#shaming myself rn but
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fun fact im an ao3 god. i can navigate shit so easy. have a fic you read a few years ago but dont remember much except for like the basic plot? im your fucking GAL.
#this claim is full of hubris but if theres a fic ur hunting for i can probably find it#ESPECIALLY if its a toh fic cause like. listen#shaming myself rn but#from the day hunting palismen droppped to like. a few months ago i was CONSTANTLY refreshing the toh fandom tag on ao3#constantly hunting for new fics#it was insnaely deranged behavior im aware but like#if theres a toh fic you're hunting fir there is a good chance i have seen it and possibly read it#anyways offering my services for Free and Now#fair warning if its llike suoer broad like. oh it was an angst fic with this character i may not be much of use#gotta give me them deets#lilac post#ao3#fanfic#and if it's deleted?? More difficult but I can Try My Best
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they should invent a way to live as a disabled person without overwhelming shame :(
#trying to be logical with myself abt this but i feel like the way i live (aka largely in bed) is so so shameful n i hate it#im so so tired and sad and ashamed. i wanna cry but tears arent coming#also im fucking bored. which is just the tipping point rn lmfao#0
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The pacing is a wee bit weird but this took 2 whole days so bear with me here
(oh God it's even cheesier than the first post)
The aftermath
#She let the puppy out in the cold:(#i'm delusional#i can't draw creases and hands for the life of me#this was funnier in my head#I guess the lineart improved#A bit...#I wanna unalive myself rn#this was so rushed story-wise#The shame is killing me#This is what I get for being an introvert ig#And also attention seeking twerp#Alr enough yapping here's the actual tags#tadc comic#ribbun#gangle x jax#jax x gangle#tadc gangle#tadc jax#they are an old married couple<3#You could suggest some tags in the replies if ya want;-;#Not like anybody reads the tags anyways#Yes I am determined to make this my biggest post yet#And yes I have no idea how to do comic compositions/layouts
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i need me some xmen first class found family fanfics
i need them to get up to silly antics in the mansion or wateva
i’ve read a few but it aint enough 😔
#i thought of something funny but i genuinely cannot bring myself to post it 😭#actually i might post it who gives a fuck what you post on here anyway#i got two wolves in me: the shame of having fun and enjoying myself in the things i like#and having a jolly good time#getting tired woahh#i feel like my brain is going through a fog rn#not cool dude#cherik#x men#wish does not shut up
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giving kendall roy a blowjob pls
i have a fic about this here buuuttt i've been so down bad for ken lately and am embarrassed to say i literally dropped all my WIPs to also write this. inspired by this gif from @technicolourtelevision. also please follow my succ sideblog if u are a kendall girlie like myself @kendollroyco!
warnings: smut under the cut (18+ only, oral sex m receiving, degradation, dom!kendall - sorry but i want him to be mean to me) not proofread, and potentially just bad -- i wrote this in like a 30 minute fugue state.
first off, where you do this is kind of important because there are sooooo many good opportunities. maybe you work for him and he's making you suck him off under your desk, his hand down the front of your blouse. you have to go to the bathroom after to clean yourself up because your mascara is smudged and he's ruined your hair. or maybe you're on your knees for him in the back of a car, and he's refusing to roll up the partition. the straps of the gown you've got on are falling off your shoulders, and you're worried about getting caught but he's shoving your head down and he's whispering shit like 'but you're taking it anyways, aren't you?' and you can't help but moan as he shifts his hips so you take him even deeper.
but REALLY what i think about is like, in the most recent episode when he talks about not sleeping well. you're his girlfriend who lives with him, but you hardly see him. and one night when he comes home late you can just tell he's tense, like, ready to snap at anyone who gets in his way. you're curled up wearing one of his old harvard sweatshirts maybe watching tv or looking at your phone and he looks so fucking good in one of those suits that fits him like a glove.
when you ask him how he's doing, he's short and snippy. 'fine.'
'you stressed or something?' you ask, rather than start an argument.
'fuckin', uh, i don't know, what does it look like?'
you're sort of taken aback by how rude his response it, standing over you with his hands on his hips. 'don't tell me you waited up this late for me....' he's trying to chastise you, but you can see right through him.
'you're working too much' you sit up.
'uh-huh, right. i don't want to hear your shit right now, i'm fuckin' exhausted-' and he's trying to be mean, to push you away.
