

you swipe through the pictures awhile calum looks over your shoulder.

“god damn” the australian begins, “we look good together.”

and it was true. you did look good together. maybe you could picture being with him more than his ‘friend’.

your eyes flutter open to the soft rays of the sun peeking in through the sheer white curtains of the hotel room. “morning, pretty” you hear calum say causing you to look over your shoulder where he sat on the opposite side of the bed.

you groan quietly, rubbing your eyes as you slowly sit up to lean against the headboard. “mornin” you reply followed by a yawn. “what time is it?” “noon” calum answers, turning off his phone. “damn” you reply knowing you’ve slept almost a whole day. “sorry” you say but calum shakes his head, “don’t apologize, you needed the rest. plus, you’ll be well rested for tonight” he grins, you shake your head and playfully push his shoulder.

“what’s on the agenda for today?” you yawn again, and calum leans back on the headboard. “well, we have to be at the venue at two and soundcheck is at three”. he says, checking his phone for the time.

“good, gives me plenty of time to get ready” you say, reaching for your phone. “do you want to leave with me or do you wanna just come whenever you’re done?” you shrug thinking about how long it’ll take you to get ready. “i might just uber after i’m done that way i don’t have to rush.” you start, ripping the cover off of your legs. “plus it’ll give me enough time to make sure i look good for you tonight.” you say with a grin before getting out of the bed and making your way to the bathroom.

calum laughs before calling out to you “you’re a tease, you know that?” you smile to yourself using water for your shower. “always!” you holler back.

you’re sat in the back of an uber staring out the back passenger window. the venue isn’t very far from the hotel so the ride wasn’t too bad. when you arrived you saw the line of fans outside all waiting in queue you smiled to yourself, feeling proud of the band, and calum.

you step out of the vehicle and walked around like a lost puppy trying to look for olivia’s brother, mark.

you take the time to see everyone waiting in line dressed in their best and looking beautiful.

“oh thank god” you start, spotting the blonde man. “y/n! you made it!” mark smiles, pulling you in for a hug.

“yeah, thank god, i almost got lost.” mark nods and begins leading you down a long corridor until reaching the dressing rooms. “i figured you’re here for calum?” you look up, staring at him for a moment before blinking. “that obvious huh?” mark laughs, then hands you a vip laminated lanyard. “keep this on you, have fun and enjoy the show.” he adds as he pats your shoulder.

you watch as he walks away, taking a deep breath as you open the door peeking your head in. you see the guys spread out in the room until calum looks up from his phone to greet you.

“its about time you got here, i was about to worry.” he says, now pulling you into their dressing room. his tan arms wrap around your figure and you get a whiff of his cologne.

he keeps you close to your side as the other guys come up to greet you. “was it hard to find?” calum inquires, you shrug, “i walked around the building until i eventually found mark and now im here” you laugh. “probably a little late, traffic was crazy”

calum smiles, “all good, at least you’re here now. that’s all that matters.” he says, slinging his arm over your shoulders.

“all right guys, they’re all ready for you” some stage manager, you had to guess, said as they popped their head in the door.

you separate from calum as he fixed his in-ear-piece and grabs his bass. you smile at him and give him a thumbs up and watch as he followed behind the other three.

“are you sierra and y/n?” and woman enters the room, her dirty blonde hair was cut to about her shoulders but it was obviously growing out. she had a welcoming smile and comforting aura. the two of you nod. “perfect, i’m hannah i can take you guys to your seats!” she beams and then the two of you follow her out into the arena where she showed where the two of you would be at.

side of the pit, calums side, so it was actually perfect for you. “are you guys going to be on the rest of the tour?”

“i will” sierra smiles. then hannah turns towards you.

“oh, i don’t know yet” you laugh, taking a swig of your drink.

“well, i’ll be on the tour with the guys so if you every need anything just look for me.” she smiles again. “enjoy the show!”

it was incredible to see, they were truly in their element. each of the acting as if they were born to be on stage.

“wow!” michael hollers about midway through their performance, taking a small break in between songs. luke is still strumming quietly in the background. “paris, how the fuck are we feeling?!” the crowd erupts in loud cheers.

“it’s great to be back after so long” he continues, then takes a glance at his band mates. “how are you all liking paris?”

“good, i love it here” luke answers, earning a few hollers from the crowd.

“how you liking paris, cal?”

“what about the view here? it’s such a beautiful place” luke interjects.

“you seen anything nice lately, calum?” luke continues

“yup, the views in my hotel room are amazing.”

your heart stopped, it was subtle. just enough for only you to notice. he was definitely mentioning you.

“do you mean from?” luke chimes.

you can faintly see calum smile as he laughs into the mic, “yup, my bad.”

“alrighty then.” michael pauses, luke had taken a few steps back from the mic but could still be been laughing.

“then how about you introduce the next song?”

“the next song is for all those who end up meeting someone and know it won’t be more than just having fun. and they’re okay with that. talk fast.”

you wondered what it looked like from their perspective. you turn to face the crowd and you’re overwhelmed with what you see. people screaming their lungs out to the lyrics, some dancing with their friends, you even see some people crying. you also see some signs. some more creative than others, and some sweeter than others.

you manage to spot one that made you a little uncomfortable; “call me red with the way i be riding hood”

sure, clever, but it made you realize that if you had a shot with calum, what’s stopping him from hooking up with any other fan when you’re not around?

shit.

maybe you did like him more than just a fuck buddy.

during the next intermission you and sierra had made some small talk until you overheard some girls next to you in the pit talking about calum.

“oh i’d totally fuck him.” she says nonchalantly. “i bet you i could easily pull him by the end of the night, i just need to find my way in.” she giggles.

you shift on your feet and turn to sierra who also heard it. “welcome to my life..” she raises her eyebrows then take a sip of her drink.

you sit in silence on the uber ride back to the hotel. calum sat to your right, you knew he was looking at you and he wanted to ask what was wrong.

did you have a bad night?

was the show bad?

the whole way back to the hotel you hadn’t spoken one word to him. you didn’t even look at him.

why did you feel like this?

calum wasn’t even yours. you had no valid reason to be angry.

except you did.

you were afraid that he would want someone else, that you were easily replaceable. you couldn’t deal with that, you couldn’t go through another heartbreak.

you should’ve known that messing with him would’ve lead to this, but you were naïve and wanted something to distract you from your ex boyfriend.

your feet seem to have a mind of their own as you storm past calum and out into the freezing cold.

"y/n/n, cmon don't be this way", he laughs innocently while pacing himself behind you.

you don’t say anything except press the elevator button and wait impatiently for the doors to open. you really couldn’t tell anyone why you were being so stubborn, hell, you didn’t even know why.

once the doors opened you were quick to slip in and press the button to your floor. you stand with your arms crossed, staring blankly at the metal. doors. you were quietly wishing he would say something, anything at all.

“y/n?” he tries reaching for your arm but you shrug him off. “not in the mood cal.” you reply. you knew you were being stubborn and very annoying.

he hasn’t given you a reason to act this way towards him.

you knew you were overreacting. plain and simple.

*ding*

the elevator doors opened and you walk through the hallway towards your bedroom. you scan the keycard and open the door letting calum follow behind you like a lost puppy.

you throw your purse on the bed and take your jacket off. “y/n. please.” you hear him sigh. calum feels guilty and he doesn’t even know what the hell he did. but whatever it was he was going to fix it. he couldn’t take you being mad at him like that.

“why dont you go bother someone else, looked like there was plenty that would love to be in your bed” you hiss, the words spilling from your lips like venom.

calum stops in his tracks, also removing the leather jacket from his shoulders and tossing it on the bed. “what?” he asks, dumbfounded.

“don’t play dumb, cal.”

“i don’t know what you mean, y/n.” he bites back.

“i mean, if you can sleep around with me what’s stopping you from sleeping with your fans?” you confess.

calum just stares at you, “what? what are you talking about?” the bassist was genuinely confused, you had never reacted, at least, not when he was around.

“the people at the show, cal. the signs, their outfits, the way they talk about you-“

calum cuts you off, “look, i don’t know where this is coming from or why you’re acting like this but-“

“i’m acting like this because it was never just about being friends with benefits calum!” you confess, staring at him intently. “i can’t keep acting like im okay with not being able to love you. i don’t want to be hurt again. not by you”

everything came spewing out of you like a waterfall. all the months of pent up frustration and confusion had finally found its way into the world.

you were so frustrated you didn’t even realize what you had said, you turn to look out the window and stare at the lights from the city.

calum doesn’t say anything, racking his brain to make sure he heard you right. you said you loved him, without really even saying the three words.

“you said you love me.”

you look over at him, “what?”

“you just said you ‘can’t keep acting like you don’t love me’.” he repeats.

you shake your head and look away from him. “i didn’t.” you try to get him to leave it alone.

“you did” he sighs, coming next to you and takes you by the shoulders and turns you to face him. “you practically said you love me.”

“calum-“

“i love you too.” he smiled. “i don’t know if that means anything now but i do. i have for a while.” he confessed.

“y/n, you’re nothing like i imagined you would be. when i met you that night in the bar i thought you’d be like all the other girls, which i know doesn’t help, but; this has been the best past year of my life and i think of you more than someone i fuck occasionally.” calum is looking into your eyes. “you’re more than that, y/n/n.”

there are tears welling in your eyes, you shake your head. “i don’t want to be hurt again. i don’t think i could take it.” calum nods, reaching for your hands.

“i understand, but trust me when i say that id never do anything to hurt you, okay?” calum assures, “you’re everything and more.”

*buzz*

*buzz buzz*

you groan and reach for your phone, opening one eye to look at the notifications. you have over ten messages and five calls from olivia. you sigh, wanting to ignore her antics but maybe it was an emergency. you unlock your phone and see all the messages.

