#sex averse ace

[theaceandaroadvocacyproject]

Happy International Ace Day! We uploaded part 2 of our Sex Averse and Repulsed Ace Experiences to our website. Some quotes from the article are featured in the images above, and you can read the full thing here: https://taaap.org/2023/04/06/sex-repulsed-and-averse-aces-part-ii/

Not all aces are sex averse or repulsed, and you can read about ace experiences with sex and/or kink here: https://taaap.org/2021/10/28/ace-week-21-aces-sex-kink/

We hope International Ace Day ‘23 has treated you all well!

[ID: Both infographics have the title “Sex Averse and Repulsed Aces Part 2″ and feature black text on a light lilac background. There are 2 quotes on each. The first reads “Oftentimes, I feel that we as an ace community are hyperfocused on trying to appease the outside allonormative world to the extent that we alienate sex-repulsed & sex-averse people like me.” -- Tyger Songbird. “I think every allo person can think of someone they can’t possibly imagine being sexually attracted to, ever, and just having to imagine being near their naked body makes them want to run away. I want them to know that that’s how we sex-averse people feel about *everyone*. It’s not an opinion nor a political stance, nor something we can toggle on and off.”-- Vivi.

The 2nd reads “I want nothing to do with it. I wish I could go about my life without constantly being reminded of it by peers and by society at large... I understand it's a biological need for most people and indeed most living things that reproduce sexually, but it's not so essential or inherent that an individual is less than for not associating with it whatsoever, whether for reproduction or recreation.” -- Daniel. “In general, my gut reaction to sex is to be disgusted. I have to mentally steel myself for sexual content before I can enjoy a sex joke, read fiction with sexual content, etc. or I will automatically recoil.” -- Amaranthe Rae. End ID.]

[heyftinally]

Okay, more thoughts from reading Loveless and being starkly reminded of my own life.

My dear fellow asexuals,

It's okay if your relationship to sex fluctuates.

It can be scary as fuck if you aren't expecting it, though.

For the longest time, I thought I was sex averse. Big no, not interested, never gonna happen. That was my truth for years.

Until it wasn't.

I was still asexual. I wasn't thinking about it or wanting it, say, in the middle of class when thinking about the person I was with. But I also wasn't opposed to it if they were in the mood when we were alone.

And that was a lot for me to come to terms with, especially while being in my first visibly queer relationship, and with that relationship being allo/ace with my allo partner really not understanding my aceness, *and* a whole list of other factors.

To put it bluntly, shit's scary.

So if you're ace and ever find yourself in a similar position where your feelings towards/relationship with sex changes dramatically (either way), whether now or in the future, I want you to remember some things I wish I'd Han an elder ace to tell me:

It's okay.

This doesn't mean you're suddenly not ace, or you were faking being ace before, or that you were faking how you felt about sex before, nor does it mean you're faking now.

This doesn't inherently mean you're changing yourself for your partner. Just because they may have been a catalyst doesn't automatically mean you're just pretending how you feel to make them happy (if that is what's happening, though, dump them and find someone who doesn't pressure you to change your relationship to sex to make them more comfortable - that's gross and you deserve better).

You're still ace, if that label still feels like home.

You're still valid in your sexuality.

It's okay if this is temporary, and it's okay if it's not.

You're allowed to feel however you feel about it: confused, scared, angry, sad, excited, overjoyed, and any combination of these or anything else.

If you have someone you can talk to it about and feel comfortable doing so, reach out. Lean on your support system.

It's okay to need to take a step back and sit with yourself and just come to terms with your new truth.

It's okay if it feels heavy, and it's okay if it doesn't.

Our community still loves and accepts you.

🖤 🩶 🤍 💜

[welcometo79s]

The best way I can describe to an allo person how you feel about sex as a topic as a sex-repulsed or averse asexual is that it feels like a hype that never ends. As though Despicable Me came out and everyone around you was sending minion facebook memes to each other for years to come. The stores are full of minion themed products; they're in ads and your friends talk about them all the time. And deep in your heart you're like "I'm glad that they're able to enjoy something I personally don't like and am not interested in :3". But there is always this little voice in the back of your head that's like "If I have to see ONE MORE of these little yellow FUCKERS today then God help us all." You make an active choice to communicate only the former.