'i bet. all you do is toss and turn at night,' you agree.
you reach out, hook your fingers around the cool silver of his belt buckle and yank. he steps forward, even if his eyebrows are still pinched together, his lips curled down into a frown.
'i could give you something that might help.'
by the time you've pulled his briefs down to his ankles, his face has neutralized, even though his hands are still on his hips. you drop to your knees, ignoring the chill of the italian marble. he smiles a little, then, puts a hand on top of your head.
you don't go slow, you don't want to, and he doesn't let you. he pulls your hair and jerks his hips into your mouth. you take him all, using your hands to spread the slick from gagging on him several times around. of course, he talks you through it, tells you exactly what to do and how he wants it in that deep, raspy voice, which only gets deeper when he's turned on.
'god, you're such a fucking slut.'
and you don't care about looking pretty while you blow him. no, you might normally try to be cute about it, but when he's mean it only makes you more feral. you choke and gasp until tears run from the corner of your eyes and you're drooling, straddling his foot and grinding yourself against his black prada oxford's.
you whine and mewl around him, mouth so full the noises are unintelligible. 'you're so pathetic,' he groans, looking down at you, and you can tell he's getting close because his voice doesn't have the same conviction as before. 'that's it, atta girl, just take it.'
the more you allow yourself to get into it, the more turned on you get. the more turned on you are, the more desperate and filthy you want to feel. it just keeps building, compounding. until you take him just a little too far and retch. 'easy, easy.' kendall pulls back, his voice stern.
glancing up, he almost looks concerned. he scolds you. 'control yourself.'
you're pissed that it nearly sobers you up. 'shhh,' you hiss, swat his hand away from where it's landed on your cheek.
'okay, fine, if you fuckin' want it that bad.' his fingers fist the back of your head again.
immediately, you wrap your lips back around his cock. you use both hands to jerk him while you suck on his tip, bobbing your head and humming around him.
he gets quiet, and that's your cue. he's not great at using his words when he's about to come, but it's a good indication to keep up the rhythm you've built and not stop under any circumstances.
'uh-huh, that's-fuck!' ken makes sure he's buried in the back of your throat when he comes, hard, his hips stilling their movements, but he keeps your head in place with both his hands until he's sure you've swallowed everything he has to give you.
at some point, you pull away and slump against the back of the couch. your eyes are watering, your face feels impossibly hot, and your jaw aches. it's hard to see straight, so you cover your eyes with your hand.
'jesus,' kendall mutters your name.
you peek at him between your fingers to see him squat down. now he's on the same level as you. he moves your hand away from your face, a look of genuine curiosity etched in his features. you'd never blown him like that before. 'where'd that come from, sweetheart?'
'it's dumb,' you shake your head, a little embarrassed. 'i listened to this podcast...'
the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles, hand under your chin so you are forced to look at him. 'uh-huh?' he asks. 'at home all day fuckin' uh....taking notes on how to give me good head?'
'shut up,' you go to smack his head away, feeling a new warmth rise to your cheeks, but he grabs your wrist and hauls you against his chest, nose poking into your hair, lips on your cheek.
'is there, uh, anything else they had to say on there i might be interested in learning about?'
'potentially,' you answer. 'if you have all night...'
he laughs, a comforting rumble right into your ear. 'i do.'
#idk what it is but like there is something about this man's manic dick i cannot stop thinking about#like this is so disgusting i'm hiding myself in shame rn#asks#writing#kendall roy#kendall roy x reader#succession writing#kendall roy smut
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Flew too close to the sun and forgot that ao3 was going to be down for three hours today. Now I have to sit alone with my thoughts. Hm? What do you mean work on my wips
#i hit the next chapter button right at 4:00pm it’s like the universe is laughing at me#literally so annoyed at myself rn what was i thinking!!#mine#shrine of shame#ao3
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Sylus landing in about a day now I’m ready to fucking pop😮💨🫡
Literally throbbing in anticipation. I’ve been waiting months just for them to give me the man of my dreams (Sylus is the literal embodiment of my ideal Prince Charming since I was a little girl)
#If I find a way to bend reality and pull this mf from the screen…#my heart and wallet (among other things) are busted wide open#The fact that I can’t even blame my ovulation demons rn#I still don’t an ounce of shame tho😽😼#sylus#love and deepspace#lnds sylus#I hope everyone of you can fight#and I mean go to war#I’m gonna go dark as soon as 2.0 drops I don’t want any interruptions#Zayne should’ve never left me in Linkon by myself#Now he’s gonna have to sandwich me#The way this man pulled me through my big girl job just long enough
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i think it should be possible to scream without making any noise or disturbing anyone or inviting any questions . just sometimes . as a treat .
