#shame !

[gutter-bot]

Yes as one does...

This counts as vent art.

[thecircularsystem]

I just wrote this up in a server I'm in, and I really like it, so it's going here now.

The mass amount of "Innerworld is not a real place" recently (that I've seen) is coming from numerous individuals who do not have innerworlds at all, or who experience them strictly as a therapeutic visualization technique -- they only access the innerworld in cases of, "I have a problem that needs fixing." This crowd is attempting to delineate real and fake, and I think I've clued into why.

I think many of these systems, who are particularly early in recovery, are still relying on what I like to call Survival Shame. For many DID systems, when we are still in the abusive situation, shame is something that keeps us alive. Shame is a deactivator; it threatens, it dampens, it lessens.

So, for instance, we used shame (unknowingly, honestly) to prevent us from lashing out at our parents; if everything is our fault, then my parents can't be the ones at fault, meaning I am still safe to live in their house. Confronting that, breaking away from shame, would mean admitting I am unsafe -- and that was too much for me at the time, as it would be outside of my window of tolerance.

By trying to create this line between "strictly scientific experiences" and "real, existing thing," they're trying to use shame to stay safe. If innerworlds are strictly Fake And Imagined, then logically, so are their parts -- which means it's all just a mental thing, and there's still hope that they're not [insert shame filled internalized ableism here]. However, if the innerworld is a Real And Big exprience that people have, then so are the parts -- meaning that all those years pushing them away, wishing they would die, etc etc, means they were actually harming themselves. And these people do not have a window of tolerance yet that can accept this reversal of shame; they're not ready for that aspect of recovery.

So, when they see others who aren't at that stage -- for whatever reason, but typically because recovery is not linear or the same for everyone -- they get frustrated, because it's beating against their own view for their own systemhood. "This person says it's real, but if theirs is real, what stops mine from being real?" So they create these arbitrary definitions of Real or Fake, and anyone who is Faking is Clearly Evil. So they lash out and demonize those who do have real innerworlds, often unknowingly in a way to stay safe.

I think this is also where the "anti-recovery" label often come into play. Because, often, something is deemed "anti-recovery" if the person finds the concept unsafe for them, personally. The label of "anti-recovery" is a way for the person to validate their shame, to say, "Well, that person is being anti-recovery, so I am justified in calling it fake and misinformation." It's justifying the shame actions.

[cchipollo]

bruce/brandon and hypothetical filth sequel my friends and i (mostly my friends i just draw a lot) came up with where bruce is in hell and frank is his crazy ass psychopomp. it's a musical.

[howardhawkshollywoodannex]

This is Ingmar's 14th entry on the 2024 edition of the TSPDT list. He also had a re-entry in the 2023 edition when Shame re-charted. In the 2024 edition Shame moved up nine spots, from 860 to 851.

Harriet Andersson and Lars Ekborg in Summer with Monika (1953), directed by Ingmar Bergman. Ingmar now has 14 entries on the TSPDT 1,000 Greatest films list, with Persona ranked highest at 19.

My rating - an honorable mention to my best 1,001 movies, and Ingmar's first significant film.

[grungekitty-77]

Not that anybody asked, but I think it's important to understand how shame and guilt actually work before you try to use it for good.

It's a necessary emotion. There are reasons we have it. It makes everything so. much. worse. when you use it wrong.

Shame and guilt are DE-motivators. They are meant to stop behavior, not promote it. You cannot, ever, in any meaningful way, guilt someone into doing good. You can only shame them into not doing bad.

Let's say you're a parent and your kid is having issues.

Swearing in class? Shame could work. You want them to stop it. Keep it in proportion*, and it might help. *(KEEP IT IN PROPORTION!!!)

Not doing their homework? NO! STOP! NO NOT DO THAT! EVER! EVER! EVER! You want them to start to do their homework. Shaming them will have to opposite effect! You have demotivated them! They will double down on NOT doing it. Not because they are being oppositional, but because that's what shame does!

You can't guilt people into building better habits, being more successful, or getting more involved. That requires encouragement. You need to motivate for that stuff!

If you want it in a simple phrase:

You can shame someone out of being a bad person, but you can't shame them into being a good person.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

{Words by Anaïs Nin, from The Diary Of Anais Nin, Vol. 4 (1944-1947) / Cynthia Cruz from diagnosis,The glimmering room}

[toomanyrats]

on shame and yearning (pt.2)

[desultory-suggestions]

Stopping yourself mid-conflict to change your perspective is allowed! It’s okay and normal to be mid argument with someone and realize you disagree with your own stance. Often I find myself and others caught up in trying to win the argument (not the point of arguments!) or too embarrassed to back down and be wrong. I promise there is so much more pride in going “Stop! I’m wrong. I hear you and I see how I wasn’t in the right and I want to amend my view” than digging your heels in.

[grickle14]

Feel his wrath.

[hereiswhatremains]

"I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough."

— I have become rather fearful I suppose (via @dollpoetry)

[feral-ballad]

Taylor Byas, from I Done Clicked My Heels Three Times: Poems; “The Therapist Asks Me, “What Are You Afraid Of?””

[Text ID: “The remembering hurt / more than the living because shame dials / in. You hearing me? I was naive enough / to think I could control a life. Even mine.”]

[hel7l7]

I still don't know how to carry that pain

[brawcolie]

DIS FIDDAUTHOR STUFF IS SERIOUS!!!

[webweabings]

AND I KNOW THERE IS SOMETHING ALL WRONG ABOUT ME, BELIEVE ME.

“Electra”, by Euripides, tr.Janet Lempke; // @sunsbleeding ; // “War of the Foxes”, by Richard Siken; // unknown; // “Fleabag”, by Phoebe Waller-Bridge; // unknown; // “Monsters”, by Nikita Gill; // unknown; // “Women and other monsters: Building a new mythology”, by Jess Zimmerman; // “Claustrophobia”, by Tracie MacVean; // Buffy The Vampire Slayer. 2.21 “Becoming: Part 1”

[scurviesdisneyblog]

Shame character designs for Inside Out 2 by Deanna Marsigliese.

Initially intended as the 7th new emotion instead of Nostalgia, Shame was ultimately cut for making the movie feel too heavy and difficult to watch. According to director Kelsey Mann, her traits were incorporated into Anxiety for a more relatable character.

"That thought of not being good enough, that's really a lot of what shame deals with. So that's still in the movie, but it's not represented in this character. Because when we tried it, we're like, this is really dark. And this is way too far. Like, yeah, I want this film to be meaningful to people. But I also want, at the end of the day, for people to want to watch it again."