#so I can see why I got that impression
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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bring back technicolor and practical effects now im so serious
#AND PUPPETRY#AND PHYSICAL COMEDY.#im gonna watch wicked this week with some of my family and just from the trailer i can already tell im gonna be disappointed#the colors are too dull to be oz. it just. it feels too modern#i don't know too much about color grading for film but there has got to be a way to make it resemble technicolor?#idk theres just such a charm to technicolor movies and old acting that you just don't see anymore#im so serious about the physical comedy thing too though#i understand that its not exactly safe but. also. it's fucking impressive! and funny! watch make em laugh from singin in the rain#THAT SHIT IS INSANE#and not every movie needs that style! it's a genre specific thing!#i think that might be part of why i like iasip too now that i think about it because they really lean into the physical humor#hm. im not sure where im going with this#i just really love stupidly bright movies and old hollywood acting#anyways#watch singin in the rain. its probably the greatest movie musical of all time im not biased i swear.#fran talks
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watched the first ep of Dead Boy Detectives today, did anyone also think the dialogue was a bit clunky?
I don't mean it was unwatchable or anything i just feel like it didn't feel realistic the way they introduced the characters and world... It felt like the dialogue was for the viewer instead of an in character thing. We were gonna be introduced to a viewer surrogate within the first few minutes, there was no need to have the characters who already know how the show's world works spell it out for nobody... and then explain it again when Crystal showed up? idk it felt like something I would write (not a complient) 😅
#the line ''we have to hide from death... or she'll get us'' was ridiculous#do you think the boy that's been escaping death since 1919 or whatever doesn't know?!#''we have to hide'' was enough the viewer can put 2 and 2 together and deduce it's bad if death sees them#to then minnutes later have them explain to crystal why they have to hide from death again...#just let the characters adress the camera if you wanna spell it out so easily#or you know... trust that the viewer is intelligent enough to wait 2 minutes for an explanation?#it was mostly just that first few mins of the first ep i think#i didn't pick up on anything else that trully bothered me#but idk it felt condecending dkjfghkdfg or simply badly written#which it was a bit of a let down to have it as a very first impression#i guess i went in thinking sandman and got like idk generic teen show#in the dialogue alone btw i actually really like the characters and the premise is awesome!#it just cuaght me by surprise#maybe it because i'm also watching fallout and the dialogue on that is like very well done and everything is a hint for something later#so i'm comparing it idk#anyways... is it just me? or was it actually clunky?#(don't spoil it past ep 1 pls)#angel talks#dead boy detectives#really liking it so far tho!
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vent under the cut you don't need to read if you don't want to!!!!!!!
I honestly hateee opening up or oversharing with ppl. it's kind of like eating for me where it feels okay in the moment but then afterwards I just feel awful. it feels like I'm attention seeking or saying someone else's experience isn't valid for some reason and it sucks. I don't do it at all with ppl I just met but with friends I tend to get carried away with it sometimes,,,
It hurts even more because I've been distancing myself from ppl bcz I'm scared of this exact thing happening. People have messaged me before, saying I seem cool and they want to be friends. And I get happy in the moment, but then I get really anxious about accidentally getting too comfortable and blurting out personal things, because then their opinion of me will wane and they'll think I'm annoying or ungrateful. So I subconsciously begin to distance myself and take a while when responding to messages, because I'm scared of getting too comfortable with them. But now I'm anxious that they think I'm cold or distant and that I secretly don't like them. It's just a lose lose situation mannn </3
I have so many DMs I've put off responding to, and I've stopped talking in servers as much bcz I'm scared of getting close with ppl in them. I really feel bad for it, though. I've drifted from friends bcz of that and it sucks because I genuinely love them a lot. I love everyone I talk to a lot and they always make my day better--I just wish I could be the same for them. I feel like it's a chore to talk to me. I honestly don't know what to do. It's even worse when I get close to someone bcz they like what I make/post because again, now that they've seen how I really am and I've opened up, they more than likely see me as annoying or a bad person. Like it hurts enough whenever we become friends naturally talking, but if it's with someone who's seen me at my "best" and has seen things I work on or stories I've created, they ofc associate me with those things, and their expectations of me are through the roof. So when I disappoint them it hurts a lot more. I hate getting attached to people it hurts so much