[fun-k-boards]

M'LORD M'LORD PEOPLE ARE ASSUMING THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE REVOLVES AROUND SEX AGAIN

[aro-bird]

Here's me begging people again to learn the difference because I've been seeing more and more people confuse these terms when discussing some things in the ace community:

Sex-Favorable - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being fine and even enthusiastic in engaging in sex and other sexual acts. Often confused by some as Sex-Positivity.

Sex-Positive - A moral or political position that refers to a positive outlook on sex as something positive and something that should not be shamed for any consenting persons regardless of their own personal feelings towards sexual acts on themselves.

Sex-Indifferent - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being indifferent in engaging in sex and other sexual acts.

Sex-Neutral - A moral or political position that refers to an indifferent outlook on sex. They may not have strong feelings about it one way or another.

Sex-Averse - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being averse in engaging in sex and other sexual acts. Often confused by some as sex-repulsion.

Sex-Repulsed - A descriptor that refers to a person's personal feelings about engaging in the act of sex that specifically refers to them being repulsed or disgusted by thoughts or material related to sex. This has no bearing on their own political/moral position on sex. Often confused by some as Sex-Aversion or even Sex-Negativity.

Sex-Negative - A moral or political position that refers to a negative view on sex as something negative and something that should be forbidden and only be a means of procreation. Some people who are sex-negative may only view it as a way to procreate so people who engage in the activity without any plans of procreation (and especially members of the queer community) may be deemed as immoral or even evil.

If we're going to have proper discussions of these things, please please please can we use the proper terms. I need to stop feeling fight or flight whenever I see someone trying to vent about "some rude sex-positive aces" or see someone proclaim that they're "sex-negative" like I'm serious. I keep on having to double-take whenever I have to read posts and discussions because of this.

[cosmicredcadet]

Even if an asexual does find sex to be gross that still doesn't give you the right to infantalize them.

[ifwebefriends]

I want aftercare but without the sex part

[neil-perrys-suicidal-tendencies]

I want rich stories with asexual characters.

Asexuals who are sex repulsed, whose asexuality doesn't get 'cured' when a hot romantic partner walks in. Asexuals who think they are sex favorable realizing that they were only so in theory and are sex aversed in life. Sex indifferent asexuals just chilling in the middle. Asexuals with high libidos. Asexuals who masturbate. Asexuals who've never felt sexual arousal. Asexuals who want to have children. Asexuals who're asexuals due to sexual trauma.

Demisexuals and their partners discovering boundaries and communicating about what's okay and what's not. (Because even if asexuals are having sex, the relationship will be nothing compared to what amatonormativity wants you to believe) Conversations about sex.

Asexuals having allosexual partners (whom they aren't having sex with). Asexuals only preferring to date other asexuals. Straight asexuals, asexuals of every romantic identities, asexuals who fall in love, asexuals who get their heart broken because their partner can't have a relationship without sex :(, polyamorous asexuals, aromantic asexuals watching all the chaos.

I want real people, poc asexuals. Asexuals who love joking about sex, asexuals saying the lord's prayer everytime someone says anything sexual, asexuals who are somehow both. Religious asexuals, agnostic asexuals.

Conventionally attractive asexuals, asexuals who don't gaf what they look like, asexuals who love burlesque art forms due to non sexual reasons. Asexuals loving nudity in art because NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX.

Asexuals who're confused and questioning. Young asexuals who think they might somehow 'grow out of it' and are faking their identity. Old/Middle aged asexuals who just realized they've been ace all their life.

Asexuals wanting to be normal all their life. Asexauls realizing they are normal.

Asexuals coming out and their family accepting them without the ahem "You'll find the perfect person one day" ahem "it's just a phase" ahem ahem "that doesn't exist" ahem "all humans want sex" ahem ahem AHEM.

Asexuals loving garlic bread. Asexuals invading denmark and finally establishing the heaven we want to and not tolerating anyone's bullshit anymore.

The media ( if they acknowledge asexuality at all ) simplies it to just 'no sex lol'. When it's so much more. We're living, breathing people, we are so complex and our identities are valid. Let's acknowledge that :)

[gray-ace-space]

you know what? this is for dark gray aces. this is for gray aces who have only felt sexual attraction a couple times in their entire life. for gray aces who have no desire to act on their attraction. sex repulsed gray aces. gray aces who don't have sex and don't intend to, who want nothing to do with it. you guys are valid and awesome and i don't say that enough.