#hhhhHHHGHGHHHHHH#jay screams into the void#(deeply personal rant incoming feel free to ignore)#a friend of mine has just been undiagnosed with bpd which . lovely for them but it sure as fuck invites a Lot of questions#suddenly a great deal of previous shitty behaviour that was excused on the basis of bpd has a lot more to answer for#(obligatory I Know BPD Isn't An Excuse To Treat People Like Shit . im aware . i have bpd myself and i have v high standards re my behaviour)#(however allowances were made bc they were unmedicated & out of therapy through no fault of their own)#(and our whole group has enough experience with untreated mental illness to understand that it can make u a bitch sometimes)#but yeah no there have been a LOT of instances of b&w thinking + manipulation + unfair judgement + high emotion + snap reactions#and every situation Could be explained by untreated bpd and the bad times have never been prolonged or often enough to outweigh the good#but Hoo Boy if that wasn't bpd then what the FUCK was it#like either the new psychiatrist is wrong (possible but i seem to be the only one questioning it) or they're just Like That#and again . not enough to outweigh their numerous positive and loveable traits#but the whole group has been destabilised on a number of occasions due to their actions during a bad spell#and i'm really not sure Any Other Explanation is enough to justify that#ah well . this seems like the kind of thing that will eventually come up during a sleepover heart to heart#but rn i'm stuck in a bubble of MAJOR rsd & brainfuck abt it . which is unfortunate bc now is exactly the time i Don't need brainfuck#anyways ✨ goodnight tumblrinas i am . kind of hoping nobody read this bc i fear i sound like a bitch#i am genuinely happy for their undiagnosis it seems to have put many things into perspective for them & theyre v happy about it#i'm just . uncomfy w some aspects of it that i have only been halfway brave enough to discuss with them personally#That's One To Bring Up With My Therapist In A Few Weeks#Bit Of A Shame I'm No Longer In Therapy And Now Have Only 2 Quarterly Reviews Left Before I'm Discharged From The Service
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okay welcome to the niche post to end niche posts
Cornley as Scream’d the musical parody
so I’m just basically casting it but these are the two things I’m really insane about and yes ik this post is only for me but it’s been a week let me have this weird ass coping mechanism
so Chris casts himself as Billy I feel like. And I think he’d do a decent job at it tbh (no one will ever be as amazing as Ray Winters I could talk about how perfect the way he plays Billy for hours but like-) anyways I headcannon Chris very tenor so those notes in My Own Worst Enemy he goes hard. He for sure gets beat up. Any fake fall becomes real- he’s tripping over the ghostface robes- he uses red paint for blood and it goes right in his mouth- and also everyone envision Chris with the Billy Loomis hair with me PLEASE
I think Max would be a really good Stu- although I think he’d fully miss the sort of sinister undertone Stu has (Stu is the scarier ghostface and I can rant about it and also Joey Derby NAILS THAT TOO AND AAAAA THE SCREAMD CAST IS SO GOOD) but he would kill the super like bouncy energy in Flagpole Sitta- i do think he’d get a little overexcited with the fake blood but like it works-
Sandra as Tatum/Casey cus one I love when she gets to play a couple with Max (even tho Stu and Tatum are…complex) but also Sandra is that bitch. She’s the opening song. She’s Torn which is one of the best numbers. Her constant looks at the audience are kinda perfect
Dennis as Dewey. Chris isn’t sure either. It just happened. He’s kinda cute in some scenes. He freaks the fuck out during Iris and is the most deer in the headlights looking man- also Gale has his lines written in a book prop she keeps showing him
speaking of Gale- Annie as Gale!!! She would be so perfect- I love Gale, both times I saw it I got to do the book signing interaction with her and literally a core memory but anyway Annie’s confidence and sass would be perfect and she’d look damn good in the costume.