‘girl check instagram.’

‘what time is it there’s

‘are you asleep?’

‘omg omg y/n!!!!’

‘you’re not gonna believe this.’

‘girl i’m freaking out !!!!!’

‘y/n please check your instagram.

‘you’re gonna flip.’

‘ please wake up.’

‘i’m calling you’

you sit up in confusion and then check your other notifications to see over hundreds of notifications from instagram. “what the hell” you croak and then open the app.

‘calumhood tagged you in a post.’

you swipe through the pictures until you see the very last picture which was you standing in front of the eiffel tower with your back turned to him admiring the view and then you saw the caption; “they say paris is the city of love <3”

you practically shoot up from your position staring wide eyed at the phone. you read some of the comments in a panic.

‘lukehemmings: it’s about damn time’

ashtonirwin: finally! don’t hurt my girl;)

calumhood replying to ashtonirwin: your girl?

ashtonirwin replying to calumhood: yep:)

michaelclifford: called it!

sierradeaton: you posted the pic !! omg !!!

5sos_updates: the last slide omg!?!? also last night was crazy!

iheartcalumhood: who’s the girl?

“calum??” you say out, hoping he was still in the room.

you hear the bathroom door open. “yeah?” he asks walking around the corner only dressed in a pair of basketball shorts.

“why did you post that?” you ask showing him the instagram post. “i wanted to prove to you that everything i said last night is true”

you blink, staring at him with little to no expression. “your first thought to do that was post me on your instagram?”

“uhh i guess? should i not have done that?” you crack a smile and look down at your phone, “i cant believe you, cal.” you say, falling back on the bed to scroll through more comments.

“can’t go back on it now” he says, standing at the foot at the bed.

“you’re stuck with me forever” he says crawling on the bed, hovering over your figure. “really? because ashton said i was his girl. sounds like you have some competition, hood.” you state, showing calum his comment.

he takes your phone and tosses it somewhere else on the bed. “nope, you’re my girl forever and always.” he hums leaning in to leave kisses on your neck which earned giggles from you. “calum!”

[bitchinbarzal]

What you left behind | A Fantilli

based on this ask

-

You’d heard them talking about you at the Hobey award ceremony.

“I feel bad acting like everything’s ok! Y/N has no idea”

“Adam should’ve told her before she flew all the way out here”

“I can’t believe he’s breaking up with her”

Your heart dropped and you walked away before you heard anymore. You sat throughout the whole ceremony with a wary smile.

By the end of it you had excused yourself on account of not feeling well. You were so ill and knew fine well why but now this was making you feel worse.

When Adam did return to your hotel room that night, bustling around while you faced the wall in the darkness you were deciding if you wanted to address the situation or not.

It wasn’t until he got into bed that you spoke

“I know you want to break up with me”

Adam sighed and turned on the bedside light “Babe it’s not you-“

“Do not say it’s not you, it’s me! God, Adam I thought we were better than this!”

“I don’t want to hold you down while I’m away!”

You were now stood up from the bed “You want to go to Columbus! It’s like four hours from Ann Arbor!”

He groans “I could end up literally anywhere and I don’t, I don’t want to drag this relationship with me while I’m starting off in the NHL!”

You gasp lowly “You think this relationship is a drag? Adam there’s something-“

You were crying now, getting yourself upset thinking about how your entire world was crumbling around you.

“Listen let’s just call it ok? You’re clearly getting upset and-“

You laugh ironically “I am getting upset because my boyfriend is breaking up with me and I’m trying to tell him I’m p-“

“I get it, you’re pissed but I think this is for the best I’m going to stay in Luca’s room for the night” Adam finishes, almost infuriating you as he picks up his hoodie and phone before kissing your forehead and leaving the room.

When the door clicked shut you sat down on the bed and let out a shaky breath and placed your hand over your belly “It’s just me and you kid, eh?”

You were packed up and gone before Adam got back to the room the next morning, leaving him feeling somewhat disappointed.

He had tried to call but you’d blocked his number. Eventually he gave in and stop trying to contact you to apologize for how it all went down.

You on the other hand were too busy in the summer break preparing for the baby’s arrival in november.

It felt weird being home all summer. Typically you’d be spending your time split between vacations, lake houses and this year was supposed to be spent by Adam’s side as he was drafted.

Now you were knee deep in baby sleep suits, stuffed animals and diapers all needing to be organized into boxes.

The summer was hard, you’d been contemplating not going back to college now you would ultimately be single parenting and how difficult that was going to be.

It had taken a lot of thinking but you knew you couldn’t give up on school, not now you were all your daughter had.

The new school year looked a lot different. You’d moved out of dorms with your best friend and into your own apartment, you’d dropped out of your position as social admin of the hockey and lacrosse teams and even changed some of your classes to better align with better paid positions post graduate.

It only took the boys a day to notice your absence from the team.

“Where’s y/n? There’s no way she left us because Adam broke up with her!” Dylan whined as the team got changed after their first practice.

Luca just shrugged “I haven’t seen her, I don’t even know if she’s back this year”

“She wasn’t in our sports management class this morning” Mark adds “And her best friend has a new roommate”

Luca then became a little concerned. He’d gone from seeing you all day, everyday to not even knowing where you were.

That was until that evening at Tony’s, the pizza place you, Adam and Luca would go every Tuesday. It seemed as though you guys were keeping to the tradition as you both stood in line to order your pizza.

“Y/N?” You froze hearing his voice, slowly turning around with a coy smile

“Hey Luca” You reply sweetly, not missing how his eyes were now glued on your now seven month pregnant belly.

“Hey so-“

“You’re pregnant?”

You tut “Yeah it looks like it” you joke “so don’t judge when I tank a whole pizza alone I’m technically eating for two”

He softly laughs before he asks “Is it Adam’s?”

You can’t hide it and you know it so you nod “Yeah, it is”

You expect Luca to yell at you but he doesn’t. Instead he grumbles “and you didn’t tell him?!”

His anger takes you back a little and you sigh sadly “I tried Luca”

“Not very hard!”

The tears started the gather in your eyes as you thought back to that night you and Adam broke up and you tried to tell him about your little baby girl.

“Luca You don’t know anything ok? I tried to tell him but he was too busy breaking up with me! You know what Lu, pretend this interaction never happened!” You scoffed, taking off out of the restaurant.

Only five minutes after you got in your apartment the doorbell rang and you waddled to the front door, very unamused and hungry.

On the other side of the door stood Luca holding your order from Tony’s.

“I’ve got pizza?” He smiled and you gestured him in.

The two of you ate the pizza and garlic knots in silence until Luca asked

“Is It a boy or girl?”

You wiped your hands with a napkin before you said “A little girl”

He smiles “and you’re due?”

“November, middle of November”

He nods before he reaches across the table to squeeze your hand “I’m really sorry you’ve done this alone, but I’m sure Adam would want to know he has a daughter”

You retracted your hand from his and scoffed “He didn’t want to be ‘held down’ Luca! His words! So no, I’m not telling him because when I tried, he shut me down so this is his loss!”

Luca wanted to fight you, to stick up for his little brother but he knew better so he gave in. He knew which battle he wanted to pick

“Can I… can I be in her life? She is my niece after all I want to be in her life”

You softened “Of course you can Luca, you can be as involved with her as you want as long as you don’t tell your brother”

Luca reluctantly agrees and so he begins a part in this secret.

Over the following weeks he spent nights over at your house, helped you set up the nursery and was helping you study in your new classes.

He’d slowly stopped speaking to Adam as the secret was getting harder to keep and Adam had noticed.

When Luca didn’t go to Columbus with the rest of his family for Adam’s birthday, Adam knew something was wrong.

So when I’m November the blue jackets played Detroit, Adam, Nick and Kent took the trip to Ann Arbor to watch their old team play.

You wouldn’t have gone to the game that night had you known he would be there but it was too late. You saw him in the crowd. You’d been sitting in a seat, wearing Luca’s jersey so nobody else on the team could see your bump when you spotted Kent closely followed by Adam.

After that you made a mad dash out of Yost, but not before Adam saw you.

He watched you leave, watched you walk out and never said a thing. He had conflicted feelings about seeing you again. He knew it was a possibility but he didn’t know for sure not after his friends told him you’d basically distanced yourself so far from the team, what caught his eye though was his brothers name and number on the back of your jersey.

After the game Adam found his brother outside the locker room

Luca looked surprised to see him, looking around cautiously for someone else by the looks of it “Adam, what’re you doing here?”

“Dropping by to see the team, what’s wrong? You seem on edge? Looking for someone?” Adam wasn’t sly with his questions.

“No I just-“

“Not my ex girlfriend? Not Y/N? Who left by the way”

Luca looked panicked “you saw her?!”

“Yeah i saw her leaving, wearing your jersey! Dude are you fucking y/n? How could-“

Luca scoffs “I’m not fucking her!”

“Well what’s going on? You haven’t come to visit, we hardly talk, she’s walking around here in your jersey and you seem really agitated about her right now so cmon dude spill it! I’d rather you just told me straight but I’m gonna be mad you know I’m still in love with her!!”

Before Luca can even defend himself and you, his phone starts ringing. It’s you.

As soon as he picks up the phone he can hear you crying “what’s going on? Talk me y/n”

That peaks Adam’s interest.

“I fell Luca! I fell and I need to go to the hospital I’m bleeding-“

“I’m coming, I’m coming just hang in there you guys are gonna be ok is the ambulance there? Ok just go and I’ll meet you at the hospital”

Adam is traipsing behind him still demanding answers when Luca shouts “Just get in the car Adam! I don’t have time to deal with you right now”

Adam can feel Luca’s stress and it’s confusing him, a lot.

