#she feels so complex and REAL
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the more i watch avatar the more i become a zutara shipper LOL
#i really liked aang and katara at first#but now i am sort of noticing that she feels more like a big sister to him#and i would have preferred to watch him learn to get over his crush on her#she doesn't seem super into him#and although their friendship is so special and she is his earthly attachment#i would have preferred for it to stay a friendship i think#they just feel sort of sibling-like#but there's lots of tension between zuko and katara#and they feel like peers and relate to each other in a lot of ways#i feel there are a lot of places where they could have helped each other grow#and i really love complex romances where there are real struggles and stuff#but i feel like katara and aang feels too perfect in a way#and i don't like the katara is confused about her feelings for him but then we never actually see her sort through those feelings#anyway now i am rambling#zutara
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I know it's a fact of life and all, but it does give me the heebie jeebies, knowing there's someone out there whose job is to masturbate male pigs so they can ship off semen to artificially inseminate sows.
Like I get it... it's just...like...business, circle of life, this is how the meat industry is efficient in how it breeds livestock, but...
I'm trying to imagine someone whose job it is to masturbate a caged pig, and it's like...
Hm.
I hope they pay them...something good.
Also I wonder if like...female pigs ever feel super weird about being artificially inseminated.
Like they know it's not natural.
I assume.
And then I think, well, what about the male pigs?
They probably know it's not natural either, being jerked off in a cage by some human.
What is going through their heads during all this...
#hm#anyway#you shouldnt reblog this not bc i care if you do or do not#but because whatever followers you have might want to strangle you for reblogging this#not sure why i was thinking about this#oh right#because i read an omegaverse fanfic about being milked for semen and then i was like doesnt that happen in real life#and now ive fallen into the rabbithole of animal husbandry#when you think about it its a really weird concept like morally#my mom forced her dog kelly to get bred by one of those stud dogs right and she said she felt so bad#cuz the poor dog looked right at her when he entered#and she looked horrified that her mother was standing there not doing anything i guess#and its like oh wow#that feels#wrongf#like i know they dont have the complex emotions of humans but#i dont know that kind of feels wrong for some reason#poor dog didnt know what was happening or what was coming#also they had to really pull the dog off because he didnt want to stop#also the command was like#take#which feels#uber creepy#but you know#fact of life i guess#you dont think about this shit if youre desperately trying to get a corgi i guess?#i wouldnt relate though#i only rescue dogs#i hate purebred bullshit#ill take mutts and accidental pregnancies all day every day
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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[guy who lives in lowkey constant fear of being flanderized and infantalized and flattened and misunderstood and not taken seriously as an entire human person with complex thoughts and feelings in real life] yeah I dunno why I feel so strongly and get so defensive about Fantasy Racism and fantasy-race stereotyping it's just a really big sticking point for me for some mysterious reason
#justin NPCs being casually racist to aubree for being a halfling because he's intentionally doing well-thought-out fantasy worldbuilding#vs jill NPCs being casually racist to tsakesh very obviously because SHE is thinking of him as A Kitty who also loves drugs and crime#rather than LISTEN!! to literally ANYTHIIIING I ever said about what he's actually like as a person!!!#justin: this NPC is projecting stereotypes onto you because they don't see halflings as real people#jill: this NPC is projecting stereotypes onto you because *I* can't conceptualize a khajiit as a real person-- even your PC#['real people' as in within the bounds of their own fictional worlds obviously]#OH BOY THE LATTER FEELS REALLY BAD. AND I REALLY LOVE MY FRIEND BUT GUESS WHO DOES THIS THE MOST TO PEOPLE IRL TOO LMAO#TO BE EXTREMELY CLEAR: NOT in an irl racism way! but in an 'I've decided your entire personality is [misinterpreted quirk]' way#IT'S SO WEIRD THAT I GET SO WEIRD ABOUT GNOMES BEING TREATED AS A JOKE RACE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.