[aceislonely]

a lot of alloallo people can't separate their sexual feelings from their romantic ones and i think that's part of why alloace people get so much shit. they don't understand why we want the romance without the sex because to them romance IS sex. that's why people go on about how they don't understand the "point" of sexless romance (the point is romance, hope this helps) and are always saying dumb shit like "a romance without sex is just friendship". even though, if that were true, romantic relationships and fwbs wouldn't be considered two different things. but they ARE considered two different things, because one has romance and the other doesn't. like. romance is a feeling and relationship type all on its own, whether sex is involved or not, and whether you personally understand that or not.

[pastadrawstma]

Ace day!!! For @jonmartinweek

Day 69 of posting magpod art daily

[redtail-lol]

Okay you reblogged the celibacy gif but are you normal about people who don't have sex

[welcometo79s]

Okay my asexual brethren, this is for personal research: Reblog this or comment with your asexual microlabel / asexual spectrum identity and whether you found this label after already being in queer spaces (like tumblr) or through specifically looking up asexuality / your experiences

[lovelessrage]

Pro-kink advocacy goes hand in hand with aspec advocacy and if you don't understand this you need to start.

[fun-k-boards]

If you rush to insult someone for their lack of romantic partners or people they've had sex with, you automatically lose whatever argument you might've had and are henceforth incorrect about everything you say or think, ever.

[leikeliscomet]

Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not harming you just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not erasing you just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals aren't stealing your representation just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals are not puritans just for existing. Sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals having the rights to not have sex, asserting indefinite refusal to sex, not having children, relationships and having full bodily doesn't have any negative impact on you.

I will always support sex favourable asexuals. I will always support asexuals right to wear what we want, asexual biological parenthood, asexuals in sex work and asexuals that enjoy sexual activities. To paraphrase Sherronda J Brown, I will always support every queer person's right to be a sexual being. But what I'll never support is compulsory sexuality. To paraphrase the rest of the quote, there must always, always, ALWAYS be the option to say no and the right to affirm that no. I'm noticing pushback from some, not all and i have to stress it's not everyone, sex favourable asexuals for simply asserting that no. This is compulsory sexuality. There's literally no other reason why another asexual in your community not having sex or not wanting to and asserting this makes you so upset. The idea it's sex favourable erasure or worse, puritanism for sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals to state our unconditional right to exist with bodily autonomy including *yours* is compulsory sexuality. And this community isn't going anywhere till this shit is unpacked.

Im not gonna get into how and why I got into the ace community and why i care so much today but there's parts of sex favourable asexuality that I can't acess and parts of sex indifferent and sometimes repulsed asexuality that I need. And when you come to my page to decentre me in my own experience you are adding to the long list of shit in society that already makes sexuality difficult for aces like me.

When you assert that your participation in (heterosexual) sex makes you more normal, valuable or human than my ace experience and that that need to centre that participation you are fundamentally no different to every lesbophobe I've ever met, every Catholic puritan that's fantasised over my reproductive potential & every non ace cishet person that stigmatised my lack of sexual attraction to men.

When you treat me existing as a Black asexual as somehow regressive to your idea of sex positivity, especially as a white or non Black sex favourable ace, and have the need or frankly audacity to 'remind' me about having sex you are no different to every anti black racist ive ever known who claims Black girls are fast, thats shamed the Black girls of my community for having the inappropriate behaviour of wearing clothes on bodies they think aren't suitable and every non ace cishet person that's sexualised me since day.

And when you assert that sex repulsed, averse and indifferent asexuals, heavy on the repulsed, are bad representation, stereotypes, children, emotionless, robotic and sanitised you are fundamentally the same as those puritans you claim we are.

Stepping on the backs of the stereotypes, the childish, the frigid, the prudes, the sexless, the hags, the spinsters and the virgins you hate won't ever make you tall enough to reach the validation you think compulsory sexuality will offer you.

As long you as you have a knee jerk reaction to any repulsion, aversion or indifference alongside asexuality or simple terms, that asexuals being repulsed, indifferent or averse to sex is wrong, are the exact same as the 'allosexuals' you claim to hate on a regular basis.

It worries and pisses me off that i even have to say this but people are putting words in my mouth. Ace community, I mean this in the most direct way possible: Get your fucking shit together.

Merry Christmas.