When they arrive at the hospital he finally asks “Why are we here? What is going on? Who’s hurt?”

Luca sighs, pinching his nose and just praying you’ll understand why he did it

“Y/N is pregnant” he states as if it was the simplest thing while Adam’s entire world just exploded.

He was still in love with you and you were having a baby.

“Is It yours?” Adam asked “Because if it is I’m gonna let you call mom before I fucking kill-“

Luca holds his hand up to his little brother “The baby is yours”

Adam is going through every emotion possible at the moment, stuttering out “Why didn’t you tell me? She didn’t-“

“She tried Adam, the day you broke up with her”

He feels horrible, he feels heartbroken.

“And Why are we at the hospital? Do we need to go in? Is she ok?”

“She said there’s been bleeding, that she fell after the game. That could be bad Adam so just don’t go in there guns blazing when she could have lost her baby”

Adam’s heart breaks even further for his baby; who’s existence he’s only known of for a minute who might now be dead.

The brothers make their way up to the ward and ask for you to which the nurse smiles sympathetically “It’s family only, sorry boys”

Luca hurries “He’s the babies dad, she’s pregnant-“

“Actually, miss y/l/n had a turn in the ambulance after she was picked up by paramedics and she is no longer pregnant” Adam and Luca both gasped lowly, heartbroken when the nurse continued “She delivered her babygirl in the ambulance on route here. Congratulations dad, head on down its room 103”

The two shared glances before Luca patted his little brother on the back “You’re a dad, man!”

“I’m a dad…” he repeats, almost in disbelief.

When Adam got to your room and walked in you were laying in the hospital bed holding your little girl in your arms mumbling something to her. When you looked up and saw Adam the smile on your face dropped

“What’re you-“

“Is she ok? Are you ok?” He interrupted, walking over to you both.

You looked surprised “Luca told you?”

He nods “the cliff notes, we were in a rush”

You nodded understandingly “She’s perfect, all eight pounds of perfection”

You watch Adam step closer and closer to you both when you say “Adam, do you want to hold her?”

He nods, sitting down in the chair next to your bed and taking her into his arms. You watch them as Adam whispers sweet words to her.

“Hi babygirl, I’m your daddy”

When he finally puts her in her bassinet, Adam turns to you “I’m so sorry you went through this all alone, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you that night and I’m sorry I just abandoned us… I regret it everyday”

You smile softly “Do you miss me?” It was a lighthearted jab but Adam grabs your hands, seriously and says “So much, everyday I’ve thought about what an idiot I was to let you go. The love of my life”

“Adam you really broke my heart, I’m not sure how I would’ve survived if it wasn’t for her” you say gesturing to the baby asleep next to you.

He squeezes your hands “I know and I can only apologise and beg you to understand I acted on stupid judgement. We could always make long distance work and you have never held me down ever, you make me a better person y/n, I guess now you both do”

Eventually around eleven your nurse manages to sneak Luca into your room. He fully expected you two at each others throats when he entered but instead he found you both sitting on your bed holding your daughter in your hands just adoring her.

“Hey guys, she’s beautiful y/n congratulations”

You smile “thanks uncle Lu”

“So what’s princess called?”

Adam looks at you to tell him and you take pleasure when you say “This is Lucia, her name is inspired by our role model. Both of us”

Luca crouches down by Lucia’s sleeping body and brushes his thumb over her cheek “Hi Lu, I’m your uncle Luca. I love You so much already and I don’t even know you yet”

Your head absentmindedly rested on Adams’s shoulder and he kissed the crown of your head and mumbled “My girls, my whole world”

[gojhoes]

Cold Ass Hands

A snippet from my Gojo x reader enemies to lovers slowburn fic on AO3! Somewhat canon-compliant, I'm just here for the tension and drama. - context: Reader(you) is Nanami’s twin sister, a jujutsu sorcerer who has been practicing reverse cursed technique. Gojo gets injured (fic is somewhat canon-compliant) and asks you to heal him. - wc: 3.8k

November 2011

[…] you decided to do what you normally did when you had a free moment; bother Shoko.

You were disappointed to find that she wasn’t in her office when you’d reached the basement, which was odd. You hardly ever saw her above ground. In fact, it seemed that you were completely alone down there, until-

“Nanamiiiis,” Gojo called out. “I need your help with something.”

You started at the sudden timbre of his voice. How did he even know it was you? The primary explanation that came to mind was that he was fucking with you. Gojo didn’t need help, ever. But you had never been one to leave well enough alone. Fueled by a tickle of intrigue, you found yourself taking off down the hall until you found him.

You walked into one of the many small rooms in the school’s infirmary to see Gojo perched on a tissue-papered exam table. He held a blood-soaked cloth to his bare chest, just above his heart. The sight of his shirtless torso sent your pulse jumping and your face aflame with the blush you’d never seemed to grow out of. You couldn’t help but stare. The broad nature of his shoulders was more marked without a shirt to cover them. You drank in the slight curve of his waist, glimpsing the dark waistband of his briefs just barely peeking out above his pants.

And then he glanced up at you, bright blue eyes completely exposed and boring into your own.

Fuck, he could be intense when he wanted to be.

“Come here,” he said, curling the index finger of his free hand. “Don’t be shy.”

Normally, a comment like that would’ve earned him one of your signature scowls, but you were too busy trying to stop the melodramatic pounding in your chest. An attempt was made to tear your eyes away from his body. There was now absolutely zero doubt in your mind that he’d grown into his stature since you’d left Tokyo two years ago. He’d always been handsome, a fact that used to be overshadowed by your blatant dislike of his person. But it was in a different way now that he was older and had become a young man. You felt yourself swallow upon directing you gaze to the delicate curve of his clavicle. As for the rest of him… well, they didn’t call him “the strongest” for nothing.

You gathered every drop of courage you could muster and forced yourself to calmly stride over to him. It was likely that he could sense your anxiety and even more so that he was aware of what he was doing. But you were determined to hold your ground, even if your instincts were screaming at you to run out of the room until you were up into the mountains that surrounded the school.

Never before had you seen Gojo injured. As far as you knew, it was impossible given the Infinity that prevented anything to come in contact with him. Questions plagued your mind: what had happened? What or who was powerful enough to break through his shield? And most importantly, what did he need you for?

You stopped about three foot to his left, not wanting to close the space any further. There was a lot of blood saturating the cloth in his hand and even more smeared on his alabaster skin. Had you not known better, the delicate appearance of his complexion would’ve given the impression of vulnerability. But you could always feel the hum of his power and the intensity of his cursed energy. Where you had a well of it, Gojo held oceans. Nothing about him was weak, or delicate.

“How has your reversed technique training been going?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.

You were taken aback, completely surprised by the inquiry. Given past interactions regarding your venture with reversal technique, you were under the impression that he couldn’t give less of a shit about it. You also hadn’t yet ruled out the possibility that he was toying with you, so you kept your guard up.

“It- um,” you stammered. “Fine. Why?”

That wasn’t necessarily true, but you figured the less he knew the better. In truth, your successes had been far and few. The first year spent in New York City, you’d studied reversed technique almost exclusively. But, just as Shoko had told you several years before, your success had been limited to shallow wounds. Even then, you could count on one hand the number of times it had worked since you’d embarked on that quest.

“Show me,” Gojo instructed with uncharacteristic gentleness.

You sent him an incredulous glance. Were you hearing him right, or was his lack of clothing hindering your cognitive function?

“Y-you want me to..?”

He nodded, already reaching out for your hand to place it on the cloth he held. You pulled back quickly, as though you’d touched an open flame.

Gojo raised his free hand in question, clearly stunned and annoyed by your flinching. “What?”

“Um, I need gloves!” You exclaimed. “Are you out of your mind?”

“What?” He repeated. “I don’t have anything.”

You let out a sharp sigh through your nose. “It’s literally basic medical practice, you nasty bitch.”

There was a small sink attached to the wall on the other side of the room. You took your time washing and drying your hands, trying to relax despite your growing anxiety. Boxes of gloves sat in wall-mounted holders that just so happened to be on the other side of where Gojo was situated. The head of the exam table was flush against the wall, which gave you about a foot of room to squeeze through to get to them. You maneuvered around his long legs, waiting for him to move so you could reach past without touching him, but he remained planted in the same spot.

“Um, I just gotta..” You trailed off, trying to ignore the sweat that was beginning to gather on your palms despite just having dried them.

He said nothing, only watching you with intent and likely enjoying how flustered you were clearly becoming. You raised up on the tips of your toes to reach for a set of blue nitrile gloves, hauntingly aware of how the hem of your shirt lifted when you did so. You also felt your hip brush against his leg and had to stop yourself from jolting out of your skin right there.

To your embarrassment, tugging the gloves on proved to be slightly difficult due to the clamminess of your hands. Each second that passed was painstakingly long beneath Gojo’s scrutiny, but you eventually managed to get them on and retook your position on the other side of him.

He dropped the hand holding the makeshift gauze as you took it from his grasp. You carefully pulled the blood-soaked fabric away from his skin to reveal the shredded flesh underneath. Your heart lurched at the sight of it, sending a small wave of nausea through your head. The smell of his blood filled your nose, mixed with something darker, something foul. A memory tickled at the back of your mind, until it surfaced with full-fledged alarm.

“Poison.” You blurted out.

Gojo hummed in confirmation. “It shouldn’t have happened, but it did.”

His voice held no ounce of shame, stating it as a matter of fact, but he also gave no indication that was going to elaborate. How long had he been like this? Didn’t it hurt? Why didn’t he just heal it himself? You had so many questions lately, and despite your endless patience, it appeared that none of them were ever going to receive an answer.