#vent#it's okay tho.I think a hug would fix me. I want a hug so bad :(#probably delete later#tag ramblings below#AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH LIKE SO MUCH so it's even harder. like I feel like I don't deserve them#y'all deserve better than me#I WISH I COULD ADOPT THE IDGAF ATTITUDE#truly the best feeling in the world--realizing you don't care anymore#and idk how someone could possibly like me for things I created--it's not even like I write well or sing well#I honestly don't understand how ppl could see anything I've made or sung and genuinely like it#so whenever someone DOES I'm just like hasbdhabsn yay!!!!!!! and then I ruin it w my awful personality </3#it's also why I take down a lot of ao3 works#like I've made 50 something works but it only shows two because I've taken so many down or made them anonymous--I hate my work so much#but ppl like it enough to actively want to get to know me and it hurts bcz I feel like they're not THAT good#same thing with singing like I'm not good at it at all#but ppl used to rlly like my impressions of characters and I'd get cast in quite a bit of cover groups and I just don't understand.why???#but ofc I can't ask that bcz.idk it just feels attention seeking when I do that#like can you praise me a whole bunch so I don't feel like it's not totally awful please?#I appreciate the support I get so so much and it's not that it's not enough it's just my brain is mean </3#idek what this vent is abt#I think ultimately it's just abt my fear of disappointing ppl#I'm close with a few ppl who know me bcz of things I made--and I feel like I kinda ruined their impression of me a little (a lot)#especially bcz I didn't always used to vent this much. like back when I was 12-15 I literally refused to vent no matter how bad it got#and I had friends who vented every single day so it's not like I'd be the only one#I just feel like it's wrong when it's me :'D I feel like my feelings aren't valid ig and I'm ungrateful bcz my life rlly isn't that bad#I only started venting a lot this year for some reason--and it makes me feel bad bcz now my current friends have to deal with me like that#like I have a diary I write in and it works sometimes but ultimately it's better for someone else to give you validation#I hate venting so much though#(<- literally venting rn BAHSDBAS)#I'M SORRY if I've been venting too much. I feel like I've been venting too much.guys am sorry if this is annoying I promise I'm workin on i
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I just binge watched all 9 volumes of RWBY and I've found my newest obsession.
#and my newest ship#rwby#Yang is my favorite#why did it take me so long to watch this show? i remember it being all over my dash at some point#i was like 'who's the blonde and cat girl'?#which yes can refer to more than one show#and i love both ships#i want to hug all 4 members of team rwby#especially after v9 with all the emotional stuff that went on#haven't checked to see people's thoughts but im impressed they took an entire season to explore everyone's emotional state#to allow the characters to reflect on their choices and what's happened and what they should do next#or more who they want to be going forward#i was thinking i wanted stuff like this once they got to atlas and everything got even more intense#but i had no idea how they'd work character driven stories like that into an action packed season#love that they decided to put the plot on hold and allow the characters' stories to take center stage#the way this show could make me scream and cry and laugh every season#it's going in the vault
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holy shit i think this past saturday was the first time in TEN ENTIRE MONTHS that i forgot to take my pills for a day
#I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT CONSISTENT BEFORE THAT'S A WILD RECORD#meds reminder app my beloved#i broke my streak BUT DAMN WAS THAT AN IMPRESSIVE STREAK!#and i took my meds yesterday i do know that#so I've only missed a single day since i started these in January#not counting the time my old psychiatrist refused to let me refill my meds in time so i had to take them every other day#bc i didn't want to run out too soon and just Stop Taking Them for a whole week so we did every other day instead#no longer seeing that entire FACILITY bc they were so fucking awful with this shit I just LEFT and my new one is much nicer#that shitty facility was the same one that trapped me in a room bc they didn't bother to make sure wheelchair users can open their doors#and i was in a fucking. windowless room with a heavy steel door and a lot of insulation bc it's supposed to be a private doctor chat room#which is honestly fucking STUPID that I'm expected to show up in person for an appointment#and then they stick me in a room to fucking VIDEO CALL the doctor#like. fucking. THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A FUCKING EMAIL#except replace email with just video call#they didn't need my vitals for anything they didn't need me there physically WHY WAS I STILL FORCED TO COME IN#JUST LET ME VIDEO CALL THE DOCTOR AT HOME LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK#and then they forgot me in the fucking call room and didn't let me out until i had my mom grab me#AND THEN THEY GOT MAD AT MY MOM FOR IT. THEY WERE LIKE 'you could've just called for us' I WAS FUCKING SCREAMING SOBBING#once i move far enough away from that facility to feel safe posting its location#I'm making a PSA post for anyone else in the area#bc holy FUCK that was awful and the fact that THAT'S the facility that our local hospital directs people to is absolutely INSANE
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^👍 and i dont think it matters 👍#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. 💭💭 psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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Got hired at a different program as a whole ass instructor so my professor can suck my dick 😌
