#i donknow why ^-^π and i dont think it matters π
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is it autism or is it a symptom of previous longterm social isolation and lack of agency ?
#i think. im not good at being a person.#ive finally gotten some alone time and i am reflecting. and well.#i dont think you can make me socially aware ^-^ i dont think i'll ever get good at it.#i donknow why ^-^π and i dont think it matters π#i think hes getting tired of me alreadyyyy......#and i think. lots of other ppl . dont see me wout him already also.#ive managed this already... impressive ^-^#but the japanese international girls like me so !!! it doesnt matter !!! i have. two nice friends. and 1 intimidating friend.#i will not get bullied or made fun of or be in ungetoutable bad situations bc of. mafia friend.#and then i will recharge and be silly around. nice friends.#i think the fact that im actively thinking about this. doesnt do anything for my case.#i think. im getting masking lessons. when i hang out w him. if it really is the autism. and im failing a little bit.#he thinks ive got anxiety. ππ psych major ass. sorry. my roommates also psych major. why are they. talkers.#theyre scawy.#they both got adhd too. whats with that#anyway.#i want to get a haircut.#and hes like. well. hes literally 4 real a model. and his mom was a model. and all his friends were. guess what. models.#so. scary. so i will go to a shitty salon w a nice normal level of social skill friend and then not say anything i think.#i love yapping on here this is awesome. i can just say anytging.#non u know me in real life#how did i end up making friends w the most 'popular guy' guy in the world this is so stressful.#everyone likes him. there are ppl who only talk to me to get an idea of where he might be at. what happened.#howd i go from friendless loser to. loser but in a completely different friend environment. friends w guy who is too good at making friends#but chooses to hang out w me ? does he choose to do that. is it all coincidence?#how did i get here. it really doesnt feel real#i want. to . explode.#yknow i never even really talked to boys before this also. wtf. wtf..#i have only been saying nice things so far i think but i think its important to know that he. scares me. hes so from bc.#i have always been scared of island ppl theyre. all so mad always. and guess what he is too. and yet here i am.
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