You discarded the ruined cloth onto a small metal table by the bed. You drenched a clean pad of sterile gauze in antiseptic to scrub the blood from his chest. He was watching you closely as you worked, giving no indication that you might’ve been hurting him. You tried to be as gentle as you could until most of his skin was clean.

You paused. What would he say if it didn’t work? A small part of you weighed more heavily than the dominant logical one. One that pleaded with you to stop, because you were going to disappoint him and embarrass yourself. You didn’t want to disappoint him. You so desperately wanted Gojo’s approval, but the roots of your self-doubt were even more inviolable.

“Gojo, I don’t know if I- “

“Try.”

You swallowed. The gash on Gojo’s chest was deep, oozing fresh blood and the black fluid of poison. It was a wound that he easily could’ve healed himself, but he was looking to you expectantly and with unbridled trust. It was more severe a wound than any you’d attempted to mend before. There was no guarantee that you’d even be able to do it, given that the only times you’d practiced were on your own body.

You were so afraid to fail, but even more so to hesitate in front of Gojo, especially when he gazed up at you with such certainty. You laid your palms flat against the space just below either of his collarbones and closed your eyes.

His skin was warm beneath your touch. The necessary proximity made it so the outside of your thigh pressed against his. Even through the layers of clothing, the contact sent a shiver through your whole being. Had you ever been this close to him before? Under the domineering metallic scent of his blood was something softer and clean, reminiscent of his apartment you’d been in just weeks ago. You resisted the urge to breathe it in.

He let out a sharp hiss between his teeth and you flinched backward, afraid that you might have hurt him.

“What?!”

“You have some cold ass hands,” He whined.

“Oh my g- shut up.”

You focused on the feeling of his pain. It became a tangible thing, a red, stabbing mass you could see in your mind’s eye. The blood was leaking from your chest, the cut was just above your heart. Picture the energy, gold and blue dust spilling from an endless cup. Pour it out. Breathe, pour, pain, erase. His pain became yours as you absorbed it, and you shifted your focus to crushing it beneath a figurative fist.

It was different from the times you’d tried to heal yourself. You wanted to take his pain away, to make it disappear and never let it happen again. It was downright emotional at that point. Your cursed energy flared all around you, building as you absorbed more of the hot, stabbing sensation from his body. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you kept them shut as tight as you could. You heard him suck in a breath and his muscles went rigid under your touch.

At first, nothing changed. You were hyperaware of Gojo’s sticky blood covering your glove-clad fingers, thick and tangy. Your teeth grinded together from how tightly you were clenching your jaw. Breathe. Erase. You convinced yourself that the gash was a curse you wanted to exorcise. Absorb it, pour, pain, crush it-

And then the pain vanished. The tension in his body subsided, replaced by the warmth of release and a rush of excitement. You gasped and your eyes flew open to glimpse Gojo’s face just a few inches from yours. Blue eyes filling your vision, as brilliant and free as the sky, uncovered, and full of energy.

“I’ll be damned,” He breathed.

You glanced down at your blood-slicked fingers. Some remained on him, but the gash no longer looked at you angry and agape. Instead, it appeared as a thin, white scar, barely visible against his pale complexion. You smiled, wide and toothy, as a rush of euphoria tingled throughout your whole body. You wiped at the tears that had escaped when you opened your eyes, but you felt invincible.

Gojo was so close to you. Your hands still laid on his chest, his warmth wrapping around you like a safety blanket. Somehow, your leg had hooked itself between his thighs, suddenly all too aware of the intimacy of the situation. Had you moved forward just an inch, your leg would’ve been pressing into his groin. Blood roared in your ears. Could he feel how fast your heart was beating? Under your palm, his own was slow and steady. Unbreakable.

“Better?” You asked, suddenly breathless.

And then his half-lidded eyes darted downward from yours to your lips, sending a horde of butterflies afloat within your stomach. Don’t look at me like that, you wanted to say. You stood frozen, too afraid to lean in, but not wanting to pull away even more. You felt like you had been set on fire. Surely, he wasn’t trying to do what you thought he was. But you were so close to him, and the feeling was so intoxicating, and the way he looked at you was so alluring.

Then you remembered the night of Halloween, when he’d traced a long, teasing finger along your skin. Remembered the fire that burned within you just from his touch. You glanced down at his parted lips, pink and wet with his saliva. You pictured yourself tasting him, wondering what it might feel like if you just leaned forward and stopped being a coward-

“How did it go?”

Shoko’s voice rang throughout the room, piercing your ears and sending your soul out of your body.

You jumped away from Gojo, crashing into the metal table you’d set just a foot away. The supplies went flying, clattering loudly onto the floor as you tried to maintain both your balance and your composure. You felt an urge to bolt out of the room as fast as you possibly could, suddenly feeling ashamed.

And then that half-lidded expression was gone, just as if you’d imagined it. He stretched his long legs and rose to his full height, still bare-chested and pale under the fluorescent lighting. You didn’t dare look at him now, not after he’d looked so deeply into your soul with such allure.

“All better now,” Gojo chirped, giving no sign that he’d felt even slightly affected in the way that you did.

Shoko smiled at you approvingly. You just hoped she didn’t notice the rapid rise and fall of your chest as you struggled to catch your breath. Although she hadn’t been in the room, it appeared that she’d known about the healing session. She always knew so much of your personal happenings without you telling her. It was still a mystery you’d yet to solve.

“I’m assuming this was your idea?” You queried.

The two of them exchanged glances, which was enough of an answer in itself. Gojo was conveniently busy with responding to a text on his phone, avoiding your inquisitive expression. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d gone behind your back to pull strings.

“I thought you might want to practice,” Shoko confessed. “Though I wasn’t ever expecting it to be on him.”

Well, that made two of you.

“Yeah, to be honest, I didn’t believe that you could do it.” Gojo added unnecessarily, looking up from his phone.

You decided then that those few seconds of longing had been a figment of your imagination.

You glared at him. “Has it ever occurred to you that you can keep those comments to yourself?”

“Sure, but it’s so worth seeing the look on your face when I don’t.”

You sighed, suddenly realizing how exhausted you were. That euphoric feeling had diminished completely, and you could tell just how much of your energy it had taken to heal him. But you’d done it!

“What’s the prognosis, Doctor?” Gojo asked.

Shoko turned to you, her posture straightening and her manner turning business-like.

“What did you feel?” She asked vaguely.

Both of them were staring at you expectantly. You suddenly felt small and all too aware of the disconnect between your skill level and theirs. Gojo’s proximity had distracted you and truthfully, you didn’t have much of an answer.

“Um… I can’t really explain it, but the poison felt evil somehow. It smelled like shit, and it kinda looked like motor oil.”

Your answer sounded stupid to you once you’d said it out loud, but Shoko nodded thoughtfully, diminishing your anxiety by a measure.

“Since we’re seeing it again, we’ve got a problem.” She spoke.

You agreed. It had taken weeks to recover from your own encounter with the poison. You’d been able to tap into only a fraction of your cursed energy after, slowly returning to its peak with an exorbitant amount of rehabilitative training. It had been a difficult and painful endeavor. Gojo likely wouldn’t have much of a problem, given the caliber of his strength, but it was still alarming, nonetheless. And what if one of the students got hit with it?

It was different for you. You still weighed in as a Grade 2 with no indication that you’d be promoted anytime soon, where Gojo was the strongest sorcerer in four-hundred years. Jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe what you were feeling. Disconnected, perhaps, knowing that you would never be able to understand exactly what he experienced or felt.

God. Since when did you care about how Gojo felt? Your head had begun to pound with the beginnings of a headache.

“I’m going to start researching the poison,” Shoko announced. “I suggest that you-”

The shrill tone of a phone ringing interrupted her mid-sentence. The sound sent a stabbing pain through your skull, but you held in your complaints judging from the look on her face.

Shoko pulled her phone from the pocket on her white jacket, sighing. Her dark eyes slipped shut as she cursed under breath.

“I leave for five minutes...” She muttered, before stepping out of the room and answering the call.

You truly felt bad for her at times. She was the hardest worker that you knew of, and it seemed that the load of it was endless.

Gojo was scrubbing the small amount of remaining blood from his chest. You glanced down at the floor, remembering the mess you’d made after Shoko had startled you. You reached down to clean up the spilled supplies, first discarding any contaminated materials before peeling off your gloves.

An awkward silence had settled over the room. Your mind was still reeling from the brief intimacy and the intense emotion that had come over you. Gojo being half-naked wasn’t helping either, and you were finding it difficult to maintain your composure.

“How do you feel?” You asked, mainly out of obligation, but partly to relieve the ever-increasing tension in the too-small room.

Gojo shrugged, lifting his arms over his head to stretch casually. You quickly averted your eyes, silently wishing he would put on a shirt because it was fucking distracting, and you were tired of blushing like a teenaged girl. If you’d voiced that thought, though, you knew you would be falling right into a trap.

“Never better, Nanamis,” He replied, insistent upon using the annoying nickname he’d given you during your first year.

His hair had fallen into his face again. What would he do if you just went over there and brushed it-

Stop, you told yourself. Stop stop stop stop stop.

“I’m surprised it worked, too,” you admitted. “I haven’t ever tried on anyone else.”

“Maybe you just needed the right motivation,” Gojo mused, winking playfully.

You rolled your eyes, and though you’d never admit it, you had an inkling that he might be right. But the question remained, and you had to know, because rarely did Gojo do anything without a reason.

So, you asked. “Why did you want me to do it?”

“I was curious.” He offered curtly.

“As you so often are with me.”