#not snz#so hype rn lmao#going into that interview was wild like i was expecting nothing#but she immediately started with how impressed she was with my resume and that i seemed like the perfect candidate#like !!!!#and the interview itself went so well too like i was vibing#like finally someone sees exactly what I'm worth#not a ta position not a skills instructor position but an actual lecturer position#I'm the professor now bitch#and it's part time for now so i can keep doing all my other things#also i went to the program i was a ta at to say hey to my friends and lld coworkers#and only one of then knew abour the drama bc i told him and everyone was floored when i said she wouldn't hire me#and they gave me the tea and confirmed that the people she did hire suck at their jobs#they were so pissed on my behalf lmao like they had no idea#and neither did one of the other instructors bc i went to say hey to her too and she was also happy to see me#and she asked why i don't come in anymore and i told her i wanted to be hired and my prof wouldn't do it#and she had no idea i wanted to be hired bc she said she said she would've offered it to me in a heartbeat when they had open positions#so you hate to see that but i got a better offer so I'm just trying to think about that now lmao#oh but one of the new hires might be getting fired already so a position might open up lmao#the chisme was wild tho like i need to swing by again at some point to see everyone again just for that
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💬
#i can see why ppl said s2 of the bear was so diff#i loved how much time we got to spend with each character#really impressed with ritchie too#and olivia colman just appearing outta the blue like that#shocked the shit outta me lolz
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Demon trying to feed on my insecurities: "You're a bad driver"
Me: "Of course I am. I hate driving. Going 80 mph surrounded by tons of metal is nerve-wrecking. I try to do it as little as possible. Of course I'm bad at it"
Demon: "You're a bad writer"
Me: "Well that part's simply not true. I never claimed I was the greatest author of my generation, but when I put pen to paper I know what I want to communicate and I usually do it well. If someone isn't impressed with my work, that's unfortunate but they're entitled to their opinion"
Demon: "You're a bad leader"
Me: "Well I don't know about that! I mean there was that one time when... Ok look just because people don't see me as an authority figure doesn't mean... 😠 You know you can be a real asshole, demon!"
#joking aside the reason I suck at helping people is probably not dissimilar from why I'm bad at driving#the joke is “having good ideas which would work if people let you boss them around” and#“having enough charisma to persuade people to let you boss them around” are two different skills and I don't have nearly enough patience#for the latter#but no really it makes me deeply insecure seeing sycophants rally around the most transparently incompetent and self-interested POS people#and meanwhile I'm getting called shrill and presumptuous for pointing out that the left-wing is poorly organized and I could do it better#can we agree it's at least a little bit because I have aspergers and no penis?#like I realize what I'm doing is the political equivalent of “but I'm such a nice guy!” and I'm literally complaining that no one#respects ma authoritah#but just saying: maybe I wouldn't come off as such a petulant misanthrope#if I wasn't constantly being asked to fix problems that could have been avoided if everyone listened to me in the first place#“nobody likes an i-told-you-so” yeah that's why democracies keep falling to fascism cus you want someone pleasant over someone correct#at the same time sooner or later you have to look in the mirror#and I can count the group projects I've successfully headed on one hand; maybe it's me#if it was just that people don't listen to me than yeah this would just mean I have an ego#but there are plenty of women the left could be rallying around and it doesn't because of minor scandals and anarchist ideals#it's stupid and I'm becoming a tankie just because i'm sick of the idea#that political goals can be accomplished without a clear chain of commmand#i don't need to be the leader but WE NEED A LEADER#the hatian revolution succeeded because Toussaint Louverture organized random slave rioting into an actual army#and I just wish I had that kind of magic myself but I might already be too bitter#ftr this isn't in response to anything that happened recently I'm just still mad thinking about an anarchist group I tried to join#on facebook five years ago where I asked point blank what the marching orders were and got blocked for being “obviously a cop”#and the mod comes at me with “anarchists don't have leaders IDIOT”#yeah well you're the guys always saying you only oppose UNJUST hierarchies idiot!#excuse me for thinking you guys had a plan beyond perpetual infighting#not everyone asking blunt questions about the anarchist platform are feds you guys are just paranoid and ableist#and when you block people for asking what game plan is it really sounds like you just plain don't have one (which is depressing)#I don't care how many books there are about how anarchism is more than just “wanting a free-for-all”#if you attack anyone who tries to impose a hierarchy just to get shit done it really seems like that first impression of
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now. being an "alt queer" type guy. i have befriended many other alts and queers. i believe i am witnessing for the first time a lesbian who is like a stright girl who acts gay. the "cottagecore"esque. the pop indie. the taylor swift.