Jonathan as Randy- he’s kinda Randy like in universe and I can’t explain it- but I think he’d do well in that narrator role and I think there’s something funny about how often Randy handles that door. Jonathan is not gonna have fun with that
also Himbry/the other cop/various as Robert- this is because the Himbry improv bit scares the hell out of me every time and Robert would kill that- also I like to think Chris casts him as that spitefully cus you KNOW Robert thinks he should be Billy (even tho there aren’t really like main roles because Scream’d is such a group show but anyway Robert wouldn’t really be here for that)
and last but obv not least our final girl Sidney- I think Nessa would be a good Sidney, I think she’s got that final girl quality to her- I think some of the more confident bits she might struggle with but I’d love to see like her finding confidence through it aaaa I’d die
(Bonus Trevor content- they have him run on as ghostface a couple times and he actually loves it but will NEVER admit it. He seems like a big horror fan so I think he’d actually like this show ((and my ChrisTrev agenda wants to add he would be missing cues over Chris as Billy)) and he spends the whole run so stained red from being the main blood handler-)
anyway if I missed anyone lmk but I’m exhausted and I’ve been up since 4am for work and then had 4 hours rehearsal and classes so I’m ✨out of it✨
#cornley drama society#Meets my new obsession#scream’d#btw if any of the cast or crew of scream’d sees this I will die of shame this is such an odd thing to have though about this much#Like hi im just casting play that goes wrong characters in ur show very normal i know/J#cornley polytechnic drama society#mischief theatre#the goes wrong show#mischief comedy#trevor watson#chris bean#dennis tyde#robert grove#vanessa wilcock wynn carroway#max bennett#annie twilloil#jonathan harris#sandra wilkinson#Reminding myself cringe culture is dead as I hit post rn
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We need to talk about past special interests that you feel nostalgic about but can't return to because of a lack of true passion or an aversion to said interest
#i'm going through this rn and it's almost like i'm mourning a long-lost friendship#seeing things i associate it with it is not helping either which is a shame as they're almost everywhere#i'm finding so many things that i would've loved to see and incorporate into the paracosm that i made just for that one special interest#so it feels like i'm betraying myself by treating it like something that i don't care about anymore bc of how attached i was to it#autism#autistic#actually autistic#autistic problems#autistic special interest#special interest#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#the insomniac archives
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Entering depressed dreamty wave era of the month, I’ll excuse myself for being moody, I randomly feel like crying on the floor.
#so uh you know when you realize you have a patern and smell that you’re approaching a period where you’ll feel extremely low ?#that me rn#I’m starting to feel weird and i’m self aware enough to know that mean I’m slowly falling under a wave of negative feelings and that at any#given moment I’ll be having an emotional meltdown#so like I’m feeling a bit sad but I know that soon i’ll feel BIG sad#kinda like seing the water dissapearing on a beach and knowing a tsunami approach#so I’ll excuse myself in advance for being emotionally tired and in general constantly sad#i know i’m very open on this blog about moments where I feel down#but I don’t want to be seen as ‘the girl who can’t shut up about being sad’#i can’t shut up in general#so i do end up not closing my mouth when feeling strong emotion of sadness#also i need a therapist but for personal reasons can’t get one#which sucks#am I trauma dumping here ? definetly#will I’ll probably delete this later out of shame ? surely#that a lot of tags because i don’t feel like saying this out loud on text#I think i’m annoying#most of the time I’m sure that I am#lacking self confidence suck#anyway#dreamty’s ramble#tw vent#vent
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seeing that scene where sam is talking to dean abt when he used to read him knights of the round table comics and how he felt he could never go on a quest like that and saying he felt unclean and impure like but now, now these trials are ~purifying~ him...respectfully, sam, you sound so unhinged. and also yet another classic case of sam's revisionist history and re-writing his own memories and feelings once he has more context. like, sure, sam may have felt like a freak growing up, because of hunting. because of always being an outsider at every new school. because of all the secrets he had to keep from regular people. but the demon blood did not make him physically any different. the demon blood did not come with symptoms of otherness that young sam would've felt. and sam doesn't even learn abt the demon blood until post-stanford. they don't even know about demons or that the thing that killed mary IS a demon until s1. you were not impure or unclean, sammy, you were just like, a regular outcasted kid with a lot going on at home. been there, it's fine ur fine. ur being a freak abt these trials tho