He chuckled at your quick remark. You weren’t satisfied, sensing that he wasn’t quite telling the truth, so you pressed on.

“You could’ve asked Shoko,” you stated. “Or done it yourself.”

“I knew if she was in here, you wouldn’t have agreed,” He answered with a shrug. “Maybe we wanted to do you a favor, yeah?”

You narrowed your eyes at him only slightly menacingly to demonstrate your persisting suspicion. Gojo had always doubted you in the past, and up until recently, he never did you any favors. It just didn’t make sense.

He scoffed at your expression. “Always so ungrateful.”

And with that, you felt resigned to let it go. Besides, it’s not like you were unacquainted with disappointment. The exhaustion was really starting to hit you, too. Almost all of your cursed energy had been sapped and the unexpected emotionality had been a feat in itself. You wondered if Gojo had felt it, too. That is, if he felt anything at all.

You took it upon yourself to turn the room over to save Shoko the trouble. Gojo still remained, leaning casually back against the counter on his palms, watching your every movement.

“You know, Gojo,” you said without looking at him. “You could always offer to help.”

“Uh huh.”

You paused, holding the crumpled tissue paper mid-air over the trash can to send him a disappointed glare. Despite the decrease of hostility and dislike in your relationship, you still found him irritating.

“You just gonna stand there, then?”

“Do you want me to leave?”

You sighed, defeated, and went back to cleaning. He stood straight from his spot against the counter and tossed the pink-stained gauze into the trash. In your periphery, you saw him walk toward the hall, stopping short just before he crossed the threshold.

“Nanami?”

You perked up at the mention of your name, glancing over at him by the doorway. “Hm?”

He looked down at you with that half-lidded expression he’d given you earlier when you’d found yourself nearly sitting on his thigh. In a low voice that sparked a stirring in the pit of your stomach, he said, “I’m really tired of hearing my surname come out of your mouth.”

What the fuck.

You blinked at him once, then again, as you processed the chill that slithered down your spine at his words. Why did he have to say it like that, so… debonair? To your chagrin, you could feel sweat beginning to gather on your hands once again. You had to physically gather every bit of determination to will yourself not to glance down below his face.

“Okay,” you said weakly, unsure of how else to respond.

He hummed, seemingly pleased with your reaction. And then any trace of that sensuality evaporated with a cheeky grin. He gave an exaggerated wave, letting himself out of the exam room and leaving you feeling confused and somehow frustrated.

[sofs16]

let you break my heart again— 1

series link | next part

yn yln, a middle class american girl who moved to monaco, has done nothing but love charles leclerc, her next door neighbor. yn being practically family to the leclerc’s.

since the moment she was old enough to acknowledge those butterflies in her stomach, it was all coming together in her innocent mind that she was in love.

going together to school every morning with the other 2 leclercs and yn’s older sister, kylie, it was always the giggles of charles and yn that made the 2 older siblings look knowingly at each other. with arthur too young to understand the chemistry between the two.

it was a thursday school night in 2008 when charles kissed yn on the cheek quickly with a rushed “ciao!” before he going to his house to make it to dinner after their hangout.

yn stood still at the front door, her cheek in her hand.

charles always did a kiss on the cheek but it had never felt so… different to yn.

she rushed up the stairs to do her special knock on her older sister’s room. “come in, yn” her sister muttered, buried under the blankets as her 11 year old sister stood in the hallway with tears.

kylie sat up her bed as soon as she saw the bloodshot eyes of her little sister. “what happened? who am i punching?” her sister sobbed into her chest. “i- i don’t know” she hiccuped. “it feels ouchy” she added “what does?” her sister pulled away and examined her

“charles” she whispered her best friend’s name. “did he hurt you? what did he-“ “no! i- he kissed me on the cheek. that’s normal, i know, but i— i don’t know” yn mumbled, embarrassed at her lack of understanding her feelings.

“oh” her sister sighed, combing through her hair. “is it possible… you may have a tiny crush on charles?” her sister asked and everything went silent.

her friends all had a crush on him. she didn’t understand it at the time. but, hello! he is her best friend, she didn’t think she could like charles that way.

In a way, it made sense. though she always shrugged it off when it was brought up. charles had been karting for 3 years already, making him one of the guys all the girls in your year crushed on.

“yn, you’re sooo lucky you’re close to charles!”

“if i was his best friend i’d hang out with him all the time”

“yn, isn’t charles cute?”

it seemed appalling to her that she was feeling this way. “no way.” she whispered. of course her sister wasn’t buying it, but she decided to nod along. “wanna just watch that harry potter movie you love? and talk about it some other time?” her sister reached over to the remote, turning the tv on but all yn could think about was how charles loved harry potter.

the next day in school, charles smiled and waved at yn, like the usual. but this time, yn’s heart was pulling little strings, making it 16 times heavier with love.

she didn’t know it yet, but she was in love.

yn_yln_16

liked by charles_leclerc, and 11 others

yn_yln_16 Happiest birthday, Charlie! I am grateful you’re in my life.❤️

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charles_leclerc Je aime, Y/n/n! You are next! october 16, 2009

charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc Joyeux anniversaire yn_yln_16! Thank you for being the bestest friend I could ever ask for! view all 7 comments

yn_yln_16 Merci beaucoup, Charlie ❤️ november 3, 2009

yn_yln_16

tagged: charles_leclerc, lorenzotl, arthur_leclerc, and leclerc_pascale liked by charles_leclerc, and 21 others

yn_yln_16 Throwback post for my favorite boys

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leclerc_pascale 😍

charles_leclerc Cute, cherie!

july 3, 2010

YN • 2012 • 14:03

another friday afternoon you once again headed straight to your sister’s room.

since that night when you were 11, there were many many nights behind closed doors where you would cry to you sister who didn’t need to ask why.

but recently, you haven’t bothered to cry. with no idea didn’t know how to cope with it. ”he’s dating lacy” the name of your best friend ex- best friend rolled off your tongue bitterly.

now at 15, your crush for charles has you bursting with pain the more. more girls fawning over him and he loved the attention.

lacy was everything you wish you could be. but most of all, you wished you were her because charles liked her.

you swallowed the lump in your throat as you saw them giggling down the hall, fingers interlaced. you rushed the the bathroom, quietly banging your head against the stall to suck it up.

you never did have the courage to confess to charles. it was your fault.

“it’s okay, i’ll always be here” your sister hushed you to sleep. even if she had been building her own business, she always had time for you.

“can you wake me up before 8? he’s coming over” you mumbled “i know, it’s friday”

every other friday at 8pm you and charles always binge watched some random movies, occasionally doing homework while watching.

he’s been racing more and that means you see less of him. these friday's were the most you both got to each other. you had bought some snacks 2 days ago with his mom’s weekly grocery run, picking precisely all his favorite snacks.

20:03

you bounced your leg up and down while a pillow was resting on it, dialing charles.

voicemail.

“hey charlie! i just heated the popcorn, where are you? it’s going to get cold… love you”

20:11

voicemail.

“Hey, charlie! I know I just called but are you still coming over? Love you!”

20:23

“hey charles. Are we still on for harry potter night?” you rang him for the 3rd time this hour, receiving yet another voice mail.

21:01

“y/n/n, where’s charles?” your sister was tiptoeing to the kitchen but realized you had no one beside you.

you shrugged with a frown. “did he say where he was?” she sat down beside you as you shook your head. “i’ve been waiting for an hour. left 5 voice mails” you mumbled, clutching the pillow closer to you.

silence filled the room

“yn, stop waiting for him.” your sister whispered. you inhaled as you could tell it was a two pointed comment.

only a handful of times your sister brought this up, you to move on. you would always argue it was too hard and you couldn’t do it. but you just didn’t allow yourself to.

you cared a little too much for charles and it made your stomach turn at the thought.

you let yourself believe all the friendly things he did meant more to him, as much as they did to you. the tucking your hair behind your ear, the little nicknames, the cuddling on movie nights, and much more.

you also let yourself forget he always refers to you as his ‘best friend’.

“i’ve held been there for you for the last 4 years but you are hurting yourself by waiting for him when there are so many boys who would kill to have even one drop of love you give to charles” you bit your lip, looking away to stop the tears, that were pooling in your eyes, from falling.

“i love him so much” you whispered, glossy eyes. “i know…” she embraces you “we all do”

with a heavy heart, you packed up all the stupid snacks you had gotten, switched the tv off, and locked the door.

00:21

Charlie ❤️

Y/n/n I am so sorry. I was out with Lacy and the others and I lost track of time. Can we reschedule? :)

delivered

Pascale knew from the start regarding your feelings for her middle child. as soon as you fumbled your words, turned tomato red at charles, and kept fixing your hair when he left the room, she knew.

that’s why she found it most interesting when charles came to her for help while she was trimming his hair. “Maman, s’il te plaît please! She is ignoring me and I do not know what to do” Charles groans in frustration. He hasn’t heard from you in 4 days and even in school.

“My Charles, je ne comprends pas i don’t understand. Why did you stand her up in the first place? That girl has been running around the grocery all week for your favorite foods” His maman shook her head in disapproval while trimming his hair.

“It is not like I meant to do it! I do not know how to say sorry in more than 4 languages, Maman!”

“Sometimes actions are more than words, Charles”

you sighed getting to school, another day to ignore charles and your feelings for him. you opened your locker to find a bouquet of flowers sitting on top of your books.

instinctively, you looked around the hall to who could have put it, but you already had an idea of who. only one person knew your lock combination.

you read the note attached.

Dearest y/n/n,

I know what I did was wrong and I can not tell you how sorry I am so these are flowers for you.

You are my best friend and I am mad at myself for putting other people before us. I promise to always be there for you more.