#most normal lesbian i have ever knowingly met#which tbf it just seems like she has a good and loving family who supported her thru her life including severe life threatening depression#so it might just be that shes well adjusted for a gay person LMAO#*a gay person round these parts in the south that is lmao. i would assume most ppl who hypothetically would read this are from an urban area#anywaaaaysss perhaps one day ill rid myself of the envy that comes with being a child with SOMEHOW unnoticed audhd due to my guardians not#due to statistics but um being gay in the suburban or rural and even most of the quote unquote urban areas is not a position in which#you get much support much less direct support#i have a compulsion to analyze why certain things rub me too Normal and it usually comes back down to resentment over not having emotional#support as a child LOL#sorry im so stoned and on adderall. i got immediate release ;)#normal people scare me and i hate i can say that kind of unironically#its not even like strangers yknow its when im familliar enough with a person to see how well adjusted they are that i start to get a little#disturbed#maybe this is the opposite of that one study that says nts distrust and can detect autistics upon first impression#lol#its like how other day i wrote an insta essay on how tswift triggers resentment bc she is popular and represents belonging
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#seeing technically all the romance routes in f/hr lined up has me reeling like how did it end up with so many. since when is it a dating sim#and I don't mean it in an impressed way because giving this much equal attention AND keeping it so you're never truly locked in/out#it's too much!! half of them aren't even necessary and you can tell!!#and adding more later when you've got even less time to flesh them out as they might need to be doesn't feel ideal either hdjshjf#how many of these got added because why not instead of them having something distinct enough to offer that works WITH the plot
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i have done so many character redesigns this year. redesigns georg
#just me hi#yes i Just made that ref for Hid. Yes i also just changed it yesterday on a whim#but it looks sick so who's gonna arrest me for that huh??#[<- forgetting about its brother who they can't stop talking to about this project]#RIP oreo design. you will live on warmly in my heart <3 you have no choice as a human's internals average 97 deGrease so#/also now that i'm out of that art slump i have GOT to make a spooky comic for p.space!!#it's gonna be silly goofy and i've already planned out the first page lol :D#i just gotta settle some gripes with my formatting demons and also have a small tussle with my own willpower and set some things straight#with the style i want to draw it in and Then we'll be on our way >:3#i am unstoppable! except for when i hit a roadblock. those are pretty good at their job it's honestly impressive#hbvhasf#/i could be a roadblock dude i'd be so good at it#am i deadly allergic to conflict? yea#can i ramble or listen to someone ramble for like an hour+? ye :3#can i stand in the road obliviously staring into nothing forever? prolly! there's a good chance i forget and wander off#but isn't that just like a roadblock? they come outta nowhere and Bam ! why are you in the middle of a forest road man who put you out here#//alright i really really wanna draw my thing now so!! shall i return? dunno! gotta see if this pink thing in my skull wants to be in a#solid or gaseous form. it's Super inconvenient frankly hsbdhvs :>>
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🙄
(small rant)
#looool not my dad going on a homophobic rant so randomly yesterday night…. he was talking to my lil brother on how to act properly when he#goes to uni saying to be careful and look after your drink cause people be spiking then he was explaining how some boy in uni got his drink#spiked by someone (maybe his friends) and apparently he got m*lested then my dad went on his homophobic rant cause apparently was men who#done it???? but why u bringing up gay people when a man got m*lested?? that doesn’t make sense like how far did u have to reach?? anyways i#clapped back at him and said that those two doors not correlate with each other and people can love who they want to love it isn’t your#business. but anyways yeah he realised showed himself to be a homophobic ass loser my mum wanted to hype up and defend him like gurl you#know damn well that i got to gay pride events and i know you’re just talking cause u wanna impress him (loser ass pick me) but yeah my#parents will never have that access to me when it comes to who i’m dating romantically because of the face i’m a lesbian they will never#know they hardly know who i am anyways ESPECIALLY MY DAD loser ass#like how embarrassing is it you’re a hating ads loser allowing that colonising christianity to hate on innocent people trying to live their#life like your high blood pressure is raising up for no reason other than your pressed#like how do you understand racism so damn well but you cannot put 1 + 1 together and see that christianity has done a number on us and our#igbo culture africian queer people have always existed it was not a western 🙄 thing ffs
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Infinity Train isn't the best counterpart to Last of Us on positive representation. Remember the only explicitly Neurodivergent character in Infinity Train became a villain and died brutally on screen?