#his FACE when he says 'they're purifying me' BOY! ur sooo unwell rn.#dean is just like. none of that demon blood stuff was ur fault dude. ur good.#and sam is like. no i am ritually unclean. i must martyr myself. i must atone.#dean in his mind probably: uhhhhhhh. you do know we were not raised catholic right. you don't gotta do all this.#like i went to catholic school for 10 yrs and did not absorb a lick of all that guilt and shame nonsense so.#vic.txt
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it's friday the 13th post skeleton sex
something something give a dog a bone
#my art sex edition#fane#ifan ben mezd#ifane#this is for no one but myself#yaoi so old one of them has decomposed#good lird he crumpled to dust#my laptop is soooo laggy rn it's trying to keep me from sexposting#i'm already on tumblr dot com there is no shame to be had anymore
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Goodnight Gamers👍 Someone remind me to make Peppermint an official f/o tomorrow lest I get too busy and forget-
#pan rambles#I've been telling myself I'll make her official#but then I get busy any forget 😔#That goes for anything lately btw-akfjsjfjsk#If I accidentally miss a message please don't be afraid to hit me upside the head or something and remind me#Brain is prioritizing [IRL THING] And school rn so everything else I tend to lose track of#And my silly Tumblr is like. on my lowest list of priorities-#(Which is a shame. would've love to have time to participate in stuff like the fem f/o event...)#(I do like to check in on my dear mutuals when I can though!)#but anyways#I got sidetracked#Peppermint. Pretty👍#The thought of Calling her my girlfriend still makes me incredibly flustered#But it sounds really nice👉👈
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Yeah, ok so, uhhh, that last w.i.p? Yeah, I'll get to that, I promise. But I got distracted again, bcs i wanted to draw fem!crankcase rq?? But I forgot the ''quick'' bit of rq. So uh, yeah, here's another w.i.p for the time being <3
#ive been balancing upon the precipice of a head cold. and i fear it grows stronger by the hour. so. that'll be fun again lol#also. whoo! lets have a round for self-indulgence in creating whatever the hell you want! bcs this trio in particular is hnnnggg#they're so silly to me. i love them. and hitting them with the lesbian beam has me right back to kicking my feet and twirling my hair#wtf are they even called? fulcrankfire? crankfulfire? miscrankrum? yeesh. anyways. i love them. and am smashing them together like dolls rn#ough#in other news-#i need to sit myself down and explain that sometimes. dipshit. you can just do doodles. it doesn't have to be rendered or ''neat''#but until i do that. it's just loads of unfinished things for the current perceivable future. i'll get there tho. one day.#once i defeat the anxiety. and perfectionism. and the weird fuckass shame that resides deep in my bones. i'll be free 👍#so for now. it's wips and the occasional rare finished thing =] yay yippee whoo hoo !!#crankcase#fulcrum#misfire#my art
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thinking about them and banging my head against the wall again whats new. they are making me so emo. god. what the fuck
#ann plays fates#theyre like all i can think about rn#its that time of the year#i mean i think about them both constantly separately but its always when september comes#do i get hit with the laslow/nyx rarepair brainrot i think#that just lasts through fall and winter#not that im complaining. i think eventually i will have posted the entire fucking conversation#i cant help it. each part gives me a segment of dialogue to be ill about#i have ‘but with burdens so heavy dont you think we can lean on eachother a bit?’ on my wall#ROMANCE. TO ME (girl who is aroace)#also underrated thing about them i like how nyx flirts back#its more prevalent in their A support but shes so fun with him even beyond the bonding over traumatic pasts#i think with laslow he does a lot of flirting right bc hes laslow but a lot of the time its like#no ones matching his energy#i was gonna say match his freak but i dont think he has any freak if im so real with u#if he does its buried beneath five metric tons of shame and embarrassment#and i like how his… laslow-ness kinda gives nyx space to let loose if that makes sense#like he can match her maturity because he. you know. all of that#but hes still young and so she can find a little bit of reprieve from it all in his attitude and blah blah blah#if that makes sense#they r just so perfect. TO ME#ive only ever written and posted one thing for them but i have like five million (like six) things in my drafts i need to get back#into writing. rarepair hell gotta feed myself#also that was like two years ago it kinda sucks a bit but thats fine its called growth#i just miss them. i dont really have the brainpower to play fates but i have enough to think about them#i mean i played a little but ive mostly just been doing dumb shit with the class system and not rly playing the game#we’ll get to it#im supposed to be sleeping
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