#so I can see why I got that impression
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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At all times I am shaking with the need to see Vulcan plants, like, in order to sustain a vegetarian diet for every member of their species the plants have to be bountiful, but also, pretty much all of Vulcan is a desert, right? so it’s desert plants, and I just want to see some funky alien desert plants please please please please please pl-
#Vulcans#Star Trek#can we PLEASE talk about the fact#that Vulcans are incredibly intelligent and strong#just so wild to think about#WHY would you need to evolve intelligence and strength for that?#the intelligence part makes sense their agriculture must be wild and impressive#but where does the strength factor into this???#what are the plants like???#if stuff evolves elsewhere like it does on earth#then mainly you’d evolve to love long enough to have offspring to ensure your species survival#so evolution to survive against predators get a mate and nurture young if you’re a species that cares for their young#and yeah they got sehlats but it seems commonplace to domesticate them if I remember correctly?#surely that’s not the predator that caused the need to evolve that much strength right?#WHAT IS ON YOUR PLANET#I’m shaking I wanna know so badly#I wanna see the plants and I wanna know all of *why* they need to be like that#I Need Answers
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JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.
#bg3#bg3 tav#baldurs gate 3#(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young#like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah-#human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least#not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties.#still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around.#so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess.#he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...'#'why is the group kid the leader?'#everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do#Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get'#she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her#like a good lil guy#'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard#will look *much* more impressive that way.'#-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions#'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him#I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in#so they just like chain him to a tree for the night.#its funny i think#'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!'#'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...'#he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.
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watched the first ep of Dead Boy Detectives today, did anyone also think the dialogue was a bit clunky?
I don't mean it was unwatchable or anything i just feel like it didn't feel realistic the way they introduced the characters and world... It felt like the dialogue was for the viewer instead of an in character thing. We were gonna be introduced to a viewer surrogate within the first few minutes, there was no need to have the characters who already know how the show's world works spell it out for nobody... and then explain it again when Crystal showed up? idk it felt like something I would write (not a complient) 😅
#the line ''we have to hide from death... or she'll get us'' was ridiculous#do you think the boy that's been escaping death since 1919 or whatever doesn't know?!#''we have to hide'' was enough the viewer can put 2 and 2 together and deduce it's bad if death sees them#to then minnutes later have them explain to crystal why they have to hide from death again...#just let the characters adress the camera if you wanna spell it out so easily#or you know... trust that the viewer is intelligent enough to wait 2 minutes for an explanation?#it was mostly just that first few mins of the first ep i think#i didn't pick up on anything else that trully bothered me#but idk it felt condecending dkjfghkdfg or simply badly written#which it was a bit of a let down to have it as a very first impression#i guess i went in thinking sandman and got like idk generic teen show#in the dialogue alone btw i actually really like the characters and the premise is awesome!#it just cuaght me by surprise#maybe it because i'm also watching fallout and the dialogue on that is like very well done and everything is a hint for something later#so i'm comparing it idk#anyways... is it just me? or was it actually clunky?#(don't spoil it past ep 1 pls)#angel talks#dead boy detectives#really liking it so far tho!
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I just binge watched all 9 volumes of RWBY and I've found my newest obsession.