If you will forgive me, which I hope you do, come to my house at 8 ! :)

I know this letter is not enough but we can talk about it if you come.

Yours, Charlie

before your overthinking started, you were already planning which pajamas to wear. but the thought did start to sink in once the bell rang.

did you really forgive him? were you ready to go back to plastering on a fake smile instead of ignoring him?

though charles was your best friend and you truly don’t want to lose him at all, the short period of time you spent without him pestering your emotions, was the most calm in the last few years.

you took a deep breath before knocking on the door. “hi”

— INSTAGRAM FILE

charles_leclerc

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charles_leclerc Back from the first race ever in Kz in La Conca!

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lacy_1998 Hottie 😍

yn_yln_16 Most talented driver ❤️ WDC incoming!

charles_leclerc

liked by yn_yln_16, lacy_1998, and 102 others charles_leclerc 3rd at the last round of the European Championship in Genk!

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lacy_1998 Next time 1st! yn_yln_16 Proudest of you! Another one for the shelf ❤️

leclerc_pascale ❤️

#SOF : decided to make it a series 🫠 hope you enjoy and let me know your thoughts or if you want more parts haha

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not buying toilet paper for my college dorm?

I share a dorm with my roommate and while at the beginning of the school year, we alternated buying toilet paper, ever since mid-November she has not bought toilet paper. at all. I'm pretty non-confrontational so I decided to buy toilet paper for both of us for a while, but then in February I decided that it wasn't fair and I hid my toilet paper and pretended we ran out and that it was her turn to buy toilet paper. When I need to go I just dig my toilet paper out from under the sink, use it, and then hide the roll again. However she has not bought any toilet paper and just uses her friend's bathroom when she needs to go.

I complained about this to my mom and my mom started lecturing me and said that my roommate probably struggles financially and that I should just buy toilet paper for both of us. However I'm using MY money for the toilet paper so if my mom wants me to pay for my roommates toilet paper she should send me like twenty bucks.

Last week, my roommate started using our bathroom again and I got really paranoid that my roommate had found my toilet paper stash and was using it so I checked under her sink and she has three rolls of toilet paper. Why isn't she sharing, I don't know. I'm perfectly content to continue this situation until the end of school because at least she's paying for her own toilet paper and I'm paying for mine. I won't use her toilet paper but I'm not sharing mine anymore. My mom says I'm being selfish though

What are these acronyms?

[ice-mint]

Hotd- Christmas AU

The Targaryen family started the festivities strong with a much needed intervention. Sadly, Alicent continues to deny her addiction to Christmas despite having the house fully decorated since the 1st of November.

Despite of this, she, like everyone else, has decided to leave some gift buying for last minute. Like a lion to an unsuspecting gazelle Daemon stalks Alicent through the whole Toy's R Us to try and steal the last Star Wars lego set of the store.

Aegon and Rhaenyra both have decided te leave the premises the afternoon before Christmas for their safety and peace of mind. It would have been a lovely dinner if the waiter had allowed Aegon to order from the Kids menu, now Rhaenyra will have to talk to the manager and leave a bad review on google maps.

Aemond and Baela are not as fond of traditional celebrations. So just for Christmas (and to take advantage of the 2x1 at the amusement park) they have decided to leave their bad blood behind. Together they can pursue their true passion: Rollercoasters!

Back at the house Daemon and Viserys have been caught cheating at bingo again, this will mark their sixth consecutive year of failing to pull it off. Their wives of course are pissed, they are going to take the "Two Nights in Dorne" experiences package they had as peice and go with each other this time.

It was only right before the Christmas dinner when everyone realised a very important detail...They had forgotten to pick up Lucerys and Daeron from their Boarding School!!!!

The Christmas was a partial success, they had a lovely dinner and everyone got nice gifts the day after.

Daeron on his end had to console Luke about being forgotten, and to think he really believed this was the year his family remembered he existed if only because of Luke's presence...

[mugiwara-lucy]

Now while all of this is all good news I would just like to remind everyone that the fight is NOT over yet!!!

There’s still so much work to be done and while Kamala is doing her part; she has literally been on the road for the PAST WEEK, WE HAVE TO DO OURS!!

Do NOT get complacent and think we won because if we do we get PRESIDENT VANCE!!!!

Deadlines to register to vote are coming up and here’s the post below to register if you haven’t already!!

Also, your own vote isn’t enough! Get as many people as you can to vote for Kamala be it your friends, cousins, parents, grandparents, old friends from high school and college, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, stepchildren (if they’re 18 and over) and the list goes on and on but every vote counts! ALSO PLEASE check your registration DAILY because MAGA WILL purge your voter registration!!

And early voting has started! And if you don’t wanna vote on November 5th, Early Voting is another option! Like I said get as many people as you know and try early voting that way you can avoid MAGA fuckery on November 5th!

And Mail in Ballots are ANOTHER option I highly recommend!! And like I said get as many people as you can to take advantage of this option! BUT if you decide to go with Mail In/Absentee Ballots; PLEASE mail your ballots at the ACTUAL USPS office!! That way MAGAts won't fuck with it.

And I’ve seen Democrats abroad take advantage which I HIGHLY suggest so here it is!!

Guys….today is Kamala’s birthday.

What BETTER gift to her would be giving her the presidency of the United States after four months of hard work?!

But she can ONLY get it if we do OUR part!! Make phone calls, knock on doors, send out posts, call friends/neighbors/family/exes and most importantly….V-O-T-E!!!!!

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wieman - Part 14

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Word : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, November 7th; 8:45 AM - Ona and Alexia's Room

I stretch in my bed when I realize that I won't be able to sleep any longer. I had already been tossing and turning for a good ten minutes now. I sigh as I see that it's not even nine o'clock on the radio alarm. This school is definitely changing me. It's Saturday, and I'm still stuck here. It's not such a bad thing if I think about what's waiting for me in Barcelona. My week went relatively well if you forget about my tardiness on Tuesday and the interaction with my teacher on Wednesday. I understood that Bronze didn't like it and wanted to punish me with this weekend. It only takes her disapproval for me to stay here. I also started catching up on my lessons in her office after my classes since Thursday. She's depriving me of a good part of my free time.

Well, at least I'm not alone this weekend. I learned that Bronze is also staying. We had dinner together last night and even ended the evening watching a movie. I had stupidly suggested it and was surprised that she accepted. She must have pitied my boredom. I realize now that I fell asleep during the movie and here I am alone again. She must have put away my laptop because I can't see it anymore. I don't worry too much about it and take my phone from my bedside table to check social media. I quickly get bored and decide to put my phone away and get out of bed. Too bad the rules remain the same on weekends. I never tried to take it outside since there are always at least two instructors staying. Today, one of them is Bronze, so I'm even less likely to take the risk.

I dress in jeans and a thick sweater. It's starting to get cold outside. The sun has disappeared for a few days, leaving clouds and a cool breeze. Needless to say, I'm not used to it! I brush my teeth and finish with some makeup and a brush through my hair. Before leaving, I make my bed neatly and put on my military jacket. I've grown accustomed to this jacket. It's practical and not so ugly if I wear it with regular clothes. It gives a certain style. Luckily for me, breakfast is served until nine-thirty on weekends. I have plenty of time to go. I hope to run into Bronze along the way... It seems I'm not lucky because I end up eating alone.

I go looking for her right after, as she told me she didn't mind spending the day with me. It's always better to be with her than to stay alone in my corner, twiddling my thumbs. Knowing her, she's already awake. I look in all the places she's likely to be. There's no sign of her presence. I even risked knocking on her room without permission, but no one answered. All that's left is her office... It's with relief that I finally find her there, deeply engrossed in paperwork.

- Hey, Bronze.

- Oh, hi Ona, she replies, looking up. Finally up?

- Finally? I chuckle.

- From what you told me, you don't get up early on weekends.

- Normally that's the case. This is the first time I've managed to sleep this long.

- I told you you'd get used to it quickly, she smiles. I came by your room around eight, but you were still asleep.

- Oh, sorry about that and for falling asleep last night too.

- No problem, she giggles. You needed the sleep.

- Can I stay with you?

- Of course. I won't be much longer.

I smile and quickly sit down across from her desk, on the chair that has become my spot. I watch her work and realize she's busy. I didn't know she worked on weekends too.

- By the way...

- Hmm? she responds without looking at me.

- I never had the chance to thank you for my birthday gift, so thank you. You're really crazy! What you bought me is expensive, but it made me really happy. How did you know it was my favorite gear?

- I didn't know, she smiles, looking up. I just asked the salesperson for advice and he recommended it. I'm glad you liked it. Have you used it yet?

- No, I haven't had the chance yet, but I brought it here since I didn't have anything else. Maybe I'll start using it one evening when I'm not too exhausted.

She nods before returning to her papers. I don't dare disturb her anymore seeing her so focused. She scribbles on each sheet, then flips it over to start the next one. I hadn't immediately noticed, but she's not wearing her uniform. It's the first time I've seen her in her own clothes. She's wearing a white shirt that suits her perfectly. It’s quite different from her camouflage jacket. Her hair is down in a naturally wavy style, very pretty. It's so strange to see her so... normal. She knows how to present herself. The few pieces of jewelry she wears complete her outfit perfectly. She manages to be both classy and chic. I notice her jeans fit her well when she stands to get a binder from the cabinet. My eyes widen when I see her heels. I didn't think she was the type to wear those shoes. I suppress my expression when she turns to me and frown when she hands me the binder.

- Since you're here, would you mind helping me? I need to make another stack.

- I guess I don't have a choice.

- You can say no. It just saves you from waiting around twiddling your thumbs.