#IT'S SO WEIRD THAT I GET SO FUCKING ANGRY ABOUT TOLKIEN ELVES BEING REBRANDED AS DEEPLY STOIC AND SERIOUS#SO THAT THEY CAN BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY-- BECAUSE ANY SILLINESS UTTERLY PRECLUDES SERIOUSNESS OR COMPLEXITY#IT'S SO! WEIRD!! THAT I FEEL SOME KIND OF WAY ABOUT HALFLINGS BEING UNIVERSALLY TYPECAST FOR HOW THEY LOOK!!#WHICH THEY COULDN'T HELP EVEN IF THEY WANTED TO!!#WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD!! WOWIE!!!#there are a million reasons dungeon meshi is the best but this is one of them. tbh.#'this man looks 12. this isn't a joke it's a reality of this world and it's something he has to live with and people Aren't Normal about it#'but he's still an entire person. do you hear me?? he is still an entire human being!!'#'you thought this dog-man was a silly funney joke but joke's on YOU because he's ALSO an entire goddamn person'#'and everyone in-world who treats him like just a funney doggy is wrong! they're just perpetuating in-world racism!'#IT LIVES ITS ENTIRE LIFE SO YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY EVENTUALLY#HOLLERING INTO THE SKY#about me
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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an unnecessary reminder i will go to bat any day of the week for james sunderland.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[listen. i know he can be interpreted a lot of ways. i know he’s a useless weird apathetic shitty cis white man. i know he’s weird and sad.#and do I hate characters like james usually? oh absolutely. but the man has potential to not be terrible and it’s all there in his source#material. plus the weird implication i always feel when we know his dad owns the apartment building in silent hill 4 and ‘his son and#daughter in law disappeared in sh’ which aligns with the in water ending. and confirms the body in the car. but my other vibe is… where was#anyone helping james while Mary was sick…? he was super young and so was she. was he just literally taking on this terminal illness on his#own without any real support? that’s the implication considering this trauma wouldn’t have scarred him to this degree if he HAD a support#system during Mary’s illness. the man was literaly left to deal with the love of his life PROBABLY newly married slowly dying. and totally#unprepared he tried to do the best he could with a horrible situation. Mary was the victim here unquestionably — he fucking killed her— but#what the fuck kind of neglect has to go into a situation to a level so prolonged that he cracks and does it? how many people DIDNT help him#OR Mary during her illness? how many people just didn’t care? deciding ‘James is bad and he did it because he’s selfish and terrible’ isn’t#realistic. and also no. he didn’t do it because he couldn’t have sex with her anymore we get it blah blah pyramid head. if you take it THAT#straightforward idk what to tell you. nothing is. and this game is only more complex the older i get.]
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ok the thing about the implication that everything is interconnected (the elven gods are connected to the tevinter old gods/archdemons and also are possibly what humans interpreted as the maker and also they were underground so it’s probably going to be some BiG rEvEaL that they’re behind the dwarves’ connection to lyrium/the stone) is that it just makes the world feel incredibly small. all these different cultures have different mythologies, except it turns out it’s the same. that sucks imo
#most of this is connected to my eternal frustration that fantasy tends to treat religion like a science#a quest to find the objective truth of the world and prove someone was Right and everyone else is Wrong#for example personally i don’t like the hc that andraste was one of mythal’s hosts or an old god soul#i like the debate of whether or not she was a mage as an in-universe schism bc it says a lot about the countries involved#but i don’t think it’s productive outside of canon#idk i think preserving mystery keeps things interesting and it sucks that like#it seems like answering one question causes a chain reaction to neatly tie up every other loose end across the continent#like that’s not how the real world works. there’s plenty of conflicting folklore and TONS of shit where we don’t know how it works#for me the fun is in exploring. not in finding a concrete answer#worldbuilding isn’t about just ‘who can create an interesting and complex lore puzzle’#idk i am ready to be proven wrong but i don’t think i will be#also feel like a little with reappearing characters. i know i just said i want to see merrill but in my defense. varric is still here#there is a connection so it doesn’t feel like it’s just a coincidence that it’s the same person yk#personal.txt
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fuck man... fuck.