#and my newest ship#rwby#Yang is my favorite#why did it take me so long to watch this show? i remember it being all over my dash at some point#i was like 'who's the blonde and cat girl'?#which yes can refer to more than one show#and i love both ships#i want to hug all 4 members of team rwby#especially after v9 with all the emotional stuff that went on#haven't checked to see people's thoughts but im impressed they took an entire season to explore everyone's emotional state#to allow the characters to reflect on their choices and what's happened and what they should do next#or more who they want to be going forward#i was thinking i wanted stuff like this once they got to atlas and everything got even more intense#but i had no idea how they'd work character driven stories like that into an action packed season#love that they decided to put the plot on hold and allow the characters' stories to take center stage#the way this show could make me scream and cry and laugh every season#it's going in the vault
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Got hired at a different program as a whole ass instructor so my professor can suck my dick 😌
#not snz#so hype rn lmao#going into that interview was wild like i was expecting nothing#but she immediately started with how impressed she was with my resume and that i seemed like the perfect candidate#like !!!!#and the interview itself went so well too like i was vibing#like finally someone sees exactly what I'm worth#not a ta position not a skills instructor position but an actual lecturer position#I'm the professor now bitch#and it's part time for now so i can keep doing all my other things#also i went to the program i was a ta at to say hey to my friends and lld coworkers#and only one of then knew abour the drama bc i told him and everyone was floored when i said she wouldn't hire me#and they gave me the tea and confirmed that the people she did hire suck at their jobs#they were so pissed on my behalf lmao like they had no idea#and neither did one of the other instructors bc i went to say hey to her too and she was also happy to see me#and she asked why i don't come in anymore and i told her i wanted to be hired and my prof wouldn't do it#and she had no idea i wanted to be hired bc she said she said she would've offered it to me in a heartbeat when they had open positions#so you hate to see that but i got a better offer so I'm just trying to think about that now lmao#oh but one of the new hires might be getting fired already so a position might open up lmao#the chisme was wild tho like i need to swing by again at some point to see everyone again just for that
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💬
#i can see why ppl said s2 of the bear was so diff#i loved how much time we got to spend with each character#really impressed with ritchie too#and olivia colman just appearing outta the blue like that#shocked the shit outta me lolz
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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epic win at old lady group today: the group leader was struggling with a tangled up loose skein of yarn, so i scampered over to the other end of the table where was sitting and offered to untangle it and wind it into a centre-pull yarn bal for her since I remembered how to do it from just the other day fjdkdl and she was very confused why i would WANT to do that but she let me :3
so i got to untangle yarn AND wind a yarn ball AND help someone i appreciate, three things i love doing - YIPPEE !!!
#also one of the ladies had never seen the way i do it before and she was so fascinated and impressed fjdkdl#every couple mins she'd be like ''wow! would ya look that!'' SBDJDKL it was so fun#also i finished as much of the hat i could work on while i was there a bit early#so i pulled out my sketchbook for the last half hour and doodled a little#and the remaining women all wanted to see fhfkdl so i got to show them a page of my art#and they were so impressed HDJFDKL#its so strange sharing my art w ppl bc like... i pretty much never do it irl#so im always like super nervous and unsure and ppl pretty much always go ''WOW !! you're an artist!!!''#and then i get MORE nervous and unsure bc idk how to react to compliments other than saying thank you gjfkdl#and its just a very silly mess of a time LOL#ANYWAYS !! good time there today as always fjfkl i almost had a panic attack at the grocery store after but i survived#idk why that happens sometimes fjdkdl my brain just decides its time to freak out#and i have to be like hey man. we're almost done here and then we'll be home soon. and we can have a breakdown once we get home okay?#and my brain kicks a rock and mutters a pouty ''okay'' and i push through the rest of the time fnfmdjdkl#anyhowdy that was A Lot and im very tired but it was good overall and I've got food again so HURRAY !!#and also i have a drawing im excited abt working on >:3#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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on the note of kith season 6 (didn't want to derail the other post but have been thinking about this lately): one of the only things i disliked - or, rather, that felt off about the revival - was how crisp everything felt in terms of the aesthetic. like ik filmmaking technology has evolved since 1994 and they couldn't do the live studio audience even tho they wanted to bc of covid, but idk the original series despite clearly working with cbc and hbo always had this diy energy, vs the new season just very much felt like oh this is a corporate thing that was location scouted and filmed on a lot
but what's interesting about this fault is that you look into anything else the kids in the hall have made themselves in the past decades and it still has that exact diy aesthetic, sometimes unintentionally but that's the best part. like, i'm the most familiar with scott's works for obvious reasons, but you look at something like contemporary mouth congress music videos or any other video project scott's made just bc he wanted to make it and you can see obvious green screens, the fact that it was clearly filmed on an iPhone, using stuff around the house as props, etc. and if you look at bruce's youtube channel you get that sense as well, and it's so delightful to see bc yeah this comedy isn't a corporate entity, it's just something these guys have to make bc they are passionate about it
anyway i guess what i'm saying is if they ever decide to do another kith revival season they should have paul bellini direct it on his iphone 5 and film 99% of it at the toronto library's green screen room