No, I don't remember. But what I do remember is that the entire core concept of the show is basically "a train that puts people through magical therapy." And so I remember that nearly every lead character is clearly dealing with some form of mental illness or another. I don't need every character to be explicitly diagnosed onscreen to know that the show is chock-full of neurodivergent characters, so I'm quite genuinely not sure what you mean. Have I missed something?
#like correct me if I'm wrong but i recall Simon's inability to see other living creatures as fully alive came from a place of entitlement#and i didn't see it as an accident that it was the white boy who was ultimately unable to break free of the power it gave him#but like. I don't know how a neurodivergent person can watch season 2 and come away with#the idea that MT is somehow a neurotypical character written by a neurotypical person#and in season 4 the guys fight a monster that is the literal embodiment of depression. am i missing something?#what does simon have? i don't recall him explicitly stating a mental illness or difference. maybe I've forgotten#but like. all the characters are mentally ill. for some of them that is why they are on the train!#having all of them state an official medical diagnosis would not only be distracting but impossible in some cases#mt doesn't have access to mental health services how could they know??#simon was a mentally ill person who got so fucking sucked into the comfort and power of cultism that he was lost and it was a tragedy#I never got the impression that this was because he was more mentally ill than other people on the train.#just like how people who get really into conspiracy theories are not doing it because they are mentally ill.#illness might make them more vulnerable to brainwashing but there is a DRIVE that has to be there too.#and very often that drive is a kind of hatred and insecurity that cannot be reasoned with. it is a tragedy. a very real tragedy.#original
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Oh my grandma liked the crocheted tote bag btw
#she said she always likes to carry an extra bag for her shopping :) and she said she likes the colour#she didn’t even mind that it was mesh. she said it’d be good for veggies#her birthday meal went well. my uncle actually behaved himself. i think because his wife was there#i’m gonna go see them on thursday and meet all their dogs. i’ve only met one of them#and they’re only in town until friday. staying in a flat because no one will house their dogs#three out of the four are fine but one of them barks and growls at everyone’s feet. i don’t know why feet#actually one of the others starts to pull down blinds and curtains as soon as she’s left alone#she broke one of my grandma’s blinds and that’s why they’re not allowed to stay at their house#i also got wine drunk with my grandma lol because everyone else was either driving or doesn’t drink or doesn’t like wine#and my grandma was straight up like ‘i need you to form a buffer between me and [uncle’s wife] because i do not like her’#(i don’t know why she doesn’t like her. i think she just made a bad first impression and once you get on my grandma’s shit list#that’s it for you. you’re there for eternity)#so i managed to finesse everyone into sitting so that my grandma wouldn’t have to talk to my uncle’s wife. it’s the least i can do#i ended up with my grandma on one side of me and my granddad’s emotional support bestie on the other side#sidenote i don’t know why my granddad brings this man everywhere. i think he is literally moral support#actually i get it. if i could bring moral support to deal with my family i probably would#i nearly threw a prawn at my uncle today but there was a guy sitting right behind him and my aim is legendarily bad#i didn’t want to get kicked out of a nice restaurant over one prawn#personal
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