i wasn't ready for this. i was just enjoying the silly party with silly teenagers and their silly drama (well not exactly but you get it).
then they decide to throw Layan's memorial at us.
not only that, they also decided to show us Farah on her own watching everyone else on the party have fun and crying and tearing her pictures apart, Tasneem's ED (which they had already shown implicitly but now it's completely explicit) and Sarah being threatened with the creepy stranger saying they'll post her video if she doesn't meet them? did they simply want to destroy us?
(...my mind's still in Layan's memorial though. i'll think about this for at least a few days.)
#you have no idea how much of a mess i am right now#i went from just enjoying the drama to ugly crying and just a general depressed mood in like. one minute#mariam just breaking down because of all those complex feelings wrapped in the enormous crushing guilt.#rania crying and missing her best friend who was just taken from her abruptly.#ms abeer deciding to ignore and delete that video because she knows it's not worth it. that version of the school anthem.#the girls (+ms abeer) crying and hugging bc it's so fucking unfair.#the fact that honor killings are very much a real thing that still happens.#this show... i hated and despised layan. i felt mariam's thirst for revenge and was on her side.#and i still know she didn't fucking deserve this. i can still see and feel the tragedy and injustice of it all.#al rawabi school for girls#al rawabi school for girls s2#al rawabi school for girls s2 ep4#my posts
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really feeling the lack of people like me irl. most of my friends are cis girls or fem enbies who just. don't get it. the few trans guys i DO know have very supportive families (one of them has been on t for years). like. what am i supposed to do with this. what am i supposed to do with my incredibly queerphobic parents and inability to cut my hair even though it kills me to look in the mirror and forced dress-wearing that makes me feel like shit all day.
#today we went to a shopping complex area after our competition and i was following around one of the two friends i have in choir#i was already feeling very dysphoric and sick at this point#so of course she and her group (all extremely fem cis girls) decide to go to sephora#and bath and body works#and francescas#and i cant just go off on my own so i stand awkwardly in the corner scrolling through the transmasc dysphoria tag#and said friend comes up to me joking about how much i must hate these stores and tries to find blush that suits me or whatever the fuck#things like this are what make me say “i hate femininity” and then i have to do a mental course correction#“i hate people assuming im feminine” “i hate feminity for myself” “i hate being expected to be feminine”#“i hate being surrounded by feminine girls as a masc trans guy” except that one was kinda my fault#slight upside is that i saw them cooing over dresses or earrings or smth idk and felt so extremely removed from whatever they had going on#a real Trans Man Moment#well. anyway#pigeon coos
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I think I may just have to accept that my mum had absolutely buckwild manic pixie dream girl game back in the day
#my posts#I feel so unhinged right now#apparently there is a man who has been holding a flame for my mother for like 40something years#this man has added me (who he has NEVER MET) to his WILL#for more inheritance than his actual flesh and blood son will get#babe what is u doing#my mum will not fuck u just bc my dad died#baby girl this move just seems very desperate#who am I to discourage my mums rich ex from having a midlife guilt complex and leaving us money I guess#but what the FUCK do his kids and real family think about this#like my guy you literally had ur chance and blew it#u left and married another woman without breaking up with her !! she is never gonna take u back!!#absolute best kind of family drama bc I have 0 stakes and no involvement#look if my guy wants to soothe his guilty conscience by throwing his money at us that’s fine I guess ???#my mum thinks it’s a big man move to throw money at ur problems tho lol
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alright, yeah, manja may be kind of sly... BUT have you also considered that she's a seven foot tall partially moth-like woman with luxurious, long black hair and glowing yellow eyes? like she's honestly gorgeous and i'm tired of pretending like she's not okok (LMAO i'm just joking as i know this account is still new so i haven't talked about her much 💀 but even with the, uhhh, body horror thing's manja's got going on — she is stunning)
#NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THAT BRAVERY FEELS LIKE FEAR: musings.#ooc post.#JSJSJ okay i don't mean to be manja's hypewoman or anything but i am so serious about her being haunting but in an alluring type of way#sometimes. like IDK about you all but if a seven-foot tall woman with long black hair that also happens to wear exquisite robes granted#me the opportunity to save someone through a deal BC she's a death god even though that exception turned out to have some serious strings-#attached to it... i might have some inner conflict surrounding the type of anger i would be feeling towards her NGL. like i feel as if ana-#has felt the kind of anger that comes with someone being beautiful but them also trying to ruin your life at least once around her ahahhh#okay so this is mostly a joke post as you may be able to tell given the fact that i just wrote something flabbergasting 💀#but OFC manja isn't real so this would all be hypothetically speaking. but seriously... y'all can't tell me that there ain't a possibility-#you would melt in this god's arms if she hugged you as ana has gotten hugged by her and it was the most conflicting thing ever#because she both seems kind of tricky and genuinely nice towards the souls she collects#so all in all she is a bit complex as i touched upon before
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Shadows of Fear: Sugar and Spice (1.2, Thames, 1971)
"You might have known that children can't keep promises."
"Promises, what promises?"
"You shouldn't have told her if you didn't want me to know."
"Know what?"
"She said that you'd taken him to -"
"Where?"
#shadows of fear#sugar and spice#1971#horror tv#classic tv#thames#single play#patrick dromgoole#john kershaw#sheila hancock#ronald hines#suzanne togni#ivor salter#janet hannington#i think I'll add the horror tv tag onto these from now on; whilst that first ep (really more of a pilot‚ as mentioned in the tags on that#post) acted more as a kind of mildly creepy suspense piece‚ i feel like we're more comfortably in horror territory here. not supernatural#horror to be clear (i don't remember the series ever going there) but certainly within that realm of 'intended to be unsettling' that most#tv attempts at horror from the era fall into. this is certainly a much darker piece‚ imo‚ than the first one: Sheila Hancock's young son is#missing and her daughter acting very strangely‚ claiming their father took him... something he denies. it's (like all of these episodes) a#cheap production: a couple of sets‚ a very small cast. but the cast here is a winner‚ with the late great Hines wringing real complex#responses from him variously pitiable and loathsome drunken father‚ and Hancock switching between bristling indignation and barely#controlled hysteria. the standout tho is young Togni‚ who gives a quite frankly brilliant performance as the troubled daughter who may or#may not be playing games. she was actually nearly 20 despite playing what is clearly intended to be a 13 or 14 yr old#and appears to have given up acting very soon after this play aired; a great pity because her disturbing‚ mercurial presence here hints at#an actor of real depth and skill. it all ends quite nastily so be warned‚ this isn't a light bit of afternoon telly‚ it's truly dark
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Idk if yall are still active but I just eagerly quit this show around early season two. I was kinda hate watching the whole way, but I started googling spoilers when I saw how fucked they were being to Lincoln and Raven (and more, but they’re my faves). Do you have any show recs that are similar with the shows “building a new civilization after tragedy” (minus the colonization and racism etc)
hey!
i actually binged the entire show recently and i can confidently say it was not as groundbreaking or cool as the showrunner believed. the first 2 seasons were incredible but it just devolved into a mess and the ending was so dark and horrifying. also the fandom was completely unhinged and did not need to act the way they did 😭
onto your question: yes!!!! battlestar galactica is what inspired me to watch the 100 in the first place. it very much shares the themes of mass tragedy, civilizational warfare, living in space, seeking a new home, and humanity fighting for survival without losing its soul. start with the 2003 miniseries (a three hour pilot) tho or it might be confusing. it also has diversity without the weird racist tones of the 100's diversity, although the cast is a lot whiter. the 100 has also obviously borrowed a lot of concepts and terms from it but i don't want to spoil you. all in all, it is one of the best shows i have ever watched and it delivers until its very last second.