idk maybe this post is too niche bc a lot of the stuff i'm citing (i.e. mouth congress music videos) hasn't actually been released yet and also i have literally been on these diy sets in the past year where someone just set up a pop-up greenscreen in their living room and my "job" is to make sure the pets don't wander into frame. but yeah idk i find it very funny that watching the revival my only complaint was the lack of that genuine diy spirit and then one year later i'm part of that type of production
#no idea if this is relatable i just had thoughts lmao#this is also inspired by the obvious greenscreen and using-his-real-cast-as-a-prop in scott's promotional video#like again it's probably bc i've been there when scott and paul are just casually filming something at paul's apartment#but i look at something like that and i can just feel all the conversations that went into putting it together#and it's funny bc i get that sense watching the original kith tv show but not as much the amazon show#(which is wild bc i have heard behind the scenes stories from the amazon show too??? spoiler alert people were very stressed)#and i also think the diy tendencies are why i even had a chance to connect with the kids in the hall#bc so many comedians just get accustomed to working exclusively on projects that a studio has set out for them#but the kids in the hall and ESPECIALLY paul bellini love smaller projects where they get to build something from the ground up#paul has made 5 different feature films that he wrote and directed and filmed entirely on an iphone 5#(not sure if they were all specifically that model of phone he may have upgraded at some point lmao)#(also he's planning to release them onto youtube soon!!)#but yeah the goal with these iphone films was never to win every award and make a bunch of money. it's the passion for making movies#and i think since i'm a very diy-oriented person who's like ''idc if someone gives me permission i'm gonna make a multimedia musical''#that's what made paul see potential in me which is why i even got the chance to do any of this stuff#anyway i guess what i'm saying is my advice for everyone is: just make the thing! even if you have no budget and no backing#bc even a scaled-down version of the thing is still impressive bc you made it!!#if scott thompson can film a ''crowd scene'' in scottland by drawing faces on a bunch of fingers and just filming people's hands#you can make your project something iconic
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#seeing technically all the romance routes in f/hr lined up has me reeling like how did it end up with so many. since when is it a dating sim#and I don't mean it in an impressed way because giving this much equal attention AND keeping it so you're never truly locked in/out#it's too much!! half of them aren't even necessary and you can tell!!#and adding more later when you've got even less time to flesh them out as they might need to be doesn't feel ideal either hdjshjf#how many of these got added because why not instead of them having something distinct enough to offer that works WITH the plot
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i have done so many character redesigns this year. redesigns georg
#just me hi#yes i Just made that ref for Hid. Yes i also just changed it yesterday on a whim#but it looks sick so who's gonna arrest me for that huh??#[<- forgetting about its brother who they can't stop talking to about this project]#RIP oreo design. you will live on warmly in my heart <3 you have no choice as a human's internals average 97 deGrease so#/also now that i'm out of that art slump i have GOT to make a spooky comic for p.space!!#it's gonna be silly goofy and i've already planned out the first page lol :D#i just gotta settle some gripes with my formatting demons and also have a small tussle with my own willpower and set some things straight#with the style i want to draw it in and Then we'll be on our way >:3#i am unstoppable! except for when i hit a roadblock. those are pretty good at their job it's honestly impressive#hbvhasf#/i could be a roadblock dude i'd be so good at it#am i deadly allergic to conflict? yea#can i ramble or listen to someone ramble for like an hour+? ye :3#can i stand in the road obliviously staring into nothing forever? prolly! there's a good chance i forget and wander off#but isn't that just like a roadblock? they come outta nowhere and Bam ! why are you in the middle of a forest road man who put you out here#//alright i really really wanna draw my thing now so!! shall i return? dunno! gotta see if this pink thing in my skull wants to be in a#solid or gaseous form. it's Super inconvenient frankly hsbdhvs :>>
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🙄
(small rant)
#looool not my dad going on a homophobic rant so randomly yesterday night…. he was talking to my lil brother on how to act properly when he#goes to uni saying to be careful and look after your drink cause people be spiking then he was explaining how some boy in uni got his drink#spiked by someone (maybe his friends) and apparently he got m*lested then my dad went on his homophobic rant cause apparently was men who#done it???? but why u bringing up gay people when a man got m*lested?? that doesn’t make sense like how far did u have to reach?? anyways i#clapped back at him and said that those two doors not correlate with each other and people can love who they want to love it isn’t your#business. but anyways yeah he realised showed himself to be a homophobic ass loser my mum wanted to hype up and defend him like gurl you#know damn well that i got to gay pride events and i know you’re just talking cause u wanna impress him (loser ass pick me) but yeah my#parents will never have that access to me when it comes to who i’m dating romantically because of the face i’m a lesbian they will never#know they hardly know who i am anyways ESPECIALLY MY DAD loser ass#like how embarrassing is it you’re a hating ads loser allowing that colonising christianity to hate on innocent people trying to live their#life like your high blood pressure is raising up for no reason other than your pressed#like how do you understand racism so damn well but you cannot put 1 + 1 together and see that christianity has done a number on us and our#igbo culture africian queer people have always existed it was not a western 🙄 thing ffs
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Infinity Train isn't the best counterpart to Last of Us on positive representation. Remember the only explicitly Neurodivergent character in Infinity Train became a villain and died brutally on screen?