- Well, you could have come up with a better argument. You're lucky I was going to say yes.

I take the binder from her hands. She sits back down and gives me the stack she just finished. I file them away without needing her instructions. I know how to do it from doing it so often. Meanwhile, she starts on the next pile.

- So, you managed to sleep longer? she brings the topic back.

- Yeah, my first "lie-in" in this lousy place, I replied, mimicking air quotes.

- Watch your language, she scolds me harshly.

- Oh, you can't argue...

- Yes, I can.

I roll my eyes, preferring not to respond. She won't let me have the last word, even though I'm sure she doesn't think any less of it since we discussed the school and Sarina with Leah and Engen. She doesn't like the new rules imposed on them, but she enforces them anyway. I'll never understand her.

- Do you have any plans today? she changes the subject.

- No... Maybe I'll take the opportunity to open a book.

- Hmm, too bad for you then... she smiles slyly.

- Why? I frown.

- I had something planned, but since you're busy, I won't disturb you.

I look at her, bewildered. I feel like she's teasing me. She should know I said that because that's what I would do if I had nothing else to do.

- Go ahead, propose.

- No, too late, she teases.

Since when does she act like this with me? I want to smile, but mostly, I want to know what she's thinking.

- Come on! Tell me, Lucy.

I try to stifle a smile as she raises an eyebrow. It's the first time I've used her first name since I learned it, and I wanted to see her reaction. I'm not disappointed. It's strange to call her something other than Bronze or commander.

- Don't call me that here.

- There's no one around, I roll my eyes.

- That's not a reason. You never know who's around.

- So, can I call you that elsewhere?

- No, she replies, making me smile.

- So, what did you have planned?

- I never said I was including you.

- You implied it!

- Until you told me you were busy.

- Oh, come on! You know very well that I'm bored here and that's why I said that!

She ignores me and continues her work with a smile on her lips. Damn... I think she's going to leave me in suspense. I hide my frustration to avoid her mocking me. To pass the time, I quickly finish the work she gave me while she finishes hers. Luckily for me, she finishes quickly. I watch her as she puts the binder back in its place and rummages through one of her desk drawers. I'm puzzled when she pulls out some keys.

- Come on, get up, let's go.

Her words catch me off guard. I stand up from my chair without asking questions. She locks her office door and looks around, as if to make sure we're alone in the hallway.

- You don't need to get ready? she asks, eyeing me.

I frown, not understanding why she's asking that. I shake my head. She smiles and dangles some keys around her finger.

- Why are you showing me that?

- Promise not to tell anyone?

- Tell what, Lucy? I ask, making her roll her eyes at the use of her name.

- Do you have any special desire today?

- I don't know. Why?

- I think it wouldn't hurt you to go out a bit after everything you've been through.

I remain silent, finally understanding her intentions. She wants us to go out?! I don't even dare ask her directly for fear of being disappointed.

- You realize you're going to break all the rules by doing this?

- If you prefer, we can stay here.

- Are you kidding?!

- Then shut up, she smiles. There are few staff members on camp this weekend. We can slip away without any problem, but I need your utmost discretion.

- Promise! I quickly reply.

- Good, let's go now then. We don't have much time.

- Not much time?

- Ingrid is handling the reception for an hour. Same for tonight, she informs me, looking at her watch. We have fifteen minutes. Come on, move!

Even Engen is in on this? I don't know if I should laugh considering the moral lesson they gave us again on Wednesday night. I quickly follow Lucy, heading towards the parking lot. We find her beautiful Audi... I'll never get tired of it! She asks me to duck down until we're out of the camp. I chuckle. I feel so ridiculous doing it, but it's for a good cause. I only sit up once we're past the reception where Engen wishes us a good day. We thank her, and then Bronze speeds through the streets. I start to recognize the road leading to downtown. I might be wrong, but it seems like that's where we're headed.

- So, any special desire? she asks again, pulling me out of my contemplation of the scenery.

- Why are you doing this? Why take me out of camp?

She glances at me. She shrugs.

- Actually, I don't know, she admits. I think you deserve it after your involuntary withdrawal and all that. Plus, I saw your dejected face when I told you you couldn't go home. I understood that you needed to see something else.

- Thank you... I murmur.

I lower my head and nervously play with my fingers. She must have noticed my change in behavior because she places her free hand on my shoulder.

- Hey, I didn't mean to make you feel bad like that.

- It's not that, on the contrary, I say, smiling timidly.

She removes her hand to shift gears. We don't talk anymore. We've just arrived downtown and we're already caught in traffic.

- I feel like I'm important to you, even if that's not the case, I say. It feels good to be taken care of like you do.

- You are important.

I look at her without hiding my surprise. She keeps repeating that I'm a student like any other. How can she say something like that now? She contradicts all the words she's upheld until now. She sighs, running a hand through her hair. I think she just realized what she said.

- What I mean is that you intrigue me. It's clear that you have a past you don't accept. I sense that you're not comfortable in your own skin, and that drives me to help you. I'll always respect your privacy and boundaries, but I enjoy learning about who you are, Ona. Plus, I have to admit that I also enjoy the little game we've set up between us. Many people, including myself, think it adds some cheer to the camp.

Her words sound so sincere. I don't know what to say or what to think. She must have sensed my discomfort because she changes the subject.

- Yeah... Anyway, it's eleven o'clock. I thought we could do a paintball session for an hour, she suggests. Then, we can eat wherever you want.

- Really?

- Yeah, and for this afternoon, we can still discuss it. I know several cool places we could go to.

- Paintball, then...? I murmur. Do you want to take me down or something? I joke.

- The idea is quite appealing, she says with amusement. But it could go both ways. We'll have a private field just for us.

- Seriously?

- Yes, I know the owner. Are you interested?

- Obviously! Like I'd miss a chance to beat you!

Her laughter makes me smile. This day is likely to be one of the best of my life. She takes the first opportunity to exit the main road to avoid the traffic. We continue driving for a few minutes before she parks in a lot. I observe the building, which looks like a warehouse with its metal facade. Lucy leads the way after grabbing a bag from her trunk. She seems to know the place well. We enter, and the decor takes my breath away. Everything is black, even the ceiling and floor. It's truly stunning! I linger on the fluorescent tags on one of the walls. They are very realistic and really beautiful. Lucy must have noticed my distraction because she calls out to me. I hurry to join her at the counter, where a man with an impressive build is standing behind it.

- This is Beth, a friend of mine, she announces.

- Hello.

- Hi, Ona.

She caught me off guard by calling me by my name. Bronze must have introduced me... or talked about me. I timidly return her smile. She seems amused by my shyness. At the same time, she is very impressive. I'm surprised by their friendship. I must be judging her by his appearance. She seems nicer than she looks.

- Well, you know your way around here, huh? she laughs. I'll leave you to it; you know the way. I've reserved room 3 for you.

- Yep, thanks.

- Have fun!

She winks at me. Lucy rolls her eyes and pulls me along with her. We arrive in a sort of locker room next to room three. I don't even know where to look. I'm really into the decor that is the same everywhere. I linger on every new drawing I see.

- Ona, are you listening to me?

- Huh?

- You're impossible, she mocks. Do you like it here that much?

- Totally! Have you seen the drawings everywhere? They're really beautiful!

- Get changed instead of daydreaming, she says, handing me a jumpsuit. I took the liberty of grabbing some clothes from your wardrobe this morning, she informs me. You need to be comfortable for this kind of activity.

I didn't even notice she took anything. I must have been sleeping soundly to not hear anything. She hands me my gray joggers and a black t-shirt. I feel like I'm back at camp.

- Even here, you're still giving me orders?

- Well, yes. Why would that change? After all, it's up to you if you want bruises.

I've never played paintball, but I've heard that it can hurt if you get shot from too close. Bronze is a regular here, so she must know what she's talking about. I get into a booth without complaining to put on my clothes, then the jumpsuit over them. It's so thick that I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bulletproof vest in there. I finish with shoes that look a lot like the boots I have at school. When I come out, I find Lucy equipped and loading our guns. A smile spreads across my face. I can tell I'm going to have a blast... Who hasn't dreamed of being able to shoot at a teacher at will? It's kind of the same thing here. She's not my teacher, but she's still my superior, my mentor, I'd say.

- Need help? I ask.

- I've got it, don't worry. Yours is ready.

She points to the gun on the bench. I pick it up and check that it's really loaded. You never know, maybe she wanted to cheat! I watch her skillfully load hers. She must come here regularly, it seems. We put on our gloves, and before we leave, she adjusts something on my outfit by zipping up my jumpsuit to my chin.

- It's uncomfortable and I feel suffocated like this, I mumble.

- But it's for safety, so you're going to leave it like that.

I roll my eyes but say nothing. We finally leave the locker room, which she locks, and head to our room right next door. My lips part as I take in the environment. I don't know where to look. This place is just getting better and better! The wall colors are still dark, but the lighting makes the room perfect. Small spotlights illuminate strategic areas without blinding us. We are on a height and can see the many walls covered with artificial foliage. The decoration is a mix between a maze and a battlefield. If there weren't some fluorescent traces on the walls, you'd think we were in a real training camp. The large room is filled with background music. It's just perfect. I follow her down the stairs.

- Well, she pulls me out of my contemplation. We're each going to our side, she points to the two flanks. All hits are allowed, but obviously, avoid the head.

- Okay.

- And also avoid close-range shots. You may not know it, but it hurts like hell, she laughs. We could end up with bruises for a long time otherwise.

- Got it, Bronze.

- Good, she smiles. May the best one win!

I watch her disappear to her side before heading to mine. I try to get my bearings. I don't know this maze, unlike Lucy probably. I try to stay alert as best as I can.