lost in space is also quite cool. and i have heard good things about the expanse! another show that shares some themes (without the space element) is the society - very fascinating
#i have also changed my mind on a few things rewatching as a full blown adult without any fandom influences#octavia - not abusive until her annoying blodreina shit but she was traumatized whatever#clarke - yes manipulative but she really believed she was doing it for everyones good and was the first to let herself suffer for others#no one was perfect ever#everyone fucked up hard and the fandom's insistence on making everything black and white was so toxic#it was just more complex than teen stans could stomach#for example. bellamy killing the sleeping army was wrong. but for clexas to extrapolate that grounders = natives and skypeople = colonizers#girls what??? lol#and similarly the insistence that bellamy is a white man so could feel better hating him?? soooo ridiculous#similarly.... bellarkes did set themselves up for disappointment when they chose not to believe the showrunner about it being platonic 24/7#and lexa was really never bad like even when she left their asses to die i get why... people were just mad about clexa#all this to say everyone would be better off if they watched it with a more rational neutral detached lens and didnt make it about idpol#this includes me lol#the racism was real the homophobia was real and the fans amplified both to insane degrees#the end!
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ayane you need to get a grip. ayane please. for me
#if her and pin actually for real end up together i'll scream#i dont think its necessarily out of character for her to have a crush on him. shes used to dating older guys and ofc she would fall#for someone encouraging. but if pin reciprocates its so fucking over everyone#not only would it be gross but it also wouldnt. make sense for him#hes repeatedly referred to her as a kid and acted more like a mentor to her. he literally said he doesnt catch feelings for kids#at the beginning. in reference to HER SPECIFICALLY#im holding out hope but also im scared#so far the writing has actually kind of exceeded my expectations in terms of how it handles more complex feelings and relationships#like i also felt that ayane and miura weren't going to work out and the way that falling out was written was well done#and more recently how kurumi has grown up and matured and gotten closer with sawako and apologized is great to see#this is the one thing making me anxious. we need to be normal for just like ten more chapters. for me#kimi ni todoke#mine
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Victor Deslandes & Alice Deslandes
[1."Poplar Street", Chen Chen / Tumblr user @metamorphesque // 2. Parallels screenshot // 3. "The Hours", Michael Cunningham // 4. Parallels screenshot // 5. Parallels screenshot // 6. Young Volcanoes, Fall Out Boy // 7. Parallels screenshot // 8. Parallels screenshot // 9. Tumblr user @brownvampire // 10. Ella Wilson // 11. Parallels screenshot // 12. "It lingers for your whole life", Katie Maria // 13. Parallels screenshot // 14. Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore, Paramore // 15. Parallels screenshot]
#disney parallels#parallels#paralleles#disney paralleles#web weaving#ok so i actually made this right after i made that text post. but i've been working up the nerve to post it ever since. so here it is now.#anyways have a web weaving.#they're very interesting. i have a few more thoughts about them but not enough to make a post about.#toxic mother-child dynamic where the kid thinks theres a lack of love but the real issue is that the mom never bothered to prove the love..#like. it's so much easier to believe she never loved him that it is to realize she loved him and just never did anything useful about it?#and then it's like. so much complexity because like. “admit you never loved me” she's never gonna do that!#because their definitions of love are fundamentally different! she thinks she loved him and he thinks she didn't but that's not the point!#the point is that he didn't *feel* loved. that's always been the point.#love that doesn't guide action is never going to be enough and that's where so much angst potential lies!#especially considering the hurt and grieving child and the favoritism and the detachment and the affection and the complexities! angst!!
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