No, I don't remember. But what I do remember is that the entire core concept of the show is basically "a train that puts people through magical therapy." And so I remember that nearly every lead character is clearly dealing with some form of mental illness or another. I don't need every character to be explicitly diagnosed onscreen to know that the show is chock-full of neurodivergent characters, so I'm quite genuinely not sure what you mean. Have I missed something?
#like correct me if I'm wrong but i recall Simon's inability to see other living creatures as fully alive came from a place of entitlement#and i didn't see it as an accident that it was the white boy who was ultimately unable to break free of the power it gave him#but like. I don't know how a neurodivergent person can watch season 2 and come away with#the idea that MT is somehow a neurotypical character written by a neurotypical person#and in season 4 the guys fight a monster that is the literal embodiment of depression. am i missing something?#what does simon have? i don't recall him explicitly stating a mental illness or difference. maybe I've forgotten#but like. all the characters are mentally ill. for some of them that is why they are on the train!#having all of them state an official medical diagnosis would not only be distracting but impossible in some cases#mt doesn't have access to mental health services how could they know??#simon was a mentally ill person who got so fucking sucked into the comfort and power of cultism that he was lost and it was a tragedy#I never got the impression that this was because he was more mentally ill than other people on the train.#just like how people who get really into conspiracy theories are not doing it because they are mentally ill.#illness might make them more vulnerable to brainwashing but there is a DRIVE that has to be there too.#and very often that drive is a kind of hatred and insecurity that cannot be reasoned with. it is a tragedy. a very real tragedy.#original
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As it turns out, after being really impassioned to learn about my Nana’s side of the family that I am a descendant of one of my ‘historical enemies’
Rest in fucking peace.
#this man is literally my great (great? I’m bad at maths) grandfather#is he my arch enemy? my number one almost despised? no#but have I had fun DUNKING on him and everything he stood for in the past? yea#that’s just insane to me#anyways#this has nothing to do with anything#but just as I saw that this blog was all bout ships sailing and history etc. I thought it was worth pointing out for how bizarre that is#I’ll have to reach out to my uncle to see if he has any of HER letters still around (that side of my family never left so slight chance??)#and the only reason I got really into learning about my Nana’s family history is because we weren’t allowed to talk about it. family rule#no idea why. but just tracing her family line back in getting the impression I’m gonna find out there’s an united irishman somewhere jfc#coz I see a theme. from the census records and what I can assume (I hate assuming btw)#imagine being related to someone you’d fight in a mosh pit#yeah I finally get the census and it’s just. jesus christ#I’m literally dead#this is hilarious to me#genetic karma lmao#(luckily only related on paper they never had kids)#😂💀#guy was so famous I remember learning about him in school - I especially remember all the 10 year olds making fun of him and his business#just tearing into this guy#I couldn’t have made this up if I wanted to#although to be fair to my Nana’s family! her father was a shipwright and his father a sea CAPTAIN#and my nana herself used to work in a cerebral palsy centre (not what she used to call it but old times ableism ya know) in Dublin during#in the early half of the 1900s in Dublin#she’s one of the few family members I’ve met on my dad’s side who I not only liked but was best friends with#so rip nana#don’t matter how many tory politicians your family married I still have the scarves you knitted me#and also she was the only one who seemed really interested in my stories (and picture book re-enactments)
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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