- Damn it! I shout.

I start running to take cover from the first shot I just took. Lucy's laughter echoes in the room. How did she find me so quickly? She just kicked off the festivities! I managed to find a hiding spot behind the fake leaf nets. My hideout is so good that she passes right by me without seeing me. It's funny to watch her search for me while staying on guard. It's clear she's better than me, but I can be sneakier if I want to be. I don't hesitate for a second to press the trigger several times before running away so she won't spot me.

- Well played, she laughs.

The game continues for a good while. We're literally playing cat and mouse. I admit that I'm often the mouse... We're both covered in paint, though she definitely got me more times. I'm jealous of how easily she handles it. She's so skilled at anything that requires endurance and tactics. I'm lying on my stomach, crawling to avoid being noticed. I've continued my trickery, which has successfully countered several of her attacks. She just passed by me without noticing, and I'm currently trying to find her.

- Can you explain what you're doing?

I stop dead in my tracks. I roll onto my back to see her beside me, her gun pointed at me. Damn! She mocks my warrior stance from a second ago.

- I think it's time for you to surrender, she says amused.

- Never!!!

We both start shooting at each other until I run out of paintballs.

- Is this a joke?!

- You see, all the signs are there to say I've won and you should surrender.

- Like I'd give you that satisfaction, I laugh.

I cry out in pain when she shoots me in the thigh from very close. I curse under my breath, dropping my gun to rub my thigh where it hurts.

- Okay, okay, I surrender!

I see Lucy's face change from worry to amusement. We both laugh before she slumps against the wall next to me.

- And you're the one who told me not to shoot from close! I groan.

- Sorry, it just happened, I didn't mean to, she giggles.

- Tell that to someone else, I laugh.

- Are you okay?

- I'll just have a great bruise, but I'm fine.

- I have some ointment in the bag, it'll help.

We look at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter. I'd forgotten what it felt like to have this much fun. It's been a long time since I've smiled like this. We calm down, leaving a relaxing silence. She slumps next to me. There's just music in the background. It was really awesome. I briefly glance at Lucy and notice she's as euphoric as I am. It seems we both needed a moment like this. We forgot all our problems for a moment. I never thought I'd have a moment like this with her.

- Still, it was cheating... You have more training than me and you knew the layouts.

- I agree with the first point, but not the second. Beth changes the room layouts once a week.

- Damn, I thought I had an excuse...

- You did pretty well for a first time, she admits, which pleases me. Next time, we'll make teams with my friends if you want, and I'll show you how to better guard and hide yourself.

- Next time? I say, smiling

- Hmm, yes, why not. If the opportunity arises.

The idea is appealing. It would mean she'd want to spend more time together. I'd love that.

- I'd really like that.

She smiles back at me. We've made significant progress today. I feel her trust, and it's the first time she's suggested meeting her friends. I'd love to do that. Maybe I'll learn more about her true personality. I patiently await the day she'll want to open up to me like a normal person and not as my superior. I hope that moment comes sooner than I think.

- Can I ask you a question? I ask.

- Go ahead.

- It might be inappropriate, but... If one day I get a pass and you do too, could you show me around the city?

10

- Aren't you planning to go back home on your leaves?

- Yes, of course! I want to see my brother, but why not stay here once? I'd like to explore the city. I don't really feel at home in Barcelona anymore, I admitted.

- Do you think you'll like it here?

- I'm not sure. It's not necessarily the place I like, but the people. I said I wouldn't get attached, but I have to many people. Ale, Leah... Even with you or Ingrid, who I've started to find quite nice since the night we talked.

- I see, she smiled. Why not, then? I could host you for a weekend if you want.

- Really?

- Yes, but no one must know.

- I know, like today. I'm not that stupid.

- Well, she said, standing up. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry.

- Oh, yes!

My stomach growls to confirm my hasty response. I pick up my gun that I dropped earlier and get up with difficulty. I'm already dreading the soreness I'll feel tomorrow. We head back to the locker room, where Lucy lends me her famous ointment. I apply it when I'm back in the changing booth and come out wearing my clothes from this morning. Lucy is ready and is folding her jumpsuit.

- So, Ona, where do you want to eat?

- I'm really going to sound like a teenager... But I really want a good McDonald's. Is there one around here?

- Yeah, there's one right across the street.

- Yes!

Lucy helps me fold my jumpsuit properly, and then we head back to the reception area. Beth asks us how it went, and I tell her I'll be back. My answer seems to please her. We wish her a good day before leaving. The fresh air feels great. It was getting warm inside. Lucy wasn't lying when she said there's a McDonald's right across the street. I didn't even notice it when we arrived. So, we walk over. We order our meals, and she insists on paying for me. Actually, she didn't really give me a choice. That's when I realize I didn't pay for the paintball either.

- You don't have to pay for everything. I can afford it.

- Consider today a birthday present, then.

- You're really annoying! I grumbled. You've already given me gifts, and my birthday has long passed.

- Others would be happy in your place.

I grumble as I sit across from her at our table. She hands me my order since we only have one tray.

- Maybe, but I don't like feeling indebted.

- You don't have to feel indebted, it makes me happy.

I sigh, resting my head on my hand. I sulk, looking around for some distraction. There's no shortage of that in a McDonald's because there's always a crowd. Despite it being almost 1:30 p.m., there's still a lot of people in line at the counter. My eyes linger on a young girl who just walked in. She smiled at me right away. I smile back and allow myself to check her out as she continues to the counter. I must say she's quite attractive. I can't really do this kind of thing at camp. Not only are there not many girls to my taste, but I'm also observed by others. It's Lucy's throat clearing that pulls me out of my contemplation. I let go of my gaze to look at her. She has a smile on her lips and one eyebrow raised.

- Do you want me to help you, maybe?

My cheeks instinctively redden. This is what you call being caught red-handed. I wasn't discreet at all, and I feel embarrassed. It's not really like me to check out a girl. I still don't fully accept myself.

- I-... Um, sorry.

- You are way too obvious

- It's not what you think.

My cheeks heat up even more, uncomfortable with the situation. I

- No, sure, you totally weren't eyeing her.

- Shut up! This is getting embarrassing.

- Then own it, she smiled teasingly.

- There's nothing to own.

- Really. Your words make it clear you don't accept yourself.

- No, it's true. I don't, I broke down.

- I understand.

- I doubt it, I scoffed. No one can understand without having lived it.

I lift my head from my hamburger, faced with her telling silence. She continues to eat as if nothing happened.

- No, wait... Don't tell me you're a lesbian?!

- Okay, I won't tell you, she smiled, picking at a fry.

- No way! Seriously?

- Seriously.

She holds back laughter at my shocked expression. I didn't see that coming. I never would have believed it if someone else had told me. How can she say it so easily? To think I always talked about a guy when discussing her ex. She never corrected me. She probably didn't want to reveal too much.

- So, why don't you accept yourself?

- I don't know, I replied, shrugging. I consider myself as a lesbian the problem is I don't like the way people look at me because of it. I'm also scared of the reaction from those close to me... for what's left of them.

- But you already dated girls.

- Yes, obviously! Well, the first one to be honest... was Mapi...

- From what you've told me, you seem to have a good relationship. Why aren't you together anymore?

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. I hesitate. I don't like talking about myself, but even more so when it comes to my love life. On the other hand, she already knows a lot, and she just confided in me too. It makes me want to talk. I take a deep breath and gather my courage to answer her.

- Um, that's complicated too...

- You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.

- No, no, it's fine... You know, I met Feli... I began, to which she nodded. I was still with Mapi at that time. It didn't take me long to fall into drugs after that. I completely changed and somehow pushed everyone away except Feli since she accompanied me through it all... I ended up cutting off all my relationships, even with Mapi, my family, or my friends. That's how we broke up, and I naturally got together with Feli afterward.

- I see. Do you regret your relationship?

- A little, but I can't blame her. I pushed her away. Besides, she's in a relationship now. I can't afford to ruin everything.

- That makes sense. How did you start talking again?

I hate interrogations, but I can't blame her for being curious. I'm the same way. My hand finds its way to my hair again.

- We have a little ritual... Well, I don't like celebrating my birthday. When she found out, we promised to be the first to wish each other happy birthday, no matter the situation between us. We've never broken that tradition since we met. She was surprised I answered her last year since I hadn't replied to any of her messages for a long time. So she took the opportunity to talk, and that's how she learned I was in a rehab center. When she found out, she wanted to support me, seeing that I wasn't pushing her away anymore.

She just nods, not digging deeper with her questions. I usually hate opening up, but with Lucy, it's different. Everything is easier.

- As for your loved ones, I can't answer that. It's up to you to decide when you're ready to tell them. As for the looks from others... she continues. I know it's not easy. It took me a while to stop caring. Eventually, I realized that no one has the right to judge a stranger. Everyone has the right to do what they want. It's our problem if we prefer girls.

- You're right, but it's hard to face...

- It's just a matter of time, don't worry.

I smile at her. I love how she reassures me in any situation. I also love how attentive she is to what I tell her. She shows me that she cares and will never judge me. That's why I like confiding in her. It's the first time I can do it so easily with someone. Normally, I'm always hesitant. Since my detox, I've realized everything she does for me. I didn't notice it before. I'm starting to trust her. After all, she understood from the beginning that all I needed was a bit of support. She was never intimidated by my attitude, quite the opposite. Even now, she continues to manage me and put me in my place when necessary. I can feel her influence on me. She's completely transforming me. Everyone around me, especially in Barcelona, notices it. Maybe I've finally found the person who will pull me out of all my troubles... The one who will make me feel better and become myself again. The road is still long, but I'm ready to move forward now.